
Loading summary
Dan LeBatard
This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stugats podcast.
Mike Ryan
All right, let's give it up, everybody. We did it.
Chris Cody
It's Friday.
Mike Ryan
The weekend is here. We did it, everybody. We made it through the week. How about that? All right, which one? Mortal Kombat or Battle Court? What are we starting with?
Dave Damashek
I mean, something happened at Mortal Kombat that it defies logic.
Mike Ryan
So I mentioned yesterday, Mortal Kombat movies now come out on Thursdays. All right. Movies used to come out on Fridays. Movies now come out on. You know, and then it was like, all right, we'll do Thursday at midnight, because that's technically Friday. You know, now they just come out Thursday afternoon. Movies come out Thursday afternoon. And Mortal Kombat 2 came out yesterday. Mike Ryan and his crew have had tickets for this movie for a little while now in. You know, I buy tickets in advance for Devil Wears Prada. Mike buys tickets in advance for Mortal Kombat. So you went yesterday. And not only did you go yesterday, but you told us you saw it in 4Dx, which is the seats that move around, you know, And I almost fell when I went. I saw the Buzz lightyear movie in 40X. You went and saw 40X Mortal Kombat yesterday?
Dave Damashek
Yes. We felt every punch, and there were a lot of punches. The movie was really fun. We went with a crew of six of us. We had an excellent time down in K town. Kendall Village was amazing. But.
Mike Ryan
So the movie was fun.
Dave Damashek
Yeah, it was fun. We had the 40X, which I was a little worried about.
Mike Ryan
Better than the first one.
Dave Damashek
Yeah, certainly. And so we were having a good time and moving around, you know, doing the thing, spilling your drinks and whatnot. And word got to me because I'm at one end. Amin was in our crew. Amin was on the other end. Amin fell asleep.
Zazie Beetz
Oh, no.
Dave Damashek
What do you mean, he fell asleep? And that's not great for Mortal Kombat 2. I guess he wasn't like that big of a fan. But it was incredible because I don't know how he fell asleep in these chairs because they're moving constantly flopping around. You're flopping like a fish. It makes everybody feel self conscious about their belly because, like, you're moving around.
Zazie Beetz
Everybody had on underpants though, right?
Dave Damashek
Best I could tell. But there was a lot of flopping around.
Mike Ryan
Mortal Kombat, 90% audience score.
Dave Damashek
It was. It was a crowd pleaser. But Amin fell asleep.
Chris Cody
So, couple things. Number one, this has been going on for a few years now. I go to the movies if I Go to the movies. I'm going to get the best nap of my life. It's not, I'm fighting it, but like I'll. I'll fall asleep in the middle, I'll wake up and when I wake up, it's like, that was amazing. It was worth every minute that I miss of the movie. Is that nap.
Mike Ryan
Right? It's such a dad. Like I used to get mad at my dad when we would go to movies and he'd fall. It's like, dad, I. I used to get mad, he'd fall asleep in the movies.
Chris Cody
So there's that. But then there's an added thing I think that Mike is not paying attention to and he says, oh, how could you fall asleep in this 4 dx movie? Cuz it does shake and you can feel kicks in your back and stuff like that.
Mike Ryan
Who needs that?
Zazie Beetz
Was it like a massage chair effect? That's what I gather, right? That's how you would fall asleep?
Chris Cody
No, it actually has a lot to do with the amount of travel I do for my job and because I'm used to being on seats in shaky environments and just being like whatever.
Zazie Beetz
And booze.
Dan LeBatard
Yeah.
Mike Ryan
Did alcohol play a role?
Chris Cody
No. I mean, I would have fallen asleep anyway. But I'll tell you what, that's what kept me up for a little bit. Because the sloshing of the liquid in my stomach was so weird. And then at one point I was like, I got to go to the bathroom. That's one thing I hate doing. I don't mind missing parts of the movie because I took a nap. I abhor missing parts of a movie because I had to go take a leak. I'm like, grow up. But it was like it was too much.
Dave Damashek
The seats are kind of uncomfortable and not even kinda. My butt was hurting by the end. And it's not because it's moving around all that much. It's a pretty stiff seat, very firm, and you are moving a lot. There was a trailer for Mandalorian.
Mike Ryan
Do the seats move with the trailers too?
Dave Damashek
For that one? That one actually felt kind of cool. Cause you're soaring through the air and we looked at each other like, oh,
Zazie Beetz
this would be the optimal movie then given what you experience that you can summon like Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Chris Cody
I would say something where there's a lot of flying because even it's not always just shaking for battle. Like if you're taking off, it leans back. If you're going down, it leans forward. And then they have these air jets so you get the Feeling of the wind whooshing past your face. So for the Mandalorian, when there's fire, they burn you. They didn't have any.
Zazie Beetz
They don't actually burn.
Chris Cody
You know, they didn't even have heat. I thought they'd have a heat lamp for that, but. No, but, like, for the Mandalorian trailer, because there's a lot of, like, he's on a jetpack. They're in a spaceship. It was a lot of tilting back and wind whooshing. And I was like, that's quite enjoyable.
Dave Damashek
Like, I can get into this. But then Mortal Kombat was a different experience because it's all fight scenes and you're being thrown around in the air as the fighters are being thrown around in the air. And there's very little dialogue and exposition in this film.
Chris Cody
And also, I would like to say the shake, the physical activity of the chair does not actually match what's happening on the screen. Right. So it's just like someone gets punched. It's not like I feel it, like, tilt me the way the punch happened. It's just like, shake the hell out of you.
