Local Hour: Our First Phones

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz Episode: Local Hour: Our First Phones
Release Date: April 11, 2025

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1. Nostalgia for Early 2000s Pop Culture

Andy Milonakis: A Blast from the Past
The episode kicks off with a nostalgic dive into early 2000s pop culture, centering around comedian Andy Milonakis. Hawk initiates the discussion, prompting reactions from the co-hosts:

• Hawk [01:14]: "Andy Milonakis was a guy... You guys remember Andy Milonakis?"
• Billy Corben [01:27]: "Anybody?"
• Jessica [01:28]: "I like him."

The conversation unfolds with Greg Cody providing a humorous recount of Milonakis's viral moment in 2003:

• Greg Cody [05:10]: "Milonakis decided not to attend a friend's Super Bowl party and instead recorded a video titled, 'The Super Bowl is Gay.'"

Reflections on Milonakis's Career
The hosts reflect on how Milonakis's youthful appearance and unique comedic style left a lasting impression:

• Dan LeBatard [13:54]: "Andy Milonakis was ruined for me... he looked like he was a child."
• Billy Corben [15:22]: "My biggest gripe was that his raps were bad and people acted like he could rap."

2. Reminiscing Advertisements and Magazines

Early 2000s Advertisements
Hawk shares memories of vintage advertisements from a 25-year-old Sports Illustrated magazine, highlighting brands like Snickers and Viagra:

• Hawk [02:14]: "There’s a Snickers ad where the tagline is, 'Getting burned by Shorty. Unfortunate side effect of hunger.'"

The hosts laugh about the unique styles and taglines of the time, emphasizing the distinctiveness of early 2000s marketing.

Magazines as Cultural Artifacts
A playful discussion ensues about the role of magazines in the past:

• Hawk [03:23]: "Once upon a time, people bought something called a magazine. It had a lot of pictures. It was glossy..."
• Billy Corben [03:43]: "Sometimes your grandpa would keep a stack of them under his bed."

3. Evolution of MMA and UFC

MMA's Growth and Transformation
The conversation shifts to the history of Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) and the UFC, exploring how the sport has evolved from its early days:

• Jessica [11:03]: "When the UFC came together, it was like, we have all these different guys from all these different disciplines..."
• Hawk [11:35]: "Rules weren't different. It was a lot gory when it started."

Comparisons to Popular Culture
Dan LeBatard draws parallels between MMA’s early brutality and animated shows like Itchy and Scratchy:

• Dan LeBatard [07:03]: "Happy Tree Friends sucked you in by thinking that this was a pleasant, nice thing. And then it was always horrible."

4. Technology Throwbacks: Phones and Communication

Chirp Nextel and Early Cell Phones
The hosts reminisce about outdated communication technologies, particularly Nextel’s Chirp feature and early cell phones:

• Hawk [22:55]: "Nextel was this company that got bought by Sprint... your phone also had a walkie-talkie function."
• Billy Corben [25:26]: "Nextel Chirp was live. When you say it like that, it sounds like a..."

Ringtones and Ringbacks
A humorous take on the era of paid ringtones and customizable ringbacks:

• Dan LeBatard [31:00]: "Five seconds of crank that... it was like a keyboard rendition of the song."
• Billy Corben [31:27]: "Soulja Boy made $7 million from 'Crank That.'"

First Cell Phones Memories
Personal anecdotes about first cell phones highlight the contrast between past and present technology:

• Greg Cody [26:51]: "I was in college right when it was like at its boom... I had a Motorola StarTac."
• Jessica [26:23]: "The Razor was the coolest thing ever by the pink Razor..."

5. NBA Playoffs and Team Analysis

Knicks vs. Pistons Playoff Scenario
The hosts delve into the NBA playoff implications of the Knicks facing the Pistons, discussing player performances and team dynamics:

• Hawk [32:25]: "Knicks and Pistons played last night, and the Pistons kind of put it on them."
• Greg Cody [32:31]: "Brunson played, but shot 5 of 15 with only 15 points."

Players to Watch and Awards
Discussion about standout players and the merit of award categories like Sixth Man of the Year:

• Jessica [33:12]: "Malik Beasley outside looking for sixth man of the year."
• Hawk [35:04]: "We don't have it [Sixth Man Award]... It's ridiculous."

Teams to Watch: Spicy List
The hosts compile a "spicy" list of NBA teams to watch, highlighting under-the-radar contenders:

• Jessica [43:02]: "Number five, the Denver Nuggets... Number four, the Warriors... Number three, the Clippers... Number one, the Lakers."

6. Light-Hearted Banter and Humor

Casual Conversations and Jokes
Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in light-hearted banter, sharing jokes and playful reprimands:

• Hawk [21:02]: "Let’s not do that."
• Billy Corben [40:55]: "Jack Dorsey's a bigger dumbass."

Mock Accusations and Funny Claims
Humorous accusations about celebrity actions and business decisions add to the episode’s entertainment value:

• Dan LeBatard [41:04]: "Elon Musk is a chain of dumbasses..."
• Billy Corben [41:35]: "I'd love to graduate past the YouGotNextel and ring back purchaser dumbass."

7. Conclusion and Upcoming Events

UFC 314 and Event Promotion
The episode concludes with announcements about upcoming events and promotions related to UFC:

• Jessica [12:08]: "UFC 314, and the MMA hangout live at Casadiki. Presented by Cuervo."

Final Remarks and Teasers
The hosts hint at future topics and maintain an engaging, conversational tone to keep listeners anticipating the next episode.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Hawk [01:14]: "Andy Milonakis was like this... He always looked young."
• Greg Cody [05:10]: "Andy Milonakis decided not to attend a friend's Super Bowl party and instead recorded a video titled, 'The Super Bowl is Gay.'"
• Dan LeBatard [13:54]: "Andy Milonakis was ruined for me... he looked like he was a child."
• Billy Corben [15:22]: "My biggest gripe was that his raps were bad and people acted like he could rap."
• Hawk [22:55]: "Nextel was this company that got bought by Sprint... your phone also had a walkie-talkie function."
• Dan LeBatard [31:00]: "Five seconds of crank that... it was like a keyboard rendition of the song."
• Jessica [33:12]: "Malik Beasley outside looking for sixth man of the year."
• Dan LeBatard [41:04]: "Elon Musk is a chain of dumbasses..."
• Billy Corben [41:35]: "I'd love to graduate past the YouGotNextel and ring back purchaser dumbass."

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Key Takeaways

• Nostalgia Drives Conversations: The episode heavily leans into nostalgia, reminiscing about early 2000s pop culture, technology, and sports moments, resonating with listeners who share similar memories.

• Evolution of Sports and Media: Discussions highlight the transformation in sports like MMA and NBA, emphasizing changes in rules, player dynamics, and media portrayal over the years.

• Humor and Camaraderie: The hosts maintain a humorous and collegial atmosphere, making the content engaging and relatable through shared jokes and light-hearted teasing.

• Technology’s Impact on Society: Reflecting on outdated technologies like Chirp Nextel and early cell phones underscores how far communication tools have evolved and their influence on daily life.

• Upcoming Events and Promotions: The episode effectively intertwines content with promotions for upcoming events, ensuring listeners are informed and motivated to participate.

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This comprehensive summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, providing insights into the hosts' discussions and the overarching themes explored, enriched with notable quotes to highlight key moments.

Transcript

[Dan LeBatard]

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[Stugotz]

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[Dan LeBatard]

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[Dan LeBatard]

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[Stugotz]

Podcast terms apply.

[Mike Ryan]

Now's a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began. In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila. Cuervo, what are you doing here?

[Billy Corben]

Cuervo?

[Jessica]

Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up.

[Mike Ryan]

Well, I do know that to be true. But even during ad reads like Cuervo, I think he could lay out, especially for one of our great partners.

[Hawk]

Sweet, delicious Cuervo.

[Mike Ryan]

Since then, Cuervo has stayed true to its roots. The same family, the same land, the same passion.

