Hour 1: Umbrellas Are For Losers (feat. Pablo Torre)

Summary

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The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Episode: Hour 1: Umbrellas Are For Losers (feat. Pablo Torre)
Date: September 18, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this hour, recorded from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, and the familiar ensemble welcome journalist Pablo Torre — notably wrapped in toilet paper as a mummy — to dissect his ongoing investigative reporting on the Los Angeles Clippers, the NBA, Steve Ballmer, and the Aspiration carbon credits scandal. The crew also detours into playful punishment banter, sports culture, and, naturally, a passionate debate on the merits (or embarrassments) of umbrellas. Local flavor and irreverent energy abound, woven with sharp sports analysis and media commentary.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Pablo Torre’s “Mummy” Punishment and Show Antics

• The episode opens with clowning over Pablo Torre’s “mummy” costume—an intentionally lazy roll of toilet paper to pay off a lost bet.
  • Dan Le Batard: “One of the laziest costumes I’ve ever seen — he’s supposed to be a mummy, and all he’s done is wrap himself in toilet paper.” [01:33]
  • Banter ensues over the proper way to be a mummy and the persistent failures of toilet paper as wrapping.
  • The group segues into discussions of punishment traditions and costume ‘integrity’ in the show community.

2. Pablo’s Clippers/Aspiration Exposé: Unpacking the NBA’s Biggest Scandal

What’s the story?

• Pablo details his reporting: unearthing documents and testimonies alleging Steve Ballmer, the Clippers, and Aspiration conspired to circumvent the NBA salary cap through murky carbon credit purchases totaling $118 million over 18 months, aligning curiously with player payment timelines.
  • Pablo Torre: “Steve Ballmer invested $118 million into Aspiration. We have documentation showing the CFO of the Clippers signed off on $21 million in carbon credits purchased just before another Kawhi Leonard payment was due.” [06:26]

Breaking down carbon credits:

• The show playfully educates listeners—using Billy’s tree planting as a metaphor—on what carbon credits actually are and how their legitimacy and valuation are under increasing scrutiny.
  • Pablo Torre: “A carbon credit is literally planting a tree. But the whole business is now increasingly scrutinized… [Aspiration] was charging $1 per credit when the market pays 5 to 10 cents.” [07:17, 20:05]

League reaction (or lack thereof):

• Pablo voices skepticism over whether Adam Silver and the NBA will act:
  • “The NBA is a wildly reactive organization… the question is, how small can [Commissioner Silver] make this problem before it becomes a big problem for the league?” [09:10]
• Documentation-driven journalism is contrasted with the absence of real-time league transparency.
• Mark Cuban’s public defense of Ballmer highlighted, with Pablo noting, “Mark Cuban is still a 27% owner of the Mavericks and sits behind Ballmer at the owners’ meetings — the chair of the Audit Committee is under investigation.” [11:36]

The consequences & bigger picture:

• The discussion contextualizes how manipulation of “fair play” — via financial weapons — can undermine the spirit of sports and damage the NBA’s integrity.

• The economics: inflated spending on side companies (Aspiration) can artificially inflate franchise valuations and disrupt competitive balance.

  • Dan Le Batard, incredulous: “I would be flabbergasted if the penalty wasn’t hugely stiff. I just don’t see a circumstance under which the penalty isn’t enormous.” [21:19]

• Pablo underscores the parable of sports and wealth: “It's one of the few places left… where you can't buy the thing you want. You have to earn it. Even when you circumvent the salary cap, you might still get the one superstar who rebels against your mission.” [25:16]

3. League Vetting and Weak Oversight

• The group criticizes how major sports leagues fail to investigate sponsors adequately, enabling fraudsters to use the legitimacy of sports to legitimize dubious companies — e.g., comparing Aspiration to FTX and Enron.
  • Pablo Torre: “The reason fraudsters keep using sports is because they expect, if you’re up in the signage of an arena… you must have been vetted. We see this over and over again.” [23:09]

4. Local Hour Hijinks: Bucket Punishments and Wet Socks

• The segment shifts gears for show traditions: football “bucket” punishments (random drawing of NFL picks leading to silly penalties or costumes).

• Billy’s commitment to his carbon offset punishment (planting a tree), joke discussions of wage exploitation (“10 cents for three hours?” [21:17]), and the meaning(lessness) of saving the earth, all laced with classic irreverence.

• The infamous debate: owning umbrellas — embarrassing or essential?

  • Dan Le Batard: “I've never owned an umbrella. It's like asking if I've ever purchased a parasol.” [38:00]
  • Stugotz, mock-macho: “Look at these people with their umbrellas — dorks! I’ll just put my head down and keep marching on like any red-blooded American man should!” [38:12]
  • Poll launched: which is worse, wet socks or wet underwear?

