Local Hour: Notre Dame Game Inception

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz Episode: Local Hour: Notre Dame Game Inception
Release Date: December 5, 2024

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1. Introduction to Notre Dame Football and Family Traditions

In this episode, hosts Dan Le Batard and Stugotz delve deep into the culture surrounding Notre Dame football, intertwining personal anecdotes with broader discussions about the team's performance and its impact on familial relationships.

2. Personal Anecdote: The Broken TV Incident (2016)

Dan shares a heartfelt and humorous story about watching a Notre Dame game with his father in 2016—a season that was particularly rough for the team. The intense emotions culminated in his father’s dramatic reaction to a punt return touchdown:

Dan Le Batard (03:29): "In 2016, terrible season. Like, Brian Kelly might get fired. They can't make a bowl. The bowl streaks ended. It's over. This team stinks."

The frustration led his father to throw a porcelain Christmas ornament at the TV, resulting in a cracked screen:

Jessica (04:14): "But neither would the Christmas. Neither would the star on the top of the Christmas tree."

Dan recounts the aftermath:

Dan Le Batard (04:36): "Once the game ended and Notre Dame finishes the season 4 and 8, we're like, all right, well, we just gotta pretend like that never happened because it's all part of the rivalry weekend."

3. Current Season Analysis and Playoff Implications

Transitioning to the present, Dan updates listeners on the current Notre Dame season, emphasizing the high stakes of their recent game against USC. Notre Dame's playoff prospects hinge on critical wins, and the team faces challenges such as key player injuries:

Dan Le Batard (05:40): "This year's USC Notre Dame game were so high because this USC team, they were not a great team. They couldn't end fourth quarters against teams that they had leads over."

The hosts discuss the playoff selection process and Notre Dame's chances, highlighting the team's resilience despite setbacks:

Dan Le Batard (08:06): "We all just moved on. Luckily it was, you know, right after Black Friday, so got a Cyber Monday deal."

4. Family Dynamics and Watching Games Together

The conversation shifts to the familial aspect of sports fandom. Dan explains the unique bond he shares with his father during Notre Dame games, where emotions run high, yet there's an unspoken understanding to move past any outbursts once the game concludes:

Jessica (02:50): "I want to know more about what's happening in this household. I want you to paint a picture for me that has more details in it on how crazy it is to watch something like this with your family."

Dan elaborates on how these traditions shape family relationships:

Dan Le Batard (09:45): "I'm still fresh out of college. Me and my dad don't have the relationship where I can be like, hey, asshole, you broke the tv. Now I'm an adult. He's an adult. He needs me. We have a sort of understanding here."

5. God Bless Football's Miami Watch Party Announcement

Shifting gears, the hosts announce an upcoming event organized by God Bless Football—a Miami watch party scheduled for Sunday, December 8th, at Vivo Dolphin Mall. Stugotz expresses his enthusiasm:

Stugotz (14:24): "It's a fun spot. I'll be out there. God Bless Football will be out there. Check it out. Vivo at Dolphin Mall."

This event promises a vibrant gathering for fans to celebrate Miami sports together.

6. Lighthearted Bits: Fifty Shades of Grey Readings

Injecting humor into the episode, Bobby reads passages from "Fifty Shades of Grey," adding a playful and unexpected twist to the conversation:

Bobby (23:42): "He flexes his hips so his pushes against me. Yes, right there. He runs his teeth along my shin, pisses back, then slides into me again."

Jessica responds with a mix of amusement and bewilderment, highlighting the show's dynamic:

Jessica (27:48): "Well, I’m telling you where I am right now, okay? And I don't feel good about where my life is at the moment."

7. Additional Discussions: Miami Heat and Lakers Game Analysis

The episode broadens its sports coverage to include an in-depth analysis of recent NBA games, focusing on the Miami Heat and the Los Angeles Lakers. Key points discussed include player performances, team strategies, and future prospects:

• Jimmy Butler's Trade Speculations:

  Jessica (34:23): "You understand why [Dallas Mavericks and Houston Rockets] would be. Those teams would get better with him."

• LeBron James and Anthony Davis' Impact:

  Mike Ryan (36:03): "If you're going to double team Anthony Davis. Almost any player in the league has had the LeBron game, if I made him the second option in that game."

Jeremy emphasizes the critical role of Anthony Davis for the Lakers:

Jeremy (37:53): "Anthony Davis has to be the driving force. Like, we've been saying that maybe since 2020, but it wasn't really true. Now it's absolutely true."

8. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on the season's developments and the emotional ties that bind fans and families together through sports. They reiterate the importance of camaraderie and shared experiences, whether celebrating victories or navigating defeats.

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Notable Quotes:

• Dan Le Batard (03:29): "In 2016, terrible season. Like, Brian Kelly might get fired."
• Jessica (04:14): "But neither would the Christmas. Neither would the star on the top of the Christmas tree."
• Stugotz (14:24): "It's a fun spot. I'll be out there. God Bless Football will be out there."

This episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz offers a rich blend of personal stories, sports analysis, and humor, providing listeners with both entertainment and insightful commentary on the current state of Notre Dame football and the broader sports landscape.

Transcript

[Dan Le Batard]

You're listening to Giraffe Kings Network.

[Stugotz]

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[Jessica]

Craven the hunter who uses all the methods of the animals on December 13th.

[Stugotz]

Once you're on his list, there's only one way off.

