Hour 1: The House I Could Have Built If They Let Me (feat. Tony Calatayud)

Summary

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Hour 1: The House I Could Have Built If They Let Me
Featuring: Tony Calatayud
Date: October 20, 2025

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Episode Overview

Broadcast from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, and the crew serve up a raucously fun hour mixing South Florida sports, NFL takes, and the inimitable wit of their ensemble. This episode centers on Tony Calatayud’s infamous air-ball attempt at an FIU football walk-on, the Miami Dolphins' "apocalypse," NFL weekend takeaways, and a wildly memorable story involving travel mix-ups. The blend of inside jokes, candid riffs, and sports nerdery exemplifies why this show has cult status.

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Key Segments & Themes

1. Dolphins Watch Party & The Miami Football "Apocalypse"

• [02:08]
  • Dan sets the stage for the show’s NFL focus:
    • “No matter what is happening around the Miami Dolphins season, this show will still party around Dolphins football. We will create a fun and happy atmosphere at the gates of hell as the apocalypse engulfs the football team...”
  • Upcoming Miller Lite Watch Party announced for Oct. 30 at Flanagans in Kendall, with a $1,500 costume contest and the full crew attending.
    • [02:55] Mike Ryan: "Fifteen hundred dollar costume contest. The whole crew will be out there. Come check it out."

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2. Tony’s FIU “Air Tryout” Story – The House He Could Have Built

• [03:10]-[05:31]
  • Dan & Mike Ryan recount Tony’s now-legendary muttering at FIU Stadium:
    • “The house I could have built if they had let me.”
  • Tony explains his 2013-14 FIU walk-on tryout – notably being asked to throw air passes because NCAA rules prevented use of footballs for non-roster tryouts, with only tennis balls used for receivers/DBs.
    • [04:42] Tony: "They actually had tennis balls that they were using for the wide receivers and the DBs... the information that I was given as to why they didn't have footballs for us to try out was because that would have actually taken away practice time in some sort of NCAA bylaws..."
  • The entire panel riffs on FIU's absurdity and Tony’s near-mythical self-belief.

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3. Tony’s Top Five NFL Observations (Presented by Smirnoff)

[07:05]

- The Olive (Honorable Mentions)

• Mac Jones "gets it done"
• Trey McBride: Observing how Brissett targets him more than Kyler Murray.
  • [07:52] Tony: "Imagine that. You have a really good tight end. Kyler Murray’s like, 'I’d rather not throw touchdowns to him...'”
• Jags: “They’re not serious people.”
  • [08:36] Dan: “I believe in them athletically, but they're not serious people.”
  • [09:39] Dan: “They're fools. There, I said it. They're fools.”
• Chiefs surge: “Here come the Chiefs... so wrong. Wow.”
• Eagles fourth-down aggression: Hurts’ best game, Brian Flores’ innovation stopping the Philly “tush push.”
  • [11:02] Tony: "Brian Flores... has figured out the tush push... Just lay him down horizontally on the floor so the guys can't get underneath him..."

- Tony’s NFL Top 5 (with rapid-fire banter after each pick)

|Rank|Observation|Key Quotes/Notes| |---|---|---| |5|Eagles are fine|“Jalen Hurts had the best game non-Drake May division...” [10:43]| |4|Cowboys “aren’t dead yet”|Ongoing injury banter; defense still a threat [12:12]| |3|Giants downfall / Bo Nix love|“Bo Nix, 33 points, two rushing touchdowns... I could have kicked the extra point with a bad leg and made it maybe.” [13:23]| |2|Colts as “most complete team”|Dan: “...in terms of efficiencies... they’ll put 38 on anybody..." [14:03]| |1|Miami Dolphins, in jokes with team management|“One of the M’s in Mike McDaniel stands for... Miserable muerdo.” [15:42]| ||(Extended banter dissecting players’ and execs’ names as Spanish-language insults, culminating with Steven Ross being “en cojonado”—‘lost his balls’ in frustration.)|

Memorable Quotes:

• Dan [09:39]: "They're fools. There I said it. They're fools."
• Tony [15:57]: "Do you know what the C in Chris Greer stands for, Dan?... Oh, that's another one."
• Dan [16:36]: "Ah, 'mahong.' Another synonym for 'mieda.' Just a singular piece. Yes. One turd."

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4. Dolphins Roast Extends – Name Game Gone Wild

• [15:27 – 18:28]
  • Tony and the crew play with the names of the Dolphins’ leadership and team, using Spanish slang to poke fun, each name made into a scatological term.
    • Example:
      • "Tremendous turd" for TUA.
      • “En Cojonau” for Steven Ross (balls lost in anger).
      • Panel bursts into laughter and mutual mockery.
    • Dan [18:10]: “No...well, okay. I didn’t think we could descend from further than turds, but thank you Tony for taking us.”

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5. Tony: Honorary Captain, FIU Local Color

• [21:44 – 23:23]
  • Tony details FIU vs. Kennesaw State, mentions possibly being honorary captain.
  • More riffing on “goal post weight” at small schools.

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6. Football Precision – McVay, Stafford, Rams Machine

• [24:01 – 28:31]
  • Dan marvels at NFL precision:
    • “Devonte Adams...has dedicated his life...to run exactly 14.3 yards...It’s not going to be 15.3 yards...”
    • McVay’s quick cut of Goff for Stafford praised as “early 30s genius.”
  • Mahomes and Stafford’s subtle skills (“no-look passes”), organizational ruthlessness, and the militaristic efficiency of the best teams dissected in detail.

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7. Dolphins, Tua, & Organizational Fragility

• [28:31 – 29:22]
  • Discussion on Tua’s accuracy not translating to big moments; if anything disrupts the “Ferrari,” the whole team collapses.
    • Zaslow [28:55]: “It really does appear if the first option in the first second of the ball being snapped is not there, it is panic time.”

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8. Shohei Ohtani: The Greatest Game Ever?

• [29:22 – 39:29]
  • Dan leads effusive praise of Ohtani’s “extraterrestrial” playoff game (3 HRs, 10 Ks in clincher):
    • “The most amazing athletic feat of the weekend was Shohei Ohtani. And there is no close second place.” [30:27]
  • Baseball Unicorn:
    • Discussion on how unique Ohtani is vs. 100 years of baseball, how modern pitching makes what he’s done totally unprecedented.
  • Banter on Babe Ruth’s vaudeville gigs (“I want to see Ohtani do that...”) [40:03]
  • Reflection on how American media cannot grant Ohtani his due as a superstar.

