The Deep Dish: Kitchen Table Counseling Within Your Local Church

Episode Release Date: May 22, 2025
Hosts: Melissa Krueger and Courtney Docter
Produced by: The Gospel Coalition

Introduction

In the episode titled "Kitchen Table Counseling Within Your Local Church" from The Deep Dish podcast, hosts Melissa Krueger and Courtney Docter delve into the heart of lay counseling among women in Christian communities. This episode offers a comprehensive exploration of what kitchen table counseling entails, its importance, and practical guidelines for fostering meaningful and supportive relationships within the church.

Defining Kitchen Table Counseling

The conversation begins with Melissa introducing the concept of kitchen table counseling, emphasizing its informal and relational nature.

Melissa Krueger [01:16]: "It could be kitchen table counseling. It could be park bench counseling. It could be my walking buddy counseling."

Courtney echoes this sentiment, highlighting that it's about the counsel we offer each other in various everyday settings. The essence of kitchen table counseling lies in sharing personal stories filled with grief, sorrow, and real hurts, and providing mutual support grounded in truth and compassion.

Differentiating from Discipleship and Mentoring

Courtney positions kitchen table counseling as a subset of discipleship, focusing on the deep, relational aspects where individuals share their lives and struggles.

Courtney Docter [03:41]: "I think it's a type of discipleship. I think I think of it as sort of a subset of discipleship because when you're in these relationships that you're sharing your life... these things bubble to the surface."

This distinction clarifies that while discipleship encompasses broader spiritual growth, kitchen table counseling zeroes in on providing support during specific personal challenges.

Qualities of Effective Kitchen Table Counselors

Melissa outlines the critical attributes that make someone a good kitchen table counselor. She introduces four essential questions to evaluate potential counselors:

1. Do they know God?
2. Do they love God?
3. Do they know you?
4. Do they love you?

Courtney Docter [06:02]: "Do they know God? Do they love God? Do they know you? And do they love you?"

These questions ensure that the counselor is grounded in faith, genuinely cares, and understands the individual's unique context. Melissa further emphasizes the balance between truth and love, ensuring that counsel is both compassionate and honest.

Personal Experiences and Anecdotes

Both hosts share personal stories that highlight the impact of effective kitchen table counseling:

• Melissa's Experience with Her Father's Illness:

  Melissa recounts a challenging period when her father suffered a heart attack and subsequent brain bleed. During this time, friends provided support through scripture texts and physical presence without imposing their own stories.

  Melissa Krueger [10:58]: "They just knew how to enter in physically and then with compassionate care without having to tell their story."

• Courtney's Struggle with Sin and a Supportive Friend:

  Courtney describes confessing a sin struggle to a trusted friend, which led to a sense of liberation and relief as the burden was lifted through prayer and compassionate support.

  Courtney Docter [14:02]: "There I have. I feel like over and over in my life I've experienced that where you bring something to light and it loses its power."

Practical Tips: Asking the Right Questions

The hosts discuss the importance of asking meaningful and specific questions rather than generic ones that may leave the counselee feeling unheard.

Melissa Krueger [17:29]: "What are the better questions? Because what's so easy is to ask, 'How are you doing?'"

Melissa suggests focusing on concrete aspects of the person's situation to facilitate more effective conversations, especially during times of grief or loss.

Role of Scripture in Counseling

Incorporating scripture is a pivotal aspect of kitchen table counseling. However, both hosts caution against using scripture as mere "band-aids." Instead, they advocate for praying scripture and allowing it to guide prayers authentically.

Melissa Krueger [27:24]: "Let the Scriptures guide my prayers for them."

Courtney adds that scripture should be used thoughtfully, ensuring it addresses the person's specific needs and circumstances without feeling trite.

Handling Confidentiality and Trust

Building and maintaining trust is crucial. The hosts emphasize the importance of confidentiality and following up after initial conversations to show ongoing support.

Melissa Krueger [25:01]: "It's just holding."

Courtney reiterates the need to ask permission before sharing someone's story and to respect their boundaries, ensuring that the counseling relationship remains safe and trustworthy.

Avoiding Bible Band-aids

A significant portion of the discussion centers on avoiding superficial applications of scripture that do not address the underlying issues. Instead, the hosts encourage a deeper engagement with the Word, using it to offer substantial and transformative support.

Melissa Krueger [27:30]: "It's really easy to... Romans 8:28, everything... but that is true. And at the same time, we all know sometimes that is just not what is needed in that moment."

They advocate for integrating scripture into prayers and conversations in a way that genuinely supports and uplifts the counselee.

Importance of Humility and Ongoing Support

Humility is highlighted as a foundational trait for effective counselors. Recognizing that both the counselor and counselee are fellow sinners and sufferers fosters a supportive and non-judgmental environment.

Courtney Docter [34:37]: "The Lord's working out something in you and bringing humility to you."

Melissa adds that humility involves asking what the best way to support someone is, rather than assuming or imposing solutions.

Reflections and Concluding Thoughts

In wrapping up, Melissa and Courtney reflect on the profound impact of genuine, humble, and scripturally grounded kitchen table counseling. They encourage listeners to embrace these practices, emphasizing that such relationships not only aid others but also contribute to one's own spiritual growth and sanctification.

Courtney Docter [35:56]: "We are fellow sinners and sufferers, walking with other sinners and sufferers."

Inspirational Takeaway

The episode concludes with a heartfelt reflection on the legacy of faith leaders and the desire to emulate their compassionate and truthful counsel.

Melissa Krueger [39:21]: "I would wanna sit down with Helen Rosevier... she is so quick to say how she didn't get it at first."

Courtney Docter [39:54]: "I want to sit down with the judge. The Deborah."

Final Thoughts

The Deep Dish episode on kitchen table counseling serves as a valuable resource for women seeking to deepen their discipleship relationships and provide meaningful support within their local churches. By blending personal experiences, scriptural insights, and practical advice, Melissa Krueger and Courtney Docter offer a comprehensive guide to fostering compassionate and effective counseling relationships rooted in Christian truth and love.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Melissa Krueger [01:16]: "It could be kitchen table counseling. It could be park bench counseling. It could be my walking buddy counseling."

• Courtney Docter [03:41]: "I think it's a type of discipleship. I think I think of it as sort of a subset of discipleship because when you're in these relationships that you're sharing your life..."

• Courtney Docter [06:02]: "Do they know God? Do they love God? Do they know you? And do they love you?"

• Melissa Krueger [10:58]: "They just knew how to enter in physically and then with compassionate care without having to tell their story."

• Courtney Docter [14:02]: "There I have. I feel like over and over in my life I've experienced that where you bring something to light and it loses its power."

• Melissa Krueger [17:29]: "What are the better questions? Because what's so easy is to ask, 'How are you doing?'"

• Melissa Krueger [27:24]: "Let the Scriptures guide my prayers for them."

• Melissa Krueger [25:01]: "It's just holding."

• Courtney Docter [35:56]: "We are fellow sinners and sufferers, walking with other sinners and sufferers."

• Melissa Krueger [39:21]: "I would wanna sit down with Helen Rosevier... she is so quick to say how she didn't get it at first."

For more episodes and resources, visit The Gospel Coalition.