Hour 2: Ahoy, It's Captain Slappy! (feat. Martin Baron)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz – "Hour 2: Ahoy, It's Captain Slappy! (feat. Martin Baron)"

Release Date: March 13, 2025

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1. Introduction and Captain Slappy's Arrival (00:01 – 03:00)

The episode kicks off with the hosts engaging in their characteristic banter, filled with humorous exchanges and light-hearted interactions. Early in the show, Captain Slappy makes his entrance, setting a playful pirate-themed tone. The hosts joke about the nature of pirates in the media, with Chris Whittingham quipping, “It really is the kind of crappy pirate our show deserves, to be honest with you” ([02:31] Chris Whittingham).

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2. In-Depth Interview with Marty Baron (03:00 – 21:01)

a. Returning to Journalism

The spotlight shifts to a serious discussion as Dan Le Batard welcomes Marty Baron, the esteemed executive editor of the Washington Post. The conversation delves into Baron's recent work and his critical views on the current state of journalism.

b. Jeff Bezos and the Washington Post

Baron articulates his concerns regarding Jeff Bezos' influence over the Washington Post. He reflects on Bezos' initial support versus his recent actions that have seemingly compromised the newspaper's integrity. Baron states, “I should say, by the way, Dan, that the news reporting is really good. The news department, as you know, is separate from the opinion department. Bezos has not interfered at all in the news coverage as far as I can tell” ([07:30] Marty Baron).

c. Erosion of Editorial Independence

Baron discusses specific instances where Bezos' decisions have impacted the editorial freedom of the Post. Highlighting the removal of an editorial endorsement for Kamala Harris, he criticizes Bezos' actions as “cowardly and spineless” ([07:52] Marty Baron). He further explains Bezos’ strategic moves to align with political figures like Donald Trump, which he perceives as a shift from support to appeasement.

d. Impact on Democratic Principles

A significant portion of the interview focuses on how Bezos' interference undermines the Washington Post's foundational principles. Baron eloquently ties this to democracy, emphasizing that “the core principle is... to tell the truth as nearly as the truth may be ascertained” ([16:40] Marty Baron). He laments that Bezos’ prioritization of business interests over journalistic integrity is “fundamentally undemocratic” ([16:16] Marty Baron).

e. Marty Baron's Recent Work and Perspectives

Baron touches upon his book, "Collision of Trump, Bezos and the Washington Post," where he explores the intertwined relationships between these entities. He reflects on his journey in journalism, expressing disappointment and indignation over the current state of media independence. Baron remarks, “I'm looking at him [Bezos] in that new light. It's a survival technique” ([14:01] Marty Baron).

f. Democracy and Free Expression

Baron underscores the importance of free expression in a democratic society. He criticizes the Washington Post’s recent editorial decisions as “fundamentally undemocratic,” arguing that limiting opinions to align with Bezos’ views stifles diverse perspectives essential for a healthy democracy ([16:16] Marty Baron).

g. Closing Remarks

As the interview concludes, Baron reflects on his portrayal in the recent film "Spotlight," praising the actor's performance while reiterating the critical messages about investigative journalism and accountability. He states, “I think it was a great movie. It sent a really important message...” ([12:25] Marty Baron).

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3. Humorous Banter and Light-Hearted Moments (21:01 – 38:20)

Following the in-depth interview, the show transitions back to its usual humorous format. The hosts engage in playful teasing, referencing previous segments and inside jokes. Notably, Jon Weiner brings up a photo of him pointing to an engraved message on the Stanley Cup, leading to a series of laughs and mock accusations of “sucking ass” ([24:27] Jon Weiner).

The conversation continues with exaggerated complaints about driving frustrations in Miami. Dan Le Batard humorously laments his deteriorating patience on the roads, saying, “I'm laying on my horn more. I'm yelling at people. I'm flipping the bird at people constantly” ([29:55] Dan Le Batard). The hosts exaggerate these frustrations, blending comedy with relatable grievances about urban driving chaos.

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4. Discussion on Traffic and Road Rage in Miami (38:20 – 40:39)

A significant segment of the episode focuses on the increasing traffic woes in Miami. Dan Le Batard shares his personal struggles with the city's driving behavior, highlighting the constant impatience and aggressive maneuvers by fellow drivers. He remarks, “Everything just is making me so mad. I'm laying on my horn more. I'm yelling at people” ([29:55] Dan Le Batard).

The hosts delve into the psychological impacts of urban driving stress, with Amin Elhassan and Captain Slappy debating the roots of road rage. They humorously suggest that all accumulated daily frustrations find their release in the car, leading to aggressive behaviors like excessive horn honking and hostile gestures. Chris Whittingham adds, “Are people leaning on the horn more often? Because I do believe this is a Worldwide affliction...” ([25:19] Chris Whittingham).

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5. Concluding Remarks and Final Banter (40:39 – 41:50)

As the episode nears its end, the hosts continue their lively discussion on traffic, blending humor with genuine concerns about Miami’s driving culture. They exchange witty remarks and playful jabs, maintaining the show’s signature entertaining style. The episode wraps up with final laughs and goodbyes, leaving listeners with both insightful commentary and comedic relief.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Chris Whittingham on Pirates:

  • “It really is the kind of crappy pirate our show deserves, to be honest with you” ([02:31] Chris Whittingham).

• Marty Baron on Editorial Independence:

  • “I should say, by the way, Dan, that the news reporting is really good. The news department... Bezos has not interfered at all in the news coverage as far as I can tell” ([07:30] Marty Baron).

• Marty Baron on Recent Editorial Decisions:

  • “They [Bezos] had been endorsing for President consistently since 1976... I felt that was the wrong decision” ([07:52] Marty Baron).

