South Beach Sessions - Beth Stelling

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

South Beach Sessions - Beth Stelling

Date: June 11, 2026
Location: Elser Hotel, Downtown Miami
Host: Dan Le Batard
Guest: Beth Stelling (Comedian, Writer, Actress)

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Episode Overview

In this South Beach Session, Dan Le Batard sits down with stand-up comedian and writer Beth Stelling for a candid, insightful, and often humorous conversation about her journey in comedy, personal history, family dynamics, and the evolving landscape of the standup scene—especially as it relates to women. Beth, promoting her new special “We’re Looking for People Who Do Huge Numbers on Social Media,” shares stories from her childhood in Ohio, her complicated relationship with her father, and her path from struggling theater kid to seasoned headliner. The discussion blends vulnerable self-reflection, thoughtful commentary on the business, and the sharp wit that defines Stelling’s comedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Naming Comedy Specials and Performing Comfortably

• Beth’s Approach to Naming: Tends to pick long but “powerful” titles; “We’re Looking for People Who Do Huge Numbers on Social Media” won out over “To the Highest Bidder.”
  • “Yes, I tend to name things long but powerfully. The runner up for this one was To the Highest Bidder.” (02:24)
• Performance as Comfort: Early in the conversation, Stelling delivers “the best burp that has ever been on this show” (03:01), signaling her ease and willingness to be herself in the moment.
• Reflections on Past Special Titles: Shares that she gets tired of her own titles after repeating them, highlighting the life cycle of a comedic brand.

The Beginnings in Comedy

• Initial Inspirations:
  • Beth grew up in Dayton, Ohio with little exposure to stand-up, instead loving comedic movies and imitating actors like Jim Carrey and Robin Williams.
  • “We didn’t have cable, so I wasn’t sneaking standup...I loved comedy movies…My first foray into solo performance of comedy was in the humorous category of speech and debate.” (04:08)
• Finding Her Path:
  • First serious exposure was a Jim Gaffigan CD from a friend.
  • She avoided watching too much standup initially, not wanting to subconsciously mimic others.
• Theater Background:
  • “I was a theater kid, but not ‘theater kid’ in the classic sense. I just studied theater…” (06:29)

Control, Anxiety, and Self-Reliance

• Drive for Independence:
  • Standup was appealing because she didn’t have to rely on anyone else: “Not having to rehearse with anyone, not having to do material I didn’t care for, because that’s what theater is like…” (06:52)
• Control Stemming from Childhood:
  • Beth discusses OCD tendencies (07:55), a need for order and perfection, and how these are likely rooted in a strict, sometimes limiting upbringing with her grandparents.
  • Anecdote: her meticulous cleaning routine after adopting kittens, and how the compulsion for cleanliness got out of hand (09:14).
  • “That’s not, you know, so crazy to not want to have cat shit in your house, but it got so out of hand…” (10:28)

Family, Trauma, and Creative Drive

• Family Dynamics and Childhood Trauma:
  • Conversation addresses the impact of her father’s instability and mental health, divorce, and the fear that fed her need for control (11:17–12:14).
• Sisters’ Diverse Coping Responses:
  • Each child responds to trauma differently; Beth notes that all three sisters have taken their own paths in processing family pain and finding security (61:05).
• Comedy as Coping and Connection:
  • Becoming “the youngest of three,” always wanting to make her sisters and mother laugh, especially during tense and uncomfortable situations (18:20).

The Struggles of Building a Standup Career

• Path through Chicago:
  • Moved from Ohio to Chicago, working at a bagel shop and babysitting to support herself while navigating the standup scene (22:36).
  • “I ate the bagels at the place that I worked, and then I’d get stuff at CVS…That was grocery shopping.” (23:03)
• Scene Realities:
  • Payment in drink tickets, the prevalence of drinking culture in standup (24:37), and the nightlife “grind.”
  • Acknowledges memory gaps and differences in personal accounts regarding drinking in Chicago (“Friends say, ‘You drank’… but I don’t remember.” 24:19)
• Loneliness, Depression, and Second-Guessing:
  • Discusses the emotional toll of early years—contemplating quitting, feeling isolated and unsupported—until being named “Best Standup in Chicago” suddenly shifted her outlook (31:55).

Sexism and Industry Challenges

• Navigating a Male-Dominated Industry:
  • Early years in comedy meant being “the only woman in the room”—with all the stereotypes, sexual harassment, and pressure that entails (26:15-29:47).
  • “It was never cool…I remember…Junior Stavka…smacked my ass, to the point where it took my breath away…And I was 22, 23—thinking, how do I handle this?” (28:35)
  • Deliberate choice to downplay challenges in interviews so other girls wouldn’t be discouraged: “I wanted it to seem like, hey, no big deal. But the truth is, there were totally deeply uncomfortable times and definite sexism…”

Evolving Self-Perception and Confidence

• Self-Doubt and Imposter Syndrome:
  • “Sometimes it never feels like enough feathers in my cap to feel confident.” (32:57)
  • Despite accolades and working with big names, Beth describes periods of doubt, needing reminders (often from therapy) to recognize accomplishments (33:13).
• Power Shift When Selling Tickets:
  • Real sense of validation arrived not by industry praise, but when touring audiences showed up just to see her: “The times I actually shifted into feeling like I deserve to be here is just when more people showed up…” (37:48)
• Therapy and Inner Child Work:
  • Learning to self-soothe (“I’ll take care of us…You don’t have to be scared, because I know better now…” 38:19).
• Refusal to “Become a Monster” for Success:
  • Discusses the culture of ego and entitlement that success can foster, and her conscious choice to avoid it (37:09).

Evolution of Comedy and Social Media

• Changing the Game:
  • Comedy industry is moving “at lightning speed,” with the rise of social media as a critical metric for booking and success (25:43, 45:02).
  • “Now I just put it [my work] out myself…because I don’t want to wait for someone or for followers.” (46:13)
• Authenticity vs. “Letting the Jokes Rip”:
  • Beth resists just performing her best material on every podcast/media appearance, preferring to “be in the moment” and keep the act for the stage (55:13).
• Trolling and Online Harassment:
  • Describes the particular ugliness of Internet harassment towards women comics, often with abusive or misogynistic comments overshadowing praise (54:10).

Relationships, Boundaries, and Personal Growth

• Family Estrangement:
  • Beth shares the journey of repeatedly cutting off, then reconnecting with her father, and the draining emotional toll (58:50).
  • Latest events marked a possible final break due to ongoing mental illness and violation of trust.
• Romantic Choices & Patterns:
  • Draws a direct line from her childhood experiences to both her career (“…I chose a job where I fly everywhere to entertain alcoholics. I mean, you couldn’t write it better.” 61:03) and her past relationships.
• Jokes from Life:
  • How standup often finds its roots in her genuinely strange experiences (“…going to a nudist colony as a 7-year-old with my dad and his wife…and her getting hammered and throwing salt at us.” 62:11)
• Mother–Daughter Relationship:
  • Positive reflections on her mother; working together on a podcast during the pandemic deepened their bond, with her mom demonstrating openness to learning and changing (66:58–67:27).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Control and Anxiety:

  “Everything needed to be like kind of perfect and controlled. And I think that’s how I feel most safe.” — Beth Stelling (07:55)

• On Sexism in Comedy:

  “The idea of anybody feeling like they had access to me or my body is…crazy…when you’re just waiting to go onstage.” — Beth (29:07)

• On Feeling Like an Imposter:

  “I suffer from ‘I shouldn't be here’ and ‘will that even air?’” — Beth (49:46)

• On Internet Misogyny:

  “The Internet basically exists…the algorithm so that men can hate women.” — Dan Le Batard (53:54)

• On Power in Ticket Sales:

  “The times that I actually shifted into feeling like I deserve to be here is just when more people showed up to a comedy club to see me headline.” — Beth (37:48)

• On Therapy and Perspective:

  “There was a long time where I thought…should I keep doing this, it gives me anxiety.” — Beth (39:12)

• On Lasting Impact of Trauma:

  “You’re skipping right past the mental illness part. Your normal is not normal…it’s clinically, medically, not…sane.” — Dan Le Batard (58:50)

• On Making Her Sisters Laugh:

  “If you’re the youngest kid of the family, you pop out to an audience, you know. And so I always want to make my sisters laugh.” — Beth (18:20)

• On With Working with Her Mom:

  “I am so proud of my mom being someone who’s able to receive new information and change and grow as she ages.” — Beth (66:58)

• A Dark, Humorous Note on Mother-Daughter Tensions:

  “I have a dark mantra…She’ll die, and your life will be over, so remember that.” — Beth (68:05)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:15–03:22: Naming comedy specials and Beth’s comfort in being herself on air.
• 04:08–06:29: Early fascination with comedy, theater, and self-reliance.
• 09:14–10:49: OCD/anxiety and cleaning stories; the need for control.
• 11:17–12:47: Family, trauma, and impacts of early instability.
• 22:36–24:37: Handling multiple jobs to support standup in Chicago.
• 26:14–31:55: Sexism in comedy, “one woman at a time”, and navigating harassment.
• 32:56–37:48: Imposter syndrome, power from audience validation, personal growth.
• 45:02–47:13: How social media and self-promotion are now vital in comedy.
• 53:41–55:13: Online harassment; the weight of negative attention.
• 57:51–65:58: Family trauma, relationships with parents, and healing.
• 66:58–68:05: Working with her mom and reflections on mortality and patience.

