The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Episode: "The Return of Old Man Rivers: Savior or Season Ender?"

Date: December 12, 2025
Location: Elser Hotel, Downtown Miami
Hosts: Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, with Jeremy Tache & the Fuentes Brothers

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the sports world's latest big comeback story: Philip Rivers, a.k.a. "Old Man Rivers," returning to NFL action with the Indianapolis Colts at 44 years old. The crew debates whether Rivers is a potential season savior or a signal of desperation. Other key topics include Miami’s shifting sports scene, the local impact of Messi and Inter Miami, an introspective segment on Joe Burrow, and outrageous NFL storylines like players competing under questionable conditions. Not to be missed is the debut of “Mike Fuentes Doesn’t Want to Know” and a raucous segment of picks with guest Mojo Matadi.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Philip Rivers Returns: The “Old Man Rivers” Saga

(00:00–05:20, 26:54–29:02, 42:39–44:01)

• Comeback Context:

  • Hosts marvel at Rivers’ surprising return and debate whether it’s a clever Hall of Fame play or embarrassment avoidance (e.g., avoiding overlap with Big Ben, Eli Manning, and Matthew Stafford retirements).
  • Body-shaming jokes fly ("especially after you see how fat he is now" – [A, 00:40]).
  • Classic pocket-passer analogy: compared to Frank Gore’s agelessness—he never relied on athleticism, so maybe aging doesn't matter as much.
  • Quote:
    Dan: “Phil Rivers never ran away from a pass rush. He would stand in the pocket and take the hit. And that’s how Phil Rivers used to play. And I assume is going to still be playing even after five years away.” [A, 01:13]

• What’s Different Since Rivers Last Played:

  • A humorous rundown of world events:
    • Ohtani hadn’t yet made an All-Star team ([B, 05:20])
    • Biden not sworn in, Brady hadn’t won a Super Bowl outside New England, Twitter still called Twitter, Messi hadn’t won a World Cup.
    • Pop culture callbacks: "Wonder Woman 1984 was the number one movie in the box office, but the box office was closed...” [B, 09:00]
  • “It’s legit surprising.” – [A, 05:37] (reacting to how much time has passed)

• Rivers’ Readiness and the Physical Toll:

  • Ongoing jokes about Rivers’ girth and whether it even matters:
    Mojo Matadi: “According to you, that Phil Rivers weighs 310 pounds. He’s going to be almost impossible to sack...maybe it’s an asset.” [E, 43:19]
  • Frank Gore analogy revisited: it’s not about what you’ve lost if you never had it.
  • Betting lines suggest skepticism about Rivers’ effectiveness—Seahawks are major favorites.

2. Miami’s Peaking Sports Scene & The Messi Effect

(06:13–08:53)

• Is Inter Miami “the Brand” in Town?

  • Dan posits that Messi and Inter Miami could be the city’s hottest sports brand, but Jeremy Tache pushes back:
    “I couldn’t care less...Dolphins, Heat 1A, 1B at this point...Inter Miami is still like right around where the Marlins are..." [D, 06:36]

• Fashion Factor:

  • The pink-and-black Miami kit is stylish, but not unique globally—credit to teams like Palermo, Italy for the color scheme.
  • Jeremy asserts that Inter Miami is only “known because of Messi.” [C, 07:50]

3. NFL Nostalgia & Numbers: Who Wore #33 Best?

(03:20–05:20)

• Running backs and other athletes who donned 33 discussed, with consensus that basketball's legacy at the number trumps football's.

4. Wild NFL Anecdotes: Substance & Sports

(10:32–15:07)

• Former Chargers CB Quentin Jammer admits to playing games “drunk,” sparking debate:
  • Would you rather play pro football at age 44, drunk, or “Ricky Williams high”?
  • Jeremy: “I think the answer would have to be 44 over drunk just simply because I would have control over how poorly I'm playing…” [D, 11:45]
  • Dan shares his own nostalgia for boozy pick-up basketball, highlighting distorted self-perception:
    “The beauty of being the 13th man on a 12 man team...it couldn't get any worse.” [A, 15:12]

5. Joe Burrow’s Mojo & Meanings

(15:52–19:05, 46:19–48:23)

• Press conference audio played:
  • Burrow laments wear-and-tear:
    “I think I’ve been through more than most—not easy on the brain or the body. Just trying to have fun doing it again.” [Burrow, 15:55]
  • Jeremy: “This sounds like Andrew Luck to me...a guy who’s been physically beat up for years and years...he’s at the end of a season that's been disappointing yet again after reaching some really high highs early in his career.” [D, 16:57]
  • Dan critiques the media/online response, argues Burrow’s more likely frustrated with Cincinnati than football itself:
    "I think what he’s getting at more is it’s time to move on from Cincinnati." [A, 19:05]

