Hour 1: Hawk's Lying Uncle

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Episode: Hour 1: Hawk's Lying Uncle
Release Date: April 1, 2025

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1. Uber Ratings and Customer Experiences (00:31 - 06:21)

The episode kicks off with Dan Le Batard delving into the topic of Uber ratings. He shares his personal Uber rating saga, illustrating how a single low rating can significantly impact an otherwise impeccable score.

• Dan Le Batard [05:24]: "My rating is a 4.91."

Dan explains the mechanics behind Uber's rating system, emphasizing how one unfavorable review can drag a perfect 5.0 rating down. He recounts an incident in Washington, D.C., where due to unforeseen circumstances like weather and location closures, his driver struggled to locate him, resulting in a lower rating despite his efforts to accommodate the driver.

• Dan Le Batard [05:36]: "Once you're not a fiver, you can never be a fiver."

The conversation evolves into strategies for maintaining high ratings. Dan shares his approach of engaging drivers positively, tailoring conversations based on observations like the type of vehicle (e.g., a Tesla) to create a pleasant experience.

• Stugotz [07:00]: "You have weird non sequiturs, which I appreciate."

The segment highlights the delicate balance between personal experiences and broader societal behaviors regarding service ratings.

2. Grizzlies' Coaching Change and Superstar Influence (11:00 - 18:12)

A significant portion of the episode focuses on the unexpected firing of Taylor Jenkins from the Memphis Grizzlies, despite the team's strong performance and promising record.

• Stugotz [11:21]: "He got fired because Ja didn't like the changes to the offense."

The hosts discuss John Morant's increasing influence within the organization, questioning whether his dissatisfaction with Jenkins' offensive strategies led to the coaching change. They analyze Morant's evolving role and performance, noting a decline in his statistical contributions.

• Charlie [12:08]: "John Morant is not a reliable superstar."

Stugotz draws parallels between NBA superstars like Morant and NFL quarterbacks, suggesting that such players wield disproportionate power within team dynamics.

• Stugotz [17:24]: "The NBA superstar is the NFL quarterback in that you can't win without one."

Billy and Tony contribute by comparing Morant's influence to that of a quarterback in football, debating the implications of a superstar's dominance over coaching decisions.

• Billy [15:39]: "It's this age-old problem in sports where you think the title puts you in charge."

The discussion underscores the challenges organizations face when balancing team success with individual star power, especially when the superstar's vision conflicts with coaching strategies.

3. ChatGPT's Misinformation on Ja Morant's Athletic Abilities (23:37 - 25:25)

In a humorous twist, Dan introduces a segment where ChatGPT erroneously claims that Ja Morant can throw a football up to 70 yards, blending facts with fictitious information.

• Dan Le Batard [23:38]: "But Ja Morant, according to ChatGPT, can reportedly throw a football about 70 yards."

This leads to playful banter among the hosts, questioning the validity of GPT's claims and poking fun at the misconceptions surrounding athlete versatility.

• Billy [24:54]: "What are we doing, chat GP 31 yards. What the hell are we doing?"

Stugotz further mocks the AI's misinformation by comparing it to other sports figures, emphasizing the improbability of Morant's alleged football prowess.

• Dan Le Batard [24:54]: "Morant attempted a full court shot throwing the basketball approximately 94ft. This action resulted in a technical foul."

The segment serves as a comedic critique of AI-generated content's reliability, especially concerning specialized knowledge in sports.

4. Athleticism, Humor, and Team Dynamics (25:25 - 38:35)

The hosts transition into a light-hearted discussion about athletic abilities, referencing their personal experiences and humorous anecdotes.

• Stugotz [26:38]: "He probably paid run, too. Are you a scholarship athlete?"

They engage in playful competition, debating who would win in hypothetical races, and share stories about their own athletic endeavors and limitations.

• Billy [30:12]: "I did run an 11.6."

The conversation shifts to mock critiques of guest Taylor's athleticism, blending satire with genuine admiration for various sports skills.

• Stugotz [31:54]: "He's been an athlete since..."

The banter encapsulates the show's signature blend of sports analysis and casual, humorous interactions among the hosts.

5. Boldest Take Segment (34:15 - 35:56)

In the "Big Suey" segment, listeners share their bold opinions on everyday topics, ranging from food preferences to sports team performances.

• Jeremy [34:21]: "Provolone cheese is the superior all-purpose sandwich cheese."

• Jahan [35:07]: "Deep dish pizza is closer to lasagna than it is to real pizza."

The hosts respond with witty remarks, further fueling the lighthearted atmosphere.

• Stugotz [37:38]: "I stand for the mic disrespect, because as we established..."

This segment highlights the community engagement aspect of the podcast, encouraging listener participation and fostering a dynamic discussion environment.

6. Final Thoughts and Advertisements (38:35 - End)

The episode wraps up with a mix of humorous exchanges and sponsor messages. Notably, Dan promotes Miller Lite as the perfect companion for upcoming sports events, emphasizing its taste and low-calorie content.

• Dan Le Batard [39:23]: "Miller Time is always a good time."

Additionally, there's a brief interaction about photography and humorous criticisms of Twitter's content, maintaining the show's blend of sports, pop culture, and comedic elements.

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Notable Quotes:

• Dan Le Batard [05:36]: "Once you're not a fiver, you can never be a fiver."

• Stugotz [11:21]: "He got fired because Ja didn't like the changes to the offense."

• Billy [15:39]: "It's this age-old problem in sports where you think the title puts you in charge."

• Dan Le Batard [23:38]: "Ja Morant, according to ChatGPT, can reportedly throw a football about 70 yards."

• Stugotz [31:54]: "He's been an athlete since..."

• Dan Le Batard [39:23]: "Miller Time is always a good time."

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This episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz masterfully intertwines serious sports analysis with lighthearted humor, offering listeners a comprehensive look into current sports dynamics, personal anecdotes, and engaging community interactions. Whether dissecting the impact of a superstar on team decisions or laughing at AI-generated sports myths, Dan, Stugotz, Billy, and Tony deliver a rich and entertaining narrative that caters to both avid sports fans and casual listeners alike.

