Hour 2: I'm Not Letting That Guy Beat Me (feat. Amin Elhassan and Jonathan Zaslow)

Summary

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The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Episode: Hour 2: I'm Not Letting That Guy Beat Me
Date: October 13, 2025
Guests: Amin Elhassan, Jonathan Zaslow
Location: Elser Hotel, Downtown Miami

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Episode Overview

This episode finds Dan, Stugotz, Amin Elhassan, Jonathan Zaslow, and the crew navigating a blend of sports banter, locker room drama, and their trademark irreverent humor. The show moves from jaw-dropping highlights in the world of baseball and football to tales of coaching decisions and team dynamics, ultimately landing on a robust "Weekend Observations" filled with zingers, culture shots, and inside jokes. As always, South Florida sports, personal anecdotes, and unfiltered takes on national stories are on full display.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Battle Court Drama & GM Decision-Making

(01:38 - 05:15)

• Mike Ryan describes a heated internal decision for his Cyclones' Battle Court team, where injuries forced them to forfeit a largely meaningless sixth match to avoid risking further harm.
  • "[The] GM was saying, 'We're not going to do that,' and they had to get pulled off the front on" – Mike Ryan (03:38)
  • Mike's player Unda passionately objects: “You know how crazy I am. I think about this sport six days a week. I need to play." (02:17)
• Dan points out the magnitude if this had happened in a mainstream sport: “That would be a national controversy if it happened in football or something.” (03:48)
• The league ultimately backs the decision, emphasizing player safety and championship aspirations.

2. Baseball Marathons & Quirky Observations

(05:25 - 07:24; 15:43 - 17:41)

• Dan and the crew dissect the riveting ALDS Mariners-Tigers game, marveling at Cal Raleigh’s ironman catching performance and the weirdness of late-innings broadcast fatigue.
  • “He caught 17,000 pitches this season without a pass ball and hit 60 home runs.” – Mike Ryan (06:56)
• They laugh about Adam Wainwright’s relentless mentality: "I'm not letting this guy beat me." (07:02, 15:43)
• Commentary on the odd appearance of certain players ("Josh Naylor, straight up, looks like a buccaneer. Not a Tampa Bay Buccaneer, a swashbuckling buccaneer." – Dan, 07:16)
• Stugotz admits to ducking out early: “I'm going to admit I went to bed after 14 innings...it could go 19 innings. I'm out." (17:22)

3. Football Frustrations & Expert Commentary Satire

(14:38 - 16:31; 15:43 - 16:03)

• Dan critiques NFL commentary, notably Tom Brady’s overpaid, oversimplified advice: "Just give it to this guy," circling Derrick Henry (15:23-15:43).
• They highlight how everyone, including experts, can see the Ravens’ limited goal line options.
• The contrast between “Gronk the court jester” and “Brady the analyst” causes laughs: “He’ll give you a couple of occasions where he'll simply give you this. Emika, a big boo like Gronk…” (15:26)

4. Locker Room, Sports Betting, & Ethics

(03:33-03:38; 05:32-05:47)

• Joking about Mike possibly betting on his own team: “You’re a team owner. You’re betting on your own team.” – Stugotz (05:32)
• Pete Rose references: "Even betting on your own team, that'll get you out of the Hall of Fame." – Dan (05:38)

5. The Butt Plug Interlude

(07:38 - 09:58)

• An impromptu discussion erupts over the purpose and cultural misunderstandings surrounding, of all things, butt plugs – an exchange loaded with embarrassment, genuine curiosity, and comedic confusion.
  • “You think it's to stop the flow of what's coming out?” – Mike Ryan to Stugotz (09:03)
  • “Who here has worn a butt plug?” – Stugotz, igniting a round of laughter (09:15)

6. Jonathan Zaslow Checks in from Paris

(19:14 - 22:41)

• Zaslow video-calls in from Paris, managing to sound unimpressed with European landmarks while embarrassing his family:
  • “What are we seeing here that I not see in Cooper City? …My wife doesn’t like when I say that.” (19:36)
  • “I miss you guys. I’m excited to be there. I don’t like keeping all these sports takes myself.” (21:14)
• Offers drive-by football opinions, notably on the Dolphins and the Lions:
  • “Aaron Glenn, you fake punt at the end of the first half…get the hell out of here. You’re not a head coach.” (21:58)

7. Weekend Observations with Amin Elhassan

(26:01 - 37:59)

• Amin runs down his signature mix of stats, puns, and sarcastic notes on the sports weekend, with playful banter from the rest.
  • "Then they said it was a wrap. They said the magic was over. They wrote him off. And even though he got a pen, a postcard, and a stamp, he never went to the mailbox. Because after 174 yards and one touchdown, make no mistake, my boy Gino is back." (26:22)
  • On Brian Branch: "Not because he was bullied, but because he admitted to being bullied. And doing that in Man Campbell's world, has to be a cardinal sin with giant repercussions." (28:01)
  • "Kool Aid lost to Booty. Did you see that one, Dan? ...Kool Aid's a great name for a college football player. So is Booty." (27:41)
• List segment: "Top five things colder than Justin Fields" (35:06-36:51)
  • “Oli, Miller Light. Number five, the North Pole...Number two, any flight I get on when I forget to bring a hoodie..." (36:31)

8. Coaching Hot Seats and College Football Standards

(39:03 - 43:21)

• The crew reacts to Penn State firing James Franklin midseason, pondering the impatience of modern college football and the logic (or lack thereof) behind in-season firings.
  • “It’s two games that cost him his career…A team of Penn State's caliber had never lost to an 0-4 team like that.” – Dan (40:17)
  • “His reputation is he can't win the big game, but he can always win the games he's supposed to win…Once he stopped doing that…didn’t work out at Penn State.” – Mike (42:20)
  • Amin, on the pointlessness of the timing: "What's the point in firing James Franklin right now? What does that do for them?" (41:17)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On player safety and competitive spirit
  “I got complimented from the league office that said these players need a good GM to protect them from themselves.” – Mike Ryan (03:53)

