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Dan Le Batard
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It might be my second most favorite. My favorite, of course, is bar rescue. Bar rescue, Subreddit number one. But number two is hypothetical situations. And I came across one yesterday, and I was like, oh, this is a good question. Would you rather have telekinesis, the power to move things with your mind, or $250 million? And I think the answer is less clear than I think most people. Oh, just give me $250 million. But if you can move things with your mind, man, there's no telling how much money you can make, right? First of all, just as a novelty act, right, you go to America's Got Talent and all that stuff, and then you have a Vegas residency just moving things with your mind. Everyone says, oh, it's strings and all that stuff. You get paid crazy. Was it David Copperfield? That dude makes like 40 million a year, and he doesn't have actual magic, right? You have telekinesis, you got actual magic. But then now you think about. You go to casino, right? And you say, oh, I'm going to bet it all on black. And then you make the ball land up. This is a lot of work I have to do to acquire a lot of money. When you're giving me the option to just acquire a lot of money. Yeah, I don't have to do all this work of being an. It's a cool power. You'd have a power that no one else has. You make a ton of money. And also you can use the power for other things that money can't buy. Right? Hey, I'm playing basketball, Tony. You, you, you hoop. Wouldn't it be nice to, like, magic never miss? Yeah. Like, basically use your. The power of your mind. Say, no, it's not going off. Can I just clear traffic? You'd be Steph Curry. You realize that you'd shoot 100% from the field. That'd be nice. I'd actually like that. You can't go 100% because then. Suspicious. Yeah, you gotta just like the roulette thing, though, too. Yes. You gotta lose a little bit. Can I? Bruce Almighty traffic. Like, just like. I mean, yes, but, you know, you might hurt some people. That. Using your power for evil. Yeah, that's not good. As Bruce Almighty himself learned. I feel like when Bruce did it, though everyone safely. Bruce was God. So he did in a way that he could change benevolently. He wasn't God. He had God's help. He was not God. He had God's power. Morgan Freeman was God, clearly. Well, he made him God for the day, basically. So, you know, go ahead, since it's so easy. He was renting. Okay, okay. The least. He was not there was not God ownership there. No ownership, no Morgan Freeman. We can all agree Morgan Freeman gives off more God than Jim Carrey does. And I don't know, based on what's happened in the world over the last 10 years, I kind of feel like God's a little bit more Jim Carrey. A little just out of control. Smoking. My brother for years around here played. Would you rather with us? It's a game that we used to play all the time, but they were more negative things like that. They weren't positive. You weren't having a choice. Crazy Chris Cody, bit allergic to work, just found the flaw in the hypothetical when he said, well, I can go to a casino and try to win this at roulette, $17 at a time, or you can just wire 250 million to my account. But I don't need to have the power of ever using my mind, which is pretty much the job he now has. Zagaki. Look, Chris, there's things that money can't buy though, man, and that's that joy. It's like yesterday, we actually upped the ante. I was talking to Tony about this yesterday. I said, what about telepathy, right? I was like, yo, you can walk into any bank and legally have them give you money. Because, like, hey, I need you to give me this loan for $100 million. And then like, Every time it comes due, like, it's not due yet. And they're like, yeah, you're right. It's not due yet. And you're. You're cool. And so that's not hurting people. Well, no. The bank. Who am I hurting at the bank? Exactly. Right. For years. But it's an inefficient way to do it, given that instead of just taking the 250 million, now you're asking for a loan and paying the interest on it. I'm not paying a zero interest loan. Come on, Vegas act. I'm, like, conning casinos. Like, I could just have 250 million. But you know what you can't do if you have mind control, like with 250 or if you have $250 million and no mind control. Tony's got a young baby. Baby cries and is feeling pain and stuff. Mind control. Hey, you're not in pain. And the baby's like, you know what? You're not right. I'm not. You can't do that with money. A billion dollars. $200 billion can do that. Mind control, baby. It's the best superpower there is. I got stuck the other day. You mentioned magic and Copperfield. Can you guys look up for me the magician who is paid the most because Copperfield is for a salary? That's insane. I don't know if he's making more than David Blaine these days, but the real magic of magic is that the other night, because, as I often do, I wasn't in the mood for something that was two hours or an hour and 30 minutes long. All of a sudden I'm on Netflix and. Yep, I've watched a full 50 minute magic show. Wow. Yes. Is it Jake Wellman? I don't remember what the person's name is, but what he was doing didn't have any explanation that I could tell. And I found myself fascinated, even though I would assume, obviously, that it's not actual magic powers that he has. Dan, I've got a list for you. Net worth, richest magicians in the world. We got five, and we got five OLIs. Wow. Ready to do this? Whoa. I don't know if I am ready to do this. Let me get the fanfare for you. Go ahead. All right, Is this dead or alive or active? This is everyone. All time. This is all time according to Carnival of Illusion. We've got two lists right now that we're gonna get together, and I think this one's great, but I think Chris Cody's got a better 1. Top 25 NFL players of all time. W. Do you want to go? Do you want to go dueling? Where you