[Stugotz]

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[Mike Ryan]

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[Billy Corben]

Cuervo.

[Hawk]

Cuervo.

[Mike Ryan]

The tequila that invented tequila. Proximo. Cuervo.com Please drink responsibly.

[Stugotz]

Cuervo.

[Dan LeBatard]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats podcast.

[Hawk]

So, like, seconds before we started the show, Hawk sat down and he says, andy Milonakis. Does that name mean anything to any of you? Andy Milonakis. You guys remember Andy Milonakis?

[Billy Corben]

Anybody?

[Hawk]

Yeah, Andy Milonakis.

[Jessica]

I like him.

[Billy Corben]

No, love him.

[Hawk]

So Andy Milonakis was a guy.

[Jessica]

You love him?

[Billy Corben]

I loved him when he was a thing.

[Hawk]

You got to think about the age, right? Like you were the exact age to think that Andy Milonakis was the coolest thing ever, Right?

[Billy Corben]

It was pretty cool, bruh.

[Hawk]

Andy Milonakis was like this. I think he had like the Gary. The Gary Coleman syndrome or whatever.

[Stugotz]

He always looked young.

[Hawk]

He always looked young. He wasn't young, but he looked like a 12 year old boy and sounded like a 12 year old boy. There's a picture of him right there.

[Billy Corben]

66 exactly right now.

[Hawk]

So he was on MTV a lot in all these different shows and they did prank shows and stuff like that with him where he would pretend to be like a kid lost at the mall and then he would say some wild, reckless stuff.

[Billy Corben]

Yep.

[Hawk]

And so it transported me back to another time. Right. Like the early 2000s, where it feels like when you say 2000, whatever, you're like, oh, yeah, that's closer to us now than like the before four time but, man, I was looking through this old magazine. It was about 25 years old. And I saw some ads in it that made me go, wow, give it to me. All right, so there's a Snickers ad where the tagline is, getting burned by Shorty. Unfortunate side effect of hunger.

[Billy Corben]

Oh, shoot.

[Hawk]

And so what it was was, like a dude dressed. Supposed to be like. And 1. Shorts, headbands, wristbands, everything, right? Baggy and a little kid in a velour sweatsuit. That's a velour tearaway sweatsuit.

[Billy Corben]

Come on.

[Hawk]

Now, playing defense.

[Billy Corben]

That was Prime Faction.

[Jessica]

What magazine is this?

[Hawk]

It was a Sports illustrated from about 25 years ago. Getting burned by Shorty. Unfortunate side effect of Hung. Here's another one. It's a Viagra ad.

[Billy Corben]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. How do you just gloss over that one? I feel like we have to even also give context to AND one. I don't feel like everyone knows what and one is.

[Hawk]

Okay, so once upon a time.

[Greg Cody]

And also magazines.

[Hawk]

Okay.

[Billy Corben]

All right. And also, what the hell is a magazine?

[Hawk]

Once upon a time, people, when they wanted to read something that was kind of current but not too current, like a newspaper, but not too big picture, like a book, you bought something called a magazine. It had a lot of pictures. It was glossy and it was. It felt filled with articles.

[Billy Corben]

And sometimes your grandpa would keep a stack of them under his bed. Like, weren't supposed to go under different kind of magic under any circumstances.

[Jessica]

National Geographic.

[Greg Cody]

I bet Greg Cody's got a big stack.

[Billy Corben]

I think they were about rabbits or something. I don't know. Some rabbit magazine my grandpa used to have.

[Stugotz]

My parents do have magazines in their bathroom, right? They have a little, like.

[Hawk]

There's a rack.

[Stugotz]

Yes, a little rack.

[Hawk]

A little rack.

[Billy Corben]

Man.

[Stugotz]

I don't know. I haven't been in their bathroom, honestly, at this point in probably. Probably 10 years. But they did at one point yesterday.

[Greg Cody]

Seems wise.

[Stugotz]

Yeah.

[Billy Corben]

So I don't understand that reference.

[Greg Cody]

There's a lot of state of the toilet bowl talking.

[Hawk]

Okay. Wow, I missed a good one yesterday.

[Billy Corben]

And one. One thing on and one.

[Hawk]

Yes.

[Billy Corben]

Were you a big and one guy?

[Hawk]

Of course. Who was it?

[Billy Corben]

Okay. I was so big in AND one that we created our own and one mixtapes.

[Hawk]

Oh, no, I wasn't.

[Billy Corben]

We had our own, like, nicknames. Mine was Grits and Hotcakes. Was the. Was the nickname a little long?

[Jessica]

A little long.

[Billy Corben]

It was a little long.

[Jessica]

When they're.

[Billy Corben]

Yeah, yeah. And also, like, the. Like, G and H didn't really ring either. So you couldn't shorten it.

[Stugotz]

So Grits and hock cakes.

[Billy Corben]

That's a little on the nose.

[Jessica]

They should have just called you Grits.

[Billy Corben]

Grits would have been better, but that was like. It couldn't be one name. It was like as and one get bigger. It had to get more weird. It also, it was kind of like Baloney in my pocket. That would have been a better and one mixtape name than Grits and Hot kid or Baloney in my pocket.

[Greg Cody]

By the way, Andy Milonakis career tab on his Wikipedia page is one of the most 2003 paragraphs I've ever read.

[Hawk]

Give it to me.

[Greg Cody]

This says on January 26, 2003, the day of Super Bowl 37. Really good at Roman numerals.

[Hawk]

Roman numerals, yeah.

[Greg Cody]

Milonakis decided not to attend a friend's super bowl party and instead recorded a video titled, quote, the super bowl is gay. He posted the video to the website angrynakedpat.com and within two weeks they went viral. A writer for ABC's new Late Night show, Jimmy Kimmel Live spotted it and got Milonakis on the program. At the time, he was working as a tech support staff staff staffer at a Manhattan accounting firm.

[Hawk]

That's crazy.

[Stugotz]

Different time.

[Greg Cody]

He posted on a website that wasn't YouTube, which I. Can you even do that anymore? There were websites other than YouTube.com not other than YouTube.com.

[Hawk]

Youtube didn't exist. So you have to go to Ebomb's World and places like that to get you.

[Billy Corben]

Calls I used to do on Ebomb's World were crazy.

[Greg Cody]

Do you guys watch Homestar Runner?

[Hawk]

No. What is that?

[Greg Cody]

Oh, man.

[Hawk]

What's it on?

[Greg Cody]

It was a. It was a website that had a bunch of videos with different characters in it. And they were pivotal in my childhood development. This is like, I can't believe no one else watched Homestar.

[Hawk]

Is it like world star for white people?

[Greg Cody]

What'd you say?

[Hawk]

Is a world star for white people?

[Greg Cody]

No, not at all. Okay, that's Homestar Runner.

[Hawk]

Okay. Very different from what I thought.

[Jessica]

What is it like? What is.

[Greg Cody]

He's like a cartoon. I don't know how to describe it. He's a cartoon. And it was all these like, video shorts and they were revolving around all these different characters.

[Billy Corben]

It was a different time.

[Greg Cody]

That's Strong Bad, by the way, do.

[Dan LeBatard]

You remember Happy Tree Friends?

[Greg Cody]

Yes.

[Dan LeBatard]

Oh, Happy Tree Friends. Like, oh, my God, you would have loved it. So Happy Tree Friends was like. It was almost like a little kid shows. Like they Were terrible. And they always, like, they would just murder. Yeah. So like, it was kind of like. Like, you know, like the Powerpuff Girls or something. Right. And then all of a sudden, one of them would, like, rip out a machete and just. Oh, I think this is it, right? Yeah, look. This is happy tree friend. So here they are. It looks like they're going to go and they're going to talk on the phone, and this is going to be great.

[Billy Corben]

Oh, no.

[Dan LeBatard]

He burned him with coffee. And now you keep watching.

[Greg Cody]

Super gory.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, this one's going to do it. You probably see his brain at some.

