Hour 2: Dying In Missouri (feat. Peter Burns)

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz – “Hour 2: Dying In Missouri” (Feat. Peter Burns)

December 4, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode, broadcasting from the Elser Hotel in downtown Miami, brings together Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, Jonathan Zaslow, and the rest of the crew for a lively mix of sports, pop culture, and characteristic banter. Guest Peter Burns from ESPN’s SEC Network joins for a candid, often hilarious conversation about his near-death experience, chaos in college football playoff politics, Lane Kiffin drama, and even Quentin Tarantino’s controversial hot takes.

Key Topics and Discussion Points

1. Peter Burns’ Near-Death Choking Incident

Story Recap:
Peter Burns recounts choking on steak at Bud’s Barbecue in Columbia, Missouri, before a Missouri–Boston College game—with several failed Heimlich attempts before a youth coach and recent life-saving class graduate saves his life.
- “Man, all of a sudden...I'm like, 'You gotta give me the Heimlich now.’ So he’s first in the batting order. It doesn’t move. Then the owner comes up...He can’t get it. Then finally, some male nurse comes from the other side of the room...doesn’t get it out...finally, the fourth guy...he’s the one who ended up saving my life, which was wild.” (03:03–04:24)
- “As the last person's doing it, I'm thinking I'm about to die. It is literally like out of a movie where everything starts getting fuzzy and the blackness starts creeping in. Like a Tarantino movie.” (05:25)
Memorable Moments:
- Burns had two ribs broken during the rescue, didn’t notice due to adrenaline (“For six weeks, it was excruciating where I couldn't even get out of bed.” (06:39))
- “I’d love to say I had this epiphany...I'm gonna be a better human. I was a great human for about two weeks, then I got back to my normal self.” (07:29)

2. College Football Playoff Debates & Committee Criticism

Miami’s Snub Controversy:
- Burns, Le Batard, and others rant about Miami’s exclusion from the playoff, especially compared to Notre Dame, pointing out the inconsistencies of the selection committee.
- “How in the hell do you have two resumes that are almost identical and yet they played...We know the result, and the committee’s like, ‘Nah, fam, we’re good.’” (10:11)
Committee's Flawed Process:
- Burns: “They don’t take the best teams. They don’t take the most deserving. They take...the teams that are most convenient for them.” (12:01)
- “It’s complete, utter bullshit to how all of the committee, time in and time out, has all this stuff going on.” (10:48)
Expansion and Relevance:
- Panel discusses how expanding the field to 12 or even 24 teams may further dilute regular season significance, but might increase fairness for bubble teams. (22:21+)
- “If you make it 24, you make the Indiana, Ohio State game even less relevant...” (26:06)

3. SEC Hype, Conference Expansions, and College Football Culture

SEC’s Duality (Strength and Overrating):
- Dan: “SEC is...the best conference in America, but...the most overrated because I think people are applying what the facts were maybe five, ten years ago to today.” (15:55)
- “These conferences are too large. Alabama hasn't played a good football game in a month. Oklahoma's offense is trash.” (16:42)
What Expansion Means:
- Burns: “The 12-team playoff was made for what college football looked like before the conference expansions and the realignment. Now, with 18–19 teams per conference, a Big Ten or SEC schedule can look weak or lopsided.” (16:56–17:29)

4. Lane Kiffin, Coaching Drama, & "Stolen Puppy Valor"

Kiffin's Attention Addiction:
- Burns: “He wanted to play footsie and get all of that attention, but didn’t want the heat when he left it. And damn if there’s not a lot of heat for him.” (18:26)
Fake Kiffin Dog:
- “Stolen puppy valor...the dog is actually now in the transfer portal and will be headed down to Baton Rouge.” (19:52)

