The Big Suey: David...M*A*S*H Sucks

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Big Suey: David...MAS*H Sucks

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz hosted by Dan Le Batard and Stugotz dives into a myriad of topics ranging from sports broadcasting woes to nostalgic television critiques. In the episode titled "The Big Suey: David...MAS*H Sucks," released on August 6, 2025, the hosts engage in spirited discussions, personal anecdotes, and light-hearted banter, offering listeners a blend of humor and insightful commentary.

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1. Sports Viewing Challenges

David Samson kicks off the conversation by sharing his experiences attempting to watch Miami Marlins games from the Elser Hotel in Downtown Miami. He emphasizes the frustration of navigating the complex landscape of sports broadcasting:

David Samson [00:37]: "The views from the elser are amazing. And I purposely try to get the city view when I'm at the elser because then I get to see Marlins Park. And I must admit that I'd rather look at Marlins park than a cruise ship or the ocean."

The discussion highlights the diminishing accessibility of Marlins games on platforms like YouTube TV and the reliance on regional networks such as CBS4 and CW for live broadcasts.

David Samson [04:09]: "Now that they're showing it, that's national deal. The Friday night Apple is a national deal."

Greg Cote and Dan LeBatard further elaborate on the fragmentation of sports channels, making it increasingly difficult for fans to access their favorite teams without incurring substantial costs. The conversation underscores the shifting dynamics of sports viewership and the financial strains imposed by exclusive broadcasting rights.

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2. Struggles with Subscription Cancellations

A significant portion of the episode delves into the complexities of canceling auto-renew subscriptions. The hosts express their frustrations with the convoluted processes companies employ to retain customers:

David Samson [07:58]: "I refer to it as Columbia House Gate because that's how I would get in trouble as a kid. And that's aging me."

Stugotz humorously admits to ongoing debt from subscriptions, while Dan LeBatard shares his perpetual battle with a decades-old subscription:

Dan LeBatard [08:11]: "I'm pretty sure I pay $30 a month for a porn site for like, the last 20 years that I've never seen. I just can't cancel it."

The hosts critique the deceptive tactics of companies, such as hidden unsubscribe buttons and mandatory additional steps, which exacerbate consumer frustrations. Greg Cote reminisces about outdated subscription services, emphasizing the persistent challenges despite technological advancements.

Greg Cote [07:56]: "They started losing teams. And before I had to choose which one I wanted, did I go, Marlins, Panthers? Did I go Heat, Rays? I went Marlins, Panthers."

The segment serves as a relatable exploration of modern consumer struggles, resonating with listeners who face similar hurdles in managing subscriptions.

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3. Discussion on MAS*H and Friends

Transitioning from sports to entertainment, the hosts critique classic television shows with surprising candor. The episode takes a turn as Chris Cote and Stugotz vocally dismiss the esteemed TV show MASH*:

Chris Cote [21:03]: "MASH sucks. There's this whole thing about MASH being the greatest show. No, it's not. It's ass."

This controversial stance sparks a debate among the hosts, with Dan LeBatard acknowledging the show's cultural significance while agreeing with the criticism.

Dan LeBatard [21:43]: "It had to be said. We reference MASH all the time here as if it's some great television show."

In contrast, the discussion about Friends explores its enduring popularity and relevance among younger audiences. Dan LeBatard raises a pertinent question regarding the show's appeal to new generations:

Dan LeBatard [20:45]: "But if you talk to kids these days, are they watching Friends? That's a great poll question."

The conversation touches on the cyclical nature of sitcoms and their ability to resonate across different age groups, highlighting the varied perceptions of beloved TV classics.

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4. Favorite Game Shows: The Price is Right

The Price is Right emerges as a nostalgic topic, with the hosts reminiscing about their favorite segments and memorable moments. Stugotz and Greg Cote express fondness for games like Plinko and the Putting Game:

Greg Cote [23:21]: "I like when the third person bet a dollar and so I come and say $2."

Their enthusiasm showcases the show's enduring charm and its role in creating shared cultural experiences. The discussion extends to comparing prize structures of different game shows, reflecting on the evolution of television entertainment.

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5. Personal Anecdotes on Circumcision Ceremonies

In a more personal and humorous segment, Stugotz recounts a mix-up during his son's bris ceremony at the hospital:

Stugotz [35:07]: "I almost screwed up at the hospital when my son was born. I think it was for the first one because like, the nurse, you know, if you're not Jewish, but you want your son circumcised, they'll do it right there at the hospital."

This story opens up conversations about cultural practices and the associated personal experiences, blending humor with heartfelt storytelling. The hosts navigate the sensitive topic with a lighthearted approach, making it both entertaining and relatable.

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6. Humorous Banter on NFL Players

The episode culminates with playful discussions about the physicality of NFL players and the impossibility of tackling them. David Samson humorously challenges his peers to take on kickers and punters:

David Samson [31:19]: "I don't have anybody in this room able to tackle anybody on a football field. Just like I don't have anybody able to hit 103.9 million miles per hour. Fastball."

The banter underscores the camaraderie among the hosts, blending sports talk with comedic exaggeration. This light-hearted exchange serves as a fitting conclusion to the episode, leaving listeners with smiles and a sense of community.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• David Samson [00:37]: "The views from the elser are amazing... I'd rather look at Marlins park than a cruise ship or the ocean."

• Dan LeBatard [08:11]: "I'm pretty sure I pay $30 a month for a porn site for like, the last 20 years that I've never seen. I just can't cancel it."

• Chris Cote [21:03]: "MASH sucks. There's this whole thing about MASH being the greatest show. No, it's not. It's ass."

• Dan LeBatard [20:45]: "But if you talk to kids these days, are they watching Friends? That's a great poll question."

• Stugotz [35:07]: "I almost screwed up at the hospital when my son was born..."

• David Samson [31:19]: "I don't have anybody in this room able to tackle anybody on a football field..."

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Conclusion

In "The Big Suey: David...MAS*H Sucks," Dan Le Batard and Stugotz offer a multifaceted exploration of contemporary issues—from the intricacies of sports broadcasting and consumer subscription woes to candid critiques of classic television shows and personal life stories. Their engaging dialogues, punctuated with humor and relatable anecdotes, provide listeners with both entertainment and insightful commentary. The episode stands as a testament to the hosts' ability to navigate diverse topics with wit and authenticity, making it a memorable installment in The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz.

Transcript

[Dan LeBatard]

Welcome to the Big Sui presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show.

[Stugotz]

The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan LeBatard podcast?

[Chris Cote]

I'm sorry.

[Stugotz]

I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging.

[Dan LeBatard]

I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries that if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys.

[David Samson]

I've done it.

[Stugotz]

And now here's the marching man to Nowhere, Fat Face and the habitual liar.

[Mike Ryan]

This episode is brought to you by DraftKings. DraftKings. The Crown is yours.

