Hour 2: Dying In Missouri (feat. Peter Burns)

Summary

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz – “Hour 2: Dying In Missouri” (Feat. Peter Burns)

December 4, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode, broadcasting from the Elser Hotel in downtown Miami, brings together Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, Jonathan Zaslow, and the rest of the crew for a lively mix of sports, pop culture, and characteristic banter. Guest Peter Burns from ESPN’s SEC Network joins for a candid, often hilarious conversation about his near-death experience, chaos in college football playoff politics, Lane Kiffin drama, and even Quentin Tarantino’s controversial hot takes.

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Key Topics and Discussion Points

1. Peter Burns’ Near-Death Choking Incident

• Story Recap:
  Peter Burns recounts choking on steak at Bud’s Barbecue in Columbia, Missouri, before a Missouri–Boston College game—with several failed Heimlich attempts before a youth coach and recent life-saving class graduate saves his life.
  • “Man, all of a sudden...I'm like, 'You gotta give me the Heimlich now.’ So he’s first in the batting order. It doesn’t move. Then the owner comes up...He can’t get it. Then finally, some male nurse comes from the other side of the room...doesn’t get it out...finally, the fourth guy...he’s the one who ended up saving my life, which was wild.” (03:03–04:24)
  • “As the last person's doing it, I'm thinking I'm about to die. It is literally like out of a movie where everything starts getting fuzzy and the blackness starts creeping in. Like a Tarantino movie.” (05:25)
• Memorable Moments:
  • Burns had two ribs broken during the rescue, didn’t notice due to adrenaline (“For six weeks, it was excruciating where I couldn't even get out of bed.” (06:39))
  • “I’d love to say I had this epiphany...I'm gonna be a better human. I was a great human for about two weeks, then I got back to my normal self.” (07:29)

2. College Football Playoff Debates & Committee Criticism

• Miami’s Snub Controversy:
  • Burns, Le Batard, and others rant about Miami’s exclusion from the playoff, especially compared to Notre Dame, pointing out the inconsistencies of the selection committee.
  • “How in the hell do you have two resumes that are almost identical and yet they played...We know the result, and the committee’s like, ‘Nah, fam, we’re good.’” (10:11)
• Committee's Flawed Process:
  • Burns: “They don’t take the best teams. They don’t take the most deserving. They take...the teams that are most convenient for them.” (12:01)
  • “It’s complete, utter bullshit to how all of the committee, time in and time out, has all this stuff going on.” (10:48)
• Expansion and Relevance:
  • Panel discusses how expanding the field to 12 or even 24 teams may further dilute regular season significance, but might increase fairness for bubble teams. (22:21+)
  • “If you make it 24, you make the Indiana, Ohio State game even less relevant...” (26:06)

3. SEC Hype, Conference Expansions, and College Football Culture

• SEC’s Duality (Strength and Overrating):
  • Dan: “SEC is...the best conference in America, but...the most overrated because I think people are applying what the facts were maybe five, ten years ago to today.” (15:55)
  • “These conferences are too large. Alabama hasn't played a good football game in a month. Oklahoma's offense is trash.” (16:42)
• What Expansion Means:
  • Burns: “The 12-team playoff was made for what college football looked like before the conference expansions and the realignment. Now, with 18–19 teams per conference, a Big Ten or SEC schedule can look weak or lopsided.” (16:56–17:29)

4. Lane Kiffin, Coaching Drama, & "Stolen Puppy Valor"

• Kiffin's Attention Addiction:
  • Burns: “He wanted to play footsie and get all of that attention, but didn’t want the heat when he left it. And damn if there’s not a lot of heat for him.” (18:26)
• Fake Kiffin Dog:
  • “Stolen puppy valor...the dog is actually now in the transfer portal and will be headed down to Baton Rouge.” (19:52)

5. Rapid-fire Playoff Takes

• Oklahoma vs. Miami:
  Panel debates team strength, with Burns defending Oklahoma’s defense and the others skeptical.
  • “Their D line, Ken, but they’re only a D line. They shouldn't dress the other 80 players.” (20:48)
  • “If I'm taking right now, you taking Miami or would you take Oklahoma?” (21:02)
• Expansion Fallout:
  “With all these teams, it’s led to more parity and more bubble teams, but also even more argument and dissatisfaction.” (22:54–23:22)

6. Tarantino’s Wild “There Will Be Blood” Take

• Quote Read and Panel Reaction:
  • “If it didn’t have a big, giant flaw in it. And the flaw is Paul Dano...weak sauce, man. He is the weak sister. Austin Butler would have been wonderful in that role...The weakest fucking actor in SAG.” (33:02–34:05)
  • Dan: “No, this is bizarre. I think QT really put his foot in his mouth.” (34:50)
• Reactions Range from Disbelief to Foot Fetish Jokes:
  • Stugotz: “You never hear a director do that to someone in their industry...” (34:08)
  • Guest: “He would have liked the movie better if there were women's feet.” (34:59)

7. Tarantino’s Top 20 Movies of the 21st Century

• Reading of List and Incredulous Reactions:
  • The crew reacts with a mix of awe, confusion, and mockery to Tarantino’s picks (e.g., “Cabin Fever,” “Jackass the Movie,” “Passion of the Christ,” “Toy Story 3” at #2, and “Black Hawk Down” at #1). (39:35–41:36)
  • “I think that we've got a better top five list that we can do with Zaslow.” (41:42)

8. Pop Culture and Sports Oddballs

• Nutty Fans of the Year:
  • The show introduces fan-voting for the “nuttiest” football fans of the year. (35:31)
• Box Office Bomb for The Rock’s “Smashing Machine”:
  • Discussion about Dwayne Johnson’s attempt at an Oscar-worthy role flopping commercially but possibly winning critical respect. (38:03)

9. Signature Banter and Running Gags

• Mishearing “Buck’s Soul” as “Butthole”:
  • Hilarious running bit with Zaslow’s phrase “Jimmy Butler and the Heat took the Buck’s soul,” repeatedly misheard as “butthole” for comic effect. (27:13–28:01)
• Favorite Stat/Obscure Player Bit:
  Breaking down Wayne Gretzky’s forgotten Rangers years and comparing sad retirement tours (42:01–44:52; Jeter, Barkley, Chris Paul, Paul Pierce).
• Steroid Allegations and Photos:
  Jokes about Aroldis Chapman’s physique (“That arm looks a bit like a human thigh.” (45:41))

