Local Hour: B***H!!!

Summary

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Episode: Local Hour: B***H!!!

Date: March 16, 2026

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Overview

Broadcasting from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, and the crew dive into their signature, sharp-witted mix of South Florida sports, national sports storylines, pop culture riffs, and team dynamics. This "Local Hour" is an energetic blend of inside jokes, playful confrontations, NBA deep dives (especially regarding the Heat and Magic), generational sports fandom perspective, and a fresh round of classic “Looks Like” and “Top Five” games.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. David Sampson's Social Interactions and Trista's Response

Timestamps: 00:30 – 08:12

• Opening Banter kicks off with Jonathan Zaslow quizzing whether former Marlins President David Sampson is socially skilled, prompting admissions and jokes about initial on-set awkwardness.
• Sampson's Comment: Sampson comments on Trista's outfit, referencing "PJs," prompting a blunt and fiery retort of "bitch" from Trista.
  • Memorable Quote:

    “I said, bitch.” – Trista (01:29)

• Unique Tone: The group focuses on the intensity and undertones of Trista’s retort.
  • Quote:

    “You said 'bitch' to him in a way that frightened me.” – Dan Le Batard (06:41)
    “It was a threat.” – Trista (06:43)

• Cultural Dissection: Trista jokes Sampson needs to get out among more diverse crowds for thicker skin.
• Fashion Commentary: Trista details her outfit and its homage to the women's tournament, while Sampson tries to clarify his intentions.

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2. NBA & Miami Heat: Generational Fan Experience

Timestamps: 08:44 – 14:39, 35:00 – 44:24

• Zaslow’s Heat Game Experience: Zaslow describes bringing his 14-year-old son Jordan to a Heat game, reflecting on his own evolution as a fan and parent.
  • Quote:

    “I realized, oh my God, I'm bringing myself to Heat games, and I am feeling like my father.” – Jonathan Zaslow (10:08)

  • He recounts becoming more reserved, mirroring his own dad's calm detachment, while his son gets emotionally invested.
  • Discussion of generational shifts in sports fandom—parents recognizing themselves in their kids.
• Family Dynamics: The crew talks about kids and spouses impersonating or poking fun at their on-air personas at home.

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3. Popcorn Debacle & Playing Hurt

Timestamps: 03:28 – 04:47

• Brief banter about the previous night’s popcorn possibly making crew members sick; Trista defends the popcorn and describes how she’d improve it.
  • Quote:

    “If you made the popcorn fresh, put some butter instead of coconut oil...100 out of 100.” – Trista (04:17)

• Stugotz jokes about “playing hurt,” referencing his own stomach issues and Tony out sick.

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4. Baseball: Pitch Velocities and Umpiring

Timestamps: 04:47 – 06:01

• Zaslow and Sampson debate Mason Miller’s (Oakland pitcher) historic velocity, referencing Nolan Ryan, Aroldis Chapman, and “Sid Finch.”
• Frustration about umpiring in key international games and incredulity at Miller’s stats.

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5. The “Looks Like” and “Top Five” Tournaments

Timestamps: 19:08 – 21:47, 33:29 – 34:47

• The crew launches the annual “Looks Like” tournament, riffing on how public figures (esp. Adam Silver) physically or stylistically resemble random objects or characters:
  • Adam Silver: “Looks like the last lollipop in the jar at the doctor’s office.” – Dan Le Batard (19:57)
  • “Looks like a magician’s wand.” (20:14)
  • “Looks like the four-star general in a post-apocalyptic movie...who says, 'They're already here.'” – Dan (20:33)
• Play-in matchups for fictional looks-like tournaments blend NBA, college hoops, and pop culture.

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6. Top Five Lists: Insults, Heat Game Absence, and Arbitrary Grievances

Timestamps: 21:18 – 28:54

a) David Sampson’s Top 5 Rudest People in Baseball

• #5: Matt Sosnik (player agent, “brands” players with tattoos)

  • “He would make his players tattoo his name on them.” – David Sampson (21:34)

• #4: Jeff Torborg (former manager, difficult and unprofessional)
• #3: Bud Selig (former MLB commissioner, “direct,” once blamed a Miami hurricane on the Marlins)

  • “I will never forget the day that he called and asked me why there was a hurricane in Miami.” – Sampson (25:04)

• #2: Joe Girardi (former Marlins manager, “absolutely bastard”)

  • “He makes you, Trista, look like Lady Di.” – Sampson (25:28)

• #1: Jerry Reinsdorf (White Sox owner, once pitied Sampson's son about his dad at the Hall of Fame)

b) Zaslow’s Top 5 Reasons He Rarely Goes to Heat Games

• #5: NBA regular season is “stale.”
• #4: Panthers’ arena is closer to home.
• #3: Downtown Miami traffic is brutal (he never noticed while working broadcasts).
• #2: Avoidance of certain ex-colleagues/media types.
• #1: "I'm old and tired.”

  • “I look forward to my evenings at home.” – Dan Le Batard (29:04)

• Banter on the first sign of getting old is enjoying nights at home ("evenings").

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7. Miami Heat vs. Orlando Magic – Matchup Analysis

Timestamps: 35:00 – 44:24

• Zaslow and Dan break down Orlando Magic’s recent dominance over the Heat (swept season series), drawing historical parallels (Raptors vs. Knicks).
  • Discussion of player match-ups, Heat limitations, and Magic’s offensive struggles.
• Trista critiques Orlando’s offense:

  • “Paolo and Franz are not able to play one together...Paolo is not really...a true point forward...Until they break those two up, I think the Magic are going to be a problem as a contender.” – Trista (40:33)

• Arguments about statistical quirks and true value of adding “best” players to a flawed roster.

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8. Parenting, Score Announcements & Cultural Differences

Timestamps: 41:09 – 43:54

• David Sampson brings up the social “rule” that you should always announce the higher number first when giving a sports score.