• On late-game baseball and announcer fatigue
  “I really wanted them to lean into the cartoonish aspects of—they look like they’re a mess because this is exhausting.” – Dan (06:22)

• On expert NFL analysis
  “He's not going to give you any good analysis, but he's going to be better than Brady, because at the very least, he will give you that. He’ll give you a couple of occasions where he'll simply give you this…Emika, a big boo like Gronk…” – Dan (15:26)

• Classic irreverence on misunderstood objects
  “I don’t think that you have any idea what that is…It is not to plug poop. That's not what we're doing with that, Dad.” – Dan (08:38)

• Zaslow from Paris
  “I’m in Paris…What are we seeing here that I not see in Cooper City? That’s funny that you mention that. My wife doesn’t like when I say that.” – Zaslow (19:36)

• Amin on Geno Smith and second chances
  “They said the magic was over. They wrote him off. And even though he got a pen, a postcard, and a stamp, he never went to the mailbox. Because after 174 yards and one touchdown, make no mistake, my boy Gino is back.” – Amin (26:22)

• On comically premature firings in college football:
  “You could say it. They lost to nerds. That's okay.” – Amin (43:21)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Battle Court Drama / Locker Room Management: 01:38 – 05:15
• Mariners-Tigers Marathon, Cal Raleigh iron man: 05:25 – 07:24
• NFL Goal Line/Expert Commentary Satire: 14:38 – 16:31
• Butt Plug Debate: 07:38 – 09:58
• Zaslow Calls In from Europe: 19:14 – 22:41
• Amin’s Weekend Observations: 26:01 – 37:59
• James Franklin's Firing & College Football Hot Seat: 39:03 – 43:21

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Tone and Style

The show is a rollercoaster of sports acumen, pop culture references, and unfiltered locker room humor, blending in deep dives with quick-hit comedy. The hosts and guests riff with each other, often redirecting from topic to topic with in-jokes and laughter, all the while maintaining their uniquely South Florida, hyper-self-aware vibe.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Show

You'll find a quintessential Le Batard hour here: chaos, cackling, sharp sports takes, and not-so-sharp ones about both the games and their coverage. The team traverses the emotional terrain of team management, laments the death of nuance in sports commentary, and seizes every opportunity for a raucous aside—whether it’s about misunderstood objects, European vacations, or the upper limits of coldness in an NFL quarterback’s career and college football coach's prospects.

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If you're after in-depth analysis laced with laughs, plenty of character-driven side stories, and moments that could only happen on this show, this episode delivers.

Transcript

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[B]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats podcast.

[A]

How about that Mariners Tigers game, huh? Nobody cares. Oh, nobody cares. Too much. Too much football. Too much football.

[B]

You're finally speaking my language.

[C]

I'm ashamed to admit this. I, I, my eyes got a little too heavy. It was an exciting night at the fronton. I fell asleep because of all the emotional terrain that the Friday night match against Udonis Aslam's Renegades provided.

[A]

I heard that you had to make an executive decision that was very unpopular as a leader, Dan.

[C]

I got into a shouting match in the locker room with one of our players. Yeah, for those that, for those that aren't following this amazing season that the Cyclones are having in battle court top the standings right now, first place. We've had so many injuries, Dan. We've had injuries to injury replacements. So this we had to go into this Friday without our best player, Manu. The captain, the legend, the greatest backorder on the planet. We needed emergency replacements and yet we still got the dub. However, watching this match play out in Yaki, our tremendous front quarter. He pulled a bicep. We had the match day secured thanks to the the bravery of Robin. And I made the call, guys. The gigolos are like Waiting in the wings if we need them. But I made the call with a six and final match that was relatively meaningless for the Cyclones. I said, we're gonna go ahead and forfeit this match, guys. We have the match day secured. And Undo was not happy. Undo was yelling at me. Wounda's like, you know how crazy I am. I think about this sport six days a week. I'm like, your math is a little off their. But he's like, I need to play.

[A]

I.

[C]

You need me to play so I can get better. I'm like, I concede that, but I'm not going to throw out Hyrule for a third match. When in. Yaki's just torn his bicep a little bit. I got Manu getting treatment. We're a walking MASH unit.

[B]

We're like, oh, you can go, but we're trying to save.

[A]

Were you involved in the shouting, too?

[B]

I was not there Friday. I was. I had a parlay. Honestly, I was. I was anti Mike. I was like, let's.

[C]

I was like, if you watch the process, it was a little awkward because, like, the players took the front on for the. For match six while the GM was saying, we're not going to do that, and they had to get pulled off the front on and.

[A]

Wow, that would be a national controversy if it happened in football or something.

[E]

Big controversy.

[C]

I like that competitive spirit and that fire. Fire from Unda. That was. Those were good sparks. That is true locker room leadership. Manu had my back as a true captain does. We said we boss. You made the right move. I got complimented from the league office that said these players need a good GM to protect them from themselves. We are first place and we're not going to risk injury in match six. You know why, Chris? Because the standard is championship level. We need to win a battlecore championship here. We need to. And that is the main thing.

[F]

My question for you. Do you guys still have like the curtain of the locker room?

[C]

Yes. That shirs everybody's locker room.

[F]

Okay, so just to be clear.

[B]

Just to be clear, that's. That's the end of the.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

Winner take all baseball game in the history of baseball. That's it.

[C]

ALDS talk.

[E]

Yeah, I was watching Lions Chiefs. I forgot all about that.

[A]

No, no, this wasn't.

[G]

This was like five days ago.

[A]

This was three days ago.

[C]

He was watching it, though.

[A]

This was Friday night.

[B]

They also won yesterday. Very cool. Cal rale.

[C]

They should have bunted Crawford earlier in that. In that game. Would have saved us all a Bunch of sweat. But now that concludes alds.

[B]

Who do you forfeit to? Like you Just you tell the league on the court.

