← The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
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- [00:00]
Dan Le Batard
This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats podcast.
- [00:08]
Mike Ryan
Make sure to get me that Mad Dog sound so I could get to it before the end of this hour. But we've got someone here who might even be funnier than Mad Dog sound. He's buzzed about, right? He's the comedian right now that is super hot. And he's selling out shows on his national tour. Lucaszelnik.com if you want full tour dates and tickets. Thank you for joining us, Lucas. I appreciate wondering, on your career path here, what made you more nervous the first time you did stand up or when you told the people who love you that you wanted to be a comedian for a living?
- [00:44]
Lucas Zelnik
You know what? I think I made the right call, and I didn't tell the people who love me that I wanted to be a comedian until after I'd done a fair amount of standup.
- [00:53]
Mike Ryan
Okay, so you weren't. Was it because you weren't sure that you wanted to do it as a career or you weren't sure what they'd say?
- [01:00]
Lucas Zelnik
It's just like being a comedian is kind of like being gay. Like, you want to really make sure you are before you go out and tell all your friends you are. You know what I mean? Nothing wrong with it if you. If you're sure, but you don't want to. You don't want to have to walk that one back.
- [01:14]
Mike Ryan
So how long. How long did you go before you, like, how much doubt was there before you realized, no, I'm going to go ahead and try and make a go of this, and I can make a go of it successfully.
- [01:25]
Lucas Zelnik
Honestly, it was like two, probably two years, which I think makes it different from the gay analogy. I think if you. If you tried being gay for two years, you'd probably know pretty quickly. But comedy, I don't know, because the pandemic really changed how comedy was working. So I just didn't know if it was going to be like a career path. I know, I know I liked it, but I was pretty bad when I started, too, so I just wasn't sure.
- [01:52]
Mike Ryan
So where and when did crowd work make an appearance on the popularity scale? Because crowd work is now. And I know comedians have different opinions about this, but it's just. Just a chance to be clever very quickly, the way you've probably been all your life whenever you discovered funny. Right. And so it's being rewarded. And it seems to also be changing the game. And some older comedians seem to not respect crowd work very much because they think it's A little bit lazy or whatever, but you're exceptional at it.
- [02:22]
Lucas Zelnik
Well, everyone does it a little bit in, in like an hour long set, you know, even if they don't mean to. It's just like if you're doing a live set for an hour at a comedy club, you usually end up riffing or talking to someone for some amount of it. Usually people don't, you know, completely ignore the live element of the show for a full hour. But I think, yeah, people. I think older comedians certainly don't respect the way in which new comedians are using it as clickbait to draw people out to shows. I always had like a natural knack for it and it did start from being bad at comedy and not being able to do my jokes, which is the, that's the knock on crap work. It's like, oh, these are for guys that don't have good jokes. It was for me in the beginning. Nowadays I think my act is a lot stronger so I don't have to do it if I don't want. But you know, I enjoy doing 10, 15 minutes of it. If I'm doing an hour set anyway, no one needs more than 45 minutes of jokes, so. But I realized I was good at it truly, because I think I was. People started to give me more time up there and I didn't have the goods for it. So it is kind of the negative stereotype. Like I was like, oh, I guess I'll just make fun of some guy in the front row, you know. And then, and then I did that and that worked for me. So then I that's. But that all happened around 20, 21 and I think that kind of coincided with the moment that a lot of people were on TikTok discovering stand up comedy. A lot of people that, you know, the pandemic was happening, they had never been to a live show. Maybe they were young, maybe they were under 21, you know, when, when the pandemic started. And then all of a sudden, you know, they, they could go to a live show when, when it ended. So I got very lucky with that timing in really eaten it up on the Internet back then. And that's when I started posting it.
- [04:06]
Chris Cody
It's interesting to me the role that social media has played when it comes to comedians who tour like yourself, because comedians will post crowd work on social media clips because they don't want their material to be out there. And you could see funny little snackable bites of crowd work. And then I wonder, do you, do you get people at shows who Maybe aren't regulars at comedy shows who see these clips and they think it's like a normal thing for the crowd just to be interacting with the comedian all show.
- [04:36]
Lucas Zelnik
Yeah, it's possible. I don't. You know, as long as everyone's respectful, I don't really mind what they are expecting coming in. I deliver what I want to deliver, and I understand that not everyone's going to want to come back. You know, if someone's bothering me or heckling me, I just shut it down right then and there, you know, and I'll have the club be pretty tight on it. People in general get the vibe, I think, that they know that there's a difference between sort of being disruptive and interacting with me. And I think sometimes people will leave the show and say, I wish there was more crowd work because I don't do that much of it. And other times people will go, wow, you know, I'm so glad I came because I didn't know if you had any jokes. And then I saw the show and I love your jokes, so I'm looking for those people because that's going to be what I do moving forward. Like, the more experience you get as a comedian, the more terrifying crowd work becomes. When you're really bad, crowd work makes a lot of sense because you're like, anything's better than these terrible jokes that I've written about Hitler. But then you get, you know, you get older into it. And once you have good jokes, it's like you understand that crowd work is a risk because it's not always funny. And if you write good jokes, those usually are funny, at least more consistently than the crowd work. So these days I do a lot more jokes just because I think the jokes are better than, you know, the average result I'll get from doing crowd work. But grab work, still fun. And then every once in a while, it's like, it. It can be pretty magical when whatever set of circumstances line up, you know, when. When multiple people have something in common or someone's got a crazy story. When that kind of stuff happens, it can be the highlight of the night for sure.
