Hour 2: Marty Smith Will Not Complain (feat. Lucy Rohden and Marty Smith)

Transcript

Dan Le Batard (0:01)

Now's a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began. In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila.

John (0:07)

Cuervo.

Dan Le Batard (0:08)

What are you doing here?

John (0:09)

Cuervo? Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up.

Dan Le Batard (0:11)

Well, I do know that to be true. But even during ad reads like Cuervo, I think he could lay out, especially for one of our great partners.

John (0:18)

Sweet, delicious Cuervo.

Dan Le Batard (0:20)

Since then, Cuervo has stayed true to its roots. The same family, the same land, the same passion.

John (0:24)

Cuervo.

Dan Le Batard (0:25)

So enjoy the tequila that started it all. Cuervo. Cuervo, the tequila that invented tequila. Proximo. Cuervo.com Please drink responsibly.

John (0:34)

Cuervo. Limu Imu and Doug.

Lucy (0:38)

Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their.

John (0:44)

Car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.

Lucy (0:49)

Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

Dan Le Batard (0:53)

Uh, Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us? Cut the camera.

Lucy (0:57)

They see us. Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty Liberty. Liberty. Liberty Savings Fairy underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates excludes Massachusetts.

Dan Le Batard (1:06)

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast, Smart move. Being financially savvy.

Lucy (1:14)

Smart move.

Dan Le Batard (1:15)

Another smart move. Having State Farm help you create a competitive price when you choose to bundle home and auto bundling. Just another way to save with a personal price plan. A good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts, and savings and eligibility vary by state. This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats podcast.

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Episode: Hour 2: Marty Smith Will Not Complain (feat. Lucy Rohden and Marty Smith)
Date: December 2, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode, recorded at the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, features Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, Lucy Rohden, and special guest Marty Smith. The crew dives into the insanity of college football’s postseason drama, the legendary Michigan–Ohio State rivalry, Lane Kiffin's infamous coaching switch, pranking controversies, Internet absurdities, college football's quirks, and even some NASCAR talk, all with their trademark blend of genuine sports insight, sarcasm, and banter.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Michigan-Ohio State Rivalry (01:44–06:35)

Rivalry Dissection: The group debates whether the famed "rivalry" can still be called such if one team (Michigan) continuously dominates. One side insists, "It's always a rivalry, no matter who's winning or losing," while Dan plays the skeptic, and jokes abound about the lopsided nature ("Michigan's above them for a reason. They're also little brother. We will always own Ohio State." – Marty Smith, 04:03).
Fan Trash Talk: Plenty of ribbing about Ohio State fans' misery, “People go crazy for it. It’s all they think about 364 days a year. Today, we’re gonna win for the fifth straight time, and they’re gonna go home sad.” (Lucy Rohden, 02:38).
Relationship & Fan Camaraderie: Banter ensues about fans dressing up, couples, and fake histories—all in the name of college football allegiance.
Moral Bargains for Championships: When asked if they'd give up a day of their life for a national championship, the hypothetical gets predictably twisted by the show’s regulars—flipping sides for the camera ("Five minutes ago you just told me the opposite… Now he's lying for the TV." – Lucy, 04:53).

2. Expense Reports & On-the-Road Antics (06:35–12:07)

Behind the Scenes of "Off-Roading": Marty and Lucy joke about keeping the show's travel expenses minimal. Lucy pushes for some retroactive hat money: “Not one singular hat did you pay for, which is actually kind of messed up… I think you should… give me a gift card…” (Marty, 05:39).
Lucy’s Next Assignments: She’ll be at the Orange Bowl and playoff games, with the group speculating she'll make up for her lack of spending (“I assume that you're going to spend on an assortment of souvenirs to catch up on lost spending.” – John, 11:28).