Transcript

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[Dan Le Batard]

Now's a good time to remember where Tequila's story truly began. In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila. Cuervo, what are you doing here, Cuervo? Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up. Well, I do know that to be true. But even during ad reads like Cuervo, I think he could lay out especially for one of our great partners.

[Stugotz]

Sweet, delicious Cuervo.

[Dan Le Batard]

Since then, Cuervo has stayed true to its roots. The same family, the same land, the same passion.

[Stugotz]

Cuervo.

[Dan Le Batard]

So enjoy the tequila that started it all.

[Stugotz]

Cuervo. Cuervo.

[Dan Le Batard]

The tequila that invented tequila. Proximo Cuervo.com Please drink responsibly.

[Stugotz]

Cuervo.

[Dan Le Batard]

This is the Dan Levator show with the Stugats podcast.

So many big games, so many concerts on the horizon, so many great comedy shows, so many tickets in demand. What do you do if the tickets that you're looking for are all sold out? I'll tell you what you do. You download the Gametime app, you create an account and you use code DAN for $20 off your first purchase terms apply. Download Game Time today. Again, that promo code is Dan. And what I love so much about the gametime app is they got all in pricing with a little push of a button. No surprises at checkout, and you get panoramic seat views. Especially if you're going to a venue you've never gone to before. You want to know exactly what you're looking at before you purchase. GameTime offers you that opportunity. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. As an aside, a quick PSA to our audience, I received word this morning that Poppy's domino tournament has been postponed. So if you purchase tickets to that event, don't worry, we will take care of that. You'll be issued refunds in the coming days. You'll hear about more information on that and when there will be a new date.

[Stugotz]

Game time. Ooh, I feel like that should be their slogan or something.

[Tony]

It was at one point.

[Dan Le Batard]

They need to send the copy.

[Stugotz]

You gotta go get Ray Lewis to do it though. Like he's the only time he's the only one who can deliver.

[Billy]

That wasn't even his, was it?

[Stugotz]

He did it the best. It wasn't the bulls. Nah. No, I thought it was Ray. No, Ray was all my dogs in the house. Right.

[Billy]

He might have used game time, but.

[Dan Le Batard]

That was Baja Men.

[Billy]

Yeah, that was definitely the Baja. I mean, it's all copyright issues.

[Stugotz]

The Baja men are the exact opposite of all my dogs in the house. The Baja men were concerned about who let all the dogs out of their house.

[Billy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Le Batard]

Can I ask you something about house really quick? Just cause you mentioned it and I feel like we're not gonna get back to it. You just said that, like when. When you had a cat sitter at your house and your cat would scurry about and go sneak the food, that the cat sitter thought, oh, that's just one of those house noises and we all just kind of like moved on. That's like one of the weirdest things we do as like a society, right? Is like, we just like, there's noises in your house. You're like, ah, it's just a house noise. And it's really just because, like, I don't want to deal with whatever that noise is. So as long as I don't know what it is and it doesn't sound like it's too serious, that's just a house noise. And we're not going to address that.

[Stugotz]

It's creaking. Like, it's. It's the changing temperature. Like, I think this explains it, right? It's like the change in temper. It's wood and whatever, expanding and contracting and so you just. You want me to go find where it is contracted and heat up that portion of that house?

[Dan Le Batard]

Nah, I'm just saying, like, I feel like there's so much going on that there's like a certain level of sound that you like, just allow to occur. You're like, I don't really need to.

[Stugotz]

Know what that is. I was gonna let you off the hook, Billy, but we need to know what your Uber rating is because you seem like you.

[Billy]

He's growing up in nice houses. He's growing up in such nice houses that they don't have creeks meanwhile.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, it's just there's always one temperature down here, so wood doesn't get colder or hotter. And everything's like concrete. Concrete too.

[Stugotz]

As much. As much as I love your value, the value you bring to the show with these interesting non sequiturs, I imagine that this is not a bit. This is you all the time. And so when you're riding in Ubers, you probably annoy the hell out of your driver because you're like, hey, well.

[Dan Le Batard]

Okay, I don't like the way you're setting this up at all. I was thinking today, just walking in.

[Billy]

It was his strategy today. Don't. Don't take.

[Dan Le Batard]

I was walking in today just thinking because I saw someone doing something. I'm like, that person's kind of weird, right? And then I thought, well, like, to that person, they're normal, right? And, like, I'm weird, so, like, I'm positive. No, it wasn't you.

[Billy]

Was look me in my eyes and promise.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, it wasn't you. No, no, it wasn't you. So someone that was like, running down the street, like, going for a jog, doing something, and I was like, kind of weird behavior that this person has and I feel was weird. No, no, no. It was. It was a. It was a particular. We don't need to get bogged down by this.

[Billy]

Okay?

[Dan Le Batard]

So the point is, I saw it. I was like, that. That person's weird, but to that person, what they were doing is totally normal. And I feel like that's the case for everyone, right? Like, weird people don't know they're weird. They just think that to them, because of their circumstances, what they're doing is completely justifiable and not weird whatsoever.

[Billy]

It's possible.

[Stugotz]

I feel like sometimes I know if I'm doing something weird and I know it's weird. But you haven't told us what they were doing. You said they were running down the street. Like, if they were, I don't want.

[Dan Le Batard]

To say what it was because maybe the person works here.

[Billy]

It was me, wasn't it?

[Dan Le Batard]

It wasn't you, though.

[Stugotz]

Now you got to.

[Dan Le Batard]

Anyways, my. My rating is a 4.91.

[Stugotz]

Woo.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm not proud of it.

[Stugotz]

That's good.

[Dan Le Batard]

It was a five for the longest time. But here's the thing. I don't use Uber all that much. I only pretty much use it when I'm out of town. Like, if I'm in town, I drive.

[Billy]

That's not a good thing though, because the more times you use it, the.

[Dan Le Batard]

Higher the number goes.

[Billy]

No.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yes.

[Billy]

The justification that it would be lower because you're basically exposed to more drivers who might understand what you do is weird versus what they think around.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, but can I tell you why.

