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Dan LeBatard
This is the Dan Levator show with the Stugats podcast.
Stugats
Why does Greg Cody have a sly smirk on his face?
Dan LeBatard
It's just my natural disposition.
Stugats
You seem happy. Something was making you happy. You were thinking about something there and you seemed amused.
Dan LeBatard
I saw something on the show notes that made me smile, which was that my. My old buddy Joe Biden gave me a call the other day and I played it on my podcast and it just made me smile because it was just so.
Stugats
Listen to what just happened there, cuz it is what really happened. I just caught a private thought that Greg Cody was having and it was about his podcast, right?
Greg Cody
It was.
Stugats
And it was about thinking that we
Roy
had not yet promoted his podcast, that
Stugats
we hadn't done his catchphrases.
Roy
He was just smiling, thinking about himself
Stugats
and I caught him. I thought he was smiling about something that had just happened. There are any number of things locally that I want to get to, including a the Miami Open. I don't know whether anybody around here wants to talk tennis, but we had an iguana. Did we have an infestation or we just had a single iguana that was interrupting play because this is a beautiful piece of swamp land, it's very expensive in the Keys and a major, a major tournament really gets played down here every year and brave enough to pick that up.
NBCUniversal/Comcast Announcer
Is the umpire going to grab him?
Dan LeBatard
That is brilliant.
Stugats
He's about to take off now.
Commercial Announcer
Board.
Stugats
Oh, wow. Oh, they caught it by the tail.
Dan LeBatard
You got to treat it right.
Greg Cody
Didn't catch it yet.
Stugats
This is incredible.
Greg Cody
Now it's running on the course court.
Dan LeBatard
Dinosaur.
Stugats
I legitimately did.
Dan LeBatard
Oh, my God, Those things are frightening.
Stugats
They are harassing that poor thing.
Dan LeBatard
They got it.
Greg Cody
They were. They released it. What they supposed to do there? You got to catch it.
Mike Ryan
You don't get that kind of entertainment in Indian Wells, do you?
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Oh, that's why the Miami Open is the fifth major. And, Dan, we got a major upset at the fifth major over the weekend. Carlos Alcaraz lost only his second match of 2026. He had lost last week in Indian Wells to a surging Medvedev. But now we have a new American hope, Sebi Korda. Finally, through all these injuries, Korda has never been in the discussion as top American male. You've heard the likes of Tiafo, who had a big win over the defending champion yesterday. You've heard Tommy, Paul Taylor, Fritz, Ben Shelton. But Sebi Korda right now is a player that's in the best form, beating his first ever number one overall. Sebi Korda, the son of Peter Korda, his two other siblings are professional athletes. Dan, we might have something to get excited about in American men's tennis. I don't believe it.
Stugats
I don't believe it. American women's tennis is fine. Americans men's tennis, it's not ever hopeful,
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
but there's time for hope. And he beat a number one, and he's playing really well. As you know, the Delray Open is the father of form, and he won that.
Stugats
I made a mistake putting that tournament in Key Biscayne. How many years has it not been in Key Biscayne?
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
That's five.
Stugats
That was straight that.
Roy
That iguana normally wouldn't be in that area.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
That's Miami Gardens.
Stugats
That's Miami Gardens. And while we have iguanas there, I
Roy
don't think the Hard Rock is the place that I would assume to see
Stugats
an iguana and scatter across a court. That's where the F1 races are. That's. That's a crunk. That's a concrete jungle over there.
Greg Cody
You say it was planted?
Dan LeBatard
Yeah, they had it flown in from Key Biscayne.
Stugats
How many years has it been since the Miami Open was in Key Biscayne?
Siegfried
It moved in 2019.
Dan LeBatard
Yeah, I said five. I was too off lean Back.
Greg Cody
Be proud.
Dan LeBatard
I'm leaning back, Jack. What do you want me to do?
Stugats
Greg, how are. How do you feel today about. You've got your coffee, you have not had your breakfast, you haven't worked in a week. Last time you left coughing, wheezing and. And missed your next day because you had a. Because you blew a gasket. The one day you came off a cruise for 10 days, you drank way too much. Your breakfast was tomato juice and vodka. Vodka every morning called a bloody man for 10 days. And then you go wheezing into the doctor's office after one day of work because you blew a gasket and then you missed the rest of the week.
Dan LeBatard
Yeah, correct. Well, Ms. Rest of the week from this show. I did other work, but I had an acute respiratory infection.
Stugats
Yeah, but your Joe Biden was healthy, right? Healthy enough to perform.
Dan LeBatard
Oddly enough, Joe Biden seemed to have a cold as well.
Stugats
Oh, yeah.
Zaslow
So.
Stugats
So.
Roy
So you were very sick and you couldn't come in here, but you're Joe Biden, miraculously, without drugs. This is going to sound like Sick Joe Biden on your podcast. That makes you smile to start this segment.
Joe Biden (Impersonation by Greg Cody)
Hey, G.C. it's Joe.
Greg Cody
Hey.
