The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Hour 1: The House I Could Have Built If They Let Me
Featuring: Tony Calatayud
Date: October 20, 2025

Episode Overview

Broadcast from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, and the crew serve up a raucously fun hour mixing South Florida sports, NFL takes, and the inimitable wit of their ensemble. This episode centers on Tony Calatayud’s infamous air-ball attempt at an FIU football walk-on, the Miami Dolphins' "apocalypse," NFL weekend takeaways, and a wildly memorable story involving travel mix-ups. The blend of inside jokes, candid riffs, and sports nerdery exemplifies why this show has cult status.

Key Segments & Themes

1. Dolphins Watch Party & The Miami Football "Apocalypse"

• [02:08]
  • Dan sets the stage for the show’s NFL focus:
    • “No matter what is happening around the Miami Dolphins season, this show will still party around Dolphins football. We will create a fun and happy atmosphere at the gates of hell as the apocalypse engulfs the football team...”
  • Upcoming Miller Lite Watch Party announced for Oct. 30 at Flanagans in Kendall, with a $1,500 costume contest and the full crew attending.
    • [02:55] Mike Ryan: "Fifteen hundred dollar costume contest. The whole crew will be out there. Come check it out."

2. Tony’s FIU “Air Tryout” Story – The House He Could Have Built

• [03:10]-[05:31]
  • Dan & Mike Ryan recount Tony’s now-legendary muttering at FIU Stadium:
    • “The house I could have built if they had let me.”
  • Tony explains his 2013-14 FIU walk-on tryout – notably being asked to throw air passes because NCAA rules prevented use of footballs for non-roster tryouts, with only tennis balls used for receivers/DBs.
    • [04:42] Tony: "They actually had tennis balls that they were using for the wide receivers and the DBs... the information that I was given as to why they didn't have footballs for us to try out was because that would have actually taken away practice time in some sort of NCAA bylaws..."
  • The entire panel riffs on FIU's absurdity and Tony’s near-mythical self-belief.

3. Tony’s Top Five NFL Observations (Presented by Smirnoff)

[07:05]

- The Olive (Honorable Mentions)

• Mac Jones "gets it done"
• Trey McBride: Observing how Brissett targets him more than Kyler Murray.
  • [07:52] Tony: "Imagine that. You have a really good tight end. Kyler Murray’s like, 'I’d rather not throw touchdowns to him...'”
• Jags: “They’re not serious people.”
  • [08:36] Dan: “I believe in them athletically, but they're not serious people.”
  • [09:39] Dan: “They're fools. There, I said it. They're fools.”
• Chiefs surge: “Here come the Chiefs... so wrong. Wow.”
• Eagles fourth-down aggression: Hurts’ best game, Brian Flores’ innovation stopping the Philly “tush push.”
  • [11:02] Tony: "Brian Flores... has figured out the tush push... Just lay him down horizontally on the floor so the guys can't get underneath him..."

- Tony’s NFL Top 5 (with rapid-fire banter after each pick)

|Rank|Observation|Key Quotes/Notes| |---|---|---| |5|Eagles are fine|“Jalen Hurts had the best game non-Drake May division...” [10:43]| |4|Cowboys “aren’t dead yet”|Ongoing injury banter; defense still a threat [12:12]| |3|Giants downfall / Bo Nix love|“Bo Nix, 33 points, two rushing touchdowns... I could have kicked the extra point with a bad leg and made it maybe.” [13:23]| |2|Colts as “most complete team”|Dan: “...in terms of efficiencies... they’ll put 38 on anybody..." [14:03]| |1|Miami Dolphins, in jokes with team management|“One of the M’s in Mike McDaniel stands for... Miserable muerdo.” [15:42]| ||(Extended banter dissecting players’ and execs’ names as Spanish-language insults, culminating with Steven Ross being “en cojonado”—‘lost his balls’ in frustration.)|

Memorable Quotes:

• Dan [09:39]: "They're fools. There I said it. They're fools."
• Tony [15:57]: "Do you know what the C in Chris Greer stands for, Dan?... Oh, that's another one."
• Dan [16:36]: "Ah, 'mahong.' Another synonym for 'mieda.' Just a singular piece. Yes. One turd."