[Mike Ryan]

Are you like your father?

[Stugotz]

He puts evil into the world and.

[Jessica]

Get rid of people like him. Who's next? Witness the make.

[Dan Le Batard]

Speaking of a new Marvel villain, you.

[Jessica]

Think you have some kind of honor? You're a criminal just like our father. Aaron Taylor Johnson is Craven the Hunter. Rated R under 17 on a minute without parent.

[Dan Le Batard]

In theaters December 13th.

[Don Le Batard]

This is the Dan Levator show with the Stuttgarts podcast.

[Bobby]

Today's episode is sponsored by DraftKings. Stay tuned because you'll hear more about DraftKings and all it has to offer throughout the show. DraftKings, the Crown is yours.

[Jessica]

You have heard me Stugatz over the years and seen me be way too hard on myself for a variety of silly things. I'm trying to get better at that. But I went home yesterday and as I'm leaving here I'm feeling bad for any number of failures on my part that include not being able to wrangle Mike Ryan all week. Like just not being able to control him, making everyone insane with University of Miami talk. Because of course that's how that season is gonna end and how he's going to comb. He was reasonable in faking it the first day and then Stugott said he was disappointed in him and then it just unleashed a rodeo bull.

[Chris]

I would not allow it. I wanted to see some emotion from Mike Ryan. I want him to fight for his team.

[Jessica]

Right? You wanted some and one day turned into three and then everything got hijacked.

[Chris]

I'm sorry.

[Jessica]

Regardless, the thing I aired most on yesterday, there was something sitting in the middle of our show that we just walked away from way too quickly and it's Jessica and her father watching Notre Dame and calling each other assholes when they're getting just hundred yard returns to get them into the playoffs. Like I don't. I want to know more about what's happening in this household. I want you to paint a picture for me that has more details in it on how crazy it is to watch something like this with your family. There's nothing else quite like this, right? There's no sporting event that is this.

[Dan Le Batard]

There is a sort of unspoken thing with me and my dad where when we watch Notre Dame games together, like, anything that happens from the first quarter to the fourth quarter, nothing else in the world matters. Afterwards, like, it happens, we watch the game, and then afterwards, we pretend like nothing happened. So in 2016, Notre Dame was historically bad 4, 7 season. Their last game of the season came against USC. Dory Jackson ran back a punt return, and my dad was decorating for Christmas. Cause this is like a tradition every year when Notre Notre Dame finishes the season at usc, my dad puts up Christmas decorations while he curses under his breath about Notre Dame.

[Chris]

That's how you do it in 2016.

[Dan Le Batard]

Notre Dame has no shot of making a ball.

[Jessica]

Did they win? Is it a superstition?

[Dan Le Batard]

No, this is an anxious. Like, I need to do something with my hand, so I'm going to obnoxiously and angrily string up Christmas lights. So in 2016, terrible season. Like, Brian Kelly might get fired. They can't make a bowl. The bowl streaks ended. It's over. This team stinks. This USC game basically is meaningless. And my dad got so mad, at the kickoff or the punt return touchdown, he threw a Christmas ornament at the TV and broke the tv.

[Jessica]

Wow, Strong ornament.

[Dan Le Batard]

And like, yes. It was like a porcelain dog with a Santa hat. Like, super embarrassing.

[Jessica]

Let's think about this for a second. There aren't many ornaments that actually would break the tv, right? None of those stinky.

[Dan Le Batard]

The ornament didn't break the balls.

[Jessica]

None of those balls.

[Chris]

The balls would not break a tv.

[Jessica]

But neither would the Christmas. Neither would the star on the top of the Christmas tree. Like, there. There. I have one cube with Bruce Willis climbing through the air conditioning ducts and Die Hard. That would break my television. But that's the. That's the only one.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah. I mean, it was like a super embarrassing moment for everyone. Like, it was like, yeah, like, don't. Don't do that. But once the game ended and Notre Dame finishes the season four and eight, we're like, all right, well, like, we just gotta pretend like that never happened because it's all part of the rivalry weekend. You know, Rivalry game. Rivalry weekend. He lost his temper. It's okay. And now we move on.

[Jessica]

I have a lot of follow up questions. And we all do really. First of all, paint for me the picture of what the ornament is and what part of the television he is breaking and what the repairs cost. And like, is it a crack? What is happening here?

[Dan Le Batard]

This is. Yeah, I mean, this, this really puts my paints, my dad in a bad light. So I really don't.

[Jessica]

You called him an asshole during.

[Dan Le Batard]

He was being an asshole.

[Jessica]

Okay?

[Dan Le Batard]

But now he's not. Like, now it's fine. The game's over.

[Stugotz]

Do you see yourself becoming him when you're alone now watching Notre Dame? Like, what parts of him do you do on your own?

[Dan Le Batard]

He is me.

[Stugotz]

Like, are you throwing ornaments? Like, what's.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, I don't. But I would. I mean, I'm not going to put. We all would in that situation.

[Stugotz]

We're good this year. I would if we were bad.

[Dan Le Batard]

This is the stakes of this year's USC Notre Dame game were so high because this USC team, they were not a great team. They couldn't end fourth quarters against teams that they had leads over. And they have a lot of talent, a very good offense. Their defense was super banged up, injured.

[Jessica]

But made stops in that game that gave the offense the ability to win the game.

