The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Local Hour: Kids Are Ingrates

August 28, 2025

Episode Overview

Broadcasting from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, and the crew deliver their signature blend of sports analysis, irreverent banter, and local flavor. The episode navigates the onset of college football season, workplace dynamics within the studio crew, the woes of sick kids and parental stresses, the quirks of South Florida fandom, and some hilarious detours on pop culture and local sports institutions. Appropriately titled “Kids Are Ingrates,” the hour also reflects on the disconnect between generations—both on campus and at home.

Table of Contents

1. Billy Gil’s Inner Circle and Thermometer Woes
2. College Football Kickoff: Miami, Notre Dame, LSU, Clemson & Belichick
3. Sick Kids, Scarlet Fever & Parental Nightmares
4. The Devil on ESPN: Mel Kiper Jr. and Tangents
5. The Sueys: Best Dismissal and Bits
6. FIU Football, Campus Fame, and “Kids Are Ingrates”
7. Panthers Front Office and Franchise Culture
8. Memorable Quotes

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1. Billy Gil’s Inner Circle and Thermometer Woes

[02:02 – 05:27]

• Group Dynamics: Dan and Chris discuss how Billy Gil’s “inner circle” is notoriously hard to penetrate, joking about how rare it is to get a text back from Billy.

  • Chris Cody: “Fuentes was telling people that he got a return text from you... We're like, you got a blessed return text from Billy. You're in the inner circle, Fuentes.” [02:54]

• Billy’s Family Health Saga:

  • Billy shares a stressful parenting story: with his kids sick and their pediatrician gone, he navigates urgent care chaos, head vs. ear thermometer debates, and ends up at a CVS hunting for a locked thermometer.
  • He laments the “black market” restrictions on thermometers compared to other pharmacy goods:
    • Billy Gil: “Why are they locking up thermometers? ...What are people gonna do with a thermometer?” [05:27]

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2. College Football Kickoff: Miami, Notre Dame, LSU, Clemson & Belichick

[10:01 – 24:51]

• Previewing the Weekend:

  • The group ranks college football’s opening weekend matchups: Alabama, Clemson, Notre Dame, LSU, and the debut of Bill Belichick at North Carolina.
  • Glorification of Zaslow as a “rising star,” with ESPN sending him cross-country to cover games.

• Debating Which Game Matters Most:

  • Dan: “Clemson, LSU is probably the second biggest game of the weekend.” [16:40]
  • Jonathan Zaslow disagrees, saying Miami–Notre Dame's history and rivalry outweigh “today’s brands.”

• Belichick at UNC:

  • Belichick’s move to college football is called intriguing but potentially “a bit of a fart.”
    • Chris Cody: “Belichick is a bit of a fart this weekend.” [18:34]
  • Debate ensues over whether a blowout win will rank UNC, with skepticism about instant validation.

• Generational Divide in Fandom:

  • Chris Cody: “There’s a generation that doesn’t know that Clemson was a joke.” [17:11]

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3. Sick Kids, Scarlet Fever & Parental Nightmares

[25:05 – 28:31]

• Modern Parenting Hell:

  • Recent studio conversations about sick kids, and Mike Ryan’s joking hunt for an exorcist.
  • Dan Le Batard recounts a harrowing ordeal with his own daughter developing scarlet fever:
    • Starts with vomiting, morphs into a rash, face peeling, and fits of distress.
    • Dan: “I can honestly see how people without the Internet, without WebMD in the 1800s said, this isn’t scarlet fever. This girl’s possessed because it altered her behavior.” [28:06]

• Parenting Anxiety & Humor:

  • Jokes about exorcisms, the old-fashioned fears, and Billy’s ongoing worry for his own household as Dan describes symptoms.

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4. The Devil on ESPN: Mel Kiper Jr. and Tangents

[29:18 – 31:38]

• Mel Kiper Jr. "Looks Like the Devil":

  • The crew is stunned by Mel Kiper Jr.’s excessively red TV appearance.
    • Dan: “This is the most insane I’ve ever seen someone look on television.” [29:18]
  • Jokes about how, if Gavin Newsom was painted the same color, “he’d look like the Devil.”