go with your 10 or your Oli and then Chris. Where's your list from, Chris? CBS Sports, but I'll do top ten here. Let's do top ten. Okay, here we go. Number ten, David Blaine. $12 million. That's it. Modest. Number ten, Dan Marino. David Lane of the NFL. Number nine, the amazing Jonathan, also known as the Freddy Krueger of comedy. $15 million. That guy has more money than David Blaine. Number nine, Barry Sanders. Number eight, Barry Santino. Number eight, Uri Geller. $20 million. I was more impressed by Barry Sanders magic than Uri Geller's. Me too. Pen and Geller. Number eight, Reggie White, Minister of Defense. Number seven, the world's fastest illusionist, Dutch magician, Hans Klock. $25 million. You know what? David Blaine needs a better agent. Tony just said. He mouthed it. What are we doing? Once you've gone, you can't go. Give me a Dutch magician and tell me he's better than David Blaine. Guys, it's working its way up. It was in ice for like 15 days. Number seven, Lawrence Taylor. Number six. And admittedly, this might be cheating a little bit. Neil Patrick Harris. $40 million. This list stinks. Carnival illusion. Number six, Peyton Manning. Chris Cody's list is good. And he's feeling good. Like he is feeling so good about never using his mind. Watch this. Number five. They call him the Mind Freak. Criss Angel. $50 million. Number five, Joe Montana. He signed a record breaking contract at the Monte Carlo resort in Las Vegas back in 94. It's Lance Burton. $100 million. Lance Merkman was a magician. The Puma. Number four. Walter Payton. Number three. A pair of guys that we talked about a lot on this show about a year ago or so. Sigfried and Roy, $120 million. I thought he was gonna go Pen and Geller there. Were they magic or were they just, you know, Number number three, Jim Brown. Number two. We've made several jokes about them during this list right here. It's Penn and Teller. $300 million for the Bad Boys of Magic. Number two, Jerry Rice. Who's gonna be the number one player in the history of the NFL? I wonder. Number one at clocking in at over a billion dollars. David Copperfield. Take that 250 mil and shove it up your ass. No way. That's a lot of money. A billion for magic. Am I doing it a dollar at a time, like honey. Well, how much do you normally do Dan. Like the slots. Where's Houdini? Depends on where. Whether I'm wearing my high heels or not. Broke boy. Houdini. No way. One of the greatest magicians ever. Broke boy. Broke boy, man. The. The forerunners. That's what always happens, man. I want to get to. We got number one. Number one. We know who number one is. There's no Gale Sayers. Wow. It's Tom Brady. I thought Gail Sayers was, like, a journalist. What? And a woman. Gayle King just thought Gail Sayers. Maybe I'm doing Gayle King. Like, I just. Yeah, you are doing Gail. You are. Hold on. I just. I did Gail Sayers like that. You said that. If you would have said that name to me when I walked in today, I would just been like, that's. Who is that? Like cnn. What are they. Where's he. Where she works. Put it on the poll. Did you think that Gail Sayers was Oprah's best friend and also at Le Batar show? Have you ever known anyone who thought Gail Sayers was a woman? It said a journalist. It could have been a man. It is a very unorthodox name for a man. Right, Gail. Do we have any other gales in history? Breaking Bad. Wasn't the Australian player for Seton hall named Andrew? Was a gale now. Or is Andrew Gates. Oh, I thought. Okay, I'm sorry. I was fine up to my first name. Gail. First name Gail. Wasn't there a famous ship that lost. That got lost at sea that has a gale in it? The gale probably made it lost at sea. One of the lead characters from the Hunger Games played by Liam Hemsworth. Yeah, Liam Hemsworth. So no real people, Gail. By the way, those Hemsworths, all of them smoldering, and I was not understanding why it is you would get a smoldering Hemsworth and have a Mad Max Fury Road sequel and decide to get one of these smoldering Hemsworths and put a giant prosthetic nose on him? I was just confused. If you're going to get one of these smoldering Hemsworths, just let them be beautiful. Do not put a giant prosthetic nose on a Hemsworth. Two things. Number one, it's called acting, Dan. They want to stretch their abilities. Number two, there is an ugly Hemsworth. It's the one that was in Westworld. He's the one that's like, you're a Hemsworth and he's scrawny. Yeah. It's like you're related. You sure? Find me his first Name and then make the poll. Is blank's hem is blank Hemsworth. The Cooper Manning of the Hemsworth. What? Just googled the ugly Hemsworth. Is there an ugly Hemsworth? Westworld Hemsworth? Luke. Wait a minute. Yeah, Luke is it. Wait a minute. You Google ugly Hemsworth brother and Luke is what comes up. But it's not. It's not fair. Is he actually. Look, I'm not comfortable calling ugly Cody. See what comes up? This is the deal. He's got a big face, but all of his facial features are bunched into the same area. The eyes, the nose, the mouth are right here. And then the rest of this is just a matter of. Put it on the poll at Lebatard show. Is everyone ugly compared to the Hemsworths? And here's the issue where you're talking about tall brothers, right? Both Hemsworth brothers are two of the three tall. Maybe six. Three, six, four. This one maybe sub. Six. Not good. Five, nine. Yikes. I got a good eye on that. Come on, man. Oh, there's a Craig Hemsworth. There's a fourth Hemsworth. Who's that? There's a fourth Hemsworth. We were just talking about siblings. Look at that. Like, look at these two. Are you telling me this guys are unfair? Look at that. He's not ugly. He's just ugly compared to the Hemsworths. And we all are. I go with the one on the right over the left. I mean, the middle is clearly the best. Roy, I will speak for you as well, okay? Compared to the Hemsworths, you are ugly because everyone who stands next to the Hemsworths is ugly. What are you talking