[Billy]

So few means that? Like.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, it means. Means one bad score really throws it off. If I get a three, then it throws off my five average. I was at a five forever. Then I looked at. It was like 4.8 something. I was like, nothing's wrong.

[Billy]

You get a three.

[Dan Le Batard]

Well, I know what five.

[Tony]

You track it back. I did one right?

[Billy]

You know what you did.

[Dan Le Batard]

I know. I know what happened. I didn't do anything. In my opinion, this is what happened. I was in Washington, D.C. i was. I was going around. We were. We were checking out the monuments, whatever, right? Because of where we were.

[Tony]

I get the big bus tour.

[Dan Le Batard]

We got an Uber. And then the person couldn't find where we were. I guess there was, like, closure or whatever. So the person had to do, like, multiple loops around. Then it was raining, so we were standing behind this column. Then they couldn't find us. And it became this whole thing. And I was like, I'm sorry that I'm in an inconvenient spot. Like, but I'm a tourist. I don't know where I'm supposed to be. So then I went back, and I found that I got, like, a three on that ride. And I was very upset because I gave the person A5, even though they kept us waiting in the rain for a very long time. Now I have a strategy Uber, because I know that I can be weird as you have described me. You said I'm weird.

[Stugotz]

You have weird non sequiturs, which I appreciate.

[Dan Le Batard]

Well, this is what I'll do. I'll never hit the option to not talk to me, right? But what I do is I play the game. And it's weird in the sense that, like, so I'm the one that's being driven around, but I am catering to the driver the majority of the time. Like, I try to get the vibe of the driver based on the music that they're playing, based on if they're starting a conversation with me, based on if they're talking on the phone. Like, I try to see what kind of experience the driver wants to have, and then I try to provide that experience for the driver just for this rating. That doesn't matter because, again, I pretty much only use it, like, when I'm on vacation. So if it's been a quiet ride, because we haven't spoken much. Right. What I'll do is I always end on a positive note. So when I know we're like, three or four blocks away.

[Tony]

Thank you.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, no, no, no. When I know we're, like, three or four blocks away, the information that I have taken in while I've been in the seat, I figure out what is, like, the simplest, like, softball, small Talk conversation that I can start with this person that I know will go favorable for them, and I show interest in what I've experienced them doing. So, like, one time when we were, I don't know, we were like, in Chicago or whatever, right? We're driving around, it's pretty quiet most of the time. And it was a Tesla that I got picked up in, right? And I have not been in a Tesla before, especially not an Uber, right? So then I start talking like, oh, you know, you like this Tesla? Because I know Tesla drivers love talking about Teslas, right? So, like, I waited a little bit. I'm like, like, how do you. How do you like this Tesla is. You know, I've never been. He's like, oh, I love it. I'm like, yeah, it's kind of cool in here. He's like, it's like, how do you. How do you charge? You have a charger at home? You go, no, I go, here. I do this. I'm like, how long does it take? So I just start talking to him about his Tesla because I know that's what the Tesla driver really wants to talk about.

[Billy]

I gave you a one star for that.

[Dan Le Batard]

No way. The guy loved it.

[Billy]

How do I charge it?

[Dan Le Batard]

No chargers. Gu. No. Some people have home chargers. Some people have to go to charging stations. And when you go to the charging station, you have to wait an extended amount of time. This guy, in case you were wondering, which you're not, this guy didn't have a home charger because he lived in an apartment, so he'd have to go somewhere. And I was like, well, how many miles do you get when you charge it? How often do you charge it? I just get into what I think they want to talk about. I start observing them, and then I ask them questions on the way up. One time when we were in Austin.

[Stugotz]

You'Re a dot nine boy. That's good enough. You're in the Dot nine Boy crew, which is good. You don't you want to be.

[Dan Le Batard]

I want to get it up, though. No, here's the thing. Once you're not a fiver, you can never be a fiver.

[Stugotz]

I don't know. Do we have the list before? Because I want to know where he places. And did we get one from Amin and anybody else?

[Tony]

I do. I have them. I have Dom. You were only two. I'm unsure of you two. You were 4.9, Dom, and you were 478. 478. I was a. I was a 492, Mike. 475.

[Dan Le Batard]

Let's go, Jess.

[Tony]

5.0.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Roy. 497.

[Stugotz]

There we go.

[Tony]

Charlie. 48 7. All right, so now I have two updates for us.

[Stugotz]

Okay.

[Tony]

Tony's a 49 flat, which is a little surprising.

[Stugotz]

I'm. I'm embarrassed.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah.

[Billy]

For the four nine club. And then I mean club.

[Tony]

I texted a mean. As I scroll through my text now, this is, you know, not great on air.

[Dan Le Batard]

So let me ask you, the lower. The lower numbers, I'm assuming it's always someone else's fault, right?

[Stugotz]

No one took response.

[Dan Le Batard]

Everyone's always like, my friends.

[Stugotz]

We found out yesterday that Lucy had a dot. What did Lucy have?

[Tony]

She had a really good one, but 496.

[Billy]

She had two charges of $250 for throwing up in the Uber thrown up in 2000 that she remembered that they.

[Dan Le Batard]

Couldn'T have been on her account.

[Stugotz]

There's no chance.

[Dan Le Batard]

That has to have been like a group of friends that someone else got. There's no way that you've thrown up in a car and you have it that high twice. That's crazy.

[Tony]

So Amin, he said, what's your Uber rating? He said 4.86, but that's with the black tax. So I AM Probably a 491. All else being Uber.

[Stugotz]

It's valid. I'll take it.

[Billy]

I didn't want to go into that, but I can tell when I get into Uber if this guy likes black people or not almost immediately.

[Dan Le Batard]

I can too sometimes. And I'm not even black.

[Billy]

You're not even. And then how do you start that conversation? My what's on the radio now that we're here, finally.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, that's the first thing I thought of when you said, I try to end it favorably for them. I'm like, you slide a little racism in there on the way out, don't you?

[Billy]

Just a little bit.

[Stugotz]

You just open a window just to.

[Billy]

Get that Uber ready.

[Stugotz]

You crack the door.