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Memorable Quotes and Standout Moments

• On the scope and stakes of the investigation:
  Pablo Torre (on NBA enforcement):
  “Are you a serious person? Are you a serious league? Even though you’re being questioned by a person who is wrapped in half-ply toilet paper.” [10:40]

• On Ballmer’s wealth and the limits of money in sports:
  Pablo Torre:
  “Ballmer is the richest owner in all of sports, and it’s not close. $150 billion. But the thing he wants most, you can only win fairly — you can’t just buy it in the NBA, even when you try to.” [25:16]

• On journalism’s role:
  Dan Le Batard:
  “I just have not seen reporting like this done around a scandal because of how hard it is to get close to the rich people when they’re trying to protect themselves. The stories of the powerful are falling apart in a way Pablo’s disentangling is… very embarrassing.” [42:35]

• On Adam Silver and league stonewalling:
  Pablo Torre:
  “Adam Silver, without any ambiguity, said he’d never heard of Aspiration. Then, after I tweeted the contract, he backtracked. Why wasn’t he actually aligned with what he says the second time? These are important questions speaking to the credibility of a league.” [22:22]

• On wet socks and umbrella shame:
  Stugotz (in typical deadpan):
  "I've never owned an umbrella. Good on you. You have an umbrella? Walking around outside like Mary Poppins?" [37:59–38:00]
  Dan Le Batard:
  "Wet socks or wet underwear, what's worse? ... At Le Batard Show." [36:39]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:33: Show opens with Pablo Torre in his infamous “mummy” costume.
• 04:44: Pablo introduces the heart of his Clippers/Aspiration reporting (Joe Sandberg, Ballmer, and the NBA investigation).
• 06:26: Breakdown of Ballmer’s investments, carbon credits, and alleged cap circumvention.
• 09:10–11:08: NBA’s potential response, Adam Silver’s role, and league politics.
• 13:01: Stakes of the reporting — legitimacy, punishment, and team economics.
• 18:13–20:57: Deep dive into carbon credits as commodities and Billy’s “save the earth” punishment.
• 21:19: Dan and crew voice expectations (and skepticism) about league punishments.
• 22:22: Pablo scrutinizes Adam Silver’s conflicting statements.
• 25:16: The moral of Ballmer, money, and the myth of merit in sports.
• 36:05: Billy’s tree-planting, carbon market economics, and self-effacing humor about saving the planet.
• 36:39–38:12: The “umbrella shame” debate and poll.
• 42:35: Dan on the power and challenge of independent journalism vs. league/owner cover-ups.

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Tone and Style

Irreverent, quick-witted, and unfiltered, the episode maintains the signature Dan Le Batard Show chaos — balancing serious muckraking journalism with hilarity, meta-references, and personal absurdities. Pablo Torre expertly toggles between investigative depth and self-deprecating banter as a pseudo-mummy, while the rest of the cast gleefully leans into bits, local traditions, and the familiar pettiness of sports punditry.

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For Those Who Missed It...

• Don’t miss Pablo Torre’s explanation of the Clipper/Aspiration scandal and its seismic implications for the NBA.
• Laugh along as wet socks, toilet paper mummies, and umbrella humility spiral into quintessential Le Batard nonsense.
• Stick around for dissection of carbon credits, sports economics, and the ongoing (possibly futile) hope for actual league accountability.

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Explore More

• Follow ongoing reporting on this scandal on Pablo Torre Finds Out and Semaphore.
• Fresh takes and bonus content at Dan Le Batard Show platforms.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats podcast.

[C]

Pablo. He dropped another Pablo at 5:00 clock this morning. We'll get some of the details in a moment. One of my favorite moments at espn. I'm going to have to make a top five list at some point of my favorite moments at espn, but one of my favorites was Pablo Torre dressed as an orca, listening to Jesse Ventura as he talked conspiracy theories. And now Pablo has joined us, which I believe is one of the laziest costumes I've ever seen. He's supposed to be a mummy to pay for his punishment of losing last week. And all he's done is wrap himself in toilet paper. Like this is.

[D]

I see the mummy in it. That's the punishment.

[E]

I like it.

[C]

I mean, okay, but another way to wrap yourself up.

[F]

How? Yeah, how else is this supposed to be?

[C]

The whole body improved the whole body. It's supposed. If you're going to be a mummy, it's supposed to be the whole body.

[B]

Of the mind, Daniel.

[C]

And it's supposed to be, you know, a wrap that's not toilet paper. It's supposed to be like ace bandages.

[D]

You got two bucket punishments today, Dan.

[F]

Be grateful when you were a kid.

[E]

And you wrapped yourself like a mummy.

[B]

We always use toilet paper historically, so thank you.

[F]

Zaz so print media. Print media. Dan, I thought you were a fan of print media.

[C]

He dropped another Pablo at 5:00am he is now at this point harassing the Clippers PR department. At 2:00 in the morning, they cannot sleep because of what. What they have to wait for him to drop. So what? What?

[F]

I feel bad.

[B]

Can I.

[F]

Can I just say I feel bad.

[C]

Leave it there.

[F]

The department.

[B]

Leave it there.

[C]

Yes, go ahead.

[F]

Yes, I feel bad for the Clippers. If I can apologize to the Clippers communications department. We send them detailed questions.

[D]

You can clear your face.

[F]

We send them detailed questions the night before. They're the first ones to know what we're reporting. And yeah, it's just not an easy job. I mean that very sincerely, actually. It's just like not an easy job. They have. I don't think they have all the information and they are out here trying to do their best and it's just. I feel genuinely bad. As someone who interacts with PR people.

[E]

Can you come up with a new strategy for that toilet paper? You keep doing the same thing and it keeps falling.

[F]

So now it's.

[D]

Now it's too much toilet paper.

[F]

Not too much toilet difference.

[D]

He's right. You keep just like moving it up, it falls down.

[C]

I got a bunch of questions. Okay.

[B]

Is one of them is a two ply?

[F]

Yeah, this is. This is the. I don't know if there's half ply, but this feels like what that is. This is.

[C]

Yeah, it's cheap toilet paper on top of that. It's not. That is toilet paper. That does not look like it would be comfortable to use.

