Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz Episode: Hour 2: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom
Release Date: February 6, 2025

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Introduction

In this lively episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz, hosts Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, Izzy, Jeremy, Chris Cody, and David Sampson delve into two main topics: an in-depth discussion on David Samson's stringent bathroom etiquette rules and a spirited analysis of the Miami Heat's recent trade move involving PJ Tucker and Davion Mitchell. The episode is filled with humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful sports commentary, providing listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful perspectives.

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Section 1: David Samson's Rules For Using The Bathroom

Timestamp: 03:44 - 25:43

The episode kicks off with a humorous yet critical examination of David Samson's newly implemented bathroom etiquette rules. Samson has seemingly imposed strict guidelines on how guests should use the bathroom, leading to a mixture of confusion and frustration among the hosts.

Key Points & Discussions:

• Importance of Bathroom Etiquette: The hosts explore Samson's reasons for enforcing these rules, highlighting his desire to maintain cleanliness and order during gatherings.

• Varied Perspectives on Bathroom Usage:

  • Izzy's Stance: Izzy emphasizes the importance of sitting down to pee to avoid splash and maintain hygiene. ["I sit to pee always." (04:43)]
  • Chris Cody's Preference: Chris prefers standing to avoid making noise and to minimize splash at home but cites challenges when hosting. ["At home, I'm fine with sitting to pee. I'm standing every time... I just avoid the splash." (05:36)]
  • Jeremy’s Technique: Jeremy boasts about his impeccable aim, claiming zero splash. ["My stream has such incredible aim. I get zero splash." (05:45)]

• Implementing Rules at Home:

  • Izzy's Strategies: Izzy shares practical methods like using toilet seat covers or tissues to maintain cleanliness. ["I create a layer between me and the seat." (05:55)]
  • Dan's Reaction: Dan humorously reacts to the idea of strict bathroom rules, stating he would retaliate if enforced. ["If you said that to me when I came in your house, I would pee in the sink." (07:03)]

• Challenges of Policing Bathroom Rules:

  • The hosts discuss the logistical difficulties of monitoring guests' bathroom habits, especially during large gatherings. ["How do you actually police all these rules?" (11:13)]

• Humorous Anecdotes and Banter:

  • The conversation is peppered with jokes and light-hearted teasing about each other's bathroom habits, creating a relatable and entertaining dialogue for listeners.

Notable Quotes:

• Izzy: "I do not stand at urinals. There's too much splash potential." (04:43)
• Jeremy: "My stream has such incredible aim. I get zero splash." (05:45)
• Dan Le Batard: "If you said that to me when I came in your house, I would pee in the sink." (07:03)

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Section 2: Miami Heat's Trade - Acquiring Davion Mitchell

Timestamp: 25:43 - 41:14

Transitioning from bathroom etiquette, the hosts pivot to a deep dive into the Miami Heat's strategic trade, analyzing the departure of P.J. Tucker in exchange for Davion Mitchell. This segment is rich with sports analysis, opinions on team dynamics, and implications for the Heat's future performance.

Key Points & Discussions:

• Overview of the Trade: The Heat traded veteran PJ Tucker for Davion Mitchell, aiming to align their roster with younger talent and improved defensive capabilities.

• Hosts' Reactions:

  • Dan Le Batard: Presents the trade as a positive move for team depth and long-term potential. ["They also upgraded players in that move, too." (40:04)]
  • Mike Ryan: Voices strong opposition to trading Tucker, highlighting his value and off-court contributions. ["Getting rid of PJ Tucker is offensive to me. That's ridiculous." (40:30)]
  • Jeremy: Praises the Heat's front office, particularly Andy Ellsberg, for their creative and effective trade strategies. ["Nobody in our league who's as good and creative as Andy Ellsberg." (32:49)]

• Impact on Team Dynamics:

  • Defensive Enhancement: Discussion on how Davion Mitchell's defensive prowess complements the existing roster, potentially safeguarding the Heat's defensive strategies.
  • Cultural Fit: Analysis of Mitchell as a "Heat culture player" and how his work ethic aligns with the team's ethos.

• Critique of Management Decisions:

  • Mike Ryan's Critique: Mike criticizes Pat Riley's management decisions, expressing frustration with the overall direction of the team. ["I've had enough of Riley. Thank you for everything you've done." (38:55)]
  • Stugotz's Sarcasm: Adds humor to the critique, referencing the trade as a "shocking development." ["Jeremy likes this move for the Heat. Oh, I mean, Oh, it's not a bad thing..."]

• Future Prospects:

  • Young Core: Dan highlights the promising young core of the Heat, listing players like Khalil Ware, Nikola Jovic, and Jaime Hawkes Jr., suggesting a bright future.
  • Fan Reactions: The hosts speculate on how fans and players will adjust to the new roster dynamics and the absence of Tucker.

Notable Quotes:

• Dan Le Batard: "Davion Mitchell's like a much better player than P.J. Tucker at a position they need him to play." (40:08)
• Mike Ryan: "Getting rid of PJ Tucker is offensive to me. That's like the thing that you can't do. That's ridiculous." (40:30)
• Jeremy: "Nobody in our league who's as good and creative as Andy Ellsberg." (32:49)
• Izzy: "Davion Mitchell has been referred to in the past as one of those guys that is sort of a Heat culture player who's not on the Heat yet." (40:30)

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Conclusion

This episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz seamlessly blends comedic banter with insightful sports analysis. The discussion on David Samson's bathroom rules offers a humorous look into domestic etiquette, while the examination of the Miami Heat's trade decisions provides listeners with a nuanced understanding of team strategy and management challenges. Through engaging dialogue and diverse viewpoints, the hosts deliver a captivating episode that balances lighthearted conversation with substantive content.

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Notable Exclusions:

• Advertisements: Segments promoting Venmo, Gold Belly, Shopify, and 1-800-Flowers were intentionally omitted to maintain focus on the main content.
• Non-Content Sections: Intros, outros, and unrelated banter were excluded to ensure a coherent and comprehensive summary.

Transcript

[Dan Le Batard]

You're listening to giraffkings Network.

[Stugotz]

You know that sound? It's the sound of money hitting your Venmo account. A friend paying you back.

[Mike Ryan]

Or maybe it's getting cash back from.

[Stugotz]

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[David Sampson]

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[Jeremy]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats podcast.

[Dan Le Batard]

This episode of the Dan Lebatard show with Stugats is presented by Venmo.

[Chris Cody]

Did you have to do that?

[Dan Le Batard]

I thought it helped. Yeah, I could have done it as Joe. It's brought to you by Venmo.

[Izzy]

I love that app.

[Jeremy]

I Like doing reeds and voices.