  • “When you give a score, it’s always the higher number first.” – David Sampson (41:09)

• Team riffs about how scores are presented differently in Europe and soccer, rooting this in Americentric logic.
• The panel agrees score reporting should be in the "parenting handbook."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You said 'bitch' to him in a way that frightened me.” – Dan Le Batard (06:41)
• “I have not been spoken to that way by anyone...like, anyone...not a kid, not a parent, not an ex-wife.” – David Sampson (07:35)
• “I realized, oh my God, I'm bringing myself to Heat games, and I am feeling like my father.” – Jonathan Zaslow (10:08)
• “If you made the popcorn fresh, put some butter...100 out of 100.” – Trista (04:17)

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Segment Timestamps for Easy Navigation

• [00:30 – 08:12] Awkward fashion exchange & Trista's "bitch" retort
• [08:44 – 14:39] Zaslow’s Heat game parenting moment
• [19:08 – 21:47 & 33:29 – 34:47] "Looks Like" tournament riffs
• [21:18 – 28:54] Top 5 insults & Heat attendance reasons
• [35:00 – 44:24] Heat/Magic analysis & player fit critiques
• [41:09 – 43:54] Parenting, scores, and sports culture

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Tone & Style

The crew is irreverent and self-aware, tossing barbs, inside jokes, and personal anecdotes with an off-the-cuff, conversational style. Playful jabs are balanced with moments of real sports insight and glimpses into how being a fan, a parent, or a public figure shapes daily life.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a classic slice of the Le Batard Show’s spirit: irreverence, candor, deep Miami sports knowledge, and genuine self-reflection—alongside contests and debates only this shipping container of misfits could dream up.

Transcript

[Dan Le Batard]

Close your eyes.

[Trista]

Exhale. Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts

[Jonathan Zaslow]

in time for this class.

[Trista]

I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[David Sampson]

And breathe.

[Trista]

Oh, sorry.

[David Sampson]

I almost couldn't breathe when I saw

[Trista]

the discount they gave me on my first order.

[Dan Le Batard]

Oh, sorry.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Namaste.

[Trista]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[Dan Le Batard]

1-800-contacts.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Zaz, do you imagine that after all of the years as a public figure going into places where he's meeting people and interacting with people, that David Sampson would be good or bad at social interactions with new people?

[Dan Le Batard]

He should be good.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

But do you assume he is good? Do you assume, like the rest of you, do you assume that David Sampson can walk into a room and interact with others?

[Dan Le Batard]

Well, I do.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

And we're off.

[Dan Le Batard]

I do. I do assume that. Because based on what his career was prior to being. Prior to doing what he does now, you have to be able to schmooze.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

So he doesn't have much of a relationship yet with Trista. He's interacted with her in person next to not at all. And today upon seeing her, what he says is quite a difference from last night. You dressed today in your PJs.

[David Sampson]

Yeah.

[Trista]

And I said, bitch.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That is what you said. That is exactly. That was exactly the first word that she said after you said that. And then you react totally. You start backtracking with, what, is that bad? Is that pejorative? I didn't mean anything by it.

[David Sampson]

No, I actually didn't mean. I thought that you looked great, but you, last night you were in a gown, and today you are in something far more casual. And it seemed like pajama wear, which, by the way, can be beautiful.

[Trista]

He said, oh, I didn't mean that as a pejorative. It's like, bitch, please. PJs is about as much of a pejorative as you can get. And then the thing that was so fucking crazy was I then was, I need, need to now put my attention on you and your fit. What a wild departure from the paisley, shiny tux that you wore that was fabulous to cargo shorts and flip flops with bare feet and I think a tattoo on your foot and some sort of floral button up. I was ready to go full, full hood. And I was like, you know what? This is not. We just gotta, like, just.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Okay.

[Trista]

I don't know. Samson and, like, let's just keep it cute.

[Stugotz]

It is an interesting look. Cam from Modern Family up top, Dave Matthews Band concert going.

[David Sampson]

Your cameras are from the mid range up. I could be in my seat. Thank God for that.

[Trista]

It wouldn't matter except for that we have people pointing out what we're wearing on the bottom.

[David Sampson]

I was referring to the top.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Put it on the poll, please. Juju Ebitardshow, do you know anyone under the age of 100 who refers to undergarments as skivvies? Spectacular start. Ain't that the truth.

[Stugotz]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats podcast.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That was a lot of fun last night, but we're wearing it today and we'll wear it all week when we do those Sunday night shows. Generally by Thursday. We're slurring me most of all, Tony. We are all slurring. Tony is out sick. He won't be slurring because he just took the next day off all of a sudden. He was fine last night, but he's sick this morning. I don't.

[Stugotz]

I don't sound a bad yesterday.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well, but you sound bad as the inner monologue sounds like it's got a cold.

[Stugotz]

I'm playing hurt, but I'm here. I come here, man.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

You're playing hurt. You left the show 45 minutes in last night with stomach issues. A lot of people were suggesting that my popcorn made people sick, which I object to. Trista there. Trista. Trista has given no greater compliment around here in the time that she's been here than saluting the popcorn. She does not believe it made anybody sick.

[Trista]

I also think if anybody slandering the popcorn, it's because very clearly the popcorn's coming from a bag. If you made the popcorn fresh, put some butter instead of coconut oil and then mix the hot butter with the seasoning that you concocted in a great and culinary way. I mean, we are talking about 100 out of 100.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, I like your popcorn, but I wasn't gonna have any because I knew intake would just be a bad idea for me yesterday. 45 minutes, man. You have a weird relationship with time.

[David Sampson]

I think that Tony's sulking. You lose 2:1. He was all about jinxed.

[Stugotz]

Doctor.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yeah, well, we're going to talk about the way that game ended because I understand why the Dominican Republic is mad. Mason Miller's hard enough to hit without giving him strikes that aren't strikes. When he had come into the performance last night having struck out 19 of the previous 20 batters, because nobody can Hit him because he throws the ball harder than anybody in the history of major league baseball. Right like this. This is the hardest thrower there has ever been in big league history.

