The Big Suey: Dan Reveals a Secret About the Grid of Death

Summary

Summary of "The Big Suey: Dan Reveals a Secret About the Grid of Death"

Released on April 17, 2025

Introduction In this episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz, hosted by Dan Le Batard and Jon Stugotz from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami, the team delves into a mix of sports banter, high-stakes bets, and unexpected confrontations. The episode, titled "The Big Suey: Dan Reveals a Secret About the Grid of Death," centers around a controversial revelation that shakes up the dynamics among the hosts.

High-Stakes Bets and Punishments The episode kicks off with the hosts discussing a high-stakes bet involving Zach Zaslow. Jon Stugotz emphasizes the importance of making the stakes "all or nothing" to ensure commitment:

"If we're going to ask thousands of people to watch Zaslow, the stakes have to be indentured servitude... it's not going to be about just money, but it's going to be a big money consequence." (03:58)

Dan Le Batard introduces the idea of using the Playback app to monitor Zaslow's reactions during a Miami Heat vs. Hawks game, adding transparency to the bet:

"We can watch in real time as his hope soar and his hopes are dashed by the performance of the Miami Heat." (03:58)

Despite initial resistance from Zaslow, the hosts lay out comprehensive consequences based on the game's outcome, ranging from exclusive Pearl Jam tickets to forced work obligations.

The Grid of Death: A Controversial Revelation The episode takes a dramatic turn when Jon Stugotz accuses Dan Le Batard of stealing the "Grid of Death" concept from their previous show. This confrontation is sparked by memories of past segments like the "Wheel of Humiliation," which featured entertaining punishments for hosts:

"These are the same thing. You stole it." (35:38)

Zaslow backs Jon's claim, highlighting that their original "Wheel of Humiliation" included creative and engaging punishments such as paintball battles and public dress-up challenges, which they believe were superior to Dan's version.

Dan counters by acknowledging the inspiration but claims to have enhanced the concept:

"We took it, we polished it up, we gave it bells and whistles. Finally, we made it into a monster." (36:37)

The discussion reveals underlying tensions between the hosts regarding creative ownership and the originality of their show's segments.

"Would You Rather" Segment: Animals vs. Every Language Amidst the heated exchange, the hosts engage in a lighthearted "Would You Rather" game, pondering the benefits of speaking every language versus being able to communicate with animals. This segment serves as a brief respite from the conflict, showcasing the show's trademark blend of humor and speculative conversation.

"Would you rather know every language in the world or be able to talk to animals?" (09:07)

The debate highlights personal preferences and the imagined advantages of each ability, with hosts sharing playful scenarios about interactions with animals and multilingual opportunities.

Reflections and Additional Banter As the episode progresses, the hosts reminisce about past punishments and creative ideas, demonstrating camaraderie despite the earlier tension. They share anecdotes about enduring challenging tasks and emphasize the importance of engaging and entertaining content for their audience.

"One time you had to give foot massages to everyone else on the show. That's humiliating." (38:32)

The banter extends to humorous exchanges about animal behavior and the feasibility of communicating with different species, further illustrating the show's dynamic and entertaining atmosphere.

Conclusion: Moving Forward Amidst Tensions The episode concludes with a mix of resolved and unresolved tensions. While the hosts acknowledge the creative overlap of segments like the "Grid of Death," they also express a commitment to delivering engaging content. The confrontation serves as a catalyst for introspection about originality and collaboration within the radio show framework.

"We have the consequences. They're right here on the board." (39:35)

"I think it's insane behavior, for sure." (43:32)

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "If we're going to ask thousands of people to watch Zaslow, the stakes have to be indentured servitude." – Jon Stugotz (03:58)
• "Would you rather know every language in the world or be able to talk to animals?" – Jon Stugotz (09:07)
• "You stole it." – Zach Zaslow (35:38)
• "We took it, we polished it up, we gave it bells and whistles." – Dan Le Batard (36:37)
• "This is a flat out thing that was stolen by none other than me personally." – Jon Stugotz (35:43)

Final Thoughts This episode showcases the intricate interplay between cooperation and competition among the hosts, set against a backdrop of high-stakes betting and creative content development. The revelation about the "Grid of Death" not only adds drama but also invites listeners to consider the complexities of intellectual property within the entertainment industry. Despite the tensions, the hosts maintain their signature humor and camaraderie, ensuring that the show remains engaging and entertaining for their audience.

Transcript

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[Mike Ryan]

Hey folks, it's Mike Ryan and if you're watching our show, you probably know and your boy has undergone a little bit of a body transformation. And I gotta tell you, Peloton has helped me on my fitness journey. It got the ball rolling for me because I watch my wife on the Peloton. She takes all these great classes. She has her favorite instructors. I listen to the music. I'm a big music guy. Gets me fired up. Makes me want to take part in this fitness phenomenon known as Peloton. Peloton offers a variety of challenging classes from four week strength building classes to running, cycling and everything in between. Peloton will help you achieve your goals and maybe you'll have some fun along the way. I know I have. It's backed by thousands of members whose lives have been changed. Be part of that group, telling you I'm better for it. Have it in my office. Sometimes I can put on the baseball game. Sometimes I can put on a soccer match. Some other times I'm totally locked in on an emo playlist. Find your push, Find your power with.

[Dan LeBatard]

[e-mail] welcome to the Big Sui presented by DraftKings.

[Jon Stugotz]

Why are you listening to this show.

[Dan LeBatard]

The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan LeBatard podcast. I'm sorry.

[Zach Zaslow]

I'm not going to apologize for that.

[Dan LeBatard]

In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging.

[Jon Stugotz]

I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries that if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys.

[Dan LeBatard]

I've done it. And now here's the marching man to Nowhere, Fat Face and the habitual Liar.

[Roy Bellamy]

This episode is presented by DraftKings. DraftKings. The Crown is yours.

[Jon Stugotz]

It's not easy to talk, right, Roy?

[Roy Bellamy]

No, this chin. The chin portion is going above my chin right now.

[Chris Cody]

Scratch your chin.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yeah.