5. Rapid-fire Playoff Takes

Oklahoma vs. Miami:
Panel debates team strength, with Burns defending Oklahoma’s defense and the others skeptical.
- “Their D line, Ken, but they’re only a D line. They shouldn't dress the other 80 players.” (20:48)
- “If I'm taking right now, you taking Miami or would you take Oklahoma?” (21:02)
Expansion Fallout:
“With all these teams, it’s led to more parity and more bubble teams, but also even more argument and dissatisfaction.” (22:54–23:22)

6. Tarantino’s Wild “There Will Be Blood” Take

Quote Read and Panel Reaction:
- “If it didn’t have a big, giant flaw in it. And the flaw is Paul Dano...weak sauce, man. He is the weak sister. Austin Butler would have been wonderful in that role...The weakest fucking actor in SAG.” (33:02–34:05)
- Dan: “No, this is bizarre. I think QT really put his foot in his mouth.” (34:50)
Reactions Range from Disbelief to Foot Fetish Jokes:
- Stugotz: “You never hear a director do that to someone in their industry...” (34:08)
- Guest: “He would have liked the movie better if there were women's feet.” (34:59)

7. Tarantino’s Top 20 Movies of the 21st Century

Reading of List and Incredulous Reactions:
- The crew reacts with a mix of awe, confusion, and mockery to Tarantino’s picks (e.g., “Cabin Fever,” “Jackass the Movie,” “Passion of the Christ,” “Toy Story 3” at #2, and “Black Hawk Down” at #1). (39:35–41:36)
- “I think that we've got a better top five list that we can do with Zaslow.” (41:42)

8. Pop Culture and Sports Oddballs

Nutty Fans of the Year:
- The show introduces fan-voting for the “nuttiest” football fans of the year. (35:31)
Box Office Bomb for The Rock’s “Smashing Machine”:
- Discussion about Dwayne Johnson’s attempt at an Oscar-worthy role flopping commercially but possibly winning critical respect. (38:03)

9. Signature Banter and Running Gags

Mishearing “Buck’s Soul” as “Butthole”:
- Hilarious running bit with Zaslow’s phrase “Jimmy Butler and the Heat took the Buck’s soul,” repeatedly misheard as “butthole” for comic effect. (27:13–28:01)
Favorite Stat/Obscure Player Bit:
Breaking down Wayne Gretzky’s forgotten Rangers years and comparing sad retirement tours (42:01–44:52; Jeter, Barkley, Chris Paul, Paul Pierce).
Steroid Allegations and Photos:
Jokes about Aroldis Chapman’s physique (“That arm looks a bit like a human thigh.” (45:41))

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

Peter Burns, recalling the Heimlich:
“If this nurse doesn’t get it, like, I’m done...I’m about to die in Columbia, Missouri, at a barbecue restaurant. Like, if I would have died before the Iron Bowl...that’s a cool way to go out. But Missouri–Boston College? You can’t do that.” (03:50)
Burns, on the aftermath:
“They broke two ribs on both sides...After this whole thing, I’m on the floor, crying, in tears...Commissioner Sankey’s like, ‘Well, I guess it just means chew more.’” (04:24)
Dan Le Batard, exasperated at playoff logic:
“These conferences are too large...It can be the best top to bottom conference in America, no doubt. And it could also be wildly overrated.” (15:55)
Peter Burns, Committee criticism:
“They don’t take the best teams. They don’t take the most deserving. They take the teams that are most convenient for them...” (12:01)
Zaslow, in argument about Miami–Oklahoma:
“Zaz, they gotta take Miami. I don’t think Oklahoma would score enough points to keep up.” (21:31)
Zaslow, ‘Buck’s soul’ slip:
“Jimmy Butler and the Heat took the Buck’s soul.” (27:13)
Burns: “I don’t know if it’s a butthole...” (27:21)
On Tarantino’s take:
Stugotz: “You never hear a director do that to someone in their industry...” (34:08)