Mike Ryan
So, yeah, something happens just like, all right, we're going to shake the shit out of the person in the chair.
Dave Damashek
Yeah. But to me, it seems impossible to fall asleep. But I guess, as he pointed out with the airplanes, he's conditioned to this. He was, I guess. It's kind of like a baby in a back seat. You have to. The only way the baby falls asleep is if you put it in the car. I don't know how, but he managed to do it. Did you like the movie? Because typically, if you fall asleep during a movie, that's a bad sign.
Zazie Beetz
Called you a baby in the backseat.
Chris Cody
I was a baby in first class, baby. I was shaking. And everyone's like, oh, my God, we're going to die. And I'm like, I don't die like this guy.
Zazie Beetz
You don't get to review the movie, though. That's the deal.
Dan LeBatard
You.
Zazie Beetz
You get to have no proper opinion.
Chris Cody
I liked it.
Zazie Beetz
Why did it? Doesn't matter. I just said it doesn't matter what you thought of the movie. You slept through some portion.
Chris Cody
Some portion of it. It's not like I slept through the whole thing.
Zazie Beetz
Your Review is invalid.
Chris Cody
20 minutes I missed.
Dave Damashek
He didn't lose the plot.
Mike Ryan
Now, one of the.
Zazie Beetz
I. I gather there was no plot. Based on what?
Dave Damashek
There is a plot. Outworld has won nine consecutive Mortal Kombats. If Earth loses a 10th one, Outworld gets to invade Earth Realm.
Mike Ryan
Man Come on.
Jeremy
I'm sorry.
Mike Ryan
Now one of the, one of the fun things about seeing a new movie that's going to have a huge audience like this. You get the real good trailers. You get any great trailers?
Chris Cody
Disclosure day. That one looked cool, right?
Dave Damashek
No, no, that just happened about 25 minutes ago. They released the files.
Chris Cody
Topical humor. Welcome. Levitar show.
Mike Ryan
All right, so Mortal Kombat. Two thumbs up.
Dave Damashek
Well, like at least one. And the other one shaking a little bit.
Mike Ryan
I made that up. By the way. Movie reviews.
Chris Cody
Two thumbs up.
Mike Ryan
It's mine.
Dave Damashek
Were you here when Ebert was still alive?
Mike Ryan
All right, so I'm gonna wind up seeing Mortal Kombat sometime soon. I'm into it. I like it. Battlecore Championship. I told you we started with Mortal Kombat but that's only because that would happen last night. But today, Battle Court Championship. Chris, what's, what's on the line? Like this. This is the big shebang.
George Clooney
Couldn't sleep last night. Woke up around 5:30 this morning.
Chris Cody
Should, should have gone to Mortal Kombat.
George Clooney
Yeah, I'm excited. We got, we gotta bring George Cloney in. He's here. We're very excited. It's a big day this, we can make history today.
Dave Damashek
You know, it's a big day when
George Clooney
George Clooney' teams have been able to, to, to fight for a chance to
Zazie Beetz
go back to back.
George Clooney
And we get our chance today to be the first team to win back to back championships.
Mike Ryan
Look, there he is.
Chris Cody
I, I don't want to get ahead of ourselves as George Cloney enters the studio, but I, I pitched something to Mike that if you guys win you got to get T shirts made out that say episode two Attack of the Clones because you won two in a row.
Mike Ryan
Now correct me if I'm like how unlikely has this run been for, for the Clones? Because I don't know, it was like a month ago. You were, we were watching the match here. You were mother effing everybody and threatening to fire people.
George Clooney
Yeah, I mean we struggled in the middle of the season. I think if you're just looking at our roster, we were expected to be in the playoffs and compete this season. We have like.
Mike Ryan
So it's been a strong finish, I think.
George Clooney
Strong, strong start, strong finish. This team is where it's supposed to be. This is no fluke. This is not a team. I was hearing a, you know, listen to God Bless Highlight the other day and they're calling like the most veteran team we have. That's right. You know, you know, George Clooney hosts
Chris Cody
you Know who a strong finish is? Timo Salami. That. That's because he's finished and he's strong.
Zazie Beetz
He almost got his name right. Even that's salami. He's not a spicy encased meat. He's salami.
Mike Ryan
Salami.
Chris Cody
Salami, please.
George Clooney
We would like people to come out tonight. Support the Cyclones. It's a fun night out.
Dave Damashek
It's going to be a great game. Zulaika for the Chargers has had an unbelievable season. This is a 1 seed versus the 2 seed. No team in battle court history has. Has ever successfully gone back to back. It's quite. It's. It's shaping up to be quite the week for me. A history maker.
Chris Cody
Episode 2 Attack of the Clones Baby
Mike Ryan
So this could be a repeat of what we saw from you guys what like six, eight months ago. Raising trophies, drinking out of the the cup, the whole deal.
Dave Damashek
Quite the party if the Cyclones do what no team ever has.
Zazie Beetz
I hate the nitpick, but George Cloney the weird grooming or lack thereof with the unibrow here in the year of the Lord 2026.
Dave Damashek
You don't pluck that out, huh?
Chris Cody
Keep it natural.
Dave Damashek
Yeah, it is from the Basque region. The sport so we honor.
Zazie Beetz
Oh, I see.
Mike Ryan
Dave, have you.
Zazie Beetz
What are you saying? People from the Basque region traditionally maintain a proud unibrow.
Dave Damashek
That's right.
Mike Ryan
Dave, have you ever been to a highlight match?
Zazie Beetz
I did as a child and it was fine and I enjoyed it. But I'm against it because they. Because they discriminate against my people. They're anti leftists. You know, you're not allowed to be a lefty.