[Izzy]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Everyone else does their read. They just do their read. I'm like, no, you know what? I did a 1-800-flowers one the other day. Made it real sensual.

[Chris Cody]

Yeah. And then I followed with another ad and made it very robotic. It was very weird. Back to back. I'm very jealous.

[Izzy]

I'd like you to do every read.

[Stugotz]

He did 1 900, flowers.

[Izzy]

Oh, but thank you, Venmo. Stephen Smith's voice. Stephen A. Smith.

[Jeremy]

Oh, yeah.

[Izzy]

Every read should be done in that voice.

[Jeremy]

Well, the Obama voice. I've thought about that before, but never actually saying anything explicit that would identify me as Obama. But just saying, you know, when I, you know, want to give my wife flowers, I go to 1-800-FLOWERS.

[Izzy]

You may get Secret Service knocking on your door.

[Jeremy]

Really? They're like, Mr. President, are you okay? You're doing reads.

[Dan Le Batard]

I've never noticed how much the A in Stephen A. Smith helps his name because he just called him Stephen Smith.

[Izzy]

He came out right. I had to change it.

[Stugotz]

Like, that's just. That guy's polling at 0%.

[Izzy]

Way less interesting.

[Jeremy]

I beg your pardon. That guy's pulling great with the NFL audience. Steven Smith, wide receiver Steve Smith Jr.

[Izzy]

Never heard him referred to as Stephen.

[Jeremy]

Never heard of Stephen A. Smith.

[Stugotz]

There are two different Steve Smiths. Both played receiver in the NFL. Stephen A. Smith. Yeah. Again, polling it.

[Dan Le Batard]

Also a basketball player named Steve Smith.

[Jeremy]

Steve Smith. Smitty from the city.

[Chris Cody]

I cried when he got traded from the Heat.

[Jeremy]

Also, there's another Stephen A. Smith. That's from American dad, Steve. Anita Smith. Yeah. That's a great show. I love it. I feel like I'm great.

[Stugotz]

David, David. David said something to me in the break that I just want everybody else to. To know and be aware of.

[Izzy]

He's doing his Dan imitation.

[Stugotz]

David, this is not. This is actually a real thing.

[Chris Cody]

Was it in the eating.

[Jeremy]

Wait, you say Dan doesn't do that. It's not real when Dan does it.

[Stugotz]

This is. This is a genuine revelation to me. David said, you're peeing again at 11am.

[Izzy]

I just found it annoying that it's. It's twice two days in a row when we're trying to get going. And then he's the guy who. The kids are in the car, you're ready to roll. And all of a sudden one of them says, oh, I gotta go to the bathroom.

[Stugotz]

He's keeping track of when you guys pee.

[Izzy]

It's too late.

[Chris Cody]

He knows this, why this phrase was invented. But that is the ultimate pecker. Checker.

[Izzy]

I wasn't looking at his pecker.

[Jeremy]

You were checking it.

[Chris Cody]

But you were. But you were checking it.

[Dan Le Batard]

Have you ever peeked before in the bathroom?

[Izzy]

I have never used the bathroom in this studio.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, I just meant in general.

[Izzy]

I sit to pee always.

[Jeremy]

Really?

[Izzy]

I do not stand at urinals.

[Jeremy]

This tracks somehow not shocking.

[Izzy]

I do not. There's too much splash potential. But wait, hold on.

[Stugotz]

But that's an interesting decision you're making there. Right. Because you're inviting a whole other world of germs.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, right up the.

[Chris Cody]

Wait. What kind of toilet seat do you have exactly?

[Stugotz]

You are. Wait, you sit, though.

[Izzy]

It's a.

[Stugotz]

You touch the seat.

[Izzy]

Oh, no. You hover. Am I the only one who squats with your thighs to pee?

[Jeremy]

No. Hold on.

[Izzy]

Is this really pain right now?

[Jeremy]

Is Jess here today?

[Izzy]

Oh, I'm sorry. You. You. I'm not doing this. But you have to.

[Chris Cody]

Okay, here's the thing. At home, I'm fine with sitting to pee. Like, that's just a comfortable thing. I don't need to make all the noise. Don't need to do all the splash on the road, if you will. Not at home. I'm standing every time. David, splash.

[Jeremy]

Just.

[Chris Cody]

You deal with whatever splash situation you can, but you avoid splash. The touching and the awkward position that you're hovering over the toilet seat.

[Jeremy]

My stream has such incredible aim. I get zero splash.

[Chris Cody]

Work on that, David.

[Jeremy]

Just direct it.

[Izzy]

I am surprised to hear all of your takes on this.

[Stugotz]

I create a layer between me and the seat.

[Jeremy]

You're talking about at a public bathroom.

[Stugotz]

Yeah.

[Izzy]

I do it at people's homes, though. I do that.

[David Sampson]

You put toilet tissue on the seat?

[Jeremy]

Yeah, man. Well, they have those seat covers. You do that?

[Izzy]

No, I don't have.

[Stugotz]

Would love a seat cover. No, we'll use a seat cover.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, that's what I.

[Stugotz]

Gladly.

[Jeremy]

If I have to go rare, you know me, I pretty regular. So I don't have to deal with that.

[Izzy]

There's sometimes when you're at a friend's house that you have to use tissues on the toilet seat because you don't want to throw them into the toilet because you may clog it. And then when you're done, you just clump the tissues and put them in the waste can. So I'm always doing math. I've never been in that bathroom either.

[Jeremy]

I never. I never sit. I've never said, like, the only time I sit is to do the other thing. And I.

[Izzy]

But even at a friend's house, I don't.

[Jeremy]

Not at a Friend's house. No.

[Chris Cody]

That's just rude.

[Jeremy]

That seat up. Nope. My aim is true. Like a laser.

[Dan Le Batard]

It's like I've never thought. I've never thought when someone goes pee in my house, like, they better not be standing.

[Izzy]

Oh. I actually ask guests, make sure you sit.

[Dan Le Batard]

No way, David.

[Jeremy]

I'll tell you right now.

[Izzy]

Let me tell you right now. No, you will not stand in my.

[Jeremy]

Going to hear it. You will. I will.

[Izzy]

And how do I know? Because you hear the double click. Is no one else knowing the noise?

[Chris Cody]

What other demands do you have of your guests? This is very strange.

[Izzy]

I keep. There's a. I mean, do you, like.

[Chris Cody]

List them upon arrival or do you have, like a list on the wall?

[Izzy]

It depends on you. So when people are coming over just to pick me up, I know they're not using the restroom. I don't have to go into the restroom.

[Jeremy]

Rules.

[Izzy]

If someone's coming over for a meal.

