Episode Summary: Sacrificial Yeses and Necessary Nos: Discern the Difference

Podcast: The Deep Dish
Host: Melissa Krueger and Courtney Docter
Release Date: May 1, 2025
Episode Title: Sacrificial Yeses and Necessary Nos: Discern the Difference

Introduction

In this engaging episode of The Deep Dish, hosts Melissa Krueger and Courtney Docter delve into the nuanced topic of discerning when to say "yes" to certain commitments and when to say "no." They explore the challenges women face in making these decisions, especially when balancing personal desires with spiritual discernment. The conversation is enriched with personal anecdotes, biblical insights, and practical advice to help listeners navigate their own decision-making processes.

The Challenge of Saying No and Sacrificial Yes

Understanding the Difficulty

Melissa opens the discussion by highlighting her personal struggle with knowing when to decline opportunities that seem beneficial. She states:

"This is something I definitely struggle with. And this is this topic of when do we say no to things that seem like really good things?"
— Melissa Krueger [02:13]

Courtney acknowledges the complexity, emphasizing that both saying "yes" and "no" can be challenging depending on the situation:

"There are times the yeses are sacrificial and the times that the yeses are easier."
— Courtney Docter [03:13]

Discernment as Wisdom

Both hosts agree that discernment isn't formulaic but requires wisdom and situational awareness. Courtney likens discerning God's will to walking freely through a field rather than navigating a strict maze:

"Discerning God's will is this big field that you walk through... walking in the freedom of God's word."
— Courtney Docter [03:13]

Biblical Foundations for Decision-Making

Romans 12:1-2

Courtney introduces Romans 12:1-2, discussing the importance of offering oneself as a living sacrifice and renewing the mind to discern God's will:

"Romans 12... offer your bodies as living sacrifices... transformed by the renewing of your mind."
— Courtney Docter [07:03]

Sober Judgment

Melissa elaborates on the necessity of a transformed mind to make discerning decisions:

"The first yes has to be the Lord... the first decision to spend time in his presence."
— Melissa Krueger [09:00]

She further explains that sober judgment involves recognizing personal limitations and seeking guidance through prayer and community:

"Having a really good network of friends who can help you understand what you're good at."
— Melissa Krueger [09:00]

Practical Steps for Discernment

Identifying Non-Negotiables

Melissa emphasizes the importance of recognizing non-negotiable aspects of life, such as relationships with the Lord, family, and personal sanctification:

"Non negotiables... relationship with the Lord... marriage... children."
— Melissa Krueger [09:00]

Seeking Community and Prayerful Reflection

Courtney advocates for involving trusted friends and engaging in prayer to seek God's direction:

"Ask a friend, 'Will you pray for me?' especially for large commitments."
— Courtney Docter [07:03]

Evaluating Motivations

Courtney discusses the significance of understanding one's motivations behind saying "yes" or "no," referencing Paul's humble self-assessment:

"Paul says, 'do not think of yourself more highly than you ought... sober judgment.'"
— Courtney Docter [07:03]

Personal Stories of Sacrificial Yeses

Hosting a Bible Study

Melissa shares her initial hesitation and eventual gratitude for hosting a Bible study at her chaotic home:

"It was not really the season I wanted to be doing that... I was so glad we said yes to it."
— Melissa Krueger [18:22]

This decision fostered deeper relationships within her community and even led to new marriages among participants.

Prioritizing Discipleship Relationships

Courtney discusses her commitment to discipleship relationships and being present in her local church despite logistical challenges:

"I'm saying yes to being present as much as possible... I love my local church."
— Courtney Docter [42:25]

Balancing Self-Care and Sacrificial Giving

Cultural Pressures vs. Biblical Rest

Courtney addresses the cultural emphasis on self-care and balance, contrasting it with the biblical concept of Sabbath rest:

"The Lord has given us a day of rest... rest is built into our creation."
— Courtney Docter [22:52]

Melissa reinforces the importance of seeking God's provision for rest rather than self-imposed self-care:

"Our prayer isn't just, 'Oh, help me endure,' but, 'Lord, refresh me in this season.'"
— Melissa Krueger [28:28]

Avoiding Idolatry of Self-Care

Both hosts caution against idolizing self-care as a means to an end, advocating instead for a life characterized by sacrifice and service:

"Our culture is pushing us to preserve this even physically... that's not the goal of my life."
— Melissa Krueger [25:46]

Trusting the Divine Process

Overcoming Trials

Courtney shares insights on enduring suffering and hardship as part of spiritual growth, referencing Helen Roseveare's Counted All Joy:

"Suffering still came. It is part of where we are in the story."
— Courtney Docter [30:52]

Aligning with Scripture

The hosts stress the importance of aligning decisions with scripture, cautioning against personal desires that contradict biblical teachings:

"There are certain things in scripture that are clear that we don't actually have the freedom to say yes or no to."
— Courtney Docter [37:07]

Navigating Instincts and the Holy Spirit

Balancing Gut Feelings with Spiritual Guidance

Melissa explores the tension between relying on gut instincts and seeking the Holy Spirit's direction:

"Our gut can be extremely wrong... our heart is being transformed."
— Melissa Krueger [32:39]

Community Support

Courtney emphasizes the role of the Christian community in supporting and confirming individual discernment:

"We need to not just be okay choosing hard things ourselves, but allowing the people we love and supporting them."
— Courtney Docter [37:07]

Closing Reflections and Personal Commitments

Personal Yeses and Nos

In the concluding segment, both hosts share personal commitments to practicing sacrificial yeses and necessary nos:

• Courtney:

  "I am saying yes to a few discipleship relationships that have been just life-giving to me."
  — Courtney Docter [42:25]

• Melissa:

  "I'm saying no this year to reading the Bible throughout a year... saying yes to doing memory work."
  — Melissa Krueger [43:15]

Encouraging Continuous Growth

Melissa encourages listeners to embrace the ongoing journey of discernment, acknowledging that it's a lifelong process:

"I think it's really good to think through in our life. Where do we need to sacrificially say yes?"
— Melissa Krueger [44:16]

Conclusion

Melissa and Courtney wrap up the episode by reinforcing the importance of seeking God's guidance in every decision, large or small. They encourage listeners to engage in deep, prayerful conversations and to support one another in their respective journeys of faith and service.

"So when you really don't know... practice what you do know."
— Melissa Krueger [31:56]

They invite listeners to subscribe to their newsletter for additional resources and to stay connected with The Deep Dish community.

Notable Quotes

• Melissa Krueger [02:13]:
  "When do we say no to things that seem like really good things?"

• Courtney Docter [03:13]:
  "Discerning God's will is this big field that you walk through... walking in the freedom of God's word."

• Melissa Krueger [09:00]:
  "The first yes has to be the Lord... the first decision to spend time in his presence."

• Courtney Docter [07:03]:
  "Paul says, 'do not think of yourself more highly than you ought... sober judgment.'"

• Melissa Krueger [18:22]:
  "It was not really the season I wanted to be doing that... I was so glad we said yes to it."

• Courtney Docter [22:52]:
  "The Lord has given us a day of rest... rest is built into our creation."

• Melissa Krueger [25:46]:
  "Our culture is pushing us to preserve this even physically... that's not the goal of my life."

• Courtney Docter [37:07]:
  "We need to not just be okay choosing hard things ourselves, but allowing the people we love and supporting them."

• Melissa Krueger [43:15]:
  "I'm saying no this year to reading the Bible throughout a year... saying yes to doing memory work."

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