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Dan LeBatard
What happened to the Cyclones?
Stugotz
I'm not. I'm not saying a goddamn word. No, I don't want. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to relive it. I've avoided everything. I've. I've been brought in on work slacks. Hey, can you give this edit a look? See? No, no, I'm on. I'm emotionally unavailable right now.
Chris
Most brutal of losses.
Dan LeBatard
Well, can you tell me what happened though? I don't know what happened.
Chris
I would say, put it in baseball terms. We walked in the game winning run in extra innings.
Stugotz
We choked. We choked. We choked it away.
Chris
Bocked. Okay, balked, actually. We balked it in.
Stugotz
We had a 51 lead in the sixth set and we blew that. And then we went to a tiebreaker. We battled back from down 4, 3 in the tiebreaker set to make a double championship point. Everything on the line, one point to rule them all. Five, five. And then we double faulted at five, five.
Chris
We had the serve.
Stugotz
The championship was won on a double fault.
Chris
It stunk and it was close and it was like there was like a four minute period where we were like, did they screw that call up?
Stugotz
The ball was in, Chris. The ball was in. No, I mean, Roy live. It seemed like it just touched the line. And we're going with our iPhones to the commissioner of the sport. Is this in? He went back to the replay center, says it was out. And I think it was out too. And it just.
Chris
I may have grabbed the commissioner by the shirt.
Dan LeBatard
It was one point for the championship.
Stugotz
Like, yeah, we went through the six sets. We were tied 3, 3. And so you go to a championship
Chris
tiebreaker, one game to six, and it ended up 5, 5.
Stugotz
It was Division 1 versus Division 1, best on best. It went all the way to 5, 5, first to six points wins. We were serving for the championship and we double faulted.
Chris
I just fell to my knees, brutal.
Stugotz
Same. Sounds embarrassing.
Dan LeBatard
And then grab the commissioner by, by the lapel.
Chris
I was just like that.
Mike Ryan
Was that.
Chris
Like that?
Stugotz
He.
Chris
We gotta be able to review that. I mean, I didn't grab his shirt. It was more just like a shoulder. Like, how can we not review that?
Stugotz
Many are calling it the best battle court match ever played. Certainly the most memorable. And a finish that you, you don't often see. I, I'm not embarrassed. I'm super proud of the boys. I was the, the best team in Highlight versus the second best team in Highline. It went down to the very last possible point. It just sucks that we don't get to see that point play out and we lose it on a double fault. A really close double fold.
Dan LeBatard
So the best team didn't win.
Stugotz
No, the best team did win. The top seed won. And credit to the Chargers, K Marie finally wins her first championship. It was at our expense. Just a huge rip your heart out of your chest type of loss. That's. I mean, I know a lot of highlight here is a bid and maybe not everyone's drawn into the sport. Chris and I are totally drawn in and yeah, we were crestfallen.
Tony
That.
Stugotz
That really stunk. That was a painful sports loss.
Chris
Now, after something that was probably positive for Mike's Bar but didn't sit well with me, the other team came to Las Rosas to celebrate with.
Dan LeBatard
Brought the trophy at Mike's Bar. So did what Josh Hart did to the Sixers yesterday.
Chris
Mike's Bar is the live of high lie.
Stugotz
But yeah, you know how like all of hockey celebrates at Club 11. That's what battle Court does. Yeah. Battle Court. You win the Battle Court Championship, you celebrate at Las Rosa. So you give some grace there. But it hurt to sheepishly walk in with a trophy in your hand.
Chris
My new not happy.
Stugotz
You leave the trophy in the car. You don't bring the trophy there. That, that, that's bad.
Chris
At one point, my new grabbed their trophy from their table, just put it in the corner of the bar and they were too afraid to go grab it.
Dan LeBatard
Put it on the pole at Lebatard show. Do you need to leave the trophy in the car? But just for the record, what you guys are saying is the championship win, winners of High Alai Battle Court were basically, as it was being decided, watching just like the rest of you and not having to actually do anything because it was just self inflicted double the double fault on the serve, two bad serves ends up finishing your season. So the champions didn't have to do anything.
Jon
Could have not had sestas. Could have been on the court on
Dan LeBatard
the final point and not been.
Jon
Not had Sestas.
Stugotz
Why are you trying to make it more embarrassing and heartbreaking for us?
Guest Host
This is the Dan Levator show with the Stugats podcast.
Dan LeBatard
While I was gone in Los Angeles, we won a what?
Mike Ryan
Pulitzer.
Stugotz
That's a Pulitzer.
Guest Host
Yes.
Dan LeBatard
Can you guys look up for me? Cause I want to make sure I have this right. Look this up for me because Meadowlark Media winning a Pulitzer. I cannot explain to people the size of this achievement. Even though I don't believe that anybody cares. I really don't believe I heard from precious few people, even in journalism about the fact that I think Meadowlark Media has now done something. You look it up for me. I don't think ABC News has ever won a Pulitzer in its history. I don't think NBC News has ever won a Pulitzer in its history. I don't think cnn, USA Today, the BBC, Time magazine, just giant media entities that have been around forever. I don't think have ever won a Pulitzer. When I tell you guys, oan what are the big. Fox News has never won a Pulitzer, obviously.
Stugotz
Newsmax.
Jon
If ABC News Report. If ABC News hasn't won a Pulitzer,
Dan LeBatard
does that mean that Disney hasn't won a Pulitzer in any of the entities that it owns? Just check AI real quick to find
Tony
out if I'm looking it up, Dan.
