Hour 2: Marty Smith Will Not Complain (feat. Lucy Rohden and Marty Smith)

Summary

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Episode: Hour 2: Marty Smith Will Not Complain (feat. Lucy Rohden and Marty Smith)
Date: December 2, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode, recorded at the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, features Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, Lucy Rohden, and special guest Marty Smith. The crew dives into the insanity of college football’s postseason drama, the legendary Michigan–Ohio State rivalry, Lane Kiffin's infamous coaching switch, pranking controversies, Internet absurdities, college football's quirks, and even some NASCAR talk, all with their trademark blend of genuine sports insight, sarcasm, and banter.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Michigan-Ohio State Rivalry (01:44–06:35)

• Rivalry Dissection: The group debates whether the famed "rivalry" can still be called such if one team (Michigan) continuously dominates. One side insists, "It's always a rivalry, no matter who's winning or losing," while Dan plays the skeptic, and jokes abound about the lopsided nature ("Michigan's above them for a reason. They're also little brother. We will always own Ohio State." – Marty Smith, 04:03).
• Fan Trash Talk: Plenty of ribbing about Ohio State fans' misery, “People go crazy for it. It’s all they think about 364 days a year. Today, we’re gonna win for the fifth straight time, and they’re gonna go home sad.” (Lucy Rohden, 02:38).
• Relationship & Fan Camaraderie: Banter ensues about fans dressing up, couples, and fake histories—all in the name of college football allegiance.
• Moral Bargains for Championships: When asked if they'd give up a day of their life for a national championship, the hypothetical gets predictably twisted by the show’s regulars—flipping sides for the camera ("Five minutes ago you just told me the opposite… Now he's lying for the TV." – Lucy, 04:53).

2. Expense Reports & On-the-Road Antics (06:35–12:07)

• Behind the Scenes of "Off-Roading": Marty and Lucy joke about keeping the show's travel expenses minimal. Lucy pushes for some retroactive hat money: “Not one singular hat did you pay for, which is actually kind of messed up… I think you should… give me a gift card…” (Marty, 05:39).
• Lucy’s Next Assignments: She’ll be at the Orange Bowl and playoff games, with the group speculating she'll make up for her lack of spending (“I assume that you're going to spend on an assortment of souvenirs to catch up on lost spending.” – John, 11:28).

3. Lane Kiffin Coaching Move & Public Fallout (12:07–16:06; 26:29–35:47)

• Kiffin Fatigue & Internet Lore: Lucy and Marty dive into the exhaustion of covering Lane Kiffin’s departure from Ole Miss to LSU (“This is Lane Kiffin being who Lane Kiffin is. There's no way this was ever going to go casually.” – Marty, 11:39).
• Public Reaction & Pilates Studio Gossip: The weirdest Kiffin stories are unearthed, including tales of him wreaking havoc at a local pilates studio (“He would tip people over when they were planking… there is a whole section of the Internet… happy to get their hot yoga back.” – Lucy, 12:47).
• NCAA Business Double Standards: Both Lucy and Marty highlight the problematic way departing coaches try to “have their cake and eat it, too.” Lucy backs Ole Miss barring Kiffin from coaching the playoff run: “You don’t get to throw this giant Lane Kiffin spectacle… but also, give me everything I want. Doesn’t work like that.” (Marty, 13:22).
• Comparisons to Other Coaching Transitions: The distinction is made between Kiffin's move (loud, messy, in-conference) and other smoother transitions (like John Sumrall), demonstrating that how one leaves matters (“There are different circumstances because they're different levels, and LSU or Florida and Tulane are not competing against one another.” – Marty, 16:10).

4. The Notorious Dog: Juice Kiffin (17:14–19:34; 39:25–39:58)

• Viral Mascot Investigation: The saga of Lane Kiffin’s dog “Juice” is unraveled—the dog wasn’t Kiffin’s after all, but Ole Miss property. The group riffs on the idea of Kiffin “renting a pet to appear more human.” (“People love dogs. Yes, but it was a prop dog.” – Dan, 18:28).
• Dog-Based Reporting: The show pokes fun at reporting by following the social media accounts of college mascots: “I love the way we're gathering news in 2025. Checking in with the social media account of a dog that is not actually his…” (John, 18:46).

5. College Football’s Absurdities: Duke in the ACC Title Game (19:48–20:47)

• Comedy of College Football: Marty and Lucy delight in the nonsensical outcome of 7–5 Duke playing in the ACC title game. “I like college football because it's stupid… Duke playing in the ACC is the dumbest thing ever. And I will be tuning in.” (Marty, 20:31).

6. Internet Culture: The Turkey Trot Prank Debate (20:54–22:39; 26:48–28:58)

• Viral TikTok Family Prank: Lucy reviews a viral story where a fiancée trains for months for a fake family Turkey Trot, only to be humiliated. Marty's take: “It's pretty sinister, but… takes a lot of planning and a lot of conviction.” (Marty, 27:18).

7. Marty Smith's War Stories: Chasing Kiffin & Reporting Reality (28:25–35:47)

• The Grind of College Football Reporting: Marty recounts the weekend-long headache of chasing Lane Kiffin in Mississippi, including wild drives around barricades at Oxford airport to catch the coach leaving town. “I just whipped this van to the right and through a field… up on top of the hill is where Lane Kiffin stood.” (Marty, 32:10).
• Journalism vs. Entertainment: He emphasizes he won’t complain about tough assignments and the reality that covering college football is wild, unpredictable, and at times, absurd (“You have to manage a lot of obstacles. But it’s the job I get paid to do. You’re not going to hear me complain about it.” – Marty, 28:58).
• Reluctant Prayers for News Cycles: “At 8:46pm I texted Lane and said, God almighty, can we please do this tonight?” (Marty, 30:11).

8. Quick Slants: Playoff Rankings & Miami’s Resume (41:09–41:48)

• Rapid-Fire Comparisons: Marty gives quick, overly loyal answers on whether Miami is better than various other teams: “Miami. Miami. Miami. Miami beat Notre Dame.” (41:16–41:24).