- [06:19]
Zazz
What's the best chum for crowd work? You walk out on stage, Is it an overly confident guy? Is it a meek person? What's the person like? You're walking out on stage, you. And you're like, oh, I'm going to hammer this person.
- [06:29]
Lucas Zelnik
I always start with a dude because it's easier to be mean to a dude.
- [06:32]
Chris Cody
Yeah.
- [06:33]
Lucas Zelnik
You know what I mean? Like, pretty much, I Hate to go back to this, but pretty much calling a guy like a straight dude gay is pretty much always just going to be an easy in calling a gay dude gay. Not as funny. I've found out, actually a hate crime. But. But that, that's like where I start. But a lot of the time the things that I get known for are interacting with people that may. People are more sensitive around maybe a different type of group, whether that's, you know, someone of a different race or gender orientation or sexuality. I typically have a skill in sort of like walking down a road that's gonna make people nervous, that's gonna make people think I'm gonna say something really bad and then kind of subverting that expectation. So I like that. But I do think it's not for the week of Constitution because you gotta trust me and also, you know, not be. I like to treat everyone like they're normal people. So, you know, some people do have the view that you can't treat certain people the same way as other people. I don't really subscribe to that for the most part. So if people don't like that, that's, you know, that can be an issue.
- [07:47]
Greg Cote
How often does it happen and how annoying is it when you point at somebody in the audience and their response is to obviously try to be funnier than you?
- [07:58]
Lucas Zelnik
Depends if it works. You always got to listen to the audience. If the audience can get a bigger laugh than you, you can't be the guy who's like, well, that wasn't funny. Like, you listen to the audience. I always listen to the audience for everything. So, like, the audience doesn't really know this, but like, they kind of control the show in that they sort of play me like a puppet. Like, I just follow their laughter. So if it's jokes and then I start doing crowd work and they don't laugh, I stay away from crowd work. If it's crowd work and they're not laughing at the jokes, I'll lean into that. If, you know, if the audience loves someone that, you know, even if they're kind of annoying me, I'll give it at least a chance to try and grow on me so I don't ever try to be the guy that's like, you know, I think the worst comedians you'll ever see are sort of in denial because they have an agenda up there that's separate from what the audience is picking up. I don't really believe in that. So it's like if some dude makes some dumb ass comment and can I curse on here.
- [08:53]
Mike Ryan
Yeah. The way you're describing this, though, is sort of Zen, right? You're. You have to have real confidence to lay back and allow the audience to lead you.
- [09:04]
Lucas Zelnik
Yeah. I guess it's either confidence or it's just like, I don't know, you can't. You know, I've done this enough now where you just got to know how to not swim against the current too much because you're being perceived by all these people. And I don't know, I think the thing that I always hated about stand up comedy growing up, like, when I saw it live, because I grew up in New York City, so every once in a while I'd go, you know, there's so much standup in New York that you could maybe like, walk by a comedy club and pop your head in, especially as a teenager. And then like, you know, not at the Comedy Cellar where you see professional great comedy, but like, when I went to, like an open mic night, the biggest thing I remember noticing was like, this guy on stage has no clue what the people in the audience think is funny. And he almost seems resentful that the people in the audience think something's different, something different's funny than what he wants to make funny. So when I became a comedian, it was pretty important to me and I didn't get it right. I still don't always get it right, but it was pretty important to me to have a better connection with the audience. That way, you know, if the audience wants something, you, you're an entertainer, you give them that. You give them what they want for the most part. Now you, you want to take them to interesting places. Like, you don't want to just listen to what they want all the time. You want to try and push them a little bit, but if you're getting pushback, you got to listen to that. So, you know, when someone's funnier than me, I guess, like, I just let them be that for as long as they can and then I'll comment on that. But I try to comment on what I perceive the reality to be in the room when I'm commenting on it. And if I want to be doing jokes, I'll be doing jokes. If someone's interrupting that, that's a problem. I've never had it happen that someone's being, like, really disruptive and annoying and the audience likes them better than me. But if that happened, I guess I'd be in it. I'd be at a bit of an impasse there. That would mean I'm probably really bombing. Like, the audience usually takes your side. Unless you're bombing, you know, you're bombing hard.
- [11:07]
Chris Cody
How does the feeling of killing a show compare to the feeling of bombing, like, which outweigh the other?
