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Dan Le Batard
This is the Dan Levator show with.
Stugotz
The Stu Guts podcast.
David Samson
I did not spend last night watching Hard Knocks, Zaz. But I did spend last night getting absolutely caught watching fake videos. And I've just had a. I'm really having a hard time, and I'm here. I feel like it's a safe space that I can admit to you. I can't tell the difference between AI and not. And I thought people were lost at Sea for 25 years.
Dan Le Batard
Okay. So you got to tell me about this, because I. I saw, like, bits and pieces of this story. I don't know if I know all the details of the story. You got fooled by it. Okay.
David Samson
It was an actual news report that people had been lost at sea for 25.
Chris Cote
When you say actual, it looked.
Dan Le Batard
What? I mean, it was on, like, cnn. It was on Fox. Was. I mean, actual news report.
David Samson
It was. It was a news report, but it.
Mike Ryan
Looked like a news report.
Dan Le Batard
Okay.
David Samson
You know, there's a look to that.
Dan Le Batard
Okay.
David Samson
And I thought, that seems like a long time to be lost. That is a major story. 25 years. And how great is it that they got found? Because I imagine the ocean's pretty big. Is it impossible that Tom Hanks could have been gone for 25 years? I thought that there was a chance that it was possible. We have it.
Chris Cote
Let's show it to the audience so they can hear it, the visual audience can see it, and then we can stop it once it becomes too ridiculously fake.
Billy Gill
A shocking discovery. A couple lost at sea 25 years ago has just been found.
Dan Le Batard
Yesterday, a cargo ship 1,400 miles off.
Amin Elhassan
The coast spotted Mark and Jennifer Patterson.
Chris Cote
A couple who vanished during a sailing.
Mike Ryan
Trip from Florida to the Bahamas in 1999.
Billy Gill
We had a funeral.
Stugotz
We grieved for 25 years. My sister's been gone since 1999.
David Samson
We thought they drowned in that storm.
Stugotz
I just can't believe it.
Chris Cote
Living on an impressive floating structure built from boat wreckage combined with ocean waste, they created innovative ways to survive. Filtration system way too fast.
Amin Elhassan
We learned to see traps.
Dan Le Batard
Her hair looks amazing.
Amin Elhassan
Her teeth are pearly white.
Billy Gill
Most importantly, we had each other.
Chris Cote
The couple developed a daily routine of fishing and collecting useful debris.
Amin Elhassan
25 years at sea should be impossible.
Billy Gill
They didn't just survive, dudes.
Amin Elhassan
They thrived.
Chris Cote
That's ridiculous. So, like the white teeth. Just the sound you hear.
Dan Le Batard
25 years. I'm attracted to that woman. 25 years.
David Samson
But you get thinner. You can braid your own hair. You get the lemon in your hair to make it light. Are you telling me that I'm the only one in this country that got fooled?
Chris Cote
David, I saw this. I saw that exact news report. And then 20 seconds in I was like this is clearly fake. And then you type in couple 25 and then it just pops up. Fake story. Feel like it was also.
Stugotz
Where are you getting lemons in the middle of the ocean to put in your hair? Lemon trees, debris, what people throw.
David Samson
Have you ever seen the floating thing of garbage in the ocean and there's.
Stugotz
Lemon trees growing out of garbage.
David Samson
It's wild.
Mike Ryan
You're floating around for 25 years as you don't accidentally hit a shore at some point.
Stugotz
How could you be floating for 25 years between the United States and the Bahamas? Like there's not so much water, there's no bound to run.
Dan Le Batard
Is there not some point where eventually you see land where you can maybe.
Stugotz
Make your way nab good?
Dan Le Batard
I like 25 years, by the way. I don't care how great your marriage is. 25 years on that little thing right there. Someone's going overboard at some point. Are you kidding me?
Chris Cote
Honey, go for a swim. And then.
Dan Le Batard
My God, Will son.
David Samson
I bought it hook, line and sinker. And all I kept thinking is that's a great. They look great. It's a great plan. And I went to immediately could I do that? How would I figure out how to filtrate the water? And how would I figure out how to.
Dan Le Batard
I have the answer. You wouldn't.
David Samson
I believe I would die.
Mike Ryan
I just heard the craziest result of that would die.
Dan Le Batard
You're on Survivor.
David Samson
First out.
Mike Ryan
I was thinking of my cousin yesterday whose parents are probably in their 70s and have been very, very religious their entire life, Catholic, strong beliefs, etc. They fell for a fake AI post of Pope Leo basically saying, hey, there's certain things that you've believed all this time, they're no longer true. And I believe one of them being like there is no hell, right? There is no great guy. There's no hell.
Dan Le Batard
Be a great tip to get.
Mike Ryan
And they 100% believed. Like nevermind. Decade after decade after decade of people challenging your beliefs. One AI video of Pope Leo had them changing everything about what they believed. And that shit is crazy. When their son told him it was fake, it was like you could have just. It's like they saw a ghost. It's like that's unbelievable.
David Samson
Unbelievable is so. It's an age thing. Is part of that story that that's 70 targets.
Chris Cote
Yes, you can just like I hear. You can hear the AI in almost every. That guy talking of, like, we had a funeral. Like, you can hear the buzz of.
Dan Le Batard
AI not only did they survive, they thrived.
David Samson
So can you answer this, please? Thank you. Is the person fake, then? That newscaster?
Chris Cote
That newscaster does not exist.
David Samson
So that newscaster does not exist.
Amin Elhassan
No, that was like the tell. Where was this broadcast? There was no. No logos on the screen. Not a recognizable anchor.
Dan Le Batard
That's why I said, like, what newscast was this?
David Samson
And the person who gave the interview is a made up. Not just a voice. Where they put a different voice. Because I've seen Aaron Boone give a bunch of interviews.
Dan Le Batard
I saw that one recently.
David Samson
It's not. We are trying to not make the playoffs. It turns out it was his. It was him. Yeah, but they put a different.