[Jon Stugotz]

All right, so you guys need to understand something. The reason no one wants to wear the costumes is because the costumes are always harder to do. Your job. We always underestimate. This has been a. This is. I mean, this has been a corporate crisis around here. Nobody wants to wear the costumes for good reasons. It's a legitimate punishment. However, I would say to all people involved, that's the stake of punishments. Like, there have to be consequences. So just like with this Zaslo bet, which I am telling you, if we do not get thousands of people to watch this game with Zaslo, because the stakes are he either gets all or nothing on work for free, on his dreams, and it's just one bet for all the stakes. And even if he wants to weasel out of it, he can. The stakes have to be maximum, all or nothing. And it has to cost something, and we need to be able to make it like a real gamble. We're working for a gambling company.

[Dan LeBatard]

We're gambling again. Dan, I'd like to raise the stakes a little bit more. There's an app. It's called the Playback app, right? And the Playback app is. It allows you to watch live programming while you are also kind of on the screen as the talent. So what I am suggesting is that we put Zaslo on the playback app while he watches Hawks Heat so people can watch in real time as his hope soar and his hopes are dashed by the performance of the Miami Heat. What do you think, guys?

[Zach Zaslow]

I mean, if. If I choose the Heat game to put everything on the line, I haven't made a decision yet. I don't even know that we're doing that.

[Dan LeBatard]

Sounds like you don't want these tickets, buddy.

[Jon Stugotz]

No, I.

[Zach Zaslow]

Listen, I'm going to say this one time, and that's the only time I want to say it. Don't question how badly I want to go see Pearl Jam. And let's just leave it at that. So we have an understanding now we're good. I'm sorry that I.

[Jon Stugotz]

And the part. The part that I'm trying to. I really need help from the group so I can get out of this quicksand. Please help me do this. Okay, none of this works unless it's an all or nothing bet on Zaslow. Works for free. Or. Or he gets the night of his life. The nights of his life. Like, that's the stakes.

[Amin Elhassan]

Dan, I have written down here the two scenarios in which Heat win. Zaz gets Heat lose. Zaz gets.

[Zach Zaslow]

Oh, I like this.

[Amin Elhassan]

So heat win, Zaz gets both. Knights of the Pearl Jam tickets. Great seats, obviously, like you said.

[Zach Zaslow]

And gets paid for work.

[Amin Elhassan]

And gets paid for work. It's already written down.

[Zach Zaslow]

All right, all right.

[Amin Elhassan]

So let it be written, let it be done.

[Zach Zaslow]

Now we're cooking.

[Dan LeBatard]

Heat lose.

[Zach Zaslow]

Okay, I don't like that.

[Amin Elhassan]

Zaz. No Pearl Jam tickets either. Either show. And Indentured Servitude. Yeah, indentured servitude. I don't know.

[Zach Zaslow]

Hold on a second. So my favorite team, their season is over. I don't get to see Pearl Jam and Indentured servitude.

[Amin Elhassan]

Which your wife hates, by the way.

[Zach Zaslow]

My wife. I don't know if you know this about wives.

[Amin Elhassan]

Love, money.

[Zach Zaslow]

Love money.

[Jon Stugotz]

You know what I mean? Okay.

[Amin Elhassan]

Who I'm going to put unhappy wife here.

[Jon Stugotz]

Is that also okay? But I don't know if you know this about husbands. Yes. Love, money, money. Everybody loves money. Yes, that's true. What is that?

[Zach Zaslow]

Truth bomb.

[Amin Elhassan]

He's right about that.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah.

[Jon Stugotz]

Everyone loves money. Put it on the poll at Lebitage Show. Does everyone love money? What do you mean? What is that? What are you guys doing?

[Jeremy Tache]

Thank you for standing up in the name of feminism.

[Jon Stugotz]

What are you doing? You're gonna do a second time the dumbass joke of wives love money?

[Zach Zaslow]

Hey, does everyone love money? But especially wives?

[Jon Stugotz]

Oh, no, now, wait a minute. You're going. You're soaring too close to the sun. No, that's not true.

[Chris Cody]

I'll fly with us.

[Jon Stugotz]

No, no. Absolutely not. Absolutely.

[Amin Elhassan]

I write kids hate you, too there. Or no.

[Chris Cody]

You want to call my wife? Ask her.

[Jon Stugotz]

Absolutely not. I won't allow you guys to do that. You're simply wrong. What idiots. I work with, like absolute bozos.

[Chris Cody]

I'll call my wife, like.

[Zach Zaslow]

Ask her right now.

[Jon Stugotz]

No, look, look, I mean, look, I run a business. I know how much you guys like money.

[Zach Zaslow]

But then there's the wives.

[Jon Stugotz]

No, no, no, No. I don't believe the wives. Nope. I don't believe the wives. No. Are as bad as the dudes. The stakes to this bet need to be. And for. I mean, there's no weasel way out. If we're going to ask thousands of people to watch Zaslow. The stakes have to be indentured servitude. Like, okay, you could keep putting the high end somehow past the Pearl Jam tickets. The place we started is the Pearl Jam tickets are the dream. He does not have them unless he bets the most amount that can be bet of all the things he cares about. And one of the risks is he works for free through the hockey playoffs. That has to be the stakes.

[Dan LeBatard]

And we know that that will have a poor household for him, Dan.

[Jon Stugotz]

Yeah. And that's the stakes.

[Zach Zaslow]

People were asking me. Yes. Hey, so you got the tickets? You're going to pros. No, I don't have anything.

[Jon Stugotz]

He doesn't have any.

[Zach Zaslow]

I don't have anything.

[Dan LeBatard]

And he got.

[Jon Stugotz]

He will not get them unless he works for free.

[Dan LeBatard]

You got a promise from David Sampson, though. And that no means.

[Jon Stugotz]

Oh, it means nothing. Oh, yeah, it means it means nothing. So that's the stakes. You figure out how to do it. I'll put you guys on it.

[Chris Cody]

I think I've heard steaks just one too many time in this segment.

[Dan LeBatard]

For the love of God, I love steaks. Medium rare. Ribeye.

[Jon Stugotz]

How does Zazlo know where the magic creative content is?

[Zach Zaslow]

I know.

[Jon Stugotz]

He just got here. He shouldn't know where that is.

[Chris Cody]

All right, Szaz, you open it up blindly, pick one and read the topic.

[Jeremy Tache]

Unlike our stakes, the producers.