[Dan Le Batard]

You lay these rules out, like, explain them.

[Izzy]

Or do you hand them over Communication.

[Chris Cody]

And do people leave immediately? Like Homer Simpson's dad out of the bar after he walked in?

[Jeremy]

Let's put it this way, David, I'm blowing. You're hosting. Like, there's a big fight, right? There's a boxing match. You're hosting people over, right? All right, David, I'll come. I'm not doing anything. I want to watch the fight at your house. I show up. Okay, well, thanks for inviting me, David. What's going on? What are you having?

[Izzy]

You say, hey, I have to use the bathroom. I'll say, fine. Just make sure you sit so you.

[Jeremy]

Don'T say it until.

[Izzy]

That's what I was just trying to say.

[Dan Le Batard]

So if you said that to me when I came in your house, I would pee in the sink.

[Izzy]

Not when you come in the house.

[Stugotz]

If you said that to me, I would assume you're telling me to pee.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm just saying, David, if you said to me, when I'm going to your bathroom, please sit, I would just be so offended by that. That key in the sink. I would be like, I need to get even with him.

[Izzy]

And this is how. I am very much missing this. And I guess it's one of the issues.

[Jeremy]

Hey, David, where's the bathroom? I just need to wash my hands.

[Izzy]

No problem.

[Jeremy]

Where's the bathroom?

[Izzy]

It's right over there. But I would send. There's several different choices depending on what you're doing. There's a bathroom just for hand washing.

[Chris Cody]

Real.

[Jeremy]

And there's no toilet in there.

[Izzy]

That's called the half bath.

[Jeremy]

The half bath is just a toilet in the sink.

[Stugotz]

Is there a bathroom?

[Izzy]

I've got a sink.

[Stugotz]

Wait, do you send. Is there a bathroom? You send people that you think are dirtier than others.

[Jeremy]

That's a yes. That's a yes. That's a yes.

[Stugotz]

Prejudice.

[Izzy]

Very uncomfortable, this conversation. And I. And I will tell you that that is a very normal thing. That when you have. For example, if there are words.

[Stugotz]

Profiling.

[Izzy]

Hold on. This is going to.

[Stugotz]

You're a bathroom profiler.

[Jeremy]

Pablo, he has a shovel. Let him dig.

[Izzy]

It's not by race. It's not by. It's by. If your hands are dirty because you're. You're in the. You're doing weeds for an example.

[Jeremy]

Sure.

[Izzy]

I'm not letting you use the main. I don't mean.

[Chris Cody]

What do you mean doing weeds?

[Dan Le Batard]

We're definitely not talking about.

[Chris Cody]

You're having people over immediately after pulling weeds from the garden.

[Izzy]

If someone needs the restroom and is cleaning something that makes them dirty, I don't want them in the nice bathroom.

[Dan Le Batard]

The misinterpretation you have here is. These are not his friends. These are his workers.

[Chris Cody]

Ah, I get it now. This is for the help people in the house.

[Jeremy]

He's got a bathroom.

[Dan Le Batard]

They're coming in to pee.

[Jeremy]

Plumber.

[Stugotz]

Super Bowl Sunday. Pulling weeds.

[Jeremy]

It's fight night. Right? All right. Hey, David, the. The gardener's here.

[Izzy]

And also. So I'll keep going. Kids. There's certain bathrooms for the kids to use. You know, I don't want kids because.

[Chris Cody]

How much money do you have? You said you weren't a billionaire, but how many bathrooms do you have?

[Dan Le Batard]

It's an upset that you allow kids in your house.

[Jeremy]

Hey, David.

[Izzy]

Only. Only when.

[Jeremy]

I mean, Junior needs to go to the bathroom too, by the way. Just to wash his hands, though.

[Chris Cody]

Different directions.

[Stugotz]

What if I like.

[Dan Le Batard]

You know, what if we're having a fight night and I've had a few too many beers and I got to throw up? Dude.

[Jeremy]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm feeling sick.

[Izzy]

I've had that happen. There's a place outside.

[Jeremy]

Where'd you send. Great. Cody, you have a mountain.

[Izzy]

You cannot. If I see that. Like, we won't over surf. That's the thing.

[Stugotz]

What's the spot that you pick outside?

[Izzy]

It's clearly been there. So there is behind a hedge. You've been. You've been where we're talking about.

[Stugotz]

I've seen.

[Izzy]

There's a hedge. You've been the fight night.

[Stugotz]

I've seen a couple of the bathrooms.

[Jeremy]

Wait, did he. Did he give you the instruction? Did he give you the pamphlet when you walked in?

[Stugotz]

Now I'm reliving every. Every.

[Chris Cody]

He limits drink consumption.

[Jeremy]

How do you do that?

[Izzy]

Drink responsibly.

[Jeremy]

How do you do that?

[Izzy]

Wait, hold on. First of all, I'm liable.

[Jeremy]

No, how do you do it?

[Izzy]

I say you can't have any more drinks.

[Jeremy]

You're watching every time someone gets up to go to the kitchen.

[Izzy]

It's not hard to pay attention to 40 people.

[Stugotz]

Or are you the one paying attention to when all of us pee?

[Izzy]

I'm pay. I can pay attention to a lot of.

[Jeremy]

Okay, so here's.

[Izzy]

Wait, don't criticize me for not over serving you.

[Jeremy]

I'm not criticizing. I'm just. I'm merely asking. How do you actually police all these rules? Pablo's going to the bathroom. Chris is throwing up. I got to make another drink. How are you making sure the Gardener's here? Amin Jr. Has to wash his hands. How are you keeping track of all these different things all at once?

[Izzy]

It's not hard, I swear to you. You should try it sometime.

[Jeremy]

No, I hate hosting.

[Izzy]

So I host a lot.

[Jeremy]

I. I hate hosting. I'm surprised you as a germaphobe are.

[Izzy]

People love coming over and love and I want to. I want people to feel welcome as long as they follow the rules.

[Dan Le Batard]

Rich people love hosting.

[Jeremy]

I hate.

[Izzy]

This is not about. I did the same when I had a two bedroom apartment with one and a half baths.

[Jeremy]

Oh my God. How'd the rules work back then?

[Izzy]

It was dicey.

[Chris Cody]

Pee out the window?

[Izzy]

No, there were so. I love where your head's at. New York City in dormant. Their bathrooms in the lobby.

[Stugotz]

Oh my God.

[Chris Cody]

Lobby.

[Jeremy]

What floor.

[David Sampson]

What floor did you on the elevated on down.

[Jeremy]

What floor did you live on?

[Izzy]

31.

[Jeremy]

God damn. David.