9. NASCAR Notes: Denny Hamlin’s Heartbreak (36:43–39:25)

• Postseason Gut Punches: Marty reflects on the emotional and physical toll of NASCAR’s playoff system, spotlighting Denny Hamlin’s near-miss for the title while his father battles illness. “To dominate… and then another driver knocks the fence down… it was a crazy, crazy thing.” (Marty, 37:15).
• Industry Realities: NASCAR’s business is compared to the NCAA’s messiness and the struggles for individual drivers and teams.

10. Show Banter, Bits, and Endings (42:03–44:46)

• Dancing & Show Polls: The crew cracks up over Mike Ryan’s celebratory dance, launching suggestions for poll questions (“Put up one of your polls. What do we name Mike’s dance?” – Lucy, 41:55).
• Diddy Netflix Documentary – Intrigued: The show closes with intrigue over a new 50 Cent-produced Netflix documentary about Diddy, riffing on 50 Cent’s infamous pettiness (“He may go extra overboard, too. Diddy, the actor from ‘Get Him to the Greek.’” – Lucy, 44:28).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Rivalries:

• “It's always a rivalry. No matter who's winning or losing, it's always a rivalry.” – Marty Smith (01:54)
• “Today, we’re gonna win for the fifth straight time, and they're gonna go home sad, just like the last four years.” – Lucy Rohden (02:38)
• “He literally crosses out all my M’s in my Christmas stew and the whole house.” – Dan Le Batard (03:24)

On Lane Kiffin Coverage:

• “This is Lane Kiffin being who Lane Kiffin is. There was no way this was ever going to go casually… It’s what Maya Angelou said: When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” – Marty Smith (11:39)
• “You don’t get to have your cake and eat it, too… it was just a very… you don’t get everything you want all the time, but you’re getting like a billion dollars, so you should be…” – Marty Smith (15:15)

On the Viral Prank:

• “It's pretty sinister, but I do appreciate the… that takes a lot of planning and personal conviction to not let that person know you’re completely screwing with them.” – Marty Smith (27:18)
• “I personally shouldn’t cost you months of preparation. Oh, sorry. You’re in better shape now.” – Lucy Rohden (22:08)

On Reporting Realities:

• “You do it to the absolute best of your ability with the most accuracy and energy you can muster, but it is a fact… At 8:46pm, I texted Lane and said, God almighty, can we please do this tonight?” – Marty Smith (30:11)

On the Juice the Dog Revelation:

• “People love dogs. Yes, but it was a prop dog.” – Dan Le Batard (18:28)

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Timestamps For Key Segments

• 01:44 – Michigan-Ohio State Rivalry Skits
• 02:38 – Lucy’s trash talk and fan persona
• 05:39 – Marty’s expense report bit
• 11:28 – Lucy’s upcoming assignments and expense jokes
• 11:39 – Marty on Lane Kiffin being Lane Kiffin
• 12:47 – Pilates studio anecdotes
• 13:22 – NCAA coaching transition criticisms
• 17:14 – The truth about Juice Kiffin, the dog
• 20:31 – Duke’s absurd ACC title appearance
• 20:54 – Lucy’s Internet Minute: The Turkey Trot Prank
• 26:48 – Lucy and Marty debate prank culture at home
• 28:25 – Marty’s exhaustion with Kiffin coverage
• 30:11 – Marty’s “Please God let it end” text to Lane
• 32:10 – Marty describes the airport chase scene
• 36:43 – NASCAR: Denny Hamlin playoff heartbreak
• 39:25 – Marty’s pride in missing the Juice Kiffin internet story
• 41:16 – Rapid-fire: Miami vs. the Field
• 41:55 – Mike Ryan’s dance and show polls
• 44:28 – Anticipation for the Diddy documentary

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Tone & Style

The show is relaxed, irreverent, and overflowing with sarcasm, sports-nerd camaraderie, and plenty of inside jokes—mixing deep knowledge with a conspiratorial, wisecracking delivery. No one is safe from teasing, least of all college football’s most polarizing figures. Lucy and Marty provide dry wit, with Dan steering the chaos and John (Stugotz) needling everyone.

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For New Listeners

If you missed this episode, you’ll get a heavy dose of what makes the Le Batard show special: absurdist sports commentary, layered jokes, real insight into college football’s quirks, behind-the-scenes tales from reporting the wild world of NCAA drama, and a refreshing willingness to laugh at the entire spectacle.

Transcript

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[Lucy]

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[Marty Smith]

Go Blue Funk, Ohio. Dan we are here at lovely Ann Arbor, Michigan, for one of the greatest rivalries, not only in college football, but in college sports. Ryan Day versus Michigan. Let's see how the game plays out. Rose isn't here, so there's no risk of pepper spray this time. Do you feel like it's appropriate to call this game a rivalry if only one side is winning? It's always a rivalry. No matter who's winning or losing, it's always a rivalry.

[Dan Le Batard]

Not really.

[Marty Smith]

It's really just like a little like a great school and then a shitter school. Like, that's kind of it. That's all it is to it.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah.

[Lucy]

I mean, even though Ryan Day will have pee coming down his leg later today, it is a rivalry because, you.

[Dan Le Batard]

Know, like, I look at all these.

[Lucy]

People wearing red right now, I just.

[Dan Le Batard]

Feel like they're just, like, below me.

[Marty Smith]

It is A rivalry going back to the War of toledo in the 1800s. So this is a long time coming. All the Hawaii State fans crying on Twitter.

[Lucy]

Oh, this game doesn't mean much anymore. Oh, blah, blah, blah. They go crazy for it. It's all they think about 364 days a year. And we're gonna. Today, we're gonna win for the fifth straight time and they're gonna go home sad, just like the last four years.

[Marty Smith]

Tj, you gotta take me through the fit today. What are we wearing?

[Dan Le Batard]

So we got Michigan pajamas on and. Enough. I am so warm.

[Lucy]

I have three hoodies underneath this, some.

[Dan Le Batard]

Thermal pants on, so I'm really, really warm.

[Marty Smith]

This is our everyday look. So we woke up. We just woke up. You know, little makeup. So we bleed maize and blue.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah.

[Marty Smith]

So this is just our true spirit coming up. Are you guys a couple?

[Dan Le Batard]

Yep. We're married 10 years.

[Marty Smith]

10 years. How do you make it work?

