The Schedule Release Scam: Trading NFL Logic for Soccer Rules (Feat. Ethan Strauss)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Episode: The Schedule Release Scam: Trading NFL Logic for Soccer Rules (Feat. Ethan Strauss)

Date: May 15, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode is a lively, comedic, and at times self-deprecating exploration of American sports absurdities — most notably, the NFL’s annual schedule release "spectacle" — and a freewheeling examination of how U.S. major league sports could benefit from a little European-style soccer logic. From schedule cynicism and mid-flight etiquette horror stories to wild proposals for realignment and relegation, Dan Le Batard, Stugotz, and company (with special guest Ethan Strauss) bring their signature mix of sarcasm, nostalgia, and wide-ranging sports nerdery. The show closes with a thoughtful interview with Ethan Strauss, focusing on fandom, legacy, and the pain and joy within.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The NFL Schedule Release — A "Prime Time" Scam

[00:00–02:52]

• The hosts lampoon the NFL’s schedule release, mocking its transformation from a non-event into a two-hour national TV special even though the “important” games are already leaked.
• They rank NFL time-wasters (schedule predictions in May, strength of schedule based on last year’s results, draft grades) and call out beat reporters for humble-bragging about inconvenient scheduling.

Notable Quote:

“Number one, though, I think the biggest time waster is in May before Memorial Day...going up to a big board in the studio and looking at the 17 games awaiting your NFL team and asserting a win or a loss to each. It's May. You don't know who's going to be available...What a time waster.” — Dave (A), [01:10]

---

Travel Woes & Airplane Etiquette

[03:33–11:02]

• A hilarious real-life rant: Dave recounts a story about a couple who force a stranger to sit between them on a flight while their unleashed dog runs wild. The hosts debate etiquette and air travel rules.

Notable Quotes:

“Some of the worst flying behavior I think I've ever heard in my entire life.” — Mike (B), [08:01]
“America in 2026, bro.” — Danny (D), [08:15]

---

Overrated/Underrated: Food, Sports Events, and More

[11:21–17:16]

• New segment: the panel discusses restaurant foods with too much “pomp and circumstance” (fajitas, tiramisu), the overrated-ness of the PGA Championship, and confessions of love/hate for showy table-side cuisine.

Memorable Moment:

“The most overrated dessert on the planet Earth: chocolate lava cake. No, it’s tiramisu.” — Dave (A), [14:54]
“But then I eat it and then I go, like, those are my three words: ooh, la, la.” — Dave (A), [12:27]

---

American Pop Culture Sports: Revenge of the Nerds & Legacy

[17:16–21:14]

• An affectionate, comic tribute to the "Alpha Beta" fraternity and Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds, celebrating persistence, campus rivalries, and not settling for comfort.
• Tangent into 90s action movies, highlighting “Bloodsport” and “The Quest."

Quote:

"Never settle. Keep your foot on the gas in life." — Dave (A), [19:16]

---

The Real Impact of International NFL Games

[22:20–26:37]

• Dissecting the 2026 NFL international games slate (team travel to Australia, Paris, Madrid, Mexico City).
• Skepticism about the supposed travel hardships; consensus that maximizing profit is the real motive.

---

Thanksgiving & Holiday Football

[26:37–27:00]

• Panel enjoys the tradition of scanning the Thanksgiving slate, noting three “traditional” games plus the rare addition of a Wednesday night Packers at Rams game.

Memorable Moment:

“I’m sorry to react to that. That is always what I look at first...the Thanksgiving slate because we’re all going to be gathered around the TVs, watching it all day.” — Dave (A), [11:02]

---

NFL Divisional Realignment & Rivalry Logic

[27:00–41:58]

• Main Segment: Spirited debate about whether American sports should copy “relegation” from European soccer.
  • Consensus: not possible in NFL (no minor leagues, too much money at stake); more feasible in MLB due to existing affiliations.
• Long discussion about how to realign NFL divisions geographically, modeled after MLB’s proposed realignment.
• Panelists present their own realignment concepts with playful new division names (“Mookie Blaylock Division,” “Mean Joe Division,” etc.).
• Also propose making the Cowboys “independent,” like Notre Dame football.

Notable Quotes:

“If you want to do 17 games, Roger Goodell, to make more money...not because it will be more compelling. It’ll be more money for you and the owners.” — Dave (A), [29:07]
“What if you had to have like five guys...from your region on the team? I like that.” — Dave (A), [35:24]

---

Drafting Soccer Rules into the NFL (and MLB)

[41:59–52:14]

• Musings on adopting soccer’s regionality or “homegrown player” rules (“five plus one rule”) and how MLS circumvents these.
• Gino runs through his full NFL geographic realignment. Buddy and Dave debate division names and logic, with jokes about local rivalries and the “Rust Belt.”
• Ethan, when introduced, offers his own “luminary” division names (e.g. “Ditka Division,” “Mahomes Division”).
• The group floats the wild “Boggle League” concept: completely reshuffle divisions each season, in a World Cup-style draw.

Notable Quotes:

“Can you imagine? They just release...ESPN Special: see who’s in your division.” — Danny (D), [49:53]
“The World Cup draw is amazing theater.” — Mike (B), [50:00]

---

Interview with Ethan Strauss: On Fandom, Legacy, and Contentment

[54:36–71:08]

[54:36–58:29] The Fickleness of Fandom

• Ethan shares his connection to San Diego, his loss of love for the Chargers after their move to LA, and what connects fans to teams (colors, city pride, being "dumped").
• Observes how West and East coasters perceive geography differently.

[59:29–65:15] The Pain and Pleasure in Almosts

• Ethan (and Dave) discuss what it’s like to support teams who lose at the threshold of titles. For Ethan, the Kyle Shanahan era with the Niners is “the journey over the destination.”
• Both weigh the importance of legacy for stars and coaches: ultimately, icons are judged on championships, even as the journey matters for fans.

Memorable Quotes:

“Sports is going to be a miserable experience if you say it's got to be all or nothing. So I don't look at it that way. I hope the Niners win a championship, but I have thoroughly enjoyed the Kyle Shanahan era and the rise of Brock Purdy. It's made my life better. I’m not going to complain about it.” — Ethan Strauss, [61:14]
“The quarterbacks in the quarterback league, their legacy is dependent on winning...I think you will be unsatisfied...if the Kyle Shanahan [era] comes without a Lombardi.” — Dave (A), [62:15]

[65:15–68:16] Draftism, QBs, and the "Satisfied Fan" Question

• Ethan and Dan reflect on “draftism” (doubting late draft picks regardless of success).
• Jalen Hurts’ treatment post-Super Bowl compared to Brock Purdy’s possible fate; winning may never earn permanent respect.

[68:16–71:08] Championship Math & Wemby Expectations

• The group ponders how many titles would validate Victor Wembanyama’s NBA career.
• Recollections of Tim Duncan’s championships and the unpredictability of measuring greatness.

---

Timestamps: Segment Quick Reference

• 00:00–02:52: NFL Schedule Release Satire
• 03:33–11:02: Airplane Etiquette & Pet Horror Story
• 11:21–17:16: Over/Underrated (Fajitas, Tiramisu, PGA, etc.)
• 17:16–21:14: Pop Culture Sports Nostalgia
• 22:20–26:37: International NFL Games Reality Check
• 26:37–27:00: Thanksgiving/Holiday Football Rant
• 27:00–41:58: NFL Relegation, MLB Ideas, and Realignment Debate
• 41:59–52:14: Soccer Rules for the NFL; Gino & Buddy’s Divisional Proposals
• 52:15–54:36: Boggle League/Joke Divisions/Mexico City Expansion
• 54:36–71:08: Ethan Strauss Interview: Fandom, Loss & Legacy, Wemby

---

Notable Quotes (with Attribution and Timestamp)

• “Going up to a big board in the studio and looking at the 17 games...and asserting a win or a loss to each. It's May. You don't know who's going to be available..."
  — Dave (A), [01:10]

• “Some of the worst flying behavior I think I've ever heard in my entire life.”
  — Mike (B), [08:01]

• “Never settle. Keep your foot on the gas in life.”
  — Dave (A), [19:16]

• “Can you imagine? They just release...ESPN Special: see who’s in your division.”
  — Danny (D), [49:53]

• “Sports is going to be a miserable experience if you say it's got to be all or nothing. So I don’t look at it that way.”
  — Ethan Strauss (E), [61:14]

---

Final Thoughts

This episode is one of the show’s best blends of sports skepticism, pop culture affection, and spirited what-if brainstorming. The hosts treat American sports with reverence and mockery in equal measure, making the case for both embracing and upending tradition. With the bonus perspective of Ethan Strauss, they remind us that it’s rarely about the schedule, the titles, or even the rules — it’s the stories, the rivalries, and the goofy joy in being a fan.