Jon
If Disney, if Disney has ever won
Dan LeBatard
a Pulitzer in any category. But when you think of the big prizes that can be won in America or around the world, obviously the Nobel Peace Prize is the biggest. But when you think of kill, Tony prizes, giant prizes, what are the giant prizes in America that come with some reputation? Because I don't believe people care about this one anymore.
Stugotz
No, because people don't care about journalism all that much. So congratulations on winning a death rattle, Dan. I would rather have a New Times award, to be honest. Those have been harder to come by lately.
Dan LeBatard
We need to get Zoe out of
Jon
there, out of the lottery.
Dan LeBatard
We need to.
Stugotz
You want to talk about hard to come by? This is. You know, I went back and forth because I understand that the Heat's cultural mindset means that, you know, ultimately they deserve, because they deserve a higher pick, because they're keeping the spirit of sportsmanship and integrity alive by trying to win. But the Heat in reality, got exactly what they deserved. Half in, half out, total misjudge of their team, a misread. And you hope for some luck. And when you're hoping for some luck, it doesn't go your way. This is, you know, it's objectively funny that somehow the Florida Panthers have a higher draft pick than the Miami Heat. Nuts.
Mike Ryan
I was on my way home last night, driving back from Orlando. I had quite the weekend, Dan, and we were watching on my phone in the car the draft lottery. And we are, we are hyping it up. Me and my son in the front seat, we're super excited for it for like 15 minutes. We are. We are hyping up. If this envelope opens up and it doesn't say the Heat, we're in business here. Like, we were on fire for like a good. 10 minutes.
Chris
Did you end your trip early for this?
Mike Ryan
No, no, no, no, no. That's not necessary. Ok. And we're watching the car, and then they open up. They open up the 14th envelope.
Guest Host
We're like, don't be the Heat.
Mike Ryan
Don't be the Heat. And it's the Hornets. Okay, okay, we're in business now. And then they open up the 13th envelope and it's got the Heat logo. And like, it was all over so fast.
Stugotz
It was so disappointing. And it's such a bad pick because you look at this draft like, give me, give me top seven. I don't even want number one.
Mike Ryan
Jay Billis tells me it's a great draft.
Stugotz
Let me move up. Let me move up, please. The Miami Heat never move up in the lottery.
Mike Ryan
They've dan in the history of the organization. Now, granted, they're not the lottery very often. Like, the last time they were in the lottery before this year was 2019-2017-2015-2008. They're never in the lottery. Okay, but of the 12 times in franchise history that he'd have been in the lottery, they have never moved up. When they've been in the top three, they've dropped down. Like in 2008, they dropped down from one to two. And other years when they've been outside the top three, now they draw four. They have never had their number called.
Dan LeBatard
Aren't they empirically the unluckiest team in the history of the ping pong balls?
Mike Ryan
Yeah, they've never, ever moved up.
Dan LeBatard
So do you have to get Zoe out of there?
Mike Ryan
Yes. Yeah, it's four straight years he's been the rep. Now, granted, no rep for the Heat has ever found the lottery luck, but Zoe's been there four times. They never like, let's, let's shake it up.
Dan LeBatard
So as a player was famously either stoic or bothered. We keep sending stoic or bothered to the lottery.
Jon
And the image I have of Zo at the lottery is him just crushed every time, sitting up there as their good luck charm and bringing them absolutely no good luck. But a great figure to have representing your franchise, a top five player in franchise history.
Tony
Lucky one, Dan. Like, the whole point is we got to get luck. Send Bernie. Mike said send Mike B.
Stugotz
Like, send somebody would have been good.
Mike Ryan
And by the way, like in Alonzo Morning's prime with the Miami Heat, the team was unlucky.
Jon
You can't say Mike B.
Dan LeBatard
Would be a good choice. Regionally, he would be a good choice. Nationally, he would not be a good choice. My Father. One year there was a local, a
Jon
push to get my father in there as somebody. Another good one would be a bit of a.
Tony
Is your dad lucky?
Jon
A bit of a mascot. Yeah. I would say my. I would say that my father is somebody who is luckier than Zoe, but that's not saying much. Zo represents the face of the unluckiest thing in the history of ping pong balls.
Mike Ryan
Who was the strangest person you saw representing their team? Because I'll tell you, I was taken aback when Vince Carter was repping the Nets. Like, oh, yeah, he played with the Nets.
Stugotz
Yeah. With the Nets was weird.
Mike Ryan
Right.
Stugotz
A couple years ago. I know she's married to the owner, but the lady that was a love interest in the Lost Boys and in Twister, she represents the Hawks. Yeah. And I was like, wait a second, where do I know her from?
Mike Ryan
Oh, yes, that's right. That's right. With the black hair. I know you're talking.
Stugotz
I liked her in Twister and was very on to the connection that he had with Helen Hunt. And, you know, at a certain point, she's like, I understand what's going on here. You guys were made for each other.
Chris
There was something about her in Twister.
Dan LeBatard
When you guys talk about the sadness involved with the Heat in the draft, it is a little stark. Okay. To see what's happened over the last four years, when you just rewind to where the Knicks were four years ago, when they were playing the Heat in the playoffs and you knew they weren't going to get past the Heat, you knew that Jalen Brunson was not enough. And then they add Karl Anthony Towns because they knew that. That Jalen Brunson and Julius Randle weren't going to be enough. And so to see what the Knicks are presently doing, it is simply crazy to me to see something in a Knicks uniform playing this way where they are winning three straight playoff games by more than 25 points. No one's ever done that. The Knicks have won seven straight playoff games.