[Dan Le Batard]

We. It's. It's hard.

[Marty Smith]

He literally crosses out all of my M's and my Christmas Stu and the whole house. So are you two friends? No. I don't know.

[Lucy]

I just met this guy.

[Marty Smith]

Oh, okay. So what's your. What's your first impression of each other?

[Lucy]

I don't like him.

[Marty Smith]

He talks too much.

[Dan Le Batard]

He's wearing the wrong hat.

[Marty Smith]

And your impression of him?

[Lucy]

I think he's soft. Just like Ohio State's defense and their coach, Ryan Day.

[Marty Smith]

Is there anything redeemable about Ohio State? They sure know how to spell their state name.

[Lucy]

No, not at all. I mean, I'll give them credit. Like, do I like red sometimes? Yeah. But, like, this guy, color in general is just really, really ugly.

[Dan Le Batard]

Like, it makes me want to throw.

[Lucy]

Up when I look at it right now.

[Dan Le Batard]

Nothing.

[Marty Smith]

The school down south, Michigan's above them for a reason. They're. They're also little brother. We own Ohio State. We will always own Ohio State. What is one nice thing you can say about Ohio State? It creates really great people. That is so sweet. I have a feeling what he's going to say is not going to be that sweet.

[Dan Le Batard]

It's not, but it's okay. Really.

[Lucy]

She loves Brutus, but I got nothing.

[Marty Smith]

This trip to the game was brought to you by FOX One. Download the Fox one app to watch all your favorite live sports, from college football to the MLB postseason to nascar, the NFL and more. Download the Fox one app. We live for live streaming now. You lost a day and it could guarantee a national championship this season. Is that, like, a bargain you'd be.

[Lucy]

Willing to make unfortunately, yes, because the.

[Marty Smith]

National championship is the best thing. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Lucy]

Five minutes ago you just told me the complete opposite thing. So now he's lying for the. That's not true. That's not true. He's lying for the tv.

[Dan Le Batard]

Oh.

[Lucy]

Oh, okay. That being said, we're going to do.

[Dan Le Batard]

Both, so it doesn't matter.

[Lucy]

Harbo devalued the game in 2019, and I think Michigan lost. Was it 63, 35. A lot, by a lot, by a lot. And we learned from that year. You cannot do that because it's just bad karma, bad juju. You gotta value the game because if you beat Ohio State, you're most likely going to be a national champion or in the playoff, whatever. It's the same thing for Ohio State, even though they're going to deny it.

[Marty Smith]

Like what they do. Do you value the game?

[Lucy]

I value the game so much. And we're going to win it this year, we're going to win it next year. We're going to win it for the next 20 years because we're better than Michigan, our program's better than Michigan, our coach is better than Michigan. Everything's better than Michigan.

[Marty Smith]

You've never seen Michigan lose to Ohio State as students here. No, no. And we won the championship in our freshman year, and we're going to win today. Dan, that is a wrap on off roading regular season number three. This one was so special. Thank you guys for following along, watching, loving anyone who didn't love it. I don't acknowledge your opinion because it's wrong and it's bad and we did a really wonderful job. I want to say specifically to you, Dan, check out those expense reports because I barely spent any money. I didn't even buy anything this whole season. Not one singular hat did you pay for, which is actually kind of messed up, now that I think about it. And I think you should retroactively give me a gift card or something so I can go buy, you know, hats. They don't have to be team hats. They can be whatever hats I really want. But it's kind of messed up that that is where we're at these days. But thank you, guys. We'll see you in the playoffs.

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[Marty Smith]

He seems like a not nice guy, and he's always been a not nice guy. I don't care for him, and I hope he has the day he deserves.

[Dan Le Batard]

Oh, let's see. Stugats.

[John]

I hope he has the day he deserves.

[Marty Smith]

That's how I get people when they're really mean to me. I'm not like, go f yourself. I'm like, I hope you have the day you deserve so much.

[John]

It's a great, kind insult. Yes. It's beautiful. It's leaving it to the cosmos to sort it out.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's a less Southern.

[Marty Smith]

Bless your heart.

[Dan Le Batard]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats.

[John]

I have noticed, Lucy, that you have kept expenses down this season. Although we did get hit hard at the beginning of the season with all of these college towns and hotels where you have to stay that are awfully crowded. But I appreciate you staying within budget this season and doing another fantastic job. We've got two more appearances from Lucy. She's going to do the Orange bowl back in Miami and she's doing some of the games. You're doing something this weekend. Next weekend. When are you doing your next game? You're doing your next game in a month?

[Marty Smith]

Yeah. We're going to do the first round of the playoffs. So the ones that. That's at the home school, the most expensive one.

[John]

Yeah. I assume that you're going to Spend on an assortment of souvenirs to catch up on lost spending. Did you find the Lane Kiffin stuff as funny as we found it and interesting as we found it?

[Marty Smith]

I think that I reached, like, my fatigue level yesterday, where I was like, okay, I don't know how much more of this I can take, but overall, yeah, I thought it was pretty funny. I mean, like, this is the most. Just Lane Kiffin being who Lane Kiffin is. There was no way this was ever going to go casually. Like, this is. It's what my angelou. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Lane Kiffin's done this a million times before. And guess what? If that Alabama ever job ever opens up, he's doing it again.

[Lucy]

Lucy, you reached the point you're tired of this story. Marty Smith will join us in 10 minutes.

[Dan Le Batard]

Look.

[Marty Smith]

Wait, you guys. Look at my T shirt. It's a lame. I got it at Tennessee. It says, hey, Kiffin, payback's a butch. So when they hire butcher, I'm gonna.

[John]

Get expense for that. We're gonna get expense. We're gonna get expense for that.

[Marty Smith]

I expensed this to you, like, two years ago and you didn't notice?

[Lucy]

Dan, did you see Lane Kiffin in one of his recent tweets, he put out, like, a Bible verse. And in the tweet, he put a.

[Dan Le Batard]

Picture of the flag of Trinidad.

[Lucy]

The dick move.

[Marty Smith]

What I've loved online the most about this is all the women who go to his Pilates studio being like, this is the best news ever. He was the worst person to take a Pilates class with.