[Hawk]

Point, like, Itchy and Scratchy, but.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, kind of. Kind of, but more, you know, gory, because it's the Internet. That one was pretty tame.

[Hawk]

More gory than Itchy and Scratchy, where he's decapitating the head and stuff and blood is squirting out.

[Greg Cody]

I think Itchy and Scratchy were more scary looking, whereas the happy tree friends were like.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, they sucked you in by thinking that this was, like, a pleasant, nice thing. And then it was always.

[Billy Corben]

It was always out the woods.

[Dan LeBatard]

It was horrible. You'd see bones.

[Billy Corben]

The trick of life is actually taking anything from 2003. Doing it now, and it fits perfectly. Yes.

[Hawk]

Okay. What about Pontiac excitement? Pass it on.

[Billy Corben]

Pontiac.

[Hawk]

Can you do a Pontiac now? Does Pontiac still make cars?

[Dan LeBatard]

No.

[Hawk]

Okay, what was the last Pontiac made?

[Billy Corben]

Retros. They should make a retro Pontiac.

[Jessica]

It was probably around the Lehman Brothers collapse.

[Billy Corben]

The. The Pontiac that Walter White drove in brick and bad.

[Hawk]

Like, it was an suv. It was a crossover.

[Billy Corben]

Yeah, it was like suv. That was a fire car.

[Hawk]

Their big claim to fame was like, hey, you can plug in an actual appliance in the back. They had, like, a.

[Jessica]

That was the Pontiac vibe.

[Stugotz]

Says the last Pontiac car Produced was a 2010 Pontiac G6.

[Dan LeBatard]

Bad times for the party. Abandoned.

[Billy Corben]

Look, there could be a retro. The white Ford Bronco came back, bro.

[Greg Cody]

They really, really came back.

[Billy Corben]

Everywhere back then.

[Greg Cody]

Bring back is an advantage in Coconut Grove. And if you don't live in Miami, Coconut Grove is a neighborhood where rich people drive very nice cars, but then they also have golf carts that they drive around to get, like, coffee and breakfast with their kids in the morning. And it's bizarre.

[Jessica]

But anyway, it's a great place.

[Greg Cody]

I love the Grove. However, we saw a guy driving through the grove in a, like, souped up golf cart. That was not a golf cart. It was a Bronco. Like a miniature Bronco. I think it was electric.

[Jessica]

I know.

[Hawk]

Exactly.

[Greg Cody]

Do you know what I'm talking about.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Greg Cody]

And it was that football player. He was driving down the street blasting We Dem Boys on the radio.

[Billy Corben]

Former NFL running back, by any chance? And how fast was the golf cart?

[Greg Cody]

It was way too large for this tiny car. Lasting we don't. Boys of me and Lehman looked at each other and we were like, oh, what the. This neighborhood is wild.

[Billy Corben]

That's what made the neighborhood wild. That fits, though. Anything from back then. Even Andy Milonakis. What was this title of his video?

[Greg Cody]

The super bowl is Gay.

[Billy Corben]

The NFL ran a marketing ad in 2021. Football is gay. It's different context, but everything comes back, oh, wow.

[Hawk]

He might be onto something, I'm telling you. Okay, so question. What was MMA like in the early 2000s? Was it. Was that like the Gracies or.

[Jessica]

It was. It was. That was the 90s. But early 2000s was like Chuck Liddell.

[Hawk]

Oh, Chuck Liddell.

[Billy Corben]

The Iceman.

[Jessica]

Mauricio Shogun Hua. Like, there was a lot of great names back in the day.

[Billy Corben]

Wasn't it a lot more brutal back then? Yeah.

[Hawk]

Was like, were the rules different or rules weren't different?

[Jessica]

It was just a lot gory when it started.

[Dan LeBatard]

It was like more of like, cage. Right. And it wasn't like mixed martial arts. Like, it was like everybody knew different martial arts was like, this guy is good at kung fu and this guy is good at Mai Tai, and they're going to fight each other using their one art, My drink.

[Billy Corben]

Yeah, okay, well, whatever. I'm going to Mai Tai in my bag right now. Literally. My tie is right here.

[Hawk]

Oh, well done.

[Billy Corben]

There you go. That's my tie.

[Jessica]

What are you doing with that?

[Stugotz]

Just like a prop comic.

[Billy Corben]

Props on deck. That was a great pool.

[Dan LeBatard]

You have one.

[Billy Corben]

Just feel like we're not giving that enough love for that just to be right there right then.

[Dan LeBatard]

Like, is that just in case business meetings?

[Billy Corben]

Yeah. You know, I live. I live a bunch of different lives. In case I got to formal this.

[Hawk]

Place up, he has to run his job at the bank after this. Sorry, Mr. Carruthers. I'm sorry for being late.

[Billy Corben]

Put it on with my fleece from time to time.

[Greg Cody]

It is jarring, though, to realize now that TV shows about the 90s and the 2000s, those are period pieces, dude.

[Hawk]

It's more than 25 years ago at this point. Like, the year 2000 was 25 years ago. But. But Tony going back to MMA. So, like, you're saying back in the day, it was. It was. As Billy described it, this guy knows kung fu. This guy is a monster.

[Jessica]

Essentially, when they. When the UFC came together, it was like, all right, we have all these different guys from all these different disciplines, right? This guy's a kickboxer, this guy's a boxer. This guy knows Jiu Jitsu. Well, it's Gracies. They knew Jiu Jitsu. Nobody else really knew it. This guy's a wrestler. People would wear shoes in the octagon. Like, if you were a wrestler, you have, like, wrestling shoes on. Like, try to, like, wrestle a guy.

[Dan LeBatard]

There also weren't weight classes at the beginning, right? So, like, you'd have, like, a little tiny guy fighting, like, a massive man.

[Jessica]

It would be like, hoist Gracie, feisty. Fighting somebody who's like 250 pounds. And then he'd get him in the ground in two seconds, put him in a kamora, and it was over.

[Hawk]

So it was like Rocky 3, where Rocky fights thunder lips, right?

[Jessica]

Basically.

[Billy Corben]

Wow. Does that not sound more interesting?

[Hawk]

It kind of does.

[Jessica]

It was great.

[Billy Corben]

I would watch that.

[Jessica]

The early stuff was amazing. Everyone was crazy.

[Hawk]

Now everyone is kind of versed in a lot of different.

[Jessica]

You have to be versed in almost every discipline to be able to compete at a high level. You have to have grappling, you have to have ground game, you have to have stand up.

[Billy Corben]

They've gone fighting woke.

[Jessica]

Speaking of UFC across the street tomorrow, what? UFC 314. And then we'll have the MMA hangout live at Casadiki. Presented by Cuervo. 10pm Saturday night. Casadiki for UFC 314, a banger. The boys will be there. They will be buzzing.

[Greg Cody]

Dan said he was going to go and take his pants off.

[Jessica]

Remember, Dan said he might go, and then if he does go, he may take his pants off.

[Hawk]

That's a lot of ifs and mikes.

[Jessica]

It's a lot. But you know how Danny's is very, like, caveat. Oh, I got a thing, but I could come through and I'll take my pants off.

[Hawk]

We can all agree he never has a thing, right?

[Jessica]

But the thing is, he might go to the fight, because the last time the fight was here, I saw him at the fight, so I was like.

[Billy Corben]

He takes his pants off, there might be a thing.

[Greg Cody]

No, our silent strike didn't go so well. Billy, huh?

[Billy Corben]

Sorry about that.

[Jessica]

Well, you guys, they wanted the raw dog the show. Who would raw dog it longest? Well, Chris brought it up, and then immediately I brought it up.

[Stugotz]

But then you were like, anyone know Andy? And I'm like, I got to be a good teammate. Hold on, we wanted to do a thing where we hold on, not talk the longest.

