The Big Suey: Billy's Pink Sand Paper Pastelitos

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz Episode: The Big Suey: Billy's Pink Sand Paper Pastelitos
Release Date: June 3, 2025

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Overview

In this episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz, hosts Dan Le Batard and Stugotz, along with guests Billy Gil, Chris Cote, Amin Elhassan, and Tony, delve into an engaging mix of office antics, culinary critiques, and weekend sports observations. Central to the episode is the dramatic saga of Billy's homemade pastelitos, which have sparked a humorous yet heated debate among coworkers. The conversation seamlessly transitions into broader discussions about sports figures, team performances, and behind-the-scenes insights, all delivered with the show’s signature humor and camaraderie.

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Main Segment: Billy's Pink Sand Paper Pastelitos

The episode kicks off with a lively discussion about Billy Gil's recent gesture of bringing pastelitos to the office. What was intended as a friendly act quickly becomes the centerpiece of office drama as the pastries prove to be unpalatable.

• Billy’s Frustration:
  Billy expresses his disappointment, lamenting, “I’m never doing anything nice for this office again” (07:40 ).

• Harsh Critiques:
  The hosts humorously degrade the pastelitos, with Dan remarking, “Those things are like eating sandpaper” (11:42), and Stugotz adding, “Delicious sandpaper from the finest beach” (11:49).

• Discussion on Quality:
  The conversation delves into what makes a good pastelito, debating the necessity of cheese and the impact of storage on freshness. Tony suggests, “The flakiness of the pastelito dough needs to be extremely soft” (12:05), while Amin defends cheese, stating, “Cheese makes everything better” (12:24).

• Billy’s Ultimatum:
  Frustrated by the reception, Billy warns, “If my kindness is going to be rewarded with not eating my kindness, then we may start experimenting with how far I can start pushing things here” (07:24).

• Final Attempts:
  The hosts attempt to taste the pastelitos, leading to more comedic exchanges. Dan emphasizes the need for comfort food with, “If good food is available, money is never a problem” (10:00).

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Weekend Observations

Transitioning from office culinary disasters, the show moves to their regular Weekend Observations segment, where the hosts cover a range of sports topics with their characteristic wit.

• Knicks’ Performance:
  Stugotz expresses cautious optimism about the Knicks’ playoff prospects, saying, “I haven't seen this hope for a Knicks team in 25 years” (28:58), while also critiquing their ability to contend beyond beating specific rivals.

• Reggie Miller’s Career:
  The hosts share mixed feelings about Reggie Miller’s transition to NBC, with Stugotz declaring, “I'm done with Reggie” (29:27), and Dan highlighting the value of having a sports villain.

• Player Critiques and Praise:
  Discussions include sarcastic comments about players like Carl Anthony Towns, with Stugotz labeling him a “loser” (21:46), and praise for Mike Trout’s postseason efforts (27:28).

• Podcast Revival:
  Stugotz announces the revival of the “Stupodity” podcast feed, humorously comparing its resurgence to a ship resurfacing from the depths: “It never died” (19:42).

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Additional Discussions

Beyond the main topics, the episode features a variety of light-hearted banter and topical humor:

• Cultural Impressions:
  The hosts touch on Amin’s unique cultural experiences, such as enjoying flan for breakfast, which sparks a playful debate on culinary preferences.

• Celebrity and Sports Insights:
  From humorous takes on Josh Allen’s playoff performance to speculative talks about Elon Musk’s supposed antics at the White House, the conversation remains lively and often irreverent.

• Listener Engagement:
  The hosts encourage audience interaction, particularly around the revived “Stupodity” podcast, urging listeners to “Comment. Subscribe. Unsubscribe. Resubscribe” to boost its popularity (19:48).

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Notable Quotes

• Dan Le Batard on Pastelitos:
  “If good food is available, money is never a problem. I have never seen anything in our history just not consumed in any way” (10:00).

• Stugotz on Reggie Miller:
  “I'm done with Reggie. Loser. NBA on TNT” (29:27, 30:22).

• Billy Gil’s Ultimatum:
  “I view this as an act of war by everyone” (07:24).

• Tony on Podcast Revival:
  “Make no mistake about it, the Stupodity podcast feed is still alive and back” (18:40, 19:26).

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Conclusion

This episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz masterfully balances office humor with insightful sports commentary, anchored by the comedic central plot of Billy’s ill-fated pastelitos. The hosts’ dynamic interactions and sharp wit provide both entertainment and relatable content for their audience, making it a memorable installment in the series.

Transcript

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[Dan LeBatard]

Cuervo? Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up.

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[Dan LeBatard]

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[Dan LeBatard]

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[Stugatz]

Cuervo. Welcome to the Big Sui presented by DraftKings.

[Dan LeBatard]

Why are you listening to this show?

[Stugatz]

The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan LeBatard podcast? I'm sorry. I'm not gonna apologize for that. In fact, the the only difference seems to be this imaging.

[Dan LeBatard]

I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries that if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys.

[Stugatz]

I've done it. And now here's the marching man to nowhere, Fat face and the habitual liar.

[Amin Elhassan]

This episode is presented by DraftKings. DraftKings. The Crown is yours.

[Dan LeBatard]

So Stugats will let this go after this and we will get to Stugatz's weekend observations in a second. But Carl Banks. Do any people in the shipping container know who Carl Banks is or why? The name Carl Banks is an important one, of course.

[Chris Cote]

Cousin of fresh Prince Will Smith, Carl.

[Dan LeBatard]

Banks is a former champion linebacker for the New York Giants and he says dugat Giannati's take. Which one is Giannati? Is it Gio or is it Sal?

[Amin Elhassan]

Gio is ripping cat Giannati.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah.

[Billy Gil]

Which one would you.

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't know whether it's Sal Giannati or Gio Giannati. Question it. Look, those New York gas bags who get manned, I've been listening to them for 30 years on that platform.

[Chris Cote]

They all run together they're all named Giannati Carton. Giannati.