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Peter Burns, recalling the Heimlich:
  “If this nurse doesn’t get it, like, I’m done...I’m about to die in Columbia, Missouri, at a barbecue restaurant. Like, if I would have died before the Iron Bowl...that’s a cool way to go out. But Missouri–Boston College? You can’t do that.” (03:50)
• Burns, on the aftermath:
  “They broke two ribs on both sides...After this whole thing, I’m on the floor, crying, in tears...Commissioner Sankey’s like, ‘Well, I guess it just means chew more.’” (04:24)
• Dan Le Batard, exasperated at playoff logic:
  “These conferences are too large...It can be the best top to bottom conference in America, no doubt. And it could also be wildly overrated.” (15:55)
• Peter Burns, Committee criticism:
  “They don’t take the best teams. They don’t take the most deserving. They take the teams that are most convenient for them...” (12:01)
• Zaslow, in argument about Miami–Oklahoma:
  “Zaz, they gotta take Miami. I don’t think Oklahoma would score enough points to keep up.” (21:31)
• Zaslow, ‘Buck’s soul’ slip:
  “Jimmy Butler and the Heat took the Buck’s soul.” (27:13)
  Burns: “I don’t know if it’s a butthole...” (27:21)
• On Tarantino’s take:
  Stugotz: “You never hear a director do that to someone in their industry...” (34:08)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Peter Burns Choking Story: 01:41–08:15
• Playoff Committee/Miami Snub: 10:08–12:47
• SEC, Conference Expansion Debate: 15:55–18:26
• Lane Kiffin Drama & Dog: 18:26–20:18
• Oklahoma/Miami Debate: 20:18–21:55
• Playoff Expansion Parity: 22:21–23:22
• Tarantino’s Paul Dano Take: 33:02–34:05
• Tarantino’s Movie List: 39:35–41:36
• Infamous Retirement Tours: 41:42–44:52

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Tone & Style

• The tone is irreverent, loose, sometimes darkly comedic, and always lively. Dan, Stugotz, and guests bounce from hard sports takes to off-the-wall pop culture topics with characteristic sarcasm and warmth.
• Burns is an affable storyteller, candidly sharing trauma and hilarity alike (“At least I hosted a Le Batard show...before I keeled over.” (05:25))
• Panelists are quick with inside jokes, callbacks, and side-tracking, keeping the pacing energetic even while dissecting serious controversies.

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For New Listeners: Why This Episode Stands Out

• Wild True Story: A gripping account of a near-death moment mixed with trademark Dan Le Batard Show humor.
• Hot Sports Takes: Genuine, often scathing critiques of college football politics and playoff chaos.
• Culture Crossovers: Interviews like Burns’ and segments dissecting Tarantino’s bizarre public opinions blur the lines between sports and mainstream entertainment.
• Unfiltered Fun: Fans of the show’s unique mix of humor, sports radio chaos, and fearless conversations will find this hour packed with memorable moments.

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For more information or to listen, visit: [The Dan Le Batard Show podcast feed]

Transcript

[Dan Le Batard]

All right, Smirnoff. Official vodka of the NFL. World's number one vodka. Chris, Cody, you're with me here.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Smirnoff.

[Dan Le Batard]

Wow, you're on the money with Smirnoff.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Smirnoff.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm gonna ask you, Chris, what's your favorite game day food?

[Zaz]

Smirnoff.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's your favorite game day drink. What's your favorite game day food?

[Zaz]

Smirnoff.

[Dan Le Batard]

All right, here's the deal. Game day is everything. The noise, the rituals, the passion, the dip, the wings, the dip again.

[Zaz]

Smirnoff.

[Dan Le Batard]

Smirnoff belongs in that mix. Because if you're tailgating or hosting or just sitting there checking your fantasy lineup every 30 seconds, you need Smirnoff. Otherwise, it's not a real game day. They've been doing it since 1864, which is. I don't even want to do the math. It's a long time. It's like when Greg Cody was born. They're award winning, they make cocktails super easy, and they're all about bringing fans together. So, yeah, we do game days. That's their thing. And if you're over 21, you should, too. Why, Chris?

[Zaz]

Smirnoff.

[Dan Le Batard]

Grab a bottle of Smirnoff at your local retailer and head to smirnoff.com to find recipes of delicious cocktails perfect for game day.

[Zaz]

Smirnoff.

[Dan Le Batard]

Please drink responsibly.

[Zaz]

Smirnoff.

[Dan Le Batard]

Number 21, vodka distilled from grain, 40% alcohol by volume. The Smirnoff Company, New York, New York. Please do not share with anyone under legal drinking age.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Me?

[Zaz]

No.

[Stugats]

Now's a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began. In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila. Cuervo, what are you doing here?

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Cuervo. Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up.

[Stugats]

Well, I do know that to be true. But even during ad reads like Cuervo, I think he could lay out, especially.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

For one of our great partners, sweet, delicious Cuervo.

[Stugats]

Since then, Cuervo has stayed true to its roots. The same family, the same land, the same passion.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Cuervo.

[Stugats]

So enjoy the tequila that started it all. Cuervo.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Cuervo.

[Stugats]

The tequila that invented tequila. Proximo. Cuervo.com Please drink responsibly.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Cuervo.

[Mike Ryan]

Thursday Night Football's on, and it's only on prime video. Tonight, the Dallas Cowboys take on the Detroit Lions in a new rivalry with lots of heat. Coverage begins at 7pm Eastern with football's best party, TNF. Tonight. Not a prime member Not a problem. Simply sign up for a 30 day free trials to Cowboys and Lions tonight at 7pm Eastern only on Prime Video. Restrictions apply. See Amazon.comamazonprime for details.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

This is the Dan Levator show with the ST podcast.

What's up, pb? What up boys? How are y'?

[Jonathan Zaslo]

All?

[Peter Burns (PB)]

What's up, man? Good to see you. Holy. It's been a while.

