Hour 2: The Panthers Are Taking That Ass

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz Episode: Hour 2: The Panthers Are Taking That Ass
Release Date: April 16, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Episode

In this lively episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, hosts Dan LeBatard and Stugotz, along with their team, dive into a mix of sports fervor, pop culture references, and humorous banter. The primary focus revolves around the Florida Panthers' performance in the NHL playoffs and the hosts' ongoing quest to secure Pearl Jam concert tickets.

2. Pearl Jam Ticket Quest

A significant portion of the episode centers on the hosts' humorous and somewhat chaotic attempts to obtain tickets to an upcoming Pearl Jam concert.

• Initial Struggles and Laughter:

  • Jonathan Zaslow playfully apologizes for a previous embarrassment, leading to David Sampson remarking, "I've never seen Samson laugh like that. He was Spasming." (02:10)

• Ticket Negotiations:

  • The discussion intensifies as Jonathan Zaslow expresses frustration over not securing the desired Pearl Jam tickets, stating, "I've never seen Samson laugh like that. He was Spasming." (02:10)
  • Roy Bellamy becomes the focal point of the negotiation, passionately declaring his love for Pearl Jam: "I love Pearl Jam more." (07:36)
  • The team humorously debates the merits of the ticket negotiation process, with Dan LeBatard commenting on David Sampson's ticket acquisition skills: "I have seen Sampson's ticket guy at work, and he's phenomenal." (03:53)

• On-Air Negotiation:

  • The hosts take a meta-approach by negotiating live on air. Roy Bellamy delivers an impassioned plea to secure Pearl Jam tickets, emphasizing the importance of the experience for him and his son:

    "I love your band so much. You have given me some of the greatest nights of my life since I was a young man trying to figure out who I am in this world. ... It's a family affair." (32:03)

  • David Sampson and Billy Gil mediate the negotiation, ultimately securing two premium tickets for Roy Bellamy in exchange for his commitment to provide free appearances during the Panthers' playoff run:

    "Zaz. And we're organized enough to do this... I would like to help make a memory for you and your son on Thursday night with two premium best tickets you've ever had." (35:32)

• Humorous Banter and Finalization:

  • The negotiation process is filled with light-hearted ribbing and humorous exchanges, highlighting the camaraderie among the team.

    "You're coming in very cheap." (36:31)
    "Clutch again." (35:21)

3. Florida Panthers vs. Tampa Bay Lightning Playoffs

The episode transitions seamlessly into an in-depth and humorous analysis of the ongoing NHL playoff series between the Florida Panthers and the Tampa Bay Lightning.

• Rivalry and Playoff Insights:

  • Roy Bellamy leads the charge with enthusiastic support for the Panthers, repeatedly asserting, "Panthers could take that ass." (10:02)
  • The hosts discuss the Panthers' past performance and current momentum, with Dan LeBatard noting the team's confidence:

    "I think we're wrong on this. I mean, the Panthers just won a Stanley Cup. I mean, they should be max confident right now." (13:07)

• Humorous Analogies and Catchphrases:

  • The phrase "take that ass" becomes a recurring comedic motif, symbolizing the Panthers' determination to dominate the Lightning in the playoffs.

    "Take that ass, man." (12:34)

  • Mike Ryan introduces playful analogies, comparing the situation to mythological references:

    "This is beat for beat. Exactly how Icarus went down..." (14:20)

• Prediction and Fan Sentiment:

  • The team passionately discusses their predictions for the series outcome, blending sports analysis with humor.

    "Hope my wife's not listening." (09:02)
    "Panthers, baby." (12:05)

4. Additional Humor and Pop Culture References

Throughout the episode, the hosts intersperse sports discussions with pop culture references and inside jokes that add to the show's dynamic and entertaining atmosphere.

• Commercial Parodies and Memes:

  • Jonathan Zaslow reminisces about old commercials, humorously critiquing their accuracy and production quality:

    "They had to say, hey, look, it's three time Pro Bowler Brian Arakpo..." (21:28)

  • The team references classic commercials, blending nostalgia with laughter.

    "I'm telling you. I saw it as I was sprinting." (15:18)

• Light-Hearted Banter:

  • The hosts engage in playful teasing and light-hearted exchanges, enhancing the show's entertaining vibe.

    "What popped in my head was the old Dan Marino Isotoners gloves commercial." (18:46)

5. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode nears its end, the hosts reflect on the day's discussions and the successful negotiation of Pearl Jam tickets, wrapping up with their characteristic humor and team spirit.

• Securing the Tickets:

  • Billy Gil finalizes the ticket deal, ensuring that Roy Bellamy and his son will have a memorable experience at the concert:

    "We're going to have to take three with a couple of rules. One thing. No mention of skivvies." (29:17)
    "So here's how we're going to do it... two premium tickets." (35:43)

• Closing Banter:

  • The episode concludes with the team celebrating the successful ticket acquisition and reflecting on their enjoyable interactions:

    "What a schnur. What a schnurr." (37:54)
    "You don't want to jinx it." (20:45)

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Notable Quotes with Speaker Attribution and Timestamps

• Roy Bellamy: "Panthers could take that ass." (10:38)
• Jonathan Zaslow: "I love Pearl Jam more." (07:36)
• Dan LeBatard: "I have seen Sampson's ticket guy at work, and he's phenomenal." (03:53)
• Billy Gil: "I need to know how badly you really like Pearl Jam." (27:38)
• Mike Ryan: "This is beat for beat. Exactly how Icarus went down..." (14:20)

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Key Takeaways

• Team Camaraderie: The episode showcases the strong camaraderie and playful dynamics among the hosts and their team members.
• Sports Passion: A deep-seated passion for the Florida Panthers and their playoff journey is evident, underscored by enthusiastic support and spirited analysis.
• Pop Culture Integration: Seamless integration of pop culture references and humorous anecdotes enriches the conversation, making it engaging for listeners.
• Interactive Negotiation: The live negotiation for Pearl Jam tickets adds a unique and entertaining element to the show, highlighting the hosts' creativity and teamwork.