[Dan LeBatard]

Well done, Hanger.

[Chris Cody]

That's a good one. That's a good one.

[Jon Stugotz]

Excellent, Roy.

[Roy Bellamy]

Thank you.

[Zach Zaslow]

Would you rather know every language in the world or be able to talk to animals?

[Dan LeBatard]

Wow, this is a no brainer.

[Amin Elhassan]

It's every language, right?

[Dan LeBatard]

Every language.

[Amin Elhassan]

What do I care about what a crocodile thinks?

[Roy Bellamy]

Forget those frogs.

[Chris Cody]

No, I'm talking to animals, dude.

[Jon Stugotz]

What?

[Chris Cody]

Imagine you're just walking through. You're like, look at that. What? Those birds are horny.

[Zach Zaslow]

Or.

[Dan LeBatard]

You don't have to talk. What?

[Chris Cody]

What are those birds talking about?

[Dan LeBatard]

Did you hear that?

[Chris Cody]

That's crazy.

[Jon Stugotz]

You guys did that very poorly. What? I would absolutely want to talk to animals.

[Chris Cody]

That's right.

[Jon Stugotz]

Are you guys out of your mind? To have an entire different interaction with a language of every spec. That is. That does have thoughts and feelings?

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah. I. I really want to know what the bees are saying. Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, Honey, honey, honey. Oh, my God. The queen bees all on my ass. Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey.

[Chris Cody]

Think about the Netflix show that you could pitch. I can talk to animals.

[Dan LeBatard]

Does anyone know, though? Or do they think you're just crazy?

[Chris Cody]

That's true.

[Jon Stugotz]

That's a better question.

[Roy Bellamy]

Dr. Do over here.

[Jon Stugotz]

Wait a minute. That's the best question right there. You get the power. Do you want the power? But no one's going to believe you. No one will ever.

[Amin Elhassan]

You can't tell anybody that you know.

[Jon Stugotz]

Not well. You can, but no one's going to believe you.

[Zach Zaslow]

You would never believe that person if they told you I could talk to animals. No way.

[Dan LeBatard]

Be like, no, really? Your dog has a thing in its paw? Like, yeah, okay. All right, buddy. Thanks a lot.

[Jon Stugotz]

Every single person is going to ignore that what you're saying is true.

[Chris Cody]

Trying to think of how you would prove it.

[Jeremy Tache]

The same way they did in Dr. Dolittle.

[Chris Cody]

Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

No, they didn't. They just kept bringing him sick animals. Like, that's a terrible life communicating with you. I don't want to fix animals. I want to walk into any bar around the world. I mean, just like, oh, my man. I want to impress people.

[Jon Stugotz]

So, okay, I. I was. So you just wanted to go into Taiwan and be able to order a beer?

[Dan LeBatard]

Pretty much, yes. And then go to Spain, to Salamanca, and, like, have my camera out. And then people say, oh, look at this tourist. And I'm like, well, Theresa. And then I look. Oh, he speaks it, too.

[Chris Cody]

I just wish, though, like, you're on a boat. You're out on a boat. You see, like, a dolphin come by like that. Dolphins talking shit. The dolphins talking shit about our boat.

[Dan LeBatard]

You know what's more useful than that? Walking into, like, Athens, Greece. And then the cab drivers talking shit. And then you talk shit back like, hey, man, I understand exactly what you said. Don't pull that shit with me. And they're like, oh, my God, I didn't know you were Greek. And, like, that's right.

[Jeremy Tache]

But see, I already know that I don't like people. I'd love the experience of getting to know some animals and knowing what their personalities are. Like, I don't need to know more people.

[Dan LeBatard]

You're assuming the animals are going to like you.

[Jeremy Tache]

Jeremy, they might not like me, but I'd rather have this really cool, unique experience that no one else in the history of mankind has been able to experience. Am I so wrong to want to speak to animals? I'd also love to know what my pets think about me.

[Dan LeBatard]

All right, do you want to risk that? Where it's like, oh, my God, now I can understand you, Muffin. Aren't you. Aren't you happy that we could communicate? And Muffin says, yeah, you.

[Chris Cody]

I was going to say, Jeremy, you might not like it. What if your cat secretly hates you?

[Jeremy Tache]

I really thought that I. I wanted to know what you guys thought about me when I didn't work here. And then I started working here, and I learned what you thought about me. And you guys might be convincing me that I might want to speak different languages instead of speaking to animals.

[Chris Cody]

The more I think this out, I'm. We can't talk to animals. We can just understand them. So it's like, the ability to talk to animals would be awesome, but if I'm just able to understand, I can't communicate back.

[Dan LeBatard]

Chris, you're telling me you would love to communicate with animals. As you're walking down the street, a couple of squirrels are up there, and they're like, hey, look at this fat ass over here. Hey, you ginger fat.

[Chris Cody]

I know. I would be like, why would the squirrels be that mean?

[Jon Stugotz]

No, the thing that. The thing that I mean is doing that. It's funny. Is there. Is that if the animals. The exact same problems that we do, that you're just listening to a busy racist. No, just a busy intersection of bees yelling at each other angrily because whatever, there's not enough honey or they, like, they don't want to work this way.

[Chris Cody]

They even know the lingo to call me a ginger. Like, how are they up on all the phrases?

[Dan LeBatard]

I'm walking down the street, German shepherd says, I got my. On you, boy. Don't even try it. Don't even try it. What's he reaching for?

[Jon Stugotz]

I would like to hear how they feel about me, though. Wouldn't you. Wouldn't you like to hear if not a pet. Wouldn't you like to know if. What did that squirrel say? Like, because whatever.

[Dan LeBatard]

Dan, what about. Okay, imagine this. You can understand your dog and remember the night your dog got into all the chocolate and we were all worried and we had to take the dog to the vet? What if that was actually a cry for help from the dog? The dog? Like, I can't spend another day with this guy talking about the economies of people built on black bodies. I just. Where's the chocolate? Give me all the chocolate. And as it's laying there, and it's like. As it's laying there, it's like, finally sweet release. You burst in and like, oh, no, they're home early. They're home early because something happened at dinner and they had to come home early.

[Jon Stugotz]

Do you realize that that would have been my dog announcing to me that that was a suicide attempt?

