Hour 1: The Broken Braces (feat. Matthew Berry)

Summary

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The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Hour 1: The Broken Braces (feat. Matthew Berry)

Date: November 14, 2025
Location: The Elser Hotel, Downtown Miami
Appearing: Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, Mike Ryan, Tony, Jason, Matthew Berry

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Episode Overview

This hour of the show delivers the classic Le Batard blend of sports, pop culture, and irreverent banter. The crew discusses a packed NFL and UFC weekend, dives into sports history oddities, unravels social conventions around streakers, delivers a deep-dive on Lane Kiffin’s coaching trajectory, and analyzes some of the NBA’s most franchise-altering trades. Fantasy football expert Matthew Berry joins for his weekly segment, which is humorously interrupted by family drama.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Big Sports Weekend Preview (00:35–01:54)

• The team opens by hyping a huge NFL weekend: “What an NFL weekend. Huge games everywhere. Four big ones. Four huge ones.” – Mike Ryan [00:36]
• Tony promotes UFC 322 at Madison Square Garden, highlighting two “super fights,” and mentions his live watch event at Dead Flamingo: Islam Makhachev vs. Jack Della Maddalena, Valentina Shevchenko vs. Zhang Weili. [01:54–03:36]
• Memorable Moment: The panel debates whether Zhang Weili's viral lifting of Shaq and Francis Ngannou was real: “Could you do what she did to Shaq?” – Tony [03:20]
• Banter ensues about concessions at "little games" and napping through Arizona games: “The little games are literally when I do sleep.” – Dan Le Batard [01:12]

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2. Sports Fashion and Jewelry Hot Takes (04:13–05:06)

• The crew gently roasts Jeremy's neckline and contemplates an accent chain: “There’s a lot of neck there. There’s a bit of chest promises being made by the top part of that shirt.” – Dan Le Batard [04:13]
• Tony volunteers a chain connection: “I've got a guy for Jeremy … you want a chain, I got a guy.” [04:54]
• Mike insists on white gold, in typical Miami style.

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3. Random History—Babe Ruth & Hitler “Tidbits” (05:06–09:14)

• Mike shares a little-known fact: Babe Ruth won just one lifetime MVP, due to a rule: “Back in the day, lifetime, you could win MVP once. You win it once, you’re off the ballot forever.” – Mike [06:45]
• Dan is incredulous: “That’s good information. Put it on the poll. Did you know that Babe Ruth won only one mvp?” [07:00]
• The conversation careens into bizarre trivia about Hitler’s anatomy, referencing news about "Kalman syndrome" and a “micro penis”:
  • “I knew something about his testicle, but … apparently he didn’t have one nut, he had two, but the other one didn’t descend.” – Mike Ryan [07:23]
  • “This is exactly the behavior of someone who’s mad at the world because his dick is too small.” – Mike [08:03]
• Dan mocks Mike’s sense of breaking news: “You’re so narcissistic that you believe that if you discover something, it’s breaking news.” [08:12]

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4. Streakers, Security, & Social Contracts (09:22–14:37)

• The team debates what to call court-invaders if they’re clothed (not “streakers”), dissecting a viral Clippers-Nuggets incident:
  • “He dukes the shit out of one of these security guards, which I can’t get enough of.” – Mike [09:45]
• Mike waxes philosophical: “This whole thing works under this implicit code that nobody actually crazy is gonna show up.” [10:39]
• Dan argues it’s about consequences, not just social trust: “The consequences are that he’s going to feel it ... not going to be worth it.” [11:40]
• The Monica Seles stabbing is discussed, with the realization social codes fail when “batshit crazy” gets wealthy.
• Name debates (Shellis, Seles, Sellish), and Mike “admits” to being dyslexic after mispronouncing: “I worked my entire career keeping it a secret. But Dan pressured me to reveal my disability.” – Mike [14:51]

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5. Culture & Food Quickfire

• Brief but heartfelt debate on Chick-fil-A fries and sauces:
  • “You guys go ketchup or Chick Fil A sauce when you have the Chick?” – Dan [18:07]
  • “Polynesian. That’s my brother right there.” – Mike [18:12]

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6. Lane Kiffin, Shitposting, and the Coaching Carousel (18:25–25:46)

Lane’s Reputation, NFL Links & Shitposting

• Dan traces Lane Kiffin’s turbulent career: “We were talking earlier this week about what an unusual ascent… to be unrelentingly himself as a rehab project.” [18:25]
• Mike Ryan drops inside intel that Lane Kiffin is being seriously considered for an NFL role, given his connection to a college quarterback now playing pro:
  • “One team … has already reached out. It’s the one that has his college quarterback.” [20:30]
• Mike and Dan debate why some college coaches crave the NFL:
  • “They dream of a day like, What, I don’t have to worry about grades or was he late to study hall.” – Mike [23:29]
• Dan maintains Lane’s Twitter persona would not fly in the NFL:
  • “The moment he lands in New York, game one, the expectations change...” [21:08]
  • “If Lane Kiffin were the Giants coach, the shitposting would stop, right?” [23:44]
• Mike asserts oddball personalities only survive when you win: “That shit only flies when you’re good … you can do that when you’re busting ass.” [24:38]

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7. Fantasy Football Deep Dive with Matthew Berry (27:25–32:20)

Fantasy Insights & Broken Braces Chaos

• Dan: “You need to like, stop what you’re doing and write Matthew Berry. Write down what he’s telling you because ... all Matthew Berry’s numbers come true.” [27:25]
• Matthew Berry rapid-fires key fantasy nuggets:
  • Jaguars allow most fantasy points to QBs since Week 5—Herbert will be big [27:52]
  • Marcus Mariota a sneaky QB play vs. Miami [27:59]
  • Ashton Gentry’s prime matchup [28:17]
  • Chase Brown’s 11th-best RB ranking since Flacco became starter [28:34]
  • Amari DiMicardo as a flex; Waddle to feast on Washington [28:50]
  • Devonta Smith’s wild target share [29:34]
  • Khalil Shakir and Dalton Schultz as waiver opportunities
• Comedy: Berry is interrupted—his phone explodes with messages about his daughter’s “broken braces.” “I don’t understand why my wife is not handling this!” – Matthew Berry [30:06]
• Dan mock-consoles: “Take care of your priorities… We appreciate the money, but take care of your family, please.” [31:47]
• The group celebrates Berry joining NBC, and Stugotz-style, plugs their own deal too.

