← Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset
Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset
Kelly Bensimon: From Controversial Reality TV Star to Real-Life Powerhouse
00:59:27
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- [00:01]
A
You're about to make a trade. Which u do you listen to? Is it get optioning those options or let's do a little research. Learn more@finra.org TradeSmart I don't think you can make it.
- [00:16]
B
You don't have what it takes. The keyboard warriors and the armchair quarterbacks, they make fun of people like me.
- [00:22]
A
Even today, 15 years later, after being on Housewives, people are constantly telling me how ugly I am, how stupid I am, how awful I am, how what a terrible person I am, how self centered I am.
- [00:37]
B
You met me, wow.
- [00:39]
A
You know, I went on Housewives because I had recently got divorced. I was very young and I had to raise two children. And when you're a financial provider, you're not like, I'm just gonna like sit home and just provide and wait for someone to provide. I didn't have that luxury.
- [01:03]
B
There are two types of people in this world, Kelly. In your opinion, what are they?
- [01:08]
A
Sharks and bottom feeders or sharks and minnows?
- [01:14]
B
Now give me, give me the explanation here because I think there's a good explanation behind this.
- [01:18]
A
So minnows can become sharks. I mean, not like, not in the obvious world, but in the business world. A minnow can learn all the tricks of the trade and become a shark. But there are problems. Sometimes minnows, there's problems because there are a lot of them and they're trying so hard. And the sharks are just the ones that rise to the top and just take over the universe.
- [01:50]
B
I completely resonate with this. Right. Because the reason why this question is so impactful is because we all start in this, in this specific instance, we all start as a minnow and we can, you know, grow and grow and expand. And so as you're giving that explanation, I'm going through my own journey. I'm like, oh, I really like that breakdown.
- [02:08]
A
I mean, we have to understand that minnows are not going to be sharks. Like, let's just make that.
- [02:13]
B
Yeah, Especially in today's landscape, we got to make sure that everybody knows that a minnow can't turn into a shark.
- [02:18]
A
Right. Just about to make sure that's clear. But for the sake of my metaphor, explain everything. Okay.
- [02:29]
B
Yes. No. Now you do not be sharks. Correct.
- [02:33]
A
But for the sake of my metaphor, I'm up here and you're down there.
- [02:39]
B
I just want to clarify, this is for entertainment purposes only.
- [02:44]
A
But I think that one of the most important things about minnows and sharks is that there are a lot, like we said before, there are a ton of Minnows, and there are very few sharks. And you can become a shark 100%. You just have to get out of the minnow mindset. So you can be one of many, or you could be one of one. That's not my choice. That's your choice.
- [03:11]
B
I love the one of one because everybody, as their amino, thinks they have to be like somebody else. And I was guilty of that, right? I thought I had to be, you know, somebody else or talk a certain way or give a certain energy or opinion based on what was working for somebody else. And as this thing kind of went on, I saw this massive roadblock, and I'm like, what is it? And then for me, it was just about settling into myself and executing the gifts that I had. And I think that's a great point as people ascend to the next level in a different stage.
- [03:45]
A
Wait, Sean, that is a really, really astute. Tell me, like, can you give me an example of, like, a situation?
- [03:53]
B
Yeah, for sure. So when I started the. It turned out it started as a Facebook group. And when I started it is when I did 75 hard. You know, Andy for. I don't know if you know who Andy Frisella is, but he's the CEO of First Form International, the biggest online supplement company. And he's. He's viral. You know, he's right. There's a lot of controversial things. So I thought I had to be that hustle culture that he was and speak loudly and energetically and in your face. And there's an. There's an aspect of me that can pull that off, but it's not my core beingness. And so at the very beginning, it was like I was a parrot. I was just echoing, right, of what maybe how he would say it or what he felt was important. And after a while, when I started to settle in, I realized, like, yo, this isn't me. This isn't hitting the right way. So when I got myself right and started to double down on what my actual strengths were, then that's when I started to really experience some exponential growth. And I just think it's also, you know, everybody talks about, you know, focusing on your weaknesses. I think there's some danger in that, right? So what I decided to do is, like, I'm going to take what I'm really good at. I'm going to get it as good as humanly possible, and then I continue on that trend to really get better at what I do best. And that's all I can hand. That's all I can Do I can control?
- [05:21]
A
I, I love that. And I think that you're super correct about people focusing on weakness. For some reason, we are in a laser focused weakness culture. And I have always, I was raised in the Midwest, corn fed and raised by a father who, you know, came from nothing. Education was paramount and he would always tell us to be laser focused on what we were good at or we are good at. And I raised my kids with that as a single parent. There's only one voice and it's my voice. And so I just was speaking to my youngest daughter today and I said, you know, however you want to present yourself is how you want to present yourself. Do you want to present yourself as a leader? Do you want to present yourself as a solution based person? Do to you want. Do you want to present yourself as, you know, someone who has innovative ideas? Do you want to present yourself as a game changer? Do you want to present yourself as the listener who can help move the needle? But these are all like, positive, focused mindset. Totally different than like, I don't think you should focus on your weaknesses because that's not going to move the needle. People aren't like, wow, you really, really aren't good at baseball. Let's make you play baseball. Like, you're really good at football, but let's make you play baseball. It's not how it works.