Joe Biden (Impersonation by Greg Cody)
I wanted a long time no talk. Sorry about my voice. I'm getting over a little bit of a cold. I don't get the medical care I used to since I'm out of office. Anyway, I want to let you know, I don't know how closely you follow women's Division 3 hoops, but the University of Scranton reached the national semifinals this year. They went 310 in the regular season. Coach Ben O' Brien and the gals, they play in purple. The Lady Royals, the best thing in purple since Prince. Their leading scorer, Casey Cranston. Sounds like Scranton. She ought to be called Casey Scranton. I remember sitting around the kitchen table in Scranton, and my dad would say, joey, right now, at this time in history, the women don't get a fair shake. But someday up the road, you're gonna see the University of Scranton women's basketball team reached a national football semifinals. I didn't have much interest at the time, but I tell you, man, I'm wearing a purple ascot right now just giving you this message. Anyway, congratulations to the Scranton Lady Royals. I gotta go, man. My voice is shocked.
Stugats
I cannot articulate to anyone listening to this how profound, how profoundly bad the judgment has to be to allow his Biden to go any syllable beyond Scranton. The judgment.
Roy
The judgment exhibited by the producers of
Stugats
this show who thought that he could
Roy
carry that comedically with a very poor Joe Biden when all he's got of
Stugats
this impersonation is the Scranton is a failure from the people who support Greg Cody.
Mike Ryan
So that wasn't Joe Biden on the phone.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Of course it was Kathleen Turner.
Stugats
Zaslow is still in trespassing. Let's put him in picture. In picture as he recreates Zaslo. What are you going to do for us as we put you in picture? In picture. Oh, you're back out on the other side of the chain now. What happened?
Joe Biden (Impersonation by Greg Cody)
I.
Zaslow
Nothing happened. I didn't want to stand on the steps for, you know, any longer. So, yeah, I'm going to show off my acting chops, and we're going to reenact the. The end of the chainsaw scene, man, because those are the steps right there.
Stugats
All right, so it was hugely overacted, and we can. So you. It's the first hotel room. Right. Is there a plaque up there, too, to signify that that's the hotel room, or did you not get up that high?
Zaslow
No, no, no. I mean, I can go up that high, but, like, it's. It's clearly blocked off. There's another gate. It's not letting you walk past. But that's where he told Chichi to grab the yayo right there.
Roy
Okay, go. All right, go ahead and take us through.
Stugats
But you remember how that man overacted into the street and staggered into the street.
Roy
All right.
Stugats
And because we've got sports to talk, go ahead and do it in picture. Picture. This is silence. It's a silencing. You don't need any sounds or anything. So we'll continue doing our little sports show here as Zaslow recreates this scene with tremendous acting. Yes, Roy, did you want to say something?
Siegfried
Yeah, I just wanted to know, like, Greg, you had a cold before, so do you think your Biden would be better now, like, if we laid out and just gave you another, I don't know, a minute, minute and a half to try to do a Biden again, would that be any better this time around?
Dan LeBatard
No, I don't do Biden. I mean, you know, he.
Siegfried
Well, if you were to do an impression of the call that he made made to you, how do you think that would go?
Dan LeBatard
Well, first of all, can I give a quick update? Because Joe. Joe told me. What is Zaz doing a push up in the middle of the street?
Stugats
That.
Roy
That was amazing. And Greg was too busy wanting to talk about his podcast to notice what anyone else in the room was doing. His Self absorption is at an all time high. And it started the segment with him reading his notes, pondering his podcast because he was amused by that terrible Biden. Terrible flu ridden Biden who couldn't come.
Stugats
It's always terrible.
Dan LeBatard
He had a bad cold. I can't.
Greg Cody
What should.
Stugats
Should.
Greg Cody
What should have her name have been?
Dan LeBatard
What was her first name?
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Oh, God.
Dan LeBatard
Eric. Erica.
Greg Cody
Erica Scranton.
Dan LeBatard
Yeah, because it was like something that sounded like Scranton. Quick, quick update. The Scranton Division 3 women's basketball team that Joe mentioned reaching the national semifinals. They reached the championship game but then lost. But then lost. So that's a quick update. Schumpeter, who was lying. He was talking about a legit thing with The Scranton Division 3. William Scheastler Schalkfeener. It's a big event. Big. It's a big deal in Scranton.
Stugats
Zaz, what do you have for us before you get out of there?
Roy
Thank you.
Stugats
That was exceptional. An amazing performance. I hope we could put them side by side on social so people could
Roy
see you were really in character there.
Stugats
Zaz. That was a tremendous recreation of a 40 year old movie.
Zaslow
Dan. Dan, two things about me. Everybody knows I'll never be a cuck and I'm a great actor.
Stugats
I was surprised by that. You. You caught me off guard.
Roy
Come on home.
Stugats
You caught me off guard from the. From the wrestling match. You were a very good wrestler. Know that.
Dan LeBatard
You.
Stugats
You were as a character, you realize your.
Roy
If you want the lane of being
Stugats
a wrestler, cuck is your lane. I know you'll never be a cuck, but cuck is your lane.