[Chris Cody]

Because it's getting dark, Actually, maybe I don't want to talk to animals.

[Jon Stugotz]

The dark chalk or the chocolate he ate that night, if he didn't immediately get his stomach pumped, would have been the end of him.

[Chris Cody]

It would have been the vet's telling you.

[Jon Stugotz]

It would have been nice for him to have been able to tell me that. I think it would have been like.

[Dan LeBatard]

River Phoenix at the Viper Room. Too soon?

[Chris Cody]

Yes.

[Jon Stugotz]

No.

[Dan LeBatard]

By the way, have you guys seen this? It's a trend on TikTok, and it's like they do this AI aging of people from earlier.

[Zach Zaslow]

I don't like it.

[Dan LeBatard]

I love it, man. And they play Alphaville Forever Young. I love it. I can't get enough of it. My algorithm has learned it. It just keeps funneling all this shit to me. Hey, hey, remember the Breakfast Club look like looking at them now, like, oh, shit. Wow, Molly Ringwald. You really aged, right? Like, I love that shit. I can't get enough of it. I want, you know, I love it so much, I want someone to do a version of that, of us, like, oh, 2015, Chris. And then it's like it just kind of grows.

[Chris Cody]

I like what you did there. I just noticed your shirt, by the way. Sturdy Wings.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, it's a. It's a great charitable organization.

[Chris Cody]

Good reference.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah.

[Jeremy Tache]

I think this is an unfortunate examination of the psyches of the people in this room. Because, Dan, you and I both wanted to know what animals think about us, while Amin and Tony were like, yeah, let me know every language so I can go to whatever bar I want and talk shit with people because they want to use it for the fun and glory. And we both want to use it to feel even more self conscious than we already do.

[Zach Zaslow]

I want to talk to the animals. I want to be able to communicate with the animals.

[Chris Cody]

Remember, you can't talk to them in this scenario. You can only understand.

[Zach Zaslow]

Yeah, I want to be able to understand the animals. I only speak English. I'm getting along just fine, you know?

[Amin Elhassan]

Yeah, but what if you could speak Spanish?

[Zach Zaslow]

It'd be cool, but you give me a choice here. I'd rather communicate with the animal.

[Amin Elhassan]

But you could speak every language ever. I just go and just hobnob and shake hands.

[Chris Cody]

But that's more attainable, though. Like, somebody could essentially study not every language, but you could study and learn A bunch of languages, whereas nobody can learn to talk.

[Amin Elhassan]

Are you going to get bored of talking to animals at some point and be like, oh, okay, this guy.

[Chris Cody]

I'm going to write books, I'm going to start podcasts. Like, you don't know the content opportunity. If I can understand animals, dude, he.

[Dan LeBatard]

Could walk into the. The. What are they called, the Panthers locker room and, like, communicate with all those Russian dudes and stuff, man, like, immediately. And not.

[Chris Cody]

Imagine going to the zoo and communicating with actual Panthers.

[Dan LeBatard]

You know, the credibility. The credibility that comes along with walking into a locker room, going to the foreign player and saying, I speak your language fluently. And he's like, dan, you talk about this all the time about the Spanish speaking baseball players. The reason they don't like anybody is because no one understands them. But then if you speak their language, they open up. You would be the greatest sports broadcaster of all time because you could do any interview with anybody. Shohei. Hey, guess what, Shohei, get that interpreter out of here. You're gonna have to answer some of these questions for real.

[Chris Cody]

I want to know what those animals really think of Ron McGill at the zoo. I want to. I want to sit down with that rhino.

[Dan LeBatard]

Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money.

[Chris Cody]

He comes over here, he shows off, he throws you a snack. You hate this guy, don't you?

[Jon Stugotz]

But excuse me, the stakes that Ron McGill would put on. If you asked Ron McGill, what would he want more than anything that man could have. And I imagine that he's closer to fluency with animals than most. But if I gave him that ability, I would think he would want no other ability given to him while walking the planet beyond that one. The ability to know exact, to communicate correctly with animals with fluency. Would it not be his most valuable.

[Dan LeBatard]

Thing for Ron McGill, sure. That's his job. He works at a zoo. This is an incredibly important and, like, beneficial thing for any other human being. I guarantee you, two weeks in, you're like, okay, enough, I get it. You like acorns. You like acorns, okay?

[Jon Stugotz]

But that puts us at the top of the food chain. I would love to have a podcast with animals at the zoo bitching because people don't want to take care of the animal kingdom, but they can't hear.

[Amin Elhassan]

The podcast right, like you do the podcast.

[Jon Stugotz]

I'm assuming in this scenario, I'm legitimately the only that the scenario is different than the one I presented to you. It'll make you crazy if you're the only one who can talk to the Animals. But you can't tell anyone and nobody believes you. But you're the only one who could talk to the animals, and everyone believes you and you're the one. It is, as Chris says, a fountain of a content opportunity. Because not everybody like you guys is cave people at the top of the food chain who don't care about animals.

[Dan LeBatard]

Dan, we care about animals. You don't need a genie for this right now. Let's assume right now you have the superpower. You can communicate with animals. Go convince anybody out there. Go, go. Who's going to believe you?

[Jon Stugotz]

I promise you this is what your.

[Dan LeBatard]

Podcast is going to sound like. Respectfully. Oh, wow. So Nibbles really likes the Panthers. Tonight over the lightning, they said the ass is going to get tough. Oh, wow. Oh, Scrappy thinks that the Heat are really going to go on a run in the playoffs.

[Zach Zaslow]

How about this? How about this? If you communicate with horses or with greyhounds, you can win a lot of money. The track.

[Jon Stugotz]

Hold on.

[Amin Elhassan]

You bet the wrong one. The guy's like, I got a good feeling about this. And you're like, buddy, this guy sucks.

[Dan LeBatard]

You get the stugots of greyhounds like, it's a done deal. I got this, buddy. I got this.

[Jon Stugotz]

I was in eighth place.

[Dan LeBatard]

I'm doing laps.