[Dan Le Batard]

It's one of my icebergs. Obama, huh? And then I see which way they go and then I know which way to finish with.

Appreciate you speaking English.

[Stugotz]

So someone who is not getting a good rating, at least not from Ja Morant, is Taylor Jenkins. I want to get into this conversation. He got fired from the Grizzly, who were in third place and had a really good record. They're considered a Western Conference contender. It was kind of a shocking. Probably would have been the most shocking thing of this.

[Dan Le Batard]

The vote on the tush push has been tabled.

[Stugotz]

Ah, boo.

[Tony]

Back to you.

[Stugotz]

So this probably would have been the most shocking thing in the NBA season if it wasn't for the fact that Luga got traded. But like having Taylor Jenkins, a winning coach on a team that seems to be headed in the right direction and a respected XNO's coach be fired by his team just before the playoffs. I think 15 games out of the playoffs while they're playing well in third place, blew my mind. I think some reporting has come out since.

[Charlie]

Yeah. So the background on this is they cleared house of their assistant coaches this offseason and the new offense ran fewer ball screens. And John Morant in this system was not happy with his fewest touches, fewest points, fewest shot attempts per game in several years. He's also considerably worse player than he was three years ago, shooting the ball, significantly worse. And it creates a really interesting situation. You have a good coach, you have John Morant, who regardless of how absurd the NBA suspension and over the top was for his off the court stuff a couple years ago, he is still an unstable superstar because he doesn't play and he's not a consistent scorer because he can't shoot the basketball. He hasn't been consistent in the postseason. You guys, is it right in the NBA superstar culture to let that guy in that city change that coach?

[Stugotz]

Yeah. The reporting is that he's out because Ja didn't like the changes to the.

[Charlie]

It's implied. It's not. Not explicitly said, but the implication is that he wasn't happy with his role in the new offense.

[Billy]

They're trying to figure out the reasons why. That's not the reason why. Ja's not Ja, man. You gotta let that Berry free, man. You gotta let him. You gotta give him a weekend. That's Dennis Rod. You gotta give him a weekend in south beach, man. I wanted to ask Steve Williams that about Tiger. Like, you gotta let them do what they do, man.

[Dan Le Batard]

Steve Williams looked us straight in the eye and said Tiger had no off field distraction.

[Billy]

That's great. I didn't want to say it. That's why I wanted to give grace to Nick, man. Because we gotta. If we're going to take accountability, which Steve went on record, he is not for. He is not for workplace accountability. I'm like, okay, we're just breezing over everything, everything at this point.

[Stugotz]

The idea of the superstar in the NBA having enough power to fire a coach is not new. It doesn't bother me that Taylor Jenkins got run because the superstar wanted him out. I don't know that banking on that superstar. And I think this is what you're alluding to, Charlie, is that John Morant is not a reliable superstar. And he's not the level of superstar that you want to give this power to, but he's the guy in that city. And it just speaks to me about being a head coach in basketball or being anyone in the basketball organization. I ran into this argument oftentimes when people want to be critical of teams that were constructed around LeBron and say, well, don't blame the GM because LeBron's actually the GM. Maybe he is, but your job as the GM is to convince LeBron. You know, like you would have thought that at one point your job is to build a roster, but now your job has gotten a little harder. When there's someone in your organization who has as much power and influence as a superstar player, your job now comes to sell LeBron, convince LeBron it was his idea or figure out a way. And I, I feel the same way about this offense with Taylor Jenkins. And so like, if Taylor gets fired because Jai's not happy, maybe you wish Jai would have handled this differently. Yeah, but ultimately, as a head coach, when they're your head coach of an NBA team and you guys have a superstar, I'm not saying you have to kowtow to the superstar, but you have to take into account that whatever you're doing, the first person, and maybe the only person whose buy in you have to get off the top is the superstar. And it doesn't matter how good your idea is, I don't give a shit how innovative your offense is. If you ain't convinced him that it's innovative and it's going to help you out, then you, you lost.

[Billy]

It's this, it's age old problem in sports where you think the title puts you in charge or you think the talent sometimes put you in charge. When I was playing receiver in the league and I had other receivers and they were like, man, you're so happy being the fourth. I'm like, I'm not happy being the fourth receiver, bro. I know what I make like. This is the most I can be looking at the contracts and you arguing for touches as an undrafted free agent on special teams. That ain't how this works, my boy. You gotta follow the money trail. So even looking at Coach Jenkins and what you make a year versus what Job makes a year, it is not more important for what your strategy is. It only fits in that way of how it pertains to the main investment, which is Job Moran. And also you might not have Even done anything from your perspective, the warrant being fired or whatever. But from an organizational standpoint, we've invested this in the job. Moran. Even if it is like, hey, maybe this doesn't work out, maybe he'll never be the same player. We gotta remove some of the factors to see if that's the case. And I'm okay with moving away three to $5 million a year to save the $50 million a year that I'm giving this player and the.

[Stugotz]

The nf. The NBA superstar is the NFL quarterback in that you can't win without one. And even if Jai is not the perfect one, he's the closest thing you got to it. And there are lots of teams that are looking for somebody like that. So you thinking that you can. And I'm not suggesting that Taylor Jenkins is like, man, I don't need to convince Ja. I'll figure this out. But ultimately, whether he's doing that consciously or not in this plan is essentially doing that. And the point that you made about being the number four receiver, and they say you show up to practice happy even though you're not getting no balls. I can't afford not to be or I cannot.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah.

[Stugotz]

I'm in no position to come in here and try to wave it around and tell people what I am. And I'm not going to do. Although I'm not returning no punts. I don't care what you say.

[Billy]

Me neither. I've won record saying I'm not return. I've told head coaches, hey, no, you go back there and return it.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, I. I don't know what this ha. What happens with the Grizzlies going forward. I don't think that they were like a real, like legitimate title contender. Top of the league, even though they were third place. No one was really considering what Jai and that team was going to do relative to the real top dogs, I think, in the West. But the future of that organization, I think, is still dependent on John Morant no matter what. And finding some sort of way to build something, to hire someone and build something that he believes in and he's going to buy into is their only way of going forward. Even if Taylor Jenkins, the smartest new coach on the scene, is that the.