Zaslow
That. That's a terrible gimmick. That will not be what I'm doing. But I appreciate the advice.
Stugats
All right. Come on home. We miss you and.
Zaslow
Okay. I miss you too.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
You're hanging up on him like a significant other.
Stugats
I want, I want, I want.
Dan LeBatard
Greg, come on home.
Stugats
Shout into the microphone. Shout in the microphone as if he's shouting at Zaz. Craig, your performance today.
Dan LeBatard
Thank you. Cuckadoodle doo says seeing a few. Go on. What were you saying?
Stugats
You wanted to get off your cockadoodle line.
Roy
You had it lined up there for.
Dan LeBatard
I did. It was all. It was in the queue. It was waiting.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Timing has just been a little off today. Just across the show. It's not a compliment.
Dan LeBatard
Oh,
Roy
it's.
Stugats
It's because we're interacting with the outdoors. We've got Zaz being incorporated. You can't tell me we've had anything better on today's show then Zaz is staggering down those stairs. He was on Ocean Drive.
Roy
He went on to the street.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
I won't tell you that.
Stugats
And Greg, Cody. And Greg. Cody wasn't even paying attention to it. Didn't even know what we were doing. Like, had no understanding because he simply wanted to talk about his podcast.
Dan LeBatard
I just looked and I saw him doing push ups in the street and then getting run over by a Waymo.
Stugats
Not what he was doing. Okay, I'm sorry, Greg. We're going to have to cut your microphone off.
Mike Ryan
No, man, just let him keep rolling.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
I'm with it. Hey, Roy, buddy.
Dan LeBatard
Yo.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
You know that energy shift when the game gets good and everybody all together in unison knows to stand up on their feet? Oh, absolutely, Mike.
Dan LeBatard
Yeah.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
You've been at many big time sporting events. You know that moment quite well. That's what it's like when you take your first sip of Cuervo.
Stugats
Oh, delicious.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
It's the signal that says, we're not checking the time anymore, pal. It's when small talk turns into stories. Cuervo, man. It's that high five. A random stranger effect. That's right. The game is popping. You're hugging people you never met before. That's the kind of energy that Cuervo brings. It's so smooth, so delicious. That's the Cuervo effect. Keep it Cuervo.
Mike Ryan
You guys hear that? That's the sound of my calendar flipping over to March. Yes, I know March is more than halfway over. Don't bog me down with details. Just stick with me here. Because March means one thing. It means college basketball insanity. DraftKings Sportsbook, the number one sportsbook for live betting is built for March. The tournament is unpredictable.
Roy
You're kind of like me.
Mike Ryan
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Joe Biden (Impersonation by Greg Cody)
I know.
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Dan LeBatard
Don LeBatard Baker Mayfield tearing up Tampa Bay 38 for 45 stugats.
Stugats
This is the Dan LeBatar show with the Stugats. Let's update our tournament. You're with me because nobody else is with me. And this is the constant tension we have on Cody Tuesdays. This has been a throwback performance from him.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
He's a victim of bad editing. The Kathleen Turner call should have been, like, half that length.
Mike Ryan
Wait, so was it or was it not Greg?
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
That was Kathleen Turner.
Dan LeBatard
It was Joe.
Stugats
That's what I thought. Mike.
Greg Cody
Guys, Joe.
Dan LeBatard
Joe had a cold.
Stugats
Half that. Half that length. That impersonation needs to be two syllables.
Roy
It. Talking any more than that is a disaster in any form that it's been used.
Greg Cody
The Scranton team made the semifinal.
Siegfried
What impersonation?
Dan LeBatard
Yes. What is he.
Stugats
Let's update our tournament.
Dan LeBatard
What are you talking about?
Stugats
I don't understand.
Siegfried
Siegfried, you know, let's update.
Stugats
No, that's a bridge too far. That's a bridge too far right there.
Roy
Siegfried and Roy making an appearance after we've annoyed the audience for this long. This way.
Mike Ryan
Well, if you think that's a bridge too far, some folks across the aisle might have something to say about that.
Roy
So what happened to you at the Sloan conference when you were doing your Obama?
Mike Ryan
Is that Kathleen Turner?
Greg Cody
Hey, can I play, too?
Roy
No. Now, that's a good look.
Stugats
You.
Dan LeBatard
Come on, man. We gotta come together.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Fool. Kinky fooled.
Home Depot Announcer
Ken.
Stugats
What happened?
Roy
You broke out your Obama at Sloan and the audience did not get it.
Stugats
They didn't.
Mike Ryan
They didn't know what I was doing. They were just like, just silent staring. And so Pavel said he does his awful Obama's like, no, hold on. Wasn't awful. They just didn't know what was happening because this is a serious crowd here to watch a serious panel about us uncovering truths, which we did. But when I brought it back around the second time, I brought the house
Siegfried
down like Howard Dean in Iowa.
Stugats
I mean, as performance art. You going before Sloan when Pablo, poor Pablo, is trying to do a live show with a degree of difficulty that was really uncommon.
Roy
Right.