3. Lane Kiffin Coaching Move & Public Fallout (12:07–16:06; 26:29–35:47)

Kiffin Fatigue & Internet Lore: Lucy and Marty dive into the exhaustion of covering Lane Kiffin’s departure from Ole Miss to LSU (“This is Lane Kiffin being who Lane Kiffin is. There's no way this was ever going to go casually.” – Marty, 11:39).
Public Reaction & Pilates Studio Gossip: The weirdest Kiffin stories are unearthed, including tales of him wreaking havoc at a local pilates studio (“He would tip people over when they were planking… there is a whole section of the Internet… happy to get their hot yoga back.” – Lucy, 12:47).
NCAA Business Double Standards: Both Lucy and Marty highlight the problematic way departing coaches try to “have their cake and eat it, too.” Lucy backs Ole Miss barring Kiffin from coaching the playoff run: “You don’t get to throw this giant Lane Kiffin spectacle… but also, give me everything I want. Doesn’t work like that.” (Marty, 13:22).
Comparisons to Other Coaching Transitions: The distinction is made between Kiffin's move (loud, messy, in-conference) and other smoother transitions (like John Sumrall), demonstrating that how one leaves matters (“There are different circumstances because they're different levels, and LSU or Florida and Tulane are not competing against one another.” – Marty, 16:10).

4. The Notorious Dog: Juice Kiffin (17:14–19:34; 39:25–39:58)

Viral Mascot Investigation: The saga of Lane Kiffin’s dog “Juice” is unraveled—the dog wasn’t Kiffin’s after all, but Ole Miss property. The group riffs on the idea of Kiffin “renting a pet to appear more human.” (“People love dogs. Yes, but it was a prop dog.” – Dan, 18:28).
Dog-Based Reporting: The show pokes fun at reporting by following the social media accounts of college mascots: “I love the way we're gathering news in 2025. Checking in with the social media account of a dog that is not actually his…” (John, 18:46).

5. College Football’s Absurdities: Duke in the ACC Title Game (19:48–20:47)

Comedy of College Football: Marty and Lucy delight in the nonsensical outcome of 7–5 Duke playing in the ACC title game. “I like college football because it's stupid… Duke playing in the ACC is the dumbest thing ever. And I will be tuning in.” (Marty, 20:31).

6. Internet Culture: The Turkey Trot Prank Debate (20:54–22:39; 26:48–28:58)

Viral TikTok Family Prank: Lucy reviews a viral story where a fiancée trains for months for a fake family Turkey Trot, only to be humiliated. Marty's take: “It's pretty sinister, but… takes a lot of planning and a lot of conviction.” (Marty, 27:18).

7. Marty Smith's War Stories: Chasing Kiffin & Reporting Reality (28:25–35:47)

The Grind of College Football Reporting: Marty recounts the weekend-long headache of chasing Lane Kiffin in Mississippi, including wild drives around barricades at Oxford airport to catch the coach leaving town. “I just whipped this van to the right and through a field… up on top of the hill is where Lane Kiffin stood.” (Marty, 32:10).
Journalism vs. Entertainment: He emphasizes he won’t complain about tough assignments and the reality that covering college football is wild, unpredictable, and at times, absurd (“You have to manage a lot of obstacles. But it’s the job I get paid to do. You’re not going to hear me complain about it.” – Marty, 28:58).
Reluctant Prayers for News Cycles: “At 8:46pm I texted Lane and said, God almighty, can we please do this tonight?” (Marty, 30:11).

8. Quick Slants: Playoff Rankings & Miami’s Resume (41:09–41:48)

Rapid-Fire Comparisons: Marty gives quick, overly loyal answers on whether Miami is better than various other teams: “Miami. Miami. Miami. Miami beat Notre Dame.” (41:16–41:24).

9. NASCAR Notes: Denny Hamlin’s Heartbreak (36:43–39:25)

Postseason Gut Punches: Marty reflects on the emotional and physical toll of NASCAR’s playoff system, spotlighting Denny Hamlin’s near-miss for the title while his father battles illness. “To dominate… and then another driver knocks the fence down… it was a crazy, crazy thing.” (Marty, 37:15).
Industry Realities: NASCAR’s business is compared to the NCAA’s messiness and the struggles for individual drivers and teams.