[Dan LeBatard]

No, hold on a second. So this is what happened. The music starts and Chris goes, you think I could raw dog this? And we're all like, what is it that mean? He's like, you think I could go the entire show without talking? And then we immediately were like, you want to play the quiet game and see you can go the longest without saying anything. And obviously Roy's here. We knew we were going to lose, but it was kind of embarrassing how quickly we all lost. Like, Tony, I think seven seconds is like, I know him. And then Chris jumped in.

[Greg Cody]

And then 2003 topic. We couldn't help ourselves.

[Billy Corben]

That's great hosting by me. Out the gate. I didn't even know he was leading with that. I just randomly said a name because of my function. And then he just jumps into the show. How are you gonna stay quiet? It's something like that, you know, when.

[Dan LeBatard]

Andy Milonakis was ruined for me. So, like there was the rumors out there. Like, this is like a grown ass man. Like, this is kind of like a weird situation. And you're like, I guess, right? But like, not everybody knew at the time that he was like a full blown adult.

[Hawk]

Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

And then he was on Jimmy Kimmel. But they were doing like this bit with him where he was outside. It must have been around Christmas time because he was outside, like in this wrapped like box. There would be people walking by and you could ask questions. And if you guessed who the celebrity was inside the box, you won some sort of big prize. Right. But you didn't know who it was. They asked the guy, are you, you know, like male? Are you female? Like, how old are you?

[Stugotz]

Whatever?

[Dan LeBatard]

And one of the things was, are you an adult? And he's like, no. And Jimmy's like, yes, yes, you are. And then when they reveal the Annie Millinakis, I'm like, okay, well, Jimmy just has now ruined the illusion for everyone, for the integrity of this stupid game that no one cares about.

[Hawk]

That's how you found out?

[Dan LeBatard]

Well, I knew. I knew the rumblings out there. But then when Jimmy confirmed it, I was like, well, thanks, Jimmy, for ruining this for me.

[Stugotz]

He wasn't that old, though. I'm doing the math. He's 49 now. He was in his 20s at the.

[Hawk]

Time, but he looked like he was 12.

[Jessica]

Damn, he's 50.

[Stugotz]

Looked like he was 15 and he was 25. I don't know. Did he really have this disease?

[Hawk]

I mean, look at him now. He does.

[Greg Cody]

He had like a hormone deficiency.

[Stugotz]

It just seemed like. Looked young.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay. Instead of faking that he was a child, do you think he was faking of having a disease that made him look like a child?

[Stugotz]

I just think he's not that much older than he looked like he.

[Hawk]

At the time.

[Billy Corben]

I don't think I ever thought he was a child.

[Stugotz]

He was like 28, 27.

[Hawk]

He looked like he was 12.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, he was acting like 11. So it's kind of weird to me.

[Stugotz]

He was acting like he was 18 and he was in his like 20s.

[Billy Corben]

My biggest gripe was that his raps were bad and people acted like he could rap. I didn't appreciate that more than anything.

[Hawk]

That's just white people.

[Billy Corben]

Like, his rhymes are weak, but I.

[Dan LeBatard]

Think it's cause he was a kid. So for a kid, you're like, oh, okay. You know how your kid, you go and you do things and kid, you're like, oh, you're so good. And it's like, you're really not. I'm better than that. But you can't tell that to a kid.

[Billy Corben]

You're right. And he's 32. And it was really like, come on, bro.

[Dan LeBatard]

Well, now, if he was 32, no one thought it was good. If it was like a 10 year, like, oh, wow, that's so cute. You're gonna be the next Eminem. And it's like, I'm better than you at rapping, Andy.

[Billy Corben]

Kill you.

[Hawk]

I tell you exactly what it is.

[Billy Corben]

It's that white people, private school.

[Hawk]

It's that white people don't really know what rap sounds like. And so when it hits their ears, it's like, oh, that's pretty good. It's the same reason why they love Hamilton. It's like, oh, that's so awesome. He's rapping. I'm like, that's not rap. Ain't nobody rapping and clapping and tapping. Sapping and bapping and napping. Napping and rapping. And Cap, no one does that.

[Dan LeBatard]

No, Dr. Seuss does that.

[Billy Corben]

Yeah, Dr. Seuss has been spitting hot rhymes.

[Jessica]

Different time since.

[Billy Corben]

Since the beginning.

[Hawk]

Speaking of rapping and speaking of the early 2000s, you think Dr. Seuss is.

[Dan LeBatard]

Like the first Hamilton? Like, he'd go to like book readings in like 1940 or whatever. Fox and sucks.

[Hawk]

Yeah, like, hop on Pop.

[Dan LeBatard]

Damn, that readings changed forever.

[Hawk]

It blew everyone's mind.

[Dan LeBatard]

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. Me fish, you fish.

[Stugotz]

What bar?

[Billy Corben]

Damn, who is this doctor who's dropping that shit?

[Dan LeBatard]

Holy shit. And I have appendicitis thanks.

[Hawk]

Funkmaster Flex. Dropping the bump. Right. Nash back New York. Dr. Seuss.

[Dan LeBatard]

What is it? Doctor? I'm not feeling well. What is it? Cancer Pantser. Really bad dancer. Like, oh, I don't feel that bad anymore.

[Greg Cody]

I do not like green eggs and ham.

[Hawk]

Sam. I am.

[Mike Ryan]

Folks, it's Mike Ryan. And do you know that Miller Lite has basically been a partner of this show for almost 20 years? And as we celebrate 50 years of Miller Lite, that means for a large chunk of it. And look, I didn't go to school for math, but I'm pretty sure that's like 80% of the time that Miller Light's been existing. They've been with our show and I'm so grateful for it because we truly believe this. If you listen to us back in our radio days, throughout our times in national radio, to the pirate face to now, you know that Miller Light has been a huge supporter of ours. And I've always been a huge supporter of Miller Lite. Why? Because it's got tastes. You know, you can depend on a great beer. Trusted by beer lovers for 50 years. Miller Lite Great Taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

[Stugotz]

The Dan LeBatard show with Stugotz is sponsored by BetterHelp. Life gets busy and your mind carries it all. But just like your body needs care, so does your mental health. This is an investment in clarity, in peace, in you. Let's talk numbers. Traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from 100 to $250 per session, which adds up fast. With BetterHelp online therapy, you can save an average of up to 50% per session. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you big on cost and time. Therapy should feel accessible, not like a luxury. With online therapy, you can get quality care at a price that makes sense and can help with anything from anxiety to everyday stress. Your mental health is worth it, and now it's within reach. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient too. You can join a session with the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus switch therapists at any time. Your well being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com DLB today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.

[H]

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[Billy Corben]

Dan LeBatard.

[Stugotz]

I got a Slater scoop.

[Dan LeBatard]

Stugats he us. This is the Dan Lebatard show with the Stugach.

[Hawk]

So last weekend I was at Greenville Festival and Look at me Louie.

[Dan LeBatard]

Did you see the Ghost Rider?

[Jessica]

Is that a. Look at me Louie. He was at a festival.

[Hawk]

I was at a festival. I didn't say. I didn't.

[Billy Corben]

He could have just said a festival. He didn't have a festival.

[Hawk]

She doesn't know what the festival is. See? Doesn't matter.

[Dan LeBatard]

Greenville said Hawk. He told us a couple months ago that J. Cole has a Ghost Rider, but wouldn't elaborate.

[Hawk]

I did not say that.

[Dan LeBatard]

You definitely said it.

[Billy Corben]

That's a bomb drop.

[Hawk]

That did not.

[Billy Corben]

That is how many black people were on that show. Because I felt like that would have been more pushed on a lot harder had it been last.

[Hawk]

No, no, don't follow this. I did not say that. Like, let's not do that.

[Billy Corben]

You're not gonna drop the J. Cole as a ghost Ride with me on the show.

[Hawk]

I didn't drop.

[Billy Corben]

You're not gonna.

[Dan LeBatard]

I tried to press him on it, and he wouldn't clarify the comment.

[Billy Corben]

What was the comment? Do we have. Let's get.

