Hour 2: Dan Attempts To Kick Erik Spoelstra (feat. Jessica Smetana & The American Dream)

Summary

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Episode: Hour 2: Dan Attempts To Kick Erik Spoelstra (feat. Jessica Smetana & The American Dream)
Date: March 4, 2026

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Overview

Broadcasting from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, Hour 2 of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz dives into a rapid-fire take on sports, pop culture, and food. Joined by Jessica Smetana and "The American Dream" (a.k.a. Stephen A. Smith, via soundbites and topic focus), the crew debates trust in NFL quarterbacks, retro NBA broadcasts, all-you-can-eat ballpark deals, and Magic City Night in Atlanta—all featuring the show’s signature blend of irreverence, humor, and sharp insights.

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Key Segments & Highlights

Top 5 NFL People Juju Gotti Does Not Trust (00:00–02:41)

• Juju Gotti’s List (00:47):
  A humorous, quarterback-heavy countdown including notable NFL QBs Juju “doesn’t trust”:
  • #5: Trevor Lawrence ("Get off my playoff roster.")
  • #4: Justin Herbert ("Brother that away.")
  • #3: C.J. Stroud
  • #2: Lamar Jackson (“You can do no wrong...but…” – 02:01)
  • #1: Josh Allen (“The reason my sciatica, my blood pressure and my cholesterol is way too high” – 02:18)
• Quote:
  Dan: “Don’t trust him. You don’t trust Josh Allen, MVP of the league, Lamar Jackson. Those are two MVPs, all quarterbacks on your list.” (02:29)

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NBC Retro Broadcast & NBA Nostalgia (03:10–06:39)

• Jessica Smetana’s Review (03:38–04:04):
  The highlight of NBC’s throwback NBA broadcast was the “score bug” — a minimalist, old-school graphic display.
  • Jessica: "The highlight was the score bug. It was simple...very little information...big, colorful, and perfect." (03:40)
• Cultural Take:
  • Jessica: “It seems like NBC’s whole angle of getting the NBA back is, like, 'We love basketball.'" (05:51)
  • NBC’s emotional commitment to the game is contrasted with the style of other networks.
• Juxtaposition: New broadcasts bring more “love,” featuring modern elements and personalities (Juju shouts out Shaq, Barkley, Kenny, and Ernie).

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St. Louis Cardinals Bottomless Food Deal Debate (07:11–09:46, 35:05–39:41)

• Deal Details (07:16–08:42):
  For $29, fans receive a wristband for unlimited basics: hot dogs, popcorn, ice cream, peanuts, nuggets, fries, bratwurst, kettle chips, and soda (no alcohol).
• Jessica’s Take:
  • “If you’re going to eat a lot of hot dogs, it’s a decent deal. But if you’re not, it’s not doing it for me.” (08:02)
  • Ballpark nachos are roundly dismissed: "They're the worst version of nachos that exist." (08:55)
• Hygiene/Taste Concerns:
  • The food debate escalates to discussions of nachos at stadiums, movie theaters, and gas stations.
  • Bathroom humor abounds regarding the aftermath of so much “bottomless” stadium fare—“Where is the diarrhea coming from?...Your ass.” (37:35–37:40, 39:15–39:21)
• Poll Suggestions & Listener Engagement:
  • "Put it on the poll at LeBatard show: Is blue cheese like mold?" (22:53)
  • “Would you rather have all-you-can-eat or 13 blow pops? Three lattes…three cups of beans…or you can have nachos, the kettle chips.” (37:46)

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Lettuce on the Head: Baseball's Heat Survival Trick (32:44–36:49)

• Dan’s Anecdote (32:44–34:33):
  Writers and coaches in sweltering St. Louis summer used chilled heads of lettuce on their heads to cool down—a claim met with skepticism before the crew finds video evidence.
  • Dan: “I’m not making this up. The way that you cooled off…was to go to the freezer and get a head of lettuce and put it on your head.” (32:44)
• Skepticism and Vindication:
  • The producers find a video of Perry Hill using lettuce in his helmet, confirming Dan’s story.

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Stephen A. Smith vs. The New Orleans Pelicans: "The American Dream" Rant (10:29–12:44, 19:18–21:48, 25:12–26:49, 40:19–40:53)

• Social Media Feud:
  Stephen A. Smith unleashes a 10-minute monologue after being trolled by the Pelicans for his past sports “fails.”
  • Defends his credentials ("I was in the fourth grade and I got left back…here I am on national television after graduating from an HBCU..." – 12:16)
• Legacy Talk & Resume Recitation:
  • “I don’t get paid to [play basketball]. I get paid to do this. Stephen A. Smith, commentator on ESPN...” (21:48)
• Rhetorical Flexing:
  • "You've never been to a conference finals in the franchise's history. That means you've never been to an NBA Finals...But you got the time." (19:17)
• Notable Refrain:
  • “You're the American nightmare. I'm the American dream.” (25:12–25:17; 40:22)
• Show Reaction:
  • Dan marvels at Stephen A.'s strategic mastery, “he purposely delayed [the rant] for an hour…to make sure that everybody was around when he did it.” (40:22)

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Magic City Night Controversy & Athlete Voices (16:14–21:02)

• Atlanta Hawks x Magic City Promotion:
  Discussion centers on the family-friendliness and perceived sanitization of the Magic City (strip club) brand for an NBA event.
• Jessica’s Take (17:43–18:45):
  • “Feels like the Hawks are actually, like, going out of their way to sanitize what Magic City is.”
  • Raises issues of autonomy and labor conditions for Magic City employees.
• Debate on Athlete Outspokenness:
  • Dan: “It does show courage [for players to speak out].”
  • Jessica: “I like hearing players’ opinions…It makes me miss the days…when we had real Twitter.com, where athletes…say these opinions constantly.” (16:47)
  • E: “Why do we have to fight all these other fights in order to have an issue with this thing right in front of us here?” (18:45)

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Wings vs. Blue Cheese: The Great Chicken Wing Debate (22:05–22:59)

• Jessica’s Pick:
  • “A classic spicy buffalo wing…dipped in extra buffalo sauce. I’m a big blue cheese person. I could drink it.” (22:14–22:27)
• Crew Bicker:
  • Discussion on if blue cheese is “funky” or “mold,” leading to more poll suggestions.