[John]

How can you be bad at a Pilates class? Why is he.

[Marty Smith]

They said he would tip people over when they were planking, that he would pour water on the floor, he would change the humidity, that he would, like, tell the music. Like, there is a whole section of the Internet right now that is just, like, Ole Miss students and Oxford residents being like, I'm so happy I get my hot yoga back.

[John]

What do you feel is the fairest criticism of this? Because I really do find interesting how appalled people are while clutching their rosary beads that this guy would be this much about business when he always did this to be about business.

[Marty Smith]

I think the fairest criticism is, like, maybe not even with Lane Kiffin. Maybe more the, like, conversation happening around Lane Kiffin where, like, I can't tell you how many times I've seen a Nick Saban type or Kirk Herbstream be like, yeah, this guy's a victim. This is just how college football set up. Not really? Like, yes, the schedule is bad, and that's something we'll have to look at later. But, like, John Sumrall was able to leave Tulane very casually, very amicably, where I just don't. I don't have any problem with Lane Kiffin leaving, saying, hey, I'm getting a better job. But you chose to do it in a way that, like, drew lot of attention to yourself. It's not the first time you've done this. It's not the first time you did this at Ole Miss. This is a year where you had a great roster, a team that's going to go to the playoff. And, like, I think the fairest criticism of this is, hey, you don't get it both ways. You don't get to throw this giant Lane Kiffin spectacle. I'm leaving. Here's what's happening. But also, give me everything I want. I want to still coach this team. Doesn't work like that, Lucy.

[Lucy]

Because of that, I totally get the Ole Miss ad telling Lane Kiffin, we want nothing to do with you in the playoff run. What do you think about that?

[Marty Smith]

No, I think that's absolutely the right move. People, like, forget LSU and Ole Miss don't like each other. They're a rivalry. These are two teams that do not get along. So starting when Lane Kiffin signed that contract, you are now recruiting the same guys. So you're going to give Lane Kiffin extra time to be with your players and your coaches, to convince them to leave to go to lsu. And whatever happens, let's say he's like, you know what? He said there would be guardrails in place. That's, like, made up. I don't know what that would have been, but let's just say Lane Kimmin's like, I'm leaving Ole Miss alone. I'm not taking anybody with me. Like, this is just going to be separate. That entire Ole Miss playoff run will be about lsu. That is Ole Miss basically running an ad for LSU with Lane Kiffin coaching that playoff run. It's just like, you don't get to have your cake and eat it, too. I know we've heard that a million times over the last couple of days, but it was just a very. Like, you don't get everything you want all the time, but you're getting, like, a billion dollars, so you should be.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm not.

[John]

I'm not willing to say that LSU and Mississippi have a rivalry. A hammer and a nail don't have a rivalry. Like, Mississippi can think. That's a Rivalry. LSU doesn't think that's a rivalry.

[Marty Smith]

No, I think that's a fair statement. But I think maybe you're looking. You should look at it more from the perspective of Ole Miss, because Ole Miss is the one making the decision of whether you get to coach in the playoff or not. Those fans hate lsu. They. They. This is like, obviously Egg bowl is number one in the rivalry terms for. For what Ole Miss, you know, hates, but they do not like lsu. This is someone who you are now competing with on a regular basis. LSU plays a road game at Ole Miss next year. Like, this is not Tulane to Florida. This is not, you know, a group of five to power four. This is within the same conference.

[Lucy]

All right, so speaking of two, Lane to Florida. I totally agree. And get with Ole Miss not allowing Lane Kiffin to coach in the playoffs.

[John]

Why.

[Lucy]

Why are we potentially good with John Sumrall coaching Tulane?

[Marty Smith]

The playoff, they're not in the same conference. John Sumrall has handled this in a way that has been like, I think he came out yesterday and was like, I'm not telling any Tulane commits to decommit and come to Florida. They. Those are Tulane's guys. I'm not taking them. It's a very casual transition of power. And John Sumrall also, like, the last month has not been about him. John Sumrall has not been egging this on. There have been reports, force and things like that, but it has not been the world's biggest distraction. So I think it's just one. Tulane probably understands, yes, Florida is a better job than us, and yes, LSU is a better job than Ole Miss, but you're in the same conference and you've chosen to handle it in a way that, like, you are not a victim. This was the Lane Kiffin show, but that's who Lane Kiffin is. It's the risk you sign up for when you hire him. It is just there are different circumstances because they're different levels, and LSU or Florida and Tulane are not competing against one another.

[John]

I really do wish that Lane Kiffin had gotten off the private plane and slid down the railing. The railing on his ask down the stairway, just slid onto the tarmac with his tongue out.

[Marty Smith]

So the one thing that's been interesting that's come out of this, that I'm curious if you all have been on this part of the Internet. There are lots of rumors circulating that Lane Kiven does not have custody of his dog. Have we seen this?

[Dan Le Batard]

I follow Juice now. Juice Rebel, not Juice Kiffin. And a lot of people were trying to see if the dog was giving hints because the dog on social media was kind of dropping all these hints that Lane was gonna stay at Ole Miss. And we turned, it turns out, deadbeat dad. Not the dog's actual dad, it would appear, because, yeah, Juice is saying an Ole Miss. He's gotta live here now. You know Kirk Hershey's got a dog, Lucy.

[John]

What are you laughing about? You just love that crazy dog. Well, he just changed his last name.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, it was a prop. I thought that his dog. I thought it was his dog.

[Marty Smith]

The entire time I've been under the. Under the, like, assumption that that was Lane Kiffin's dog, because I had no reason to believe otherwise. And then Lane Kiffin leaves, and it comes out that that is not his real dog. He does not have custody of that dog. So, like, why. Like, why did you have the dog around you all the time? It's not your dog.

[John]

He has to live here.

[Dan Le Batard]

You know why, Lucy? Because it was a very effective device to make Lane more likable as he publicly rehabbed his image and had a documentary made. We all love the dog.

[John]

He has to live here.

[Dan Le Batard]

People love dogs. Yes, but it was a prop dog.

[Lucy]

Prog crazy.

[John]

Do you think that Lane Kiffin walks around with a bag of fake poop?

[Lucy]

Oh, hell yes, Dan.