Amin Elhassan
Oh my God, David, are you serious?
Mike Ryan
Wait, wait, wait. So when I got engaged last year in Portugal, I had this thing where I set up for my fiancee and it was a video. And I had him put on some glasses, the meta. Ray Ban glasses, where you could listen to the video.
Billy Gill
He thought.
Mike Ryan
He was so surprised. He thought because it was at the end of the dinner that they had microphones around the table and they had. AI generated my voice to tell this story. I don't know if we've gotten that far in technology, but that was wild for him to think of.
Dan Le Batard
Is the story, the original story that the couple. Couple has been lost? Is that part even true or that is all made up?
David Samson
Are you saying those two people are AI?
Chris Cote
I believe it's all fake.
Dan Le Batard
All fake?
Chris Cote
I'll try, I'll verify, but yes, all fake.
Amin Elhassan
Okay.
David Samson
People are spending a lot of time, a lot of energy doing this stuff. What? Where's the money in it?
Mike Ryan
I don't know. But I heard everybody's electric bills go up because AI is very expensive.
Amin Elhassan
Where's the money in it? Look at Palantir.
David Samson
I just heard about the electric bill thing. My girlfriend, who can tell the difference between AI and not AI in a way that I can't, told me that. That AI uses chat. GPT uses 10% more or some crazy amount that we're going to end up running out of. Like the grids are going to get overexposed. Maybe we should give Dan that to worry about. He's got 50 things on his mind that he's worried about. Have you heard the grid story?
Chris Cote
Dan will tackle that.
Mike Ryan
Don't worry.
Stugotz
I mean, the world's not gonna exist in two weeks, so what does he have to worry about?
Amin Elhassan
Watch Eddington.
David Samson
Then you. That's why you need 10 grand per copyright filing.
Stugotz
I mean, I'm gonna send it to you. If you believe these videos are real, I think you might believe that you owe me this money, so you have.
David Samson
A short window with which to recapture the money.
Stugotz
I don't think the world's ending in two weeks. Why is it all of the fears that we've espoused on this show would lead us to believe that every week is our last on Earth?
David Samson
I like our chances. I think you should all do your homework, because I feel as though the world is not going to end this week. With Dan gone, the next thing I need to ask is about Hard Knocks. Oh, speaking of bills, why did you take the time?
Dan Le Batard
Great question. I have not watched Hard Knocks in probably a little bit. You know, I haven't religiously watched it.
Mike Ryan
You watched the Dolphins season, though?
Dan Le Batard
Yeah, but that was. That was two years ago. Okay, I definitely watched that, yes. But otherwise, no, I'm not really into it. I. I feel like it's all right. I. I've seen it before, you know, But I decided to watch it last night, you know, and. And it starts, and it's like, oh, you got the music. Liv Schreiber. What a voice. And I'm like, okay, that football's back. This is football. Okay, but what. Where are the sprinklers? Normally, the. The open starts, and I see the grass and the sprinklers, and I don't. Chris, you watched also. I don't think they showed the sprinklers.
Chris Cote
I think we got to maybe mid episode before there was, like, one little sprinkler. It's like, no. You come out of that cold open, I usually turn in for the first couple of weeks and then fade away from it. Because I think, especially the first episode, the goosebumps that you get from that.
Amin Elhassan
Opening scene when the irrigation system starts.
Chris Cote
Kicking in, it's always different. Sometimes it's a first team meeting, Sometimes it's just a player doing something, like, motivational. But it always is. Goosebumps. They get you every year.
Dan Le Batard
That's a great sprinkler sound effect.
Chris Cote
This year, it was just like Josh Allen sitting for an interview, being like, all right, let's do this. And then I was like, what?
Amin Elhassan
And then the sprinklers, Right?
Chris Cote
No, and then with the sprinklers, like, after the open, and I was just like, I just. I'm a little out on it. It was just.
David Samson
Are you done now?
Amin Elhassan
Well, David, it's supposed to go. Sprinklers leave schreiber yeah, that. That's how this is supposed to be.
Chris Cote
Sprinklers. Dunno. And then Liv Schreiber.
David Samson
So we're blaming this on the editors.
Dan Le Batard
Weird starts. Weird start to the show. I decided to watch it and see one of my worries though was it's the Buffalo Bills. I don't know if you know this, David. I hate the Bills. The Bills get no love in the Zazlow mansion.
David Samson
All right?
Dan Le Batard
I'm a Dolphins fan. I hate the Bills and I don't want to watch this show. And they're going to like humanize Josh Allen.
Chris Cote
Like him.
Dan Le Batard
They're going to make me like him, you know, and they're showing clips from the wedding and I really like that Haley Steinfeld, who he's married to, you know, I don't, I don't want to like the quarterback of the Buffalo Bills. And that's exactly what wound up happening. I'm like, this guy is too likable, he's too nice. He's handsome, he's got a great looking wife. I don't want to like him. So I hated this trap that I was falling.
Chris Cote
Oh, I'm gonna sign autographs after practice.
Dan Le Batard
I'll get you guys after practice. It's like, oh, he's so nice, you.
Chris Cote
Know, and oh, the cameras are around though.
Dan Le Batard
I mean, granted, what else does everyone have going on in Buffalo? You know, it's. It's the Bills and it's nothing.
David Samson
Glad you didn't do that with Niner around.
Dan Le Batard
Why is he from Buffalo?
David Samson
Buffalo family. No kid goes to Buffalo all the time.
Stugotz
We've been in a bad mood.
Amin Elhassan
They have Niagara Falls. Not the better side.
David Samson
Half of it. It the wrong half.
Amin Elhassan
Not the better side. You don't actually need a passport. Well, maybe you do. Raising tensions and all that. But I was surprised I got to the Canadian side. I was like, I didn't bring my passport.
David Samson
You need your documents?
Billy Gill
No.
Chris Cote
One of my takeaways from last night is the Bills have no rules for their, their players. Dion Dawkins was like on his off day went like we like. What was it? Drifting.