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SNL Monologue, Women’s Hockey, and Fame Levels (27:32–29:47)

• SNL Segment Recap (28:00–29:39):
  Jessica discusses both U.S. men’s and women’s hockey teams appearing on SNL and the awkward “levels of fame” moment when Jack Hughes is ignored by the fans outside SNL’s studios.
  • Jessica: “There's famous, there's sports famous, there's hockey famous, and then there's like television star famous...very, very funny.” (29:18)

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Rapid-Fire Jokes and Closing Banter (32:03–40:53)

• Mrs. Met “clapping cheeks” joke
• Audience Q&A about worst/best stadium foods, cost-of-living rants, and more food-induced bathroom humor
• A side note about “diarrhea” (39:15–39:21) and if “some people actually like diarrhea because it clears the system out” (Poll suggestion, 39:33)
• Discussions wrap up with appreciation for Stephen A. Smith's theatrics and classic show smirking/bantering

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Notable Quotes WITH Timestamps

• Juju Gotti on Josh Allen:
  “The reason my sciatica, my blood pressure and my cholesterol is way too high—Josh Allen.” (02:18)

• Jessica on NBC retro broadcast:
  “The highlight was the score bug. It was simple...It was big, it was colorful, and it was perfect.” (03:40)

• Jessica on ballpark nachos:
  “Anytime I see someone like, oh, ballpark nachos. No, get that away from me. It always seems like it’s a good idea, and it never is.” (08:55)

• Dan on lettuce to cool sportswriters:
  “The way that you cooled off…was to go to the freezer and get a head of lettuce and put it on your head.” (32:44)

• Stephen A. Smith’s monologue:
  “You left out the fact that I was in the fourth grade and I got left back because I had a first grade reader level. And here I am on national television after graduating from an HBCU, going up against Hall of Famers…” (12:16)
  “You’re the American nightmare. I’m the American dream.” (25:12)

• Jessica on hot wings:
  “A classic spicy buffalo wing…dipped in extra buffalo sauce. I’m a big blue cheese person. I could drink it. I could drink a cup of it.” (22:14–22:27)

• Dan on Stephen A. Smith’s strategy:
  “He purposely delayed [his rant] for an hour…to make sure that everybody was around when he did it.” (40:22)

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Listener-Driven Poll Suggestions

• Worst of the nachos: Ballpark, gas station, or movie theater? (09:32–09:56)
• Ranch vs. blue cheese as the best wing dressing? (22:39–22:54)
• “Is blue cheese like mold?” (22:53)
• “Do some people like diarrhea because it clears the system out?” (39:33)

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Tone & Style

True to the Le Batard Show’s DNA, this episode is whimsical, fast-talking, self-deprecating, and hyper-aware of both inside jokes and larger sports/cultural debates. The cast oscillates between pop-culture riffing, trivia, and earnest insights, never lingering too long in sincerity before the next punchline or food tangent.

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For First-Time Listeners

If you missed the episode: expect playful arguments, deep-cut sports references, plenty of audience interaction, and the unique blend of absurdist humor and sports critique that defines The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz.

Transcript

[A]

This is the Dan Levator show with the Stugats podcast. Greg Cody has fled the premises with an upset stomach. He is no longer here. He is gone. We will have Ron McGill tomorrow. We will play that sound of Greg Cody and ask him what kind of animal he thinks Greg Cody's stomach sound was making tomorrow. You'll have to wait for that. You don't have to wait anymore for juju Gotti. He has pulled his hamstring. He is still in the penalty box, still leaking confidence. But he has his top five list ready. Before we get to Jessica here on top five NFL people he does not trust. Is there Oli here, juju, or is it just a top five?

[B]

Yes, sir, Rebob. There is an Oli, My brother. And yours, Jared Goff. I don't like it. What have you done for me ever? Zero super wins.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. Do we know why the yes or E has a bob at the end of it, as opposed to a Steve or a Pete or. Okay, thank you. Number five, juju.

[B]

Number five, Duvall, Trevor Lawrence. Get off my playoff roster.

[A]

Yeah, it's a good list so far. Number four.

[B]

Number four, Justin Herbert. Brother that away.

[A]

I feel bad for Justin Herbert. I don't believe. I believe he's a good deal better than these other quarterbacks we're talking about. Number three.

[B]

Number three. Oh, C.J. stroud.

[A]

Good list. Quarterback heavy. Number two. Oh, wow. That's a bit full. Smell of a bathroom. You're waving your hand in front of your face. It needs Lysol. Number two.

[B]

Number two. Oh, and I hate to do this, my brother, with the whole of black America, we love you. You can do no wrong to us. But Lamar Jackson,

[A]

you could do no wrong.

[C]

Except hasn't gotten over the hump.

[A]

Yeah, what hump is that? What is the AFC championship.

[D]

Right?

[C]

That hump, he's like. Right there's like. I can't.

[A]

No, I know which hump you're referring to. I was just sort of wondering about. Yeah. Getting. Getting stuck on the wrong side of the hump. Number one.