[C]

I told the league. I told league leadership.

[B]

Who's that?

[C]

Yeah, the Savins, the commissioner and the commissioner's daughter. She works hard.

[E]

The league can't like a forfeit.

[C]

The league had my back. This was the right call.

[B]

I mean, this.

[C]

This was the right call.

[B]

But this largely exists. Someone.

[C]

Someone in this room might have had a parlay and might different feelings about that. We won't pull that curtain back.

[E]

Were the fans booing?

[A]

Skubal struck out seven straight guys and it's like he pitched a month ago. By that time, the thing ended up in extra inning.

[B]

Hold on a second. You're a team owner. You're betting on your own team Toner.

[C]

He never bets against them.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Always with us.

[B]

Well, allegedly.

[C]

No trust.

[B]

I could show you the slip.

[E]

If you're betting against your own team, that's a controversy.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. I never have. Even betting on your own team, that'll get you out of the hall of Fame.

[C]

Ask Pete Root.

[B]

Well, you can't anymore, but you know what I mean.

[A]

Okay, Mike, I will argue that. I will give you a stat from that game. Game. While you were falling asleep on Friday. Not the undertaker, not the highlight, the Lions game. Cal Raleigh in the game where they were playing all of this perfect baseball where none of the pitchers can be hit and all of the pitchers are getting out of first and second base for your season jams. Cal Raleigh had. And I couldn't believe this when they said it. They went out of the. They went out of the broadcast booth where, of course, Adam Wainwright was there holding an actual baseball, because he's gotta be. And he's sitting next to AJ Pruszynski. And both of them, as the game is going on, are getting more and more disheveled. So that by the 15th inning, I really wanted them to lean into the cartoonish aspects of. They look like they're a mess because this is exhausting. But during that game, Cal Rowley had his first pass ball of the season.

[E]

Yeah, I saw that.

[A]

I couldn't believe that. How do you play an entire season catching baseball, being thrown at 100 mile an hour, those weirdos. And not have a pass ball all season? How is that even possible?

[C]

He's a Platinum Glove winner.

[B]

He caught 17,000 pitches this season without a pass ball and hit 60 home runs.

[C]

The entire broadcast is just Adam Wainwright saying, I'm not letting this guy Beat me.

[A]

How many?

[C]

Like, we're running out of guys that can be here, pal. And also another observation, odd looking team, the Mariners. Josh Naylor, straight up, looks like a buccaneer. Not a Tampa Bay buccaneer, a swashbuckling buccaneer. He looks like a musketeer. If we want to go away from the seas. Strange.

[A]

Strange looking dude, when you say that. I'm not going to let this guy beat me. I did have a moment during yesterday's football that made me laugh. It's at the goal line. Baltimore twice goes tush push.

[C]

Wow, look at that lava lamp shirt.

[E]

Is that what that is? A vacuum cleaner? Looked like a vacuum cleaner.

[B]

Let's really talk this out. Vacuum talk. Talk out everything. It could be. It's a Hoover.

[E]

I mean, it looks like a vacuum cleaner.

[C]

What do you think it is?

[E]

A lava lamp?

[C]

I don't know.

[D]

On.

[A]

On bird cr.

[B]

I'm going to whisper in your ear, dad.

[C]

What it is be a weird thing.

[E]

No way. I mean, I. I don't know that.

[A]

What do you not know?

[C]

What do you mean, no way? It looks exactly like one of those.

[B]

You don't know what one of those would look like? Vacuum cleaner.

[E]

What are you looking at me? What do you want me to say?

[A]

That apparatus.

[E]

Yeah, I don't believe it's what it is alleged to be.

[B]

Oh, it is. It's for the big dumper.

[E]

Ah, okay. All right. So if he had one of those, he wouldn't be the big dumper.

[A]

Anyway.

[B]

Say it for the podcast audience. Wait, what?

[C]

No, it's not to plug the poop.

[A]

I don't think he has any idea what a butt plug.

[C]

Wow.

[E]

You tell me, dan. Oh, Danny, Mr. Expert over here.

[G]

Go on.

[A]

I don't think that you have any idea what that is, but apparently. But it's not something enlightenment. It is not to plug poop. That's not what we're doing with that, dad.

[E]

I'm asking Dan. He's the expert.

[A]

Well, I'm not gonna take a quiz, so how about you tell us?

[B]

How about you tell us that's what Imodium was for.

[E]

To clear it up or to keep it in.

[B]

Imodium keeps it in. No, I don't know.

[C]

Wait, just to be clear, you think, like when you hear the word butt.

[A]

Plug, you thought it was.

[C]

You think it's to stop the flow of what's coming out.

[E]

Oh, what is it? Somebody tell me People derive sexual pleasure.

[B]

Yeah, what did you think?

[E]

Who here has worn a butt plug?

[B]

Wow.

[E]

Put that on the Pole.

[C]

Your hand is up.

[E]

Do you classify.

[B]

You just put your hand up? Yeah.

[E]

Do you classify it as wearing?

[B]

I don't think so.

[C]

We'll go ahead and clip that.

[D]

Used.

[A]

Maybe used one. Who's used a butt plug in that baseball game between the Mariners and the Tigers.

[E]

Like the tiger, my hand was up. Seeking other people in concert with or just trying to find that I have done that because I have not. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Unless there is. I don't know. Is it a good thing? Is it a bad thing?

[C]

Teach their own.

[B]

Only one way to find out.

[E]

I have no idea.

[C]

Maybe it's don't knock it till you try it. We'll see.

[D]

Here you go.

[E]

Hello.

[C]

That's the next bet. That's usually what you said. Bucket punishment. Hey, audience, I got a special treat for you because I want to talk to you about Miller Lite, but I want to talk to you about Miller Lite with my good friend Rose. Hey, Rose.

[E]

Hi, everybody.

[C]

When we hang out, and we hang out often, we're friends. I consider us friends.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[C]

We're often toasting the good times. And what am I toasting with?

