Local Hour: The Tablet Time Decree (feat. Tamara Zaslow)

Summary

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Local Hour: The Tablet Time Decree (feat. Tamara Zaslow)
April 21, 2026

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Episode Overview

Broadcasting from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, and the crew take listeners through a hilarious, open-ended exploration of sports, pop culture, and South Florida living. This “Local Hour” zeroes in on domestic “decrees” (the newfound home rule against TV in Zaslow’s bedroom), sports fandom psychology, defining “superstar” status in the NBA, Miami-based sports storylines, and closes with a special guest appearance by Tamara Zaslow. The tone is light and irreverent, with frequent teasing and asides.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Tablet Time Decree: Zaslow’s New No-TV Rule at Home

• Zaslow admits his wife has banned television in the bedroom at night, forcing him to consume late-night sports on a tablet.
  • [02:45] “My wife doesn’t let me watch TV in the bedroom anymore when she’s trying to sleep.” - Zaslow
  • Zaslow’s workaround: lying in bed next to his wife with an iPad, AirPod in, brightness turned down, tricking himself into thinking he’s still watching TV (03:07 - 04:20).
• Humorous banter about relationship dynamics:
  • “She feels that she’s got hand now, I guess, in the relationship.” - Zaslow [03:16]
  • The breaking point was Zaslow watching wrestling nearly every night (“my stories”) and his wife exclaiming, “It’s every single night!” [05:02 - 05:15]
• Tablet vs. TV discussion:
  • The group recalls the struggle of balancing sports fanaticism against family needs, and the fake comfort of watching sports on a tablet rather than a TV.

2. What Makes an NBA “Superstar”? The Heat Fandom Mindset

• Stugotz and the crew debate if Bam Adebayo is a superstar or just an excellent All-Star:
  • “Is he a superstar? Is he not a superstar?” - Dan [08:22]
  • “I don’t think he’s a superstar. I think he’s… one of the best players in franchise history. We have seen the ceiling of this team when Bam is your best player.” - Stugotz [08:24]
• Criteria for stardom examined:
  • “Can he be your best player and you can win a championship?” - Chris Cote [08:38]
  • Only a “handful” of those actual difference-makers (09:08).
• Jalen Brunson, Jimmy Butler, and Allen Iverson invoked as comparison points.
  • “Jimmy Butler is a superstar. Correct.” - Chris [10:16]
  • Zaslow challenges the view that only champions are "good enough":
    “That to me is bullshit… Your team is good enough if you’re in the final round, your team’s good enough.” - Zaslow [11:11]

3. Heat Fan Psychology and Player Perception

• How Miami fans might treat Bam if he weren’t a Heat player:
  • “If Bam were not on the Heat, he would be the disgruntled superstar the Heat would be trying to get.” - Mike Ryan [07:41]
  • “The mentally deranged Miami Heat fan would absolutely be photoshopping Bam Adebayo…” - Stugotz [11:52]
• Fans’ tendency to overreact to player comments and project trade scenarios.
• Teasing about sneezing and minor oddities:
  • Extended riff about sneezing etiquette and Zaslow’s shaving cut, comparing sports media appearances to cosmetic mishaps (16:01 – 17:40).

4. Local Sports Headlines

• Jai Alai & The Cyclones:
  • Recap of recent Hi-Lai (Jai Alai) team wins and playoff battles.
  • “There was an interesting development in battle court, Dan. The players were complaining about the balls on this new court.” - Stugotz [22:53]
• Discussion of NFL Draft & Miami Prospects:
  • Dolphins and Hurricanes expected to have big days in the coming NFL draft.
  • “Miami has an outside shot at four first round draft picks.” - Stugotz [31:23]
  • Mention of standout Miami prospects and how the fallout of a tragic car accident has affected Ruben Bane's draft stock.
    “He was in a car in which somebody months later after the accident passed away... It obviously, I asked around. It messed with him.” - Stugotz [32:25]
• Draft Night Watch-Along:
  • Crew plans to host a live stream during NFL Draft night [25:00+].

5. Tamara Zaslow’s On-Air Debut: The True Tablet Ban Origin

• Chris Cote brings Tamara Zaslow on to explain the new TV ban:
  • “Just want to know why it is that he’s got tablet time now… what happened here that changed the rules in the house?” [34:14]
• Tamara confirms the problem is not just sports, but Zaslow’s snoring and obsession with wrestling:
  • “Sleep is important. Between the snoring and the bright lights… it’s time to establish some boundaries.” - Tamara [34:26]
  • “It’s now wrestling, so I can’t stand it. So wrestling at night…” [35:00]
  • “At least this way I can go to sleep by myself. I can enter into deep REM sleep, and then when he joins in the bed, I don’t even know he’s there. That’s the best case scenario.” - Tamara [35:47]
• Lighthearted roasting about Zaslow’s shaving mishap and whether anchors ever appear bloodied on camera (36:23).
• Tamara: “Be more careful.”

6. Miami Dolphins, NFL & Draft Hope

• Dolphins fans’ patience and hope tied to the upcoming draft:
  • “I don’t think the Dolphins will have a better day this season.” - Stugotz [38:38]
• Debate about trade rumors, “smokescreen season,” and how teams manipulate fan and media perception about player availability (especially RB De’Von Achane):
  • “It’s also smokescreen season… Lying is everywhere.” - Dan [40:12]
  • “He will be available if the price is right and that’s what they’re signaling, guys.” - Stugotz [42:43]
• Insight into how player market value and agent/media gamesmanship affect fan trust.