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8. NBA Trade Legacies & Franchise Trauma (32:20–41:59)

Dallas Mavericks Fandom Meltdown & Mark Cuban’s Return?

• The Mavericks’ toxic fanbase is compared to Fatal Attraction:
  • “It feels to me like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. ‘I will not be ignored.’” – Dan [33:12]
• Insider info that Mark Cuban may re-enter franchise power to patch the rift after the Luka trade disaster:
  • “Mark Cuban has reemerged as perhaps going to be back in an official capacity…” – Mike [35:19]

Clippers-OKC Trade Retrospective

• Dan ponders whether the Clippers’ superstar gamble will be the most damaging trade in NBA history given OKC’s now-loaded young core and draft capital:
  • “Are we just at the beginning parts of this becoming an epically, historically bad trade?” – Dan [37:41]
• Mike breaks it down:
  • “They got Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, who became the MVP of the league and the finals MVP… a first-round pick that turned into Jalen Williams, another all-star…” [38:27]
  • With unprotected picks, “there’s a chance this could be the most valuable piece…” [39:50]
• The crew agrees the Luka trade was panned in real time; the Clippers’ deal seemed justifiable then, but is now disastrous in hindsight.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On unconscious social trust:
  “This whole thing works under this implicit code that nobody actually crazy is gonna show up.”
  – Mike [10:39]
• On “breaking news” fallacies:
  “You believe that if you discover something, it’s breaking news.”
  – Dan [08:12]
• On coaching security:
  “If I had a job like that, I would just keep that job and not be tempted by the pros ... I would like the security ... [but in college football now] I wouldn’t want that job.”
  – Dan [21:08]
• On coaches and winning as a shield for personality quirks:
  “That shit only flies when you’re good … you can do that when you’re busting ass, when you’re 500 … Can you imagine Dayball trying to do some shit like that?”
  – Mike [24:38]
• Matthew Berry family chaos:
  “A wire on (my daughter’s braces) broke ... That’s my daughter blowing up my phone right now, and I don't understand why my wife is not handling this.”
  – Matthew Berry [30:05]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• NFL & UFC Weekend Preview: 00:35–03:36
• Jewelry Chat & Babe Ruth Oddity: 04:13–07:00
• Hitler/Micro Penis Bizarre Factoid: 07:06–09:14
• Social Contract & Sports Security Philosophy: 09:22–14:37
• Chick-fil-A Sauce Debate: 18:04–18:15
• Lane Kiffin Coaching Analysis: 18:25–25:46
• Matthew Berry Fantasy Segment: 27:25–32:20
• Dallas Mavs Fan Fallout / Cuban Return: 32:20–36:07
• OKC-Clippers Trade Breakdown: 36:07–41:59

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Tone & Language

The tone is fast-paced, irreverent, and full of in-jokes and needle-sharp sarcasm. Hosts riff on each other’s knowledge (or lack thereof), social conventions, and pop culture references, often veering from sports into the absurd with side-splitting effect.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

• Expect a rollercoaster through the sports world: comic debates over napping during certain NFL games, the origins of MVP awards, mascots lifting Shaq, and the always-wild Lane Kiffin narrative.
• Fantasy football fans will want to jot down Matthew Berry’s sleeper picks (and empathize with his paternal priorities).
• Die-hard NBA and Mavericks fans will find rare insider context about Dallas’s leadership turmoil and a thorough, critical re-examination of the Clippers-OKC blockbuster trade.
• All of it stitched together with trademark Le Batard wit, a dash of chaos, and several genuine laugh-out-loud moments.

Transcript

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[Dan LeBatard]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats podcast.

[Matthew Berry]

Oh, wow.

[Mike Ryan]

What an NFL weekend. Huge games everywhere. Four big ones. Four huge ones. Four huge ones.

[Tony]

Every game is big, but there's four bigger big game.

[Mike Ryan]

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[Mike]

Don't sleep on small games, though. There's a lot of room there.

[Ad/Promo Voice]

Not as many people.

[Mike]

Concession stand lines are smaller. Don't sleep on the little games.

[Dan LeBatard]

The little games are literally when I do sleep.

[Mike]

Four o' clock window. Not this week.

[Dan LeBatard]

When there are some 4 o'.

[Mike]

Clock.

[Dan LeBatard]

When there are some 3, 4 o' clock games and Arizona's involved and I'm not terribly interested. That is a good sleeping place. It is. There are some decent napp windows on the NFL. Tony is never napping on the weekends. He's perpetually hustling. He's got two things going on this weekend because he is an unrelenting hustler. It's not just what we were telling you about on Sunday, where he is. I believe the verb he used was spearheading our coverage of the big Chiefs Broncos game. But it's also what you're doing Saturday at Dead Flamingo, right?

[Tony]

Saturday night, Dano. Probably the biggest UFC card of the entire year. UFC loves to do this. It loves to back end the year. Close it out with a bang at msg. Bookend. I think you man, Dano. No, they closed it out with a bang. It's not a bookend thing. It's a closed it out with a bang thing.

[Mike Ryan]

Because their backend is fine.

[Tony]

Backend is fine. Because the problem is they don't really bookend. Bookend means it's good in the beginning.

[Mike]

The way you put your hands up. You meant bookend.

[Tony]

No, no. But I just do it.

[Mike]

I just popped my hands and the back.

[Mike Ryan]

Why is everybody an asshole today? Yeah.

[Tony]

Thank you. Today do we have another Jack Shit here?

[Mike Ryan]

Damn.

[Tony]

All right, Dano. UFC 322, we caught Islam Makhachev moving up a weight division to fight Jack Della Maddalena. A massive super fight between the two. Then in the. In the co. Main event, another massive super fight between Valentina Shevchenko and Zhang Weili. Okay. She's moving up a division to go fight.

[Mike]

She the one that lifted Shaq.

[Tony]

She lifted Shaq and Francis Ngannou basically over her shoulder. She's like five foot two.

[Mike]

We're gonna pull that up.