Timestamps for Important Segments

Peter Burns Choking Story: 01:41–08:15
Playoff Committee/Miami Snub: 10:08–12:47
SEC, Conference Expansion Debate: 15:55–18:26
Lane Kiffin Drama & Dog: 18:26–20:18
Oklahoma/Miami Debate: 20:18–21:55
Playoff Expansion Parity: 22:21–23:22
Tarantino’s Paul Dano Take: 33:02–34:05
Tarantino’s Movie List: 39:35–41:36
Infamous Retirement Tours: 41:42–44:52

Tone & Style

The tone is irreverent, loose, sometimes darkly comedic, and always lively. Dan, Stugotz, and guests bounce from hard sports takes to off-the-wall pop culture topics with characteristic sarcasm and warmth.
Burns is an affable storyteller, candidly sharing trauma and hilarity alike (“At least I hosted a Le Batard show...before I keeled over.” (05:25))
Panelists are quick with inside jokes, callbacks, and side-tracking, keeping the pacing energetic even while dissecting serious controversies.

For New Listeners: Why This Episode Stands Out

Wild True Story: A gripping account of a near-death moment mixed with trademark Dan Le Batard Show humor.
Hot Sports Takes: Genuine, often scathing critiques of college football politics and playoff chaos.
Culture Crossovers: Interviews like Burns’ and segments dissecting Tarantino’s bizarre public opinions blur the lines between sports and mainstream entertainment.
Unfiltered Fun: Fans of the show’s unique mix of humor, sports radio chaos, and fearless conversations will find this hour packed with memorable moments.

For more information or to listen, visit: [The Dan Le Batard Show podcast feed]

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz – “Hour 2: Dying In Missouri” (Feat. Peter Burns)

December 4, 2025

Episode Overview

Key Topics and Discussion Points

1. Peter Burns’ Near-Death Choking Incident

Story Recap:
Peter Burns recounts choking on steak at Bud’s Barbecue in Columbia, Missouri, before a Missouri–Boston College game—with several failed Heimlich attempts before a youth coach and recent life-saving class graduate saves his life.
- “Man, all of a sudden...I'm like, 'You gotta give me the Heimlich now.’ So he’s first in the batting order. It doesn’t move. Then the owner comes up...He can’t get it. Then finally, some male nurse comes from the other side of the room...doesn’t get it out...finally, the fourth guy...he’s the one who ended up saving my life, which was wild.” (03:03–04:24)
- “As the last person's doing it, I'm thinking I'm about to die. It is literally like out of a movie where everything starts getting fuzzy and the blackness starts creeping in. Like a Tarantino movie.” (05:25)
Memorable Moments:
- Burns had two ribs broken during the rescue, didn’t notice due to adrenaline (“For six weeks, it was excruciating where I couldn't even get out of bed.” (06:39))
- “I’d love to say I had this epiphany...I'm gonna be a better human. I was a great human for about two weeks, then I got back to my normal self.” (07:29)

2. College Football Playoff Debates & Committee Criticism

Miami’s Snub Controversy:
- Burns, Le Batard, and others rant about Miami’s exclusion from the playoff, especially compared to Notre Dame, pointing out the inconsistencies of the selection committee.
- “How in the hell do you have two resumes that are almost identical and yet they played...We know the result, and the committee’s like, ‘Nah, fam, we’re good.’” (10:11)
Committee's Flawed Process:
- Burns: “They don’t take the best teams. They don’t take the most deserving. They take...the teams that are most convenient for them.” (12:01)
- “It’s complete, utter bullshit to how all of the committee, time in and time out, has all this stuff going on.” (10:48)
Expansion and Relevance:
- Panel discusses how expanding the field to 12 or even 24 teams may further dilute regular season significance, but might increase fairness for bubble teams. (22:21+)
- “If you make it 24, you make the Indiana, Ohio State game even less relevant...” (26:06)

