The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Hour 1: BOOOORDDERRR WAAAARRRRR (feat. Lucy Rohden)

Date: September 9, 2025
Location: The Elser Hotel, Downtown Miami
Guests: Lucy Rohden, Zach Zaslow
Main Theme: Deep-dive into college football’s wild weekend, sports media quirks, and legendary coach rants—with signature comedic banter and live vibes from the American heartland.

Episode Overview

This episode sees Dan, Stugotz, Lucy Rohden, and Zach Zaslow tackle the chaos and comedy of college football’s biggest rivalry weekends, dissect unwritten traditions, and debate sports television’s best inventions. The group navigates Iowa’s “El Assico”, the Mississippi-Missouri "border war", coaching hot seats, the evolving NFL, and sports media’s unforgettable meltdowns—always with a wink and a wisecrack.

Key Segment Summaries & Timestamps

1. Lucy in Ames: The “El Assico” Experience

[02:22 – 06:23]

• Rivalry Energy: Lucy and Zach report from the Iowa-Iowa State game (“Cy Hawk”/“El Assico”) in Ames, in full local color. Lucy’s enthusiasm bleeds through even as she acknowledges “Iowa is El ass at football. I hate them every day.”

  • Quote (Lucy, 02:22): “Look at me now. So happy, full of joy. I feel like this isn't going to be me at the end...I don't have a good feeling about this.”

• Traditions & Tensions: Casey’s breakfast pizza gets its due, tailgating rituals lauded and savaged, and rivalry burns hot.

  • “Love Casey’s. Hate Iowa State.” (Lucy, 03:38)

• Friendships test boundaries: Alcohol is the truest balm. “Win or lose, we booze.”

• Game fallout: Iowa loses, offensive woes linger, Lucy demands an end to suffering:

  • “Maybe in the future we could send me to less Iowa games. I think that would be cool. I think that would be awesome. I think that would be super rock and roll.” (Lucy, 06:02)

2. College Football’s Legendary Rivalries: “Border War” Antics & Prosthetic Kicking

[07:16 – 10:13]

• Sports TV gold: Dan hypes the new trend of field goal contests for fans—huge sums for one kick.

  • “...giving people tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars if they can make a field goal is an excellent, excellent sports television idea.” (Dan, 07:47)

• Missouri’s viral “border war” moment:
  A Missouri fan with a prosthetic leg gets $25k if he scores—a miss, but kicks toward the Kansas sideline in pure rivalry spite.

  • “I hate Kansas so much. I want to kick the ball at war.” (Zach, paraphrasing, 08:45)
  • Prosthetic leg debated—kicking foot is unclear, but misfire is memorable.
  • The crowd loves the chaos, but Lucy reduces it: “Terrible kick, though. It barely made it over to the sideline.”

3. Classic Rants: Mike Gundy vs. Coastal Carolina, and the Best Sports Meltdowns

[11:56 – 16:06] & [21:11 – 24:29]

• Mike Gundy, “I’m a Man, I’m 40!”
  The OSU coach’s career defined not by wins but by his viral podium blowup—and the show relishes the re-enactment.

  • "That’s why I don’t read the newspaper, because it’s garbage. And the editor that let it come out is garbage.” (Dan/Lucy tag-team, 21:25–21:57)
  • Lucy can recite the entire rant from memory (“I got really bored one day, so I just learned the whole thing.” – Lucy, 21:59)

• Coastal Carolina's “We need more dogs” rant enters the ring:
  Lucy contends it might surpass Gundy’s epic.

  • “We don’t need no meows. We don’t need no cats. We need more dogs.” (Dan/Coastal Carolina Coach, 24:16)

• The Meltdown Tournament:
  The crew imagines a bracket for the greatest press conference tirades—Mike Leach, Brian Kelly, and even pro sports (“The Bears are who we thought they were!”) all get their due.

  • “If you want to crown them, then crown their ass. But they are who we thought they were and we let them off the hook!” (Dan, 25:35)

4. College Football Hot Seats & Surprises:

[12:33 – 16:06]; [18:44 – 20:54]

• Billy Napier, Florida’s embattled coach:
  With a brutal schedule and questionable play-calling, the gang debates if he survives the season.

  • Zach: “He is clearly, like, just doesn't have a grasp on this.” (14:12)
  • Lucy: “If they're sitting at 1 and 4, Napier is not getting to that Texas A&M game.” (15:22)

• South Florida & Miami’s resurgence:
  South Florida’s “very good football team” is praised, with wishful calls for more GameDay attention.

  • Zach: “I think Miami is much better than South Florida, but, like, that is a very, very good football team.” (14:12)

• Near-future storylines:
  SEC is “wide open,” playoff picture unsettled, and Texas/Ohio State’s early clash complicates outlook.