• Marty Baron on Democratic Principles:

  • “I'm looking at him [Bezos] in that new light. It's a survival technique” ([14:01] Marty Baron).
  • “It makes it appear that it's not independent. It's causing hundreds of thousands of subscribers to abandon their subscriptions” ([14:01] Marty Baron).
  • “The core principle is... to tell the truth as nearly as the truth may be ascertained” ([16:40] Marty Baron).

• Dan Le Batard on Driving Frustrations:

  • “I'm laying on my horn more. I'm yelling at people. I'm flipping the bird at people constantly” ([29:55] Dan Le Batard).
  • “I have no Zen when I drive. Everything just is making me so mad” ([30:13] Dan Le Batard).

• Chris Whittingham on Road Rage:

  • “Are people leaning on the horn more often? Because I do believe this is a Worldwide affliction...” ([25:19] Chris Whittingham).

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Conclusion

This episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz masterfully balances serious discussions on journalism and media integrity with the hosts' trademark humor and relatability. The in-depth interview with Marty Baron provides valuable insights into the challenges facing major news organizations in the age of corporate influence. Simultaneously, the lighter segments on everyday frustrations, like Miami's traffic woes, offer listeners both thought-provoking content and entertaining banter.

Whether you’re a sports enthusiast, a media aficionado, or someone who simply enjoys engaging conversations, this episode delivers a comprehensive and enjoyable listening experience.

Transcript

[Dan Le Batard]

You're listening to Giraffe Kings Network. I can say to my new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, hey, find a keto.

[Jon Weiner]

Friendly restaurant nearby and text it to Beth and Steve.

[Amin Elhassan]

And it does without me lifting a.

[Dan Le Batard]

Finger so I can get in more squats anywhere I can.

[Amin Elhassan]

1, 2, 3. Will that be cash or credit?

[Dan Le Batard]

Credit.

[Amin Elhassan]

4 Galaxy S25 Ultra.

[Captain Slappy]

The AI companion that does the heavy lifting.

[Amin Elhassan]

So you can do. You get [e-mail] compatible with select apps. Requires Google Gemini account.

[Marty Baron]

Results may vary based on input.

[Amin Elhassan]

Check responses for accuracy.

[Jon Weiner]

Now is a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began. In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila. Cuervo, what are you doing here?

[Chris Whittingham]

Cuervo? Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up.

[Jon Weiner]

Well, I do know that to be true. But even during ad reads like Cuervo, I think he could lay out especially.

[Chris Whittingham]

For one of our great partners, sweet, delicious Cuervo.

[Jon Weiner]

Since then, Cuervo has stayed true to its roots. The same family, the same land, the same passion.

[Chris Whittingham]

Cuervo.

[Jon Weiner]

So enjoy the tequila that started it all.

[Dan Le Batard]

Cuervo.

[Jon Weiner]

Cuervo, the tequila that invented tequila. Proximo. Cuervo.com, please drink responsibly.

[Chris Whittingham]

Cuervo.

[Jessica]

This is the Don Levatar show with the Stugats podcast.

[Amin Elhassan]

This episode of the Dan Lebatard show with Stugatz is sponsored by DraftKings. DraftKings. The Crown is yours.

[Chris Whittingham]

You have a pirate already, Mike. Whoa. What do you mean you have a pirate already? All right, who's on the air here?

[Captain Slappy]

The hoy is Captain Slappy.

[Chris Whittingham]

Is this Chum Bucket? No, it's not Chum Bucket.

[Dan Le Batard]

It's Captain Slappy.

[Chris Whittingham]

Oh, I'm sorry. You said that already.

[Captain Slappy]

Live from Puntland.

[Chris Whittingham]

This is. This is one of those guys who created that National Pirate Day. Stu guys.

[Captain Slappy]

Yeah, but this isn't international talk like a pirate Day.

[Chris Whittingham]

No. Yeah, I'm sorry. Get it right there. So how do you feel about pirate being in the news? What's your name? Captain Slappy. Okay, I'm sorry, I forgot. I know you mentioned that already. So what? What?

[Marty Baron]

What?

[Chris Whittingham]

How do you feel about pirates being in the news so much, Captain Slappy?

[Captain Slappy]

Well, I'm happy for it because it sells books.

[Chris Whittingham]

He's an entrepreneur. This is not the kind of pirate I wanted on.

[Captain Slappy]

But it's the kind of pirate you ended up with now.

[Chris Whittingham]

It really is. It's really. It's really the kind of crappy pirate our show deserves, to be honest with you.

[Amin Elhassan]

It's the kind of pirate you deserve.

[Chris Whittingham]

I want a Somali pirate. All right, Captain Slappy. Thank you for being always so accessible.

[Captain Slappy]

See, show hasn't changed.

[Chris Whittingham]

I'm glad we emptied that.

[Jon Weiner]

What a hot start to that clip.

[Amin Elhassan]

What a replay.

[Jon Weiner]

I relived the start of that clip. Please, one time.

[Chris Whittingham]

You have a pirate already, Mike. Whoa. What do you mean you have a pirate already? All right, who's on the air here?

[Captain Slappy]

The hoodie is. Captain Slappy.

[Chris Whittingham]

Is this Chum Bucket?

[Amin Elhassan]

No, it's not Chum Bucket.

[Chris Whittingham]

Oh, I'm. It's not great. Not great.

[Amin Elhassan]

Listen, you called him Chum Bucket again later in the.

[Captain Slappy]

Dan only knows one fighter.

[Dan Le Batard]

Chum Bucket.

[Jon Weiner]

It's only pirate that we had on top.

[Chris Whittingham]

It's a different pirate we're about to have on. I think I can say this the best boss I have ever had. I don't know how many of you saw the film.

[Amin Elhassan]

I do believe I'm offended by that.