3. SEC Hype, Conference Expansions, and College Football Culture

SEC’s Duality (Strength and Overrating):
- Dan: “SEC is...the best conference in America, but...the most overrated because I think people are applying what the facts were maybe five, ten years ago to today.” (15:55)
- “These conferences are too large. Alabama hasn't played a good football game in a month. Oklahoma's offense is trash.” (16:42)
What Expansion Means:
- Burns: “The 12-team playoff was made for what college football looked like before the conference expansions and the realignment. Now, with 18–19 teams per conference, a Big Ten or SEC schedule can look weak or lopsided.” (16:56–17:29)

4. Lane Kiffin, Coaching Drama, & "Stolen Puppy Valor"

Kiffin's Attention Addiction:
- Burns: “He wanted to play footsie and get all of that attention, but didn’t want the heat when he left it. And damn if there’s not a lot of heat for him.” (18:26)
Fake Kiffin Dog:
- “Stolen puppy valor...the dog is actually now in the transfer portal and will be headed down to Baton Rouge.” (19:52)

5. Rapid-fire Playoff Takes

Oklahoma vs. Miami:
Panel debates team strength, with Burns defending Oklahoma’s defense and the others skeptical.
- “Their D line, Ken, but they’re only a D line. They shouldn't dress the other 80 players.” (20:48)
- “If I'm taking right now, you taking Miami or would you take Oklahoma?” (21:02)
Expansion Fallout:
“With all these teams, it’s led to more parity and more bubble teams, but also even more argument and dissatisfaction.” (22:54–23:22)

6. Tarantino’s Wild “There Will Be Blood” Take

Quote Read and Panel Reaction:
- “If it didn’t have a big, giant flaw in it. And the flaw is Paul Dano...weak sauce, man. He is the weak sister. Austin Butler would have been wonderful in that role...The weakest fucking actor in SAG.” (33:02–34:05)
- Dan: “No, this is bizarre. I think QT really put his foot in his mouth.” (34:50)
Reactions Range from Disbelief to Foot Fetish Jokes:
- Stugotz: “You never hear a director do that to someone in their industry...” (34:08)
- Guest: “He would have liked the movie better if there were women's feet.” (34:59)

7. Tarantino’s Top 20 Movies of the 21st Century

Reading of List and Incredulous Reactions:
- The crew reacts with a mix of awe, confusion, and mockery to Tarantino’s picks (e.g., “Cabin Fever,” “Jackass the Movie,” “Passion of the Christ,” “Toy Story 3” at #2, and “Black Hawk Down” at #1). (39:35–41:36)
- “I think that we've got a better top five list that we can do with Zaslow.” (41:42)

8. Pop Culture and Sports Oddballs

Nutty Fans of the Year:
- The show introduces fan-voting for the “nuttiest” football fans of the year. (35:31)
Box Office Bomb for The Rock’s “Smashing Machine”:
- Discussion about Dwayne Johnson’s attempt at an Oscar-worthy role flopping commercially but possibly winning critical respect. (38:03)

9. Signature Banter and Running Gags

Mishearing “Buck’s Soul” as “Butthole”:
- Hilarious running bit with Zaslow’s phrase “Jimmy Butler and the Heat took the Buck’s soul,” repeatedly misheard as “butthole” for comic effect. (27:13–28:01)
Favorite Stat/Obscure Player Bit:
Breaking down Wayne Gretzky’s forgotten Rangers years and comparing sad retirement tours (42:01–44:52; Jeter, Barkley, Chris Paul, Paul Pierce).
Steroid Allegations and Photos:
Jokes about Aroldis Chapman’s physique (“That arm looks a bit like a human thigh.” (45:41))