4. Dolphins Roast Extends – Name Game Gone Wild

• [15:27 – 18:28]
  • Tony and the crew play with the names of the Dolphins’ leadership and team, using Spanish slang to poke fun, each name made into a scatological term.
    • Example:
      • "Tremendous turd" for TUA.
      • “En Cojonau” for Steven Ross (balls lost in anger).
      • Panel bursts into laughter and mutual mockery.
    • Dan [18:10]: “No...well, okay. I didn’t think we could descend from further than turds, but thank you Tony for taking us.”

5. Tony: Honorary Captain, FIU Local Color

• [21:44 – 23:23]
  • Tony details FIU vs. Kennesaw State, mentions possibly being honorary captain.
  • More riffing on “goal post weight” at small schools.

6. Football Precision – McVay, Stafford, Rams Machine

• [24:01 – 28:31]
  • Dan marvels at NFL precision:
    • “Devonte Adams...has dedicated his life...to run exactly 14.3 yards...It’s not going to be 15.3 yards...”
    • McVay’s quick cut of Goff for Stafford praised as “early 30s genius.”
  • Mahomes and Stafford’s subtle skills (“no-look passes”), organizational ruthlessness, and the militaristic efficiency of the best teams dissected in detail.

7. Dolphins, Tua, & Organizational Fragility

• [28:31 – 29:22]
  • Discussion on Tua’s accuracy not translating to big moments; if anything disrupts the “Ferrari,” the whole team collapses.
    • Zaslow [28:55]: “It really does appear if the first option in the first second of the ball being snapped is not there, it is panic time.”

8. Shohei Ohtani: The Greatest Game Ever?

• [29:22 – 39:29]
  • Dan leads effusive praise of Ohtani’s “extraterrestrial” playoff game (3 HRs, 10 Ks in clincher):
    • “The most amazing athletic feat of the weekend was Shohei Ohtani. And there is no close second place.” [30:27]
  • Baseball Unicorn:
    • Discussion on how unique Ohtani is vs. 100 years of baseball, how modern pitching makes what he’s done totally unprecedented.
  • Banter on Babe Ruth’s vaudeville gigs (“I want to see Ohtani do that...”) [40:03]
  • Reflection on how American media cannot grant Ohtani his due as a superstar.

9. Zaslow’s Epic “Airline Bus” Travel Story

• [41:10 – 46:42]
  • Zaslow, traveling for ESPN, is stunned to find his “connecting flight” from Chicago to South Bend is, in fact, not a plane but a bus—all booked through American Airlines.
    • Zaslow [44:43]: “I say to the bus driver, are we taking this bus to South Bend? She goes, yes.”
    • Dan [45:38]: “You had no idea the second leg of this first class flight was a bus. Put it on the poll at Le Batard show: Can the second leg of your first class flight ever be a bus?”
  • Crew piles on, incredulous at the concept and Zaslow’s confusion.

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Dan [02:08]: “We will create a fun and happy atmosphere at the gates of hell as the apocalypse engulfs the football team...”
• Tony [04:42]: “They actually had tennis balls that they were using for the wide receivers and the DBs...”
• Dan [09:39]: “They're fools. There, I said it. They're fools.”
• Tony [11:02]: “Brian Flores... has figured out the tush push... Just lay him down horizontally on the floor...”
• Tony [15:57]: “Do you know what the C in Chris Greer stands for, Dan?... Oh, that's another one.”
• Dan [16:36]: "Ah, 'mahong.' Another synonym for 'mieda.' Just a singular piece. Yes. One turd."
• Zaslow [44:43]: “I say to the bus driver, are we taking this bus to South Bend? She goes, yes.”
• Dan [45:38]: “You had no idea the second leg of this first class flight was a bus.”

Flow & Takeaways

• Engrossing blend of hyperlocal Miami takes, sports-nerd obsessions (precision of football, Ohtani’s historical feats), and self-aware, irreverent comedy.
• The panel’s back-and-forth on Tony’s FIU “air tryout”—and the running “house I could have built” line—epitomizes the show’s blend of self-deprecation and mythmaking.
• Extended Dolphins critique, using Spanish slang as satire, lampoons the franchise’s mediocrity with tongue-in-cheek, insider humor.
• Zaslow’s travel story (plane-to-bus) is classic show material: relatable, insane, everyone piling on.
• Dan brings thoughtful sports insight, especially when marveling at NFL and MLB excellence, before careening back to chaos with Greg and co.

For those who missed the episode:
Expect a ride through football chaos, South Florida parochialism, in-jokes (with context!), and honest awe at sports greatness—punctuated by the kind of running gags and irreverence that have made this show iconic.