[Chris Whittingham]

The film Spotlight on the investigative work that the. The Pulitzer Prize winning work that the Boston Globe did on the Catholic Church. He was the executive editor of the Boston Globe then and for About. About a. Was the executive editor of the Washington Post as well and has won a number of Pulitzer Prizes and wrote something here recently for the Atlantic that I want to discuss with him because I was a little surprised that he wrote it.

[Captain Slappy]

Did something happen with the Catholic Church?

[Chris Whittingham]

Thank you, Amin. I appreciate all your help on that subject. Yes. It's all that matters. That Fuentes was laughing in the other room. That's great. That's what I'm going for there with. Yeah. Child church sex scandals.

[Greg Cote]

What?

[Amin Elhassan]

I mean, you have gone too far.

[Chris Whittingham]

Okay.

[Marty Baron]

There.

[Chris Whittingham]

It's not the way to discuss that. And I'm fine with that being a punishment for you for an entire week that every. That all you have to do is produce the names of baseball players in a pirate. In a pirate accent.

[Captain Slappy]

I'm surprised. Catholic to her core. Jessica didn't chime in there.

[Dan Le Batard]

Sorry. I was finishing my Kevin waffle that I was trying to eat during the break.

[Captain Slappy]

Closing loop.

[Chris Whittingham]

What is the real name of Kevin Bacon? Is Bacon his actual last name? Did we ever. I don't think we ever discussed that yesterday.

[Captain Slappy]

Probably like Baconi or something like that.

[Chris Whittingham]

I don't know if his name is actually Bacon.

[Dan Le Batard]

The last thing I heard was Chris's John Skipper impression. Please, someone tell me what happened.

[Jon Weiner]

I saw by the poll. Did someone disparage the name of Kevin Bacon in terms of his star? He has an entire. He has an entire game named after him believe Amin.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's what I said.

[Amin Elhassan]

Amin called him Jamal McGlure.

[Chris Whittingham]

It was offensive. What happened yesterday was offensive. It was blasphemous to the career of Kevin Bacon.

[Captain Slappy]

It was blasphemous to Tracy McGrady who you guys try to compare him to.

[Jon Weiner]

I think that's what the poll results came out and said that he was T. Mac.

[Chris Whittingham]

So anyways, I was willing to offend John Skipper, the CEO of Meadowlark, because I do believe this is the best boss I ever had. Marty Baron, as I told you when he was at the Miami Herald, was the executive editor during a golden newspaper time and then parlayed that into a career at the New York Times and Washington Post. That was at the top of making award winning journalism deserved. And in the Atlantic, you have written a piece where Jeff Bezos went wrong with the Washington Post. Marty, it's good seeing you after all these years. Hello.

[Marty Baron]

Been a very long time, Dan. You're looking good.

[Chris Whittingham]

Likewise, sir. Thank you. Was it difficult for you to write this because you must be fascinated by what is happening in America and the way that journalism continues to be clubbed over the head so that the place that you used to work and cherish and value gets compromised because its billionaire owner wants to be in bed with the money?

[Marty Baron]

Well, it was hard to write, I mean, you know, while I was at the, at the Washington Post, Jeff Bezos was a really good owner. He gave us our independence, he supported us, he defended us against Donald Trump, all the threats that he received of reprisals and all of that. He stood behind us. So it's difficult for me to write now that I've become incredibly, well, more than disappointed. I've gone from disappointment to disillusionment to indignation really over the what's happening there. And so, yeah, it was hard for me to write and I've been very concerned about the direction of things at the Post. I should say, by the way, Dan, that the news reporting is really good. The news department, as you know, is separate from the opinion department. Bezos has not interfered at all in the news coverage as far as I can tell. I've heard nothing of the sort. And every day they're producing one scoop after the next and telling the public what it needs to know about their government.

[Chris Whittingham]

Can you take us through the corridors of power here on how it is that you get separated from the owner here? And like I said, you are an old time journalism newspaper man. You writing this has to come from a place of indignation because I don't think you've ever expressed ideas like this publicly, have you?

[Marty Baron]

Well, only in the last several weeks where I've been very disappointed. I started commenting just before the election last year when the Washington Post made when Jeff Bezos made the decision to kill an editorial endorsing Kamala Harris for president. They had been endorsing for President consistently since 1976, with only one exception, when George Bush and Michael Dukakis. Dukakis were the candidates. And so I felt that was the wrong decision. It came only 11 days before the election itself. I think it was a demonstration of fear on Bezos's part about reprisals from Donald Trump. I described it then in a tweet as, as cowardice, as cowardly and spineless and, and you know, since then there have been a number of steps that Jeff Bezos has taken that caused me a lot of concern. Making Amazon, making a million dollar donation to the inauguration. Bezos making a pilgrimage to Mar a Lago at that dinner, having conversation with Melania Trump about this supposed documentary that would be made about her life for which she herself would be the executive producer. Amazon two weeks later paying 40 million DOL for that, the rights to that so called documentary, three times the amount of the next highest bidder. Bezos appearing on the dais during the inauguration as if he were a trophy for Donald Trump along with all the other tech tech executives subsequently making a decision that the opinion pages would only include opinions that were consistent with his own, as he described it as personal liberties and free markets. Essentially a libertarian philosophy, it sounds like, although he did not explain it in any detail whatsoever. And so it's been one thing after the next and I've been very concerned about it. In fact, Amazon most recently reached an agreement to purchase the rights to Donald Trump's old TV show called the Apprentice. And I'm sure that undoubtedly Donald Trump will be receiving a portion of that in 2023.

[Chris Whittingham]

You authored the book Collision of Trump, Bezos and the Washington Post. In 2018, Bezos spoke out forcefully and eloquently against Trump's assaul assault on the press. Quote, if you're the President of the United States or a governor of a state or whatever, you don't take that job thinking you're not going to get scrutinized. You're going to get scrutinized and it's healthy. It's dangerous to call the media lowlifes. It's dangerous to say that they're the enemy of the people, end quote.