Dan Le Batard
Drifting like in car. And he's taking his like 6 year old in it.
Amin Elhassan
3 kids. Sounds like there's plenty to do in.
Chris Cote
Buffalo on his off day. Just like on two wheels. And then one of the other play, I think it's A.J. espinosa. What's it, Defensive?
David Samson
Yeah, defensive.
Chris Cote
He, he's like wrestling snakes. He's like looking for snakes in the wild, like big and anacondas. Buffalo dude I'm telling you, maybe it was a cutback, something in the off season. Dion Dawkins definitely did it in Buffalo on his off day. Well, they're not in Buffalo. They're in Rochester for training camp even. You're not finding anacondas wherever. But the Bills are just okay with their players drifting like with their kids in the car on their off day, and this guy's out here chasing.
Mike Ryan
Sounds like a great episode.
Amin Elhassan
No, no sprinklers.
Dan Le Batard
I'll tell you. I was in the middle of the episode. I'm checking the time. I'm like, when's it. When's this over? I thought it was boring as hell.
David Samson
Did they do any Marv Levy, love? No, none. The guy just turned a hundo.
Dan Le Batard
They did a lot on. We got a new stadium. Like Josh Allen toward the new stadium, even though it's not even close to being done. They did a lot on the new state.
Chris Cote
He tore. Yeah, he was touring. Like, you could see the.
Billy Gill
The.
David Samson
The shell that was opening next season.
Dan Le Batard
Well, yeah.
Amin Elhassan
All right.
Dan Le Batard
Well, that's a year.
Chris Cote
They said 11 months. It'll be ready for operation.
Dan Le Batard
Yeah, it's a long time.
David Samson
There's got to be a framework. There's got to be.
Chris Cote
Oh, no. It's like this is where you'll walk out onto the field about Zaz, you know, that's.
Amin Elhassan
I mean, obviously, I've seen recent photos.
Dan Le Batard
It's going to be done, but it doesn't look close to done. 11 months, a long time.
Chris Cote
No, he's still like, he was where the field would be and he's looking up at the structure. So, like the structure's there, but there's.
Dan Le Batard
Not even close to seats.
Billy Gill
Right.
Chris Cote
It's not even close structures there.
Dan Le Batard
It'll be done. I know about stadiums, David.
David Samson
Pay attention, because if you toured Inter Miami's new stadium on your way to.
Dan Le Batard
The airport, I saw that too. That looks like it's coming along.
Stugotz
Also, it is suspiciously quick.
Amin Elhassan
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Bob Odenkirk
Odenkirk is one of my actually all time favorite actors. He could be comedic, he could be dramatic, obviously. Better Call Saul, one of the great shows literally of all time. And a couple years back he showed up out of nowhere as an action star in the movie Nobody and I honestly really loved it. I couldn't believe what I was watching and had an absolute blast. Was blown away by his physicality. Movie was a ton of fun. And now he's back in the sequel Nobody 2, hitting theaters on August 15th. So Bob returns as Hutch and this time he tries to go on a vacation with his family, only for all hell to break loose. It's really a delight to see a guy like Odenkirk kicking some serious ass. Nobody 2 is produced by 87 north, the same team behind hits like John Wick, Bullet Train and the Fall Guy. The film also stars Connie Nielsen, RZA and the legendary Christopher Lloyd and Sharon Stone. Nobody 2 is a perfect summer movie. You don't want to miss this one. Nobody 2 is only in theaters August 15th.
Mike Ryan
Dan Levotard there's sunglasses in boxes today.
Amin Elhassan
Put in my bed in the hospital. Ending our lives. All the same stugats. It's the final nightgown.
Dan Le Batard
This is the Dan Levatar show with the stugats.
David Samson
Is it true that Messi will be on Inter Miami? Is it confirmed? Mike, do you have that?
Stugotz
Did that extend for like three years or something?
Amin Elhassan
That's a deal that's in front of him.
Dan Le Batard
Oh wow.
David Samson
Okay, there it is.
Mike Ryan
No further information.
Amin Elhassan
You happen to know that. Yeah. I happen to know they have an offer that is very good. And we'll see.
David Samson
Three years with the assumption like a long baseball contract where, you know, the end of it is he doesn't play, he just gets paid. Or you expecting three years on the.
Amin Elhassan
Pitch, you know, that's what's in front of him.
Stugotz
Guy picks and chooses who wants to play now anyways.
Amin Elhassan
Yeah.
Stugotz
It's impossible to follow this team. Can I just. Like, I was trying.
Dan Le Batard
I totally agree.
Stugotz
I mean, there was the All Star game that they didn't play, and then they. They were suspended. A game that they didn't want to be suspended.
Dan Le Batard
Totally with you.
Stugotz
And then I was trying to figure. I'm going on espn, trying to. It's impossible to find an espn, but I'm going on ESP trying to find the box score. And then he played in the next game that there was a box score. And it's because there was another tournament in between that he was suspended for. But not the tournament that I was finding the thing for. There's two coinciding tournaments at the same time. I can't figure out one schedule that tells me when these games are.
Dan Le Batard
And this is a league's cup game they're playing tonight. Right.
Stugotz
There's another cup game that they just lost or he was suspended.
Amin Elhassan
Club World Cup.
Stugotz
It's very hard for a casual fan to follow and know what the hell's going on.
Amin Elhassan
Casual fan. I don't disagree. I'd say on this show we do a pretty good job of saying. And the difference between MLS and other leagues is they kind of have these cup competitions on their own. It's not like these things outside of the Club World cup, they're not really happening at the same time. In Europe, it's very difficult in Europe, you might have a Champions League fixture and then the league fixture all in one week. With this league's cup, they kind of carved out the entire time for leagues cup. And the league essentially goes on pause and then they'll restart once they get out of this group save.
Stugotz
That's confusing. And then, like, if I want to. But that's like, I want to try to get. I'm telling you, I'm confused. No, but they. I want to get into difficult.