[A]

With Miller Light.

[C]

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No, it is a horsey.

[C]

A horsey. All right, well, stop doing that. And here's a kicker. Miller lite is just 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. The original light beer since 1975. That's right. And still hitting different five decades later. You're so good at this, Rose.

[D]

I know.

[C]

So whatever your game day looks like, remember, Miller time is always a good time. Look at us. We're a great tag team. High five again. Can you do that? That beer sound one more time? And the horse sound one more time. I regret asking you about that one, but the Miller Light sound is good. Miller Lite, great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com in to find delivery options near you or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere. They sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate. Responsive Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wiscon. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounce ounces. No, it says.

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Oh, says.

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[G]

Don LeBatard what do I got here?

[E]

I got a Magnum condom. We won't get that out.

[A]

That's shocking.

[C]

Stugarts.

[E]

Here's a picture of Christopher when he was like three years old.

[A]

Right next to the condo. Yeah.

[C]

Reminder.

[D]

Yeah.

[G]

Never forget this is the Dan lebatar.

[B]

Show with the st.

[A]

Can you find for me the sound of the Tigers announcer after the game getting caught on a live mic saying bleep this postgame show. I don't want to do this post game show because their season is over and when it it is that Billy is pointing out the idea of as we're watching all of these games and thinking that other people can just recreate what these people are doing. The Baltimore Ravens twice. Because you're sitting here when you're talking about this high lie story and you guys are saying from your executive suite, well, just do it this way. This is the easy way to do it. So I watched the Ravens at the goal line. They twice tried the tush push. They failed twice. And Tom Brady comes in helpfully, and he just says, you know what I'm doing in this spot? And he circles Derek Henry. I'm just giving it to this guy. They did, and he lost three yards. They couldn't do the. They couldn't do the. It was. It was comedy. Okay. To have Tom Brady come in and see them not be able to get half a yard on a tush push twice. And he's like, what are you doing? Like, just give it to this guy. And that guy lost three yards because everyone knew they were just going to give it to that guy because that offense can't do anything when Lamar Jackson's not out.

[C]

He got tripped up, like, five yards by the scrimmage.

[G]

Was like, oh, that's not good.

[A]

But it got me to thinking because we were playing the Gronk sound. Chris, when. When you think of what it is that you want from your announcers, because it's. It's funny that Gronk is being used on a pregame show where all he can contribute is being the court jester Gronk, he's not going to give you any good analysis, but he's going to be better than Brady because at the very least, he will give you that. He'll give you a couple of occasions where he'll simply give you this. Emika, a big boo like Gronk, is a hire as a broadcaster. Truly awful. However, if you just get this from him every month or so, it's better than what you're paying Brady $375 million for, which is just to circle Derrick Henry and say, give it to this guy. That's my expertise.

[C]

And Wainwright would be like, I'm not letting Derek Henry beat me.

[A]

That's. That's the point I was looking for. It wasn't what Billy said, and it wasn't highlight. It was that point. I'm not letting somebody beat me was the point that you made. And that's what Tom Brady was saying. I believe everyone on earth knows that the Ravens aren't going to beat you at this point if they don't hand it to that human being. Like, that's all they've got.

[B]

Wainwright predicted probably, I would bet in that game, 70 fastballs that were sliders, every single. I'm Going fastball. Oh, this one's going to be a fastball for sure. And that just shows where the game is at. But there was nothing as electric as in the 15th inning when Tommy Kanely comes in and you've got Adam Amin absolutely losing his mind over 93 mile an hour fastballs simply because Kane Lee only throws changeups. That's where we were in the game. It was beautiful.

[A]

It is the, the level of play in that baseball game where every time a pitcher goes down in a 20 count, even if the bases are loaded, it's like, no, I'm going to. I'm going to thr. Throw some. I'm not throwing a fastball here, even though I throw 100. No, I'm going to put a 20 breaking ball on you. And like, the pitching in that game was extraordinary. I couldn't believe that the Blue Jays, I thought for sure, at the very least you got to fly across the country after playing that game, when you've done that to your bullpen, that the Blue Jays are going to club you over the head because you're, you're not going to be able to get any pitching. And then they win again yesterday, and.

[B]

It starts with George Springer hitting a home run on the first pitch. So you're like, all right, well, this is, this is going to go horribly. The mayor. The Mariners threw 100 pitches. They threw 99 pitches in ALDS game 5 after the 8th inning.

[A]

Can I get you guys interested in baseball with that or not?

[E]

I'm going to admit I went to bed after 14 innings. No, I really did. I kept watching and watching because it was a great game. It was so compelling, so close and great pitching, and I'm just like, I can't stay up anymore. I'm literally falling asleep. This could go 19 innings. I'm out.

[B]

Sorry, can you say something so compelling? I'm falling asleep, Right?

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It happens that second seventh inning stretch.

[F]

Really?

[B]

It's kind of like, all right, yeah, let's get this done already, right?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Is the story around Kansas City and Detroit going to be that Brian Branch fought juju Smith Schuster? Like, is that what we're going to be like? Is that what's eating up the news stream and how it is that people talk about these games? Because at this point, the Chiefs are in the position when it's only news if they lose, Right? Like, it's not, it's not the big news if they win.

[C]

Certainly isn't people admitting they were wrong about them.

[E]

It's big news. When they beat Detroit, I mean, and that stopped that mighty offense. But Brian Branch, I predict, will be suspended for multiple games.

[A]

Multiple games.

[D]

Yes.

[E]

I think. I think when you do that after the game, it takes on a whole nother level.

[A]

I just saw a whole lot of headlines. Marred, marred, marred, marred. And I'm like, what? More violence broke out after the initial violence. Like, more guys fought and did. Like, I sort of shrugged on. Okay. Gladiators got out of control, whatever that happened.

[E]

Okay. I'll be interested to see what the league does. The league will do something.