[David Sampson]

You can hit Veloc. He is the sort of knockout slider.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well, you say you can hit velocity, but yes or no, he throws harder than anyone has ever thrown a baseball.

[David Sampson]

I don't think that's right. But he has great velocity. But he's not Sid Finch or anything

[Dan Le Batard]

harder than Nolan Ryan.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Sid Finch was fictional. And yes, harder than Nolan Ryan. Cuz he throws 105 and that's not something that any other human being has been able to. Able to do. We'll get to that game in a second. But Chapman, he's the only one who would be close. And if you looked it up, you could find fastest baseballs ever thrown. And it'll be either this guy or

[Dan Le Batard]

Chapman or Nolan Ryan.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

It's not going to be Nolan Ryan.

[Stugotz]

Give I show speed three weeks.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

But the first thing that I want to do is I want to point out that David Sampson said hello to Trista in a unpleasant way today. She reacted by saying to him bitch. In a tone I hadn't quite heard from a human being before. Because it was loaded. It had an undercurrent of acid on it. Like I have it the way you said to her. You said she was wearing PJs. She came back at you with something that was like it came from hell. It was not. It was not pleasant. It came from underneath her, then came through her. And she said bitch to you in a way that frightened me.

[Trista]

It was a threat.

[David Sampson]

Yeah.

[Trista]

I mean, it's one of those things that you don't. It just pops out of me. And I've tried my whole career to keep that inside. But that's living as an undercurrent that whatever that is at all times. So just be advised.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

But you also did something right. You explained to him as if you were on the red carpet. You explained to him what you're presently wearing, who you acted as if he had asked you, tell me about your designer. Because you immediately went into Adidas wear and what it is that you were wearing that you're hipper than what he wears.

[Juju Ebitard]

Yeah.

[Trista]

This is a farm Rio Adidas collaboration. That's a track pant. And this is a flage graphic tee to give some shine to the ladies tournament since it was all hell breaking loose by the time my top five list came down. And I think that part was a train wreck. So this is just an homage yeah.

[Juju Ebitard]

What are you giving shine to, huh?

[David Sampson]

I just. Just telling her that I thought that from last night to this morning, and I'm sorry. I'm trying to be better. I am trying to be better. I have not been spoken to that way by anyone. And I don't mean whatever I've done for a living. I mean, like, anyone. Like at the height of bullying to the height of running a major league baseball team, like, that tone kind of turned him on. Not a. Not a kid, not a parent, not an ex wife.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

No one's talked to you like that ever.

[David Sampson]

That tone. I've never heard anyone talk to me.

[Trista]

You got to get around more black folks.

[Stugotz]

Girardi must have.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I think Bobby Valentine for sure.

[Stugotz]

Gerard did it, like, day one.

[David Sampson]

You're missing the difference. I'm not saying that I have not been spoken down to. I'm not saying that I've not been absolutely mistreated. I'm talking about the tone of the word bitch.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I never heard it said that way before.

[Stugotz]

Can you put together a top five people in baseball that have called you

[David Sampson]

that word bitch that way?

[Stugotz]

Not that way, but just that way. Put together a top five, Hurl that insult at you.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Maybe not that insult, but just who have talked to you the worst from

[Stugotz]

five people in baseball must have called him that word.

[David Sampson]

We will be behind my back, maybe, but not to me.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Okay, put together a top five list for us here. Zaslow went to the wrong Heat game with his son. The Magic own the Heat the way that the Knicks own the Raptors.

[Dan Le Batard]

And five.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yeah.

[Dan Le Batard]

Oh, and five.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yeah. They can't. They can't beat a younger, longer team, even if it doesn't have one of its better players. Orlando is going to be a problem for them, period. Because it's not like the Heat didn't play their guys in that game. They didn't have Wiggins, but they had everybody else.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah, they were. They had almost. They had Powell and Hero for the first time in, like, weeks. I had. We had fun, all right? The game got close. The Heat were down double figures the whole night. It's only the second Heat game I've been to in several years, and there's a myriad of reasons why, but my younger son, my 14 year old Jordan, is really into the Heat now, and especially not that it's like all of a sudden over the last few days, but the bam at a bio performance last week, he is, like, obsessed now. All right? And so we went to the game Saturday, and. And it was fun. And the Heat made It close late, so that was cool.

[Juju Ebitard]

How's Uptown Dale doing?

[Dan Le Batard]

I. He wasn't there, actually, to be honest with you, I don't know.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Why are you assuming that he sits in Uptown?

[Juju Ebitard]

No, I mean, Dan, you're showing your

[Stugotz]

last time you went to a he game.

[Juju Ebitard]

Uptown Dale, he's a man of tickets, but okay.

[Stugotz]

Oh, but when's the last day? Yeah, same. Same question.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Six weeks ago.

[Dan Le Batard]

So I. I had a very interesting experience at the Heat games Saturday night because I realized, oh, my God, I'm bringing myself to Heat games, and. And I am feeling like my father at Heat games, which is a weird experience. Anyone who is a father and you. You have those moments where, oh, I sound just like my dad. That's really weird. I'm. I'm feeling that now because I used to be a maniac at the Heat games, all right? Especially when I was my son's age, when I was 14 years old. It is life and death. A regular season game on a Saturday night, and I'm watching the game with him. We're there, and it's exciting, but, like, I'm just. I'm very calm and I'm watching the game. You're not going to get a reaction of me. I've seen what's in front of me a million times. Okay? So, like, I'm enjoying the game, but I'm not getting rowdy or anything. I'm just watching. And my son next to me is so into it, and I'm pulling the move like he's angry when they're losing. And with four minutes left, I'm like, hey, if the Heat don't score a couple baskets in a row here, we're exit. We're going to get out of here. All right? He's like, no, but what if. What if they come back and what if this happens or this, you know? I'm like, all right, well, what if it's three minutes left? They're not. It's like, no, no, no. So, like, I'm. I'm my father.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

You're planning to be traffic?