Transcript

[A]

Hi and hello football fans. You hear the big news. The 2026 NFL schedule's been released. Yeah, I know it was released already in January, but now it's been done in a two hour primetime special up and down your television dial. And yeah, they, they already told us all the big primetime games and the holiday games because those were leaked out during the week, but still prime time specials. And the thing that's striking to me about this is it's not the biggest time waster on the perennial pro football media sched. I think in contention is reviewing strength of schedule for the upcoming year based on last year's results, which I'm almost positive have no impact on the upcoming game results. Also a time waster draft grades made by the same people who just did all the mock drafts that you looked at. So if the team drafted the guy that the mock drafter suggested they take, I bet you that team gets a good grade. And I bet you the teams that that didn't take the guy that the mock drafter suggested they take get a bad grade. But let's indulge those draft grades just the same. Also in game player and coach interviews. What are we doing with this? Doesn't this steal from the drama that we seek when we watch Big time sporting events? I don't like people talking to me when the game's on. Leave these guys alone. They're trying to focus in. Don't. You know? Number one, though, I think the biggest time waster is in May before Memorial Day. You understand going up to a big board in the studio and looking at the 17 games awaiting your NFL team and going through it week by week and asserting a win or a loss to each. It's May. You don't know who's going to be available. You don't know who's going to be hurt, who's going to get picked up, who's going to retire. You don't know any of it. What a time waster. By the way, we also don't need to hear from the beat reporters upon hearing what the schedule is that your team that you cover has a primetime game, which means you have to work at night. One, it's a humble brag. Two, no one gives a crap. You're not doing work. Work is picking up heavy stuff. You talking about writing into a microphone. Otherwise about football.

[B]

That.

[A]

That's called cheat in life, so shut up. Also, we don't need to hear the hilarious joke every single football season. And now we get another bite at that same apple in May because They do the big schedule release and everybody takes the social media. It's like, well, I guess you can say goodbye to your wife and kids because that Thanksgiving slate's pretty good. Derp. You know what? I'm in a mood. Let's just start the show.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Hi and hello, my fellow football Americans. Welcome to football America presented it as ever by DraftKings. DraftKings. The Crown is yours. We've got a great talker, one of the best in the business from House of Strauss and beyond, a great NBA talker, a great meditator on the game of life, Ethan Strauss coming up in just a little bit. In the meantime, it's episode number 64. I don't think Gino Fuentes. We really even need to talk about this one. It's so underwhelming. As you say, once you get into the 60s, you're into the offensive lineman. What player Wore the number 64 in football and or sports history? Best. You want to throw one in there, you're welcome to Randall McDaniel.

[C]

Gino, you stole my only one Jerry

[A]

Kramer from Jerry Kramer.

[C]

If you want to go way back in time.

[A]

Yeah, I got Steve Furness. He wore number 64. I think he got rings in Super Bowl 13 and 14. I'm pretty sure he replaced. How about that? We talked about Fats Holmes, number 63 on episode number 63, and his, I think pretty clean replacement was Steve Furness along with John Banzak. Either way, nobody cares about all that pap. They do care about the schedule release. And I'm back now in my usual spot in Los Angeles after a great week in Miami filling in for Dan Lebatard who happened to be in LA last week. Go back and listen to all the great stuff he did with the comedians and otherwise. Last week we had a good time at at home base. I did with the Fuentes boys and Buddy Budowski and everybody else. And we did a uniform ranking with our pals Amin El Hassan and Mike Ryan Ruiz. So go back and listen to that. A lot of feedback from you. We appreciate that. And as far as that goes, please do us a Favor, subscribe on YouTube and wherever you find your audio podcasts and leave us some likes and some comments and all that stuff. It's deeply helpful to us. We appreciate that. But I'm sorry to belly ache, but I said I'm in a mood and here's just part of the reason why. On my flight back, you know, five hour flight, five hour plus flight, the couple right in front of me in my row I'm, I'm, I'm in coach because I'm a man of the people. You see the people right in front of me and shame the devil, if they would have been in my row and I had been in the middle seat here. But right in front of me, they a couple, probably about 65ish, both heavy, heavy MAGA face, a lot of botox, deep tans, all the rest of it. They come back and the lady by the way, has a dog, one of those furball kind of dogs in her arms. She needs it for, for I guess for her self care. And there's a guy, when they get to the row, he's sitting in the middle seat, that's his seat. And the lady sneaks by him to go to the window and then the guy goes, sorry, I don't like sitting in the middle seat. And so he sits on the aisle. And now for the next five hours, I know what's coming. Maybe the naive guy who's sitting in the middle seat doesn't get it in the moment, but I would have thrown a fit right then and there. I would say, all right, you guys can sit on the, on the window and the aisle and I'll sit here in the middle in between the two of you. But you better not try to talk to each other because if that happens, then it's on. And guess what they did? They talked back and forth the whole time. And by the way, she put that pooch down and the pooch ran around all over the place, bugging people, licking, licking little kids feet. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[D]

No questions. I have questions. So, so the, so the guy, the older couple, they paid for the window and the middle and the guy who's sitting in the middle told the other guy, I'm not going to sit in the middle. That's what happened.

[A]

No, no, no.

[D]

Okay, say it.

[A]

The guy who seat assignment was the middle seat was left in the middle seat and the couple sat on either side of him for a five hour flight. I get it that they, they asked for those seat assignments, but you're a human being and when you see, well, there's a stranger in between us, you know, you don't get to then do both things. You don't get to have your cake and some pie. You don't get to like sit in your comfortable behavior, but then also talk across the guy for the whole, see

[D]

this, this is a lose, lose situation. What happened was female in question sat at the window and they bought the aisle seat hoping nobody would Buy that middle seat. Who wants to sit in the.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

The other guy, you know, he.

[A]

Good.

[D]

Try to get where he's going. But no, he's like, I got to take this middle. And then the other guy, see, that's where the other guy, he needs to be like, I want to talk to my wife.

[C]

Correct.

[D]

I offer you this. But then he was stubborn and he needed to insist. So everybody loses. Everybody.

[B]

No. And the worst behavior here, Dave, is obviously letting your dog run around a flight like that is verifiably insane. Like, if you're going to have a dog on a plane, your dog is either sitting on your lap the entire time because it's. Maybe you gave it, you know, a calming pill or something to. To fly with, or it's in one of those carrying cases, right, that for small dogs. That fits either under the seat in your lap. Whatever. To let a dog run around and annoy other people while they're flying is some of the worst flying behavior I think I've ever heard in my entire life.

[A]

It's insane.

[D]

America in 2026, bro. No one.

[A]

I don't know if it's a felony to do that, but it is definitely.

[B]

It has to be against the rules. It has to be.

[A]

It. It's 100% against the rules. And I do think that it is some sort of violation of the literal American laws in place, because that dog is running around, and I think it licked a little kid's foot legitimately a couple rows away, because as we're deplaning, it was even slower than usual. And what's going on? Why are we not getting off this plane? We're at the thing. The. I can see the Skyway thing is extended. So what's the holdup here? A couple of, you know, badged, kind of plain clothes people come to the. Come. Come onto the plane. Then they walk back, and I'm like, oh, what the hell? Who did what here? And they stop at the couple and say, we understand there was an incident with the dog and we need to talk with you about that. And the lady goes, he was a perfect gentleman the whole flight. The dog was a perfect gentleman the whole flight. This is. This is what we're dealing with. And the long story short, Mike Fuentes, this is American 2026. How about this? They get off the plane before everybody else. No, they're dog like, we have to talk with you. We have to talk with you. They get.

[D]

They're the first ones off the plane. Like an expert strategy from that woman. Because once we're 40,000ft, what are you going to do? What are you going to do in the dog?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You know, and then all you got to do is when the agents come. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I don't know. He's not usually like this. I don't like.

[B]

Oh, no, but she said perfect gentleman.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying. Oh, I don't know. I don't know what happened. And then, boom, you're off scot free. What are they gonna do, Dave?

[B]

Here's my question.

[D]

The only threat is no fly list, right? When we land on the no fly.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

That's the only thing. It's an act people get. Right. That's the only thing.

[B]

But here's my question as well. What if there's somebody on the plane that's allergic to dogs and this dog runs up to the person with allergies and all of a sudden the dog person has an allergic reaction to a dog.

[A]

By the way, I assume that's why they're. That why. Why it's some sort of a violation in the sky.

[B]

I'm looking at American Airlines here. It says that in order to carry a dog, your dog has to remain in the carrier underneath the seat. So they won't even let you sit. They won't even let you sit with their dog in your lap.

[C]

Also, that's all recycled there. If someone, if anyone on that plane has an allergic reaction to the dog, it could happen in the back row. It could happen in first class.

[D]

And clearly these people just don't care about anybody but themselves.

[B]

That's the obvious point there.

[D]

My dog.

[A]

All right, I want to talk about the. I mean, I don't want to talk about it, but I guess since.

[D]

Well, can we stay on airport. Can we stay on airport etiquette? Because isn't it coach is now just economy, Right. They want to like soften it up. And then first class is business, right?

[A]

I don't think that's exactly right. Or are they two different things is still first class and then there's businesses in between. I think it's like a middle class bums like me are in.

[D]

Continue with your football show. I'll look this up.

[A]

Okay, well, we do have to talk about the schedule release. And as it happens, I do like the Thanksgiving schedule. And so I'm sorry to react to that. That is always what I look at first is, well, I look at my favorite football team, but then I look at the Thanksgiving slate because we're all going to be gathered around the TVs, watching it all day. So it's important to know who we're going to be looking.