[David Samson]

What is the going rate? There was. I'm here in Miami happily sitting in the chair and being with all of you this week. One more day tomorrow. And I did not go to the Marlins game cause one was enough. But I can see from the elser, which is amazing. The views from the elser are amazing. And I purposely try to get the city view when I'm at the elser because then I get to see Marlins Park. And I must admit that I'd rather look at Marlins park than a cruise ship or the ocean. Because you're like, I did that. I didn't make the ocean.

[Mike Ryan]

You're like, sorry for jumping in and.

[Dan LeBatard]

But that just.

[Mike Ryan]

You're. I just picture you having a nice morning coffee, just being like, look what I built.

[David Samson]

I. I don't have that deep a voice when I'm alone in the morning. And I don't say it out loud, nor do I drink coffee, but I exact. Exactly, Izzy. But I will tell you that I enjoy. And when the game's going on, when I'm getting ready for the next day, the game start at 6:40 and I'm trying to look in through the outfield wall on the east end, there's glass. I'm trying to see if from the ulcer I can see into Marlins Park.

[Billy Corben]

Do you have binoculars?

[Mike Ryan]

You brought binoculars?

[Stugotz]

It's like three miles away.

[Greg Cote]

That sounds like someone who steals cable. David, it sounds like you're doing exactly what you were just speaking out against. You did not pay for Morelands tickets.

[David Samson]

If you grow up in New York and don't have a. A telescope, then you have not grown up in New York.

[Billy Corben]

So wait a second. You carry with you.

[David Samson]

It's.

[Mike Ryan]

I've been in multiple hotels and Airbnbs in New York that have telescopes.

[David Samson]

It's a real thing there.

[Greg Cote]

Yeah.

[David Samson]

You have to learn in the city. Creepy. You got to close the shades.

[Stugotz]

I think Billy's on to Something. Are you essentially saying that if you're from New York City, you know how to be a peeping Tom?

[David Samson]

I'm saying that New York City kids know how to do it.

[Mike Ryan]

So when you move into a place in New York, one of the first order of business is like, what can I see?

[David Samson]

And who can see me? Right. That is. That is what you do before you rent a place or buy a place in New York City. You always have to look up, down, left, right, to see who exactly has view into your apartment. This can't be far in depth.

[Mike Ryan]

Have you ever been in like in an intimate moment and you realize, oh shit, I didn't close the blinds. And you feel very vulnerable?

[David Samson]

Purposefully. Oh, hell yeah, dude.

[Mike Ryan]

Nice.

[Dan LeBatard]

Only murders in the building. Didn't they have a whole thing about a whole season about that?

[Chris Cote]

Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

Across the world, across the way.

[David Samson]

It's a major thing that there's also.

[Mike Ryan]

Friends had that before, right? There's episodes.

[Dan LeBatard]

Figure out which apartment the guy lived in. He kept going to the wrong one.

[David Samson]

And you try to find the apartment. It's a great trope. It's a great cinematic trope when you try to go across. It happened in a great movie that I love called Keeping the Faith.

[Stugotz]

All right, that's a good movie.

[David Samson]

Where Ben Stiller and Jenna Elfman and Ben Stiller went across to the guy who happens to be a real life husband and tried to contact her to say he loved her. I love that movie. But in any case, I tried to look into Marlins park because I wanted to see. And the fact is, the way we built the glass in the outfield wall, you can't see in. So therefore I couldn't see the home run, I couldn't see the loss. I couldn't see any of it.

[Stugotz]

Well, it's on television.

[David Samson]

Yeah, maybe that is true, except not when you're in Florida.

[Dan LeBatard]

I've seen two Marlins games all year long available on my YouTube TV. I tried fishing for Marlins games. No pun intended.

[Mike Ryan]

Don't look too hard.

[Dan LeBatard]

And couldn't find any.

[Greg Cote]

Well, they also this season are airing Friday games on like CBS4.

[Chris Cote]

Oh, really?

[Greg Cote]

Or channel 39.

[Dan LeBatard]

One of the.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, I think it's CW.

[Greg Cote]

Yeah, it's one of the two channels that they own. They're airing Friday games there. So if you don't have the. I don't even remember what it's called, but the whatever. Plus that you can watch it on. You can watch it there.

[Dan LeBatard]

Wasn't that where they were showing Friday night games on Apple?

[Chris Cote]

So.

[Dan LeBatard]

So now it's just the other ones.

[David Samson]

Now that they're showing it, that's national deal. The Friday night Apple is a national deal. The Friday night what. What the Marlins are doing, and it's not an exclusive window. So there are other teams showing their regional games. But what the Marlins did, because their deal with the regional sports network, as many teams did, which has created such a big revenue disparity, is TV money. It's dried up. I mean, it's dried up like you're 90 and you're looking at the game saying, I can't find it. I have no idea what to do here. CW One Day and FanDuel Network. You got to pay. What is it, 20, 19, 99?

[Greg Cote]

I don't know, man. I signed up for it last year and it auto renewed.

[Stugotz]

Should have got that bundle.

[Greg Cote]

They don't have a bundle. They used. You know what happened? They started losing teams. And before I had to choose which one I wanted, did I go, Marlins, Panthers? Did I go Heat, Rays? I went Marlins, Panthers.

[Mike Ryan]

Sorry. Sorry.

[Stugotz]

He.

[Greg Cote]

They broke it up before. You know, when you had cable, you had both channels. Now when they broke it up and you had to do the streaming, you had to choose which one you wanted.

[Mike Ryan]

That was easy for me. Marlins, Panthers.

[Greg Cote]

Well, I noticed what ended up happening was, is that as they lost teams, it seems as though all of the teams are now available on the one bundle that I had.

[David Samson]

So you now have Marlins, Panthers, Heat.

[Greg Cote]

No Panthers left. Panthers are on Scripps or something.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, that's it.

[Greg Cote]

Yeah.

[David Samson]

Do you know what you pay to watch your local teams?

[Greg Cote]

What I pay to watch my local teams? Do I know.

[Stugotz]

That'S a move? You say the question again.

[David Samson]

Are you delaying?

[Stugotz]

It gives you more time to think.

[Greg Cote]

Well, I'm trying to figure out exactly the question here, like you asking if I pay separate things to watch all the teams or if I watch them all in one place.

[Dan LeBatard]

No, I think I know that answer. You can ship the question to me. So I'll go buy the four teams, right?

[Stugotz]

The Panthers.

[Dan LeBatard]

Last year I ended up buying Panthers plus for 70 bucks. And then I later found out didn't have to.

[Chris Cote]

You don't have to.

[Mike Ryan]

Right.

[Dan LeBatard]

Well, thank you, Mike.

[Chris Cote]

I think you get that channel with an antenna, too. So that's $0 that you can watch a Florida Panthers for.

[Dan LeBatard]

Unless you're me.

[Stugotz]

And that's a nice donation you made.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay, $70. The dolphins I pay for. Not for NFL, the whole thing. I just pay for the Red Zone channel, whatever package that is. And I believe that's just $30.

[Stugotz]

See, he doesn't even know I told you. Red zone's confusing.