[Mike Ryan]

Right.

[Chris Cote]

Stugnati. They're all.

[Stugatz]

Giannati said Giannati.

[Dan LeBatard]

They're all felons. They're all. They're all people whose opinions you cannot trust. And Carl Banks says of Giannati, quote, this is genuinely pathetic. Calling a man you've never met a loser says more about you than it ever could about him. I've known Kat and his family since he was a kid. Bona fide. There's absolutely nothing about him that resembles a loser. Try being a better human instead of broadcasting this ignorant shit.

[Stugatz]

Loser.

[Dan LeBatard]

Geo's response is, you still owe me $50 from an appearance I made in Pittsburgh.

[Stugatz]

That a boy.

[Dan LeBatard]

That IS Sports Radio 2010. In 2010, Gio says, you owe me $50 from an appearance I made 15 years ago.

[Chris Cote]

Better come back. That one or Greg Doyle. You can read about it tomorrow.

[Dan LeBatard]

Forgive me, I've got it wrong. It was $500, not $50.

[Stugatz]

50 bucks is cheap.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, my fault. 500 is pretty good for 2010.

[Billy Gil]

Nice.

[Chris Cote]

2010.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's Carl. Now, Carl Banks was paying pretty well, I would say, during that. I don't know why he would be.

[Stugatz]

Why would Banks be paid?

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't know.

[Stugatz]

Did he run a radio station?

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't know why Gio is accusing Banks of owing him $500. Perhaps he think name is literal on Banks.

[Chris Cote]

Uncle Phil had a lot of money, man lived a nice life in Bel Air.

[Dan LeBatard]

Thank you, Amin. Please keep that joke going. All show. I think it's a winner. The thing that's happening in the kitchen.

[Chris Cote]

Right now, not unusual.

[Dan LeBatard]

The thing that's happening in the kitchen right now is both upsetting to me and insulting to Billy. Billy, yesterday is an act of kindness. Brought in pastelitos. He was accused yesterday of just bringing over leftovers from a weekend party at his house. Two have been eaten at 2, and he's eaten them both. They're still there from yesterday.

[Stugatz]

That's yesterday's food.

[Billy Gil]

Some are saying it's actually from Sunday.

[Amin Elhassan]

But somehow the sandwiches look like they're.

[Dan LeBatard]

Sandwiches were put there today. And they have been eaten by the Wolverines who live here. The pastelitos have been left alone.

[Amin Elhassan]

And sandwiches look like they've been there three months.

[Billy Gil]

They're dangerous, too, though, because those sandwiches often have, like, hidden toothpicks in them. Where, like, they can rip open your innards.

[Chris Cote]

Having said that, I've just had one of the sandwiches, you know what? Finger food. Because I had it. And I went nice and that's it. I'm clean.

[Amin Elhassan]

That can't be a finger food. It's a sandwich.

[Chris Cote]

It's a finger food. When they cut it up. When they cut it up into quarters.

[Amin Elhassan]

Sandwich. Quarter can be a finger.

[Chris Cote]

It becomes a finger food. If it was a full sandwich.

[Dan LeBatard]

No, put it on the pole. Is a full sandwich a finger food? Because that was a full sandwich and they've just been cut up in pieces. Again, we're getting off point. The sandwiches are one thing. They were put there today and you have seen what happened. Bacon sandwiches gone first off the shelf. They fly out stugots, grabs just the bacon from inside them. Walks around with grease on his fingers. No plate, just eats the bacon. You see that nothing around here can stay out without being eaten. Except for Billy's pastelito.

[Billy Gil]

Except for my act of kindness.

[Dan LeBatard]

The first thing in the history of our consumption that I have seen. Just sit there.

[Amin Elhassan]

There's been some gluten free stuff that just brings that. We've kind of. Let's sit there.

[Dan LeBatard]

This is the part, though, that I wanted to ask both Tony and Billy, because you may have not noticed that Amin, being in South Florida just occasionally, has developed a great many cultural impressions locally where he'll have food like flan for breakfast. And I don't know Cubans who will have flan for breakfast because that's a dessert. But Amin has absorbed the local culinary treats.

[Chris Cote]

I'm offended, man. You think flan is just yours, man. Flan is a global phenomenon. When I grew up in Sudan, it was called creme caramel. Creme caramel.

[Stugatz]

That's what they'd be.

[Tony]

Also Spanish, too.

[Dan LeBatard]

Again, creme caramel is different than flan. Flan is the Cuban one. And it's all the same thing. It's not all the same. They're all the same. They're not all the same.

[Stugatz]

I will say family.

[Tony]

Amin loves Hispanic food. Amin loves Cuban food. He's always in it. When there's baca frita, he's there, the first one eating it. So I'm gonna give him a commemorative Cuban congratulations.

[Dan LeBatard]

Amin, my brother. Congratulations.

[Tony]

So he can talk about the batalitos if you need.

[Dan LeBatard]

Well, but the opposite of that, I would say, is stugat. Stugac has lived in South Florida all his life. He looked at the pastelitos and said, what are those?

[Stugatz]

Yep.

[Tony]

Come on.

[Stugatz]

I mean, you did.

[Tony]

You know what they are?

[Stugatz]

I don't. I've never had one.

[Tony]

You've lived here for 20,000 years. You've never had a pastelito ever.

[Stugatz]

No, I can't.

[Tony]

That's not true.

[Chris Cote]

You've had it. You just didn't know what it was called.

[Dan LeBatard]

Perhaps the flakiness, the guava. He doesn't cheese. He would like it. But apparently no one likes Billy's Pastelitas because I can't. I can't tell you how rare it is for a dessert to last five minutes.

[Billy Gil]

Anything.

[Tony]

You know what you want? You want me to be honest and you want my honest opinion.

[Stugatz]

They're dry a little on the dress.

[Billy Gil]

You got here a day after they arrived. I know you weren't here yesterday.

[Amin Elhassan]

Right now they look dry when Gino rejects it. You got to take a look in the mirror.