- [06:52]
B
You know, Kelly, you make a great point, right? You're talking about laser focus, right? And being in a laser focused society that we're in because there's so much going on. You've done so many things and you've been effective and brilliant at all of them. You were on season two through, hey, Season two through four of Real Housewives in New York. You are a model. You have transitioned to being an ambassador, influencer for, for wellness products and companies of such. And you're a badass realtor that has also been featured on, you know, Selling New York a couple different times. So, like, there's a lot going, oh, and all your hobbies and being a mom, right? Let's be honest, there's been things that have gone on in your life over the last five, 10 years that could have derailed anybody that didn't have that focus. So what I really want to do right now is paint the picture for the audience that, you know, maybe some strategies on staying focused so that you can be so damn dynamic.
- [07:53]
A
I mean, I think like, the operative word is derailed. You know, whatever has happened in my personal, professional life, I wasn't raised with the Option of getting derailed. Like I've always said, like, I wasn't, I've never been, I was never raised that it's okay to not work hard, work smart, try to do better, be kinder, be more proactive. I just wasn't raised like that. I wasn't raised to talk about how bad life was or the situations that were happening. I was raised to find the solutions, not only for myself, but to help my friends and people who I trust give, help them with solutions so we can work together. I'm a, I believe in a team. No one person does envy anyone that says that it's just one person on an island. That's not true. You always have different people around you. Just choose to bring them along or not. So I think that being derailed is something that has, was just never, in my vernacular, just never something that I was, I was, I didn't have the luxury of being able to have that or be like that or think like that.
- [09:09]
B
I love that. Because what we're talking about is mental toughness and, and grit and an amazing and unshakable mindset, right? And we all have shit that goes down in our lives. Like, we all do like it. We can have moments of being derailed. I think at some point, you know, everybody has this moment, like, okay, I got to take a step back and I got to evaluate this and maybe find a pivot. But what we cannot do is give up from the mission. I just think there's too many people right now that are giving up on what they want because of somebody else's voice saying that they can't do something. I had this conversation yesterday about, with Kath, with Kathy Ireland. It was just, she was saying that, you know, like there's people that are always going to tell you you can't do something. What are you going to do? Listen, you. How many people made fun of me for doing this? I mean, are there any more douchey things than quitting an amazing sales career in the medical business to start a podcast? I don't know. I don't know. They make fun of people like me.
- [10:09]
A
First of all, that's amazing. Congratulations. And that takes a lot of confidence to make a big decision like that. So, I mean, that's awesome. I think that, you know, even today, 15 years later, after being on Housewives, people are constantly telling me how ugly I am, how stupid I am, how awful I am, how what a terrible person I am, how self centered I am. Have you met me?
- [10:38]
B
Wow. I've been on the I've been on.
- [10:40]
A
All the things that I am not.
- [10:42]
B
I've literally. I know. Multiple. It's so funny because we. I never judge anything based on what I see on reality tv. Right. I know. I have plenty of friends that were in, you know, reality shows that were produced to look like an absolute villain, and they. The kindest, most loyal individuals I've ever been friends with. Right. But it's so funny because, you know, when you look at all that, when you look at the exposure, how are some. Because. Because, listen, let's be honest. There's people in this world that will have one person tell them one thing. Like, I don't think you can make it, or, you don't have what it takes. It could be a boss, but you literally have the keyboard warriors and the armchair quarterbacks telling you things about you that aren't true. And after, you know, 10 minutes of this conversation, I can already tell you that, you know, Nick D's. Correct. And everybody who knows you, that is just, you're an amazing person. And you're. You're not. They don't know who the hell you are.
- [11:40]
A
No, they don't. But that's okay because that was a part of my life that was really fun. And, you know, I went on Housewives because I recently got divorced, and I was very young, and I had to raise two children. And when you're a financial provider, you don't just. You're not like, I'm just gonna, like, sit home and just provide and wait for someone to provide while I'm waiting to provide. Just doesn't work like that. And, I mean, I would love to be able to. Again, like, I would love to have been able to, like, sit, regroup, figure out what I was gonna do. I didn't have that luxury. So I had to shift gears immediately, and I was offered an opportunity to be on Housewives. I was offered another. An opportunity to do something else, another show. And then the executive producer was like, we need to legitimize this brand. Like, we'd love to have you on. I was like, why not?
- [12:42]
B
Yeah.
- [12:43]
A
And normally, because I'm a writer, I'm always, like, checking things out. You know, I'm not, like, I don't, like, dive deep and find out people's deepest, darkest secrets, but I do like to have, like, an overall understanding of who they are. Just as out of respect, like, hey, I saw you did this, or, I know you did that. And I didn't do that when I was on Housewives because I was like, this is supposed to be reality. And I want people to see the real me. And I thought people were going to, like, be like, oh, my God, I can be like her, too. I can come from Rockford, Illinois, and model and work hard and, you know, try to, like, make hay while the sun shines and, you know, explore and celebrate all these incredible people. But no, they were like, that's what you do. I'm like, yes, that's what I do. They're like, oh, my God, how awful. Can't believe you, like, are curious and want to do things to help other people. That's awful.
- [13:48]
B
Yeah. It's amazing to me how people can be perceived, right? By being on. By watching a TV show that is. Spoiler alert, guys. For entertainment purposes. Right?
- [14:01]
A
And I think, too, that they didn't like the fact that I was a single parent. The fans were not ready for that. I mean, I know that everyone. I know that they weren't ready for it. 2009. They weren't ready for a woman like me to be single and to be working hard. Just didn't. It didn't make sense. They're like, why is she working hard? Why doesn't she just marry someone rich? I'm like, well, why don't I come from the Midwest? I come from a core, strong value system. Why wouldn't I want to do well? Why wouldn't I want to be revered for the things that I do well and have a man around me and say, oh, my God, that's so great? No, they were like, that's not how it works. Just get married.
