Hour 1: We Invented Football

Summary

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Hour 1: "We Invented Football"

March 27, 2026

---

Episode Overview

Theme/Purpose:
The crew, broadcasting from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, turns its signature blend of irreverent humor and sharp insight toward the themes of sports streaming frustrations, spring football (with a nostalgic deep dive on alternative leagues), modern rules innovations, football culture, and the petty politics of athlete nicknames. Along the way, they bounce between baseball anecdotes, streaming-era gripes, and the endless quest to “make football better,” ultimately staking a tongue-in-cheek claim: "We invented football."

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Streamers’ Agony: Watching Baseball in 2026

[03:25–07:26]

• The group laments the convoluted path to simply watching baseball in the era of streaming packages:

  • Dave: Navigates the maze of ESPN, MLB packages, Xfinity, and password resets ("It’s all exhausting, and it's meant to be difficult. I feel so old...the system tries to make it super hard for you." [05:48])
  • Jeremy: Notes the new landscape: regional sports have gone internal, so figuring out channels or apps is a last-minute scramble.

• Humorous comparison:

  • Dave admits, given a choice between doing his taxes or setting up baseball streaming—he’ll pick sports:
    “When it comes to baseball or doing taxes, I’ll give baseball this. I prefer watching baseball.” [07:29]
  • Mike Ryan sums it up: “Sounds really complicated how we’re supposed to watch baseball.” [07:26]

---

2. Stat of the Day: Freshman Feats and Ancient NCAA Rules

[07:37–09:38]

• Stat of the Day (presented by MoneyLion) features three historic NCAA basketball stats focused on freshmen:

  • Arizona: 3 freshmen with 15+ points on 60%+ shooting (first ever in tourney history)
  • Illinois: Pair of double-doubles by freshmen (first since eligibility rule change in 1972)
  • Darius Acuff Jr: Most points through three career NCAA tourney games by a freshman, surpassing Zion Williamson [08:16–09:05]

• Quip:
  Mike: "Why would a freshman not be eligible to play?" [09:05]
  Jeremy: "It was like a mandatory redshirt, wasn’t it?" [09:12]

• Classic rule: No dunking and mandatory frosh teams—the group marvels at how backward the old NCAA was (e.g., “You couldn’t actually dunk. That’s why...Wilt Chamberlain is finger rolling instead.” [09:34–09:38])

---

3. XFL, UFL & The Endless Spring Football Quest

[09:58–19:11]

• UFL Opening Day!
  Dave laments the demise of XFL branding (“I’m a child of the attitude era.” [10:21]). COVID killed prior XFL momentum, UFL struggles for relevance, but is selling out games in Louisville.

• Spring Football as Entertainment:

  • The UFL’s solution: Ludacris, Nelly, Gucci Mane, DJ Khaled, and Gavin DeGraw at halftime. “That’s window dressing on a Ludacris concert.” [12:15]

• Big Question: Why don’t these leagues sign big names (Kaepernick, Flacco, etc.)? Tony advocates for marquee signings: “Throw all the loot you can possibly find...that’s the solution, isn’t it?” [13:24]

• Historical deep dive: The USFL outspent rivals to land Herschel Walker, Steve Young, and Jim Kelly; the group marvels at what might have been for those players’ NFL legacies.

Notable Moment:

• Dave’s perfect encapsulation: “It is like dudes naming dudes on the UFL...the product tries to shock the system.” [13:54]

---

4. Crazy Football Rules: Would the NFL Ever Try These?

[19:13–27:49]

• Experimental rules in alt-leagues spark debate:

  • No punts past midfield.
  • 60-yard field goal worth 4 points.
  • (Hypothetical) A team can “give up 6 points” to get the ball back.

• Tony: Voices concern about leagues going too far and becoming "punchline" material:
  “The XFL did too much...it was hard to take seriously.” [21:43]

• Discussion of “Let Them Score/Score-Offs,” replacing Pro Bowl with a “Loser Bowl” (winner gets #1 draft pick), and the now-common 4th-and-12/15 conversion as an onside kick alternative.

  • Dave: “Let’s pretend we’re just building this sport. We are starting the sport of football. The past has never happened...First off, credit to us. We invented football.” [25:54–26:06]

• Scoring inflation concern: Tony predicts high-scoring chaos if 4th-and-12s replace kickoffs: “You would probably try to go for it a lot more... You’d see 61–54 final scores…” [27:05]

---

5. The Power of Names: Nickname Thievery in Sports

[39:46–42:44]

• Caleb Williams (Bears QB) tries trademarking “Iceman”—the crew is outraged:

  • Tony: “How lacking in creativity are we as a society that this is where we’ve reached now?” [40:13]
  • “We have Aaron Rodgers deciding to be A-Rod. We already have an A-Rod, man… it’s a whole new layer of awful.” [40:23]

• Mike Ryan asks: what’s the most egregious nickname theft?

  • Group calls out LaMelo Ball (“Melo” is Carmelo’s name!), and Dwight Howard (“Superman” is Shaq). [41:29]

• Dave proposes a better nickname for Williams: “Nails. He paints his nails, he comes in clutch. Nails Williams is a badass.” [42:25–42:33]

---

6. Football Culture, Communication, and Petty Gripes

[31:14–38:34]

• Reminiscing about the XFL’s wild days (“cheerleader locker room cam,” starting QBs in hot tubs).
• Jon rants about friends answering the phone with “Hello?” like they don’t know him: “It’s always with a question mark… Do you not have my number saved in your phone?” [33:07–34:16]
• Banter about how people answer their phones—varies from “Yo” to “Hey, it’s Mike Ryan,” but Mike Ryan always says “hello.”

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On streaming rage:
  “It’s all exhausting, and it’s meant to be difficult. I feel so old...the system tries to make it super hard for you.” – Dave [05:48]

• Baseball/taxes:
  “When it comes to baseball or doing taxes, I’ll give baseball this. I prefer watching baseball.” – Dave [07:29]

• Innovation overload:
  “I think you do run the risk of just being a punchline, a joke league.” – Tony [21:43]

• Spring league strategy:
  “That’s window dressing on a Ludacris concert.” – Dave [12:15]

• Inventing football, tongue-in-cheek:
  “First off, credit to us. We invented football.” – Dave [26:06]

• On nickname theft:
  “How lacking in creativity are we as a society that this is where we’ve reached now?” – Tony [40:13]

• Proper nickname for Williams:
  “He should be Nails...Nails Williams is a badass.” – Dave [42:25–42:33]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:25 – 07:26: Streaming/MLB subscription horror stories
• 07:37 – 09:38: Stat of the Day/NCAA rules history
• 09:58 – 19:11: UFL/XFL nostalgia, spring football gripes & halftime concert hype
• 19:13 – 27:49: Experimenting with rules (4-point FGs, no punting, loser bowl, onside alternatives)
• 31:14 – 34:16: XFL 2000s antics & phone etiquette debate
• 39:46 – 42:44: Nickname theft rant (Iceman, A-Rod, Superman)

---

Closing Remarks

Tone:
High-energy, sardonic, rapid-fire—a quintessential Le Batard stew blending deep sports knowledge with self-aware humor and old-guy complaints about the modern world.