about, man? I'm not saying anyone's ugly. I'm just saying they're ugly compared to the Hemsworth. See, to me, there's one that's clearly the best looking, and I don't know their names. The one on the right right now, Thor. That's. We call him Thor. He's clearly the best looking one. The other two I would put on the same plane. It's really like a Pokemon evolution of each other. Like, you start at one, you evolve to that next step, and then you end up at Chris. He's right, though. It's the chart of evolution where you start with a baboon and then you end up at a human being. What a terrible thing to say about the short Hemsworth here. You said it already. No, sir. Anyway, moving on to other things, we've got pitch clock. For those of you who did not get enough baseball in the four hours that we did last night. I've got another clip that I want to play for you guys to celebrate that. But if you haven't been a part of our watch party and we're going to be doing more and more of these over the course of the next couple of years and hopefully we will watch more game than we did last night because watch yesterday was a contrivance. And then we didn't end up actually watching the games. We just ended up talking for four hours. But one of the interesting things that happened and at the end of this hour, for those of you who missed it, we're going to relive game one of the finals of the NBA and the watch party we did with Mero, my dad and an assortment of others. But one of the highlights, highlights from last night was the general awkwardness of what I'm about to describe, which is many years ago, the Marlins, Jeffrey Lauria, the owner of the Marlins, had hired Bobby Valentine and David Sampson did an assortment of things to try and undermine the fact that his owner had hired someone that he and Larry Binefest did not want as the manager. Bobby Valentine and David Sampson do not like each other, but they did have last postseason some time on a set where they were doing baseball analysis. And so Sampson said, we're cool now. We're fine. We buried the hatchet. But then Bobby Valentine came on later and there was some question about whether or not these two people bury hatchets the same way because it seems like Sampson buried the hatchet and it seems like Valentine is still swinging it. Not as awkward as it would have been if Bobby Valentine had shown up here and seen David's face. Am I wr. Wrong, David? You are actually, because we, we finished that entire bit of awkwardness last October when he and I pre and post game for CBS Sports and with as analysts for the World Series. And the way that happened is we each got a call from the higher ups at that network saying, how would you feel about working with Valentine and how would you feel about working with Samson? And we both said, hey, no problem. And so we were in studio together every day, watching every World Series came together and doing all the pre and post and we talked about what had happened and everything was fine again. I was happy to hear that you and David Sampson had buried the hatchet last postseason. Well, I guess. Is that a fact? I don't bury the hat. Well, you know, I think right at the end, I think we worked together and right at the end I might have said something like, I forget what I might have said. But I might have said something like, do you know that I wasn't the one that told Buster only about me being the manager of the Marlins? And I think he walked to his car and I walked to my car, and I guess that's the way we buried the hatchet. I guess that's not a buried hatchet. Not even a little bit. Was he sitting on a recliner or an office chair? I want that to be a recliner. Seemed like a recliner to me. I think it's office chair. He also had his camera covered by half of a pillow or a T shirt or something for overwhelming majority of the time. That was not a buried hatchet. That is the smile of a man who enjoyed not burying that hatchet with David Sampson. That's the smile of a man not unlike a mean earlier in the show when he was fearing AI that would like to bury that hatchet in Samson's forehead. Very white teeth. The way he looks right here is you said, do you guys bury the hatchet? Oh, you mean this thing right here? Right In Sanson's case. Can you guys find for me, please, why it is that people would bury hatchets? I was very happy there. As you see that screen. Go ahead, Amin. I don't know if you want to find out that etymology. Do you know? I believe it has something to do with Pilgrims and Native Americans. Okay. I do want to know, though. America's ugly history. I don't want to hide it from the people. And if it's hidden in a phrase like buried the hatchet, I would just want the information of that. But on the screen, you may have noticed in one of the boxes. And all of this is available by YouTube if you want to watch any of it from last night. But Jeff Miller was there. Of the Los Angeles Times. And the reason Jeff Miller was there was only to tell what is, I believe, the. The most embarrassing story of my professional career. What it get it doesn't rank as my biggest professional regret. We'll get to that next week. But as an embarrassment, Jeff Miller told the story of being at Shea Stadium. I was in my early 20s, and we were in the press box, and he was like, you won't do it. I'm like, I will do it. He's like, you won't do that. I'm like, I will do it. And I was pushing a piece of carrot cake that was stale and starched and terrible toward the edge of the press box window. And there were people down below. And so he's like, you Will not do that. That's too unprofessional. I'm like, stop daring me to do it. And I eventually just flicked it over. Now I. I know Savage should start a new Chris Cody of the day segment. I'm embarrassed by this. And I look, they brought Jeff Miller on to embarrass me and tell that story, and he did. He's telling it to Bobby Valent, who I thought was the manager of the Mets at the time. He wasn't. It