  • “This is anybody’s year.” (Dan, 19:53)
  • “It feels so wide open...” (Zach, 20:16)

5. NFL: Overanalysis, Coaching, & Quarterback Angst

[28:44 – 38:18]

• Jared Goff and the Coachability Conundrum:
  Detroit’s franchise guy is “allowed a week”; Lucy argues for grace, Dan muses on the rare path between mediocrity and excellence.

  • “It's not...we're not talking about Brock Purdy here. He was the number one overall pick, Jared Goff.” (Lucy, 29:35)
  • “His most signature moment is losing his mind...in a press conference.” (Dan, 39:57)

• Coaching Decisions (Ben Johnson, Harbaugh):
  The crew debates when outsmarting analytics turns into self-destruction, focusing on botched late-game sequences.

• Quarterbacks Under Pressure:
  Dan proposes that “militaristic” discipline and turnover-phobia are leading to cautious, less spectacular quarterback play.

  • “Is it possible...that these guys are so militaristic in their disciplines...that Josh Allen being a thoroughbred at the end of the game, just running all over the field is when he's let loose...Now I'm loose and I don't have to worry about all this bullshit anymore.” (Dan, 31:38)

• Mahomes, Tyreek Hill, and Kansas City’s Adjustment:
  Mahomes’ deep threat is questioned, Lucy defends his performance amid injuries, and Dan jokes about “already” trade rumors.

6. Notable, Off-Beat Moments & Quotes

• On Iowa State:

  • Lucy: “This bridge is okay.” (05:01) – on forced praise for the rival.
  • Zach: “How do you guys make your friendship work?” Lucy: “Alcohol.” (03:51)

• Best sports inventions:

  • Dan: “The McAfee field goal kick is the best sports invention I have seen in a long time for sports television.” (07:47)

• On Justin Bieber’s ringtone:

  • “That was Justin Bieber’s ringtone for a while. Was the I'm a man, I'm 40.” (Zach, 24:38)
  • [39:13] Live clip: Bieber’s phone goes off—Gundy rant plays.

• On fans, rivalry, and culture:

  • Lucy: “It's just like...pet falling on your pant leg, and you just want to smack them because they want to be you.” (05:06)

• On State Farm/Monarch/Brand Insults:

  • The crew sarcastically slings sponsor slogans; signature show blend of snark and necessity.

• Defensive players’ joy:

  • Dan: “A defensive player never gets to feel quite as good as Jalen Ramsey and Landman felt this week.” (42:12)

• Classic closing burn:

  • Zach: “I hope he has the day he deserves.” (28:04)
  • Dan: “It's leaving it to the cosmos to sort it out. That's a less Southern 'Bless your heart.'” (28:24)

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Maybe in the future we could send me to less Iowa games. I think that would be super rock and roll.”
  Lucy Rohden, 06:02

• “If you want to crown them, then crown their ass. But they are who we thought they were.”
  Dan Le Batard, channeling Dennis Green, 25:35

• “This is anybody’s year. Feels.”
  Dan Le Batard, 19:53

• “We don’t need no meows. We don’t need no cats. We need more dogs.”
  Coastal Carolina Coach, as performed by Dan & Lucy, 24:16

• “Come after me. I’m a man. I’m 40!”
  Mike Gundy via Lucy, multiple points (21:51, 24:44, 43:42)

• “I hope he has the day he deserves.”
  Zach Zaslow, 28:04

Original Tone & Style

The episode lives in the borderlands between earnest fandom, biting sports commentary, and absurdist humor. Lucy’s deadpan passion for Iowa, Dan’s winding monologues, and Zach’s wry asides result in an hour that’s equal part college football symposium and stand-up set—with regular forays into sports television’s mythology, locker room “dogs and cats,” and the enduring power of a well-timed meltdown.

If You Missed It: Why Listen?

• Experience the madness of college football rivalries with on-the-ground tales, culinary commentary, and ultimate fan rants.
• Hear key debates on coaching security, playoff prospects, and the NFL’s cautious evolution.
• Reminisce—or learn—about the greatest coaching rants of all-time (with perfect recreations).
• Laugh at both sports culture and sports media’s quirks, from Justin Bieber’s ringtone to “ram tough” linemen and sponsor snark.
• Catch the pod’s signature blend of insight, irreverence, and rapport.

For Deeper Listening

• [02:22–06:23] — Lucy and Zach’s El Assico odyssey
• [07:16–10:13] — Border war & prosthetic misfire story
• [11:56–16:06] — Gundy rant saga and College Football hot seat
• [21:11–24:29] — Rant-off: Gundy vs. Coastal Carolina
• [28:44–38:18] — NFL coaching disasters, Mahomes, and “make or break” QBs
• [39:13] — Bieber’s Gundy ringtone, and Lucy’s full dramatic monologue (42:24–43:44)

In summary:
An episode bursting with rivalry heat, smart college football takes, and a celebration of the spontaneous comedy that only true sports fans (and their enemies) can produce.