Jon
They're awesome.
Dan LeBatard
This is a franchise. I associate basically this entire century with almost a total incompetence. But to see exactly what I'm telling
Jon
you, which is you, you saw that Jalen Brunson did not have enough to
Dan LeBatard
get past the Heat. To see over the last four years the way that the management of the Knicks has done the correct things and the management of the Heat have not
Jon
done the correct things, it's nuts to
Dan LeBatard
see what's at the top of that conference now.
Stugotz
I don't think it's too different from where the Heat were with Jimmy Butler. I think Jalen Brunson is one of those superstars. Can you really win a title with him as your best player? Probably, probably not. You have to really surround him with a lot of talent to get it right. I think they, they've made a lot of moves, ballsy moves, even moves that you could look back and say, probably an overreach, but moves that they felt like they had to make. And they've, they've certainly put pieces around
Tony
them, but they've stepped up. Those pieces have stepped up. OG Anunoby's been awesome.
Mike Ryan
I know.
Jon
I heard that he's been.
Dan LeBatard
No, but he's been an All Star for about two months. Like, he's been playing like an All Star.
Jon
Being their third best player makes them so much better than Josh Hart being lovable. Third best player.
Mike Ryan
I mean, can't we say, though, that the Knicks over the last few seasons, Towns, Anunoby, Bridges, they're very aggressive, while the Heat are very conservative.
Dan LeBatard
Well, where do they go from here? Where do you have the Heat going from here? Because Giannis. Yeah, but at this point, I feel like the worry or concern around Giannis's body makes that somehow less attractive and exciting than it would have been four months ago, a year ago, a year and a half ago. There's something about that that feels like
Jon
it's going to somehow be anti climax even if they do get him. And now what you have that you did not have at the trade deadline is now Boston's really in the game for Giannis, and they have pieces that
Dan LeBatard
can take Giannis that Miami doesn't have,
Jon
which is problematic when you have that happening inside of the conference, when you
Tony
think you have the best hand and then somebody all of a sudden comes into the table and they've got a better hand, you're looking around saying, all right, well, are the couple of pit picks, maybe Tyler Herro, maybe Jovic, maybe somebody better than a Jalen Brown package or picks from Atlanta.
Stugotz
You were hoping to get better or at least have a better stockpile of assets to go pursue the champ, to pursue a championship piece such as Giannis.
Mike Ryan
They do. They do, though, because this pick is now available for trade.
Stugotz
Yeah, this is a tradable pick and you wanted something that would probably give you a few more options. But also I look at the, the other teams that are ahead of them in the draft lottery. They all got better hands in the Miami Heat. They all improved their chances at getting those same type of superstars, too. I mean, you look at the lay of the land, let's start right at the top. I think you just got passed by the Wizards. The Wizards were a team that made some moves. I know we look, Atlanta got way better by getting rid of Trae Young. And Anthony Davis is a very bizarre player. But that's enough to get to the playoffs in the East. And now you add the number one pick and you consider their young pieces. They're actually rewarded for their effort against bam. It's crazy, but I think you're even further away in the east as presently constituted now than you were before that lottery.
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Stugotz
Quince.com dan Chris Cody when you come over to my house and we put on the games, I got basketball, I got baseball going on. But what do I lay out for you and the boys for entertainment and drinking.
Chris
Miller Line.
Stugotz
Uh huh. Those beautiful white cans or on draft or the bottle if you prefer.
Chris
Oh, when you open that with the can though, and you one of the
Stugotz
best sounds on the planet. You pair that with the right game. You take that first sip, we both look around. It's not a bit.
Chris
I have goosebumps thinking about the first sip.
Stugotz
We take that first sip, we open it up and we're looking around. There's just that five seconds of almost eerie silence where you're just soaking it all in and you're like, man, did we make the right call or what? That's why we reach for Miller Lite. It's clean, refreshing, easy to drink, brewed for taste with simple ingredients.
Chris
Ah, that golden color.
Stugotz
Just 96 calories and 3.2 carbs. The original light beer since 1975 and it still hits different.
Chris
I love you, Miller Lite.
Stugotz
Cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.
Tony
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Guest Host
Don LeBatard, all these high paid analysts, I don't want to mention names. Tnt, espn, you know. Oh yeah, they are dead. They cannot, they're not going to make it, you know, even if they win in, if they lose in Miami.
Jon
I need to calm you down.
Dan LeBatard
I need to calm down.
Guest Host
That's right they lose in Miami, they don't get a chance in Boston or they are going to have their ass. You know what, in Boston, you know, stugats. They were wrong. Are they going to lose their job? No. Are they going to get a cutting page?
Mike Ryan
No.
Guest Host
What are they going to do?
Mike Ryan
Keep predicting.
Guest Host
What is the obvious. They are going to say, oh, the Nuggets are going to win. Oh, Denver, the altitude. And you know what? The Heat are going to win it all. This is the Dan Levatar show with the St. Gods.