[Dan Le Batard]

Exactly. And Notre Dame's best player, Jeremiah Love, was out with the knee sprain. So it was not.

[Stugotz]

What year are we talking about?

[Dan Le Batard]

This is four days ago.

[Stugotz]

Okay, my bad.

[Jeremy]

Not the 47 season.

[Stugotz]

Right.

[Jeremy]

I was confused.

[Dan Le Batard]

You know what?

[Jessica]

Chunkier.

[Mike Ryan]

I do have a follow up question, Jess. So you said whatever happens within those four quarters after that, you just let it go. But when he broke the TV and the game was over, what happened then?

[Dan Le Batard]

We all just. We all just moved on. Luckily it was, you know, right after Black Friday, so got a Cyber Monday deal. I mean, I really like this. Really does make my dad seem terrible. And he's not, so. Jessica.

[Jessica]

Okay, Jessica, Jessica, look, I think I've.

[Dan Le Batard]

Already told the story.

[Jessica]

You've protected the asshole. You have done plenty to protect your father, who you called an asshole during the game. And I am instigating this because you told us the story of what it's like to watch a crazy game with you and your dad. How did the television break? Was it cracked down on the screen? Is that what broke?

[Dan Le Batard]

It was like one of those things where like a bunch of. You could see a bunch of colors. And so like the TV still worked, but the picture had some. Some colors in one part.

[Jessica]

What was the. And what. How heavy was the order?

[Dan Le Batard]

It was like a dog with a Santa hat. And it was like a ceramic dog head with a felt Santa hat and arms and legs.

[Jessica]

Was he aiming for the television or was he just throwing?

[Dan Le Batard]

Ah, shoot. And then it just kind of all happened. It really. It really happened very quickly. And again, this. This game in 2016, it didn't matter.

[Jessica]

Didn't matter. This one, this weekend matter.

[Dan Le Batard]

Cared that much in that awful, God awful season. I think is a testament to really his love. His love of Notre Dame. But. But this year, the game did matter. This year, it was pretty close. Notre Dame had a lead most of the second half, but it was pretty close. And so when the first pick six happens with Christian Gray, not of 50 Shades of Gray, of Notre Dame football, and there was a penalty flag, we were all sort of like, ah. Oh, no. Is the run back gonna count?

[Chris]

Right?

[Dan Le Batard]

And that was when there was some confusion about what the flag was over. And perhaps insults were hurled. Perhaps there was a sort of angry, tense moment before it became obvious Notre Dame was actually gonna win the game. But then before the game even ended, Dan, we all came together and we sang the Alma Mater. And then we all were like, wow, we can't wait. We're gonna go to South Bend for a playoff game. This is gonna be amazing. So, like, it was completely forgotten.

[Jessica]

Who's the all.

[Jeremy]

Is it the three of you?

[Dan Le Batard]

My mom and my dad.

[Jessica]

Okay. No dog.

[Dan Le Batard]

No.

[Jessica]

Willow.

[Dan Le Batard]

And Willow also, I don't think she's gonna come to the game.

[Jessica]

Okay. But no, Lehman's not involved. This is a real.

[Dan Le Batard]

Lehman doesn't wanna go.

[Jessica]

This is a real fam.

[Dan Le Batard]

But dragged him to so many Notre Dame.

[Jessica]

Hold on.

[Chris]

You think Liam wants to see this?

[Jessica]

No, Lehman.

[Jeremy]

Liam, Liam.

[Jessica]

Sorry, Lehman.

[Chris]

Fine.

[Jessica]

Yes.

[Chris]

What did I call him?

[Dan Le Batard]

Liam.

[Chris]

I was thinking about Neeson.

[Stugotz]

His nickname is Lehman.

[Jessica]

So that's where the thing that I want to ask you is you're in the center of the room with a broken television singing the Alma Mater with your parents and your dog.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, this was that. That was 2016.

[Jessica]

But not okay.

[Dan Le Batard]

This year, no broken television. This year, nothing was thrown because Notre Dame won.

[Jessica]

My fault. My fault.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, that's okay. We're alternating timelines. This is like a Christopher Nolan film. We're going back. We're flashing back to 2016 because this informs the sort of, like, evolution of our relationship. So in 2016, like, I'm. I'm still fresh out of college. Me and my dad don't have the relationship where I can be like, hey, asshole, you broke the tv. Now I'm an adult. He's an adult. He needs me. I need him. We're like, sort of. Okay, we have a sort of understanding here. I can call. He can call me an asshole, and it sort of neutralizes.

[Jessica]

And no one here is quite an adult around this particular thing. Maybe in all other aspects of life. But I believe the asshole and the descendant of the asshole, though. I thought you said yesterday that you blamed your mom. I learned it from you, mom, not from him. You're saying now today, you learned it from him?

[Dan Le Batard]

No, I learned how to be annoying about sports from both of them, but specifically about the sort of, like, obnoxious, angry, like, clapping during football games that I got from my dad.

[Mike Ryan]

But we're all cheering for the same thing here, right? Why are we all being assholes to each other? Mom?

[Chris]

Jess.

[Jessica]

That's why.

[Mike Ryan]

What's happening?

[Dan Le Batard]

Football playoff. It's the playoffs. Is he, like, Notre Dame lost a embarrassing. Just, like, horrendous game, which, by the way, my parents were out to Northern Illinois earlier this season.

[Chris]

This season?