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Memorable Quotes

• “I’m lying next to her, pitch black… I got the tablet on, on a pillow, on my stomach.” – Zaslow [03:23]
• “She feels that she’s got hand now, I guess, in the relationship.” – Zaslow [03:16]
• “We seize on insecurities, but we do so in the form of a question that makes it more palatable.” – Stugotz [17:00]
• “If Bam were not on the Heat, he would be the disgruntled superstar that the Heat would be trying to get.” – Mike Ryan [07:41]
• “That to me is bullshit… You could lose to a team that was better… your team is good enough if you’re in the final round.” – Zaslow [11:11]
• “It’s now wrestling, so I can’t stand it.” – Tamara Zaslow [35:00]
• “At least this way I can go to sleep by myself… and then when [he] joins the bed, I don’t even know he’s there.” – Tamara Zaslow [35:47]
• “It’s never just the sports, it’s the snoring and wrestling!” – Tamara Zaslow [35:31 - 35:47]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Tablet Time Decree / Relationship Dynamics: [02:45 – 05:29]
• NBA Superstar Definition Debate: [07:16 – 12:12]
• Bam Adebayo Fandom Psychology: [12:12 – 13:06]
• Hi-Lai/Cyclones & Local Sports Banter: [22:53 – 25:33]
• NFL Draft, Miami Hurricanes & Ruben Bane Incident: [30:47 – 34:01]
• Tamara Zaslow Explains the Tablet Ban: [34:01 – 36:41]
• Dolphins Draft Hype & Speculation: [38:11 – 43:15]

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Episode Tone & Style

Irreverent, quick-witted, and collaborative, the episode flows with good-natured ribbing and spontaneous detours, blending local sports enthusiasm with self-deprecating humor about domestic life. The crew pokes fun at each other’s habits, insecurities, and takes, while providing listeners in South Florida and beyond the feeling of eavesdropping on a group chat among friends, rich in Miami references and sports inside jokes.

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Conclusion

This “Local Hour” captures the best of the show's blend: inside-the-home relatability, Miami sports pulse, meandering philosophical debates, and the personal touches that render sports talk radio into community storytelling. For listeners, it’s a revealing yet playful look at how sports obsessions play out in real life, where “decrees” in the bedroom matter as much as on the basketball court.

Transcript

[Dan Le Batard]

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[Stugotz]

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[Chris Cote]

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[Stugotz]

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[Zaslow]

Let's go get ready for a new case.

[Stugotz]

We're gonna crack this case and prove we're the greatest partners of all time. New friends you are Gary the Snake

[Zaslow]

and your last name Desnake.

[Chris Cote]

Dream Team Hidden new habitats.

[Stugotz]

Zootopia has a secret reptile population. You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home. You're clearly barking at. Zootopia 2 now available on Disney Plus. Rated PG.

[Chris Cote]

Chris, where's your father? I wanted to start the show with catchphrases.

[Mike Ryan]

He's sleepy.

[Chris Cote]

Is he gonna be part of our draft coverage on Thursday night? Is he resting? Does he need to. Does he need to pace himself? Is he at the point where he has to pace himself if he is doing a change of show regimen where instead of doing two shows consecutively, he's doing a show in the morning and a show at night. Is he now just stamina broken?

[Mike Ryan]

He did say when I told him of this week's schedule, he's like, you get me for one on Thursday. I'm not doing both. So we will have him tomorrow, main show and then Thursday night for the watch along.

[Dan Le Batard]

I also had that decree. So I'm only on live show at night.

[Chris Cote]

I don't believe that we should be making decrees around here, you or him. I don't think that decrees are what we need.

[Stugotz]

I made a decree. The Marlins are playing a midweek game and that's the only time I go to a baseball game. So I will not be here. I'll be at Lone Depot.

[Dan Le Batard]

I won't be here either.

[Stugotz]

I'll see you there.

[Mike Ryan]

I'll be here.

[Zaslow]

I'll be here.

[Chris Cote]

Zazzle, did you cut Yourself shaving?

[Zaslow]

Oh, underneath here? Yo, don't worry about that.

[Dan Le Batard]

What's on that gullet? Let me see.

[Stugotz]

Wow, it's a nice little chunk you took out.

[Zaslow]

Thank you.

[Stugotz]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats podcast.

[Chris Cote]

Did Zaslow watch that Anaheim game against Edmonton late into the night, one o' clock in the morning yesterday? Did you?

[Zaslow]

Okay, I didn't watch that one, but I, I, I was lying in bed. We established late at night, after I was watching my stories, I went upstairs to bed. The stories is wrestling. And I brought out the tablet because my wife doesn't let me watch TV in the bedroom anymore when she's trying to sleep. And I was watching hockey.

[Chris Cote]

When did that get banned?

[Zaslow]

Few months ago.

[Chris Cote]

Oh, wait a minute. What happened? So you made it through two years of majestic playoff runs in hockey. What do you, what, what happened A couple of months ago?

[Zaslow]

She feels that she's got hand now, I guess, in the relationship.

[Chris Cote]

So you've got to watch it on the tablet in a different part of the house.

[Zaslow]

No, no, I'm watching it next to her. But, like, I got the AirPod in and, you know, I, I'm lying next door, pitch black, sucking his thumb. I got, I got the tablet on, on a pillow, on my stomach.

[Stugotz]

Your powers of Pain pajamas.

[Mike Ryan]

If you're on pinky on your back, you'll fall asleep and drop it on your face.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, that's embarrassing your tummy.

[Zaslow]

I can't. And I can't put the, the brightness. I got to put the brightness down a little bit on the iPad because, you know, it could wake her up.

[Mike Ryan]

There's nothing better I'm with him on this than, like, when it's dark in a room and you put that brightness down and like, the, there's nothing better

[Chris Cote]

feeling of that choice.

[Mike Ryan]

Turn down the brightness.

[Chris Cote]

That would prefer sex, but that would be your choice on nominating something for the feeling of. Okay, all right, that's.

[Zaslow]

And I can tell you, Dan, if I position the iPad properly on my, on my stomach, it kind of feels like I'm watching the tv, you know, because it's like the same shape. Oh, I trick myself.

[Stugotz]

You're cosplaying. TV time.

[Zaslow]

I trick myself. This is early a TV I'm watching.

[Chris Cote]

What happened in the last couple of months? You've been watching sports and way too much sports for way too long. What happened in the last couple of months that finally fed up your wife? I don't know.

[Zaslow]

She, like I said, she feels that she's got hands in the relationship right now. Like, at some point, I guess the tables turned where she feels like she's in control. But can I tell you something? Okay. Because you're saying I've been watching a lot of sports. Last night was like a breaking point for my wife because it was. It was 8pm all right? And that's when my stories come on, of course, on Monday nights. And I yelled upstairs to my son, Jordan, go, Jordan, come on. Raw's about to start. And like, he watches it with me. He watches wrestling with me. And my wife turns to me because she was watching TV in the family room and she knows that means that I'm about to take over the remote and tv and she says, it's every single night. And I go watch, goes, I don't remember. Like, you're watching wrestling six nights a week.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, it's been a big week for that.