Mike Ryan
I think Boston is going to make a very serious play for Giannis. It's a team that over the last years again, has been very aggressive in making moves while the Heat are very conservative. You know, the Heat consistently like their team, while you have good teams, teams like the Knicks who are good and then they made a big trade. Teams like the Celtics who were good and then they made a big trade. The Heat sick back. We, we like our team. You know, I think Boston is going to make a big play. But the thing is, Dan, like Giannis is going to have a little bit of a say. If, like Kevin Garnett initially destroyed the trade to Boston. He, he said he, he would not go play for the Celtics. And then it took convincing and then he finally agreed to it. Like, there is a very real world where Giannis is, I, I, I don't want to play in Boston.
Dan LeBatard
What are you guys doing here with Anthony Davis? Because when you make the, you're assuming Anthony Davis is their best player and you're counting on Anthony Davis health. If I frame for you right now, hey, the Heater in the market for Joel Embiid. Do you even want that?
Stugotz
No damage, damaged goods.
Jon
Okay, but so why are you doing
Dan LeBatard
that with Anthony Davis?
Tony
I could be talked into Joel Embiid. I can be talked in.
Dan LeBatard
But what are you doing where you're making Anthony Davis somehow healthier than Joel Embiid, where you're giving the wizard something
Jon
in Anthony Davis that you wouldn't even want playing on the Heat?
Stugotz
I'm not, I'm not making them healthier than Joel Embiid. I just think that they've done a lot of things with the roster. They have young pieces and with the number one pick, especially with a defensive anchor like Anthony Davis playing alongside him, I, I think the Wizards are probably better than the Miami Heat and that shouldn't be shocking because they, in the Miami Heat are not a good basketball team.
Dan LeBatard
That's crazy.
Stugotz
They're a bad basketball team and crazy. And if you want to look, let's not even have the conversation with the Wizards because we'll disagree on whether or not the Wizards are a playoff team next year. I think what the model is. What happened to the Chicago Bulls? The Chicago Bulls played a little this season and realized, look, we're perpetually in this group with the Miami Heat and Atlanta Hawks. Now look at the moves that Atlanta made, too. Those two teams made a decision, and those two teams are now better positioned in the east than Miami is. And it's not by a little. Chicago got rewarded for their decision to make the right e dial on their roster. That wasn't good enough. And now they have the number four pick.
Dan LeBatard
You correct that, though. If you get Giannis right, you're no longer saying Washington like you're making. Washington was dreadful last year, like really bad.
Jon
Obviously, you know, the worst record in the league. But also you saw Bam put up 83 against them.
Dan LeBatard
And what they were throwing on the
Jon
court the last half of the season
Dan LeBatard
was not a professional basketball.
Stugotz
But again with the Giannis thing, like, if Chicago decides internally they want. I know they're not there right now, and their franchise may be headed in a different direction, but if Chicago said, hey, we want to make a play for Giannis, that team is just 90 minutes away. He practically lives closer to our arena than he does some Milwaukee's. Chicago now has a better hand than Miami. They got young players on their team and they have a much more attractive pick at number four, where you can get a perennial all star.
Tony
The Wizards lost 27 out of 28 games to end the season.
Mike Ryan
They lost 60 games this year. Right.
Dan LeBatard
That was a basketball team at the end that was ending NBA in name only, wearing an NBA uniform in name only. And all of the tankers were rewarded except for the Pacers. Correct.
Tony
Brooklyn, too.
Mike Ryan
Oh, my God. Brooklyn got screwed. Brooklyn always gets screwed. When is Brooklyn gonna decide? You know what? Every year this start playing, and every year we have multiple teams jump us. They suck.
Tony
Well, also, how about don't take seven guards last year in the draft. How about that?
Mike Ryan
Brooklyn sucks. They get screwed every year. Dan, what happened to the Pacers yesterday? Oh, my God, that's so bad. Like your entire season. Tyrese Halliburton, okay, he's out. So this is going to be a year where we're going to stink. But, man, like, if we get a top pick and then we come back in, we got Halliburton as well. Holy. It's going to be so worth it. They ended up. Not that they got jumped by other teams and they're picking like seven, like Brooklyn is or six. They got nothing. They don't have their pick anymore because they took a huge gamble in the Zubots trade and making a top four which look the odds were on their side to keep the top four and they were also gonna have Zubots and now they lose the pick altogether. Total disaster.
Dan LeBatard
Well, here is the disaster for the Heat though, because what is in play now, given what's happened with the playoffs and what I assume is about to have happened to Cleveland, you not only have that. The Celtics can offer Brown or Tatum if they want to do that for Giannis. I don't know how they can get Giannis without giving up Jaylen Brown, but maybe they can. The Cavs can offer Mobley and three number ones. So the path for the Heat would be to trade Bam. And they're not going to do it. And so if they don't do it,
Stugotz
they're going to get outbid if teams are in. If Giannis expands the tent of teams that he is willing to go play for, let's just say he makes it a full meritocracy and he can go anywhere inside that Eastern Conference. The Miami Heat do not have the best hand. If everybody puts forth the best hand. They were the only team willing to go as far as they did. By all reputable accounts, they. They finished second to. Let's just stay here and assess what our options are come draft time. That's not the case anymore. Everybody that would be in on Giannis, I feel like improve their hands. And it's not just the bad teams. It's a contenders too, given what Boston just saw of about itself in the first round.
Mike Ryan
Ultimately got to give Milwaukee a little bit of credit here because they have a lot more options now than they were going or than they had at the deadline like this. Ultimately it's not going to work out for Milwaukee because they're going to trade Giannis, but they should trade Giannis and they're going to have much better options now.