Amin Elhassan
But the only.
Stugotz
I don't know what games count, what games don't. When he wants to play. When he doesn't want to play. Because it's not an important game. Like, it's very difficult.
Chris Cote
I think the argument that Mike's making is if you want to learn it. It's not.
Stugotz
I'm telling you I'm trying and I can't. I'm telling you specifically, I'm trying and I can't figure out which games matter which.
Chris Cote
You're smart guy.
Amin Elhassan
You're. You're pretty bright. I. You don't try.
Stugotz
I told you I had the MLS pass on Apple plus. And then I said, you know what? I can't do this.
Amin Elhassan
You can watch league's cup games.
Dan Le Batard
You get that bundle.
David Samson
This is what I think we can do for you. Billy and I think this can work.
Stugotz
Well, I don't know.
David Samson
We can come in every day and we can tell you that day whether Messi will be playing.
Stugotz
You can't though.
David Samson
No, no, but Mike can.
Amin Elhassan
I can tell you if Inter Miami is going to be playing. I can't tell you if Messi's gonna be playing.
David Samson
I thought you had that information.
Amin Elhassan
What? He's got a muscle injury right now.
Mike Ryan
He's not playing.
Amin Elhassan
He's not playing tonight? No.
David Samson
So then you're. So then you tell Billy he's not.
Amin Elhassan
Playing tonight, but Inter Miami's playing.
David Samson
Are you Messi or Inter Miami?
Stugotz
I wanted to go to see Messi play a game at some point while he's down here so I can have the experience. I could go to see Inter Miami before the new stadium. Once a new stadium comes, I'm. I'm not interested in that. Really Gonna be sometime. Yeah. Prices are gonna go way up. It's gonna be a whole. Exactly. Demand is gonna be up for that. I'd rather go now and see it. When demand is a little bit down, it's reasonably priced. But then he gets injured in a game that I thought he was suspended for, which is why I'm telling you. I was confused. I thought he was suspended. Then I see a day later, he's injured in the game. And I was like, what's going on here?
Mike Ryan
If you end up finding these games, the first two leagues. Cup game for Inter have been great.
Amin Elhassan
Okay. He wasn't injured in the game that he was suspended.
Stugotz
That's what I'm saying.
Amin Elhassan
He was injured in the following game, which he wasn't suspended for. And that was in the league's cup, which the MLS calendar to make it super easy for people like you. They decide, we're not going to have these events happening simultaneously. We're just going to pause the MLS regular season and have this league's cup game.
Stugotz
When I went to espn.com I click MLS, I click Inter Miami, I click scoreboard. And there's games that just are missing, phantom games.
Amin Elhassan
That's, that's understandable. And that's how it is with all soccer competitions, because they're different. If you just go to Chelsea and you go to the Premier League schedule, you're not going to see their fixtures in the Club World cup or the FA cup or the, the, the Carabao Cup. The, all these things happen simultaneously over in Europe. And that can be super confusing. Where Inter Miami got a little bit more confusing this year was the introduction of the Club World Cup. As MLS season's going on, you had four MLS teams that were playing in that game and they have a couple congested, congested fixture list. But it's not that difficult to follow, at least in this country.
David Samson
There was a lot of money for the Club World Cup.
Amin Elhassan
Inter Miami made about $20 million, approximately between 20 and $25 million, which is massive.
David Samson
And they did not share that with.
Amin Elhassan
The players they've been investing in the club.
David Samson
No, no, I'm saying the players, the MLS players are not allowed to make. Whereas in Europe, there was a whole thing with the Seattle.
Amin Elhassan
Yes, Seattle Sounders protested and yeah, the rev share wasn't great. But I point to Inter Miami and say, well, they immediately invested the money back into the club because they made the Rodrigo the Paul signing, who is one hot piece of ass.
David Samson
Well, I, I, one thing I have never seen at MLS games are dildos being thrown on the pitch. And that is reserved now for the wnba. And now, now it's a third one and we wanted to bring Amin in. Amin, how are you? Wait, are you protecting yourself from what you look like you are? For people not watching, you look very crowded and uncomfortable. Are you okay?
Billy Gill
Yeah, I'm very comfortable in a nice little cuck chair in my hotel room. I'm enjoying myself. I just want everyone also watching on YouTube to rewind back to David saying, and the players didn't get any of the money and look how happy he is. Just full of glee. They're like, oh my God, they made all that money. I didn't have to share it.
David Samson
They, they did have. Seattle Sounders players tried to make an issue. I mean, and they said they were going to make an issue and it turns out they didn't. They just played the games in the Club World Cup. Now they didn't advance the way Inter Miami did, but it did not have. I had to wait to see on nothing personal, I mean, that there would be a change in how money got shared in mls. And it never came to be.
Billy Gill
Yeah. You know, it's funny, David, one of the things that I'm always fascinated by is. And we've. We've seen this, for instance, in the wnba, the idea that the court of public opinion can. Collective bargaining. I'm like, that's not how that works. You can make a big stink about it, but it's a negotiation, and they're not going to be swayed by quote, unquote, bad press you've got. You basically have to lawyer up and do it right when it comes to the negotiations.
David Samson
Well, I don't know what time zone you're in because here at the show, everything is the eastern time zone. So that's very clear. But we need you to do something for us. I mean, and I think you're. You're uniquely capable with your great connection. We need your Weekend observations right now.
Dan Le Batard
It is time for his two guys to share his game notes. No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boy Stu.
Billy Gill
Totally unprepared. I guess I could go off the top of my head. Weekend Observations is presented by Miller Light. All right, Dan. It happened first last Tuesday night in Atlanta. Then it happened on Friday night in San Francisco. Then we had a break for the weekend, and then it happened three separate times in three separate cities last night. And just like that, make no mistake, the lime green dildos are back available. The WNBA is under assault by dildos on the court and online. You guys see this? Some wrote an op ed piece titled the WNBA and Caitlin Clark's civil rights. If the league won't act to protect Caitlin Clark, the government should do so. This is a real piece in the Wall Street Journal.