[Chris Cote]

And they arrived the day after they were made.

[Billy Gil]

I took a look in the mirror and. And I'm proclaiming right now. I'm never doing anything nice for this office again.

[Tony]

Like the big look, the big I got him from. Is that a usual place for you or is that something that you were like, oh, I'm kind of.

[Billy Gil]

Don't worry about where I got it. They're never going to be in this office again. Neither will it. Kind of tast. I'm telling you right now. Look, I would not describe myself as overly nice. I would also not describe myself as overly mean. I would describe myself in this office setting as quiet. And I somewhat keep to myself. I have my little groups. I go and I talk in my groups. I come in, I do my job and I go home. But I will say this. I could create a lot more problems in this office based on my stature here than I do right. And if my kindness is going to be rewarded with not eating my kindness, then we may start experimenting with how far I can start pushing things here.

[Stugatz]

In this problems are coming.

[Billy Gil]

I'm just saying I tried. I tried. And I view this as an act of war by everyone. I was told by someone this morning with a straight face, with a straight face. While Dan was out there trying to stir things up saying, look, no one's eating your pastelitos. Hehehe. And he was trying to rub it in my face and get people angry, get me angry with my coworkers. I was told by someone while they're almost mid bite eating something else that the reason that they could not eat my pastelito is because they were on a diet mid bite eating something else. Chris was there. He witnessed this conversation. I was told this. I can't eat this.

[Dan LeBatard]

She was eating deviled eggs. I saw her.

[Amin Elhassan]

I didn't say, wouldn't we all agree that's healthier than a devilita.

[Billy Gil]

I'm just saying it's a healthier option.

[Stugatz]

Yeah, it was a soft quiet.

[Billy Gil]

I keep on my best behavior, but if people are going to be agitating me and poking the bear, I can make messes.

[Amin Elhassan]

So just say there are people here.

[Billy Gil]

That make messes behind the scenes. They come on here and they. They do their thing, and then behind the scenes, they go and they throw their weight around. That's not me. Not me, friends. I come in and I keep to myself. I punch in, I punch out. Then I walk across the street in the rain to the parking spot that I got across the street, which we don't have to talk about while I play human frogger every day, trying not to get hit by a car. Sometimes wondering if I do. I mean, Bird's gonna have to pay for that one. But if I bring you pastelitos.

[Amin Elhassan]

Wait, so I can't politely decline because of a diet?

[Billy Gil]

No, don't lie to my face and tell me you're on a diet while you're scarfing down a bunch of other shit.

[Dan LeBatard]

What this is, I mean, you on.

[Stugatz]

A diet is not believable.

[Dan LeBatard]

This is what happened yesterday, and it's the truth. Billy put the pastelitos down. And Chris tried to soothe Billy by saying, among other things, it's a Monday. Generally, people are dieting on Monday. The pastelitos, the dry pastelitos would have been eaten if it had not been Monday.

[Amin Elhassan]

Thursday or Friday, though, smack.

[Stugatz]

Anything goes.

[Billy Gil]

And by the way, Ethan, cut that shit out. Trying to now give me pity pastelito. You know what? They're going. The trash. This is done.

[Stugatz]

Oh, wow. Tony hasn't tried one.

[Amin Elhassan]

Get him now.

[Tony]

I'm on a fast.

[Amin Elhassan]

Get him now.

[Billy Gil]

Guys, I tried. Dan, no more.

[Amin Elhassan]

He's still in here.

[Billy Gil]

All right, now he's going.

[Dan LeBatard]

My response to people on a Monday are dieting was not. When there's good food available, money is never a problem. I have never seen anything in our history just not consumed in any way.

[Tony]

Look how hard the bite he had to take was.

[Stugatz]

Daniel hard bite dry.

[Chris Cote]

Oh, he stopped it back. He stopped it back.

[Amin Elhassan]

One of these. I'll take one.

[Dan LeBatard]

He's not giving them away anymore. Now he's. He's keeping. He's. He's going to squeeze.

[Tony]

Why?

[Stugatz]

Yaba.

[Tony]

Or they guess what are they telling?

[Billy Gil]

There's no cheese in here. And I was going to throw them away, but that's wasteful and I'm not doing that.

[Amin Elhassan]

Tony, get your hands on One. Let's see how hard they are.

[Tony]

I want to fast. I can't.

[Amin Elhassan]

No, just give them.

[Stugatz]

Give it a feel. Try that. Some. Grab it. Billy, can I try one?

[Billy Gil]

No, you cannot.

[Stugatz]

I didn't say anything bad about it.

[Billy Gil]

Try one this morning. You're not having anything.

[Stugatz]

I've never had one before. This would be my first. I want to try one.

[Billy Gil]

You'll never have a first.

[Stugatz]

Never.

[Tony]

Do you want water? I can get you water.

[Billy Gil]

I don't want water. You're delicious.

[Chris Cote]

He definitely needs water.

[Stugatz]

You better have water.

[Dan LeBatard]

We better have water. Because those things are like eating sandpaper.

[Billy Gil]

Delicious sandpaper.

[Stugatz]

Nice man.

[Billy Gil]

Sandpaper from the finest beach.

[Stugatz]

It's got a kind act.

[Billy Gil]

I've got the sandpaper from Barbados. Beautiful pink sandpaper.

[Dan LeBatard]

The pastelito needs cheese. Like, you're going you. Tony, would you agree? I think.

[Tony]

I think that if you have a guaya patalito, it needs to be very soft, right? The flakiness of the pastelito dough needs to be extremely soft. So when you bite it, you have the contrast of the softness with the guava. If you're gonna have guava and cheese together, you can get away with a little bit of a harder shell because you have more of the crunch, because you need more to grab to then pull it out.

[Dan LeBatard]

It requires, though, the cheese. This is what has happened here. That is.

[Amin Elhassan]

Billy just said the cheese ruins it. That's never been said about anything. Like, cheese ruins nothing.

[Stugatz]

Cheese makes everything better. Everything's better.