[Zaslow]

That's what I tried to explain to her, but she says, like, it's every night now. When did this start? You're watching wrestling every night.

[Stugotz]

Well, make sure to treat her real good. Today is a Tuesday because right back on Wednesday. You know what that means? It's Wednesday night. Dynamite.

[Zaslow]

I'll turn the brightness down extra low on the iPad tonight.

[Chris Cote]

Were you watching Senators? Hurricanes Were watching. You were watching that live? This was before tablet time?

[Zaslow]

No, I was watching on the tablet. Okay.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah, that's what you were watching. What, what were your thoughts on that over time?

[Zaslow]

I mean, it was wild, right? Like, I'm rooting for the centers, of course, because it's always after Hurricanes. Not the Miami Hurricanes, the Carolina Hurricanes. Like, that's a given.

[Stugotz]

Manny Diaz did ring the, the alarm, the siren before.

[Zaslow]

You felt like that was a good sign for Ottawa, you know, and yeah, the centers, they blew it. The centers dominated the third period. They played really well in overtime. I hate the canes and the canes once, that was obnoxious. Hockey's good, man. Glad it was.

[Stugotz]

That was a great game. That was playoff hockey. Everybody eating pucks. Omar was out of his mind. There was a game save on Kachuk. There was a game winning goal. Dan, that off the board after, like what had happened in the build up to the play. There was like a full like 90 seconds that happened after the offside. You get the game winning goal from Martin Nook and they go to the, the replay system, they decide, hey, no, in this build up before the penalty, they were offside. However, in this instance, while they pull the goal back, the penalty call stands and they awarded a penalty shot. In which Martin hook miss a penalty. But then later on in the game, Roy Mort Nook gets to be the hero. Yeah, absolutely.

[Chris Cote]

Like he was.

[Stugotz]

That was vindication right there for him. So good on him. Ended up scoring the game winning goal. And now hurricane's up 2 nothing going to Ottawa. This Ottawa team is so deep. I don't think this series is over. It hasn't started because no road team has won just yet. Oh, yeah.

[Zaslow]

Come on.

[Stugotz]

I like the way they play. I think they're deep. And it's not a popular stance to take a lower seed down in an 02 hole, but I would not write them off.

[Mike Ryan]

Flyers Penguins has definitely started. Geez, poor Danishek fraud.

[Chris Cote]

Put it on the poll, please. At Lebatard show. Was everyone eating pucks last night? There are a couple of things here locally that I wanted to talk about, including Mike Ryan saying with a straight face, you heard him say this, right? Quote, I know the brain of the Heat fan. You heard him say this today, correct?

[Zaslow]

Yeah, he said it. He said it like it was chest out too.

[Stugotz]

Sick, sick mind.

[Chris Cote]

And he was mentioning this because he was saying if Bam were not on the Heat, he would be the disgruntled superstar that the Heat would be trying to get.

[Stugotz]

Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me. I'm. I'm telling you a lie right now. He is absolutely the superstar in purgatory on a middling franchise that is saying all the things after games that Heat fans would absolutely read into and photoshop him. So today he's a superstar. No, I'm saying this is. This is the mind of the Heat fan. The Heat fan doesn't think Bam is good enough. However, if he were on another team and he would be.

[Zaslow]

That sounds like what you're saying.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, that's you. No, I. Look, you know where I stand on Bam. We stand.

[Dan Le Batard]

Where do you stand on him? Is he a superstar? Is he not a superstar?

[Stugotz]

I don't think he's a superstar. I think he's. He's an all star. He's a tremendous two weight player. He's one of the best players in franchise history. We have seen the ceiling of this team when Bam is your best player. But what. Tell me what I'm telling.

[Chris Cote]

How are you guys defining superstar? Okay. Because there's.

[Zaslow]

Can he be your best player and you can win a championship?

[Chris Cote]

Well, how many of those are there? Five.

[Dan Le Batard]

Handful.

[Chris Cote]

Five?

[Stugotz]

Yeah. I mean, there are guys like that just don't have the right supporting cast.

[Chris Cote]

Jokic has won one.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, yeah. Like Anthony Edwards. Is a superstar. He hasn't won a championship yet, but if you surround him with the right team and the right organization, he's certainly.

[Chris Cote]

But when I. When I ask you guys, though, to name the superstars, the. The reason I'm doing this is because I guess Jalen Brunson is now becoming a superstar.

[Dan Le Batard]

He's a superstar.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah. But I don't know if I can win something with him as my best player. I don't know that. And so if that can't be the definition of what a superstar is.

[Zaslow]

But I think, see, Jalen Brunson's a tricky one because isn't the reason. Wouldn't we agree. The reason we don't think that you could win with him is because of his stature, which we saw in full display last night, by the way.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah, the stature makes it that throughout basketball history, somebody that size. Unless you're saying. Unless you're. Isaiah. There's no one who wins at that size as the. As the lead player.

[Dan Le Batard]

Allen Iverson got close, but, like, if we're talking about winning a championship defines you as a superstar, I don't think that's the metric. That's what was revolutionary. Beyond superstar.

[Stugotz]

AI would get you Seals. Isaiah Thomas was a tremendous defender on the ball. Jalen Brunson, defensively, liability.

[Zaslow]

They killed him last night.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah. And there. I want to talk about that game in a second. But, Tony, when you mentioned Alan Iverson got to the Finals. Yeah, he got to the finals in the same way Jimmy Butler got to the finals and got swept in five games. And Mike has called them a failure since. Like. And. And we. We had.

[Stugotz]

He did get swept in five games. That's how that Lakers one felt, and that's how that Nuggets one fe.

[Chris Cote]

Jimmy Butler is a superstar. Correct.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yes, he is.

[Chris Cote]

It can't be that I can win something with him as my best player. When we had that conversation for three years and then they ran into.