[Dan Le Batard]

Yeah, this. This year. 2020. Although every game in 2026 was also embarrassing.

[Jessica]

26.

[Jeremy]

26.

[Jessica]

They lost Duke. They lost.

[Mike Ryan]

In the future.

[Dan Le Batard]

It was.

[Chris]

So all the names in the future are embarrassing, huh? How about that?

[Dan Le Batard]

I hope not.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Stugotz]

What about the opposite end of the spectrum when you guys are as happy the biggest touchdown you've ever been around each other is.

[Jessica]

I have not got. Okay, listen, you hold your questions. Let me get the answers to mine, please. The Alma mater is being sung by the three of you with a barking dog. Just. And where does this rank in terms of joyous family moments? We're going on an adventure. Our team's great. We've got an impossibly handsome coach. We're ruling the world. And the three of us are singing, like, where does this rank in terms of joyous family sharing?

[Dan Le Batard]

It was really. It was really great. And video team, that. You're painting a picture right now that is inaccurate. There's no golf club smashing the tv. It was like a. Ah. And the ornament went flying. It wasn't like a God damn this TV thing. It wasn't like that video team. So stop doing that. That's not fair. But it was like a feeling of relief where we went from. Like, we're all really tense. We're all like, oh, my God, is USC about to ruin the season? Are they gonna do this? I hate this team so much. They already ruined my childhood. They ruined my whole life with the bush push. We can't let them get away with this. Lincoln Riley's a fraud. Notre Dame needs to win this game to then immediate, like, sort of relief. And then immediately like, so, what do you guys want to do for dinner? And we got a couple pizzas and we celebrated and it was really nice. And we'll never speak of it again. We will never speak of it again. And will it happen again when we're watching the playoff game together at Notre Dame Stadium? Maybe. But then we'll never talk about it. Once the game ends, we'll never talk about it again.

[Izzy]

We have the same kind of thing, but not to sports.

[Stugotz]

Right.

[Izzy]

I feel like just in life, Cuban and Hispanic parents get upset and kind of things fly out of their hands in ways that are inconvenient for those that are standing in the path of the thing being thrown. But it's not usually for NFL or college football games because, like, my mom doesn't care if the canes win or not. My dad does, right? But, like, he's not going to throw something. But my mom would maybe like, una chancleta or like, I don't know, control. A remote control. Maybe a wooden. A wooden spoon for La ca. All of a sudden, you know, I'm rough housing with one of my siblings. And then like, wow, oh, where did that come from? It was my mom. She had said no hue daimano 11 times. And then all of a sudden, I get a spoon to the back of the head.

[Jessica]

Stugadz has to leave for a moment. It's too bad that Mike's not here to hear why it is and how it is that he has to leave because he's been tormenting Mike secretly with a private joke on God bless football for a while now. And that joke is to just bring on the guests that defeated the University of Miami. You got him the week before. I don't know who he got, but he's got to go record with somebody.

[Chris]

I usually get the coach of the team that beats. Um. I didn't do that this year. I got the quarterback that beat, um. Let's go.

[Dan Le Batard]

Honda Accord.

[Chris]

Yes. I got.

[Dan Le Batard]

Oh, my.

[Chris]

I got the Honda Accord. Yeah.

[Dan Le Batard]

I mean, that's great. However, I do want to know the logistics of winners get washed. If you win the last game of the season, does that mean he can keep showering throughout the entire off season? Or if you get one shower, but then you have to wait till the next win to shower again.

[Chris]

That will be next week. Fran Brown.

[Dan Le Batard]

Okay.

[Jessica]

Can you ask his quarterback, though, about Coach Stinky and that particular revelation by Coach Stinky. Sure. Yeah. Let's see what that produces. God Bless Football is exploding all over the Internet. On Sunday, they are making out at the. I don't know if this is the end of an American tour, but it's the punctuation for the holiday season on God Bless Football's American tour. And we've got a Miami watch party. It is Sunday, December 8th. This Sunday, 12 to 5. It's Vivo Dolphin Mall. That's an incredible, fun Miami. Ridiculous place.

[Stugotz]

It's a fun spot. I'll be out there. God Bless Football will be out there. Check it out. Vivo at Dolphin Mall.

[Jessica]

Very good enthusiasm. I don't know why people wouldn't flock right now in tailgate based on just the passion you showed in delivering that.

[Izzy]

I'll be out there. God Bless Football. Be out there.

[Stugotz]

I'll be out there.

[Izzy]

There we go.

[Jessica]

You did good, Trump. Hands. Splaney hands. You did good, Trump. Splaney hands.

[Stugotz]

I mean, that's what I do when I'm explaining something. All right? You go out there if you want. If you don't want to, you don't have to.

[Jessica]

You got to work them all. You keep working on Trump, okay? Because I'm going to put a wig on you. I want Shane Gillis 2.0. What about me, man? No, I don't want.

[Jeremy]

That one's so good.

[Jessica]

It's over, buddy.

[Mike Ryan]

You got about a month.

[Jessica]

I don't want him anymore.

[Stugotz]

Let me end with a boom.

[Jessica]

You are. You did. You pardon your son? You did end with.

[Stugotz]

Come on. Anyone would do that.

[Izzy]

There's rockets flying.

[Jeremy]

It's going to happen with the next guy, too.

[Stugotz]

Blood's thicker than water.

[Jessica]

Who wouldn't appreciate a father pardoning his son? You spend all you spent yesterday pardoning your father.