[Billy Gil]

It's like pasty cheese. Like cream cheese in the middle of guay. Oh, no, not for me. Well, that's because you guys are idiots and you don't appreciate a good thing.

[Dan LeBatard]

That may be so. I will say, though, that when you make the gift from yesterday's party, something that stands in the kitchen for two days and gets drier, if that doesn't also have cheese, I'm like, this is the cheapest bakery thing there can be.

[Billy Gil]

As not in this economy, friends.

[Tony]

So I asked, what bakery did you get it from? Was it like a local spot? Is it somewhere that you go.

[Dan LeBatard]

I have told you guys before that I have seen the carnivores and the wolverines around here. They leave with pastelito flakes in their pockets. When the pastelitos are good, fresh. Something was deemed cardboard here. Something was deemed, basically, yeah, the hearts.

[Billy Gil]

Of all these assholes I work with. That's what's cardboard. Try to be nice. Share with you a moment in time. Something from my child's birthday the day before yes, it was racist.

[Amin Elhassan]

You had leftovers that you just wanted to dump on us. Come on. Like what are we doing here?

[Billy Gil]

I could have dumped them on my wife's co workers. I'm telling you right now.

[Dan LeBatard]

She dumped something else on the co worker.

[Amin Elhassan]

She brought something to the rest of those.

[Stugatz]

Evil also.

[Billy Gil]

No. Those then ended up not even making it to the office. That was a plan. But then they're like, you know what? Those are staying with us.

[Stugatz]

Yeah, exactly.

[Billy Gil]

Those stayed home.

[Dan LeBatard]

This is what happened. I go to the thrift store, I grabbed my receipt for the things that I've bought to Goodwill and those were things that I was otherwise going to discard. And now I'm getting a tax deduction on something that looks like charity. Billy might as well have brought those in in the garbage bag from the garbage can that was behind his house.

[Stugatz]

After the party, I think we all had the same reaction. You've never been to a thrift store?

[Dan LeBatard]

I mean, no, I've been. I've been. I go to the Salvation army all the time.

[Stugatz]

Do you?

[Dan LeBatard]

Yes. Why would I lie?

[Billy Gil]

You asked for a receipt there. You want a receipt? I'm like, no, take a self kind here. This is charity.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay. Salvation army again. Though it feels like an act of generosity. All I'm doing is getting things out of my house.

[Stugatz]

Oh, Billy.

[Tony]

The question is, did the lady at the bakery call you mi amor or.

[Billy Gil]

No questions. Don't talk to me.

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[Mike Ryan]

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[Dan LeBatard]

Don Libertard.

[Stugatz]

I want to talk about a team that I actually want to see come playoff time. I want to see the Chiefs.

[Dan LeBatard]

Oh, Stugats.

[Stugatz]

I want Patrick Mahomes strolling into my stadium with max confidence. I want Travis Kelce. I want Taylor Swift. I want the team that lost to Jordan Love. I want the team that lost to Aiden O' Connell. I want the team that trailed 17 to nothing to Jake Browning. That is the team that I would like to face in the playoffs. That's the team indeed that I would want to face in the playoffs because that team is not very good.

[Billy Gil]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats.

[Dan LeBatard]

Time now for Stugatz's weekend observations.

[Billy Gil]

It is time for Stugats to share his game notes.

[Dan LeBatard]

No one in the media will tell.

[Billy Gil]

You what happened better than my boy Stu.

[Stugatz]

I struggle throwing things away, man. I do. I don't like partying with things from my from my childhood or my past. I'm a hoarder. You throw things away.

[Dan LeBatard]

I do.

[Stugatz]

Interesting. Anyway, weekend observations brought to you by Miller Lite. Dan. It was once bigger than Oprah, the biggest podcast in the world. But after project came up and took precedence, it got lost in the shuffle. But Dan, a fire has been lit deep inside of me and this underdog is ready to rise. Because, Dano, I brought it back. And just like that, make no mistake about it, the Stupodity podcast feed is still alive and back.

[Dan LeBatard]

Nice.

[Stugatz]

I had no idea where it was.

[Tony]

I got a notification.

[Stugatz]

I had to dig around. I had to find it.

[Chris Cote]

And stugat. Not to interrupt you, but it's kind of like in the movies where you get like, on the radar, they think every ship has been destroyed and on the radio get a boop, boop, boop. Like, what's that? It's stupidity.

[Stugatz]

It never died.

[Chris Cote]

Yes. That's too bad. It's still alive.

[Tony]

It was at the bottom of the depth of the ocean. It's on its way back up.

[Stugatz]

Like. Comment. Subscribe Unsubscribe Resubscribe that's how you made us bigger than Oprah. Do it again. New York Knicks, the rare team that was built to beat the Celtics but not win a championship.

[Dan LeBatard]

They were built to beat the Celtics and no one else. They really hadn't accounted for the architectural flaw of what if the team ahead of you isn't the Celtics?

[Stugatz]

What if you don't meet them in the Eastern Conference final?

[Dan LeBatard]

World Wide west is going over to Leon Rose in saying, we didn't think of this. We had it figured out for the Celtics. Why didn't we do it for the Pacers?

[Chris Cote]

It's like there's something about Mary where it's like five minute abs. He's like, that's great. Until someone comes out with four minute abs. Not wait, no, no. It's five minute ab.

[Stugatz]

New York added Mikel Bridges and Carl Anthony Towns just to lose to the same Pacers team. What are we doing when Thomas Bryant is out playing your superstar? You know what you do?

[Dan LeBatard]

You call your superstar a loser.

[Stugatz]

That's exactly right. You know, you also. Pack it up. Season's over.

[Dan LeBatard]

That was funny to watch. Thomas Bryant at the center of all.

[Stugatz]

Where'd he come from?

[Dan LeBatard]

He was more active in that series on defense than Karl Anthony Towns.

[Chris Cote]

Was the Thomas Bryant minutes.