[Stugotz]

Yes.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

What all you're doing. Can you put together for me, please, a top five reasons of the myriad reasons that you're not going to Heat games? I think there's no.

[Dan Le Batard]

I could do that.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I think the only reason is pride over not renewing your contract.

[Dan Le Batard]

I could do that. Okay. But I. I'm. I'm feeling like my father now at the games, and I'm realizing I'm. I'm with me the way that he's behaving at the game.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

You as a kid?

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah, me at his age at 14. You know, where he's angry, but then he's really excited, and it's. It's altering his mood one way or the other. And it was a very interesting experience.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well, what do you say about interesting? What are you trying to cover with that word? Were you mortified by it? Whenever I'm behaving like my father, I don't know how many of you guys have this now. I imagine I might be the only one who's behaving like his father in a way. When I see it, I'm totally mortified. Like, I hate that I see it. I hate that my wife sees it. I hate that anybody sees it.

[David Sampson]

How does she know how your father is?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well, she'll point something out to me, and then I will say, yeah, my father did that. And so that's how that happens.

[Dan Le Batard]

So, no, I'm not mortified at all. And although it's a little bit weird when I sound like my father, and certainly at the Heat game, where, I mean, I would never leave a Heat game early when I was a kid, you would have to drag me kicking and screaming, but I'm plotting my exit. That's a little bit weird. All right. But no, I enjoyed it very much. I liked that. Oh, my God. He's behaving the way that I used to behave. This must be how my father felt. I haven't programmed him to be like this. I didn't. I haven't. I didn't. I didn't make my. Either one of my boys huge sports fans. I would like it if they are, but they could have.

[Juju Ebitard]

But I didn't.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah, like, I didn't force any of it on them.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

You say that you didn't make this, but you're their environment. Like, they're watching you. You're not doing this stuff actively, but you're an insane person. They hear dad in the other room doing a show where it sounds like he's talking to himself for an hour. Zaslo 2.0. That's what they grew up.

[Stugotz]

Do they call it the Zaslow Mansion?

[Dan Le Batard]

No.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Why is that, Mom? Why is dad going into that room for an hour and just talking real loud? And he's not talking. He's not talking to anybody. He closes the door. What's he doing in that room in there?

[Dan Le Batard]

When I do come down from doing my show, if everybody is home, okay, like, maybe they didn't have school that day. When I do come down from Doing my show. And I do it, you know, in the Zazzle Mansion Network studios. And when I come out from recording the show, they're, like, all downstairs, and. And there'll be, like, this look on me, because even though I'm sequestered in another portion of the house, they could hear the entire show.

[Stugotz]

Do they do things that remind yourself? Like, I'm sure it'll be, like, very clear to them when they start turning into you.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yes.

[Stugotz]

This take is awesome.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, my younger one makes fun of me. Like, he'll talk in my voice, and he'll make fun of me.

[Juju Ebitard]

Oh, I want to hear that.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I want to hear that too. But I will. Right to your face, disrespectfully. He will do the marbles in the mouthful.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm not cleaning my room. Well, it's. It's become. It's become a pastime in the house. It's the way that my children, my. My teenage boys and my wife bond, which is them making fun of me. That is. That is a big bonding moment in the home.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I think that's true of every dad in every home. I think that that is a universal thing that happens now.

[David Sampson]

There's fear. A lot of homes. There's fear.

[Juju Ebitard]

Dad, can I stay up late?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I will say the. You know what? Let me take it back, because I made it, too. Absolutely. In the homes that have functional relationships, that are loving, I feel like everyone turns on the dad to make fun of him.

[Stugotz]

Have you seen the Manosphere doc? The dad's not around.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I did see that, and I was mortified by that as well. While I'm watching that documentary, I'm saying to myself, huh? That's how I got Left behind for 15 years on what a generation of kids became to vote for Trump. That's exactly how it happened. Watching something that I did not have access to on the Internet. Boys trying to teach boys how to be men and getting it all wrong. That documentary was. That guy only makes Thoreau's his name, right? He only makes good documentaries. He did the Scientology documentary. I urge you to watch it if you have not seen it. It's just about the manosphere, folks.

[Juju Ebitard]

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[Stugotz]

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[Dan Le Batard]

can you rate my Al Pacino from that billiard scene in Carlito's way. If I do it for you, I think it's pretty good.

[Stugotz]

Yeah.

[Dan Le Batard]

Okay. Stugarts, you think you're big time when you're gonna die big time. That is on my infamous scale of 1 to 10.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That's a.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's a 7.6 solid.

[Stugotz]

That's a Suey nominee right there.

[Dan Le Batard]

This is the Dan lebatar show with the stug.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I want to get to these top five lists though, because Trista's got one as well. In honor of the tournament and we've got our looks like game to introduce, we're bringing it back here. Dave Damaschek is the voice of this year's tournament and I want to do this now, the March Sadness tournament. Before we get to the top five of David's people who have called him bitch and Zaslow's top five on reasons, myriad reasons, that he has only gone to two Heat games in several years and Trist is top five on games to watch in this tournament. We begin our looks like tournament with the play in games which are tomorrow night, 6:40pm in the Midwest region. Number 16, Howard is represented by Adam Silver.

[Dan Le Batard]

Looks like the last lollipop in the jar at the doctor's office.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That is true. Adam Silver has still perpetually a ton of teams in this tournament. UMBC is also from the Adam Silver Conference, also a 16 seed in the play in game.

[Dan Le Batard]

Adam Silver looks like a magician's wand.

[Juju Ebitard]

So we'll see which of those gets into the big dance.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

In the west region. Tuesday you've got NC State out of a weak acc, top heavy acc, but an otherwise weak acc. North Carolina State is representing, represented by Adam Silver.