If you missed it:
This episode skewers the complexity of modern fandom (just streaming a game is an odyssey!), lampoons the endless reinvention of football for spring TV, and provides delectable digressions (like whether “hello?” is an acceptable answer when your buddy calls). It’s as much nostalgia for the zany past as it is a satirical blueprint for the future—because, as Dave says: “We invented football.”

Transcript

[Narrator]

The world moves fast. Your workday even faster. Pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data. Microsoft 365 Copilot is your AI assistant for work built into Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and other Microsoft 365 apps you use, helping you quickly write, analyze, create, and summarize so you can cut through clutter and clear a path to your best work. Learn [e-mail] M365 copilot.

[Quaker Oatmeal Advertiser]

Start your day with Quaker Protein Instant Oatmeal. The instant oatmeal ready to help you tackle whatever your day brings. Like wrangling your toddler into their car seat. That was fun. Coaching your sixth grader soccer team.

[Tony]

Go girls.

[Quaker Oatmeal Advertiser]

And carrying all the groceries in one trip. Try Quaker Protein Instant Oatmeal Granola and bars. Great taste and a good source of protein. Quaker bring out the good.

[Dave]

So good, so good, so good.

[Nordstrom Rack Advertiser]

New spring arrivals are at Nordstrom rack stores. Now get ready to save big with up to 60% off rag and bone. Marc Jacobs, free people and more.

[Quaker Oatmeal Advertiser]

How did I not know rack has Adidas?

[Dave]

Cause there's always something new.

[Nordstrom Rack Advertiser]

Join the Nordy club to unlock exclusive discounts. Shop new arrivals first and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, you great prices. That's why you wreck.

[Dan LeBatard]

This is the Dan Levator show with the Stu Guts podcast.

[Mike Ryan]

Jeremy, how did the livestream pitch clock go yesterday?

[Jeremy]

It was a lot of fun. We had a great time. It was me, Chris, Ethan. Then we had a variety of people

[Lewis]

all show up at the same time.

[Jon]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Including Mike Ryan. Thank you for stopping by in the midst of absolute chaos on the Zoom.

[Dave]

Yeah, it was. It seemed like you guys were dealing with some adversity there.

[Jeremy]

Yes. We pushed through.

[Dave]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Middle innings, middle relievers coming in.

[Dave]

I didn't even get to say Travis Hafner, which is something.

[Jeremy]

Oh, but I got size more.

[Dave]

I got to say. Michael Kadire and Corey Koski. So my. My job there was done.

[Tony]

Yep.

[Jeremy]

It felt good. It felt good to have everybody there.

[Mike Ryan]

I will tell you, I felt a little bit bad. All right, I'll admit this. I'll cop this. I felt bad two days ago, you know, the day before we're doing the stream, and. And I was like, oh, you got a live stream coming up tomorrow. Pitch clock driver's like, yeah, you could. You could, you know, zoom in between three and five. And my response. Yeah, maybe.

[Lewis]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Well, a lot of people zoomed in,

[Mike Ryan]

and I think Jeremy took it as like, oh, all right. No, no, not at All a little bit bad.

[Jeremy]

No, you shouldn't feel bad.

[Mike Ryan]

That's what it's like when I ask

[Jeremy]

friends to hang out.

[Jon]

Well, I wanted to join. For real. I really did.

[Dave]

Yeah, I know.

[Tony]

I'm on to you.

[Jon]

I wanted to.

[Lewis]

You stop. I'm on.

[Jeremy]

I really.

[Jon]

I was about. I was literally like, louis, send me the Zoom. But then I forgot, you know what

[Jeremy]

we talked about a lot was your boy o' Neill Cruz having truly a dreadful day. Like just one of the worst days I've seen on an.

[Dave]

Okay. Wear sunglasses.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, just wear sunglass.

[Lewis]

He missed two pop ups. Not pop ups, fly balls to center field. Because he's not wearing sunglasses. He was the first person to have abs negatively effective.

[Tony]

Yes.

[Lewis]

He had a walk turned into a strikeout. Just a bad.

[Jeremy]

And then the next guy hit a homer. He could have been on.

[Mike Ryan]

Oh, tell me about that. He had a walk that turned to a strikeout.

[Jeremy]

Like.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah.

[Mike Ryan]

Was he already on his way to.

[Lewis]

He was like walking towards three, two, pitch. And then they challenged it and he had to turn around and come back.

[Mike Ryan]

Is he just like standing in the middle of the baseline waiting for.

[Lewis]

He's just doing his normal like starting to take off stuff. Got like 10ft down and had to just turn around.

[Jeremy]

It was great.

[Lewis]

And then he struck out.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, it was tough for him.

[Dave]

So I. I unfortunately hopped in the Zoom the same time everybody else did. But I was a little delayed because I wanted to have all the games on TV, which this year ESPN's app is the home of MLB TV Now. A little something for the sports fans out there. Apparently I had the MLB package all the last year because I'm a legacy subscriber and they'll renew it automatically for you.

[Mike Ryan]

So there was a time where you willingly bought the package.

[Dave]

Yeah, when. When I was doing my first year of a now three year bit of being a Mariners fan. I watched a bunch of Mariners game that first year and then just assumed I didn't have the package all of last year. So I got back out of baseball but apparently I was paying for it the entire time because I checked and I'm like, okay, let me just go to the ESPN app. I think I have this MLB package because I saw a charge this time and I go to do it and I got the prompt that says get access. Now I am an Xfinity customer and it took several months to be able to get ESPN Unlimited and I had this additional subscription that was Disney but with commercials, Hulu and ESPN Select. So this afforded me the opportunity to get a little tight. But here's the thing. ESPN is trying to trick you because you can't do things on the app. You can't manage your accounts conveniently on your phone.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, Dot TV sounds like it's like a computer.