[A]

But you. But did it mar it? Like, because I saw Marred.

[C]

Marred. It was an ugly scene.

[E]

Yeah. I mean, we're talking about it, and that's the last thing the league wants. You have two of your best teams playing in prime time, and now you're talking about a fight between two players. One saying he was bullied. Ridiculous. Embarrassing.

[A]

What is Zaz doing there? Look at Zaz. Zaz is looking in on us. Haunting. A little bit of haunting. Where are you, Zaz? You've been missed. Where? Where? You're traveling Europe. You shouldn't be. You've never traveled Europe before. What are you doing?

[G]

Bonjour, everyone. Bonjour. You know what bonjour means?

[A]

Hello.

[G]

That's where I am. I'm in Paris. Hello. Hello, Dan. Bonjour.

[A]

What are you doing? You just look like you're in a parking lot. You can be in Tamarack.

[G]

Well, that's true. I've said that several times on this trip. What are we seeing here that I not see in Cooper City? That's funny that you mentioned that. My wife doesn't like when I say that. But behind me is the river Seine. You know about that river? You may have heard in the Olympics. We're about to go on it. We're going to go on a river cruise tonight.

[F]

Weren't people barfing and, like, didn't somebody die?

[G]

Yeah, but don't worry about that. I'm not going to barf or die in this river.

[A]

What are you looking forward to? What have been the highlights of your trip?

[G]

Saw the Mona Lisa today. Got to see my girl in person. That's right. We. We toured the Louvre. That's a very famous museum dam. We toured that today. And we've seen all kinds of great stuff here. Eiffel Tower yesterday. Went all the way up to the top. You can't be skirt. I went all the way to the very top of the Eiffel Towers. Very, very exciting.

[B]

Dan, I can't help but point out that today in America, we're celebrating Indigenous Peoples Day, and you decided that the best way to celebrate that was to leave and go to the continent of the colonizers.

[G]

I mean, look, sometimes you got to pick a side, right? I don't want to tell you.

[F]

Let my boy cook.

[C]

That's a holiday spirit.

[F]

Let my boy cook.

[C]

And you didn't call it by its right name. I saw an EO go out.

[G]

What's going. What's going on in sports, guys? Is sports still happening while I'm away? It's very tough keeping track with the time differences. You know about the time zones, Dan?

[A]

I do, yes. The Lord's time zone.

[B]

They actually stopped all sports until you came back. It's the craziest thing.

[A]

Did you have any sports opinions that you wanted to share before flying back in a hurry? Are you. Are you. Are you here this week?

[G]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm flying back home tomorrow. I'm coming straight to the studio Wednesday morning. I miss you guys. I'm excited to be there. I don't like keeping all these sports takes myself. I haven't been able to see a single second of the Panthers because the games are like 1am over here. Terrible. We were all in the Lord's time zone. It'd be so much easier to keep track of everything. But I know The Panthers are 3 0. I love them so much. And I watched most of the Dolphin game yesterday because that was like 7pm local time here. No problem. I saw most of it. Two or three interceptions. And then he questions the leadership in players only meetings, which really sounds like he's questioning his own leadership. So I don't know. You explain that to me.

[A]

All right, good seeing you. Any other sports opinions on your way out the door that you need to unleash because it can't wait till Wednesday.

[G]

I mean, Aaron Glenn, you fake punt at the end of the first half, you pick it up, and then you sit on the ball and run out the clock. Get the hell out of here. You're not a head coach.

[A]

All right, very good. See you on Wednesdays as take us bossoir bourbon. All right. Thank you. Appreciate. He doesn't belong in Europe. They shouldn't let him in Europe.

[B]

Family has to hate that, right? He keeps like, well, we can't go on this river cruise yet.

[A]

You don't think all of France hates him walking around looking like an undercover cop?

[G]

Like, I'm embarrassing my kids. My kids hate that I'm doing this right now. They said, dad, can you go walk like 10 minutes away. I'm embarrassing them. What's he embarrassed about? Look at me. I'm awesome.

[D]

What's up, guys? It's Amin. And those of you that listen to the show religiously know that I always talk about. I'm not going to movie theaters anymore. There's nothing that can get me to the movie theaters. Just let me know when it comes out on streaming. Well, turns out I'm a big fat liar because one of the things that I watched in the movie theater this summer just a couple of months ago was the Naked Gun. And I laughed my ass off. I enjoyed it so much, being there in a movie theater full of people, everybody laughing, the communal experience. But now it's on Paramount plus and I get to do it all over again from the comfort of my home. I'm gonna grab my family, we're gonna gather around, we're gonna watch it. That's what you should do. You should grab your friends or your family. Watch the Naked Gun. It's hilarious. Liam Neeson kills it as Frank Reben Jr. Yes. Frank Drevin Jr. They're continuing the legacy. There are a lot of little callbacks and Easter eggs from the old Naked Gun movies. This one right here captures that spirit, captures that comedy. And why wouldn't it? It's Produced by Seth MacFarlane. You know how much I love Family Guy and American Dad. He's a producer. The director was Akiva Schaefer. You know him from snl. He directed Pop Star Never Stop Popping. He's hilarious. You got Pam Anderson in it. You got my man Danny Houston, AKA I'm surprised. Oh, my God. You have to go catch this movie on Paramount plus. And why wouldn't you? Who doesn't like to laugh? It's fun times in your household. Tonight, Paramount plus the Naked Gun.

[B]

Crack open Hampton Farms in Shell peanuts for the crunch you crave. Try their salted, unsalted and Cajun hot nuts. With 7 grams of protein per serving, more than any other nut, Hampton Farms n shell peanuts are 100% USA grown and a great snack for game day. Find Hampton Farms in the produce section of your local grocery store or [e-mail] get nutty with Hampton Farms peanuts, the official snack nut of the tailgate.

[A]

When did making plans get this complicated?

[D]

It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together.

[A]

Use polls to settle dinner plans, send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom 60th. And never miss a meme or milestone.