[F]

There you go. No, we're good now. We're good.

[C]

Now let's talk about what it is that you reported this morning. But before we do that, let's check in with Billy Gill, who is presently doing something that Kawhi Leonard allegedly reportedly never did. He is planting a tree in order to save the earth. He is using both hands. Can we get a microphone out to him so that Billy can give us an update? Look, this seems like it's almost complete, Billy.

[G]

Yeah. Roots in the ground, Dan, as they say in the planning community. We're. We're pretty good here. I just got to kind of fill this in and then I got to attach the Velcro straps to make sure this thing grows straight. But this little guy here is going to live a long, healthy life, I think. Hey, Pablo, it's Billy.

[F]

That's a cool hat, Billy. It's a cool hat.

[G]

Thank you.

[B]

It's a wrangler.

[G]

Rose's grandfather gave her $100 and she spent it on a cowboy hat. And she brought it for me to wear today.

[F]

It's the American dream, as far as I can tell.

[D]

Crushing it.

[F]

Danny?

[B]

Well, he.

[G]

I believe he's from Guatemala, so maybe his American Guatemalan dream.

[F]

The Guatemalan dream is also worthy of our consideration in the power ranking of dreams. The Guatemalan dream doesn't get enough credit, Pablo.

[G]

And I'd like to clear this up. Excuse me just a moment. I like to, for the record, say I am not saying Guatemalan dreams are lesser than American dreams. Pretty sure that's what I heard by.

[B]

His what I heard.

[G]

How about you zip it up? Since you just said an idea came from your heart, which is impossible, you.

[E]

Don'T know what's possible or not possible.

[C]

Inside this body, this soda drinker's body. Pablo, what did you report this morning?

[F]

I got Roy to be the lawyer in a courtroom reenactment of an exclusively obtained deposition transcript in which Joe Sandberg, the man who has pled guilty to wire fraud in the aspiration case, the man who has allegedly defrauded Steve Ballmer, was asked questions about Steve Ballmer. We had you, Dan, play Joe Sandberg. We had Roy play the lawyer for Joe Sandberg. And I don't think that's the biggest story in our story. It's just my favorite part that Roy is in the episode.

[C]

Well, how about the biggest. How about the biggest part of the story for people who are not quite interested in Roy's role, acting role in this particular episode?

[F]

Don't look at me. Crushed it. Yeah, there it is. Steve Ballmer invested $118 million in 18 months into aspiration, him alongside the Clippers, alongside Team Bomber. Let's just call it. Dennis Wong, previously established owner, co owner of the Clippers, Steve Ballmer's college roommate, the CFO of the Clippers. We have documentation from him in which it is clear that he signed off on the purchase, Pre purchase of $21 million in carbon credits, as Mark Cuban had hypothesized. Actually, a lot of this episode is admittedly about what Mark Cuban said would have happened if Steve Ballmer was absolutely guilty of capture convention. And then I just spent my life proving that. Actually he did the things that Mark Cuban hypothesized. So, yeah, a lot of carbon credit purchases two weeks before, in fact, they were due yet another Kawhi Leonard payment. So, you know, just a lot of.

[C]

That says, why are you and Chris Cody laughing?

[B]

I don't know.

[E]

I'm a little embarrassed right now. Am I the only idiot that doesn't know what a carbon credit is?

[F]

You're watching it in the bottom right corner of your screen. Billy is creating a carbon credit. A carbon credit. It's a great question. So it's meaningless, people. Well, allegedly, a carbon credit, like everything in the world. I mean, trees, you, me, like we have car carbon in us. Our activities emit carbon. And so what you do is you create something. You plant a tree whose very existence, of course, as a recycler of air can actually take carbon out. Right. That's what trees do. They put out oxygen, they take in carbon. And so a carbon credit is literally the planting of a tree would be the very 5 seconds messy summary of a frankly now increasingly scrutinized business that was at the core of aspiration in this episode and Steve Ballmer's alleged circumvention of the NBA salary cap.

[C]

Am I going to have to fire the reaper for coming in here without a mask? Like, am I going to have to.

[D]

Discipline Peter, the mind man? That was not on nothing, was on.

[B]

The air, and also was wearing a mask.

[C]

I don't think that the Reaper was.

[B]

Wearing a mask just because you saw the Reaper's hair.

[C]

I saw who the reaper was.

[B]

Stop ruining everything. Not everyone who maybe take some ownership of what you just did. It wasn't on camera. We were trying to move the show along.

[C]

Pablo, what would you tell people like Zaslo and Billy who are alleging that the league's not going to do anything, that Silver's not going to actually punish the Clippers?

[F]