[Dave]

You can't even do it from the app itself. The only thing that really got me results was doing everything via desktop. And it's intentional because they want you to have multiple subscriptions out there. But after 20 minutes of a lot of hard work, and this is a segment we like to call old guys complaining about streaming, I finally got alignment. I reduced one of my additional subscriptions that I don't need anymore because the Xfinity thing finally worked. And that took 15 minutes because they make that extra hard. But watched baseball, and I had multiple games on when it came to baseball, and it was a beautiful thing to see. I was into the sport of baseball for a day, and I joined this stream. But I'm doing a public service, folks. You're gonna have to do this all via desktop, which is like, the most boomer way to do it. So many of you are probably thrilled.

[Jeremy]

MLB app didn't work.

[Dave]

No, dude. I also, like, forgot my password. So I'm like, all right, send me my password. But then I never got the email for the password. So, sorry, gotta go on the desk.

[Mike Ryan]

You gotta make sure you put in the right email.

[Dave]

Like, there's just different ways around it. It's all exhausting, and it's meant to be difficult. I keep telling myself, man, I feel so old. I feel like such an idiot. But the thing is, the system tries to make it super hard for you.

[Jeremy]

I think this is also a difficult year in that there's a transition here from the regional sports network model to so many of these teams going internal that they have everything through, whether it's Marlins tv, Rays tv, whatever, that. So now, literally, as of. As of yesterday, and this is MLB doing these negotiations all the way for all of these teams. As of yesterday, they were just announcing which over the air channels you would be able to access the different teams from. So, like, the Marlins announced, hey, you can get it on AT and T on Comcast, Infinity, Charter, Fubo. But you didn't know that until yesterday. So if you were a fan who was trying to look in advance, you might have felt the need to go buy the subscription.

[Dave]

Luckily, these.

[Jeremy]

These subscriptions are at a reasonable price. But then you. You might have this issue that Mike ran into. So if you want to watch a game like tonight or, you know, Want to continue through the weekend? You should get yourself set up in advance.

[Dave]

I had 25 minutes and it was like, do my taxes or be able to watch sports.

[Mike Ryan]

And you gotta go sports.

[Dave]

I went sports. I went Sports. I had 25 minutes to be able to watch.

[Jon]

You have a guy that does your taxes?

[Dave]

I do have, yeah, but I gotta prepare stuff.

[Mike Ryan]

Dude, don't have a guy.

[Dave]

Yeah, I have.

[Jon]

I got a guy.

[Dave]

It's a lady.

[Jon]

Trust me. I got a guy.

[Dave]

I got one of those guys. It's a. It' lady. It's a really good one. But I also have to get my stuff together. You know, you got a lot of.

[Jon]

No, no, trust me. I got you.

[Dave]

I got you.

[Jon]

Yeah, I had to do some work too.

[Dave]

Yeah. But I'd rather watch baseball, which is crazy considering the discourse.

[Mike Ryan]

All right. Sounds really complicated how we're watch baseball.

[Dave]

Yeah, that's how much that look when it comes to baseball or doing taxes, I'll give baseball this. I prefer watching baseball.

[Tony]

All right.

[Mike Ryan]

It's a hell of an endorsement. Jeremy, do a stat of the day.

[Dan LeBatard]

Start of the day. Start of the day. It is the start of the day. Start of the day. Start of the day. It is the start of the day. Start of the day. Start of the day. It is the start of the day. Start of the day. Start of the day. It is the start of the day.

[Lewis]

Stat of the day is presented by moneylion. Download the moneyline app or visit moneyline.com to learn more. Moneylion make money easy.

[Jeremy]

We've got three competing stats of the day here, all freshman related for college basketball. Men's college basketball here. So first, per Optistats, Arizona had three freshmen who scored 15 points or more on 60% shooting or more. It's the first time that's ever happened in an NCAA tournament game.

[Lewis]

Okay.

[Jeremy]

Illinois had a pair of freshmen to each have a double double. It's the first time it's happened in an NCAA tournament game since freshmen became fully eligible in 1972. And Darius A. Cuff Jr. Scored the most points through three career men's NCAA tournament games by a freshman over the last 50 years. He passed Zion Williamson's record of 80 points through three. That's the one which is the most impressive.

[Mike Ryan]

Why would a freshman not be eligible to play?

[Lewis]

Yeah, it's weird.

[Jon]

Back in the day, used to have jv. They wouldn't be able to.

[Jeremy]

It was like a mandatory redshirt, wasn't it?

[Mike Ryan]

I don't like that.

[Jeremy]

Okay, so we'll get rid of that one. So The Darius. Darius Acuff.

[Jon]

You back in the day, you couldn't dunk. Did you know that?

[Mike Ryan]

Really?

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

That wasn't just an athleticism.

[Tony]

They didn't think.

[Jon]

They didn't think, hey, dunking is like showboating on the other team, so you couldn't actually dunk. That's why you see, back in the day, like, everybody, like, laying it up and finger rolling. They didn't.

[Mike Ryan]

That's why all those highlights, like Wilt Chamberlain is finger rolling easily. Dunk.

[Jon]

Exactly right. Because they didn't. Dunking was like a faux pas. You couldn't dunk.

[Mike Ryan]

Wow. Did you know that? Davis shaking your head. Yes. You knew that.

[Tony]

Yeah. You at ucla. And Tony is right again with the freshman season. There was a freshman team. You were not allowed to play varsity ball until your sophomore.

[Jon]

Thank you, Dave.

[Dave]

I know there's a lot of excitement in the air for baseball opening day, as there rightfully should be. But let's not forget our brothers playing spring football because it's also opening day for the ufl. Now, as you know, I'm a big XFL guy. I really don't like this UFL branding, but this sport has done a lot this off season to try to shock the system.

[Mike Ryan]

Why don't you like the branding?

[Dave]

I'm an XFL guy because I'm a brand, because I'm a child of the attitude era. All right.

[Mike Ryan]

You know about that.

[Tony]

He hate me.

[Dave]

Yes. I know plenty about he hate me. And unfortunately, one of the many things that Covid took from us was the fact that the XFL relaunch right before COVID impacted everyone's life was actually really good. And the ratings were good. It was getting traction. And then we are where we are right now, which is the UFL struggling to recapture even those highs.

[Mike Ryan]

Do you remember how the XFL used to do, instead of a coin toss, what they did at the beginning of the game?

[Jon]

Yes.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Dave]

The scrum for the ball. It was great.

[Jon]

Dave.

[Tony]

I was just saying I enjoyed that.

[Dave]

No, you weren't, Kirby. I believe Kirby Dardar was on one of those teams.

[Mike Ryan]

Really?