[Guest/Producer]

I know. We got Dan Leitar, Jonathan Zaslo here and the rest of the crew.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

We've already started. Whether Chris Cody knows it or not, he's not in charge around here. PB is what we're calling him. We're calling him pb. Okay. I've been worried about PB since he had that life threatening incident in a restaurant which sounded truly terrifying. And so before we talk, you're giggling about it, but I did. It seemed like, I can't think of a lot of. My wife was in Mexico City recently and a fishbone got caught in her throat and it's horrifying. And it was for 15 minutes. And you're laughing about it now, Peter Burns. But I imagine that that's as scared as you've ever been. And welcome, by the way, pb.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Thank you. I mean, by the way, this was like, this is a, a dream come true because I got to host and fill in for you back in the day when, when, you know, ESPN radio was really fun back in the day in the Levitar days. And I, and, and so it's great to got to hang out with you guys at this whole crew. Yeah, that was, that was a weird situation. So last year I was doing a show on the road for SEC Network and we go on to Columbia, Missouri. I was there for the Missouri Boston College game. Just absol. Huge marquee matchup that they sent me to. And I'm having dinner with commissioner Greg Sankey, our whole crew at dinner. And all of a sudden at Bud's barbecue, I just take this huge bite. We're starting to, you know, talk about everything. And man, all of a sudden I knew I was joking. I mean, like, I literally turned to Matt Stinscom, former NFL player. I'm like, you got to give me the Heimlich now. So he, he's first in the batting order. I. It doesn't move. Then all of a sudden the owner comes up, he's in the next. In a batting order, he can't get it. All of a sudden, then they're yelling across everywhere in the restaurant. Is there a nurse? Anybody here? No. And then so finally some Male nurse comes up from the other side of the room. This guy looks like a bowling ball. And mind you, Dan, I'm a minute into this thing and I'm thinking, oh my God, if this nurse doesn't get it, like, I'm done. Like, I'm going to. We're done. He does it, Dan, and he still doesn't get it out. I'm like a minute 30 and I'm sitting here going, I'm about to die in Columbia Missour at a barbecue restaurant before Missouri, Boston College. Like, if I would have died before the Iron Bull, if I die before the SEC championship game or something like that, I'm like, that's kind of a cool way to go out. But Missouri, Boston College, you can't, you can't do that. It would, it would haunt my kids forever.

[Stugats]

As your life is flashing before your eyes, is any part of you like, I'm really gonna die in front of Greg Sankey? Like, I'm gonna be a tale that he, he shares at a cocktail party 10 years down the line, I swear to God.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

And so they cracked two they, when they did this. Finally, the fourth guy, who was just a youth football coach who had just actually had the Heimlich and all the life saving, you know, stuff, he, he, he passed a certification or certification the week prior. And he's the one who ended up saving my life, which was wild. And I'm sitting there all through that and I'm like literally blacking out, about to die. And I'm looking at Commissioner Sankey. He's just sitting there watching television. No, and they, they broke two ribs on both sides. After this whole thing goes down, I'm on the floor, I'm crying, I'm in tears. I'm thinking I was about to die. And he's like, well, I guess it just means chew more. And I'm like, what are we doing? Like, you're, you're giving me shit. You're like, I nearly died. And I think he felt bad. The next day he called me and he's like, I apologize about that. But yeah, and now I'm here. So. Hello.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Well, I have a number of follow up questions. So you can't breathe at all? Or it's staccato breathing or you it.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Then I'm talking zero. And that's when I knew it was something serious, where I'm like, I'm drinking water. I'm like, no. And then. And I mean, you got nothing. And it's the oddest part of this whole situation because when you're choking is. You can hear everything fine. You, Your. Your. Your touch sensation is. Is fine.

[Stugats]

Your.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Your vision is fine, but you just can't breathe. And you're. And then you start thinking about, like, how long can I go? Like, as a kid, you'd be like, I think I can hold my breath for 45 seconds or whatever. But that's when you' seeing all of this. And like, all right, I'm gonna really try to hold my breath. I didn't know before I took this big piece of the steak how long I was going to be out for. And the crazy part about this, and it's like a damn movie, is, as the last person's doing it, I'm thinking I'm about to die. It is literally like, out of a movie where everything starts getting fuzzy and the blackness starts creeping in. Like a Tarantino movie. Like. Like, it all of a sudden comes in. You're like, I'm about to die. And I start slumping over, and I'm like, it's over. It was a good run. At least. I hosted Levitard show before, back in the day, before I keeled over.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

I still have more questions. Are you so panicked that you're not actually feeling the pain of the bro of they've broken my ribs here.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

You don't feel that the adrenaline is there. And I didn't know it until, I mean, for six weeks, it was excruciating where I couldn't even get out of bed. And like. And even afterwards, you know, I didn't feel that bad. We had to call the Missouri. We called Eli Drinkowitz in the Missouri head coach because their games tomorrow. They. Their team doctor had to run to the facilities to help me out, so. And to give the X rays. I mean, this thing was completely wild. But, yeah, you're aware of how bad this is. And you're also, like, every single second I can stay literally alive and hold my breath gives you one more opportunity for somebody to save your life. And it's. And I'd love to. I'd love to say I had this, like, epiphany where I'm like, I'm going to change everything in my life. Like, I'm going to be a better human. I'm not going to be like, chris, where. Who does not put his shopping carts back? Such an old take.

[Guest/Producer]

I do that.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

It's a bad take, but it's a real take.

[Guest/Producer]

That.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

That's something you had. It lives. And I was a great human for about two weeks. And Then I got back to my normal self. So it just.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Well, you say normal self, but I imagine you chew a lot differently now, right?

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Every time. And like. And now I've got an 8 year old and 6 year old and I watch them like a damn hawk. I'm like, no, no, no, you shoot right there. And you, you, you dealt with the Dan. Like you were saying, y' all had an incident. Like, yeah, yeah, it's a scary situation.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Well, but it wasn't. My wife had a fishbone that was stuck and she was worried for 15 minutes, but. But it wasn't total not being able to breathe. Like, did you have any strange thoughts in there? Like, am I really going to die in front of Commissioner Greg Sankey?