[Tony]

She's very strong. So these two super fights are happening, plus a ton of other great fights. Oh, here we go. Zhang Weili with Shaq. As you can see, she's like, literally five' three.

[Mike Ryan]

Cool haircut on Shaq.

[Mike]

Now, let's judge here.

[Jason]

I saw this before.

[Mike]

Let's judge if this is a real lift.

[Tony]

She's also wearing big shoes.

[Mike]

She gets some help here.

[Jason]

I. I'm.

[Mike]

I'm saying she gets some help here.

[Tony]

She's lifting Shaq off the ground.

[Mike]

And now it's Francis.

[Tony]

And Francis one is easy.

[Mike]

Yeah, I mean, he.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's like.

[Tony]

But that's a guy that weighs like 275 pounds of pure muscle.

[Mike]

Shaq is pushing 360. Shaq gave a little.

[Tony]

Okay, could you do what she did to Shaq?

[Dan LeBatard]

Shaq, I don't believe that classifies as her lifting up. Sha believe that's holding up.

[Jason]

Everybody's got in the air. At least give her something.

[Mike Ryan]

She's small. He's on.

[Tony]

Thank you. So UFC 322 at the Garden will be live at Dead Flamingo. Party starts at 10 o'. Clock. Great fights on the. On the prelims. Great fights on the main card. We've got a bunch of stuff happening. We'll be bookending the Dead Flamingo Night with opening up and then also.

[Mike Ryan]

Good job. Good job.

[Tony]

Thank you.

[Mike Ryan]

You didn't say CoC.

[Tony]

You came close, but, you know, a lot of that was said.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, I was like, oh, here it comes. He's going to say cock. But he didn't.

[Tony]

And then on Sunday, spearheading the cheap seats, we've got Kansas City, Denver, probably the biggest matchup of the year.

[Mike]

Definitely in the four o' clock window.

[Tony]

For the shipping container.

[Dan LeBatard]

Jeremy, I believe that Dominique Foxworth was correct when he said that that outfit does indeed require a chain. There's a lot of neck there. There's a bit of chest promises being made by the top part of that shirt. But I also believe if you were Wearing a chain that we. White. We might make more fun of you if you were wearing a. A chain that's too thick. So I guess, yeah, maybe. A maybe does kind of help Mike.

[Mike]

Just put one on him.

[Dan LeBatard]

Well, it's just. It's a lot of neck. It's that shirt. It has a lot of neck in it. There's no disputing that.

[Tony]

The chain looks good.

[Dan LeBatard]

The chain is an accent that helps. Yeah, you're welcome.

[Mike]

It's a really good look.

[Jason]

I look great.

[Tony]

I've got a guy for Chip, for Jeremy, by the way. I know he wants to use that thousand dollars to roll it over and get a chain. I got a guy.

[Mike Ryan]

I got that one on icu.

[Tony]

Cuban link.

[Mike Ryan]

Jonah Hill told me if I want to go. If you want to go.

[Tony]

I got a guy.

[Mike]

White gold. I need white gold.

[Tony]

You need white gold. Oh, true. Touche. My bad.

[Dan LeBatard]

Amain has some breaking information here that he was very eager to share with everyone because he believes that we do not know something about Babe Ruth that he knows. He was, I guess, thinking about Babe Ruth because Shohei Ohtani is again, one mvp is the modern day Babe Ruth. He's somebody who has only existed one other time in the history of baseball.

[Tony]

You know he's Dominican, right?

[Mike]

Yeah, I did know that, Dan.

[Mike Ryan]

You know he's Dominican.

[Dan LeBatard]

Well, I thought he was black. I thought Babe Ruth.

[Mike]

Hey, no, black.

[Tony]

I know black Dominican.

[Dan LeBatard]

What information do you have on Babe Ruth that, see, Mike Ryan was passing around at dinner last night. New information that he had not heard and he was assuming that no one else had heard it. You don't have have necessarily breaking news on Babe Ruth, do you?

[Mike]

It's not breaking news, but it's just like I found. Look, I was reading up on Shohei winning mvp. It's his fourth and fifth years. He's a unanimous winner. He's the only multiple time unanimous winner MVP in any major sports history. And I was like, huh, that's odd. And then I looked up and then it's, you know, Aaron Judge wins AL MVP third time in four years, making him the winningest MVP in Yankees history. And I was like, huh? And so I'm like, guys, you mean to tell me Babe Ruth was a unanimous MVP like 700 times in a row? And I looked it up and Babe Ruth only has one mvp.

[Mike Ryan]

Wow, that's fascinating.

[Mike]

Do you guys know why he has one mvp?

[Mike Ryan]

Karl Malone had a great season.

[Mike]

Yeah, it does.

[Mike Ryan]

Babe Ruth fatigue.

[Mike]

No, they actually had a rule that back in the day, lifetime, you could Win MVP once you win it once, you're off the ballot forever. So the year he hit 60 home runs and, like, was crazy. Whatever. He wasn't even on the ballot.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's good information. Put it on the poll. Did you know that Babe Ruth won only one mvp?

[Mike Ryan]

I have a tidbit for you. Okay, when I say Hitler, what do you think? Micropenis.

[Jason]

Yep, that's right.

[Mike Ryan]

He had a micro penis.

[Mike]

That's fucking.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, that came out yesterday. Yeah, yeah. Now, like, Dan was like, I knew something about his testicle, but I was like, yeah, no, he had one nut. No, apparently he didn't have one nut. No, he had two, but the other one didn't descend.

[Mike]

Okay, that means you got. Hold on. So it's inside him?

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah.

[Matthew Berry]

Wow.

[Mike]

Doesn't that mean you.

[Mike Ryan]

That's ever happened. You've never gotten nut from the couch.

[Mike]

And been like, well, no, it happens mine. Hang low, man.

[Dan LeBatard]

Long ball, Larry.

[Mike]

That's what I am.

[Dan LeBatard]

You said it came out yesterday. I don't believe that the news came out yesterday.

[Mike Ryan]

No, Jeremy knows about it.

[Tony]

I feel like I've heard that before.

[Mike Ryan]

Penis.

[Jason]

Yeah, dude, this is a great day for me. First, I'm this hot. Second, I find out Hitler has a micro penis. I mean, what a day for the lucky J.