[Dan Le Batard]

There was a moment I was pretty plugged in on this story. There was a moment where I was reading a dog's tweets, being like, wait a second, is he staying?

[John]

It's a great way to gather news. I love the way we're gathering news in 2025. Checking in with the social media account of a do that is not actually.

[Lucy]

So is it a real dog, or is it, like, an AI.

[John]

Real dog, but it's a live dog. It only exists to make Lane Kiffin appear human.

[Marty Smith]

He would go to the games with them. When we went to Ole Miss, we saw Juice at the game. So, like, you assumed this was all, like, Lane Kiffin's dog that he brought with him wherever he went? He was, like, a very popular. You could buy Juice merch when you went into, like, the Ole Miss student store. Like, he was a very, like, key part of that university in Lane Kiffin. And then it came out that it was like, that's not his dog.

[Lucy]

Is it a rental?

[John]

Put it on the poll. Yes, put it on the pole. Are you surprised that Lane Kiffin was renting a pet to appear more human at Le Batar?

[Marty Smith]

That dog was also not neutered.

[John]

Whose dog is this Lucy, are you laughing? It's a rebel dog. It's on its own terms. It belongs to the university. Can you tell us, Lucy, whether you think it is funny, what is happening right now to the University of Miami?

[Marty Smith]

I think it's more funny in the. It's funnier that Duke's playing in the accj, which. Okay, that's the funniest. That's the funniest case scenario ever. That is, like. It is awesome.

[John]

Seven and five, Manny Diaz.

[Marty Smith]

It is so stupid. Well, so here's the thing. Duke may not realize it, but right now, they are the most powerful team in college football, because whatever happens with Duke in the ACC championship game and potentially the playoff, even though I don't think they'll make the playoffs, they will change the rules because they'll never let this happen again. Like, there's no way Duke will ever play in the ACC championship again if they're 7 and 5. But it's objectively, like, hilarious.

[Lucy]

Should an ACC commissioner just do the.

[Dan Le Batard]

Right thing, Lucy, Just say, hey, it.

[Lucy]

Makes the most sense. Virginia, Miami, they're playing.

[Marty Smith]

No, I disagree with that because I like college football because it's stupid. Like, if I want to watch things make more logical sense if I want to watch really good football. Tune in on Sunday. I like college football because it's big, giant, and dummy. And Duke playing in the ACC is the dumbest thing ever. And I will be tuning in.

[John]

Marty Smith's going to join us here in a moment, but not before we get to Lucy's Internet minute.

[Lucy]

Time to get in it. It's Lucy's Internet minute.

[Marty Smith]

So there is a big, like, controversy on Tik Tok right now with this one family who did a turkey trot prank on their son's fiance. She had never met the family before, and they told her that they were a turkey trot family. And they ran the Turkey Trot 10K. And then the morning of the turkey trot, they filmed her being like, okay, let's get ready for the race. And they were like, just kidding. We're not actually running the race. And she burst into tears and started crying. And they posted the video being like, ha, we're a funny prank family. How hilarious is this? And people are really split on the matter. They're like, hey, that was kind of messed up. You guys humiliated her, put her on the Internet, all that stuff. And then other people are like, it's a prank. But I do think there's an important qualification here. She was training for this. She spent months training for this. Well, and I. So that's why I'm like, I think this is kind of messed up because her fiance let her train for this for months and. And knew it was a prank. I'm so glad that she wasn't running the day.

[John]

It makes it better prank. There's humiliation involved. It makes it an even better prank.

[Lucy]

I don't like it.

[Marty Smith]

I should have known that. What? You guys would have voted. I felt like this would have been.

[John]

What'S the point of a prank?

[Marty Smith]

And that's the person that she's agreeing to marry. Like, that's the family she's marrying into.

[Lucy]

I personally shouldn't cost you months of preparation. Oh, sorry. You're in better shape now. You're getting better.

[Marty Smith]

What do you know if they had, like, woke. If it was, like, day of. And they were like, hey, girl, we're doing this turkey trot prank. She'll be like, oh, my God, that's crazy. And then. No, that. I think that's a fun prank. I think that's fine. Months of preparation. Two months of work. She went and spent money on running shoes. Like, she got ready for this. And then they filmed it and they put it on the Internet, which is like, oh, I don't know if that's nice. And they're like, we're just a prank family. So I think I'm on team not that family side, but I knew you guys would vote on this.

[John]

All right, well, let's get Marty Smith. Thank you for being on with us, Lucy. We appreciate it. A hell of a year you had. Again. Third straight hell of a year that you've had.

[Lucy]

Holidays, fun holidays as a dad, tough travel gifts, matching pajamas. Don't get me started on matching pajamas. It's hot in Miami. My wife says, why don't you want to do this with us? My daughter's crying anyways. School, parties, hosting a family. Next thing I know, I basically put Christmas on my credit card and have no idea what I spent where. If you want to keep your finances under control this holiday season, you need to be using Monarch, rated Wall Street Journal's best budgeting app. At 25, Monarch's the All in one personal finance tool that brings your entire financial life together in one clean interface on your laptop or on your phone. Right now, just for our listeners, Monarch is offering 50% off your first year. A massive deal. Monarch showed me how fast the holiday budget was disappearing.

[Dan Le Batard]

Flights, gifts, late night online shopping, and.

[Lucy]

Helped me pump the brakes before the bill hit. Now my wife and I do quick money check ins look at our holiday spending category and actually enjoy the holidays without starting January and the new year in panic. Don't let financial opportunity slip through the cracks. Use code dan@monimal money.com in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50 off your first [e-mail] with code DAN. And don't give me those matching pajamas.

[Marty Smith]

I swear on Fox one you can stream your favorite live sports so you're there for the biggest moments as they happen. For me, I cannot deal with spoilers, so I need to see it live. Especially on college football Saturdays and NFL Sundays. With Fox 1, you get it all. NASCAR, the MLB postseason, edge of your seat plays, jaw dropping moments and that rush like you're right there in the action. Sports are meant to be watched live and you can do that with Fox one. Fox one we live for live streaming now.

[Dan Le Batard]

You ever find yourself late night scrolling.

[Lucy]

Adding stuff to your cart you absolutely don't need?