[Dave]

Yeah. Yeah. Doing some of the scrums. And I think, like, the very third one, someone tore his shoulder because obviously that stuff is going to happen. But I have surprising news. This may surprise you guys. The UFL game for one of the expansion teams in Louisville is completely sold out. Completely sold out? Yes. Because it's a good football town. They're actually playing, I believe, at the same stadium the Louisville Cardinals play in. But I don't Know if you've seen what the UFL strategy is to get people to the games this opening weekend, but it's brilliant. Ludacris is playing at a halftime. Luda Nelly is playing at a halftime. Gucci Mane is playing at a halftime. DJ Khaled is playing at a halftime. Gavin DeGraw doesn't fit this general theme, but he is playing halftime. They have incredible halftime performers playing at these games. And it's apparently going to be really effective, more so than even the football is. Come out. Watch the Houston Gamblers are back to the Gamblers. By the way, that's a big one because I hated the Roughnecks. Roughnecks was stupid. Hated the Roughnecks. You had the Gamblers branding the entire time. I know Dave's with me on this one. I could watch the Gamblers, not expecting much from them this season. And that's a little. That's window dressing on a ludicrous concert.

[Tony]

Dave, I am a child, not of the xfl, but of the USFL era, which in fact, with. With. With the AFL notwithstanding, is the second best incarnation of football as an answer to the NFL. The xfl, ufl, they kind of suck and. And are irrelevant. And it begs the question, why do they not just throw as much money as they possibly have at Colin Kaepernick and other names that get heat like that? That's the solution, isn't it? What am I missing about.

[Dave]

Well, there was. What you're missing was who was running the XFL at first and how. Like when the XFL first announced back when Colin Kaepernick still had a window, I guess because now the guy hasn't played for like 10 years.

[Tony]

No, not now.

[Dave]

It's. Now it's yours. But like, they. They like part of the press conference that Vince McMahon had was they will absolutely be zero kneeling. He made it very clear that Colin Kaepernick really wasn't in the cards.

[Tony]

Yeah, I get it. But the ufl, when it's, you know, I mean, I can't even remember how many times the UFL has attempted to launch itself, but within three years, you know, three or four years ago, they certainly could have done that with Colin Kaepernick. And even if you remove him, if you find him problematic for whatever reason, just name guys. Throw all the loot you can possibly find in the same way that your soccer team in Miami went out and got messy. That's the solution, isn't it?

[Dave]

I. There are some interesting names, though. Everyone will look to the quarterback position and you know you have Matt Corral, but like Benny Snell, like, I don't know. That probably doesn't zero for you in Orlando. Yeah. John Ross, Leviska, Chenaut, like there, there are, there are players that you're like. I remember him. It is like dudes naming dudes on the ufl. And I think that what they try to do with the product is shock the system a little bit. And the NFL has already taken some cues from the spring ball league formerly known as the XFL and now presently the ufl. I don't think the games are bad. I think that the talent will surprise you. And I think from an in game experience, you throw Gucci mane or Ludacris at me or Nelly and the St. Lunatics, I'm inclined to have a good time, Gavin, because as you know, Dave, I like to sit outside and drink an ice cold beer.

[Tony]

Nothing wrong with that. I'm not gonna take you to task for that, friend. I'd like to be right next to you with a beer in my own hand.

[Dave]

Watching. Watching a baseball game from six months ago.

[Tony]

Who I'm trying to. That's right, Mike.

[Lewis]

You know I have one rule to live by, right?

[Dave]

Don't place parlays on multiple long shots. Don't say a game is won when it hasn't hit triple zero.

[Lewis]

Always drink your Jagermeister ice cold. That's the rule. Everything else is merely a suggestion.

[Dave]

Everything else?

[Lewis]

Everything else.

[Dave]

Wearing clean underwear every day, well, that's

[Lewis]

just a personal decision.

[Dave]

Brushing your teeth, obviously smart, but not a rule. Never pee pee on an electric fence.

[Lewis]

Okay, maybe there are two rules. But the one that is 100% that I insist on completely, Jagermeister must be drank ice cold or don't drink it at all.

[Dave]

Damn, that's cold.

[Lewis]

Exactly. You're finally starting to get it.

[Dave]

Drink responsibly. Jagermeister liqueur, 35% alcohol by volume, imported by Mass. Jagermeister U.S. white Plains, New York. Hey, Roy, buddy.

[Tony]

Yo.

[Dave]

You know that energy shift when the game gets good and everybody all together in unison knows to stand up on their feet?

[Tony]

Oh, absolutely.

[Dave]

Mike.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah?

[Dave]

You've been at many big time sporting events, you know that moment quite well. That's what it's like when you take your first sip of Cuervo.

[Jon]

Oh, delicious.

[Dave]

It's the signal that says, we're not checking the time anymore, pal. It's when small talk turns into stories. Cuervo, man. It's that high five. A random stranger effect. That's right. The game is popping. You're hugging people you never met before. That's the kind of energy that Cuervo brings. It's so smooth, so delicious. That's the Cuervo effect. Keep it Cuervo.

[Lewis]

Oh, folks, look at me. I'm in my 30s, which is old enough to know better and somehow still young enough to ignore that information pretty regularly.

[Mike Ryan]

Like you know me.

[Lewis]

I'll have a couple drinks, normal adult behavior, nothing crazy. And the next morning, my body reacts like I have made a series of terrible decisions with no supervision. My sleep score tanks. I wake up confused. Suddenly, even replying to one text feels like a full task. But that is why I have discovered and gotten into Cheers Restore. Alcohol hits differently now. It affects your brain, your sleep, your liver, all of it. And Cheers Restore is made for that. It's a dual action after alcohol aid designed to support your brain and your liver after drinking. And the origin story is wild. It started with a Princeton student researching dhm, which is this compound tied to alcohol related effects in the body. It's in Walgreens CVS 7 11, basically everywhere. It was on Shark Tank. All I do is take three capsules after my last drink or before bed and the next morning is way less dramatic. Same night out, way better Morning with Cheers. For a limited time, our listeners are getting 20% off your entire order by using code [e-mail] just head to cheershealth.com and use code dan for 20% off. After your purchase they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them the Dan Lebatard show sent you.

[Dave]

Dan LeBatard.

[Jeremy]

If Daniel Day Lewis did it, you'd

[Dave]

be jerking off all over yourself.

[Tony]

Oh, come on.

[Dave]

Yeah, I would be aggressive description.

[Tony]

I mean, what is it? What is that?

[Home Depot Advertiser]

I'm just saying that's me.

[Tony]

Saying what?

[Dave]

That's me. I see that photo of Daniel Day Lewis looking like Lincoln before he's about to start filming. Lincoln. And you know what I do? I mean stugats. I jerk off all over myself. That's what I do. Lincoln, who you outed the other day. Don't make this a rejoin.

[Dan LeBatard]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugach.