Dave Damashek
Sounds like.
Zazie Beetz
And play the high lie. That's outrageous.
George Clooney
It is true that you wear the sesta on the same hand regardless of why. I don't know why. That's the rule, but that's the rule.
Dave Damashek
Well, if you listen God bless highlight, you would know that the. The way that the ball would release should it be on the other side would be far too dangerous and wouldn't
Zazie Beetz
same crap I had to deal with in little league. They wouldn't let me play third base. Well, you're left handed. You. You wouldn't be able to make the pivot appropriately. And now I'm excluded from high lie.
Jeremy
You got to play first corner outfield.
Mike Ryan
Do you ever wonder, you know, if you're a righty it's impossible to do things with your left hand. Like you can't do anything. I can do something like this is a stupid hand. All right, if you're a righty. But in baseball, you wear the mitt on the left hand, of course, because you throw right handed and it's like, it's really useful. You're really good with it. Like, you can catch very well. True, but I can't do anything else in life with this hand.
Chris Cody
I can do something.
Mike Ryan
How do I catch so good then? How do I wear the mitt on the left hand and. And, and be a competent baseball player? I can't do shit with my left hand otherwise.
Dave Damashek
I mean, just to be clear, you
Chris Cody
jerk off with your left sometimes to switch it up.
Zazie Beetz
Chris Cody joined him in that too, by the way. Not each other. They didn't join. They weren't there for each other.
George Clooney
You don't know what my wink meant.
Zazie Beetz
Yeah, you're right, I guess.
Dave Damashek
Yeah. I mean, given what we've learned this week. Everything's on the board, by the way.
Zazie Beetz
Heels back, another layer. Who knows what we'll find.
Mike Ryan
Little update.
George Clooney
It got to her.
Dave Damashek
Oh, no way.
George Clooney
She had a good laugh at the idea of me struggling to get there.
Chris Cody
Oh, oh. Because that never happens. Got it.
Zazie Beetz
Did she tell you what she thinks of when she's having a difficult getting there?
Dave Damashek
Were you hoping that firefighter. Were you hoping that she'd be like, you know, me too, sometimes.
George Clooney
What I was hoping for.
Mike Ryan
Think of what it'd be like if you had a twin.
George Clooney
But she had a good sense of humor about it. So we're okay. We're still married.
Jeremy
Did it get.
George Clooney
For all the Reddit posts saying it got. It got everywhere. It got around.
Zazie Beetz
I want to know.
George Clooney
My mother in law knows you.
Zazie Beetz
I mean, it has something to do with the personalities involved. But Zaz, who should be the most offended in this entire thing? The wife, the twin sister. Like, ugh, I don't want you thinking about me like that, Chris. Or is it the firefighter?
Mike Ryan
It's a good question.
George Clooney
It has to be my wife. My wife is the answer here.
Zazie Beetz
The thing is, if you're the firefighter, you kind of look at, so, oh, this is my beautiful.
Mike Ryan
I don't think offensive is the word to use. It has to be like, who is the most uncomfortable? Me.
Dave Damashek
Well, I think, Jeremy, for our audience. Let's recap the audience.
Jeremy
Yeah, just to recap, Chris said that when he can't get it up and can't get going.
Mike Ryan
No, that is what you said.
George Clooney
When I can't.
Dave Damashek
Okay,
Chris Cody
okay.
Zazie Beetz
So when completely different.
Dave Damashek
Let's not interrupt. Yeah.
Jeremy
So when, when, when Chris is doing it with his wife, he thinks of her twin sister, who of course is married to a fireman. That is the context that is necessary here for this story about Chris, who thinks of his wife's twin sister when he's having sex. Hey listeners, it's Jeremy here. I am, the member of the shipping container that cares about style. You already know this, and lately I've been trying to make getting dressed a little bit easier because I care a lot about the way I present myself, but I don't want to overthink it. I just want to be able to walk to my closet, have stuff that fits, feels good, works together. And thankfully for me, I have quints. They've taken over my closet. They've got all the spring staples, 100% European linen shorts and shirts that start just a tick over $30. Very good deal. Lightweight, breathable, but they still look put together. And their Pima cotton tees are ridiculously soft.
Chris Cody
Soft.
Jeremy
Their pants hit the same balance. They're comfortable but clean enough to wear anywhere. And the reason it all works is that Quint cuts out the middlemen. They go straight to the source. You're getting premium materials, but you're not paying all the insane markups. Like I'm talking 50 to 80% less than similar brands. You guys know I love a deal and Quint provides it. I recently got one of their 100% linen shirts in a sky blue color. It's been in a constant rotation. I literally wore it out to dinner the other night with my wife. It's light, it breathes, it works with pretty much everything I have. You'll see it on the show soon, I can promise you that. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com/dan for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com/dan for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/dan
Netflix Announcer
most valuable promotions in Netflix are bringing you a blockbuster MMA event with a triple header of fan favorite fighters on Saturday, May 16. This marks Netflix's first ever MMA fight and it's going to be massive. In the main event, she returns to the Octagon. Ronda Rousey returns to shake up the world of combat sports, stepping back into the cage for the first time in nearly a decade to take on fellow women's MMA pioneer Gina Carano. Plus, combat sports icon Nate Diaz faces off against Platinum Mike Perry, two of the toughest, most relentless fighters going head to head. Plus, the big man is back. Francis Ngannou widely regarded as the hardest puncher in MMA history, takes on Felipe Linz in a heavyweight showdown. You will not want to miss five rounds. Five minutes each. One chance to leave it all in the cage. Don't miss it. Watch Ronda Rousey versus Gina Carano live only on Netflix, Saturday, May 16th at 9pm Eastern, 6pm Pacific.