[Dan Le Batard]

And then you see it. The beautiful glowing purple shop pay button.

[Lucy]

Boom. Checkout. Done. You didn't even have to get up and find your wallet.

[Dan Le Batard]

That, my friends, is Shopify magic.

[Lucy]

That little purple button means that store is powered by Shopify.

[Dan Le Batard]

Which doesn't just make it easy to.

[Lucy]

Buy, but ridiculously easy to start and run your own business too. Whether you're a giant like Mattel or.

[Dan Le Batard]

Gymshark or just launching something weird from.

[Lucy]

Your garage like Greg Cody's garage Shopify has. You're back. Let's be real.

[Dan Le Batard]

If we can run a show with this much chaos, you can run a business with Shopify. With hundreds of beautiful templates, tools for.

[Lucy]

Payments, inventory analytics, marketing, it's all in one place. And yes, that purple button. It's why Shopify has the best converting.

[Dan Le Batard]

Checkout on the planet.

[Lucy]

Shopify. It's how real businesses get built.

[Dan Le Batard]

If you want to see less carts.

[Lucy]

Being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and and start selling today. @shopify.com, go to shopify.com batard shopify.com batard.

[John]

Don LeBatard Billy, somebody has written in here. I need way more.

[Lucy]

I'm sorry. I just said in his headset.

[Dan Le Batard]

Haven't you been to all of them too?

[Lucy]

It sounded like you were speaking aloud.

[Dan Le Batard]

My bad.

[Lucy]

Totally on me. That's 100 on me.

[Dan Le Batard]

All right, stugats.

[Lucy]

But that goes without saying, right? That it couldn't.

[Dan Le Batard]

Well, now he said it, didn't. He didn't say it.

[Lucy]

Again.

[John]

Greg.

[Lucy]

My apologies, Greg.

[John]

Why Greg? Yeah, Greg.

[Lucy]

He apologized.

[John]

Greg, sincerely.

[Dan Le Batard]

This is the Dan Levatar show with these two guards. Foreign.

[John]

Smith is always having a hell of a year. Although I do believe he's coming off of his worst professional assignment since he. Since. Since Marty came into our life since then. He's probably had worse before then, but since we were introduced to Marty, I don't think he had a worse professional assignment than the one he just had. Before we get to that.

[Dan Le Batard]

He loved it.

[John]

I don't think he loved that. I don't. He was begging. He was begging Lane Kiffin to put an end to it. He dispensed with all pretense of journalism and just begged his subject. Please stop making me chase you around this brown lake in Mississippi. Please. I don't want to do it anymore. Before we get to Marty, though, Marty, can you settle what it is that Lucy is needing an arbitrator for here? What is your opinion on pranking a family member and making them train for months for a turkey trot that your family's not actually participating in?

[Lucy]

It's pretty sinister, but I do appreciate the. I mean, that takes a lot of planning and it takes a lot of personal conviction and discipline to not let that person know that you're completely screwing with them. And as a family in the Smiths, that does a turkey trot every year and in fact did so on Thursday before I got on a plane to fly to Birmingham and then drive a conversion van to Starkville and onward. That's a hell of an elaborate effort. So good work, family.

[John]

Well, I want to talk to you more about the misery of this, but is the Smith family a prank family?

[Lucy]

Not really, no. We don't do a whole lot of pranking. One of the greatest aspects of my wonderful marriage with Laney 25 plus years now, is that we do bust each other's balls a lot. But in terms of, like, those pranks you see on the Internet now, we don't roll like that. We don't have that kind of effort. Like, we don't. We don't put that much energy into it. It takes a lot of energy to create content like that and stuff.

[John]

So, Marty, you have a lot of energy. You seem to have been dis. Just really defeated by everything sucked out of him. I believe that. I don't. This is the carcass shell of Marty Smith, energy and entertainment personified, Ms. and Lane Kiffin have defeated him. Look at this picture of yourself. I was shocked to see you on espn. That's where it aged you terribly. Like, honestly, what have the last five days been like? Because I felt sorry for you.

[Lucy]

I just hope my hair looks like that when I'm 104 years old. It looks like me.

[John]

Yeah.

[Lucy]

Look, I'm not. I am tired, but I'm not going to sit here and talk about it or complain about it, because it's the job that I get paid to do. You know, you get commissioned to an event that. That ESPN and the rest of the world. I mean, Lane is. Lane is interesting because he's polarizing Lane's interest because he makes people feel one way or another. And that is interesting. In a world that is so vanilla, in so many ways, he's anything but. And so that's, you know, look, that's interesting. And so they decided to send me down there, and I did the Egg bowl, and then I kind of drove across Mississippi. And I will say, man, Saturday was interesting, Dan, because it had been made pretty apparent that that decision was expected from the athletic administration at Ole Miss on Saturday. And that's. Unfortunately, I made a mistake, and I thought that would happen as a result of it being an expectation, I should have known better. And as it went on into Sunday, you just sit there and hope. All right, man, let's get a resolution here, because I love this job, and again, you're not going to hear me complain about it. There's a whole lot of people who are working.

[John]

That's not in any way true. I heard you complain on air as you watch. Begged Lane Kiffin to please put an end to everyone's misery.

[Lucy]

Will there be a resolution tonight? Please, God in heaven, tell me yes. Yeah, I don't know if that's. I don't know if I would characterize that as a complaint. That's a statement, and it's a prayer.

[John]

It's a prayer to God. It's a prayer to God.

[Lucy]

Please, God in heaven, you've done this. Any of you guys who've ever worked in the field and have. I don't ca. Like, this is not the first time I've ever done this. I've sat outside of courthouses. I've sat outside of NASCAR headquarters of all God, you know, places. I have waited on NASCAR to tell me if some crew chief isn't going to be able to work because he had an illegal spoiler for 15 hours. Like, this is just the job. And you're put in a position to do this job, and you do it to the absolute best of your ability with the most accuracy and energy. That you can muster, but it is a fact. At 8:46pm I texted Lane and said, God almighty, can we please do this tonight? So, Marty, you did eventually get him right before he left at the airport.

[Dan Le Batard]

But was there any moment where you.