[Charlie]

Toughest spot for an NBA team to be in, though, where you don't want to trade someone that talented because if you trade him somewhere, it's like he could be a 38 and 5 guy on a random team, but if you keep him and he's entitled to thinking he's in charge of the organization. You might just be a first round buy every single year for a higher seed.

[Billy]

It's tough.

[Tony]

That's like having a quarterback who's like the 13th best quarterback. You're like, ah, he's good enough to start, but am I going to win anything Tua? Yes, actually.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Stugotz]

The, the alternatives at that position are tough and it's impossible to find the, the perfect quarterback for your situation. But you wouldn't move on from Tua. And I think Jai is probably a higher version than Tua, but that's not the perfect.

[Charlie]

Do you think he has a better arm than him?

[Stugotz]

Ja Moran?

[Charlie]

Yeah, straight up. If they started the goal line.

[Billy]

That's so disrespectful.

[Charlie]

Do you think he could throw a football further?

[Billy]

Absolutely not.

[Dan Le Batard]

I do.

[Billy]

There's no way.

[Stugotz]

How tall is Josh?

[Charlie]

6'Three yeah, he's bendy, elastic arm.

[Stugotz]

He can whip it, you know.

[Dan Le Batard]

Doesn't he look like one of those.

[Charlie]

Dudes who's just good at every sport?

[Billy]

He is an incredible athlete, but there's no way he can throw it farther than Tua. There's no way.

[Stugotz]

I mean, I think farther. It's like we see the long ball drivers, guys like they're not better golfers than real golfers, bro.

[Billy]

There's no way. We just got done talking about how you get disrespected every time someone even remotely insinuates that they could athlete that they could outdo you at something that you did for money.

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[Dan Le Batard]

Hey audience. You know it's that time of year where everyone is debating who the number one pick is going to be. Well, let me tell you something that is undebatable. Who the world's number one vodka is that is Smirnoff. And as fun as it is to debate whether or not the team with the number one pick goes pass rusher, wide receiver, quarterback, one thing that we all know is we're going with Smirnoff as our number one vodka pick. Isn't that right, Dano?

[Stugotz]

Smirnoff rules.

[Dan Le Batard]

Smirnoff rules. So while you're over there hosting your draft parties, you know one thing in particular you need. Well, there's two things that you absolutely need. The draft on tv, that's a must. But number two, what is it? Dano Smirnoff. Do you like Dano?

[Stugotz]

Support the people who support us. Smirnoff supports us.

[Dan Le Batard]

I like Smirnoff.

[Stugotz]

I don't like Dano.

[Dan Le Batard]

And thanks to Smirnoff, God Bless Football is doing their first ever watch along livestream in front of a live audience in Nashville, Tennessee. Join God Bless Football during round one of the draft on the Levittard Show YouTube channel on April 24th. More details to come. Please drink responsibly. Smirnoff number 21, vodka distilled from grain, 40% alcohol by volume. The Smirnoff Company, New York, New York. Please do not share with anyone under legal drinking age.

[Boost Mobile Advertiser]

Hey friends, it's Jerbear here and I'm.

[Dan Le Batard]

Here to tell you all about Boost.

[Boost Mobile Advertiser]

Mobile, which is now a legit nationwide 5G network. So I must take a break from.

[Stugotz]

The jokes here for a second and.

[Boost Mobile Advertiser]

Put on my serious voice because I would never, ever joke about a 5G network that has invested billions building 5G towers across the country. Not even once. Not even if Mr. Boost Mobile himself asked me to. There is nothing funny about it. Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide 5G network and also provides coverage across 99% of America. Seriously? Visit boostmobile.com or your nearest Boost Mobile store location to learn more. The Boost Mobile network, together with our roaming partners, covers 99% of the US population. 5G speeds not available in all areas.

[Dan Le Batard]

Don LeBatard Photography is not as hard as it's made out to be. And now with computers, I mean, you can make anything look like anything. It's almost cheating. It's not fair. If you push a button, it takes a thousand pictures. You're gonna find a good one in the batch.

There were a lot of photographers there taking thousands of pictures.

[Stugotz]

One got that photograph.

[Dan Le Batard]

Okay, good retort Stugarts.

Haven't you ever passed by photographers? I guarantee you when that shot was taken, we didn't just hear that's not what you heard if you were by that camera.

In my ear with that.

[Charlie]

He does a good camera.

[Dan Le Batard]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the stugats.

[Stugotz]

Speaking of which, Taylor out there talking crazy.

[Billy]

He was talking nuts.

[Stugotz]

Goofy ass out of here, Taylor. Oh, you ain't faster than. Not now. Me or Hawkins.

[Dan Le Batard]

I have an update from Chat GPT and now Hawk. I know. Wow, there's a sordid history between you and Chat GPT.

[Billy]

Come on.

[Dan Le Batard]

But Ja Morant, according to ChatGPT, can reportedly throw a football about 70 yards.

[Stugotz]

What?

[Boost Mobile Advertiser]

Wow.

[Dan Le Batard]

There have been clips of him launching deep passes during warmups and off season workouts, showing off his impressive arm strength.

Wow.

[Billy]

Do they have him mixed up with Aunt Edwards?

[Dan Le Batard]

Chat gp it definitely knows that John Morant is a basketball player.

[Billy]

All right.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, I support. I think that plays right into what I was saying is like, I would not say that John Morant is a better quarterback. Like I. Obviously these long ball driver guys are not better golfers, but like, if you ask them to do this very simple thing, he's a taller guy, whippy athleticism, big hands. Like, yeah, I feel like Jack can launch that thing now. Is he going to be more accurate? Is he going to be a better decision maker? Of course not. Well, definitely not a better decision maker.

[Billy]

Not quite known for that, but I also don't think he can throw it further.

[Dan Le Batard]

I asked ChatGPT for proof and it was prepared for that question. While specific measurements of John Moran's football throwing distance aren't publicly documented, his athletic prowess suggests he possesses significant arm strength. For instance, during a game against the Knicks on February 28th.