[Hawk]

We're not going down that path. We're not going down that path.

[Billy Corben]

I just want to hear what you said.

[Hawk]

A different story to tell.

[Greg Cody]

It was an analogy.

[Hawk]

I don't. I want. I have a story to tell that has nothing to do with a show from two months ago.

[Greg Cody]

Dan accused LeBron of PEDs.

[Hawk]

Let's look forward rather than looking back.

[Dan LeBatard]

You said LeBron.

[Hawk]

Let's see.

[Dan LeBatard]

Kind of means, like, that's like saying J. Cole as a ghostwriter.

[Billy Corben]

Like, what?

[Hawk]

Reel it in.

[Billy Corben]

What? That's a weird way for your reel it in immediately to go to tell us about what happened at Dreamville.

[Jessica]

So Dreamville Fest.

[Hawk]

Yes.

[Billy Corben]

So you're at Dreamville, you're writing rhymes for J. Cole.

[Greg Cody]

You said Greenville, like South Carolina.

[Hawk]

No, but it was in Raleigh, North Carolina, so not far.

[Greg Cody]

Okay, so what is this festival?

[Hawk]

So it's a music festival, and there's a lot of great musical acts, including we had the reunion of Hot Boys and Big Timers and Lil Wayne. And let me tell you something. All the rumors that Lil Wayne doesn't remember his lyrics and his bad live. He killed that dude, went to minicamp or some shit because he was on fire. It was one of the best sets I've ever seen. But the problem with Dreamville Fest, it's in this massive park. And I don't know if this is true of all festivals because I don't really go to music festivals, but cell service is awful every single time. There's just too many phones and too small of an area. The towers can't handle it. So you got a lot of texts coming back. Green bubbles, a lot of call fails, whatever.

[Billy Corben]

Yeah, no Ubers, so.

[Hawk]

Mike. Well, Ubers, there are Ubers, but it's just 20 minute waits or whatever. So my cousin came up with the brilliant idea. They're gonna drop it on air, bringing radios like. Like walkie talkie talkies. Had them clipped walking around. Everyone thought I was working festival. They were like, oh, can you appoint me? I'm like, hold on, we got a 1745 here. I was just throwing out numbers. So much fun. But the thing that it reminded me of, which also I was reminded from that magazine for 25 years ago. You guys remember the Chirp Next.

[Billy Corben]

Tell Nextel.

[Hawk]

Chirp, man.

[Billy Corben]

Come on, man. My Chirp was live.

[Hawk]

Why don't we have Chirp anymore?

[Greg Cody]

What's the chirp.

[Billy Corben]

Oh, my goodness. When you say it like that, it sounds like a.

[Hawk]

So there was this std. There was.

[Billy Corben]

When you describe it, you guys got the chirp. The chirp. Like, hey, I had the chirp back in 02. It was a crazy summer. And he's a cream.

[Hawk]

So Nextel was this company that got bought by Sprint, which got bought by T Mobile. Right. Nextel's claim to fame, what was made mostly for construction workers and people like, in that sort of industry, was your phone also had. Beyond it just being a regular phone, also had, like a walkie talkie function. So you could hit that side button. Jessica. And it would chirp and you could chirp these fools.

[Jessica]

It only worked if you had next to. On the other side.

[Hawk]

Yeah. The other person had to have the same basic. They had to have the same type of phone.

[Billy Corben]

Like, the government did away with it, but go ahead.

[Hawk]

No, I feel like probably infidelity did away with it because people were getting chirped. Like, who's that chirping? You? I'm like, in today's day and age.

[Billy Corben]

You think infidelity is doing away with. With great inventions.

[Greg Cody]

Yes, I think inventions are just happening to cause more infidelity.

[Billy Corben]

That's what I'm saying. The reason why I think the government did away with it, because imagine that function now because it's. It's communication that is completely off the grid. But you couldn't tap into a chirp because it was just straight up, like, over. Walkie talkie.

[Stugotz]

You have to say over.

[Dan LeBatard]

You're right.

[Billy Corben]

And you gotta say 10, 4. And you gotta say, copy.

[Dan LeBatard]

Roger.

[Hawk]

What's your 20?

[Billy Corben]

You gotta drive a Mack truck.

[Hawk]

What's your 20? Was a big one this weekend. What's your 20? And the funny thing was, sometimes our channels will get crossed with actual people working. And so I'd hear, hey, let's go backstage for Ludacris. Like, copy. I'm on my way.

[Greg Cody]

I was gonna ask you if that was happening, if you were crossing signals. Cause before concerts like that, everyone has to, like, do radio interference.

[Hawk]

Yes, yes. We picked a channel at random. We were like, we're channel nine today. And of course, channel nine was someone else. And the funny thing was, and this is a dick move by me, every time someone chirped on the radio, I had to answer, like, no matter what. It was just reflex. We're by the medical tank. Do we have anything left? Copy them. On my way.

[Stugotz]

Like, I just asked you a question. I didn't ask you to come hey, negative.

[Hawk]

I don't have sights on that right now. I'll get back to you. Just a whole bunch.

[Billy Corben]

That's probably a great conversation starter too, with the radio.

[Hawk]

Oh my God. That was a good.

[Greg Cody]

So it was a push to talk function.

[Billy Corben]

Push to talk. Did you just look that up? Because it was called.

[Greg Cody]

I am. I'm trying to look why it got. Why they got rid of it. It seems like it was just a specific type of software that was expensive to like maintain or hardware, I guess.

[Billy Corben]

I don't know, Smitty.

[Greg Cody]

So when Sprint bought it, I'm not.

[Billy Corben]

Gonna lie, I was in college right when it was like at its boom. When hip hop got a hold of it, it was like, you know, all the rapping, the drug dealing rappers was talking about it in the song. So you had to have. You clipped it on your. On your. On your person. It wasn't like, like you had to show it. I got pictures of me, my long white tee tucked like a. Tuck it.

[Hawk]

Yes.

[Billy Corben]

Of belt clip pager. Yeah. You had to show that you were dog.

[Hawk]

We was out here like Batman colors. We was out here like Batman. Like. Cause if you had multiple devices, right? You had multiple. The two way, right? You had the two way right here. Then you had the nexel chirp and.

[Jessica]

Then you had the sidekick.

[Dan LeBatard]

Did you have a sidekick?

[Billy Corben]

Sidekick?

[Hawk]

Who didn't have a sidekick? Who didn't have a sidekick?

[Billy Corben]

These are like early technological advancements that the hip hop community.

[Greg Cody]

I don't think any of us had a sidekick.

[Jessica]

The issue was that we were a singular family. So we didn't have T mobile. So T mobile was that next level. I had like this little tiny phones like this big. It wasn't even the notebook.

[Hawk]

So singular ads had singular. Had a sidekick kind of.

[Jessica]

It was fugazi.

[Hawk]

It was super fugazi. You know how I know? Because I had it and I was that dude trying to tell people it's just as good.

[Dan LeBatard]

What was your first cell phone, Jessica? Because like at the time you could only get certain phones based on who the provider was. You couldn't just get like, if I wanted a sidekick, but I had Sprint, guess what? You're not getting a sidekick. If you wanted a razor, you couldn't get a razor unless you had like some other.

[Greg Cody]

The razor was the coolest thing ever by the pink razor. Like the kids that had the pink razor were. They were so cool. I had one of those brick phones and the first cell phone I ever.

[Dan LeBatard]

Had, I got Nokia.

[Greg Cody]

My parents were like, this is for emergencies, whatever. I think I was in, like, sixth or seventh grade, and at one point, I lost my phone. Could not find it anywhere for months. And my parents were so mad at me. They're like, how did you lose this phone? I was like, I don't know. The last place I saw it was, like, in my bedroom. And then it was gone. And then six months later, I was trying on clothes for, like, spring break and tried on one of my, like, summer, like, sundresses. And the phone was in the pocket, and it was in my closet the whole time. But since we lived in Chicago, I just never touched any of my summer clothes for, like, six months.