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9. Zaslow’s Epic “Airline Bus” Travel Story

• [41:10 – 46:42]
  • Zaslow, traveling for ESPN, is stunned to find his “connecting flight” from Chicago to South Bend is, in fact, not a plane but a bus—all booked through American Airlines.
    • Zaslow [44:43]: “I say to the bus driver, are we taking this bus to South Bend? She goes, yes.”
    • Dan [45:38]: “You had no idea the second leg of this first class flight was a bus. Put it on the poll at Le Batard show: Can the second leg of your first class flight ever be a bus?”
  • Crew piles on, incredulous at the concept and Zaslow’s confusion.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Dan [02:08]: “We will create a fun and happy atmosphere at the gates of hell as the apocalypse engulfs the football team...”
• Tony [04:42]: “They actually had tennis balls that they were using for the wide receivers and the DBs...”
• Dan [09:39]: “They're fools. There, I said it. They're fools.”
• Tony [11:02]: “Brian Flores... has figured out the tush push... Just lay him down horizontally on the floor...”
• Tony [15:57]: “Do you know what the C in Chris Greer stands for, Dan?... Oh, that's another one.”
• Dan [16:36]: "Ah, 'mahong.' Another synonym for 'mieda.' Just a singular piece. Yes. One turd."
• Zaslow [44:43]: “I say to the bus driver, are we taking this bus to South Bend? She goes, yes.”
• Dan [45:38]: “You had no idea the second leg of this first class flight was a bus.”

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Flow & Takeaways

• Engrossing blend of hyperlocal Miami takes, sports-nerd obsessions (precision of football, Ohtani’s historical feats), and self-aware, irreverent comedy.
• The panel’s back-and-forth on Tony’s FIU “air tryout”—and the running “house I could have built” line—epitomizes the show’s blend of self-deprecation and mythmaking.
• Extended Dolphins critique, using Spanish slang as satire, lampoons the franchise’s mediocrity with tongue-in-cheek, insider humor.
• Zaslow’s travel story (plane-to-bus) is classic show material: relatable, insane, everyone piling on.
• Dan brings thoughtful sports insight, especially when marveling at NFL and MLB excellence, before careening back to chaos with Greg and co.

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For those who missed the episode:
Expect a ride through football chaos, South Florida parochialism, in-jokes (with context!), and honest awe at sports greatness—punctuated by the kind of running gags and irreverence that have made this show iconic.

Transcript

[Tony]

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[Dan LeBatard]

When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans, send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone. Learn [e-mail] this is the Dan Levatar.

[Tony]

Show with the Stu Guts Podcast.

[Dan LeBatard]

No matter what is happening around the Miami Dolphins season, this show will still party around Dolphins football. We will create a fun and happy atmosphere at the gates of hell as the apocalypse engulfs the football team. By getting an entire block and sectioning it off wearing costumes. My kink. I can finally admit it. Right around Holly, right around Halloween. We're going to do this watch party. We don't do a lot of this. Greg Cody, are you coming? Are you coming to the Kendall watch party? Are you holding out? Is there an appearance fee involved?

[Greg Cody]

No, I would do it for free if I do end up going. But I am scheduled to be at that game. But my knee situation complicates it. That's right around the time of my surgery. I'm gonna try to actually make that event if I can.

[Mike Ryan]

It's a Miller light watch party. October 30th. It's a week from this upcoming Thursday at the Flanagans in Kendall, Southwest 88th street and Kendall Drive. Fifteen hundred dollar costume contest. The whole crew will be out there. Come check it out.

[Zaslow]

Southwest.

[Dan LeBatard]

We will. We will section off a block and it's going to be fun. We will make it fun. The thing that I just heard, and I wish we had this audio and I wish we were secretly recording Tony because I can't believe it happened. He's at FIU stadium and he actually said into a hot mic, sort of muttering to himself, the house I could have built if they had let me. If they had just let me. Now the only information we have on Tony's FIU career is he tried out as a walk on one time. They didn't even give him a football. He was just throwing air passes. And then he went home and they never gave him his real chance. But can you guys please explain to me who overheard that and why it is that he was muttering that into the microphone when he was off air?

[Mike Ryan]

I heard it and it's just as Tony as it can be. Least surprising thing I've ever heard at the time.

[Dan LeBatard]

It was crystal ball.

[Greg Cody]

Wow.

[Dan LeBatard]

Was it crystal ball?

[Guest Analyst]

Classic. Poor coaching decision.

[Dan LeBatard]

Was crystal ball your coach when you walked on?

[Tony]

No, Dan, it was not Mario. Crystal ball. So I would have walked on around 2013, 14. I think that's when they were in kind of flux. Crucible had just left and before Butch Davis, I want to say. So it was kind of somewhere in. In between.

[Stu Guts]

Was it Long Kruger?

[Zaslow]

Was it Isaiah Thomas?

[Stu Guts]

Might have been Long Turner. Ron Turner. I think I made him an NBA coach.

[Zaslow]

Ron Turner coaching like Oklahoma.

[Tony]

Yeah. Long Krueger. I don't think it was, but I think it was Ron Turner. But yeah, Dan, I did say it because I have to test the mic. When I go to things, I get.

[Stu Guts]

Ron and lawns confused all the time.

[Dan LeBatard]

I'm sorry, Tony. I missed that. I didn't why he was employing the Illinois basketball coach at fiu. But this isn't.

[Stu Guts]

We hired an Illinois football coach.

[Dan LeBatard]

FIU basketball and football are a bit of a way station here for minor league football under the University of Miami. And Tony tried out without a football, with an air football. And he could have built that. Is that Pitbull Stadium?

[Tony]

Dan, I am right now in the Pitbull Stadium, the bowels of Pitbull Stadium, walking into one of the. One of the tunnels here. And if you can see right over my left shoulder right here, that's actually where I was when I was trying out. So about Midfield, maybe the 45 yard line, they had a fake under center like this. And I was ready to call my plays and I was ready to call my stuff. Three step drop. Okay, we're throwing. All right, give me a five stepper. Okay. One, two, three, four, five. Bounce, bounce, throw.

[Dan LeBatard]

But Tony, do you know why did they not have enough footballs? Like how many guys were out there? And why wouldn't they just have brought out like a dozen footballs that everyone could have reused?

[Greg Cody]

Yeah, or at least I know.

[Tony]

See, that's a great point, Dan. Yeah, no, that would have been a great point. They actually had tennis balls that they were using for the wide receivers and the DBs, which I could have thrown the tennis ball. But the. The information that I was given as to why they didn't have footballs for us to try out was because that would have actually taken away practice time in some sort of NBA NCAA bylaws that if they would have brought out footballs for the walk ons, they would have actually lost a day of practice with the real team. Which I didn't feel really great when they said that to me. I was like, well, we're trying to make the real team, aren't we? And he's like, yeah, but you know. And then I was like, he's like, all right, Five step talk. I was, all right.

[Mike Ryan]

Tony's top five is presented by Smirnoff, the official vodka sponsor of the National Football League. Smirnoff. Please drink responsibly. The Smirnoff Company New York, New York. Vodka, 40 alcohol by volume.

[Zaslow]

I like the idea of Tony arguing with the coach why he can't have an A real ball.

[Tony]

It was a quick argument because he's like, yeah, the real team. Then I was like, okay. And then he said five step drop. And then I just went back like a robot and started doing five step drops.