[Stugotz]

All right, like, just Amin was pounding the table that Jimmy was a superstar. And I mean, he almost got there. Who knows how that bubble shakes out of everybody, carry that team in the

[Zaslow]

finals twice, like superstar.

[Chris Cote]

Okay, but the question before he got here was, can you win with him as your best player? And then they couldn't with him as their best player. And the other person we're talking about here, we're having this conversation as bam, when I can make a pretty decent argument that bam's as good a number two as there is in the league. But that doesn't make you a superstar.

[Zaslow]

Yeah, see, your definition of that's different than mine. It's like this idea that if you didn't win the last game of the season, you weren't good enough.

[Mike Ryan]

And that.

[Zaslow]

That to me. That to me is bullshit. You know, like you. You could. You could lose to a team that was better. Like, your team is good enough if you're in the final round, your team's good enough. You're there, you're playing for the championship.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, you.

[Chris Cote]

You say this, but Vince Carter got to the finals, never won anything, was a superstar, and when he got to the finals, got swept. And they didn't actually have a chance in those Finals. That team is forgotten forevermore because that Nets team of Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson ends up getting to the Finals, and it's not REM winner. The Nets are a loser franchise. And that's remembered as their best season, but it ended at the end with them not actually being closed because they got swept.

[Zaslow]

I mean, they lost the Lakers and the Spurs.

[Stugotz]

I mean, eye on the ball, though. The mentally deranged Miami Heat fan would absolutely be photoshopping Bam out of bio is the larger point as he professes his love to his coach after the 83 point game. Like, I. I understand what you're saying. There's. There's been plenty of sound. I'm sick of being in the play in.

[Zaslow]

I don't think Mike is saying that Bam. Purgatory believes Bam is disgruntled.

[Stugotz]

No, no. What I'm saying is. And you're getting to it, the Heat fan would absolutely decontextualize something. Wouldn't take all the other, we're not beating the teams that we should like. He said enough things that he. Fans who have a supreme radar for these things would absolutely seize on and say, that's our guy.

[Chris Cote]

Tony. What happened there? That sounded like an off.

[Stugotz]

What happened?

[Chris Cote]

That sounded like an off. It's fibula, Mike Sneeze. Exactly what it was into your hands. Was it wet?

[Dan Le Batard]

It looked a lot when it was into my. Because I do the crook of the elbow. Dracula sneez.

[Chris Cote]

But you didn't get into the elbow, though. It looked like you were sneezing into your bare hands. That they were lower and you were catching it like you would in a bucket.

[Dan Le Batard]

It was close, but I was able to get to the crook. The issue is, Dan, that we're renovating the house and yesterday I had to de. Dust the walls. You know what that means? So I got the compound all over it. I know you're a homeowner so you got the compound all over it, right?

[Stugotz]

He is.

[Dan Le Batard]

I don't know, it almost got taken by somebody else. But he is a homeowner. Close to the bone.

[Zaslow]

My bad.

[Dan Le Batard]

Okay, so we got compound everywhere, right? And then I gotta sand the compound down, and then the dust of that stays on the wall. So I have to sit there with a microfiber towel and wipe off the dust of the walls. Had a mask, had goggles, but the mask, it didn't. It was like kind of halfway open and it snuck in. So I got all the dust in my lungs and in my nose. So I'm battling through the dust right now.

[Stugotz]

Dan.

[Zaslow]

Sounds terrible.

[Stugotz]

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[Mike Ryan]

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[Stugotz]

See moneylion.com Don LeBatard I went in the margins. I'm like. I'm like, you're money ball of sex. I'm basically Scott Hatterberg. Stu.

[Mike Ryan]

Lot of walks, but I'm on base

[Stugotz]

when it comes to sex. A lot of foul tips. Other. Other dudes, they can be Giambi.

[Dan Le Batard]

You know your role, you play.

[Stugotz]

I know my role. This is the Dan Levatar show with the stug.

[Chris Cote]

Zaz, what happened to that mark on your chin? It looks like somebody hit you in the face with a cleaver.

[Zaslow]

I mean, we already established. Caught myself shaving. My God. You don't know how to. You don't sometimes shave and cut yourself? And then you walk around, everybody asks you about it. How annoying is that? Whatever. All right. See, everybody can see now.

[Chris Cote]

No, they can't see it because of the angles in here. It is. It is a chunk of blood that you have on the lower part of your face. And while you say, what's the matter, Dan? You never seen someone cut themselves shaving before? Never before on a national sports television show? No, I've never seen it before.

[Zaslow]

What am I supposed to do?

[Chris Cote]

But I'm saying, keep it tight. You ask me a question. You ask me a question, and I will ask you. Tony Kornheiser's been an old man on television for 25 years. I have never seen his face with a cut from shaving. I've never seen anybody who does national sports television have. Do the show with blood on their face.

[Zaslow]

Awesome. Maybe that's why I'm here. I'm doing stuff that's never been done before.

[Stugotz]

We seize on insecurities, but we do so in the form of a question that makes it more palatable.

[Chris Cote]

Do you guys have for me, can you give me some sort of photo of Tony battling the dust? Did you get any of that on camera? Him sneezing into his hand? There you have it there. That looks like Tony.

[Mike Ryan]

That's fighting a sneeze.

[Stugotz]

If I lost.

[Chris Cote]

That looks like Tony reacting to Mike's bad opinion. That's what that looks like.

[Dan Le Batard]

No, I was. No, I was on point.

[Stugotz]

Is that we'd absolutely be Photoshopping Batmona Biological.

[Dan Le Batard]

He's an all star. He's not a superstar.

[Chris Cote]

I didn't say that your opinion was bad. I said that the video they just showed me made it look like if I just had to put a caption on it, I would say, here's Tony reacting to a stinky Mike Ryan opinion because it doesn't look like he's batting ballot battling allergies there. It looks like what he's battling is,

[Stugotz]

why are we all being attacked by Dan today? This is nuts. Who I want to get attacked? I think that if you built a perfect team around Bam the same way, you've built a pretty perfect.

[Zaslow]

No, no, no.