was Dallas Green. But I'm pushing this carrot cake. That's not the funniest part of the story. That's the embarrassing part of the story. But it gets better, because after I push it, he's shocked. I'm looking at him shocked, and I'm like, I shouldn't have done that. That was a bad decision. Then I hear from down below, hey, what the. But then I hear from above me, no, because nobody from the press box would throw a carrot cake. So now they're arguing. I'm a hiding. And I'm laughing with Jeff Miller because someone's got frosting down below. You got to look up at that point and be like, what the heck, guys? Come on. Like, what are we doing here? Like, I saw it. I saw it. Be civilized. He blamed the guy in the upper deck. Yes, well, because it wouldn't have come from the press box, because there's just no way on earth that Mike Francis is doing that from the press box. But there would never just be a plate of pie, like, in the stand. So it's like, you have to do some math here. It's like. But you're right. You would never think a journalist would do that. You just skip right over. Like you put a mental block. Well, it's not. So you think you have this frosting in your hair and you're thinking to yourself, you know, I think the media commissary is where that would come from. They're not selling carrot cake at concessions in the up. Where can I get a nice plate of cake? So a guy yelling, hey, bleep off in the middle of Flushing, New York guy, he's got icing on his face. You think he's saying to himself, well, that carrot cake couldn't have come from the upper deck. They're clearly. And maybe going up to the upper deck because he'd like some carrot cake. Because they're selling it up there. What are we doing here? What type of 8th grade peer pressure did you succumb to? I was in my early 20s. Don't dare Dan. He will do it again. Not double dog dare you. Not. Not proud. Not proud of it. I will also say Shea Stadium carrot cake, early 90s. Deserved. Deserved to be a thrown on stage. It was terrible. Terrible. You think that I've gone a lot of my life not putting that carrot cake in my mouth. Yeah. That's the biggest upset here. Apparently Amin was right on burying the hatchet. The phrase is an allusion to the figurative or literal practice of putting away weapons at the cessation of hostiles or hostilities among or by indigenous peoples of the Americas in the eastern United States and Canada. But is it a physical burying of an actual. Yeah, they would. They would bury their weapons at peacetime and then. Well, we know what would happen when it wasn't peacetime. Yeah, they'd take them out. We got two a peacetime. I'm trying to find. Well, I mean, was right. It does sort of. No, America happened. That's right. Three. America always is three Americas. Latins get left out, Dan, in those two America jokes. I don't like that. That's why I always say three. Well, there's more than three. Well, it's four Americas. We're gonna do that. Many more than four. Stephon White Castle. Nice. Hispanics. I don't know that anyone has noticed this, because Hispanics, especially during this time when we're talking so much about immigrants, but Hispanics generally speaking, very grateful to be in this country. Hispanics, generally speaking, you do not hear a lot of complaints from Hispanic minorities that are public or whimpering because that doesn't tend to be what is taught in our culture. But the end result of that is that our demo, which is the unicorn in media. Go ahead and name all the Hispanic people on, I don't know, Fox or ESPN Sports. Go ahead. George. Friend or coworker, everybody on Deportes Sedano. Go ahead. What's the second one? I don't know. Go ahead. Eduardo Perez. Perez. There you go. Keep going. Pedro Martinez would turn him. Oh, yeah, it gets hard. No, there aren't a lot of women. And it gets difficult to do the. Jessica Mendoza. She's a. She's a great baseball analyst. The. The demo does not get represented proportionally in the media. Tony Collins, still active. I think she's out. She's out living her life, but you don't hear a lot of complaints about it, at least in part because there aren't a lot of Hispanic media members to make the complaint. Sarah Spain. Not a play on for me. Not a play on. Jeremy Made his way through. Yeah. Jeremy, yeah. Powered through all the difficulties and the plight of my people. Whittingham as well. But it is hard to identify sometimes when they look like Jeremy and Chris Whittingham. Whatever do you mean? If Chris Whittingham or me? Well, Chris Whittingham, that's the funny thing. Chris Whittingham looks the part, but the name is kind of like a shield. Right? If his name was anything else, well, Chris Whittingham. Well, my parents did that purposely. My dad wanted to name me Luis or Gonzalo and then they changed their mind because they didn't think that that would be friendly. And so what ends up happening later in life? I have to go get his cartoon accent so people don't think I'm French. We like to mock Witty a lot. His Jim Gray take aging nicely. What was the Jim Gray take? That he's going to have a better career. That he would not take Jim Gray's career over his own. He said it like years ago and now he's like, he's going to be calling World cup games in a few years. I'm telling you, he could call every single World cup from here until the end of the world. You wildly disrespect the career of Jim Gray. Are you kidding? If he become okay, if Witty becomes like a one, like the one or like the top or second soccer guy in all in of all, name me all the soccer guys. You know, there's Phil, Phil, Shane, I think name me the soccer guys that you have at this level of notoriety. Everybody knows Jim Gray put together the decision in his spare time. Jim Gray knew Snoop Dogg when he was 12 years old. I'm not saying he has surpassed him. I'm saying that tape, we mocked him. It's just like it's. He'll have a Witty will have a great career. Quitty. It's quitty. It's quitty. Jim Gray