[B]

And number one, the reason my sciatica, my blood pressure and my cholesterol is way too high, Josh Allen.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

Don't trust him. You don't Trust Josh Allen, MVP of the league, Lamar Jackson. Those are two MVPs, all quarterbacks on your list.

[B]

Yeah, I love them. I just don't trust them.

[A]

All right, get back in here, juju. Limp back in here. We're all waiting for Stephen A. Smith's reaction to Zion Williamson.

[E]

Keep teasing It.

[D]

I think they're going to get to it.

[C]

By the way, I found the yes Siri Bob. It's just an emphatic way of saying yes. There is no reason why Bob is attached to it other than just rhythm and emphasis. It's also like no way Jose and easy peasy lemon squeezy.

[A]

No, those. No, those rhyme. Bob doesn't.

[C]

Yes siree Bob. Yeah, I don't know that. No, it says for rhythm and emphasis. Dan.

[A]

Okay, thank you. It's syllable count. It's melodic. So Jessica is here. And Zaz, did you have any opinions on the NBC retro broadcast last night?

[E]

I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you, Dan.

[A]

He didn't watch it.

[E]

I didn't watch it. All right? And I know, I know yesterday I said I was gonna watch it, but

[A]

sometimes I just say, you said you were excited. You said you were all excited to watch it. And then what were the highlights? Jessica, welcome. Thank you for being with us. Catch us up. Because I didn't watch it either.

[F]

Can I be perfectly honest?

[A]

Oh, no.

[F]

The highlight was the score bug.

[E]

It's the score bug.

[A]

So good.

[F]

Like the rest of it. It wasn't a particularly great game. I turned it off around halftime. But the highlight was the score bug. It was simple. It was the old school NBC NBA score bug. No timeouts on it. Very little information on the score bug. But it was big, it was colorful, and it was perfect. That was the highlight.

[C]

Hurts. It was a 40 point loss by the. By the second I saw my group

[D]

chat was excited about the blowout being like, all right, now Bob Costas can cook. He can just give hot takes left and right.

[F]

Really?

[D]

I.

[F]

So I, I heard the opposite. I was watching it with Lehman and he's like, the last thing you want right now is a blowout. It's just going to be story time for the last two quarters of this game.

[A]

And it was the 11pm game. When you're going 11pm Suns Kings, that peacock cannot be happy about that. On the schedule at 11:00pm Jessica, you're always complaining about the late games. An 11:00pm Suns Kings game. There's no way you made it that far.

[F]

Let me counter that with I believe is today Wednesday. Stanford women's basketball is playing a 9am Pacific game in the ACC women's basketball tournament. I believe I have that right. I guess that's the opposite. I do love the 11:00am conference tournament game. The 11:00pm game. I might as well not even exist. I didn't even know that it happened. It doesn't even count.

[A]

So for all the talk we had yesterday of the NBC retro broadcast, is Jessica the only one who actually stayed with it? Did any of you watch that or was Jessica by herself there? Sasso, you're a big giant fraud. I just said things is what it is sometimes. Okay? I mean, but you're a journalist. You're sitting here, you're sitting here berating Greg Cody because you're being more of a journalist.

[E]

What I missed was a 40 point game. I had to watch that.

[A]

I mean, you were, you were saying how excited you were about the retro broadcast.

[E]

And you know what? I watched a lot of NBA on NBC back in the 90s. I get it. Like, it's good.

[F]

You kind of get it. Yeah, they did like, they did some nice, like, teases coming into breaks and stuff like that. They showed, you know, old footage and highlights.

[E]

Show Michael Jordan up and under the lay.

[F]

They show Michael Jordan.

[C]

He didn't have to go lefty there, by the way.

[E]

See? Yeah, no one even raised.

[F]

They showed lots of Michael Jordan. But yeah, I mean, it was. It was fun. It was a fun idea. If it feels like, if I were were to make a more macro commentary on it, it seems like NBC is. Their whole angle of getting the NBA back is like, we love basketball. And it kind of feels like all their broadcasts are like, hey guys, we love basketball. And sometimes other networks, you don't feel the love quite as much. So I think they've been doing a good job of that this season.

[B]

A hundred percent.

[A]

Sis.

[B]

Like, unfortunately, I caught the broadcast too. When wimby's playing, I gotta watch. But I kind of enjoy the new broadcast. Shaq, Charles Barkley, Kenny. What's my brother name?

[A]

Ernie. Ernie.

[B]

Legends. But I do enjoy watching the new stuff better because it's filled with love, not hate.

[C]

And Taylor Rooks saw Steve Nash breaking it down in front of Taylor Rooks. I was like, where was this? You won two MVPs back to back. You didn't dance. Shit, I didn't see you dance.

[F]

One time saw him do the worm.

[A]

Put it on the poll. I can do that at Lebatard Show. Can you say. And the legend, what's his name? At Lebatard show. Jessica, the St. Louis Cardinals are doing something here that speaks to you. I would imagine you are a food connoisseur. I dare say.

[G]

Are.

[A]

Do you. Do you classify as a foodie? I think you can be a foodie in that.

[F]

I love food. Yes, I am a foodie and I love to eat. And the St. Louis Cardinals said, we're gonna do bottomless food if you buy this $29 wristband at Cardinals games this year. But the catch is, Dan, the food that is included is kind of your typical ballpark fair, where it's like you get a hot dog and popcorn and ice cream, that sort of thing. No alcohol, though, which probably is for the best. We've all, you know, heard the horror stories of dollar beer, nickel beer night, but it's like the food, unless you can, like, sneak it to your friends, it doesn't seem like this is really that good of a deal. Now, that being said, I know, like, a hot dog costs fortune at a baseball game these days, but it's like, $29 and you're just getting the basics. I don't know if I'm sold on this.