[Stugatz]

Yes, Kat. Not a winning player. In fact, the Julius Randle Karl Anthony Towns trade, the rare trade that went from a win win to a lose lose.

[Dan LeBatard]

I'd like to put in Front of the group. The person in sports that most deserves this loser label that so many people are willing to give. If somebody has expectations that come with winning, and then they got to be Cat or Durant.

[Stugatz]

Loser.

[Dan LeBatard]

Carl Anthony Towns. I don't believe that Kevin Durant is viewed as a loser anymore. That's not. I don't think that's a real thing.

[Stugatz]

Has it ever been a thing.

[Dan LeBatard]

Do you guys have any nominees for this? Like somebody who is just considered a loser, like career loser. No, but just. It can't be. Just loses. It has to be. You have expectations for that person because of their gifts. Like Ben Simmons would be somebody who would get this.

[Chris Cote]

Jerry west went to the finals nine times.

[Stugatz]

Only one once, Mike Trout.

[Dan LeBatard]

He's the logo.

[Amin Elhassan]

Mike Trouts.

[Stugatz]

He shouldn't be the logo. It should be Jordan. But Jerry west is a good one.

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't think that people do loser on Mike Trout. They know he's great and plays for a bad team.

[Stugatz]

They're not doing it. They should.

[Tony]

It's him and Ohtani.

[Billy Gil]

They can do anything Ohtani got away from. One year later, Boom. Champion. I mean, what is it?

[Stugatz]

Loser. Yep. I've never felt older, loser. Than somebody trying to explain to me what the pink drugs were that Stefon Diggs had on that boat.

[Dan LeBatard]

What were they?

[Stugatz]

I don't know.

[Dan LeBatard]

Pop Rocks combined with. Because now the Patriots are doing investigations and stuff, right? It's a whole.

[Amin Elhassan]

You do.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's a whole thing.

[Chris Cote]

They kind of have to.

[Amin Elhassan]

You investigate.

[Billy Gil]

That's what you say.

[Stugatz]

That franchise.

[Amin Elhassan]

When I see they're doing that, I'm like, that's good.

[Stugatz]

They should be back to work, by.

[Tony]

The way, running drills on Monday.

[Stugatz]

They have to say they're doing it. Do they actually do it? They don't have to really do it. Just say that you're doing it. Just give the impression that we're like the Dolphins.

[Dan LeBatard]

Have any of you guys got an explanation? Please forgive my lack of intelligence when it comes to drugs. Are there theories being floated on exactly what that was? Because you would have to explain it to me.

[Chris Cote]

Drugs in the Ronald McDonald. There were no drugs. What are you talking about?

[Dan LeBatard]

So no one's gonna help me with this? Okay, great.

[Stugatz]

Thank you. Never felt older.

[Dan LeBatard]

Thank you. Thank you, everybody. So you guys don't know what the Pop Rocks were or what combines with the pop Rocks to make it drug use?

[Stugatz]

I call it the pink.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay.

[Tony]

2C.

[Stugatz]

Fine.

[Tony]

Not stove Top.

[Billy Gil]

It's told. Allegedly. Some people might think allegedly it could be ketamine and cocaine. Some people might say no, not necessarily.

[Dan LeBatard]

Was it confirmed? Was it confirmed that Elon Musk was indeed tripping on ketamine in the White House and there is video of this and also pissing himself. Because we've got drug addicts in the White House. Vermin can't control their bowels.

[Billy Gil]

I don't think he took a drug test after. So we wouldn't be able to confirm.

[Dan LeBatard]

No, I can confirm it. Just get me. Put it on. Put it behind me. Just Elon Musk clearly rolling at the White House. Put it behind me.

[Billy Gil]

Alleged.

[Chris Cote]

Dan. We can't confirm it, but we can confirmin it.

[Stugatz]

Confirming. Hey, Dan, want to feel old? Mike Cameron's son is a brewer.

[Chris Cote]

What?

[Stugatz]

Oh, yes. Like father, like son. The Brew Crew. Mike Cameron, David Sampson saying Bill Simmons is jealous of Pablo Torre for his Bill Belichick reporting. Ha. Close your eyes and picture this. There should be a superhero called Company Man. He carries a briefcase. Hey, David. Bill Simmons sold the ringer for $250 million. In no world, and I mean none, would Bill Simmons ever be jealous of Pablo Torre. I'm just saying I love Pablo. But there is no scenario where Bill is jealous of Pablo. That's not happening. I'm jealous of Bill.

[Chris Cote]

I have a confession. When you said Mike Cameron's son, for whatever reason, I thought of Kirk Cameron.

[Stugatz]

Wow.

[Chris Cote]

Kirk Cameron has a son, plays baseball.

[Dan LeBatard]

All right.

[Stugatz]

But why would we feel old, though?

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't know what you're doing there.

[Stugatz]

But Kirk Cameron having a But he never played baseball.

[Chris Cote]

I know. That's what makes it weird.

[Stugatz]

Minor penalty, two minutes stumbling.

[Billy Gil]

It may not have involved allegedly. If this is what it was. While sometimes called pink cocaine, it may not involve actual cocaine. Doesn't have rarely have ketamine, mdma, which some people refer to as Molly confirmined.

[Stugatz]

If you. If you did cocaine, though, when someone trotted out pink cocaine, would you snort it?

[Tony]

I mean, if you do.

[Stugatz]

My coke needs to be white.

[Billy Gil]

It's a batch. Red. Yeah.

[Stugatz]

I'd feel like someone, you know, probably put something in it, you know?

[Dan LeBatard]

Right. It might be a gender reveal with a little cocaine. Yeah. Yeah.

[Stugatz]

Loser. Pascal Siako is what Heat fans think. Bam. Added bio should be. Yeah. Woof.

[Amin Elhassan]

That hurts.

[Stugatz]

Pascal Siakam looks like he's 54 years old. He does a young 54 Texas Tech softball. Snapping a 20 a 37 game losing streak to Oklahoma. You know what that means? Of course. Right, Dan?