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This episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz masterfully blends sports fervor with humor and personal stories, delivering an engaging and entertaining experience for its audience.

Transcript

[Dan LeBatard]

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[Stugatz]

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[David Sampson]

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[Jonathan Zaslow]

Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up.

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[Jonathan Zaslow]

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[David Sampson]

This is the Don Levator show with the Stugats podcast.

[Stugatz]

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[Jonathan Zaslow]

Is anyone here aware as we did everything that we did there with Pablo and Samson? I've never seen Samson laugh like that. He was Spasming.

[Dan LeBatard]

It was real emotion.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

He was violently spasming because he knows how funny it is that I was apologizing for something that embarrassed me, and then I did it again. And I'm not sure the audience or you guys still know what it is that I was apologizing.

[Dan LeBatard]

No idea.

[Mike Ryan]

In the dog. Dan, I think.

[Roy Bellamy]

Because I think you made it seem like you're angry at Pablo. Right. That's the impression I had when I walked in today.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

A lot of people were confused earlier this week by something that I said because we were making fun of the Peabody Award. And the Peabody Award is a very prestigious award.

[Dan LeBatard]

If you say so.

[Mike Ryan]

So you are apologizing to the Peabody? No, I'm lost.

[Dan LeBatard]

Well, who then?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

So no one still, as we do this, no one understands what I'm embarrassed about, what I'm apologizing for. And Zaslow still doesn't know the truth of why it. Pablo would be mad at me.

[Mike Ryan]

And also, is Zazzle going to get tickets?

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, I'm trying. I'm confused. I'm the only one trying.

[Roy Bellamy]

Huge story that needs a conclusion.

[Mike Ryan]

But also, Sam's David Sampson, you claim, has a better ticket guy than you do.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well, I thought that David Sampson, by virtue of being in billionaire company, would have a better ticket guy than I have, but he said he couldn't get Pearl Jam tickets in a week and couldn't necessarily get good tickets, and I think I can.

[Dan LeBatard]

I have seen Sampson's ticket guy at work, and he's phenomenal. He can get him the day of. He just doesn't want to do it for Zaslav. That's that.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yeah.

[Roy Bellamy]

I mean, we're not close. We barely know each other. I get that. You know, I get it says, why.

[Amin Elhassan]

Don'T people want to waste their good ticket guy on you?

[Roy Bellamy]

Well, that. See, that part I don't know, because these are my good friends that I'm in the room with right now, and it seems like they're a lot more interested in competing with each other than they are in helping me out. I'm losing. I can't sleep at night. At 3am last night, I rolled over in my bed. It's all I can think about. I grabbed my phone. I almost bought tickets for $2,000 last night. I can't sleep. I need to get my life back in order.

[Stugatz]

I mean, you've seen him a bunch, though. I mean, how many times can you.

[Roy Bellamy]

Okay, you sound like my wife. All right. Not sure that's the angle you're looking for.

[Dan LeBatard]

Right.

[Stugatz]

After the 16th time you're. I feel like I got this Pearl Jam.

[Dan LeBatard]

Very much like Dead and Company. You're getting basically a different show every time.

[Roy Bellamy]

That's why we need to go to both shows next week, because one show has nothing to do with the other. And I cannot be sitting in my home knowing that 10 minutes from my house Pearl Jam is playing. And instead, I'm in the Zazlow mansion family room on the couch, sitting in my underwear.

[Stugatz]

It can't be a different set list every time. Okay, but they've got to have, like 10 that they. You know.

[Roy Bellamy]

Again, it feels like you're trying to do the best impersonation of my wife that you possibly can. And I can tell you right now, you're nailing it.

[Mike Ryan]

H. So you're saying that.

[Roy Bellamy]

I mean, I don't know who that is.

[Mike Ryan]

Jeremy.

[Roy Bellamy]

Sounds like Nickelback just breathes Azo.

[Stugatz]

I love that one.

[Roy Bellamy]

I need to get my life back.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

His lip is quivering. He. His look. I mean, I've known Zaslow for a long time. I've known Zazlow is crazy for a long time. There is nothing in the world he is as crazy about as Pearl. Champ.

[Roy Bellamy]

It's so important to me, the Heat. I mean, I. It's so important to me. And I'm super stressed at the idea that I don't have tickets to these shows next week because I am trying so hard.

[Mike Ryan]

Zaz, I give you the option of either lifetime tickets. Great.

[Roy Bellamy]

I like this question.

[Mike Ryan]

Pearl Jam.

[Roy Bellamy]

Go on.

[Mike Ryan]

Or you on the broadcast for Miami Heat. Four in a row championships. The first since the Celtics all the way back in the 60s.

[Roy Bellamy]

Okay, but I was on the broadcast for two E. Champions.

[Mike Ryan]

No, no, I'm saying four in a row.

[Roy Bellamy]

I'm a two time champion.

[Mike Ryan]

Broadcast four. I'm saying four in a row.

[Dan LeBatard]

Four in a row. Thank you.

[Mike Ryan]

On the broadcast for four in a row. Back to back to back to back. Like the. Like the. The Fred McGriff baseball. Right?

[Roy Bellamy]

Or.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well said.

[Mike Ryan]

Thank you.

[Dan LeBatard]

I knew exactly.

[Billy Gil]

I knew exactly what you.

[Roy Bellamy]

I did too.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

But he had to throw in Fred McGriff after Brad. He sounded like. Any better?

[David Sampson]

Back to back to back?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

AAU championship.

[Mike Ryan]

Lifetime.

[David Sampson]

Crime dog.