Dave Damashek
Hey, Roy, buddy.
Jeremy
Yo.
Dave Damashek
You know that energy shift when the game gets good and everybody all together in unison knows to stand up on their feet? Oh, absolutely, Mike.
Dan LeBatard
Yeah.
Dave Damashek
You've been at many big time sporting events. You know that moment quite well. That's what it's like when you take your first sip of Cuervo.
Chris Cody
Oh, delicious.
Dave Damashek
It's the signal that says, we're not checking the time anymore, pal. It's when small talk turns into stories. Cuervo, man. It's that high five. A random stranger effect.
Zazie Beetz
That's right.
Dave Damashek
The game is popping. You're hugging people you never met before. That's the kind of energy that Cuervo brings. It's so smooth, so delicious. That's the Cuervo effect. Keep it Cuervo.
Dan LeBatard
Don Levatar.
George Clooney
Cheaters never prosper.
Dan LeBatard
Stugats.
Chris Cody
I ain't cheating.
Dan LeBatard
This is the Dan Levatar show with the stugats.
Mike Ryan
I mean, in reality, that shows should be a compliment because you're thinking essentially of your wife. They look identical.
Dan LeBatard
Yeah.
Jeremy
Super compliment for sure.
George Clooney
So glad we got back.
Mike Ryan
It feels like a compliment, but it's weird because normally, like, if you're gonna think of something that's, like, taboo, you know, you. You would want to think of, you know, think of some strange, you know, you're not gonna think of the exact same thing.
Zazie Beetz
Well, it's an indictment of personality, though, isn't it?
Mike Ryan
I guess.
Zazie Beetz
Well, the old shrew that I'm with gets me down, but I get up when I think of the twin sister, I think, let's move on. I think the guy who should be the person who should be bummed out from all this is the firefighter, because he's taken with. He's attracted to, physically and otherwise, this woman. And then he's like, you know what shows me where I stand in the world order is the woman that I won. I won her heart. My competition is Chris Cody. Would that date.
George Clooney
Why'd you say that that way?
Zazie Beetz
I think, like, I think it would really highlight or lowlight for you where you are in life. Like, this is my. Basically my competition for this level of woman.
Chris Cody
I think you're thinking about this the wrong way, Dave. I think because Chris revealed to us that he shared this information with his brother in law at bowling the other night. And I was thinking about it, what if he had been like, no way. Me too, bro. I do high five. Isn't it wild and crazy? We're married to women that look exactly
George Clooney
alike when you're really drunk, right?
Dave Damashek
Yeah.
Jeremy
She the right twin or the left twin?
Zazie Beetz
I mean if you were, if you said like I, there's someone else in the picture. I just started dating a beautiful woman. There's another guy in the picture though. You should know, like, oh, who is he? Well, you may have seen him in a movie. Is Brad Pitt. That would make my self esteem soar that that's what I'm competing against. You understand now you're the firefighter and basically your competition is Chris Cody. And I don't know how that makes.
George Clooney
Well, he had to live with that. We're like when you're, when you're married to twins, like you have this like, oh, we, we're in the same boat here. We're married twins, bro. Me and you've already thought this thought I think of like this is.
Chris Cody
That's how this firefighter talk.
George Clooney
And he doesn't look like the guy they keep showing on the screen.
Chris Cody
Okay, that's me right there. Look at me with my ass, man. I'm a firefighter.
Zazie Beetz
What country is this firefighter from?
Chris Cody
I'm from here, right here in America. Like you.
Mike Ryan
It's like a really bad, dusty roads.
Chris Cody
I don't know who that is.
Zazie Beetz
It's a hand talker.
Mike Ryan
So this weekend, this Sunday is. It's kind of snuck up on us, right? Is the NBA draft lottery. That's right. The Panthers, a couple days ago, they struck out in the NHL draft lottery. They actually dropped down a spot from eight to nine. Well, the Miami Heat, the Heat fans have waiting for this, right? It's been four straight years, the three previous years of being a playing team, every single year. The Heat fan, a good portion of them wants the Heat to miss the playoffs so they can get a lottery pick. And now finally, after the fourth consecutive year of being a play in the Heat, they are in the lottery. The Heat have not been in the lottery since 2019. Right, 2019. That's got to be the last time. Hero Tyler Herro, last time they bid in the lottery. 2019. And the time before that, 2017.
Chris Cody
Bam. Out of bio.
Mike Ryan
That's right. Oh, let's keep playing this game. 2015.
Chris Cody
Justice Winslow.
Mike Ryan
How about good for you? I mean, do you Think you can keep going? 2009, Beasley.
Chris Cody
No, that's. Oh, wait, 2009 was. Oh, I don't know that one.
Mike Ryan
That's because they made the playoffs. 2008. You're right. Michael Beasley, that's an excellent job out of you. All right, good job, Amin. So the heater in the draft lotter this week, and I think they have like a 5%, little less than 5% chance getting the number one overall pick. So is there a chance? You know, every year, like last year, for instance, the Mavericks got Cooper flag. Oh, it's rigged. Adam Silver gave it to them because they gave the Lakers Luka Doncic they owed the Mavericks. Wouldn't you say that maybe the NBA owes the Heat a little something something for the Charlotte Hornets. Terry Rozier fiasco. Hey, you know what, you guys, you didn't sue the league. You didn't make a public mess. You didn't see Pat Riley had an opportunity to really say something last week, and he kind of took the high road. Maybe the league, they now reward the Miami Heat with the top pick in the draft. How you love that?