Stugats
Putting the pressure up. Let's break this investigation at Sloan. Like, he was nervous and should have been. That's all very hard to do for you to be comfortable enough to go impersonation on stage. I was proud of you. He was proud of you for trying to lighten the everything of it, but that he was working to that crowd
Roy
and they didn't recognize you're Obama.
Mike Ryan
Yeah, Dan. He wasn't actually nervous. Truth be told, me and David Sampson were way more nervous because, again, when we typically do these episodes, there's a lawyer either in the room or on the call who makes us stop and re Say things. And so we're kind of stressing backstage, Pablo, Pablo, there's no safety net. Well, how do we know what to say, what not to say? And Pablo's like, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. And so I did that in part because I wanted to avoid saying something salacious that might get us all sued.
Stugats
Yeah, that's good. That's the danger of live and the danger of all the work that he's doing around this stupidity that we do here to fund it. Let's get to our tournament at Lebatard show. I've got the round of 32 results. So this has been very good this year. I've been really proud and happy to have this thing reach its previous standards, because at the best of this game, and visually, if you have not seen this, visually, you should check it out on YouTube because visually, if you don't know the people involved, they're all sold by the visuals of this, even though some of you don't need visuals for most of these. So in the Midwest, St. Louis is gone. Number nine seed. That means this is gone.
Sports Commentator
Brett Venables looks like the small town sheriff at a movie that ends up being corrupt after you spent the whole movie telling your wife he's corrupt.
Stugats
You got to root here for Michigan. You got to root for this to advance, because it deserves to advance, because it's as good as it gets.
Sports Commentator
Michael Smith looks like the high school teacher that motivates his students by sitting in a chair backwards.
Stugats
This one crushed me. Seeing TCU lose, seeing this lose.
Sports Commentator
Draymond Green looks like he has to sneeze.
Stugats
Always, always Yes.
Roy
I mean, that's a good impersonation.
Stugats
Yeah. I mean there.
Roy
I don't know that we've ever had
Stugats
a better one than that.
Roy
That he always. He's in. He's the defensive player of the year many times and he always looks like he's in mid sneeze.
Stugats
Put it on the poll at LeBatard show.
Roy
Does Draymond Green always look like he's in mid sneeze?
Mike Ryan
Quite frankly.
Stugats
Duke. Duke advance.
Roy
That means TCU is gone.
Stugats
But this advances.
Sports Commentator
Fernando Mendoza looks like the cashier in a 1960s McDonald's poster.
Stugats
That's great. It just.
Roy
It's really great.
Dan LeBatard
Top notch, perfect.
Stugats
And I would say, I'm not sure that's what you want. Number one at quarterback. Just that aesthetic. Just if I say to you, do you want your future franchise quarterback, no matter how good he is, to look like somebody who starred in the McDonald's ad in the 50s, you'd say no. Correct. Now, let's not make it about him. Let's just say you're optics, all optics. You draft in that number one.
Greg Cody
Does Ty Simpson look like that?
Stugats
He's £190. I don't know how that's going second in the draft. I really don't. How is that possible? The second quarterback in the draft.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
I mean, Drake May kind of looks like that 190.
Mike Ryan
Oh, he looks like Mendoza.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
No, he looks like Mendoza. He looks like someone that would be behind the. The cashier at a McDonald's. No, chick fil A. Drake May looks very young.
Stugats
Ty Simpson is going to be the number two quarterback taken in a terrible quarterback draft. When quarterback is the thing that you need the most. As Miami's got scouts all over the place for four first round picks. That's not Alabama good, but that's sort of top of the food chain. Like wherever it is that you go. Get your draft picks. If Miami has four of them, Indiana is the better team. Better team for all time. Indiana just produced the greatest regular season there has been in that sport longer than any other. And slayed dragon. Every dragon that needed to be slayed, including slain four first round picks for Miami, which Indiana will not have. Like Miami lost with the more talented team. By the metrics of how we do this, their quarterback was better than Miami's quarterback. Who is the third, fourth, fifth round pick. What is Carson Beck going for?
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
I think he'll be a day two guy between second and third round now. I think he's done so much this draft buildup to improve his Stock. And in the interviews, people are really going to appreciate how much, how smart he is about the game, how many
Stugats
quarterbacks will be taken before him at a position where everybody wants to hit for value at the quarterback? Because Carson Beck is coming into the pros with an unusual resume right wherever it is that we've sped up everything at that position in a way that's a bit insane, right? Like I'm giving this kind of pressure when it's that hard to play that position to a 21 year old fresh out of college and saying, hey, value at quarterback. You got a year, you got 18 months, you got, you can go from Carson Wentz, you're the highest paid quarterback in the league to never mind. It's all going to happen very fast to you. How did we get to the point where the quarterbacks are so bad in this draft that Carson Beck climbs higher than I would have thought of him as a professional ever? Because he's just been playing professional football in giant games on television for four years.
Roy
How do I, how do I get
Stugats
bring a quarterback into the league who's got that resume four straight years of I'm playing in all the biggest games and I'm winning most of them.
Joe Biden (Impersonation by Greg Cody)
Them. Right.