[Dan LeBatard]

I do not.

[Stugatz]

They were due.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay.

[Stugatz]

The Red Raiders Sooners. It turns out all Juan Soto needed was a Healthy dose of the Colorado Rockies again.

[Dan LeBatard]

The Rockies won last night against the Marlins to get their 10th win of the season. I believe they are now 10 and 50.

[Stugatz]

Scotty Scheffler chess. Rest of the world checkers. We're not talking enough about Scotty Scheffler.

[Dan LeBatard]

Man, if he were black.

[Stugatz]

Oh, boy. When both series end early, let's move up the games. There should have been hockey over the weekend.

[Dan LeBatard]

It is a dry spell here. That's weird.

[Stugatz]

After the last sitting around for the fan bases.

[Amin Elhassan]

It's needed. I needed a few days.

[Dan LeBatard]

Your tongue was heavy. First game of first round. Yeah. Your father's holding up pretty well.

[Amin Elhassan]

It's because the heat have been out of it.

[Dan LeBatard]

That is correct, right?

[Stugatz]

He was happy about that?

[Amin Elhassan]

Yes. He roots for his schedule. Like, I text him before every game and he's just like rooting for whatever gets him the easiest workload.

[Dan LeBatard]

He roots for me. Maximum at all times.

[Stugatz]

Knicks fans, let's remember this moment the next time we want to storm the streets outside of Madison Square Garden for winning in the second round. You know what they say, Dano. Act like you've been there before. I mean, we set ourselves up for this every single year. We celebrate so much over meaningless series victories that when we lose, everyone crushes us.

[Dan LeBatard]

I haven't seen this hope for a Knicks team in 25 years. But there's hope.

[Stugatz]

That's a start.

[Dan LeBatard]

But a Knicks team that obviously wasn't good enough to win the championship. It really was interesting to see the fan base get that loud. I don't know how you handle in general your disappointment, but I know people who mitigate and manage their disappointment by lowering their expectations. To start.

[Stugatz]

Yes.

[Dan LeBatard]

That is not what Knicks fans did. They behaved in a way, throwing trash at Brian Winhorst and being louder than everyone else. That made it awfully forgetful where hope resides.

[Stugatz]

Loser. On one hand, I'm sad the Knicks lost. On the other hand, I'm happy I never have to hear from Reggie Miller again.

[Dan LeBatard]

Is his career over?

[Stugatz]

I believe so.

[Dan LeBatard]

You don't think he's going to be higher? You don't think Reggie Miller is going to have commentary the rest of your life?

[Stugatz]

On the if I don't hear Reggie Miller on tnt, I'm not hearing Reggie Miller.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay, so if he appears on the Dan Patrick show, he's not someone you're hearing?

[Billy Gil]

No, he's joining NBC.

[Stugatz]

Is he really?

[Billy Gil]

Yeah, as lead game analyst.

[Stugatz]

It's not Reggie on tnt. It's not Reggie. It's a weird take, but you know, I'm just done with Reggie. Loser. I mean, New York made Reggie.

[Chris Cote]

That's a good point.

[Stugatz]

Thank you.

[Dan LeBatard]

We run.

[Billy Gil]

You sound like you're both, like, insulting him and praising him at the same time.

[Stugatz]

I don't know what to do with Reg.

[Billy Gil]

We run you.

[Dan LeBatard]

There is no greater compliment that you can give Reggie Miller that he annoys you so much that you demand he be out of your life.

[Stugatz]

He's winning and then he stays in your life.

[Dan LeBatard]

He is one of the guys, man. We really do have to celebrate more the people in sports who are actually willing to be the villain. There are so few, they're so precious few that I'm willing to make Reggie Miller historically better than he actually was just because he was willing to do that for me.

[Stugatz]

Loser. NBA on tnt. Tip of the cap. I'm going to miss that.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's not.

[Stugatz]

Yeah, but it's not. Listen, if it's not on tnt, it's not on tnt.

[Dan LeBatard]

You mentioned that.

[Amin Elhassan]

That's true, Reggie.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yes, this is also true.

[Stugatz]

Yeah, it just feels different.

[Dan LeBatard]

They're tip of the cap.

[Stugatz]

They did a great job. They did. They covered the NBA at an amazing level for many years. Just tipping a cap here. Let's step a cup.

[Dan LeBatard]

We should.

[Amin Elhassan]

Let's all do it.

[Dan LeBatard]

We should.

[Amin Elhassan]

Everyone look at the camera right now.

[Dan LeBatard]

It's rare.

[Stugatz]

Look.

[Amin Elhassan]

Take all of us.

[Dan LeBatard]

It is rare to get consensus in sports. That's great.

[Amin Elhassan]

You don't take the hat off on a tip of the cap. You just touch the tip of your cap, do you? It's a little.

[Stugatz]

Just like that.

[Amin Elhassan]

Head tilt down.

[Dan LeBatard]

Put it on the pole. At lebitage show, do you take off your cap when you give someone a tip of the cap? Because.

[Amin Elhassan]

Touch the tip of the cap. Head tilt down.

[Dan LeBatard]

I did.

[Tony]

That's hats off, though.

[Dan LeBatard]

I gave hats off.

[Stugatz]

I did hats off. I did hats off, too.

[Dan LeBatard]

Tip of the hat. I go hats. Hats off with tip of the hat. I don't just tip it.

[Amin Elhassan]

Yeah, hats off. Hats off to you.

[Stugatz]

You don't take it all the way off. You take it like a quarter of the way off. That looks all the way right here.

[Amin Elhassan]

That's all the way off.

[Dan LeBatard]

I know there are subjective things throughout art that get universal applause, but there is very little in sports that is subjective that everyone says, that's great. That's the greatest thing. There's been so little criticism. The only criticism I ever hear of the TNT show is basketball players now don't like that. Charles and Kenny and Shaq, old guys have so much Voice they don't like. They want new voice.

[Chris Cote]

That's because they don't have any rings. If they had more rings, they wouldn't mind.