[Lucy]

Thought I might not get him at all? Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely, yeah. Oh, yeah. There was a lot of moments where I thought I might not get him because it wasn't just wearing him out with phone calls and text messages trying to get to him. It was also like, what did or didn't come from those text messages? There's a lot of logistics involved in it. Where is he going to enter the airport? What is the law enforcement presence going to be like? You know, with. With. It's. It's against the law for me to just walk through the FBO onto the tarmac. So, you know, like, there's a lot of obstacles here and hurdles that you have to manage. And. And. And we did a good job of it. If I'm.

[John]

Put us. Put us there. As you're driving around the fire trucks, like, how much off roading are you actually doing? How much?

[Lucy]

Okay, I'll. I'll paint a picture for you, man. So we take a left off of whatever highway the Oxford airport sits on. And. And as we take this left, and it's myself, my producer Luis, who's a Miami boy, he went to the U. And our camera guy and our audio guy. All right. And I see you. And so there's all. There's like a barricade of fire vehicles and individuals and people, presumably firemen. And I was saying to Laney, I don't know why I reacted the way I did. I didn't really even slow down. I just whipped this van to the right and through a field, and there was some equipment sitting in the field. And I don't. So I did slow down a little bit. Like, it's not like a full throttle bonsai run. I'm trying to make sure I don't hurt us. And I'm weaving through all this equipment, and then I get back to the road, and up on top of the hill, maybe 150 yards, is where Lane Kiffin stood along the fence that goes to the Runway of the Oxford airport, where he was entering the airport.

[John]

You were chasing him. Like, did he see you in the rear?

[Lucy]

No, he was. He was stopped. He was at the top of the hill, stopped. I was not chasing his car. But he did see the entire thing happen. He was. From his vantage point atop the hill, he saw the entire. So so he's whatever you got.

[John]

He's Will Ferrell with Baxter after he's eaten the wheel of cheese. He's like, I'm. Honestly, I'm impressed. I'm not even mortified by you. I'm just.

[Lucy]

Yes, he was. I mean, his word to me was, holy bleep. You really are Scooby Doo. Yeah, like, that's what he said. And because he'd been making fun of this van, I was driving all week anyway.

[John]

But any fear of getting arrested, did you know you were doing something when you're going around the fire trucks?

[Lucy]

That's, you know, honestly, it never entered my mind in the moment. And I don't know why. Because, like, like the Oxford police officers that were at the airport, world class dudes, so cool. But they made it really clear, like, you can't go on to this tarmac. And so I was like, all right, how far do I push this thing here?

[John]

I would have loved to have seen you arrested.

[Lucy]

Getting arrested would show that you're dedicated.

[John]

I would have loved. It would have been. It would have been terrible for you, but great for us.

[Lucy]

Well, I appreciate that. I appreciate that perspective, John, but I really wasn't interested in going to. To the Oxford county clink.

[Dan Le Batard]

Marty, there was a scenario that would have seen Ole Miss potentially play in the SEC title game. I'm sure a lot of the hang up was the Iron Bull Lane had made his decision well before you actually got to Oxford. So how much was this arguing about money, the kids, and the SEC title game? And what would have happened if Ole Miss found its way into the SEC title game?

[Lucy]

I have no idea, man. I don't know.

[Dan Le Batard]

What.

[Lucy]

Look, Keith Carter, the athletic director, made it pretty clear Sunday morning that Lane wasn't going to coach that team. And now I know contextually you're talking about Saturday night in the Iron bowl if Ole Miss makes their way into the SEC championship game against Georgia. I don't know. I heard yes. I heard no while I was there. And once Alabama won, that was completely off of my radar and I didn't follow up on it. So I don't know if he would have coached in that game if they got there or not. But it seemed like Keith was very dug in that when he made the decision to go to lsu. That was his time.

[John]

I know that because we have Marty here, and I know we're Lane Kiffin obsessed, but I know that Greg Cody and Mike Ryan have some NASCAR questions for him. So certainly now that you have Marty Smith's attention I think we'll get more energy. He's been defeated by this story. I think if we talk some, some racing with him, I think we can get the Marty Smith we've been accustomed to here. Who's not defeated.

[Lucy]

I don't mean to be down on energy, Danny. I love you guys. I'm.

[John]

No, I, I, I have, I've wept for you over the last, over the last two years. You keep doing this thing.

[Lucy]

I was, I think Marty was loving the last. This is what he does.

[Dan Le Batard]

Dude, he eats. I saw happiness, breathes these moments. Leave it to the TV professionals to tell you, all right?

[John]

He would have liked for it to be half as long as it was half as long. Wow.

[Lucy]

What's Roy's outfit all about?

[Dan Le Batard]

I am John Tush.

[Lucy]

It's amazing. Are you round ball rock, bro? Are you a keyboard out there?

[Dan Le Batard]

That's song, Marty. Denny Hamlin appears to be trying to find himself going to childhood tracks. One of the more devastating losses in the history of motorsports. How do you, how do you envision next season going for him? It looks like that loss took a toll. It's hard to tell when someone's sad when they're wearing a helmet, but Denny Hamlin pulled that one off.

[Lucy]

I don't know how you could be in a moment like Danny was right there. Some of you guys watching may not know Denny's dad is ill, not doing well. And he introduced Denny to the sport and is the person that really cultivated and shaped the passion that Denny has for the sport. And so to dominate. Like, first of all, the way NASCAR's playoff is structured, it's so hard just to get an opportunity to be in the moment, to win a championship. Four drivers, one race, 300 miles, and, you know, for the rest of your life. And he dominated that race. He was gone. He was running away from it, boat racing the field. And then another really good driver pounds the fence and knocks the fence down. And so you have a caution, and then another driver, strategy wise, takes four tires and Denny takes two. And there were a lot of drivers that stayed out on that caution or only took two tires on that caution. So there was a lot of static. It was. I don't know, man. It was. It was a crazy, crazy, crazy thing. Marty, I'm trying to get my idea off the ground. What do you think of it? It's that in the championship four, instead of a full field, it should just be the four finalists on the track. I mean, I'm, I might have misspoke there. Mike. Did I. I Think Denny took two, Kyle took four. I don't remember if I might have misspoken.