[Tony]

Trying to think though of who are those names. I say Colin Kaepernick, but you know, practically his ship has sailed. It would be bad for him to throw himself out there between the lines. Even in the ufl. He'd probably get himself hurt. Then again, there is Joe Flacco. But is there a name out there that's Sort of like, boy, that would be an interesting fit for a secondary league. I mean I advocate, by the way, a little self promo we Football America, Pablo Torre coming out within a matter of minutes here. Make sure you check that one out. But I do address exactly that. Doesn't the NFL need at last a minor league like every other major sport has here? The CFL is sitting there, the UFO there, there, there's some opportunity there. I guess it's because of the collisions. You don't want to throw your young prospects out there for games.

[Lewis]

Also it already exists with college football.

[Dave]

Yeah, that's true. But the CFL and, and the, the brain trust behind the UFL were very close three years ago to some sort of merger partnership and it fe. Dave, I know spring football isn't your thing because you like college football, you love the NFL. But doesn't the current president of Football America owe it to his football Americans to give spring football a chance?

[Tony]

I'm down. I'm down. I'm not. Listen, I'm not getting up on Mount Pius about it. My heart is open and so too will my eyeballs this weekend. I'm more than willing to give it another shot. I've given it many shots because as you say, I love football. I've watched usfl, xfl, UFL and all the rest of it. I'm down.

[Mike Ryan]

I wonder what football America thinks of a couple, you know, rules that they actually have in the USF and the UFL that they don't in the NFL. You know, once you get to Tony, once you, you move the ball into plus territory, you are not allowed to punt.

[Jon]

I love that. Be bold.

[Mike Ryan]

There's no punting once you're on the other side of the field.

[Tony]

Good.

[Jon]

Fourth and 13, go for it.

[Dave]

And I think like a 60 yard field goal is worth four points. So you might find yourself like their strategy implied. Now with the battle of real estate acquisition math being done, I, I'm willing to let this play out and see if this stuff works in the NFL. And I know the notion of a kick being worth more points scares people, but I would argue on the other side of the coin to Zaz's original point is like this is also making punting less important.

[Tony]

Correct.

[Jon]

And also the hypothetical we draw we drew out a couple of weeks ago, maybe a month ago was all right if it's fourth or third and whatever, are you actually going to go back

[Mike Ryan]

to try and get a 4.3 wacky? I think you're right. Like if I have the ball third down and I'm on the 41 yard line. I may want to lose a couple little draw play.

[Jon]

Go the other way.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, like, is that like that? That's kind of wacky.

[Dave]

Right? And because the UFL has done this stuff with all these rules and being creative, it's kind of. I'm on this algo where people are pitching football.

[Mike Ryan]

My algo is different than yours.

[Dave]

I know your algo. You would. You shouldn't have got that good algo. If your algo is what it says it is. But Dave, there was one rule that I saw somebody propose that I'm curious your thoughts on. At one point in the game, you can decide we're going to give the opposing team six points. Just give us a ball. We're not going to let them milk the clock like we are conceding they score. Just give us a ball.

[Mike Ryan]

Cute.

[Tony]

A contrivance. I It's.

[Jon]

Boy.

[Tony]

It's a fine line between trying to push the envelope and get some attention for your league and, you know, if it really thrives and then the NFL picks it up. It's validating and all of that. But I think you do run the risk of just being a punchline, a joke league. The XFL did too much whenever it was 20 years plus ago now it went too far. So it seems silly. It was hard to take seriously because it didn't feel like they were taking themselves serious. Well, how many not to be a hard. Oh, right.

[Dave]

How many times have you been watching. How many times have you been watching a game? Many sports fans have said this at their TV on a Sunday, let them score. Right? Hashtag let them score is.

[Mike Ryan]

Is a thing I never said. I never want my defense give up

[Dave]

points unless you want. Unless you need the ball back immediately because you're down two scores and the scoring is not as important as the time that's on the clock. So I don't what's a bigger bastardization of the sport, a defense just letting a guy score or just saying like, no, no, no, give them the points. Give me the ball. Let's make this a little.

[Jon]

But then we have to let them score off because then the defense is

[Dave]

like, no, no, we take six points

[Jon]

from them and they're like, wait, we

[Tony]

take six points from them.

[Dave]

You want to give me six points? No, you'll get six points.

[Tony]

No, I get six points because I want the clock.

[Dan LeBatard]

Wow.

[Mike Ryan]

Dave's mind was stunned.

[Jon]

Yeah, I stunned them. My bad, my bad. Go ahead.

[Mike Ryan]

Go ahead, Dave.

[Dave]

Don't let him score off.

[Jon]

My bad, my Bad.

[Tony]

This is great because football, America does do exactly this today is things that we can do. Things we can incorporate from other sports into football to make the greatest sport even better. I went the direction of like fight songs, the, the, the dressing around it. If you're talking about halftime shows, Mike Ryan. The thing that college football and in fact soccer at large has over pro football is the fans singing in the stands and the fight songs and all of that kind of stuff. I would love for that to happen. I think the ufl. I think it's the UFL that has this rule though, my long standing one. Let's replace the stupid Pro bowl that nobody gives a crap about with the loser bowl. Have the two worst teams play each other and the winner gets the first overall pick in the next draft. That would be the greatest thing. And then, then the curmudgeon say, who would want to watch that? The answer is every football fan would want to watch that. We're draft obsessed if you haven't noticed.

[Mike Ryan]

Right.

[Tony]

But Dave, why would that.

[Mike Ryan]

But if the number one pick in the draft like this year, it's Fernando Mendoza, he's going to be the number one pick in the draft. Why would the quarterback for the Raiders want to win that game? So then he loses his job.

[Tony]

Exactly. You know, team A wants to run the ball. That's how their offense is built. They love to run the ball. The problem is they're going up against the team that's number one at stopping the run. Figure it out, coach. That's your job. If you don't think the quarterback is going to try, they go with another quarterback. I mean that. And by the way, they're pro for professional reasons. You can't put bad tape out there. You can't tank a game openly like that in front of the public. No one would ever hire you to be their quarterback ever again. So for better or worse, you would try. If you're the current quarterback of a team and you're playing to give your team the right to draft your replacement.

[Dave]

What about the 4th and 12 conversion instead of an onside kick? Nobody gets onside kicks anymore because the. You also have to announce them beforehand so you don't. They've eliminated the surprise onside kick because the players are way out.

[Mike Ryan]

You're not even allowed to do it before the fourth quarter.

[Dave]

Yeah, yeah. You have to announce it. I like the 4th and 12th conversion rule. I think the NFL should.

[Tony]

I hate that.

[Dave]

Really?