- [11:15]
Lucas Zelnik
Oh, bombing is so much, so much stronger than killing. Because at this point, killing, I mean, you're sealing what you think is a kill always changes. The same with a bomb, by the way, when you're starting out, what you think is a kill would probably now be a bomb for me all these years later. But killing feels like the job, you know what I mean? If I kill, if it's a really great set, I obviously have fun. I feel good about it. I'm happy. But I'm like, yeah, I delivered what these people paid to come see. If I bomb, I have, like, a crisis of identity because I'm like, you know, I'm trying to think of, like, I guess, you know, with all entertainment, you're always taking the risk that you could go see it and it's going to be bad. You know, you buy a movie ticket, maybe it's bad. But there's something that feels so profoundly like, I cheated these people. If I really bomb, I'm just like, damn. Cause sometimes they pay a lot of money or they drive a long way. You know what I mean? And so to just like, totally bomb, it's like it doesn't feel anywhere near like it feels so much more bad than a kill.
- [12:24]
Mike Ryan
When's the last time it happened to you? When's the last time you feel like you or the worst of the bombs, as you recall them, most recently in.
- [12:33]
Lucas Zelnik
Philly, like, two weeks ago, there was actually someone that was really disruptive. And they weren't. They were just kept heckling my set. And I wasn't getting much help from the club staff taking care of them. They also weren't being funny. Also, they were. The worst kind of heckler is someone that says it quietly so, like, you can hear it. It's like, disrupting your flow from the front row. But not everyone in the room can hear it, so you don't know exactly how to address it. And then you're just getting, like, annoyed. The biggest thing is, like, if I'm getting annoyed, I really try not to show it up there because that's, like, not fun for anyone. Like a. Like, I don't always want to be up there, but it's like, that's. No one wants to hear that. Like, all these people that, you know, paid. Paid for. So it's like, if you're pissed off up there, you better not show it because that's, that is not what these people paid to see. So it was one of those nights where I was getting pissed off and, you know, and I just. That night, I think the biggest thing was like, I lost the desire to try and do anything possible to make the audience happy because I was getting so annoyed. I was like, screw it. I'm just gonna, like, stick to the script a little bit. So I just kind of did my jokes with, like, not a great amount of, you know, oomph and I just got off. But like, usually if something's not working, I try a few little forks in the road to try and wiggle it into a kill. You know, if you're not connecting right up front, I try and make sure that by the end of the set it's really killing. But sometimes I just don't. I'm like, something pisses me off that I don't care enough to try and give these people a good.
- [14:09]
Jeremy
Which is.
- [14:10]
Mike Ryan
That's.
- [14:10]
Lucas Zelnik
That's a me problem.
- [14:11]
Mike Ryan
I resent them. I resent me. I'm leaving now. I'm gonna do the rest of my material and leave the stage. LucasZelnik.com is where you go if you want tour dates and tickets in sports.
- [14:23]
Dan Le Batard
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- [15:21]
Jeremy
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- [15:46]
Zazz
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- [16:13]
Mike Ryan
You saw the game winning play once.
- [16:15]
Lucas Zelnik
But have to replay it three times on the way back to the hotel. Because some moments don't end at the buzzer. Life's a trip.
- [16:23]
Mike Ryan
Make the most of it at Best Western. Book direct and save@bestwestern.com Don LeBatard I got somebody here making fun of me. How old do you have to be to reference Shecky Green? Man, I went comedically there with the funny name of a comedian. That's on you for not knowing who Shecky Green.
- [16:42]
Greg Cote
You gotta know who Shecky Green.
- [16:43]
Mike Ryan
No, you don't have to know who Shecky Green is. But I. No, no. Yeah. I don't like my allies.
- [16:48]
Dan Le Batard
Stugats.
- [16:49]
Greg Cote
I have the soul of a Borscht Belt comedian. I should be in the Catskills in 1945 opening for Shaggy Green. That's who I was destined to be.
- [16:57]
Dan Le Batard
This is the Dan lebatar Show with the Stugach.
- [17:10]
Mike Ryan
Greg, get us out of here.
- [17:12]
Greg Cote
I'm curious if there's an anti bombing strategy. Do you have a particular bit that's designed to turn around a crowd that doesn't seem to be with you?
- [17:22]
Lucas Zelnik
Oh, man, no. I double down and I doubled. I'm like a gambling addict. I will double down until it either comes full circle or some people are walking out. So my strategy is double down.
- [17:38]
Mike Ryan
You. Do you get a lot of. You look like Christian Yelich. Do you get a lot of. You look like a professional golfer with the cap here. Do you get any of that? No.
- [17:49]
Lucas Zelnik
Think what are the ones I've heard? Walmart, Austin Butler Tanner from Love on the Spectrum. I get a lot. I don't get that many sports comparisons. I'm trying to think. I don't know. I think people. I don't quite look athletic enough. I get Rory sometimes. I get Rory, Yeah.
- [18:11]
Mike Ryan
Professional golfer. So last thing on the way out. And again, Lucas Zelnick.com is where you go, do you have a joke that represents the longest you've worked on a joke? Like, do you have a joke that you've been trying to perfect for months or years?