[Izzy]

Sure, I gotta go plan better in advance. Pablo. Somehow you can set. Greenwich called and said it must be 1102 Eastern. Pablo's going.

[Stugotz]

I didn't know. I didn't know that about myself.

[Izzy]

It just so happens it's been two days in a row. I just wanted you to know that whatever you were drinking because you started today with two big cups. Yeah, well, but it's causing you to have to go to the bathroom and.

[Dan Le Batard]

Slow the show at a normal pace. Like it's okay to go to the bathroom.

[Jeremy]

There's nothing wrong by the way, Chris, as long as it's because you're drinking a lot and not because of other health issues, there's nothing wrong with going to.

[Izzy]

It's a go problem. Not a flow problem.

[Jeremy]

Flowmax.

[Stugotz]

What is. I. I'm still stuck on the first oldest show ever. Before we get into. We followed commercials. I'm still stuck on what David is doing in terms of his hovering. So you're. You are just.

[Izzy]

You must not know any women.

[Stugotz]

You're doing that. You're doing that.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah, I know women that hover at like porta potties. Like my wife is not hovering at all.

[Stugotz]

What I wasn't sure about was whether David was on top of the seat and squatting like feet on seats.

[Jeremy]

You were thinking whether he was like gargoyle style.

[Stugotz]

I had David Sampson gargoyle.

[Izzy]

I'm sorry. Then I misrepresented. Is that what you thought I had.

[Dan Le Batard]

You just like hovering like you're. Your. Your ass is like six inches above the toilet.

[Izzy]

That's a hover you.

[Chris Cody]

Yeah, I have you. Your quads are burning by the time you take a long pee.

[Izzy]

That's exactly correct. I'm told by many people that I do a lot of things wrong. And I was never modeled it. I had a weird. So I am. I do a lot of things differently than most people. And I don't know why that is.

[Jeremy]

But David, you realize it, right?

[Izzy]

You know that it's a habit now?

[Jeremy]

No, but it should not come as a shock to you, I guess is what I'm saying. You look like at the beginning of this conversation. You guys don't sit down.

[Izzy]

Well, I still assume that no one would sit on a public toilet, even.

[Jeremy]

With a. I'm talking about the act of urination for men to be that sitting down is the norm.

[Izzy]

I know that most of you stand, but I know that most people are not you where they can control the splash.

[Stugotz]

I mean as an angle.

[Izzy]

I got the assume you're lying.

[Dan Le Batard]

What's your Duncan with a bank shot?

[Jeremy]

I'm really good. I'm really Duncan. What's happening now? I'll give you one better Jeremy. That's true. So earlier, Izzy said, sometimes I don't want to make sound. This typically doesn't happen when I'm at home. But sometimes when I'm at someone's house, I do want to do the silent P so I can aim it at the exact angle where it won't make much of a sound. But also it reduces splash because it reduces.

[Izzy]

Not eliminates.

[Jeremy]

It does not eliminate. Yes, it's true. That's true. There is a little bit of trickle, but a lot of it gets caught up under the rim, which is the whole point of the aim.

[Izzy]

It depends Also the water level. There's certain bathrooms where the water level is so high.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Izzy]

There's nothing you can do.

[Jeremy]

Nothing you can do. You just gotta lean into it. You gotta lean in.

[Stugotz]

What great athletes refer to as being in a flow state.

[Dan Le Batard]

Dick trickle.

[Izzy]

Oh, thongs. The thongs. Thongs.

[Jeremy]

The thing that I do that. I realized very early on that I'm the only person who does this. I abhor walking into a shower barefoot. I always have flopped.

[Stugotz]

This was a problem at the. What? The spa. For me Last night.

[Jeremy]

Even at my own house.

[Izzy]

Wait, flip flop.

[Dan Le Batard]

In your own home?

[Jeremy]

In my own. Oh, literally. It could be.

[Stugotz]

Now we're in crazy town.

[Jeremy]

What's that? What I'm talking about.

[Stugotz]

Yeah. What are you. You don't trust your own shower?

[Jeremy]

I could have the shower have been built and installed. I'm the first person to use it and was cleaned and everything. The feeling of my bare foot against tub or tile. Disgust me.

[Chris Cody]

Oh, I'm with you here.

[Jeremy]

I mean, disgust me.

[Izzy]

Do you pee in the shower?

[Dan Le Batard]

What?

[Jeremy]

No, I don't. Even though Costanza says it's all pipes.

[Stugotz]

I'm reacting to Izzy's agreement with Amin.

[Chris Cody]

Yeah, no. There's a lot of things about showers. Like, don't even get me close to a shower drain. I don't care if it's mine. I don't care how clean it supposedly is. It's the grossest place.

[Dan Le Batard]

So not a fan of Saltburn, then?

[Chris Cody]

That is the most disgusting. I didn't even watch that scene. I had to, like, cover my eyes and. And find out when it was over. But the tiled shower floors, right? Where sometimes they first get wet and you step on and maybe they feel slimy and you're like, ooh, they did not do a great job of cleaning this floor. Or I don't want any grout under my feet while I'm showering because I just feel like every grout is just going to be disgusting. Especially when you've got people. Washington.

[Stugotz]

You talk about grout the way that David Sampson talks about gardeners.

[Chris Cody]

He's disgusted by gardeners.

[Izzy]

I'm not. And I resent that implication.

[Jeremy]

As long as they're outside, they use the right bathroom.

[Izzy]

Do you travel with thongs? And then do you. What do you do when you travel with thong thongs?

[Chris Cody]

Now, I do not wear shoes in the shower. I do not go as far as wearing shoes in the shower, nor do I travel with my thong slippers.

[Dan Le Batard]

But I do thongs with thong thong thongs.

[Jeremy]

So I have at home, I Have flip flops that are designated just for when I'm coming in and out of the shower. And on the road here I have slides that I pack in my, my, my.

[Stugotz]

Is there a surface you'd prefer your shower floor to be?

[Jeremy]

I mean I like a standing shower, by the way. I don't like. What's that good for? I don't like tub showers. I like, I like a carpeted shower.

[Stugotz]

I'm with you on that. I would, I would rank. Yeah. A walk in shower ahead of the tub.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Stugotz]

So recipe for getting injured at this point. The oldest show in the world.

[Jeremy]

But yeah. So I guess in that way, I guess I would prefer the tile over the, the smoothness of a tub which is just so gross.

[Chris Cody]

Only when you say smooth like that. That's the only time it's golf and smooth.

[Stugotz]

Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know you guys all didn't trust your own shower floors.

[Izzy]

I just, I don't wear shoes in the shower.

[Dan Le Batard]

I've never heard anything like this before. I've heard it regarding hotels or staying elsewhere. I am shocked by the lack of trust in your own shower.