[Stugotz]

He parties hard, man.

[Jessica]

Your father yesterday, getting mad at us for trying to help him.

[Stugotz]

That was crazy. I was talking to him last night at bowling about that. I'm like, what did you do?

[Jessica]

You put up.

[Stugotz]

You pitched a fit, and then you're, like, out of nowhere. Okay, fine, I'll do it. Like, he just.

[Jessica]

That's how he realizes when he's wrong. That's exactly where it shifts. It just takes. He's on delay.

[Stugotz]

It's like, chip away at.

[Jessica]

He's really stubborn. He's really stubborn. And he also thinks he's the only reason for his stardom. Like, he hasn't had any help. Be clear on that. Like that. There is nothing there except narcissism. And I will tell you that it was perfect to him for him to go from a genuine rage to you handing him Wu Tang shoes and him dissolving into a puddle of I'll do whatever you want. You've given me a gift. I am a toddler. I'm a 70 year old toddler.

[Izzy]

How many times is he gonna wear those shoes? Realistically? Over, under, let's say one and a half.

[Jessica]

How many pairs of those shoes did we get? Because I got a pair and when I went out. This happens a lot around here when we get gifts. Elise has told me about this. You guys gotta be careful around Elise, my assistant, because she sees things. And Elise has told me that whenever a box comes for me, it gets ravaged by everyone here. And she has to like, fight like a bird of prey to make sure that people don't think, don't take. Steal basically things that are sent for me.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, no, she does that. You got a good one. She's.

[Jessica]

I got one good one and a lot of bad ones. Why is everyone trying to steal my shit?

[Izzy]

Steal is a heavy word. I don't like steal more.

[Stugotz]

Just seeing. Hey, is this something Dan actually wants? Because, Dan, your name's on everything around here. Every package essentially has your name on it. So we're just going to peruse through it, make sure it's, you know, we don't want to waste your time.

[Jessica]

Dan, I thank you for that. Except that not a thing has gotten to me.

[Stugotz]

Well, I know you and you don't want it.

[Mike Ryan]

You don't want any of that stuff.

[Jessica]

All right.

[Izzy]

Clutter demarcations are still there waiting for you. They're right there. They had your name on them. They had like Atlanta United. They had, um, Sox and DeMar DeRozan you didn't want.

[Jessica]

Hey, somebody hit up Baron Davis and tell him send some cookies. These people here would love his cookies for the holidays. Somebody. Yes, somebody listening to this? All of you, badger Baron Davis and tell him he has not sent the cookies that I know these people would like to eat for the holidays that you reminded me of because of the demar derozan socks that delight like me.

[Dan Le Batard]

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[Don Le Batard]

Don Levitard, Mr. Mr.

[Dan Le Batard]

Shirt. If I may say for a second, Miami, they were circulating the snap count the entire game, and they were clapping at the line of scrimmage. And the only thing I want to see clapping are them cheeks on Mrs. Matt in my face. Max Shirt. All right, so that's one thing.

[Don Le Batard]

Stugots.

[Dan Le Batard]

They're a bunch of cheaters, Dan. And you know who should be cheating? Mrs. Met on Mr. Met. And he can watch if he wants.

[Don Le Batard]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the St. Gods.

[Jessica]

The Stugots has left to talk to the Syracuse quarterback. Chris, you're done with Alabama. Um, talk, right? It's been. It's been about two and a half days too much.

[Stugotz]

I'm done with it on this show. I'm done with it. Driving in today, the Big Dog and Dono, just talking about, oh, Miami and quality wins over 500. Just done with it.

[Jessica]

That's good.

[Stugotz]

Like, I've. I've gotten from Miami got screwed here, too.

[Jessica]

You lost.

[Stugotz]

If you would have said at the beginning of the season. And here we are. We're going to do this conversation again.

[Jessica]

No, we don't have to. We don't.

[Dan Le Batard]

Really.

[Stugotz]

I just want to say this one line. If you would have said to Mario Cristobal at the beginning of the year, okay, here's what you got to do. There's two games. Only two games matter. Georgia Tech, Syracuse. You got to win one. You do it, you're in the playoff. You take that, Mario, he would say, hell, yeah. And if I don't win one of those, I don't deserve to be in. He would have said that. And now that's what happened. So you're out. You're barely out. It proves how good of a season you had. You're the first one out, but you deserve to be out.

[Jessica]

I will tell everybody that Miami is spectacular for the sport in every way. Coming down to the conclusion of doing more for the sport by missing the playoff than they would have done if they had played in the playoff with that defense. Because we're going to spend this amount of time doing the thing that college football wants us to do when all we've got is the Army Navy game. Argue. Care and argue. Make all your numerical arguments and try to do it on merit. When we're gonna try to keep disguising that this is something between a beauty pageant and figure skating. It is like the thing that. I don't think that people are understanding about this because they go to the committee and the committee is supposed to have the facts. And then you're assuming that the facts then support or make the conclusion Alabama should be in at 12. You do it the other way. Put Alabama first in at 12 and then find what you need to make the argument like it's not. You guys keep thinking it's about merit. It's a beauty pageant. It's not merit. It is subjective. Eye of the beholder shit.