[Billy]

Okay.

[Dan Le Batard]

Morant attempted a full court shot throwing the basketball approximately 94ft. This action resulted in a technical foul.

[Billy]

What are we doing, chat GP 31 yards. What the hell are we doing? And now you're spreading this folklore. I'm sorry, that people are taking it's.

[Dan Le Batard]

Harder to throw a basketball.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, it is hard to throw a basketball.

[Billy]

Are we. Are we. Are we kidding right now? You think he's the first athlete? Six, three. That doesn't mean you could throw a football 70 yards. I think because he could do crazy windmills.

[Stugotz]

I appreciate the chat dpt support, but I'm not sure that I really.

[Billy]

It was like, yeah, he's documented he could throw a football far, far, far, far. Show it to me.

[Dan Le Batard]

This feels so.

[Billy]

Well, we don't really have a video per se, but remember that game against the Knicks? Shut up, Chat gpd. You sound like my Uncle Rick.

[Stugotz]

Oh, you Got an uncle named on St.

[Billy]

He just makes stuff up, man. Like, he literally just. Yeah, he could do this. Back in my day, like, Rick, you're lying, bro.

[Stugotz]

Uncle Rick probably hate the Internet. Uncle Rick was getting them lies off forever. Uncle Rick been getting them lies off until the early 2000s, when people had phones with the Internet app.

[Billy]

The archives I've had to go into to prove Uncle Rick wrong. Cause he thinks I don't have access to newspapers.

[Dan Le Batard]

Well, I feel that still didn't stop Uncle Rick, though.

[Billy]

It doesn't stop Uncle Rick.

[Tony]

Apparently we have a photo of the guy that says he could beat you guys in a race if you guys want to throw up. That photo of Taylor, he ran track.

[Billy]

Why are you laughing, man?

[Stugotz]

What?

[Billy]

He's running for North Carolina. That doesn't mean anything to you as a Maryland terp. But me, who grew up wanting to play for North Carolina, he has a baton. So he's on some team of sorts. Yeah, on some relay.

[Stugotz]

That. That's a. I mean, that's probably. That's a 400 guy. That's an 800 guy. You might beat me in a 400. 800. Riding on Taylor in the one.

[Billy]

You think you can ride him in the one.

[Dan Le Batard]

Headband's wild. Yeah.

[Billy]

Yeah, the headband is crazy.

[Dan Le Batard]

Especially because he has, like a buzz cut.

[Stugotz]

Like, yeah, let's be serious about this guy. Let's break this down.

[Billy]

Especially since he wasn't in, like, the headband era. Like, how old is Taylor?

[Dan Le Batard]

That's a wild look.

[Stugotz]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Like, the headband era was like 2001.

[Stugotz]

You know, there's no way that this was then what you also know. And for the listening audience, Taylor has good arm definition, which, like, suggests that maybe he's a pretty good athlete. I respect that. He's an above average athlete.

[Dan Le Batard]

So racially ambiguous that can. So racially ambiguous. I'm even more confused now. Yeah, I would also think Italian say, but that's like a Greek last name.

[Billy]

This is like a Nike ad to sell the headbands. Like, let's just put someone right dab in the middle.

[Dan Le Batard]

This is a Mike Tirico situation.

[Tony]

I see some Mbappe.

[Stugotz]

Little bops. Got some bops, too. The. The top is baggy man, which suggests to me that the equipment manager didn't respect him, which means he was a slow guy on the team. I. I'm sorry, Taylor. Like, I know when. As a rookie, as a third round rookie, my jersey never looked worse.

[Dan Le Batard]

I don't know what's happening right now. This is the lightest I've ever seen his complexion.

[Stugotz]

And he's outside running outdoor track.

[Dan Le Batard]

But it's also the blackest he's ever looked.

[Billy]

Yes.

[Stugotz]

How. How in the world do you got an indoor season complexion on the outdoor season track?

[Tony]

Fuentes is so pissed right now.

[Stugotz]

Fuentes? Why he pissed?

[Tony]

He doesn't like when.

[Dan Le Batard]

Well, he's not racially ambiguous.

The guy in the green back there that he's beating very clearly tells me this was like a B team situation.

I don't even know what is that. That guy's just wearing a jersey that says Jason.

[Charlie]

Does it say Babson? When does UNC race Babson?

[Stugotz]

Taylor, this is not helping you, man. I hope that they look this up. I hope you didn't look this up.

[Billy]

Somebody go mouse blue.

[Tony]

He for sure sent this to the.

[Stugotz]

I hope you didn't send this to them thinking that this was gonna scare me.

[Dan Le Batard]

George Mason or a guy named Mason.

[Billy]

I don't think George Mason would be the George on top.

[Dan Le Batard]

It would be. That's an astute observation.

[Billy]

It looks like Mason.

[Dan Le Batard]

George.

[Tony]

Maybe there's a G. Maybe there's a G on the far side that we can't see.

[Stugotz]

I've never been more confident in my life that I would ride on this kid.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Stugotz]

Get out of here.

[Billy]

I don't know.

[Stugotz]

He probably paid run, too. Are you a scholarship athlete? Did they call you up? Did they send you a letter? Or you showed up and knocked on the door, was like, hey, excuse me.

[Billy]

I hate to discriminate against me as a former walk on. I don't want to discriminate against the walk ons. However, some of us do have talent, right? But however this does point to. It is not Taylor so much. It is the guy beside him. Because in a 400, his neck shouldn't be back that far. That looks like a distance runner. Yeah, that's a distance runner's demeanor and body style.

[Stugotz]

Like that guy.

[Dan Le Batard]

This feels like a four by one or like a four by eight.

[Billy]

This might be a four by eight situation.

[Stugotz]

This is slow. This is a slow race. My guy got them glasses on, that guy.

[Dan Le Batard]

The glasses is the thing.

[Billy]

And those are Rex specs for sure.

[Stugotz]

How bad your vision gotta be that you can't stay between the lines? Like, we not asking you to catch nothing, bruh. How bad your vision gotta be that you gotta wear glasses to run straight? Goodness, Taylor.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Stugotz]

Who are you running against?