[Mike Ryan]

Lifetime. Lifetime. Pearl Jam. Great seats. Not like front row, but great seats. Any venue in the world that.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Wow.

[Mike Ryan]

What about five Heat championships in a row?

[Roy Bellamy]

But I already have two.

[Mike Ryan]

Okay, what about.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I mean, you're doing this very poorly. I'm gonna have to stop you for a number of different reasons, including that you're doing this very poorly. So Just.

[Dan LeBatard]

Minor penalty.

[Stugatz]

Two minutes rambling.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

The question is, Zaslow, who do you love more? Pearl Jam or the he.

[Dan LeBatard]

Say it's as though you know that.

[Roy Bellamy]

Pearl Jam more.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Damn.

[David Sampson]

Wow.

[Roy Bellamy]

Pearl Jam more.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's okay.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Holy.

[Roy Bellamy]

I love Pearl Jam more.

[Dan LeBatard]

You feel good? You feel better?

[Roy Bellamy]

I feel okay about it. Doesn't mean I don't love the Heat. I love Pearl Jam more.

[Dan LeBatard]

Y. I know you do.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Two time champion broadcast.

[Roy Bellamy]

Okay. That I could love other things as well in my life. My love is not exclusive to one thing.

[Dan LeBatard]

I can't believe that Pearl Jammer wife.

[Roy Bellamy]

Well, see, I mean.

[David Sampson]

I care about you. Take it easy.

[Roy Bellamy]

Really tough scenario. I don't know why you put him in that position.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Did she watch this?

[Dan LeBatard]

Answer it.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

What an asshole. He can't just take what's there. He has to always ask for more. Just say your wife, for crying out loud.

[Roy Bellamy]

Of course my wife.

[Dan LeBatard]

Good.

[David Sampson]

Good man. Good man.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

The better way to ask that question is, who do you like better, the.

[Mike Ryan]

Heat or your wife?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Because then he could just like a.

[Stugatz]

Little tournament to get to. Pearl Jam.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yes.

[Mike Ryan]

Build up.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Play it.

[Dan LeBatard]

Let's play it.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Wife or Heat?

[Roy Bellamy]

My wife, My kids. The Heat.

[Stugatz]

The Panthers.

[Roy Bellamy]

Pearl Jam.

[Stugatz]

Nice little play in here.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I actually want to see if David Sampson can negotiate how much free work out of Zez in exchange for free Pearl Jam tickets. I want to ask you guys two questions. One starts with last segment.

[Roy Bellamy]

Hope my wife's not listening.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

She's not. I assure you she's not. The last segment. Okay. Roy and Zaz, I wanted to carry us into hockey playoffs. Here they come. What a magical time.

[Dan LeBatard]

You and I were ready to sit back and watch two guys talk.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

We were going to watch Roy and Zaz Cook. And Roy decided to do a lot of analysis in against the spread. That gave us the start to some hockey, but all Zaslow gave us while I was trying to get. Let's Panthers lightning. They hate each other. Let's see what we could get there. I felt off of my partner of 20 years here, that stug felt the same thing that I did, which is we were tossing a lob to Zaslo and we were going to watch the boys. We were going to watch the boys work for a while. And then both Stugatz and I got confused by get that ass took.

[Billy Gil]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

As analysis. As analysis. Yeah. It's just like.

[Dan LeBatard]

And then we had to come back to the mic. I wasn't expecting.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

The hockey show sometimes on Friday, like, they break it down and they'll explain to you what's happening between Tampa and Florida. But get that ass took. Yeah. Helpful is it just wasn't helpful.

[Roy Bellamy]

That's right. It's been a full year since the Panthers met up with the Tampa Bay Lightning in the playoffs. It's time we take that ass again. Yep.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah.

[Roy Bellamy]

That's what's on tap. Lightning, Panthers, playoffs. But take that ass. Who doesn't understand what that means?

[David Sampson]

Ain't nobody scared of the lightning, man.

[Stugatz]

World roar. Three or no four, right? Which four is four?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Four.

[Stugatz]

We got him again.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

The taking of the ass.

[Mike Ryan]

Why take it?

[Stugatz]

You know exactly what he means.

[Roy Bellamy]

Why not take it?

[David Sampson]

They're not going to give it to you.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

It's not analysis.

[Dan LeBatard]

You have to take it.

[Mike Ryan]

Analysis. I'd rather kick it. Kick that ass, not take it.

[Roy Bellamy]

The Panthers and the Lightning are in front of me and somebody and in this case it was you. Says what's going to happen? Sometimes less is more. Panthers could take that ass.

[Stugatz]

I'm with. I'm with Zaz on this. You take that ass.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, but we wanted more. I mean.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

No, no, no.

[David Sampson]

We take that ass thereby tell me.

[Roy Bellamy]

And I'll tell you what else. I'll tell you what else. I saw a post on Twitter yesterday how the Toronto Maple Leafs.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah.

[Roy Bellamy]

That they won the division. Guess what? It's been two years and that's two years too long. Could take that ass too.

[Dan LeBatard]

We're taking two asses.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Cutting it up. I remember when Tampa was the ass taker.

[David Sampson]

That was a long time ago.

[Dan LeBatard]

Dan Long took our ass.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Wasn't that long ago.

[Mike Ryan]

Is the ass they're taking now, Are they taking their own ass back or is that a new ass?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

They're claiming that no ass was taken last night. That it was just 5 to 1 Tampa and it doesn't matter.

[Roy Bellamy]

We played half the squad playing guys I never even heard of.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, doesn't matter.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Understood. It's still Tampa.

[Mike Ryan]

So there's no ass reclamation.

[Roy Bellamy]

Panthers, baby. I don't know if you paid attention the last two years back up.

[Stugatz]

I think once you take the ass, it's yours.

[Roy Bellamy]

I mean, I recall the last two postseasons.

[Dan LeBatard]

What happened?