[Mike]

Can I say this has shock you?

[Mike Ryan]

No, it tracks.

[Mike]

It's a par for the course, man. Like, this is. This is exactly the behavior of someone who's mad at the world because his dick is too small.

[Jason]

That's right.

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't think that news broke yesterday. I believe that you discovered it yesterday. And you're so narcissistic that you believe that if you discover something, it's breaking news. That's not how breaking news works.

[Mike Ryan]

Well, I mean, there is a truth to reaggregation. Like that NPR spoken word, tiny desk thing is going re viral. When? I thought we did this two years ago, but you felt pretty strongly that you knew that he had a micro penis. But then when pressed on it, you're like, okay, maybe I knew about the testicle thing, but even that was a wrong thing. I thought he had two nuts. One was inside.

[Mike]

One was inside of him.

[Mike Ryan]

One was inside.

[Jason]

Per CBS News yesterday, Adolf Hitler most likely suffered from a rare genetic condition called Kalman syndrome. Researchers and documentary makers, there's reasonable doubt there. Your honorable doubt. M A N n. Researchers and documentary makers said Thursday, following DNA testing of the Nazi dictator's blood.

[Mike]

Wait, we still have his blood. The taste of wetness. Also Kalman. You know, it's bad enough to have a micro penis. It's even worse when they name it after you.

[Mike Ryan]

It's just a German doctor diagnosing himself like, oh, come on.

[Mike]

You got to be kidding me.

[Dan LeBatard]

Can you guys get the video, please, here, of this? I can't call this a streaker, right? Like, what is the. What is the proper name for somebody now who's running on a court or on a field but isn't necessarily taking off their clothes? In order to be a streaker, you have to take off your clothes, right? Just be. You're running on the court. Where's this basketball court?

[Mike]

This is Clippers Nuggets the other day. We actually had the video yesterday to roll, but it was broadcast, and we couldn't show it because we get dinged. So we finally got the native angle. This is someone with a cell phone recording it. And this is a kid. He runs across the court in the middle of Nuggets Clippers. Jokic is on the floor, like, important players on the floor. And then he dukes the shit out of one of these security guards, which I can't get enough of, watching this old man try to get him, and then, whoop, he gives him the slip. I said, that guy's gonna be in the training room right next to Bradley Beal after the game. Too soon.

[Dan LeBatard]

So this is courtside, and this is during play. They're bringing the ball up, and he's just on the court, and he's showed his buddy he had very good seats, and he's juking security as they. They took a long time to get out there. And so what is your point? That he's near Jokic and that it's during play, and that it's just the illusion of security. It's not really security.

[Mike]

That's a really weird thing. Like, obviously, it's funny. And then you realize he's, like, promoting some meme coin, and now you're an asshole looking for attention, whatever. But there's a part of me that's like, wow, this whole thing works under, like, this implicit code that nobody actually crazy is gonna show up, right? Nobody actually crazy is gonna have enough money to sit courtside, because without that. You know, when I always think about this sort of implicit social code, Dan, when I'm driving, I'd be on the freeway and going, like, 70 miles an hour, and everyone's going, 70. And I'm like, wow, this whole thing is, like, kind of relying that I'm not just gonna go crazy and say, you know what? Right turn in the middle of traffic and just take out as many people as I want. It's so crazy that a lot of this stuff is just. We just trust that human beings are not gonna just lose their shit at the wrong time. And so something like this, that dude could have ran up to any one of those people and got done God knows what. Right? Yeah, I get it. There are metal detectors. Guess what? Now they make like box cutters that are made out of plastic.

[Dan LeBatard]

But. But it's not a societal code. It's consequences. It's that. That what that person did for their little. You know. Because his friends immediately started taping him because it's just something he was going to do to put on Instagram. The consequences are that he's going to feel it. It's not going to be worth it in any way. The amount of time he's going to have to spend in jail, the amount of time he's going to. The amount of money he's going to have because of what kind of crime that is. It's not social construct. It's not the person driving on the highway isn't just gonna turn right at 70 miles an hour. It's the person's not willing to suffer the consequences of dying if they turn right at 70 miles an hour.

[Mike]

But that's my point, Dan, is it's still kind of just assuming. Let's just assume everyone is normal. Remember Monica Shelis? You guys remember this Monica Shellis?

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah. Tennis player Shellis.

[Mike]

Shellis.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's Marcellus.

[Mike Ryan]

Which one of you two is in the tennis chair?

[Mike]

Exactly. So she was one of the best, like either one or two tennis players in the world. Her big rival was Steffi Graf and there was a guy who was a big Steffi Graf fan and he got upset and he's like. So he literally jumps out in the middle of a match and he stabs her in the middle of a match.

[Dan LeBatard]

I think that Monica Seles career was never the same after that. Correct. Like she was stabbed by somebody who was just a crazy fan. And it was sellous, by the way.

[Mike Ryan]

Dan, to hold your ground. I'm proud of you.

[Dan LeBatard]

It. It's Monica Cellis. She was a great tennis player. I've never heard anybody but you pronounce Shellis.

[Mike]

Yes, man. Because you don't know about the Balkans.

[Mike Ryan]

Are we xenophobic? Is that.

[Mike]

I believe you guys are.

[Mike Ryan]

I mean, when you Google it, it's Cellis. I've always heard Cellis.

[Dan LeBatard]

Regardless. I don't believe her career was ever the same after that. Emotionally. Not Physically, Right? I say stabbing, you might think physically.

[Mike Ryan]

Anytime someone gets up in the grandstands, you're. You remember that moment.

[Mike]

So after she got stabbed, she lost in the. Excuse me. She won the Australian Open and lost, I believe, in the US Open finals twice. So she. I mean, her career is still obviously very good, but clearly. What kind of trust issues does that create for an athlete? For anyone, actually, for that matter. But the point is, if. If that guy was a rational, sane human being who was just a fan of Steffi Graf, you could argue, yeah, I'd love to get the competition out the way, but, man, the repercussions, the consequences. I can't do that. But he wasn't. He was just batshit crazy. And so he did it and didn't care about the consequences. And so when you think about people at an NBA game, particularly courtside people, they're rich, man. You don't know. You just don't know how far insanity goes. That a guy could be like, I'm going to liquidate my life savings and I'm gonna buy tickets, and then I'm gonna go stab Nikola Jokic' cause I think Luka Doncic is the best player in the world.