Yeah, I'm going to say this in the current form that I currently exist in, which is probably a miscalculation by me, because I think this question hinges on whether the NBA takes this reporting seriously. And I mean that this is a story that has, frankly, astounded me in terms of just the interest from people. If you were to think about just the stories that I've looked into, I didn't expect this one to be as big. And I don't think the NBA did either, frankly. And so I say all of that to say that the NBA is a wildly reactive organization. Keep in mind the salary caps, CBA circumvention. The rules are not real laws. They are things adjudicated by the commissioner. And so the question the commissioner is going to ask himself is, how small can I make this problem before it becomes a problem for us? And every episode. This is the fourth episode we've done in an Ongoing investigative series just indicates that the scope of this is genuinely unprecedented in terms of how elaborate it is in terms of the implications for what people should have known but did not act upon. Allegedly. And so the question of how could the NBA escape this? Frankly, it depends upon how much people care about the story. Because the journalism, I just can't stress this enough, despite what I am currently doing with you at this moment, the journalism could not be more serious in terms of how real the paperwork is. Documentation is the story of investigative journalism. And we have the documentation. When you don't have the documentation, in the absence of, for instance, the note that says I circumvented the cap signed Steve with a heart emoji, you got to go to human sources, primary sources. I've given now an seemingly ongoing parade also of that. People who went on tape, people who are now signed. The CFO of the company, former cfo, the chief legal officer, the cto. They're now on the record disputing the idea that Andre Czerny, the co founder of Joe Sandberg of Aspiration, what he said, which is that this was not a no show deal, that this was something that he doesn't remember the salary cap being involved in. Those three guys have co signed, they're reporting. So, you know, I think it's just a matter of are you a serious person? Are you a serious league? Even though you're being questioned by a person who is wrapped in half ply toilet paper.

[E]

I think Adam Silver has given off the impression, which is not, I mean, it's not just an impression, it's a fact that he works for the owners. Right? He works at the pleasure of the owners. And if Mark Cuban is defending Steve Ballmer the way he is, even with all the, you know, evidence, the reporting in front of him, and he's not even an owner anymore. Like, what makes you believe that the other active owners don't feel the same way?

[F]

Well, he's a 27. He corrected me on this when I first interviewed him. He's a 27% owner of the Mavs. Says he's a minority owner of the Mav still. But you're right, the question was last week when Adam Silver goes in front of the Board of Governors in New York City at the St. Regis Hotel on Wednesday, with Tuesday committees happening before that, in which Steve Ballmer, by the way, is the chair of the audit committee. The chair of the audit committee of NBA owners is the man under this investigation. And so the question of, like, how do other owners feel? I can tell you I've spoken to. I can say I've spoken to four who think that it's absurd, that this is something that the NBA plans potentially are not punishing proportionate to the evidence. And it's about the evidence. It's not about me. It's about the evidence I have surfaced. And Dan, by the way, Dan added to the reporting on this in the episode, in terms of an owner who said before that meeting and during that meeting, Steve Ballmer gave us the sob story. And I should be clear, the Saab story can coexist with the scam story. I keep on saying this. Two things can be true. You can be defrauded by the person you partnered with to deceive the NBA. That's why this is so cinematic. There is pain, there is suffering for Steve Ballmer. There's also the most unprecedented scheme, according to my reporting, in the history of salary capture convention Pablo.

[E]

Does there have to be punishment laid down on the Clippers and Steve Ballmer for all of this to make you feel like your reporting is validated?

[F]

I don't think it's about, frankly, not to sound like a politician. I think it's about the audience, it's about the fan base. It's about the presumption that when you watch sports, fair play as codified in the rules they call cardinal rules, that those things are being enforced. Like Adam Silver, in every statement he's given, and I've listened to all of them, talks about how he is a steward of integrity, not just brand integrity, but competitive integrity. I think the question I would have as somebody who cares about the sport, as a caretaker of the sport, is does this undermine the legitimacy of our game From a purely, what does this look like to everyone who wants to care about it, invest money in it, compete in it, buy teams in it. Amends as you get to all the other stuff, right? And the other stuff involves, by the way, yes, the economics of the league. So people may not realize this, but capstone convention is really meaningful to these owners I've been speaking to. Not simply because it is a rule that they are trying not to break in this way that now, according to my reporting, Steve Ballmer has broken in this fantastical over the top way. The thing they care about is also the valuations of teams. So the economics of an NBA team, it's really premised on how much do you spend and therefore how much should this asset be valued? What Steve Ballmer, the richest owner in all of sports, one of the 10 richest people in the world is proving that he is. He's proving that he's spending so much more again, $118 million in 18 months on aspiration. With the timeline corroborating the payments of this crazy Kawhi Leonard $48 million deal. That's where it becomes Wait a minute. So maybe these things aren't exactly the streamlined financial instruments that the NBA would otherwise like them to be.

[D]

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[B]

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[F]

If you listen to ESPN Daily, he sounds like he's having the time of his life.

[B]

Stugats Coming up next, I'm gonna tell you how the Savannah Bananas are changing. How do you know Savannah Bananas?

[D]

How do you know I'm smiling?

[B]

That's how I found my vocal range. Sometimes I just say, savannah Bananas. Savannah Bananas.

[C]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the stugats. Billy, you have your hand raised. What do you what would you like to ask Pablo?

[G]

I have two questions. One, in terms of like the story, where did what was the other 70 million for? So if the, like, it was funneled for Kawhi's 48, what was the other 70 for?

[F]

Yeah, it's a really good question. So the thing that people need to understand as we go through this is that Steve Ballmer invests money into aspiration. Aspiration spends all of it virtually immediately. And this is an enormous part of following the money and the sources that I spoke to, provided documentation and as well, by the way, as the documented financial filings, disclosure forms that all prove that everybody else saw what was happening, seemingly except for Steve Ballmer, as in aspiration got tons of money, $300 million in the fall of 2021, $50 million from Steve Ballmer. To Billy's question in the fall of 2021. What happens after they get that money? They spend all of it before Kawhi Leonard's first payment in June of 2022 is due. And so the cycle here is Steve Ballmer puts in money, Aspiration asks for more money, right when Kawhi Leonard must be paid. And so when I speak to the alleged defrauding of Steve Ballmer, this is how it can coexist, is that he was kind of trapped according to the sequence of events and according to what the timeline might suggest in this relationship in which he knew he had to support a company that was guarding the most embarrassing secret that he had. And so they had leverage according to the reporting over him in that regard. Although, of course, the degree to which he knew and when he knew remains frankly a crucially important topic for my investigation and the government's.