[Stugotz]

They've built a hell of a qualifier. All right, so. All right, so if you built a very good supporting cast, win a gold medal. You're right. Listen, if you build a really good supporting cast around Bam the same way you've built a really good supporting cast around Brunson, you're more likely to win a title with Bam as your number one than Brunson. Well, a lot of the guys that

[Mike Ryan]

are saying they haven't done that.

[Stugotz]

A lot of the guys that are built around Brunson are guys that were readily available via trade in the Miami Heat decided we're not going. The conversation I'm having, okay. I'm doing a theoretical thing. It's interesting because theoretically, they have failed Bam Adebayo in doing that. While other teams in the east have built around, like, plug and play guys like Siakam. The NBA has moved away from the model that Pat Riley is still married to. They are building more complete teams right now. And the Miami Heat seem to be really struggling with this.

[Zaslow]

I always run into a problem when I have to sneeze on a plane. Like, that happened to me a couple weeks ago when I came back from Colorado because I don't want to be rude. And then, like, if some of the sneeze gets on the person sitting next to me, because it's just me and my wife on the plane. And I don't know how you sit on the plane, Stan, but I buy an aisle seat, and my wife gets the aisle seat right next.

[Mike Ryan]

I do, too.

[Zaslow]

We don't sit next to each other because, you know, she doesn't want to sit in the middle. And obviously, she'd be the one sitting in the middle, not me. And then when I have to sneeze, it's like how if I sneeze into the. Into the pit of my arm, I don't want a little bit to go somewhere, and then it gets on somebody, and it's very disgusting.

[Mike Ryan]

You ever go inside shirt?

[Zaslow]

No.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, that's.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's what I.

[Mike Ryan]

That's what I would do on a plane, really. Unless it feels super like mucusy, which is rare. If it just feels like a standard sneeze, you just lift up the shirt.

[Chris Cote]

Boom.

[Dan Le Batard]

Zaz, you had Dan in, in economy with three people in a seat where he sits, where there's only two buys all three. So he's on the. There is no three. When you're in first class, there's only two.

[Mike Ryan]

But if he were in economy, he'd buy all three.

[Chris Cote]

Zaz, how would you feel about us calling Tamara and having her maiden voyage on the show and just asking her what happened here? That makes you now tablet time guy that like what happen happened in the last two months that she has finally grown fed up with the television and its light?

[Zaslow]

Right. Well, first of all, she has a job. All right? That's, that's first and foremost. Got to point that out. It's after nine.

[Chris Cote]

I mean, so does Greg Cody's wife running a law firm. And she takes time out of her day to call the show on Tuesdays to celebrate how we come back. Her husband is.

[Zaslow]

Good comeback.

[Stugotz]

My wife, when you're a partner, it's a little bit different. My wife's got one of those real jobs.

[Zaslow]

My wife's not good under the, under the lights, you know, she, she buckles under the pressure. She gets very nervous. All right, we established that many years ago when Booge Shambi tried this with her and we brought her on the air and she was a mess. She did not like it.

[Chris Cote]

Let's not take the hand.

[Stugotz]

Keep pushing.

[Chris Cote]

Send Chris Cody her contact information to see if we could get Tamara before the end of the show. My man. I'll get to that Knicks Hawks game in a second because you guys are talking about. Yeah, they gave up five first round picks because Bridges was the last piece they needed to win a championship. And then all of a sudden, right, this happened. You guys remember that one brief moment in time where a rod changed everything by trading five first round picks for Rudy Gobert? And then for, for a little bit of time, I don't know how long it was. The going rate for A Bridges was five first round picks when the Knicks decided that was the last piece and then they stopped doing that. They did it for how long? Was it just a crazy spell of like 18 months where go Bear. Gobert's the first human being ever. That bothers Jokic a little bit every once in a while.

[Stugotz]

He's so confusing to watch in certain series because in this series you absolutely get why they paid the price that they did and then depending on the opponent that they get in the next round. Totally played off the court. It's just a bizarre player.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah, but there's only one human being on earth who bothers that guy. There's not a second one. Like, it ain't Wemby. It ain't Wemby yet. He put up 40 points three straight times on Wemby.

[Stugotz]

You remember when the Miami Heat made Bismarck Biyombo like a trillionaire?

[Zaslow]

Oh yeah. And that seven game series in 2016.

[Chris Cote]

Do you remember when I yelled at Stephen A. Smith for choosing Tim Duncan over Roy Hibbert?

[Zaslow]

Everyone remembers that.

[Chris Cote]

Was that my inner monologue?

[Stugotz]

You buried yourself here.

[Chris Cote]

I have a number of different things to discuss locally and not a lot of time to do it. I have not yet had time to celebrate the Cyclones. The Cyclones had what Mike Ryan was calling their biggest match of the year last Thursday. And they have survived the team, the Hilai team that we own as we continue to try to keep Jai Alai alive throughout the region and internationally by owning a team, a defending champion team. What happened in the last game, the penultimate game? You were terrified. You were scared, you were mad at the television. And that wasn't even the most important game. This was the most important match of the season, was it not?

[Stugotz]

It was because it was a win. And in scenario for your Cyclones. Now there was an interesting development in Battle Court, Dan. The players were complaining about the balls on this new court. The balls would get cold as the game would go on and it would lead to some pretty unpredictable bounces. And for a team that is built via backcourt, Dan, that is a huge problem when our world class backcourt ers cannot read the backbone. It's the Repotes. You gotta be able to read the Repotes anyways. More consistent play out of the pelota now. And it resulted in us, you know, beating down the Warriors. The oldest rivalry in Battle Court and we have punched our ticket to the playoffs. This is the final week of the regular season. We are now playing for seeding. And an interesting question is being asked around highlight circles. Do you tank to avoid go cherry?

[Mike Ryan]

I say no. Anytime you do this, anytime you try to win or lose for playoff seatings to avoid to go after certain teams, just a bad omen. You just play the game, you play to win the game and you let the chips fall where they may.

[Stugotz]

I will give you insight into our culture. Our culture is to not tank. Primarily because we have no say in the matter Right.

[Chris Cote]

Put it on the poll, please. Do you have to be able to handle the rivote and also put it on the poll? Do you know what a rivote is? Chris, do you have that sound, please? I saw it on last week tonight, and we can't play that sound. But there are an assortment of Pittsburgh broadcasters who were trying. And rabote is what made me think of this. Who were trying to pronounce the word boricue.