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[Mike Ryan]

It's the 50th anniversary of Miller Lite and for many of those 50 years they've been partnered up with the Dan LeBatard Show. Back to our terrestrial radio days all throughout national syndication. Pirate Face where we are now so grateful for that partnership because you guys know we believe it. It's a beer for people who love their beer. And hopefully our audience loves their beer enough to always trust Miller Light like I do. From game night parties with friends or a special anniversary like 20 years together on air, celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life. Cheers to 50 years of Miller Lite, the great tasting light beer for people who Love beer since 1975. It's Miller time. Miller Lite is brewed for taste. Simply put, it just hits different because of those simple ingredients like malted barley for rich balanced toffee note flavors and the iconic golden color. Oh, and that white can do. I love that white can. 96 calories and just 3.2 grams of carbs per 12 ounces. Miller time is always a good time. Miller Lite Grape Taste 96 calories. Go to miller lite.com dan to find delivery options near you or you can pick up Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller Time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

[Chris Cody]

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[Zach Zaslow]

Don Lebatard I saw a post on Twitter yesterday how the Toronto Maple Leafs.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah.

[Zach Zaslow]

That they won the division. Guess what? It's been two years, and that's two years too long. Stugats could take that ass too.

[Dan LeBatard]

We're taking two asses.

[Roy Bellamy]

This is the Dan Levatar show with the stugats.

[Zach Zaslow]

I'm just trying to win some bets.

[Dan LeBatard]

Speaking languages helps you win bets.

[Jon Stugotz]

So it all comes back to what happens in a bar and how much money can I have?

[Dan LeBatard]

Dan, think about this. You want to make money? You want to make money? Watch this. Watch this. I go on a trip with some friends, right? Let's go to Kazakhstan. And I walk up to them, and I say, 100 bucks. I can get this guy to hand me his hat. And then I tell the guy, hey, I'll give you 100 of euro currency, which is a lot smaller than $100. Just hand me your hat for a second. I'll hand it back to you. And he goes, oh, sure. He gives it to me, and it gives back.

[Jon Stugotz]

Boom.

[Dan LeBatard]

And now all of a sudden, my friends are like, oh, my God. How'd you do that? I was like, lucky guess, I guess. And I just do this over and over again. Then I get in with the millionaires, and then I make bigger bets, right? Much bigger bets. Like, hey, $100,000. I could get Alexander Ovechkin to hand me his skate right now, right? Just the one skate. And I can say, ovi, ovi, do me a band to make a dance. I love that song. He's like, oh, yeah, me too. Hey, hand me your skate, and I'll hand it right back to you. He's like, oh, cool, right? And he hands me a skate. I hand it back to him. Boom, $100,000. And then I get bigger bets. Now I'm with the billionaires row. And now we're betting, like, things like elections, right? I say, hey, I bet you I get Putin to dat me up. All right, okay. Hey, Putin, guess what? I'll deliver to you the entire American democratic system just dap me up and, like, cool. Boom. And now I'm running the world, Dan, just off of learning languages like that. Like that. Come on. Meanwhile, you want to go talk to our freaking ants and be like, oh, how'd you build that? Like, ant? I'm like, oh. Oh, wow. They said it was A lot of hard work, guys.

[Zach Zaslow]

If I can communicate with horses, you know how much money I can make on an exacta?

[Jon Stugotz]

See, this is ridiculous.

[Dan LeBatard]

You have the horses knowing like who's good and who's not.

[Zach Zaslow]

Yeah, that's right. They communicate with each other. And now I'm in the game.

[Dan LeBatard]

What if it's just a full of shit horse though?

[Zach Zaslow]

I'm gonna lear. I could communicate. I'm going to learn their ways.

[Roy Bellamy]

The horse lied to you.

[Jon Stugotz]

Isn't that what we're all doing already with sports and gambling?

[Dan LeBatard]

Yes. It's like imagine if like Dante Porter told you something like, oh yeah, like.

[Amin Elhassan]

The great under in this game.

[Jon Stugotz]

The ants would be so disappointed by every conversation we've ever had around here about how to. How we analyze games. In fact, every heat conversation. Hey, what are the humans doing? They're talking about the heat again.

[Zach Zaslow]

You have me befriending the Jontay Porter of horses.

[Dan LeBatard]

You don't know them apart. They all look like horses to you. But meanwhile they know. They know. It's like, oh man, this guy's hanging out with Johntey Porter over here. Meanwhile, the ants are like. He says he got to go back to work. Oh, wow, the ants are working. Thanks, Dan.

[Jon Stugotz]

I got to salute you. I mean, for trying both the ants and the bees there. You did good work. That's a tough. I mean, you think you had small brained animals. Not a lot to work with. I appreciate the effort there. They were good. Yeah, you did. I did not. Had. You had. I did not know you had the horse in your arsenal.

[Chris Cody]

I also have a cow.

[Roy Bellamy]

It's a good cow.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, we got a cow that comes up and say, hey, Tim, correction. I really need to get milk just by this one udder right here. Just. Yeah, just keep going. There's a little bit more milk in there. Come on. Don't stop. Oh, it's so much milk. It's so much milk, Tim. Thank you. Gross. Thank you. Hey, Calvin.

[Jon Stugotz]

Yeah?

[Dan LeBatard]

Kirschen's here. Go ahead. Come on, guys.

[Jon Stugotz]

You know, how is it that. How is it that that happened yesterday and we just skipped past it, that Tim Kirchen's not merely bad at technology, that Tim Kirkjian doesn't understand how to milk a cow in such a way that made it obvious that Tim Kirchhoin would unsuccessfully try to milk a male cow?

[Dan LeBatard]

It's incredible. It's unbelievable.

[Jon Stugotz]

Like a grown man. He's near 70 or after 70 years old. That's not a thing that a human being can't know.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's something that you learn well before you become a baseball expert, Right? Like, this may be, like, six, seven years old, you know, hey, they're boy cows and they're girl cows. The girl cows give us milk. The boy cows will try to convince you they give you milk. But, no, don't believe them. Don't listen to Tim.

[Zach Zaslow]

Do they try. Do the boy cows try and convince us? When we walk over there, they sidle.

[Dan LeBatard]

Up like, oh, got so much milk. Oh, so much milk in me. Just, hey, just. Just give it a squeeze.

[Chris Cody]

I mean, meet the parents taught us this. I mean, I have nipples. Greg, can you milk me?

[Dan LeBatard]

It's not my nipple, but go ahead.