Tony
But that was always the conversation around the trade deadline, which made the whole thing of like we're right on the doorstep of Giannis getting traded was all BS because Milwaukee sits back that it
Mike Ryan
was all BS but but says you
Tony
can get so much more in the summer than you can at the trade deadline with, you know, with, with people
Dan LeBatard
being like the reporting was that ownership stepped in at the very last second and nixed what would have been a trade. It wasn't BS like that's not how that went down. The Heat did indeed feel like they were the top choice, but the top choice didn't have enough to make Milwaukee ownership say, never mind, you know, we're going to trade him now and not wait a few months.
Stugotz
Feel like we need to know more about what Giannis wants in terms of destination.
Mike Ryan
Well, he's been really forthcoming. So you'll probably learn that.
Stugotz
That if it is indeed open to several places, like Atlanta has a better hand than you, Orlando has a better hand than you, they can just decide, all right, we see what our ceiling is with Ben Carroll. And Ben Carroll immediately becomes a more attractive piece than anyone that the Miami Heat are willing to.
Dan LeBatard
Mike Ryan is making Mike Ryan. You have Tony, right next.
Tony
They have no picks.
Stugotz
Orlando has no picks, but Banquero is a much better asset than Miami.
Tony
Okay, but they want picks, right? They have zero picks. They four over to Memphis for Desmond Bain.
Mike Ryan
Giannis is better than Bonchero and their team sucks with Giannis. Like they're not just gonna take Bonchero. They need picks.
Tony
Who also sucks.
Stugotz
I'm just illuminating you on the fact that all these other teams have better options and have more roster flexibility because they have better assets that they can flip for other picks, provided that's what Milwaukee asks.
Tony
Do they have better assets or do they have people that they were willing to trade? Because if Bam is not getting traded unless it's for when Bay and eight picks, then we know where they stand. If they want to get Ben Carroll the hell out of town, they'll send his ass out.
Stugotz
That's been at the heart of every disagreement that we've had with the Miami Heats direction. You're not that good. You think you're better than you are. You're not. And you refuse to move off of this player who I don't know how many more years need to smack you in the face to tell you when he is your best player, you are simply not good enough.
Tony
I think they're attracted to him being the second best player, which is why if they're like, if we get somebody better than him, we already have a guy who's defensive stalwart and the second best player of our team.
Dan LeBatard
Tony, I believe that you misquoted Pat Riley there when you called him Wembaya.
Stugotz
Direct quote.
Dan LeBatard
Oh, you got it right.
Tony
Thank you. Gotta run on the Wizards too. Real Hoopers knew that from way back in the day.
Dan LeBatard
Well, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Stugotz
What do you mean all of a
Tony
sudden Mike Ryan has a take of the Wizards are good? No, I told you six months ago.
Dan LeBatard
No, come on.
Jon
You can't say after you said the
Stugotz
wizard me of sealing the tape. No, no, that's not how that happened.
Tony
That's exactly how that happened.
Stugotz
Not how it happens.
Dan LeBatard
After you said the Wizards were good,
Jon
they allowed Bam to score 83 and then lost.
Dan LeBatard
They.
Jon
After you said that they lost 26 of their last 20 games. Right after 27.
Stugotz
I don't know if you were here or not, but as soon as they made the trade for Anthony Davis, I. I like their chances to make a. A playoff.
Jon
Okay, you guys don't get to take a victory lap.
Stugotz
My victory lap. With the one place that I was in.
Jon
You can't do that because I was in pottery.
Stugotz
Hey, Roy, buddy. Yo. You know that energy shift when the game gets good and everybody all together in unison knows to stand up on their feet? Oh, absolutely.
Guest Host
Yeah.
Stugotz
You've been at many big time sporting events. You know that moment quite well. That's what it's like when you take your first sip of Cuervo.
Tony
Oh, delicious.
Stugotz
It's the signal that says, we're not checking the time anymore, pal. It's when small talk turns into stories. Cuervo, man. It's that high five. A random stranger effect. That's right. The game is popping. You're hugging people you never met before. That's the kind of energy that Cuervo brings. It's so smooth, so delicious. That's the Cuervo effect. Keep it, Cuervo.
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Stugotz
yourself no one wants your college era band tees, but on Depop people are
Chris
searching for exactly what you've got. You once paid a small fortune for
Stugotz
them at merch stands. Now a teenager who calls them vintage
Jeremy
will offer that same small fortune back.
Stugotz
Sell them easily on Depop.
Chris
Just snap a few photos and we'll take care of the rest. Who knew your questionable music taste would
Stugotz
be a money making machine?
Chris
Your style can make you cash. Start selling on Depop where taste recognizes taste.
Dan LeBatard
Don LeBatard but it's just his titties
Jon
are sitting on the shelf. That is his belly stugats.
Stugotz
He said titties like shocked me a little bit. I wasn't quite prepared.
Guest Host
For cities this is the Dan Levatar show with the stugats.
Jon
Let's rewind for a second though. Give me someone luckier to get Zoe out of there. Give me somebody that you want to see the next time that they're up. Zone needs to be fired as their good luck charm. It's okay big guy. Thank you for the help. We appreciate you flying out every time and making the sad face because. Because the drama gets eliminated every year. But they are empirically the unluckiest team. They cannot keep doing in the draft what they're doing in the roster, which is we're not going to change anything. We have to change something there. So give me some options that nationally resonate with that are better than Zoe. Didn't Dwyane Wade go one time? Yeah, Wade went one, I think in
Mike Ryan
08 when they got Beasley. So they ended up losing a spot. I think Wade was the ref.