[Peter Burns (PB)]

There's a. It's that and then it's awkward because we had the best table in the house, which is right at the beginning. Like right at the, in the restaurant. So, mind you, I'm sitting there dying. Everybody's just sitting there watching. And everybody's all like, I got a front row seat. Everybody's waiting in line to order their food. So they're like, yeah, I think I'll have the two brisket. I'm not having what that guy's having, like, because that guy's dying. And, and like, it was just. He was wild. And I'm sitting there and I'm looking at this sign. I'm like, I'm gonna die in a barbecue restaurant in Missouri. And I see these people that are like, are you gonna live stream this? Are you gonna film this? It was, it was, it was a time. A time was had.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

And you're noticing in the middle of that, I'm dying and this person hasn't stopped watching television, like, not once.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

And he, and actually he felt bad about it. Like I said, I, I had a call for Commissioner Sankey that day, and then every day for like the next four days. And I think the first day he realized how, how close I was to dying. And he's like, I'm not gonna make any more jokes anymore. And I was like, that, that's fair. So we've, we've since patched that up. And then I said, that's fine. How you can make that up to me is just have ESPN sign me to a brand new contract. And that hasn't happened. So we'll figure out what goes on.

[Stugats]

How does Matt Stinchcomb even look at you?

[Peter Burns (PB)]

I mean, again, that's the whole deal. I was more upset with Stench. Matt Stench. Comes a college football hall of Famer, an offensive lineman, and I'm in play in the NFL. I'm like, stench. And this, by the way, is the guy, the dad, Missouri dad that saved my life. And amazing that he just happened to be at the back of the restaurant, a youth football coach who had just done it the week prior. And Jack Foster saved my life. Unbelievable. Mizzou, baby. Tiger, Tiger fan for life.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Mike Ryan has another life or death question for you here, and you better answer it correctly.

[Stugats]

Should Miami be in the College Football Playoff?

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Yes. And they should play Vanderbilt this weekend. That's what I'm all in for. Give me the whole. Give me the Le Batar Challenge Bowl. Can we have that? I mean, it's a joke that Miami, you know, I literally saw it with my eyes. I mean, Miami beat Notre Dame. And you guys know, like, I hosted this show. I'm not a die hard Miami fan. I'm not a die hard ACC fan. And I sit there and I go, how in the hell do you have two resumes that are almost identical? And yet they played. We know the result. And the committee's like, nah, fam, we're good. Like, we don't need. We don't need to have that in our playoff rankings.

[Roy]

It's.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

It's complete, utter bullshit to how all of the committee time in and timeout has all this stuff going on.

[Stugats]

I'm glad you're alive.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

And you get a situation where Sarkeesian is embarrassing himself by doing politicking. And Crystal Ball doesn't mind going out there and pointing out yesterday that Notre Dame has six wins against teams that are ranked 105th or worse in defense and lost to their only two legitimate opponents. You got Crystal Ball saying that. Where they're just trashing. They're trashing Notre Dam. Like, what? I wonder where he got that information.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

It is again, in the fact of. I remember I had Sark on my show a couple days ago and he. And I knew he was going to be politicking. And he talks about, hey, guys, scored a late touchdown, up 31 seconds. I was like, okay, that, that he clearly is trying to get like some like, hit him up mixtape, you know, put it up on there about other coaches. And again, it's, It's. I saw when I kind of saw the College Football Playoff rankings this weekend, I. The first thing I saw when it came out on Tuesday is like, yeah, we're expecting expanding. Like, they're, they're. I mean, it's happening. We're not going to have 12 teams and we'll probably I don't know if it'll be 16 or 24, but there will be some type of expansion.

[Zaz]

Peter does the committee know what they're doing going into each week? Are they making it up as they go along?

[Peter Burns (PB)]

I I it's a great question. Zaz and I always thought they don't take the best teams. They don't take the most deserving. They take the M.O. the teams that are most convenient for them to show what they can do and like. And for them, there is convenience in saying, well, we want these teams to be in and we don't want these teams to be in. And if we do this, we're going to completely contradict what we said. Now, the College Football Playoff rankings show it's a ratings bonanza. I guess people want to see it, but I think now people more so want to watch the College Football Playoff rankings afterwards just to see how they're going to pretzel themselves in to what they said. That was not the case last week. I mean, it's, it's, it's crazy to think about.

[Stugats]

It's the holiday season. Fantasy football probably not going your way. Like most of America, your football team, hopefully you're still in the mix. If your college football team is in the mix, congratulations. You've made it this far. Why don't you toast your friends with some Miller Light at the holiday party? It is a surefire winner. It's a holiday season right now, so why don't you celebrate the 50th anniversary of my favorite beer, Miller Lite? Every time I crack open a Miller Lite, I look around at my friends and family and I think, yeah, this was the right call. It's a taste you know you can depend on, brewed for flavor with simple ingredients like malted barley, rich balanced toffee notes and that iconic golden color. And at 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces, it lets you enjoy the season without weighing you down. The best holiday beers are the ones you don't expect. Miller Lite Great Taste 96 calories Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

[Mike Ryan]

Holidays fun holidays as a dad, tough travel gifts. Matching pajamas. Don't get me started on matching pajamas. It's hot in Miami. My wife says, why don't you want to do this with us. My daughter's crying Anyways, school parties, hosting a family. Next thing I know, I basically put Christmas on my credit card and have no idea what I spent.

[Guest/Producer]

Where.

[Mike Ryan]

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[Jonathan Zaslo]

Damn.

[Mike Ryan]

And don't give me those matching pajamas.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

I swear.

[Roy]

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[Jonathan Zaslo]

Don LeBatard but it's just his titties are sitting on the shelf that is his belly.

[Stugats]

Stugats. He said titties. It like shocked me a little bit. I wasn't quite prepared.

[Zaz]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the stugats.

[Stugats]

The SEC is really fascinating to me because I will concede it is the best conference in America, but it's also simultaneously the most overrated because I think people are applying a lot of what the facts were maybe five, 10 years ago to today. When Mizzou and Tennessee get ranked when combined, they have zero wins against FBS teams that are over.500. You want to talk about convenience? The SEC usually gets stacked at the bottom of these rankings to kind of boost the resume of those that are actually doing some winning. Texas A and M finds a way to not play any of the top teams in the sec. These conferences are too large. And we all saw the.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

You're asking this question of the anchor for ESPN's SEC Network and the host of ESPN Radio and SEC this Morning on Sir XM SEC Radio.