[Mike Ryan]

Well, beauty being in the eye of the beholder, why is Alabama more attractive than say, a Heisman potential winning quarterback with that type of offense? Because you keep harping on the defense. But nobody cares about defense. Really. Offense is what makes you beautiful, isn't it? I'm sorry, in terms of a made for TV event, if you've got a high scoring offense and a great quarterback, you're more attractive. That would be my argument anyway.

[Dan Le Batard]

God, you guys just all hate football.

[Jessica]

You are the one who loves the nine to six game. Again, I will stop Izzy there and I'm with you, Chris. We'll move on in a second. In fact, we're going to get a palate cleanser with my father and Fifty Shades of Gray. We're going to go back to that. Oh, well, it works. It's easy. And I miss my father's voice. I did not kill him. I just miss his voice here on the show. I have not heard him around here in a little while. Go ahead. But I again tell you, Izzy, as you say all of that beauty, it's because you have to start with the idea that Alabama's gonna get in because it's Alabama like that is. I will not lose sight of what that brand is over the last 20 years. What that brand is, is as big a brand that there has ever been in that sport. And it's at the time of Nick Saban when he's dynastic and. Jeremy, you wanted to say something?

[Jeremy]

I just don't understand how we can spend every single season saying it's so good for the sport when Miami is good. Because they're one of the biggest brands in the sport. And then at the same time, act like a mid major, like some team that, oh, you know, plucky Miami. Like it's not. Not a big brand, just like Alabama is.

[Jessica]

No, no, I'm not. It is a big brand. I'm stopping you on just like Alabama is. There is no such thing. And there may never have been any such thing as just like Alabama.

[Jeremy]

Do you see Alabama all over the country like you see.

[Jessica]

Unless you're talking Jessica, Jessica's Notre Dame championship teams of, you know, galloping ghosts and, you know, Newt Rocknick, 1988.

[Dan Le Batard]

Dan, 1988. You were alive. You were 20 years old. Don't pretend like. Don't pretend like. Oh, my God.

[Jessica]

I'm talking about when you're winning all the championships, you're at Cuda's. Not one or two of them. Watch it at the bar. Not one or two championships. All the championships. Like, the run that Alabama just went on is unlike any since Miami and USC were doing things like that over.

[Jeremy]

Five big brands, Miami and usc.

[Stugotz]

We're doing it again. I need Poppy.

[Jessica]

Yeah, go ahead. You're right.

[Bobby]

And now Bobby reads a passage from Fifty Shades of Grey, page 186.

[Don Le Batard]

He flexes his hips so his pushes against me. Yes, right there. He runs his teeth along my shin, pisses back, then slides into me again. So slow, so sweet, so tender. His body pressing down on me, his elbows and his hands on either side of my face. Oh, Anna, he breathed. And he lets go my name, a benediction on his lips. He finds his release. His head rests on my belly, his arm wrapped around me. I just want to enjoy the quiet, serene afterglow of making love with Christian Grey. Because that's what we have done. Gentle, sweet, lovemaking.

[Dan Le Batard]

The Galloping Ghost went to Illinois. You guys just don't know football. Red Grange, Galloping Ghost. They did the 100 year anniversary game with Illinois and Michigan this year.

[Jessica]

You know what? My bad. I was thinking just of the four Horsemen. The four Horsemen a time. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you know the 50s better than I do. Back when Notre Dame ruled the world and weren't there.

[Dan Le Batard]

This is our third time making the playoffs since the playoff was instituted. And you know, are you trying to.

[Jessica]

Argue with me that Notre Dame has been the same program in terms of winning championships that it was when it was ruling college football?

[Dan Le Batard]

They're really good. They're very good.

[Jessica]

They lost to Northern Illinois this year.

[Dan Le Batard]

And they still made the playoff. How about that? And all you had to do was try to tie the game against Syracuse. And maybe you win that one and you're in the playoff, too.

[Jessica]

Dan, there was no.

[Dan Le Batard]

You're lashing out on everyone. You're all lashing out at Alabama and Greg Sankey and the sec. You have no one to blame but yourself and Mario Cristobal for blowing it again. And you know what? If you had blown out Cal like you were supposed to, and Virginia Tech like you were supposed to earlier in the season, I actually think better argument. But I think the committee said, wow, Miami struggled to win all their ACC games this year, all of them. And they lost two. And for that, sorry, you're not in.

[Jessica]

Agreed. Agreed on all counts.

[Dan Le Batard]

So stop talking about the goddamn Alabama, Oklahoma game. Who cares? It doesn't matter.

[Jessica]

Alabama might not even make it, but the team that is ahead of them at 12 deserves it less. Just looking at their record like this stuff can't. Like if we're.

[Jeremy]

If record has never mattered ever. In the history of the College Football Playoff, it's never mattered ever. Okay, the record, like I. We're acting surprised. It's never mattered. It is an invitational, like you just said. There are teams that they prefer to have over others, but it's based off resume. And they have told us year after year after year after year, if you're going to lose games, you need to have great wins. And Miami had zero of those.

[Jessica]

I think a losing position for Jeremy is cutting him off with my father at every turn. When he starts talking.

[Bobby]

And now Papi reads a passage from Fifty Shades of Grey, page 343.

[Don Le Batard]

I groaned and run my fingernails across his neck, and he gasped a strangled moan. You're going to unman me, Anna. You take me. I sink down onto him, reveling in the fullness of my possession, reveling in his reaction, watching his unravel beneath me. I feel like a goddess. Anna, touch me, please. I lean forward and steady myself with my hands on his chest. Come on, baby. I need this. Give it to me. And I explode, my body a slave to his, and wrap myself around him, clinging to him like a vine as he crowds out my name and climaxes with me, then collapses, his full weight pressing me into the mattress.