[C]

Billy, hand raised second question.

[G]

Yeah. Can you explain carbon credits to me and are they similar to NFTs or crypto? Like, how does this work and how do I sell them? Yeah, yeah.

[F]

You just made a carbon credit, Billy. You just made it.

[G]

Yeah, but what is it worth?

[F]

Well, it's worth so typically, right, what you just did, people in the open market of carbon Credits, they pay 5 to 10 cents for that. What you just did aspiration three hours. I know aspiration was charging a dollar. Like that's the margin of like the carbon credits business. But. But your point, by the way, like what the CFTC is looking into, the federal agency that they regulate commodities, is whether a carbon credit is actually just a commodity, not unlike a stock, to your question, is like, what is this an nft? Is it, is it a financial instrument? This is an active debate in government. Like, should we be. Should we regulate these things like they are stocks? Because what they really are, according to all of the reporting I've done, they're a lot like widgets, right? They don't actually exist. It's the action of you planting trees.

[G]

Real well now this tree exists, I can confirm that.

[F]

That's a lot more than how to.

[G]

Make money off of this, is what I'm asking you. Crypto's at like 100,000. How much, how much is this carbon credit going to get me?

[C]

Seems like we're not paying very well. Metal Arc Media. If he's been working for three hours and we're going to give him 10.

[F]

Cents, that seems just the market rate.

[C]

Below minimum wage here. I've got, I've got a bunch of questions. Internship and we don't have a lot of time left, so I would be flabbergasted and stunned, given the evidence that Pablo is providing, if the penalty wasn't hugely stiff. Because you saw what happened with the flight gate. It's not as egregious as this. Whatever the hell it was, isn't as egregious as this. Like the, the idea that you would have these rules and circumvent them. This flagrantly sounds low, like this flagrantly. I just don't see a circumstance under which the penalty isn't enormous.

[E]

I'm totally with everything that Pablo is saying that you just said as well. I just don't have any faith in Adam Silver laying down the hammer. I mean, Pablo, he got up in front of everybody the other day and said he's never heard of Aspiration. That wasn't taken out of context. Came right out of his mouth. And then a couple days ago he tells everybody, oh no, I meant I never heard of the scandal. It's bullshit.

[F]

Look, the thing that we have in the episode as well is, is that to Zaz's point, so Adam Silver, without any ambiguity, says, frankly, I've never heard of Aspiration in any way. There's really no wiggle room around, like the clarity of what he says. He says he's never seen anything related to an engagement with the Clippers. He says that as well. Or Kawhi Leonard. And then I get the contract, the actual contract for the $300 million founding sponsorship deal that the Clippers signed with Aspiration. And it says right there in the writing of it that these deals must be expressly approved and submitted to the NBA. And so, in front of a stage earlier this week, Dan Roberts at Front Office Sports asks Adam Silver about this thing I had just tweeted out. And then you get this statement, which if you go and watch the video, it does not, I think, fit into a plausible interpretation of what he had said before. So the question then is, why did Adam Silver say the first thing when he said it? Why wasn't he actually aligned with what he says the second time? These are important questions speaking to the credibility of how a league is governed, let alone the fact, by the way, that this whole company was seemingly vetted by apparently no one, including, and I wanna make this point again, and it's a serious one to some extent. The reason why fraudsters keep on using sports is because they expect that if you're up in the signage of an arena, if you're a founding sponsor, if you have the naming rights deal of a building, it means that sports, which is so flush with cash and lawyers and respectability, it must be true that sports has vetted you and therefore you can trust them. We see this over and over and over again. You saw with FTX in Miami, we see it now, again with Aspiration. You saw it with Enron in Houston. It happens for a reason. And the question that the leagues now have to be asking themselves is when do we actually fulfill the terms, the implicit terms of this trust that America has given us? Because right now it's a one way transaction and a lot of people are getting scammed.

[C]

A lot of people are searching for what Pablo has on this story. I would also say to everybody Listening to this. If you want to check out what Pablo has done with Semaphore or Ethan Strauss, you could get more explanations for what Pablo is trying to do in general with Pablo Torre finds out selling old media basically to the Internet and young people on the Internet. One of the funny things about this story is the idea of people who can buy everything but can't get what it is that they want. The idea that Steve Ballmer couldn't get Kawhi Leonard to do the things that he needed Kawhi Leonard to do. Can you explain to me how much money Ballmer has? More than the other owners, Pablo, he.

[F]

Could buy out everyone else. He's the richest owner in all of sports, and it's not close. He has $150 billion. He is the boogeyman when it comes to any contest in which money is the weapon. And what Steve Ballmer has done is, I think, live out this, frankly, this parable about sports in which sports has more than ever the richest people in the world interested, for reasons, by the way, that I just alluded to, but also because of sincere fandom. Steve Ballmer is a hardcore basketball fan. I interviewed him once when I was doing a story about Harvard basketball, and he told me about, and this was, of course, many moons ago now. He told me about how he was a scorekeeper, charting assists and rebounds. Like, that's the kind of hardcore basketball sicko he is. He's cared about youth teams. He's coached youth basketball. And so the question is, when you have every. You have all of the money in the world, but the thing you want the most is something that because sports is governed by fair play and rules, you cannot simply buy. Right? It's one of the few places left in civilization where you can't just buy the thing you want. You have to earn it. You got to win it in a fair competition. The only thing resembling meritocracy we have left, frankly, Steve Ballmer cannot do that because in the NBA, there's a bleeping salary cap. And even when you circumvent the salary cap, you might end up with the one superstar who looks like Michael Jordan when he's healthy. But every other time you play with them or try to get him to play, he's a guy who seems to be rebelling against your mission, specifically. It is maddening. It is infuriating. And it's also why this story is to me, like one of the great parables of wealth in America through the lens of sports.

