The Dating Detectives – "The Devil You Know: Part 1" (October 20, 2025)

Podcast by Dear Media | Hosts: Mackenzie Fultz & Hanna Anderson | Guest: Abby

Overview

This emotionally charged episode explores the story of Abby—a survivor of both relationship manipulation and sexual assault—detailing her experiences with a seemingly charming partner who ultimately deceived, isolated, gaslit, and endangered her. The episode focuses on uncovering manipulation tactics, red flags, and the additional trauma abusers can inflict by exploiting existing vulnerabilities. It also highlights the complex, lingering effects of trauma and how abusers may use moments of crisis to regain trust and control.

Major content warnings: Mental illness, gaslighting, sexual assault, rape, and abuse are central topics in Abby’s story.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction and Community Update

• Hosts discuss the success of "Hannah's Don't Get Killed Club," a women-focused, affordable self-defense group, with future expansion plans.
  “A lot of self defense… is like a big scary boxer man teaching you… I want it to be like pretty affordable… like for the girls in the vibes.” – Hanna (01:41)
• Hosts express gratitude for community support and open DM summaries for sensitive episodes.

2. Abby’s Story: The Start

• Abby meets Peter through her college best friend Laura at age 22; he’s described as “shy, dorky, endearing, with childlike energy.”
  “He was just a little guy… we adopted him into our friend group.” – Abby (05:44)
• Both were in relationships initially; they bond over being cheated on.
• After breakups, Peter professes love for Laura (who turns him down, preferring women), then shifts his attention to Abby.

3. Early Red Flags & Manipulation

• Peter claims to have throat cancer but undergoes dubious outpatient surgery.
  “He gets in, goes in surgery and gets out the same day… two hours after… had the surgery, got out.” – Abby (09:17)
• Hosts and Abby note how uncritical trust in early relationships can be dangerous, particularly when someone appears vulnerable.

4. Escalating Deception

• Trip to meet Peter’s parents: He claims his dad once tried to run him over but reassures all is now fine.
• Abby meets the parents, who appear normal but “a little weird.”
• On this trip, Peter spends mysterious amounts of time on the phone with ex-girlfriend Gina, claiming miscommunication over their breakup/polyamory.

5. Mental Illness Claims

• Peter says he has multiple personality disorder and introduces Abby to an “alter” named Doug with a Southern accent.
  “All of his mannerisms change in, like, a snap of the fingers. He has a southern accent… Peter doesn’t like this personality… it’s like a sexually deviant personality.” – Abby (21:43)
• Abby, wanting to be open and supportive, tries to respond without judgment.
• Hosts later clarify this is not how Dissociative Identity Disorder actually presents.

6. Love Bombing and Gaslighting

• Peter love-bombs Abby: promises music industry connections, extravagant dates (VIP Hamilton tickets, meeting cast), breakfast in bed, etc.
• Claims to be a music producer for Sony and that he wrote “Colors” by Beck; evidence is faked but convincing (unfinished tracks on his computer).
• Claims acceptance to Juilliard, but parents “wouldn’t let him go.”

7. Isolation & Control

• Peter gradually isolates Abby from her support system:
  • Accuses her best friend (Laura) of sexual assault for helping zip a dress and of sleeping with Abby’s exes.
  • Manipulates situations to breed mistrust between Abby and her friends; succeeds in severing her from Laura.
  • Undermines her relationship with her family: “your dad doesn’t understand you… they’re jealous.”

8. Jealousy, Stalking, and Escalation

• Peter grows unreasonably jealous of Abby’s male theater scene partner, Jack.
• Peter claims to get mugged, get into car accidents, and have panic attacks whenever Abby doesn’t comply or become more isolated—though the proof is always lacking.
• “Big gestures” are planned right after concerning behavior, effectively resetting Abby’s doubts.
• Starts stalking Abby and her friends, showing up uninvited at gatherings and the mall.
  “I pull him aside and I’m like, okay, what are we doing here?... why are you here?” – Abby (42:38)

9. Breakup and Stalking

• Abby ends the relationship after confirmation from peers about Peter’s stalking.
• He responds with emotional breakdowns, visits Abby’s parents’ home unannounced, and drives by their house even after being told to stop.
• Parents consider a restraining order; eventually, Abby moves out.

10. Further Trauma: Assault & The Cycle of Abuse

• Abby’s new roommate Finn, who seemed trustworthy, rapes her in her own room.
  “Finn ends up raping me. … It came so out of left field… there was nothing flirtatious. We were buddies.” – Abby (57:17)
• Abby is paralyzed by fear, isolated from friends. Finn assaults her a second time by picking her locked door.
• Desperate for help, Abby asks Peter ("the devil you know") to help get Finn out; Peter acts as protector and, through her vulnerability, regains access to Abby’s life.