[Stugatz]

New York, the only market that could want their coach fired after he took them somewhere they hadn't been in 25 years. Amazing Obi Toppin revenge series. Here's something to ponder. If an NBA Finals happens and nobody watches, nobody cares or nobody talks about it, did it actually happen?

[Chris Cote]

People will watch, people will care, people will talk about it.

[Dan LeBatard]

So much ratings talk coming the next couple of weeks.

[Billy Gil]

So we control that. We could just not.

[Dan LeBatard]

Not here. I don't. It won't be here. I'm talking about. We can't control it outside it here.

[Stugatz]

Right.

[Chris Cote]

We can't even control inside of here.

[Stugatz]

With Stugats, Pacers, Thunder, the rare series where both teams can point at trading Paul George away as the moment they instantly got better.

[Chris Cote]

Wait till basketball Illuminati tomorrow. Some revelations, some behind the scenes stuff.

[Stugatz]

A big congratulations to Josh Allen and Hanley Stenfield.

[Amin Elhassan]

Hanley.

[Stugatz]

Hanley. I don't know what her name is.

[Amin Elhassan]

Steinfield made her a Marlin short story. Stop.

[Stugatz]

I did. Regardless, Josh finally got a ring.

[Amin Elhassan]

Hanley. Steinfeld.

[Billy Gil]

I think it's Kelly Jensen.

[Stugatz]

Seinfeld.

[Dan LeBatard]

Seinfeld.

[Chris Cote]

What's the deal with the Bills losing all the time?

[Stugatz]

Mike Trout do it in the postseason.

[Dan LeBatard]

What's the deal with Josh Allen's wife.

[Stugatz]

Having a man's name Mike Trout make it to the postseason? Mariners. Cole Young with a walk off in his MLB debut. How can you not be romantic about baseball? It's all baseball has left is romance.

[Dan LeBatard]

I still love baseball.

[Stugatz]

Do you?

[Dan LeBatard]

Yes.

[Stugatz]

You're the one.

[Chris Cote]

So does Kirk Cameron.

[Stugatz]

All right, Justin Fields.

[Dan LeBatard]

Hold on a second, please. Hold on a second. Just.

[Stugatz]

That was the second time.

[Chris Cote]

It's a good call back.

[Stugatz]

Minor penalty, two minutes stumbling. Justin Field said he believes he can be great with the New York Jets. Hey, Justin. Got some news for you. You can't.

[Dan LeBatard]

Doesn't seem like news. It just seems like a statement of fact. It doesn't seem like something I'm just letting them know. Yeah, but not breaking news. It's just.

[Stugatz]

But he has set the bar so high for himself and I want him to set it lower because he's not going to be great there. He wasn't great in Pittsburgh. He wasn't great in Chicago. He's not going to be great as a Jet. No one's great as a Jet. Except Reavis.

[Dan LeBatard]

Put it on the poll at lebatard Show Is it possible, humanly possible, to be great as the quarterback of the New York Jets?

[Stugatz]

Name one. And don't say Namath. I'll wait all day. Andrew McCutcheon. Still doing it, Cutch. With all this additional time on my hands, I've been listening to a lot of content. Top five things you should subscribe to. Substack stugot790.substack.com God bless football. YouTube. YouTube.com@stugat790. Number two, stupidity. And number one, the hockey show. That is a quality show. I'm telling you. Roy Dwarki, it's a good show, man.

[Amin Elhassan]

Else is on that with them?

[Stugatz]

No idea.

[Dan LeBatard]

Rose.

[Stugatz]

Oh, and Rosie, of course.

[Tony]

And Ethan.

[Dan LeBatard]

But Ski, I don't think that there's a Dorkski.

[Stugatz]

I don't think.

[Tony]

Dorky.

[Amin Elhassan]

I think it's Dorky.

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't think anyone calls him Dwarky.

[Stugatz]

I like.

[Amin Elhassan]

They do hockey nicknames.

[Billy Gil]

They're hockey hockey all the time on the show.

[Stugatz]

Yeah, Dorky. Here come the Jays.

[Billy Gil]

We sell a shirt that says Dorky on it.

[Dan LeBatard]

Do we? What?

[Billy Gil]

There's a shirt selling contest going on amongst the hockey show right now.

[Stugatz]

Who's selling?

[Billy Gil]

I don't have the numbers, but whoever sells the most shirt amongst Rosie, Budsky, Dwarky and Belly win a big prize.

[Amin Elhassan]

Belly's winning right now.

[Stugatz]

Good show. Subscribe Rate Review they're going to be.

[Dan LeBatard]

Doing a live watch along as is Tony Tony with ufc. They're going to be a couple of pops up pop ups here in the next.

[Tony]

Yeah. This weekend, UFC 316, June 7th. On Saturday, the boys will be out there. 10:00pm New sponsor, by the way, at the Dead Flamingo Boost Mobile. Shout out to Boost Mobile for sponsoring the MMA hangout, baby.

[Stugatz]

Let's go. Bryce Harper missing an entire series after getting hit by a pitch on the elbow. You know what, Bryce? Isn't Dan a hockey player? An entire series? Jesus.

[Dan LeBatard]

I. I laughed the other day because Bryce Harper went up to bat and it was really nice with a gender reveal blue bat. But then he struck out, which you can't do. You gotta, you gotta make contact. If your bat is the gender reveal, you can't strike out.

[Billy Gil]

Not to bring it back, but the Cole Young walk off on his debut is one of the saddest walk offs I've ever seen.

[Amin Elhassan]

I thought it was romantic.

[Stugatz]

It was for me.

[Billy Gil]

I mean it was a little dribbler. That was extra innings. So there was a runner running home and beats the throw home. But he dribbled it about 38ft before the first baseman fielded it, threw it home. The run got in before the tag. Then he runs, he gets the first base. It's a hit. Walk off. But man, it was a routine out. But it was.

[Stugatz]

I mean, a walk off's a walk off.

