The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Episode: Hour 1: Let's Fix The Dolphins Vol. 1 (feat. Adam Archuleta)
Date: January 7, 2026

Main Theme & Purpose

Hour 1 focuses on the Miami Dolphins’ ongoing struggles, playfully launching a recurring segment: “Let’s Fix The Dolphins.” The crew brings in former NFL safety and broadcaster Adam Archuleta to get his take—though much of the discussion is marked by the show’s signature blend of irreverence, exasperation, and inside jokes. Beyond the Dolphins, the hour wanders through viral sports moments (Wemby kicking a rim), cult and true crime content obsessions, and an extended riff on American constitutional amendments—creating an episode full of sports, pop culture, and comedic camaraderie.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. “Let’s Fix the Dolphins” – The Debut

[00:00–07:18]

• Dolphins’ Woes

  • Dan opens by highlighting the Dolphins' underachievement, comparing the Arizona Cardinals' rare playoff runs to Harbaugh’s success, setting the table for a tongue-in-cheek attempt to “fix” the franchise.
  • The “Fix the Dolphins” imaging from Greg Cody underscores the bit’s playful, low-fi vibe.

• Adam Archuleta Joins the Fun

  • Archuleta cracks, “You forgot to throw in 'connoisseur of really awful backup quarterback play.'” ([01:48])
  • He’s asked for advice: contract hell, unclear quarterback future, GM/coach misalignment. “Until you figure that out, then it’s going to be an uphill battle for sure.” ([02:14])
  • The crew needles Archuleta to make a bold call, not just analyst hedging. Archuleta: “You go after guys that have done it and you go after program builders...” ([04:25])
  • Aikman comparisons arise—why is Troy getting big $ to give this same vague advice? Archuleta self-deprecates: “That’s kind of part of my deal…doing stuff for free, I guess, is kind of my wheelhouse.” ([03:41])

• AFC South Group Chat

  • Mike Ryan campaigns to join Archuleta’s prestigious AFC South broadcaster group chat. After name changes and negotiations, Mike is provisionally accepted, as long as he brings “creative stickers and some great grok image creation and animation” to the chat. ([06:22])
  • Archuleta’s sign-off: “I just feel like I added zero value to the conversation and zero insight… As long as that’s cool with you.” ([07:18])

Notable Quotes:

• “During contract hell, you gotta figure out your quarterback situation. Did I mention you were in contract hell?” — Adam Archuleta [02:14]
• “I just feel like I added zero value to the conversation and zero insight.” — Adam Archuleta [07:18]
• “We need confidence. Tell us what to do.” — Dan Le Batard [04:20]

2. Wemby’s Rim Kick & Basketball Giants

[12:20–14:46]

• The crew marvels at viral video of Victor Wembanyama (Wemby) allegedly kicking basketballs out of the net—wondering if any human can kick a basketball rim.

• “He could definitely kick the rim… His foot was a foot short, but only because it hit the basketball.” — Greg Cody [14:01]

• Wemby compared to giants like Yao and Shaq (“There are four or five basketballs stuck in the netting. Instead of knocking it out with his hands, he jumps up and knocks it out with his feet.” — Dan Le Batard [13:42])

• Jeremy and Mike marvel at Wemby’s insane flexibility and athleticism.

• “He’s a freak of nature…7-foot-6 who can palm the ground and do the splits.” — Heavy Hand [16:04]

3. Greg Cody’s Spilled Coffee & The Entitlement of Age

[18:03–21:28]

• Dan details Greg Cody’s (elder show member) stunning nonchalance after spilling coffee: “He just stood there waiting for someone else to clean it. Didn’t make a move or gesture as if he had any intention of going to grab anything that would clean the stain.” ([19:33])
• Discussion transitions into Greg’s household habits and general “delegation” of chores, both in the studio and at home.
• The group debates why people bring things “to the table” (like in group chats: “Where else am I going to bring something? The floor?” — Mike Ryan [17:37])

Notable Moments:

• “It’s the entitlement of age…You expect your juniors to come to your aid.” — Jeremy Zaslow [19:33]
• Greg Cody formally thanks Jeremy for cleaning: “I’ve included Jeremy in my will because of his kind gesture.” [19:46]

4. Greg Cody Catchphrase Rankings & “Dancing Swords”

[22:09–26:34]

• Weekly segment to unveil Greg Cody’s “Top 50 Catchphrases.”