David Samson
AI.
Billy Gill
What a. Forgive me. What A guy who exhibits the behavior of a. How do they get.
Dan Le Batard
How do they get.
Amin Elhassan
Get the.
Dan Le Batard
The fans to stop throwing dildos.
Billy Gill
Oh, we'll get to that later, Zaz.
Dan Le Batard
All right, sorry.
Billy Gill
The Cleveland Browns signing another quarterback. If you're keeping track at home, that brings their QB total to five and counting. You know what they say, if you have five quarterbacks, you have none. No, if you have five quarterbacks, you're probably The Cleveland Browns.
David Samson
They're starting Shador.
Billy Gill
The DOJ announced an investigation into a former Miami Heat security guard charged with transportation and sale of stolen goods. He stole millions of dollars worth of merchandise, including a game worn LeBron James Finals jersey. Where have I heard this story before? That's right. Right. You're welcome. The former Miami Heat security guard who sold the stolen Lebron jersey. He sold it for 100k the guy who bought it, then sold it at auction for $3.7 million. Hey, former Miami Heat security guard, the Stugotz is not strong in you. Speaking of stugats, I heard him complain about Metal Arc's new NFL show, Football America, which would come compete with God Bless football. This after Sue Gods created a new segment that would compete with weekend observations Stugats. The you is strong in you. You're listening to this and think this is awkward now. Just wait till next week when I go guest host on stupidity double dipping. The Stugach is strong in me. ESPN acquiring the NFL Network in exchange for 10 of ESPN. His textbook conflict of interest. You know what the P stands for in espn?
Mike Ryan
Literally nobody.
Billy Gill
Propaganda Profit. ESPN will get to carry three additional NFL games per season in addition to all the water they'll be carrying for the NFL. Top five NFL headlines on ESPN.com this fall. Number five, Jon Gruden's emails were just forwards of a chain letter. Number four, Harrison Bucker gives moving speech. Number three, Players diagnosed with function. Number two, Titans and Bills clash in massive matchup.
David Samson
That's huge.
Billy Gill
And number one, it's huge. Number one Massages great for morale for players and owners alike.
Mike Ryan
Oh no.
Billy Gill
Barack Obama suggesting that only kids under the age of eight should eat ketchup. I've never felt more betrayed in my life. Shout out to Michelle for sticking up for the condiment. Back to the dildos. The WNBA promised to immediately eject any fans who throw objects onto the court as well as pursue criminal charges and hit them with a one year ban. A one year ban. Way to put your foot down. What are we doing? Oh, I'll show them you can't come back for the rest of the season. What?
Mike Ryan
Like four games left?
Billy Gill
Yeah. Pablo Torre finds out. Sign seven figure deal with the Athletic. Hey Pablo, let me hold the dollar. Went to a Cubs game this week. My first time at Wrigley Field. The weather was amazing. Seeing all the famous bars and surrounding Wrigleyville. Seeing the ivy covered walls in the outfield. Seeing the electric crowd that packed the stadium. Matter of fact, the only thing I didn't see was black people. That and the score. I mean seriously, would a killer not have the current game score prominently featured somewhere on these three massive billboards in the outfield? Getting every guy's statistical breakdown down to their favorite candy bar and preferred dildo color. But I need the Hubble Telescope to find the score. Just a suggestion. Mike McDaniel doing his best Joe Mazzulla impression, saying it's a great morning because we're one day closer to death. Hey, Mike, you're many days closer to unemployment than any other head coach in Miami. Great morning. Shut the hell up. Speaking of hell are briles. Those are the weekend observations.
Amin Elhassan
Well done.
Billy Gill
To me, all off the top of my head, I didn't. I. Dave sprung it on me and I was like, oh, let me. I think I could get that.
Mike Ryan
Goes to one Cubs game, has all these suggestions.
Bob Odenkirk
I don't know about you guys, but I'm someone that's constantly adding stuff to different carts on random websites. Like, there's a teal marlins hat that's been calling to me for like two and a half years that I'm constantly getting advertisements for is something eventually I'll purchase because I keep those things in the cart. Then I see it. That beautiful, glowing purple shop pay button.
Amin Elhassan
Boom.
Bob Odenkirk
Checkout's done. I don't even have to get up and find my wallet. That, my friends, is Shopify magic. That little purple button means that the store is powered by Shopify, which doesn't just make it easy to buy, but ridiculously easy to start and run your own business, too. Whether you're a giant like Mattel or Gymshark or, you know, just launching something weird from your garage, Shopify has your back. Let's be real. If we can run a show with this much chaos, you can run a business with Shopify. With hundreds of beautiful templates, tools for payments, inventory, analytics, marketing. It goes on and on, and it's all in one place. And yes, that purple button. That's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. If you want to see less carts being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com batard go to shopify.com batard shopify.
Amin Elhassan
All right, it's the dog days of.
Stugotz
Summer and the perfect time to cash.
Amin Elhassan
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David Samson
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Amin Elhassan
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Chris Cote
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Dan Le Batard
Help is available for problem gambling.
Chris Cote
Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of Boothill Casino and Resort in Kansas. 21 and over. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction.
Billy Gill
Void.
Chris Cote
In Ontario, bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see DKNG do co Audio Don Le.
Dan Le Batard
I had Rachel and Emma both home.
Billy Gill
And I was in a fight with.
Dan Le Batard
Rachel and I said, if you roll your eyes one more time, there's going to be a problem, a big problem. And she said, really? What are you going to do?
Amin Elhassan
St. Oh, God damn.
Billy Gill
I mean, that's where I didn't have an answer.
Dan Le Batard
This is the Dan Levatar show with the st.
Amin Elhassan
The. The one year ban for people that toss the sex toys onto. Onto the court is dildo.
Dan Le Batard
It's called.
Billy Gill
It's a dildo. You can call it a dildo.