[Dan Le Batard]

Looks like the four star general in a post apocalyptic movie faced with the daunting reality of an alien invasion and the likely end of humanity as we know it. Who says staring off into the distance, they're already here.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

We're the aliens now that is facing number 11, Texas.

[Stugotz]

Adam Silver.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Looks like an apple watch charger represented by Adam Silver. I think we can do conference, I think we can do the whole tournament on just Adam Silver's. It would be funny if we did it that way. Let's get to the top five of David Sampson on top five people who have talked the worst to him in his baseball career or otherwise. Any Oli, are you starting with number five?

[David Sampson]

I'm going right to number five. Number five, Matt Sosnik. Matt Sosnick had a bunch of our players. He's an agent, Dontrell Willis and Ricky Nolasco. And he would make his players tattoo his name on them.

[Dan Le Batard]

Get out of here.

[David Sampson]

So you look at that.

[Dan Le Batard]

Can't be true.

[David Sampson]

It's okay.

[Juju Ebitard]

No, I mean, I believe you, but that's wild.

[David Sampson]

Go ask Dontrell whether he has a tattoo of Matt Sosnick and the answer is yes.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Of his name, of his picture.

[David Sampson]

No name.

[Dan Le Batard]

Like he brands his clients.

[David Sampson]

It's something. It's something.

[Stugotz]

I'm paying you 7% of my salary. I gotta tattoo your name on myself. No.

[David Sampson]

It's an outrage. So we would not give Don Trill what Dontrell wanted as a first time arbitration eligible player. He was good, as you Remember, World Series, etc. Etc. And he took it very personally. He was not a very experienced agent. He had a bunch of young guys. He had Scott Olson, remember him? Sweaty guy. And he basically impugned any knowledge I had on the arbitration system. And we took him down, but he was unbelievably rude and ridiculous. His name is Matt Sosnik, number four. Jeff Torborg.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Really an otherwise nice man. Otherwise very polite and professional.

[Dan Le Batard]

Jeff Torborg is the financier.

[David Sampson]

Nor professional.

[Dan Le Batard]

Is he still with us?

[David Sampson]

No, but I said this when he was alive. Jeff Torborg was a difficult manager and we were very happy when we were able to let him go. There is a documentary about his life that's interesting, no question about it, but just not nice. It was his way or the highway.

[Dan Le Batard]

His son was a wrestler.

[David Sampson]

His son. It was a wrestler. His son did the documentary. Actually, Dale. We had to hire his son, his other son, to do arbitration, which we got around and never did anyway. It didn't work out and he attacked us. He's a mean mofo.

[Trista]

I have. I have really nothing to add on him, but the arbitration process, I feel like just kind of scummy by nature.

[David Sampson]

We'd love to get rid of it. The players won't. So that's one of the great misunderstandings in collective bargaining is that every year the owners say, let's get rid of arbitration. Every year the players say, we want it.

[Trista]

There's no way that you can come back from arbitration and feel good feelings, right? Like, how long does it take for people to start feeling like okay about one another after you've just sullied the

[Jonathan Zaslow]

reputation hours of your employer telling you why you don't deserve as much money as you think you deserve?

[David Sampson]

It's been great. There are. I've met players in arbitration for the first time. I've passed notes back and forth to players during arbitration. There's a lot of Love. It's not what people say. Corbin Burns is the only player I know who's such a wussy, who says, oh, I feel so hurt that the brewers said this about me. It's the process, dude. Like, shut up.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

But it's the process, and it's inhumane and cold and hurts.

[David Sampson]

Then get rid of it.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Okay. But.

[David Sampson]

Okay, but it pays a lot of money to players. Hey, would you do an arbitration here? I'm just asking, would you sit before

[Dan Le Batard]

a panel that'd be terrible.

[David Sampson]

If you had a chance to argue your merits, to get a raise to 5x what you're being paid now, would you allow them to tell you that you're late?

[Trista]

No, I don't. I. I don't want to do that, because a lot of what I bring to the table is my tone of voice and my bitches and my little witty banter, and that's very hard to express how much value that brings to a broadcast.

[David Sampson]

You need better representation.

[Stugotz]

Number three.

[David Sampson]

Number three, Bud Selig. Bud Selig is still with us, but, man, he is very direct, and I will never forget the day that he called and asked me why there was a hurricane in Miami, that he blamed the Marlins for. A hurricane in Miami.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

What?

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah.

[David Sampson]

That's a true story. We were putting shutters up, and he wanted to know why we were not playing a game. Number two, Joe Girardi

[Dan Le Batard]

just.

[David Sampson]

He's an absolute bastard. He knows it. Everyone knows it. Who has ever played with him. They can deny it all they want. They know exactly who he was and what kind of person. The things that he would say that were so disrespectful that he makes you, Trista, look like, you know, Lady Di.

[Trista]

Like what?

[David Sampson]

I said, lady die.

[Trista]

No, like, what would he say?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

I thought you were telling her, hey, lady die. Number one.

[David Sampson]

Number one is Jerry Reinsdorf. Jerry Reinsdorf came up to me at the hall of Fame this past July. I was with my son and back when life was perfect for me. And he comes up and he looks at my son, who is a Wall street banker, and says, I'm so sorry. That's your dad, right? To my son.

[Dan Le Batard]

Jeter doesn't make the list.

[David Sampson]

No, he's not worthy of. He's not. I would never. I'm sorry you even brought him up.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Zaslo, do you have in front of you your top five reasons, myriad reasons, that you haven't been to but a couple of Heat games in the last few years?

[Dan Le Batard]

I.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Do I have any Oli?

[Dan Le Batard]

Yes.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Okay. What's the Oli Oli.

[Dan Le Batard]

I've seen it all. I was on the broadcast for 12 years. I've been through all of the good times. It's never. It's never gonna get better than what I actually saw. That's all.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Number five.