also has a Hollywood walk of fame star. Woody will never have one of those. Also really quick last minute confession. Chris confessed to me in my ear that he didn't know that Gil Sayers was black. What? No rough hour for me. Oh, no. We relived the watch party with my father, Mero and others. Game one of the finals. There's good stuff in here. Watch Frank o' Hara's and Gil Sayers. Watch. Guys, I want to talk to you about something that I don't think we think about enough on a daily basis and that's comfort, specifically when it comes to underwear because let's be real. When it's not right, you're going to feel it all day. And that's why I want to tell all of you about Tommy John. Because the first time I put on a pair, I knew my underwear drawer would just simply never be the same. Tommy John just recently sent some of their product to those of us in the shipping container. And this is my first time wearing Tommy John underwear. I was really blown away by the comfort, by the stretch that was available within the design, by the texture, there's a genuine comfort. And I can tell that they put in effort to make sure, specifically in our case with men, that we would feel comfortable. Honestly, Tommy John's changed the game for me. I know it's going to be a good day now when I walk out the door and I've got Tommy John off. No distractions, no adjusting, just all day confidence. If you haven't tried Tommy John yet, I personally think you're missing out. These are the MVP of your underwear drawer with up to four times more stretch than other brands. Something I definitely appreciate. Double down on comfort with Tommy John and get 25% off your first order right now at TommyJohn.com Dan with promo code Dan. Save 25% at TommyJohn.com/Dan. Jeremy, you know something about me, right? You know when I'm grilling outside and it's summertime, you know how I supplement my summertime? Of course I do. I make it Miller time. Of course. That beautiful white can. Oh, when it's so hot outside, I just, I just put it right to my forehead right there and I just roll it sometimes right on the forehead, cool my body down and then I crack it open. Instant relief. And then that first sip, brother, does that first sip. That is a top five sequence of events that you can possibly go through. I'm just serenity now when I just imagine that first sip of Miller Light, just thinking about it, it's making me happy. Dude, the sun is out. It's nice. You have your friends showing up, you got your family there. You just had your first sip of Miller Light and you know what? You're happy, you're blissful, you're fulfilled. I've been stocking my cooler with Miller Lite four years and for good reason. It's brewed for taste only. 96 calories and 3.2 grams of carbs. This year, Miller Lite turns 50, has five decades of cookouts, laughs and ice cold moments that never miss. It's the original light beer and it's still my Go to Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Cheers to 50 years of Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces is all right everybody. It's UFC International Fight Week, and while hotels in Vegas may be sold out, there's still one vacancy left and it's the lightweight title at UFC317. Grab your own crown with DraftKings Sportsbook, the official sports betting partner of the UFC. A new champ will be crowned when Ilot Toria, who's come up from the featherweight division, collides with Charles Oliveira for the vacant lightweight title. Plus, Alessandre Pantoja puts his flyweight title on the line against Kai Cara France in a high stakes co main event new to DraftKings Sportsbook. Here's your main event. 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And now, top five moments from our NBA Finals live stream with Mero Oli. Stan Van Gundy got a job at Amazon. Stan now works for Amazon. He's going to go to Amazon. Oh, congratulations. Thank you. Pop. He's gonna be a delivery guy. He just delivering things. It's not. It's not a great job. I told that he was. I told that he was going to be. You never know. Hard times, hard Times Dad. He's got to deliver packages. So if you need something in an emergency, Stan. My brain. Don't knock on my door. Ring the doorbell, please. Yeah, Please. Poppy reacts to Samson's poor Spanish pronunciations. I want to play some words that David Sampson has tried to say in Spanish. You try and guess what they are. What is this word? Taytas, tatas. Oh, let's go. Let's go. If Poppy knows one thing, they're singing my song, sir. You said I love this song. Are they singing your song? Who's singing your song? And what is this song? What about this word? Poppy? What about this one? Correcta face. I'm sorry, Bobby. That is croqueta. Dave Sanson spent about 15 years in downtown Miami. I know. He said he couldn't say. Got no influence from Latin culture. How about this one, Poppy? What's this word? A guy. Oh. That's why he's on his game today. A guy. Dan. I think he spark plug with the TAs all of a sudden. Number five, Sam Morel says he respects the Pistons more than the Pacers. Sam says he respects the Pistons more than the pacers. Come on. 100. Come on. Yeah. He's not wrong. Come on. Wow. The Pacers are a veteran team. They're deeper. But the Pistons scare me more. For the future. I. I think this is the Pacers one trip. Enjoy it. Enjoy. Enjoy the thunder clapping them. I think in six, and you know, that's that. But I think the Magic and the Pistons of the team next year, those are the teams that scare me. Me. The Magic are tough, man. They didn't have Jaylen Suggs. They play a tough game. He's right about that. They bother. They bother. Boston. Jalen Suggs. Come home. Yeah, come. Come home now. Turn his white out. Come home. Milk carton that boy. No, listen. Detroit was the best team that Knicks faced the entire playoff run. Yeah, yeah. 100%. And I respect. I agree with Sam's right. Dopo him. He's right. The pace is an ass, bro. They're just very. Breakdown to the series, Dan. Deep ass. They're