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Tone and Style

Throughout, the episode is candid, vulnerable, and peppered with the humor that marks both Le Batard’s interviewing style and Stelling’s comedy. Beth is open, authentic, and often self-deprecating—blending laugh-out-loud lines with genuine admissions of pain and growth. The conversation is organic, often circling back to recurring themes of control, independence, and finding one’s place in a tough industry.

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For more about Beth Stelling:
Visit bethstelling.com and check out her latest special:
We’re Looking For People Who Do Huge Numbers on Social Media

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End of Summary

Transcript

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[Beth Stelling]

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[Beth Stelling]

Yay.

[Interviewer]

Look how happy she is. You saw that was not feigned enthusiasm, that was sincere. She's happy to be here on south beach sessions. Beth Bethstelling.com is where you go she's got a new special. I love the name of it. Before I get to the name of it, what was second place on because you name things? Well, this is my I have a favorite thing you've named before. It's not this. And so I want to go through it with you. But we're looking for people who do huge numbers on social media. It's a bit of a mouthful.

[Beth Stelling]

Yes, I tend to name things long but powerfully. The runner up for this one was to the highest bidder.

[Interviewer]

And what is your favorite named thing? Because I've got a favorite.

[Beth Stelling]

The funny thing is after you do it once, you have to say it for a long time or people are like I liked this or they get it wrong enough or whatever it is. Excuse me.

[Interviewer]

Wow, you really let that fly. That is the best. That is the best burp that has ever been on this show. You can let it fly in all the ways Here.

[Beth Stelling]

That was actually a performance piece from my last special. We're looking for people who do huge numbers on social media.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Beth Stelling]

It is actually the origin of one of the jokes. I'm drinking lacroix and it made me burp. Okay. And then I'm trying to think about my favorite named thing. Huh. You just get sick of them after a while.

[Interviewer]

Simply the Beth.

[Beth Stelling]

Oh, okay. Thank you.

[Interviewer]

Because you've got a lisp.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah, it's simply the Beth.

[Interviewer]

No, And I don't think you've done better than that. But you're sick of all of them.

[Beth Stelling]

You're saying not all of them. I don't know. It's just like after a while, they just change for you. Or more for all those things. I also, like, if you didn't want me then. But it's a. What do we call it? What's the when? Titular. Right? When it's like the title is part of the thing. Is that what I'm looking for?

[Interviewer]

Well, titular. You got me. I've got a pretty good vocabulary. But you've stumped me. And now you've made it awkward.

[Beth Stelling]

Sorry. And I said tit.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. And you did do that. And you burped as well. So I'm pleased with your comfort so far. I should tell them that. Comedian, writer, actress, the thing that you like best of these, the answer's always comedy. Right.

[Beth Stelling]

Stand up.

[Interviewer]

What is it that lured you at the very beginning to this?

[Beth Stelling]

I think I was always fascinated with it, and it seems so scary and impossible to achieve because, you know, especially back then, there weren't exactly standup classes for me or things I could find in Dayton, Ohio, or even when I went to college a little further away in southwest Ohio. So. But it was a friend of mine. I did speech and debate. I was like, in the humorous category, which was like my first sort of foray into solo performance of comedy. And my friend Will Allen burned me the Jimmy Gaffigan cd. And I remember thinking, like, oh, okay, this is what that is. You know, and being so curious about it. Cause there's stuff you just don't know, like, did he write it all and he thought of it all and performs it? So those were the first examples for me of stand up comedy because we didn't have cable, so I wasn't like sneaking standup. In fact, I was never a student of standup. If anything, I loved comedy movies, so I loved. I got my laughs early from imitating Jim Carrey and Robin Williams.

[Interviewer]

My introduction literally to Stand up is seeing Jay Leno on David Letterman and just having no access to what any of that was, like how it was happening, what it was yours. You have no path at this point. Right. You're seeing something on television sometimes.

[Beth Stelling]

But I didn't see any standup. I recall on tv. Like, it was always just those. Maybe I knew they did stand up or something, but they were just comedic actors that I loved and would imitate. And same for like Mike Myers and I loved Whoopi Goldberg, Chris Rock. But it was in their movies. I wasn't like, who needs. You know, it was maybe until high school, one of my boyfriends would taught me a little bit about Chris Rock. Stand up. Like, who needs jail when you have the tossed salad, man. So it was like that was introduced to me by little bits from someone else. But I didn't really get fall in love with standup until, I guess, just doing it. And I also, once I decided I wanted to try it, I was obviously scared, but I didn't want to watch any standup because I was terrified that I would steal someone's Persona or like mimic, because that's how I had gotten my laughs for so long. So I just didn't watch any until much less.

[Interviewer]

So you didn't study and didn't really dream of it? Didn't have a path and were scared?

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah, yeah. And I was a theater kid and not like necessarily in the classic sense that the term is used like, which essentially just means, like annoying and over acty. I just studied theater. And it was a liberal arts school. It wasn't a conservatory. So I got to act a lot.

[Interviewer]

But why would you be attracted to being scared of it?

[Beth Stelling]

Like, what? Well, that's not what attracted me, I don't think. I think what attracted me to it was not having to rely on anyone else. That's a theme, is like not having to rehearse with anyone, not having to do material that I didn't care for, because that's what theater is like. You're not. You're not shopping for what theater company is doing to play you want to do. You're begging for a role in Euripides. You know, it's like you're showing up to do your monologues, to maybe be in Birds by Aristophanes and be like, I hope I get to play an emu. You know?

[Interviewer]

Oh, so you're. What's appealing to you is the ability to do your own thing. It's all control. There's no one but you Is the master of the creative.

[Beth Stelling]

Yes. And it's all on me. I don't have to rehearse. And I was barely getting paid in theater anyway, so it was a way for me to be like not have to rely on anybody. And I've always, I've been like that a lot. Like, don't, like, you know, even just earlier, like I'm used. Don't. I got it. Like I'll do it myself. I can't rely on anybody to do anything.

[Interviewer]

Well, what's, what's happening there? Why? Why?

[Beth Stelling]

I guess, I mean, like, I'm sure a lot of things date back to my childhood. Of course. Like, I think we're all have those pathways formed really early. But I'm trying to think of like characteristics of me as a kid. It was very much. I hated having my grandma do my hair and it was like I, I was a gymnast early and so like I would like slick back my hair, you know, put it in a tight ponytail. It was like everything needed to be like kind of perfect and controlled. And I think that's how I feel most safe. So there's probably maybe a scotch of OCD in there a little bit. But I've never been. I'm. I say that reluctantly because I see qualities in my dad, but it's more in the realm of like my sister had a over hand washing thing, but my dad is more like clean, clean pickup, pick up, pick up. And so I think that's part of it also. We had to live with our grandparents for a little while and my grandpa was a World War II vet. And it was very much like, don't touch the walls, no shoes, use only a few squares of toilet paper. You know, it felt very limiting and, and I don't know, I think that's probably all related to me feeling like safe. Like I've had issues with that. You know, depending on how comfortable or happy I am in my life, you know, I can tell like if I'm dating someone or starting to see someone, I have them over and after they leave, I clean my entire apartment. That's a sign that maybe I'm not like super comfortable with them or just in my life. I'm not feeling. Yeah. So that's. Thankfully, it's not something I can't control. The times it has gotten out of control, I can notice it. And I'm not saying it's good that I've never had to take medication. I think that can work for people, but I'm not there. So that's why I'm reluctant to say like, I Have this. But I notice things getting out of hand at times. Like, I tried to adopt two little kittens. And I was writing on the last OG at the time. And in the morning, I would clean up after them for. I'm not kidding. You know how people lose track of themselves on their phone? I would lose track. Like, I was cleaning for maybe two hours in the morning. Then I got home two hours at night. That's a lot, right? So. And I love these little kittens. I love animals. I wanted to be a vet, but it was like this idea that they're so little and cute. I think I had them. I don't know if I. I think I let them sort of go wherever they wanted in my apartment at the time. But anyway, it was like, they're so little. And I would think about them using the litter box. And then they would sometimes step in their, you know, stuff. And then, like, where did they track it? It was very much like, where is it? And I have to wipe everything down. And that's not, you know, so crazy to not want to have cat shit in your house.