[Stugats]

Alabama hasn't played a good football game in a month. Oklahoma's offense is trash. We all saw the quarterback play this weekend. Like there is something to it. It can be both. It can be the best top to bottom conference in America, no doubt. And it could also be wildly overrated.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Well, what also happened too is the 12 team playoff. And it's a great point. The 12 team playoff was made for what college football looked like before the conference expansions and the realignment. And I think those things worked when everybody inside their conference played each other. But you're right. Ohio, State, they, I mean, you know how many top 15 matchups the Big Ten has played all season long? Okay, two in. One of them was Ohio State, Texas. Okay, so that's, that's two of them. Now. There's been more for the sec, but what happened now in the College Football Playoff rankings or the, the, the, the, the. How this field works is that the conference has gotten so big that you could have A and M get a weak schedule but still play an SEC schedule. You could have Indiana not play anybody or Ohio State because these. You got 19 teams in our damn conference or 18 teams like it's a disaster. And yet the world keeps spinning because people keep watching him.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Again. He is the anchor for ESPN's SEC Network and the host of ESPN Radio SEC this morning on Sirius XM SEC Radio. You're also someone who was raised in Baton Rouge. So I'll ask you the question I've been asking this week. Is there a right way for Lane Kiffin to do this because I'm really sort of annoyed by the rationalization that people are making for their outrage by saying, I don't mind that he did it. I understand someone taking a better job. I have a problem with how he did it. And I don't think there's a how right way to do. I'm leaving my school when they're in a playoff situation.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Yeah, Dan, I love it. I think the nuance in that conversation here, here is if you're laying Kiffin, you've been wanting to take one of these quote unquote, blockbuster jobs. Like last year, it was going to be Florida, right? But then all of a sudden, Florida beats lsu, so they decide to keep Billy Napier, and so now he's not headed to Florida, and they kick the can down the road and ultimately they fire him. And then he wanted to take lsu. The problem with what Lane wanted to do was have his cake and eat it, too. And I agree. You know, a lot of these things can be true that for Lane. He wanted to coach for the rest of the college football season, and he also wanted to take the another job. And I think Keith Carter put his foot down because he told him weeks ago, you couldn't do that. And that's the problem that Lane had. I think Lane knew that answer, and he kept playing footsie because he was so dopamine attention addicted to the fact of. I mean, the man tweeted out a visor that said lane 20, 26. What would that tell you about what Lane wants to do? He wants to get the attention at this point of the fan base going, ooh, is what's this little breadcrumb he gave us? So he wanted to play football footsie and get all of that attention, but didn't want the heat when he left it. And damn if there's not a lot of heat for him now.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Did you know that the dog was fake, that the dog was not a kiffin dog, that the dog is a rebel dog? Did you know that?

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Stolen puppy valor. It was. It was rough to hear. And I think a lot of people. And now I think the feedback of that was so bad, I think that they have basically said, fine, I'll take the damn dog. So I think the dog is actually now in the transfer portal and we'll be headed down to Baton Rouge because I think people understood, man, like, you could piss off fan bases, you piss off dog owners. You can't. That's a bridge too far for so many people.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

You don't believe Oklahoma is Any good, do you?

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Actually, I do. I think their defense travels. They're physical, I think. So don't get me on this tangent. And that's one of the reasons why, you know, you'll like it. I think Miami's a physical team. I think there are certain teams that are. I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want to play them because the physicality in this transfer portal world doesn't travel. I think that Oklahoma's physicality defensively travels and can play with anybody in the country.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Their D line, Ken, but they're only a D line. They shouldn't dress the other 80 players. It should just be. It should just be the five on.

[Stugats]

The D line they've shown over the last two weeks. They can literally play with anyone in the nation, including the bottom of the sec.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

I mean, thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, they haven't got over, what, 300 yards of offense in the last two games, but the defense was that good. And I would have been curious to see if Matier hadn't broken his hand in the middle of the season. I think that effed him up a little bit as far as his. I don't even know the physical aspect of it, but, like, Zazzle. I think it was like a lot of, like, his mental aspect of it that played into that role. But, I mean, that's again, like, if I'm taking. If I'm taking. Right. Right now. You taking Miami or would you take Oklahoma?

[Zaz]

Zaz, they gotta take Miami. I don't think Oklahoma would score enough points to keep up with them.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

And. And I would take Oklahoma because I don't trust enough of Carson back. It gets a really good defense to say that he would make a mistake.

[Stugats]

You're biased. The Carson Beck that dominated that conference. Get out of here. You are clearly biased. I wish you were dead.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

I freaking love this show.

[Zaz]

Damn that football class.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

I'm pissed off because the most fun I've had doing radio in 20 years was when I had to do this show whenever you guys were out back at the espn because none of this shit mattered. And it was fun. You could talk about whatever you wanted to talk about. And again, I sit there, I'm like, this has been the wildest 72 hours that I've covered in college football, especially in the sec with all the coaching changes and whatnot. But you guys always have some fun, man. It's a blast.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

It is super strange, though, even understanding the history of college football and the fact that it's always been judges and debate and Sports writers and not necessarily merit. I've just never seen it like this. And I'm not saying it just because it's Miami involved. It just seems like the more teams that are involved. I thought that 12 was going to solve this. I really did. I thought that it's made it worse and I thought that having 12 teams was actually going to make it better.

[Guest/Producer]

Yeah, Miami bubbled two tears in a row.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's why you care.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

But, but yeah, I mean, but it's also, it's also people will have a con. A conversation about it because Texas is a brand. Miami ends up being a brand. Notre Dame, hell, maybe on the outside looking in and I think again, go back to the conversation of conference expansion is the fact of. I hated the idea that when we said 12, all people are going to and moan and complain that of teams 13, 14, 15 and 16. But I think we legitimately have really good teams that are on that bubble now. And, and there's a lot more parody in college football.

[Dan Le Batard]

It's amazing that we've had this entire conversation and haven't mentioned BYU one time.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

It's outrageous because. And I think that's a great point, but I think the BYU conversation also is like. Like they're not focusing on BYU because like, well, if BYU wins in the Big 12 championship and they beat Texas Tech, then they're in. And if they not in or why are they not in that conversation? If, if they lose that game, they.

[Dan Le Batard]

Should be if they lose that game the same way that Georgia will be if they lose to Alabama for a second.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Who do you believe is getting most wronged here? Who. If, if this all ends with someone getting wronged, who do you believe has the most right to be upset?