[Stugotz]

And boricua.

[Chris Cote]

Boricua. I'm sorry. Thank you.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's a bet, Dan.

[Chris Cote]

Abort, abort, abort.

[Stugotz]

Woof. It's draft week. Transition. Ty Simpson.

[Zaslow]

Ooh.

[Dan Le Batard]

Do you see, Michael?

[Chris Cote]

To the Rams, boricua is the. Is the phrase for a Puerto Rican. And in Pittsburgh, they are selling the hot dogs, and they're just calling. I guess they're just calling them boricua dogs. But in Pittsburgh, an assortment of broadcasters were trying to pronounce this word, and it's spelled at the end cue, and so they were all struggling with it. Chris, do you have that sound? Play that sound of. You have.

[Mike Ryan]

I have a bunch of them separated, so I have a bunch of different examples.

[Chris Cote]

Okay, so just how do you spell Tony? I don't know how to spell boricua.

[Dan Le Batard]

There's no e whatsoever. There's an E in Spanish, which is I in English, but B, O, r, I, C, U, a boricua.

[Chris Cote]

And so let's hear the sound here from an assortment of Pittsburgh broadcasters.

[Dan Le Batard]

Oracula.

[Stugotz]

That's tough. It's almost as bad as Dan, though, let's be honest.

[Tamara]

Whoa.

[Stugotz]

I don't get this. How is this so hard? Did nobody listen to Big Pun?

[Dan Le Batard]

Boricua.

[Stugotz]

Boricua Morena.

[Chris Cote]

They were having some trouble with that. Can you guys give me some information on the boricua hot dog? Like what it. What makes it a Puerto Rican hot dog? What is it? What. Why are they selling in Pittsburgh a Puerto Rican hot dog? I don't know what a Puerto Rican hot dog is. I don't know how it's different than any other hot dog. You will get me that information at your leisure. Somebody mentioned the draft on Thursday night. We are, as a show, doing a livestream the evening of Thursday. And I don't know how long we'll be on, but you can watch the draft with us. And it's. It's a big day locally because it's not just that the Miami Dolphins have a whole bunch of picks and you don't know who their players are, and they've fumigated. The building. And so it's just a total reset on the franchise that we have not seen before. But also the University of Miami is going to have three first round picks and that hasn't happened in a minute I'd mentioned before. Or that the Miami Hurricanes have never really had one pass rusher off the edge the way that they had two this season. Like in the history of the program, they haven't had one guy like the two that they had on the edges this season because Calais Campbell is the closest thing. I guess Daniel Stubbs was. Bill Hawkins was a first round pick. But it wasn't like this where they're the names of the draft, Rousseau and Jalen Phillips.

[Stugotz]

People sleep on them. They were highly productive players. At the same time, I think you can say now with certainty it was a hyperbolic take in the middle of the season and you were weighing it against history, but this was a national runner up. I think you can say with conviction that this was the best pass rushing duo on the edge that Miami has ever had in their illustrious program. History. Sports fans, all the sports are coming together. It's a great time to just sit on your couch, text your friend, hey, come over, let's watch the game. And when I do that to my friends, guess what? They text me back, I got the Miller Lights. That's right, they pick up Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. And they come over to my place, we take that first sip and we realize, man, we just made a regular old fashioned night into a special night. Thank you Miller Lite. And shortly thereafter we got multiple screens on. Everybody's dialed into something different and the whole night just keeps building and building and building. That's why I reached for Miller Light Light. It can take an ordinary night and take it to an extraordinary place. It's clean, refreshing, easy to drink, brewed for taste with simple ingredients, just 96 calories and 3.2 carbs. The original light beer since 1975 and still hitting different cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

[Dan Le Batard]

Sometimes I feel like we're all really good at handling everything around us and just ignoring what's going on in our own head. Like your phone breaks, you fix it immediately, your car makes A weird noise. You're like, all right, let's figure this one out. But then your brain's off. Stress, burnout, not sleeping, right? We just kind of go, yeah, I'll deal with it later and later. Just keeps moving and moving and moving. And that's why therapy matters. Not because something's wrong. Wrong because it gives you a way to sort things out before it all stacks up. The problem is that actually getting started has always felt like a process. Finding someone, figuring out insurance, waiting weeks just to talk to somebody. And that's usually where people tap out. And that's where RULA comes in. Rule is a healthcare provider group that makes therapy easier to actually access. They connect you with licensed therapists who take your insurance, and sessions can be as low as 15 bucks. You answer a few questions, find someone who fits what you need, and you could be talking to someone as soon as the next day.

[Mike Ryan]

Day.

[Dan Le Batard]

Thousands of guys have already used RULA to finally get the care that they need. Don't keep putting it off. Go to rula.comdan and get started today. That's Rula. R u l a.com dan take the first step. Get connected and take control of your mental health.

[Stugotz]

Hey, Roy, buddy. Yo. You know that energy shift when the game gets good and everybody all together in unison knows to stand up on their feet? Oh, I have, Absolutely. Mike. Yeah. You've been at many big time sporting events. You know that moment quite well. That's what it's like when you take your first sip of Cuervo.

[Dan Le Batard]

Oh, delicious.

[Stugotz]

It's the signal that says, we're not checking the time anymore, pal. It's when small talk turns into stories. Cuervo, man. It's that high five. A random stranger effect.

[Dan Le Batard]

That's right.

[Stugotz]

The game is popping. You're hugging people you never met before. That's the kind of energy that Cuervo brings. It's so smart, so delicious. That's the Cuervo effect. Keep it Cuervo. Don Lebatard.

[Zaslow]

My algorithm on Instagram is Dan. It's all boobs,

[Stugotz]

stugats.

[Zaslow]

It's a good algorithm.

[Stugotz]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the stugats.

[Chris Cote]

I really do think I can formulate an argument on these guys as just talents that you draft. Each one of them is better than almost anyone they've ever had doing that. Just how the NFL assesses these things. Are we taking you in the top 20? Miami has had guys who come up the middle who they'll take in the top 20, but not. Not even Calais Campbell, not Jalen Phillips. There, there. There's not something I, I don't think. I think I can make the argument that either one of these guys are as, as talented an edge rusher as they have ever had. But what is it that you're most interested? Mike, you were at the spring game. You. You.

