The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz – Hour 1: “The Commissioner of Everything Imaginable”

Date: September 15, 2025
Location: Elser Hotel, Downtown Miami
Hosts: Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, Mike Ryan, Greg Cote, Billy Gil, Jeremy Tache

Overview

This lively first hour explores the wacky, passionate world of sports fandom, with particular focus on college football’s quirks and chaos. The panel debates the nuttiest fan traditions, delves into the parity and power shifts in college football, riffs on coaching drama and media behavior, briefly sparks a “boxing vs. everything else in sports media” conversation, and delivers trademark comedic banter about the week’s biggest stories in both college and pro football. Greg Cote's fantasy of becoming the "Commissioner of Everything Imaginable" serves as a running thread, inspiring a blend of satire and real sports governance ideas.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. “Nuttiest Fan” Competition: Tortillas vs. Goalposts (02:33–05:20)

• Texas Tech Tortilla Toss: Fans have thrown tortillas since 1992 due to a quip about local football and tortilla factories. Tradition continues despite official attempts to ban it.
  • “They said, you know what? We're gonna be fine. We're gonna do it before the game … The tortilla toss continues, Big 12 rules be damned.” – Dan Le Batard (08:48)
• Georgia Tech’s Goalpost Parade: After a big win, Georgia Tech students ran the goalpost through town into the university president’s pool.
  • “Why is it okay for students to steal things out of the football stadium and then throw it in the pool in the President's home?” – Jeremy (05:27)

Memorable Moment:
Billy Gil ponders the absurdity: “I'm just intrigued by every part of this. Are you? The security just allows them to bring tortillas in. Can I bring anything?” (02:44)

2. College Football Parity, Playoff Politics, and Notre Dame’s Mythology (07:46–10:32)

• Notre Dame’s Playoff Status
  Ongoing debate about whether Notre Dame, despite back-to-back losses, can still make the expanded CFP purely based on blue-blood status.
  • “They don't even have to be in the top four.” – Dan Le Batard (08:26)
  • “A two-loss Notre Dame with both losses coming to top ten teams … they may give them a buy.” – Mike Ryan (08:34)
• “Quality Losses” vs. Actual Wins
  • “It does not matter if you win games as long as you have good losses.” – Billy Gil (08:32)

Memorable Exchange:
Dan hammering the point, “They're Notre Dame.” (08:18, 08:23)

3. Greg Cote’s Commissionership: Sanctions, Scheduling, and Sports Overlord Fantasies (10:01–11:25)

• Increasing Penalty Mindset with Age:
  • “Have you noticed that as you've aged, you outlaw and sanction and penalize more?” – Stugotz (10:01)
  • “Yeah. Well, I should be the commissioner of all sports.” – Greg Cote (10:06)
• Need for a Universal Sports Commissioner
  Scheduling conflicts—like Inter Miami and University of Miami playing major games simultaneously—get held up as examples of why sports need an overall czar.
  • “If there was a commissioner of sports, surely someone would have caught on … two massive games … never would have been scheduled that way.” – Dan Le Batard (10:32)
• Light-hearted Banter:
  • “Some say I have a big staff. I don't. I need a big staff, and that'll help me be the commissioner of all.” – Greg Cote (10:25)
  • “You want to be the commissioner of everything the way Sepp Blatter was the president of everything.” – Stugotz (11:00)

4. Miami Hurricanes Analysis: Are They the Most Balanced UM Team in Decades? (12:01–15:10; 19:03–21:09)

• Ruben Bain Praised as a Future Top-5 Pick
  • "Ruben Bane is going to be a top five pick if he is healthy ... that guy is not blockable and those are super rare." – Stugotz (13:18)
• Offensive Line & QB Comparisons (Carson Beck vs. Cam Ward)
  Vigorous debate about the Miami offense’s improvement and whether Beck is a better runner than Ward.
  • “I don't know how you gauge the offensive line is better … Cam Ward reveled in the fact that he finally got protection. You could have argued he had the best offensive line in the nation.” – Mike Ryan (14:01)
  • “This is the most balanced University of Miami team I have seen in a while.” – Stugotz (21:09)
• UM’s Playoff Potential & Upcoming Test Against Florida
  • “Championship teams. Win this game and take care of business. Pretenders. They fall for the rat poison this week.” – Mike Ryan (20:39)

5. Brian Kelly’s Combative Press Conference (21:59–23:56)

• Audio montage of LSU coach Brian Kelly bickering with beat reporters post-win.
  • “Stop. Really? Is that the first question? ... We played the game to win the game.” – Brian Kelly (22:00)
  • “You want us to win 70 to nothing against Florida to keep you happy?” – Brian Kelly (22:32)
  • “This is ridiculous. For a group of seasoned reporters, that kind of question is so out of line.” – Brian Kelly (23:06)