[Billy]

I like my chances against Taylor in the 100. I did run a 100 last year.

[Stugotz]

Nice.

[Billy]

This is a. Look at me, Louie. Situation because it was the same thing. I'm like, I want to see what this is about. I did tweak my hamstrings. I absolutely did. It put me out. I have not run since it was in July.

[Stugotz]

Good for you.

[Billy]

But I did run an 11 6.

[Stugotz]

Damn. Damn.

[Billy]

That's solid.

[Stugotz]

At 39 years old, that's more than solid.

[Billy]

Thank you.

[Stugotz]

That is very impressive at 39 years old, Taylor, you don't stand a chizance.

[Tony]

While we're catching up on the athletic ability of people around here, we have video also of Tony playing some league basketball. Tony shooting a three.

[Stugotz]

Bang.

[Tony]

Making a three. Apparently this is a highlight reel. So it's all going to be good plays. There's some in the corner.

[Dan Le Batard]

Why are we showing this on a day he's not.

[Stugotz]

We're just.

[Billy]

No, I want to see. This is. I would like to see what we're doing.

[Stugotz]

Hold on, hold on.

[Billy]

Little dislocation, little give and go.

[Stugotz]

Hold on again, Tony. Whatever.

[Tony]

Look at the people he's playing against.

[Stugotz]

There's a dude on a court with a pink satin durag. It's the same with a satin durag on. Get out of here.

[Billy]

He got the stroke though.

[Dan Le Batard]

That also looks like a very much younger Tony.

[Stugotz]

I mean he's a catch and shoot player. That's fine. That's the same point in a one on one situation.

[Billy]

Can you create?

[Dan Le Batard]

He's tall.

[Billy]

Can you create and can you stop me from getting to the cut if.

[Stugotz]

You ain't 7 6? Like he gotta be like he was.

[Billy]

The tallest player on that court.

[Stugotz]

And you know where he was at corner. They relegated the biggest player to the A they saw him play. It was like, hey, you know what? Stand over there. Me and Satin durag go run a two man game. And if they help off of it, then you got an open shot. Stand over there.

[Charlie]

So you guys, Hawk and Fox ran the exact same 40 time at the combine.

[Stugotz]

Wow.

[Billy]

How about that?

[Charlie]

4.34, guys.

[Stugotz]

That's crazy.

[Charlie]

Who's winning a race right now?

[Billy]

That's real.

[Stugotz]

Oh, Hawk is running.

[Billy]

Not today.

[Stugotz]

You know, I mean, I.

[Billy]

My bag situation. I have not run since July.

[Stugotz]

I can't tell you who's going to win. I'll tell you who will lose and his name is Taylor. If we were to run a race, three person hydrant that that manila folder.

[Billy]

I like Taylor, bro.

[Stugotz]

Taylor's been athlete.

[Dan Le Batard]

I like him. Let's throw up that photo again because.

[Billy]

All right, let's see.

[Dan Le Batard]

I mean we could deduce is that guy in first place. Is that guy in first place?

[Billy]

He's cut.

[Dan Le Batard]

Or is this, or is that an official at the very back?

[Stugotz]

Hold on. I can guarantee you that Jason is not in second place. So if you telling me that Taylor's in first place, that means Jason is second place. He's all the way on the most inner lane. Right. Taylor's on the most inside lane and Jason. So this is, this is seven, eight territory we're looking at. Taylor got seven place.

[Billy]

Unless he's being lapped.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm telling you he'll be getting like second place in like heat three.

[Billy]

And that's fine.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah.

[Billy]

But he was also on the football team. So he's a two sport athlete at North Carolina. Which is factual.

[Stugotz]

It's factual.

[Billy]

That's factual. So it's not like he was putting everything into track.

[Stugotz]

The tough thing is you said he's a two sports sport athlete at Carolina. Three days after I ran into Julius Peppers in Colorado. You want to talk about a true sport athlete? How dare you put Taylor in the same conversation.

[Dan Le Batard]

He's on the metal sand as. Huh?

[Stugotz]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Ronald Curry.

[Dan Le Batard]

Ronald curry. Taylor vipulous 3.

[Stugotz]

Julius peppers bad. I feel like Julius Peppers and like Miles Garrett like guys like that. It's a different category of human.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Stugotz]

Like you talked about phylums earlier. That's a phylum that Taylor don't need to get nowhere near.

[Dan Le Batard]

Are we counting Michael Jordan as a tar heel 2 sport athlete?

[Billy]

What other sport did he play?

[Dan Le Batard]

Baseball. But not for the school.

[Billy]

No. That doesn't. No.

[Dan Le Batard]

He didn't play for their baseball team. Right?

[Stugotz]

I don't think so. Maybe he did.

[Billy]

No, we're not, we're not giving him the two sport. He has everything.

[Dan Le Batard]

So Taylor's a better two sport athlete.

[Billy]

Than Michael Jordan in North Carolina history for sure.

[Stugotz]

He's not. He is not.

[Billy]

The ceiling is the roof.

[Dan Le Batard]

Certainly more accomplished.

[Charlie]

Maybe Marion Jones. Didn't she do track in basketball at unc?

[Billy]

Yeah. That's a good one.

[Dan Le Batard]

You're off the metal sand now, Taylor.

[Stugotz]

Incredible athlete.

[Dan Le Batard]

But you're still on the Mount Rushmore.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Tony]

You know what Taylor does around here? One of his most important jobs. Boldest tank.

[Stugotz]

I was just thinking about the boldest take. Can we get it? I. I've heard Dan give the, the listeners a lot of hell about how bad this stuff is. I actually really like it.

[Tony]

I think the last few weeks they brought it strong. The Boost Mobile boldest take from the weekend is presented by Boost Mobile, the newest 5G network in the country. So let's See what they got this week.

[J]

We should not be making not dishwasher safe products anymore.

[Stugotz]

Hang up and listen.

[J]

Hey, this is Richard. I just got out of a lunch with my sister in law. Bold take. You get one basic modification to your meal. After that you're an you say hey, no pickle or no onion. Add tomato, whatever the heck you get one anything after one Europe. My boldest take from the weekend is that the Tootsie Bro song is way more popular than the tootsie roll candy. Provolone cheese is the superior all purpose sandwich cheese.