[Marty Baron]

What changed Fear, I think, you know, I can't get into his head, but I think that's really what's happened, is that, you know, Trump during the campaign said that he would be people's retribution. He talked about seeking vengeance on his perceived political enemies. Bezos had always been seen as a perceived as a political enemy for one reason, one reason only, and that was the coverage on the editorials of the Washington Post. And so I think he was concerned that with, if Trump got back into power, that he would deny Amazon contracts that it has with the federal government. It has enormous number of contracts with the federal government, particularly for cloud computing services. And also his commercial space venture, Blue Origin, was really at an inflection point, as you know, a couple of weeks ago, launched it's final, successfully launched a rocket into space. And it was hoping to be in a position of competing directly with Space X. Well, Space X is owned by Elon Musk. Elon Musk, certainly after the election was practically was camped out at Mar a Lago and now is camped out at the White House, basically, and has more power in this government than probably anybody but Donald Trump himself. So I think it's fear that he would. That it would. It would have a very damaging impact on Amazon's business and the business of Blue Origin, both, both of which depend to a large degree on contracts with the federal government.

[Dan Le Batard]

The film's spotlight was based off of some of the fantastic investigative journalism done in your newsroom on the Catholic Church sexual abuse scandal. And famously, Liv Schreiber actually played you in the film. I know you're a very serious man, but how would you grade his performance of you in that film?

[Marty Baron]

I'm not always serious. You know, that movie has left me with a reputation of as being someone who has no sense of humor whatsoever. So I've been working diligently since then to try.

[Dan Le Batard]

It's a weird one for them.

[Marty Baron]

And, you know, you're not helping here by saying, in any event, look, I was very happy with the movie. First of all, I got to be portrayed by someone who is an excellent actor, but also is taller, more fit and better looking than I am, so that when people hear my name, they think of him. And I'm totally fine with that. So. But I think, more importantly than that, I think it was very. I think it was a great movie. It sent a really important message, I think, about the need to have investigative reporting, about how hard it is to do investigative reporting correctly, about the. The need for news organizations to commit themselves to doing this kind of work and that the public really values that on our part. And also I think a very important message, that it's important for the press and everyone really in our society to listen to people who don't have power because they often have very powerful things to say. And we finally gave voice to the survivors of abuse who had been victimized by clergy and whose those cases had been covered up for decades by the church. And finally, they were able to achieve accountability because of the work of the Boston Globe.

[Captain Slappy]

Marty, I'm curious how much of Bezos pivot is literally just a survival of the moment, meaning that this Trump regime is going to end at some point. Is it possible he'll pivot back to what he was before? Or do you think this is just the new Jeff Bezos and this is how he does business?

[Marty Baron]

Yeah, well, that's a good question, I think. Well, obviously we'll have to wait and see. I think that my sense is that it is a survival technique, that he is trying to navigate a really different difficult situation. I mean, of course, you know, he's still executive chairman of Amazon. He does have a fiduciary responsibility to that publicly owned, publicly traded company. He also wants to see Blue Origin get off the ground, literally and, and figuratively. And, and so he wants to stay. I believe he wants to stay out of Trump's crosshairs. I don't think this makes him necessarily an ally of Donald Trump, really. I don't put him in that category, but I think he wants to stay. He wants to not antagonize him, basically. Don't poke the bear. And I think that was evident with the decision not to run the editorial editorial endorsement last year, last November. Don't poke the bear. Why antagonize him if it's not really necessary and it's not required for a news organization to, to run an editorial endorsement anyway. And so, so he rationalized that decision. I don't think, you know, the idea of independence was really the reason for the editorial. They'd run an editorial of endorsing. Well, they endorsed Hillary Clinton in 2016. They endorsed Joe Biden in 2020. Those editorials were sharply critical of Donald Trump. Basos didn't object to those editorials. He knew that they were coming. He praised the editorial page editor at the time profusely. And, but now I think he just doesn't want to poke the bear. He doesn't want to antagonize Donald Trump and he's looking for ways to stay on his, his good side. And so, yeah, I would put it in the category of survival technique. The problem is the survival technique is doing damage to the reputation of the Washington Post. It's undermining its credibility. It makes it appear that it's not independent. It's causing hundreds of thousands of subscribers to abandon their subscriptions. And that's, I think, deeply concerning. And my worry is that he's prioritizing his other business interests over the business interests of the Washington Post and more importantly, the principles of the Washington Post.

[Chris Whittingham]

Marty, to put the sharpest possible point on this, you have spent your career dedicating yourself to the right things in journalism. When the owner of your newspaper is compromised by business interests so much that he affects how the news is told, I would assume that offends your core principles on what your identity has been for half a century, right?

[Marty Baron]

Well, I've always known you, Dan, to put the sharpest possible point on things, so. And it does offend my principles. It does offend. More importantly, it defends. It offends the principles of the Washington Post. You know, there are. The principles of the Washington Post date back to 1935. They're fixed to the wall as you walk into the newsroom of the Washington Post. The first principle is to tell the. The truth as nearly as the truth may be ascertained. And then there's principle number five, which says that you know this, you know that you're supposed to serve the public and not the interests of the individual, of the owner, of the commercial interests, of the. Of the owner. So I worry when it appears that the owner is prioritizing his other commercial interests over the. Over the core principles and the core mission of the Washington Post. And by the way, I mean, the core principle is. Is articulated quite well in the motto of the Washington Post, what Bezos himself has called a mission statement, not a motto, which is democracy dies in darkness. And that means that this news organization ought to stand up for democracy in every possible way. Most recently, this decision not to run a wide range of opinions in its opinion pages, in its opinion section, digitally, to me, is fundamentally undemocratic. The core principle, a fundamental principle of a democracy is free expression. And newspapers like the Post have traditionally honored free expression by allowing a wide range of opinions on their opinion pages and in their opinion section and to sort of say that really the only opinions that will be allowed here that will be welcomed here are opinions that are. That are like mine, I think, is fundamentally undemocratic.