Chris Cody
I love that, man. I love that too, man. No, the I at the core of every great conspiracy has to be a good story. If you're not a good storyteller, you can't be a conspiracy theorist. So, for example, the New Orleans Pelicans win the lottery, the draft lottery. The number one world pick is going to be Zion Williamson. Why'd they get it? Because they had to give Anthony Davis up to the basketball gods, to Los Angeles. That's the payback. And Anthony Davis was a Pelican. Why? Because he was the number one overall pick. Because they tried to trade Chris Paul to the Lakers. And then they turn it around and say, here you go. And this is the way it works. You need a great story, Dave Danishek in order for the conspiracy to grab legs. Now, before that, you guys were like, don't they owe the Heat? Because they haven't been in a lot of them. Like, that's a terrible story. No one's going to believe that one. But when you turn it into the Heat were wronged. They got wronged by the league with the Terry Rozier fiasco. And all they got back was a measly second round pick. As Iron Winderman pointed out. Wait a second, you guys gave up a first round pick. Why is it settlement second round pick? And Pat Riley and his eminent wisdom said, hey, we didn't negotiate that. The league negotiated that with the Hornets. So we don't have any say on that, but we're going to have to move on. You know why he's moving on? Because the fix is already in. Ladies and gentlemen, we got ourselves not four, not three, not two. The number one overall pick will be the Miami Heat on Sunday.
Zazie Beetz
I mean, fascinating conspiracy theory, but most good stories require a great star. Who is the. The guy who is there. There's not really a Cooper flag, is there?
Chris Cody
Well, some people would argue there might be multiple Cooper flags in this draft. How about AJ Debanza, right, from byu? How about from Kansas, Darren Peterson? What if we go down to, oh, I don't know, a place in Raleigh, Durham area called DU where a certain
Mike Ryan
someone know about Duke University, heard of it?
Chris Cody
A certain someone who is an alum of a certain local high school here in South Florida. Maybe a boozer will be a Miami Heat player. Who knows? There's all of these great players in the draft this year. This is why the tanking was so bad this year, because everyone's like, I gotta get me one of these kids.
Mike Ryan
So not only do the Heat have a good story for being rewarded with the number one overall pick because they were screwed by the Hornets and the league in losing their pick next year, but the Heat also are a good story for the league to prop up in front of everybody in a year that tanking was rampant. Here's a team who never tanks and they never will tank and they just won the draft lottery. This shows tanking doesn't work.
Chris Cody
Your third eye is wide open and because your head is so big, your third eye must be also massive. It's got a lot of real estate right there. But yes, this is it. Dave Damasik. You need a great story and a great protagonist and that's exactly the part. It's like most people like ew. The Miami Heat. But no, if the great villain in our story is tanking, then the hero of the hero is Pateros team.
Zazie Beetz
I like that. Also I like that Zazlow's third eye kind of pokes out through that little space in his backwards hat. Who is.
Mike Ryan
If they do get the number coming out, it's an eye.
Zazie Beetz
Yeah, I like that Peyton has his red mark. You have your third eye poking through there. The what is then Amin and Zaz and. And the gathered group. What would be the correct pick then?
Mike Ryan
To me, probably to Mansa. Really? Yeah.
Zazie Beetz
Isn't the guy though.
Mike Ryan
Peterson isn't the mistake.
Zazie Beetz
Even though the risk of man, he. I don't dig him taking himself out of the game. And everything else. Isn't the guy who has the upside to be an actual superstar, the Kansas kid.
Mike Ryan
Right. Peterson. Yeah.
Zazie Beetz
Isn't he the one and only, though? I'm not talking about a rotational guy. I'm not talking about a guy who can be a nice piece. I'm talking about the one guy who can be. It seems like player on his team
Mike Ryan
is the Kansas kids.
Chris Cody
Right?
Mike Ryan
Yeah.
Chris Cody
I don't know. A lot of people love the bancer. He's been. He was remarkable.
Zazie Beetz
Like win a title with that guy as your best player.
Chris Cody
Yeah. Like the people. A lot of people are high on him. Mike actually brings up a really good name in acuv. He's. He's a guy that. As a big guard. Right. That's where our league is going to these larger guards that can play either slot.
Dave Damashek
That's my favorite prospect in the draft, actually. But I'm with me. And I think that, you know, the four other names that he rattled off are potential all Stars.
Mike Ryan
Really.
Dave Damashek
It's a great.
Mike Ryan
You're right. Where there's not a wembanyama. It's probably not even a Cooper flag. But. But these. But these are really big names. These are big names and there's a bunch of them at the top of the draft where, like, if you don't get the number one overall pick and number two or number three is still really.
Zazie Beetz
But don't you think I. Again, just. The buzz that I have picked up from a distance here, much like a mean sleeping through the movie and hearing what other people have to say about it, the Kansas kid is the one who can fill it up in a way that very few human beings in the last quarter century have been able to. He can get a bucket anytime he wants to. That describes somebody who is an NBA all star. Right. An essential member. Like, that's the guy you want, I would think.
Chris Cody
I mean, Dibanto is an incredible scorer too, this year, and he's got great size and he does a lot of other things as well. He's a good passer. He's a good rebounder. I'm not trying to be combative here. It really is like a toss up. It depends on who's picking really. At the top of that draft.
Mike Ryan
If the Heat. Let's. Let's play fantasy world. All right. Because the Heat have. Let me see.