[C]

It feels like it's more or less the same games every year.

[A]

We'll get to it.

[B]

I mean, yes, there are the two teams that play every year on Thanksgiving.

[A]

Well, we'll get to that in a second. Very quickly, a new segment I'm breaking out. Over, under. I know it's, it's the height of creativity. Over, under. I'm going to tell you things that are overrated and underrated on this week's list. Overrated. I was in a restaurant the other night and, you know, we go, we go kid friendly, family friendly places. And family friendly places often serve fajitas. It's weird. Fajitas smell so good. And there's, you know, a lot of, A lot of, you know, get a lot of turned heads like, oh, look at the smoke. They're fancy people. It's sizzling and everything. Like you, you feel like the bell of the ball for a couple of minutes when they bring you over that dish. And. But when it gets to the actual eating, fajitas are a little underwhelming. How say you?

[B]

I love these.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I grew up, I grew up a big fajita guy. And it's true. Like, part of it is show. You know, you get the sizzle and everybody's like, oh, three words, Dave. You know what they are?

[A]

Ooh, la and la.

[D]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah, I think that. But. But then I eat it and then I go, like, those are my three words.

[D]

What would ula and lobby in Spanish?

[B]

My favorite thing about. My favorite thing about French and soccer announcers is I, I hear a lot of French soccer announcers because I like psg and they scream in the middle of games. They'll just scream, ooh, la la.

[A]

Ooh la la.

[B]

Like, a guy will make a nice move around and then, and then when they score, they'll scream, ooh la la.

[D]

Dave's thing.

[B]

So good.

[D]

Here's a quick story about French. I'm in Paris. Never been to France, right? I get a little brave.

[A]

Steeler Saints. Yeah, in Paris.

[D]

Yeah, in Paris. I go, I'm a little, I'm a little brave, right? I hear I said some French words. I got some stuff done. I get an Uber. I get dropped off. I go to the guy, oh, merci. On my way out, he hits me with merci. And then a full paragraph after that, I go, ah. And I run away. That's it. That was my Whole story. I hated it. I didn't know how to react. I was like, oh, my God. I've been off more than I can hear.

[C]

Words I said after. Thank you.

[A]

Exactly.

[D]

I was like, ah, all right, I'm out of here.

[B]

That happens to me with Spanish sometimes, because sometimes I speak very, very, very little Spanish. And obviously, in Miami, it's basically all you hear. And I will sometimes use a little bit of my Spanish, and that will open the door for somebody who assumes I speak a lot of Spanish, and then I screw myself completely. And I'm sitting there frazzled.

[D]

But back to fajitas. I don't know, David. Something about making the thing with the grilled onions. I get my perfect amount of guacamole.

[A]

They smell delicious.

[D]

Yeah. And I get exactly how I want. The problem is always run out of tortillas. Never enough tortillas.

[A]

Yeah. That's another thing that you have to grapple with. I just. In the things that are prepared at the side of the table and the. Like, the stuff that has a little show that goes along with it, I abide by the. The Benihana guy. I still enjoy that show. And the food is delicious. I like the Caesar at the side of the table. That's very good. And guacamole tableside, also delicious. Just in the rankings fajitas among that particular food group. At the bottom, another one when it comes time for dessert, the most overrated dessert on the planet Earth. Chocolate lava cake. No, it's tiramisu. Tiramisu. There, there, there. There are. I think, at last check four dozen different ways to prepare tiramisu. Or you can call a bunch of. A bunch of ingredients slapped together. You can call it tiramisu. And it can look like a cookie, or it can look like a pudding, or it can look like a slice of cake. And every time, like I say, it gets a big C minus. I don't think it sucks. I don't think it's terrible. I just don't think it's worthy of the praise that it gets universally, it seems to me how say.

[D]

No, you're right. It's. I. I don't think it's. There are better Italian desserts in my eye than tiramisu. I think tiramisu is just like a different kind of cake.

[B]

I've recently come on to tiramisu.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It's funny you guys are saying this.

[D]

No, no. You know, and also. Yes. Yeah. You know, I don't like creme brulee. Not a Big fan.

[A]

Oh, I like a creme. Really?

[D]

You like it, but you like because you like it. I serve at the table.

[A]

I like a pudding.

[D]

Yeah. And a little blowtorch and a little crack on top, you know?

[A]

No, no.

[D]

Yeah. You don't like the pomp and circumstances.

[A]

I think that they have to break out. No, I don't like that. Yeah.

[B]

So what you're telling us is you don't like. You don't like foods with pomp and circumstance, except Benihana, except hibachi food. That's the only food with pumping circumstance that you like.

[A]

I told you. I like a Caesar salad. I already told you. Listen up, buddy Badowski. One more thing that's over.

[B]

Do you like the pasta in the cheese wheel, like a. Like a cacio e pepe in the cheese wheel?

[A]

I do like that cheese thing. I. I didn't like when my kids were being born, when the baby comes out, and then they're like, hey, dad, you want to cut the cord? Like, no, no. You're. You're professionals. You're doctors. You do it, man.

[C]

I don't understand what no medical training

[A]

I should not be asking me to do.

[C]

It's deceptively hard to get through, too.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Yeah, I'm sure it is. It's really hard. Yeah. It's a giant core.

[D]

Next time I'll tell the guy, hey, I'll cut this, and then you go do a show on Thursday with Dave and. And. And then we'll. We'll call it even.

[A]

You feel terrible. You feel terrible because, yeah, it's not a clean cut, Gino, but another one is overrated, with all due respect. And maybe the Australian Open in tennis is a little lamer, but the PGA Championship is pretty bad. It's one of the four majors, and it's basically like the US Open, but not as good. But I have. They used to do decades and decades ago. It used to be match play. That's a distinguishing feature, you see. Have some dignity. Stand out on your own PGA Championship. Go back to match play. Now you'll matter to people a lot more than you used to. Instead of going from August into May, which is apparently the solve for that. I don't know exactly what that corrects. Do what I'm saying. Match play.

[B]

I never. I never knew it was match play before Dave. I've always wondered what the distinguishing feature is, because the Masters is obviously the Masters. It's Augusta National. It's got the whole pomp circumstance. The Open, you play on a links course, which they Never do any other time of the year. The U.S. open has the thing with the super. The most difficult courses in the country with the super thick rough. But what is the defining feature of the PGA Championship other than that it's technically the championship of the tour. Like I, I never make them all play, man.

[A]

Or maybe, maybe do like a thing. Like you sometimes see golfers do this. Like the whole round of golf has to be played with a six iron. Everybody, that's the only club you get. Something like that. Really?

[B]

That's good.

[A]

Stand out.

[D]

That, that's, that's good.

[B]

That's, that's good.

[D]

Take the caddy out.

[A]

You know, everybody would know. Everybody would know. Like, I can't wait for the PGA Championship. You know, it'd be kind of like a Covid title. It would be not, it would count the same, but it would be something different than all the other titles that have been won now because I'm just not just nothing but piss and vinegar. I want to, I want to show that I do remain a great empath and tell you about something underrated in society. And that is the men of the Alpha Beta fraternity at Adams College, the Adams Adams football team. Pretty much all the guys in the Alpha Beta fraternity were on the Adams Adams football team. And we lost Ogre, maybe the enduring legend, the enduring icon of the, the nerd bullies at Adams College. Way back when we lost Ogre passed away. The actor did. But a shout out to all of them. You know, Stan Gable, the quarterback, the toe headed, everybody's all American guy, was in fact an all American quarterback. And when they show the practice with John Goodman out on the big fancy field and all of that, there are 20 guys total on the team. These guys, I mean, these guys are. Some of those guys obviously by definition are playing on both sides of the ball. And still they have all Americans on that team. I mean, that's gumption, really. That's overcoming the odds. And at the same time, they're the big men on campus. And so that comes with a certain amount of prestige. You see, they're surrounded by all the good looking women and everything. But that's not enough for them. This is a message for everybody out there. Never settle. Keep your foot on the gas in life. Because Stan Gable could have just relaxed with a, with a blonde on either arm and all American status. But that wasn't enough. No. He and Ogre and the rest of the fellas needed to conquer the nerds. And so they vanquished the nerds or they tried to they did their. They did their goddamn best and came up a little bit short because the Lambda Lambda Lambdas went and got some of their friends from. From other Lambda Lambda Lambda chapters to come and lean on the Alpha Betas, who were underdogs, like I say, and shrunk under that pressure. But. But no matter. A shout out to Ogre and to Stan Gable for. For being heroic and never settling and. And not all American. Not enough. What more can I do to improve the Alpha Betas and the Adams Adams. A shout out to Ogre and to Stan Gable and. Have you ever seen Revenge of the Nerds? Mike Fuentes.

[D]

I was literally just telling Danny, I've only seen it once, so I'm only, like, getting half of what you told me. But you know what? Going to rewatch it tonight because I was looking for something.

[C]

I know him as Ray Jackson from Bloodsport.

[D]

Oh, that's right. He was Ray Jackson.

[A]

And I know a lot of people hit me up with that down at the Kumato. Yeah, a lot of people let me know.