[Jon Weiner]

Mr. Baron, we have all sorts of questions for you. Two rooted in journalism as you know that better than almost anyone. And another one, just personality, a character judgment. As someone that oversaw Dan. Recently, we discovered that Dan's been a shit stirrer for the entire time of this radio show. I'm wondering, has he always been a shit stirrer?

[Marty Baron]

I think there's a simple answer to that. And the answer is yes.

[Jon Weiner]

Cool. Now we have a couple of journalism questions.

[Captain Slappy]

Now that we've established that, do you.

[Jon Weiner]

Think that it is journalistically responsible to take a story about Aaron Ekblad testing positive for PEDs, then play a several years old clip of Chael sonnen alleging that LeBron James did PEDs to Dan, making that an entire show topic? Is LeBron on Peds, is that journalistically responsible?

[Marty Baron]

Well, as Dan well knows, you're taking me down a lane that I know nothing about. So I. I think I'm gonna pass on that question.

[Captain Slappy]

Okay.

[Jon Weiner]

Do we have the video of the interview?

[Chris Whittingham]

That's a victory for me. That's a victory for me.

[Captain Slappy]

How about this? How about a man who. Who ostensibly covers a team in the local market donning its jersey?

[Amin Elhassan]

You're watching journalism die right here in front of you.

[Captain Slappy]

Not in darkness, but in $20.

[Chris Whittingham]

In the lights of a champion. In the glorious lights of a champion. Marty, thank you for being on the show.

[Jon Weiner]

I do have one more journalism question. Is it appropriate for a courtside reporter to give a fist bump after successfully interviewing Tyler Herro after a big game and a heat win? Is that the proper reaction for just doing journalism?

[Marty Baron]

Yeah, I think you've answered your own question here. So.

[Chris Whittingham]

Okay, Marty, and finally, it's nice to see you. One last question. Is this a slur?

[Marty Baron]

Is that a slurp? Wow. I'm beginning to feel like I'm back in the newsroom with you, Dan.

[Jon Weiner]

We just reported the news.

[Marty Baron]

I thought I had left this world, but here I am back in it.

[Chris Whittingham]

Marty, it was lovely seeing you. And I haven't told you nearly enough recently, giant admirer of all your work, even post Miami Herald, which was somehow better than the work at the Miami Herald. Thank you, sir, for being on with us.

[Marty Baron]

Thank you. Thank you, Dan. Thank you, everyone.

[Amin Elhassan]

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[Greg Cote]

Know I got to do this ad read, but hold on, let me reapply.

[Dan Le Batard]

Did you hear that? Yep.

[Greg Cote]

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[Jessica]

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[Jon Weiner]

Don Lerd Witty. We have a photo right here. If you can see. In this photo with my daughter, there I am pointing exactly to the point on the Stanley cup where it says, you suck ass.

[Chris Whittingham]

STS.

[Marty Baron]

Wow.

[Jon Weiner]

Right there. They engraved. Engraved. Yeah, they got an engraved right there. It says, chris Whittingham sucks ass.

[Jessica]

This is the D Ler show with the St.

[Jon Weiner]

Dan. You should have totally said, is this chumbugging.

[Captain Slappy]

Dude? There was a point in the middle of that Dan, where Jeremy and I were putting in the nuclear launch codes of him just jumping in the middle and saying, Josh Hart.

[Jon Weiner]

And then I waved him off because I said, quote I don't. I don't think we can actually have fun with this one. A nice dry interview gives us balance.

[Amin Elhassan]

And you were right. Is that a slurp?

[Chris Whittingham]

Whittingham is mad at us, as he should be. I don't blame him. He did it. He did do it.

[Captain Slappy]

And he denied doing it. We seized on it, but he denied doing it. I think that's key here. Have you been like, yeah, I had a little bit of drool in my mouth. Cover up.

[Chris Whittingham]

Always worse than the crime. Yep.

[Captain Slappy]

He did it to himself.

[Amin Elhassan]

I owned the fist pump.

[Chris Whittingham]

You haven't really. You were embarrassed by it.

[Amin Elhassan]

I mean, I am embarrassed by it.

[Chris Whittingham]

But you haven't confirmed the. The. The root source of it for sure. We don't know if it's a game winner, if it's a success.

[Amin Elhassan]

No, the root source is pride in myself. Because like I said yesterday, I'm conceited. I could watch this video of Jeremy fist pumping all day.

[Jon Weiner]

He actually looks pretty cool doing.

[Amin Elhassan]

I know I do. I don't know how you guys turned.

[Chris Whittingham]

This thing because it's a moment of vulnerability.

[Dan Le Batard]

He looks so dorky. What are you talking about?

[Jon Weiner]

He looks kind of.

[Amin Elhassan]

It's cool.

[Dan Le Batard]

He's on the court at a basketball. You have a cool job. No.

[Jon Weiner]

He then just moves down to the top button on the suit.

[Amin Elhassan]

I mean, and I'm handsome and I'm eloquent.

[Jon Weiner]

It is a baseball closer after a big. After retiring the size.

[Amin Elhassan]

Is there a leg kick there?

[Captain Slappy]

Are you just texting, repeating the affirmations? Your wife is texting you.

[Amin Elhassan]

I'm going to therapy later and my therapist is going to be really happy that I said these things on the air.

[Jon Weiner]

Hey, Ted. Test was great.

[Amin Elhassan]

Thanks.