[Mike Ryan]

Guys, everybody's wrong. It's Selish Sellish.

[Mike]

My fault. I knew there was a sh.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay, so you corrected me, but you put the sh in the wrong place.

[Mike]

You know what? Sorry. I'm dyslexic.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay.

[Mike]

Boom. It's out in the open. I was trying to hide it. I worked my entire career keeping it a secret. But Dan Lebatard pressured me to reveal my disability. And you know what? I stand strong for everyone who suffers from dyslexia.

[Mike Ryan]

You're brave.

[Mike]

Yes. Thank you.

[Mike Ryan]

No, thank you.

[Mike]

I'm merely a vessel.

[Mike Ryan]

Vessel. When I think about the holidays, I think about the little moments with my dog, Roma, the ones that make the season feel special. Put little elf ears on her. You know the deal. Take some selfies, Post it for people that probably seen it too much. I love my dog. That's what I'm trying to get at. That's why I'm joining Chewy Claws, who's out here making pet's wishes come true. From November 4th through December 24th, you can share your pet's [e-mail] chewyclaus. It might come true, and it helps others, too. Every wish triggers a donation of five meals to shelters and rescues across the country. And if you share your pet's wish through the Chewy app, they'll double that donation. That's 10 meals for pets in need just for participating. I've been using Chewy for years legitimately. They've made my life easier for me and my dog Roma. Food, toys, meds, all of it shows up fast. No stress, and being part of something like Chewy claws, where a small thing like a wish can make a real impact. That's the kind of stuff I care about. Every pet deserves a wish come true. Send your pet's wish to chewy.com chewyclaus it might become a reality. Plus, your wish means Chewy will donate five meals to pets in need.

[Jason]

The holidays really stress me out. I try to be a really good gift giver and when you get toward this time of year, you keep thinking, oh, I have enough time. And overall, really, the holidays are stressful. But especially if you run a business. I see what you guys go through. It's like one minute you're planning a sale, next minute your website's crashing, your inventory's off and someone's dming you a discount code that expired in 2022. It's total chaos. That's why you need Shopify. It takes that holiday madness and turns it into Shopify powers millions of businesses. We're talking everyone from Mattel and Gymshark to the folks just getting started this Black Friday. You don't have to be a tech genius either. Shopify's got thousands of ready made templates, AI tools that write your product descriptions, even polish your photos and built in marketing tools to cut through the holiday noise. And that purple shop pay button, that's the secret sauce this Black Friday. Join the thousands of new entrepreneurs hearing for the first time with Shopify. Sign up for your free trial [e-mail] batard that's shopify.com batard B A T A R D. Go to shopify.com batard and make this Black Friday one to remember.

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[Dan LeBatard]

Don Lee Chick Fil A waffle fries.

[Mike]

Love it. I mean, nah. I think it's an overrated.

[Dan LeBatard]

You guys go ketchup or Chick Fil A sauce when you have the Chick.

[Mike Ryan]

Fil A fry Polynesian sauce.

[Mike]

Polynesian. That's My brother right there.

[Dan LeBatard]

Good call.

[Mike Ryan]

You're my brother. Stugats. Oh, my God.

[Dan LeBatard]

What a weird interaction.

[Mike]

Wow.

[Dan LeBatard]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats segueing awkwardly to Lane Kiffin shitposting his way back into the game at the top of the NFL head coaching chain. We were talking earlier this week about what an unusual ascent, not linear it has been for Lane Kiffin to develop the confidence of personality, to be unrelentingly himself as a rehab project. One of the first to come through Nick Saban's rehab center in Alabama where he goes and grabs the tarnished professional coach who's an offensive mind. And Lane Kiffin is now in play for just about any job he wants. And it's not just the unusual path, as Mike mentioned. Tennessee burning mattresses, tarmac firing at usc, Raiders firing that was very public and messy and was the last time the Raiders were any kind of relevant. Lane Kiffin is actually shitposting his way to the top of the of. I'm going to be a different kind of coach. That's something you can get away with when there are no expectations in Mississippi. It's something you get away with less if you're going to be the Giants coach, for example.

[Mike Ryan]

Well, yeah, I mean, you mentioned shitposting. He just retweeted that DJ Lagway got benched when he is the betting favorite to be the next Florida Gators head coach. They have the Gators this week, by the way. If you monitor Gators message boards, they feel like this Lane Kiffin thing is done. But Lane Kiffin would be wise to sit and wait. There's a pretty decent NFL job that just opened up with his college quarterback there and I happen to know that the NFL.

[Dan LeBatard]

Oh my God, he knows.

[Mike]

He happens to know. Come, everyone, come and listen. He happens to know. Well informed.

[Mike Ryan]

Happen to know that the NFL does have some teams in it that would be interested in speaking with Lane Kiffin. One has already reached out. It's the one that has his college quarterback. Other teams are kind of in flux, trying to figure out what they're going to do. And they would be interested in Lane Kiffin if that head coaching vacancy did open up. But Lane Kiffin right now is a world by the balls. The Florida job would probably be the one that he takes if he leaves Ole Miss because Ellis, he was a freaking mess right now. You don't sue your coach to avoid paying him the entirety of the contract when you're trying to be the biggest job available.

[Dan LeBatard]

Let me ask you guys something here because I had for a long time, when it came to the Bobby Bowden's of the world, I was making the argument for a really long time that if I had a job like that, I would just keep that job and not be tempted by the pros. I would not be Urban Meyer, I would not be Jimmie Johnson. I would like the security. This is a lifetime ago because I wouldn't want that job now with the way that NIL is. This is the security that you could have at Mississippi if you wanted it. And your Lane Kiffin could be a forever security where you just say to Mississippi, give me the longest contract you've got. I don't want to do any of those other things. I'll just stay here and have very few expectations ever. The moment he lands in New York, game one, the expectations change. For everything Lane Kiffin has been. He's in a perfect spot where he could beat Oklahoma and he could beat Texas and he can beat Florida from a program that no one is expecting anything from if not for Lane Kiffin. So I ask you, do competitive people think the way that I'm thinking, where it's like, give me a cushy spot where I can just shitpost. I could talk my shit about everybody. And if I'm the 6th ranked team in the country, everyone in my fandom base is going to be thrilled about the job I've done. There aren't any actual expectations here.