[Mike Ryan]

I think this is how we can get Dan to throw an ornament.

[Jessica]

Well, I'm telling you where I am right now, okay? And I don't feel good about where my life is at the moment. I just got pushed around by Jeremy and Jessica because I haven't been the same since benediction and release. That. That sentence Like I have been knocked. I have been. When my father said benediction on his lips and then there was a release like I cannot. You don't understand the way that you're triggering for me the memory of being under my parents bed when they were having. Well, I didn't know what sex was at the time. The bed was just a rockin.

[Mike Ryan]

This is your first. This is your ultimate core memory. I think this is a dream, but.

[Jessica]

This is the thing. It's been buried for 50 years. Like that memory is not something I considered until you guys conjured the image again. I don't know where I was the first time we did 50 shades of gray with my father, but I don't remember it.

[Mike Ryan]

How long did it last?

[Jessica]

I've got no memory. It was very short. But I didn't. I. That's in retro. I didn't know what they were doing. I didn't know what they were doing. Why is the bed rocking? I mean, look, for me it wasn't even discussed. That was in retrospect. At the moment it was just fear. These are not small people. The bed is rocking. I'm under it.

[Mike Ryan]

But they seemed happy.

[Jessica]

No, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Your follow up questions are unpleasant, needed, I would say, and disturbing to me.

[Dan Le Batard]

Okay. That was your core memory. Mine is the bush push. And that, that's, you know, it. It influences how we live the rest of our lives.

[Chris]

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[Stugotz]

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[Dan Le Batard]

I don't think I ever got that.

[Jessica]

Many roses in my whole life.

[Don Le Batard]

Stugots.

[Jessica]

Certainly not from your lovely grandfather.

[Dan Le Batard]

God.

[Jessica]

May a soul rest in peace.

[Don Le Batard]

This is the Don Levatar show with the Stugats.

[Jessica]

I still have follow up questions about watching the game with you and your dad and the alma mater and the emotion of the moment. You are singing the alma mater out loud because you are in the playoff as a family. This is the most wholesome Middle America thing I think our show has ever done. Tony, have you seen a lot of wholesome Middle America things around here?

[Izzy]

Around here or around Miami?

[Jessica]

No, around here. I'm talking about our show. When I. If I say to you. Okay, look, if you told me. Give me the family that sings the alma mater around its television after a home win. I'm gonna go ahead. That's the tache.

[Jeremy]

Never once in my life.

[Izzy]

No, I don't see. Hold on, Dan. I don't see Jeremy's parents rallying around a football game. I see Jeremy watching the game, but I don't see his parents super involved.

[Jeremy]

My dad is a crazy fan.

[Jessica]

So regardless, my question to the group is, give me something more Middle America. If I walked in here today and said somebody in our crew did that, Jessica would be the only nominee. Right? We don't have anything like that around here. I can see Lucy, but I'm comparing that to you, your dad, and your mom watching the game, which also has the hostility of wanting to throw Christmas ornaments at the television, but doesn't end with a group hug and the promise to never speak of the things that happened here again.

[Stugotz]

I don't even know FAU's alma mater.

[Mike Ryan]

Which is worse, arm in arm. Singing the alma mater or hosting a fake fantasy event like the pfpi.

[Izzy]

That's not fake.

[Jessica]

Worse or better. Both of these things are lovely.

[Dan Le Batard]

One of them actually happened, and one of them is a exaggerated bit I've been doing for the last 20 minutes.

[Jessica]

All right, well, I'm sorry. No, no, no, no. Like, get out of here.

[Stugotz]

Major penalty. Five minutes pruning comedy.

[Jessica]

I can't ask you 20 minutes of questions, and then at the end you tell, like, I can't. That can't be it.

[Mike Ryan]

Did he break the TV or.

[Jessica]

No, like, doing bit. I'm asking you questions, and I'm buying everything you're saying. And now you've just lied to the audience for 20 minutes and you're buying a new TV.

[Stugotz]

With the gulf Stream breezes blowing the search for truth goes on Seeking learning, Sharing knowledge Finding the meeting of the past that is gone this is the fault where nature beams with pleasant weather Fight through why are you singing that Phil College melody? Learn to work together Florida Atlantic we praise.

[Mike Ryan]

Didn't get his dad's voice, huh?

[Stugotz]

Call thy name F A, U. F A, U.

[Jessica]

Before F you. Before I get to David Sampson, I wanted to talk about last night's Laker Heat game. And I wanted to talk about some of what swirls around the Miami Heat, where reportedly the Dallas Mavericks and the Houston Rockets are interested in Jimmy Butler. You understand why they would be. Those teams would get better with him. Miami would not unless there were other teams involved. You trade away Jimmy Butler. You gotta get a player better than Jimmy Butler if you're in Pat Riley's last years doing this. So I would assume that the Laker win last night is because, at least in part, Anthony Davis. Can't be that. There's gotta be something physically that he's fighting with when that's what he is, that's a dominant player, and that's not how he looks to Me, the greatest concern over the first 20 games for the Miami Heat is you need all three of the guys to be All Star stars. You can't have Tyler Hero being an all Star, but Bam is no longer an all star. If you want to challenge the Celtics who are dominant, all three guys have to be All Stars and you can't get Tyler Hero his. And then Bam's just a mess for 20 games.