[Billy Gil]

Yeah, walk off's a walk off the waist.

[Amin Elhassan]

Who gots painted it? I thought it was a home run.

[Billy Gil]

Yeah, it wasn't. Exactly Jeremy Hermita coming in and hitting a grand slam.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, interesting reference.

[Stugatz]

Hermita never did that. I mean, he was supposed to do that.

[Dan LeBatard]

Hermita doesn't remember that. And you do.

[Billy Gil]

That's. It's the only moment of his career. I think he remembers it. So I'm saying his life peaked at that moment, not me. I wouldn't say that.

[Stugatz]

That's. He was supposed to have so many moments, though.

[Billy Gil]

He was supposed to have so many moments. But alas.

[Stugatz]

Double the David Sampson still wouldn't be 5ft tall or weigh over a hundred pounds.

[Billy Gil]

What? What?

[Stugatz]

What do you mean? I love David.

[Dan LeBatard]

It really doesn't sound like it.

[Stugatz]

I just said double the David. It was funny. Five feet tall, he's small. You get it.

[Amin Elhassan]

But clean humor.

[Stugatz]

I love David as much as he loves me and as much as he loves Pablo. At any point, do you think Kylie Jenner looked around, realized she was in Indiana, and said, why the hell am I here? Speaking of hell or Briles. Dan, Those or the weekend observations.

[Dan LeBatard]

Excellent. We love those. Always. We love those. Weekly. We were mentioning Amin's love of the breakfast flan, and it made me think of the Breakfast Flan song. So let's go ahead and play that for the people.

[Chris Cote]

I wish I had some breakfast Flan. Breakfast flan. Where can I find a breakfast like that?

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, I regret doing that.

[Amin Elhassan]

Classic.

[Stugatz]

Awesome.

[Chris Cote]

I want some flan right now.

[Stugatz]

Did you have good memories of it.

[Dan LeBatard]

Or like I did? I thought it had musical accompaniment. I didn't realize it was acapella. I didn't realize it was a duet.

[Amin Elhassan]

Wait, there was music there?

[Chris Cote]

If you hear it, I wish I had some breakfast. Flaunt.

[Dan LeBatard]

There's nothing I recognize as music in there.

[Chris Cote]

Waking up on a breakfast like that.

[Billy Gil]

Not anymore. Not after Pasalito incident. Sing all your shit, acapella.

[Dan LeBatard]

Moving forward, can I ask whether or not anyone is siding with Pablo Torre in the beef with Bill Simmons? Because a lot of people are objecting to Pablo Torres journalism rooting around in the bedroom of Bill Belichick. But it's also being wildly rewarded because Pablo's numbers are skyrocketing. Because he's doing this reporting around this story that are really hungry for. But there are also people objecting to it while there's widespread curiosity about it and it's not being covered in the mainstream in a way that is satisfying to people. So people are going and hunting down Pablo.

[Chris Cote]

Dan, I know you mentioned earlier that he's going to go on with Bill Simmons. Did you see his tweet response, which was scathing and dare I say it, little Stephen A. Smith esque. Allow me to read it in a Stephen A. Smith voice. Dear Bill Simmons, since you have such a strong public opinion about my work, I happen to have a few questions for you specifically. Unless you're afraid of Pablo Torre finds out and someone just pretending to be a journalist, of course. Thanks, Pablo.

[Amin Elhassan]

You think he meant that? Thanks.

[Chris Cote]

I have a few questions for you.

[Stugatz]

Great question.

[Dan LeBatard]

It is a great signature catch line for a threatening movie villain. Dork. I have a few. Somebody who shows up with a briefcase, opens it up and says, I have a few questions for you.

[Amin Elhassan]

Here's the thing.

[Chris Cote]

Here's the thing.

[Mike Ryan]

All right, y' all, The super bowl is in the rear view mirror. The draft has come and gone. So now what?

[Amin Elhassan]

Now it's time to get the crew together. You keep the fandom energy going. It doesn't stop when the Super Bowl's gone. We gather.

[Mike Ryan]

Exactly. And look, look, just because the pads are off doesn't mean game day stops around here. We do game days even in the off season. And what better way to do that than with a cold drink and your people around?

[Amin Elhassan]

You've heard it all season long. Football is not a solo thing. This is not a me thing. This is not an I thing. This is a we thing.

[Mike Ryan]

There is no I in fandom, baby. So grab your crew, grab some Smirnoff and get into that off season groove. Summer workouts, training camp, rumors, fantasy football prep, it's all coming, folks.

[Amin Elhassan]

And listen, if you're going to sip something while plotting your team's comeback, Smirnoff's got you. It's the perfect vodka for crafting cocktails that are easy and tasty for anyone 21 and up.

[Mike Ryan]

Smirnoff isn't just a vodka. It's the number one vodka in the world and the official partner of the NFL. Grab a bottle of Smirnoff at your local retailer and head to smirnoff.com to find recipes of delicious cocktails perfect for game day. Please drink responsibly. Smirnoff, number 21 vodka distilled from grain, 40% alcohol by volume. The Smirnoff Co. New York, NY. Please do not share with anyone under legal drinking age. Howdy folks, it's Mike Ryan. Now, if you've been listening to the show a lot lately, you've heard so much playoff talk. Playoff hoops. Down here in South Florida, we're especially enamored with playoff hockey. It's not just limited to the playoffs. Motorsports, tennis, golf. It's truly one of the best times in the sporting calendar. And with the weather outside warming up, it's just perfect to hop in a pool, maybe grill up some food, but most certainly crack open some Miller Lights. I just described a pretty perfect day, didn't I? And it culminates with Miller Time. There is something about a perfect grilling day. The sun's out, friends show up, and that first sip of a Miller Lite just hits different I've been stocking up the cooler with it for years. This year, Miller Lite turns 50. That is five decades of cookouts, laughs, and ice cold moments that never miss. And if you've listened to the show for its 20 year existence, you know this to be true. Miller Lite Great Taste 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Cheers to 50 years of Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.