[Peter Burns (PB)]

I mean, I take the numbers out of the equation. Miami, especially if Notre Dame gets in. If you're a Hurricane fan, you're like, what the f. Like, I mean, wait, did these games not exist in the College Football Playoff? Committee says, well, when they get close enough, we'll look at the head to head. Well, they're close enough. They're looking at the resume and you sit there and you're like it didn't matter. Like why play the damn games? I think that. And again, they got a soft spot. My soft spot in my heart. But Clark lee and Vanderbilt 10 and 2 and Diego Pavia, who's a damn dog. Like I would have loved to see that team play somebody. And again, that's what I'm saying. The Le Batard Challenge weekend. Do counter programming. Have you know two other teams that get together on a neutral site play ball. I mean Vayner Park Lee literally told his guys this week, pack your bags because we could find a game within the next two days and see if we could work that out. Now maybe that was BS but I'd love to watch it.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Vanderbilt has played for how many years, Jeremy? Because this is their first 10 win season, right? I never mind my lifetime, never mind my dad's lifetime, never mind my grandfather's lifetime. There's never been a good Vanderbilt team.

[Zaz]

Like this is the first, this is 1890.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

So they've been playing football since 1890. This is the first time they've won 10 games. I'd be pretty pissed if I was playing in the SEC. I won 10 games and I didn't get into the playoffs.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

I would never thought we'd see a 10 and 2 sec squad as the anchor of the SEC network and the host of SEC radio would be would be out. And yet here we are. And again, I think that's why I that remember they kick back the idea of conference or expanding the College Football Playoff. It was supposed to be the deadline was going to be December 1st. Then now they've kicked that back to January 23rd and now it's a matter of Sankey and Petiti, the SEC and Big Ten commissioners looking at each other and going do we want 24 with all these guaranteed spots or do we want more of a committee? I have no idea.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

All I know is that it's 24 though. You make the Indiana Ohio State game even less relevant than it is this week and it should be relevant this week.

[Stugats]

If you make more playoff games, Dan, then I think you do do away with conference titles, right? I said do do.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Yeah, it's tough, right? Because then you're basically saying, well, why the hell would you play this game, right? I mean like, like I'm intrigued. I, I, I brought up that question on my show this morning. Like what would you be more intrigued with Texas and Miami playing this weekend to figure out like an extra data point or the Big Ten championship game? I honestly would be more intrigued watching Texas and Miami play. Even though I am intrigued to see if Indiana or Ohio State are for real and who which one of those teams are legit because then all it has to do with seating wise and I don't even know how much changes in the seating. I think even the Big Ten champion, Big Ten champion is going to be one in the Big Ten runner up ends up probably still being a top.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Four squad can you make a ruling for us on what Zaslo said here earlier in the show? We've been debating it all show. We want to get a ruling from a broadcast professional. What is he saying here?

[Zaz]

Jimmy Butler in the Heat took the buck soul.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Ooh.

[Zaz]

Jimmy Butler in the Heat took the buck soul.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

There's a. I mean, I don't know if it's a butthole. Give me what to me one more time. Like, give me. Give me one more.

[Zaz]

He took the butthole. That's not fair.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

No clue. I mean, zaz. What. I mean, it was a whole. Jimmy, defend yourself or what?

[Zaz]

What was.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

What was the idea that you wanted to come get across?

[Zaz]

The Milwaukee Bucks have not been the same since 2023 when Jimmy Butler and the Miami Heat took the Bucks soul.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Got it. Buck soul. Okay. All right. It's.

[Guest/Producer]

This is how he said it.

[Zaz]

He took the butthole.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Yeah, it was much more of a butthole take than it was a buck soul butthole take. For sure.

[Zaz]

He took the butthole.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Thank you, Peter. Appreciate the time. Good seeing you, PB Appreciate it. Thank you. Nice seeing you.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

See you, boys.

[Mike Ryan]

Thursday Night Football's on, and it's only on Prime Video. Tonight, the Dallas Cowboys take on the Detroit Lions in a new rival with lots of heat. Coverage begins at 7pm Eastern with football's best party, TNF tonight. Not a Prime member? Not a problem. Simply sign up for a 30 day free trial. It's the Cowboys and Lions tonight at 7pm Eastern only on Prime Video. Restrictions apply. See Amazon.com Amazon prime for details.

[Dan Le Batard]

You ever find yourself late night scrolling, adding stuff to your cart you absolutely don't need? And then you see it. The beautiful, glowing purple shop pay button.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Boom.

[Dan Le Batard]

Checkout. Done. You didn't even have to get up and find your wallet. That, my friends, is Shopify magic. That little purple button means that store is powered by Shopify. Which doesn't just make it easy to buy, but ridiculously easy to start and run your own business, too. Whether you're a giant like Mattel or Gymshark or. Or just launching something weird from your garage like Greg Cody's garage, Shopify has your back. Let's be real. If we can run a show with this much chaos, you can run a business with Shopify. With hundreds of beautiful templates, tools for payments, inventory analytics, marketing, it's all in one place. And yes, that purple button. It's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. Shopify. It's how real businesses get built. If you want to see less carts being abandoned. It's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com batard go to shopify.com shopify.com.

[I]

On Fox One, you can stream your favorite live sports so you're there for the biggest moments as they happen. For me, I cannot deal with spoilers, so I need to see it live. Especially on college football Saturdays and NFL Sundays. With Fox 1, you get it all. NASCAR, the MLB postseason, Edge of your seat plays, jaw dropping moments and that rush like you're right there in the action. Sports are meant to be watched live and you can do that with Fox One. Fox One, we live for live streaming now.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Don LeBatard, I don't think I ever.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Got that many roses in my whole life.

[Stugats]

Stugats.

[Zaz]

Certainly not from your lovely grandfather, God, may his soul rest in peace.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

This is the Don lebaton, our show with the Stugach.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

There are a couple of other things that I wanted to get to here in this hour. One of them, the inexplicable, or to me, inexplicable anyway, of Quentin Tarantino taking out Paul Dano. Paul Dano. I don't know if I was introduced to him in There Will Be Blood, but it was one of his most signature roles. And I think it's where I discovered, oh, who is this guy? I think he's good.