Dan LeBatard
I mean, he's got the experience, he's got the winning record at the highest level. He just reached the championship game. I mean, I would take a shot on him. I think he's what, the fifth or sixth quarterback?
Siegfried
ESPN has him as fourth. So they've got Mendoza, they've got Simpson, then they have Nussmeier, and then it's Carson Beck as their fourth quarterback moving up like so.
Stugats
I don't know what the experts are saying on this. And I'd be curious, Greg Cody, because you're the king of the exactos.
Dan LeBatard
Yeah.
Stugats
I can't believe you agreed with that.
Dan LeBatard
No, I am the king of the exactos. Ask Mel.
Stugats
You've beaten Mel Kuyper several years in a row. And I think you lost last year though, right?
Dan LeBatard
Didn't he have to check the records?
Stugats
Well, you'd know if you'd won because you remind me every year whenever it is that you take out Mel Kuiper. Ty Simpson, being thought of this way after what I saw from Alabama and they had a ton of drops, okay, they did because they were learning how to play football. But 190 pounds, I don't buy on that. And we're, we're, we're. We've gotten very fast at chewing these people up. You don't have time to get to 250 or 213 or 215 or 225 in the weight room because you got to grow up physically to play in this league.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
I'd be more concerned about the snap counts. It's usually a bigger indicator of a bust factor. Trey Lance, Anthony Richardson. These are quarterbacks that have had comparable snap counts. Ty Simpson just hasn't played that much ball. And when you haven't had that much experience, it seems like, especially in the nil age, guys with a lot of experience and snap counts less likely to bust out at that pick. So that's where the risk is. But Ty Simpson has a lot of positive momentum behind him. A lot of that is pumped up by Dan Orlofsky and the Internet. Had fun looking at who Dan Orlovsky is represented by and who Ty Simpson is represented by is why this narrative is out there.
Stugats
How do you guys feel about that one? How do you guys feel about that?
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
I mean, it happens all the time and sometimes it's not the only deciding factor. I'm sure Dan would say that that's not what's going on there. But it is a data point. And I think we're in a day and age when it comes to sharing information, be it from insiders or analysts, where that needs to be taken into account.
Stugats
Okay, but you understand. I mean, you understand that what Mike Ryan is doing there. Dan Orlofsky's great. He's a rising star in the business. Already is a star, really. But is going to have options at a place where they're feeding the eagles and starving the turkeys because the industry is rattling and it's rattled.
Mike Ryan
Ooh. Is he an Eagle or a turkey? I want to play this game.
Dan LeBatard
Sounds like an Eagle.
Stugats
We can. Let's play the game if you want to play it there or at Fox or anywhere else with Eagles and turkeys. But Arlovsky has now become. He's gone. This is a fairly amazing evolution. Guy mocked as part of a winless season where he's the quarterback symbol for running out of the end back of the end zone, scared from a pass rush in a way that made him lose sight that he's five yards out of bounds. No awareness about the size of the situation. He was the visual incompetence for winless in that league.
Mike Ryan
He was the quarterback on that Lions
Stugats
team that went one of many. He was like the last of. They went through a bunch. They got a bunch of people hurt and.
Roy
And.
Stugats
But that. That's the moment I think I have My timeline, right. That was a winless Lions team. Correct.
Roy
That was the Lions team that shamed
Stugats
me because I thought they were going to make some noise in the playoffs
Roy
after Jon Kitten had a giant preseason.
Stugats
Roy Williams, I said they're getting to the playoffs and they didn't win a single game. And that was the play everyone remembers from that season. If I, if I'm remembering correctly now,
Mike Ryan
that's a data point.
Stugats
Is it correct though? So, okay, I've, I've yammered. But if you're telling me the way that information is being processed now is that in our most unscientific of measurements,
Roy
trying to measure all of this meat
Stugats
market of who's the best athlete out here, somebody's needle is moving up the
Roy
charts because they've just got access to ESPN and they're represented by the same agency and the Internet is clocking about is he conflicted on is he doing
Stugats
sales on television or does he really believe 190 pound quarterback can be a
Roy
first round pick in this league in a, in a first round where there
Stugats
are no good quarterbacks except the first one?
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
I think, I think you're taking some obvious catnip there. It's just something that people should consider. Orlovsky is known as because he's out there with a hot take saying this is flatly the best quarterback prospect. He's better than the Heisman Trophy winning national champion in Fernando Mendoza. Not many people are saying that. And so people are picking that part apart. I do think that Ty Simpson, look, Miami was in on the pursuit there and Ty Simpson was told by pretty much every front office in the NFL you're a first round draft pick despite the snap count and despite the measurables and if that, that's the feedback that you're getting from highly respected front offices, you take that. We'll see. Like I said, I'd be worried about the snap counts. I think that that's a huge data point in this day and age.
Dan LeBatard
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I mean if you trust the credibility of Orlofsky, which I tend to, then you have to think he's not going to get behind Simpson if he doesn't believe it to some law.