[A]

So you can eat, though, as many hot dogs as you want. $29 are. They're not. They're not policing whether or not you're going back to your seat and sharing it with your friends.

[F]

I guess if you're someone like, I don't know. We've recently done some food challenges on Mystery crate. Not my favorite mystery crate content, but Chris is adamant on eating McDonald's burgers into the microphone loudly every week. I guess if you're someone that does need, like, two or three hot dogs to feel full, then, yeah, because then you can get a hot dog and you can get a sweet treat afterwards. But if you're like me, I only need one hot dog. I don't need, you know, seven in a game. But you can get three items at a time and go back to the stand concession standards.

[A]

That sounds pretty good. I don't know how you can make that sound bad unless you're saying it's just the crud. It's the worst. The bottom of the barrel food. It's just a bunch of popcorn you're filling up on, Right?

[F]

I guess my real beef is with ballpark nachos. If I'm being honest, anytime I see someone like, oh, ballpark nachos. No, get that away from me. It always seems like it's a good idea, and it never is. I don't want the ballpark nachos. They're like the worst version of nachos that exist. And these are just your basic nach. So I'm not going to eat those. The peanuts. Like, I don't. Okay, it's not a deal that you're giving me peanuts as part of this. Like, what your bread and butter here is the hot dogs so, like, if you're going to eat a lot of hot dogs, it's a. It's a decent deal. But if you're not, like, I don't know, it's not. Not doing it for me.

[C]

You get some nuggets to. You get fries. You got a bratwurst, like some sort of breadsticks. I don't know what those nuggets and

[A]

fries, I think is enough on $29. That sounds like a pretty good deal. Put it on the poll, please. At Lebatard show. Worst of the nachos. Ballpark nachos or gas Nachos. Do you have another nominee on worst of movie theater?

[F]

Worse.

[A]

Movie theater.

[F]

Gas station sushi. Gas station nachos are better. We're not talking about sushi. Don't even get me started on sushi.

[A]

Movie theater nachos.

[D]

That's a pretty better than ballpark.

[A]

The same. No, but it's the same. It's the same, isn't it? Aren't. Isn't that a push?

[C]

Yes. No, you're right. There was circular.

[F]

By far the worst. It's the yellow. That's true, too. The. The. The yellow corn rounds with the yellow cheese. And then sometimes we'll be like, here's 13 jalapenos.

[D]

That doesn't do it for that sad salsa sometimes.

[C]

Yeah. Sad salsa.

[F]

Yeah. Very sad.

[A]

Jessica, did you. Oh, what?

[G]

The media department is. Social media department. This is directed at y'.

[C]

All.

[G]

First of all, get your facts straight. One and a half points with Salem State. It was actually less than that. I cracked my kneecap in half. I never played, okay? But I got a basketball scholarship that paid for my education. I'll go back to that later when we sit up there and we talk about these old videos and they try to troll me, you know, I mean, you didn't see me hanging with straight shooter. I mean, the lethal shooter himself.

[E]

Did you see.

[H]

Did you.

[G]

Did you show what I was doing when I shot the basketball? Then you're gonna just bring up an air ball. A bunch of air balls, by the way, that I shot with James Harden years ago in a shirt and tie instead of pointing out. We know all the jump shots that I've made in recent memory. We can forget that as well, because you know what? I'm 58 years old and I'm not trying to play, but I know what I can do, and I know what I've done. Here's the thing that really, really annoys me about the pelicans. We heighten our level of sensitivity because I pointed out something about the star on your team in the franchise, and you want to use that as an opportunity to get at me. Very, very bad mistake on your part. Because as a franchise, you don't have the credentials. You just don't. But before I even get into that, let me say this. And I want to say this because it's very, very important to the American people that you're watching. You left out a couple of other things. You saw me boxing with a rotator cuff over a decade ago. I look like trash. You saw me throwing out the first pitch. That was a choke job on my part. Definitely a choke job. All right. You also show that video. Did you notice that nothing's been deleted? You could scrap. You could scrape that stuff off of Google and stuff like that. Do you notice that no effort has been made? Because I own what I do and I own what I can't do and I own what I don't do. And that's the difference between me and y'.

[A]

All.

[G]

You left something out. And you know what you left out? You left out the fact that I was in the fourth grade and I got left back because I had a first grade reader level. And here I am on national television after graduating from an hbcu, going up against hall of famers all the time who play professional sports. Elite journalists in this business. And me coming from an HBCU is still doing what I'm doing. I don't know if you noticed this or not, but come April 1 take will have been number one for 14 straight years.

[A]

Turn that down. You're not up against anybody. Nobody's doing anything from 10 to noon. Kneecaps and rotator cuffs.

[C]

This episode is sponsored by Better Help. March is one of those months where we talk about celebrating women. And it's very, very deserved. Because when you actually look around, a lot of women in our lives are carrying a ton. Work, family, relationships, expectations nobody notices or sees. I start thinking about the women around me. My wife, my mom, my sister, my friends, my co workers, people who somehow take care of everybody else while still trying to hold it together themselves. And it's a ton to carry. Therapy can be a place to put some of that weight down. It can help you figure out what's yours, what isn't, and how to set better boundaries so you're not running on empty all the time. BetterHelp works with fully licensed therapists in the US and they handle the matching process for you. You fill out a short questionnaire and if your therapist isn't the right fit. You can switch at any time. With more than 30,000 therapists and over 6 million people served, it's the world's largest online therapy platform with an average of 4.9 out of 5 session ratings. Your emotional well being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] DLB that's betterhelphelp.com DLB hey, it's Mike Ryan

[I]

and I want to talk to you about the random midweek hang that you have with your friends. Maybe it's an NBA game. You get a text, hey, come over. You want to watch the game? And maybe you're like, I don't know, I kind of just wanted to stay home. And then you think about it after your buddy hits you up and you know, just the thing that'll make that regular hang, that regular midweek hang around the basketball game into a special time, into a Miller time.