Chris Cody
I got 1% chance to win number one overall and a roughly little less than 5, 5% chance to be in the top four.
Mike Ryan
Yeah. And look, top four would be the goal. Top four. You're gonna get a student. All right. Number one would be unbelievable, but. And by the way, the Heat have never won the draft lottery in the history of the franchise. They have never won the number one pick. I'm not even sure they've ever won the lottery in terms of being outside the top three. Now it's top four. But being outside that top three and jumping in to the top three, I don't think that's even ever happened for the Miami Heat.
Dave Damashek
The other night, I was staying in. At least that was a plan. Then the text from my buddy Eagle Eye comes in. Mike, we've got the games on. I say, yeah. I grab a pack of Miller Lite, and immediately my plan's gone. Now it's playoff basketball. Every possession feels huge. Baseball's on another screen, and I somehow care about that, too. Everybody's got takes flying. Nobody's watching. Just one thing, and we're all way more into it than we ever expected. It was one of those nights that you take a sip, you look around and you think, yeah, this was the right move. That's why I reached for Miller Lite. It's clean, refreshing, easy to drink, brewed for taste with simple ingredients, just 96 calories and 3.2 carbs. The original light beer since 1975. And it still hits different cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.
Netflix Announcer
The NBA playoffs are here in DraftKings sportsbook. An official sports betting partner of the NBA brings excitement to every game all postseason long. When the lights are brightest, the best players in the world show you exactly who they are. Playoff stars turn it up round by round, and DraftKings turns it up with them from the first round through the finals. Bet player props. Bet live and stay in the action the entire time. New DraftKings customers bet just five bucks, and you'll get 100 bucks in bonus bets instantly. Download the DraftKings sportsbook app and use Code Dan so you're ready for the moment. That's code Dan. Turn five bucks into 100 bucks in bonus bets instantly. In partnership with DraftKings. The crown is yours.
DraftKings Announcer
Gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER or 1-800-MY RESET New York. Call 877-8-HOPE and why or text Hope and why Connecticut? Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org on behalf of Boothill Casino in Kansas. Wager tax pass through may apply 21 and over in most states. Void in Ontario, restrictions apply. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see sportsbook draftkings.com promos Limited time offer.
Dan LeBatard
Don LeBatard all these high paid analysts, I don't want to mention names. Tnt, espn, you know. Oh yeah, they are dead. They cannot, they're not going to make it. You know, even if they win in, if they lose in Miami.
Chris Cody
I need to calm you down.
Zazie Beetz
I need to calm down.
Dan LeBatard
That's right. They lose in Miami, they don't get a chance in Boston or they are going to have their ass. You know what, in Boston, you know, Stugats. They were wrong. Are they going to lose their job? No. Are they going to get a cousin pay? No. What are they going to do?
Mike Ryan
Keep predicting.
Dan LeBatard
What is the obvious. They are going to say, oh, the Nuggets are going to win. Oh, Denver, the altitude. And you know what? The Heat are going to win it all. This is the Dan Levatar show with these two guys.
Zazie Beetz
Foreign.
Chris Cody
The year before Dwayne got here, they weren't. They didn't jump a little when they,
Mike Ryan
when they got who?
Chris Cody
When they got Dwayne.
Mike Ryan
When they got Dwayne, they were number five.
Dave Damashek
No, but the year before who, where did Karam Butler.
Zazie Beetz
They've never been.
Jeremy
They've never jumped up, ever.
Mike Ryan
They've never moved forward. They've never won the lottery in any form. They've only moved back from one to two. And that was Michael Beasley. And when they selected Steve Smith, they were, they were already in the top three. And they. And they stayed number three overall. Glen Rice was number four. Like the Heat have never in any capacity moved up, had their number drawn.
Chris Cody
They've never moved up. Well, to move up, guess what, Adam Silver, it's on the to do list.
Mike Ryan
Well.
Zazie Beetz
Oh, look at that. The third eye coming through for the year.
Mike Ryan
That's disgusting.
Zazie Beetz
It really is kind of disgusting.
Mike Ryan
You can't expect me to go around in life like that, brother.
Chris Cody
That's a good thing, man. Your third eye is wide open. You are part of the Illuminati now.
George Clooney
You have a pretty eye.
Zazie Beetz
You can't wear fitted caps. That's the only limitation. You gotta have the snapback on. I mean to perpetuate the conspiracy theorizing here. You know, certain leagues want certain teams to do well, it benefits the overall league. Is it important to the NBA that the Miami Heat present as an ongoing, relevant franchise? Do they care about the Miami Heat more than. I mean, obviously, the Knickerbockers are probably number one, right?
Mike Ryan
I don't think so.
Zazie Beetz
And Lakers and big Metropolis.
Chris Cody
So this has been one of the funniest things where people complain about big markets, and especially when The Heat signed LeBron and Chris Bosh. All these big markets, and they're like Miami's. Actually, technically, if you rank 1 through 30, they are in the lower half of the league in terms of media market sizes, it is a small market.
Mike Ryan
I mean, overall media market in the country, they're number 13. So they're probably something like that in the NBA.
Chris Cody
Middle. Middle of the. Of the pack. They're not a big market, really. Yeah, it's. It's just because it's a cool area. People associate and affiliate that with. Surely they're this massive market. They're not. There's a reason why people leave Miami to go pursue entertainment dreams elsewhere, because this isn't a big kind of mecca for that kind of stuff. Now, here's the deal. Any other year, any other kind of framing, no, the league does not need the Heat to be good or to be rewarded in any way. But when you say our villain, our thanos, is tanking, well, this is Captain America right here.