[Roy Bellamy]

Panthers taking that ass.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Mike Ryan]

So after they took the ass was a new ass came out. And they took that ass too.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yeah, I mean, you see, you can't play without an ass.

[Stugatz]

Like a lizard tail.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yeah. And they're going to meet again this weekend in Tampa. Look, series starts in Tampa. That's okay. Because you know what's going to happen anyway. Take that ass.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I can't believe I'm sitting in the middle of a market where I just saw our resident legend. Radio hockey people have the back and forth efficient exchange of Tampa. So. What do you mean, Tampa? So Tampa's been a haunt. They've been a haunting franchise that made you completely change everything that you were doing blueprint wise. Because they've owned Florida for the the last seven years.

[Dan LeBatard]

Dan, I think we're wrong on this. I mean, the Panthers just won a Stanley Cup. I mean, they should be max confident right now.

[Roy Bellamy]

Done.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yes.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

You understand that? You understand how I'm watching basketball and everyone still hears. I don't know about LeBron. I don't know if I don't know about Steph. And both of you are like, tampa, so are you. You can't look at me in the face, see what this franchise has done for 30 years and go Tampa.

[Roy Bellamy]

So I bet you that's okay. You know how I can I hit Stu guts? Ask me right now. Pose the question. Tampa Panthers, what do you think? Go ahead, go play it out for you again.

[Mike Ryan]

Maybe you missed it.

[Dan LeBatard]

Look Dan in the face, okay? Yeah, look him right in the eyes, okay? Lightning Panthers, what do you think?

[Roy Bellamy]

Look at this face while I tell this to you, okay? Because I don't want there to be any kind of confusion. You look me right in the eye. Panthers could take that ass, man.

[Dan LeBatard]

Dan, he looked right in the eye.

[David Sampson]

I mean, Dan, I'm looking you right at the eye right now.

[Dan LeBatard]

This is serious.

[Stugatz]

You want the smoke, right?

[Roy Bellamy]

Go on.

[David Sampson]

Yeah. So right in your eyes. I'm saying so.

[Roy Bellamy]

Coming back here. 20 series lead.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yep.

[Dan LeBatard]

I'll take the smoke.

[Roy Bellamy]

That's right.

[Mike Ryan]

This is beat for beat. Exactly how Icarus went down, right? Like he was flying. And the sun gonna take that ass.

[Dan LeBatard]

Who?

[David Sampson]

The sun, not the dead ass.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Something happened yesterday on the show that I need to show the audience because it's the reason that John Amici. John Amici, a hero of mine for a lot of reasons, is braving customs and everything else to fly in here and make sure that our company is protected during a prosperous time. And so that we can do all the corporate exorcism around here, we have to do so that David Sampson cannot win. He cannot be the one who wins at the end. It has to be the rest of us that win. It cannot be David Sampson.

[Stugatz]

Just like the visual you've created of braving customs, like, he's like fighting through.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Walks through the gate. Really?

[Stugatz]

It's just like a sad like S line where he's just like.

[Amin Elhassan]

He's got Global entry, too.

[Roy Bellamy]

He walks right in.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

He comes right in. The way Amin catches the red eye and gulches in.

[Mike Ryan]

It's Uber driver launching. Like, just.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I wish I had video of you running through that airport. The big OJ From Golden State, Memphis, to get to this thing.

[Stugatz]

Jumping over the chair.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yes.

[Mike Ryan]

I'm telling you. And people in the airport like to take their sweet time when they walk, and don't let them be in a group of two or three. They'll walk as wide as possible. And so the moving walkways, which should help. Couldn't use them because I just. I saw it as I was sprinting. There's like three or four people, these clumps. I'm like, that's not gonna work.

[Stugatz]

You gotta. On your left. Come on.

[Mike Ryan]

Not even.

[Stugatz]

Let's go.

[Mike Ryan]

Just skipped it skating by. I ran manual. Manual right here. Just like O.J. running, hurdling. I even had a trench coat. I didn't even bring it to the airport, but all of a sudden, it's under my arm.

[Dan LeBatard]

Just appeared there.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Are we allowed to play that commercial? I think that's. So. That commercial is so old that I don't believe that many people listening to this have any idea what you're talking about. But it's like, one of. It might be the first famous sports commercial.

[Mike Ryan]

Oh, yeah. I mean, look, O.J. was one of the first famous pitch men who, you know, if you think about the evolution of the sportsman as a pitch man. Right. Usually it's I'm here in my jersey with my ball underneath my arm. So, you know what I do, and then it turns into I'm wearing colors that are similar to the colors of my jersey, and other people around me are playing the sport, but I'm not. And then it's the Peyton Manning level, which is the highest level, which is I can just be a regular dude, and I don't need to explain to you who I am. Right. That's the highest level of fame. Right, OJ Was that like. Yes. The running through the airport? Because he's OJ but it's like he didn't have anything identifying him as a football player. There was no football in the background. It was just him sprinting through the airport.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

What are you smiling about, Taslo?

[Roy Bellamy]

I'm just thinking of a mean running through the airport.

[Dan LeBatard]

Funny. Yeah.

[Mike Ryan]

Puffing and puffing.

[Roy Bellamy]

Funny visual.

[Stugatz]

I love the commercials where they're like, hey, is that Brian Oracpo? Because it's like, you don't know, unless they say his name.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I bet you we can do a whole show about all of those. Because that happens a lot. Hell, they put two in uniform because nobody was going to recognize.

[Roy Bellamy]

He's right, though. Brian Arakpo is like the one.

[Dan LeBatard]

He has no business being in a commercial.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

He's not. He's not the one in that commercial. They had to say, hey, look, it's three time Pro Bowler Brian Arakbo or whatever.

[Dan LeBatard]

It was his resume.

[Mike Ryan]

There's a. There's a CarMax or whatever commercial that has name.