- [18:29]
Lucas Zelnik
I have. One of the jokes that I first ever wrote is still in. In my act. It's grown a lot. Like, it's. It now has like five things after it that are sort of all attached to it in a chunk. But this idea, it's one of my least likable jokes. One of my double down jokes, for sure. But the joke is that I'm not religious because I grew up rich, so I never needed that excess hope. And that's one that I. That was like one of the first things I ever wrote because I was trying to do biographical stuff. I was starting comedy. I was like some rich New York City kid. Didn't think I had a place in comedy. Sometimes still don't. But I wrote that joke early on. Now it goes a bunch of ways after that, and it has a long way, but that one's still in the act. I don't know if it will be next year, but I still tell it, and I probably wrote that five, six years ago now.
- [19:21]
Mike Ryan
Lucas, thank you for joining us. Where are you getting most of your material these days? Do you have one place that by percentage is larger than all the others for your material?
- [19:30]
Lucas Zelnik
I think the country's making it easy no matter which side you're on. Everyone's talking about the same stuff, just with completely different perspectives about it. So I usually start with about 15 minutes of political humor. If you can't make it through that, you're gonna hate the rest of the set.
- [19:46]
Mike Ryan
LucasZelnik.com is where you go. Thank you, sir. Appreciate the time.
- [19:50]
Lucas Zelnik
Thanks, fellas. Appreciate yours.
- [19:52]
Chris Cody
Yeah.
- [19:53]
Mike Ryan
That was Chris Cody saying that guys are the easiest to beat up on.
- [19:56]
Jeremy
Yeah.
- [19:57]
Mike Ryan
That was evident as we pounded poor Jeremy.
- [20:01]
Chris Cody
Yeah.
- [20:02]
Mike Ryan
Jeremy is now in another room working on music privately, trying to do spoof songs, Working alone, not wanting to work with us anymore. Just a private room. Chris, you really enjoyed the bullying of.
- [20:14]
Dan Le Batard
I did.
- [20:15]
Zazz
These two back here.
- [20:16]
Dan Le Batard
We need these two.
- [20:17]
Mike Ryan
Jeremy.
- [20:18]
Jeremy
I had to get a paper towel.
- [20:19]
Dan Le Batard
Because I was crying.
- [20:20]
Mike Ryan
Yeah, you guys. You guys were laughing a lot.
- [20:22]
Zazz
So I wanted you to set Jeremy up for him to do crowd work on Jeremy during that interview.
- [20:25]
Lucas Zelnik
That would have been fun.
- [20:26]
Mike Ryan
I just. I saw at the beginning of what was happening with Pablo, that Jeremy and Tony were on the same team. And I thought it was borderline evil the way that Mike Ryan took you and put you on his side.
- [20:37]
Jeremy
No, no. So here's what happened, right? At some point, Pablo was talking about how the NBA, like, there's no rules. The owners don't follow the rules, then the rest of the country. And I'm like, yeah, there are no rules. Have you not been paying attention, Pablo? I know you've been locked in on aspiration. Nobody follows the rules anywhere.
- [20:52]
Mike Ryan
That's right.
- [20:52]
Dan Le Batard
I think he noticed that. Yeah, I figured wealthy just have a weird relationship with punitive measures.
- [20:57]
Jeremy
They have zero relationship with punitive measures, which is another story. But as that's going, I'm gonna jump in and say something. And then Pablo goes on for another five minutes of diatribe. So I'm like, all right, my window closed. Mike's like, hey, your window closed? I'm like, yeah, kind of did. He's like, all right, Jeremy, you go, so at that point, that's where I switch over, and I go, all right, Ruben Bane over here on Mezzano.
- [21:16]
Mike Ryan
Jeremy didn't see it coming.
- [21:17]
Chris Cody
Let's see what.
- [21:17]
Jeremy
Let's see what Jeremy's got to say here.
- [21:19]
Dan Le Batard
And Chris Cody at one point, you sure?
- [21:22]
Mike Ryan
And Chris Cody enjoyed too much. You got to go after a guy.
- [21:26]
Dan Le Batard
You do, you do.
- [21:28]
Mike Ryan
He's right about that. Your. Yeah. Though supporting.
- [21:32]
Jeremy
How are we not supposed to go after that? Dan, There's a video of Tom, Great job.
- [21:37]
Zazz
By the video.
- [21:38]
Jeremy
Singing. And he's like, like, like moving up and down the shoulders.
- [21:41]
Lucas Zelnik
Like his eyebrows.
- [21:44]
Jeremy
His hands are moving.
- [21:45]
Dan Le Batard
No, this feels mean.
- [21:47]
Mike Ryan
This feels like he doesn't know we're watching him. This is vulnerable. This is voyeurist.
- [21:52]
Zazz
Oh, now it's too much.
- [21:53]
Mike Ryan
This criminal. It's funny. Well, we never replayed the sound before we get to Mad Dog. Please find for me the sound of you reading in another room that we meant to get to three or four shows ago when you didn't know we were watching you as you were trying to read. Just find that for me.
- [22:09]
Zazz
Take your time, guys.