6. Mike Fuentes’s New Segment: "I Don’t Know and I Don’t Want to Know"

(25:06–29:26, 31:21–31:27)

• Previewed as “Mike Fuentes Doesn’t Find Out,” rebranded in real time:
  • Mike floats “conspiracy” style questions about J.J. McCarthy’s mystery injury, Anthony Richardson’s rehab timeline, and whether Christian McCaffrey “did the LeBron stuff” in Germany.
  • Repeated refrain: “I don’t know and I don’t want to know.” [C, 26:27, 28:06, 29:13]
  • Dan: “There’s something about this show that intrigues me. I don’t want to know more about it...” [A, 29:26]
  • Jeremy gets in on the fun: “Are you asking if I’m in cahoots?” [D, 29:17]

7. Fantasy & Betting Banter

(24:35–24:53, 50:28–51:26)

• The “Cool Cats vs. Bill Simmons” fantasy matchup dissected—and quickly shunned—“No one wants to hear about anybody else’s fantasy team.” [A, 24:46]
• DraftKings Pick Six:
  • Handicapping a touchdown extravaganza: Christian McCaffrey, Derrick Henry, Jamar Chase, Jameer Gibbs, Jalen Hurts, and Puka Nacua all predicted to score.
    • Mike: “I don’t like…and I know it’s Vegas…I feel like Jalen Hurts doesn’t want to run...very much made me mad.” [C, 50:52]
    • Gino: “I would take Puka out just because I think [the Rams] would rather throw those to Davante Adams at the goal line.” [B, 50:28]

8. Game Previews & Mojo Matadi’s Picks

(33:26–48:23)

• Mojo’s biggest takes:
  • Chiefs’ last stand against the Chargers.
    • Mojo: “I've seen [Kelsey] get winded on the dance floor...and he came back to life and rallied, and I think that's exactly what's going to happen this weekend.” [E, 34:41]
  • Lions-Rams: Mojo, a former Packer, picks the Lions out of “fun” and respect for Dan Campbell.
  • Rivers’ physicality: “If he’s not fleeing the pocket all the time...He's a tank back there.” [E, 43:19]
  • Who would you pick to build around—Lamar, Mahomes, Allen, or Burrow? Consensus: Mahomes is conventional wisdom, but Burrow’s a sneaky pick if he leaves Cincinnati.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Rivers’ comeback & age:

  • Dan: “Signing with the Colts is 1 fun, 2 funny, especially after you see how fat he is now.” [A, 00:33]
  • Mojo: “When Phil Rivers weighs 310 pounds, he’s going to be almost impossible to sack.” [E, 43:19]

• Sports nostalgia blitz:

  • Gino: “[Last snap,] Shohei Ohtani had never made an All Star team...Joe Biden had just been elected...Tom Brady had never won a Super Bowl outside of New England.” [B, 05:20]

• Joe Burrow’s melancholy:

  • Joe Burrow: “A lot of things going on right now. Football related, personally, all the above. I mean, pretty heavy stuff.” [Burrow, 16:19]
  • Jeremy: “This sounds like Andrew Luck to me.” [D, 16:57]

• Miami’s pecking order:

  • Jeremy: “I couldn't care less...Dolphins, Heat 1A, 1B at this point...Inter Miami is still like right around where the Marlins are...” [D, 06:36]

• Mike Fuentes’s recurring refrain:

  • Mike: “I don’t know and I don’t want to know.” [C, 26:27]

Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:00–05:20: Rivers’ comeback and #33 athlete nostalgia
• 05:20–10:32: “How long has it been since Rivers played?”—pop culture/time capsule
• 10:32–15:12: NFL substance stories; Quentin Jammer’s “drunk games”; Dan’s boozy basketball tale
• 15:52–19:05: Joe Burrow’s mental and physical wear; media reactions
• 25:06–29:26: “Mike Fuentes Doesn't Want to Know” segment
• 31:21–31:27: Coda of "I don't know and I don't want to know" (Harbaugh/Michigan context)
• 33:26–48:23: Mojo Matadi joins for picks; weight jokes & Rivers analysis; game breakdowns
• 50:28–51:26: Fantasy/TD scorer bets and DraftKings Pick Six

Host Tone & Style

• Irreverent, quick-witted banter peppered with pop-culture, time-capsule jokes, and playful cynicism (“No one wants to hear about anybody else’s fantasy team.” [A, 24:46])
• Willing to skewer sacred cows and themselves
• Combo of stats-driven and absurdist/nostalgic sports analysis

Episode Takeaway

The triumphant—or perhaps tragicomic—return of "Old Man Rivers" stirs a cauldron of nostalgia, skepticism, and football philosophy, setting the tone for a show that leans into the weird, wonderful, and unpredictable corners of sports and sports culture. The episode highlights Miami’s ongoing sports identity shift, the cyclic nature of NFL stardom, and the exhilarating uncertainty that defines both football and sports fandom.