- [14:54]
B
Well, they're for. They're forgetting that one size doesn't fit all. And I want to ask you, because there was an opportunity for me to comment on something in Us Weekly about this type of subject. And, you know, I think there's a double standard here. I think it's a double standard. And I. And I want to hear your thought on that, because do you feel that if it were, you know, the real, you know, house, you know, men of New York, would anybody give pushback on the man being single and being driven and successful and wanting to do it on their own? There's a double standard here?
- [15:33]
A
No, they would be like, he's a baller. Look at him. He's killing it. He's the Tom Brady of housewives. He's the goat. But I'm like. They're like, oh, my God, something must be wrong with her. Something really must be wrong with her that she's educated and works hard, looks like she does. Raising two kids by herself. And by the way, like, this whole idea of, like, marrying a billionaire, like, if I were a billionaire, the last thing I'd want is some person who is, like, feeling. Thinking they're like, the shit. Like, I want to be with someone who's an amazing human. Like, I don't need to be with someone who's just like, arm candy. Like, that's not going to move the needle. That's not going to, like, you know, at the end of the day when the lights go down, Sean, like, you know, you need someone that you can talk to and that you can. That has empathy and that is curious and that has genuine baseline kindness.
- [16:37]
B
Very well said. I mean, that's. That's what everybody's shooting for. That's the real measuring stick of a relationship. Right? I mean, you would think, right? You would think.
- [16:46]
A
I hope so.
- [16:48]
B
Yeah. So let me ask you a question. So when all this stuff came, you know, started coming out and. And seeing how Joe Public or the viewers, you know, have their opinions of you, how did that impact you mentally? Because I would have to. I would have to think the first time, right. The first time that anything came out, there's this massive, you know, kick in the stomach. I want to tell a quick story. This is why I ask. So I was on here's Morgan. I think it was in February or March, and it was the first time I was on his show, and I got torched on X and YouTube that I was a covert feminist, because, you know, I was happy that my wife was happy in her career in teaching. And, you know, I got completely blasted. I got called a simp. I got called a bunch of different things. You know, basically, gosh, like, your wife should be home raising the kids, and you should be out doing this. I'm like, wait, hold on. What year is it and why is it now that I actually support my partner in doing this? Yeah, in. In that moment, I called. I called about. I said, what do I do about this? I'm getting torched. And she goes, welcome to fame. You just. You just deal with it. And I'm like. So I don't respond. I don't. She goes, no, don't do that. It's. But for me, like, that was my first time. I remember I was at a high school, I think, lacrosse game with my wife and my kids, and I was just. I was. I mean, I was sweating already because it's Florida, but this internal heat, I'm like, oh, my gosh, they hate me. They hate Me? Yeah.
- [18:25]
A
Oh, Shawn, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know, it's interesting because when I was on Housewives, I had this amazing publicist. I was working in the fashion business, so I obviously knew, like, the right tool for the right job. And when I was going on television, I wanted to have a great publicist that could really help move the needle. Didn't know what was going to go on, but I knew that you have to have a team. Always have to have a great team with you. So I hired this amazing publicist, and they said, don't say anything. You're going to be on the COVID of Playboy. You're not going to say anything because you are going to be doing all these different things. And I'm like, this is not the show you're letting out. These other people have this narrative, and I'm not able to actually say anything. So finally, I, like, when I left the show, I just was like, I let everybody, They're. They're on the talk shows, they're on the. All these, they're on their Instagrams. I'm, like, silent. Then I'm like, you know what? I'm going to go to this beautiful charity event, and I'm going to celebrate the charity, and I'll talk about it there. And so. And everyone's like, why did you wait here? And I'm like, because I'm at a charity event. Let's talk about how great this charity is, and then we could talk about why I'm going to be moving on from Housewives. And everyone was like, what?
- [19:47]
B
Here? He did it here?
- [19:50]
A
No, no, no, no. I got this. I think it's better to celebrate, you know, the misfortune and to be able to talk about what I'm doing and celebrate them and package that than just to be randomly talking about myself, which was the total opposite of who they thought I was. They just didn't know. Yeah, just didn't know.
- [20:11]
B
Yeah.
- [20:12]
A
But I'm sorry you got torched, but I'm glad you spoke up.
- [20:16]
B
Hey, you know, it is what it is, right? And, and, you know, it was one of those things that, you know, I hadn't been yet, and it was my first taste, and now it was a. It was a really good crash course. I'm going to tell you right now, because now when things happen, I just go par for the course. Like, I'm not everybody's flavor of ice cream. I'm never gonna be. You know, I, I, it's so funny because we deal with these things as creators, right? A lot of times we're measured by, you know, for me, how many show listens a month, what are my rankings and my ratings and everything. And I looked at my wife the other day. I'm like, on Apple, I dropped from five stars to 4.9. Look at all these one stars. And there's no explanation. I go, this is crazy. And she goes, that comes with more listens, Sean. That's gonna happen. Like, you are not gonna be for everybody. And that's also very good because if there can start to be some discourse about you and, and things like that, and you're gonna catch hate. You just got to be ready for it. And I'm starting to feel it like I really, really am. And I'm prepared, finally. But, you know, but the haters are part.
