What Your Teenagers Need from You - The Deep Dish

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Deep Dish – "What Your Teenagers Need from You"

Podcast Information:

Title: The Deep Dish
Host/Author: The Gospel Coalition
Description: The Deep Dish, hosted by Melissa Krueger and Courtney Doctor, invites women into profound conversations about God's deep truths. These discussions, often paired with deep-dish pizza, aim to equip women for richer discipleship and deeper relationships within their communities.
Episode: What Your Teenagers Need from You
Release Date: April 3, 2025

Introduction to the Discussion

In the episode titled "What Your Teenagers Need from You," hosts Melissa Krueger, Ruth Cho Simons, and Sandy Taylor delve into the intricacies of parenting teenagers. The conversation is heartfelt, drawing from personal experiences and professional insights to provide listeners with actionable advice and profound reflections on guiding teens through their formative years.

Family Backgrounds and Current Parenting Seasons

The discussion begins with the hosts sharing their family dynamics and current parenting stages, setting the stage for a relatable and authentic conversation.

Melissa Krueger introduces herself with two teenage children aged 17 and 20, and mentions an upcoming addition to her family through marriage.

"I have kids who are 23, 20, and 17. And I'm getting ready to enter a new season because this summer I get another kid in my family who I..." [05:30]
Sandy Taylor shares her experience as a counselor in New York City and her household with three teenage daughters aged 15, 17, and 19.

"I have three teenage daughters. One is 19, Abby's 19, Hannah is 17, and Margaret is 15." [02:06]
Ruth Cho Simons describes her life in western Colorado, parenting six boys with the oldest being 22 years old.

"I have six boys. My oldest is 22, getting his masters in some kind of fancy engineering thing over in University of Wisconsin, Madison." [02:50]

Principles for Parenting Teens

A significant portion of the conversation centers around foundational principles that guide effective parenting of teenagers. The hosts emphasize the importance of parental influence and modeling behavior.

Ruth Cho Simons highlights the necessity for parents to be the primary influence in their children's lives, especially in imparting spiritual values.

"We have to go first as parents. If we want our children to understand the gospel, that we have to, like, confess first, we have to model that first." [07:27]
Melissa Krueger adds that the principle of obedience remains steadfast, though its application evolves with the teen years.

"The principle of obeying your parents is still happening, but now the practice of that changes where we have a conversation." [14:55]

Adapting Parenting Practices for Teenage Years

Transitioning from early childhood to adolescence requires a shift in parenting strategies. The hosts discuss how rigid rules give way to more conversational and collaborative approaches.

Melissa Krueger shares her evolution from enforcing strict rules to engaging in dialogues with her teens.

"We don't have a lot of discussion about that. It was the practice of that was don't run in the street. And it wasn't like a conversation." [14:55]
Ruth Cho Simons recounts a pivotal moment when her child questioned the purpose behind certain restrictions, leading to deeper conversations about their interests and values.

"He was like, why can't I become a professional Minecraft player? It was more like, okay, so let's talk about what you love about Minecraft." [15:27]
Sandy Taylor emphasizes the role of parents as coaches or thought partners, fostering independence while maintaining guidance.

"You are still making the decisions, but the approach is different and it's really critical in those teen years." [19:08]

Handling Teen Anxiety and Emotional Turbulence

Anxiety is a prevalent theme in adolescent years, and the hosts provide insights into addressing it constructively.

Sandy Taylor discusses the rise in anxiety among teens, attributing it to various stressors like school, friendships, and future uncertainties.

"Seeing a lot of worry, a lot of anxiety and worry about school, worry about friends, worry about we're gonna go go to college." [25:28]
Ruth Cho Simons advises parents not to fear uncomfortable emotions but to help teens cope effectively.

"Don't be afraid of uncomfortable emotions. God has never said the goal is happiness." [28:50]
Sandy Taylor further elaborates on modeling emotional resilience, encouraging parents to manage their own anxieties to set a positive example.

"We model how to manage our own distressing emotions that come and go." [28:50]

Navigating Technology and Social Media

The impact of technology and social media on teenagers is another critical area of focus, with the hosts sharing strategies to manage digital interactions.

Melissa Krueger raises concerns about the rapid evolution of technology and its effects on youth, likening it to past societal shifts like smoking.

"I really do think there's one day will be Surgeon General advisories on social media and on some of these things." [36:38]
Ruth Cho Simons recommends a gradual approach to technology exposure, emphasizing supervision and open conversations.

"Go slow and maybe be okay with not going with the flow. Be okay with starting that conversation early." [35:10]
Sandy Taylor suggests providing devices with limited functionalities initially to ensure that teens maintain real-life connections.

"You can give your child a phone that has no browser, it has no app. It literally only texts and calls." [35:58]

Reflecting on Parenting Regrets and Growth

Acknowledging and learning from past mistakes is vital for personal growth and improving parent-teen relationships.

Melissa Krueger shares her realization about the power of kind communication over harsh reprimands.

"I can actually use a mature tone and say, 'I have asked you to pick up your things, I need you to do it and if it doesn't happen again, there's going to be a consequence.'" [42:09]
Sandy Taylor reflects on her initial attempts to mold her introverted child into an extrovert, eventually understanding and embracing her child's unique personality.