[D]

That's right.

[I]

This happened to me just last week. I grabbed a six pack of Miller Lite, said I was on my way, and next thing you know, we're arguing about rotations like we're on the coaching staff yelling about a missed call and the game's coming down in the final possession. It was one of those nights that you look around, you take a sip and you think, yeah, this was the right call and my friendship's stronger for it. Cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

[H]

People always talk about New Year's resolutions. You know, eat better, work out more, etc. Etc. We might still be early in 2026, but I'm sure most of you have already broken your resolutions. Me, I'm still going. My resolutions are simple. Be comfortable, especially at the rink. If you know me, you know that hockey isn't just something I watch, it's something I live Late nights, cold arenas, long playoff runs. You're on your feet a lot, and if your socks aren't right, you feel it badly. That's why I've been rocking Bomba's sports socks. They're cushioned exactly where you need it. Sweat, wicking, supportive. Basically built for movement. Whether I'm at the game, skating a little myself, or pacing around during overtime like I somehow affect the outcome. They keep me locked in and comfortable. And when I finally get home to break down everything that happened on the ice, Bombas has the everyday stuff too. Slippers, tees, underwear, all ridiculously soft. It's the kind of comfort you don't think about because you don't have to. Head to bombas.com dan and use code dan for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S.com dan code dan D A N Don LeBatard.

[F]

I don't like smutty either.

[A]

Stugats.

[F]

Women stay home in the kitchen where they belong.

[G]

This is the Dan Levatar show with

[A]

the St Gods, Jessica, we've been talking about. I actually, I've sat some of this out on not so saying that I actually believe that whether you agree with Luke Cornett and Al Horford or not, what they're doing is brave, like putting your face and name on. No, I'm not with this. I don't like this for the kids. It does show courage. What are your thoughts on the Atlanta Hawks and Magic City Night?

[F]

I have a lot of thoughts. First of all, once you say stick to solitaire, Stephen A. Smith has lost because I truly do not think he will ever come back from that. That was such a terrible look. But I agree with you, Dan, that I like, I like hearing players opinions on things. And also Luke Cornett, old school blog. You posted this on Medium. Like it makes me miss the days of when we had real twitter.com where athletes like would, you know, Kevin Durant would go on while he still does apparently and say, you know these opinions constantly and you'd really feel like, oh, wow, I'm getting an unfiltered opinion from an athlete here. And that just happens less and less now. And we don't have blogs anymore and I wish we did. I missed the blog era. But my thing, Dan, is like, I feel like maybe you guys talked about this yesterday, but I read the announcement on the Magic City promotion and what it actually entailed and it was like none of it involved any sort of dancers or entertainers coming to the game.

[A]

It's the Wings. It's the Wings.

[F]

Lemon Pepper Wings. Yeah, and like a podcast and obviously like there's a connection with the Hawks owner and the the docu series. I'm sure you guys talked about that and TI is going to perform, so I don't really see how. It's not family friendly. It feels like the Hawks are actually like going out of Their way to sanitize what Magic City is and feels like that's probably pretty intentional. And I think coming at it from the angle of, like, protecting women or, you know, like, this is a profession that no one chooses, which was kind of implicated in the post, feels a little not really fully understanding, like, the autonomy of the people that maybe work there. But then I also read that, you know, Magic City been accused of treat. Mistreatment of people that work there too. So I think that's part of the conversation as well. And so I think if you wanted to come from that angle, you know, fair enough. But it just. It doesn't seem like the wings in the. And the TI performance are necessarily, like, not, you know, going to keep it from being family friendly.

[E]

The part that I find weird about this, and we do this with other topics as well. You know, I've seen some of the reaction to Luke Cornett's post where it's like, oh, now you're speaking up about this. Well, how about the way that this happen and this happens? Why haven't you said anything about this or this or this? Like, why do we have to fight all these other fights in order to have an issue with this thing that's right in front of us here? Like, I'm. I'm seeing a lot of that from Luke Cornett. Why didn't you speak up about this? Well, I'm talking about this.

[C]

Yeah.

[G]

Burst. In 24 years, two playoff series victories, just as many as you have nicknames. You've never been to a conference finals in the franchise's history. That means you've never been to an NBA Finals in the franchise history.

[E]

It's true.

[G]

In 24 years, only five teams have never been to an NBA Finals. The Clippers, the Timberwolves, the Hornets, the Grizzlies, and you in that same span. Conference finals, only the Hornets and you have never been to a conference finals, but you got the time.

[A]

All right, get this out of here real quick. Jessica, you were saying, oh, it was so close.

[F]

I was saying, I see sort of both sides of that argument, Zaz, because on the one hand, it's impossible for every person to take a stand against everything that they see as an issue in the world. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to have an opinion when something's impacting the league that you play for. On the other hand, like, if this is your cause and you do believe in, like, you know, fighting, exploitation of women and all these other things, then it is interesting that I don't know if he's spoken up on those things in the past. I'm not an expert on Luke Cornette's pov, but it does seem like maybe it would have come up before because he doesn't even play on the Hawks or the Magic. So it is sort of feels like it's coming out of left field, but I kind of get. Kind of get both sides of that. But I do think it's pertaining to the NBA. So he's allowed to have an opinion. I just don't necessarily agree with it, but I could, I guess I could kind of see where he's coming from.