[D]

Dave, have you ever seen the 1996 film the Quest?

[A]

No, I don't think so.

[D]

It's another John Claude Van Damme vehicle, and it's basically the same thing. He gets invited to a kumite, but it has, like, now the World Cup's coming along, it kind of has, like, that international thing where every country sends a representative and they have a big fight at the end and guess, guess who wins at the end. Can you guess, Dave?

[A]

Ogre?

[D]

No. John Claude Van Damme wins.

[A]

Oh, no, I like the one. I like the Van Damme picture where, where the guy, he fights where both sides. I mean, it's really an elevated fight when. When. When, like, dip your hands in glue and then dip your hands in the shards of glass. So. So that when you punch your foe, he gets shards of glass in his mouth or in his cheek or otherwise. Like, it feels to me like this is one of those sporting events where you really wouldn't have any winners. Like, you wouldn't really win. You would just be less than messed up. But I get what you're going for, Mike Fuentes. What you're trying to do is transition us into a conversation that you made me aware of, that there are some things with the World cup coming that maybe pro football could steal from soccer. Before we do that very quickly, because we are a football show. I want to get into that. Anybody want to weigh in with some highlight to get me a little more enthusiastic about the schedule release here in May, even Though we already knew all these games were going to be played, you know, four months ago. Now we just know when they're going to be played.

[C]

I got one. I mean the fact that they're going to send San Francisco and, and the Rams down to Australia to start the season and then they're going to make them fly back across the world and then fly, you know, the west, the NFC west flies more than any other division usually. So on top of that they got this trip to Australia to start the season where they.

[B]

16 hour flight.

[C]

It's a long time.

[B]

Australia.

[C]

They're going to be playing around noon over there, but it's going to be 8pM to us, which is strange.

[A]

But Gino, I while I think it's maybe a scooch overrated because I used to get in the head like, well, you standardly have to have a buy the week after playing in London and that always was the way. But the Browns last year played.

[C]

This is even worse.

[A]

This is worse. But I also think it's a little overstated. People in Pittsburgh are very upset already about. Wait, why did the Steelers have to play the week after they play the Saints in Paris? It's like it's not that big a difference in flights. Longer. Well, it's like, you know, it's basically like 2500 miles versus 4000 miles. If the Steelers played in Los Angeles, it's 2500 miles. Or if they played in Seattle, it's about the same. And when they go to play in Paris, I think it's like 4,000 miles.

[B]

Yeah, but that's, that's the time difference.

[C]

Australia is like the like literally the direct opposite side.

[A]

That that's. Well, I also think that that's what Roger Goodell just did. Like, Roger was like, oh, you want to complain? Kyle Shanahan, take. Here you go. Take two international.

[B]

Who else was going to play over there though? That's that those are the two closest teams to Australia. Like those are the two teams that it would be the least bad for. Like if you're flying a New York team out there, that's a whole day flight to Australia. Hypothetically.

[A]

I am. You know, we talked with our pal, handsome Hank Hodgson, the king of all these international games and I'm very happ for him. And that is the goal obviously of the NFL. But I'm hearing more than I ever have before. Maybe it's because of the ubiquity of these international games now and being played in it. It feels like every corner of the big blue marble this year. I mean, Australia and Madrid now Paris is new. And now back to Mexico City and all of that. And people seem raw about that. But what it should tell you is that whatever other excuses they come up with for a 17th game or an 18th game and why they're put in, I mean, you know what. What more do you need to know? It's not a hot take to say these professional leagues like making as much money as they possibly can. I do think it has crossed the line a little bit with. With Thanksgiving. Now there's a Wednesday game there.

[D]

So there's Wednesday night Thanksgiving football.

[B]

Ridiculous.

[A]

It is, by the way, the traditional start to checker season every year once you get to Wednesday, the. The. The Wednesday night before. Than giving through the cloak of night falling on January 1st, that checker season because. Because that's when football gets here. When the big football games get here. And playoff time's about to begin in college too. All the rivalry Games are going. NBA's back, NHL is back. It's. It's the sweet spot. You get to go out and get drunk while you're at work. Even the boss encourages you to do it or you don't even show up to work. People are giving each other gifts here, there and everywhere. It's the best. But now we have a football game and we don't need that. It's gilding the lily. But it's the packers at the Rams and then your traditional games. I guess it now counts as traditional to have three games. Bears Lions, Eagles at Cowboys and then the nightcap maybe since Steelers at Ravens. This is the best night game in. In Thanksgiving that I can think of. KC Chiefs at Buffalo Bills.

[B]

That's good in the new stadium too.

[D]

I do like that game like in the fall because I don't want to see the Chiefs offense bogged down in the snow. I don't want to see that.

[B]

Nobody hates snow football more than Fuendas. Nobody hates.

[D]

Why do I want. Why do I want premier athletes hampered? I mean, I don't want to get

[C]

into this, but this also.

[A]

I don't want to get into that either. But I will tell you your. Your Black Friday game or I guess your black and gold Friday game. Broncos at Steelers. Pittsburgh Steelers. There's your marketing tip. NFL black.

[D]

Speaking of the Broncos, they also are the last game on Christmas. They are hosting the Buffalo Bills and the game before that. Another banger, the packers at Bears. But those two big probabilities for ugly snow games.

[B]

And you want to talk. You want to talk holiday Games New Year's Eve. We get the Bengals and Ravens, which you can almost guarantee will have at least one backup quarterback.

[A]

We talked last week about the different ways that the, that the NFL divisions could be constructed a little bit to try to jazz it up a little bit. And I know rivalry is important. Nobody loves rivalries more than I do. But then that led to us offline talking about how the World cup works and then some. For some reason that led us into a conversation again, all offline, because we like to talk to each other even when the microphones aren't hot. We then started talking about relegation and how much I love. That's the best thing in soccer is the idea in the Premier League is the idea of relegation. I don't think you could figure out a way to make it work for pro football. Right. We all agree on that.

[B]

Capitalist society here, like, and there's no minor leagues.

[D]

Well, that's football. I think he has it the best is that the NFL is the top, top, top, top, top. And there's nothing else that comes close. So you'd basically just be serving up one of these teams to get their kicked in and go straight back down.

[C]

So you could either send them. Well, let's just like, let's send them back to college. Send them somewhere.

[D]

We can't send them back to college.

[C]

So we could either send them to Canada or we can send them down

[D]

to the U.S. okay, well, that's what I agree with the Canada thing. You got to change your rights. No more of this running start.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Put the goal post in the back. All right, let's, let's.

[B]

You could.

[D]

Hypothetically, we're done with this Mickey Mouse football.

[B]

You could combine the UFL and the cfl.

[A]

UFL can go to hell.

[D]

All right, CFL Real rules.

[E]

That's it.

[A]

I don't want to offend my Canadian friends. Or as Jimmy Kimmel called Canada wants America's hat. The. I, you know, obviously I love Canadian teams and people who come from Canada and play for. For my favorite teams and all of that. I, I've said it before, I'll say it again. I understand there's a rich history in the cfl. Nobody cares, clearly, because you only have eight teams in the whole thing and I know that they're not still both called called by the same name, but two of the teams were called Rough Riders for way too long and it was embarrassing and it marginalized your league. And now here we are. Just, just become the. The NFL's minor league and then one of your teams. The reward Will be you get to join the NFL and the worst team in the NFL instead of tanking. And this will leave. If you want to do 17 games, Roger Goodell to make more money, obviously and you're going to add an 18th game, why for more money. Not because it will be more compelling to the fans. It'll be more money for you and the owners. That's why you want to do it. Obviously. What happens is last December as an example, I felt like was it, you know, the games didn't matter as much as they typically do based on the combo of the extra game and the extra team on either side of the playoff bracket. It all led up to teams playing game lost seasons for teams. So some teams kind of sort of trying to lose games and the other team knowing that they're safely positioned for January and taking their foot off the gas a little bit. The solve to that is at least in part. You know, NBA is trying to figure out anti tanking stuff too. The anti tanking thing would be like you're going to get relegated if you, if you don't cut the shit. That would work in the NBA.

[B]

And also nobody needs it more than the NBA, Dave.

[A]

But I mean imagine if the Toronto Argonauts all of a sudden were in the NFL and the Cleveland Browns were in the cfl. It would be funny. It would be a great punishment. It would be an indignity that would be hard to wash off.

[D]

It wouldn't be an indignity. It's the amount of TV money they would lose that because that's what happens in the Premier League when teams get relegated. They lose a ton of TV money, a ton of gate. And so that, that. And then of course this is why it will never happen. Because why would a billionaire sign up to lose money? Right? So, right. So that's, that's the issue.

[B]

I think, I think the league that it would be the most obviously, sorry, the most obvious league it would work in is Major League Baseball where they

[D]

would just go down to Triple A

[B]

and then teams from Double A would come up to Triple A. I think that would be cool because it would add an element of competition in the minors. Doesn't really matter. Nobody really cares who wins those games. Now all of a sudden you care who wins those games because you can be up in AAA and then you can have your prospects that are in Double A all of a sudden and it's, it's your game better.