[Mike Ryan]

I want to stick to the Lakers for a second just because I don't have as much faith in the Miami Heat as I have in the past. But this whole J.J. redick thing, the one part before he started coaching where I said, hey, how are they going to hear J.J. redick when he is complaining to them about the defense they don't play? Because JJ Redick as a defender in the NBA effort, not very good right now. You saw that effort yesterday.

[Jessica]

Wait a minute, what happened, Tony?

[Izzy]

I mean, yeah, he's not a really good defender, but doesn't mean, hey, go play defense like a coach, you know what I mean?

[Mike Ryan]

No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that if, if. Because he's fresh, you know, off of his playing days and most of these players played against him and probably cooked him when he was defending them. If he is telling them to play harder on defense, I don't think they hear it this same. I haven't seen a team play that lazily on defense, at least one that's supposed to be good in a long time.

[Jessica]

It was bad. The Heat missed a bunch of wide open threes, made a ton, but it was. I don't know how you guys measure this stuff. It's always hard for me, right? I have not seen LeBron James's aging process, but if you're going to see it, it's going to be on defense, right? Like I. If you're going to physically see the same, the guy who looks the same and looks a little older, some stubble and stuff, but he's statistically sort of the same. And you're physically watching him trying to make the assessment defense is where that's going to suffer. J.J. redick and LeBron, we're talking about LeBron playing all 82 games this season. I imagine, as the Lakers. This has never happened before in the history of the sport. A winning team has never lost four games out of seven the way the Lakers have by 25. Plus the Lakers lost, they just keep losing by 20 and 30. But they've still got a winning record because they started strong. And right now, what arrives to the Lakers is JJ Redick having the realization of holy shit. We talked all that time on our podcast and I didn't actually account for LeBron's aging. Like, what it's going to look like if Anthony Davis can't be the best player on this team. You cannot ask the best player on your team to be the oldest guy in the league. Like, that's not. There's simple. And he played in the Olympics like you can. And he's got more mileage on him than any player who's ever played. Like, I think I can say more mileage even in the age of load management. Plays all the time, plays for 20 years and just wrecks his body.

[Mike Ryan]

I'll take it even further. JJ Redick got a LeBron James for the first time in his career, probably since the beginning, where it's not championship or bust. That is not priority number one for LeBron James in a year where he had his son play with him, works hard in a year. In a year where he wants to play 82 games. Of all the years to try to play 82 games. Games this year where you're turning 40. As what to check it off on your list. These are all very, let's just say selfish goals, not team goals.

[Izzy]

It seems like something could be on the horizon. Izzy, if you want to play 82 games, you want to show yourself to the fans one last time. You already had your kid play against, you know, play with you. Now he's in the G League being abysmal. Like, could this be the end of the LeBron James era?

[Stugotz]

He would have announced that he's going to have a full. Like, this is my final year. Everyone praise me.

[Jeremy]

The thing last night is that LeBron was great. Like LeBron was great from the jump offensively, even defensively, he was making plays, causing havoc on that end. Anthony Davis was was the issue in the last two games that they've played, he's been abysmal. It's his two lowest scoring games of the season. 14 points and 8 points in blowout losses to Minnesota and Miami. And in both of those games, he's going up against two of the better defending big men in the league. And last night what it was is it was Miami double teaming him every single time he touched the ball. And early in the game it led to so many turnovers. Fast break points for Miami to where even when they were struggling. Tyler Hero actually wasn't that strong offensively until the third quarter when he hit seven threes in the quarter. But it was fast break points. And that's always been Miami's recipe for success. It's just the Lakers defense last night that was inexplicably leaving hero open.

[Jessica]

This is what I would say about what happened because Tyler Herro had 10 points in the first half, but I watched that game. This one's super rare, okay? I mean, it's to watch the Miami Heat have their best game of the season and be like. Because they haven't beaten a team like that all season. They haven't. Not a team that good or that way, looking like they were overwhelmingly like the. Like, they haven't regressed over the last two years looking at their best. And while I'm watching, I'm like, nah, man, that's the Lakers cashing that in. Like, that ain't anything to do with, like, they'll make all their threes. But the Lakers have no interest in this basketball game. And I. I rarely watch and see that be that overt. And it's not just because Anthony Davis was playing bad. And I would say, where LeBron got his numbers, man, someone in the NBA has to do that, get the team to 90 points. Like, if you're going to double team Anthony Davis. Almost any player in the league have had the LeBron game, if I made him the second option in that game.

[Mike Ryan]

But that's the missing link on this team. Anthony Davis has to be the driving force. Like, we've been saying that maybe since 2020, but it wasn't really true. Now it's absolutely true. And so yesterday is a great example of either he hasn't been treated like he's the man by opponents, or he just doesn't really know how to act when he is treated like that. Because, as Jeremy said, the double teams threw them off entirely. I don't know what to do when that happens. Let me just kick it out. And when you go through these stretches where people, oh, wow, when he plays 20 games in a row, he looks like the MVP. But then you get three or four games like this, he's just not that. He has to be the one that wants it more. More so than LeBron, even more than JJ Redick, because he's just getting into his coaching career.

[Stugotz]

This is so much better than College Football Playoff time.

[Dan Le Batard]

Agreed.

[Bobby]

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