[Chris Whittingham]

The thing about that walk is it is exactly how I would do it if I was acting. If I was asking an actor to produce something that would make that actor self conscious if it were seen by others. Because he's feeling a little too good about himself, a little too cheery, a little too positive about having done a job well. That involves asking tall persons.

[Amin Elhassan]

You can notice at the end of the video. I'm so happy with myself and so full of. Of charisma that I'm going to unbutton the button on the suit chain.

[Chris Whittingham]

Oh, I do notice that.

[Amin Elhassan]

I'm letting loose. It's time to be good to go. I did my job. Job complete. Job well done.

[Chris Whittingham]

Fist pump. That looks like someone who's about to put potato chip fingers in his mouth. Pleased with himself unbuttoning the jacket because he's happy about the job well done.

[Captain Slappy]

I earned my salt and vinegar.

[Chris Whittingham]

Earned pirate. It's reward. A little bit of a reward there.

[Captain Slappy]

His bounty.

[Amin Elhassan]

Salt and vinegar make all doubloons.

[Captain Slappy]

You want to be careful then.

[Amin Elhassan]

I know.

[Captain Slappy]

Complicated.

[Amin Elhassan]

I did it four times in my head before I said it out loud.

[Dan Le Batard]

Really?

[Jon Weiner]

I'm glad you did that.

[Amin Elhassan]

I got it.

[Chris Whittingham]

ARR.

[Amin Elhassan]

Let's just get the ARR part.

[Marty Baron]

You're fired.

[Chris Whittingham]

Jessica, why is it that you feel like Miami and living in Miami now for four years or five years? Four years, Dan, has made you deteriorate as a moral human being.

[Dan Le Batard]

When I first moved here, I used to get very frustrated with how bad the driving is and how inconsiderate and impatient the drivers are. And it would really drive me crazy because you would have people. My, my. One of my biggest pet peeves is when you're in like the left turn lane or the right turn lane and the light just turns green and someone comes around you and turns around you in front of you. It. It's insane and it's just impatient.

[Amin Elhassan]

Strictly Miami.

[Captain Slappy]

From. From the other lane or from behind.

[Dan Le Batard]

You like, you're in line to turn left, and the car behind you cuts you off and turns in front. It's so dangerous. And it really just. This happens constantly. This isn't like, oh, I saw this happen one time, like, once a week. I see someone. Someone does this to me, and it's starting to, like, really wear on me to the point where now I've become a really impatient driver because, like, now I'm dealing with all of these other impatient drivers all the time. So it's, like, starting to grate on me. And I realized this driving. There was a bicyclist in the right lane on Biscayne. It's like a four lane. It's not a highway, but it's a thoroughfare, busy thoroughfare, right out in front of the Kassiah Center. And he's going so slow. He's probably riding his bike, like, four miles an hour. And I'm behind him. And I can't. I can't switch lanes because I have to turn into the parking garage.

[Captain Slappy]

Yes.

[Dan Le Batard]

So I'm just going so slowly. So slowly.

[Captain Slappy]

What'd you do?

[Dan Le Batard]

Nothing. I didn't do anything.

[Captain Slappy]

Come on, you gotta mash that horn like this. No, tomorrow.

[Dan Le Batard]

But I felt my blood pressure rise into my, like, my throat. My heart was beating in my. In my face because I was so impatient, and it was, like, making me so angry. Even though I was like. I was like, 30 seconds away from being at work. I was right here.

[Captain Slappy]

No, no, no.

[Dan Le Batard]

But I can't, like, I have no Zen anymore, Dan. It's just completely worn me down as a human being. I have no Zen when I drive. Everything just is making me so mad. I'm laying on my horn more. I'm yelling at people. I'm flipping the bird at people constantly.

[Jon Weiner]

That's also because you picked up a cocaine.

[Amin Elhassan]

Cheaters never prosper.

[Jon Weiner]

Which I can understand Miami being to blame.

[Dan Le Batard]

I just am. Like, when I first moved here, I was like, oh, my God. Like, these drivers are terrible. But I would just, like, be patient and take my time and just be like, they're crazy. I'm not crazy. And now it's making me crazy. And if I lived here another 10 years, I would start cutting people off in the left lane because, like, is.

[Captain Slappy]

That doing around, going around them?

[Dan Le Batard]

It's just the way of the roads here. It's insane.

[Chris Whittingham]

It is all of those things. At Lebatard Show Juju, please put it on the poll because. Are people leaning on the horn more often? Because I do believe this is a Worldwide affliction that people are taking their anger into their cars. I also think that while everyone, Everyone, I'm assuming, complains about traffic wherever it is that they live in big cities, I don't think that I can say that it's ever been close to what it presently is here, where not only do you have just overcrowding, impatience, anger everywhere, but I mean, the number of people dying on bicycles because this is supposed to be a place where people can ride their bicycles that has ceased being a place where people can ride their bicycles because they're angrily shooting the bird at each other.

[Dan Le Batard]

It has to be one of those least safe places in the world to ride your bicycle. Like, I would never. I used to ride my bike in Manhattan every single day, coming to and from work, like, multiple miles a day. And it's not like it's very safe there, but I'd follow the rules of the road. And there were some areas, like under the FDR where there's no cars. So, like, you knew you were probably not going to get hit. Like, fingers crossed. But here I would never, ever, ever ride a bike on the street.

[Captain Slappy]

To be fair, these bicyclists entitled, hey, man, don't act like there isn't death machines all around you. You're like, I'm protected by the law. Like, these people don't care, man. That's what I don't. Like, I get it, like, this is a bike lane or whatever, but also, you have to understand. But you know, they could kill you at any moment, right? And once you have that appropriate fear, you start to bicycle a little bit differently. But they don't. They. They're like, I have the right of way. I'm like, okay, there's like, there's a.