[Zaz]

Did you ever see Little Miss Sunshine? That's where I saw him first.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

I did see Little Miss Sunshine. Don't actually remember, sort of the idea of who is this star? The way that I thought opposite Daniel Day Lewis, going back and forth with Daniel Day Lewis, matching Daniel Day Lewis. What was Quentin Tarantino's objection to Paul Dano? Where was this and why was this?

[Dan Le Batard]

So he was on a podcast and he was naming his top 20 movies of this century. So top 20 movies of the 21st century. And I'm just going to read you the quintessential quote because his number five movie is There Will Be Blood. And he says, quote, daniel Day Lewis, the old style, craftsmanship, quality to the film, it had an old Hollywood craftsmanship without trying to be like that. It was the only film he's ever done and I brought it up to him. That doesn't have a set piece. The fire is the closest to a set piece. This was about dealing with the narrative, dealing with the story, and he did it f cking. Amazingly, There Will Be Blood would stand a good chance at being number one or Number two, if it didn't have a big giant flaw in it. And the flaw is Paul Dano. Obviously it's supposed to be a two hander, but it's also drastically obvious that it's not a two hander. Dano is weak sauce, man. He is the weak sister. Austin Butler would have been wonderful in that role. He's just a weak, weak, uninteresting guy. The weakest fucking actor in sad. And then he laughed.

[Zaz]

That's crazy, right?

[Jonathan Zaslo]

I can't believe that. I can't believe Tarantino said that. Even though he's always opinionated. Even though I know how much he loves Paul Thomas Anderson and competes with Paul Thomas Anderson. Paul Thomas Anderson did Boogie Nights at 25 years old is also one of the greats. You never hear a director do that to someone they have not only in their industry. But does he have a bad experience with Paul Dano? Like, how would he assess that must be. If I'm Paul Dano and I have no knowledge that Tarantino feels this way about me and I'm just listening to that podcast and I hear all of a sudden Tarantino take me out that way. Someone that respected. That is a cutting comment that I'm gonna have trouble getting over.

[Stugats]

No, this is bizarre. I think QT really put his foot in his mouth.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

A foot fetish joke, Mike.

[Stugats]

That's right.

[Dan Le Batard]

He would have liked the movie better if there were women's feet. And also he could say a racial.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Where did this come from?

[Stugats]

There's no history between his mom.

[Dan Le Batard]

I mean, he must have.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Don't we all agree that Paul Dano is a pretty good actor?

[Stugats]

Like I used to think so.

[Zaz]

I thought he was a great actor.

[Stugats]

He's no Austin Butler, but I also.

[Zaz]

Know Quentin Tarantino is my favorite director and I was really shocked to hear this.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Let's get to the Hampton Farms nominees for year end winning here on nuttiest fan of the year here.

[Guest/Producer]

Yeah, it's very exciting, Dan. We are doing our tournament of champions every week throughout the football season. We we nominated a nuttiest fan. So now you can go to our Instagram. It's the Nuttiest fan playoffs. It's brought to you by Hampton Farms. Get nutty with Hampton Farms, the official peanut of bowl season. Vote for your favorite at levitarcho on Instagram and we will crown a winner next week. We had a bunch of good nominees throughout the season. We had the insane fans storming the field at the Virginia Florida State game. We had people make an appearance. We had so much Good stuff. Then we had. Oh, Michael Irvin. Remember Michael Irvin taking a belt at doak? I think that's my favorite.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Not taking a belt. He was not taking a belt. He was just whipping the wall.

[Guest/Producer]

Taking a belt to the wall. That's how I would describe it.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

That is how you could have described it the first time, but not how.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

You look at that.

[Guest/Producer]

That's my favorite. Remember, people, we had a bunch of good nominees. Go to our Instagram and vote for your favorite. We will announce our Nutty Fan of the Year next week.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

I wanted to ask you guys a couple of questions about the movies and specifically the Smashing Machine with the Rock. Are you guys aware that while the Rock was trying with a 24 to clearly win an Oscar while he was trying to be taken seriously as an actor because he's lining up with a 24 and also doing something that I would not do if I were the Rock, I would not spend hours in a makeup chair every day if I were Colin Farrell in the Penguin. If I don't know who you guys would say required the most work in makeup for hours a day. I know Eddie Murphy did a lot of this when he was doing his movies, but it's just not something I would choose to do spend hours a day in makeup. But are you guys aware that the Smashing Machine, while it got him a standing ovation, people did actually appreciate the acting in it is by a lot of his worst box office debut ever. That it was a. It's a commercial bomb. It's not a success as a business. And sometimes actors choose artistic endeavors instead of commercial ones. But that's not usually what the Rock does with his business choices. And I wonder what you make of the fact that the Smashing Machine is an artistic endeavor. But evidently the people just want the Rock jumping from skyscrapers and doing what the Rock does. They don't really want the Smashing Machine in that story, no matter how well he acted in it. I wonder if he's bothered or hurt by the fact that it was the worst box office opening of his life.

[Stugats]

He put out a statement after it bombed in the box office. And the Rock does really love his box office reputation. And it was kind of sad. He's like, okay, remember he was out in Madison Square Garden at the UFC fight next to Sue Gotts several years ago talking about how it took him 10 years to get to the point to get. Get it greenlit. This was his. This. He thought that this role was his dream role and it would get him fanfare, awards and box Office success. Now, the first two are yet to be determined. He did receive critical acclaim, and we'll see if he actually gets a nomination. I'm sure that'll soften the blow. But, yeah, he's wearing it. He's wearing it even though he's already parlayed it into a role in Martin Scorsese's next picture.

[Zaz]

Skyscraper is such a good movie. Movie. All of them.

[Mike Ryan]

Is that the one where he's hanging from a helicopter? He's got one.

[Zaz]

That's where he's got, like, the peg leg.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Yeah.

[Zaz]

One leg jumps from the 1. Scott. From the skyscraper onto the building over the fire with a peg leg.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Jeremy, let's get Tarantino's top 20 movies.