[A]

Your games are way more valuable if you're, you know, if you're one of the little brothers. Right, exactly. But also, like I say, it solves more really the like I've talked about, the NFL is. If you want to understand socialism by looking at our professional sports leagues, the NFL is the closest comp to that, you know, salary cap and, and you

[C]

feed the worst team in the league the best revenue coming out of college.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

All that kind of stuff. In baseball, they're about to go on strike because of this. Essentially. Maybe this is a little. Well, I know it's simplistic, but doesn't that solve. Baseball's issue is like, okay, you ain't going to spend to be good. You're going to wind up getting relegated because there will be a team. I think that would spook you enough that you don't want to get relegated because now you're really, really going to lose money. You think you can benefit from all the rev sharing that as it is in Major League Baseball, but not spend to a certain floor? Well, think again because you're going to be in Triple A and you ain't going to make that money no more. I think that would be a good way to do it. But.

[D]

All right, like I said, I have a question though. Who owns minor league teams? Is it owned by like.

[B]

Yeah, no, no, no, no, it's owned by individuals. Yeah, because I know, because I know they're affiliated.

[D]

Right, Because I was thinking like, if

[C]

you drop the affiliations.

[D]

Yeah, that one. Yeah. It's a confident interest. But like if, if the Yankees owned like multiple teams wouldn't be like, all right, we're just going to pump the minor league teams with a bunch of money, get rid of some of these losers like the Marlins. And then I have multiple major league.

[B]

They would have to, they would have to drop affiliations. They would not be allowed to buy minor league teams. But then you would have a market

[D]

like in the Europe where you're buying players.

[B]

Right, exactly. That would be a lot of fun from, from, you know, you're buying the prospects from these lower leagues and now all of a sudden you're, you're trying to get them right before they blow up. You know what I mean? And then you have a guy on a, on a, on a AAA team or a lower team in the major leagues. But then also the coolest thing would be minor league teams, minor league, you know, teams going and playing at Fenway park, hypothetically. I mean, like, I don't want go

[A]

to care about that. I don't know if this, if this is a, this is the failing that you point Out. That's like. Well, this is why you could never do it for any number of other reasons. But what if you are, let's say, the Indianapolis Indians trying to win and you're trying to ascend into the majors, but the team you. The major league team you feed is the Pirates. There's no time anymore. What are they called now?

[B]

No, they are pretty still. That minor league baseball team is still the sensibilities.

[D]

Yeah, I need to.

[B]

I'll check.

[D]

Get with the time.

[B]

Checking.

[D]

Sorry.

[C]

Continue.

[A]

Okay. I mean, I don't know what would.

[B]

No, they're still the Indianapolis Indians. They are.

[D]

Yeah. Okay. All right.

[A]

Anyway, Indianapolis Indians, if they wouldn't the Pirates, then start poaching those guys. Well, I get the good players. Just call them up so that they don't win the title because they're going to replace us otherwise.

[D]

Dave, in Europe, we have these things called farmer teams, farmer clubs. And basically, are they good teams? Yeah, they always tend to have good talent. But then you might get one or two seasons and then the big boys start calling and the big money.

[B]

Okay, this is what I Want to call 2017.

[D]

You get up with. Yeah. You end up with teams right at the top, which is arguably one of, like, the bad things about European soccer is the clubs with money, they cannibalize the ones at the bottom.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, but isn't. I mean, the Yankees did that to the Royals forever, too.

[D]

They do it to everybody.

[A]

The Yankees did that to baseball, and the Dodgers have done that for the last decade to the rest of baseball as well. The things that I. Like you told me that in Europe that I forget which league you said it was, that, you know, I'm. I live. I've lived in, you know, Bloomington, Indiana, and Chicago, Illinois, and Los Angeles. But I remain provincial. And my favorite city on the big blue marble remains Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. And my interests remain provincial and not just with my sports teams, but specific to them. I would love it if I would be prouder of them still. When, you know, I advocated that the Steelers take Kenny Pickett and people like, I don't think he's going to be that good. I said, you got to take the swing spiritually. He's the pit qb. If he works out, it's that much greater for the Pittsburgh Steelers that the guy walked across the hallway from the pit locker room to the Steelers locker room and delivered glory. You have to take those swings. And people like, who cares? What difference does it make? Well, then who cares about anything? Now we are just straight up rooting for laundry Anything that removes us creates a little distance of the effect of us just rooting for laundry, I'm all for. I say, okay, you couldn't make your teams entirely out of locals all over the country. NFL would stink. Every team in Florida and California and Texas would dominate the rest of Football America. But what about if you had to have like five guys, three guys, something like that, from your city, from your region on the team? I like that. And you told me, Mike Fuentes, that that does happen in at least one European soccer league.

[D]

Eh, I think it was England was having this issue where they didn't like that the top teams were mostly dominated by foreign imports. So they tried to implement a thing called. I think it was five plus one or something like that. You know, help me out here. Where they had to start like five or six English guys and you'd fill out the rest of the roster. But apparently the MLS currently has a rule where they have to start or have a couple of Americans.

[C]

I think you have to have six US players on the roster.

[B]

There are also clubs like.

[A]

Is that right? Yeah.

[D]

But guess what? They get around that.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

All the guys that started from like half the team. Yeah, that's half the team.

[A]

Right. How many do you carry?

[C]

I think that's about 22. That's a third of the team, maybe a fourth of the team.

[D]

Yeah. And then you just. The rest, the American guys ride the bench and then all the foreign guys

[B]

start and then 22.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you need? Don't you only have eight guys on the field at one time? What do you need? 22.

[C]

Oh no. You have 11 guys on the field at the same time. Everyone has a backup, everyone has an emergency.

[D]

And then you have an emergency guy just in case two keepers get hurt.

[A]

Cut this from the show. I. I can't be that big in ignorance. I didn't.

[C]

There.

[A]

There are all day learning.

[D]

The World Cup's around the corner.

[B]

You're almost there.

[D]

Pretty soon we'll be hosting Football America. And then, you know, I got to get the music for that.

[B]

There are also some clubs in. In. There's one club in particular that's famous for this. Athletic Bilbao is a club in the Bass country in Spain. And you can. They can only have players from the Bass country. Self imposed sel. This is a self imposed policy that they want only Basque players. So they have all of the players from the. All of the best players from the Basque region, but they can only have players from that area. Yeah.

[A]

As I've told you for a quarter Century, the original six in the NHL, the Canadians won all the Stanley Cups because all the Quebec players. Yes, you had negotiating. You had dibs on negotiating with your local players over all the other teams. That's why the New York Rangers were, were direct in the original six era, because who was playing hockey in Manhattan now they were all playing in Montreal. Ergo, a straight line as far as that goes. Again, like I say, I like regionality. And while Notre Dame and USC are talking about renewing their rivalry and, you know, Celtics and Lakers was meaningful in the 80s and perpetuated the NBA and took it to another level, just like Steelers, Cowboys did for the NFL in the 70s. I'm all about these rivalries. I also think as we look at football America and the divisions, we've accepted the framework that the Dallas Cowboys, who are 2,000 miles away from Philadelphia and New York and Washington, D.C. are nevertheless in the NFC East. What would it look like, though? Geno Fuentes, you did some good work on this. You took some time on the side, did some homework, and you realigned the division so that they make more geographic sense, right?

[C]

Oh, yeah. I got this idea from MLB on Fox. I think they were starting discussions on, like, what would the divisions look like if they added two more teams to Major League Baseball.

[A]

Don't give anybody else credit. Say it was your idea.

[C]

All myself.

[D]

That's right. Exactly.

[C]

Okay. So anyway, they put everything into, you know, they would have 32 teams at that point. So, you know, NFL has 32 teams and they realigned everything in geographical sense. And they said, screw this whole American League and NL thing. And they.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Okay, so let's, as a control here, let's put up the, the.

[D]

This is how it is.

[C]

This is how it is right now.

[D]

Get to the point, Gino.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

All right. No, this is.

[A]

Get off his back. Yeah, get off his back.

[C]

This is how it is right now.

[D]

Some people care about clocks around here. I say this is.

[C]

Screw the nfc, screw the afc. I went Western and Eastern Conference. So let's go ahead and change it up.

[A]

Okay, so now.

[C]

And so this is how I like the logos. This is how I, I rearranged it and I said, you know, NFC and AFC doesn't make sense anymore. Western and Eastern Conference. And so I'm going to read this off because, you know, we got audio audience here, too. Northwest is going to be your Denver Broncos, your Raiders, your 49ers and your Seahawks. Easy enough to understand.

[A]

I like that. I like that division. Yes. There are some things that Naturally is going to create conflict. Yes. You will have to wash off some of the past rivalries. You do maintain some good ones. I am naming that division to. To lure.

[C]

We'll get to your names. We'll get to your names in a second once I'm done here. That way we can all throw it up in one.

[D]

Yeah. So big graphic because we have a lot of graphics.

[A]

Dave.

[D]

Now back to the.

[B]

Back to the thing.

[D]

Gino, give me the Midwest.

[C]

Okay, so then we're gonna go to the Midwest division here. We're gonna have Bears, Packers, Chiefs, and Vikings.

[D]

So you basically just ousted the Lions and you threw in the Chiefs. Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Southwest.