[Chris Cody]

The times that I put a scrub brush to the shower on the. Which I have one of those sleek like wipe smooth bathtubs in my master and. Sorry, are we calling it that anymore? No, my main bedroom bathroom and when I scrape it, I'm just like wow. I've just been standing on that for like the last week and a half. It's just right.

[Jeremy]

It's not a cleanliness thing. I just don't like the sensation. So I, I mean do you clean your own tub? I do. Well, I don't have a tub. I have a walk in shower.

[Chris Cody]

Oh, shower.

[Dan Le Batard]

You walk around barefoot in your, in your home or are you someone who's constantly wearing socks?

[Jeremy]

I have house slippers. Walk around in the house.

[Izzy]

I give socks to guests because I don't want their feet.

[Jeremy]

Do you have shoe.

[Dan Le Batard]

No shoes.

[Izzy]

No shoes in the house.

[Jeremy]

So shoe polish.

[Izzy]

And when people come in without socks. I will, I buy socks.

[Dan Le Batard]

Are they like a new fresh pair and then they get to remotely they.

[Izzy]

Get to keep them? No, but you can buy them like those footies.

[Jeremy]

The Foot Locker at the Foot Locke.

[Izzy]

I buy them in bulk. I hate those toes. Extremely cheap. I just don't want people's toes on my toes.

[Dan Le Batard]

So it's just like a handout of hey, here you go. And then they wear that part of the protect themselves from.

[Chris Cody]

So you're forcing women who wear heels.

[David Sampson]

Come into your house, take those heels.

[Chris Cody]

Off, and then you give them, I guess. What, trampoline socks? Footies.

[Jeremy]

No.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, bowling socks.

[Izzy]

They've got grip.

[Jeremy]

You know what they're really good for? You ever want to rob a bank? Just over your face, right?

[Izzy]

No, not those.

[Jeremy]

Oh, not those.

[Izzy]

I know what you're talking about.

[Dan Le Batard]

I hate those. I know the ones David's talking about. Because in the same scenario, you go to a bar bat mitzvah, and everybody's taking off their heels to dance and they're getting the little socks with the grip on them so that they're not slipping on the dance floor.

[Stugotz]

Wait, these socks have grips?

[Izzy]

Yes. It's not. You can't get exactly where he was going. That would be, obviously, liability. You can't have people on your floor with slip socks.

[Chris Cody]

Can you imagine the gathering now at his house? It's just a bunch of people with those socks on, holding their hands like this so they don't want to get anything dirty, trying to sort of ration their drinks, trying not to drink too much and trying not to seem too sloppy lest he kick them out of the house.

[Izzy]

You make it sound not fun, Izzy.

[Chris Cody]

You make it sound not fun.

[Izzy]

A lot of people have a ton of fun.

[Jeremy]

You give them gloves too, don't you?

[Izzy]

It's a laugh party.

[Chris Cody]

They get to look at laughing at you, I believe.

[Stugotz]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Did you just say it's a laugh party?

[Izzy]

It's people are having a great time.

[Stugotz]

It's a laugh party is what you get when you're using Google Translate four times.

[Jeremy]

It is laugh party.

[Stugotz]

And it's. And you get it back and it's like, oh, laugh. Right. Having a real laugh party.

[Izzy]

I think Roy's been amazing today.

[Stugotz]

Oh, man, Roy. Roy's efficiency has been off the charts.

[Izzy]

He dropped a Title 9. Then he dropped a. Yep. When it came to master, which was no, no.

[David Sampson]

Definitely no.

[Jeremy]

That's that statement. Cut it by itself.

[Stugotz]

Oh, my God.

[Dan Le Batard]

His efficiency. Sort of like what Andrew Wiggins is going to look like in a heat uniform.

[Chris Cody]

That was not efficient.

[Dan Le Batard]

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[Chris Cody]

Hey folks, it's.

[David Sampson]

Mike Ryan and I need to talk to you about something that I use religiously. Anytime I'm hosting a big dinner party, I want to impress people and I get food from some of the most iconic famous places in the country. You know what helps me do that? Gold Belly. This amazing site where I order from all the time where you can get all these amazing foods from all across our great country. They will ship free to your door anywhere in the US Of A. Gold Belly will ship you Philly cheesesteaks from Jim's or Pat's in Philly. I'm treating my office right now to a cheesesteak party from Pat's, courtesy of Gold Belly. And on top of that, I threw in some original Buffalo wings from Anchor Bar in Buffalo. You can get Kansas City's most legendary barbecue from Gold Belly. And if the pizza near you sucks, they will ship you New York style pizza from John's on Bleecker or Chicago deep dish pizza from Lou Malnati's. I do that all the time. Or even New Haven or Detroit style pizza. If you are truly gluttonous though, they will ship you Guy Fieri's famous trash can nachos, which I kid you not, are the ultimate game day centerpiece. So if you're looking to host an epic super bowl party, or any party for that matter, go to goldbelly.com and get free shipping and 20% off your first order with promo code DAN. That's goldbelly.com code DAN for free shipping and 20% off your 1st order.

[Dan Le Batard]

Friends, it's Jerbear. And you know that I'm obviously a bit of the romantic type and Valentine's Day is coming up and for me, there's only one place that I trust, 1-800-flowers.com. every year I order stunning, high quality bouquets from 1-800-flowers that my wife absolutely loves. And this year I'm partnering with 1-800-FLOWERS to make sure you're a Valentine's hero with an exclusive offer for my listeners. Double the roses for free. When you buy one dozen, they'll double your bouquet to two dozen roses. It's the perfect way to say I love you without breaking the bank. Trust me. 1-800-FLowers always delivers. In the Levitard studios, we received a beautiful arrangement of long stem red roses accompanied in an hourglass red vase. They're timeless, luxurious, and romantic. A must have this Valentine's Day. And seeing and smelling the freshness of that bouquet as I walk into work every day has me prepared for any hate that Dan may throw my way. To claim your double your roses offer, go to 1-800-flowers.com dan that's a 1-800flowers.com dan.

[Izzy]

Dan Lebatard oh, I like firing people, so I take the opportunity to fire whenever I possibly can because I can use it as a learning experience for them and try to help them out and try to point out what they did wrong. But in this case, the employee was enough levels below where I was that I did not do the firing, but I had it done within moments of discovery.

[Jeremy]

I'm just like firing people.

[Dan Le Batard]

It's just absurd, absurd sts.

[Izzy]

I'm talking about people who I fire, who deserve it, who have done something that actively requires me to fire them. It is my unadulterated pleasure to do so.

[Jeremy]

This is the D?

[David Sampson]

Ler show with the stuff.