[Zaslow]

Quick question. Had they used not a real football? Like maybe a nerf football? Or maybe one is like that nickelodeon ball we have behind us here. Does that count as practice or.

[Tony]

No? No. I think it's got to be pig skin, right? I think if it's pig skin, then they can, then they can get docked. But if it was foam, if it was maybe some sort of animal skin that wasn't pig, maybe we could have used it. But again, that's, that, that's 10 years in the past, Dan. It could have been the house that I built.

[Dan LeBatard]

Tony says he's loaded today. Top five, too many olives. Let's get through this. Let's. Let's start with the first Oli. Tony's top five observations from the NFL weekend.

[Tony]

We'll bang out through the olive really quick. Michael McCorkle Jones keeps getting it done. Dano. Thank you. I was waiting for that. Appreciate it. That's second Oli Braves revenge game. Yeah. Michael McCorkle Jones. McCorkle. I'm gonna ask this one to the class. Ask Trey McBride who he'd rather have at QB. Did you guys see the stats with him and Kyler Murray versus him and Jacoby Brissette? Do you guys know that stat or. No.

[Dan LeBatard]

Brissette targets him so much.

[Tony]

And throws touchdowns to him. Imagine that. You have a really good tight end. Kyler Murray's like, you know what? I'd rather not throw touchdowns to him. I'd rather throw touchdowns to Michael Wilson. But Jacobi Brissette's like, man, this guy's really good. Let me throw him the ball in the end zone. Which is usually a good thing when you have a guy who's six' five and runs a four. Six. But alas. All right, second last, Oli Jags. Just when I think I'm in, they push me back out.

[Dan LeBatard]

I mean, they're not serious people.

[Tony]

Dan, do you want to, do you want to set. Do you want to say the text that you told me on YouTube, text me privately when that game started?

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, sure. I, I just said, I, I, I have just bet the Jags and I know I'm going to regret it. Like, I know I. The game had not started simultaneously.

[Tony]

Down 21. Nothing.

[Dan LeBatard]

Because. Yeah, no, because I, I believe in them athletically, but they're not serious people.

[Greg Cody]

What do you mean by that?

[Tony]

Insane, Dan. Insane.

[Dan LeBatard]

I'll tell you. No, I'll tell you. Thank you for asking the question. I'll tell you what I mean by that. What I mean by that is the Jags, every good play that they had in yesterday's game was undone by a penalty. So they had. They. At one point, the announcer said, and the 11th and 12th penalty of this game wipe out a third and seven sacks for the Jags. Again, the Rams are playing three tight ends and one wide receiver. Three tight ends and one wide receiver. When I'm telling you that Stafford and Devonte Adams beat the Jags by themselves by just standing there watching them implode. They're not serious people. Like Matthew Stafford is doing no look passes in the super bowl because he knows exactly where to throw the ball. That's really three inches. Brian Thomas. You hit him and hit him in the face mask. Trevor Lawrence cannot be trusted to do anything but buck and Bronco like a Clydesdale. They're fools. There, I said it. They're fools.

[Zaslow]

They exhibit the behaviors of a fool.

[Stu Guts]

Yes.

[Greg Cody]

They're not fools. Just act like.

[Tony]

I don't know. You haven't been watching the Jags that closely then. All right, last oli. Oh, here come the Chiefs. Dan, I think we were wrong.

[Dan LeBatard]

So wrong. Wow.

[Tony]

So Rashid Rex makes a big difference.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, yeah. He's good.

[Tony]

Pretty good.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah. And that precision thing, all right, where you can throw it to one guy seven times and every time it's going to be open.

[Stu Guts]

Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

It makes everybody a little bit better.

[Tony]

Yeah, yeah. All right, we'll get into the top five now. Except number five.

[Dan LeBatard]

Baker doesn't need anybody. Baker doesn't need precision with anybody.

[Tony]

Get somebody off the couch. You'll catch a touchdown with Baker. Only if we could teach that to Trevor Lawrence, who is still again throwing touchdowns to nobody but throwing the ball to Parker Washington of all people. Anyways, we'll get off to number five here. The Eagles are going to be all right. The Eagles are going to be all right.

Dan.

[Dan LeBatard]

Remember I said that Jalen Hurts had.

[Tony]

The best too good of a team on both sides.

[Dan LeBatard]

Jalen Hurts had the best game non Drake may division that was had by any quarterback in the league yesterday. And is it not funny to you guys the way these guys now treat fourth downs? God almighty. They've gone in the other direction now. These guys are throwing deep on 4th and 1 all over the place because it's a calculated advantage because everybody's selling out to stop the yard.

[Tony]

Crazy Dan. I will say this though. Brian Flores, for as much flack as we gave him here in Miami, has figured out the tush push. I don't know if you guys have talked about. I was getting here to the field. Okay, you line up a guy just on the floor, just in front of the line of scrimmage. Don't let him be on a three point stance or five point. Just lay him down horizontally on the floor so the guys can't get underneath him. It's probably the greatest way to stop the tush push. I wonder if people are going to use that going forward against Philly or not.

[Zaslow]

I think the next move, you stack defensive tackles on top of each other. Lying. Lying on top of each other.

[Tony]

Wow.

[Stu Guts]

Just like have four guys.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's so fun. Yeah.

[Tony]

This way. Yeah.

[Zaslow]

You build a wall.

[Tony]

Yes.

Shout out to Stan Van Gundy.

[Dan LeBatard]

You're screwed.

[Mike Ryan]

If they do play action but.

[Greg Cody]

Or if they go wide or if.

[Dan LeBatard]

They go to A.J. brown.

[Tony]

We're trying to stop the. Put the tush push, guys. Come on. What are we doing here?

[Dan LeBatard]

And they throw a fade to A.J. brown against the corner. Who's six inches shorter?

[Tony]

Number four. The Cowboys aren't dead yet. Keep an eye on them. I know their defense isn't great. Keep an eye on the Cowboys. Keep an eye on them, Dan.

[Dan LeBatard]

Tony. Their defense is keep an eye on him.

[Tony]

I mean what happened to Trayvon Diggs where he got hurt at his house and is in concussion protocol.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's an accident in his home.

[Stu Guts]

When Dak Prescott is healthy, that team is always a 12 win team. Now they may not make it to 12 wins, but when he is healthy, they win. We got to get used to that.

[Tony]

Bingo. Bingo. Number three. Through three quarters, I was getting ready to vehemently defend the top five intriguing teams list I did earlier this season where Dan laughed at my Giants selection and called it garbage. Then in the fourth quarter, Denver scored 33 points and I realized I still won the take because I'm a bo. I'm a pro Bo Nicks guy. Not being take accountable, Dan. That's the best part of my job. Bo Nix, 33 points, two rushing touchdowns, two passing touchdowns in the fourth quarter. That Jackson Dart interception was an absolute back breaker. And then the Giants kicker missed the extra point. I could have kicked the extra point with a bad leg and made it maybe.