[Dan LeBatard]

Baseball don't pay a dime. But if I did, I'm sure there's a number. And what am I missing? Miami Heat last year I did have to. Man, this is wild. So I used to borrow my sister's Fubo login Legal and then. But then she canceled it. So then I had to purchase Fubo for like three months for the end of the season just to watch the Heat and triple figures. So that's three months of $300 plus.

[Greg Cote]

The other two that I. Julie says you spend like $4,500 a year, so that's what you spend.

[Mike Ryan]

You have YouTube TV.

[Dan LeBatard]

I do.

[Mike Ryan]

Well, then you do have the local Dolphins games. You have seven and like four.

[David Samson]

Right.

[Dan LeBatard]

I only said I paid for the NFL Red zone.

[Stugotz]

I don't pay anything extra for any of the local teams. I get it all on my service.

[Chris Cote]

TV is a little luxury I afford myself during football season. You know, the multi screen 4K is.

[Dan LeBatard]

A little overrated for football.

[David Samson]

What the companies count on is what Billy just said he does. He forgets about auto renew. The amount of money in auto renew.

[Dan LeBatard]

Golf now got me for 1 $5.

[David Samson]

How many months? Like, damn it.

[Dan LeBatard]

I haven't been golfing in two years.

[Mike Ryan]

Still at L A Fitness, I was.

[Greg Cote]

I was offered, I was offered like free MLS for the year. And I was like, it's free for the year. I'll take that with my phone plan. Like, that's a good bundle. I'm not going to watch it, but I get it for free. Why would I turn that down? And I started reading. I'm like, you're going to be charged $70 next year. I'm like, no, thank you. I'm not going to watch any of these games and I'm going to forget to cancel.

[Chris Cote]

This previous administration did put forth legislation to make it simpler for people to cancel their subscriptions. And then the new administration was like, that makes too much sense. We're not going to do that anymore.

[David Samson]

I understand your frustration and I feel it as a consumer where it's. I referred to it and this is the old way to do it. I refer to it as Columbia House Gate because that's how I would get in trouble as a kid. And that's aging me.

[Stugotz]

I owe Columbia House and BMG still so much money. I was scamming them left and right. I don't even care if you're out there and you hear me say, come at me Bro, I owe Columbia House and BMG so much.

[Dan LeBatard]

I'm pretty sure I pay $30 a month for a porn site for like, the last 20 years that I've never seen. I just can't cancel it.

[David Samson]

It's not as easy. And it doesn't matter. Obama, Trump, it doesn't matter. Whoever Biden, it really doesn't. The fact is that you say you make it easy, but the truth of the matter is that there are certain ways. If you've tried to unsubscribe from an email list, the little tiny button where you have to unsubscribe, and then on top of that, you have to do another step.

[Stugotz]

Takes you another page. Yeah.

[David Samson]

And then if you don't hit it right, then you got to give a reason why, which I hate giving.

[Greg Cote]

ESPN plus, you used to have to unsubscribe from the same device you used to subscribe. And then you have to think back and be like, what device did I subscribe to this on? Like, you. I have my email, I have my passwords. Like, no, you need to do this from the same device you use. And it's like, that could have been an old computer. I'm never going to get out of this now.

[Dan LeBatard]

You could have borrowed a friend's phone while you were at some gathering, and all of a sudden you'll never be able to cancel.

[Stugotz]

How about most of these fitness places? This actually happened with me at Massage Envy. When you want to cancel the membership, you can't call. They make you go in, in person and sign some documents. Like, that shit to do, man.

[Greg Cote]

Oh, I used to tell people, I have Covid. I can't. I have Covid. And like, okay, don't come in here, don't come in here. We'll cancel right away. Like. And sure enough, LA Fitness canceled that real quick. They didn't want me going there.

[David Samson]

Spring. That's the greatest wild Billy hack we've had all day. Is that all you have to do is cough?

[Greg Cote]

Well, I mean, it was in the middle of COVID but I was being charged for a gym that wasn't even open. And I was like, I'm going to cancel this now that you got to come in.

[Stugotz]

I'm like, oh, I can't come in.

[Greg Cote]

They're like, sir, please stay home. Stay safe, stay away from us.

[David Samson]

I believe that if you looked at our GDP and you took a percentage.

[Dan LeBatard]

Is that our GDP or our dgp? Because those are different.

[Chris Cote]

Our O U R. No one knows what that means.

[Mike Ryan]

General draft position.

[Chris Cote]

I'm with Tucker Carlson there. No one knows what that means.

[David Samson]

Yeah, gross domestic product.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah. No one knows how to calculate that. People know how to calculate what groceries cost and what it costs to buy.

[David Samson]

Thanks.

[Mike Ryan]

I thought it was where Saquon's getting.

[David Samson]

Thank you for the relatability. I was trying to point out that the amount of money in our economy from people who don't think to cough to cancel. It is a big part of our economy. There are companies who count on that money. They count on cough to cancel is what Billy did. No. You know, he had a cough to cancel to get out of something.

[Greg Cote]

Yeah, but coughing's back. It doesn't work anymore. People are fine with you coughing on them.

[Chris Cote]

I've been coughing for two straight weeks.

[Greg Cote]

Yeah.

[Chris Cote]

No one bats an eye.

[David Samson]

It's fine letting you cancel anything.

[Izzy Gutierrez]

I don't know about you guys, but I'm someone that's constantly adding stuff to different carts on random websites. Like, there's a teal marlins hat that's been calling to me for like two and a half years that I'm constantly getting advertisements for is something eventually I'll purchase because I keep those things in cart. The then I see it. That beautiful, glowing purple shop pay button. Boom, checkout's done. I don't even have to get up and find my wallet. That, my friends, is Shopify magic. That little purple button means that the store is powered by Shopify, which doesn't just make it easy to buy, but ridiculously easy to start and run your own business too. Whether you're a giant like Mattel or Gymshark or, you know, just launching something weird from your garage, Shopify has your back. To be real, if we can run a show with this much chaos, you can run a business with Shopify. With hundreds of beautiful templates, tools for payments, inventory analytics, marketing. It goes on and on, and it's all in one place. And yes, that purple button is why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. If you want to see less carts being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com batard go to shopify.com batard shopify.com batard so Bob Odenkirk is one of my actually all time favorite actors. He could be comedic, he could be dramatic, obviously. Better Call Saul, one of the great shows, literally of all time. And a couple of years back, he showed up out of nowhere as an action star in the movie Nobody. And I honestly really loved it. I couldn't believe what I was watching and had an absolute blast. Was blown away by his physicality. The movie was a ton of fun. And now he's back in the sequel, Nobody 2, hitting theaters on August 15th. So Bob returns as Hutch and this time he tries to go on a vacation with his family, only for all hell to break loose. It's really a delight to see a guy like Odenkirk kicking some serious ass. Nobody 2 is produced by 87 north, the same team behind hits like John Wick, Bullet Train, and the Fall Guy. The film also stars Connie Nielsen, RZA, and the legendary Christopher Lloyd and Sharon Stone. Nobody 2 is a perfect summer movie. You don't want to miss this one. Nobody 2 is only in theaters August 15th.