[Billy Corben]

Two months. Dress.

[Greg Cody]

And I was so mad. Yeah.

[Hawk]

What was your first phone, Hawk?

[Billy Corben]

It was like the Motorola TI9 or something. It was like, pre Razor.

[Hawk]

Okay, I might be the oldest person here. Cause this is the only hint I'll give you. This is what my phone sounded like.

[Billy Corben]

Yeah.

[Hawk]

Not my T. You guys remember that ringtone?

[Billy Corben]

Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's helicopter.

[Greg Cody]

It sounds like a sound you play to someone who's flatlining at the hospital to, like, get them to rise from the bed.

[Billy Corben]

What?

[Hawk]

What?

[Greg Cody]

That's a horrible noise.

[Hawk]

It was. It was the Motorola startac, and it was the coolest phone in the world. Oh, yeah, you were the Motorola StarTac. Like, if you had a StarTac, you were like, all right, you're either, like, loaded or what are you really into?

[Dan LeBatard]

Oh, my God. Google this phone. Look at what this looks like. This is horrific.

[Billy Corben]

Motorola, Amazing. That's early.

[Jessica]

Back in the day, though, that thing was fire probably, dude.

[Hawk]

You open that thing up and you flip it open.

[Dan LeBatard]

Look at the bat. You have to pop the battery off of the top of it, and then you have to go charge the battery and then. And put it back on.

[Hawk]

By the way, that's. You want to talk about technology moving backwards? I missed the days where you could charge your battery somewhere else, and then, oh, my phone's dying. Guess what?

[Stugotz]

Boop, boop.

[Hawk]

Now we're back.

[Jessica]

Reload the clip.

[Hawk]

Reload the clip. That was the time.

[Billy Corben]

Oh, man, I had so many early Motorola phones. But also to your point about, like, having a different phone provider. You just get two. That was the thing. I had my.

[Hawk]

I have the same money bags over here. Just get two.

[Billy Corben]

He says, I got a Nextel just for the chirp. Like, period. I didn't even hit the phone. I don't even know the phone worked.

[Hawk]

Yeah.

[Billy Corben]

Activate the chirp.

[Hawk]

You just used it to chirp.

[Billy Corben]

I had just a chirp line and then my regular cell phone.

[Hawk]

That's amazing.

[Greg Cody]

My cell phone usage was so infrequent, though, early in those days that, like, I just didn't have a phone for, like, five months. I was like, well, I don't have a phone. But now if I lost my phone for five months, like, you don't think you would.

[Dan LeBatard]

I mean, that's when you had, like, minutes. And texting cost, like, 50 cents. Yeah.

[Hawk]

No nights and weekends, baby. Yeah.

[Greg Cody]

7 p. Or was it 9pm?

[Hawk]

It was 9 at first, and then they evolved to 7. Oh, what a time.

[Jessica]

We should go back to a minutes plan, I think. Well, I mean, nobody talks on the phone.

[Dan LeBatard]

Who uses minutes?

[Jessica]

Yeah, I do. Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

You talk on the phone a lot?

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

Why?

[Jessica]

Because I like talking to people.

[Billy Corben]

I mean, in this world now where we should limit our cell phone use, we all use it way too much. We should go back to minutes, like.

[Greg Cody]

For the opposite, but for screen time, not for talking on the phone. Like, I should only have, like, one hour of phone screen time a day.

[Stugotz]

I need that unlimited Greek.

[Billy Corben]

I found my phone. It was the Motorola T720.

[Hawk]

Oh, I remember that one. That was one of the early phones where you could still see the screen, even when the keyboard. Yeah.

[Billy Corben]

Little caller ID on the front phone.

[Dan LeBatard]

I had that phone.

[Billy Corben]

Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

I think. And some of them were, like, different colors, too. I think that's when you started changing.

[Billy Corben]

I change them now. They changed my front to a red, and it was like, ooh.

[Dan LeBatard]

Mine was like a blue.

[Billy Corben]

Yeah, like a blue. My senior football photo. I'm hurt, but I'm out there with that phone on my hip with my jersey tucked in it so the world can see your boy is. Your boy is mobile. I don't know if y'all been paying attention to the trends, but you wore it on the sideline, make no mistake. No, I was hurt, so I had, like, jeans on, but you were on the sideline and cornrows. It was very. It's the most 2002 photo nice that you'll ever find on Earth.

[Dan LeBatard]

This is also probably one of the first ones with, like, a color screen.

[Billy Corben]

Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

Or like, when you have the no kids. It's like black and white. Snake went hard, but this took it to a different level.

[Hawk]

Yeah.

[Billy Corben]

I'm like, check the pixels, my boy.

[Dan LeBatard]

You see the ringtones I downloaded?

[Jessica]

Don't get me started on those ringtones. I cost my parents a pretty penny.

[Greg Cody]

$12.

[Jessica]

No, it was like.

[Dan LeBatard]

It was like $12 a song. Yeah.

[Jessica]

It was crazy.

[Dan LeBatard]

It was wild.

[Jessica]

Jessica it was I want Crank that Soldier Boy as my ringtone.

[Dan LeBatard]

It was keeping the music industry.

[Billy Corben]

But it was five seconds of crank that. So it wasn't for 15 and, like.

[Dan LeBatard]

Five seconds you didn't really want, but it was, like, close enough.

[Hawk]

But also, it wasn't.

[Billy Corben]

It wasn't actually the worst part of the song.

[Hawk]

It wasn't actually the. So was like a keyboard rendition of the song.

[Dan LeBatard]

So, like, someone played it on a xylophone.

[Greg Cody]

Who was the keyboard cat but Soulja Boy.

[Hawk]

Yes.

[Billy Corben]

Soulja Boy. 13 bucks.

[Greg Cody]

Meow, meow.

[Billy Corben]

The album was $12. You just paid 13.99 for a keyboard rendition of Four Bad Seconds.

[Greg Cody]

Was it really that expensive? I don't remember it costing that much money.

[Jessica]

There was commercials on TV where it'd be like, oh, download the ringtone by texting this number.

[Billy Corben]

Oh, yeah.

[Jessica]

And then you're like, oh, that's it.

[Greg Cody]

Today's dollars. Like $25.

[Billy Corben]

Literally.

[Jessica]

It's like downloading an app that's like. You're like, wait, what did I do?

[Hawk]

You know, Jessica, you know how there are artists now who get broken through? Like TikTok somehow their song, like, back then, it was the ringtone people, they call them ringtone rappers. Right? Their songs were literally just made to be ringtones. And that's.

[Billy Corben]

That's why Soulja Boy is a thing.

[Jessica]

I think he owned the licensing for the ringtones and made, like, crazy amounts of money. He was like, the first person to really, like, execute the virality of his songs through ringtones, through the dance, do all that kind of stuff.

[Hawk]

Hey, guys, are the Knicks going to lose to the Pistons in the playoffs?

[Billy Corben]

Are we still talking about 2003?

[Hawk]

We're talking about 2025 now.

[Billy Corben]

Okay.

[Hawk]

Knicks and Pistons played last night, and the Pistons kind of put it on them.

[Greg Cody]

Were the Knicks fully healthy?

[Hawk]

Well, I'm tired of hearing that one from my.

[Greg Cody]

I'm genuinely asking. No, I know, because I thought Brunson wasn't going to play, but then he was playing, and then I thought Josh Hart wasn't going to play. So what's the story with them?

[Hawk]

Josh Hart didn't play. Rick Jalen. It's not 2000 anymore, Jalen. Brunson did play, and they played poorly. He shot 5 of 15. He only had 15 points. But, like, to me, that's a scary thing because it's not just, oh, you lost a game, so what? It's, you're the three. And there's a big chance after this weekend that Detroit's going to be the six they lose all the tiebreakers, and they've got to play Milwaukee twice in their last two games. Like, there's a huge chance that the Knicks had to play the Pistons. And the Pistons are kind of like. They're kind of badass. I think for Cade Cunningham was incredible. Jalen Duran is a man among men.