[Stugotz]

Yeah. All the prospects, two for the NFL draft. Because Miami has an outside shot at four first round draft picks. We'll see if a front office falls in love with Keonte Scott. Everybody was at practice. And also Elijah Arroyo. Jesus, he's put together. He's got that super bowl glow on him. They've been at all the practices. Cece Ma, who seems to be at the center of one of the more interesting storylines right now because it seems as though Arizona is trying to put out smoke signals that they're interested in Jeremiah Love at number three when most people have Maanoa going there. Now, Mawanoa has a back injury that has come to light throughout this process. It's an asymptomatic disc in his back, but it does have teams a little bit worried, so it may hurt his stock. We still expect him to go top 10. Ruben Bane went through the news stream because of his off the field thing. And very interesting reaction to that because it was a sensational headline. People wrongfully call it reckless driving when it wasn't. That citation was dismissed.

[Zaslow]

Yeah, those are two different things.

[Stugotz]

Well, here's what it was an accident because it wasn't either of those things. That's what the law enforcement people decided. And he wasn't going over the speed limit. He wasn't inebriated. He wasn't given even a field test. The officers on the scene didn't feel like that was required. What he did do, though, was this happened before his worsey at the University of Miami. It obviously, I asked around. It messed with him. How could it not? He was in a car in which somebody months later after the accident passed away. And I was in one sense, like, I felt bad for the young man. That's a horrible thing to go through. You're kind of refreshed that it actually did weigh on him. He'd be a sociopath if he was just able to move on through life.

[Chris Cote]

Todd McShay called the reporting on Stugatz's podcast. He called the report. The reporter on that called him a scumbag.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, you don't. You don't really hear that. Although Todd does tend to shoot from the hip a little bit, especially nowadays. But that was surprising because it's not like the report was wrong. Ali Conley was first. It was just in NFL circles, unseemly. I think Ali was kind of used, and I think he was kind of used by a team that wanted to use this really tragic moment to actually perhaps tank Ruben Bane stock so they could get him, which is an interesting move. Mezador should certainly get drafted in the first round. Keonta Scott, who's one of my favorite players to ever put on that uniform. Honestly, absolute dog. It will be interesting to see how we replace that mentality. I hope he gets drafted in the first round.

[Chris Cote]

Yes. This is very exciting. Look at this. We've got. Tamara's here. And I don't want to bury her in questions, but I do want to bury her husband. Thank you for joining us. It's nice to see you.

[Tamara]

Good morning. Likewise.

[Chris Cote]

Just want to know why it is that he's got tablet time now. He's not allowed to have the television on anymore. Over the last couple of months, he's got to watch it under the covers. Hiding what happened here that changed the rules in the house.

[Tamara]

Sleep is important.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah, but it was important before the last couple of months. And clearly you've reached a breaking point. So what happened?

[Tamara]

I have. Unfortunately, between the snoring and the bright lights.

[Dan Le Batard]

Whoa.

[Tamara]

It's just time to establish some boundaries.

[Zaslow]

She says the TV emits too much heat.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah, but. But what? And forgive me for being a nosy journalist that continues to ask follow ups as if it's an interrogation, but what specifically happened? He's been somebody who watches too much sports in bed for the entire time you've known him. Now it's a problem. Why is it now a problem?

[Mike Ryan]

Snoring, she said.

[Tamara]

Yes, it's just excessive. Especially it's. It's now wrestling, so I can't stand it. So wrestling at night.

[Chris Cote]

Okay, that's what it is. So you're okay with the heat? You're okay with the Panthers? It's these guys. It's these guys all lathered up in oils, running around in tights that remind you that you're married to a toddler, basically. Okay.

[Tamara]

It's nonsense.

[Chris Cote]

The breaking point is wrestling, Zads. It's that wrestling is. It's not that it's sports. It's specifically wrestling is the problem.

[Tamara]

Problem. And the snoring.

[Mike Ryan]

What kind of snoring are we talking here? Just on your back snoring? Or even on his side, too? Because that's dangerous.

[Tamara]

It's. It's. It's all the time, it's a light rumble. It's disruptive. If I wake up in the middle of the night, it takes me 15 to 20 minutes to fall back asleep. I have to nudge him. He apologizes. It's a mess. So at least this way I can go to sleep by myself. I can enter into deep REM sleep. And then when he joins in the bed, I don't even know he's there. There. That's the best case scenario.

[Zaslow]

That's. That's her preference. Not knowing I'm there.

[Tamara]

No wrestling.

[Zaslow]

That's the best scenario. Not knowing I'm there.

[Chris Cote]

She's got to go. Unfortunately. Just one last question, Random. No reason at all that I'm asking it. Have you ever been watching a news anchor of any kind in all of your history watching television and that person has a cut on their face?

[Tamara]

I don't think so.

[Mike Ryan]

I'll see that.

[Zaslow]

I mean, Dad's making fun of me because you see under here, like, I have a cut today, you know? And he says, who shows up to war with blood on their chin? And that's me. I'm the answer.

[Tamara]

How'd you do that?

[Zaslow]

Shaving.

[Tamara]

Oh. Be more careful.

[Chris Cote]

Good advice. Thank you, Tamara. It is nice seeing you.

[Zaslow]

Thanks. This went well for me. Thank you.

[Dan Le Batard]

Yo, you snore.

[Stugotz]

So. But we just did a zoom in on your face. There's a fair amount of hair on your face still. Did you cut yourself early on and decide, you know what? This is for the birds?

[Zaslow]

Yeah. Like, it grows back. Like, I'm a werewolf.

[Stugotz]

But that's a fresh wound and you got like several days growth. I don't understand it. 5 o' clock shadow at 9:30.

[Chris Cote]

It's a great question. Okay. I don't know who you guys would nominate, because History of sports Kurt Warner, for me, is the guy who shaves at 9am and by the 10am interview, he's already got stubble because his face just gives off aggressive human growth hormone in terms of just growing and sprouting air at a rate of speed that's unreasonable. But what a great question Mike Ryan has asked. It doesn't make sense that we have. What is. It appears to be a fresh cut in the face of a man who has stubble that just. The timeline doesn't add.