[Interviewer]

Right.

[Beth Stelling]

But it got so out of hand that it was like, if there's even a single thing of litter, I have to like.

[Interviewer]

But you're also compulsively caring for a thing that kind of needs you. So there's all of that in there, too.

[Beth Stelling]

And I love them so much. I mean, it broke my heart. I actually was able to get them a home with friends who adore them. They're two comics and Anna Samaria and John o'. Leary. So they have them. I could see them.

[Interviewer]

Why did you say that way? Why are you whispering that that way? Have you just outed them or something? Or just because they're cute?

[Beth Stelling]

No, I was just saying those are the comics that have the kittens.

[Interviewer]

But I want to talk to you

[Beth Stelling]

about parents that I keep in touch with.

[Interviewer]

But you said that in a strange. An unusually soft way. Sort of syrupy.

[Beth Stelling]

No. I don't know. It was just like me being like. I should say who it is.

[Interviewer]

Okay.

[Beth Stelling]

I don't know. I gotta give credit to the parents doing the hard work. Abandoned them.

[Interviewer]

Let me go a little deeper here into the roots of your stuff. Your father and whatever was happening with him, you're absorbing as a child. And so that feels unsafe.

[Beth Stelling]

Yes.

[Interviewer]

Like, obviously that feels unsafe. So who wouldn't want human control over their surroundings?

[Beth Stelling]

Right?

[Interviewer]

That's where that starts for sure.

[Beth Stelling]

There was a lot of. And I was very little at the time, so you know how it affects. I have two older sisters. So it affects all of us in a different. And that continues to this day. How we perceive the world, our romantic relationships, who we choose, that's like all imprinted at an early age. I was very young, but that's still that time period where you are sort of imprinted. And it's like, well, you're in that path, you know, go for it. You're a magnet being hurled towards a fridge, being told not to stick. So it's like, I'm going that way until I figure out how to change the path.

[Interviewer]

You must be very driven, though, to say to yourself, I'm gonna go and fight everybody in comedy, which is notorious competitive. And as long as I've got all my own shit, I don't need to collaborate with anybody. Okay? This is where I'm gonna compete.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah. And I think I take pride. It's only now like this. I think I'm maybe 18 years into stand up. Well, maybe 19. I don't know. I started in 07. Let's not do math right now. But I think I'm more into collaborating now, having written on shows, having written jokes for other comics, and enjoying punching other people up or offering them things and being paid for that. So now I do see it more collaborative, whereas when I started, it felt very lone wolf. It's all on me. And that was the glory of it. Nobody helped me. This is all me. And I think that's like an interesting misconception that even happens or happened for the longest time before maybe social media. When you would see someone on stage, like, getting an award, they're the star of it. And then once you get into the industry and more and more, and you're like, no, 40 people made you that. And some people would think, like, my mom and this. And it's like, you're who you are because somebody wrote your words, somebody did your makeup, somebody, you know, all the things. So I thought that was so interesting to see over time, I felt, or I thought I noticed a shift of people giving credit to others then, as opposed to the attitude of, like, it's all me and you're welcome. Cause that's a choice, I think. And I think it was a. It was like a. I don't know, a theme for a long time, which was like, accepting that you're the star and nobody's helped you get there. And not just in stand up, but I mean, like, sort of in the acting and entertainment world too.

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[Interviewer]

well, what would you go about saying to describe what the difficulties in your path were in? No one helped me or I didn't. There's no you're coming from Ohio. There's no schooling. There's. I don't even know how you dreamt it up. Right?

[Beth Stelling]

School. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And there's no schooling for this.

[Beth Stelling]

Yes. Yes.

[Interviewer]

There's no classes. You can't take stand up classes at college or in high school. Not that the but you'd have to be in an artier place than where

[Beth Stelling]

it is you were my freshman year of acting school. Or maybe just acting 101 or something. They had Julia Guichard, my professor had like a fool's day and it's essentially like if you could do anything, what would you do? So that's interesting to say to theater kids. Cause it's like like, act, you know. But I think it meant, like, I'm trying to think about what other people did. Some people did music, other people. I'm trying to remember what other people did. Cause I was like, I'm gonna do standup. And of course, I put it off until the last minute. I wrote it that morning from my desktop and printed it out. It was like half a page, single spaced. And I was like, this will be a good hour. And I get up there and it was like done in 30 seconds or something. And I was like, well, that's it for me. I'll be here all year. So, yeah, I think it was like, that was my. I knew I wanted to do it then at 18, but not that much.

[Interviewer]

If you were putting that kind of laziness into the procrastination like you're doing

[Beth Stelling]

at the moment, you know, like, that's not every comic. I mean, I'm more type A for sure than other comedians, I would say. But I am still a procrastinator. And I don't know, sometimes I. Sometimes it does feel like what would happen if I worked harder or prepared, you know, And I do. Like, even last night for that show, I was told my set was five minutes. And so. Which is like, to me, at this point, when you're on the road having to do 45 to an hour as a headliner, you don't want to sound pretentious, but five's hard. It's like an Olympic event of standup in the sense that it's like, that's a very specific event. And you don't just get up there and say, what do you guys want to talk about? How are you? What's up? It's like, here's who I am, here's the jokes, and close it out strong. So I prepared for last night to do my five or whatever. I don't know where I was going with that.

[Interviewer]

You were cracking the hell out of those knuckles, too. We were talking about procrastination. You said you're type A and you said all comedians are procrastinators in some way. But not for that original speech, though. You didn't prepare. You wrote it on a sheet of paper the morning of. And you went up there and you thought you had an hour and you had 30 seconds.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah, well, the hour was an exaggeration, but yeah, that was. And I think I was like that a lot. I don't know. I could get by in school and do pretty well if I just crammed right before. I don't know, I was always a good student, but yeah, I wasn't exactly preparing a ton. I was very good at memorizing and I would always have my lines memorized for the plays. So like I was able to do what I needed to do.

[Interviewer]

But where does your funny come from? Like the starts of it?

[Beth Stelling]

I think part of it, like there is a theme for a lot of comics. If they're the youngest kid of the family, you pop out to an audience, you know. And so I always want to make my sisters laugh. There is something to be said too about being in uncomfortable situations or, you know, after our parents divorced, having to go visit my dad and his wife in Orlando. Like those times looking back are nuts. You know, a 6, a 10 and a 12 year old flying from Dayton to the, having a connection in Atlanta, finding our way to our next flight and then flying to Orlando. Just three little kids in the Atlanta airport and Orlando airport. And it's looking back at those times and knowing that we were fighting, but also probably like scared at times and nervous and being in uncomfortable situations because of our stepmom and just me trying to make my sisters laugh and break the uncomfortableness. And I loved making my mom laugh. I loved making my sisters laugh. I think it was for sure a way to lighten things up. And I was. I don't know if you exactly know. You're in a strange situation though as

[Interviewer]

a kid in Orlando when it's the three of you and it's just the three of you and you're taking a flight and you're going to a wedding that.

[Beth Stelling]

Well, they already got married when we showed up. They're already made.

[Interviewer]

Okay, so you were just going to an unusual place, a foreign land, traveling just yourselves, but you're also fighting in that age group over who's going to eat the peanuts.

[Beth Stelling]

Yes.

[Interviewer]

And you're also scared because why are we going to a different city unsupervised?

[Beth Stelling]

And they got the cheapest flights on the air Tran. So it's like two of my sisters in this row and then one in the middle over here. And it was always like, Beth, you're in the middle. And then I would make a friend. I would like meet the lady next to me and like, I don't know, make a friend.

[Interviewer]

So you. But you were the little one and you were treated like the.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah, I think I was a little. I love my sisters. There was no like psychotic bullying of me. We were all close. Cause we had to like stick together. So I've never had super rough Patches with either of my sisters. Even when we had a recent rough patch with my sister, we sort of like lost her to one of her husbands and now she's sort of coming back to us. But she was very much isolated and in a bad situation.

[Interviewer]

But are they looking. Of course a standup comic. Like, do they see who. Like they.

[Beth Stelling]

Yes.

[Interviewer]

They knew what you wanted from very early.