10. Show Banter, Bits, and Endings (42:03–44:46)

Dancing & Show Polls: The crew cracks up over Mike Ryan’s celebratory dance, launching suggestions for poll questions (“Put up one of your polls. What do we name Mike’s dance?” – Lucy, 41:55).
Diddy Netflix Documentary – Intrigued: The show closes with intrigue over a new 50 Cent-produced Netflix documentary about Diddy, riffing on 50 Cent’s infamous pettiness (“He may go extra overboard, too. Diddy, the actor from ‘Get Him to the Greek.’” – Lucy, 44:28).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Rivalries:

“It's always a rivalry. No matter who's winning or losing, it's always a rivalry.” – Marty Smith (01:54)
“Today, we’re gonna win for the fifth straight time, and they're gonna go home sad, just like the last four years.” – Lucy Rohden (02:38)
“He literally crosses out all my M’s in my Christmas stew and the whole house.” – Dan Le Batard (03:24)

On Lane Kiffin Coverage:

“This is Lane Kiffin being who Lane Kiffin is. There was no way this was ever going to go casually… It’s what Maya Angelou said: When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” – Marty Smith (11:39)
“You don’t get to have your cake and eat it, too… it was just a very… you don’t get everything you want all the time, but you’re getting like a billion dollars, so you should be…” – Marty Smith (15:15)

On the Viral Prank:

“It's pretty sinister, but I do appreciate the… that takes a lot of planning and personal conviction to not let that person know you’re completely screwing with them.” – Marty Smith (27:18)
“I personally shouldn’t cost you months of preparation. Oh, sorry. You’re in better shape now.” – Lucy Rohden (22:08)

On Reporting Realities:

“You do it to the absolute best of your ability with the most accuracy and energy you can muster, but it is a fact… At 8:46pm, I texted Lane and said, God almighty, can we please do this tonight?” – Marty Smith (30:11)

On the Juice the Dog Revelation:

“People love dogs. Yes, but it was a prop dog.” – Dan Le Batard (18:28)

Timestamps For Key Segments

01:44 – Michigan-Ohio State Rivalry Skits
02:38 – Lucy’s trash talk and fan persona
05:39 – Marty’s expense report bit
11:28 – Lucy’s upcoming assignments and expense jokes
11:39 – Marty on Lane Kiffin being Lane Kiffin
12:47 – Pilates studio anecdotes
13:22 – NCAA coaching transition criticisms
17:14 – The truth about Juice Kiffin, the dog
20:31 – Duke’s absurd ACC title appearance
20:54 – Lucy’s Internet Minute: The Turkey Trot Prank
26:48 – Lucy and Marty debate prank culture at home
28:25 – Marty’s exhaustion with Kiffin coverage
30:11 – Marty’s “Please God let it end” text to Lane
32:10 – Marty describes the airport chase scene
36:43 – NASCAR: Denny Hamlin playoff heartbreak
39:25 – Marty’s pride in missing the Juice Kiffin internet story
41:16 – Rapid-fire: Miami vs. the Field
41:55 – Mike Ryan’s dance and show polls
44:28 – Anticipation for the Diddy documentary

Tone & Style

The show is relaxed, irreverent, and overflowing with sarcasm, sports-nerd camaraderie, and plenty of inside jokes—mixing deep knowledge with a conspiratorial, wisecracking delivery. No one is safe from teasing, least of all college football’s most polarizing figures. Lucy and Marty provide dry wit, with Dan steering the chaos and John (Stugotz) needling everyone.

For New Listeners

If you missed this episode, you’ll get a heavy dose of what makes the Le Batard show special: absurdist sports commentary, layered jokes, real insight into college football’s quirks, behind-the-scenes tales from reporting the wild world of NCAA drama, and a refreshing willingness to laugh at the entire spectacle.

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