[Amin Elhassan]

Viral guy on social media that just drives around New York and he just screams at people if they're in the lane.

[Captain Slappy]

Yeah, I know that guy. But he's on a electric bike, too. By the way, if you're on an electric bike, guess what? You're not a bicyclist anymore. You're a motorist. Anything goes at that point.

[Chris Whittingham]

Well, that's up, too. I've seen a number of people. I mean, scooters and hospital scooter accidents and bike and motorized bicycles, all of that stuff. I'm assuming that all of that stuff through Florida is higher than it's ever been. Pedestrian deaths, bicycle deaths, hospital accidents, scooter accidents.

[Dan Le Batard]

I have heard that it's the opposite. In New York, the two months of congestion pricing have, like, drastically decreased the Amount of pedestrian accidents because there's obviously fewer cars on the road. But I mean, to your point, like, I have issues with like, all of it. I think also drivers in Miami need to be aware they are driving a killing machine and they need to not put themselves and put other people at risk constantly doing these insane things. Yesterday someone turned left into a traffic circle and almost hit me head on.

[Captain Slappy]

Nice.

[Dan Le Batard]

A traffic circle. The universal place where you go right other than like in two countries.

[Jon Weiner]

My defense, those are confusing. Confusing.

[Amin Elhassan]

You always turn right.

[Jon Weiner]

Yeah, but I don't like the right away. And then you have these traffic circles that are like multiple lanes. You know, like in Paris, that's the one place where car insurance doesn't work.

[Captain Slappy]

Yeah.

[Jon Weiner]

Yeah, it doesn't. They don't have like, that's allowed everywhere except for that.

[Captain Slappy]

It's like a seven lane highway.

[Chris Whittingham]

It's nice.

[Dan Le Batard]

And it's just a roundabout.

[Jon Weiner]

Man, I gotta Google it. I don't know how right away works on that thing.

[Captain Slappy]

Dude. I've been trying. Trapped in this. I have, yes, 45 minutes of just going around.

[Dan Le Batard]

It's wild now. But that's literally what people do at like the cocoplum circle here. Like, it's. It's two lanes, it's one lane, and then you turn. It's not that hard.

[Chris Whittingham]

Coco Plum, though, is just.

[Captain Slappy]

Whoa, slurp.

[Chris Whittingham]

Coco plum is just one circle. What Amin is talking about here is eight lanes of highway going in a circle.

[Jon Weiner]

I can't even get the one lane down, though. Like, I'm screwed with eight.

[Dan Le Batard]

I just, it's. I'm getting upset. Even talking about it's making me a worse person. I feel worse when I drive. I feel bad when I get to work in the morning. I feel bad when I get in my car to go home at night. I used to not commute in my car every single day, and I was a much happier person. But then I moved and now I have to. And it's just really my quality. I can't imagine what Jer Bear and Chris and Greg and Stots feel every single day because they. They live the farthest. It's horrible.

[Captain Slappy]

I have solutions for you. Number one, the horn. Use it and use it a lot.

[Dan Le Batard]

Oh, I use it.

[Captain Slappy]

Channel that energy right into your palm and brrr. And the best one, like, I cannot condone someone getting out of, you know, out of the lane and around you at a left turn. That just sounds crazy. But what I can say is there are few joys in life that are quite as exhilarating as watching that light and then the fraction of a second after it turns green. Because I like seeing the head of the driver in front of me.

[Chris Whittingham]

This is why you like, God.

[Dan Le Batard]

But in Miami, 99 of people are just looking at their phones like this. Like, I pull up, I honk at people when I see them looking at their phones all the time. Or if I'm walking across the street and someone's standing there on their phone, I wave at them like I look psychotic. No, I wave at them and I'm like, put your phone down. You're gonna hit a child.

[Captain Slappy]

Okay, now as a pedestrian, I got a war.

[Dan Le Batard]

I know they're.

[Captain Slappy]

You're playing a dangerous game, you're playing a danger. But when you're in your death machine, absolutely honk your horn, do all sorts of things. Number two, don't flip the bird. I found this out a long time ago. Flipping the bird isn't. Does not give you joy. You know what gives me joy?

[Amin Elhassan]

Arm flail.

[Captain Slappy]

No, not even. Oh, you know what I do? I antagonize. And then when they make eye contact, I do something passive aggressive of like, hi. I just wave hi, thank you. Like, I do that.

[Amin Elhassan]

That is the move. If somebody, if I ever. If I ever do something.

[Dan Le Batard]

You're right.

[Amin Elhassan]

Somebody, like, the car pulls up next to me and they're like, you gotta smile. Just like. What I'll like, I'll just try to like. Why would you be upset?

[Chris Whittingham]

A real diffuser.

[Captain Slappy]

You are.

[Chris Whittingham]

How many, how many lanes is the shams Del? How many?

[Dan Le Batard]

The Arc de Triomphe roundabout.

[Captain Slappy]

Yeah, the. The. The roundabout feels like 14 lanes going on in a circle. But. But the actual champs of his, I think is either three, three lanes or four lanes. It's not that wide.

[Chris Whittingham]

Okay. I thought it was more than that. It's.

[Captain Slappy]

It's not like, it's not a highway. It's. It's a.

[Dan Le Batard]

12 lanes of traffic, apparently. Wait, no, no, that can't be right. That can't be right. Champs elysees is an eight lane road, four in each direction. The Arc de Triomphe roundabout is 12 lanes?

[Captain Slappy]

Yeah.

[Jon Weiner]

That's crazy.

[Amin Elhassan]

I don't like to honk at somebody if I'm right behind them, but if I'm like a car separated. Oh, then I just let it rip. I feel weird. I need a little protection because I always feel like. You always think the honk is like right behind you.

[Jon Weiner]

Yeah, I always, I always try to do this with my hand. No, not for you. But for you.