[Beth Stelling]

Yes. I was a ham and I loved. Like we didn't have money for like a camcorder or something, but if we got together at the cousin's house and there was a camera, I mean, I was like, I gotta get in front of that thing. Like my mom recalls. My mom and I were talking and she remembers the time where she took. She's a teacher. Was a teacher. And she was a chaperone for the trip to Kings island, which was like a theme park, sort of a roller coaster place, whatever. And she brought me with and I somehow they let me on the loudspeaker and I. She just said I was basically like just entertaining everybody on the ride there. And her students talked about it forever. I don't remember anything I said, but I remember doing that later again whenever I could get on a bus or there was like a trip. My mom did some church choir stuff and we did like little tours and anytime I could get on that mic, I would.

[Interviewer]

And so what is it? What's the calling? Do you know? Like, that's an unusual feeling.

[Beth Stelling]

Well, it's uncomfortable because I think in some ways to start standup you have to be a little dumb, a little self centered and like arrogant to be like, everybody's gotta hear what I have to say. But I think the drive really was the attention, the feeling of getting a laugh that felt so good. So that's really what I was going after. It wasn't. At least I think. Cause I don't want to say, like I loved the sound of my own voice, but like I loved being amplified. It was so fun. I mean, part of me wonders, like, who doesn't like that? Like I wanted. I loved the checkout people at the grocery. Like that was another job I would have loved to do. I love that. That's so fun. And then they also get to go like this and say like, hey, we need somebody up here a bag or whatever. So that's a.

[Interviewer]

That seems like fun to you guys? It's a really.

[Beth Stelling]

I would love that.

[Interviewer]

Really. Is that just to have the control of the microphone to talk to the entire.

[Beth Stelling]

I think so. And scanning and talking to people?

[Interviewer]

Well, You've had a number of these jobs, right? Weren't you working two and three jobs at a time? Like, tell us about. Tell us about what? The actual dirty parts of success that no one knows about because the start is so unpleasant.

[Beth Stelling]

Well, the first move for me was Chicago. So after Ohio, where I grew up and going to college there, I moved to Chicago with two boys from my theater program, Tim and Derek. And we got an apartment in Boys Town on Oakdale. I'm trying to. What else do they call it? Oh, Lakeview sort of area. And I had worked at a bagel shop in college, so they just sort of let me. It's not a transfer, but it was like, you know, it was a good bagel. Friend of the family. Yeah. So I worked at the Chicago Bagel Authority right away. So that was really helpful to me to have something lined up, but I still needed more money. And so then I found babysitting jobs for people who would come into the bagel shop. So I was able to do both of those jobs. A hustler and then stand up at night and stand up. That was great. In Chicago, you weren't making a ton of money, but the showcase is paid, so it might cover your groceries or something, which is hilarious to say, because groceries. I mean, groceries to me was. I ate the bagels at the place that I worked, and then I would get stuff at cvs, you know, like, that was grocery shopping. Right? Sure. I always, like. I don't. I don't know. A lot of comic Chicago scene, especially it's like late nights, lots of drinking, late night food, stuff like that. I always say, like, I'm not a huge drinker, because I'm not. But back then, I think I have friends who are like, you drank. We were all drunk. I'm kind of like, well, you were. I was drinking. I'm not saying like, oh, I'm perfect and I didn't drink, but. But not like that. I don't know. I definitely drank more at that time in my life, but nothing. I rode my bike everywhere. That's how I got around.

[Interviewer]

But these seem like unnecessary corrections. What are you trying to convince me of as it related to your drinking? You were drinking.

[Beth Stelling]

I just think, like, the scene, you know, it was very like, late night.

[Interviewer]

You were young.

[Beth Stelling]

You were young. Yeah, but I think the incongruency in memory is for me, when friends are like, you drank. And I'm kind of like, I don't remember.

[Interviewer]

No, but this is Chicago. This is Chicago's specific gauge on what Drinking is.

[Beth Stelling]

Well, the reason my mind jumped there is cause you would get paid in drink tickets, if not cash. So that's how prevalent it is. It's basically like, well, of course you'll perform for this. And I felt like I'd rather get money.

[Interviewer]

Wouldn't everybody know?

[Beth Stelling]

Well, no, not every. That's kind of what I mean. The scene was very fun and drinking, so.

[Interviewer]

But the comic scene in general has a giant amount of nightlife in it, and I would assume a giant amount of drinking in it, because at least in part, once you come off stage, you're not gonna go right to sleep. You're just amplified and.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah, and I think, too, also, though, now more than ever, there's more sober people. And also your behavior, I think, has greater consequences. I mean, even just from, like, you know, if I'm getting asked about someone or, hey, should we hire this person? Or what do you think about this person? I'm like, yeah, I mean, they're really funny, but they're hammered all the time. You know, Like, I'm not saying I'm a tattletale, but if somebody is like, hey, is this person reliable? And I know that they're a blackout drunk, I'm probably gonna be like, they might be a booze hound.

[Interviewer]

You know, all of comedy has changed in the 17 years you've been in it.

[Beth Stelling]

Oh, my God, so massively. And I know that that happens every generation. Sometimes I'm like, does everyone feel like this? You know, it always takes. My mind always goes to, like, parents being like, Elvis is evil, you know, rock and roll. But, like, I think we're moving at a lightning speed. Whereas before it was like, oh, yeah, new things like that introduced. Things have always been shaking it up or changing or, you know, making people uncomfortable, I guess. But I feel like we're moving at lightning speed in this industry. Like, how drastically things have changed for us.

[Interviewer]

Well, elaborate, though, on.

[Beth Stelling]

Because, like, if I think of somebody like Liz Winstead or HBO's Women of the Night, that was like, a lineup of, like, tons of amazing female comics, and the shit they put up with to get there sucked. So, like, because they were able to talk about certain things and go through that, that made a path for me to be able to talk about certain things and feel like, oh, the women before me carved a path. So I felt that influence, where those women fought for that. But I also, at the time, experienced what I had seen, which is. And I don't know if that's changed a ton, but very much one at a Time, you know, it was like women had one at a time, you know, it was. I'm just trying to think of examples like Sarah and then Chelsea and then Amy and then Ally. So it's like very much. Here's this one, you know, where. As opposed to the idea that we never think about that with male comics, it's like it's all the guys.

[Interviewer]

Well, we could do that, I suppose, with one fat guy or one small guy or one black guy. But like not as pronounced, but.

[Beth Stelling]

Right. You have Eddie, you have Chris, you have Kevin. So it's like. And of course generationally, there are gaps there, but yeah, I think that that's always been the case. Early days of standup, I was very much getting questions, always that what's it like to be a female stand up comedian? It's a little funny to think about that question now. A little to be like, so you're asking a 22 year old what's it like being a female standup comedian? Kind of fun. It makes me feel a little ancient. It's cool. I'd be like, you know, and at the time, I remember making a very specific choice to say I loved it because I wanted other people to not be scared to start. Like, I wanted to be like, oh, it's great. Yeah, it means I'm like, you know, I forget how I would phrase it, but I wanted it to seem like, hey, you know, no big deal. But the truth is like, there were totally deeply uncomfortable times and definite sexism and total line crossing and you know, like. And I don't just mean like, well, back then it was cool. It's. It was never cool. I mean, I remember I stood in the back of the room of Fizz. These guys started a Comedians yous Should Know show, which still exists. And it was great. It was really cool to be a part of something really special. I remember being so proud. I got on the show, invited my mom, she came home and watched me at Fizz. And my boyfriend Chris at the time would come and I just felt really cool to be a part of that group. And often I was maybe one female on the lineup. And to your point, one black guy, one female, the rest the of, you know, straight white dudes. And this is the north side of Chicago. It's very different, you know, like the south side and the north side were quite different scenes. But. And I was standing in the back of the room waiting to go up and Junior Stavka, one of the guys that ran the show, came up behind me and like, he's like, I don't even know. Over six feet, huge person. I think he was a boxer. Wound up and smacked my ass, like, to the point where, like, took my breath away. And the way I did. I'm 22, 23. I was like, how do I handle this act? Like, it doesn't bother me stand there. I think I said. I think I did, like defend myself in the moment. I wasn't like. Because it hurt and it like really shocked me. So I think I said, oh my God. Or why did you do that? Or stop. And maybe another guy may have said something. I forget. It's all a blur. It's so long ago. But like, that's crazy. And I had another more supportive guy who booked me on a lot of shows and this seems harmless, you know, come up to me and he would grab my pigtails and do that stuff, which. That seems like nothing. And it's not like I'm saying it's so awful. But, you know, just the idea of anybody feeling like they had access to me or my body is like a crazy thing to be dealing with when you're just waiting to go on stage and I don't know. So it felt very much like a boys club that you want to be part of and you want to be cool about it and sort of hang. And I think that as I've aged and just been more comfortable in my comedy myself. Cause those guys are all still there, they never left. And I don't know if they still do comedy or not. But it's like now I'm not really worried about what they would think. Like, I'll say whatever I need to say. Whereas before, I think I was scared to sort of speak out or say something that felt like an injustice or, you know, it felt like I couldn't tell anybody about sexuality.