[A]

You're playing both sides.

[F]

I'm not. I actually disagree with him because I think the promo feels put on the

[G]

floor the last couple of years, last eight years, you've been in the playoffs twice. You've been bounced out in the first round each time. But you got an. You got an attitude with me and you want to troll me. Feel free, because I'm going to remind you again, I'm 58. I look pretty good. I feel even better. And I can shoot, but I don't get paid to do that. I get paid to do this. Stephen A. Smith, commentator on ESPN Stephen A. Smith, radio host on Sirius xm. Not just with a sports show, but a political show. Stephen A. Smith owned my own YouTube channel. Stephen A. Smith owned my own production company, producing script I don't need cooking right now.

[A]

I don't need the resume. Jessica.

[G]

What brother?

[A]

So we can what are the best of the wings? I don't feel like we got enough out of this topic yesterday because I didn't see the poll question updated on garlic parmesan. I love my own wings.

[I]

My own.

[A]

Oh, that was a real spot for you.

[C]

Or like you're wrong.

[A]

Yes. What is the best of the wings, Jessica?

[F]

A classic spicy buffalo wing. I mean, can you go wrong with that? And dipped in extra sauce, might I

[A]

add what sauce are you going blue cheese? Are you going ranch? What are you doing there?

[F]

I was actually implying like dipping it in extra buffalo sauce. But I'm a big blue cheese person. I cheese love blue cheese. I could drink it. I could drink a cup of it.

[A]

Put it on the pol at Lebatar show. Could you drink blue cheese? And also better of the chicken wing dressings, Ranch or blue cheese? What are you making faces about blue cheese.

[E]

Kind of gross.

[C]

Funky.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Blue cheese.

[E]

It's like mold.

[F]

So good.

[A]

Yeah, Put it on the poll at Le Batard show. Is blue cheese like mold at Lebatard show.

[C]

The answer for the best wing flavor is lemon pepper, and I stand on that forever.

[A]

I mean, it's pretty good. There's not a lot of question about that. What did you think, Jessica, of Bill Self? Mike Ryan loves to make fun. As the ground zero of Mike Ryan's reporting on people who do false things with their appearance, Bill Self's hair is something that Mike Ryan has pointed out a number of times as not being real. What did you think of what happened to him the other day after he was ejected?

[F]

There's another game that I turned off because it wasn't that good, but he got ejected and the Arizona State ops people hit him with the smoke machine as he was walking into the tunnel and it was awesome. I wish they had pyrotechnics to match.

[A]

I'm imagining, did it blow back at all his fake hair? Like, what happened? What was happening visually?

[F]

I'm not alleging fake hair, but it was a great visual because he was sort of dejectedly walking off and then you just see all this smoke machines go off at once. That's why we love college sports. Oh, Jesus.

[G]

You guys have been an American nightmare to basketball fans all over the place because y' all don't seem to know what the hell y' all doing, at least until Joe Dumars got there. And give me. Give some love to Willie Green, too, who I thought did a decent job for a few years. At the end of the day, trolling on social media, that's all you've got. Keep it going. Keep it going. Throw more stuff out there about me for all I care. Don't worry, I won't seek revenge. I'll just do what I'm doing right now, telling the truth and spewing a reality about your organization. And the only thing worse than your basketball has been your social media department trying to get clicks. But at what price? You wanted my attention? You got it. I got more. I'm just not going to waste our viewers time by talking about a franchise struggling to be relevant again. Joe Dumars is in the house.

[A]

Did he just call himself the American Dream before referring to them as the American Nightmare?

[C]

That's right.

[A]

But also protecting his relationship with Joe Dumar multiple times.

[C]

Said he was from Hollis, Queens, too. You missed that part.

[E]

What a seeking. He said he's not going to seek revenge on the Pelicans. What would seeking revenge look like?

[C]

You don't want to know.

[A]

Get the sound of him threatening Kevin Durant. Get the sound that we have of that commercial Trailer that we played when Stephen A. Smith became full on movie villain. I'm going to feud with people. Just to be clear. He's not going to go after the Pelicans too much, even though he just did it for 10 minutes and waited an hour into the broadcast in order to do it, to make sure that everybody was around when he did it. Go ahead and play the sound of the movie trailer of when we all discovered that Stephen A. Smith was going full movie villain.

[G]

I sit here today incredibly offended by the personal attack that this man has put against me. In a world with hot takes, his takes might be the hottest. Kevin Durant is the one that's lying. Kevin Durant is in too deep. You know I made a mistake with a man.

[I]

You don't want to make an enemy

[G]

out of the slim reaper versus the

[I]

suit with 400 buttons.

[G]

I don't want to hear from you, and nobody else should either.

[A]

McDonald's all American. Am I human?

[G]

Do you look at me that way?

[A]

Versus McDonald's commercial.

[G]

Had I had to come on the air that next day, I can promise you it would have been very bad. Stephen A. Smith, forget the numbers. You don't need them. Look at his eyes versus Kevin Durant and them boys. You the real mvp. You won't want to be on his journey hit list. You don't want to make an enemy out of me. And I'm looking right into the camera and I'm going to see it again. You do not want to make an enemy out of me. I'm not having it. He's writing your fate, and he's up against a deadline.

[A]

Jessica When I was watching what happened with the US Men's hockey team, I was startled at how quickly they gave up their goodwill. And I was startled how we went from do you believe in miracles? To, oh, we're gonna play three on three at the end, and then Cash Patel is gonna be in the locker room afterward. They went on snl. Both the men and women's team had representatives on snl. Did you see any of that?