Chris
I think Nick Harrison is gone before he works hard.
Stugotz
Crazy Andy Probably.
Jon
So we have limited options when it comes to finding someone lucky from Miami who we could throw up there to see if we can get something better than the empirically unluckiest team in the history of the lottery. Do you put this on the poll
Dan LeBatard
please At Levitar show.
Jon
Did you know the Miami Heat were empirically the unluckiest team in the history
Dan LeBatard
of the NBA lottery?
Jon
And also put on the poll.
Dan LeBatard
Vince Carter, Raptor or Net. Because those are your only two choices that you guys are going with.
Jon
Even though the other day Roy stunned
Dan LeBatard
me by making Clemens a Blue Jay
Jon
and thinking Roger Clemens as only a first. As a Blue Jay. Vince Carter went further in the playoffs
Dan LeBatard
than he's ever gone with the Nets. Had more team success with the Nets than he ever had with the Raptors.
Jon
Did he ever get out of the first round with the Raptors? They played in the second round.
Mike Ryan
Yeah.
Dan LeBatard
Yeah, they played in the second round. They never got out of the second round with Vince Carter. With the Raptors, though. That's not. The Raptors Never got out of the.
Mike Ryan
I remember Vince Carter missed the shot at the Buzzer in Game 7 when he came back from his graduation in North Carolina. Was that second. That was the second round.
Dan LeBatard
I don't think. I think Embiid and Vince Carter, I believe both of them have never gotten out of the second round with. With the Raptors. And. And Beat has never gotten out of the second round with the.
Tony
A thought union between Vince Carter and Zo when Vince caught the body on Zo.
Mike Ryan
No one's talking about that. No one's talking about that.
Dan LeBatard
What no one is also talking about is the Cyclones losing in what can be described as the most pathetic way possible where the other team didn't have to have Sestas because the Cyclone serving
Jon
for the championship double faulted and crushed both.
Tony
You're saying they could have gone out there bare hands.
Chris
They didn't have Cestas. He wouldn't have served it as hard. He could have gotten.
Dan LeBatard
Okay, this is what I'm telling you. Not only could they have gone out
Jon
there without Cestas, Tony, they could have been at the highlight bar, not on the floor, and they still would have won the championship. Because the Cyclones double faulted to end the season.
Tony
You have them glancing over the bar like, oh, oh, we won, Stan.
Mike Ryan
Do you know what I learned about highlight last week? You have to have the, the, the, the. The sesta on your right arm.
Chris
Yeah.
Mike Ryan
If you're, if you're a lefty, it doesn't matter. You tell them, hey, I'm a lefty. They're like, no, no, no, we don't care. The cess that goes on the right arm.
Dan LeBatard
Well, it's because if it's on the left arm, you will scrape it against the wall when you are shooting. The sky knows Pillow throwing the ball with your.
Guest Host
But I'm not.
Mike Ryan
But I'm a lefty, so I guess.
Jon
No, but it's biased against lefties. You cannot be a lefty in highlight.
Mike Ryan
That's very tough.
Jon
You must be right handed and high. Put it on the poll, please.
Dan LeBatard
Lebatard show.
Jon
Was the world made for left handers at Lebatard Show? Because it's not just highlight. It's the entirety of the world. But let's just play a montage here. The Cyclones were a point from repeating as champions. And I love the range of metal arc media that it can go from winning a Pulitzer, as calls it, to also owning a highlight team and getting all hopes crushed on the final point of the season. Let's play a little montage here to
Dan LeBatard
celebrate what was a successful season.
Jon
More successful than Joel Embiid's. Even then, Joe Joel Embiid is still saying that the Sixers had a successful season. And the Chargers, they're gonna see a Cyclone miss that house. Miss that house and come after them.
Stugotz
Come on, Cyclones.
Mike Ryan
Let's go, baby.
Chris
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Stugotz
Let's go, Roy.
Chris
Let's go, Roy.
Tony
Let's go.
Chris
Let's go.
Jon
Clown.
Stugotz
Big one here, Hyrule. Let's go, boys.
Jon
Let's go,
Stugotz
let's go.
Tony
Third match.
Mike Ryan
We're doing good so far. Get it, girl. Let's go, let's go.
Stugotz
Let's go, baby. Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go,
Jon
let's go.
Dan LeBatard
Yeah.
Mike Ryan
Lock hands.
Chris
Lock hands.
Stugotz
Yeah.
Mike Ryan
One more.
Tony
Oh, no.
Stugotz
We lost arguably the greatest match in Battle Court history. A double fault on a tiebreaker. That's a really crappy way to lose.
Chris
The entire season comes down to a single point. Damn, this one hurts.
Stugotz
Yeah, this is tough. Locker room was tough. And now that's what sports is. This close to the best day of your life.
Chris
Sports.
Stugotz
And then you end up having the worst day of your life sports.
Dan LeBatard
Mascots in general make me happy, but
Jon
that particular mascot makes me happier than most.
Chris
George Cloney, you love a costume.
Jon
Well, but it's not just a costume, though. A flea market costume.
Dan LeBatard
A. Yes.
Jon
A flea market costume. Yes. Don't get mad at me because I'm saying that you got a flea market mascot there.
Stugotz
Puppet.