Amin Elhassan
Well, I mean, I don't want to limit them in scope. We'll see where the imagination takes them.
Billy Gill
Good point.
Amin Elhassan
And do you go lime green or action green?
Billy Gill
I go lime green. Look.
Dan Le Batard
Kelly green.
David Samson
Action.
Billy Gill
No, that's not.
Amin Elhassan
Different color. That's a, that's an Eagles uniform. Throwbacks. Totally different. But I mean, I would say, I would venture to say that the, the joke's on the WNBA because I would assume many of these people go into WNBA games. Games are just going to the WNBA games to throw the action green. Dillbell.
Billy Gill
No.
Amin Elhassan
Yes. Well, yes.
Billy Gill
You saw the.
Amin Elhassan
Yeah.
Billy Gill
So last week, guess that Mike last week Sophie Cunningham went online and said, hey, stop throwing these things. You're gonna hurt somebody. And some guy responded, stop playing games in on the dildo range. Like this is a dildo throwing range. What are you doing playing basketball here?
Amin Elhassan
I will concede that there's probably a Venn diagram of people who like to attend WNBA games and throw dildos onto WNBA courts. But I'm saying where that Venn diagram meets off to the right, there are four more people that are going exclusively just to throw the action Green dildos.
David Samson
There's been three, five.
Amin Elhassan
So probably three last night and they've stopped some. There was an action green dildo found in the bleachers that never found its way onto the court. So this is a thing. And I would say maybe two of those people occupy the middle of this Venn diagram. They like themselves some sparks and they like themselves some action Green dildos.
Chris Cote
A throw on does that mean somebody got it through security?
Mike Ryan
Was like, I can't do it.
Amin Elhassan
Yeah, like the moral found it like.
Mike Ryan
A couple didn't actually reach this the.
Amin Elhassan
The court.
Chris Cote
They're in the upper deck.
Mike Ryan
One landed near a baby. I saw.
Dan Le Batard
Wow.
David Samson
Well, did it make it toward the front row?
Mike Ryan
I just know it didn't make the court.
Billy Gill
Which, which one was that, Izzy?
Mike Ryan
One of the ones from last night?
Billy Gill
Yeah, one. There was one in Phoenix where it didn't quite make it onto the court and apparently they chased the guy. They said security was chasing the guy. No word as to whether they caught him. But the one that landed near the baby, did they have a brisk for it?
Mike Ryan
I read a story for the guy who got busted in Barclays. They put his full name in the first sentence like he was a presidential assassination guy. Like, they put it completely on blast. Like if it was this terrible thing that he did, I didn't care about the guy's name.
Amin Elhassan
You also don't see many uncircumcised dildos.
Mike Ryan
See a few.
Chris Cote
I mean, I'm on it.
Billy Gill
It's got to be. That's got to be like a custom order, right?
David Samson
We shop at the. We shop at different stores. I don't know that I've ever seen advertised a non circumcised.
Mike Ryan
You can't really tell because they don't sell flaccid dildos. Right. They sell the idea of erect dildos. And if it's an erect uncircumcised penis, it's still, you know. Are there any growers for those who don't know?
Amin Elhassan
Are there some that you just pull the skin back?
Mike Ryan
That's a lot of skin, man.
Billy Gill
Oh, that would be awesome. Right? Like that's a copyright life. Like you beat me to it.
David Samson
You can do the penis pump. You can do that nice gesture there that you did. Well, that's how you pump, I believe, the penis pump.
Amin Elhassan
For real dolls, you can pump them up with the balls. I'm sorry, for real dolls. Like, but the men version, the male version, you could pump up the penis with the balls. The balls are the pump. And also real human anatomy. Like people that can't actually. My father in law's a urologist. There are pump up devices that live inside the sack for your surgically repaired.
Chris Cote
Sounds painful.
Amin Elhassan
No, actually sounds super practical. Like, hold on, give me a second little. Well, they take out what's there and.
Stugotz
Then they replace it with something else.
Chris Cote
Yeah, that's.
Amin Elhassan
Yeah, because you don't want to be like, if you got A guy.
Billy Gill
I got a guy.
Chris Cote
Mike's.
Amin Elhassan
Yeah.
Chris Cote
Father in law.
Amin Elhassan
Imagine you got a. You got a penis replacement of some sort. You can't be. You can't be hard the entire time.
Stugotz
It's like the old Reebok. So you watch on the side. Okay.
David Samson
That pump was on the tongue. I thought the Reebok pumps were on the tongue.
Stugotz
Yeah, you might be right.
Billy Gill
That's funny. I. That's how mine works too. Like it's on someone else's phone.
Mike Ryan
Oh, you think this was the intent of the dildo throwers that they wanted to have penis conversations having all across the country? Because. Because otherwise I don't really find it funny.
David Samson
I assumed it was just about misogyny and that's why I'm so angry about it. Get out of here.
Mike Ryan
Ladies, bring the penises to the court.
Amin Elhassan
I think you guys are overthinking this. It became, it became a thing that people are laughing at, at the Internet. And now people are going to take part in this thing.
Dan Le Batard
Right.
Chris Cote
We have to stop showing. You know how they don't show people when they run on the court?
David Samson
It hasn't stopped.
Chris Cote
We have to stop.
Billy Gill
It does.
Chris Cote
I mean, people. What does that. That doesn't happen that often.
Stugotz
But like the one person's name came out. But aside from that, you don't really know who's doing it. So they're not even getting like clout from doing this. So what are they getting out of it? Also, like, it seems to always be the same one, right? I guess it's like a different one, but it seems to be the same one everywhere, so.
Dan Le Batard
No, it's the same one. They're passing it around.
Stugotz
But I'm wondering is like they're a larger thing. Is there like a network that's handing these out to do this?
Dan Le Batard
I'll tell you, a green dildo maker is making bank. Right?
Amin Elhassan
Big time.
Billy Gill
Oh, my God. Amazon Prime.
David Samson
20 more units.