[C]

Thank you, Pablo, for your reporting and your work. It is tireless. It is exhaustive. Pablo Torre finds out is where you go. You mentioned Pablo that you know the words infuriated and else. And I'm looking at the reaper again and the reaper looks pissed off with everyone here for keeping him waiting. So thank you Pablo. We will talk to you later. Appreciate the reporting. Billy is also seems to be done there.

[G]

I'm just trying to live up to the version of me my dogs think I am. Dopey and Izzy. They assume I've got it all together. Meanwhile, I'm googling can dogs eat watermelon? While realizing we're out of food. And oh yeah, I forgot the flea meds. Luckily Chewy had both delivered fast. Now they're well fed, itch free and still think I've got it under control. Thanks to Chewy. Trusted by over 20 million pet parents, Chewy makes it easy with over 100,000 products from top brands. Food, treats, beds, toys, you name it. No store trips, no markups, just fast delivery right to your door, usually in one to two days. They've even got vet recommended flea and tick meds, plus auto ship. So I never run out of the essentials. Dopey and Izzy think I'm the best, when really it's just Chewy. Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to chewpanions.chewy.com levitard show that's chewpanions.chewy.Com levitardshow to save $20 on your first order with free shipping chupanions.chewy.com levitaChurch minimum purchase required New customers only. Terms and conditions apply. See site for complete details.

[H]

You know what nobody tells you about being a new dad? It's not just the diapers and the wipes that's obvious. It's the hidden stuff. The baby swing. After we already purchased the other baby swing, the bouncer, the pack n play, the 20 different bottles because apparently my kid hates every single one except the most expensive one, which is the glass.

[B]

By the way, don't get me started.

[H]

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[D]

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[F]

Or [e-mail] Don LeBatard Football.

[C]

Football.

[B]

Football, football. Stugats Football.

[C]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the St Gods. Is the reaper indeed ready? Is the reaper ready to go?

[D]

Reaper seems very annoyed.

[C]

Yeah, the reaper is. The reaper is annoyed and I think he's annoyed because of how shitty Pablo's costume is.

[F]

Come on. Can I? It's a tight. Blame the Tennessee Titans.

[D]

Pablo, you did great.

[C]

Thank you, Pablo. Appreciate it.

[F]

Thanks for the money, Dan.

[C]

You should be thanking everyone here, including Billy who's working for 10 cents for three hours because it's everybody's money that you're spending. The Dentech bucket.

[D]

Oh, Dano.

[C]

We're ready to go. Put your mouthpieces in.

[D]

The bucket. Is presented by Dentek's ultimate fantasy football punishment. Learn more and sign up your [e-mail].

[C]

Finally, punishments being paid around here.

[B]

I got the Baltimore Ravens Monday Night Football against the Detroit Lions.

[C]

Oh, I'm so Florida.

[B]

Half point favorite. Ah, no, I'm putting it back. I am.

[E]

I'm scared of it.

[C]

I think the Lions are too good.

[B]

Four and a half favorite. You may not do better than what you doing.

[F]

I got the Rams.

[B]

Congratulations.

[D]

You smoked them for plus three and a half.

[C]

Going to Philadelphia, that's fine. Going to the East, Jalen hurts stinks. You lost eight points in that transaction, Mike Ryan.

[B]

I lost last week. I gotta pay something off next week. Louisiana Chargers. We've got the Broncos. Three and a half points favorite. I'm gonna keep it.

[D]

He's keeping it.

[C]

You're not gonna do a lot better than a three or four point favorite. Maybe you can get Buffalo tonight, but there aren't. The biggest spread other than Buffalo is seven and a half.

[D]

Green Bay at Cleveland and also Seattle at home against New Orleans.

[F]

Carolina.

[C]

Ooh, I'm sorry, Roy.

[F]

Not having it.

[C]

That fact. Carolina's at home five and a half point dog against Atlanta.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[F]

I got death and a fine bucket.

[B]

All right, that's great, but nobody's returning.

[D]

Automatic death, so just death for you.

[C]

All right. Good job.

[F]

I hate this game.

[D]

We'll get you some money.

[B]

Who says a bucket but you get 10. You can have Billy's 10 cents.

[D]

I got the Bengals.

[B]

Now you got Jake Browning against. Who's the backup? Minnesota.

[D]

At Minnesota.

[C]

Tyler Taylor.

[B]

Carson Wentz. Carson Wentz.

[C]

Carson Wentz. Taylor's the Jets. What are you doing with Tyrod Taylor?

[F]

He's the jets back.

[D]

I'll put that back right now.

[B]

Point dog.

[C]

You're putting it back. A good guess.

[F]

Those ads.

[D]

I don't know how you feel about that.

[C]

I always guess that Tyrod Taylor is the backup.

[D]

At Washington plus three and a half. I have the Raiders.