Stugats
Okay, look, Mike accuses me of taking the catnip and I'm just saying he says the Internet is clucking on something and I'm asking, mean as somebody who wants to play Eagles or Turkeys, you guys know how I feel about information and its sources and its gathering. Okay, we, we know how I feel journalistically about some of that.
Roy
I can't say as I sit here
Stugats
other than seeing Alabama stink and that quarterback be too small all of last year as Alabama stunk. Like I know it's Alabama's quarterback. Alabama stunk last year. Worst version of Alabama I've seen in probably I don't know. I don't know how long I have to go.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
They did win a playoff game.
Stugats
I don't care. Like
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
typically that's a successful season. May not be Nick Saban standard, but to say that they sunk when they won a road.
Stugats
I saw that team play against Alabama on the road and lose by two touchdowns. You do not have to tell me anything else about that football team. That was not a good football team. They went through the sec. A weak sec.
Roy
That got a lot of credit for being the sec.
Stugats
Like a weak sec, not a average sec.
Roy
Our tone is good.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Weak protein is now at Starbucks and it's never tasted so good. You can add protein cold foam to
Stugats
your favorite drink or try one of
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
our new protein lattes or matcha. Try it today at Starbucks.
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Stugats
how's your birthday going so far?
Dan LeBatard
I invented it. It's going fantastic. My wife and I are staying home tonight. We're watching the debate on tv. We're gonna do something special for baby. It's a It's a nice day for me so far.
Sports Commentator
Stugats that sounds like a not a super nice night.
Stugats
The debate.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Old people love that.
Joe Biden (Impersonation by Greg Cody)
Yeah,
Dan LeBatard
that's exactly right. Yeah, that's exactly right. Old people do love that. And I'm old now. I can't deny it anymore.
Stugats
Now this is the Dan Levatar show with the stug. Let's get back to the tournament. Soften it up. Texas a and M's 10 seed gone. Unfortunate.
Sports Commentator
Adam Silver looks like a knitting needle.
Stugats
But Houston advances and we've got a root for poor Houston.
Sports Commentator
Ed Malloy looks like the guy who brushes his teeth in the company bathroom.
Stugats
That is the perfect set of teeth for that joke. Yeah, that's the perfect smile for that joke. That's the guy who brushes his teeth in the company bathroom. Especially that tooth in the front.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
And it's always a white guy.
Stugats
Put it on the poll at Lebatard show.
Roy
Is it always a white guy brushing his teeth in the bath in the company bathroom?
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Look, it's my data. I've just never seen one.
Stugats
Roy.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Yeah.
Stugats
Louisville's out.
Roy
Six seed gone.
Sports Commentator
Hunter Pence looks like the pirate forced to walk the plank after a failed mutiny against his captain. Jeff Samarja.
Stugats
Crushing.
Roy
Samarja should be in there. Make the joke better.
Stugats
Michigan State. I. I'm terrified of them just mucking up, advancing to the Final Four and ruining basketball. Michigan State advances. That means this advances.
Sports Commentator
Adam Silver looks like a pissed off lighthouse.
Roy
Thank you, Siegfried. It was. It's that visually good.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Yeah.
Stugats
Gonzaga, number three seed gone.
Sports Commentator
Aaron Judge looks like the most athletic member of the Adams family.
Stugats
That's a Crusher. But Texas, 11 seed advances.
Sports Commentator
Adam Silver looks like an Apple Watch Charger.
Greg Cody
There are just some teams. You wonder how are they still in the tournament.
Stugats
That's not one of them. That's not one of each their own. Well, were you looking at the same
Roy
picture I was looking at? Because that looked like the commissioner of basketball was the Apple Charger. And at this point, given all of the people, all of the people who are in bed together, it might as well be.
Stugats
Put it on the poll at Lebatard show.
Roy
Would you be totally okay with the commissioner of basketball being an actual Apple Charger?
Stugats
Just a computer.
Roy
We're headed there, aren't we? We had a driverless car today. How far are we from the computers? Are going to be the commissioners of sport. Hey, who's the sponsor for the league?
Stugats
Apple.
Roy
Who's your commissioner? The. The Apple Charger.
Dan LeBatard
Yep. I will be running everything in a year and a half.
Stugats
Jeff Samarja does look more like a pirate than Hunter Pence. Put on the poll at Lebatard show. Who looks more like a pirate? Hunter Pence or Jeff Samarja? Aaron Judge and Adam Silver. Let's go to VCU, the 11 seat in the South. Sorry, I got lost there. What's vcu.
Sports Commentator
Tom Izzo looks like a mailman.
Stugats
Gone.
Roy
Number three.
Stugats
Illinois advances.
Sports Commentator
Tony Reali looks like the overzealous owner of an Italian restaurant who always greets you at the door with a My favorite couple when you walk in.
Stugats
That picture is flawless.
Siegfried
He doesn't look like it.
Joe Biden (Impersonation by Greg Cody)
He is it.
Stugats
Vanderbilt is gone. That means this is gone.
Sports Commentator
Tim Kirchen looks like what Steve Carell will look like when he's really, really old.
Mike Ryan
It's true.