Amin Elhassan
Yeah, I don't think it's a traveling pan situation.
Chris Cote
There's other dildo companies. Like, we got to get on a court. Like they're having meetings today.
Amin Elhassan
Yeah.
David Samson
No marketing.
Amin Elhassan
Where does Caliente Red. They're sleeping on this Flesh.
Billy Gill
What happened to flesh? They had, they had the, the industry in a chokehold for years and now.
Mike Ryan
All of a sudden nobody double sided one just to be different.
Stugotz
I saw probably a fake thing online where they were saying that you could like bet on the color of the next.
Chris Cote
Yeah, I saw that too.
David Samson
Like the Gatorade.
Stugotz
Yeah.
David Samson
So there's a Market Green's got to.
Dan Le Batard
Be heavy favorite still, right?
Chris Cote
It is.
Billy Gill
Minus 3,000.
Stugotz
Then other people were suggesting and putting out, like, the cost of what the odds are and how much it would cost for you to go to the game to buy the thing, and then, like, what it would cost for you to get out of trouble and how much money you could theoretically make if you just pound the over or whatever. The heaviest favorite.
Mike Ryan
Will this trend extend into the NBA season with lotion?
David Samson
You think someone will throw a dildo on the NBA court?
Mike Ryan
I think if a male NBA player gets hit by a dildo, you might get canceled. You might cancel dildos everywhere. If it happens to a man, it's.
Dan Le Batard
So much player gets hit, it's Mao's of the Palace.
Amin Elhassan
Yeah. Also, you might have ventured onto something here with a double sided dildo, because you could swing that over your head.
Dan Le Batard
Yeah.
Amin Elhassan
And gather a lot of momentum that way.
Mike Ryan
I'm gonna have to trust you on that one.
Amin Elhassan
I've done it before. It was a grand prize at this.
David Samson
We'll talk after amin explain to me why it matters and why it's getting attention that LeBron James congratulated Luke on his deal versus going to the press conference, not going to the press conference. Where was your head on that?
Billy Gill
Well, as I told my good friend George sedano years ago, LeBron doesn't leave breadcrumbs. He lives whole loaves of bread. Right. So there's nothing that LeBron does that's accidental or kind of or just, oh, it happened. And you guys are reading too much into it. Everything he does is designed to make people read too much into it. And so the idea of being absent for Luca's, you know, congratulatory press conference, despite all these other teammates being there and making the trip, and because we also saw pictures from early in the week of LeBron clearly training in LA at the former Clippers practice facility. And all kind.
Chris Cote
Palinka and Luca were at Backstreet Boys.
Mike Ryan
Together, too, in Vegas.
Billy Gill
That was after they. They surprised Luca with the Backstreet Boys tickets, which, by the way. No.
Amin Elhassan
Yeah.
Billy Gill
He didn't know. He was. They actually, the morning of, he was working out, and he was playing Backstreet Boys in the gym, and they were all like, oh, does he know? And it turns out, no, it was just a coincidence because he loves Backstreet Boys. Oh, my God, you guys. What else?
Dan Le Batard
He loves pickleball.
Billy Gill
This is. He loves pickleball. That's what he's been doing in the off season. But he loves. He loves friends, he loves to show friends. Matter of fact, David, when they asked him like when he first got drafted, who are you most excited to meet now that you're like famous in America?
Stugotz
Oh, not Chandler.
Billy Gill
His answer? Jennifer Aniston. That's what he want to meet. Rachel.
Stugotz
He's a smart guy, though.
Amin Elhassan
He's a heady play kind of guy though.
Billy Gill
What's he doing over there?
Stugotz
What do you think about mash?
Billy Gill
I think he thinks that MASH is an old ass show that has a really depressing theme song. You guys mentioned the name of the song. Have you ever talked about the lyrics? Suicide is painless. It brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please. That's the song. I'm like, that's awful. That's an awful song to sing, man.
David Samson
I think that I can't get the MASH theme.
Amin Elhassan
Someone told you life was.
David Samson
Oh, that's it. Oh, no, that's friends. I keep getting them confused, which is hard.
Chris Cote
Makes me want to dance around a fountain.
David Samson
No, but I. I know the scene. I just. I'm trying to. The match theme song's been in my head my whole life and I can't think of it because I'm under pressure. I think it's like.
Billy Gill
And I can take or leave it if I please.
David Samson
Yes. Nana, Nana, Nana, Nana. All right. I mean, thank you. That was some heavy, heavy weekend observations. And we'll talk about Wrigley. You may have gone to the wrong place to get the score. There's a great sports book there.
Billy Gill
No. Yeah, there is a Great sports book. DraftKings sportsbook. Amazing. Went in there, I had a ball. My thing is this. I'm at the game, I'm in my seats, I'm staring at this board and said, there's a lot of information. Thank you for that. And the only place I could get to score was in that main scoreboard that has all the scores of all the games that are happening today in mlb. And I'm like, I need, I need binoculars or something just to see the teeny tiny thing where it says, oh, Reds 3, Cubs too.
David Samson
It's.
Billy Gill
It's crazy. It's one of the. You know what? It's one of the things I hate the most about baseball. I hate it. I hate it.
David Samson
Thank you.
Billy Gill
Can I give you top five things I hate about baseball?
David Samson
Nope.
Amin Elhassan
For postgame maybe.
Mike Ryan
We out.
Podcast Summary: The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Episode: Hour 2: The Stugotz is Strong in Amin
Release Date: August 6, 2025
Timestamp: 00:08 – 05:25
The episode kicks off with David Samson sharing a personal anecdote about being deceived by a seemingly authentic news report claiming that a couple had been lost at sea for 25 years before being found. Samson confesses, “I can't tell the difference between AI and not” (00:08), highlighting the growing sophistication of AI in creating realistic fake videos and news segments.