[David Samson]

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[Stugotz]

Don LeBatard My algorithm on Instagram is Dan it's all boobs.

[Chris Cote]

Stugats.

[Stugotz]

It's a good algorithm. This is the Dan Levatar show with the stugats.

[David Samson]

I'm saying that there's certain things in your economy that are very important to it. Like. Like, and I want to get back to the Marlins game that I was trying to watch in the home run ball and the trade that happened.

[Mike Ryan]

Oh, you would have loved this.

[David Samson]

It's fantastic to think about what you would trade for a guy who's the Marlins player. You've never heard of him, but he's a rookie, came up first. Home run. Someone catches it in the bullpen.

[Mike Ryan]

Josh Hater.

[David Samson]

Specifically, there's a rule when the opposing team catches a home run ball.

[Stugotz]

So the unwritten rule or real rule?

[David Samson]

Unwritten.

[Mike Ryan]

The first debate was whether the bullpen was aware. Don't you know when a guy is like, just called up four days.

[Stugotz]

There's no way they know.

[Greg Cote]

I just.

[Mike Ryan]

They're not following the sport.

[David Samson]

No.

[Mike Ryan]

Okay.

[David Samson]

They've never heard of them.

[Mike Ryan]

No. That's what the announcers were assuming, that they didn't know.

[David Samson]

But that's the unwritten rule. You don't throw that ball into the stands until you know the bullpen coach. If it's in the bullpen or, or someone on the side, the first base coach, third base coach, whoever it is. Is telling you. All right. That's really.

[Dan LeBatard]

It was his first at batter's first home run.

[Mike Ryan]

Home run.

[Stugotz]

It's like his fifth game.

[David Samson]

And so Josh Hader, who is a closer, took the ball and gave it to an Astros fan. And the player wanted it because you always get back. First hit for a hitter, first strikeout for a pitcher, first home run. All of those things.

[Dan LeBatard]

I could understand if you were to expect the bullpen to know if it was his first at bat, it would probably say it on the screen.

[Stugotz]

Right.

[Dan LeBatard]

First major league at bat, perhaps.

[Stugotz]

I don't even think it's.

[Dan LeBatard]

I don'.

[Mike Ryan]

The funniest part was you see the Marlins head of pr, John Eric, go over there and he's walking down and then security goes to him of like, why are you bothering this lady? Like, why are you here? And he does this move of. You're seeing this on tv. The broadcasters are doing play by play of this. And he shows the badge. I hope that lady still has a job. I mean, trying to kick John Eric out of there.

[David Samson]

I mean, do you remember when it happened to the GM of the Raptors? The erstwhile GM Raptors tried to assess former.

[Stugotz]

Yeah.

[David Samson]

And could not because security. He wasn't wearing his credential. You got to wear credentials. No matter how famous you are, you got to wear credentials because security is paid to pay attention.

[Dan LeBatard]

I don't need a credential. So then we'll need to know who Messiah Yuri is.

[Mike Ryan]

So then Jeremy ends up over there. Jeremy doing. Doing the broadcast the sidelines for the Marlin. So now Jeremy's interviewing her and she's realizing, oh, wow, this ball is kind of important.

[Stugotz]

What do you think he was like? Do you imagine him running through concourse? Oh, I gotta get there.

[Mike Ryan]

At one point, I believe Kyle seal off was like Jeremy's sprinting over there.

[David Samson]

To answer get all the answers to our questions. And so it is about respect that even if you're Pat Riley, no matter who you are, you do have credentials because you don't want the security people to be in the position where they're forced to do something.

[Chris Cote]

He does not wear them.

[David Samson]

If I.

[Chris Cote]

You want to know what his credential is?

[David Samson]

Pat Riley his face.

[Chris Cote]

Riley his hair.

[David Samson]

And do you think also a giant knows who Pat Riley's faces? Do you think that I do?

[Stugotz]

Yeah, I do.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah.

[Mike Ryan]

90%. There's got to be a 10% that don't.

[David Samson]

I think it's not 100%, but I don't want to stop the show to Go through with you. But I promise you the Pat Riley is not recognized by every game day employee because they're game day employees.

[Dan LeBatard]

Any game day employee who asks Pat Riley to show his credential will be immediately replaced.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, that's what I was fearful for that employee last night.

[Chris Cote]

I also don't think he's going uptown for chicken tendies now. I think like the surrounding area in that lower level, the folks know there.

[David Samson]

Are times when you do go up for a chicken, not Pat Riley.

[Stugotz]

You think Pat Riley is standing on that Papa John's line on the concourse level. Sometimes he's using the self order machine.

[David Samson]

Sometimes it's important to be amongst the people. I tend to say you're wrong. But I also tend to say that the home run ball that Josh Hader threw in for a guy that no one had ever heard of, it's barely worth. Barely worth a sign ball.

[Stugotz]

Right? Like, okay, so this girl was holding out like, oh, what do you want to trade me? This ball is not that big a deal. You're lucky if you get a bat.

[Mike Ryan]

Right. That she ended up getting to go down after she got assigned bat, assigned ball and a picture.

[Stugotz]

She made out great then.

[David Samson]

Yeah.

[Greg Cote]

Really well, the. Okay. The Astros bullpen, though, is like egging on the negotiation as her fans around her. Big deal. Jacob Marcy. Marcy's have been there almost.

[Mike Ryan]

If I'm the Marlins, I play hardball. I'm like, all right, you get a beer, a hot dog, and another bullpen ball.

[David Samson]

That's it. How can you get.

[Mike Ryan]

Why would she say no to that?

[David Samson]

You can't trade something you don't have.

[Mike Ryan]

You don't even know this.

[Stugotz]

Maybe she doesn't drink.

[Mike Ryan]

Okay, well, you can have a soda.

[David Samson]

Maybe she doesn't like.

[Stugotz]

Maybe she doesn't like soda.

[Mike Ryan]

Snack, a drink and then we'll get you a replacement ball from the bullpen. That Josh hater will talk.

[Greg Cote]

I mean, the joke's on her. She wins this, you know, she wins this negotiation. Now she has to get a baseball bat back to Houston. Signed by Jacob Marcy.

[Mike Ryan]

Airport speaker.

[Greg Cote]

Congratulations.

[David Samson]

Do you know for sure it was signed by Jacob and not by someone else on the team? It's.

[Mike Ryan]

He was there in the photo.

[Stugotz]

Are you saying that's possibly what happened?

[David Samson]

Oh, it you definitely. Depending on what you're trading, sometimes you offer a bat of a different player.

[Stugotz]

Oh, okay. I thought you were saying maybe someone else signed Jacob Marcy's name.

[David Samson]

Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm saying that. That sometimes it's so valuable that you'll.

[Mike Ryan]

Say, it's like, I want Sandy to sign this.

[David Samson]

Exactly. Which if you're negotiating, that's what you would do.

[Stugotz]

70 ra is not worth that much.

[David Samson]

Well, it's still he's. Well, who would you want on the market?

[Greg Cote]

No one wanted him at the deadline.

[David Samson]

It depends what they were asking.