[Dan LeBatard]

No, no.

[Greg Cody]

How's that lawsuit going by the way?

[Tony]

I would have pushed it wide. Right. I'm actually in talks with with your wife to see what's going on here. Good to figure out how I can sue the company.

[Dan LeBatard]

You need your support.

[Tony]

I might make an appearance over there. Yeah, a lot of. A lot of. A lot of people won't touch this case, Dano, because of your name around the city. But I finally found an attorney who I think knows you enough to to make something happen. So I'm very excited about that.

[Greg Cody]

I need your support.

[Tony]

Exactly right.

[Dan LeBatard]

Number two.

[Tony]

Going to continue to beat the drum on this. But the Colts are the most complete team in Football.

[Dan LeBatard]

So that's an interesting thing that happened, huh? Like it can't even be denied right now in terms of efficiencies. Marching down the field, they'll put 38 on anybody in a way that's of bit different than the way Kansas City does it, right? Because they've got the great. They're still using the great running back. Nobody needs one of those anymore, but they've got one that's better than all the rest.

[Tony]

And Tyler Warren, who's a really good rookie, tight end. Michael Pittman. The ghost of Michael Pittman all of a sudden catching balls all over the field. They've got 19 guys that can just go out and get a 55 yard bomb. The Colts are exciting. And defense. Luana Rumo's got the defense playing really well.

[Stu Guts]

Dano, they are the most efficient offense this century when it comes to points per draw.

[Tony]

I saw that.

[Dan LeBatard]

No, but beyond that. I remind you that a couple of weeks ago Zaslo over here was telling us Harbo is the greatest coach there's ever been because the Chargers had two good games of defense.

[Zaslow]

All right?

[Dan LeBatard]

No, but the Colts can do that against anybody.

[Stu Guts]

He was right back then.

[Zaslow]

I was talking about what they were that moment.

Can't be late with an opinion.

[Mike Ryan]

Dan, have we had a younger ghost of than Michael Pittman?

[Stu Guts]

Why was he a ghost? Because he hurt his ankle.

[Tony]

I mean, for years the guy didn't do anything. Now he hurt his back, hurt his ankle was all over the place, getting hurt in the injured reserve and whatnot. And then all of a sudden he's just catching passes from everywhere, from Danny.

[Greg Cody]

Dimes, Crazy Jalen hurt.

[Tony]

Good one, Greg.

[Greg Cody]

Thank you.

[Tony]

All right, Dano, number one. We can only save this for the hometown team. Dano, I'm going to give you a couple of letters and I want you to see what they stand for. Okay? You ready?

[Dan LeBatard]

Yep.

[Tony]

All right. One of the M's in Mike McDaniel stands for.

[Dan LeBatard]

Oh, are you going to insult him?

[Zaslow]

Miserable muerto.

[Dan LeBatard]

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were doing. You got.

[Tony]

Okay, we are playing Spanish.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay. Yeah. That's good.

[Tony]

Do you. Do you know what the C in Chris Greer stands for, Dan?

[Zaslow]

Yeah.

[Tony]

All right.

[Mike Ryan]

Dano, I thought it was gonna be cool.

[Tony]

Stands for. Oh, that's another one.

[Dan LeBatard]

All right, but you. I don't want to call these people. It's calling. It's calling. Chris Greer is.

[Tony]

Yeah, I didn't say it. You did. I didn't say.

[Zaslow]

He exhibits the behaviors of someone who Eats.

[Greg Cody]

Yes, that's correct.

[Tony]

Sticking. Sticking with the. With the shit sandwich here. The M in Miami Dolphins stands for middle mahong.

[Dan LeBatard]

Ah, mahong. Another A synonym for mieda. Just a singular piece. Yes. One turd. Just a single piece of shit. It's not even a pile of it. It's just a single turd. That's right. Just one set apart from the others. One lonely turd.

[Greg Cody]

Patrick Mahone.

[Zaslow]

That was a good one.

[Tony]

Greg's on his game today. Unleashed. Dan, what does the T in TUA stand for?

[Dan LeBatard]

Oh, for the love of God, Tony.

[Tony]

A tremendous turd.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's right.

[Tony]

A collection of tremendous turds.

[Dan LeBatard]

A collection of tremendous turds is correct.

[Zaslow]

Exhibits the behavior of a collection of tremendous turds.

[Dan LeBatard]

All right. These are all important distinctions. You're doing important work, Tony. Thank you for your help. He is making the distinctions.

[Tony]

I've got one last one.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay, I thought that was.

[Tony]

I've got one last one. No, no, no. That's a continuation. Last one. We'll save it for the boss. One of the E's in Steven Ross stands for what? Dan?

[Dan LeBatard]

No.

[Tony]

Say, got to think about this one. Got to think about this one. Think about what he's doing, where he sees his team right now. One of the E's in Steven Ross stands for you ready?

[Guest Analyst]

Yep.

[Tony]

He's in Cojonau. Dan. He's in Cohonau. That's what he is.

[Dan LeBatard]

That is right.

[Tony]

He's in Cohona with the team.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's right.

[Tony]

He has lost and Gojona with the team. Dan.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's he. So how do I translate in Gojono? It's with.

[Tony]

He is so upset. He's so upset that he's without balls. Yeah, his balls fell off from how upset he is.

[Zaslow]

Mangina.

[Dan LeBatard]

No. Well, okay. I didn't think we could descend from further than turds, but thank you, Tony, for taking us.

[Stu Guts]

I liked that one.

[Dan LeBatard]

Thank you. Appreciate.

[Tony]

Thank you.

[Dan LeBatard]

The awkward.

[Tony]

Dan, we got to get rid of these karachas in the house. It's over. Clean house for the dolphins. The entire thing.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's right. I don't know why, Greg. I don't know why your son just shouted. Seeing Binga into the sky. Trying to get in on the merriment and the fun.

[Tony]

Hey, it's Tony for the Dan Levitart show. And I got to tell you something that makes me feel a lot safer with my wife and kid at home. It's simply safe. Most security systems only react after a break in, and that's too late. If you want to Be honest. Real security stops crime before it even starts. I just watched a video that was absolutely terrifying. An arsonist trying to light a family home on fire. And you know what? Simplisafe stopped it before anybody got hurt. Their AI powered camera spotted the threat, alerted the monitoring agent and the intruder got confronted while still outside the house. That's what I call real security. Pre security, not post security. I trust Simplisafe with my home, my family and everything I care about. No hidden fees, no long term contracts and they've been named one of the best home security systems by U.S. news for five years running. Right now, Levitar show listeners can get 50% off a SimpliSafe [e-mail] DLB that's SimpliSafe.com DLB try it risk free with their 60 day money back guarantee and see why I trust them so much. There's no safe like Simplisafe.

[Mike Ryan]

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[Stu Guts]

Howdy listeners. It's Mike Ryan and Chris Cody. Hey everyone. Hey Chris. We love hanging out so much. You were at my birthday the other day.