[Interviewer]

I mean, there's great power in that. Do you feel like you were lying when you were saying whatever you were trying to remember there as the stock phrase on what you would say? Oh, you just felt you would say it's great.

[Beth Stelling]

Oh, yeah. I don't know if I was lying because it's not like it was horrific. That's why I brought up the women of the night. Like, I'm sure they dealt with stuff that sucked. And so I'm like, it wasn't like our everyday was terrible, but. But by the end of like my third year, I remember thinking about stopping. Cause one of the guys on the scene, like kind of had a crush on me, but I didn't really reciprocate and then he got a little upset. And then his friend who smacked me sort of was trying to intimidate me, saying because I wouldn't have him on my show, I was taking work for him. I'm like, I'm taking two drink tickets from him, you know, But I didn't know how to stand up for myself as well. And I remember being scared and hating it. And we had to do a fundraiser at the Playground Theater. It was like a 24 hour sort of. I don't know, what do they call that again? It's like that used to be really popular. It was like a 24 hour marathon. Yeah. And I remember my spot time. I was like 1am or something and it was barely anyone there. And those guys were in the back and I'm on stage and it's just so uncomfortable because they were like heckling me and I was like, I want to stop. I hate this.

[Interviewer]

Oh, wow. You got to hating it.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

You got to hate within three years.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah. And I was very sad and like, you know, Chicago's rough. It's like, because like, winter is so long, you know. And so I remember being like, just depressed and, you know, I wasn't like, living a really super healthy life in the sense, like what I told you. Like, I ate my bagels and I ate at cvs and, you know, like, I wasn't taking care of myself and feeling great. I rode my bike a lot. But yeah, just like drink paid and drink tickets. And I remember in it being so dark there I was just like, I think I'm done. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I was like, maybe I'll move home. And then the Chicago Reader came out. My friend Emily Giant texted me. She was one of my theater friends from Miami. And she said, did you pick up the Chicago Reader? And I said, no. And she's like, go look at it. And Steve Heisler, the writer at the time, the critic, comedy critic, had named me the best stand up in Chicago. So that's also a theme for me. Like, me feeling like I'm at my lowest and like, maybe I'll quit and I'm not good and then some being like, well, you're actually the best. And like, what?

[Interviewer]

That's a theme for you?

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah. Feeling like I have to pump myself up to be like, I'm good at the job. I'll take it, or I want the job. Sometimes it never feels like enough like feathers in my cap to feel confident

[Interviewer]

with all of the success and all the collaborations that you've done.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah. I mean, I think back to some of my early days with one of my therapists. Like, my therapist, and she did say, you should make a little, you know, in my office now, I have, like, a little wall behind me of my favorite moments in comedy. And it was like a little collage I made, and it's massive. It's like all the cool people I've met. You know, me and Wanda Sykes and me and Gilbert Godfrey when I was writing on, you know, all these cool people I've got to touch that I watched as a kid on tv. I don't know if I'm close to my period, but I almost teared up. You know, I'm just sort of like, that's cool. But it's hard to remember that, I think, because of the drive of it all. And what's next? What's next to survive? Because, like, you know, comedy for the longest time is like a piecemeal existence where you're like, next job, next job. And I didn't even get to. Where. We haven't even gotten to la, but I also had similar. Multiple jobs and then having to get this covered so I could maybe go and open for this person for 300 bucks. But then I can't lose this job.

[Interviewer]

No, but I want to hear about all of those. Like, how you had to piece together the whole journey, but you hadn't realized as you were doing it that you are now in and a part of the world. And the world is a very small world. It's a thousand of you or whatever who make a living doing. Making other people laugh, and now you're in their company. You didn't realize that you had already arrived?

[Beth Stelling]

No. No, I don't think so, because I think there's, like. There is sometimes that feeling of, like, high school and standup where, like, there's the seniors and the junior, you know, and, like, when I was coming to Chicago as, like, a freshman, Jared Logan, Kumail Nanjiani, all those guys were about to leave. So it felt like. But I know Kumail now, and we have a mutual respect. And so I think that those moments are hard to, like, really wrap your mind around. But those moments have happened for me, and it's incredible, you know? So I do think I'm able to, if I sit down and really remind myself, I could say, come on, you're good. You're good at your job. You know, you know how to do it. But I don't know where that.

[Interviewer]

When did you stop Being scared of like just. You said you were scared. You said you were scared of all the. No, all of it. I'm talking about all of it where you're scared to speak up, you're scared to say you have to lie during the interviews. Cause you're not quite comfortable enough that I know I can do this, I know I'm good at it. And the industry has to change enough so that you have to be rewarded for being able to just do it yourself. You don't have to need, you don't need a whole lot of backing.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah, I see what you mean. Like when I was saying like, oh, it's great being a CNN comic, it's not that I was lying because it was great. Let's think about it. I'm the only female on the show because the other one's across town doing the other show. So it's like I did stand out. But back then if you. What's it like to be a standup comic? Well, I'm also representing an entire gender on a lineup. That's not really fair cuz the other four dudes are not representing men. You know, you would go see the showcase of all of us and if two guys eat shit and you hate them, but the other two kill, you never leave that show going, men aren't very good. Even though the statistics would say men are bad at comedy. But that never happens. There's always like, see, women aren't funny if I didn't have a good set or whatever. So that was the pressure there. And so yes, I think I wanted more people to feel welcome, like come over, it's fun. But that danger was there too of like girls entering dating comics and then just becoming his girlfriend. Like there's just like there is being male dominated. There is that little power imbalance that the times I started to feel more power are when I was selling tickets. Because that is power. Like, you know, even if you're showing up as an early headliner to a comedy club and you're not selling, you have no power. It's like, thanks, I'm lucky to be here. I'm just lucky to be here. And you don't want. I never had goals of shifting into a monster of like, you're welcome. But that does win, that does get rewarded, that behavior and type of ego.

[Interviewer]

Really? Yeah, yeah.

[Beth Stelling]

I think like sometimes I have felt like maybe I have to be a psycho to make it really, you know, far. I don't think that's true of course of everyone. But there is a switch I've seen happen, for sure, in people or it was always there. But, yeah, I think I'm like, the times that I actually shifted into feeling like I deserve to be here is just when more people showed up to a comedy club to see me headline. You can feel the shift, the tides, like, as opposed to a papered room of, like, I guess we'll go see comedy tonight versus, like, let's go see Beth Stelling tonight. So then you can feel it in the crowd. And it takes years, at least for me.

[Interviewer]

Well, and they're rooting for you, right? I don't know if it makes it any easier, but they come to see you, and so the expectation is where you've set the standard, which is where you can meet it.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah, I would come. Another thing I worked on in therapy was, like, suiting up for battle versus coming out. Like, I got us and they're here to see me. We're all here to have fun.

[Interviewer]

I mean, what grace there must be in that. Like, that's a totally different way of performing. It's fighting the audience versus enjoying where your life is taking you with the audience.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah. So I think it's like, you know, a lot of people speaking of, like, everybody, what we were saying talks about on the Internet, like, I have OCD or I have adhd, but there's a lot of inner child work talked about. And I think for me, that was part of it, which was like, doing some of that work, which is like, you don't have to be scared, because I know better now. Like, I'll take care of us. Like, I'll stand up for us if need be. So it was like that idea of, I'm not a little girl anymore that just gets pushed around and taken to wherever. Like, I know what to do, so you don't need to be scared, you know? So that was like a mind shift for sure, if I'm metaphorically talking about it.

[Interviewer]

Well, no, but it's also, you become an adult, and also you're soothing this person who needs this much control because she needs to have this control in order to feel safe, because everything feels unsafe.