- [21:23]
A
But the haters are part of the equation, too. You can't have lovers without haters, right? So the. And the haters are the ones that are going to fuel you to be better because they're going to say, hey, Sean, here's a pop up of something that I didn't like. And then that's an opportunity for you to say, hey, you didn't like this. Let's explore that. Like, how would you have known about that before? So I don't. I. I never saw it like that. Maybe because, like, again, because I'm a writer, like, I'm always looking at the whole story, right? And so I was always like, oh, my God, look, there's. They got something there. There must be. There's must be something in there. Let's see what they want. And then they were like, wait a minute. You're asking us questions. Like, you're asking me what, what you can do better. That's not we're supposed to be doing here. I'm like, no, no, that's what this is all about.
- [22:13]
B
This is real life. This is real.
- [22:16]
A
You know, you're helping me grow. I know you don't want to. I know you want me to, like, you know, be ugly and old in the corner, but we're going to grow together, whether you like it or not.
- [22:27]
B
You know, it's funny when I always get these criticisms, you know, in a comment or something like that. There's one recently, the girl had a great point. She goes, I really love this clip. This is all very true, but there's a lot of f bombs in it, and there's not a whole lot on my show like that any longer. The guest was going there, and I don't censor Anybody. And I just said to her, I was like, you know, I remember her name. Her name was Angela. I said, Angela. Thank you so much for your comment. I completely understand where you're coming from, and I do not disagree. I'll do my best to get better with that. I want you to be able to share this. See, that's so nice. It's disarming because, because you know what? There's, there's multiple things that, that have gone on. Someone on my show commented, said, this guy says, like, too much. I just, I love his content. But if I hear the word like again, I said, you know what? Thank you for that. I didn't notice it, but now that I do, I will work intensely on removing those. And I think I've done a good job with it.
- [23:25]
A
Sean. People say that to me as well. They would say, if you're so smart, why do you always say like? Well, we say like because we're giving oursel a mental pause to think.
- [23:40]
B
Yep.
- [23:41]
A
Instead of just having the space or the air, we're using a word. So there's nothing wrong with that. You can use like all the time. Doesn't make you less smart, doesn't make you less mindful, doesn't make you less talented. It just means that you are being respectful of other people and putting in a word so that they don't feel an awkward silence.
- [24:06]
B
I, I don't disagree with all the answers. You do. Gosh, I need you next to me all the time. I'm like, hey, Kelly, what do I say here?
- [24:12]
A
I'm gonna say, Sean, you're so great.
- [24:15]
B
My hype girl. Let's go, let's go. No, I appreciate it. You. Last week. Let's, let's, let's talk about some more crazy things that you're doing. Last week you had modeling show. You were, you were jamming, you were jet setting. Like, you have a very busy life. Walk us through the modeling and everything that's going on with you right now.
- [24:37]
A
So I do a lot of. I used to say I wear many hats, but I thought, I think that's so tacky. It's like, I wear many hats.
- [24:47]
B
Well, it's cliche, but it's, It's.
- [24:49]
A
Yeah, you do a lot of stuff.
- [24:50]
B
You're moving.
- [24:51]
A
I'm a curious person.
- [24:53]
B
Yeah.
- [24:54]
A
But I'm also a prepared person. So when someone says to me, hey, I have a brand. What are your thoughts on our brand? I'm not just like, throwing spaghetti at the wall and spewing out nonsense. I think to Myself, that's such a great brand. Like, there's so many things that resonate and what are those things? And I think that's one reason why I'm a good ambassador for a lot of these wellness companies is because I'm very, very real. I may not be showing you my blood, but I'm very real about my experiences. And I think that's one reason why I resonate so well. And I'm just honest. You know, a lot of people just, they have this narrative and I don't have a narrative. I'm ever changing. I am constantly in a state of learning and I always want to be better and I don't want to be stuck with like my narrative is X, my narrative is Y. Because I want to be able to evolve and I want to be able to grow. And again, all of that authenticity, that genuine real, not bullshit housewives authenticity, but that real core authenticity just resonates with people. So I've been able to do all these different things, talk about my psoriasis in a, in a, in an. On social media where something that I never wanted to talk about, I was always hiding it. When I was on the COVID of Playboy, I, my ex husband was my photographer because I didn't want anyone else to see my psoriasis. And as much as I love and hate him, he's mine to love and hate. And I knew that he wouldn't exploit something that was, that would make me feel really, really bad about myself. So it became a celebration of being 40 and not a cover up of having psoriasis. So I've just had a lot of, I've had a lot of unusual experiences and I just for me, social media has been a game changer because whether I'm showing the most luxurious apartments in the world or whether I'm talking about something that's very heartfelt, I'm able to communicate in a way that resonates and it's been really powerful. I mean even on my, I have a podcast and I heart radio with I, you know, I do part two and talking honestly about dating in your 50s and that next chapter and what that looks like has been. I've had such a really warm welcome because I'm real. I'm not trying to give you tricks, not trying to like show you how great I am. I'm just talking honestly about what's happening and how it's happening. And it's been, it's been great. It's been great.
- [28:00]
B
Hey, we're take a quick break to hear from Our Powered by sponsor, we're proud to announce a partnership between White Sands and Treatment centers and the Determined Society. With multiple locations across Florida, White Sands provides luxury top rated addiction treatment. From medical detox and inpatient care to outpatient support and long term aftercare. Their resort style campuses, expert clinicians and holistic programs create real, lasting recovery. Together, we're committed to bringing hope, recognizing resources and healing to those who need it most. White Sands Treatment Centers I love that because you brought up this word like actual, genuine authenticity. Everybody talks about it. You know, I'm very open as well, and I can only be me. And I would venture to say you could only be you. And for me it just happens to be a very real conversation. I am always open with what I'm going through with whether it was my binge eating and my weight issues or there's certain times where if I didn't handle a conversation with my kids or my wife correctly the day before, I would always bring it up because I think those moments right there, the listener and the viewers really want to grab on to because there's too many times where people in our positions or even above where I'm at that, you know, can come off really preachy and people think that they're not relatable any longer. And I never want to be the individual that is not relatable. I want people that have never met me to truly know me. And that's what I shoot for here. That's why these conversations are not, you know, scripted. They're not, they're not calculated, they're open conversations. Because when I have amazing guests on, like yourself, I want the people that are listening and watching to truly get a feel for who you really are and what you have done and how you focus on, on a day to day to do the many things that you do.