Stugats
I like rooster. Bill Lawrence did it again. That show is very well written.
Roy
Nebraska.
Stugats
Nebraska advances 4C.
Sports Commentator
That is Bo Nix looks like he's a quarterback on a CW. Teen drama about high school football.
Stugats
That picture is great. High point. Gone. That means this is gone.
Sports Commentator
Scott Van Pelt looks like Adam Silver on steroids.
Stugats
But like.
Roy
Yeah.
Stugats
Cortisone.
Roy
Not right.
Stugats
No.
Greg Cody
Yes.
Roy
So mean. What is that mean?
Dan LeBatard
It's mean. Yeah, but it's funny.
Greg Cody
To who?
Mike Ryan
It was supposed to be uplifting for Scott Van Pelt. Like you're Adam Silver on steroids and then you made the steroid cortisol.
Roy
Wait a minute. Or cortisone. It's cortisone. It's not cortisol. But cortisone is a healing balm. Wait a minute. So because when you think steroids. If I say Adam Silver on steroids, now you're making him a bodybuilder.
Dan LeBatard
Correct.
Roy
You're making.
Greg Cody
I think the joke is that compared to Adam Silver, just him as he is is him. That's right.
Dan LeBatard
Yeah. Steroids.
Mike Ryan
A compliment to Scott Van Pelt until you turned it into a topical cream in there.
Greg Cody
You're cut up. And Scott Van Pelt doesn't look like he's on steroids. So you're trying to change it.
Stugats
So, okay.
Roy
And I've insult. And in the process, everyone. And in the process, as a bonus, I've also insulted Scott Van Pelt. That's right. Okay, good.
Stugats
So I'm doing well.
Greg Cody
What's High Point playing?
Roy
So I'm doing well today.
Stugats
It's why Mike never wanted us to go live. You see what happens? It just careens off the rails.
Roy
And Zaz is in the middle of
Stugats
street on Ocean Drive and he's recreated
Roy
a movie from 40 years ago.
Stugats
And Cody doesn't understand it. And Cody's over here confused by everything we're doing while thinking about his podcast and a Joe Biden impersonation that went on 90 seconds too long.
Greg Cody
Scranton. Luckily for you, that Scott Van Pelt one is eliminated. So we won't have this problem Again, who are they playing? Who did they play? Who advances?
Stugats
I don't know. You tell me.
Greg Cody
It's Arkansas advances to the Sweet 16.
Sports Commentator
Brock Purdy looks like a youth pastor.
Roy
All right, so Greg Cody continues to
Stugats
be on fire today, calling for the ball and then just backing away from the microphone because you loved how much you love the looks like game. You were insulted. You're insulted that damagek. Look, this is the truth here. I urge you to go check out the Greg Cody show featuring Greg Cody. Greg feels threatened by damage. Damage did a back in my. Dave, do you have a back in my day today? It's Tuesday.
Dan LeBatard
No, I happen not to. I had jury duty yesterday. I didn't have time to work one up, but maybe. Maybe next week we're.
Stugats
Did you have jury duty yesterday?
Dan LeBatard
No, I did not. We're aiming for back in my day next week.
Joe Biden (Impersonation by Greg Cody)
Week.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
So that's a May not.
Greg Cody
You missed march, right?
Dan LeBatard
Won't next week be March 30th?
Stugats
Oh, you got lucky.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
30th.
Dan LeBatard
I think so.
Stugats
You're promising. So you're promising on. That means you're. You're locked in for one.
Dan LeBatard
I'm hitting at it, that's for sure. I don't want to say.
Stugats
What are you laughing about, Roy?
Siegfried
Oh, we're just getting ready for my top five teams that I like to watch as Roy. Do you want to hear them?
Stugats
Well, but I heard you clap, and then I saw off camera there.
Roy
There was somebody that was opening the door.
Siegfried
Oh, I. The Clemson Tiger. Oli. The Cincinnati Bengals. Oli. The LSU tigers. Number five, the Princeton tigers. Number four, the Auburn tigers. Number three, Tiger woods. Number two, Memphis Tigers. And number one, of course, the San Antonio spurs.
Roy
Oh, God.
Dan LeBatard
I'm not having a stroke.
Roy
I'm not having a stroke. I'm not having a stroke. Did I just see somebody dressed as a tiger crawl into that room? Did I just see ass crack scurry past? I mean, so you guys could make the joke of Ethan attacks Roy as a. As a tiger. A visual joke. Joke.
Greg Cody
As if we haven't had the mind, Dan.
Stugats
As if we haven't had enough.
Greg Cody
Wait, I guess it's not theater of the mind. Theater the eyes.
Stugats
As if we have not had enough
Roy
nonsense today that alienates the audio audience, including Zaz stumbling down some stairs. A joke that only works if you're watching visually.
Mike Ryan
It's a great joke, though.
Roy
Whose idea was that?
Greg Cody
And now under the table my dad just fed me.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
I have a top five, too.
Dan LeBatard
Just, you know, that kind of thing. Hey, Zaz is back.
Sports Commentator
Jack.