[Greg Cody]

You're old.

[Stu Guts]

You know what I saw in your hand?

[Mike Ryan]

What?

[Stu Guts]

A can of Miller. Whether it's a can, whether it's a bottle, a draft pour of Miller Light. Oh, the draft. Boy, you see that beautiful iconic color.

[Zaslow]

The cold right away.

[Mike Ryan]

The ice coldness to it.

[Zaslow]

Oh, so good.

[Stu Guts]

Yes, Chris, the ice coldness to it. Oh, whether you're hanging out with me on my birthday because I'm old or you're at a game, you know that Miller Lite just makes every special time a Miller time. That's how you make the special times by making a Miller Times. Game day just hits different with Miller.

[Tony]

Lite in your hand hittin different.

[Stu Guts]

From jaw dropping touchdowns to fantasy heartbreaks. It's a beer that has been there for every moment. 50 years of great taste, simple ingredients and that iconic golden color. That coldness, Chris.

[Mike Ryan]

That icy coldness.

[Stu Guts]

That icy coldness. The original light beer since 1975 and still hitting different five decades later. Miller Lite Great Taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

[Mike Ryan]

I see coldness.

[Dan LeBatard]

Don LeBatard.

[Greg Cody]

I want to address Tony and all men who would wear that shirt in public.

[Stu Guts]

Stugats don't do it.

[Zaslow]

This is the Don LeBatard show with the Stugats.

[Dan LeBatard]

I did want to talk for a second because I've rambled.

[Mike Ryan]

Being told Tony has one more thing.

[Greg Cody]

Really quick.

[Tony]

Really quick. Dan. Tomorrow behind me, Vice city situation at FIU Stadium. The FIU Panthers. Paul's up. Are playing Kennesaw State right here, 7pm At Pitbull Field. They may invite me to be on the. To be on the field here. I don't know. That's what I've been heard from my boy Darren, who's letting me know, giving me a thumbs up. I don't know.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay, so thank you. I'm glad we went back.

[Tony]

Honorary captain. Okay, so, yes, honorary captain, by the way.

[Stu Guts]

Seems like it was probably contingent on him getting that last line out there.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's what.

[Stu Guts]

That's what access at Pitbull Stadium causes.

[Dan LeBatard]

What gives you. What gives you that suspicion, Mike? Was that how smoothly he threw it? Just one more thing at the end.

[Stu Guts]

What does the FNAF stand for, Tony?

[Dan LeBatard]

After I've given you in cohenavo as the last one more thing. I forgot the more important one more thing. Which is why I got access to this stadium that I could have built if my heir passes a million years ago hadn't violated NCAA practice rules.

[Stu Guts]

The I in FIU stands for. I got to get this one in, boys.

[Guest Analyst]

Worry about those practice throws, Tony. I don't want you to get hurt there.

[Tony]

By the way, really quick, there's one more thing. There's one more thing.

[Stu Guts]

Really quick.

[Tony]

I promise you. I promise it's really quick. Look what I discovered back here. Danny, swivel the camera really quick. This goes back to last week. We were talking about this. Here we go. Hold on, hold on. Can you guys tell me what that looks like right there? That seems to be a goal post, right? That looks to be a goal post right here. And where the kid was was on. Come in.

[Mike Ryan]

That was such a still.

[Guest Analyst]

So.

[Dan LeBatard]

Wait. So heavy.

[Greg Cody]

Oh, wow.

[Dan LeBatard]

Look at that. Okay, so it's not the £4,000.

[Stu Guts]

Look at that gold post. Look at that weight distribution you always want me to earn.

[Dan LeBatard]

Look at that. Tony Kaladi who finds out Tony Kaladi finds out a new podcast where you.

[Tony]

Want me to pick them both up.

[Mike Ryan]

He exposes that looks like a dollar store.

[Stu Guts]

He'll go post thank you for doing this Tony. Good asinine conversation last week.

[Dan LeBatard]

Good work Tony. We appreciate the help.

[Mike Ryan]

I don't think could the bigger schools have you know bigger heavier ones just.

[Zaslow]

FCS goalposts that we say what are we doing here?

[Dan LeBatard]

How do you imagine the tryouts are for the bigger school where the kid goes out who throws air passes there? Like do you realize how far from the very fringes of football Tony was throwing walk on air passes in a stadium where he couldn't even get footballs.

[Zaslow]

The big schools do air passes but you wear full pads everything full contact.

[Guest Analyst]

Well you could have built that house though.

[Dan LeBatard]

So I want to talk to you though guys about the the I've rambled a bit on the subject but the precision of football right I do. I do get fascinated by the idea that Devonte Adams, who I didn't think was a number one wide receiver, has dedicated his life over the last 15 years to I will run exactly 14.3 yards on this route. I'm going to practice it and I'm going to keep practicing. It's not going to be 15.3 yards.

[Stu Guts]

It's not going to be 13.3 yards on Devonte Adams. You were right at the time.

[Zaslow]

That's what I'm saying.

Can't be late with an opinion. Dan.

[Stu Guts]

He was bad.

[Dan LeBatard]

He had a lot of drops his first season. But the idea that athletes of this caliber would dedicate themselves to staying a top money by being as precise as the Rams demand, you must McVeigh's ahead of the game. Got to stay ahead of the game. Tua can get stripped down to nothing that fast. McDaniel 2 He was first to I'm the next Belichick. I can have any broadcasting job. I'm smarter than everyone else. I'll do it. If I've got Whitworth, I'll do it. If I've got Gurley I'll do it. If I've got Goff I'll do it. If I've got Stafford, I'll do it. If I have no wide receivers yesterday and I'm going to London and playing at 6am for my fans and I'm going to drag Jacksonville that has all the number one picks in their offense because I'm a better organization because I'm the Rams and I will be feared by everyone in the playoffs because the military school we run on numbers and precision Just get Puka's hands open. It doesn't have to be the rest of him, just where his hands are. You can't be sloppy against that. You can't. When. When Brian Flores is working his way back into the league because a discrimination lawsuit is laughed at as everything he told you about the organization comes unraveling and he's devising, how do I stop that play that Jason Kelsey is arguing for as that team wins 20 of 21 because there's a play that can't be stopped. No Flores, Let me see if I can figure out how to stop it. These are military schools. There are giant economies that are studying all day and night to how do we beat the Eagles? And you fall behind like that. The precision of the Rams is a tribute to excellence. And Stafford, I will add, because Stafford survived everything that the Lions were organizationally got out. And I'm telling you, if he plays them in the playoffs, he's going to beat them. And I'm telling you that if he played for that team right now, he's the one who could go get Mahomes. Because they figured out at the top of the game that if you're healthy and precise, Drew Brees was trying to beat them. They've got a precision that is so crazy that Jacksonville, with Travis Hunter out there, they're just slinging it. So Devonte Adams has never had that kind of game and Stafford hasn't either. And they've got no wide receivers.