[Mike]

So I think there's two things at play. Number one is just the general ego of like, I feel like I'm just as good as these people that you think are the best at the job. I want the ability, I want the opportunity to prove that I can do it. Especially if you're Lane Kiffin. You flamed out the last time you had a pro job. It's like, nah, I got to show these people I wasn't a bum or whatever. But then the other part of it, Dan, this is a little different. College coaches, I know this is true in basketball and I know it's true in football. I don't know if it's the case in baseball or any other sport. But college coaches, even before the nil stuff, they hate a lot of this. They dream of a day like what? I don't have to worry about grades or was he late to study hall. I can just coach football and nothing else. They dream about that and so they pine to be in the pros. Not just to say, hey, we're one of the best, but also to not have to put up with a lot of deal begging a 17 year old to come play.

[Dan LeBatard]

That part of the job is not something that I would like very much if I was in charge of a college football program. But you guys will allow that if Lane Kiffin were the Giants coach, the shitposting would stop, right? Because there is no NFL coach who is shitposting.

[Mike Ryan]

I don't know about that.

[Dan LeBatard]

Give me the NFL coach who's doing that.

[Mike Ryan]

Give you the college coach that's doing what Lane is doing. No one is. Is Lane Kiffin there? Now the NFL does have an opinion about Lane Kiffin. That stuff doesn't fly for most teams. And believe it or not, his offense is under scrutiny in the NFL. They think that he kind of runs a Mickey Mouse offense that wouldn't translate to the NFL. My rebuttal to that is like, doesn't he just run that offense because it's proven to work in college? Don't you think his mind has other ideas smart enough to devise an offense that would work for the pros? But there are questions there. Lane also, if he goes to the NFL and flames out, he can go right back to the top of the line when it comes to head coaching candidates. But if he fails, but if he fails at Florida, people are going to be having these concerns. He failed at usc, he failed at Florida. He's not going to be the top guy anymore.

[Mike]

So first of all, Mike makes an excellent point is there are other questions. He's kind of unique in and of himself in college. But then the reason why I wouldn't fly in the NFL beyond just their stodgy is because that shit only flies when you're good. I keep saying this about Joe Mazzulla. We say about Mike McDaniel, all that quirky shit, I'm different. Look at me. I shitpost. You can do that when you're busting ass, when you're 500, when you're three and seven. Can you imagine day ball trying to do some shit like that?

[Dan LeBatard]

They would act as a. I can't imagine an NFL coach of any kind behaving that way. You gotta win social media.

[Mike]

No, I can't. I can imagine him doing it if he were wildly successful. But the success is what buys you the right and the latitude to do that sort of stuff. In the same way that Phil Jackson can burn incense in the locker room and give guys books like, you think that shit flies if we're 42 win team for a 40 win team?

[Dan LeBatard]

Hell no.

[Mike]

Get the hell out of my face. But when you're successful, they give you all the affordability of those accolades to let you do whatever the hell you want.

[Dan LeBatard]

There are plenty of successful NFL coaches. There are none who have ever behaved that way. There are exactly zero who have used social media the way that Lane Kiffin is using it in college. Regardless.

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[Mike]

Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

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[Dan LeBatard]

Time offer Don LeBatard World War 3 stugats.

[Ad/Promo Voice]

We're gonna get that off the ground.

[Mike Ryan]

World War three colon. Our group chat has a pretty good feeling about this one.

[Dan LeBatard]

This is the Don Levatar show with the Stugats. We've kept Matthew Barry waiting and we shouldn't keep Matthew Barry waiting because he did it again last week. You need to like, stop what you're doing and write Matthew Barry. Write down what he's telling you because Chris Ol is making a catch one handed to make Matthew Berry's all Matthew Berry's numbers come true. Let's go Matthew Berry. Let's get to it. Let's get these people some money.

[Mike]

Give me some money.

[Matthew Berry]

Thank you, Dan. Since week five, no team has allowed more fantasy points to opposing quarterbacks than the Jacksonville Jaguars. In fact, for the five past five quarterbacks to face, the Jags have scored at least 24 fantasy points. It's the list that includes Geno Smith and Davis Mills. Dude, Justin Herbert is going to go off this weekend in three of the last four starts. In three of the four starts he's made this season. Marcus Mariota had at least 16 fantasy points. That includes two top 12 finishes. This week, he faces the Dolphins for the season. Only one team in the NFL's allowed more rushing touchdowns to opposing quarterbacks than the Miami Dolphins since week four. Ashton Genty averaging 19 touches a game. Why am I mentioning 19? Because running backs have seen at least 15 touches against Dallas. Averaging 130 yards from scrimmage.

[Mike]

Scrimmage.

[Matthew Berry]

130 yards from scrimmage. They're averaging that since Joe Flacco became the starter. Chase Brown is the 11th best running back in fantasy football. Set three straight games with at least 100 yards from scrimmage. Played 95% of the snaps and 100% of the RB touches last week. Samaji P. Ryan, dealing with that ankle over the past two games. Amari D. Micardo. You heard me. Amari D. Micardo of The Cardinals has 182 yards from scrimmage on just 22 touches. He's averaging nine yards per touch on the season. And in fact, 23% of his runs this year have gained at least 10 yards since Week 6, the 49ers are allowing the eighth most fantasy points per game to opposing running backs. I'm just saying you could do worse as a flex. Since week five, there's only been one game this year where Jalen Waddle didn't get at least 80 yards. We talked about him last week as well. He's averaging 18 fantasy points per game during that stretch. My beloved Commanders have given at least 20 fantasy points to an opposing wide receiver in four straight games.

[Dan LeBatard]

Four.

[Matthew Berry]

So you're telling me a wide receiver gets at least 25 trying to fantasy points against the Commanders this week, it's going to be Jalen Waddle. He's going to go off. Since week seven, Devonte Smith has at least a 40% target share.

[Mike Ryan]

Are you giving yourself at least a 25%?