- [22:10]
Mike Ryan
In interim, let's go ahead and just play the Mad Dog sound that you guys have said I have to get to today. I have not heard it. Zazzle. Do you want to give me any context here? That doesn't spoil this sound?
- [22:21]
Chris Cody
It's. Look, it's the biggest story in the NBA. Going into All Star weekend is two things, all right? It's tanking and it's load management. And dog is on top of it.
- [22:30]
Zazz
But I love here, I want to add a little more context. There's music underneath here. It's Bruce Springsteen. I edited a little bit so you don't hear too much of us and get us pinged. But he is like playing off of Bruce Springsteen throughout all this.
- [22:40]
Jeremy
It's doggy being dog.
- [22:41]
Pablo Torre
This is a 21 year old kid with the Wizards. And Jackson decided to sit out. God damn it, headed Bruce. And here it is. I sat here and I gave her the date, November before Thanksgiving in 2017. And I walked in there in the off season and did an hour show with the freaking high heat, sick as a freaking dog. And then walked in and did a monologue. And I said, I can't take it. I'm so sick, I gotta leave. And I took the train home. And three days later I was in the freaking Stanford hospital. And the doctor said, how the hell did you survive this? And then I sat there on a Tuesday night. He sat there and operated on me for three hours to get an appendix out. A ruptured one. Chris boots out. And Jared Jackson can't play in the fourth quarter in a game in February making 50 million a year. I mean, this is my. This is absurd. And Springsteen at 80 years of age playing three and a half hours every freaking night. My goodness, what is the World Cup? So this garbage. Garbage. You should be ashamed. NBA ashamed. You got that Koozie Dolph Shade wealth ashamed.
- [24:04]
Dan Le Batard
That's fantastic.
- [24:06]
Mike Ryan
He's citing. How does he do this show? He's citing that he did High heat heat in 2017 for an hour and then needed to be hospitalized.
- [24:14]
Jeremy
The doctor asked him, how did you do this?
- [24:16]
Chris Cody
Hit a ruptured appendix.
- [24:18]
Pablo Torre
Jared Jackson play a fourth quarter flu game.
- [24:22]
Mike Ryan
He's citing that nine years ago, eight years ago, he did an hour of high heat with a ruptured appendix. That amazed his doctor. Why for $50 million, can't somebody play the fourth quarter?
- [24:36]
Dan Le Batard
What's missing?
- [24:37]
Jeremy
There is high heat in the off season, Dan. There's nothing to talk about.
- [24:40]
Pablo Torre
Had an hour, took the train home, and three days later I was in the freaking Stanford Hospital. And the doctor said, how the hell did you survive this? And then I sat there on a Tuesday night. He sat there and operated on me for three hours to get a defendant's house. A ruptured one. Chris Russo and Jared Jackson can't play in the fourth quarter. In a game in February, making 50 million a year.
- [25:06]
Mike Ryan
That saxophone a bit much coming? No, it's not a bit much. It's perfect. It's why he's that motivated and losing breath because he loves Springsteen so much. And Clarence, God rest his soul.
- [25:18]
Dan Le Batard
Rest in power.
- [25:19]
Mike Ryan
Yeah.
- [25:19]
Dan Le Batard
That was the most grating part of the clip, the sax.
- [25:22]
Mike Ryan
But he was motivated by it to tell you. He just shouted his name. Did you hear him? Chris Russo. He just said his name.
- [25:28]
Greg Cote
I know.
- [25:29]
Mike Ryan
It doesn't even. Why? Why did he say his name?
- [25:31]
Pablo Torre
Maybe you didn't know who he was talking about.
- [25:33]
Mike Ryan
He. Chris Russo can play hurt when his appendix is ruptured, but Jaren Jackson Jr. Can't play the fourth quarter being paid 50 million a year. Him tossing to Bruce.
- [25:41]
Pablo Torre
Hit it, Bruce.
- [25:43]
Chris Cody
You gotta hit that post.
- [25:44]
Pablo Torre
And here it is.
- [25:45]
Mike Ryan
Well, that's. He does feel like Bruce Springsteen is playing behind him as he enjoys life on a soapbox that is bigger than Bruce Springsteen. He does feel like the soundtrack to introduce him is Bruce Springsteen.
- [25:59]
Pablo Torre
Hit it, Bruce. And here it is. I sat here.
- [26:05]
Mike Ryan
So good man.
- [26:07]
Chris Cody
Hall of fame. I love that guy. Hall of Fame.
- [26:09]
Jeremy
How does he keep doing?
- [26:09]
Zazz
I never love someone I've hadn't met in person.
- [26:12]
Chris Cody
The greatest.
- [26:13]
Zazz
And I love him.
- [26:13]
Jeremy
Banger after banger after banger after banger.
- [26:16]
Lucas Zelnik
Residence day savings are happening now at.
- [26:18]
Dan Le Batard
The Home Depot with up to 40% off select appliances.
- [26:20]
Lucas Zelnik
Looking to upgrade your fridge? Check out LG's newest model serving up ice in all kinds of styles.