[Zaslow]

Remember, before the season started, we weren't sure, like, it felt like Stafford wasn't going to play this year. That wasn't that long ago.

[Greg Cody]

He's the fourth best quarterback in the league, right after Allen Mahomes and a healthy Johnson.

[Dan LeBatard]

I want to talk, though, I want to get back to talking about the idea, though, of when we're doing this stuff that we're watching happen with Belichick, where you see how quickly someone can get stripped of genius. The quarter McVeigh cut bait on golf so fast. Nobody cuts bait that quickly on, like, nope, let's go get Stafford. We were just a Super bowl team. People hold onto their jobs. They're afraid. But if you're in your early 30s and you're actually smarter than everyone else, you're not pretending all the time and you get the right quarterback with which all you have to do is, yep, Matt, I'll support you everywhere. Just keep being that precise. Please meet me at precision. Keep throwing the ball there and there and there. Every time, no look passes. Mahomes did that yesterday. You saw Mahomes did the no look pass because he's feeling comfortable again. Because. And. And Rice is pointing to him like this. The miles that these men run in feet that get Deion Sanders amputated toes like in precision of. No, we'll do it 14.3 yards. 14.3 yards.

[Stu Guts]

It's all right, Dan. That's a little too much. I'm looking Deion Sanders toes. And if you say they just need book his hands open for a fourth time this show we're stopping you penalty box.

[Dan LeBatard]

I probably deserve it. I just can't believe that there's a machine that's more precise than all the others in that game. Like we marvel and value all this stuff. And then Baker Mayfield gets out there and we can't explain how it is that he got to. How he got to 35 points when none of his receivers are there. Compare it to what we just happened in Miami, which was a Ferrari with a spark plug that went wrong. Like you a fragile thing that if. If a leg breaks, you're done. You're finished. You're finished historically.

[Stu Guts]

So.

[Greg Cody]

Yeah, but. But, but accuracy was supposed to be to his strength and it is. He. He has the. Going into yesterday, he had the best red zone passer rating in the league. His completion percentage was like second best in the league. So accuracy. You mentioned precision. Accuracy is supposed to be his forte. So theoretically, Mike McDaniels agrees with McVay. He just can't pull it off like McVay does.

[Zaslow]

Yeah, but it's not just the accuracy with two of these days anymore. Like, I. And I know Xavian Howard said this after week number one, but it really does appear if the first option in the first second of the ball being snapped is not there, it is panic time.

[Greg Cody]

I agree with that. I agree with that. And plus his lack of a running option is just extreme to the point where he's one dimensional in a way that hardly any other quarterbacks are.

[Dan LeBatard]

Doesn't even make sense to me when you're talking about that was number one in the league in passing. Like the second option and third option were there because he was getting rid of the ball faster than everyone else was. Faster than Tom Brady ever did. Before we go any further, I've got a couple of things that I'm remiss on. One, I have failed today. That it is a couple of hours into the show and I have not mentioned that in a baseball game, unlike anyone I have ever witnessed. And whoever it is that saw Babe Ruth play does not have the story to tell that we do if we're not numb to these things. The idea that Shohei Ohtani hit three home runs in a playoff game to clinch a World Series berth, one of them out of the stadium, and also struck out 10 men throwing the ball 100 miles an hour, makes him an extraterrestrial that has never existed on earth before. And that game is the single best playoff game a player has ever played, Babe Ruth included. Like, there is no there. There's no getting around. We saw that the by leaps and bounds, the most amazing athletic feat of the weekend was Shohei Ohtani. And there is no close second place.

[Guest Analyst]

There will never be a close second. Only 12 hitters ever had hit three homers in a postseason game. Only 26 pitchers ever had recorded 10 strikeouts in two hits or less. And no runs in both.

[Mike Ryan]

Season start.

[Guest Analyst]

He did both.

[Mike Ryan]

That's project. I mean, he's the only pitcher they're letting hit nowadays, though, so how's anyone.

[Guest Analyst]

Else wants to do it?

[Dan LeBatard]

It's. It is superhero athleticism. It is stuff you will tell people about 100 years from now, and they will not believe it existed.

[Zaslow]

Timeout, Chris, what did you just say?

[Guest Analyst]

What in the world?

[Mike Ryan]

What other pitchers are hitting in today's baseball?

[Zaslow]

That's why. Because they're not allowed to. Oh, if you get.

[Dan LeBatard]

Max Schurz was like, if you put.

[Zaslow]

Me at plate, man, I'll take the one yard. That's what you're saying.

[Mike Ryan]

I'm just saying one pitcher is currently hitting these days. They should let more pitchers hear the numbers.

[Greg Cody]

I just said, you're not wrong.

[Guest Analyst]

What are we doing? I don't know about you guys, but I'm someone that's constantly adding stuff to different carts on random websites. Like, there's a teal Marlins hat that's been calling to me for, like, two and a half years that I'm constantly getting advertisements for is something eventually I'll purchase because I keep those things in the cart. Then I see it. That beautiful, glowing purple shop pay button. Boom, checkout's done. I don't even have to get up and find my wallet. That, my friends, is Shopify Magic. That little purple button means that the store is powered by Shopify, which doesn't just make it easy to buy, but ridiculously easy to start and run your own business, too. Whether you're a giant like Mattel or Gymshark or, you know, just launching something weird from your garage, Shopify has your back. Let's be real. If we can run a show with this much chaos. You can run a business with Shopify with hundreds of beautiful templates, tools for payments, inventory analytics, marketing. It goes on and on and it's all in one place. If you want to see less carts being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com batard go to shopify.com, shopify.

[Stu Guts]

Quick break here to talk to you about the official ticketing partner of the Dan LeBatard show, folks, it's Mike Ryan. You know how much I love this product. I use it frequently. I'm often buying tickets on the secondary market and for me, game time has always been the best place to go for NFL tickets, concert tickets, comedy shows. It's just the best. Here's Zone Deals Favorites Panoramic seat views. The lowest price guarantee where GameTime will credit you 110% of the difference. I love that thing. GameTime's ticket coverage. Your purchase is covered with the most flexible customer service policy in the ticketing industry. You get all those guarantees, pal. Join what many in our show have already done. They download that GameTime app because GameTime guarantees you can trust you'll be getting 100% authentic tickets on time and at the best price. Plus, fees are always included. So what you see is what you pay. Take the guesswork out of buying NFL tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account and use code DAN for $20 off your first purchase terms. Apply again, create an account and redeem code dan for $20 off. Swipe tap ticket. Go download the Gametime app today.

[Tony]

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[Mike Ryan]

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[Dan LeBatard]

Don LeBatard. You don't remember the idea.

[Mike Ryan]

I was probably, like, that kind of thing.

[Dan LeBatard]

Something.

[Greg Cody]

Okay, no, the home run call was that kind of swing.

[Dan LeBatard]

That kind of thing.