[Dan Le Batard]

Because you never asked.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Well, I've done some of this where I'm in an algorithm that I get a lot of Tarantino stuff, and I get a lot of. Of he. When he chooses. When I go down this path, he chooses a lot of movies that I don't actually want to watch because of his appreciation for Cinema in the 1980s, and he just chooses a lot of movies that I will never watch. But let's just quickly go through the. The 20. Start with number 20.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'll give you a couple quotes here that are interesting from him, too. So number 20. West side Story. He says, this is the one where Steven shows he still has it. I don't think Scorsese has made a film this exciting, this set century.

[Roy]

Whoa.

[Stugats]

Not only Dano, but now Morty.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Number 19, Cabin Fever.

[Dan Le Batard]

Number 18. Moneyball.

[Zaz]

Really?

[Guest/Producer]

Yeah.

[Dan Le Batard]

Number 17. Chocolate.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Chocolate, chocolate.

[Dan Le Batard]

Number 16, the Devil's Rejects. Number 15, the Passion of the Christ. Of which he says, I was laughing a lot during that movie. Not because they were trying to be perverse, laughing at Jesus getting fucked up. Extreme violence is just funny to me. And when you go so far beyond extremity, it just gets funnier and funnier.

[Zaz]

So weird.

[Stugats]

I hate that.

[Dan Le Batard]

Take 14, School of Rock. Great movie. He says, this is as close to Bad News Bears as we ever got. 13. Jackass the movie. 12. Big Bad Wolves. 11. Battle Royale 10. Midnight and Paris. Paris.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

9.

[Dan Le Batard]

Shaun of the Dead.

8. Mad Fury Road.

7. Unstoppable.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

6.

[Dan Le Batard]

Zodiac.

5. There Will Be Blood.

4. Dunkirk.

3. Lost in Translation, of which he said, I fell so much in love with Lost in Translation that I fell in love with Sophia Cope Coppola and made her my girlfriend. And then he later said, I hadn't seen such a girly movie in a very long time, and I hadn't seen Such a girly movie like that be done so well. Number two, Toy Story 3. He called it the good, the Bad and the ugly of animated films. The greatest end of a trilogy ever. And number one, Black Hawk Down.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

I A terrible list. Yeah, dreadful.

[Zaz]

It's a terrible, terrible list.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

I think that we've got a better top five list that we can do with Zaslow. Could you put together quickly for me, Zaslo? Top 5 worst retirement tours ever in honor of Chris Paul. Any Oli, are you just going to.

[I]

Nope.

[Zaz]

Let's get right to it. No Oli. You ready, Dan?

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Yep.

[Zaz]

Top five worst retirement tours. Now, there are some rules here because. Because it's not like, you know, retirement. It's. No, no. We know this player is retiring. You know his worst ending worst. Number five, Wayne Gretzky.

Had just nine goals his final season. The Rangers missed the playoffs. Not the way you would expect the great one to go out.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

I legitimately don't even remember Wayne Gretzky with the Rangers.

[Zaz]

He killed the Panthers.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Do not remember.

[Zaz]

Yes, 97 killed the.

[Dan Le Batard]

You know, Dan, he was a big hockey guy in 97.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

I was. I can break down Brian Scrubland like nobody's business.

[Zaz]

Number four, Derek Jeter. He sucked his final year. Don't let his last bat. Bat and the moment in a game 162 that meant nothing because the Yankees missed the playoffs. Don't let that final at bat, which was very cool. Let you forget.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Forget.

[Zaz]

He was terrible that season. He bat 256. He had a.304 on base percentage. He was a singles hitter.313 slugging.

[Guest/Producer]

Would have led the league in batting this.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Yeah. Did you hear what he said though? 304 and 313. He had an OPS of.615.

[Dan Le Batard]

It's a walk off in the last game.

[Zaz]

That was cool.

[Stugats]

Special. No one really understands ops.

[Zaz]

Number three, Charles Barkley.

Now, it's not like Barkley was bad. He averaged a double double, 14 and a half points, 10 half rebounds. But in his 20th game that season actually is his 19th, he blew out his knee, had to be carried off the court. And then even though he was out for the year, he made an appearance in the final game of the season. So he could actually walk off the court on his own. Very sad. Barkley deserved better. Number two, Chris Paul. I mean, come on. Chris Paul announces that he's doing a. It's farewell. He's retiring. He averaged less than three points a game this year, shooting 32% in 16 games. Sits on the end of the bench, doesn't talk to his coach for weeks, gets sent home in the middle of the night. An embarrassment. Chris Paul, second worst.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

There's one worse than that.

[Zaz]

Oh, yeah. You know what it is? The worst retirement tour. A player who didn't even deserve a retirement tour. They don't love you like they love Kobe. Paul Pierce.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

That's right.

[Zaz]

Oh, he was such a duck that final year. 3.2 points per game. He only appeared in 25 games. Matter of fact, in his final game of that season, he played in. He played two minutes. He had no points, no points in his final regular season game. And his coach of the Clippers was Doc Rivers. It's like there's not a relationship there. Doc's like, I don't even care to play you more than two minutes.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

You suck.

[Zaz]

Paul Pierce, number one.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

You don't forgive easily. You're somebody who holds on to things in a way that is a bit maniacal, I would say. Earlier this year, I guess last. Yeah, earlier during the baseball postseason, I was wondering how Aroldis Chapman could possibly, at this age, have been still throwing 103 and 104 miles an hour. It didn't make sense to me that he was terrible a few years ago, and all of a sudden he is back to being all sorts of dominant and that his high fastball is something that nobody in the sport could hit. And Mike Ryan simply accused him in ways that were sort of whispered of steroid use. And then I just saw these photos of him just throwing the baseball human genes. Dano, that arm. That arm looks a bit like a human thigh.

[Stugats]

Look at those lats.

[Peter Burns (PB)]

Oh, my gosh, look at his hat. I just showed you the picture.

[Stugats]

Now's a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began. In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila. Cuervo, what are you doing here?

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Cuervo? Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up.

[Stugats]

Well, I do know that to be true. But even during ad reads like Cuervo, I think he could lay out especially for one of our great partners.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Sweet, delicious Cuervo.

[Stugats]

Since then, Cuervo has stayed true to its roots. The same family, the same land, the same passion.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Cuervo.

[Stugats]

So enjoy the tequila that started it all. Cuervo, Cuervo, the tequila that invented tequila. Proximo. Cuervo.com, please drink responsibly.

[Jonathan Zaslo]

Cuervo.