- [29:58]
A
Authenticity, it really is. And for anyone out there who thinks that there's a trick or just because sometimes we say like, here's one issue, two issues, three issues. Not everything isn't packaged in one, two and three. You know, you really have to go through things and you have to be around people that you trust and you have to be able to talk to people that you trust. And whether that's your friend group or your social media platform, you have to be able to be open and personally available to, you know, be better and to make real change in your life.
- [30:42]
B
Very well said. Wise, my friend. Why you're so wise. This is wild, Kelly. It's wild. Let me ask you another question so you You, I mean, again, we've talked about, you know, some of the properties that you show. You have some big luxury listings right now. And I think, I know as of six months ago, you were looking to sell your New York house. Did that sell? Are you still in it? Like, what's going on?
- [31:04]
A
I rented that because the market just shifted. And so I decided to. My, My whole mindset in real estate is all about generational wealth. And what is generational wealth? Putting money in your pocket. So sometimes if the market does not lend itself to selling, then renting an apartment or putting money into people's pockets is just a better and safer way for people to actually make astute decisions on what they want to do rather than just feeling like they have to sell something.
- [31:38]
B
Very true.
- [31:38]
A
A little money goes a long way and money brings people a lot of freedom. And so, you know, you don't always have to just. I think that that's one. A big problem in the real estate market is that a lot of brokers feel like they have to sell. Well, if you have to sell, you're never going to be successful. It's. You want to find that perfect place for that person. You want to listen to what their needs are. Hey, I need to put some money in my pocket. Great. Let's rent it for a while. Let's put it at a higher price, let's put it on the market for a shorter period of time. Let's make strategic decisions so that we can together build a relationship and a rapport where you can trust me. And that is one. That's one reason why I do well in this business. It's not because I've got long hair, not because I smile. It's because I'm super strategic with my clients and I listen to what their needs are and I am able to manipulate certain things because I have a team of really good people that I defer to, like lawyers and educated humans that are making real decisions, everyday, real decisions, and not just people that are just trying to sell something to somebody. So it's just a different kind of mindset. Like, I just, I operate on a different. I operate differently. Like, I'm not afraid, I'm not scared. I know that I can do certain things in a certain way. It may not be the, the timeline that you want, but I know I can do things in the right way.
- [33:19]
B
I love that you're solution oriented.
- [33:22]
A
I try to be.
- [33:23]
B
I mean, well, I mean, it's just right. I mean, but that's the thing. You wanted to sell your Property in New York, it wasn't selling because the market shifted so bad. Like, okay, I'm going to rent it, right? There's, there's solutions. Instead of being focused on what's not happening for you, focus on what you can do in the interim until you can get that ultimate, you know, situation to happen. But too many people let the lack of what's not, you know, or what's not happening control their mindset and, and, you know, quite honestly, how they impact their day and how they live and, and really how they. Their quality of life.
- [33:59]
A
Let's be honest, I think too, Sean, you know, working with, working with Anna Wintour at the Met, writing American Style for her was a game changer for me. And the reason that it was a game changer, game changing moment for me is because I learned who we are as Americans, why we're so successful and where we're going in the future. So most people are just focused on this, like this right now. Everyone's like, my boyfriend for right now. My life for right now. My apartment for right now. You know, I learned about the most innovative humans and what they did and how they did it. And so that's how I think. I think, like, there's going to be these bumps in the roads, but, like, there's been amazing icons in the past who took major risks and they weren't like, wow, I'm not going to be able to do X right now. They just took those risks and they became the next masters of the universe. And so I'm okay with taking risks and working with the best of the best so that the risks that I'm taking are educated risks. They're not random risks.
- [35:20]
B
Really like that because you're just feeling gorgeous.
- [35:24]
A
You're like, I really, like.
- [35:27]
B
I really like that. You know, it's.
- [35:29]
A
It. You're getting a side of me that no one ever hears.
- [35:33]
B
D I love that. No, and that's. And that's great. That means this is going well, right? It means that the conversation is open and, and that's what I love bringing. You know, that's what I love selfishly about these conversations, is when I can do that because it provides a better connection, a better, you know, conversation, and then the audience can enjoy it better. But you talk about speed bumps. It drives me up a freaking wall when someone has an idea or it could be something within the family. It doesn't matter what the situation is. And a speed bump hits and everybody pushes the panic button. Freaks the F out. It's like, wait a Second, guys, did we not think that at any point in time we were going to have any type of universal resistance or external resistance or some type of issue or landmine sitting right in front of us that we have to fix or, or disarm before we move forward? It drives me crazy. Those are opportunities to get better.
- [36:35]
A
Yes, but those are weaknesses, Sean. Those are someone's opening a door and saying, I need help. What are your thoughts? Those. It's not weakness.
- [36:51]
B
No, that's strength, in my humble opinion.
- [36:53]
A
Yeah, love that.