[Roy Bellamy]

Spell that phonetically.

[Mike Ryan]

That has subird and Shanae and stuff. And it's like, hey, did you have to settle when you won two MVPs in the 3,000? Like that's that when they're doing the resume reading, that means nobody knows who you are.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

But we can play the game. If we open that up right now to the audience and had something live to interact with the audience, you'd get 50 funny ones like that. Because that. Commercials have to do that all the time. When they want to go to sports for sponsorship, but they're going to somebody who doesn't cross over.

[Mike Ryan]

This is why I love all the Head and shoulders commercials now with Mahomes, because Troy Polamalu is in it, but he's been in those commercials for so long, we don't even have to explain. It's just he's a guy with great hair and of course he does Head and Shoulders commercials.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

What are you smiling about, Zaslow?

[Roy Bellamy]

I'm just. I can't stop thinking about running through the airport.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

All right, can you guys find video, please, of a mean racing Pablo and whoever else it was when we did those races outside of the Clevelander that were a liability risk and eventually ESPN took them away from us.

[David Sampson]

What popped in my head was the old Dan Marino isoton of gloves commercials.

[Dan LeBatard]

Because those were great.

[David Sampson]

We're not wearing gloves in Miami. It's too hot.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

What are we doing there? But Marino was wildly famous at the time. Marino's not three time Pro Bowler Brian Arakbo, like that's a phrase.

[Dan LeBatard]

You knew it was Marino.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I don't know if Find out for me what he said because he might not have been a three time Pro Bowler. I think they might have actually given him more Pro Bowls in the commercial than he actually had just because they were false advertising.

[Amin Elhassan]

I feel like it was a cupcake commercial via Microsoft. It's like, look, it's Brian Rockbo, Michael Griffin.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

And you're like, who?

[David Sampson]

They were making their Own cupcakes in that commercial. Yeah, they had a business.

[Mike Ryan]

You know, Roy, when you said Isotoner, I didn't think of Dan Marino. I thought of OJ.

[David Sampson]

If it doesn't fit, you must have quit.

[Mike Ryan]

There are three brands. There are three brands that are always associated with O.J. number one, Isotoners. Number two, Ford Bronco. Number three, Bruno Molly Shoes.

[Roy Bellamy]

I mean, look at him. Look at him running.

[Dan LeBatard]

Nailed it.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

OJ Is the first. This is the first commercial of this kind we're talking about that they're imagining you running through an airport looking like the first commercial there was anywhere on television for anything involving someone from sports.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, look. And by the way, as they're showing this video sans any context. The context of me coming off a red eye, nobody cares. The context of me wearing Jordan fives, Nobody cares. Yeah, like, there's heavy shoes, sweats and stuff. Billy's wearing not 90s ass shorts, but, like, some modern stuff. Billy, former D1 athlete. Also, I cooked Pablo, but no one ever seems to mention that. Pablo came in third in that race. And then Chris came. And I won't lie, I was kind of blown away by how fast Chris was.

[Roy Bellamy]

At what point during the running through the airport did you text the Uber driver and let him know that you got there?

[Mike Ryan]

After I got on the plane, when.

[Dan LeBatard]

You were sitting right.

[Mike Ryan]

I had to say, I don't want.

[Dan LeBatard]

To catch your breath.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Right.

[Mike Ryan]

If I text him and then I don't catch the flight, now I feel like an idiot. So I had to make sure it was confirmed. I'm on the plane.

[Roy Bellamy]

You don't want to look stupid in front of the Uber.

[Mike Ryan]

No.

[Dan LeBatard]

You don't want to jinx it. Right.

[Stugatz]

I found some audio here of one of these Iraqpo commercials.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

You said you'd get me on the field. I did get you on the field. You are Brian Arakpo, All Pro linebacker.

[Mike Ryan]

Surely you could do better than this.

[Roy Bellamy]

You think he was ever All Pro?

[Dan LeBatard]

I want to say thank you. After he tells me who it is.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I don't think All Pro. I don't think. Please look up whether he was actually an All Pro. All.

[Dan LeBatard]

Probably. Oh, he had to be.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

No, I felt like I. I thought the reason I'm remembering a commercial from 20 years ago is because they also got it wrong.

[Mike Ryan]

To be fair, that's a very confusing thing about football to have All Pro and Pro Bowl.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I thought he was. I thought he was a Pro Bowler and not an All Pro.

[Mike Ryan]

Too many pros.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Brian Arakpo, All Pro linebacker.

[Mike Ryan]

Surely you could do better than this.

[Dan LeBatard]

Four time Pro Bowler. I mean, but is that all.

[Roy Bellamy]

Probably not All Pro.

[Stugatz]

I'm being told.

[Mike Ryan]

No, it's not.

[Stugatz]

Never an All Pro.

[Roy Bellamy]

No, it's not.

[Stugatz]

The other room is saying, never an All Pro.

[Dan LeBatard]

All right.

[Roy Bellamy]

Completely different.

[Dan LeBatard]

All right.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Why are you.

[Dan LeBatard]

I mean, you made the Pro Bowl. You're all Pro.

[Stugatz]

No, All Pro is. They need first team. All Pro, second team.

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't know Pro Bowlers.

[Stugatz]

You can be like the seventh replacement.

[Mike Ryan]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna stick up for Sue Gods on this one.

[Dan LeBatard]

Thank you.

[Mike Ryan]

That's football's fault, right? Why are you naming things the same thing? Yeah, they're two different awards.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Again, should have said Pro Bowler.

[Stugatz]

They're wrong.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That's correct. This is the part I'm getting to. I don't understand why everybody's still like, still don't know. And I'm like, no. The reason that it's funny is not merely because Andrew Luck is over enunciating. Introducing to an audience. Here's this person with a funny name.