[Tony]

That feels very. That feels very. I, I get it.

[Mike Ryan]

You want 4th and 13.

[Tony]

The onside kick is one of the most exciting things. The scarcity of it and how. And how rarely it worked. Even when it was working periodically. I mean, now it has zero chance of working. But again, this is a contrivance that feels like you're watching a game show in the final round where you can win the first three rounds, but then the other. Then the other guy can. Can win the whole thing just by winning the final round because there are more points available. Honestly, it just feels foolish.

[Dave]

No, Dave, let's pretend we're just building this sport. We are starting the sport of football. The past has never happened.

[Mike Ryan]

Great invention.

[Dave]

All right, all right. First off, credit to us. We invented football.

[Tony]

Wow.

[Lewis]

How do we come up.

[Tony]

Let's give it a better name because there's very little feet here. How do we come up with this ball?

[Dave]

All right. Yeah, it's oblong. We got that issue all. But that makes it easier to throw in the air. All right. More aerodynamic. What do you think is a better way if a team wants to get the ball back after scoring? Kicking this oblong ball, a mandatory distance of 10 yards and hopefully you get the right bounce. Or we actually line up an offense versus a defense and we go for fourth and 12. That one. And you do one play. Yeah, that one for sure. I'm not crazy. You're crazy. The onside kick is crazy.

[Lewis]

Gotta be fourth and 15.

[Dave]

Yes. That's. That's a carnival sideshow attraction. The onside kick, 4th and 12. That's football.

[Tony]

I guess so also my problem is, though, that when everything has already skewed towards whatever favors the offense, I think we've reached a place where you would see a lot of conversions on that. Would that be a good thing? I mean, you start to see scores like. I think it wouldn't be. It's not wild to suggest that you would see some 61 to 54 kind of final scores with semi regularity if you started to do that. Because you would understand that if you're down by a couple of scores in the second half, that offense, you know, if you have a good quarterback and a good offense, that you would probably try to go for it a lot more than teams currently do.

[Dave]

Yeah, I get where you're coming from, but also, especially for a spring football league that has already got the deck stacked against them. Right. To get eyes and attention. I mean, if you're tuning into a blowout, you want as many opportunities as you can in the game for the other team to get back into. Give me some drama here because I don't want to watch good football teams in a blowout. The hell I'm going to watch perceived bad football teams in a blowout.

[Tony]

But the answer, the shortcut is though the shortcut to this is, is Levy and Bell is our starting running back. Antonio Brown has now been signed to be a wide receiver. Like I say, the names are out there. It's weird that they're not grabbing to. To get these people. That's how. That's how your league resonates. It's why the afl. The reason the AFL made it was because they outspent to get Joe Namath and some other big name guys coming out of school in the 60s. That's. That's why it made it. And the USFL almost made it. I can't remember the owner who really mucked things up and tried to force it into the fall too. But either way the you. The USFL was about to make it because they did exactly what I'm talking about. People forget about Steve Young. And they signed Zonka too, didn't they? No, that's a. That's the 70s.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, that's the 70s.

[Tony]

World World Football League. Jim Kick and Zonk and all of those guys. But I'm talking about the 80s as. Please keep up. This is. This is that. It's the great. It really was. Talk about somebody who has a chip on his shoulder. I love the USFL. I was gaga for it for its 2 or 3 year window of relevance. But like Herschel Walker would be unquestionably a Hall of Famer right now if he had not gone off to the usfl. And there are a number of guys who probably fit that description. But they threw money at these guys to do it. Steve Young, like I say, and Jim Kelly and otherwise. And that seems to be the answer. We can talk about good halftime shows and Mercury Morris maybe. I don't know.

[NBC Universal Advertiser]

Nothing brings people together quite like Team USA at the Olympic Winter Games. From NBC Universal's iconic storytelling to the innovative technology across Xfinity and Peacock, Comcast brings the Olympic Games home to America, sharing every moment with millions. When Team USA steps onto the world stage, people aren't just watching, they're cheering together. This winter, everyone is all on the same. Team Comcast proud partner of Team USA.

[Disney Plus Advertiser]

Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney. Let's go get ready for a new

[Quaker Oatmeal Advertiser]

case for the greatest partners of all time.

[Disney Plus Advertiser]

New friends.

[Tony]

Give it the same snake and your last name. The Snake Dream Team New habitats. Zootopia has a secret Reptile population.

[Disney Plus Advertiser]

You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home. Zootopia 2, now available on Disney plus, rated PG. And right now you can get Disney plus and Hulu for just $4.99 a month for three months with a special limited time offer. Ends March 24th. After three months, Plan Auto renews at 1299amonth. Terms apply.

[Home Depot Advertiser]

Spring starts at the Home Depot and we are bringing the heat to your backyard this season. Fire up the flavor with our wide variety of grills for under $300. Like the next grill 4 burner gas grill that's perfect for hosting your spring cookout. Then set the scene and turn your outdoor space into the go to spot the patio sets for every budget. Bring it this season with grills that deliver flavor and patios that set the vibe from the Home Depot. Start your spring with low prices guaranteed at the Home Depot exclusion supply. See homedepot.com pricematch for details.

[Mike Ryan]

Don LeBatard My algorithm on Instagram is Dan. It's all boo

[Dave]

sts.

[Tony]

It's a good algorithm.

[Dan LeBatard]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the st.

[Mike Ryan]

I like reminiscing about the old rules, the old gimmicks that the XFL used to be. Remember they had a cheerleader locker room cam.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah.

[Mike Ryan]

A camera. Sorry, Cheerleaders dressing room.

[Jeremy]

No they didn't.

[Dave]

Attitude era. Yeah. Ryan Clement was a opening game starter. He was a former University of Miami quarterback.

[Mike Ryan]

Tommy Maddox.

[Disney Plus Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Dave]

He was starting for the Las Vegas Outlaws in this game and they did like a pre game interview where he was in a hot tub surrounded by cheerleaders.

[Jon]

Hell yeah.

[Mike Ryan]

What a time to be alive.

[Jeremy]

We're so close to being back to that.

[Dave]

We are. Thank God. Oh, it's been a long 25 years.

[Jeremy]

As soon as Clavicular gets out of prison, he'll be on it.

[Dave]

Yeah. Maybe you can play quarterback for the Salience.

[Mike Ryan]

Tony, what was I hearing from you this morning where you. You're upset with some of your friends, with the way that they call you?

[Jon]

Yeah, there's a bit of a situation going on that I like to call are we friends? The are we friends? Paradox. Right. We all have each other's numbers in our phones. Everybody.

[Dave]

There's.

