The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Episode: Hour 2: Help, I've Been Orbitally Altered! (feat. Amin Elhassan)
Date: January 5, 2026
Location: Elser Hotel, Downtown Miami
Episode Overview
This episode dives deep into a mix of NFL playoff intrigue, NBA storylines, live event fiascos (with a local Miami flavor), and signature irreverent banter. The addition of Amin Elhassan brings sharp NBA analysis and plenty of comedic moments as the crew reacts to recent NFL and NBA news, recounts the chaos of Miami’s Winter Classic, and riffs on the very spirit of Miami sports life. The main thrust: from surprising NFL playoff contenders to the pitfalls of putting major events in Miami’s much-maligned stadiums, all wrapped in the wit and randomness that defines the show.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. NFL Playoff Picture & Team Dynamics
(01:35–06:13)
-
Jacksonville Jags' Resurgence:
- Mike Ryan wonders why Jacoby Myers hasn't received more credit for transforming the Jaguars.
"They are a team that is running roughshod over people... Jacoby Myers has changed the landscape..." (01:35–02:50)
- Stugotz points out Myers' numbers aren't gaudy, but his impact on offensive structure is key.
- Trevor Lawrence's emergence, Liam Cohen's coordinator role, and the trend of young play-callers revitalizing franchises like the Bears and Jags are explored.
"Chicago Bears presently have the best quarterback they've ever had. Caleb Williams almost got 4,000 yards..." (03:17)
- Mike Ryan wonders why Jacoby Myers hasn't received more credit for transforming the Jaguars.
-
Other NFL Takeaways:
- Surprising changes to typical power dynamics (Seattle, Rams) and disbelief in Jacksonville persists until they win a championship.
- San Francisco, Seattle, and Denver's defensive prowess discussed.
- Concerns for the Bills facing a streaking Jacksonville.
2. NBA Check-In with Amin Elhassan
(06:13–09:00)
-
Cleveland Cavaliers' Regression:
- Amin points to injuries, depth, and "whispers" that coach Kenny Atkinson may be wearing on players.
"He is a very demanding coach, and the rumblings are like, yeah, the guys are kind of reaching their limit..." (07:09)
- Mike Ryan: Atkinson changed their offense, but personality clashes linger.
"Sometimes you can be right and still a jackass that nobody wants to be around." (07:55, Amin)
- Amin points to injuries, depth, and "whispers" that coach Kenny Atkinson may be wearing on players.
-
Draymond Green's Ejections:
- Stugotz asks why Steve Kerr acts surprised, Amin explains the nuance of Draymond's behavior and ref dynamics.
3. Signature Banter, Impressions, & Podcasting Lines
(13:00–13:57)
- A segment about impressions degenerates into self-aware discussion about race and sensitivity in media.
- Mike Ryan:
"We cannot be taking judgment...from the local drunk on whether or not you should do the impersonation of a black man stumbling over his words..." (13:16)
- Amin:
"The line is where we feel alive, though." (13:54)
- Mike Ryan:
4. Amin Elhassan’s “Weekend Observations” — Fast Takes Across Sports & Pop Culture
(14:08–21:58)
-
Multiple “Holy Mike was right” moments:
- Miami Hurricanes run; NFL upsets; Jokic’s dominance; Boston Celtics' streaks.
- On the Canes’ success:
"The Canes Aggied the Aggies. They bucked up the Buckeyes. And now all that stands between them and the national title game is a school that thinks being proud of being on the wrong end of the war about slavery is somehow a cool thing. The Rebels." (14:08)
- Nuggets collapse (“might be cooked”), clever use of Google for obscure NBA player backgrounds.
- Jokic’s MVP season:
"They scored like 30 points in five minutes of basketball. It was unbelievable." (15:34)
- Old man on a flight with "floodlight" iPad brightness.
"I felt like I was escaping Alcatraz and they had the floodlights on me." (16:38)
- Jalen Brown’s “Player of the Month” gripes and Victor Maitland (Beverly Hills Cop) references (19:05).
-
Pop Culture Anecdotes:
- “Austin Powers” turns 27; musings on Mike Myers “just rich and chilling.”
- Fun shoutouts (Eddie the mailman), player/fan stories, and multiple bits about being “loud wrong” on Panthers.
-
Cinephobe Plug:
- Discussing “200 Cigarettes” and "Sing Song Blue," which led to mismatched movie expectations.
-
Memorable Quote:
- On Jalen Brown:
"...I could not name a single player of the month recipient a day after they announced it. Other than the one that Hakeem won in 95 because he won player of the Month while fasting the entire month for Ramadan." (19:34)
- On Jalen Brown:
5. Winter Classic Debacle at LoanDepot Park (Miami)
(21:58–33:39)
-
Ticket Prices and Logistical Nightmares:
- Chris Cody describes the expensive, chaotic experience — long lines, running out of food, poor signage, gridlocked Ubers, and lackluster stadium experience.