[Beth Stelling]

And there was a long time where I thought, should I keep doing this? It gives me anxiety. Like, I had a boyfriend that I dated my early years out here in LA that was still in Ohio. He was like my college crush, and I had loved him for so long, and then I finally started dating him, and I, you know, I think he would have, like, that. That always feels like, what is the sliding doors thing? Or Whatever that always feels like if I had taken that path, my life would not be this. And that's always those things. I don't, like, look back and go, oh, I ruined my life. Or I made a bad choice, but. And who knows if it would have really worked out. He's married now and has children, is very happy. But say I had at that time when I was like, should I keep doing this? Because I don't love the idea of mining every day and every part. The exhaustion of like, well, is this a joke? Is that a joke? In fact, it bothered me to be around comics that were like, wait, what did I say that was funny? Let me write that down. This is before iPhones, you know, or, yeah, before iPhones. I would be like, ew, be in the moment. Be authentic. Be with me. And yet I also envied them. I wish I could do that. I said so much funny stuff at dinner, but I was just trying to be, like, in it and present and human instead of. So then that got exhausting. And other people will be exhausted by that if they don't know what your job is or push you to do that. And I think my boyfriend at the time felt like, you're so creative. Like, just move back home with me and I could get you an advertising job. You'd kill it. And that's not, like, rude. I think that he would have liked to be close to me or maybe had our life together, I don't know. So, yeah, I thought about that. Okay, I could be creative in a different way. And he even was like, you could open a comedy club here. Like, a lot of beautiful ideas. But I was battling the exhaustion of, like, should I keep doing this? Is it bad? Like, mine? Every moment, the exhaustion of it.

[Interviewer]

But where were you in the path at that point? Cause this is how many years after

[Beth Stelling]

I was two years into. So four years I spent in Chicago. And after the Chicago Reader little accolade, I had auditioned for maybe three years for Just for Laughs. In my third or fourth year, I got picked for Just for Laughs, Montreal, New Face. So that was 2011.

[Interviewer]

There would be plenty of reasons to doubt if green rooms are kind of sad, that nightlife can be sad. Alcohol is a depressant. You're surrounded by comics who should be all funny and stuff. But there's a lot of pain there, a lot of loneliness and a lot of weirdness, and you're years into it, and you're working multiple jobs in order to support it. It's a totally normal thing to doubt

[Beth Stelling]

at that point and my boyfriend at the tail end of it. I'm trying to think about when I started adm. I didn't have that boyfriend yet, but I did have someone. Yeah, that's another aspect of it. Always kind of had a boyfriend. Always, always, always. So there was that.

[Interviewer]

And those relationships are either helpful or not, depending on where they are spiritually as well, in terms of how they can knock you over if someone becomes consuming 100%.

[Beth Stelling]

And so by that time, I was getting ready to move. That's when I sort of reconnected with that guy who. But it's like there was that possibility of a different life. He had a home in Cincinnati. He's like a real person. And we talk about, like, being, you know, becoming an adult. Well, that didn't happen for me for a long time and I still sometimes don't feel like that. I think that's part of life too, for a lot of people. Like, how am I 60? You know, I'm not 60, but you know what I mean? How did I get here?

[Interviewer]

In a recent special, you tackled the idea of getting to 40, right?

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah. So I'm like. Anyway, I guess what I was getting at with that is becoming adult happened for me, I guess, later. And I'm still working on it. But I was very childlike still at the time. You kind of have to be like as a comic, I think, in some ways, because you're not really growing up. I'm like working a bunch of jobs and doing stand up at night and, you know, other people I know, like, I missed weddings because I was doing standup and I didn't have money. So almost all my college friends got married and I wasn't at their wedding. I'll be honest, sometimes it was just like I wanted to do the show. It doesn't mean it was like I wasn't doing the Tonight Show. I was doing There's a Show and I Can't make it. I have a show and I probably didn't have money to get there, but I missed, like those moments for them. And then they start having kids. And so then it really felt like I'm just like a big kid and I'll. I'll never grow up. And then the move to LA happened after I got new faces. That was sort of like my little impetus to move there.

[Interviewer]

They wouldn't take drink tickets on the registry. You had plenty of those.

[Beth Stelling]

I probably owe them many gifts still to this day.

[Interviewer]

But you get to sort of forever remain a child in some parts of the work that you are doing. But for 17 years, you're now a craftsperson. You've spent 17 years sculpting, writing, and a very specific skill set that would give you some sort of mastery after this much time.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah. And at that time, I think the first. The first feeling I felt of, like, I got a hold on this was probably 2012 or 13. 2013. So that would have been six years in. And that was out here at Meltdown Comic Book Shop. They had a show in the back that Kumail and Jonah ran that was so fun on Wednesdays. But then I got to do, like, an evening with. And that was my first headlining set in la. And I was like, I think I am who I am on stage. I think I know me now on stage.

[Interviewer]

Wow. That's pretty early. No, like, six years to feel like,

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah, I didn't feel like this is it. I'm the best.

[Interviewer]

No, but you.

[Beth Stelling]

I just felt. I think I'm the closest to myself I've been on stage. So that was the first time. Cause when I first started, I was very quiet and deadpan. That's just kind of how it came out of me. I don't know. But, yeah, it was a little more my personality when that started. But

[Interviewer]

it's not a costume for you. Six years in, you're going on stage and being like, okay, I've refined the elements of this. I'm gonna spe to the audience. But I know what I'm doing, and I have a better idea of who I am.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah. And I still get. At the time, I still am pretty. I don't know. I'm in and out of. Cause my first time doing standup, it's like, as a theater person, I wrote it like a monologue, and then I needed to act it and pass it off. Like it was off the cuff. So. And then I moved away from that writing a big chunk, and it just tried the jokes on stage and then would just write the words, you know, like a set list. So I still struggle sometimes with, like, sticking to, I guess, a bit of a script. I mean, like, you. A joke is. You do need to say it pretty much the same way every time. But I'm. I'm now more than ever playing with different ways into the joke and maybe the idea of what I'm saying. Cause I can get really set in, like, the exact way I say it and the order of it. And I'm like, lately, like, in Kansas City a couple weekends ago, I was like, I'm just gonna open with my Closer. That's not groundbreaking. Some people do that sometimes just to shake it up. But I was like, I'm gonna do that, move it forward. And it's like, yeah, I made a really fun difference. And so I'm in this place where comedy's changing so much. What used to be touring towards an hour and then perform it has been like, now I'm just giving my work away for free. On YouTube. They're looking for people who do huge numbers on social media. So. So I just put it out myself now because I don't want to really wait for someone or wait for followers or. It's kind of funny. It would be interesting if I pulled like a. I think back in, who knows, 2011 or 12. I remember Joe Mandy, who's a comic and writer, bought like a million followers and was open about. It was like kind of a bit. He was always doing strange things. I'm like, I should have just do that. And then when I send you my special and you go, we love it. But we're looking for people who do huge numbers. Well, I do, I have. Does that help you? You know, like, that's what's become the difference now for at least people at my level. Obviously they're gonna stick with famous people who have the millions already. The Chappelles and Tom and Nate and all those people.

[Interviewer]

But you also have though the freedom of. You're in control. Yeah, like you said, you want the control and.

[Beth Stelling]

But I always was, you know, like, I don't know, even my half hour on Netflix, it was very much like I did the exact time. So it was like you can't really cut anything. Cause I did my time, you know, like that was my control over that. And Girl Daddy, which is on HBO Max. I don't think I had to fight for anything. One line. They wanted to take out a pedophile joke.

[Commercial Voice]

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[Beth Stelling]

Marvel Television's Wonder man, an eight episode series now streaming on Disney.

[Interviewer]

A superhero remake. Not exactly what from an Oscar winning director Action Simon Williams audition for Wonder Man.

[Announcer]

I'm gonna need you to sign this. Assuming you don't have superpowers.

[Interviewer]

I'll never work again.

[Beth Stelling]

If anyone found out, my lips are sealed. Marvel Television's Wonder man all eight episodes now streaming only on Disney.

[Interviewer]

What was working with Conan o' Brien like on? Because you mentioned that special. And I've always thought that he. He's an unbelievable genius and that people probably don't have any idea what royal's within there. It has to be an extraordinary ambition as well.

[Beth Stelling]

I really like Conan a lot. We didn't really work closely on my special. He was very kind. Like, really the extent of it was Team Coco being like, given the task of slotting HBO Maxis for specials. And JP Buck was the person who would select all the comics for Conan. So that's really my.

[Interviewer]

But according to Conan's tastes, right? Because he's.

[Beth Stelling]

Yes. So I really worked more with JP on it. Conan wrote me a really nice note that I still have framed. You know, that was basically, go out and be. You know, be yourself. You're so funny. And I did Conan twice, but I never. I suffer from. I don't. I shouldn't be here. And will that even air? So it wasn't. It's not that. It was.

[Interviewer]

I don't think that's an actual malady. I don't think that's an ailment I suffer from. Will this even air?