[D]

All Protected with end to end encryption.

[A]

It's time for WhatsApp.

[D]

Message privately with everyone. Learn more at WhatsApp.com Don Lebatard My.

[G]

Algorithm on Instagram is Dance All Boobs.

[C]

Stugats.

[G]

It's a good algorithm. This is the Dan lebatar show with the two gods.

[B]

Dan, it occurred to me earlier today, we were talking about this before the show. We're in a bit of a pickle today. I don't know if you. If you caught on to the fact that we're in a pickle here.

[C]

His movie theater sells pickles.

[A]

How much?

[C]

2.99.

[B]

I can't even do his own.

[A]

He's gone. Sorry. We can't play your pickle game with him. He's gone. We have to whack him in welcome in Amino Hassan instead. Maybe there'll be time for you to play your pickle game with Amin once he's done with his weekend observations. Are you ready, Amin? Or do you want to do pickles? You want to do weekend observations first?

[D]

That's a hell of a deal. But let's do weekend observations.

[F]

Yeah, Amin also looks like Amin to.

[G]

Share his game notes. No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boy Amin.

[A]

The hat's too small. That's part of it. The hat.

[F]

It's the style of the hat too. Officer, I don't have anything on me.

[A]

The hat is too small.

[E]

Where do I go around here? I gotta buy a bag of dope.

[A]

Where can a guy get a butt plug around here?

[D]

Haircut days tomorrow, fellas. Weekend observations is presented by Miller Light. Then they said it was a wrap. They said the magic was over. They wrote him off. And even though he got a pen, a postcard and a stamp, he never went to the mailbox. Because after 174 yards and one touchdown, make no mistake, my boy Gino is back. Got the win. That's all that matters. The most important stat of them all.

[A]

What was that? What was that, Tony? You just gave no 174 yards in a touchdown.

[F]

They beat the worst team in the league.

[D]

And when it's a win, get one in the win column. That's all you got. Just win, baby.

[A]

Off of that football weekend, you open with Geno Smith not throwing a pick.

[F]

That's the only thing he didn't do, is not throw a pick.

[D]

Well, he did throw a pick. I just didn't mention it. He did throw one. It was a bad pick, too. I was like, you know, what are you doing?

[A]

You're in the. You're in the red zone, Gino. Come on.

[D]

Drake the quarterback having as good a year as Drake the music artist had a bad year. There can only be one Drake. I need a one Drake. Here's a first. Kool Aid lost to Booty. You see that one, Dan?

[A]

I did. Yes. Kool Aid's a great name for a college football player.

[D]

So is Booty.

[A]

I've seen booties put them together throughout the college experience. There are generations of booties. Josh Booty, he was the original.

[D]

There's no one I feel more sorry for then Brian Branch. Not because he was bullied, but because he admitted to being bullied. And doing that in Man Campbell's world, has to be a cardinal sin with giant repercussions. Greg, you said multiple game suspension. Is that what you said?

[E]

I think so. Book it.

[D]

Yeah, giant repercussions.

[E]

There you go.

[D]

Dan being a giant.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry. I ruined it. I stepped on it. Dan Campbell. Though Dan Campbell did call it inexcusable. Like he. Like. I'm guessing Dan Campbell's not real happy with Branch this morning.

[D]

Yeah, can't be excused. Giant repercussions. Speaking of dying. Hey, Philly, you got a dart in your neck. I'm gonna do this every week, folks. Pull it out, Dan. You know what Cam Scatterboo had for dinner Thursday night? He had wings.

[A]

Wings. Oh, wings. Yes.

[D]

Yeah. Eagle wings. Tender fall right off the bone. Dan asked if the Colts are haunted and Mike Ryan made an Ursay joke and nobody went with him on it. Bad teammates, just like Tua. Stay strong, Greg Cody. Stay strong. A whole lot of football to be played. You know who a good teammate is? Mike Ryan. Thanks for the heads up on those World cup tickets. San Francisco, here I come. Haynes King, 204 passing yards and one touchdown. You know what that is, Dan?

[A]

I do not.

[D]

Solid. Haynes King. 60 yards rushing in two touchdowns. You know what that is?

[A]

Heisman.

[D]

Best running quarterback in the nation. How about that? Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, huh? Calling Jackson, Smith and Jigba. JSN is the ultimate announcer. Cheat code feels like a very dangerous name. Be real careful around it. Just say JSN and no one will think twice. 5000 a week is a fraction of Nick Wright's gambling budget.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Meaning?

[D]

His annual gambling budget easily clears a quarter of a million dollars. You think with that kind of money he could afford to come up with his own bits? Tell you what, Nick.

[A]

Ouch. Ouch.

[D]

You pay me a fraction of your gambling budget and I'll come up for bits for you. MVP conversation bar. We had it first. I dare someone to call Johnny Furfy of the Pacers. Sneaky, athletic. You guys have no idea who I'm talking about. But you will. Tony knows I. Johnny Furfee.

[A]

I love him.

[D]

Dude. Dude got put. Puts posters up. He puts posters up. A receding hairline and a bad back. Me and LeBron have so much in common. Let me just stop right here. And Chris was like, how would you feel if you woke up every day in crippling back?

[A]

That's me, mother.

[D]

That's me. Every day. And I don't have a billion doll.

[C]

It's free.

[D]

Free.

[B]

They're the one saying, I'll take that back pain. I'll take it out every day of the week for $1.3 billion.

[C]

I'll take it to be Tiger woods.

[D]

Every day of the week.

[C]

I don't want to be Bob Colada. I want to be Tiger Woods.

[D]

I don't want to be Tiger Woods. I just want Tiger woods money. His quiche. Penn State firing James Franklin a couple weeks after Penn State hired Kegel. Michael Keegan. Michael Key to do a James Franklin impression. Feels like we should have known. Also feels like I shouldn't have called him Kegel. Nobody caught that.

[A]

Yes. I got it. Greg doesn't know what you're talking about.