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

Peter Burns, recalling the Heimlich:
“If this nurse doesn’t get it, like, I’m done...I’m about to die in Columbia, Missouri, at a barbecue restaurant. Like, if I would have died before the Iron Bowl...that’s a cool way to go out. But Missouri–Boston College? You can’t do that.” (03:50)
Burns, on the aftermath:
“They broke two ribs on both sides...After this whole thing, I’m on the floor, crying, in tears...Commissioner Sankey’s like, ‘Well, I guess it just means chew more.’” (04:24)
Dan Le Batard, exasperated at playoff logic:
“These conferences are too large...It can be the best top to bottom conference in America, no doubt. And it could also be wildly overrated.” (15:55)
Peter Burns, Committee criticism:
“They don’t take the best teams. They don’t take the most deserving. They take the teams that are most convenient for them...” (12:01)
Zaslow, in argument about Miami–Oklahoma:
“Zaz, they gotta take Miami. I don’t think Oklahoma would score enough points to keep up.” (21:31)
Zaslow, ‘Buck’s soul’ slip:
“Jimmy Butler and the Heat took the Buck’s soul.” (27:13)
Burns: “I don’t know if it’s a butthole...” (27:21)
On Tarantino’s take:
Stugotz: “You never hear a director do that to someone in their industry...” (34:08)

Timestamps for Important Segments

Peter Burns Choking Story: 01:41–08:15
Playoff Committee/Miami Snub: 10:08–12:47
SEC, Conference Expansion Debate: 15:55–18:26
Lane Kiffin Drama & Dog: 18:26–20:18
Oklahoma/Miami Debate: 20:18–21:55
Playoff Expansion Parity: 22:21–23:22
Tarantino’s Paul Dano Take: 33:02–34:05
Tarantino’s Movie List: 39:35–41:36
Infamous Retirement Tours: 41:42–44:52

Tone & Style

The tone is irreverent, loose, sometimes darkly comedic, and always lively. Dan, Stugotz, and guests bounce from hard sports takes to off-the-wall pop culture topics with characteristic sarcasm and warmth.
Burns is an affable storyteller, candidly sharing trauma and hilarity alike (“At least I hosted a Le Batard show...before I keeled over.” (05:25))
Panelists are quick with inside jokes, callbacks, and side-tracking, keeping the pacing energetic even while dissecting serious controversies.

For New Listeners: Why This Episode Stands Out

Wild True Story: A gripping account of a near-death moment mixed with trademark Dan Le Batard Show humor.
Hot Sports Takes: Genuine, often scathing critiques of college football politics and playoff chaos.
Culture Crossovers: Interviews like Burns’ and segments dissecting Tarantino’s bizarre public opinions blur the lines between sports and mainstream entertainment.
Unfiltered Fun: Fans of the show’s unique mix of humor, sports radio chaos, and fearless conversations will find this hour packed with memorable moments.

For more information or to listen, visit: [The Dan Le Batard Show podcast feed]

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Summary

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz – “Hour 2: Dying In Missouri” (Feat. Peter Burns)

Episode Overview

Key Topics and Discussion Points

1. Peter Burns’ Near-Death Choking Incident

2. College Football Playoff Debates & Committee Criticism

3. SEC Hype, Conference Expansions, and College Football Culture

4. Lane Kiffin, Coaching Drama, & "Stolen Puppy Valor"

5. Rapid-fire Playoff Takes

6. Tarantino’s Wild “There Will Be Blood” Take

7. Tarantino’s Top 20 Movies of the 21st Century

8. Pop Culture and Sports Oddballs

9. Signature Banter and Running Gags

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

Timestamps for Important Segments

Tone & Style

For New Listeners: Why This Episode Stands Out

Transcript

Summary

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz – “Hour 2: Dying In Missouri” (Feat. Peter Burns)

Episode Overview

Key Topics and Discussion Points

1. Peter Burns’ Near-Death Choking Incident

2. College Football Playoff Debates & Committee Criticism

3. SEC Hype, Conference Expansions, and College Football Culture

4. Lane Kiffin, Coaching Drama, & "Stolen Puppy Valor"

5. Rapid-fire Playoff Takes

6. Tarantino’s Wild “There Will Be Blood” Take

7. Tarantino’s Top 20 Movies of the 21st Century

8. Pop Culture and Sports Oddballs

9. Signature Banter and Running Gags

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

Timestamps for Important Segments

Tone & Style

For New Listeners: Why This Episode Stands Out