[Beth Stelling]

It feels terrible.

[Interviewer]

I shouldn't be here.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

What are the symptoms for this malady? I shouldn't be here.

[Beth Stelling]

Is this real? Like I felt? Yeah. I didn't ruin it for myself, but I kind of did. Like those moments where it was like, I get to do late night. I. Even that second one I remember coming, he came over to shake my hand and I was like, they were so. They were laughing so much I could barely get stuff out. He's like, well, I'll tell him to. He said something like, well, I'll tell him to shut up next time or something. You know, he's sharp, but he was. He can be like, you know. And I was like, oh, shit, I shouldn't have said that. You know? So we were never like, close. I didn't feel comfortable. He's not someone I felt like, super comfortable riffing with. It was like a scarier overlord to me.

[Interviewer]

Right.

[Beth Stelling]

And it doesn't mean, like, he did things to me to make me feel that way.

[Interviewer]

It's just the. It's the aura of him. I get what you're saying. But. But also, that is so impeccably, vulnerably not doing any self assessment on anything to saying to Conan o' Brien after you've killed. They were laughing so hard, I couldn't even get out. It sounds obnoxious, right? Even though you're just being like, why am I here?

[Beth Stelling]

But that's the thing. Insecurity can be so annoying, and I can annoy myself with it. It's like, when are you gonna stop? That's so irritating. Like, shut up and take a bow, you know? So I do feel like sometimes I ruin a little bit of that for myself. The joy of it.

[Interviewer]

Well, but, I mean, how could it. How could that not. That sounds like you just. You killed on Late Night.

[Beth Stelling]

Well, because I'll get a snapshot of something horrific someone will say to me online, and then that'll be a little.

[Interviewer]

Well, that's human nature to see the one negative thing when you're getting nothing but applause and 40 things. But I imagine in your show you could also see the guy who's bored or the. No.

[Beth Stelling]

Like, trying to think about something that happened. Yes, I'm trying to think about, like, it's like sometimes things that. That's the trouble of the Internet. Like, I can get stuck with something someone said to me and that overshadows the experience. Like, I was. I'm trying to think about what that. Oh, yeah, I play field hockey. I've taken, like, the last year off, actually, but I was playing for the US Women's Masters Feel lucky team. And we were in Buenos Aires for the. Not the World Cup, a giant, important

[Interviewer]

championship, the Pan Ams.

[Beth Stelling]

And that must have been 23, December of 23. So my special had just come out on Netflix. If you didn't want me, then they just licensed it for two years. So now it's on YouTube. But it just came out. The New York Times wrote it up beautifully. Somebody. Heather Ann Campbell, who I wrote with on Rick and Morty. So I'm finishing the game in Buenos Aires. I think we did okay. We ended up getting second overall. But the game, I think, went okay. I get a text message from Heather Ann that's like, did you see this? I'm like, oh, my gosh. I didn't. I'm in. I'm in Argentina. And then on Instagram, Ali Colbert posts a clip from her podcast where I'm like, sort of glazed. I hate doing podcasts and having to perform my bit. Like, I can't. I know that a good egomaniacal comic Will just let it rip and let the people at home think you're just coming up with it and killing. But it pains me. So I think I was like glazing over the bit, a little bit. And she's like, you have that great joke about, you know, men not being good at going down on you. And I was like, oh, yeah, sometimes they're so bad. I'm like, let me down there, you know? So like, that's the exchange a little. And then people are losing their minds. Men are losing their minds in the comments saying the most horrific things about men. And that's what I remember. So it's not like, oh, I got a glowing review in the New York Times and I just played with the US Women's Masters team. I just remember these men being like, you're an ugly bitch. No wonder nobody wants to go down on you. You're stinky pussy. Meanwhile, I like, have the best boyfriend in the world and he makes me come with his mouth. So why would I care what these people are saying to me? Like, obviously I know don't care. And like, don't look. And I don't even have my notifications on. It's just opening it to be like, oh, I'll post about the New York Times thing.

[Interviewer]

And then it's like, it's easier to say that.

[Beth Stelling]

And I remember I was right on the field. I was on the pitch. And I'm just like, just such a confluence of events where I'm like, this is sad.

[Interviewer]

I have learned a lot from the women who have worked with me in sports. And it's hard to argue with them when they say that the Internet basically exists the algorithm so that men can hate women. Women.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah. I mean, in a lot of ways it can feel like that. And then even just saying that, like, if you clip this out, it's like, yeah, we do hate you, you bitch and you look ugly and are you 60? No, it's.

[Interviewer]

No, it's the. But I mean, these are particular brand you've come up in. They're very male worlds. Yours is comedy, mine is sports. And they're just. They're just very male.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah, it is. And I mean, I think about some of my old jokes that would be sort of hacking hour. I'm trying to. I can't even remember maybe my Comedy Central half hour. I even just make a dumb little ironic. Just a line where I say, like, you know, stand up comedy is very female nominated and it gets a pop. So it's just like. And that's 2015.

[Interviewer]

You know, it's nice, though, to hear you say, though, and interesting to hear you say that you don't want to just perform your best material on a podcast. You'd rather just be authentically yourself when your best material would kill. Like, any. Anything that you'd be using right now would be funny. You'd get the easiest laughs. But there's something cheap about it.

[Beth Stelling]

But it gets me nothing, you know, like what I'm just. Then somebody would be like, oh, okay, Mother Teresa. You're trying to be a good. You know, but it gets me nothing. I should absolutely just go on and let the jokes rip. And I'm not saying I never slide in a joke or a line because it's, oh, this would be perfect there. And I should just say it because I wrote it and I write about my life. So now would be the time to say it, you know.

[Interviewer]

Right.

[Beth Stelling]

But I. I had this young comic who had me on their podcast, and I just had a really bad experience in Florida. It was about a year and some change ago, year and a half ago. I was opening for Sarah Silverman in Orlando. My dad had never seen me perform, and. Which is fine. And I mean, I was of my own design, but he came out to the show and I just had a really bad dinner with him the next night. Inappropriate, so upsetting and strange. And then I got home and I was supposed to do this young comics podcast and it was like rainy and I was late and I couldn't find him. And I felt awful that I was late. And then I was so depressed. Cause it just. It's not that it rocked me. It was just like a little, you know, a stamp down where you're just like, ugh. And you could tell he was trying to meet me, but still trying to give me. Pull some of what happened out of me. But it just happened. I don't know if I was ready to talk about it. I always get like a vulnerability, like, oh, God, should he have said that? Sometimes I'll cry or something after a podcast. Cause I'm sorry, not anything I've said so far. But I just mean I'm usually very forthcoming, you ask me and I'll tell you. And so at that podcast, and he's extremely successful and does all the things you're supposed to do. He's like, just perform the bit you have to. That's your job as the comic. Go on and shine. And I just, I don't know, it could be a little self sabotage. I have no clue. But I'm like, it just feels inauthentic to, like, it feels old school. Like when I would go on Bob and Tom and they go, what are the three jokes you want to do and how can we get you into them? And I say, ask me if I ride my bike around Chicago. And then I do my Chicago bit on the radio. So I don't know why I'm pushing back. I did it back then. It just feels old. And what am I trying to say?

[Interviewer]

I think it feels like inauthentic or not reaching you where you've grown to. You don't want to just get cheap laughs. You want to do your act. But the way that you ventured into that, it seems like anybody would be in a bad mood after having a traumatizing dinner with their father, who. I don't know which details you want or don't want to reveal about the complicated. How complicated that whole relationship is. And then you're trying to reconnect with him for something that feels loving and it doesn't go right.

[Beth Stelling]

Right.

[Interviewer]

Like, that's a fairly large trauma, I think, whether you're an adult or a child.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Or an adult trying to heal a child.

[Beth Stelling]

Right, right. And I think like my dad, one is complicated because ultimately, you know, back in the 80s when they were divorced and everything that went down with my parents and there was domestic violence and essentially like, and I think many professionals would agree, like, we should have never been sent down there after what happened with our family and our childhood. And so looking back, you know, we had a question. Court ordered therapists that we saw, and there were visitation before all of that to get us used to seeing them again. But our childhood therapist, interestingly enough, like each of us have gone back to her based upon an event in our adult life and she was just assigned to us by the courts when we were three, six and whatever that is. Our differences now. I gotta do the math.

[Interviewer]

You said before we're not doing math. You said before we're not doing math.