[F]

Dan? I stayed up late on Saturday to watch SNL live because I'm a heated rivalry fan. Also, by the way, Stanford, Miami. Stanford's up two at halftime.

[C]

Dan.

[F]

In the ACC women's basketball tournament. So I'm gonna head to that when I finish this up. The winner of that plays Notre Dame, of course. So I thought that the SNL monologue handled that whole thing very well, where they kind of, like, made the Hughes brothers the butt of the joke, but obviously they were in on it. And it, you know, both teams have talked about how much they hung out and got along and, you know, were part of each other's gold medal winning journeys at the Olympics. So it felt like, like, nice to see Megyn Keller and Hillary Knight kind of up there poking fun at them. With Connor story, of course, who is hosting snl. And the thing that I think made me laugh the most happened after the fact, which I saw on TikTok dad, which was Jack Hughes walking out of the backstage, apparently at snl, where all these fans are waiting to see, I think, Connor's story, I'm assuming, and possibly Hudson Williams, who is also there, the other star of heated rivalry. And Jack Hughes walks out and everyone starts cheering and then they kind of just go quiet because they realize it's not who they were waiting for. And that must have felt like such a slap in the face because, like,

[A]

oh,

[F]

they're just, they're just quiet. It's just like there's famous, there's sports famous, there's hockey famous, and then there's like television star famous. And these people were there for the television star famous guy. And it was very, very funny to

[D]

hear he's like, oh, hello. Oh, not me.

[A]

Yeah, not for me.

[F]

Yeah, it was, it was just very sad. Sad to hear no hockey fans there.

[C]

Dan. Last week, Zaz and Danishek were saying, would you remember Jack Hughes's name forever? And I was like, I already forgot it.

[A]

She reminded me of the first public appearance we made ever as a show was at the Suwu Japanese steakhouse where. No, no, no, no, I'm not even kidding. This is.

[D]

They had me ong wing.

[A]

This, this is great.

[E]

When is this.

[A]

I mean, this would have been, I don't know, I'm gonna say 20 years ago. It was right at the beginning and I was going around shaking hands in a crowded restaurant with people, and I reached like across a hibachi to shake someone's hand, and the person looked at it and just said, we're not here for you, with my hand extended. Jessica, thank you. Check out her weekly Notre Dame podcast, the Echoes with Mike Golick Jr. Yes, thank you. This is not, not, not an echo. Check goes with Mike Golick Jr. Thank you, Jessica. Appreciate the time. Enjoy.

[E]

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[D]

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[F]

When you want your spring break to feel like and your kid's pool day to feel like. And your hotel bed to feel like.

[D]

Ooh.

[F]

And room service to feel like. Because at Hilton, hospitality feels like your cabana's ready.

[A]

Would you like fresh towels?

[F]

It matters where you stay. Book [e-mail] Hilton for this day. Don LeBatard, Mr. Mr. Schurt, if I may say for a second, Miami, they were simulating the snap count the entire game, and they were clapping at the line of scrimmage. And the only thing I want to see clapping are them cheeks on Mrs. Met in my face. Mike Shurt. All right, so that's one thing.

[A]

Stugats.

[F]

They're a bunch of cheaters, Dan. And you know who should be cheating? Mrs. Met on Mr. Met. And he can watch if he wants.

[G]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats.

[A]

When she mentioned that St. Louis food story, it made me think of the last time I covered a baseball game in St. Louis during the summer where the turf gets so hot that it gets up to about like 110 or 115 degrees. And what I remember, and it sounds like I'm telling the stories of when people traveled by train in old timey baseball games to get from place to place. I'm not making this up. The way that you cooled off while writing your story on deadline was to go to the freezer and get a head of lettuce and put it on your head. Like they had. They had that as something. I sound like something out of the 1920s. It was so.

[C]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

So you're in the press box.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, the old Busch Light Stadium, whatever it used to be called. Right. Whatever you. You tell me. So you're there.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You're there with a bunch of other sweaty guys.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And you're there typing on a typewriter.

[A]

Yeah. Well, a computer. A computer, yes, but one of the original computers.

[C]

Okay, so a massive computer. And you're doing with two fingers because there's no way you know how to type like a.

[A]

No, I. It's one of the few things I actually learned in high school. I can type like a hundred words a minute. Good for you.

[D]

My dad. My dad packed. Been pecking his whole life.

[C]

Dan is playing the piano on that thing. Okay, so you're there like.

[G]

Alright, it's really hot.

[C]

What I'm gonna do is there's a fridge back there that is stocked with lettuce.

[A]

I'm not doing this as a creative person, cooling myself off. This is there for writers to put heads of lettuce on their.

[C]

Do they not have towels?

[A]

What do you mean it's not true?

[D]

Heads of lettuce, like that's what they're there for.

[A]

How does it even stay on? Wait a minute. You think I'm at a. You think I'm at a typewriter by myself with a head of lettuce on? No, it's. A bunch of writers had this on their head. It was something that. I'm not making it up.

[H]

There's no way.

[B]

I don't believe you.

[A]

Why would I? I'm not creative.

[D]

Can I ask?

[A]

I'm not creative enough.

[D]

Who was there? Was Hal Habib there?

[C]

What year is this, Dan?

[A]

Would have been 1993.

[C]

Okay, so reach over there and get

[B]

you one of them heads of lettuce and put on your head.

[C]

Hold on. You have a full head of lettuce and you're balancing it while you're trying to take it.

[A]

No, it's. It's not a full head. It's half a head that would fit like a helmet over your head. It's not a full head of lettuce. I know you don't believe me. Go ahead and go look up on the Internet. Just. Just Google St. Louis Cardinals baseball. Head of lettuce.

[F]

Cool off.