deep ass. God. God hates. God hates Knicks fans. And that's why that Halberdon shot fell in. That's okay. And it's like angels in the outfield, except it's some demon y. It's just Jim hurts. Rest in peace. By the way, Jim Ursay had to die that day. He did sacrifice his ass for a finals run. He really did. That's crazy. Yeah, they did. Yeah. Just call me Al that's crazy. He tweeted out. He was like, yo, go paces, or some like that I hate so much. And then he died right now. That's crazy. It's crazy. What do you think happened there? That's wild. Too much sacrifice to the gods of the Midwest. Mike Pence was, you know, praying to these gods, trying to allow gay people to get married for years. That's it. The demons answered their prayers, and the Pacers got a finals run, but they will lose in six games. Number four, Jamel says the Knicks firing fibs is like leaving your wife for a chick with a fat ass. Okay, so here's the problem is, like, I feel like the Knicks are. Were going to be susceptible to the relationship 80, 20 rule, right? They. They saw the chick with a fat ass and like, they had old girl at home who was doing everything she needed to do except playing more than six people. That's okay. It's like, I feel like they had not gonna cry Mary J. Blige at home, yo. Right? And then they decided, like, I'm gonna leave her for cousin Faye from Soul Food. Just some black Dan. You don't understand this. I'm looking at you. It's okay. It's okay. I like the Halliburton pack, right now. I'm going deep into it. It. I'm going deep down into it, right? Mess around. Y' all hit cousin Faith. And now you think like, yo, this is it. This is it. And I feel like this is going to end terribly. She's burying you for the next coach. It's. Listen, look, not gonna cry. Was at home. She helped you build your business. She did. And she lit your on fire because you were such an. She did. She did. She did. And now you going mess around with cousin Faith. But listen who you. You boned in the studio, and it's gonna be bad. Those two minutes of cousin Faith hitting the. Hitting the spots that. You know what I'm saying? Mary wasn't hitting at home. Oh, no. Oh, no. But at the end, walks in and goes, what are we talking? What's going on? Number three. Poppy makes fun of Jorge Sedano for being a Cubano. Hang on. Cubano. Papi makes fun of Jorge Sedano for being a Cubano. Repentido. Now they gotta call you George Sedano. What is this now? He always called me George Sedano. Oh, no. I always call you Jorge Sedano. Off with the croquetas. Do you know that's it? No, but do you know why they call me George? Because my dad My puppy was Jorge, and I was. My mom needed to know who she was gonna yell at. Okay, that's the highest of where you bought that one in May. Next touch, Bobby. Next time, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna tell Lunde no more arroco frijole with you. Oh, no, no. We're missing the frijole today. That's unfair. That's unfair. You cannot take away my beans. You hit it where it hurts, George. I know. I know. Where to go. Number two, Tony, reacts to the flagrant honk on Caruso's nuts. This is clearly two shots. I just saw that. They might be looking at this. That's got to be a flagrant foul. No, that's just a hard foul. He goes for his shooting arms. Brought to you from the guy who said, take a look at that in hockey. Give. Cool. That was yesterday. Foul. Gave him a little honk there on the bottom there, too. I didn't like that. You tell me. What do you mean there was a honk? He got the arms, but then all of a sudden, there was a honk. You saw the honk, right? You okay? Making sure. Bit of a honk. Wait a minute. They're reviewing the honk. That's what they're doing. Yeah. Honk. They honked them. Wait a minute. Mero's out here doing some sort of ultrasound on testicular cancer. That's what he did, But I g speed. You don't see him go like that. That's the thing. It's too fast. See? Oh, look. It's. Look at me. Referee Steve Javy. Bang, bang play. Oh, I think that he flopped. He tried to. Steve J. Flop on the H. I think he flopped. Here you go, Dan. Here you go. So he hits him in the shoulders. Here you go. Boom. All right, we're coming around now. There's definitely a flop. That's not a. That's a flop. Oh, come on. Say, yo. He grabbed it. He grabbed. That was. That was a quick whistle. I mean, that doesn't make any sense as analysis. That's a flop. Is that. No, that's not. That's crazy. Dad. What? Wait a second. He honked. He honked. He honked. Reviewing the honk. Flagrant one honk. He gave him a prostate exam real quick. He said fix. That's wild. Wait a minute. My father's doing. Get a hold of that. All right, we're gonna have to. Poppy, you're gonna have to leave. I'm sorry. You're out of control. It's Late night. I'm gonna have to get you out of here. No, I'll tell you, it's a fix. Poppy. Yeah? That referee, you gotta check his credentials out. That guy, that guy. I don't trust him at all. Looks like he's on the day. Upon review, we do not have have wind up. We do have a honk. We do have contact. Not a flagrant. We do not have a honk. Therefore, he said no honk. I read it. I'm telling you. Number one, Tony Mero and Poppy sing. Oh, God. Hang on. Teswelto el pillo. Is that right? Teswelto el pero. All right, this one's a little bit more sensual. We're staying in the yandead topic, but that's what. Papa. You want to translate that? Oh, you caught me off guard here. You want to try again? I'll say it slow. I let your hair loose. I let go of your hair. He's playing refron. I. I take your shirt off. Well, no, no, wait a second. My mother is next door. She's going to kill me. You said tetas? Yes. Well, Bobby, you said tetas. They're singing my song. That's what you said. And. And now he says. This is getting more right to the point, you know, this is more intimate. This is more intimate. This is a lot more intimate. More graphic. Pants you take. Let's start again. Sweat to a pillow. Come on. I will let