Mike Ryan
That's right.
Jeremy
Dude. I'm fired up.
Mike Ryan
Right.
Zazie Beetz
I didn't think there was even anything in our favor.
Jeremy
You are right now convincing me this is going to happen. Even though I've got to be honest,
Mike Ryan
I'll be so good.
Jeremy
There's a little part of me emotionally, because this whole group has been caping up for the idea of tanking for the last few years, that, like, there's just like a 1% part of me. The same percent chance that he'd actually get the number one pick. That's like, man, I kind of hope they don't move, because then I'm going to have to eat it. And just selfishly, I don't want to deal with that stupid.
Chris Cody
I told you.
Jeremy
I just had to say it out loud. Now I don't feel it anymore.
Zazie Beetz
I feel like I've said this before. I'll say it again. I am wired to be the guy who would not want to have the first overall pick. If there are two good options, you
Mike Ryan
want someone else to make the decision.
Zazie Beetz
That's right. That's right. Then you can't blame me. Like, the worst. The worst outcome is you're the Chargers and you get Ryan Leaf, then that's bad. But at least you can say, well, what else was I supposed to do? They took Peyton. I had no other choice but to take this guy. And I would rather be the one I always refer back to. Roy will know what I'm talking about. Back in, what was it, 1990, the great draft, with, I think, three or four hall of Famers drafted in the first five, there were five juicy names. The fifth was Jarmir Jagr. He fell to the Penguins at number five. Four other teams could have taken Jagr. Instead, they took the likes of Rod Brindemore, who was good, but he wasn't as good as Jaramir Jagr. That helped shape my opinion.
Chris Cody
Well, it sounds like Zaz. You need that cuck ottoman next to your cuck chair so that he can sit there. You're a cuck, Mr. Damon Shack, a draft cuck. You want someone else to be doing the action while you sit there and watch? Hey, you know, in this market, what happens when you say someone else get number one? I'll be number two. They get Derrick Rose and you get Michael Beasley.
Zazie Beetz
Yeah, but you can't fire me if it's not my fault. Like, well, I didn't have anything. They took the guy who I was going to take, obviously, boss.
Dave Damashek
What did you want me to do?
Zazie Beetz
They took Sam Bowie. Well, I guess we now have to take Michael Jordan. What are we. What are we left with? See, See how it works?
Mike Ryan
If the Heat were to win the draft lottery or even get number two overall. Number one. Number two overall. They would like, if they wanted, they would be a lock to get Giannis Antetokounmpo. If they get number one or number two, you can have him. Okay. Like, the Bucks will take whatever your offer is if you then include the number one or number two overall pick. That's for sure. My question, I mean, go ahead.
Chris Cody
So this is what I like to call the Family Guy mystery box thing, which is like, a boat's a boat, but a mystery box could be anything. Hell, it could be a boat. Right? So you're saying, like, oh, you know, Giannis is Giannis.
Mike Ryan
Yep.
Chris Cody
But the draft pick could be an incredible inspirational talent. He could be as good as Giannis. And it's like, well, what do you do? Do you take the Giannis that's already here and guaranteed, or do you take the hope that this guy can become Giannis?
Mike Ryan
I think the Heat. I think if the Heat got the number one overall pick, even the number Number two overall pick. I would definitely not trade that.
Dave Damashek
Amen.
Mike Ryan
Absolutely not. And you know what? I don't think that they would, because here's the thing, Mike. Apparently they were the last team standing. Right. When it came to, if we're going to trade Giannis, this is the offer. All right? We're not going to do it. So if you had the best offer there, why would you now also include the number one overall pick?
Jeremy
We.
Dave Damashek
I think we have to be really smart about this. Any of the four names that Amin mentioned, I'd rather have for the next three years in Miami than Giannis. Any of them. You have to be smart about this.
Chris Cody
Put that on the record.
Dave Damashek
I think. I think any of those top four names that you mentioned are going to be much better assets for you three years from now. I honestly look at what happened with Giannis this year, you could argue his body's already breaking down and his game is so highly dependent on his physical attribute.
Mike Ryan
I think there's no way he did it.
Zazie Beetz
That's the key.
Mike Ryan
Totally with you.
Zazie Beetz
He's a dynamic player and he's 30.
Dave Damashek
I mean, we. These players, they kind of fall off a cliff. Russell Westbrook was a different type of player, but he was so reliant on his physical gifts, and unlike Dwyane Wade, he didn't have enough other aspects of his game to age with grace. I don't think Giannis can age with grace defensively. Yes, absolutely. He's always going to have a place in the NBA. But this talisman that you can win a championship with, that they're going to be fouling every five seconds because he
Mike Ryan
has a green stake. I think you're right.
Dave Damashek
I would take any of those four names. Let's be smart.
Chris Cody
I think that the way to look at it is like this. Number one. I think Exellanes game will age better than most other players because he's still big, he's just long.
Dave Damashek
Oh, he's going to be a defensive force, provided he's still out there, and
Chris Cody
he'll still be able to, like, just finish around the rim and do all those things. I think the big thing here is the ultimate question I was talking about the other day. Every team and every player has to be able to answer this question truthfully and accurately. And if you do, riches and rewards await you. And if you don't, you're going to be lost in purgatory. Who am I? You look at the Miami Heat, if they were like a piece away or a superstar away, I'd be like, yeah, swing for the fences. This is your chance. But if you're being honest, you look at this team, this is a mediocre team. It's not a Giannis away from competing for a championship. You still need more stuff outside of that.