• “Fuller than Vern Fuller” (#50); “Can I hear a click click?” (#49, for seatbelt reminders).

• ‘Dancing swords’ as a term for intestinal distress: “There are QKs without dancing swords, but there’s never a dancing sword without a QK.” — Heavy Hand [24:46]

• Greg debates the originality of “dancing swords” as a phrase, ultimately determining it’s “not a known expression.”

5. Content Obsession: Murder, Cults, and American True Crime

[29:17–32:36]

• Dan expresses bewilderment at the glut of cult and murder content:
  “The sheer volume of murder-related content...there can’t be another time in American history that has it as a content source the way we have it now.” [29:17]
• Mike and Jeremy note the “Serial” podcast and “Making a Murderer” as key starts; general discussion on why real crime (and cults) attract so much engagement.
• “Serial killers have groupies...some people are just drawn to crime.” — Jeremy Zaslow [31:13]
• Show jokes about the difference between being gripped by serial killer documentaries and shying away from real, one-off crime stories.

6. Playoff Football & Denzel Perryman's Arsenal

[32:36–38:06]

• Dan pivots to NFL Wild Card weeks—Chargers’ linebacker Denzel Perryman returns, but talk digresses into his infamous car stop, where he had “five firearms in his car, including two assault rifles” ([35:20]).

• The guys joke about gun ownership among athletes, and the American tendency toward constitutional literalism.

• “Gun culture is run amok in this country, obviously. That’s why people look at the Second Amendment and say that means I have to have assault rifles. And athletes are just a slice of Americana.” — Greg Cody [37:39]

7. Deep Dive Into The US Constitution’s Amendments

[38:06–42:38]

• Crew attempts to recall US constitutional amendments beyond the 1st, 2nd, and 5th, with predictably disastrous results.
• “Does anyone know any of the amendments other than the first, second, and would you say fifth amendments?” — Dan [38:46]
• Quick lesson: 3rd (no quartering soldiers), 4th (search and seizure), 13th (slavery abolished), etc. Greg pantomimes firing a musket.
• Telestrator hijinks: Greg’s musket illustration devolves into a questionable Mr. Peanut/Richard Nixon doodle.

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Dan (on Archuleta’s advice): “I feel like that’s the same advice the Dolphins are paying for. I don’t feel like they’re getting any better for their dollar than we’re getting for our lack of dollars.” [07:31]
• Archuleta (on being undervalued): “Doing stuff for free is kind of my wheelhouse.” [03:41]
• Heavy Hand (on Wemby): “This is a 7 foot 6 person who can palm the ground and do the splits.” [16:04]
• Greg Cody (about assigning chores): “If mom puts those biscuits in the oven, if you look in and see those biscuits are done––Erlane, the biscuits.“ [21:53]
• Dan (on true crime): “There can’t be another time in American history that has it as a content source the way that we have it now.” [29:17]
• Greg Cody (on the 3rd Amendment): “I’m gonna quarter a soldier in my home if I want to.” [40:05]
• Jeremy (trying to recall amendments): “Nobody even knows what the other amendments are. Right?” [38:10]

Additional Segments

• Telestrator Antics: Unsuccessful attempts to draw Archuleta’s face and a “musket” on the new studio telestrator add visual slapstick to the banter. [07:47; 42:04]
• Catchphrase Tracker: Teasing a season-long reveal of Cody catchphrases—guaranteed to become running gags for regular listeners. [22:14]
• Polls and Listener Engagement: Various running on-air polls (e.g., “Do you know four amendments?”; “Have you heard the phrase ‘dancing swords’?”). [38:43; 25:10]
• Potluck and Table Metaphors: Extended jokes about why we “bring things to the table” versus serving on the floor, with familiar show absurdity. [17:41]

Conclusion

The episode is classic Le Batard: sports topics as springboard for rollicking, layered riffing; NFL insight meets self-deprecating guest ribbing, and pop culture as a lens for larger, funnier conversations about American life. The new “Let’s Fix The Dolphins” segment launches with more laughs than solutions but promises to be a recurring highlight—while tangents about constitutional rights, group chats, and bodily distress keep the show as unpredictable as ever.

For fans: If you missed it, this episode gives quintessential Le Batard chaos—sports, satire, meta-critique, and the joy of a show that wears its weirdness with pride.