Jon
If I took that mascot, how do
Mike Ryan
you feel when you were locking fingers there, Chris, with George Cloney.
Chris
Intimate.
Stugotz
Went back to the locker room after we lost and I wanted to console my players. I've never consoled a naked man before. That's what ended up happening. Was not my intention. But, you know, he was naked. We still. Yeah, I saw Peepee still gave. Gave him like one of the. These. Don't be so hard on.
Dan LeBatard
Put it on the pole. At Lebatard show. Have you ever consoled a naked man before at Lebatard show?
Chris
Just look Straight ahead. Keep your eyes up. Stay focused on the game.
Stugotz
Clutch towel placement by him too, dangling the balls.
Chris
He moved though, because at one point he just like let the towel fall. I would never do that. I would hold that thing really tight.
Jon
How would you do it? Because you're holding it over your nipples like you're holding the towel very high.
Chris
I've struggled.
Stugotz
It was a very.
Dan LeBatard
I'm not.
Chris
I'm not going chest high with the towel.
Mike Ryan
You come out of the shower like a girl.
Stugotz
Very long towel. It was over.
Chris
I wear it at my belt region.
Stugotz
It was over his left shoulder and it was dangling in between.
Tony
Oh, gotcha.
Chris
I have always struggled with the towel, like latching the towel to make it like a little skirt.
Dan LeBatard
It.
Mike Ryan
It like it never master that yet
Chris
it never stays for me.
Dan LeBatard
Well, we're.
Chris
We're like four steps in and then it falls.
Dan LeBatard
We're a little wide there. And I'm just curious, do you put
Jon
the towel over your belly button or under your belly button? You put it under.
Chris
So I'm not in public.
Mike Ryan
A good look.
Jon
I know you're not in public, but you just made it sound like you put it over your nipples because you said you were holding it with both.
Chris
Well, that was just. If I was in a locker room setting where my. Like, if I'm on a team and the owner of the team's coming to talk to me, I'm getting a little insecure.
Stugotz
Should we have been bigger babies about the final serve?
Dan LeBatard
You guys should have filed a protest.
Jon
You should have made a scene. You should have done something.
Stugotz
I was.
Chris
Right away.
Dan LeBatard
You should have brought attention to that.
Jon
So you should have done. As owners, you should have done whatever you can possibly do to. You can't just fall to your knees. Fall to your knees and be Cash Patel when there's an alleged active shooter.
Stugotz
So I fell to my knees because. And I'm so glad I stopped you in the middle of wherever the hell you were going. I had a pretty good read on it and as soon as I saw it serve, I'm like, that's so close. I think we just double faulted. So live. To me, it looked like we all is there.
Mike Ryan
Reviews.
Stugotz
Yes, there's a review, but there's never been this situation. You can review it, but we've never had this situation where it's a championship point. So everyone, after they call the double fault, everyone gets out of the way, the trophies come out. It's a lot like the band was on the field. Yeah, it's a lot like can we review this?
Chris
They're celebrating.
Stugotz
Yeah. We took offense to actually the commissioner of the sport talking to K. Marie, the owner of the Chargers, at one point, when they were up, like, five, three in the. In the tiebreaker set, because he was already talking out logistics.
Mike Ryan
Oh, so that was your yellow rope situation.
Stugotz
And we almost. We almost had a moment there, but we bounced up and we were like, can I see the replay? Because it was. It was pretty close. And then on the iPhone, it actually looked like it was in. And so we were trying. Chris, to his credit, was like, let's get a review. But you couldn't stop anybody. The stripes got out of there. Band was on the field immediately.
Mike Ryan
Why wouldn't their first thought be let's review?
Stugotz
Because their first thought was, here's a trophy that we have to hand out because teams are celebrating now. We grabbed Scott through the net, and
Mike Ryan
you can't shit out of him.
Stugotz
No, he had the trophy in the
Chris
middle picture holding an iPhone, like, holding it.
Stugotz
I'm like.
Chris
And he's looking, and he's like, let me see.
Stugotz
He's like, manu should have challenged it. And we're like. But he. We never saw a replay. And Chris was trying to get people's attention, and everybody went away. I'm like, if we tried even faster, we wouldn't have been able to do it as efficiently. Now, Scott Pat, the commissioner of the sport, to his credit, said he did go back to the replay center, and he gave it a look, and he said that it did indeed touch the line.
Mike Ryan
You believe him?
Stugotz
I do. Because again, like I said, my initial read on it was that it touched the line.
Dan LeBatard
I thought you guys called him slippery Savage.
Chris
It's been said.
Stugotz
It's been said by other people, not you guys.
Chris
He knows what he does, but he did.
Stugotz
I would only say that in private.
Dan LeBatard
Well, I think you guys failed on a number of fronts. First of all, you've got to make a lot more noise. You got to do anything in your power as owners to bring maximum attention to that. And I also think that Chris underestimated the language barrier and the sports barrier in that no one knows what the review for basketball is.
Jon
In California, I'll be doing the Cyclone signal. They just.
Stugotz
I was doing bar. I was doing. I was doing the bar box. I was like, you gotta look at it.
Jon
But that's there. That doesn't translate this. This in basketball signal.
Chris
Actually, now that I think about it,
Stugotz
it was actually me screaming, barbara. Because Barbara, the guy with a really long beard moonlights as an official.
Chris
Yeah, that's right.
Stugotz
So I was screaming barba, but sadly ran away.