[B]

I do.

[E]

I do.

[D]

All right.

[C]

All right.

[D]

Bam. Out of bio.

[B]

Bam.

[D]

Out of the bayou. Telling Asia Wilson he'll propose to her after he brings the championship to Miami.

[A]

Oh, no.

[D]

Asia better hope. Hopes he picks up hockey. Bam. Out of the bayou. What does Mark Davis say to the barber when he gets a haircut? I'm. I'm asking the room, what do you think?

[B]

He said, I'll take the bowl. He brings the bowl in and, like.

[D]

Just puts it on his.

[C]

I'll have the ush.

[A]

Yep. There you go, Mike.

[D]

That's what he says. The usual.

[E]

My up.

[B]

Lewis.

[D]

I like that. A Fan is suing LeBron James for the second decision. How long did your lawyer say the process to take, Dan? Yes, I know that.

[A]

What?

[D]

Brace yourselves, everyone. Dan actually thought there was going to be a second decision.

[A]

I admitted that. I wasn't hiding from it. You thought you were gonna shame me? You thought you were gonna shame me by revealing private tech.

[B]

I thought he was gonna, like, sell a decision. Like, obviously, I think everyone knew there was some sort of advertisement with it, but I thought it was going to be, like, part of an announcement, and then it was sold.

[D]

Have you guys ever met LeBron James, like in on TV, like you don't know what he's about. You think that's how he announces his. Come on, man.

[A]

I don't know what he's about. I should have known. He's about Hennessy.

[B]

It's also. That's how he announced his way to Miami.

[E]

Me.

[B]

He did an interview like. What do you mean?

[D]

There was a. There was a build up to that. There wasn't just. Hey, by the way, tomorrow I'm going.

[A]

To have an announcement.

[D]

Everyone pay attention. That's not how he does when he does that.

[A]

It's clear.

[D]

He's just doing. He's just chilling. He's just chilling. Are there any black Ethans in existence? Does anyone know a black Ethan?

[E]

I do not.

[A]

Put it on the poll at Lebitard show. Do you know any black Ethans?

[D]

I took a nap and woke up to number 19, Johnson catching a touchdown for Tampa Bay. I thought I fell into a time warp, but Keyshawn. I had to Google that. The kid wasn't Keyshawn's kid. Just a random johnson wearing 19 for tampa bay.

[A]

I know this isn't a surprise here locally, but it is still a little jarring to see an Arande Gadsden running around for the Chargers years.

[D]

There was another Johnson for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. By the way, Tez Johnson caught his first career touchdown from Baker Mayfield yesterday. The crowd chanted mvp. And Tez thought the chance were for him. He said, but I had to ask Sterling Shepard, like I didn't even do anything. I just had this. My first touchdown of the year.

[C]

Three Johnson's. When you consider the six foot one lining up under center.

[D]

This kid is going. This kid is going places. That's a good one, Mike. In 1778 during the Revolutionary War, the British carried out the Cherry Valley massacre in which they targeted and killed 30 non combatants and took 30 more prisoner. After 247 years, we finally got our revenge yesterday day by sending one of the most boring games imaginable. Jesus Christ. Broncos and Jets. At one point, Justin Fields are thrown for minus 10 yards for the game. He finished with 45. It's ice cold. Top five things. Colder than Justin Fields. Oli Miller Light. Number five, the North Pole. No, we're not doing. Thank you. That's usually when I say Oli, that's a sign that the list is starter number five, the North Pole. Barely. I mean barely. I looked it up. It was like 42 degrees in the North Pole yesterday. Global warming Y number four, the dairy section of Costco.

[F]

Freezing in there, but a nice, a nice little respite of, of, of stuff. When it's hot out there.

[G]

Yeah.

[D]

When you're hot outside, you go get the milk first, go in there, hang.

[B]

Out a little bit, maybe see what.

[F]

Eggs they got going on.

[D]

Strawberries. Yep, absolutely. Then you come back out. Now you're good. Number three, the tweet from mid season from the guy who said we were witnessing the decline of Asia Wilson.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

She ended up being finals mvp, defensive player of the year, scoring champ and mvp.

[A]

Pretty good.

[D]

Yeah, not bad. Number two, any flight I get on when I forget to bring a hoodie or jacket, when I bring my hoodie or jacket, it's always like 60 degrees in there. I forget it. It's like 22 degrees. I get frostbite on the flight below freezing.

[A]

Is that right? But you're flying at below freezing temperatures.

[D]

I could see my breath.

[A]

Breath.

[D]

If I don't, if I don't bring a hoodie or jacket. If I'm comfortable and I'm. I'm hoodied up, it's all good. If I don't bring it, I can see my breath. And the number one thing that's colder than Justin Fields yesterday, the dolphin season. Stay strong Grit. Cody. Why is it when teams score versus the Niners the TV trucks always show us Robertsop dollar what the hell. Speaking of hell and that beat that didn't come out after my what the hell are frials.

[A]

Wow. Wow. You're not working correctly with a mean.

[D]

He needs.

[A]

He needs to be.

[C]

He corrected.

[A]

That's.

[D]

That's the cue like hey, he's about to wrap it up.

[B]

I think it's a zoom.

[C]

It's a zoom audio prioritization thing.

[F]

Well, those are the bad teammates.

[B]

Accept your apology.

[A]

2 I have a couple of sounds that I want to get to from what it is that he was just talking about because Aaron Glenn did snippet reporters for suggesting. Did you consider removing your quarterback when he had the worst first half any of us have ever seen? Sacked nine times for the game. Passing total of negative 10 when you take the sacks and 55 yards of sacks and then take away all of the passing totals, which is 8 yards on the final drive, 38, 37 before that. So I've never seen such a bad game in normal weather conditions. I also want to get the sound of the Detroit Tigers announcer who said bleep this postgame show during the post game show. But I wanted to talk to all of you, including Amin about the new standard in college football where James Franklin can be fired six games after having his team a half from playing for, you know, the most meaningful of games.