[Matthew Berry]

I'm sorry?

[Dan LeBatard]

Are you giving yourself around the horn points? We're hearing something that, yes, something is getting points there. Are you giving yourself points?

[Mike]

I'm giving him points.

[Matthew Berry]

No, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you exactly what's happened. Dan. I'm embarrassed about this, but my phone is blowing up. It's my phone. Those are all from my phone. My daughter's braces. A wire on it broke and so I was late getting here to the studio and so I basically barely rushed.

[Tony]

In and made it.

[Matthew Berry]

And so that's my daughter blowing up my phone right now. And I don't understand why my wife is not handling this.

[Dan LeBatard]

So to be perfectly honest, anyway, that's okay.

[Matthew Berry]

We like because I'm like, I have Dan's show. I have to do the Dan show. Honey, can you deal with our My daughter and her patient dropped her off of the dentist.

[Mike]

Matthew Barry.

[Dan LeBatard]

Matthew Berry. Kevonte Smith is where we interrupted you.

[Matthew Berry]

Yes, it's all good, but yes. Devonte Smith, 41% target share. Dan and wide receivers that have seen at least a 25% target share versus the Lions this year, averaging over 20 fantasy points per game. Speaking of target share this season, when Khalil Shakur gets at least a 20% target share, he averages over 14 fantasy points per game. Dalton Kincaid likely out this weekend for the Bucs. Middle of the field is going to be all Shakur. Worth noting that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers allow the seventh most yards after the catch per reception. Get this. Since week seven, the sixth best tight end fantasy is Dalton Schultz said at least 13 fantasy points in three the past four games. Davis Mills gets another start for the Texans. He tends to look for Schultz quite a bit. There you go.

[Mike Ryan]

Matthew, congratulations on the NBC Ascend News beginning next week.

[Matthew Berry]

Thank you very much. We're excited. We're excited.

[Mike Ryan]

You know, we'll see you there.

[Matthew Berry]

Spreading its wings.

[Mike Ryan]

We'll see you there. Because our show is also gonna be on NBC at 10 when it debuts YouTube TV next week, per the press release.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

So congratulate Matthew on the specifics, though. Tell the people the specifics of what it is that's happening with Matthew.

[Mike Ryan]

Steve Martin, also, his show's going to be on YouTube TV's new NBCSN linear channel. And per the press release, the Dan LeBatard show with Stugouts will also be there.

[Dan LeBatard]

I'm bringing this sweater that is not a smile that any of us enjoyed seeing from you, Matthew. Take care of your priorities, your life, your daughter, the braces. We appreciate the money, but take care of your family, please.

[Matthew Berry]

Yeah, no, I will. I will. Dan, thanks for this. Excited to be on NBC, another NBC platform with you guys. But what's great is, is that as soon as you guys interrupted me immediately, then of course you stopped blowing up my phone.

[Mike Ryan]

So shout out to my wife.

[Mike]

There you go.

[Jason]

Exactly.

[Matthew Berry]

Around the horn. Good luck to everyone, you guys, this weekend. We'll talk to you next week.

[Dan LeBatard]

If you're following what he's doing, it's pretty consistently six of the nine or seven of the nine or eight of the nine things that he's recommending end up happening. It's been happening four weeks now. Amin, one final bow at the end of the week here on all of the Dallas and Nico and Luca conversation that has dominated sports because it really is unlike most things you see when you've got a contaminated fan base and you've got Jason at the bottom of the rubble, sort of telling fans, hey, you're making matters worse. And fans are lashing out with. We don't care that we're making matters worse. We will be heard. Like, it feels to me like Glenn Close and Fatal Attraction. I will not be ignored. We're not gonna be ignored about what this betrayal is. You will not make us feel this worthless.

[Mike]

Were you quoting. What's that? Fatal Attraction. I will not be ignored, Michael.

[Dan LeBatard]

That is correct.

[Mike]

Oh, wow.

[Mike Ryan]

Steve Martins.

[Dan LeBatard]

You just said it. That's how I.

[Mike]

That's what I'm saying. Were you referencing.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yes, I said Glenn Close and Fatal Attraction.

[Tony]

He literally said it.

[Mike]

He said that. Okay, all right. You guys say. I mean, always fights. You never agree. Yeah, okay. My bad.

[Mike Ryan]

Hey, man. Big on you to admit when you're off.

[Mike]

That's the ball.

[Mike Ryan]

It went off me, coach, and it's Glenn Close.

[Dan LeBatard]

Do you have any new information for us here? Because you've been following this closely, you've been seeing how people are reacting to this, and it's a calamity that you don't get to see very often.

[Mike]

Well, I do have new information, because on Basketball Illuminati this week, we had Jason Gallagher on. Jason Gallagher, the executive producer of Mind the Game. He's the guy that was the executive producer of J.J. redick's podcast before J.J. redick went to go coach.

[Tony]

Old man in the three.

[Mike]

Old man in the three. There you go. And Jason Gallagher was once upon a time a Dallas massive super fan of the Mavericks. Right. But the trading of Luka was the thing that broke the camel's back. And he, like Mike Ryan quitting the Browns, he quit his Mavs fandom. He lives in Oklahoma City. So he decided to adopt the Thunder as his team, which is pretty convenient in 2025. But he still has a lot of contacts and connections in Dallas. And what he told us on Basketball Illuminati, among other things, was that a certain familiar, someone has started to re enter the picture in Dallas. Makes a lot of sense. If you're Patrick Dumont, what do you have? You have a fractured fan base. They're angry. So you want what you want to bring people back in. So the Mavericks have done a lot of these things of nostalgia. They Put the big M with the cowboy hat back on the middle of the floor to get the fans back. But, like, no, I need real nostalgia. I want some people or someone to make people feel real warm and fuzzy.

[Mike Ryan]

Sharks.

[Mike]

Sharks. What are you proposing exactly? Mark Cuban has reemerged as perhaps going to be back in an official capacity beyond, oh, I just own part of the team.

[Dan LeBatard]

Mass 27% owner is an official capacity.

[Mike]

No more than that. I'm talking about the room where the.

[Mike Ryan]

Decisions are made, the shadowy hand, the room where it happens.