- [36:54]
B
And I told my team before the call today, I mean, before our interview, I, I go, guys, I need help, I need more help. I need help in XYZ and let's go hire someone to do it and, and let's do it within the next 90 days.
- [37:09]
A
But you also know who to ask. You're not just randomly saying like, hello, I need help. Yeah, team around you of people that you trust who can help you make those decisions. That's key.
- [37:23]
B
That's the fun thing about it. Because I look at and you're talking about the team. I, I have a whole ass team. And it's not just my executive team. I have a great production team, I have a great publicist, like all of these things.
- [37:35]
A
You have a great family.
- [37:36]
B
A great family. Oh, my wife is backbone of this thing. Right. Without her belief in me, we wouldn't be here. Because she'd be like, you are not quitting your job. Like, you, you are not retiring for corporate America, dude. You're, you're 45 at the time, right? You're not doing that. But without that, like, this isn't where it's at right now. So again, the risk factor, like, if it's out there, man, and you feel it, you gotta take it, you know, and you gotta take it in stages. And I took it in stages. But you know, speed bumps, man, those are something that I think people need to start embracing instead of running from.
- [38:18]
A
You know, it's interesting because like last year when I called off my wedding, which I thought people were just going to slam me for, I had to move out immediately. And my friends were really nervous, like, what's going to happen? What are you going to do? And you know, is this going to affect your business? Like all these different things. And I just packed up my things and I moved. And I will never forget the first night that I was in a, this new apartment. And not this apartment, other apartment. And I just thought to myself, this is the first day of the rest of my life. I am going to protect myself from now on.
- [39:07]
B
That was a really hard decision to make for you. I mean, that for anybody.
- [39:11]
A
I mean, I've been spending my life protecting everyone else, creating narratives for them, you know, writing about them, celebrating them, doing everything for everyone else. And it was the first time in my, you know, raising two children, educating them, making sure they had every, every single thing from knowing how to ski to second languages, to whatever it is that they wanted to do. It was the first time in my life when I was like, I need to be laser focused on my actual self. And it was like, scary.
- [39:50]
B
I bet you it was scary. And by the way, I heard you. Are you really fluent? Oh, my God.
- [39:54]
A
What did I just do?
- [39:56]
B
You, you, first day of your first day of your life. That's what it was.
- [40:00]
A
First day of the rest of my life.
- [40:01]
B
Yeah. For the rest of your life, whatever the saying is. But you, is it true that you're fluent in French?
- [40:07]
A
Yeah.
- [40:08]
B
That's wild.
- [40:10]
A
Yeah. Everyone loves. They hear me speak French.
- [40:13]
B
Go for it. Go.
- [40:19]
A
What'd you say the lesson was? Probably victual. Wow.
- [40:24]
B
Thank you for that. That's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. You know, being bilingual is very important. My wife, you know, she grew up in Ecuador. That's where she's from. And we're really trying to get the kids to really, you know, have really dive into Spanish. It's something that I wish that I dove into further as a kid. I took, you know, three years of Spanish, I think. I don't know my biological father very well, but my grandmother, full on 100, fluent in Spanish. So I'm, I'm, you know, I'm Hispanic somewhere, you know, so it's important to segue guys. It's called getting sidetracked. Which happens in a conversation.
- [41:07]
A
Somewhere.
- [41:08]
B
Somewhere. I don't, I don't know what kind, but you know, I always thought I was like, I want to do that DNA and me thing or 23andMe. No, but I think that was bad. Right? I don't think that worked out very well for people.
- [41:19]
A
No, it did not work out well for people. And some people it worked out great. It's interesting because people are always like, are you from Brazil? I'm like, I'm from Rockford olive oil. I'm Irish Catholic.
- [41:31]
B
Yeah. But no, no, no.
- [41:32]
A
I have a twin brother. He's blonde hair and blue eyed. And I am not.
- [41:37]
B
I'm from Rockford, Illinois. Brazil. Are you Brazilian?
- [41:41]
A
People are like, where are you from? I'm like, where do you Think I'm from.
- [41:44]
B
Oh, my gosh, that's crazy, isn't it?
- [41:48]
A
I think I. I like to think of. In things. I like to think of moments in terms of takeaways. And. Yeah, so I was raised in the Midwest, was raised in an environment where we learned about the land of Lincoln and where history was super important to us and sports were really important to us and independence and being able to ride our bikes, places. And I was driving into Chicago to start modeling at 15 years old, and just there was a different kind of mindset. And I was never. One of my biggest takeaways from being raised in that environment is that I had this fearlessness, that everything was a possibility, that there was something out there that was going to be bigger and different and more interesting and more evocative, more provocative. And I was just very, very curious about all of these interesting new things because I had this baseline. I had this baseline of love, culture, tradition, value. And so I could just go anywhere from there because I always knew if I fell back, it would just be this cloud of love, education, value. And so that kind of, that's. That kind of. That takes you along, that takes you a long way. And I think that when, you know, when we were on Housewives, one thing that people didn't see, they didn't want to see me as a single mom. They didn't want to see that I worked. They didn't want to see that I was educated. But we were all doing the same things just in a different way. I mean, every single woman on that show is educated, comes from a good family, comes from money, has possibility. Every single woman on that show, not one of us is poor or from a dysfunctional family. I mean, just there was things that happen to people, but we all had a baseline. And I think that's one of the reasons why people really love to watch us, is because there was an understanding and that we were all, like, in it together. We weren't trying to promote. I mean, one person was trying to promote, but we weren't trying to. Like, it was more about how we felt, what we were doing and how we were reacting to stuff. And that made major tv.