[Dan Le Batard]

Number five. The regular season in the NBA last year stinks, let's be honest. Number four, I live in Cooper City. I'm right by the Sawgrass. The Florida Panthers are so much closer. Number three, the traffic here in downtown Miami. I didn't know, because for all 12 of those years I was on the Heat broadcast, I would arrive hours before the game. And then when I wasn't on the broadcast anymore, I was like, this is what everyone goes through.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Zazzle. Do you know what they're pantomiming to you in the other room? Because you gotta dance with the fan for music. You give it to him quick. You say what the number is, and you don't keep talking. You give him a couple of words on what the number is, and then you let him hit the fanfare, and then you elaborate. I thought you were a professional. I thought you'd seen it all.

[Dan Le Batard]

Number two, seeing certain people

[Jonathan Zaslow]

see the difference. Do you see how. Do you see how much better that works when you dance with Chris Cody and you don't make him sit there and try and drag you around while you're stepping on both of his feet?

[Dan Le Batard]

Seeing certain people. I'm not trying to see everybody. I'm trying to see, like, regular fans, that's for sure. But, you know, people who work there, maybe, that I worked with, not trying to see who.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Certain enemies. Would you call them enemies?

[Dan Le Batard]

No, but it's just like, I don't really want to be around media people, you know, from down here so much anymore, because I kind of feel like. Like I was above them. No, no, I don't feel that I'm above them. No, no, that's not that at all. But, like, I don't know. It's like, hey, there's Zaslow. You know, remember he used to work here? Now he doesn't.

[Trista]

Now he's in a big show, like damn avatars.

[Dan Le Batard]

Well, that's how I. That's how I should feel. But that. That is not how I do feel.

[Stugotz]

We know who you're talking about.

[David Sampson]

Yeah? Yep.

[Juju Ebitard]

Really?

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah.

[Juju Ebitard]

I don't like him either.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm not sure that I know who you're referencing.

[Stugotz]

That's all right.

[Dan Le Batard]

All right. You'll tell me later.

[David Sampson]

Number one, I'm great for the show. Who are you? Talking about.

[Dan Le Batard]

So tell me now who you're talking about. Well, number one, I'm old and I'm tired. I mean, it's really as simple as that. I'm old and I'm tired. I mean, come on, do I want to go out on Wednesday night now? I want to stay home.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

You're also working a lot. Yes. You're always in a room in your house, shouting, mortifying your family so that when you come downstairs, they're doing impersonations of you and how you sound in that room.

[Dan Le Batard]

I really. I look forward to my evenings. I really do. I look forward to my evenings at home. I just relax. I watch the games. Don't want to go out.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Put it on the pole. Put it on the pole. At Lebitard show is the first sign that you're getting old, that you look forward to your evenings alone at home at night.

[Juju Ebitard]

Just calling them evenings is.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yeah, I'll put it on the poll as well. At Levitage show is the first sign you're getting old, that you call them evenings at Lebiton.

[Dan Le Batard]

Look, I. I don't think I look that old because I got a Benjamin Buttons thing going on here. But, like, I feel. I feel. I feel tired.

[David Sampson]

I don't know.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Multiple buttons was Benjamin. I. I don't think he looks young. I. When you say I. I don't know exactly how old he is. I'd guess mid-40s. But I don't think he looks younger than his age. I don't look at him and say, there's youth Persona.

[Dan Le Batard]

But I look younger than I did. Maybe a few years.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well, that's morning radio, though.

[Dan Le Batard]

Well, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Morning radio makes. Makes you the way that you grade. You grade more than Obama in the White House.

[Dan Le Batard]

I gave years to that radio station.

[Stugotz]

No. Zaz found the secret to aging very early on. At 20, he looked 45.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Yeah, you looked like Kansas State football coach Bill Snyder.

[Dan Le Batard]

Whoa.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

When you were 25 years old. Former Kansas State football coach.

[Dan Le Batard]

Listeners, you know this about me. I am the only person in the shipping container who actually tries every day. When it comes to my style. I genuinely care about clothes. I care about. Care about my wardrobe. And I've finally hit the age where

[Juju Ebitard]

I realized something, which is that you

[Dan Le Batard]

don't need more clothes. You just need better ones. A thoughtfully built wardrobe comes down to pieces that mix well and last. And that's where Quince shines with their premium fabrics considered design everyday essentials that feel effortless season to season and I'm telling you this because actively as I

[Juju Ebitard]

speak to you right now, I am

[Dan Le Batard]

currently wearing one of my favorite quince pieces which is my Mongolian cashmere hoodie and I'm talking to you about their lightweight cashmere sweaters, their short sleeve Mongolian cashmere polos, linen shorts and tees, and 100% Pima cotton. These are the pieces that actually make

[Juju Ebitard]

your wardrobe work Right now.

[Dan Le Batard]

Go to quince.com dan for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to build your wardrobe and love it and you will now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Q U I n c e.com dan for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com dan love the night Reach for

[Trista]

Zyn After Dark, a limited cocktail inspired series for those who get up when the sun goes down. Try Zinn's Mojito Spiced Cider and Espresso Martini Nicotine Pouches. Find them at select retailers. Available while supplies last Zyn After Dark. Bring on the night. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical Shot Clocks

[Stugotz]

Big Shots, Upsets, Aces TGL Playoffs are here. First Atlanta Drives starts their repeat run

[Dan Le Batard]

against Los Angeles Golf Club.

[Stugotz]

Then Rory's Boston Common Golf and Tigers Jupiter Lynx face off in their playoff debuts. Who will advance? Keep up its playoffs tune in Tuesday, March 17th at 6:30pm and 9:00pm only on ESPN and the ESPN app.