[Dan Le Batard]

Jeremy so badly wants to talk about.

[Izzy]

This young core for the Heat can't do it anymore.

[Stugotz]

The, the backstory.

[Dan Le Batard]

I haven't, we haven't even talked about it.

[Stugotz]

The backstory of what's been happening on the show today is that we've been trying to prevent more Heat talk from happening. And it's peeking through.

[David Sampson]

Now it's all about bathroom etiquette.

[Dan Le Batard]

We're just in the city. All right, Jeremy, you get 30 seconds. Tell us about the young core that.

[Izzy]

We haven't heard before.

[Chris Cody]

Oh, God.

[Dan Le Batard]

I mean, this is a really one up for me. No, I mean, look, when you're looking at the Miami Heat, if you want to hear something you haven't heard, that they have three All Stars under the age of 30. Technically, if you include Andrew Wiggins, Tyler Hero, and Bam at Abio, who have all been to all star appearances in the last few years. But what's more important is you look at the, the actual young cord that they have. When you add Andrew Wiggins to it. At 29, you have a 20 year old in Khalil Ware, a 21 year old in Nikola Jovic, a 23 year old. And Jaime Hawkes Jr. Tyler Hero at 25. Bama to Bio at 27. There's a future there for the first time.

[Jeremy]

Thank you.

[Stugotz]

Great.

[Izzy]

Mets signed Pete Alonzo and it was eight.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm really glad we're talking about this.

[Izzy]

Instead for Scott Boris.

[Stugotz]

Why is Izzy wearing a hot yard across the street?

[Chris Cody]

Well, it's funny because David tried to convince me that I was making a political statement by buying this.

[Izzy]

I asked.

[Chris Cody]

He asked, well, but he thought that that's why I did it. And that's kind of a leading question. Not a leading question, but it suggests that.

[Stugotz]

Did he profile you as somebody who might want to make a political statement and also use a bathroom that he's not comfortable with you using?

[Chris Cody]

Yeah. I'm at this point where I don't even watch the news, so I don't even know what's going on with tariffs or Canada or anything. There is actually a bit of a funny story to this. I bought this by accident. There was. We famously have spoken about the hockey group chat that we've.

[Stugotz]

That Mike Ryan said separate from the Haquez group chat.

[Chris Cody]

Different. Different.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm in a Hawkes group chat. It's called Jaime Hawkes is the next Jimmy Butler. And it includes me, Dan, Mike Ryan, and Mike Scher. And we talk about basketball all the time together.

[Izzy]

Do you have my shirt?

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah. I have a cell phone number. He told me not to give it to you. He specifically told me. He actually told me yesterday, quote, casually mention that we text all the time, but don't give Samson my number. I'll show you that text if you want.

[Chris Cody]

So we're on the text thread, right? And I think it was Ethan. Well, it was Ethan who mentioned that his birthday. No, let me rephrase. Somebody had pointed out that these jerseys were now on sale. It was the Four nations jerseys, and it was for sale at the Iceplex where the Panthers practice, which is over by where I live. And it just so happened that I saw those texts as I was a block away from said Iceplex. And then one of the very next texts was, Ethan, who, I don't know if you know. Pavlov. Oh, someone who works here.

[Stugotz]

We measured him yesterday, didn't we?

[Chris Cody]

Whoa, whoa. Where'd you start from? So Ethan sent a Ron McGill.

[Stugotz]

Measured him, technically.

[Chris Cody]

Said, my birthday's Tuesday, as if to suggest, hey, somebody should buy me that. And I'm not somebody who just goes around buying people gifts, even though I do on occasion. But sometimes it just feels like, oh, it's perfect. Set of circumstances, I'm going to buy him this as a birthday gift. I will seem like the greatest person in the world. Right? That's really my intention for all this. And so I get here on Monday or Tuesday, I can't remember. And I ask somebody else who works here, Mally, if he thinks that Ethan already bought this jersey. And turns out he did already buy this jersey. I asked Ethan to confirm. So rather than return it and get, you know, a little bit of money back, I ended up keeping it for myself. So now Ethan and I can match whenever we hang out, which is never.

[Jeremy]

2010 Winter Olympics. Canada's playing in the gold medal game for hockey, and I have never in my life seen a more unanimous crowd where every single person was wearing the authentic Canada jersey. Stitches and everything. It was just a stick.

[Chris Cody]

It's pretty dope, though. Like, check out this jersey.

[Dan Le Batard]

It better be for how expensive it is. I bought one. I bought a USA one, and good God, is it expensive.

[Jeremy]

But it just staggered me that there wasn't a single person who scalped their ticket or a single person said, oh, my, I don't have the jersey. I got this other T shirt. Everyone was wearing it. It blew my mind.

[Izzy]

God, would it be amazing if they were a state? I mean, then that would be a US Victory.

[Stugotz]

I'm stuck on Iceplex.

[Jeremy]

Every hockey team practices at something where it's a weird ice pun because the Coyotes, when they used to be the Coyotes, were practice at the Ice Den.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's what the Panthers called their last practice facility.

[Jeremy]

And then also thinking about the Ice Den was. Same thing with Izzy. It's like, it's your practice facility. Also, it's kind of open to the public where, like, other, like, kids.

[Dan Le Batard]

It practices from 9 to 11. And then there's free skating. Yeah. 12 to 2.

[Jeremy]

And they have a gift shop. And I'm just like, I don't think this exists in any other sport where you can just come and get some open run in.

[Izzy]

Don't the Knicks practice, like, at SUNY Purchase?

[Jeremy]

No.

[Izzy]

Is that.

[Chris Cody]

There was a gentleman at the Iceplex when I went in there who got too close to the windows as the Chicago Blackhawks were practicing, and he got yelled at. And I was like, wow, that's an experience.

[Jeremy]

Black Hawks, Blackhawks. Right.

[Stugotz]

Separate from the Vultures. I found, by the way, I was. I was in. So.

[David Sampson]

Come on, man.

[Stugotz]

We were measuring. We were measuring Ethan and David, because we were trying to get a scientific verdict from Ron McGill on which of these two people would the Turkey Vultures circling the elser perpetually be most likely to take away. And I found. I mean, I was on the balcony of my room last night and I was admiring the vultures and then I looked up and saw 100 of them perched on the floor above me.

[Jeremy]

100.

[Stugotz]

I will.

[Izzy]

There's hyperbole everywhere in his story. So glad you challenged this because it's not perpetual around the lser. Because if you Listen to Ron McGill yesterday, they migrate here during the winter.

[Stugotz]

Okay? Perpetually during the migration season, they are circling the elser.

[Izzy]

God, do you hate not being the smartest guy?