[Zaslow]

It's not that fresh. I think I touch it and all of a sudden I. Blood on my hand. It's a scab.

[Chris Cote]

If I had detectives here, they would say that this is a crime scene and the evidence doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense that you're alleging this.

[Zaslow]

I did not expect this when I came in today on patience.

[Stugotz]

Twere and thin. Don't like this.

[Tamara]

Beginning to know why I'm in this seat right now.

[Zaslow]

Don't like it. Okay. The inner monologue graphic of me is offensive.

[Chris Cote]

The draft on Thursday night, when you talk about the University of Miami hasn't had one like this in 15 years. Or we're looking at more than 15 years. And the Dolphins are going to have their best day of the year, are they not? Is there. Are the Dolphins going to have a better day that this entire year that feels better than whatever it is that happens tomorrow is going to feel when you're going to be filled with hope on something?

[Stugotz]

I don't think the Dolphins will have a better day this season. Maybe they can snipe a good team during the course of the regular season, make you feel like you're on the right track. Also, a lot. You have a new course. So if he looks good.

[Zaslow]

Right.

[Stugotz]

That's a huge opportunity for you to get excited for the season. That's a big unknown. Interesting stuff surrounding Achan. There's been a lot of posturing through NFL insiders, and it's weird. If I were to read it right now and trying to read between the lines as to who this benefits, it kind of seems like the Miami Dolphins are really trying to get out there that Achan is kind of like, available. So I'd be curious.

[Chris Cote]

Well, they've done the opposite of that.

[Stugotz]

Yeah. But I kind of kind of don't believe him. I feel like they're doing that to get attention.

[Chris Cote]

Okay, so. But what are we doing? So what we're saying, just to be clear, is that the new people who run the Miami Dolphins are opening the bidding on how they're going to be received by the audience by telling you publicly and loudly that the one remaining players anyone has an attachment to is the one who's not available. Like, that's where they're going to start their introduction to Miami.

[Stugotz]

We've seen this in the NBA all the time. This person is not available. We are not taking calls on.

[Zaslow]

It's a new regime.

[Chris Cote]

But we've had this discussion before. Okay. And like, I can't believe that your skepticism rises to the level that the people would start by lying on something that they don't need to lie about. They could just make him available privately or not. They don't need to go to an insider and say this isn't available just to drum up interest either people are interested or they're not.

[Stugotz]

And it's been reported that they are far apart on contract talks. I think that this is part of that game.

[Dan Le Batard]

It's also smokescreen season. Like that's what we see now during the draft. Oh, this guy's not available. He's the number one prospect ever. Like never going to get rid of him. And then you come with something nice and it's like, okay, yeah, he's gone. And also, have you not looked around? Lying is everywhere.

[Zaslow]

I would also point out as far as is is Thursday going to be the best day of the season? Like, if they didn't sign Malik Willis, I would agree with that. But every week now, next season, even if the Dolphins are bad, every week now, next season is going to be an opportunity for the Dolphin fan to be excited to have interest because you have this new toy that you're hoping can be a long term toy.

[Stugotz]

And part of the course of these things with the star player that may or may not be available via trade is he did the part where you see Zon, he didn't show up to the off season workout. So that sends a signal across the league if you're far apart on contract talks, if you're not showing up to the workouts. And part of this could also be the new administration being like to their fans, look, we tried. We said we valued him, we said he wasn't available via trade trade, but we can't come to terms. I guess we're going to have to trade him.

[Chris Cote]

I understand the skepticism for a variety of different reasons. What I'm simply saying to you is that people who have earned no trust cannot open the bidding by telling us volunteering for no good reason, volunteering the information. Well, I shouldn't say for no good reason because if they're volunteering the information, they have a reason, but they're telling their fan base. The one guy on offense that you've seen play football and make plays for you, the one guy. The one guy everyone in the league knows, oh, that guy can be a little bit of a game breaker. And I haven't seen one of those very often in a Dolphin uniform recently. That's the guy that they're gonna say is untouchable. To do what?

[Mike Ryan]

Get the price higher.

[Stugotz]

Yeah.

[Chris Cote]

Come on, guys. So Adam Schaeffer.

[Stugotz]

Come on, guys. Are you gaslighting us? This is how this goes?

[Chris Cote]

No, the price isn't gonna be higher by. Look, the part I'm reacting to is this. The draft that happens on Thursday comes with all of these players going through a full day medical where every part of their body is tested. You think these people are so flippant with these trades that Adam Schefter's information is going to move them off of what they already think or know?

[Stugotz]

Here's what I would tell you. If they really sincerely valued him the way that they're projecting to their fan base, which by the way, is all PR spin, they wouldn't be far away on a contract.

[Chris Cote]

No, the running back position has changed so much in value that you could get Kenneth Walker for $48 million. And I'm guessing that HN wants to be worth something like that.

[Stugotz]

Yes. And. And they don't want to pay him that. And he will be available if the price is right. And that's what they're signing, guys.

[Chris Cote]

But what I'm telling you about Achan and the running back market and just how diluted all of the currency has become in that, like Achan's gonna be far apart with anybody because they've made the position worth very little. Like Achan is HN now with that team, has more value than he's ever had.

[Zaslow]

It's really not that bad. Going to sleep watching the tablet. I watch whatever I want.

[Stugotz]

Sports fans, all the sports are coming together. It's a great time to just sit on your couch, text your friend, hey, come over. Let's watch the games. And when I do that to my friends, guess what? They text me back, I got the Miller Lights. That's right, they pick up Miller Light pretty much anywhere they sell beer. And they come over to my place, we take that first sip and we realize, man, we just made a regular old fashioned night into a special night. Thank you, Miller Light. And shortly thereafter, we got multiple screens on. Everybody's dialed into something different. And the whole night just keeps building and building and building. That's why I reached for Miller Light. It can take an ordinary night and take it to an extraordinary place. It's clean, refreshing, easy to drink, proof of taste with simple ingredients. Just 96 calories and 3.2 carbs. The original light beer since 1975 and still hitting different cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.