[Jessica]

Malik Beasley outside looking for sixth man of the year.

[Hawk]

Yeah, man, sixth man of the year. I think Pritchard's going to win it. Beasley's in the conversation. Ty Jerome's in the conversation.

[Jessica]

I don't think Ty Jerome's in the conversation because I think he doesn't have the minutes.

[Hawk]

Not enough minutes. Weird. Stupid rule.

[Jessica]

Stupid rule.

[Hawk]

Stupid NBA. Get rid of that rule. Get rid of it. It's ridiculous. Nobody. Like this whole 65 game thing. All that's happening is we're getting guys like Jalen Brunson dragging a leg out there because he wants to be qualified for all NBA and all that stuff. It's ridiculous, man. The voters know what they're doing because the voters know what they're doing. We never vote for people who haven't played enough games. That's never happened. It's happened like, one time in the history of the NBA was Bill Walton one too many times, 77 or 78. Whenever it was, man, I thought the.

[Billy Corben]

Complaint was that guys aren't playing enough and they're not fighting hard. And that's not so Isn't that a good thing? That people are, like, trying their hardest to play games?

[Hawk]

No, no, no. That's not the point. The point is if when the voters vote, they take into account on their own. They've never, like, said, well, he was great, but he only played 40 games. But I'm a vote for him anyway. That never happened. So we didn't have a problem from a voting perspective. But what it does now is it forces guys who aren't healthy, like Tyrese Haliburn last year, like Jalen Brunson this year, to say, man, like, I can't sit out. I gotta be eligible for all these other things. And so they go out there and they force themselves to play when they really shouldn't. It's not forcing healthy guys to play.

[Billy Corben]

This is hard. This is hard for a football guy to hear what you're saying for it to make sense. They forced themselves to go play when they're not. I'm 40. I'm still not 100% from football injuries.

[Hawk]

Yeah.

[Billy Corben]

So I don't. I'm being honest. It does not, brother. You just Told me you just saw.

[Hawk]

Me like, I walked up the stairs today, and, oh, my God, everything hurt like. You think that's a good thing?

[Billy Corben]

It was entertaining. Did you not love it?

[Jessica]

It was. I had Hawk on my fancy.

[Greg Cody]

The gladiator sport.

[Billy Corben]

I mean, what's.

[Greg Cody]

I mean, P.J. tucker picked 30 minutes last night.

[Hawk]

Okay.

[Greg Cody]

Just saying. Don't put me in the position of defending things.

[Hawk]

But you kind of are, because you're the.

[Greg Cody]

And OG Was out.

[Hawk]

OG Was out. Josh Hart was out. Mitchell Robinson was out. Out. Okay.

[Greg Cody]

But however.

[Hawk]

However.

[Billy Corben]

Yes.

[Greg Cody]

The Pistons are spicy right now.

[Hawk]

They're spicy. They're a spicy lot. And I. I tell you, I don't know. I don't know if I want to see them. Tony, you got me a top five. Guys I don't. Teams I don't want to see in the playoffs.

[Jessica]

O. I could. I could put that. I do. I do have a little bit of the secret sauce around the NBA, by the way. Pritchard. Ty Jerome.

[Hawk]

Well, Ty Jerome's not one of y'all. Oh, he's one of us. Yeah.

[Jessica]

50, 50.

[Hawk]

Isaiah Hardenstein. Ty Jerome.

[Jessica]

50, 50.

[Hawk]

Don't. Dang.

[Billy Corben]

We going 50. 50.

[Hawk]

No, no, no. Ain't no splits around here.

[Billy Corben]

50, 50, not split.

[Hawk]

No splits. They're over here.

[Billy Corben]

What is the comp. NFL comp for six man of the Year. Is there one?

[Hawk]

No.

[Billy Corben]

Comeback Player of the Year. Would that be, like, the closest.

[Hawk]

No, no. You guys just don't have it.

[Billy Corben]

Clutch Player of the Year.

[Hawk]

You know why? Because you guys.

[Billy Corben]

You don't have a Clutch Player of the Year.

[Dan LeBatard]

I'm talking about.

[Hawk]

You want to do. Since you want to do sport comparisons. You know why you guys don't have a six man in the year? Because everything is specialized in your sport. Like, I only play offense. Hold on. You want me to actually play defense, too? Oh, no, that's someone else's job. Oh.

[Billy Corben]

75% of the NBA superstars say the same exact thing.

[Hawk]

I just throw the ball. I don't do. I don't catch it. I don't run it. I just throw it. That's all I do. That's all I do.

[Billy Corben]

How is the NBA any different? I just shoot. No, I only. There's so many. Only offensive.

[Dan LeBatard]

I only shoot corner three.

[Billy Corben]

I just literally shoot the paint. That's close.

[Dan LeBatard]

I only play defense.

[Hawk]

Hey, hey, hey. Let me throw it to that guy. Can't. Why not? Against the rules. To throw it to that guy. What? Well, he's not eligible. What do you mean he's not Eligible. He's playing in the game.

[Billy Corben]

Yeah. Okay. You can play defense. Don't play defense in this part of the court for too long. That's illegal. Don't know. What are you standing there for? For three seconds, move to that side, then come back. That makes way more sense.

[Hawk]

Wait, you move too fast. You move too fast. Hold on, we gotta start it over.

[Billy Corben]

Relax, bro. What are you doing?

[Dan LeBatard]

Lil Wayne sold 5 million ringtones of lollipop and T Pain made. T Pain made $14 million on I'm in love with a stripper and buy you a drink. Soldier boy made $7 million from crank that.

[Billy Corben]

Oh, my gosh.

[Dan LeBatard]

The wild thing about the T. Pain thing is, like, you're buying. I'm in love with a stripper. Presumably for the person that you're with, which is so disrespectful.

[Billy Corben]

No, Billy, surprisingly, see, 20, 20 years later, I'm in love with the stripper probably has the best context it ever has.

[Hawk]

I'm in love with the sex workers, actually, what it's called, Billy. The thing was, it didn't even matter who the ringtone was for. Cause you didn't have customizable.

[Dan LeBatard]

Well, you could.

[Hawk]

You could. If you had money bags. Yeah, you were money bags. But for most people, I got enough money for one ringtone. And this defines me well at this point in time.

[Dan LeBatard]

So when Lil Wayne sold 5 million, it was $2.99 each. So at 2.99, you go like, if you're special, maybe you have your own ringtone.

[Billy Corben]

I mean, also, like, it wasn't so much about, like, the songs having meaning all the time. It was like, this is the. This is the hottest song out right now. When this rings, I want everyone to know how in the know I am.

[Dan LeBatard]

I have 299.

[Billy Corben]

I just splurged on this song just because I like it.

[Hawk]

You guys remember ringbacks?

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't even like it.

[Billy Corben]

I don't even like it that much.

[Hawk]

You guys remember ring backs was that.

[Greg Cody]

Like, someone would call you and you would hear their.

[Billy Corben]

That's still a great invention.

[Hawk]

That should still be not their song. It would be like you would call. So I. I'm calling Jessica. Jessica had the ring back. Instead of hearing, I would hear I'm a buy. You would drink and you mean, like, jamming? It's almost like hold music.

[Billy Corben]

This brings me back what you think.

[Stugotz]

I had songs for, like, my parents. So, like, you know, you hear. You hear one ringtone, you're like, oh, no.

[Hawk]

What'd you have? What'd you have for you?

[Stugotz]

I don't remember the specifics. I had one for the girlfriend, had one for the friends. Yeah, I remember that.

[Billy Corben]

Splurge.

[Dan LeBatard]

If you were wild like one of the parents, who would be like.

[Hawk]

The undertaker?

[Dan LeBatard]

And they're never with you when they call, so they never know that you have, like, the bad tones for them.

[Stugotz]

The law and order theme.

[Hawk]

I had that one.