- [44:26]
B
Oh, it did.
- [44:27]
A
I just became a pop up because they were like, there's no way that she works. No way.
- [44:38]
B
Come on.
- [44:39]
A
What does she read? Comic books.
- [44:42]
B
Oh, was that one of the comments? Comic books. I bet you do, though. I bet you do.
- [44:51]
A
Yeah, who doesn't?
- [44:52]
B
Yeah, who doesn't? I mean, come on, Spider Man.
- [44:57]
A
But everyone comes from somewhere, Sean.
- [45:00]
B
Sure, I I mean, 1,000%, you know, and, you know, with that, you know, everything that you've. You. You know, the word curious to me is very impactful, and I want the audience to grab onto that word because that word can take you so far. And everything that I get involved in, it starts from a point of curiosity. And I would also say for people, listening is when you about to. When you're about to get into a heated conversation or you think it's going to be heated and you want to just attack somebody, start out curious, seek to understand what the point is and why they feel a certain way. Because what I found is when we can be curious and explore, we often agree on a lot more than we disagree on. And then we can get to different places and have a constructive conversation or a debate, whatever it is.
- [45:56]
A
But I used to say all the time since 2009, let's agree to disagree.
- [46:02]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [46:04]
A
Like, I don't know where this is going. I don't know how valuable this conversation is going to be. Let's just agree to disagree. That's been, like, my tagline since, like, literally 2000. I mean, I should say it before, because when you're raising kids, you're just like, okay, you're fine. Everyone's good. Everyone's going to be great. Everyone's going to be great. Let's just move forward. And it's true. I mean, I think that. I think that I really. I appreciate you coming from a place of curiosity. I think that's incredible. And I think that a lot of people just don't listen. They're just desperate to chat and get their point out, like. Or their story out or their. That narrative that they've created for themselves. Again, like I told you this at the top and for the listeners, I don't have a narrative. You know, today I may be fearless. Tomorrow I may be petrified. Who knows what's going to happen? But I'm. But I will tell you. I will be. I will tell you about it.
- [47:07]
B
I love it.
- [47:08]
A
It's getting real today.
- [47:10]
B
Hey, shit's hot. It's hot right now. I don't know how I feel. I was good yesterday. Today, not so much today. I am freezing cold. I'm not leaving this kitchen. I'm stuck right freaking here, and I'm gonna have 17 cups of coffee today. That's all I'm doing. That's it. I have those days, you know? I love those days, though, because it gives us a chance to slow down a little bit, you know? Okay, let's Evaluate why I feel like today, you know, what did I do last night? What did I eat last night? What did I consume? What did I read? What did I listen to? What did I watch? This is all information, but listen, life's also about hobbies. And as we wind this down, I know you got a busy day.
- [47:51]
A
Wind down. I'm having the best time ever. I'm. I'm like, ready?
- [47:54]
B
Let's keep it going. Let's block out the rest of the afternoon. Guys, cancel everything.
- [48:00]
A
Kelly. Hours on hours.
- [48:03]
B
Hours with Kelly. That could be a spin off show. Hours with Kelly. All of. All of the hours. You have some fun hobbies, though.
- [48:14]
A
I know.
- [48:15]
B
You know, you're an avid equestrian now. What's a polo enthusiast now? Are you playing polo or do you just like to go and race?
- [48:23]
A
I learned last year because I, you know, after the unwinding of my relationship, I was like, I need to do something. And so it's interesting, my executive producer at iHeartRadio, Amy Sugarman's, like, you need to do something that is super challenging for you that you just don't know if you can do. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna try polo. Like, I. I know how to ride horses, and I know some of the guys that play polo, and it seems super aggressive, and I'm gonna try just to do it. So I. I have been. It's called stick and ball. So you're on a horse, and you're basically hitting the stick, the mallet, with the ball, and it's very challenging. It's like, think about, like golf on a horse. And these horses are small and they're very feisty, and it's been really, really fun. And it. And it gave me. It's like, I just. I'm not telling people. I'm not saying, like, oh, my God, like, if you have an. If something happens or like, there's a speed bump in your life, play polar. That's like, that's not like an everyday.
- [49:34]
B
Stick and ball, baby. Stick and ball. Stick and ball.
- [49:37]
A
But maybe it's a metaphor. Maybe. Yeah, maybe Stick and ball is a metaphor for doing something out of the normal, out of the ordinary, learning something new, whether that's a language, piano, you know, something that is out of your comfort zone to really redirect everything, whether that's your serotonin, whether that's your just genuine general mindset, whatever it is to bring new energy to something, it's going to help you move through all of, you know, whatever it is that you're feeling, you're thinking, you know, that the mind is a very, very, very powerful, powerful machine. And it can really do things that can be great and it can do things that can really, really harm people. And so if we don't use that mind in the right way, it can really turn people to do things that are not good for them. And I don't believe in self sabotage. I believe in working through things the best way that I can. And sometimes I don't know a better way than to use my body and use my brain to do something different.
- [50:53]
B
So those are what you call healthy coping mechanisms.
- [50:56]
A
Oh, really?
- [50:58]
B
I think they're healthy. I know you're killing life.
- [51:02]
A
Oh, my God. I don't even know this. I'm like, wow, I'm doing a great job.
- [51:07]
B
Hey, I'm doing good. It's good that you found out on a Tuesday. Now you got the rest of the week. You know, double down on that.
- [51:14]
A
Oh, my. I have, like, really healthy coping mechanisms.