[Stugotz]

Well, I'd want Kyle Sours. Like, that would be the guy. If you have a choice, I think.

[Mike Ryan]

Sandy would be ahead of.

[David Samson]

Yeah, yeah. Anyone but Jacob is. What?

[Greg Cote]

Why? What's wrong with Jacob Marcy?

[David Samson]

He's like 500 if you're an Astro.

[Greg Cote]

1200 ops guys bawling right now.

[David Samson]

And you also neglected to realize that the problem at Marlins park is that the Astros fan is likely living in Miami.

[Mike Ryan]

No, she flew in. Jeremy interviewed her.

[David Samson]

For sure.

[Mike Ryan]

Yes.

[David Samson]

Just for the game.

[Mike Ryan]

Yeah, that she travels.

[David Samson]

Tourism, baby. Yeah.

[Stugotz]

On a Tuesday.

[Greg Cote]

Look at this. Jacob Marcy's the first MLB player to record at least four extra base hits and four walks in his first three career games since at least 1901.

[Mike Ryan]

I mean, now, if you're this Lady Ruth, you become the better Marcy fan because you have now assigned bat and assigned ball from him. So if he becomes a Hall of Famer.

[David Samson]

Two words for you. Kevin Moss.

[Dan LeBatard]

Okay, I just have a quick update. I'm very, very sorry about this. I'm sorry to all the Friends fans out there. It was Joey who was looking to find the woman across the street in the window and kept going to the wrong apartment.

[Mike Ryan]

Checks out.

[Dan LeBatard]

Not Ross.

[Mike Ryan]

It's a Joey.

[Dan LeBatard]

Ross lived across the street and used to do the. He did the fake having a son thing so he could get out of a date or something else with somebody. And he put a pumpkin head as his son's head. So sorry for confusing those two storylines.

[David Samson]

Lines conflating confusing. I mean, Friends. It's a long time ago already, people. It's not a thing. It's too bad.

[Greg Cote]

France is definitely a thing. They make a ton of money. What do you mean, Friends?

[Dan LeBatard]

Yeah, it's on every day.

[David Samson]

The syndication money that goes to them. But if you talk to kids these days, are they watching Friends? That's a great poll question.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah.

[David Samson]

Our high schoolers watching Friends.

[Chris Cote]

Yes, they are. It's. It's.

[David Samson]

So that's going to be 1000 poll.

[Stugotz]

I think that was a thing recently where Friends is. Is. Has become huge with a younger audience.

[Dan LeBatard]

Office Parks and Rec. I feel like since they're always on, they just keep cycling the new generations.

[David Samson]

Why is anyone watching MASH though?

[Chris Cote]

Well, not all the time, David. MASH sucks. There's this whole thing about MASH being the greatest show. No, it's not. It's ass. I. I've sat there, tried to watch MASH and. No, it's.

[Stugotz]

I'm talking Vietnam here, you know, sucks.

[David Samson]

Korea.

[Chris Cote]

Mash.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, like I said, Korean War.

[Chris Cote]

All due respect to the people that were making that high art back then, but even me as a kid, like, all right, I'm home from school today. Let me watch this daytime programming. Here comes mash. What a buzz kill. This movie, this show sucks. That's what I was. 12 year old me was thinking, this is not good.

[Stugotz]

He's right.

[Chris Cote]

MASH sucks.

[Dan LeBatard]

It had to be said.

[David Samson]

It had to be said.

[Dan LeBatard]

We reference MASH all the time here as if it's some great television show. And Mike just nailed it. It was very even. The music is sad. Makes me want to cry.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, you got to get off.

[David Samson]

That's literally the name of the theme song.

[Dan LeBatard]

I didn't hear it, but it sounds depressing.

[David Samson]

No, no, no, no. I can't even think of it. It's like, na na na na na na na na na na na.

[Stugotz]

Don't look at me for confirmation on man.

[Greg Cote]

I bet you can think of the Friends theme song, though.

[Chris Cote]

It actually sounded closer to what David was doing. No, no, you actually did do the Friends. Yeah, you did.

[David Samson]

I conflated Friends and MASH because they're so similar.

[Chris Cote]

The Rembrandts.

[Stugotz]

Mash Most overrated TV show.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah, I think so.

[Mike Ryan]

Top five.

[Chris Cote]

We're all of the same age group, right? We all stayed home that occasionally sick and we'd watch Prices. Right.

[Stugotz]

That was, that was the one show you had to catch when you were homesick. If you were homesick and you didn't watch that day's edition of Price is Right, what are you even doing home?

[Dan LeBatard]

11Am Lord's time zone.

[Chris Cote]

WSVN would always have. In the heat of the night, I'm like, whoa, I can't do this.

[Stugotz]

And when we're watching Price of the Right. Price is Right. Homesick. What's the one game we were hoping?

[Dan LeBatard]

Plinko.

[Greg Cote]

Plinko.

[Stugotz]

Obviously. Israel. Obviously. Duh.

[Greg Cote]

What was your number two?

[Stugotz]

I didn't really have a number two.

[Greg Cote]

Cliffhanger.

[Stugotz]

Plinko.

[Greg Cote]

Cliffhanger.

[Stugotz]

Which one was Cliffhanger?

[Greg Cote]

The guy wanted to go up the mountain.

[Stugotz]

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

[Dan LeBatard]

I like the dice game.

[Stugotz]

I. I like the dice game too.

[Dan LeBatard]

I like that you got to have to have both dice over the line. Like Casino rules.

[Greg Cote]

How about the putting game, that.

[David Samson]

That always a great one. You got to try to get as close as possible.

[Chris Cote]

That microphone that looked like a little skinny.

[David Samson]

Jane Rayburn and Bob Barker. Same microphone.

[Stugotz]

How exciting was it when one of the contestants would bid a dollar?

[Chris Cote]

You idiot.

[Dan LeBatard]

That was something. You know the game I've favorite when people didn't get it. Like they bid a dollar at entirely the wrong time and the whole audience is like, what are you doing?

[Greg Cote]

I like when the third person bet a dollar and so I come and say $2.

[Stugotz]

Right, that right. That's a balls move.

[David Samson]

Yep. I thought it was way more ballsy when it's. The bet is 350 is the bid and the next guy goes 350.

[Dan LeBatard]

I would take somebody for that. Don't pull that shit with me.

[Stugotz]

Right? This is my one opportunity, and you're coming in with 351. Like, it's not a fight, but you.

[David Samson]

Go down the line. If you lose to that 351, you know, you switch positions and there's six winners per game. I always was thinking about the math of this.

[Dan LeBatard]

What about when people nailed it on the money? Like, you hear the bell and what was the extra thing that they get?

[Izzy Gutierrez]

I forgot.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's it.

[Stugotz]

That's crazy.

[David Samson]

But the whole item was like 300 bucks.

[Stugotz]

Well, think about how much money these games used to give away. Like, the show was called $10,000 Pyramid.

[David Samson]

It changed to 100,000.

[Stugotz]

Oh, did it? But it was originally $10,000 Pyramid. That was the grand prize.