[Jon Stugotz]

Roy, how are you holding up? You seem. Your is the stick. You seem uncomfortable.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yeah, I think this jersey is a bit too small. It's smaller than the actual jersey I'm gonna wear during Learning to play in a month. So it's kind of tight on me right now.

[Chris Cody]

Why aren't you opening your mouth again?

[Roy Bellamy]

The chin is right here.

[Zach Zaslow]

Safety.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yeah, safety.

[Dan LeBatard]

It looks like he's getting better as the show goes on. I'm gonna say that right now you look a lot more comfortable than you did when you first walked in.

[Jon Stugotz]

Roy, you correct me if I'm wrong, because that he walked in, he had a command of the room he does not presently have. There were people here, and they were acting like bees and horses. I need him to get control of the room. It is a really sweet idea to actually care, to wonder what the animals think of us. We don't care. We get the translations to Ron McGill and say, get out of here. We'll give you a bunch of money for your donation and get out of here. Here, you're loon. Don't care about the animals so much. We've got bigger problems. The humans are at risk.

[Chris Cody]

The downside is, like, learning stuff we don't want to know. Like, you know, where it's just like, oh, these. All these animals at the zoo, they're in, like, isolated, so they're all crazy people. Like, they're just, like, talking to the rocks. Like, hey, good to see you today, rock. It's just like, oh, that's sad. That elephant's talking to that rock over there.

[Dan LeBatard]

That.

[Jon Stugotz]

Wait. Wait till you start talking to people who tell you the plants are also. The plants have languages that we do not know.

[Jeremy Tache]

Aaron Rodgers.

[Jon Stugotz]

That's a whole podcast industry for itself. You can secretly talk to the plants as well.

[Chris Cody]

Now. That would be boring. That I'm out on. I Don't give a shit about what you know.

[Dan LeBatard]

Don't pee on me. Please don't be me.

[Chris Cody]

Again.

[Dan LeBatard]

Oh, God, here comes Greg Cody again. It's in my eyes.

[Roy Bellamy]

Oh, no, not the lawnmower.

[Chris Cody]

Oh, the lawnmower. That must be traumatic.

[Jeremy Tache]

Oh, God.

[Dan LeBatard]

Oh.

[Jon Stugotz]

Weed whacker.

[Jeremy Tache]

Or is it just a haircut?

[Chris Cody]

No, that's true.

[Jon Stugotz]

There's no way they trust us. No way.

[Chris Cody]

Maybe they do look at it as just a haircut.

[Jon Stugotz]

No. No.

[Chris Cody]

Finally, this guy is killing our friends.

[Dan LeBatard]

Or maybe they won part of the action. It's like, please, two gods, pick me, pick me, roll me, smoke me, cigars. Yes.

[Jon Stugotz]

Yes.

[Dan LeBatard]

Oh, my God. Nirvana.

[Jon Stugotz]

Don't chop down my brother. No, thank you. Roy, I really do feel bad for you today. That job cannot be done successfully under any circumstances. It cannot be done successfully under these. There are too many people yelling at you. Gas bag of the week is not available to a fingertip. Your gloves are way too big. But I will say, and I cannot dispute this, today is the. That when you walked into this room, into the room in management to run this show, you have never looked more physically imposing. You have never looked larger than the room around you. Everyone smaller than you. And that has since fallen apart.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yes, because I'm sitting now. I'm not standing.

[Jon Stugotz]

But we would all agree that Roy in a hockey uniform gave off the hockey playoffs are here and big, fast, strong people are about to be bigger, stronger, and faster because the most fun stuff is coming our way. And now Zaz is going to say the train is coming two different ways. And he's got a whole lot more belief in one of the teams than he does in the other.

[Zach Zaslow]

Well, I mean, he's got a whole.

[Jon Stugotz]

Lot of belief, a whole lot more belief of one in the teams than the other.

[Zach Zaslow]

You know what's going to happen, though, this Sunday?

[Jon Stugotz]

No, don't do this.

[Zach Zaslow]

You know, though, right? I mean, Panthers, lightning, game one.

[Dan LeBatard]

What's going to happen happen?

[Zach Zaslow]

It's been a full year.

[Dan LeBatard]

Lightning.

[Jon Stugotz]

Get that ass.

[Zach Zaslow]

Took.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yes, there's an ass.

[Jon Stugotz]

It's about to get took.

[Chris Cody]

So back.

[Jon Stugotz]

Okay.

[Zach Zaslow]

Oh, it's my drugs. I love these playoffs, the Stanley cup playoffs. It courses through my veins. The odd of the anxiety. They have the entire game shake. And then the end when the final buzzer goes the horn and. And the Panthers won the game. Oh, it's the greatest feeling. But those 60 Minutes, though, before. It's my drugs.

[Jon Stugotz]

Is there any particular reason. Have you guys noticed that this keeps happening? Is there any particular reason? Zaslo that when I put you to your allegiances, I know I can ask you the question right now. Who do you believe in more right now? And it would be the Panthers. By leaps and leaps and leaps and bounds.

[Zach Zaslow]

Yeah. Yeah. Because they're legitimately. I mean, it's also been proven they are legitimately a great team. Okay. I'm confident in the Heat. Tomorrow night, they're playing the stupid Hawks. All right, like, what are we talking about here? The Panthers. That's a great team that has a chance for a dynasty. I mean, they're trying to get to a third straight Stanley Cup Final, a second straight Stanley cup win. Yes, I am. I am supremely confident in my favorite little hockey team.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yeah. It didn't take that long for the Panthers to adjust to Paul Maurice's system. And that system is very much built for the playoffs. A lot of forechecking.

[Zach Zaslow]

It's hard to understand you with the chips.

[Dan LeBatard]

I know.

[Roy Bellamy]

I know. I can't. I can't. There it is again.

[Chris Cody]

Is Russ. The thing in hockey, like, Russ for Aaron Eckweg? I'm just saying, like, a lot of these guys been out for a while.

[Zach Zaslow]

You saw Chucky was doing the rounds yesterday. Media. He was on the shows yesterday.

[Chris Cody]

All the rounds.

[Zach Zaslow]

He's going to be back on Sunday. He'll be back.