[D]

We talked about this. Chiefs out there in a kind of no man's land.

[A]

Yeah, they are. I was just about middle of nowhere type.

[C]

They're not really west. They're kind of in the middle of the country. They're more east, if anything. Anyway, you got to go southwest. We're going to finally put the Dallas Cowboys closer to where they belong, and they're going to be in there with the Cardinals, the Chargers, and the Rams. Southwest Division.

[A]

Sup. Campbell had an interesting thought on this. The Cowboys are sort of their own day. You know, they love to call themselves America's team. Obviously, that's just alleged. It's not the reality. But either way, they. They are the Notre Dame of the NFL. Maybe we should treat them like Notre Dame and they're just independent. Love that idea. They're not in any division.

[C]

They would get screwed every year.

[D]

They would just be playing the hardest schedule.

[C]

They're made for TV schedule.

[A]

I don't know how they get into the playoffs exactly. If they're an industry, they can't do that now.

[B]

But imagine how awesome that schedule would be where it's just. Where it's just Cowboys, Steelers, Cowboys, Packers, Cowboys, Chiefs, Cowboy. You know what I mean? Like, just all of the legacy games, playing all of the good quarterbacks. Like, oh, it'd be so awesome.

[A]

Awesome. I do think that's a funny idea. Even though it doesn't really make any sense.

[D]

You might as well make all the money you can. All right, Gino.

[C]

Central, let's go back Central. We're still.

[A]

I'm sure the Cowboys think they just deserve to be in the playoffs.

[C]

So to startre Dame, Jerry Jones would love it.

[A]

Right.

[C]

All right. Central Division. In the west, we're going to do Bengals, Texans, Colts and Titans.

[D]

Okay. Northeast.

[C]

Okay. We're going to the Eastern Conference here in the Northeast.

[D]

That's a new AFC South.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

In the Northeast, we're going to take the Dolphins out of the Northwest, east, because I am tired of having to go up and play in the snow at the end of every season because the other three teams are up in New York and New England. So the Northeast is now the Patriots, the Giants and the jets are both in there together. And they're in there with the Eagles.

[D]

Yes. Now that.

[B]

That would be a fun division.

[D]

They would love it. A lot of short travel. A lot of short travel.

[C]

Conversely, we send the Dolphins down to the Southeast because that's where they belong. And we're going to be in there with all the Florida teams. So Jags, Dolphins, Buccaneers, and we're going to throw the Saints in there too, because everybody deserves the right to get hit by a hurricane.

[D]

Okay, see, so this is like probably my only beef here, right? Because now you have the Atlantic, which I'm with. You say it had the Atlanta Falcons, Baltimore, Carolina and Washington acc. Yeah, yeah. Jacksonville, Stone's throw away from Atlanta, Stone's throw. So like, that's the only one. But then I get it. Where do you put them without him? And then the last one you have there is Great Lakes, which is the Bills, Browns, Lions and Steelers.

[C]

This is the one that Dave cares about.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. And. And that would suck for Dave because now you got to deal with the Lions and the Bills. Yeah, that would really suck.

[A]

Well, there'll be ebb and flow. Well, we'll have to deal with a rugged.

[D]

I'm just saying, as they sit now. Yeah, as they say.

[B]

But you get to beat up on the Browns still, Dave, you still get to beat up on the Browns.

[C]

So Dave saw this. He said, I love it, but I hate the division names. Let's go ahead and change it to luminaries. Dave, take it away.

[A]

Okay. I will say that the Rust Belt, you know, of course the Bungles are the Bungles and the Ravens is the best rivalry. And that's going to be hard to move on from that. But, man, the Rust Belt rivalries, who rules that region of the country would become everything. And it wouldn't take. Take a generation to achieve that effect. You would. In the same way college football used to have that and gave it up again in favor of loot. But what was great about college football that we've sort of gotten away from is that regional pride. I make fun of people who are proud of the sec. If you're Vanderbilt, like, we did it. You didn't do anything. Vanderbilt, Alabama did it. But still I get the notion of being pride of Your being proud of your region of. In society. So I think that would be cool. Now. Now, in the Northwest, that division will be called the Mookie Blaylock. I didn't want to name it after a band or anything specifically, but Pearl Jam's original name was, of course, the Mookie. What was Mookie Blaylock? And I always thought that was funny, even though Mookie got into some ugly behavior. We're going to call this division the Mookie Blaylock. The Southwest is the Dodger, because as long as the Cowboys are in it, Roger, you know, Roger the Dodger, Roger Staubach, and then the Dodgers, of course, the. The Titan of the coast in sports. So I think that makes sense. In the Midwest, the Butkus, for obvious reasons. Sounds tough. We could call it the Dick, if you prefer. That the Central is the Mayflower, because the Colts, when they left Baltimore, took Mayflower moving trucks. And three of the four teams in that are moving. So that's the Mayflower. The Northeast is the Bledsoe. Of course, we. Our opinion of the Patriots is owed to Drew Bledsoe getting hurt. So let's give him that honorification.

[C]

I would have called this. You're about your. So go ahead.

[A]

I'm not being an asshole. Brady has enough going for him. Let's give Bledsoe something. That's the point. The Southeast, we can call it the Fernando, because Fernando now owns the state of Florida and I think pretty much all of. Of college football America. Or we could call it the means Less because it's pro football in SEC country and by definition, pro football means less down there. The Great Lakes, which includes the Steelers, are calling it the Mean Joe because they're the team that matters most there. And the Atlantic, we call the Beltway because of its location, or the Brown, and I can't remember why I named it the Brown, but it must be. There must be a good reason. Why did I name it?

[D]

Something to do with, I'm sure maybe

[A]

who's in the Beltway again?

[D]

While I was in the Beltway, you have the Falcons, Ravens, Panthers and Commanders. Yeah, the Camis.

[A]

Why did I want to call it the Brent?

[B]

Dave, that's a really great question. I can't quite give you.

[D]

You know what's going to happen.

[A]

I have reason.

[D]

Dave's going to be on the toilet later dropping the Brown.

[B]

Correct.

[D]

He's going to go. That's why I'm going to text, like at 9:00 o' clock at night. Oh, yeah, that's why.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All Right.

[D]

And so then Ethan base of disgust on Dave.

[C]

And so Ethan had a similar idea. He's like, you know what? I like this luminary talk.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

But I, I hate the conference thing. And he just wanted division. So Ethan explains.

[A]

Okay, buddy, take it away.

[B]

It's less that I hate conferences and more that I just. This is just how I want the NFL to look. Like if I could have the NFL look a certain way and have the divisions be a certain way, this is how I would want it to look. So I went with some luminaries. We're going to start with the Ditka Division. I left this division exactly as is. There are two divisions you'll see on here that are exactly as they were from. Are exactly as they are in the current NFL. It's the NFC north and the NFC East. They are two perfect divisions, perfectly aligned, perfect rivalries. All four rivalries are intense and very good. I didn't want to break them up. So the Ditka division is just the NFC north, the Bears, the Lions, the packers and the Vikings. You're going to see that I basically named after the coolest person from that division. So then the NFC East, I went with the Irvin division because who doesn't love Michael Irvin? Dallas Cowboys, New York Giants.

[A]

So what are you doing? So you're keeping the Cowboys in the East?

[B]

Yes, I told you this is how I want the NFL to look. I love it.

[C]

But we don't have to call it the east.

[A]

But it's a right.

[B]

I'm calling it Durbin Division. Exactly. This is a perfect, it's a perfect division as it.

[D]

He got you with that.

[B]

So then what I did, Dave, is I took kind of sort of that like Midwest but Northeast kind of like iconic franchise kind of thing. And I want like legacy franchises, I would say. So I went with the Browns, the Colts, the Patriots and the Steelers. And obviously me being me, I didn't want to name a division after Tom Brady, so I went with the Mean Green Division because Mean Green obviously after your boy, you have one as well, the Mean Joe division. So I went with Mean Green here. Now then I went out west and I made an all California division. There are four California teams. I named this the Montana division because he's Joe Cool. He's the coolest.

[C]

Are you Raiders back to Oakland?

[B]

Oh, I forgot that they're not in frickin in California anymore. So stupid. But this is all right. This is, this should be playing the oops. All California kinda. We used to play in California So this is the Raiders, the Chargers, the Rams, and the San Francisco 49ers. I mean, this would be a really fun division if you look at it, because I agree these are all three teams that used to play in LA or do play in la. The Niners. So I would love this California kind of division with the Raiders playing against some of their legacy rivals, one of their legacy rivals as well, in the Chargers. All right, then we're gonna go to the Mahomes division, which I had fun with this one because how cool is it that a guy is playing in the division that's named after himself? So I went with. And this one.

[A]

Not that cool for the other team.

[B]

Not that cool for the other team.

[D]

That's why I'm guessing this is the Daddy division. This is the daddy.

[B]

No, this is what I did. I just did put all four of the best quarterbacks in the league in the same division. So this is. Is Lamar, Allen Burrow, and Mahomes. The. The Ravens, the Bills, the Bengals, and the Chiefs. It would be fun to watch all of those teams play each other twice a year. That would be a lot of fun.