[Greg Cote]

Give me $10,000.

[David Samson]

Survivor's been giving a million dollars ever since 2000. It never changed. It's prize money for winning Survivor.

[Stugotz]

A million dollars is always gonna have a ring to it. Like a million dollars is always really good.

[David Samson]

Million dollars today is not what a million dollars was in 2000, obviously, but.

[Stugotz]

A million dollars is still always good.

[David Samson]

100,000 doesn't stink.

[Chris Cote]

I believe Sunbeam Television owned the rights to in the Heat of the Night, which is why up until very recently, in the Heat of the Night was always part of WSVN daytime programming. Maybe the NFL should buy in the Heat of the Night.

[David Samson]

Is that Carol o'? Connor?

[Chris Cote]

Is that Archie Bunker?

[David Samson]

Yes.

[Chris Cote]

Yeah. But it wasn't Sidney Poitier.

[Stugotz]

Oh, come on.

[Dan LeBatard]

Then. Did you think it was Sidney Poitier?

[Chris Cote]

I didn't see in the movie.

[David Samson]

Thank you.

[Chris Cote]

In the movie, it was TV show.

[David Samson]

Totally different than movie. And I didn't watch the TV show. But there's a lot of changes. And this is. I don't think we're in the local hour anymore.

[Chris Cote]

But was in the Jackal.

[Dan LeBatard]

Really?

[Chris Cote]

Yeah, he was in the Jackal.

[Dan LeBatard]

I've only known him from Too Sir With Love. And then I thought he retired.

[David Samson]

What? What about Sneakers? Or Guess who's Coming to Dinner?

[Stugotz]

Breakfast at Tiffany's.

[Chris Cote]

Who was going to dinner?

[David Samson]

It turns out you don't know Breakfast at Tiffany's. Wrong person. Audrey. Oh, and Hannibal Lecter, I believe. Not Hannibal Lecter. Hannibal. Who's the Hannibal from the A Team?

[Greg Cote]

Burris Burris.

[David Samson]

Hannibal Buress.

[Greg Cote]

Yeah.

[David Samson]

Yeah, that was his last name. In the A Team. Yeah.

[Chris Cote]

His toughest mission was Bill Cosby.

[David Samson]

I believe he's in. He was a major actor. George Peppard. He was in a bunch of great movies.

[Chris Cote]

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[Billy Corben]

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[Unknown]

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[Dan LeBatard]

Void.

[Unknown]

In Ontario, bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. For additional terms on responsible gaming resources, see DKNG Co audio.

[Stugotz]

Don LeBatard I've never stepped foot on that campus.

[Mike Ryan]

I.

[Stugotz]

If you told me right now your life depends on it, go to Santa Fe University and just, just, just take a picture.

[Chris Cote]

Stugats.

[Stugotz]

I would die. I don't know where it is. This is the Dan Levatar show with the st.

[David Samson]

Speaking of great movies. How's that for a segue? Chris, can you do the thing that you do that we do, that we love doing with Boost Mobile, please?

[Mike Ryan]

Good setup there.

[David Samson]

David.

[Mike Ryan]

The Boost Mobile. Speaking of bills, boldest take is presented by Boost Mobile. It's the newest 5G network in the country. And let's see what the audience cooked.

[Unknown]

Up today from Kansas City.

[Mike Ryan]

Let's start it over.

[Chris Cote]

Let's take it from the top. Let's try taking it from the top.

[Mike Ryan]

I feel good about all this.

[Unknown]

Hey, this is Lou on a walk. Adults shouldn't have stickers on their cars. It's so much more polite to trade someone while you're playing against them in baseball. That way they just have to walk to the other dugout, not go all the way home before traveling. Daniel the superfaniel from Philadelphia with a serious question for you guys. Is Mount Rushmore on the Mount Rushmore of American tourist attractions? Thanks for taking the call. This is dead from Kansas City on a trio. I believe that if you don't lose it, one can of WD40 can last a person a lifetime. I'll hang up and listen. Hey guys, wanted to give my limited fake of Charles Barkley saying Sergey Poprofski. Sergey Popovka. Hey guys, this is Blake and Eugene calling from a Hunte Elantra. I think that grocery stores should have traffic laws punishable by fines and possibly banishment for repeat offenders. There's way too many people clogging lanes with their cart, taking corners without looking, cutting you off. And I think it needs to stop. It's not talked about enough. Thank you. Justin from Seattle. I don't think most people could even tackle an NFL kicker or punter. What do you guys think? So at least once a week, Dan Lebatar Likes to say his fans are the most loyal in the industry. And we get rewarded for that loyalty with a week of David Sampson. Really? That's how we get rewarded?

[David Samson]

Is that Izzy?

[Dan LeBatard]

It sounds nothing like me. The voice altering machine worked.

[Greg Cote]

Was Naked Gun a success? Made $17 million opening weekend. Finished third.

[Stugotz]

That doesn't sound like a success.

[Chris Cote]

Oh, What?

[Greg Cote]

I mean, second place was the bad guys too, which was $22 million.

[David Samson]

It's all digital now.

[Greg Cote]

Yeah, movie money's just down. But it was third opening week at 17 million. Like, how many weeks is it gonna stay out like that?

[David Samson]

I don't have anybody in this room able to tackle anybody on a football field. Just like I don't have anybody able to hit 103.9 million miles per hour. Fastball.

[Chris Cote]

The budget for Miles per hour. The budget for naked gun was $42 million. Now, worldwide, it seems like the week one haul is $30 million. So this stands to reason. We'll be a profitable film.

[David Samson]

Is that including the marketing, brother?

[Chris Cote]

I don't know.

[David Samson]

Stop. I'm saying that honestly.

[Chris Cote]

Shut up.

[David Samson]

Stop. Coming Mike with facts that you don't.

[Chris Cote]

It's a budget. That's budget on IMDb. Like, you want me, I'll put in a call.

[David Samson]

Put it. You got connections.

[Mike Ryan]

It just says budget there.

[Chris Cote]

Budget.

[Stugotz]

I just go off of the budget.

[Chris Cote]

They don't have like a sub budget.

[David Samson]

It's not our job to give that information to the audience.

[Chris Cote]

Maybe that's in the budget. Wouldn't you say marketing would also be in the budget?

[David Samson]

No. No, it's not.

[Chris Cote]

All right, then you find out.

[David Samson]

I don't care.

[Dan LeBatard]

I can tackle Jason Sanders. Billy can tackle Jason Sanders. Tony can tackle maybe.

[Mike Ryan]

What are you doing there?

[Chris Cote]

We're all talking about the money that it's making. And I'm like, okay, well, let me give you something helpful. Here's a budget. $42 million. What was food and beverage?

[David Samson]

Shut up.

[Greg Cote]

Jason Sanders 511. I don't know.

[Dan LeBatard]

I saw Take His Ass Down.

[Chris Cote]

I saw Naked Gun in the theaters.

[Stugotz]

Oh, you saw it?

[Chris Cote]

I saw it. It was funny. It was at times really funny.

[Dan LeBatard]

Was it theater packed?