[Captain Slappy]

Yeah, I only do that. I get frustrated when the people in front of me don't know. It's your responsibility. Car behind the slow guy. You're supposed to honk the horn. Now I gotta do it. So if you're all scared, well, guess what? Even if there are three cars in front of me, if none of them have honked, guess what? I'm honking for all of you. Batman. Cause none of you guys took the responsibility.

[Dan Le Batard]

Don't you see how our lives are just made so much worse by everyone being so angry that it makes otherwise not angry people angry. Like, this is where I'm at.

[Amin Elhassan]

It's the only time I'm angry.

[Dan Le Batard]

I had a quality of life before I moved here, and now I'm in parking garages and I'm driving and my blood pressure is just getting hotter and hotter and hotter in my chest.

[Jon Weiner]

Let's relax a little bit. You're driving around in February and March and there's no snow on the ground. It's beautiful.

[Captain Slappy]

Number one.

[Dan Le Batard]

Number okay, it's not like it snows every day in the northeast, but it's miserable.

[Jon Weiner]

But it's all.

[Dan Le Batard]

It snows like twice a winter.

[Chris Whittingham]

We've had cars and you don't drive. The last three weeks have been crazy. Better here than anywhere in the United States.

[Jon Weiner]

We gotta figure it out. These last few days though, it's like 59 in the morning. It's impossible to dress for.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm with you. The weather has been amazing the last two months. I will never, never, ever, ever dispute that. I am, however, about to go to a doctor's appointment on Miami beach, where I have to show my driver's license to be able to park at my doctor's office.

[Chris Whittingham]

Nice.

[Captain Slappy]

Well, let me tell you you something right now, what's happening is because of.

[Dan Le Batard]

Spring break, someone listening to that's probably like, what? What is she talking about? There's like all these restrictions on parking.

[Chris Whittingham]

And they've ruined it. They've ruined spring break.

[Dan Le Batard]

You have to prove you're a resident to park somewhere.

[Captain Slappy]

You. You took all the anger in your life. Residual angers from other things.

[Dan Le Batard]

You know, Chris, I didn't have this anger.

[Captain Slappy]

Yes, you did. No, I didn't.

[Dan Le Batard]

Just when I watched Notre Dame football.

[Amin Elhassan]

You're saying I'm secretly like really angry and I just let it out on the road.

[Captain Slappy]

Yes, it is the extreme.

[Amin Elhassan]

I don't think I'm angry.

[Captain Slappy]

You don't think you're angry because what happens in your day to day life? Little things happen.

[Amin Elhassan]

I like the fat jokes.

[Captain Slappy]

Little things happen. And there you go, and you're like, oh, it's all right. It's okay. But it's not. But it's like what you're doing is you're being the bigger man, the much bigger man, and you're pushing all that stuff down. But guess what? That stuff has to go somewhere. It goes in a bucket. That's called road rage. And then when you get in the car, it's no holds ball hard. You're not angry because this person is slow or that bike.

[Amin Elhassan]

No, I am, though.

[Captain Slappy]

You are as all the anger of the day, coming out in a geyser of just pure fury from the ground.

[Dan Le Batard]

I disagree with that.

[Amin Elhassan]

I just hate that this person doesn't know they can make a red on red.

[Captain Slappy]

Dude, I'm telling you. Your reaction. Do you think it's an overreaction by you?

[Amin Elhassan]

Yes.

[Captain Slappy]

You know why it's an overreaction? Because your cup overfloweth.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, I mean because it's hot. The sun is beating down at me in my car. I'm tired. I've been in my car for an hour. It should have only taken 20 minutes to get where I want to go, but it's taken an hour and I am beat down and exhausted. And now I'm dealing with this idiot. That's where the anger is. I could be doing anything else with my time, those 40 minutes. I could be at Pilates class, no anger at all there. I could be walking my dog down the street, chasing a lizard. I could be sitting on my couch, eating. I don't. I could be doing anything that gives me joy. And instead, I'm in my car dealing with these ass.

[Chris Whittingham]

She speaks.

[Dan Le Batard]

I reported the news for all people.

[Chris Whittingham]

Who have been enraged in traffic. And I also think. And I can't get around this. I'm assuming that nobody wants to hear about our traffic problems. Nobody wants to hear about your traffic problems. I'm assuming that most people are saying to themselves, I don't have time for any of this, but. But it's worse than it's ever been. I've just never seen it like this.

[Captain Slappy]

There's a relatability to what we're talking about. I think everybody's been somewhere where there are traffic problems and had these feelings that Jess is espousing. And I'm explaining to them it's because you're a decent person in the rest of your life. And so you need somewhere where you can be a real piece of shit. And that's what the car gives us. The ability the permission to be a real piece of shit. So next time you feel angry or frustrated in any other part of your life, don't take it out on your loved ones. Don't take it out on your co workers. Wait till you get in the car and wait till somebody at a red light, it changes green and that fraction of a second where they have not moved and take all that anger and frustration from the rest of your life and channel it right into one massive.

[Dan Le Batard]

Play video games.

[Captain Slappy]

No.

[Dan Le Batard]

Play a game of pickup. Don't do it while you're in your car.

[Captain Slappy]

Incredible Hulk, smash that horn.

[Marty Baron]

Bang.

[Chris Whittingham]

It's just repressed feelings leaning on your. What is the. This is why I don't think you love God.

[Captain Slappy]

I love God.

[Amin Elhassan]

You only get angry in the car.

[Chris Whittingham]

Okay? This is just so wrong.

[Amin Elhassan]

Little best of at the end here.

[Chris Whittingham]

It's just so bad. Is that chum bucket?

[Marty Baron]

Tay toss.

[Amin Elhassan]

Five more seconds in the show. All right, see you guys later.

[Jon Weiner]

We just reported the news.