[C]

College game day was at Happy Valley, like 15 days ago. And James Franklin was being interviewed by Saban. And right then, Penn State was in the middle of a good run, you know, made it to the national semifinals. A corner slips, you lose that game and now, next thing you know, you're losing to ucla, which by the way, to Sean Foster must be the worst head coach on the planet for UCLA to turn their season around the way that they did. And James Franklin is out of a job despite all of us kind of conceding. Not a bad coach. Just can't win the big one. $50 million buyout triggered decisive. That is them knowing exactly which direction. Matt rules agent, by the way, is a Hall of Fame agent because he's already linked to that job. Restarting the clock over there. But this was a shocking. Not. It was a shocking result. And that we were having the conversations immediately after that result drew Aller out for the year. Seemed like he had a bunch of people fooled. But this is pretty stunning, isn't it?

[B]

Like shocking and stunning just because Penn State finally did it, because we've been talking for such a long time like he just can't win the big game. Look at all the talent he has. He'll get into the playoff now that it's 12. They'll never fire him if he keeps getting to the playoffs. And then they actually finally did it, which I think is what actually surprised people.

[A]

It's two games that cost him his career, one we've never seen. UCLA was 04 and had lost at home to New Mexico, 35 to 10. UCLA was terrible. A team of Penn State's caliber had never lost to an 04 team like that. And then I'm telling you, you lose to Northwestern and you get gone.

[B]

But it's a long time coming. Like he's had years and years of not winning the big games that they hired him to come win. And his career is not over. Like, he will end up somewhere and he'll be just fine. He's just. It didn't work out at Penn State.

[D]

You know, the crazy thing Dan is like in. In even the NFL, definitely in the NBA and Major League Baseball, you can fire a coach midseason. Because guys, all you got to do is get a hot enough runner. We'll get a wild card or we'll get into play in or whatever and then we'll see where it goes from there, right? We even Saw Michael Malone getting fired with two games left in the season, which is outrageous. But still enough time for Denver to turn something meaningful out of their season. What. What's the point in firing James Franklin right now? What does that do for them? What?

[A]

What?

[D]

How ahead of the eight ball are they? And then the other part of it is if you fired him now, that means you already felt like firing him early. This could have been the first inkling you had about thinking about making a change. Why didn't you make the change earlier? It's always the weirdest thing when college football coaches get fired midseason.

[A]

But it's literally. We're literally talking. It's four halves that got him fired. If he wins that overtime against Oregon, he's not fired. If he wins that. If he wins the overtime against Oregon, he does not get fired. If. And it be embarrassing, but he still.

[C]

Has a UCLA law and the Northwestern.

[A]

I believe this happened in three losses. I believe it was three losses. The cumulative effect of all three of the losses and the last one being Northwestern. You can't tell me the last two games are James Franklin not being able to win the big game. They have nothing to do with the big game.

[C]

No, but they're brutal losses. I. You're probably right. It's the three. Because there would still be a path to the CFP even if they just lost UCLA and Northwestern, even though those records combined are bad.

[B]

Well, his reputation is he can't win the big game, but he can always win the games he's supposed to win to still get himself into the playoffs. And then once he stopped doing that, I mean the reason it happened after this loss is because three losses for this Penn State team, they're not going to make the playoffs. So like the season ended for them this weekend. More than likely.

[A]

That's correct. But I. But I do ask you again. If they simply make the comeback, they were down 173 against Oregon. If they come back to beat Oregon on the same day, like Indiana just beat Oregon to expose Oregon some. But this was four halves ago. Four halves ago they were in overtime against the top five team at home. They'd be coming back from down two touchdowns in that game to win that game.

[C]

I don't know that mean I can't imagine the conversations being held by the boosters as they're losing to Northwestern at home.

[A]

Northwestern got him fired. Not, not nothing in 12 years happened that wasn't Northwestern getting him fired. You lost to Northwestern and we cannot abide that. We are serious people, Dan.

[D]

You could Say it. They lost to nerds. That's okay.

[A]

I already did say it. They lost to Mike Greenberg school, and we cannot have that.

[D]

This is like. This is like Liam Neeson on the ice road up in Nepal trying to spread his. His brother's ashes on Mount Everest. Which, by the way, ice Road Vengeance, the Cinephobe movie from last week. This week on Thursday coming out, Retribution, another Liam Neeson movie. We're getting a little Liam Neeson slate going on on Cinephobe. Wherever you get podcasts.

[C]

Hey, audience, I got a special treat for you because I want to talk to you about Miller Light, but I want to talk to you about Miller Light with my good friend Rose. Hey, Rose.

[E]

Hi, everybody.

[C]

When we hang out, and we hang out often, we're friends. I consider us friends.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[C]

We're off and toasting the good times. And what am I toasting with?

[A]

With Miller Lite.

[C]

That's right, Miller Lite. Whether you're hanging out with your dear friend Rose or at game day, it just hits different when you got a Miller Lite in your hand. From jaw dropping touchdowns to fantasy heartbreaks, it's a beer that has been there for every moment. 50 years of great taste, simple ingredients, and that iconic golden color that you can spot across the room. And it's just not the color of the beer, which is brilliant. That beautiful white can. How beautiful is that? Is that you doing the sound of a can opening? Is that your favorite sound?

[A]

No, it is a horsey.

[C]

A horsey. All right, we'll stop doing that. And here's a kicker. Miller light is just 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. The original light beer since 1975. That's right. And still hitting different five decades later. You're so good at this, Rose.

[A]

I know.

[C]

So whatever your game day looks like, remember, Miller time is always a good time. Look at us. We're a great time. High five again. Can you do that? That beer sound one more time? And the horse sound one more time. I regret asking you about that one, but the Miller Light sound is good. Miller Lite, great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com shan to find delivery options near you or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsively. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounce ounces. No, it says.

[E]

Oh, says.