[B]

You put like a three and a half to get a three and a half.

[D]

All right, Zaslav or Dan, who's going here?

[B]

There's a chance that Jayden Daniels is held out of that game.

[F]

Marcus, Mario.

[C]

I got the Jaguar. The Jags don't trust them at all. They're at home two and a half points favorite against Houston. No.

[B]

I got word of bag going to Houston. Dust for a team. But that offense has been not fun to watch over the last two seasons.

[C]

You're tired of hearing me say pressure out the door.

[B]

I'm very tired. He's been bad longer than he's been good.

[C]

I got the bang off the bangs.

[B]

Three and a half point dog. But you go up against Carson once.

[F]

I don't know, man.

[C]

Minnesota. Ooh, the Jets. I'm gonna go ahead and put that back right there.

[D]

Plus six and a half.

[B]

Tampa throwback box this week. Oh, beautiful Creamsicle Robux.

[D]

And Dan is stuck with. Oh, God. The biggest underdog. All right, Dan, you like dressing up, though?

[C]

You're good.

[B]

Who was that?

[A]

Saints.

[C]

Just straight garbage. The Saints.

[D]

Billy going to the parking for Billy.

[C]

Billy, are you going to the Bucket? Wait, why am I asking him? Let me pick for Billy. Let me pick for Billy on the show today.

[B]

That means you go to the Bucket. Yeah. We got a for Pablo. 2.

[F]

Is this Pablo or Billy?

[C]

The commanders. The com.

[B]

Good one. You want to keep the com.

[D]

Minus three and a half at home against the Raiders. He said no.

[G]

The bylaw.

[F]

No.

[C]

Are you?

[B]

I'm going to pick for you.

[C]

If you don't make a pick, I don't care.

[G]

You can keep that. You need to be in the studio.

[C]

He's got the cowboys.

[F]

That's official.

[C]

The cowboys.

[F]

This is.

[C]

If we're not going to start following her to get. He's got the cowboys by laws state.

[G]

That he should be in the studio.

[B]

He's got the cowboys.

[C]

Pablo's got. Thank you for your service. Army, Navy, Air Force.

[D]

Navy's on a bar.

[B]

Mary's on a bar. There you go.

[C]

Congratulations to Pablo.

[B]

He got that extra week to prepare for Venezuela.

[C]

He gets rewarded. Billy. So close us out there from the undisclosed location. Give us all of the reports we need.

[F]

Give us.

[C]

That is a tree that you are now proud of.

[D]

That is a tree.

[C]

It looks like it is properly planted. It is straight. Was it hard to get it straight?

[G]

Well, I used this stake thing that then I velcroed the tree to with plant Velcro. So hopefully this thing grows and we have some guava soon. Back to you, Dan.

[C]

How are you feeling in general about everything that you did out there? 10 cents of saving the Earth.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

I mean, I created some carbon credits, so good for us. This is our third tree that we planted and we're doing it one tree at a time.

[C]

All right. Petering out. He's from all of the manual labor.

[F]

Wet.

[E]

It's.

[F]

It's annoying.

[C]

It's unpleasant thing.

[G]

Honestly. 3. This work was worth 3 cents. And screw the environment.

[E]

Why didn't want to do it.

[G]

Cares. Exactly.

[F]

Right.

[G]

What a waste of everybody's time planting trees. Who cares?

[C]

All right. Good work. Way to save the earth.

[D]

Can we get a shot of Danny one more time? No. All right.

[C]

No. That's enough of that. He is all wet. It's unpleasant to be wet. And in general, the socks is.

[D]

I just got warm socks.

[F]

It's delightful.

[C]

Socks or underwear. Put it on the pole. At Lebatard show.

[D]

Wet socks are the worst.

[C]

What's the worst? Socks or wet socks or wet underwear at Lebatard show? Because those are your two choices, brother.

[B]

If you're into a wet.

[C]

Really? Really. Okay. Okay. That's that sensual Chris Berman. Is that who that was? Okay. Thank you.

[F]

Thank you, Danny.

[C]

Why were your socks wet, Chris Cody?

[D]

Because it was pouring when I walked in this morning and my whole. I did the thing. I didn't have a. I don't have. I need to have an umbrella in my car. What am I doing with my life now? I don't have an umbrella.

[F]

Car.

[B]

Damn near 40. No umbrella. 40 years without an umbrella. Got to keep marching.

[D]

Embarrassing to do in public. I had a sweater in my backpack. That was not like water resistant. It was just like a cold, like a cloth.

[E]

I couldn't tell you the last time I was outside, I was raining and I said, where's my umbrella?

[B]

I can't do that. Can you imagine? Picture opening an umbrella and walking with it.

[D]

Picture me running across the street. I'm running across the street with a wool sweater over me. Just so.

[E]

What?

[D]

Oh, my shoes were wet. My socks were wet.

[C]

I've never. I've never owned an umbrella. Oh, here we go. Florida. I just haven't.

[B]

Good. Good on you. Good on you.

[E]

What is?

[B]

Proud of you people. Proud of you.

[E]

Um, you're walking around outside with umbrella like a Mary Poppins.

[D]

You have a boring rain. You have an umbrella soaked. I'm gonna text your wife.

[B]

That may be for other people.

[C]

She might have one.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I got news for you.

[C]

I've never owned an umbrella. I've never gone in my car and got an umbrella. I've never. I've never purchased an umbrella.

[B]

Are you the Penguin?