- [26:25]
Dan Le Batard
Cube crushed craft ice and now new mini craft ice straight from the dispenser.
- [26:30]
Lucas Zelnik
From cold brew to fizzy favorites, these refrigerators will have you entertaining like a pro.
- [26:34]
Dan Le Batard
Shop president's day savings and get up.
- [26:36]
Lucas Zelnik
To 40% off plus free delivery on.
- [26:37]
Mike Ryan
Select appliances like LG at the home Depot.
- [26:40]
Dan Le Batard
Free delivery on appliance purchases of $1498 or more. Offer valid February 5th through the 25th, US only.
- [26:45]
Lucas Zelnik
See store online for details.
- [26:46]
Mike Ryan
Don LeBatard Surely every time you're watching this, you recognize that your wife is laughing, that she married. She married Larry David.
- [26:54]
Greg Cote
I do. Yeah. One of the great characters in the history of television. In my humble opinion and to my credit, my personality.
- [27:04]
Mike Ryan
In my humble opinion, followed by to my credit, my personality. Just amazing.
- [27:09]
Greg Cote
Predate Curve youe Enthusiasm stugats.
- [27:12]
Mike Ryan
Oh, wow.
- [27:13]
Greg Cote
I'm not gonna say Larry David patterned himself.
- [27:16]
Mike Ryan
You copy? All right, put it on the poll, please. Jude, you did Greg Cody copyright being an asshole long before Larry David.
- [27:22]
Dan Le Batard
This is the Dan Levatar show with the stug.
- [27:41]
Mike Ryan
Pablo Torre is also producing banger after banger. I don't know how you guys reacted to Jerry west saying the Old school. Kawhi, if he goes to the Lakers, isn't going to get his name in the paper.
- [27:54]
Greg Cote
I know, I noticed that.
- [27:57]
Mike Ryan
You think Kawhi is thinking to himself, how do I get my name in a newspaper?
- [28:02]
Jeremy
How do I get Bill Plasky to write about me in the L. A Times?
- [28:08]
Mike Ryan
The old white people who run sports are so funny. Jerry west doing Ballmer's bidding because Ballmer says, I want you to guys to sort of absorb the amazing. In Ballmer saying in 2017, yeah, Kawhi seems pretty good. I want him. What do I have to do to get him? I'm going to get him. Then he gets him. And then quietly here, James Harden's traded. Zubac is traded. They've just torn the whole thing down. It loses forever. It loses in a way that makes the Oklahoma City historically good feeding off of their mistake. Do you guys not marvel whether you're bored of the Kawhi story? I know All Star weekend is going there and Nick Wright is fixing the NBA with Bill Simmons. But what has been birthed in the 15 years of LeBron as he's making all NBA teams throughout it, what's been birthed is the grotesque dysfunction that comes from athlete doesn't trust his organization. It all breaks apart with San Antonio. Athlete trusts his trainer when it comes to his body, not the team. And athlete trusts his uncle, not Steve Ballmer. As it comes to how is it I'm gonna get my money? Most powerful, richest owner in sports says I don't have to play by the rules. Allegedly. I just get what I want. Right? I'm the richest. I get what I want. However it is that I want it. I'm gonna win because I'm gonna get the best player. And now it's just lawsuits and paperwork and an assortment of things because nobody's actually keeping his secret.
- [29:50]
Lucas Zelnik
Right?
- [29:50]
Greg Cote
Can you imagine being that wealthy, making millions of dollars per minute without doing anything just because your money increases tenfold a day?
- [30:02]
Mike Ryan
But it doesn't cost you anything to give Kawhi a no show job. Allegedly that pays him $48 million a year. And that's one of the ways you get him extra money. Cuz money. Like what difference. What does $48 million mean to Steve Ballmer? Like, isn't that something he can make in a fraction of a day? Yep, a fraction of a day. Steve Ballmer's money multiplies in a way that makes your rules and money meaningless. Correct.
- [30:29]
Dan Le Batard
Yeah.
- [30:29]
Greg Cote
And you, and you think you're so powerful that no one can penetrate your shield. And if you do get in trouble, you can buy your way out of that too. I can only imagine the ego that comes with being that wealthy and thinking you can do anything. You can buy anything, anything you want.
- [30:48]
Mike Ryan
I wanted to ask you guys whether anyone has given thought to Tony Dungy still being on television, giving opinions poorly while Tony Dungy refuses to answer correct, whether or not he voted for Belich, which suggests, I assume at this point, if you're refusing to answer, that's the answer. That is the answer on that one. Right? You either boldly and proudly stake your non controversial opinion that I voted for Belichick or if you recuse yourself, that's incriminating.
- [31:27]
Greg Cote
It's tantamount to taking the Fifth Amendment. You're allowed to do it, but people think you're hiding something. People think you don't want to tell the truth. So you're taking the Fifth. I think the first and the first rule of being a Hall of Fame voter in any sport should be full transparency. People, fans have a right to know who you voted for and who you didn't vote for.