"The worst day of my life, which was FIU-Miami and I went to this. And outside of the World Baseball Classic, there hasn't been one time where I come away with the feeling like, wow, this stadium operations gang has it together." (23:10)
- Chris Cody describes the expensive, chaotic experience — long lines, running out of food, poor signage, gridlocked Ubers, and lackluster stadium experience.
-
Stadium Flaws & Neighborhood Issues:
- Segment highlights that the park was never designed for this sort of major crowd (David Sampson’s legacy), and the lack of restaurants or bars nearby.
“It’s the only building I can think of where the immediate surrounding environment has zero restaurants, zero bars. Wendy's!” (33:07, Amin)
- Reference to the broken promise of economic development in Little Havana.
- Segment highlights that the park was never designed for this sort of major crowd (David Sampson’s legacy), and the lack of restaurants or bars nearby.
-
A Touch of Nostalgia:
- Reminiscence of the Orange Bowl and old haunts like Bull Bar.
-
"Even then, you know what it was like getting in and out of the Orange Bowl... that was a lot better run than this is." (34:17, Chris Cody)
6. Combat Sports & The Limits of Schadenfreude
(35:26–39:00)
-
Jake Paul’s Broken Jaw:
- After his loss, the crew reflects on why watching Paul get hurt wasn't as gratifying as expected.
"If you ask me before the fight, hey, will it all be worth it if he gets his jaw broken? Yeah, I'd say yes. And then I watched, and I was like, not worth it, Dan." (36:18, Mike Ryan)
- After his loss, the crew reflects on why watching Paul get hurt wasn't as gratifying as expected.
-
Aspinall’s Eye Injury — “Orbitally Altered”
- Jeremy and Mike Ryan detail the brutality of an eye gouge that threatens Tom Aspinall’s career, poking fun at the phrase “digitally orbitally altered.”
"You have to take that back. Once the guy needs multiple eye surgeries...The man has been digitally orbitally altered in a way that affects his vision for the rest of his life." (38:38, Mike Ryan)
- Jeremy and Mike Ryan detail the brutality of an eye gouge that threatens Tom Aspinall’s career, poking fun at the phrase “digitally orbitally altered.”
7. On Netflix, Sports Broadcasts, and Streaming Wars
(39:40–42:12)
-
The Netflix Move Into Live Sports:
- Discussion of Netflix's entry into sports, from boxing to Christmas day NFL games.
“All of these streaming services are doing a great job making everyone else be better at the production of television events.” (41:31, Mike Ryan)
- Discussion of Netflix's entry into sports, from boxing to Christmas day NFL games.
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Production Quality & Guest Selections:
- Reflections on who ESPN/Netflix selects as guest alumni for broadcasts, with comic criticism aimed at Washington's choice of Clinton Portis.
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Amin's Send-off: Lingering malaise, coughs, and the news that Mike Myers is working on "Shrek 5."
"Of course, he is. Counting money in production. Money." (41:58, Amin)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)
-
On Jacoby Myers & the Jaguars:
"Jacoby Myers has changed the landscape...Why wouldn't more people talk about Jacoby Myers as a season shifting, conference shaping acquisition?"
– Mike Ryan (01:35) -
On Orange Bowl nostalgia versus reality:
“Even then...in-game experience, concessions and all that, and getting in and out and logistics and no blocky, all that was a lot better run than this is.”
– Chris Cody (34:17) -
On “Orbitally Altered” Injury
“The man has been digitally orbitally altered in a way that affects his vision for the rest of his life.”
– Mike Ryan (38:38) -
On Player of the Month:
“I could not name a single player of the month recipient a day after they announced it. Other than the one that Hakeem won in 95 because he won player of the Month while fasting the entire month for Ramadan.”
– Amin Elhassan (19:34) -
On the Miami stadium experience:
“I can't say a good thing about it. Bulldoze it. Well. Well, you can't have Winter Classic at Hard Rock Stadium because it's within the football window. They should have punted this to Freedom Park was open because that place sucks.”
– Chris Cody (31:12)
Important Segment Timestamps
- Jacksonville, Chicago, and Changing NFL Powers — 01:35–06:13
- Cavs Struggles, Draymond Ejects — 06:13–09:00
- Race, Impressions, and Podcast Edges — 13:00–13:57
- Amin’s Weekend Observations — 14:08–21:58
- Winter Classic Fiasco — 21:58–33:39
- Jake Paul, Aspinall, and “Digitally Orbitally Altered” — 35:26–39:00
- Netflix, Streaming & Shrek 5 News — 39:40–42:12
Final Thoughts
This episode blends high-level sports analysis, self-aware humor, and the unique lens of Miami's sporting culture. Whether you care about NFL playoff picture, NBA personalities, or just want to hear a group of friends mercilessly roast a stadium, this hour is quintessential “Le Batard Show” — equal parts informed, outrageous, and lovingly local.