- [51:17]
B
Yes, Very, very good coping mechanisms. Very good.
- [51:22]
A
Just try to, you know, again, like, you know, when you're, you know, you're a father and I'm a mother and, you know, I'm just always trying to, like, I'm like my. At the end of the day, Sean, when, you know, when, when I'm, when I pass, it's going to say she was a great human and a great mother. It's not going to say she was on Housewives. It's not going to say she was on Playboy. It's not going to say she sells hundreds of millions of dollars of real estate. It's just not, it's going to say she was a great human and she handled herself well and she like, understood people and like, that's, that's the good news. That's the good news.
- [52:00]
B
There's a very, there's a very hard line between something that you do and who you are. And I think we get lost in what we do and allowing that to label our identity instead of diving into who we are as people. And as long as we continue to focus on who we truly are, because those are the things that matter to our families, to our children, to society. What are they going to say about you when you're gone? And if it's, she was a real estate mogul, she was a reality TV star, that's a fail.
- [52:30]
A
That is a fail. If they say she showed up, she was there, she had empathy, she supported her family, she did X, Y or Z. Things that are, like, about your value system that's the good news. But people think that just because you're a shark doesn't mean you don't have to be. Have to be valueless.
- [52:55]
B
You don't have to be a mean shark. You just gotta be a shark, you know? I'm a shark.
- [53:01]
A
Yeah, you are like a shark. That. You're so cool. I'm so. I'm really impressed by you. I'm impressed by you. I'm impressed by your beautiful wife and your kids. I'm impressed. Like, it takes a lot to. First of all, you know, you were talking about, like, you're binge eating. I mean, no one would look at you and say, wow, he's a binge eater. I mean, you're the picture of health. So first of all, that is, like, so amazing that you opened up about that, because men's health issues are real. Second of all, just talking about, you know, the. The ups and downs and the idiosyncrasies of family life, like, it just. It's never. You know, everyone's like, I'm such a great mom. So brain. It's like, it's not about being this great person. It's about being able to, like, go through what we were talking about before those speed bumps and kind of saying, like, okay, this person needs a. Needs a little space, or maybe this person needs a little more encouragement. Like, that's just all good news. And then to take that huge leap of faith.
- [54:02]
B
Huge leap of faith.
- [54:04]
A
You're like, here you go, corporate. Corporate world. Bye. Here you go, insurance. Here you go, life. Here you go, security. I'm gonna go and do something that is totally different and something that makes me feel like the best version of me. And look where you are.
- [54:21]
B
Yeah. And it's. It's run on air. It's run on fiber optic cable. Think about that. Like. Like creating something from nothing. Right? But. But again, I do evaluate myself consistently in this show and in this business, but more so as, how am I. How was I today as a father and a husband? Because those are the moments. Everybody else can think the world of you, but if you walk through those doors and those people there don't see you in the best light and don't think you're leading the right way, nothing else freaking matters.
- [55:01]
A
You know how people are always, like, talking about their kids? My kids are so great. My kids are the greatest kids of all. Greatest kids. Right? But what they're actually saying is they're not talking about their kids. They're talking about how great they were at parenting. And you know what? People should be heralded for that. Like you've got a great child, you have a, They're a great student, they're great athlete, they're, you know, doing well. They're a doctor, whatever it is. That's like, that's not slow class stuff.
- [55:33]
B
That's like, yeah, it's the 80s slow clap. Let's get it.
- [55:38]
A
That's like real, real. That's it. That's where the money is. Those kids, those brains, those. That's where everything is. Everything else means nothing.
- [55:50]
B
I love.
- [55:50]
A
There are legacies, there are futures. They're the ones that are going to be the next game changers. And we have to put all of our time, effort, resources into them. Just like you're doing.
- [56:01]
B
Yes, yes, yes. And like yourself. But thank you so much for coming on today and having this amazing conversation. It was one of my, one of my favorite conversations in a long time. Very open, fun, playful, informative and engaging for the audience. So thank you for bringing your absolute kick ass a game.
- [56:20]
A
Thank you. Appreciate that, Appreciate that.
- [56:24]
B
So are there any other things that you want to, I mean, again, I want to make sure that the audience knows where to find you. There's a lot of local audience. I know you have some stuff going on and I think Sarasota, you have a house that may be on the market. You want to talk about that briefly? Give them a place to find all this stuff.
- [56:43]
A
Sure. So you can find me on any social media. Kelly Bensimone, Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn, Facebook, you guys know where to find me. And everything that I do is always online. So I'm, I work in real estate in three states in New York, California and Florida. I have a lot of beautiful properties in Florida right near you guys in Sarasota, Miami, Palm Beach. It's been so much fun celebrating this whole brave new world. And I'm just getting started, proud of you. And you guys can find me on my podcast. I do part two. If you're interested in learning about finding love, falling out of love, falling back in love, making sure that you make the right decisions. When you're looking for love, it's all goodness.
- [57:40]
B
I love that value, serving, just serving the people through your experience. I love that. Yes, yes. Well, thank you again, Kelly. Make sure you hang out for a bit, but I'm going to tell the audience I'm going to give them some instructions right now. And the instructions are, hey, if you love the show and you got something out of it and you know that, you know somebody that would benefit from the conversation, send it to them. Like, please, just. That's the only thing I want you to do, is share this episode with everyone you know, love and trust, and take the words very deeply. Everything we spoke about, there's a lot of hidden meanings and a lot of outward meanings, too, that you can really take and apply to your life today. So until next time, guys, stay determined.