[Jon]

There's nobody that I know that memorizes everybody's number and then a random number calls them. Like, oh, oh, that's Jeremy.

[Mike Ryan]

Oh, that's crazy. Like if you ask me right now, I. I can remember. I know my phone number from my original house when I was a kid. Moved out of there when I was 11. All right, I know that phone number still. I could tell you it right now. Okay. If you also ask me right now, what are my. I have two teenage boys. What are their phone numbers? I have no clue. Really. I have no clue what their phone

[Jon]

number seems to be an important.

[Lewis]

I know my parents, my wife.

[Mike Ryan]

I know my wife. I know my. I don't know my dad. I know my wife's. I know my mother's. I don't know my dad's cell phone. I don't know my boy's number.

[Jon]

I know everybody's number and my family by heart. So, like, I know all of those. But all of you guys, like, I have you guys saved. Like, my friend 954 something. Okay, all of you guys.

[Mike Ryan]

He got it.

[Dave]

Damn it.

[Tony]

He.

[Mike Ryan]

Except says I'm 305.

[Jon]

That's just 305 till you die. You're a 7, 8, 6 guy.

[Dave]

What you.

[Jon]

So all of a sudden, is Mike

[Lewis]

learning he's 7, 8, 6.

[Jon]

I have an issue where somebody in my life answers the phone. Like, if they don't know who I am. So every time I call them, I'll do.

[Lewis]

I can do a good. I don't know.

[Dave]

Hello? Exactly.

[Jon]

Right.

[Dave]

Wait.

[Mike Ryan]

He answers it like a question.

[Jon]

Like a question. Like, who is this? Like, if it's a number that he.

[Lewis]

Or you, like, disguise the voice.

[Tony]

Hello?

[Jon]

No, but that's what I do.

[Lewis]

I don't know the number.

[Disney Plus Advertiser]

Hello?

[Dave]

No.

[Mike Ryan]

Do you have a problem with them answering hello? Or them answering hello? Like, they're confused.

[Dave]

Confused.

[Jon]

Because this is a back and forth that. Like, I'm calling because we're talking back and forth and I'm answering a question. I have to ask somebody else. I have to call you back, whatever. And it's the same answer. Hello? And it just got me thinking, like, do you not have my number saved in your phone?

[Tony]

Could this.

[Jon]

Do you know who I am?

[Lewis]

Could this just be their hello? Maybe that's just how they say hello.

[Jeremy]

They never say hello as a statement.

[Lewis]

Maybe they're just always like, hello, Walk into a room.

[Tony]

Hello?

[Dave]

Hello.

[Jon]

It's always with a question mark. And it's like, I'm a very.

[Home Depot Advertiser]

I don't.

[Jon]

A friendly guy when I talk on the phone. Like, hey. Like, Jeremy called me. Hey, what's up, buddy? What's going on? Exact. Call me. Hey, what's up? What's up? What's up? Like, talk to me.

[Lewis]

He was just like, when you have an I call, you're just like, yo.

[Jeremy]

Or yo's a good One though.

[Lewis]

But like, but I feel like I'm not getting the proper response from.

[Jon]

Next time you call me I'll make sure that I give you a more zapped up response.

[Mike Ryan]

But this one would we know the person?

[Jon]

We would. I don't want to put their.

[Lewis]

Oh, it's a co worker.

[Dave]

It's.

[Jon]

It's somebody that is close in the vicinity.

[Mike Ryan]

And why did Lewis answer?

[Jeremy]

Yeah, why did Lewis do that?

[Jon]

I don't know why Lewis does that. It's not Lewis. I'm not going to say who it is. I'm not going to say who it is, but it's somebody amongst us in our midst. Why did Danny be with a hello with a question mark And I know you have my number in your phone and I have your number on my phone and everybody knows but you answer me with a hello with a question mark like you don't know who I am. So my question is it could be Rose.

[Jeremy]

Are we friends?

[Dave]

She can be.

[Jon]

No, it's not Rose. Buddy. No, no, buddy's good. I need to know if this person has my name in their phone or if they don't.

[Jeremy]

I do have an issue recently with my phone where I have saved numbers.

[Jon]

I know.

[Jeremy]

I've gone through the process of saving them. I'll even say Matt Sullivan who works for our program. Every time I get a text from him it says maybe Matt Sullivan. I've saved his contact over and over and over again. My phone won't say I love the maybe. So if I get a phone call, they're never wrong. It doesn't always say that on the text. It'll say maybe on the phone call.

[Tony]

It won't.

[Jeremy]

No, they're sometimes wrong.

[Lewis]

No, never love.

[Jeremy]

Maybe it's this guy Steve. Yeah, maybe.

[Mike Ryan]

But.

[Jon]

But

[Tony]

Tony, please. I'm sorry. I'm with you completely. The hello. I think movies had it right forever ago. Weird thing because people in movies don't say hello, they just start talking when they pick the phone up. It is a weird way to acknowledge that the conversation is beginning before it's hello with a question. Yes, people don't talk that way except on the phone. But as far as that goes, I'm surprised that you answer the phone. Do you answer the phone if you don't know who is calling you?

[Jon]

No. And that's the thing. It usually says spam likely or the new update on the iPhone won't even give me the call. It'll just send it straight to voicemail. Spam. And I'll open my phone. It's like, oh, you have a missed call. I look at it, and it's from, like, some, you know, Dagestani number somewhere. And I'm like, okay, good thing they didn't. They didn't call me. But to. I'm a bear. I'm a big phone talker. I like talking on the phone. Like, Dave, you call me, we'll talk, right? Like, I'm not the guy that's like, no, don't call me.

[Tony]

Text me. I'm out for that.

[Jon]

No, I want to talk on the phone. I want to hear the tone of your voice. I want to hear the tone of your gym.

[Lewis]

You can text me.

[Tony]

Not interested in taking anybody's call. So much so, in fact, that the. The world at large knows don't call me and expect me to answer the phone. My sister sent me a meme a couple of days ago that it. That it said it laid out a hypothetical that for it, you get $1 billion if you can call somebody in on your phone list in a pitch

[Jon]

and then actually pick up.

[Tony]

And no, they don't pick up. You get a million dollars. My sister said I would call you because I know you wouldn't answer, and I said wrong. I've trained you to not call me for random casual conversation. So that means if I do see you calling me or our mother calling me, I know it's an emergency and somebody has died, so I must answer the phone. So I would answer the phone in that situation, but otherwise, don't bother calling me to kibbitz. What do. I'm a busy man. Please. You were at a bar watching a

[Jon]

game from six months ago. What are you talking about?

[Tony]

Don't busy. Give me a call.

[Mike Ryan]

We'll talk about the.