• Pop Culture Detours:

  • Tangents spin out around height requirements for playing the Devil, Gavin Newsom, Peter Thiel, podcast grievances, and Bill Maher’s inability to let guests speak.
    • Chris Cody: “I want so badly to like that Bill Maher podcast because it could be so good. But he won’t stop talking.” [31:18]

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5. The Sueys: Best Dismissal and Bits

[10:06 – 11:35, 21:43 – 22:13]

• Award Show for Show Bits

  • The “Sueys” entries for “Best Dismissal” (split into Stugotz and non-Stugotz categories) and “Best Limited Fake” are announced amid laughter and confusion about the process. [10:19 – 11:25]

• Limited Fake Al Pacino

  • Zaslow attempts an Al Pacino impression; scores a “7.6” from Chris Cody. [21:43]
  • Dan: “That’s a Suey nominee right there.” [22:12]

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6. FIU Football, Campus Fame, and “Kids Are Ingrates”

[32:21 – 35:33]

• Billy’s FIU Football Gig:

  • Billy is prepping to broadcast FIU’s football opener and jokes about his indifference to objectivity while covering games.
    • Billy: “I don’t think I need to even aspire to objectivity this season.” [33:12]

• Campus Fame (or Lack Thereof):

  • Billy reflects on being “invisible” at FIU versus the Marlins’ stadium—students view him as a “creepy old guy.”
    • Billy: “What’s fatso over there doing? They’re very rude. I’m gonna be honest with you… Kids are ingrates.” [34:35, 35:15]
  • Zaslow agrees: “I don’t know if you’re aware, my older son. Total ingrate.” [35:23]

• Subheading Justified:

  • This is where the episode’s title, “Kids Are Ingrates,” is fully explained and lampooned.

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7. Panthers Front Office and Franchise Culture

[41:20 – 47:57]

• Business Departures & Sports Culture:

  • Discussion turns to the Florida Panthers losing CEO Matt Caldwell to the Minnesota Timberwolves, following other departures.
    • Jonathan Zaslow: “Obviously Matthew Caldwell has done a really good job... But I don’t know why this is a big thing.” [41:39]
    • Dan: “These are the only guys that have ever done well with this franchise.” [43:51]
  • Argues that the Panthers turned around their business ops before on-ice success and their turnaround made them the model for other franchises, even in the NBA.

• Reflections on South Florida Sports Landscape:

  • Dan: “It is more stunning than seeing them win the championships... to see them be the organization that is the model franchise for everyone else.” [46:02]

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8. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Why are they locking up thermometers?...What are people gonna do with a thermometer?”
  —Billy Gil, [05:27]

• “I can honestly see how people without the Internet, without WebMD in the 1800s said, this isn’t scarlet fever. This girl’s possessed.”
  —Dan Le Batard, [28:06]

• “Mel Kuiper Jr. looks like the devil.”
  —Chris Cody, [37:35]

• “Kids are ingrates. I don’t know if you know this...Kids are generally ingrate. Zaz can tell you. He’s nodding along.”
  —Billy Gil, [35:15]

• “Belichick is a bit of a fart this weekend.”
  —Chris Cody, [18:34]

• “It is more stunning than seeing them win the championships... to see them be the organization that is the model franchise for everyone else.”
  —Dan Le Batard, [46:02]

• “I don’t think I need to even aspire to objectivity this season.”
  —Billy Gil, [33:12]

Key Segment Timestamps

• [02:02]: Billy Gil's “inner circle” texting banter
• [03:57]: Billy’s locked thermometer/CVS story
• [10:19]: Suey categories & show bits
• [16:40]: Big college football weekend games debate
• [18:34]: “Belichick is a bit of a fart”—generational fan divides
• [25:05]: Sick kids, scarlet fever, paranoia
• [29:18]: Mel Kiper Jr./“devil” laughs
• [33:12]: Billy's objectivity at FIU games
• [34:35]: Campus fame and “kids are ingrates”
• [41:20]: Panthers front office departures & sports business talk
• [46:02]: Panthers as the new model franchise in sports

Summary

This “Local Hour” explores everything from heated college football debates, the anxiety of modern parenting, and generational sports fandom, to the quirky insularity and humor of the show’s cast. While Miami sports, college football, and the local flavor provide the backdrop, the real value shines through in honest admissions, comedic self-awareness, and a group dynamic that feels like a conversation among old friends—punctuated, always, by zingers, pop culture references, and a loving roast of Billy’s parenting worries and his unique status on campus.