[Billy Corben]

I think ring backs is still a great invention and it should still be a thing today.

[Hawk]

Why did they stop?

[Billy Corben]

I don't know.

[Hawk]

Licensing fees probably, right?

[Billy Corben]

Yeah, probably. But they're making so much money on them. I don't know why. The music industry, like, those are the ways that the music industry can revitalize. Now everything is streaming. Music is free. Like, nobody actually makes any money in it. Bring ring backs back.

[Dan LeBatard]

Remember when people were like, I'm not gonna put my music on Spotify, and they're like, okay, cool. No one's gonna listen to your music.

[Hawk]

Jay Z. I'm gonna create my own streaming.

[Dan LeBatard]

What happened to that?

[Hawk]

I mean, it's still there, but it's not what it was. Right when they started, they were like, it's gonna be ultra premium, and so it's gonna cost a lot of money per month, but people are gonna pay for it because of the high fidelity. And I'm like, you dumbass. You think people out here, like, I need it to be at least a certain level of. No one gives a shit that they.

[Billy Corben]

I think Jay Z made a. An incredible amount of money off a title.

[Hawk]

Yeah, because he scammed someone else.

[Billy Corben]

I think he sold it to Jack Dorsey, who created Twitter, if I'm not mistaken. Like, he made a crazy amount of money.

[Hawk]

Is this reckless speculation?

[Stugotz]

I love how with Jay Z, you'll just take him out. But J. Cole, you're like, everyone, we're.

[Hawk]

Moving on from this topic because we.

[Dan LeBatard]

Always pay attention to the ghost writing accusations I put out there a couple months ago.

[Hawk]

We did the topic.

[Dan LeBatard]

Still have not dispelled.

[Hawk]

We did the topic, we moved on.

[Greg Cody]

KZ's a dumbass.

[Billy Corben]

Jay Z does this dumbass thing, like, sells a streaming service for $100 million to a billionaire.

[Hawk]

Did he?

[Billy Corben]

I'm pretty sure Google. I'm pretty sure he made a ton of money on it.

[Hawk]

Find out. That's your homework now.

[Billy Corben]

Okay, I'm on it. I'm on it.

[Hawk]

See, this is how football players like, they like homework.

[Billy Corben]

Give me direction.

[Greg Cody]

2 million. It was $302 million he sold title to.

[Billy Corben]

What an idiot. Am I right?

[Hawk]

Okay, so Jack Dorsey's a bigger dumbass.

[Billy Corben]

What an idiot.

[Jessica]

He made out pretty good during the Twitter sale, I think.

[Hawk]

Yeah. No.

[Billy Corben]

2 idiots. Jack Dorsey.

[Hawk]

No.

[Jessica]

$44 billion.

[Hawk]

Jack Dorsey's a dumbass.

[Dan LeBatard]

Jack Dorsey is worth $3.3 billion. Guess who's a big dumbass.

[Hawk]

Guess who's a bigger dumbass.

[Dan LeBatard]

Poor guy.

[Hawk]

Elon. Elon Musk. It's a chain of dumbasses, right? Like, I sold my bullshit thing to him, and he sold his bullshit thing to that guy, and that guy sent his bullshit thing to America.

[Greg Cody]

I do spiritually.

[Dan LeBatard]

Get me to that level of dumbass, please.

[Billy Corben]

I'd love to be.

[Dan LeBatard]

I would love.

[Billy Corben]

I'd love to graduate past the you got Nextel and ring back purchaser dumbass.

[Dan LeBatard]

Get me to the level where I'm a dumbass because I sold my knockoff Spotify for $300 million.

[Hawk]

You guys are driving me to places I'm sure you don't want me to go to. But guess what? We're here now, guys. Dominique Foxworth thought they were great until he sat across from the table, and then he realized they're just like us. These guys aren't brilliant businessmen. They're just regular dumbasses.

[Dan LeBatard]

What you're missing is I don't give a crap if they respect me or not, as long as I sell my product to them for 300.

[Billy Corben]

And you know what that kind of dumbass makes you? A genius. That is how this works.

[Dan LeBatard]

Thank you.

[Jessica]

In the universe.

[Billy Corben]

Yeah. When you lean into your dumb ass to make a bunch of money.

[Dan LeBatard]

I want to be the dumbass that put a banana on a wall with duct tape and sold that for, like, a million dollars. That's. That's what I want to be.

[Hawk]

I don't think you're that far off.

[Dan LeBatard]

Thank you. I think. I don't know.

[Billy Corben]

That is so, Tony.

[Hawk]

You thought Ty Drone was white, huh?

[Jessica]

50. 50.

[Hawk]

His name's Ty. He could stop me.

[Jessica]

Tyrone.

[Billy Corben]

Should be Tyler. Could be Tyrone or Tyler. You never know.

[Jessica]

Thank you. I do have those five teams that are spicy.

[Hawk]

Oh, nice. What do we got? Any Olis?

[Jessica]

No Olis, because the teams that. The teams that you see that are spicy, you know, are good. Right? There's some teams that are a little under the radar.

[Hawk]

Okay.

[Jessica]

That could figure into the spicy list.

[Hawk]

We have the sound effects ready.

[Jessica]

Number five, The Denver Nuggets. I'll tell you why they're spicy. Obviously. No Calvin Booth, no Michael Malone.

[Hawk]

Right.

[Jessica]

You still have the best player in the world, though. How is that going to figure out? You got ADELMAN right?

[Hawk]

Yes.

[Jessica]

Trying to.

[Stugotz]

Coaching with a white pad.

[Jessica]

With a legal pad. You know, just next level. Okay. They're still good enough to make a run. The problem is, is their coaching going to stop them?

[Hawk]

Adelman's a lifer, though.

[Jessica]

He is.

[Hawk]

Yeah, he is. All right, number four.

[Jessica]

Number four, the Warriors.

[Hawk]

I feel like they shouldn't be on this list, man.

[Jessica]

If you're looking down at the playing teams.

[Hawk]

Right, Right.

[Jessica]

Eastern Conference, Orlando, Atlanta, Chicago, Miami. None.

[Hawk]

None. No.

[Jessica]

If you're looking at the Western Conference teams, Memphis, Minnesota, Sacramento, Dallas, we can knock off a couple of those. The warriors, depending on where, you know, seeding and all that stuff happens, could be a playing team back into the plan and then fight through and try to make it spicy.

[Hawk]

I still feel like they're just too established to be one of the. Like, they're not in the. In the same vein as like. Like Denver that had like this massive thing that makes us take them out of the equation. Or Detroit, who are new to the. To the game. Right.

[Jessica]

Number three, the Clippers.

[Hawk]

I like the Clippers.

[Jessica]

If they can get everything working together.

[Hawk]

Kawhi's healthy.

[Jessica]

Kawhi's been playing well.

[Hawk]

I had an NBA player tell me that the Clippers are going to go to the Finals. Really? He said if Kawhi's healthy, they're going to the Finals. It was Kawhi. It wasn't Kawhi. It was an NBA player who does not.

[Dan LeBatard]

The player was on the Clippers.

[Jessica]

But Zubots has been incredible this year, by the way, too.

[Hawk]

Most improved.

[Jessica]

Really?

[Hawk]

I think so.

[Jessica]

He's got your vote.

[Hawk]

He's got my vote.

[Jessica]

Wow. Campaigning number two, the Pistons. I don't think any of the east wants to see the Pistons. Right. Like Milwaukee. No Dame. That's kind of iffy. I feel like Indiana's up and down all the time. The Knicks are. The Knicks are hurt.

[Hawk]

Yeah. Could see it. I could see it.

[Jessica]

I could see.

[Dan LeBatard]

I like them.

[Jessica]

Number one, the Lakers.

[Billy Corben]

Spicy.

[Jessica]

They're spicy teams. Small, but spicy. Spicy.

[Hawk]

No Dallas Mavericks, huh?

[Jessica]

Nah.

[Stugotz]

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