[David Sampson]

Don LeBatard oh I like firing people so I take the opportunity to fire whenever I possibly can because I can use it as a learning experience for them and try to help them out and try to point out what they did wrong. But in this case the employee was enough levels below where I was that I did not do the firing but I had it done within moments of discovery.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Like firing people. It's just absurd. It's absurd.

[David Sampson]

STS I'm talking about people who I fire, who deserve it, who have done something that actively requires me to fire them. It is my unadulterated pleasure to do so.

[Dan Le Batard]

This is the D ler show with the stuff.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Before I get to Trista's top five on games you need to watch for in the tournament, I want to go back to our looks like tournament here and I want to go to the south region and just get through some of these play in games before they get played. Lehigh is also a 16 seed and Lehigh is represented by Kurt Signetti.

[Dan Le Batard]

Looks like the dad that never says I love you.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That is facing number 16, Prairie View, which is represented by Kurt Signetti.

[Dan Le Batard]

Looks like your accountant who unbeknownst to you, is in the middle of a crippling divorce.

[Juju Ebitard]

Crippling.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Crippling is a good word there. It's the key to the joke. Wednesday has what used to be the undefeated Miami of Ohio program before they lost immediately first game of the tournament. They have an undefeated regular season and then they play in their stinky little tournament and they lose the first game to you. Matt that is represented by Jonathan Zaslow

[Dan Le Batard]

looks like the guy in an arcade who puts a stack of quarters on the Pac man game to send a message to any kids that he's going to be there a while.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That's facing. Zaslow's had a big tournament. The Zaslo Conference is strong in this tournament. That's facing number 11 SMU, represented by Bruce Pearl.

[Dan Le Batard]

Looks like the nightclub manager that has $100 bottle special before midnight.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Isn't that the truth? That is unbelievable how Bruce Pearl prowls a nightcl.

[Stugotz]

How many girls you got with you? None. That's all right.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Zaslow, how did you feel as a Heat fan about the fact that late in this season as teams are trying to get everything together before they play in the playoffs, Orlando looks a lot like the team we expected to see before the season, even if they don't have their best players. Orlando was expected to be a top three east in the team after getting Desmond Bain. Suggs is back and he's playing for them. He's an important piece for them and they're playing better. They came in on a six game winning streak. The Heat had beaten a lot of bad teams. The Heat schedule got difficult with Orlando. They've got seven tough games in a row. Mike does not believe in this Heat team. Jeremy says we need to apologize to him after the 83 point bam out of bio performance. Where are you on this Heat team after losing that home game to a team that has owned you this season? Season?

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah, I. I think if they finish fifth or sixth right now they're seventh after that loss. They're two games back of now Orlando. I think if they finish fifth or sixth they have an opportunity to have a fun first round series.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Did you just burp? Was that last night's food that you just burped up?

[Juju Ebitard]

Like a stifling of a burp?

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah, like I held it in.

[Juju Ebitard]

It was almost the standing. I call it the Stan Van Gundy, like mid sentence.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah. You know Greg Monroe. Yeah, I held that in, baby. If the Heat get up to five or six, they have a chance for a fun first round series. I believe if they say it's seven, you know, I got to endure another season where they get their kicked in by Boston, you know, so not looking forward to that. But you're right. They have an incredibly tough stretch coming up where we're go learn. We're going to learn a little bit about this team right now. Was. Was this a mirage, you know, this seven game win streak?

[Trista]

We're going to learn who are they not going to get the shit kicked out of by.

[Dan Le Batard]

They would, they would have a good series I think with Cleveland despite what happened last year. Really?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

You think so?

[Dan Le Batard]

Wow.

[Stugotz]

Last year they literally were on the receiving end of the most lobster better first round matchup ever.

[Dan Le Batard]

I think the heater better and I don't think Cleveland's as good.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well, let me, let me just.

[Dan Le Batard]

Cleveland was number one last year.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Okay. Cleveland was number one last year and won the final playoff game by 60 points. It was by empirically. It was the worst ass kicking there's ever been in a playoff series. They've added James Harden and you think the Gulf has been closed.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah, yeah. I think the Heat are better than they were last year.

[Trista]

He's missing Ty. Cavs are missing Ty Jerome. And so the Cavs have gotten worse. How have the Cavs gotten worse?

[Dan Le Batard]

Well, they're. They were number one last year. They haven't been close to that team at any point this season.

[Stugotz]

Don't you think the east has also gotten better?

[Dan Le Batard]

I mean, maybe.

[Stugotz]

Okay, all right, look, you're entitled to your opinion, but.

[Dan Le Batard]

And I, and I think they, I think they could have a little bit of fun with New York too.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, I do think the Knick series could be fun in that like you'll. You'll get two and.

[Dan Le Batard]

Right.

[Stugotz]

Can they grab two games?

[Dan Le Batard]

All of them?

[Stugotz]

Yeah, I think so. Games like Saturday are exactly why I'm exhausted by like the whole Heat discourse. Because like you're gonna. It's a NBA regular season. It's the Miami Heat. They care. They'll go through these stretches where they'll beat a Houston and you'll be like, man, when we play our best game, we can beat anybody that's typically basketball. But you mess basically. What is your ceiling on Saturday? Losing to a team like the Orlando Magic. We move on.

[David Sampson]

I think you're overreacting. Losing the season series 5 0. Losing at home on a random Saturday night as we are in the middle of the.

[Stugotz]

You think I'm overreacting? I'm just like that. That. That to me is what this season is. And I'm riding it out to the off season where hopefully we can get a whale and everything else. Every other conversation that we've had on this is basically performative. I'm just so over it. That's where we are.

[David Sampson]

Well, if it's performative, I. I'm just helping Zaz here because I believe that he is hoping.

[Dan Le Batard]

Minor penalty, two minutes for explaining the show.

[Stugotz]

Okay. Wow. I guess I tell him the truth.

[Trista]

Wait, I. How is that explaining the show?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

He's saying all his other conversations are performative. They're not honest conversations.