[Jon Stugotz]

Roy, you are in a position right now where your hockey show is blossoming. You are a hockey expert. We have you in a position right now where it's not very easy to do your job as. I need you to promote the hockey show because the hockey show is going to soar over the next two months of Crazy, Crazy Insanity with Rose and Dwark. You need to be able to promote your show, but you're in a costume. And I need you right now to be great with Zaslow on hockey, but you want to be passionate, but you can't speak because you're wearing a chinstrap.

[Roy Bellamy]

No, it is very difficult as you. It's very difficult to speak normally as it is now with this mask on.

[Jon Stugotz]

A totally unfair position I have put him in.

[Dan LeBatard]

You sound like a ventriloquist. Like an amateur ventriloquist.

[Chris Cody]

Just a thought here. Maybe we take the mask off. Off.

[Amin Elhassan]

Or loosen the chin strap.

[Zach Zaslow]

No, I mean, the rules don't allow. You got to wear a helmet.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yeah, I got. I got to wear a helmet.

[Dan LeBatard]

You know, I can't.

[Roy Bellamy]

I can't.

[Jon Stugotz]

There have to be consequences. I don't. I don't think you guys understand what punishments are. How is it possible that you Guys don't understand that there have to be con consequences on punishment.

[Zach Zaslow]

What did he do to have to wear the costume today?

[Chris Cody]

He don't want to know.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yeah, you don't want to know. I got. I lost during football season. I got word this because of the greater. Death is one of the punishments for me.

[Jon Stugotz]

Do you know this? Look, I'm going to tell people. I don't think anybody knows what I'm about to say. Maybe Zaslow is one of. No, Joy Taylor would also know this.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay.

[Jon Stugotz]

The grid of death was stolen. Yes. Los. So hold on a second. Hold on a second.

[Jeremy Tache]

Hold on a second.

[Jon Stugotz]

Hold on a second. Hold.

[Zach Zaslow]

Finally.

[Jon Stugotz]

Hold on. This is scandalous in 790 circles. This is it.

[Zach Zaslow]

This is something that me and Joy Taylor and Amber Wilson have spoken among us many a times. You this show. I wasn't gonna bring it up. You brought it up, though. So now we've opened Pandora's box. Everybody knows that you stole humiliation pool. I did humiliation pool. You put another name on it. Grid of death. You stole humiliation pool from my show. We had the wheel of humiliation. You have your grit of death. These are the same thing. You stole it.

[Dan LeBatard]

I believe it. I believe it was the 20th century poet, Shawn Carter, who said you made it a hotline. I made it a hot song. I think he thinks that it was a nice idea, but it was very primitive. We took it, we polished it up, we gave it bells and whistles. Finally we made it into a monster.

[Zach Zaslow]

Finally the truth comes out.

[Jon Stugotz]

So I'm glad I finally get to address this because he deserves this honor. He's a legend in the sports radio industry. And him, Amber and Joy did an amazing show for a long time here. This was a flat out thing that was stolen by none other than me personally. Personally just stolen.

[Zach Zaslow]

This is a hell of a mission.

[Jon Stugotz]

It wasn't anybody else. I did not ask them. They were doing something. They were spinning a wheel or doing something. I'm like, wow, that's a great idea.

[Zach Zaslow]

Those people are actually called the wheel of humiliation.

[Jon Stugotz]

Suffering the consequences of what they're doing. And I'm like, all right, let's grab that. Stolen.

[Dan LeBatard]

What were some of the humiliations they had on this?

[Jon Stugotz]

Better ones than we do. You guys won't do any of them. Thousands of times. People who were interested in entertaining the audience with actually having consequences. Their punishments were thousands of times better than yours.

[Dan LeBatard]

Zazzle, tell me some of your punishments that you guys had.

[Zach Zaslow]

I mean, one of them where we get shot up with the paint guns, you know Paintball. That was. That was tough. You know, that was tough. Another one, Joy Taylor. She had to wash our cars while, you know, dressed a specific way and.

[Jon Stugotz]

Oh, good times.

[Dan LeBatard]

Another one I'm glad we got.

[Zach Zaslow]

Long time ago. It's a long time ago.

[Chris Cody]

I mean, I think anyone. One would wear a bathing suit outside.

[Jon Stugotz]

Okay, that wasn't probably. What was.

[Dan LeBatard]

It was a tuxedo.

[Zach Zaslow]

Romberg. Brett Romberg had to dress up. He had to wear a dress and go shopping at Publix one time.

[Jon Stugotz]

Okay, somehow more so funny.

[Dan LeBatard]

Wow, Dan.

[Jon Stugotz]

You know what?

[Chris Cody]

Really good job, Dan.

[Jon Stugotz]

Wait, so we did polish it up.

[Dan LeBatard]

Bells and whistles.

[Jon Stugotz]

Okay, so the idea, as you mentioned earlier, and I. Oh, saved by retrospect. Oh, that was primitive. Okay, let's do that. Better than that.

[Zach Zaslow]

How about one time you had to give foot massages to everyone else on the show? That's humiliating.

[Jon Stugotz]

Okay, all of these charts. All of these things are. As I remember, they were more creative liabilities. As I. As I remember, they were. They were consequences that were worse than those we still haven't found. Consequences to what it is that we're doing here today. And while the magic creative content moved me off the subject matter, I would like to know in a break or somewhere else, I want to know how it is before the end of the show. Today, I get the payoff of Zaslow is playing for everything.

[Zach Zaslow]

Tonight we get our backs waxed one time.

[Jon Stugotz]

I don't care how we arrive at it. I will not leave today without knowing that Zaslo is. Let's make the stakes the next heat game. And the consequences are going to feel huge. It's not going to be about just money, but it's going to be a big money consequence. We all understand this.

[Dan LeBatard]

Yes.

[Jon Stugotz]

That what we're doing here, I think.

[Dan LeBatard]

We have the consequences. They're right here on the board.

[Amin Elhassan]

All or nothing. Dano.

[Chris Cody]

That's crazy.

[Amin Elhassan]

Pearl Jam tickets both nights, plus paid work if they win. If they lose. No Pearl Jam tickets. Indentured servitude, unhappy wife, kids hate.

[Zach Zaslow]

You had to eat a gas station hot dog one time.

[Roy Bellamy]

Oh, no.

[Chris Cody]

Delightful.

[Dan LeBatard]

Which gas station?