[Stu Guts]

Stugats. Oh, it's a good call.

[Greg Cody]

Thank you. And plus, it doesn't matter who's hitting it. Like, you're not tailoring it to a particular name. You know, all that jazz. You know, you don't got to do that.

[Stu Guts]

Oh, that would be a great call.

[Dan LeBatard]

Swing. That kind of thing.

[Zaslow]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the st.

[Greg Cody]

I mean, I'm not saying any other pitcher would be Ohtani, but all half of the major league pitchers hit.488 in high school, right?

[Tony]

Like.

[Mike Ryan]

Like, keep talking.

[Greg Cody]

Like, pitchers in high school were probably the best hitter on their team as well.

[Mike Ryan]

Who's the pitcher?

[Zaslow]

Wait, Jeremy, what'd you hit?

[Mike Ryan]

Who's the pitcher that's being held back right now? Who could be hitting?

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay, you guys need to stop doing this because you're really minimizing the level of expertise that it's taking present day to hit a baseball. Like, pitchers can no longer do that.

[Greg Cody]

No, Ohtani is a unicorn. And look, by some metrics, he's having a bad postseason in that he's hitting, like, 208 or something. But he's got five home runs and two pitching victories. There's been nobody.

[Mike Ryan]

Like, there's got to be a pitcher right now. That's like, let me get some ABs, coach.

[Guest Analyst]

I could help 12 hitters ever with three homers in a postseason game. 12 hitters that were just hitters have ever hit three home runs in a post.

[Dan LeBatard]

One of them went out of the stadium. I have not seen that there before. I look at it. Well, I. I don't. Maybe that happens all the time now that he plays there.

[Guest Analyst]

No. They put a marker out in right field for Kyle Schwerber's homer in an earlier round this postseason because nobody hits the ball that far. And he hit it like. Like 30ft further as he struck out.

[Dan LeBatard]

10 guys in a game. It is. It is absurd, beyond absurd. And that you guys would make it a conversation of, I want to see Chris Hammond hit more.

[Zaslow]

Poll you.

[Mike Ryan]

I swear I was going to say Mike Hampton, he won bad. I also had Chris Hammond. My whole Mike Hampton right now is sitting somewhere saying, hey, give me 600 bats.

[Greg Cody]

Damn right he could hit I can't.

[Mike Ryan]

Believe you just pulled Chris Hammond. You're looking at my brain.

[Greg Cody]

Yeah.

[Stu Guts]

Pinch hitter in the World Series.

[Greg Cody]

Oh.

[Mike Ryan]

You don't think there's any pitchers? I know I'm obviously. Obviously, Ohtani's great.

[Zaslow]

There's got to be some pitchers out.

[Mike Ryan]

There, like, coach, let me get an ab.

[Dan LeBatard]

But this is the part. This is the only part I understand. This is the part that frustrates me. I would say, just in general, wherever it is that language barrier and baseball and foreignness makes someone not the star they should be. Because in the sport of Mike Trout, somebody who hits and pitches, what he just did is so Ruthiean, so superheroic. The people who appreciate baseball understand that no other human being who has ever lived has that collection of talents in his body. It's the kind of game he just had. If we sent a major leaguer to play against sixth graders where he'll hit three home runs and one of them will be further than any of the sixth graders have ever seen, he's playing against all other major leaguers. They can't hit him at 100 miles an hour. And he hits the ball further than I've ever seen it hit.

[Zaslow]

And he only started pitching again in the middle of this season.

[Greg Cody]

Yeah.

[Zaslow]

He had not pitched in over a year.

Dan, I kind of need CSI baseball to take a look at the Anaheim Angels or Los Angeles Angels or California Angels or whatever Angels. They were like, you guys had Trout and Shohei at the same time, and you were horseshit and pools.

[Dan LeBatard]

How did that happen?

[Zaslow]

How is that possible?

[Dan LeBatard]

And rendon, they paid 250 million for him too. And then they had no pitching is how it happened.

[Guest Analyst]

I think you could put every major league pitcher in a high school game right now against one of.

[Mike Ryan]

Keep talking.

[Guest Analyst]

The better high school pitchers and not one of them would have the game. Shohei Ohtani just did in the MLB post game.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's luna. It's total what that man just did. Like, what I was beginning to say is I wish the American media knew how to cover this person in a way that would grant him the stardom that would make him a bigger thing. Beyond over the Land. This is no problem in Japan, obviously, right? They recognize the history of the game. Hell, the game grew as the cultures shared it. And what has been birthed is the single greatest baseball player that has ever existed. Someone who would make Babe Ruth pale in his shadow. And the playoff game he just had is something they will talk about 100 years from now.

[Zaslow]

How much is he making this year?

[Dan LeBatard]

$2 million.

[Greg Cody]

That is hilarious.

[Zaslow]

A good value.

[Greg Cody]

That's crazy. But there is one measure by which Babe Ruth continues to be the most talented player ever. And let me give it to you. And this is. You think I'm setting this up for a joke. I'm not. This is the truth. Early in the 20th century, baseball players used to work during the off season to make extra income. Babe Ruth worked during the off season singing on a vaudeville stage. So I want to see Ohtani do that. Okay.

[Zaslow]

What got you there, Dan?

[Greg Cody]

Gotcha.

[Dan LeBatard]

Can we look that up, see if it's factual, how much it is? How much Babe Ruth earned singing in a vaudeville show in the off season to make extra coins?

[Greg Cody]

A lot of players did it because they were trading on their name. They were celebrities. So people would go to the vaudeville.

[Dan LeBatard]

They would be shows. They'd be shows. And there's the great Babe Ruth in the before television, cable, or the Internet influencers of their day.

[Zaslow]

Kind of like how every athlete has a podcast now.

[Dan LeBatard]

The 1920s.

[Greg Cody]

Yeah.

[Zaslow]

Yes. Babe Ruth did sing in vaudeville. During tours in the 1920s, he performed a variety of acts that included singing, telling jokes, and even trying his hand at mind reading. These performances were part of his postseason tours and were popular attractions due to his celebrity status.

[Tony]

Booyah.

[Dan LeBatard]

Being Babe Ruth. Booyah. Was not allowed back then.

[Zaslow]

Yeah, that would have had you sat in a different section.

[Dan LeBatard]

Booyah. I don't know why you would. Then do it again.

[Greg Cody]

I don't even know what that means. That kind of thing.

[Zaslow]

Do it again.

[Greg Cody]

That's a three facts, Jack, from the Greg Cody show. By the way, that fact on Babe Ruth. I'm there for you people. I'm there for.

[Dan LeBatard]

The other thing that I'm remorseful about today is that I have not gotten to Zaslow's travel story that Mike Ryan embargoed from me earlier the show. What are you saying? Oh, yeah, about.

[Greg Cody]

I want to hear it.