[A]

I like. I like the idea of that. You structure the. You, you. You shake them all up every year.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Like you're playing the Boggle division.

[A]

I like. That was the last one. No, no, no. The Boggle league. We start fresh every year. Like, oh, this will be fun to put all those guys in the same division this year. Dave, this is Never win.

[D]

This is such a better idea than a scheduled release. Oh, my God. Can you imagine?

[C]

They just release

[D]

ESPN special.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

See who's in your division.

[B]

Like. Like a World cup draw. How great is the World cup draw? It's amazing theater. The World cup draw is amazing theater.

[D]

You're welcome.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

We just fixed the league. You know what?

[B]

Throw out my divisions. I just want to draw everybody into divisions each year.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

No, no, no.

[D]

But I don't, you know, made the graphic.

[B]

Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead, Dave. Go ahead. What you're gonna say?

[A]

I was gonna say, I don't want to boggle everyone. I want to construct it to my liking everyone. So we're not shaking it up. Dave is going to go into the lab and emerge like. Like the Cardinals who meet up with the Pope. You. You'll just see smoke coming out of my home.

[B]

So you can safely say that this division will be the division with the four best quarterbacks five to six years

[A]

and came up with a new division.

[B]

So these will be the four best quarterbacks. For the next. Let's say five to six years. So five to six years from now, let's say Lamar falls off a little, or maybe Mahomes gets a little older. You can shake up the division. So let's put the graphic back up here. I forget which one I was on. I think I was on the Moon Division.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, so the Moon Division. Well, I'll do that one last. Let's move to the Merino Division, which is the Jags, the Dolphins, the jets, and the Bucs. This is just what I would want the Dolphins to division to be. It's as easy as possible.

[A]

Mike, how many divisions does Buddy have here?

[B]

I almost threw the. I almost, almost threw the Titans in here to make it really as easy as possible for the. For the. For the Dolphins. But it kind of didn't really line up, so I threw the bucks in. You get three Florida teams and the Jets.

[D]

I'm gonna give you 15.

[B]

So easy. All right, finally, the Vic Division is the Cardinals, the Broncos, the Seahawks. It's basically whoever's left from out west, plus the Atlanta Falcons. Because I thought it was really funny that the Atlanta Falcons used to play in the West. It didn't make any sense. And then the Moon Division is basically just the leftovers. The Panthers, the Texans, the Saints, and the Titans.

[A]

There you go.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

You all right? Very good. Good exercise.

[B]

I like divisions. That's how many divisions there are in the NFL. I did the exact number of divisions there are in there.

[D]

Good job, everybody.

[C]

I can just talk, Mike. You didn't make one. So what is. What is your decision? Which one did you like?

[D]

My main thing was your. Well, I mean, it was really just between you and Ethan, because Dave just did names. But I do like your realignment. The only thing that's kind of weird to me is the Atlanta one, like I pointed out. But where do you put them? Like, that's the thing. They're kind of. There's always going to be that one team.

[B]

And you know who really screws Rome

[A]

in the west like they did back in the day.

[B]

Stupid.

[D]

Now that we think about it, the Chiefs, because they're out there in the middle of nowhere. We don't know. There's no Great Plains Division. If we had, like, a team, and I want to say like, Nebraska, and then you give, like, the Dakotas a combined team, then you just have a nice big Great Plains. That's the Chiefs, Dallas, and these two fantasy teams we just made up.

[A]

Well, we're going to need a 33rd team because the Cowboys are now our independent.

[B]

Where would you put a team?

[D]

There it is. We recognize Goodell's international dreams. Mexico City. Enjoy your team.

[A]

Oh, that's great. With me. Mexico City. And we can do that one or. Right. The first season of relegation. No one gets relegated and we just call up one CFL team.

[B]

Winnipeg.

[A]

Welcome.

[B]

Winnipeg is right down the middle in Manitoba.

[D]

Is it?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Manitoba is just like over Minnesota.

[D]

It's up there by the wall from Game of Thrones and. And the fists of the first men and all those places. It's terrible.

[A]

Who are the Steelers opening against this year? The Saskatoon. Whatever they are. I don't know.

[B]

Saskatchewan Rough Riders, I believe.

[D]

We've been watching a lot of hockey here, Dave. Right. This is totally off the map, but we've been watching a lot of hockey. Right. All of us here. Because it's the playoffs. Doesn't Saskatoon sounds like a place where, like, a cartoon mouse would be from?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah. Like, like, I mean, listen, it sounds. It has. Tune in the names like Toontown, Saskatoon, from Saskatoon.

[A]

As soon as we finish with Ethan Strauss here, I encourage nade to man, Mike Fuentes, you open up a. A geography book and delight yourself for the next several hours with all the city names and town names up in Canada. They are. They are. That. That's the tip of the iceberg. Although I do love saying Saskatoon. All right, now let's talk with our guy about all of it, Ethan Strauss. Okay, I'm looking forward to this. I paid a visit to his great podcast House of Strauss, I don't know, about a half a year or so ago, and he and I went back and forth as sports arbiters. I like that role for myself. I like it even better for him because he's one of the sharpest and also most entertaining guys out there on his sub stack. And like I said, the aforementioned podcast, find it on YouTube. And wherever you find your podcast, House of Strat Strauss, it's Ethan Sherwood Strauss. What's happening, pally? Good to talk to you again.

[E]

I'm more of a on the one on the other hand kind of guy. You get in there, make a quick denunciation or elevate. And I like your decisiveness. And that's why I've been you on as a sports arbiter.

[A]

Don't you come in here with patronizing stuff, comparing me essentially to a poor man. Stephen A. That's what you're doing, isn't it?

[E]

This is exactly what I'm talking about. It's this Strong opinion.

[A]

Figure this one out. Arbitrate this for me. Just for you. A San Diego native. San Diego, is that right? San Diego. That makes sense.

[E]

That's correct.

[A]

Nice and clean. People are often surprised to hear or laugh at when they say what's a native Pittsburgh person? It's a Pittsburgher. I like it. I think. I think it says something beyond just a name of a native. I also like people from Utah are Utahns. That sounds like something Tom Cruise would get into. Utahns. But I just asked you before we got going here because you're in the Bay. Are you a Niners guy instead of a Chargers guy? And how say you totally rejected the

[E]

Chargers feel absolutely nothing for them. I used to when I was in college I went to college up here. I would drag self hungover in the mornings and they had those games to Laval's bar and San Diego Chargers games religiously. For me that was a connection to San Diego and move the team to la. I am not from la. I think people from the east coast they might. It's a funny thing about the east versus the west where people on the east think cities in the west are closer together than the and people on the west think that east coast cities are apart than they are. LA is a three hour drive. We grew up with this a little bit of a little complex that this was the big cosmopolitan place. It wasn't where we're from. And I'm not like these Raiders fans who will just the team wherever the hell they move it. I don't look that way. So when the Chargers left I started watching the Because I live in the Bay and I just went. I'd rather this at least there's a connection to a place in my life.

[A]

You know I've considered this quite a bit over the last. Whatever it's been quarter century since the Raiders did the Oakland to LA to Oakland and now Vegas math and almost San Antonio. Or at least they. They considered that apparently. Yeah. Once they dump you it's like taking back. Well I mean I guess there's some in the news relationships that you could do that but it would be weird to like get dumped for the pretty young blonde down in LA and then go back to the ball and chain in Oakland. And I don't know what that makes Las Vegas in all of this but I think spiritually on solid footing here to. To abandon the Chargers because that's all. That's what they did to you.

[E]

Yeah. And I have friends see it differently. I have friends who still live in San Diego and colors are the same. The TV market, in many ways, there's overlap. The Laker games were on our local TV growing up and presumably still. And so I get it. I get saying it's those colors. It's the region I can drive to go to a game. I just looked at it as I'm from a city. It's a bit of an afterthought. Oddly, status is higher than it was when I was a kid. You hear all the time, oh, San Diego. It was always known as a nice place, but kind of like a retirement vacation spot. Nice place. Now it's got a little bit of a pop. And so it mattered to me that the sports team there and them leaving for a more glamorous big city is, yes, understandable. But then I think it's equally understandable that would be cause for rejection. Me, I don't, I don't want any party to it.

[A]

Yes, you have dignity. The only issue is that you've jumped from. You've jumped into a whole new fire with these Niners here. Because also it's that weird situation. I used to talk about it, whatever, a decade or so ago with Chiefs fans, which is, boy, one of the great franchises in pro football and, and deeply important for its rich history and its Lombardy early on. And that. Yeah, by the way, that one, that Len Dawson one was the last one they won until Patrick Mahomes. Now all of a sudden, the Niners are kind of in that spot, which is a lot of glory, but it's pretty far in the rear view mirror and you must know a lot of people up there in the Bay that are. It's, you know, the Chargers never won anything, so it's hard to sort of be or be. It's. It's like being a Jets fan versus being a, you know, you, you, you, the, the olds have tasted glory, have, have drunk from the cup, but Niners fans currently have not. How say you?