[Mike]

It ain't no shadowy hand no more.

[Tony]

Wasn't he supposed to be there any?

[Mike]

He was, and then he got pushed out and he's like, you know, what is not? And then they didn't talk to him at all on the Luca thing at all. And then this last weekend before Nico got let go, my man picked up the phone, Patrick Dumont, and said, mark, can I talk to you about something? And then, boom, boom, boom, here we are. Nico's out. And the next step here is perhaps Mark Cuban back in the seat.

[Dan LeBatard]

All right, let me present to you guys the thing that I was presenting earlier this week and just put it more plainly to you because I know, because you guys have made fun of me. I remember where I was when the Clippers made the trade and the moves for Kawhi and Paul George, because it felt like the next cheapest version of LeBron's decision. That however it is that you had been affected by the transaction in sports, when Kawhi and Paul George held up free agency. It was the sequel to all the stuff that had happened with LeBron. And now, in retrospect, as we continue to talk about a Luca trade that craters the Dallas franchise, I think we're running the potential of the next five years of this Clippers trade becoming worse and worse and worse. And I ask you, when I put them both in front of you, because people did not object to the Clippers trying to stop being a laughingstock by mortgaging all of their future for the win of James Harden, Kawhi, Leonard, Paul George and all that. But because OKC has so many picks and because OKC has rigged the system to take away the sport from the Celtics, who had rigged the system. Offensively, we're going to take 50 threes a game, and we're just going to be Derrick White and Tatum and Brown are all going to take threes and take threes. They wrestle the sport away from them with younger players with more depth and with more draft picks.

[Mike]

When it's Done one.

[Dan LeBatard]

What's that Clippers trade going to be? A Clippers trade that many people listening to this like are, of course, you got to get the superstar. If you're the Clippers, trade whatever you can to get the superstars. How bad a trade is this going to end up being? Are we just at the beginning parts of this becoming an epically, historically bad trade?

[Mike]

So first and foremost, I wouldn't say the Celtics ever had a stranglehold on the sport. They played a style that was a gamble and that gamble failed massively last year in the playoffs prior to Jason Tatum going out to injury. Right? They were going to lose that series anyway because they were dogmatic and would not adjust to the realities. I don't think they ever had a stranglehold on the sport and certainly not to the level.

[Dan LeBatard]

They won a championship.

[Mike]

They won a championship.

[Tony]

But okay, but that was a hurt Dallas Mavericks team on top of that.

[Mike]

Even if they were healthy, like the Mavericks weren't good enough to beat the Celtics. The Celtics were going to win that championship. Now, would they have won it if they played against Denver? No, no, my friend. But that doesn't matter. We don't deal in hypotheticals, we deal in reality, right? What makes OKC's deal? This is the part, right, that they're all under contract for the most part. They're all of a certain age. So it's not like someone's getting older. They're right, entering their prime. So they have an opportunity right here in this window to be dominant in the way that you're describing. But what makes the deal especially bad, because think about this is what they got in that deal. Oklahoma City City for Paul George. They got Shay Galzius Alexander, who became the MVP of the league and the finals mvp. They got a first round pick that turned into Trey Mann that got traded. So okay, they got a first round pick that turned into Jalen Williams, another all star. You're like, okay, they got a first round pick that was protected. They turned into hot heads that got traded to Miami. They have, Dylan Jones was a first round pick. I was like, okay, decent player. They had a first round pick in Nick Clifford, who's okay, okay, but this is the one. This is the last year of obligation, folks. 2026. And there's a chance that this could be the most valuable piece, even more valuable than Shakel, just Alexander. You know why? Because this pick, unprotected, goes to Oklahoma City and the Clippers are having an awful season. So the Clippers, Dan, end up with A top four pick, I won't even limit it to one because one isn't really consensus right now. Now. And you say I'm the best team in the league, I'm the champion, I have a window and you're going to give me one of these great names, whether it's Darren Peterson from Kansas or Cam Boozer from Duke or AJ Dan from, from byu.

[Tony]

The kid from Baylor too is tough.

[Mike]

He's good. Caleb Wilson from North Carolina, like there's a lot of names. It's like you don't need to give me one if you give me top four. Or I'm walking away with perhaps another generational talent. Dan, it's like when the Lakers got James Worthy, it's like they're already great.

[Dan LeBatard]

But I guess the question that I'm asking you, we've spent a lot of time talking about Luka and Nico, is that trade gonna end up being worse?

[Mike]

I think, obviously I think we can say they're getting more. They got an all star, an MVP and perhaps a number one overall pick.

[Tony]

That's hindsight though. Like we're redoing the history, revisionist history on that because nobody thought sgmc.

[Dan LeBatard]

But I'm asking you, I'm asking you to take the result and use the result by results.

[Mike]

It's a worse deal because of the volume of greatness you got versus the Lakers got one great player in their deal. But the difference is, as Tony said, this one's a hindsight deal. Whereas the Luka deal, on the day it happened, we all were asking shams, did you get hacked?

[Dan LeBatard]

I know. But I do find it funny that in one instance you've got Nico the expert and all of us disagree with it. Instance, there are plenty of people that agree with the Clippers making the move, but the result is the team you made the move with is the youngest, deepest team. They've got the championship, they might repeat, they've lost one time this year and they're going to get better. Like they're going, all of their players are going to get better and they're going to get better from future draft.

[Mike]

Picks that they have. I think the big thing is that they were bad when they did that deal. Whereas the Lakers, like they already were a good team and you gave them Louis. Come on, man.

[Mike Ryan]

Folks, the leaves are turning, the weather's getting a little chillier. That means the football games are more important. That means football time should be Miller time. Game day hits different with a Miller light in your hand. From jaw dropping touchdowns to fantasy heartbreaks My fantasy season's over already. But you know what makes that better?

[Matthew Berry]

Miller Time.

[Mike Ryan]

It's the beer that's been there for every moment. 50 years of great taste, simple ingredients, and that iconic golden color you can spot from across the room.

[Mike]

Room.

[Mike Ryan]

And here's the kicker. It's just 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. The original light beer since 1975 and still hitting different five decades later. So whatever your game day looks like, remember, Miller Time is always a good time. Miller Lite Great Taste, 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller Town time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.