[Chris Cote]

No. No, it wasn't. Wasn't packed. It wasn't. It wasn't empty. You know, it looked like a movie that was finishing third at the box.

[Mike Ryan]

Older crowd.

[Chris Cote]

It was an older crowd. I get the casting of Liam Neeson, but also his comedic timing. It made me really miss Leslie Nielsen. Because Leslie Nielsen's deadpan delivery is so much better than Liam Neeson. I get why they casted him and there are times that he's funny and the delivery works, but I just wish that they had somebody with more comedic chops.

[David Samson]

Did he have a taken moment in the movie? Because I believe that there's some actors who have that moment no matter what role they play. Like Sylvester Stallone has a Rocky thing in whatever part he has. Like you're looking to say, oh, that's sort of Rocky.

[Chris Cote]

No, I mean, there were good deadpan moments. Like there's a good back and forth where they talk about the Black Eyed Peas run of the early 2000s that I enjoyed and then like a TiVo situation.

[Stugotz]

What about Pamela Anderson?

[Chris Cote]

Pamela Anderson was good in it. Pamela Anderson was good in it. That the dude from Kingdom, the Academy Award winner, Paul Walker Hauser. Is that his name?

[David Samson]

Yeah.

[Chris Cote]

Oh, I nailed that one from Blackbird. He was really good. He was really good.

[Dan LeBatard]

Watch the show.

[Chris Cote]

I really enjoyed it and I wanted to support it with my dollar by going to the theater because I like comedies. Friendship was a comedy that came out earlier this year that I was hoping the R rated comedy would be back. The box office wasn't too kind to that film. Comedies seem to still have a pretty long way to go.

[Stugotz]

I've already bought my tickets for Weapons.

[Chris Cote]

Weapons.

[Stugotz]

Going Friday night with my son. I'm so excited. I have to know why the kids are running out of the home in the fight.

[David Samson]

You do everything with both sons.

[Stugotz]

Well, the older one, he's 16. He's got a social life. Friday night. So, like, he's not coming out.

[Dan LeBatard]

Which one of the kids is?

[David Samson]

Bris.

[Dan LeBatard]

I attended. Which one was that?

[Stugotz]

Oh, gosh, I don't know. I don't remember.

[Dan LeBatard]

I think it was the first one.

[Stugotz]

What did the penis look like?

[Dan LeBatard]

I wasn't close. I was. I was a back, back, back end of the room. It was the first and last bris I've ever been inv. I don't know why I went. It was like a weekday at like 10am But I pulled up, that thing was packed. There was a lot of people.

[Stugotz]

Big deal.

[David Samson]

Little things. Not a big deal.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, little deal, but it's a big deal.

[Dan LeBatard]

Just asked what happens at a bris?

[Stugotz]

Cut it off.

[David Samson]

That's when you get circumcised.

[Stugotz]

Cut it off for him.

[Dan LeBatard]

And everybody has to watch for some reason. It's very strange.

[Stugotz]

Except my wife who runs away crying.

[David Samson]

You know, there's no invitations to bris or funerals, right? You just. You go, yeah, it's word of mouth. You got invited.

[Chris Cote]

Sword of mouth.

[David Samson]

Yeah, there's.

[Stugotz]

You don't get like an Evite, Right.

[Dan LeBatard]

I'm pretty sure you're invited me on the air, so.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, no, no, that's. That's word of mouth. That's what that is. But there's no formal invitation that is sent out. You know, you have to prepare schmears.

[David Samson]

For, like, a lot of people.

[Stugotz]

Yep. That's a lot of food.

[Mike Ryan]

I know what that is.

[David Samson]

A lot of tuna fish, a lot of chicken salad, a lot of white fish salad. Because you just don't know the number of people were coming in for free food and to watch a little.

[Stugotz]

I almost screwed up at the hospital when my son was born. I think it was for the first one because like, like the nurse, you know, if. If you're not Jewish, but you want your son circumcised, they'll do it right there at the hospital. You know, it doesn't have to be a whole ceremony. And so the nurse, you know, said, will he be circumcised? And I immediately said, yes. I didn't realize she was asking, do you want us to do it here? So you're like, hey, no. Well, my wife goes, no, no, no, we're not doing that. Oh, okay. I thought she's just, you know, what would have happened? Small talk she was making. I don't know. But it.

[Dan LeBatard]

What do you do with the bris?

[Stugotz]

It have been bad.

[David Samson]

It's so small that you can just cover it with a little towelette with a little handkerchief and no one will know the difference.

[Mike Ryan]

You speak for yourself.

[David Samson]

You do a fake little slice. Have you ever done seen the fake slice?

[Stugotz]

No.

[David Samson]

You're good to go. It's. That's exactly what. If you're asking me what would happen, you still have to have the breasts. You cannot do the circumcision in the hospital and then not do this.

[Dan LeBatard]

But you're lying. You're like lying to God and all these witnesses.

[David Samson]

100%.

[Billy Corben]

What the rabbi say?

[David Samson]

The rabbi said, don't let him do it in the hospital. You have to have the frame of mind to say no to the nurse.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, it was bad. I. I was really young. I was like 28 years old. And no I know anything.

[Greg Cote]

They ask you so many questions, like when you're under duress in the hospital, when a kid's boys, like, what do you think about? It's like, this is a decision that impacts his kid's life forever.

[Stugotz]

Like, I don't know, just leave me alone for a few minutes.

[Greg Cote]

No one told Me how any of this works. And I'm gonna send me home in a day, and I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

[Stugotz]

My wife can barely walk. You're giving us this humor being. And I got it taken home with me. Now I don't even know if I have the car seat in properly.

[Mike Ryan]

Nurses just turned me into photographer. They're like, dad, get your phone out. Here it comes. I'm, like, sitting in there. Like, I would like to be in the moment here, but if. All right, the nurses are telling me I'll get my phone out.

[David Samson]

You took video from photo of my.

[Mike Ryan]

Baby, like, as soon as she came out, just because the nurses were like, dad, get your phone ready. And I'm just like, I thought I was going to be in the moment here, but okay, I did. I do have a great photo because.

[David Samson]

Of it, but you have to ask the mom. I think that that is something very clear as the dad, like, which side would you like me on?

[Mike Ryan]

I was not on.

[David Samson]

Yeah, you were at the head, not the toe. Yes.

[Mike Ryan]

I mean, Jesus, David, what kind of photo you think I took?

[David Samson]

I. I wish I had a photo. And all of a sudden, a little.

[Mike Ryan]

Like, I walked over there to go cut the. The cord and.

[Stugotz]

Oh, I don't cut the cord.

[Mike Ryan]

Well, no, it's not actually very gummy.

[Stugotz]

I don't cut that.

[Unknown]

Very gummy cord.

[Stugotz]

No, no.

[Billy Corben]

It's like cutting a rubber band.

[Greg Cote]

Scissors aren't sharp enough to do one slice, and it's a piece of here. What do I do?

[David Samson]

Scissors.

[Mike Ryan]

I had to walk over to where they were, and I had to pass by this area, and I'm like, you can't not look right.