[Stugatz]

That's not Andrew Luck. That was a caveman.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

No, I'm joking. You said you get me on the field. I did get you on the field. You are Brian Arakpo, All Pro linebackers.

[Dan LeBatard]

Thank you.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Not thank you. Stunning. All Pro. It's also wrong. So it's not merely that they're introducing him to the audience to sell something they're doing so incorrectly. It's the reason that I remember that commercial.

[David Sampson]

Don LeBatard.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

World War Three stugats.

[Stugatz]

We're gonna get that off the ground.

[Chris Cote]

World War Three colon. Our group chat has a pretty good feeling about this one.

[David Sampson]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the stugats.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

The thing that I was trying to get to here with the rest of you is I legitimately feel bad for Mike Ryan who has left the show in disgrace today because he went viral yesterday the way that he went viral.

[Stugatz]

I need to jump in real fast. I just got a text from David Sampson. I hope this is meant for air. I got Zaz Pearl Jam tickets. Texted Dan need answer asap. Total rush job. Oh, am I telling David yes or.

[Mike Ryan]

I mean, working on.

[Dan LeBatard]

Get him two for each night.

[Stugatz]

I'll follow up.

[Dan LeBatard]

Clarify.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Let's get David back on to see. To negotiate free work from Zaslow on behalf of the company. If indeed this is something that he can execute. I don't think people understand what a hard thing David Sampson just did.

[Dan LeBatard]

Like that.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

This is. This is difficult. Look, locally, Pearl Jam does not play.

[Mike Ryan]

Never.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Like, and Pearl Jam is at the end of this. And my wife and I have gone and seen Pearl Jam.

[Roy Bellamy]

I'm excited that you're going.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

We don't think they're going to play much. Very, very much anymore. And Zaslow cares about Pearl Jam more than I know.

[Roy Bellamy]

You see this sweatshirt I'm wearing?

[Dan LeBatard]

It says Pearl Jam on it.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That's what it. That's what it says. Stugat's a successful reader.

[Roy Bellamy]

Zaz is the audio audience, in case.

[Dan LeBatard]

The audience didn't notice.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Zsazza successful wear of Pearl Jam. You have much Pearl Jam gear.

[Roy Bellamy]

I have much Pearl Jam gear.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well, we got to negotiate on air then, right? Like, the thing that I was beginning to say about the things happening at our company, because Sampson's getting more and more power, and we've got to be careful about that.

[Dan LeBatard]

Well, you have to.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Everybody needs to be. Everybody needs to be. Because. What are you giving me the thumbs up?

[Stugatz]

I'm seeing Samson in my zoom screen right now. So he's here.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Okay.

[Dan LeBatard]

I'm telling you, Sampson got you. Like, I'm just telling you.

[Roy Bellamy]

Oh, look at that. Put them. Look at that.

[Dan LeBatard]

He got you two tickets each night. They're probably, like, last row tickets. That's not what you want.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

So can you do better?

[Dan LeBatard]

I'm trying. Are you?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I have not yet begun to try, but I'm guessing that I could. Well, what's better? I don't know what.

[Dan LeBatard]

Let's see what Sampson got.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well, but let's negotiate this. Let's watch Sampson in negotiation. But before I do that, because I just do want to get to the thing I was saying. I feel bad because Mike Ryan left the show. I don't know why he left the show today, but there was shame involved for him yesterday in going viral in a costume. And one of the reasons that John Amici is here wrestling David Sampson to make sure that our company is run correctly so that everybody feels cared for is at least in part because we're trying to make the show better than it has been. And because costumes around here are not something that anyone will wear, even though a bunch of people own a bunch of different punishments and our customers want costumes. And yesterday, by accident, Mike Ryan wearing a costume went viral, which is my favorite thing. I think we should give bonuses, David, when anybody goes viral wearing a costume. But it wasn't as he intended. He was just wearing a ridiculous shirt. And so what ended up happening is he comes after Ryan Clark, and Ryan Clark got some information wrong. Mike sounded pompous. But Mike was also right. But Mike was wearing a ridiculous shirt. So can you guys put up, please, the video of. Or, I'm sorry, the picture of the shirt that Mike Ryan was wearing. Yeah. And so you guys. Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

Deserves it, whatever he's getting.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yeah. But you guys can see why that would be embarrassing. Stupid. Yeah, that's.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's well said. Yeah.

[Amin Elhassan]

From a guy wearing a Pearl Jam sweater.

[Dan LeBatard]

Says Pearl Jam.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yeah, but I want to go to Pearl Jam. Does he want to go to whatever that shirt is?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

All right, so start the negotiation. Sampson. Let's watch you negotiate. How much free work are you? You've got the tickets. You've got them secure.

[Roy Bellamy]

Good to see you. David, how are you?

[Billy Gil]

Hello. How are you doing?

[Dan LeBatard]

Christ. Don't do that.

[Stugatz]

David. Still laughing from his hit earlier.

[Billy Gil]

It's a very simple equation that we're about to solve for here. I need to know how badly you really like Pearl Jam because I don't have the tickets yet. I need a 10 second sound bite that Eddie Vedder will see because he makes the decisions. And I need 10 seconds on why you deserve two tickets to the Thursday night show in Florida.

[Roy Bellamy]

I've been seeing Pearl Jam every tour since I was 16 years old. They're one of the most important things in the world to me. And the best part about going to see Pearl Jam now is I now also take my now 16 year old son. He accompanies me to all the shows that I go to. So it's a huge father son bonding moment now. It's one of the greatest gifts I have in my life is seeing this band with my son.

[Mike Ryan]

I think you could do better.

[Dan LeBatard]

Too long.

[Mike Ryan]

This is going to Eddie. Better, buddy.

[Roy Bellamy]

Not to family. That was great with Eddie.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Sing something I wouldn't.

[Mike Ryan]

That wasn't great, man. That.

