The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Hour 1: The Drunkenness Tiers
Date: December 9, 2025
Hosts: Dan Le Batard, Stugotz
Notables: Pablo S. Torre, David Samson, Tony, others
Location: Elser Hotel, Miami

Episode Overview

In this lively episode, Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, and the crew pour their unique comedic energy into everything from locker room culture and modern sports business to the mysteries of drunkenness in pro sports. The conversation bounces vibrantly from an NFL player’s wild admission about playing games drunk, to the construction of “Drunkenness Tiers,” to probing the downward spirals of would-be NBA superstars like Ja Morant. Laced with signature banter and irreverence, the hour offers both serious sports analysis and hilarious takes on everything from AI impersonations to private equity in college football.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. AI Impersonation and Identity Theft

Segment: [02:56–05:35]

• Dan Le Batard shares a surreal and “real-life nightmare” experience: someone submitted a Wall Street Journal op-ed under his name.
  • He emphasizes the growing threat of AI and identity confusion but is clear, “they don’t have my Social Security number… [they’re] just trying to get something published in my own nom de plume.”
  • David and Stugotz discuss the nightmare scenario of being impersonated by scammers, highlighting how even show members have had their identities stolen.
  • Dan pivots quickly from the scam (“I need to call the credit card company. Hold on one second.”) with his trademark self-deprecating humor.

2. Quentin Jammer’s “Shit-Faced Drunk” Admission

Segment: [06:03–12:50]

• Stugotz reacts with disbelief to former NFL corner Quentin Jammer's online claim he played “completely shit faced drunk in at least 8 games” in 2011.
  • “That’s not possible... I don’t believe it can be done well shit face drunk or drunk of any kind.” — Stugotz [07:03]
• Dan Le Batard pushes back: “Players drink all the time. They drink before games, they drink during games, they drink after games.” [07:41]
• Stats are cited regarding Jammer’s subpar 2011 season (dead last in passer rating allowed [08:52]), sparking debate whether “shit faced” really means what it sounds like.
• Pablo S.: "You know what I’m learning from Quentin Jammer? Not a drinker — oh, amateur hour." [09:53]
• The segment humorously devolves into everyone debating the semantics of “shit faced” and sharing their own theories of what levels of drunk are plausible in pro sports.

3. Constructing the “Drunkenness Tiers”

Segment: [12:24–20:31]

• David brings up legendary writer Dan Jenkin’s “10 Stages of Drunkenness,” which the show attempts to read, but mid-list, realizes is both outdated and unrelatable (“It’s a terrible list.” — Dan Le Batard, [12:12]).

• Pablo S. introduces his own more modern, relatable hierarchy of drunkenness:

  • Buzzed
  • Tipsy
  • Nice/Feeling Good
  • Drunk
  • Obnoxious
  • Brownout
  • Shit-faced
  • Blackout
  • Leaving Las Vegas (the final catastrophic stage)
  • “Greg Cody” (an honorary, comedic addition)

• Segment highlight:

  • “Barfing is somewhere after shitface, but blackout I do believe is the last stop here. But shit faced is dead.” — Stugotz, [11:21]

• Discussion of “Brownout”:

  • Pablo S.: “Brownout is you're functional, but you’re not all there. People wouldn't be able to know, but you’re actually out of your mind.” [19:59]

4. NBA Trade Rumors: Ja Morant & Giannis

Segment: [20:48–30:56]

• Conversation pivots to NBA trade likelihoods, focusing on disgruntled or underperforming stars like Ja Morant and Giannis Antetokounmpo:
  • Amin (by attribution): “You can’t have a coach run a system your star player hates unless you just don’t care about your star player.” [21:14]
  • The panel distinguishes between injury and being “unavailable” due to off-court immaturity, with Ja Morant compared to historical spirals like Ben Simmons, Grant Hill, Brandon Roy, Penny Hardaway.
  • Stugotz: “Injury to me doesn’t qualify in this conversation... It’s random. It’s guy can’t play. So it’s Ben Simmons doesn’t have value as a player and it’s not because he’s hurt…” [24:28]
  • Pablo S.: “...If John Morant were healthy, or if... he came back with a heater for a jump shot, people are willing to look past a lot. I’ll quote the great Mike D’Antoni: 'I’ll play Satan if he can hit a jump shot.'” [25:07]
  • Segment concludes with debate about “Heat Culture” and if Miami would even go after possibly problematic stars, with consensus being that talent (and the hope of redemption) generally prevails there.