[C]

It's like asking me if I know if I. If I've ever purchased a parasol.

[B]

You know what I'll do? I'll just. I'll literally put my head down and just keep marching on like any red blooded American man should galore.

[E]

So what?

[B]

Mm.

[D]

Have a computer with me.

[B]

I don't want it to get wet.

[D]

Right.

[B]

I'm like, look at these people with their umbrellas. Dork.

[C]

I'm not gonna judge others for having it. I will.

[D]

I didn't know what Mike was talking about, but now I see that guy. It looks like a loser.

[E]

Ridiculous.

[C]

I wouldn't go that far.

[B]

No, I would. That's not far enough.

[F]

Really?

[B]

You want not far enough?

[C]

Want to call somebody who's walking around.

[B]

Who wants to stay dry and opens up an umbrella? No. Look at it. Look at these people protecting their equipment. Can you imagine?

[C]

I need to stop what we're doing here and celebrate that Billy did indeed pay a punishment. It has been a long time since Billy paid a punishment. And I wish for the audience to see the last time that Billy paid a punishment. Because. Because I think that this is one of the funniest things to ever happen on the show. We are talking to the actor, Rob Delaney. Rob Delaney is at the time promoting a book in which he is talking about the most serious of subject matter, the passing of his son. And it's just. You're saying to yourself, how can that possibly be funny? Well, watch and listen. And I don't know what your Pain is exactly right. I can't possibly know even though you've written a book. But I feel like I lost a son because I raised him.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's.

[F]

It's brutal. And I'm glad that you are talking about it. I'm so incredibly sorry. I'm glad that. That you're crying and that people can hear that. Because the pain.

[C]

There's an old timey baseball player here, Rob. Like, what? Yes, thank you. Like, I can't cry in front of these people. Do you know how weak it is? Do you know I'm a blubbering idiot? Rob, I need this to be funny. Like, look, there's an old timey baseball player.

[G]

Rob.

[B]

I know you feel weak, but at least you weren't holding an umbrella when it came off. Way worse, man.

[D]

One of our best cuts ever to Billy there.

[C]

If you are just listening and not watching, you don't know how funny it is that in the middle of that, the camera panned to Billy, who was dressed like a 1919 baseball player wearing a ridiculously white fake mustache and staring down the camera. But that's funny for a number of reasons. The size of the hat is what's helping here so much. Because we simply haven't worn hats that way in 100 years. In 100 years. And so finally some punishments got paid off around here. It's a time of great celebration. We finally. And now Pablo. You gotta admit though, Pablo, Pablo's mummy costume, he just went and got a roll of toilet paper. Like, we can't make that that easy.

[B]

That's what that is. In fact, that's what it was the last time we did one of those.

[E]

How else should you mummify?

[B]

You want Ace bandages? What do you guys want to go to Stan Winston?

[C]

I want full body. Look, we have to respect the costumes. Like, we have to respect that these are punishments.

[B]

Don't you? Don't you? Like for like 20 straight Halloweens? Didn't you just put on a clown wig?

[C]

You will not question my costume integrity in public or show us how it's done. Come in as a. I have. I have shown you how it's done.

[D]

We'll see you as a mummy tomorrow then.

[B]

It was a rasa wig, which honestly doesn't scream Ally.

[D]

How about this? How about this? I got one. If the Dolphins win tonight, we all show up as mummies.

[E]

Whatever.

[F]

You gotta scrub those pictures from the Internet, man.

[B]

That's not a good look.

[D]

Although I guess it's fine now.

[B]

It is. Comedy is legal again.

[C]

That's a bet if, if the Dolphins win tonight, we all have to do the show. Oh, how do I get lumped in this? Mummies. Yeah, it's a bet.

[B]

Oh, come on, man.

[E]

It's not a real thing.

[F]

Who cares?

[D]

Toilet paper though.

[B]

I don't want, I don't want to do that. I had the opportunity to pick that. I'm like, no, this is hard. This is a, this is a punishment. I don't want to do that. Instead, I'm going thrifting.

[C]

Speaking of punishments, are you guys with Zaslo and Billy on. The NBA is not going to do anything here because that it. I just have not seen reporting like this done around a scandal because of how hard it is to get close to the rich people when they're trying to protect themselves from you seeing anything. Like they're, they're very good at it. They have systems in place to make sure that they're very good at it. And the stories of the powerful people are falling apart in a way that Pablo's disentangling is. That is very embarrassing.

[B]

I am speaking only for myself here as someone that is watching this reporting come in in real time. And I have not seen the NBA's investigation, which is still ongoing. I know what the Clippers have said earlier, but if I'm just Joe Sports fan, I have enough now to assume that anything that would explain the behavior would feel like a cover up to me. Because this is as dead to rights a salary cap circumnavigation that it ever has appeared in our, in our sports landscape.

[C]

Certainly the media providing it for you as opposed to a league investigation. The Patriots deflate Gate investigation. Ted Wells was paid $5 million for that. The state of the media right now, people can't afford to do that anymore to, to spend that kind of money to do something like this. And Pablo's crew has done it cheap. But it is really exhaustive to spend seven months doing anything. And the media is crippled in a way that makes it damn near impossible to even try something like this, never mind succeed in executing.

[B]

This is the transparency that sports fans have. Always want these investigations where you just have to take a league's word for it, where the league with the Ted Wells investigation certainly had stuff to maintain. Their financial interests were certainly tied with the New England Patriots dynasty.

[D]

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[B]

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