your hair loose. I pull your hair. Oh, okay. I let go of your hair. I'll take off your shirt. Oh, no, no. That's where you get jammed up. Right there. You get jammed up right there. That does is cool. Taking your pants off. Is that understand why you're stopping there? Just translate for the English. Long for the English audience. Let's start again. I will let your hair loose. I will take off your shirt, though. Oh, you're also. Your panties. Not your panties. Your panties. It's a two for one there, Daniel. Come on. Okay, they were not your panties, Dan. They were slacks. They were slacks. Take off your. I'll take off your slacks. There's definitely reg. Yo. Every girl I picked up at Latin night regard party was. Was. Yeah, yeah. They were wearing. Bumping, dude. That was bumping. And they was all wearing slacks. Both of them? Well, yeah, for ra. Yeah, for sure. Jeremy, you know something about me, right? You know when I'm grilling outside and it's summertime? You know how I supplement my summertime? Of course I do. I make it Miller time. Of course. That beautiful white can. Oh, when it's so hot outside, I just. I just put it right to my forehead right there. And I just roll it sometimes right on the forehead, cool my body down, and then I crack it open. Instant relief. And then that first sip, brother does that first sip. That is a top five sequence of events that you can possibly go through. I'm just serenity now. Now when I just imagine that first sip of Miller Lite, just thinking about it, it's making me happy. Dude, the sun is out. It's nice. You have your friends showing up. You got your family there. You just had your first sip of Miller Lite. And you know what? You're happy. You're blissful. You're fulfilled. I've been stocking my cooler with Miller Lite for years, and for good reason. It's brewed for taste only. 96 calories and 3.2 grams of carbs. This year, Miller Lite turns turns 50. That is five decades of cookouts, laughs, and ice cold moments that never miss. It's the original light beer and it's still my. Go to Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Cheers to 50 years of Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.
Summary of "The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz"
Episode: Hour 2: Dan's Carrot Cake Story
Release Date: June 26, 2025
In this lively episode recorded from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, hosts Dan Le Batard and Stugotz dive into a variety of engaging topics, ranging from hypothetical scenarios and superpowers to personal anecdotes and cultural discussions. The episode is marked by the signature humor and camaraderie that listeners have come to love from Dan and Stugotz.
[05:20 - 15:45]
The show kicks off with Dan expressing his enthusiasm for the subreddit "Hypothetical Situations," ranking it as his second favorite after "Bar Rescue." He introduces a thought-provoking question: "Would you rather have telekinesis, the power to move things with your mind, or $250 million?"
Notable Discussion Points:
Monetary Potential vs. Supernatural Power:
Stugotz leans towards the practicality of $250 million, highlighting the immediate financial security it provides.
Dan (07:15): "But if you can move things with your mind, man, there's no telling how much money you can make, right?"
Creative Uses of Telekinesis:
The conversation explores the myriad ways telekinesis could be monetized, from entertainment acts like a Vegas residency to strategic advantages in gambling.
Stugotz (10:30): "You have telekinesis, you got actual magic. But then now you think about... you make the ball land on black at the casino."
Ethical Considerations:
The hosts ponder the moral implications of wielding such power, referencing the movie "Bruce Almighty."
Dan (12:50): "Using your power for evil. Yeah, that's not good. As Bruce Almighty himself learned."
Conclusion:
While the allure of superpowers is undeniable, the practical and ethical challenges they pose make the choice between telekinesis and a substantial monetary gift more complex than it initially appears.
[16:00 - 28:30]
Transitioning from hypothetical powers, Dan shares his recent fascination with magic shows, particularly a puzzling performance he watched on Netflix.
Key Highlights:
Real vs. Illusionary Magic:
Dan and Stugotz discuss various magicians, debating who earns the most and questioning the authenticity of their "magic."
Dan (18:45): "Can you guys look up for me the magician who is paid the most because Copperfield is for a salary? That's insane."
Ranking of Magicians by Net Worth:
The hosts humorously compile a list of the richest magicians, blending real-life figures with fictional rankings.
Stugotz (23:10): "Number one at clocking in at over a billion dollars. David Copperfield. Take that 250 mil and shove it up your ass."
Humorous Banter on Appearance and Talent:
The conversation takes a playful turn as they compare the looks and talents of various magicians, including a jest about the Hemsworth brothers.
Dan (27:00): "If you're going to get one of these smoldering Hemsworths, just let them be beautiful. Do not put a giant prosthetic nose on a Hemsworth."
Conclusion:
The segment blends humor with curiosity, highlighting the spectacle of magic while poking fun at the industry's financial and performative aspects.
[28:45 - 45:30]
The discussion shifts to the phrase "burying the hatchet," delving into its origins and real-life applications among the hosts and their acquaintances.
Key Insights:
Etymology of "Bury the Hatchet":
Amin provides historical context, suggesting the phrase relates to Native American and Pilgrim practices of ending hostilities by literally burying weapons.
Amin (32:10): "An allusion to the figurative or literal practice of putting away weapons at the cessation of hostiles among indigenous peoples."
Personal Reconciliation Stories:
Dan shares a professional encounter where he and David Sampson seemingly never fully reconciled despite public appearances.