[Chris Cote]

Imagine look right and. Oh, dude. Imagine going to, like, a. A. A tax office and say, hey, you want to do this last part? No, I'm good. I didn't go to school for that.

[Stugotz]

It's ridiculous. Here.

[Billy Corben]

Do you cut it right here?

[David Samson]

You're good right here.

[Chris Cote]

I didn't go to school for that. You did.

[Stugotz]

Here. You want to cut the cor. Are you confusing me for the doctor?

[Chris Cote]

You want. You want to come to the studio and. And give a season prediction for the Dolphins Scrubs.

[David Samson]

It is the sneakiest material, that cord.

[Mike Ryan]

I leaned in. I was like, where do you need me?

[David Samson]

Very good.

[Greg Cote]

The scissors suck. They have, like, something on the end.

[Stugotz]

They're like the scissors you get in kindergarten.

[Greg Cote]

I wish I could use those. These have, like, a weird shape, and they have again, like, a flat part at the top.

[Dan LeBatard]

If you cut it wrong. Do the kids have an Audi Forever?

[Billy Corben]

No. Because you're cutting so far away from where they are.

[Greg Cote]

Yeah.

[Mike Ryan]

It's like. Your cut's actually not important.

[Chris Cote]

No, it's like a ribbon cutting ceremony.

[Billy Corben]

Right.

[David Samson]

It's like big scissors.

[Greg Cote]

I would take that.

[David Samson]

Shears, like.

[Stugotz]

And then the belly buttons. Disgusting. For, like, the next week. It's just this big black shit that just falls off.

[Greg Cote]

And if they poop, you wipe it away with the poop you like. Oh, what I do with this? Did you keep it? Do you keep.

[David Samson]

My mom.

[Greg Cote]

You keep yours?

[Mike Ryan]

Weird.

[Greg Cote]

Mom's ass.

[Stugotz]

Nice.

[Greg Cote]

Threw it away.

[David Samson]

Did you keep the foreskin?

[Stugotz]

No. Yeah, that's.

[David Samson]

That's a thing.

[Stugotz]

Throw that in the garbage.

[David Samson]

You keep it.

[Mike Ryan]

You get dry after a while, right?

[David Samson]

Well, so does the umbilical cord. Everything gets dry.

[Stugotz]

Wait, so, okay, so you're pretty adamant about this. Like, do you know where your foreskin is then?

[David Samson]

100%. I did not get it in the divorce.

[Mike Ryan]

Send us a photo.

[David Samson]

So she's got it.

[Chris Cote]

Is it in the safety deposit box?

[Billy Corben]

It's in the time capsule underneath Marlon's part.

[Mike Ryan]

How much would you.

[David Samson]

One of the things that was delineated in this separation of assets. Who gets the force?

[Billy Corben]

She fought for it.

[Chris Cote]

Huh?

[Billy Corben]

Well, attaboy.

[David Samson]

We only had one. We had one plus three of the belly button things. The. The thing that falls out. I don't know what it's called.

[Stugotz]

Yeah, it's called the belly button.

[Mike Ryan]

You nailed it.

[David Samson]

So there's four. So it ends up being two. Two. That's equity. I got two belly buttons.

[Stugotz]

Wow.

[Billy Corben]

And you know where they are?

[David Samson]

Just straight. Yeah, they're in a. They're in an envelope and they're labeled. I mean, how. Otherwise you can't tell them apart. There'd be no way to do it.

[Billy Corben]

This is a brown thing.

[David Samson]

You're like, is that my kid or is that mine? It's so important to label. I'm a big labeler. Because you think you're gonna remember stuff, but you don't. You can't. No.

[Mike Ryan]

What's the most random thing you've labeled?

[David Samson]

I'm gonna have to go foreskin right up here at the top. That's seems like a winner, but no, I will label things if I have extra supplies. So there's, like, labels in the cabinet where the extra supplies are. So you know, like, where to keep the extra detergent. There's a label that says detergent. And so you know when you buy extra detergent, that's where it goes. And when You're a guest in the house. You know where to go to get the extra detergent.

[Billy Corben]

So your house is like a big office Max, where, like, everything's labeled. You walk around there where it's like, oh, this is where the remotes go. Okay. And put six remotes.

[Greg Cote]

Do you have a map so people know or they just have to start opening cabinets?

[Izzy Gutierrez]

Fire exits.

[Billy Corben]

Do you have, like, where to go on a fire?

[David Samson]

I'm telling you, things that are labeled, I. You're laughing, but I think it's very nice so people don't have to rummage through stuff when they need. When you run out of sugar, there's a place to go to get more sugar.

[Stugotz]

You owe Billy some money now.

[Greg Cote]

Thank you.

[David Samson]

It's like Monopoly. Did I just land on your word?

[Greg Cote]

That's exactly right. And your shirt, you're still wearing that. And I copy that also.

[David Samson]

What's the charge?

[Greg Cote]

For what?

[David Samson]

What are you going to charge every time I say sugar? 10,000, I think seems 10,000 per mention.

[Greg Cote]

I think it's fair, right? It's not what it used to be. That used to be a prize on a game show. I think that's fair.

[David Samson]

You have a very hard time collecting that. I think you ought to be like, a penny per mention. You'll still be rich. You have a better chance of collecting the penny per mention.

[Dan LeBatard]

Do we have a luminary coming on with us shortly?

[David Samson]

How great is that? Have you had him here before?

[Dan LeBatard]

Well, it depends. Who'd you get?

[David Samson]

Mr. Marlin. Nice local. Jeff Conine is here because he's reliable. When we asked him to show, he showed exactly on time and on budget. He's way bigger now. He could tackle somebody again.

[Dan LeBatard]

So can Tony. So can I. I'll talk in the show.

[David Samson]

Jason.

[Dan LeBatard]

Maybe. Mike.

[Mike Ryan]

Comics.

[Greg Cote]

Think you guys realize how tough these players are?

[David Samson]

It's like Jason Sanders.

[Greg Cote]

Yeah.

[Dan LeBatard]

I get to wear pads, too, though, right?

[Chris Cote]

I don't think you realize the progress that I've made over the last few months.

[Billy Corben]

Thank you.

[Dan LeBatard]

That's why I said maybe.

[David Samson]

You do look great, Mike.

[Greg Cote]

Why would you go for lightest or smallest? Because, like, you don't want to try to tackle, like, a 58 running back.

[Billy Corben]

No, no, no, Sanders, you said kickers is the people you want.

[Mike Ryan]

Kickers and punters.

[Billy Corben]

That's what he said on. On Bold Estate.

[Greg Cote]

You think you could tackle Rodrigo Blankenship?

[David Samson]

Yo.

[Chris Cote]

For sure. Yeah.

[Greg Cote]

I don't think so.

[Chris Cote]

He's actually pretty tall, dude.

[Greg Cote]

He's Jack tall. Don't let the glasses and the mustache fool you. That guy could beat the shit out of you.

[Billy Corben]

But I'm tackling him. I'm not fighting him.