5. Miami Heat and “Culture Fit”

Segment: [30:56–37:38]

• The crew discusses whether Miami should, or would, chase Ja Morant or Giannis, given the Heat’s storied focus on “culture.”
  • “This idea they would never get Ja because Ja doesn’t fit Heat culture—that’s what Heat culture is all about, is getting guys who are outlaws and renegades and rogues.” — Pablo S., [37:23]
  • Previous Heat reclamation projects cited: Tim Hardaway, Alonzo Mourning, Shaquille O'Neal, Antoine Walker.
  • Reality: The team often succeeds with players deemed “headaches” elsewhere.

6. The Business of College Football & “Professionalization”

Segment: [38:44–44:37]

• David explains the evolving business model in college football as lawsuits emerge over player compensation and schools secure massive booster and donor gifts.
• Dan Le Batard: “If [being] champion of the second biggest sport we have in America, any program would pay $25 million for that. Where’s this going to be in five years?” [43:20]
• David: “It will be a professional league. It’s what I’ve been saying... You have a payroll. It’ll be a payroll of what the revenues can withstand. Could it be $100 million, $150 million payroll for a college team? Of course.” [43:59]
• Concerns about private equity, uneven booster access, and “conflicts of interest” are flagged.
• Dan Le Batard: “Is it worse than AI? This is just so bad. Everything’s bad.” [43:13] (said with his usual comedic despair)

7. Closing Notes & Charitable Appeal

Segment: [44:41–End]

• As the hour closes, Dan puts out a call for the show’s holiday toy drive:
  • “If you want to make Christmas for some kids who would not necessarily have toys otherwise… you will be getting directly to kids. Your money will go to making kids happier this Christmas.” [44:41]
  • Warm thanks and sign-offs to Pablo, David, and listeners.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dan Le Batard: “Players drink all the time. They drink before games, they drink during games, they drink after games.” — [07:41]
• Stugotz: “That’s not possible… I don’t believe it can be done well shit face drunk or drunk of any kind.” — [07:03]
• Pablo S.: “You know what I’m learning from Quentin Jammer? Not a drinker—oh, amateur hour.” — [09:53]
• Stugotz: “Barfing is somewhere after shitface, but blackout I do believe is the last stop here. But shit faced is dead.” — [11:21]
• Dan Le Batard: “Is it worse than AI? This is just so bad. Everything’s bad.” — [43:13]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:56–05:35] — AI impersonation and identity theft
• [06:03–12:50] — Quentin Jammer “shit-faced drunk” and the plausibility/debate
• [12:24–20:31] — Drunkenness Tiers breakdown and banter
• [20:48–30:56] — NBA trade rumors: Ja Morant, Giannis, and the "problematic star"
• [30:56–37:38] — “Heat Culture” and Heat reclamation history
• [38:44–44:37] — College football business and the rise of professionalization
• [44:41–End] — Charity pitch and sign offs

Summary

This episode weaves classic Le Batard Show tomfoolery with sharp, insightful commentary across the sports spectrum. From arguing the plausibility of playing NFL cornerback while blackout drunk, to debating the semantics of drunkenness, to analyzing athletes’ downfall and organizational redemptions, to dissecting the business arms race now defining college football, the crew delivers both serious perspective and laugh-out-loud moments. The show’s signature blend of camaraderie, insider knowledge, and relentless ribbing is on full display — producing an episode that’s as thought-provoking as it is entertaining for any fan.