Panel’s Take:
“Likable chap.” – Mike Ryan (23:25, sarcastic)

6. Boxing, Media Coverage, and the “Invisible Audience” (24:18–30:15)

• Why Boxing’s Purses Remain High Despite Supposed Irrelevance
  Canelo, Mayweather, and Crawford discussed as examples; confusion over the business model abounds.
  • “Who are these people watching? You know, like Tyson Fury, you know, $150 million for a fight. I don't know who's watching this. How is this happening?” – Mike Ryan (26:00)
  • “Older people still have money, guys. The demo of boxing, the boxing still has an older demo and those people still have money.” – Stugotz (26:12)
• Floyd Mayweather Praised as an Innovator
  • “Floyd Mayweather is one of the greatest businessmen in the history of sports because he figured out long before anyone else how to own all of his own shit.” – Stugotz (27:19)

Classic Le Batard Dismissal:
“Jake Paul's the guy.” – Dan Le Batard (34:06, in response to boxing’s lack of broad cultural impact)

7. Wagers, Wild Finishes, and Spread Insanity (34:17–36:16)

• Penn State Bad Beat:
  Dramatic tale of bettors losing out thanks to a garbage-time 1-handed touchdown.
  • “Quarterback on fourth and goal, spins out … throws the ball … Villanova receiver makes a catch with one hand … as the clock expires … Penn State does not cover while favored by 48 and a half.” – Stugotz (35:07)
• Discussion of Huge Spreads in College Football
  • “College football pretty routinely has 50 point spreads.” – Stugotz (36:12)

8. Power Shifts in College Football: Who's In, Who’s Out? (37:24–41:54)

• Debate Over Current Dynasties:
  Are Clemson, Alabama, Michigan still top-tier? Georgia and Ohio State dissected.
  • “We are in agreement that Clemson has now been removed from the list … Georgia though remains in this class because of Georgia going to Tennessee winning that game.” – Stugotz (37:24)
• Ohio State’s Win Rate and Ryan Day’s Future
  (Playful speculation about Day leaving for the NFL)
  • “He wants to be a head coach in the NFL.” – Mike Ryan (40:38)
  • “I don't think Ohio State knows what they have in Ryan Day.” – Dan Le Batard (40:50)

9. NFL Weekend: Chiefs, Burrow, and... Taylor Swift? (43:03–44:17)

• Biggest Stories in Pro Football:
  Chiefs’ 0–2 start, Burrow’s broken toe, and Taylor Swift mysteriously hiding from media at a game dominate the panel’s quick-hitter segment.
• Taylor Swift’s Disappearance:
  • "They just literally brought a wall to block the media...was she naked?" – Mike Ryan (43:35, 43:56)
  • “We didn’t get to see. She just walked normal. We would have seen what she was wearing.” – Billy Gil (44:12, tongue firmly in cheek)

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “The tortilla toss continues, Big 12 rules be damned.” – Dan Le Batard (08:48)
• “It does not matter if you win games as long as you have good losses.” – Billy Gil (08:32)
• “Some say I have a big staff. I don’t. I need a big staff, and that’ll help me be the commissioner of all.” – Greg Cote (10:25)
• “Ruben Bane is going to be a top five pick if he is healthy. That guy is not blockable…” – Stugotz (13:18)
• “Stop. Really? Is that the first question? We won the game 20 to 10. Try another question.” – Brian Kelly (22:00)
• “Who are these people watching? ... $150 million for a fight. I don’t know who’s watching this. How is this happening?” – Mike Ryan (26:00)
• “This is the most balanced University of Miami team I have seen in a while.” – Stugotz (21:09)
• “Jake Paul’s the guy.” – Dan Le Batard (34:06)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Nuttiest fan competition: 02:33–05:20, 08:48
• Notre Dame playoff arguments: 07:46–10:32
• Greg Cote as Sports Commissioner: 10:01–11:25
• Miami Hurricanes deep-dive: 12:01–15:10, 19:03–21:09
• Brian Kelly Press Conference: 21:59–23:56
• Boxing/Media/Business Model: 24:18–30:15
• Penn State Bad Beat: 34:17–36:16
• Top programs shifting: 37:24–41:54
• NFL stories, Taylor Swift: 43:03–44:17

Tone & Style

• Conversational, playful, irreverent, and insightful.
• Panelists mix genuine analysis with running jokes and signature Le Batard show sarcasm.
• No sports sacred, and media/coach behavior gets equal scrutiny alongside fan traditions and game results.

For Listeners/Readers

If you missed this hour, you missed a fast-moving, chaotic celebration of college football’s quirks (both on and off the field), a spirited debate about who controls the sport, a roast of self-serious coaches, and plenty of trademark Dan-Le Batard-Show inside jokes—topped off by a running joke about Taylor Swift possibly attending a game naked, just because nobody saw her.