11. Reflections on Sexual Assault and the "Freeze" Response

• Hosts and Abby emphasize the necessity of using the word “rape,” not minimizing or watering it down:
  • “People are so afraid to say the word rape… when someone says, 'hey, he raped me'… you’re validating… The more we put a name to it, the more people are empowered to say, this happened to me.” – Mackenzie (66:29)
  • They discuss the “freeze” trauma response and emphasize that lack of fighting back does not mean lack of assault/violation.

12. Return to Peter & Continued Manipulation

• Peter, now acting normal and caring, slowly works his way back into Abby’s trust. For a year, things seem “healthy” and he is “totally normal.”
• Abby supports both of them financially after they move to Nashville for Peter’s “career” (he doesn’t work), while she works 60 hours a week.
• Psychological control intensifies: Peter repeatedly tells Abby she is “manic,” then manipulates her into thinking she is bipolar. She is prescribed heavy medication via telehealth, which makes her feel like “half a person.”

13. Sexual Exploitation on OnlyFans

• Peter reveals he has created an OnlyFans account using Abby’s real name and their intimate photos (without faces), impersonating her and chatting to strangers as her.
• Hosts reference a previous episode about a man trafficking multiple women on OnlyFans and flag Abby’s story as another example of exploitative, non-consensual use of intimate material.

14. Closing Reflections and Teasers for Part 2

• The hosts emphasize trauma’s lasting effects, the vulnerability and isolation manipulation creates, and the danger of seeking comfort in the “devil you know.”
• Key quote:
  “It’s a great example of the lasting ripple effects of trauma… the things it leads you to accept in your life… The bar lowers.” – Hanna (79:30)
• Teaser: More on Peter’s mental illness claims, further gaslighting, and the OnlyFans fallout in Part 2.

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Isolation & Manipulation:
  “Every time I speak out, he starts telling me, like, I’m in these manic episodes… He slowly plants the idea in my head that I have bipolar disorder.” – Abby (71:19)

• On the Aftermath of Sexual Assault:
  “Your body stops being able to trust itself… My body doesn’t trust that.” – Abby (67:22)

• On Naming Rape for What It Is:
  “Let’s call a spade a spade. Let’s start calling this what it is and stop churching it up. That discomfort will, you know, make the offender uncomfortable.” – Mackenzie (77:15)

• The Pull of Familiar Toxicity:
  “Sometimes we go back to what we know, even though it’s not great…it’s what we know. There’s a safety and a comfort there.” – Mackenzie (79:04)

Important Timestamps

• 04:39 — Abby introduces meeting Peter & early relationship dynamics
• 08:44 — Peter claims to have throat cancer
• 16:27 — First trip to Peter's parents / strange family story
• 20:53 — Peter divulges “multiple personality disorder”
• 23:56 — Claims of working for Sony, producing "Colors" by Beck
• 28:39 — Gaslighting over friend's touching & false sexual assault accusation
• 38:45 — Peter’s jealousy, false crises, and escalating mental instability
• 42:38 — Peter starts stalking Abby and her friends
• 44:46 — Shows up unannounced at Abby’s family home
• 57:17 — Finn rapes Abby
• 62:31 — Abby leverages Peter as a means of evicting Finn
• 71:19 — Peter gaslights Abby about her own mental health
• 74:38 — Peter reveals non-consensual OnlyFans impersonation
• 77:15 — Reflection on naming and discussing rape openly

Thematic Flow & Tone

The episode maintains the Dating Detectives’s trademark blend of warmth, dark humor, and radical empathy—even as the subject matter grows darker. Abby’s narrative unfolds with increasing tension, punctuated by the hosts’ disbelief, heartache, and encouragement. The hosts stress red flag awareness, the insidiousness of isolation and emotional manipulation, and champion building/supporting survivor community.

Final Thoughts

This part one episode is an unflinching look at how manipulative partners can incrementally erode boundaries, trust, and support systems, how vulnerable moments can be ruthlessly exploited, and how trauma creates dangerous openings for abusers to regain access. Abby’s story is a call for vigilance, empathy, and directness in talking about sexual violence. Listeners are invited to examine familiar patterns—the safety of “the devil you know”—and to ensure that, in the aftermath of trauma, support systems don’t vanish, leaving survivors isolated.

Part two will continue exploring the fallout and deconstruction of Peter’s lies, further address his mental health claims, and dissect the after-effects of OnlyFans exploitation.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship or has experienced sexual assault, know that help is available and you deserve support.