- [31:49]
Mike Ryan
You mentioned this yesterday. Here's Rodney Harrison telling Tony Dungy to his face that he doesn't respect that opinion. But I do think, interesting that I am not hearing anywhere nationally, why have Tony Dungy and Rodney Harrison been allowed to have those jobs for that long? Which is any list that doesn't include Bill Bell Belichick at the top is absolutely wrong. And a lot of those players that we mentioned, they're great players. I play with Drew Brees, I play with Adam Vinatieri. But there's nobody more deserving to be in that hall of Fame than Coach Belichick. I've seen his greatness. I've seen him design defenses to stop your offense. And you just look at the players that he's impacted. He's been unbelievable. And when I look out throughout the hall of Fame and even a guy like Tom Brady. Tom Brady wouldn't be Tom Brady Brady without Bill Belichick. And that's the disappointing part of it, Coach. And you guys got it wrong.
- [32:41]
Dan Le Batard
That's actually a pretty good moment for Rodney Harris.
- [32:44]
Chris Cody
Major call out.
- [32:45]
Dan Le Batard
Yeah. Tony Dungy just takes it on the chin. I mean, Tony Dungy's lack of really anything for, for NBC in the super bowl has even gotten Michael K. Calling for him to be fired.
- [32:56]
Zazz
Not just at the super bowl, like, ever.
- [32:58]
Chris Cody
I think Dungy comes off pompous enough that now look him. Him refusing to say who he voted for. Obviously is the answer. It means that he didn't vote for Belichick. But I think that he's pompous enough to believe that when he says that he actually believes he is withholding his vote from everyone. Like, I don't think he sees it that way. I think he actually believes. No, I'm not telling you when we all know he's telling us.
- [33:25]
Greg Cote
I would just like the truth from Tony Dungeon. It can be Spygate was big enough where he doesn't deserve to be first ballot. He's going to make it next year. It can be anything that the truth is. But the truth isn't. I don't remember or I don't want to answer that. I mean, that's just evasive to a fault.
- [33:45]
Dan Le Batard
And it's highly suspicious that it's coming from Indianapolis Colts that were embroiled in that rivalry there that probably might be bitter. Wait, these guys found some sort of advantage. Just say that and I think everybody would understand. Instead of this weird thing where we're like, like, how is this guy not a Hall of Famer? Do people need to have their votes taken away? Because that is the criteria right there. Those resumes.
- [34:04]
Jeremy
You know who looks great on NBC now?
- [34:06]
Lucas Zelnik
Jason Garrett.
- [34:07]
Mike Ryan
As always, gleaming whenever he turns toward the camera and that tooth sparkles. We need to get the imaging that supports what it is we're doing where Jason Garrett just knows the camera's there, isn't saying anything. And like a department store mannequin, he is moved by the hips toward the camera and smiles with a single gleaming tooth that should make a pinging sou. And that's what he's there to do. Just be former Dallas Cowboys coach and.
- [34:34]
Jeremy
Still better than Tony Dungy.
- [34:36]
Mike Ryan
This is a little more complicated than that, but I'd make the argument that that show doesn't actually have to aspire to be great. It just has to be on before that game. Because if they wanted to be great on that show, they would keep taking more chances or done something else with with Dan Patrick and tried to make it more interesting. But it's easier.
- [35:02]
Dan Le Batard
Famously. They did try to do something different with Dan Patrick. That was a thing that happened.
- [35:08]
Mike Ryan
I think they would have kept trying to do things. There's no incentive to take chances when all you have to do is get out of the way for football.
- [35:17]
Jeremy
But.
- [35:20]
Dan Le Batard
I got something shocking. A big swing, big risk we're taking. Get one of the most polished, likable sports anchor hosts ever to be a part of our coverage. I'm thinking outside the Box here.
- [35:33]
Mike Ryan
Randy Moss says. Greg, before we get to bet the castle here, Randy Moss says that only coaches and players should have votes. Now, Dungy's obviously a coach, and Dungy's one of the people doing this that is creating Randy Moss opinion where he's saying we need to take away the vote from the writers. He's saying just. Just coaches, just players.
- [35:57]
Greg Cote
Well, the problem with that is that coaches and players could very well have an axe to grind. Okay.
- [36:04]
Mike Ryan
Like Dungey.
- [36:05]
Greg Cote
Yeah. And. And. And have their vote influenced by how their career went and how many Super Bowls they think they didn't win because of Tom. Because of Bill Belichick, because of Tom Brady. Ostensibly, the writers are more neutral. Ostensibly. We're not fans of a team. We're not influenced. We didn't lose a Super bowl because Bill Belichick won six.
- [36:29]
Chris Cody
Rodney Harrison telling Dungy straight to his face he designed defenses that stopped you. That's a good line.
- [36:34]
Dan Le Batard
It was a bar. No, it was a great moment for Rodney Harrison off the list. I turned my ire in the direction of Tony Dungy. Why with this whole hall of Fame thing and this Bill Belichick, Robert Kraft thing is everybody being so goddamn cute? Why are we being cute? You have your reasons for leaving him off your bell. Just say it. Why does it. Everyone's embarrassed now, like, you did it. Like, just stick to your guns.