[Dan Le Batard]

Put it on a cheeseburger cold turkey sandwich.

[J]

It goes with any kind of sandwich. Hey, this is Jeremy from Auburn.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm gonna do Bobby from King of the Hill Ltd.

Fake dad.

[J]

Yeah, this is Jahan from Oklahoma and I'm just gonna say quit calling it a luncheon. It's just a lunch. Get over yourself. Deep dish pizza is closer to lasagna than it is to real pizza. To William from Winter Park. And this is my limited fig Mickey Mouse.

[Billy]

Oh boy.

[J]

Hey there, it's Bobby from Arizona. I was looking at some very early pre draft rankings of players and I was wondering how in the hell Rutgers have has two players that are expected to be picked in the top five in the NBA draft, yet somehow they managed to have a 15 and 17 record this year in the Big Ten.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, he's not the only one asking that question.

[Billy]

It's a damn good question.

[Tony]

I am done with luncheon. Like why do we call it a luncheon?

[Stugotz]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Tony]

It's just lunch.

[Stugotz]

I mean, there has to be some reason, right? Yeah, has to be some reason why.

[Dan Le Batard]

Lunch in like dying m. It's a.

[Stugotz]

French word or something. Is that what it is? That is one of the easiest ways to get a laugh in the history of the world is doing a French accent. Oh, it's great. I don't mean it as a judgment. It's perfect. I've never not laughed when someone honed on the end of their phrase.

[Billy]

Well, I mean, Kenan Thompson literally made a career out of it, you know, as Pierre Escargot.

[Stugotz]

We don't speak of that. We don't speak that name.

[Billy]

Sorry.

[Dan Le Batard]

You're bringing up game one.

[Billy]

Shit, my bad.

[Dan Le Batard]

We're on game two.

[Billy]

We can't learn from it.

[Dan Le Batard]

You turn on Keenan because of yesterday?

[Stugotz]

No, I love Kenan. I'm just joking.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, we never turn Keenan and Kel. Such a good show.

[Billy]

I didn't even. I didn't even get into that. I was like, letting him, like, push where he wanted to go. I wanted to list my favorite Kenan sketches. I wanted to do impersonations, like, but I didn't want to disrespect.

[Stugotz]

Call him up, get him back on. Get him back on. Yeah, I think he seemed, like, coming on.

[Tony]

He's like that standard there.

[Billy]

After Mike disrespecting Gerd the way that he did to end the interview.

[Dan Le Batard]

In the interview, you said something negative about Gerd.

No, I was like, you know, just. I wanted to say Gerd. It was funny, and I thought, let me try to make it lighter. I'm like, did you ever think you'd go from, you know, being a teenager on all that to doing media hits about Gerd?

[Billy]

That also implies that you failed at life too.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, I wanted to say. No, I meant it, like, as, like, wow, you've been in entertainment for so long, like that. That'll tell you, like, you're hitting 40, right?

[Stugotz]

I stand for the mic disrespect, because I mean, not disrespect.

[Dan Le Batard]

I was standing my disrespect.

[Stugotz]

I will not sit for. For the Mike criticism because as we established, I couldn't get the ball up the court, and Mike was not expecting to have to get the ball. He was trying, so that's on me. We've accepted accountability for that a number of times. But lasagna, deep dish pizza. Accurate take, right? Like, lasagna. Deep dish pizza is delicious. But it's weird calling it pizza because it is much closer to lasagna than.

[Dan Le Batard]

It is, but it has all the fixings.

[Billy]

Disagreed.

[Stugotz]

And still, I mean, that's like, Lots of different foods have the same components, but it doesn't. If you put them together differently, they become a different.

[Dan Le Batard]

You're talking about, like, a wrap and salad.

[Stugotz]

Yeah. Like, you don't call a salad wrap a salad wrap.

[Billy]

You call it a wrap salad sandwich.

[Dan Le Batard]

They do call. They do call them Caesar wrap.

[Stugotz]

So, yeah, Caesar.

[Dan Le Batard]

Is a Caesar wrap a salad?

[Stugotz]

No.

[Dan Le Batard]

Makes you think.

[Stugotz]

No. Caesar wraps a Caesar wrap.

[Billy]

What is Caesar's connection to that salad? Have we. Has anybody figured that out?

[Stugotz]

I assume it's the, like, the dressing. They probably invented or originated the dressing also, like, how did Caesar get the haircut? Get a fresh Caesar.

[Billy]

Yeah, there's a lot going on.

[Stugotz]

Those are the biggest influences in the history of that empire.

[Dan Le Batard]

I feel like we had a nice lead in this third quarter.

[Billy]

We're still up.

[Stugotz]

No, we're still up.

[Dan Le Batard]

You know?

[Billy]

No, we're just.

[Dan Le Batard]

Cut it down to single digits.

[Billy]

We're moving the ball around. We're killing the clock.

[Stugotz]

We took. We took a little last shot. Wait till y'all see this fourth quarter, though.

[Tony]

The Caesar salad, a beloved dish, originated in Tijuana, Mexico, at Caesar Cardini's restaurant in 1924.

[Stugotz]

So it has nothing to do with Julius Caesar? Nah.

[Dan Le Batard]

Weather is starting to warm up. Regular season starting to wind down. Games of consequence in sports starting to ramp up. I know what you're gonna need by your side. It's by my side already. Miller Lite. Yeah, that's right. I'm making my springtime a Miller Time. I'm making my sports time. Miller Time. Going to a car race. Miller Time. Gonna see some tennis. Miller Time. Gonna chill in the backyard with some friends and make some memories. Miller Time. I love Miller Lite because it's got taste that I know I can depend on. No games, no gimmicks. It's that simple, folks. It's just a great beer. For people who like beer, Miller Lite is brewed for taste. It hits different than the other light beers. It's got simple ingredients, and at just 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per per 12 ounces. Miller time is always a good time. The original light beer since 1975 and still the very best one. Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Tastes like Miller Time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.