[A]

Just look it up. I understand that you guys don't believe me. I'm not creative enough to make it up. But Trista, did that sound like a bad deal to you? Because if you put peanuts, chicken nuggets, nachos, hot dogs, soda, and you make it bottomless. You make it. I can have all I want for $29. There are very few bargains. And kettle chips. Kettle chips. As well. Ice cream as well. That's a bargain.

[F]

Babe Ruth put a single leaf of lettuce on his head underneath his wool helmet to cool off.

[B]

That helps you watch out for high heat.

[A]

You guys think that that's not a bargain? Do you guys not think that this is something?

[D]

We have video here of Perry Hill putting lettuce in his helmet before you

[A]

guys thought I was making up. Thank you guys for finding. Look at that. How quickly. Look at that. Our video department is getting faster and better.

[D]

Samson has told us he's an odd cat though.

[A]

Perry Hill at defending my honor. That's fine. You go ahead and backtrack right now. You told me a liar.

[C]

I saw the video.

[A]

You called me a liar.

[D]

And to do with writers.

[A]

The video. The video team immediately called.

[D]

If that. If they showed me Dave Hyde putting lettuce on his head, then that's a victory for you. This is a first base coach.

[B]

This is how it's done.

[D]

Chris.

[B]

Dan, I was wrong. I'm sorry.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you. Don't double down. Don't double. This is what's happened in America today with all of leadership. It's attack, attack, attack. Never apologize. Attack, attack, attack. Never apologize. We just showed you video proof. And what did you say? Perry Hill's a weirdo. That you turned your attack.

[D]

You said writers were doing it and you showed me a first pace coach doing it. I mean.

[F]

And it was one leaf and not a half a head like a helmet.

[D]

No, that's not.

[A]

That's.

[D]

That's an art. That's a feather in my cap.

[A]

No, it's not a feather of lettuce.

[D]

It was a half a lettuce head. Then that would have.

[A]

No, no, listen to me.

[D]

This guy's making lettuce wraps. Delightful.

[A]

I'm wrapping lettuce. A half a head of lettuce. I wish I had a photograph.

[D]

I wish I had lettuce wraps.

[F]

It's a good deal, right? It's a good deal.

[A]

20. $29 for all that you take your family. There are no good deal. What would classify these days? I was just mentioning earlier this week I had a lot. Eight that cost me $9 in Los Angeles at a Blow Pop. That cost 229. $29 for that food. Zas, though. I've seen how you hit our free food here. That's a bargain. That's unquestionably a baseball bargain.

[E]

Yeah, but it's also diarrhea, man. Like to make it worth $29. All of that food.

[F]

Where is the Diarrhea coming from your ass.

[D]

It's like, would you rather have that all you can eat or 13 blow pops?

[A]

Three lattes. That's three lattes. There's three cups of beans. Or you can have nachos. The kettle chips. Like, I'm.

[D]

I'm sleep on the kettle chips either.

[C]

Kettle chips are good, especially with that little.

[D]

That little, you know, pro player stadium. I used to love those Kettle chips back in the day.

[C]

Bring me back nuggets too. Yeah.

[E]

Tenders.

[C]

Tenders and fries. Daniels, like 15 bucks a Marlins park ice cream.

[A]

Just the tenders and fries makes that. If it's unlimited. Tenders and fries.

[D]

Look, I. I think one person will get full, though, and not be able to crush this as much as you think. I think if you're doing like a smart person would and tag teaming this with multiple people, yeah, you can do some real damage.

[F]

The Gestapo is not coming for you to decide and figure out whether you're sharing it with your cohorts or not.

[D]

There's got to be one super serious worker there that's like keeping an eye on people like, hey, I saw that guy give some of the chicken nuggets away.

[F]

Don't.

[D]

Don't give that guy any more food.

[B]

It's not so glizzy as he is.

[D]

You were just here last inning, sir. You couldn't have eaten all that that fast.

[C]

A report from 2012. Umpire no longer forced to wear cabbage leaves under hats.

[E]

Forced.

[C]

So they were forced to.

[A]

Dan, I can't believe you attacked Perry Hill for no good reason. After the video.

[D]

More of an attack on you.

[A]

The tenders and fries, though, that I have seen on the beach. Okay, because this is smart. The people who are drunk on the beach raising canes is just basically giving you bready tenders and fries to get the hangover off of you, to get those carbs in your system.

[F]

That place is diarrhea Bready.

[C]

Unless they're a sponsor, which we love them.

[B]

Delicious.

[E]

Where's that coming from?

[A]

That place's diarrhea is going to end the sponsorship if we have one. I was angling for that.

[D]

Some people like diarrhea. Clears the system out.

[A]

Isn't. Put it on the poll at Levitar show. Do some people like diarrhea because it clears the system out.

[D]

Jason's not loving his. He just told me in his ear.

[A]

Well, what do you imagine? Your father going to the bathroom after that much coffee and his stomach making those noises like. Do you imagine that your father, Chris, is having a bathroom experience? That's any kind of stable. No Stephen A. Smith, what he just did. And I missed all of that. I absolutely am glad that that has made an appearance on our show again, the breaking programming. To just listen to Stephen A. Smith get indignant for 10 minutes, just he's

[D]

58 and he just did 11 minutes.

[A]

But. And that's prepared and he's working on it. And he's like, let me think about how to do this. And he's also thanking the pelicans both for being so bad and for being so good, because they gave him 11 minutes of television today that he purposely delayed for an hour. They milked that so strategically to make sure that they got out. You're the American nightmare. I'm the American dream.

[C]

58. I've never felt better, too.

[E]

Wow.

[F]

Never looked.

[D]

And then the smirk at the end.