[Dan LeBatard]

That was some yellow lead. Better.

[Mike Ryan]

It felt very rote. I need you to tap into emotion. I need you to get emotional. I need you to. That father, son bond. I need you to really bring it to the service. And also a little musicality to it, too.

[Roy Bellamy]

Listen, listen. Look at this face right here. Can the camera get on me, please? Not on a mean. Look at me, look at me. Look at his face. This is a tired face right here. This is a face that is stressed. This is not a healthy face right now. And the reason that this face looks like this right now is because this has consumed my life. I need to see Pearl Jam in my home city. I live just 10 minutes away from the Hard Rock live. And I'm going to Be sitting in my home, on my couch, in my underwear while Pearl Jam is playing the hard Rock live. I need to be at the show.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah.

[David Sampson]

Too long.

[Billy Gil]

We're going to have to take three with a couple of rules. One thing. No mention of skivvies. Let's start with that.

[Roy Bellamy]

What's a skivvy?

[Billy Gil]

Eddie's not interested in your undies.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Put it on the poll at Lebatard show. Have you ever heard anyone refer to underwear as skivvies at lerd show?

[Mike Ryan]

Only on tv.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

What, you want him to try a third time? What are these that go like. I appreciate that you're treating him like a trained monkey here, but I would like for you guys to actually negotiate.

[Dan LeBatard]

No, but David was saying. This video is going to help David secure the ticket, so we need to.

[Roy Bellamy]

Thank you.

[Billy Gil]

I will realize we need a trans.

[Roy Bellamy]

I will hit on something that will really tug on David's heartstrings here.

[Mike Ryan]

If I may. Here's the problem. You're delivering it as a radio professional, which means you have a great direct voice. It's clear, it's strong. But right now, you're begging. Buddy, I don't think it's.

[Roy Bellamy]

It's not. It's not nice. It's not right for me to grovel.

[Mike Ryan]

Oh, you gotta grovel? It's any better.

[Roy Bellamy]

I have self respect. All right, I'm not gonna grovel. I gotta grovel here. But something that.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

You've been groveling.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

You've been. You come in here today, use our platform to grovel.

[Roy Bellamy]

Well, I mean, that's your interpretation, but I will. I will say something that tug at David's heartstrings here. I already told you, some people work for food. Okay. I will work for Pearl Jam tickets. That's right. I'm here. I'm here. Actually, I'm here tomorrow, but I could also come on Friday. I work the rest of the week. David, I know how much you love saving money. I've seen it firsthand. Been a marlin fan since 1993. I know how much you love.

[Dan LeBatard]

You're not trying to convince David, though.

[Roy Bellamy]

What do you mean? I'm trying to convince David. Of course. Talk to Eddie.

[Mike Ryan]

Okay.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Eddie.

[Billy Gil]

Better. Doesn't care about my time with the Marlins.

[Mike Ryan]

Now, Zaz, let me tell you right now, the tone you hit, right there, excellent. That's where I want you to be. Stay right there.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Oh, but wait.

[Mike Ryan]

The content has to be.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I mean, you're right to coach him this way, but if we were to test sort of how zaslo feels about things. However much he loves Pearl Jam, is how much he hates David Sampson. Saving money on the Marlin.

[Mike Ryan]

But the point is that David brought up. It's like, you're not supposed to impress David. You're impressing Eddie Vedders. So talking about the Marlins, Eddie Vedder's like, I don't give a shit about the Marlins. He gives a shit about Pearl Jam. So use that tone. But talk about Pearl Jam. Bring back the sun element. I really like that family vibe. Do that, but with that same song.

[Amin Elhassan]

I mean, he's missing something, though.

[Mike Ryan]

What's he missing?

[Amin Elhassan]

He has something. He has a ace in his back pocket that he hasn't played. He hasn't thought of it yet. He's got his own name in a Pearl Jam song done by this show that he could also put out and be like, listen to this. I'm so Pearl Jam. My name is a part of the song.

[Roy Bellamy]

That's true. That's true. I've ed.

[Billy Gil]

And feel free to mention Zaz, if you don't mind, that you did not get what you're wearing for free.

[Roy Bellamy]

That's right.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah. You pay for your merch, and they get. They get a better cut on the merch than they do on the. On the show tickets.

[Dan LeBatard]

Tell them everything.

[Roy Bellamy]

All right, listen, this. I'm looking straight at you, Eddie Vedder and your bandmates. I.

[Billy Gil]

Wrong camera.

[Roy Bellamy]

Okay, there we go. I've ed. I'm looking straight at you, Ed. As you could tell by me looking right at the camera. Okay. I would never look at the opposite camera. I would never look at the wrong one. I'm looking right at you. I love your band so much. You have given me some of the greatest nights of my life since I was a young Jonathan Zaslow, since I was a young man trying to figure out who I am in this world. Okay? You helped me discover who I am. And then as I got older, I had children, and I now get to take my teenage boys to the shows with me. It's a. It's a family affair, Eddie. All right? And the idea that I would miss this time with my family and you, we're all part of it together. We're all a family. I gotta be there to see you at the Hard Rock Live next week. To complete our family, we need to be together. And I paid for this right here, this merch with my hard earned money. That's right. I work so that I could also buy merchandise.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay, now sing it.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Please stop.

[Roy Bellamy]

Please.

[Billy Gil]

Let's not get always asking for more.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

He got he cannot help. It's going to say it on his tombstone. Always asking for more. I don't understand. Before we get to Zachary nervous. This is what I don't understand. Perhaps our crack training team here will explain to me what happened. Please explain to me how in the other room Tony wants to throw it to a song and surprises an executive producer with a thick song who's still looking for it because they didn't coordinate to play that song like producers would. As Tony was talking about it.

[Roy Bellamy]

There it is.

[Dan LeBatard]

Just some of this.

