The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz – Episode: Hour 1: I Just Want Horse

Release Date: May 12, 2025

Introduction

In the inaugural episode of "I Just Want Horse," Dan Le Batard and Stugotz dive deep into a mélange of sports insights, personal anecdotes, and lighthearted banter. From reminiscing about their early days as sports enthusiasts to dissecting modern basketball analytics, the hosts offer a comprehensive and entertaining exploration of contemporary sports culture.

1. Embracing the Inner Sports Dork

The episode kicks off with Pablo Torre sharing personal stories about his formative years immersed in sports analytics. Reflecting on his childhood, Torre recalls bonding with his non-English-speaking grandfather over baseball statistics, highlighting his early fascination with numbers in sports.

Pablo Torre [01:11]: "It probably goes without saying that I was a spectacular dork as a young boy... Fascinated by numbers and how we do measurements in sports."

This segment underscores the importance of analytics in shaping the modern sports landscape and sets the stage for deeper discussions on how data influences today's games.

2. FIU Sports and the Panther Preserve Proposition

Transitioning to local sports, the conversation shifts to Florida International University (FIU) and their athletic endeavors. Billy Corben humorously mentions his involvement with the Panther broadcasts, only to reveal that his season has ended as FIU prepares for the Conference USA championship.

Stugotz introduces an unconventional idea to Billy: establishing a Florida panther preserve on the FIU campus.

Stugotz [02:53]: "Do we have any sound from your shenanigans over the weekend?"

Billy Corben [03:05]: "Do you guys think having live Florida panthers on campus is a good idea?"

While the idea is met with skepticism and playful resistance from his co-hosts, it sparks an engaging dialogue about wildlife preservation and campus initiatives.

3. Atmospheric Rivers and Climate Conversations

The hosts delve into environmental topics, specifically the concept of atmospheric rivers and their implications for South Florida.

Stugotz [04:50]: "Meteorological nerds are delighted at what's happening down here in South Florida right now."

The discussion evolves into a broader conversation about climate change, with debates on its authenticity and impact.

Billy Corben [05:24]: "This isn't just regular everyday rain that's going on. This is an occurrence that's never happened before."

The segment highlights the tension between scientific consensus and public perception, injecting humor into a serious subject.

4. Modern Basketball Analytics and Player Performances

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to analyzing the current state of basketball, emphasizing the role of analytics in shaping team strategies.

Pablo Torre expresses fascination with the "chess game" aspect of modern basketball, where precision and three-point shooting dominate.

Pablo Torre [06:07]: "Ridiculously, as my generation of players says, there's a chess game to basketball that is really interesting."

Stugotz critiques the over-reliance on three-point shots, arguing that it diminishes the sport's excitement by focusing too much on numbers rather than individual talent and dramatic moments.

Stugotz [07:44]: "I don't watch basketball for math. I watch basketball for individual matchups and drama."

The conversation transitions to specific players:

• Jayson Tatum: Praised as a top-tier player but critiqued for lacking memorable "killer moments" that define championships.

  Pablo Torre [08:50]: "I was surprised to hear you come in and say today... I want to see Tatum have one of those moments because it was weird to me, Boston with this champion."

• Derrick White: Lauded for his defensive prowess, White is portrayed as a critical but often underrated asset.

  Chris Cody [09:51]: "You know who you're afraid of? Derrick White."

• Anthony Edwards: Discussions highlight his athleticism and potential, comparing his style to legends like Russell Westbrook and Dwayne Wade.

  Pablo Torre [14:07]: "Anthony Edwards is a size that I can't really get my head around how athletic he is."

The hosts debate whether analytics enhance the game or strip it of its traditional charm, ultimately advocating for a balance that preserves the sport's inherent excitement.

5. Humorous Segments and Role-Playing: "I Just Want Horse"

Injecting humor into the episode, the hosts engage in a playful role-playing segment titled "I Just Want Horse." Here, they simulate a trade negotiation for NBA superstar Giannis Antetokounmpo, personifying him as "Horse."

Roy Bellamy [24:38]: "I just want horse."

Stugotz [25:03]: "Give me KD. Give me one of the game's greatest to wear that uniform and have him in a Heat uniform."

The exaggerated enthusiasm and comical accents add levity to the episode, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and improvisational skills.

6. The Rocky Season of the Colorado Rockies

Shifting focus to Major League Baseball, the discussion centers on the Colorado Rockies' dismal performance.

Pablo Torre [30:02]: "The Rockies are 6 and 33. This is one of... Nobody can say, what did you do in those series other than be the best player on the fastest."

The hosts dissect the team's historical struggles, managerial decisions, and overall lack of success, painting a grim picture of the franchise's future prospects.

Stugotz [31:23]: "They lost a game. 21 0."

The segment blends statistical analysis with humorous commentary, reflecting the show's signature blend of insight and entertainment.

7. Ricky's Steven Seagal Singing Sketch

In a creative twist, Pablo Torre ventures into a humorous impersonation of action star Steven Seagal's alleged singing career. The exaggerated portrayal pokes fun at Seagal's persona and his ventures outside of acting.

Pablo Torre [36:43]: "He was furious with someone and he said, talk to my ass."

Stugotz [38:16]: "You don't know that."

The mockery serves as a comedic highlight, showcasing the hosts' ability to entertain through character-driven sketches.

Conclusion

"I Just Want Horse" successfully blends serious sports analysis with humor and personal anecdotes, offering listeners a multifaceted experience. Dan Le Batard and Stugotz, alongside their co-hosts, navigate through complex topics like sports analytics and climate change while keeping the tone light and engaging. The episode sets a promising precedent for future installments, balancing depth with entertainment.

Notable Quotes:

• Pablo Torre [01:11]: "It probably goes without saying that I was a spectacular dork as a young boy... Fascinated by numbers and how we do measurements in sports."

• Stugotz [07:44]: "I don't watch basketball for math. I watch basketball for individual matchups and drama."

• Billy Corben [05:24]: "This isn't just regular everyday rain that's going on. This is an occurrence that's never happened before."

• Roy Bellamy [24:38]: "I just want horse."

• Pablo Torre [36:43]: "He was furious with someone and he said, talk to my ass."

These quotes encapsulate the show's blend of humor, personal reflection, and critical analysis, providing listeners with memorable moments that highlight each host's unique voice.