Dan LeBatard
Welcome back, Jack.
Stugats
You were trying to whisper to Chris
Dan LeBatard
that you and hand signals like sign language.
Stugats
What is your top five about? And can I get you mauled by a tiger before you finish it?
Dan LeBatard
No, let's not. But it's the top five things that connote jury duty. Because I thought you were on jury duty yesterday, but you apparently you lied
Roy
about being on jury duty moments ago.
Dan LeBatard
Search your duty as a citizen.
Stugats
This is a fine. I thought lying was a fine. I'm not going to use the lying cue on the pedal penalty box. But I thought. I. I thought that the lying was a fine and he lied about jury duty. Just flat out lies.
Dan LeBatard
A fib.
Roy
No, that.
Greg Cody
Yeah, he is lying. There's something there. It should be fine.
Stugats
You fibbed.
Dan LeBatard
Can I tell you? Had a fibula in my leg. Thank you. Me couple of.
Roy
Is it your fibula, technically your leg.
Stugats
You got a fibula in your leg?
Dan LeBatard
Yeah, you. Don't you see it when you look at it?
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Greg Kozlowski's racing with a broken one.
Stugats
Okay.
Dan LeBatard
Wow. One up.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Oh, wait, that might be a femur. I'll check.
Stugats
Greg, are you tangled up in your headset right now? Like you lied to me about jury duty. You did. You just. You didn't have jury duty. But then you said, I've got a top five about the jury duty.
Dan LeBatard
No, I do, but, I mean, it can wait until you finally do jury duty, which won't be for a while because you keep postponing. You know, the real citizens, they go in there, they do their civic duty, but you're bigger and better than that. So you'll wait for the courts to call again and you'll come up with a cockamamie excuse. Well, you can't do it.
Zaslow
Civic duty. I pay taxes. That's my civic duty.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
It was a femur. I'm so stupid.
Stugats
So the fibula is a part. It's. It is the leg or it's a part of the leg?
Mike Ryan
Part of the leg.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
Part of the leg.
Stugats
I thought it was just the leg.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
I thought it was femurs. Pain.
Stugats
Painful. I thought the fibula was just basically a synonym for the part.
Dan LeBatard
No, no, it's. It's a bone. I believe it's the biggest bone in the. In the body, isn't it?
Mike Ryan
Depends on my body.
Stugats
Is it, though? I'll put it on the poll, please. At Levitar show. Is the fibula the biggest bone in the body? Because I don't think that is what
Greg Cody
I thought it was.
Dan LeBatard
The femur look it up.
Stugats
I believe we're showing our ignorance as a show.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
It's a femur.
Greg Cody
Look at me.
Joe Biden (Impersonation by Greg Cody)
Me.
Dan LeBatard
They both start with F. F is
Mike Ryan
like a lying vampire. I am Fibula.
Roy
Can you guys get me the damn patino? I've been asking for it for two days. I've been asking visually for the patino for two days of Dracula. And yes, that is great. You are absolutely right. That is a great sarcastic cartoon Dracula movie. Hey, who is it? It's Fibula. You guys don't think it's funny that patino's in the sweet 16 again? It's uproarious, is it not?
Dan LeBatard
Yeah, it's funny.
Kathleen Turner (voice) / Sports Analyst
He's really good at this.
Mike Ryan
I don't really like blood. Garlic.
Stugats
My favorite.
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Time to party.
Stugats
That's a great attitude.
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It's a time traveling ass kicking big movie of that.
Stugats
You sound insane.
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Starring Vince Vaughn, James Marston and Asa Gonzalez.
Stugats
I thought you were a clone. Well, clones aren't real, dummy. And time machines are super grounded in reality.
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Mike and Nick and Nick and Alice. Rated R. Written and directed by Ben David Grabinski. Only on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers.
Date: March 24, 2026
Guests/Features: Kathleen Turner (voice), Zaslow, Greg Cody, Mike Ryan, Roy, Siegfried, and the ensemble
Location: Elser Hotel, Downtown Miami
This episode is a classic, chaotic edition of the Dan Le Batard Show, blending the Miami sports scene, “Looks Like” tournament updates, clownish impersonations (including a much-maligned Joe Biden and "Fibula the Vampire"), and the team’s signature blend of pop culture riffs and in-studio shenanigans.
Set against the lively backdrop of the Miami Open tennis tournament (with an unexpected iguana guest), the hour veers through segments on college basketball, NFL draft talk, the absurdity of sports commentary, and the running jokes that fans love (or love to hate), like Greg Cody's self-promotion and the infamous Joe Biden impersonation.
Classic Le Batard chaos: irreverent, quick-witted, self-referential, and packed with local Miami color. Panelists volley between genuinely insightful sports analysis and intentionally off-the-rails bits, with an inclusive, inside-baseball warmth for regular listeners. Good-natured roasting is the order of the day, especially with Greg Cody’s endless podcast plugs and impersonations.
This hour captures what fans love most: sharp sports banter, spontaneous humor, relentless self-mockery, and affectionate ribbing among friends whose Miami roots and chemistry shine through.