[Dan Le Batard]

Kyle kept taking two then.

[John]

I appreciate that you didn't even. You didn't even tolerate his question.

[Dan Le Batard]

It was bold by the five car.

[Lucy]

I do. I do want to. I do want to answer Greg's question. Thank you. Certainly. Look, man. Makes sense to me because those are the only four car. But look, look again, man. This industry is such a unique industry. Everybody is a sole proprietor. It's not like a. Ever. And you have sponsors that are paying for this sole proprietorship. And it. It is a crazy business that the only business model more messed up than NASCAR is the ncaa, I think.

[John]

Were you aware that that is not Lane Kiffin's dog? That he does not have custody of that dog and that they've changed the name of that dog's last name from Kiffin to Rebel?

[Lucy]

That's funny. I did not know this. That is a shame that we're losing one of the greatest social media accounts there is. As someone who loathes social media, how.

[John]

Did you not know this though you are. You are the source of information for all Lane Kiffin things. How has this escaped your attention, this important tidbit?

[Lucy]

I am so damn proud to report that I had no idea about that. That means I'm doing this right.

[John]

Marty, it's nice to see you. Thank you for always making the time for us. I was sad for you this weekend, but not me.

[Lucy]

But I was either look happy for him. Look like my man is on the beat.

[John]

He's.

[Lucy]

No one's going to get this story.

[Dan Le Batard]

Before remember that for the rest of his life.

[John]

Look, he. He's above this. I'm going to go ahead and say it. He's 13 and 25 against top 25 teams. He should be chasing around Saban if he's got to chase around. That's Marty Smith. That's Marty Smith. He doesn't have to be chasing around Lane Kiffin, hottest coach in football. He's the hottest guy. He's the hottest coach.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's why. Yeah.

[John]

Now he's outgrown this. He shouldn't chase Lane Kiffin around Mississippi.

[Dan Le Batard]

What if not Lane, which coach? You just cited the retire one.

[Lucy]

I mean that's a good question. Look, look, I. I don't other like Coach Saban is just a different thing because to Dan's point, he's the absolute greatest to ever do it. But. But again, Lane is this enigmatic character that has done this and had this history of very polarizing Controversial exits from multiple stops. And that makes him really interesting and makes people feel. And so it's my job.

[John]

I've got really fast. Okay, one word answers to all of this. Who's better, Miami or Oklahoma?

[Lucy]

Miami.

[John]

Miami or byu?

[Lucy]

Miami.

[John]

Miami or Utah?

[Lucy]

Miami.

[John]

Miami or Notre Dame?

[Lucy]

Oh, Miami beat Notre Dame. There you go.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's this guy. Get some rest.

[Lucy]

Look, man, we have to be in a. The context of the playoff has to be. I do agree it's important that a team's playing well, but beating someone has to matter. I don't even know if I'm on anymore.

[John]

You are. You're cooking. You're cooking. I'm laughing at Mike dancing.

[Lucy]

And Tony, I love Mike's dance.

[John]

Waving a flag.

[Lucy]

Put up. Put up one of your polls. What do we name Mike's dance?

[John]

Running down the sidelines after block.

[Lucy]

I want to see. I want to see a social media post that has Mike's dance. A graphic that asked to name it. And. I love you guys. I love all of you, man. Thank you.

[John]

Good to see you, buddy. Thank you for making the time. Mike Ryan just danced like Aaron Glenn in front of a flag.

[Dan Le Batard]

That was Aaron Glenn.

[John]

It's down the sidelines after blocking a field goal in 10.

[Lucy]

I thought it was a combo of.

[Dan Le Batard]

A robot and LeBron's like, celebration.

[Lucy]

It's a bit of Ric Flair, too.

[Dan Le Batard]

And he's like, didn't.

[John]

Didn't Dylan Brooks do that to LeBron yesterday after scoring on him? Didn't he do the LeBron celebration? That's too far.

[Lucy]

You're having a great game.

[Dan Le Batard]

Brooks don't do that.

[John]

It is disrespectful. It's indisputably agreed.

[Dan Le Batard]

But what's happening to Miami?

[John]

Huge.

[Dan Le Batard]

You didn't ask about James Madison, you coward.

[John]

I should have asked. I should have kept going with that until I got something other than Miami from him as an answer.

[Dan Le Batard]

It sounded like he thinks Notre Dame's.

[Lucy]

Better, but he's like, well, they beat him. So I have to say Miami, whatever.

[John]

There's head to head.

[Lucy]

We used to be a proper country where two teams would play and then.

[Dan Le Batard]

The winner would be the better team.

[Lucy]

Byu, either.

[John]

Coward.

[Lucy]

You look ridiculous.

[Dan Le Batard]

He looks ridiculous.

[John]

Before we do the post game show here, are you guys interested? Netflix documentary tonight. It's being made by 50 Cent and it's about Diddy and it's coming out tonight. And I saw a video that I was shocked to see because it's Diddy talking to his lawyers on camera a few days before. He's arrested. And I thought to myself, as I'm watching this, I'm like, how did he get this video? Is it legal to have this video? And is the answer to the second question answered by my first question? How did he get the video of Diddy talking to his lawyers, telling them what to do? Like, I'm interested in whatever it is that 50 Cent is making here. I've got to think the rest of you are interested as well, right? That's going to do monster numbers on Netflix. 50 Cent specifically produced.

[Lucy]

And he is incredibly petty, Dan. So you know he's not holding any punches. He may go extra overboard, too. Diddy, the actor from get him to the Greek.

[Dan Le Batard]

Now's a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began. In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila.

[John]

Cuervo.

[Dan Le Batard]

What are you doing here?

[John]

Cuervo? Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up.

[Dan Le Batard]

Well, I do know that to be true. But even during ad reads like Cuervo, I think he could lay out, especially for one of our great partners.

[John]

Sweet, delicious Cuervo.

[Dan Le Batard]

Since then, Cuervo has stayed true to its roots. The same family, the same land, the same passion.

[John]

Cuervo.

[Dan Le Batard]

So enjoy the tequila that started it all. Cuervo. Cuervo, the tequila that invented tequila. Roximo. Cuervo. Com. Please drink responsibly.

[John]

Cuervo.