"I kept trying to make her extroverted... I need to be prayerful. And how do I need to... What's best for her?" [38:03]
Ruth Cho Simons discusses the importance of presenting a united front with spouses and avoiding in-front-of-kids criticisms.

"I regret having been less of a team at times and more of like I'm my team." [40:35]

Encouragement and Final Thoughts

The hosts conclude with uplifting messages, emphasizing grace, relationship-building, and the continuous need for divine guidance in parenting.

Melissa Krueger encourages parents to lead with relationships rather than rules and to embrace imperfection.

"God is with you in this parenting journey, and you're not alone." [43:46]
Sandy Taylor reinforces the importance of fostering safe, loving relationships where teens can turn to adults for support.

"We want them to know and love Jesus and walk with Jesus." [31:40]

Light-Hearted Closing and Community Engagement

The episode wraps up with a fun interaction about personal interests, strengthening the sense of community and camaraderie among the hosts and listeners.

Sandy Taylor shares her newfound interest in mobile games as a form of brain break.

"I have gotten into the wordle and the New York Times connections." [44:39]
Ruth Cho Simons introduces her latest fascination with mushroom coffee, adding a playful conclusion to the deep conversation.

"I'm really into, like, mushroom coffee right now." [45:11]

Key Takeaways

Modeling Behavior: Parents must lead by example, especially in spiritual and emotional matters, as teens highly observe and emulate their actions.
Flexible Practices: Transitioning from strict rule enforcement to engaging dialogues fosters trust and mutual respect, essential for guiding teens.
Managing Anxiety: Recognizing and addressing teen anxiety with understanding and support helps them navigate emotional challenges effectively.
Technology Balance: Implementing gradual and supervised technology use preserves real-life connections and promotes healthy digital habits.
Learning from Regret: Acknowledging past mistakes and striving for better communication techniques strengthens parent-teen relationships.
Continuous Support: Emphasizing grace, relationship-building, and divine guidance ensures parents remain resilient and effective in their roles.

Notable Quotes

Ruth Cho Simons:

"We have to go first as parents. If we want our children to understand the gospel, that we have to, like, confess first, we have to model that first." [07:27]
Melissa Krueger:

"Lead with a conversation, not the rule." [19:17]
Sandy Taylor:

"We're always messing up in that regard, because I want my children to adapt to my roles, and I want them to look the way I want them to look versus... that's my own brokenness." [13:02]
Ruth Cho Simons:

"What they do is more important than what they do. It's keeping primary things primary." [09:03]
Sandy Taylor:

"We need to be there because they want to have conversations on their terms." [22:04]

Conclusion

In "What Your Teenagers Need from You," The Deep Dish provides a nuanced exploration of parenting teenagers through the lenses of faith, emotional intelligence, and adaptive communication. The hosts' blend of personal anecdotes and professional expertise offers listeners invaluable insights into fostering healthy, spiritually grounded relationships with their teens. By embracing principles of modeling behavior, flexible practices, and continuous support, parents are equipped to navigate the complexities of adolescence with grace and effectiveness.

Transcript

Melissa Krueger (0:00)

Hey, friends, we'd love for you to join us for a live recording of the deep dish at TGC25 in Indianapolis, April 22nd through 24th. Meet new friends and join us as we discuss why Bible study in the local church matters. Register now@tgc.org TGC25 we can't wait to see you there again. That's tgc.org TGC25 A lot of times.

Ruth Cho Simons (0:28)

Our kids are just ready to ask those hard questions.

Sandy Taylor (0:30)

We're distracted.

Ruth Cho Simons (0:31)

So then our answers are, because that's crazy. And then you just want to move on. But they're like, but why? And so the why actually requires the kind of margin, the intentionality that maybe we didn't factor in.

Melissa Krueger (0:50)

I'm Melissa Krueger, and I'm here today with two real life friends, Ruth Cho Simons and Sandy Taylor. And we're going to be talking about parenting teens, which is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. And I have talked with you both a lot individually. Ruth and I shared a dinner, like a wonderful dinner. That was such a good meal. Yes. The top of all the food, talking about this topic of parenting teens and how to do it, hopefully. Sandy was one of my first readers of the book. Sandy is a trained counselor, works with teens specifically, and I wanted her to read it through to make sure I didn't say anything really off.

Sandy Taylor (1:29)

And I had very few edits. It was excellent.

Melissa Krueger (1:32)

It's so helpful to have people. But you are also both people that when I look at what's going on with your families, I just love what I see in your relationship with your kids. What we all know about parenting teens, we cannot control so much. We cannot control how they turn out. We cannot control if they love Jesus. There's a lot we can't control. But what I see with both of you, that I just respect is how you're entering into these years. So to start, can y'all tell us a little bit about where you are location wise, what your family looks like right now? So, Sandy, we'll start with you.

Sandy Taylor (2:06)

Sure, sure, sure. So I live in New York City, as you know, And I have three teachers, teenage daughters. One is 19, Abby's 19, Hannah is 17, and Margaret is 15. And like you said, I work as a counselor and I see teens and their parents. I see women as well. But. But my specialty is with teenagers. So I just love teens. I think we need to do better by our teens to understand them better.