- [37:01]
Chris Cody
The only one who is apparently telling the truth is Bill Pollian. He's actually the only one who told the truth.
- [37:06]
Dan Le Batard
We were unfair to him.
- [37:07]
Chris Cody
We were very unfair to him.
- [37:09]
Mike Ryan
Everybody was. And his son scolded us and should have. Everybody was unfair to Bill Polian. He's just a doddering 81 year old man who couldn't remember whether he voted for Belichick or not. He was not sinister. He was not evil.
- [37:21]
Jeremy
Evil.
- [37:22]
Mike Ryan
Tony, let's bet the castle. Tony, I know Zaz is jealous. I've seen Zaz is always sniffing around those White Castle burgers.
- [37:29]
Zazz
He's so good.
- [37:30]
Mike Ryan
He's jealous that you're the one who gets to do this today. Go ahead, Tony. Give us. Let's see what it is that we're betting the castle on.
- [37:37]
Jeremy
Definitely. Dan, I'm gonna throw the White Castle burgers in the. In the microwave here, dude. Hit it with a quick little 60 seconds and we are off. Okay, so my bet, the castle. I'm going futures bet again. We talk about the Western Conference. We talk about how okc we actually need them to stop Wemby and the alien invasion that's happening with The San Antonio Spurs. I'm gonna go a little bit further down the board, and I'm gonna take the Denver Nuggets plus 450 to win the NBA Finals. I know they're at the fourth seat. They're the fourth seed right now in the Western Conference. Joker missed six weeks or so when he got hurt here in Miami. Across the street, the Casaya Center. They're playing really good ball. They were able to stabilize the boat without Joker. Joker's back in now working back into playing shape. They've got their. Their secondary, tertiary guys playing really well. Jamal Murray plays incredible in the playoffs. I think we're going to see some cannibalism happening in the Western Conference. Does OKC make it out? I don't know.
- [38:35]
Mike Ryan
Your mouth is watering.
- [38:36]
Dan Le Batard
Yeah.
- [38:37]
Mike Ryan
It is your mouth. I can.
- [38:38]
Jeremy
Seven seconds left.
- [38:38]
Mike Ryan
Yeah, well, that's okay.
- [38:39]
Jeremy
Five seconds.
- [38:40]
Mike Ryan
You don't have to keep talking.
- [38:41]
Jeremy
Plus 450 for the Denver Nuggets to win the NBA Finals.
- [38:45]
Zazz
Microwave going off.
- [38:47]
Mike Ryan
Better enjoy.
- [38:47]
Jeremy
Thank you.
- [38:49]
Chris Cody
Bring it in here.
- [38:50]
Jeremy
No, I'm not gonna bring it in there.
- [38:51]
Greg Cote
My mouth's watering.
- [38:52]
Mike Ryan
Szaslow is jealous. That is a delicious. That is a tasty burger, Dan.
- [38:56]
Chris Cody
Take it from you bet.
- [38:57]
Zazz
The castle is presented to you by White Castle. Hunger says eat. Cravings say eat this. And with White Castle's 100 beef, grilled onions, melty cheese, and steamy bun that hold it all together. How can you not crave thy castle?
- [39:09]
Mike Ryan
Can you tell me, Chris Cody, whether Jeremy has completed the song that he has been alone and voy been watching him? That's been cruel. I think it's also a crime to be watching him when he doesn't know we're watching him.
- [39:22]
Dan Le Batard
Just.
- [39:22]
Zazz
I saw him just mouth the F word in the living room, so.
- [39:25]
Mike Ryan
Okay. Do you have the sound of you reading poorly while you not. We don't have that. No, that's.
- [39:31]
Zazz
You know, maybe in post game couldn't track that down.
- [39:33]
Mike Ryan
Yeah. That's too bad.
- [39:34]
Zazz
Oh, wait, they do have.
- [39:35]
Mike Ryan
I shouldn't have put you in charge.
- [39:36]
Zazz
Remember, Sheets and Googles is offering a killer deal if you want to give something.
- [39:41]
Dan Le Batard
Tough one.
- [39:44]
Zazz
And folks, during December, these Sheets and giggles is off. And folks, during December, Sheets and giggles is offering a killer deal if you want to give some shitty gifts to your friends and family. A buy one get one half off deal with the. With the code ho ho ho ho ho ho. Or if you just want to try the sheets for yourself, head to sheets. Head to sheetsgiggles.com dan and use the code, Dan. This Christmas, you can get 20 off your first order of Sheets and giggles.
- [40:11]
Lucas Zelnik
At.
- [40:14]
Mike Ryan
It was enough.
- [40:14]
Zazz
We got it right.
- [40:16]
Jeremy
Oh.
- [40:19]
Zazz
Sheets and Giggles. Guys, Sheets and Giggles is a game changer. I never used to care what I slept on in my bed, but once I got sheets and Giggles in my life, I'm never.
- [40:28]
Mike Ryan
There's so many minutes left because I'm telling you, there's two minutes left of this.