[Dan LeBatard]

You don't know anything about it. Two people know about this story, and Mike Ryan embargoed the story. I've never had such trouble getting a story. I wanted it. Neither one of them would give it to me. What happened?

[Zaslow]

All right, Dan. Well, you know how I travel with espn college football campus or this weekend I was in South Bend. All right. Notre Dame, usc. Fun game. You know how they treat me with the travel? They treat me very well. Matter of fact, sometimes first class available. Like when I flew them yesterday, I sat first class. They treat me very well. ESPN on my travel, but I book my travel. Okay. I book it through a system. It's on me. Obviously, they pay for it. I have a certain status, blah, blah, blah. So I'm flying to South Bend on Friday morning, but I have to stop through Chicago through o' Hare Airport. Okay, fine. I've done that.

[Guest Analyst]

Stop.

[Zaslow]

Okay, I've done. You can't fly.

[Dan LeBatard]

South Bend is tough from Miami.

[Zaslow]

They have one terminal. There's, like, six gates. It's really small.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's gonna take a couple of.

[Zaslow]

Do they still call it international airport? My biggest.

Because they apparently have one flight. That flight, it probably flies the Caribbean. So they get to call themselves an international airport. Anyway.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's a ridiculous place to put a football stadium.

[Zaslow]

I'm flying to South Bend through Chicago, and when I get to Chicago, very short layover, I'm walking over to my gate. Okay, no big deal. I get to the gate. I sit down. I see on the board there, it says South Bend. And it says the time of the next flight is 2 hours and 45 minutes. And I'm confused as hell. I'm trying. 2 hours and 45. That's how long it took me to get here from Miami. Two hours. I take out my phone. I open up a map of the United States on my phone. Illinois and Indiana are right next to each other. How can it be 2 hours and 45 minutes? I send Amber Wilson a text message. Amber, I'm sitting here at my gate. It says, 2 hours and 45 minutes. Is that possible? She says, are you sure you're flying to South Bend? I go, I think so. She goes, it's not possible. I go, right? I'm really confused. It gets to the point where they're calling the boarding groups group one, group two, group three. American Airlines in flyman. They get to my group. I'm one of the first people to board. Like, you know, got good status, Greg. I get up. I show my boarding pass on the American Airlines app. They scan it. You're good to go, sir. So I'm walking, and it's one of those deals where you got it, you got to go outside. You know, it's a really small airplane. Yeah, you know, I saw the seating map. It's, you know, two seats on one side, one on the other. Yeah, I'm in one of the ones. Yeah, get my. Got a lot of room. All right, small plane. I'm walking through the terminal gate now. I take the steps downstairs. There's a bus waiting for me. No, it's a bus.

Is it taking you to the plane?

The bus on the Side of the air of the. On the side of the bus, it says American Airlines. I'm like, okay, cool. Shuttle bus taking me to my plane. Like a minute. No big deal. I get on the bus, I sit in the first seat. It's gonna be a quick flight. Quick, quick ride. 30 seconds. I sit in the first. I don't even take my backpack off. I sit in the first seat immediately behind the driver. People are starting to get on. They're looking at their phones. They're sitting in assigned seats. Why the. Why the are you sitting in an assigned seat on this bus right now? And all of a sudden, this woman is standing next to me. She's confused. I'm apparently in her seat. I'm looking around at all these people.

[Mike Ryan]

She got that good bus seat.

[Zaslow]

I say to the bus driver, are we taking this bus to South Bend? She goes, yes.

[Mike Ryan]

I go, now it makes sense.

[Zaslow]

Okay, I'm in the wrong seat. And I get up and I'm in 4C. I get up and I sit down. I'm so confused. And then. And then moments later, the bus driver, she, by the way, if you're wondering if there's going to be, you know, drink and snack service, there's not. But the bus driver, she gets on the pa. Yeah, she gets on the page and she says, just so everybody knows, this bus is heading to South Bend, some people might be confused. I'm sitting on this bus.

[Dan LeBatard]

I can't believe you thought it was two airplanes. Two little airplanes.

[Zaslow]

Two hours and 45 minutes.

[Dan LeBatard]

You had no idea the second leg of this first class flight was a bus. Put it on the poll at Le Batard show. Can the second leg of your first class flight ever be a bus?

[Zaslow]

This. This woman then gets on. We haven't gotten. We haven't gotten off the. You know, we haven't pulled out yet to leave. She goes, we're waiting for the go ahead to pull out from the air tower. I'm like, woman, air tower, we're on a bus.

[Stu Guts]

Air tower mean you're a seasoned travel veteran. Has anything like this happened to you?

[Zaslow]

Have I ever taken an American airline?

I mean, why would anyone book a bus through American Airlines?

Why would the bus say American Airlines on it? You're not an airline, you're a bus.

[Mike Ryan]

And it was just a normal terminal, like one of the gates.

[Zaslow]

Completely normal. How full was this flight? Oh, the bus was full. Was it a cheap flight?

[Mike Ryan]

Did you think, wow, this is a cheap flight?

[Zaslow]

I don't know. I don't pay for it. ESPN does. I have no idea. Why would I assume that when I'm booking my air travel through American Airlines that it might be a bus?

[Greg Cody]

Was there any turbulence on the drive?

[Dan LeBatard]

South Bend. South Bend is about a three hour drive from Chicago Airport. Right. So you couldn't just take another small flight anywhere closer to that.

[Zaslow]

The funniest thing was when Zaz started the story. I was gonna say, you flew to South Bend. Why didn't you just fly to Chicago and drive from there?

[Mike Ryan]

I thought he had. I thought there was a different Chicago in another state. That's where I thought we were going.

[Zaslow]

I text Amber Wilson, I said, you're not gonna effing believe this. And then I just wrote, I want to go home.

[Stu Guts]

Howdy, listeners. It's Mike Ryan and Chris Cody. Hey, everyone. Hey, Chris. We love hanging out so much. You were at my birthday the other day.

[Greg Cody]

You're old.

[Stu Guts]

You know what I saw in your hand?

[Mike Ryan]

What?

[Stu Guts]

A can of Miller. Whether it's a can, whether it's a bottle, a draft pour of Miller Light, the draft. Boy, you see that beautiful, iconic color right away.

[Mike Ryan]

The ice coldness to it.

[Zaslow]

Oh, so good.

[Stu Guts]

Yes, Chris, the ice coldness to it. Oh, whether you're hanging out with me on my birthday because I'm old or you're at a game, you know that Miller Lite just makes every special time a Miller time. That's. That's how you make the special times, by making them Miller times. Game day just hits different with Miller Lite in your hand, hitting different from jaw dropping touchdowns to fantasy heartbreaks. It's a beer that has been there for every moment. 50 years of great taste, simple ingredients, and that iconic golden color. That coldness, Chris, that.

[Mike Ryan]

That icy coldness.

[Stu Guts]

That icy coldness. The original light beer since 1975 and still hitting different five decades later. Miller Light, great taste. 96 California. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

[Mike Ryan]

Icy coldness.