Dan Le Batard engages with Samson, expressing skepticism and prompting a deeper discussion about the implications of AI-generated content. Chris Cote supports the skepticism, noting, “I saw that exact news report. And then 20 seconds in I was like this is clearly fake” (02:41). The team collectively agrees that such sophisticated AI manipulations can easily mislead viewers, emphasizing the need for vigilance in media consumption.
Stugotz adds a humorous twist by questioning the feasibility of the couple surviving 25 years at sea without significant changes, like hair alteration or medical advancements: “Why are you getting lemons in the middle of the ocean to put in your hair?” (02:59).
Notable Quote:
Timestamp: 07:49 – 12:18
Transitioning from AI concerns, the conversation shifts to the NFL’s “Hard Knocks” show, particularly focusing on the Buffalo Bills. Dan Le Batard shares his unease with the portrayal of Josh Allen, the Bills’ quarterback: “I hate the Bills and I don’t want to watch this show” (09:49). Despite his reservations, Le Batard admits to being drawn in by Allen’s likable personality and personal life, expressing surprise at his growing fondness for the player.
Chris Cote and the team discuss the challenges of filming and capturing authentic moments, such as Allen signing autographs and engaging with fans. The hosts comment on the unfinished state of Inter Miami’s new stadium, using it as a segue to discuss construction timelines and team logistics.
Notable Quote:
Timestamp: 12:18 – 19:05
The discussion deepens into the topic of Inter Miami’s upcoming stadium and the speculation surrounding Lionel Messi’s potential transfer to the team. Amin Elhassan provides insights into the construction progress, noting, “They have been investing in the club because they made the Rodrigo the Paul signing” (21:03), referencing the financial strategies behind high-profile signings.
Stugotz and Amin delve into the complexities of Messi’s contract negotiations, including duration and performance expectations. They express confusion over scheduling conflicts within MLS, particularly with the introduction of the Club World Cup: “I’m trying and I can’t figure out which games matter which” (20:08).
The hosts highlight the financial impact of such moves, discussing how Inter Miami generated significant revenue from the Club World Cup and reinvested it back into the team. David Samson underscores the administrative challenges, questioning the lack of player profit-sharing and comparing it to European football’s financial dynamics.
Notable Quote:
Timestamp: 19:05 – 37:49
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the bizarre trend of fans throwing dildos onto WNBA courts, sparking debates about misogyny and fan behavior. The discussion begins with Billy Gill introducing alarming incidents: “The WNBA is under assault by dildos on the court and online” (23:04).
The hosts explore various angles, including the psychological motivations behind such actions and the league’s response. They scrutinize the WNBA’s policy of issuing one-year bans to offenders, questioning its effectiveness and consistency: “The WNBA promised to immediately eject any fans who throw objects onto the court” (27:39).
Dan Le Batard and Stugotz humorously dissect the possible intentions behind the dildo-throwing trend, debating whether it's a coordinated effort or isolated incidents. The conversation touches on the challenges of stadium security and the potential for commercialization by dildo manufacturers: “A green dildo maker is making bank” (36:54).
The team also navigates through humorous exchanges about dildo designs and their implications, highlighting the blend of humor and frustration among the hosts. They speculate on the future of this trend, including its potential spread to other sports like the NBA.
Notable Quotes:
Timestamp: 23:04 – 37:49
In their “Weekend Observations” segment, presented by Miller Lite, the hosts transition to a blend of sports news and satirical commentary. Billy Gill leads the discussion with exaggerated headlines mocking recent sports events and figures: “Jon Gruden's emails were just forwards of a chain letter” (26:16).
They highlight the Cleveland Browns’ ongoing quarterback struggles, sarcastically noting, “If you have five quarterbacks, you have none” (24:47), and mock the inefficacies within the team’s management. Additionally, they cover a scandal involving a former Miami Heat security guard involved in the theft and resale of LeBron James merchandise, infusing humor into the serious topic.
The segment also touches on ESPN’s acquisition of the NFL Network, with Stugotz humorously critiquing the conflict of interest: “You are listening to this and think this is awkward now” (25:43).
Throughout the observations, the hosts maintain a comedic tone, blending real sports news with absurdist humor, ensuring an engaging and entertaining discourse for listeners.
Notable Quotes:
Timestamp: 05:25 – 07:49 & 12:18 – 31:20
Throughout the episode, several ad breaks are interspersed within the content, promoting products such as Sleep Number Smart Beds, Zyn nicotine products, and drafting services like DraftKings sportsbook. These segments are seamlessly integrated into the conversation but are marked as non-content sections, adhering to the summary guidelines to skip advertisements.
Notable Exclusion:
Timestamp: 37:49 – End
As the episode nears its conclusion, the hosts wrap up their discussions with lighter topics, including humorous anecdotes about relationships and personal interactions. The conversation returns to the ongoing dildo-throwing trend, contemplating its future and societal implications while maintaining a comedic undertone.
Billy Gill and Amin Elhassan continue to dissect the absurdity of certain fan behaviors, emphasizing the blend of humor and critical analysis that characterizes the show. The episode closes with the hosts hinting at future discussions and the ongoing challenges within the sports world, leaving listeners with a mix of laughter and contemplation.
Notable Quote:
In this episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz, the hosts navigate a diverse array of topics, from the dangers of AI-generated fake news to the quirky and troubling trend of dildo-throwing in WNBA games. Their blend of humor, skepticism, and insightful commentary provides a compelling listen for both regular followers and new audience members. By addressing current events with a unique perspective, Dan, Stugotz, and their co-hosts deliver an engaging and thought-provoking episode that underscores the complexities of modern sports and media landscapes.
Key Takeaways:
AI and Media Literacy: The increasing sophistication of AI poses significant challenges in distinguishing real news from fake, emphasizing the need for critical media consumption.
Sports Dynamics: Insightful discussions on the ongoing developments within the NFL, MLS, and Inter Miami highlight the intricate relationships between team management, player performance, and fan engagement.
Fan Behavior: The unexpected and controversial trend of fans throwing dildos onto sports courts raises questions about fan motivations, league policies, and the broader societal implications.
End of Summary