[Chris Cody]

Thanks for the invite.

[Jon Stugotz]

I think there are good gas station hot dogs. I think 7 11.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yeah.

[Jon Stugotz]

I think you guys are now amateurs on what it is that convenience stores can make those quick trips.

[Dan LeBatard]

I had a whole meal out of quick trip.

[Jon Stugotz]

Wow.

[Chris Cody]

Well, two taquitos for $3 all day.

[Dan LeBatard]

That thirst buster, that was a punishment.

[Roy Bellamy]

I had to do to keep those.

[Chris Cody]

So there you go.

[Roy Bellamy]

Yeah.

[Jon Stugotz]

Pablo had to eat pickled Pig's feet. That seems disgusting.

[Chris Cody]

Lucy had to dress up as Bobby Petrino.

[Dan LeBatard]

The worst ever is Mike when he had to eat the tripe. That one was the worst.

[Roy Bellamy]

Terrible.

[Dan LeBatard]

That was the absolute.

[Chris Cody]

Billy Onion wasn't great.

[Zach Zaslow]

One time I had to get smacked in the face with a fish.

[Amin Elhassan]

A real one.

[Zach Zaslow]

It was dead.

[Dan LeBatard]

What kind?

[Chris Cody]

Goldfish?

[Dan LeBatard]

Sardine?

[Zach Zaslow]

Trout?

[Jon Stugotz]

Well, I, I. So there. There have been a couple of times around here that I have been truly disgusted. The Billy Gill onion story is crazy to me. I still don't understand it. Billy Gill, it's having to eat on a whole onion was the bet. And he took a few bites, started throwing up. And then what happened?

[Chris Cody]

He ate it like an apple. We're gonna get the crunch. The famous crunch. It was just as bad as it sounds.

[Dan LeBatard]

Ended up hospitalized.

[Jon Stugotz]

Well, kidney stones, so. But those kings, they can't be combined, can they?

[Chris Cody]

I believe an onion will dehydrate you, and the dehydration will cause the kidney stone. Oh, that is. That's not us getting, like, a fake sounder. That is Billy biting into an onion.

[Jon Stugotz]

So. But that. So that is Billy actively poisoning himself on the air. If we had known that the onion was that dangerous.

[Dan LeBatard]

To be fair, I could bring my dad in to have this challenge, and he will clean it up, man.

[Jon Stugotz]

No way.

[Dan LeBatard]

And ask for more. My dad has a snack. We'll just get some raw onions. No, Just rolling. And start popping them.

[Jon Stugotz]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. I do not believe that there has been a character I don't believe there's been a character through human history, even in fiction, who has ever walked around eating an onion like an apple. That. That has. Tell me. That's existed. So you're telling me that two or three bites of onion are going to poison you or they're going to dehydrate you so much that you're going to.

[Dan LeBatard]

Be hospitalized like Billy, my father, As a snack we'll take. Now, he won't take it like an apple, but he'll chop it up, he'll squirt some lemon on it. He'll put some other spices and seasonings, and then he'll just start eating it, like, just go to town.

[Jon Stugotz]

Okay?

[Dan LeBatard]

And however many are on that plate, he's gonna eat them all.

[Jon Stugotz]

Okay, but. So, so, but that's still not the same as eating it as an apple, is it? Tony, are you with me on this? Like, eating an onion like an apple? I. I would assume that would make everyone listening to this wince.

[Amin Elhassan]

It's insane behavior, for sure. I think a weak man, that would happen to him. Like, Billy is not like stomachly very well.

[Jon Stugotz]

A weak man.

[Chris Cody]

Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

Billy grew up.

[Amin Elhassan]

Nobody gets dehydrated, goes to the hospital. That's crazy.

[Dan LeBatard]

Billy grew up with all the trappings of modern society, man. Air conditioning and running hot and cold water and cable tv, Internet, all this stuff. My father grew up in a village. What do you have in Africa, man? Like the dude. The dude, when he was like 18, went hitchhiking from Sudan to Europe with like $10.

[Zach Zaslow]

How far is that?

[Dan LeBatard]

That is a long ass way. The dude had to cross over and take boats and shit and then hitchhike. Didn't speak the language. He told me, like in Turkey, he would just go to the back of the restaurant and they would open up the like the bats of whatever they're cooking like this. And he's like this. Mm. Now, my father, he would have loved the ability to speak every single language because then he wouldn't have to do all that. That.

[Chris Cody]

Folks, listen up. They're here and they're hot. Get ready, because Jimmy John's is turning up the heat. After years of perfecting the cold sandwich, toasted sandwiches are finally here. Try one of their three all new toasted creations. The Toasted Chicken Bacon Ranch, all natural chicken, creamy homestyle ranch, Applewood smoked bacon, melted provolone, fresh veggies, all on a perfectly toasted French bread. Good God, does that sound delicious? Or the toasted roast beef and cheddar premium roast beef melty cheddar, creamy horseradish sauce, crispy fried onions, fresh veggies, golden toasted French bread. It just keeps getting better. And the toasted ultimate Italian salami, capicola smoked ham, Applewood smoked bacon, melted provolone, shredded parmesan, fresh veggies, toasted to perfection. Or take your favorite Jimmy John classics like the number 9 Italian nightclub or the number 11 country club, and get up toasted. Order now at jimmyjohns.com on the Jimmy John's app or stop by your local.

[Mike Ryan]

Jimmy John's Today it's the 50th anniversary of Miller Light. And for many of those 50 years, they've been partnered up with the Dan LeBatard Show. Back to our terrestrial radio days, all throughout national syndication. Pirate Face. Where we are now so grateful for that partnership because you guys know we believe it. It's a beer for people who love their beer. And hopefully our audience loves their beer. And enough to always trust Miller Light like I do. From game night parties with friends or a special anniversary like 20 years together on air. Celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life. Cheers to 50 years of Miller Light, the great tasting light beer. For people who Love beer since 1975. It's Miller time. Miller Lite is brute for taste. Simply put, it just hits different because of those simple ingredients like malted barley for rich, balanced toppings. Note flavors and the iconic golden color. Oh, and that white can do. I love that white can. 96 calories and just 3.2 grams of carbs per 12 ounces. Miller time is always a good time. Miller Lite Grape Taste 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller Time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.