[Tony]

Screamer pounce his fists on the triple A concrete. A girl or dreamer hoping he'll see the legend Glenn Rice play more games. Oh, yeah. Oh, hands down moron sandwiches and it's a little peculiar. Oh, yeah.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

O.

[Tony]

Ribs with his hands is insane. Oh, yeah. John Zaslo. How you love that catchphrase. Bad news for opposing teams in the triple air. He's all smiles till LeBron's eye. Clutch again. Clutch again.

[Roy Bellamy]

Clutch.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Sampson, I need your help here. Close this out. Get him Pearl Jam tickets. And what does it cost? How much does he have to work for free?

[Billy Gil]

So the video did help because I clipped sent response. Received.

[Roy Bellamy]

What?

[Dan LeBatard]

That was quick.

[Billy Gil]

This is how we work here at Meadowlark.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

He's got.

[Billy Gil]

So it's a pretty simple.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

He's got a better ticket.

[Mike Ryan]

Eddie. Better is more responsive than Sugata's ticket guy.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

He's got a better ticket guy than I do.

[Tony]

Said yes.

[Dan LeBatard]

I've seen this ticket guy at work. He's fantastic.

[Mike Ryan]

So.

[Billy Gil]

So here's how we're going to do it. Zaz. And we're organized enough to do this, despite all evidence to the contrary is that I would like to help make a memory for you and your son on Thursday night with two premium best tickets you've ever had.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Whoa.

[Billy Gil]

Turn. You got what I'm going to need from you. I'm going to need your best work and I'm going to need it throughout the Panthers run to defend their Stanley Cup. So while the Panthers are still in the playoffs.

[Dan LeBatard]

So for free, I'm going to need.

[Billy Gil]

Two appearances per round that they are in until they're eliminated.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That's nothing. David.

[Roy Bellamy]

Easy work. I'm in.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

David. David. Why are you starting low? David.

[Dan LeBatard]

Right?

[Billy Gil]

Oh, because they're going to go to the Stanley cup and we're going to get six to eight days of Zaz.

[Dan LeBatard]

He would do six months for free. That's what Dan is saying.

[Roy Bellamy]

David.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

You're coming in very cheap. David. David.

[Billy Gil]

That I'm coming in to close. I'm a close.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yep. That's how you get a deal done. You know what?

[Billy Gil]

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not going to be a schnorer. I'm not going to grovel because he could have gone on game time and saved himself a few seconds of video love.

[Roy Bellamy]

Game time.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I've got to stop everybody here. Like, I. Roy, you're as disappointed as I am here, right? Like, that's. That's not he. Do you know how much Zaslo would give up to have this? Six months, having him come in here a. Like, a few times.

[Roy Bellamy]

Not a chore either. Love coming in here. Love it.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I don't have any idea. Sampson, you're. Are you going to be negotiating on behalf of Metal Arc like I need you to not be if that's how.

[Billy Gil]

Poorly you do it, I would like you to evaluate that at the end of the Stanley cup run, because my bet is the Panthers are going to go all the way. Sly Fox. And I believe that there is an opportunity to have Zaz add to your show, make you happy, and do it with the price.

[Roy Bellamy]

I'll make you so happy.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

All right.

[Dan LeBatard]

So, David, I know Zaslo was thinking this. He doesn't want to ask it. I'll ask for him. How about the second night?

[Roy Bellamy]

What a schnur. What a schnurr.

[Dan LeBatard]

You're thinking of that.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

But wait a minute. So I feel like I can get the second night.

[Roy Bellamy]

Oh, talking about I feel.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

But wait. If. But how much? What's legal here?

[Dan LeBatard]

David, I already told my guy. Forget it.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

In terms of how.

[Billy Gil]

How he didn't have a guy.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Stugotz was gonna be the hero.

[Roy Bellamy]

But, buddy, I like to let other people shine.

[Stugatz]

David, you can have this one.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

But he's unselfish. He's unselfish. What can I do here to get the payoff? All right. Are you here tomorrow? Yeah, yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

For free.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

David, are there legalities involved here? Because I don't feel like you negotiated that very well. I feel like we could get. We might be committ. Well, I just feel like. I'm just stunned that David came in so low on something that he got when the return he could have gotten is free work from an employee.

[Roy Bellamy]

Maybe he appreciates that I'm a nice boy.

[Billy Gil]

We are getting free work for what I perceive to be the chance of eight extra days, plus Friday. So that's great.

[Dan LeBatard]

But, David, we're telling you, Dan and I know Zaslow. He would have done eight months. Is what we're telling you.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Zazlow would work for free for a year for this company in exchange for what you're offering him.

[Roy Bellamy]

Panthers don't play year round, David.

[Mike Ryan]

They're just calling you Nico Harrison right now.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Just a terrible trade. It's a.

[Billy Gil]

You understand that? Defense wins championships.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

All right, we got to revisit this.

[Roy Bellamy]

Goodbye, my man. Folks, listen up.

[Stugatz]

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[Chris Cote]

Today it's the 50th anniversary of Miller Lite. And for many of those 50 years, they've been partnered up with the Dan LeBatard Show. Back to our terrestrial radio days all throughout national city syndication. Pirate face where we are now so grateful for that partnership because you guys know we believe it. It's a beer for people who love their beer. And hopefully our audience loves their beer enough to always trust Miller Lite like I do. From game night parties with friends or a special anniversary like 20 years together on air, celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life. Cheers to 50 years of Miller Lite, the great tasting light beer for people who Love beer. Since 1975, it's Miller Time. Miller Lite is brewed for taste. Simply put, it just hits different because of those simple ingredients like malted barley for rich balanced toffee note flavors and the iconic golden color. Oh, and that white can do. I love that white can. 96 calories and just 3.2 grams of carbs per 12 ounces. Miller time is always a good time. Miller lite grape taste, 96 calories go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.