[E]

Yeah, it's a different perspective on fandom. And it's funny looking back because I remember being a little kid and in the Niners absolutely demolished the Charger, the Super bowl, and, and you're a fan of San Diego teams. It's just embedded into you. This is, this isn't, this isn't going anywhere. You have perspective that the characters at the end of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind had on relationships. That's your view of a season where, look, this is not going to lead. This is not going to be the one. But we're in it for the experience. What else are we going to do? And there are higher standards out here and thus us for complaining. And I often feel myself disagreeing with friends because they go this is the worst. This is the worst. I watched that last game regular season against the Seahawks and my friend just in a depressive fugue saying this is worse than being bad. To be so close and never had it is worse than being bad. And I went, you're crazy. I enjoyed this season. This was cool. I liked being happier on most Sundays than not. That's a value to me. I like reflecting on the season.

[A]

Journey Over Destination is what it comes down to, right?

[E]

Is it painful to almost get there? Look, yes, it's painful. All my neighbors and friends were traumatized after the 2023 Super Bowl. We were doing that interesting thing Damoshek of playing moments in your mind and changing what could have happened. Oh, if Nick Bosa. Now I'm fantasizing about how Bosa wouldn't have been tricked by the QB keeper by Mahomes and stoned him on 4th and 1. It's interesting that people, regardless of background, do the retrospective cope of changing at all. So yes, I understand the trauma. But look, only one team's going to win and sports is going to be a miserable experience if you say it's got to be all or nothing. So I don't look at it that way. I hope the Niners win a championship, but I have thoroughly enjoyed the Kyle Shanahan era and the rise of Brock Purdy. It's made my life better. I'm not going to complain about it.

[A]

I agree with almost all of that. But as much as you know, legacy is one of those things that the people in it, the quarterbacks, let's say in the quarterback league specifically, talk a lot about what their legacy is and they reject the notion that they care about their legacy. That's a media thing. I don't care about that. No, no, it just is still pregnant until you are done, until the your retirement is the birth of the baby and then we can evaluate the entirety of the stretch that preceded it. I agree with you completely. But there is almost completely, I should say because because ultimately the quarterbacks in the quarterback league, their legacy is dependent on winning and so it does get. It does get a little bit weird to try. I'm all the way with you on Journey Over Destination and some of my seasons in the last. This wasn't true of me when I was a kid but you know, now I'm a mature sports fan. I enjoy a number of Seasons in the last decade have ranked among my very favorite and they didn't come anywhere close to ending in a. In a title. But I think that you do if as a fan. I think you will be unsatisfied as an Iron fan if the Kyle Shanahan comes without a Lombardi and same goes for Brock Purdy.

[E]

It will be a bitter note in the whole. Whatever it is. Right. I want that to happen. I've had that forever where they're athletes. I wanted something for them and it's so funny because we don't know these people, but my dad was a huge Knicks fan. I looked at Patrick Ewing as this tragic figure. I just wanted it for him. It wasn't in him at some level. Awesome player, one of the best defensive players of his era. He just wasn't clutch. He just wasn't. It wasn't for him, but I wanted it for him. Ladanian Tomlinson, through no fault of his own, he's a running back and to watch him rise up and become a star, I wanted it for him. I feel similarly about Purdy and Shanahan. I just don't want that disappointment it to overwhelm and cloud my feelings towards something I've largely liked. But yes, I agree with you. I want that. I agree with you when we talk about legacy, when we talk about best, to actually achieve it, that that matters in these comparisons and the history of the sport. You know what's funny though? This is a digression. The Eagles kind of changed my outlook on that because Aylin hurts. Hurts. There's all this talk and controversy about him. They win that super bowl against the Chiefs, there's an NFL clip and I can't remember which receiver told him this. Maybe it was Smith saying, hey, they can't mess with you now. Like you're validated. It's done. It wasn't done next season. There was just as much noise about.

[A]

I wonder if that's a Philadelphia specific thing or a Northeast thing. I mean, legitimately, I think. Yes, you. I think the standard is very different. The example I often point to is in mlb, if you're a Kansas City Royals fan, you have no business making a noise for 25 years after 2015 because the standard is way different than if you're a Yankees or a Dodgers fan. Yeah, it's funny because I think Jalen hurts now. You know, people can resent it all they want want. If he goes to one more super bowl, he's going to go to the hall of Fame. Yeah.

[E]

But at the Same time in my mind, because I think Brock B. Is the victim of draftism, where the worst of bigotries, we have a lot of big trees in our society. Draftism, the bias against players drafted low among the worst, the way he's assessed and analyzed it often doesn't strike me as objective because of where he was taken. And so in my mind, the scenario that, oh, he wins the super bowl and now he's just going to be regarded, he's going to be validated, finally, he's going to be taken. Seeing Hertz win the super bowl year later and not garner more respect a few months later when he was playing gave me a little bit of relief on the whole matter. When I built it up in my mind that Purdy needed the super bowl and then he would be taken seriously. But I now know that he could have won that. And the second he throws two interceptions, people are going, you see, oh, oh, there's a re. He got lucky.

[A]

So it's funny that the paradox of that is. Well, but the paradox of that is because I, you know, was talking last week with Michelle Beetle, die hard, San Antonio spurs fan, and you've been talking a lot of Wemby, too, in NBA, as you usually do. You know what is a satisfying title count for Victor Wemban Yama right now? Like what, what 15 years from now, what it. What satiates the spurs fan? And what you're saying is, I feel like if you're the first overall pick and you got to do it and you're supposed to do it, you better do it. That's not a great spot to start any sports season. Or being a fan of that guy. Like, if Wemby doesn't win a bunch of titles, we'll look back retroactively and be like, like, boy, that was unsatisfying. Ultimately, I think. And Purdy winning one is like Russell Wilson or Tom Brady or even Jalen hurts in the second round, which is they're not necessarily supposed to do anything. And the. And so it kind of adds to the underdog story more than it detracts from it. But you're absolutely right about Jalen hurts getting all sorts of crap, because then that allows you as. As pretentious sort of talent evaluator. Not you, but people who do that. The fact that he wasn't a first overall pick allows you to say, well, he's not that good. His pedigree isn't that high, or else he wouldn't have gotten in the second round. We should aim higher than Jalen hurts and the pushback is, well, he won you a Super bowl and took you to another.

[E]

You can be a winner and we'll still hypothetical where you're a loser, where it's one. But you wouldn't have won without saying such. You wouldn't have won without so and so. I remember people in the 1990s often that the Bulls won 55 games in the year Jordan missed. I knew that for a fact. I don't remember people bringing it up. It's only now that this needs to arguments that it's often invoked before we

[A]

check out Mike Fuentes very quickly. Satisfying number of titles for. For win Wemby.

[D]

Oh, it's a great question. It really is because it's hard to win titles and, and you know, it's. And the. The thing I'm really worried about Wemby and I got scared for him when the blood clot thing happened because as we know as he fans, that's what ended Chris Bosch's career. So Sat. Three. I'm gonna say three. Four, four seems like a lot. Four seems like a lot.

[A]

How many did Duncan get?

[D]

Duncan got five.

[A]

Four. Right.

[D]

But none. But none in succession. They were all spread it out because don't forget he won the first one 1999. Right. When he was drafted. Remember they had the stacked deck with him and David Robinson. Then he won 04, I think 034. He beat 04.04.

[B]

The Pistons won.

[D]

Oh, then it was 03. Right. And then it was. And one of our big 07, 2014.

[B]

And so he only has four because they won in 97. But was that what David. No, because he was the number one pick in 96, wasn't he? So they.

[A]

He.

[B]

Oh, so then they. The spurs have five and Duncan has four because they won one with David Robinson in 1996. 7.

[D]

He did win in 04. Then he lost it in 05 and then. Or he wasn't there in 05, then he won it the next. Sorry, I'm an idiot. He won in 03. He wasn't there like in 04.

[B]

Now he won an 05 and they wanted 07. He basically did what the San Francisco Giants did, which is they won every year.

[D]

Every other year he wanted to.

[A]

What's interesting. What's interesting about that is nobody really gives a. About the specifics. But no. Yeah. The Wemby, though, the Wemby thing is, you know, obviously everybody's going to keep taking shots at him. He has to defend himself. Himself or, you know, Eric Lindros. Is maybe the guy with that. Unless it's Mark Bavaro, the great Giants tight end. When you're the biggest dude, it takes a lot to get you down, so they have to keep hammering you physically and you wear out more quickly. So Wemby has no choice but to do that. I thought the elbow in the throat was pretty bad, but I completely get where he's coming from. Adam Silver. Obviously the reason people are upset about it is because plainly people understand cynically, Adam Silver is like, what's going to hurt the bottom line, and that's Wemby sitting down for a big game. And that's why they didn't send Wemby down. But I do completely get spiritually where Wemby's coming from with his big pointy 7 foot 4 elbows, knocking guys out for taking shots at him. I get it. We'll, we'll take our shot again one week from today in the usual time. Football America. Make sure you use that time between now and then subscribe, telling all your pals about the show, writing some comments in there. All the rest of it. All the rest of it. We'll be back in a week, nay, we'll be back on Tuesday with our little seven or so minute chunk that we like to put out there for you. Make sure you're checking that out on YouTube as well. Until then, thanks so much, my fellow football Americans. It's been a thin slice of heaven.

[B]

Ra.