[Jon]

Talk about the game.

[Tony]

Come on.

[Mike Ryan]

Do you not. So. So. So, Tony, if someone calls you. Who you know, a friend. Yeah. Do you answer with hello, or do you go right into conversation?

[Jon]

I've never answered the phone with hello ever in my life. Hey, what's going on? What's up? What are we doing?

[Lewis]

Where you at?

[Mike Ryan]

I always say hello. I always say hello.

[Jon]

No, never.

[Mike Ryan]

Oh, I never said.

[Tony]

Spanish speakers. Spanish speakers, don't say ola. What. What is the. What is the state?

[Jon]

A lot of things. Dimelo, oygo, comotamo. Get okay. Get okay.

[Tony]

When it's a work call, that's what people would say.

[Lewis]

When it's a work call, it's hey, whatever their name is. How's it going? Hey, Jeremy, what's up?

[Mike Ryan]

No, I always say hello.

[Lewis]

Hey, Tony, what's up. That's how. That's how I answer work calls.

[Jon]

I like how Mike answers the phone. Because sometimes Mike answers the phone in the. In the studio, and he's got to, like, take a call. Leaving, he goes, hey, it's Mike Ryan.

[Dave]

That depends when I'm expecting a number, a call potentially from a number that I won't recognize. So I self identify. Usually the way that I answer the call is, hey, I can't talk right now.

[Jon]

Text me.

[Dave]

It's that time.

[Lewis]

Hey, I'm going through a tunnel.

[Mike Ryan]

When I was a kid, I used to answer the house phone with hi.

[Dave]

I always used to. And they would always respond, hi, ma'.

[Tony]

Am.

[Dave]

Hey, ma'.

[Tony]

Am.

[Mike Ryan]

I used to answer with hi. And my parents would get mad at me, like, that's not how you. That's not how you.

[Lewis]

I've never heard anyone answer the phone.

[Dave]

There was nothing more emasculating than answering. That's like the high talker and. Hello, ma', am, I want to talk to you about this cleaning product.

[Lewis]

In your 20s, when you think you're cool, it's yo. You answer.

[Jon]

Ring, ring your 20s when you think you're cool. What does that mean? Yo, I answer, yo.

[Lewis]

I used to be a big yo guy. Not anymore.

[Jon]

Yo, what's up?

[Mike Ryan]

Did you guys see this this morning? Did you say that you know athletes, star players, some of them have nicknames. Okay, Nicknames are cool if you're an athlete, right? And apparently Caleb Williams, quarterback for the Browns, he is. He. He's trying to trade.

[Dave]

Caleb Williams is not a quarterback for the Browns because I'd be a Browns fan. For the Bears.

[Mike Ryan]

For the Bears. Like I said, Caleb Williams.

[Jon]

Those Bears are brown.

[Lewis]

Brown.

[Jeremy]

Larry Zonka, also quarterback for the Bears.

[Mike Ryan]

He's trying to trademark his nickname. He wants to trademark the name Iceman.

[Dave]

Oh, come on, Dave.

[Mike Ryan]

Did you see this? George Gervin.

[Tony]

I'm outraged.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, go ahead. You saw this.

[Tony]

I mean, listen. We Sports has an Iceman. We. It. It. It's not in question how lacking in creativity are we as a society that this is where we've reached now? This isn't the first time it's happened. Obviously. We have Aaron Rodgers deciding to be a rod. We already have an A rod, man. And Ladanian Tomlinson. Yep, I'm LT now. No, no, we already have an LT in your sport, man.

[Dave]

And he was better than you, as

[Tony]

good as you were. What are we doing? And by the way, this is a whole new layer of awful, because I don't even know if George Gervin can rightly say he might be the O. I don't think he's the OG Iceman, because Iceman. I don't know when Iceman made the scene in Marvel comics, but he's out there. And then, of course, you have Iceman, Val Kilmer. Tom Cruise is Maverick's arch nemesis in the skies. Who is the greatest iceman of them all? I'll tell you one who isn't. Caleb Williams. He's a thief.

[Mike Ryan]

What is the most egregious stealing of nickname? Because I would tell you, if somebody says mellow, you can't be talking about Lamelo Ball. No, it's mellow because people call Lamello Ball mellow. Like you're not mellow.

[Jon]

You know who's another thief? Bam Attebayer. Dwight Howard.

[Dave]

Superman.

[Jon]

You can't be Superman. Shaq. Superman.

[Tony]

Is that right? He's trying to take Superman

[Jon]

and he

[Dave]

had the Superman thing. Yeah, it's. It's actually Dwight Howard, not the Philippines. Dwight Howard. It's a whole thing, which is Bam out of bayou.

[Lewis]

I also call myself King James after the Bible.

[Tony]

This is outrageous. We have to put our foot down. We have to put our foot down as collectively. We can't allow this. Just like. Well, well, yeah, but George Gervin played a couple of generations ago, so. So we can. We can put that name back into the pipeline. No, we cannot.

[Dave]

I've got a better nickname for Caleb.

[Tony]

Cannot be another mean Joe can.

[Lewis]

They got one, too.

[Dave]

Look, when. When someone is clutch, they usually describe them as nails. What do we know about Caleb Williams outside of his. You know, he's. He comes in through the clutch and he paints his nails.

[Jeremy]

Nails.

[Dave]

He should be nails.

[Tony]

Nails Williams.

[Dave]

You should be Nails Williams is a badass.

[Jon]

Nails Williams.

[Jeremy]

What's up, Nails?

[Mike Ryan]

That's not bad.

[Tony]

Marvelous.

[Jon]

Hello, Marvelous.

[Dave]

He should drop the lawsuit and we should sue Caleb Williams because he's trying to make his nickname the Iceman when his nickname should be Nails.

[Mike Ryan]

But what if the. The nickname. Like, is it okay if it's a different sport? Because Lenny. Lenny Dykstra was nails.

[Dave]

I think this one's fine. Wait, what do you mean we can. We can forget Lenny Dykstra? No one can.

[Mike Ryan]

What are you doing? It's pretty unforgettable, Dave, though. Outrage, Williams. Outrage.

[Dave]

This one makes. He's got. He paints his head.

[Lewis]

We all park our cars in that garage, Dave.

[Jon]

I'll call you about it later.

[Tony]

We'll talk, Ryan.

[Mike Ryan]

So like I was saying before, Dave, which Sweet 16 matchup you most looking forward to tonight?

[Tony]

Michigan. I don't know. I don't give a good goddamn about that. I'm all about that. I'm all about the chase. The final 10 games for the people are missing out. NBA this and NFL draft that. What you're missing is the home stretch of the regular season in the NFL.