[Stugotz]

Okay, I'll go.

[David Sampson]

So I want to just help Zas get through days like this because when you lose.05 to a team, let's say they play the Magic in the playoffs. That will be very much a media story. What the season series is. They'll often go like in the last 10 years, they've lost to that team in the playoffs four times. It doesn't mean anything to the players.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Now they've got a matchup problem with Orlando. I don't.

[David Sampson]

Because Orlando's good.

[Dan Le Batard]

All the games have been single digit losses.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

But it's not just Orlando's good. If you've been watching Toronto and New York play, if those teams face each other in the playoffs, Toronto has zero chance to beat the Knicks. They cannot do it. There will be no circumstance under which they beat the Knicks. And similarly the Magic have the Heat that way, their length, the bad Wagner is somebody who still dominates them down low. It's a matchup problem. They don't want this team. The Heat have a better record against the Thunder and Pistons this year than the Magic do. The Magic haven't been very good. They added Desmond Bain and they still can't shoot threes. They're supposed to be able to shoot threes. They can't shoot threes. The thing that undid them last year year is that they can't shoot threes. But Trista, you can speak to this. The Magic were supposed to be this this year. And the Heat have regressed to a point where they are behind the Magic in the standings and in other ways.

[Trista]

Yeah, I think that this Magic team is flawed offensively. And we've seen this. Like you said last year, the three point problem was plaguing them. But remember two years ago in the playoffs when we were getting 89, 91 games between the Magic and the Cavs in the first round?

[Dan Le Batard]

That was a great win.

[Trista]

That was a great series. Right. We loved like old school hoops. Vintage.

[David Sampson]

No.

[Trista]

I think that this Magic team, no matter who you get, you get Desmond Bane, bad three point shooting team, you get Kentavius, Caldwell Pope, all of a sudden he sucks in the three point shooting has continued to be a problem. I just think Paolo and Franz are not able to play one together. Paolo is not really one of those players that I think is a true point forward. He can't shoot, he can't create his own shot. So until they break those two up, I think the Magic are going to be a problem as a contender.

[Dan Le Batard]

But.

[Trista]

But yeah, I think they're physical, they're bruisers, they're defensively going to get up in you. And I think that's obviously a problem for the Heat.

[David Sampson]

I'm going to open myself up to you again. Oh, it's going to be me. I think when you give a score, it's always the higher number first. And I've had people in my life who have dropped a. Yeah. The final score of the game was four to six. No, no, that's not the final score.

[Dan Le Batard]

That does make me nuts.

[David Sampson]

It's six to four.

[Dan Le Batard]

I'm with you on that. I think she did that because she forgot what the other score was. Was. I think she said 89 first, not because she says the lower score first. I feel like maybe she thought that maybe that was the highest, but you've

[David Sampson]

heard people do that.

[Trista]

You know, I thought I was like 89, 87. I don't think that's what it was.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's what I thought happened. Yeah. So I give her a pass on that one.

[David Sampson]

I want to give you a pass. And you've got the pass.

[Juju Ebitard]

It's a good call out, though. In general, I agree with David.

[Trista]

I agree with that.

[Dan Le Batard]

In general, I agree very much with that.

[David Sampson]

I think you should be taught that. It's in the handbook of parenting, because even I'm getting to it.

[Juju Ebitard]

David, there's a lot to cover.

[David Sampson]

There's a lot to cover, but you got plenty of time, hopefully.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Put it. Put it on the poll. Should it be in the handbook of parenting that when you give a score, the higher score comes first at Lebatard Show?

[David Sampson]

The answer to that is definite. What is that? A detail of the parenting handbook. Is that the team on the bottom

[Dan Le Batard]

of the graphic is the home team

[David Sampson]

or the team on the right?

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah. No, but this is the United States.

[Stugotz]

I don't think you can. Lord's time zone the global game before we.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Before we move on. United States is such A Zaz and David perspective.

[David Sampson]

You don't teach your kid how to know what team's at home, the two of them.

[Stugotz]

And then I say, but it's different in soccer. That's always, like, the footnote to it.

[David Sampson]

Okay, I never have said that, but I guess.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

No, but that is because you and Zaslow are myopically United States. The idea that soccer or Europe would do it differently, you reject that as a premise. You reject the idea that it can be done any differently by anyone than it is by the best. By America.

[David Sampson]

I used to know by uniform color. It used to be, you're in the whites, you're at home.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yep.

[David Sampson]

Now. And in. In football, you're in the dark, you're at home, and all of a sudden, you know what the hell is going on. And you can't tell from the court.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yep.

[David Sampson]

For sure as hell.

[Dan Le Batard]

How is white not always home? White should always be home. Home. American football colors are on the road. Whites at home.

[Juju Ebitard]

Before we move too far away from the Orlando Magic, can we relive Dan's expectations for them?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Orlando was expected to be a top three east in the team.

[Stugotz]

Oh, I mean, he had Bane as the third best player. All right. Wagner's been out too long. Bane is the second best player. That changes the data points.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

Well, based on what Trist is saying, she's just saying that Wagner and Bonchero can't play together, that they just simply can't be together.

[Stugotz]

Is it because they're just always hurt and never on the floor together?

[Jonathan Zaslow]

No, that's not what she meant.

[Trista]

No, no, that's not what I meant at all. It's. I think you were in the penalty box, so your brain got scrambled. But I don't think those two play styles match with one another because they're. They're wings that want to be guards, and they're not very good facsimile of guards. And when you have them both on the floor at the same time, they're actually probably better as a team when only one of them is playing, which is kind of what happened last year when you had had all of those injuries rack up and they still stacked up wins.

[Jonathan Zaslow]

That one makes me crazy, because there are teams in the league where adding the better player doesn't make you better. And Norm Powell and Tyler Herro have the same skill set. It's the. There's. They're the same statistically, so you can play them instead of each other, but you can't play them together.