[Beth Stelling]

When it was anyway, Pam. Dr. Pam. But we all kind of went back to her at different times. And oddly enough, and maybe it's not odd because I was the youngest, I've always been the quickest to be like to my dad. And it felt right. I was like, no, you're done. And then seeing my older sisters and we've talked about this, give them another chance and go back and keep going back, I'd be like, it wasn't like, well, I guess I will. It wasn't like a. I was just Sort of like, well, Megan's smart. I guess I can try again. And of course, there's like a biological pull as well. But it's like he would. But then behavior again would happen.

[Interviewer]

But you're skipping right past the mental illness part. Your normal is not normal. It's clinically, medically not. I don't want to say pejoratively not sane. But you're talking. You're not talking about mild mental illness. You were dealing with some things that are. My father, who should be keeping me safe, can't be trusted to be stable.

[Beth Stelling]

Yes, very much. Yeah. 100%. And so when I would cut him off because of things he said or did, my sisters would go back. I would be like, okay, I guess I'll try again. And then eventually, you know, there was like, plateaus or whatever in the sense where it's like I pick up the phone and it's more like enduring a weird exchange. And it became like a. I wouldn't answer. But then I felt bad. A couple weeks go by. I guess I'll call him back because I finally. My battery went enough to call. It would drain me. And then I need to wait three months before I could do it again, or two months. But there were the events of him saying things, and last January was one of those. So that was for me, probably this final straw of my dad and I think, and for my sisters actually, too. So this is the first time that's happened where none of us talked to him anymore.

[Interviewer]

What have you discovered about yourself in relationships with men that gets impacted with. Whatever it is was your relationship with

[Beth Stelling]

him, I think, as a child, you know, from six on. That's the other crazy part. He married an alcoholic. So then I. What did I do? I chose a job where I fly everywhere to entertain alcoholics. I mean, you couldn't write it better. So it's just sort of like that's how mine worked out.

[Interviewer]

But, you know, so I married comedy.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah. Three kids all reacting somewhat differently. I'd say my oldest sister being the sort of second mom there, having to step into that position for a bit because my mom did suffer and had to recover. So she sort of stepped into that role. And her response to all of it, I would say, is just like sort of an overcorrection. She still is sort of like maintaining like a power grip on everything. I mean, it doesn't mean she's never laid back or fun. She's hilarious. But it was very much like, that's not happening in my house. And it hasn't you know, and she has very strong boundaries and things like that. And she's a great mom and is in a marriage. And then my middle sister has been more affected, I would say, in sort of going towards that sort of chaos of a man or the relationship and trying to repair that probably over and over again with the wrong people, I would say. But yeah, and for me it's just sort of like kids going and sent to an unsafe place. It's like, yeah, of course you're gonna be dealing with those feelings that are very complicated like that. We probably should have never had to deal with that. But then again, would I be a comic if I wasn't going to a nudist colony as like, you know, a seven year old with my dad and his wife and you know, being taken to Margaritaville and her getting hammered and throwing salt at us and calling us vampires, you know, it's like, like those are some of my earliest stand up stories is getting called a vampire by my stepmom while throwing salt at you.

[Interviewer]

Right.

[Beth Stelling]

And the punchline back then was like wrong seasoning, it's garlic, you know, so it's like you're bored by your own

[Interviewer]

joke and it's a great joke because it's such an old joke.

[Beth Stelling]

And yeah, but I have, I've started to rejuvenate that because after that dinner I stopped for a while. She called one time. I joke about it in the Landlord special which is on my YouTube because I stopped talking about her for a long time because she called and asked me not to. And she was like, I'm not drinking anymore. If you need to talk about be great. I'm like, you know, and when I first moved out here I really felt that I was like, I don't want her to be a part of any of my success and I meant it. I don't need to tell stories about her to be a good comic. Cause that was my entry was sort of getting those stories out and some self deprecating stuff which my mom of course hate. But that was my earliest sort of themes. And then I was like, fine, I don't need you. And I thought about going by my mom's last name for a little while because that's how I felt like I don't want to be. But I didn't went by my legal name. But I forget where I was going with that.

[Interviewer]

It was the relationships with men.

[Beth Stelling]

Oh yeah.

[Interviewer]

Is where it is. We were headed like how they were informed by what it is that was.

[Beth Stelling]

Oh right. Oh, she had asked me to like, not talk about it, I suppose. My dad, on the other hand, has always been like, talk about whatever you want. And I think it's because he does love entertaining and he likes the limelight. And it's like, sometimes it feels like too much to get into in our amount of time we have together. Because it's like so big. I mean, my dad moved to Orlando. I have a joke about it that he moved to Orlando to become an actor, which is not where you go. And he started his own business down there, which is basically a sign spinner. He devises these characters and then stands in front of the businesses. And that was some of our earliest jobs. We would just sit in the car and bring him water and he would pay us. And that was like, fun. And we were like. There were good times for sure. Going to the beach with a man who was just dressed like a pizza, you know, like anything we wanted. At 7:11, there was like a lot of weird fun times. We go karting. Like, there are good memories every. Like me in my lifetime having dated different types of men. I've dated abusive men. It's like, they're not all bad, which is why you are there, why you got pulled in or, you know, so there are. Are good times. Everybody contains multitudes, but I think with him in particular, the relationship has just become something like, I'm not really willing to try again anymore for. And because of that, he's always said, talk about whatever you want. But when his wife had asked me that, whenever that was 15 years ago, I was like, fine. And now I'm like, I'll talk about whatever I want because I lived it. But that is my dad's perspective anyway, so I have brought back that vampire story within this new chunk of material that was inspired by last January. Cause we went out to eat again and she was drinking, which is hilarious because she told us that she stopped. So I'm like, did you forget the lie? I'm right across from you.

[Interviewer]

You do a great drunk. You do. The impersonation is really strong. Yeah. I don't know how much impersonating you do of other things, but a drunk woman calling you, You've got that one down. What's up? Like working with your mom, do you. What are the challenges? I worked with my dad for eight years on television. I did a show with him, and it was meant to make him the star of the show because he's ridiculous, funny. He was doing the show in his second language and.

[Beth Stelling]

Oh, that's cool.

[Interviewer]

But it had its challenges.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah. I think for the most part, the times I've worked with my mom mainly was the podcast that we had together, and we would call comedians moms, and my mom really loved that. And we were doing that during the pandemic, and. And it was so sweet and so fun. It was meant to sort of learn more about the comedian, and we always ended up talking to the mom and learning about her. So my mom sort of made, like, a bunch of new friends. And I am so proud of my mom being someone who's able to, like, receive new information and change and grow as she ages and learn new things and be open to that. So, yeah, even if she said something that was like, ooh, you know, that's like, not really right anymore, or like, that's not what we feel, you know, I would talk about it with her, and she'd go, okay, thank you for telling me that. I didn't think about it that way. And people got to listen to that and hear the change, like, in person without embarrassing her or making it seem like she's a bad person or something like that. And this is not something that happened often, but something to answer your question, like, were there challenges? And it's like, that's kind of the little minimalist part of it.

[Interviewer]

So was it. But it was a joy to do. Then it was like, all of it just making it, connecting with her there to do.

[Beth Stelling]

Just for laughs. Montreal before the pandemic. And we did our podcast live with a couple of moms. And the cutest thing, it's like we're finally live. And she'd be talking, and then just the microphone would slowly lower, and I'd reach over and put the microphone back up to her mouth, you know? Cause she's, like, a little shy. She's not a ham, but she's funny in her own sort of amazing naivete.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. No. When I think back on what it is that I did with my father, I would have liked to have been more gentle, and I wasn't. Not gentle. He required a great deal of patience. But the snapshots I have is, he's doing his best. This isn't his chosen profession. He's doing it with me daily. I feel like I should have had endless patience with him.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah. But that's hard. It is hard to do with your own parent. I have a dark. I've had a dark mantra that I have said to myself when those. I catch myself being an asshole, which is like. Like, she'll die, and your life will be over, so remember that, you know.

[Interviewer]

Thank you. I think that's the perfect punctuation on everything we've done here, don't you? Like, that's it. Let's just end it that way. Bethstelling.com is where you go if you want her special. I have to read it just because it's so many words. We're looking for people who do huge numbers on social media. She's funny. She's great. Thank you for sharing this time with us.

[Beth Stelling]

Thank you for having me. Sorry I talk so much.

[Interviewer]

That's what we do here. That's the whole thing. That's the whole exercise. That's why you were brought in here.

[Beth Stelling]

It always feels like there's just so much to cover, and if I unearth, like, one rock of the thing, we're never going anywhere.

[Interviewer]

Well, but I went to the big rocks, though, right? Like, I'm going, oh, let's go to dad trauma.

[Beth Stelling]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

It's one of the. It's one of the big ones.

[Beth Stelling]

It's so big.