Zazie Beetz
Now, if I will, I will put a caveat that they are in the east and they could be a Giannis away from making a finals run.
Chris Cody
So the way I would argue against that is if you look at Milwaukee's supporting cast, when Giannis was in the lineup this year, they were literally a.500 team. And like, like you can. I get it. Bam's better than anybody on their team. But once you get past Bam, there's a bunch of dudes like, oh, he could have been here, he could have been there. He's got. Rollins, could have been here, could have been there.
Jeremy
That is part of the reason they have all this flexibility though, like that. That was why they set up for having flexibility not just this year, but next year as well. Because they were looking at all of these free agents that were going to be available next year using that space as, you know, a space to trade those massive contracts into and then build a different roster around it. You have all of these guys, Norman Powell, who's a free agent, Andrew Wiggins and Tyler Hero who will be on one year contracts that you can move for the proper supporting pieces. And also this is like we're talking about if they were to jump into the top four. If they don't and then you're moving the 12th pick. All of the things that everyone just said about Giannis that they're not going to want to have, we're all going to celebrate.
Mike Ryan
No, but that's different. That's different.
Zazie Beetz
Right, But Milwaukee still wants that deal though. If it's, let's say it's the seventh pick, Milwaukee still takes that.
Netflix Announcer
Right.
Mike Ryan
And they won't be able to get the seventh pick. But I understand what you're saying.
Zazie Beetz
Yeah, right. I'm saying not one of the, one of the.
Mike Ryan
I mean based on, based on them.
Chris Cody
Almost.
Mike Ryan
Almost taken what the heat offered at the deadline. If you also include a lottery pick this year. Yeah, I would assume that they would take it.
Chris Cody
Yeah, I mean, like, look, it's a strong package with a lottery pick, let's say the 12 pick or whatever. The problem is there's a new suitor that's entered allegedly in the Boston Celtics and they say, hey, what do you want? You want a superstar player or like an all NBA mvp, candid caliber player? We got One of those. Oh, you don't want that. You want picks and stuff. Okay, I can take this guy, shop him literally anywhere in the league and get the kind of pick call that they want in return. That's the problem. So at this point, if that offer is on the table, we don't know that yet, but if it is that, he have to be able to sweeten the pot. And the sweetening of the pot is if your pick goes from 13, what it is today to 4, that's a pot sweetener. I'm not saying you do it. I'm just saying that's where this, like this arms race is headed.
Mike Ryan
The, the only way I would trade that top pick if Miami wins the lottery would be if I made the previous deal for Giannis that was offered. And I can now also make another deal with this top pick.
Chris Cody
This is the LeBron goes back to Cleveland move, right? So it's like, hey, you went and got LeBron and now I can trade that number one overall pick, right, and go get Kevin.
Mike Ryan
That's the only way I would do it. That's it. Because then you're all right. Now we're, we're win now, we're going to win now. But otherwise I would not trade. This was fun. Something happened, but it was fun.
Zazie Beetz
I think people get covetous and overly optimistic and it's a funny sociological thing that happens that so many people, like you said at the very start, that a lot of Heat fans, what they want most is the promise of a lottery pick, a high lottery pick. It's like, but you have good actual people on the T, you know, you have bam at least. And that sort of logic, it speaks to what the way the sports fans mind operates. But I think Mike makes the important point where Giannis is concerned. You might trade for 30. It would be smart no matter what to trade for 30 year old Tom Brady. I don't think it's smart to trade for 30 year old Lamar Jackson or Josh Allen. That's the logic. Giannis is before our eyes slowing down. He is all about being a rim attacker. Is he going to still be that when he's 32? Unlikely.
Jeremy
Oh, you mentioned LeBron.
Zazie Beetz
I want that guy.
Dave Damashek
Can we get him back? The other night I was staying in. At least that was a plan. Then the text from my buddy, Eagle Eye comes in. Mike, we've got the games on. I say, yeah. I grab a pack of Miller Lite and immediately my plan's gone. Now it's playoff basketball. Every possession feels huge. Baseball's on another screen, and I somehow care about that, too. Everybody's got takes flying. Nobody's watching just one thing, and we're all way more into it than we ever expected. It was one of those nights that you take a sip, you look around and you think, yeah, this was the right move. That's why I reached for Miller Lite. It's clean, refreshing, easy to drink, brewed for taste with simple ingredients, just 96 calories and 3.2 carbs. The original light beer since 1975, and it still hits different cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.
Episode: The NBA Owes The Miami Heat The No. 1 Pick | Local Hour
Date: May 8, 2026
The crew dives into the unique intersection of Miami sports, NBA draft lottery conspiracies, and humorous cultural commentary. They debate whether the NBA "owes" the Miami Heat the No. 1 pick in the draft, explore the implications of such a result, reminisce about lottery heartbreaks, and offer a candid, comedic take on fandom, conspiracies, and the sports ecosystem.
Timestamps: 00:10 – 06:00
Timestamps: 06:38 – 10:55
Timestamps: 11:17 – 13:11
Timestamps: 18:49 – 24:45
Timestamps: 24:45 – 32:39
Timestamps: 34:45 – 41:42
Timestamps: 31:06 – 33:08
This Local Hour exemplifies the Le Batard Show’s blend of sports insight, comedic banter, and offbeat storytelling. The heart of the episode: conspiratorial hope for Miami lottery luck, the futility and joy of fandom, and the ongoing comedy of sports life in South Florida—right down to who you think about during a nap (or otherwise).
For fans and newcomers alike, this episode captures the mix of local flavor, NBA nerdery, and absurd comedy that defines the show.