[Jeremy]

Oh, the NBA trade deadline, guys. It never stops. And someone get Ryan Cortez on life support because his beloved P.J. tucker. No. Is being rerouted.

[Stugotz]

Get Cortez's throat back on the zoom and open that up real wide.

[Chris Cody]

Unclog it.

[Jeremy]

P.J. tucker is going to his original NBA team, the Toronto Raptors, along with second round pick and cash in exchange for the man they call off night, Davion Mitchell.

[Izzy]

Oh, does that bring them below? Is that the same as trading Kyle Anderson?

[Jeremy]

I've got to look up Davion Mitchell's salary, but it might be yes, because.

[Izzy]

We said that they had till 3pm Eastern and if they don't get below the tax, then the whole Butler trades. A Nightmare. And it's D.J.

[Dan Le Batard]

Tucker makes 11.5 million this year. Davion Mitchell will make $6.4 million this year. So, ladies and gentlemen, they've done it.

[Jeremy]

Andy Ellisberg has done it again.

[Izzy]

Well, they had no choice.

[Jeremy]

He is. He is the absolute master. I don't know if there's. Well, you guys don't have a side cap, so. No. But like in our sport, when we talk about, hey, they've got 12 hours to get under this threshold right here. There is nobody, nobody in our league who's as good and creative as Andy Ellsberg, including the year where he got. What's the Slovenian guard, Not Gordon Dragic, the other one, Zayn.

[Chris Cody]

Beno Udra.

[Jeremy]

Baino Udra. He got Beno Udra to just lower the guarantee on his deal in order to get under.

[Izzy]

I'm sorry, but make sure we speak to our Heat people. I believe what happened here is the Raptors did not want Anderson and the Raptors knew that they had the Heat over a barrel because they had till 3pm to get below and then they upgraded to PJ Tucker. Is there a chance that's what happened in the Heat didn't want to trade PJ Tucker, but they had to get under the line more than they wanted to keep Tucker close.

[Jeremy]

I would say it's the second round pick in the cash.

[Chris Cody]

That's right.

[Jeremy]

That they squeezed out of them. They got another little draft asset and some money out of it. As opposed to just a player for player or maybe a little bit of money.

[Dan Le Batard]

In a shocking development.

[Jeremy]

Yes.

[Dan Le Batard]

Jeremy likes this move for the Heat. Oh, I mean. Oh, it's not a bad thing that with this team, given what their backcourt is.

[Stugotz]

I feel like I'm taking crazy points.

[Dan Le Batard]

It's just depth.

[Jeremy]

Wait, What?

[Izzy]

He loved P.J.

[Dan Le Batard]

Tucker. I. I didn't see anything about P.J. tucker.

[Stugotz]

Where is Ryan Cortez, by the way?

[Chris Cody]

Chris Cody now knows what Davion Mitchell looks like, so he's three for three.

[Dan Le Batard]

He's like a nice player.

[Chris Cody]

Davion Mitchell also might be the P.J. tucker of perimeter. That guy is such a good defender.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's it.

[Chris Cody]

You're talking about Andrew Wiggins.

[Dan Le Batard]

Bam.

[Chris Cody]

Khalil Ware. Davion Mitchell, like this team could shut some people down.

[Jeremy]

They got you too.

[Chris Cody]

Got me.

[Dan Le Batard]

I would say that the reason this would be positive in terms of an exchange for Tucker is Tucker likely, given the Heat's front court scenario, was not going to play for them at all. He would have been a cool guy to have on the bench and motivate some of these younger players. I did say cool, Kai, and thanks for noticing. Yeah, I noticed it because I noticed both of your heads perk up as soon as I did it and thought I, you know, thought maybe I could power through that one. Not in this, but the, the thing about acquiring a player in Davion Mitchell, does he solve all your problems with the garbage? Obviously not. But now a 26 year old at a lower number who's also a free agent and can contribute at a position that. That you need production from is a benefit compared to where you were five.

[Chris Cody]

And a. Ryan Cortez has responded on Twitter about this move. What?

[David Sampson]

All caps, six question marks. Okay, now I've had enough by rally.

[Izzy]

I can't imagine PJ Tucker and his level of despondency.

[Chris Cody]

He's got to hate the Heat now. He went from loving the Heat. I just want nothing but to come back there because they tried to get him and then he went somewhere else and she's like, yeah, I definitely want to come back. Oh, sweet. I'm back. Holy shit. I got back.

[Izzy]

I think he was on a plane already. Pj, if we can find out the travel of PJ Tucker. Did you mean to do that. Was he on his way here?

[Jeremy]

No.

[Izzy]

So he was waiting till 3pm I'm.

[Jeremy]

Pretty sure when they do the deal, they tell him, hey, man, don't book that flight yet.

[Izzy]

You think that the heat. We're already knowing that Anderson was not going to be able to be moved.

[Dan Le Batard]

You tell his agent there like, hey, just so you know this, everybody, you got to get under the tax. Like, we're going to probably move you, David, right now.

[Jeremy]

Other than guys like Luka Doncic for all these. Flotsam. Salary. Flotsam.

[Stugotz]

Jetsam even.

[Jeremy]

Sure.

[Chris Cody]

Meet a great Cody moment right there.

[Jeremy]

Meet George Jetsum. That's a good Cody moment. But for all these guys, nobody gets on a plane. Everyone just hold on, relax until we figure out where all the pieces will land.

[Izzy]

You think Butler didn't get on a plane? He's the jetsam. No, he's the non jetsam.

[Jeremy]

The non jetsam? Yes.

[Izzy]

I'm trying to be cool here. Never heard that expression before.

[Jeremy]

Flotsam.

[Stugotz]

You ever heard flotsam and jetsam?

[Izzy]

I've never heard flotsam and jetsam. Am I the again, the only one in the room.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, I ever seen.

[Chris Cody]

I have no idea what you thought.

[Izzy]

Okay, thank you.

[Jeremy]

Flotsam is like debris. And then it's like, this is the.

[Stugotz]

They were also the. The pair of moray eels in the Little Mermaid.

[Chris Cody]

Eels. That's what they were.

[Stugotz]

Yeah.

[Izzy]

Never saw it.

[Jeremy]

You never saw the Little Mermaid? No.

[Izzy]

I wouldn't watch really like that with my kids.

[Stugotz]

I wouldn't watch movies like that.

[Jeremy]

The seaweed is always greener and somebody else's lake. But now you dream about going up there. But that is a big mistake. Just look at the world around you. Right here on the ocean floor.

[Stugotz]

But now it's Barack.

[Jeremy]

I don't know. That might. No, no.

[Izzy]

You put him on tilt.

[Jeremy]

No, no.