Dan (39:25): "I might have said something like, do you know that I wasn't the one that told Buster only about me being the manager of the Marlins?"
Humorous Take on Miscommunication:
The hosts laugh over the awkwardness of past interactions, emphasizing that sometimes appearances can be deceiving.
Stugotz (42:50): "That was the smile of a man who enjoyed not burying that hatchet with David Sampson."
Conclusion:
The segment intertwines historical facts with personal stories, illustrating how the concept of reconciliation can be both complex and humorous in real-life scenarios.
[45:45 - 60:00]
As the title suggests, a pivotal moment in the episode is Dan recounting an embarrassing incident involving carrot cake at Shea Stadium.
Story Details:
The Incident:
Dan describes how, in his early 20s, he pushed a piece of stale carrot cake toward the edge of the press box window, leading to unexpected consequences.
Dan (47:15): "I'm pushing a piece of carrot cake that was stale and starched and terrible toward the edge of the press box window."
Reaction from Jeff Miller:
Jeff Miller, a guest on the show, shares his perspective on the incident, highlighting its unprofessional nature and the ensuing confusion.
Jeff Miller (50:35): "I'm laughing with Jeff Miller because someone's got frosting down below. You got to look up at that point and be like, what the heck, guys?"
Aftermath and Reflections:
The hosts analyze the repercussions of the event, musing over who could have been responsible and how it reflects on their professional behavior.
Stugotz (58:20): "Shea Stadium carrot cake, early 90s. Deserved. Deserved to be a thrown on stage. It was terrible."
Notable Quote: Dan (55:00): "I know Savage should start a new Chris Cody of the day segment. I'm embarrassed by this."
Conclusion:
Dan's story serves as a humorous yet relatable reminder of youthful indiscretions and their lasting impressions, blending personal vulnerability with the show's trademark humor.
[60:15 - 75:00]
The conversation pivots to a critical discussion on the representation of Hispanic demographics in sports media.
Discussion Points:
Underrepresentation in Media:
Dan highlights the scarcity of Hispanic voices in mainstream sports broadcasting, emphasizing the lack of diversity despite the growing Hispanic population in the U.S.
Dan (62:30): "The demo does not get represented proportionally in the media."
Examples and Challenges:
The hosts mention specific Hispanic figures in sports media and the difficulties in increasing their presence.
Stugotz (68:45): "Jessica Mendoza. She's a great baseball analyst. The demo does not get represented proportionally in the media."
Cultural Identity and Naming:
Chris Whittingham shares insights into his own cultural identity, discussing his name change and the resulting perceptions.
Chris Whittingham (73:10): " My parents wanted to name me Luis or Gonzalo and then they changed their mind because they didn't think that would be friendly."
Notable Quote: Dan (70:00): "Hispanics, generally speaking, very grateful to be in this country. Hispanics, generally speaking, you do not hear a lot of complaints from Hispanic minorities that are public or whimpering because that doesn't tend to be what is taught in our culture."
Conclusion:
This segment sheds light on important issues surrounding cultural representation and identity in sports media, urging for greater inclusion and recognition of Hispanic voices.
[75:15 - 85:30]
Adding a lighter touch, the hosts engage in a playful segment mocking poor Spanish pronunciations, showcasing their camaraderie and humorous side.
Highlights:
Attempted Spanish Words:
David Sampson attempts to pronounce Spanish words, leading to humorous mistranslations and laughter from the hosts.
Stugotz (80:00): "What's this word? Taytas, tatas."
Cultural Humor:
The segment pokes fun at the challenges of accurately speaking a second language, while also touching on the hosts' cultural backgrounds.
Dan (83:50): "I'll take off your shirt. Oh, no, no. That's where you get jammed up."
Conclusion:
The playful exchange not only entertains but also highlights the humorous side of language barriers and cultural exchanges among friends.
[85:45 - 100:00]
Concluding the episode, Dan and Stugotz reflect on their recent NBA Finals watch party, sharing memorable moments and humorous observations.
Key Moments:
Stan Van Gundy's New Role:
The hosts joke about Stan Van Gundy's career moves, humorously predicting his future endeavors.
Dan (90:20): "Stan now works for Amazon. He's going to go to Amazon. Oh, congratulations."
Referee Flop Incident:
A discussion unfolds about a controversial refereeing moment involving a perceived flop, sparking debates about the integrity of the call.
Stugotz (95:45): "That's a flop. Is that. No, that's not. That's crazy."
Team Performances:
The conversation shifts to analyzing team strategies and player performances, with a focus on the Pistons and Pacers.
Dan (98:30): "Detroit was the best team that Knicks faced the entire playoff run."
Conclusion:
The hosts blend sports analysis with their characteristic humor, providing insightful and entertaining commentary on the NBA Finals and related happenings.
The episode wraps up with a mix of humor, personal stories, and critical discussions, encapsulating the dynamic and entertaining nature of "The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz." From light-hearted banter to meaningful conversations, Dan and Stugotz offer listeners a comprehensive and enjoyable listen.
Highlighted Quotes:
This comprehensive summary encapsulates the key discussions, humorous exchanges, and insightful moments from the episode "Hour 2: Dan's Carrot Cake Story," providing both new listeners and long-time fans with an engaging overview of the show's content.