Chris
Yeah, he did.
Dan LeBatard
I want to play for you guys some sound before we get to whatever was as is wild weekend in Orlando, but let's listen to Halfley on the Richard Sherman podcast saying that we and others are going to regret making fun of their first round pick.
John Eric
I mean, that when. When he was still available for us to pick, then when we picked because we moved back and got two extra picks and he was going to be the guy we took at 11, but we got him at 12 with two extra picks on top of it, which I thought was an awesome job by John Eric. With his size and his potential and how young he is, he's a guy that we could be looking at down the road. And people are going to say, wow, how'd that guy get drafted at 12 at a premium position? With how young he is, how big he is, and how talented he is, that one I think people might look back on in a few years and try to figure out what made him fall, too.
Stugotz
No one ever says that about a guard, dude. No one. No one ever says, man, how did they get that guard at 12? No one.
Mike Ryan
Remember that time a few years after a team made their pick, the team said, you know what? In a few years from now, we're probably gonna be laughed at.
Stugotz
Even if he comes out to be the greatest guard of all time, I think you could look at and say, 12, solid. Yeah, that's a good spot for the greatest guard of all time.
Dan LeBatard
No, too high, too high. I would say that too high for the greatest guard of all time. Put it on the poll at LeBatard show.
Jon
If you can get the greatest offensive
Dan LeBatard
guard of all time, do you have to do it lower than at number 12?
Chris
I just don't believe that. If you love a guy so much at 11, you're like, I love this guy so much, but I'm willing to risk it for two fives. Love this guy a lot, but I'll take those two fives because those two fifth rounds look good.
Dan LeBatard
Well, but no, move back one spot. They knew, though, that it wasn't going to. They weren't risking anything.
Mike Ryan
You don't know for sure Dallas was
Tony
going to go get the best player available, which was Caleb Downs, which they did well.
Mike Ryan
But the Dolphins will tell you it was Kaden Proctor.
Stugotz
But they lie.
Dan LeBatard
They knew what Dallas was trading up for. Everybody knew what Dallas was trading up for. It was viewed as the most versatile talent that there was in the entire draft that everybody was a little bit surprised fell out of the top 10
Chris
like blue chip as Stephen Jones.
Dan LeBatard
There was no, there was no risk
Jon
involved in them trading down one pick so that they could get the guard.
Stugotz
It's hilarious. The entire NFL world, all the front offices, all the fans watching are open mouth. Can you believe Downs and Bane have both dropped so much? And only one place on the planet seemingly was that conversation being had about a different player about Kayden Proctor.
Jon
Well, there's definitely only one place it
Dan LeBatard
was happening about a guard. And I think we're being unfair because I don't think he's going to be a guard after two or three years. And I understand what they, they're saying all those times you saw on film that somebody just ran right past him.
Jon
It's just cuz he's young and he
Dan LeBatard
hasn't learned anything and he's played whatever it is, 30, 30 games. He has it 39 games or something.
Jon
So he's, he's just all potential.
Dan LeBatard
I wanted to play some sound though. I have not gotten to talk enough about Pete Fairbanks, the kooky guy who plays for the Marlins, who used to play for the Rays. He's a reliever and he's. And he's weird and he's awkward and all of this is a lot more fun and weird and awkward when he's pitching well or when he's throwing 103 miles an hour. But here he is explaining a term. I don't know if you have heard this before, Zaslow. In baseball, have you heard this term before?
Stugotz
You have been dry humped many, many times in your life. Can you please tell us what dry humping in baseball is?
Pete Fairbanks
I sure can. I'd love to be of service to you and maybe add a definition to this year dictionary. The dry hump is when as a reliever they call down and say, hey, in most cases it's tighter ahead. So and so's in the game. You start warming up. Obviously there's, there's degrees of it. The worst dry humps are the ones to which you then have to fire it off and be as warm as you would be to go in a game with no guarantee that you go in a game. And if you then say your team does not score the run, you sit back down and you have been dry off.
Stugotz
What does it feel like to get dry humped?
Pete Fairbanks
Well, one dry hump usually is okay. Two dry humps does not feel very good. I think in my career I've been dry humped three times. Once and I felt like I couldn't move my arm for about eight hours.
Dan LeBatard
Jeff Passon has a maniacal grin the entire time.
Mike Ryan
He knows what he's doing.
Dan LeBatard
Yeah, he does know what he's doing. And this is the freedom of the Jeff Passon Podcast. Outside of some of the rules of
Stugotz
Disney, you have been dry humped many, many times in your life.
Broadcast from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, this Local Hour episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz focuses on a classic blend of South Florida sports drama, the agony of a heartbreaking highlight loss, Miami Heat’s ongoing NBA Draft Lottery misfortune, and plenty of banter laced with self-deprecation and absurdity. The discussion sees the cast grapple with Meadowlark Media’s unexpected Pulitzer Prize, question Alonzo Mourning’s lottery luck, dissect trade prospects for the Heat, and—of course—describe the emotional journey of consoling a naked athlete.
This episode is a quintessential Local Hour: part sports therapy session, part local culture lampoon, and pure Le Batard Show. From the agony of losing on a double fault to the existential dread of NBA lottery odds, the show weaves hilarity into heartbreak while interrogating both professional and deeply personal sports moments ("Have you ever consoled a naked man before?"). Also, if you’re wondering if the Miami Heat’s draft luck can get any worse—the verdict is clear: fire Zo.