[Izzy]

You finally did it.

[Jeremy]

Not because I can't, but because I won't.

[Chris Cody]

Mitch McConnell doesn't want you under the sea.

[Jeremy]

Well, Mitch McConnell wants me to stay under the sea. That's what it is. The folks across the aisle, they don't want us to get over the land.

[Stugotz]

Let Cortez in. He's in the waiting.

[Dan Le Batard]

I see.

[Izzy]

Mitch McConnell fell.

[Stugotz]

Oh, God.

[Izzy]

Three times.

[Jeremy]

See? Both sides of the aisle fall.

[Izzy]

Cortez backgrounder. Now he's back in Japan. Oh, no. Same every.

[Jeremy]

Yes, same glass.

[Stugotz]

Ryan Cortez, where were you when you found out that PJ Tucker was.

[Chris Cody]

Japan? Clearly.

[Izzy]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Ryan]

I can't believe this. This is like literally gut. This hurts. Me more than not getting Durant, the idea that they're gonna lose PJ toe.

[Jeremy]

You gotta be.

[Mike Ryan]

You gotta be.

[Stugotz]

Can you reveal where you are so we can emotionally have a visual on your actual true self?

[Chris Cody]

If there's a PJ Tucker poster behind you.

[Mike Ryan]

Oh, man, it's so sad because there's the photo that I love when Andy Ellis burns.

[Stugotz]

That's Andy Cortez has a framed photo of the back of Andy Ellsberg.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's right. That's an iconic photo.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, that's a moment.

[Stugotz]

But explain the moment, though. I don't expect everybody to know that Andy Ellsbert's back is an iconic thing for you guys.

[Jeremy]

Sure.

[Mike Ryan]

No, the moment is Nikola Jokic commits a crime on the court, and he hits Markiv Moyers in the back, and the whole team is being held back by Andy Ellisberg, of all people, menacingly looking like, we're going to kick Jokic his ass. And I got the photo framed, and then they played Jokic and they never did anything. So it's sort of a nothing moment.

[Stugotz]

Cortez, I hesitate to point out the obvious metaphor here, which is that Andy Ellsberg has turned his back to you.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, it's. You know, he's the one that did it, right?

[Mike Ryan]

Well, I don't know, because there's five people that make decisions. But I'm at the point now where I've had enough of Riley. I'm good. I'm good on Pat Riley. Thank you for everything you've done. Please, please leave.

[Jeremy]

I've had enough, Cortez. I'm gonna dig deeper.

[Stugotz]

No, enough.

[Jeremy]

I'm gonna dig deeper with you on this. So Pat Riley may have made the decision. Hey, we've got to get under. But the man who made the numbers sing is Andy Ellisberg. And then numbers. Let's go ahead and. Whoa, Them numbers. These.

[Dan Le Batard]

Better you than me, man.

[Jeremy]

The number.

[Izzy]

Them numbers be singing background. I've ever seen of anyone who's been on the air.

[Stugotz]

I mean, he has a parakeet.

[Mike Ryan]

Well, watch your mouth. You sit in a literal glove. Like, who are you talking about?

[Izzy]

It's not a little glove at all. You literally sit in a glove 69 jersey that you're covering with your head.

[Mike Ryan]

It's a parakeet 69 jersey. Show some respect.

[Stugotz]

That's covering a Haslam jersey, right?

[Izzy]

I'd rather see the Haslam jersey. No, 69 is retired.

[Mike Ryan]

I have a Jimmy Butler jersey that I tried to put here, and I was going to put tape over it, but I don't have any of the tape, so instead I just have been using it to blow my nose. But listen, I've had enough of Pat Riley.

[Jeremy]

Please. The.

[Chris Cody]

I can't.

[Jeremy]

The Miami heat are now $1.96 million below the first apron. Congratulations.

[Izzy]

That's a winner.

[Jeremy]

Yep, they did it.

[Dan Le Batard]

They also upgraded players in that move, too.

[Jeremy]

This is the part that Parakeet does.

[Dan Le Batard]

Davion Mitchell's like a much better player than P.J. tucker at a position they need him to play.

[Mike Ryan]

Allegedly. I like Davion Mitchell. He has been referred to in the past as one of those guys that is sort of a Heat culture player who's not on the Heat yet. I understand the interest. Getting rid of PJ Tucker is offensive to me. Like, that's like the thing that you can't do. That's ridiculous.

[Stugotz]

I just like how that euphemism. He's like a Heat culture player who's not in the Heat yet, means can't shoot, seems to try hard, would enjoy.

[Jeremy]

Being yelled at, good at defense.

[Mike Ryan]

You're a Ben Simmons fan and you're gonna sit there and talk. Try. You would be grateful to have a Heat culture player. You had a Heat culture player in your midst and you didn't know what to do. Your organization is a bumbling bunch of fools.

[Chris Cody]

Pretty damning argument there.

[Stugotz]

Jimmy Butler has never been better than he was during that Sixers run. That should have been a Finals run.

[Dan Le Batard]

What?

[Mike Ryan]

He was better the two and three years after that when he was actually in the Finals.

[Chris Cody]

Did you see the Bucks going on here?

[Dan Le Batard]

56 points against. What are you talking about? Crazy.

[Izzy]

Not ending the day with Ryan Cortez on the screen in front of.

[Stugotz]

We're at the end of the day already in Jersey.

[Izzy]

I'm just not doing it.

[Jeremy]

69. It's.

[Izzy]

I'm not allowing.

[Jeremy]

I just.

[Mike Ryan]

What is Your objection to Parakeet 69 jersey? It's if I have multiple parakeets. Do you want one?

[David Sampson]

The nice jersey.

[Izzy]

It's nice. No doubt.

[Chris Cody]

Jinx. Listen, the other day on Mystery, Friendship.

[Stugotz]

Between Roy and Samson is really throwing me off.

[Chris Cody]

The other day on Mystery Crate, we did a top 10 list of the best numbers, and I believe 69 did crack the top 10. It's a very confusing list to listen to, but it was a very good.

[Dan Le Batard]

Don't worry, though. We'll get Chris's top 100 numbers by week, every week for the next 99 weeks on Mystery Crate. So everyone has that to look forward to.

[Stugotz]

I think that's what the super bowl is actually going to come down to.

[Jeremy]

Oh yeah, they're doing that, huh?

[Stugotz]

Yeah.

[Izzy]

Finally we mentioned super bowl.

[Chris Cody]

By the way, you know, last year's, this year's super bowl licks next year also. Super bowl licks lx. Oh yeah. Goodbye everyone.

[Dan Le Batard]

Licking it.

[David Sampson]

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[Dan Le Batard]

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