Navigating the Waters of Determination: A Conversation with Clay Gravesande from Love is Blind S6

Summary

Podcast Summary: Navigating the Waters of Determination: A Conversation with Clay Gravesande from Love is Blind S6

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Determined Society with Shawn French
• Host: Shawn French
• Guest: Clay Gravesande (Entrepreneur and Season 6 Cast Member of Love is Blind)
• Release Date: October 14, 2024

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1. Introduction and Setting the Scene

Shawn French welcomes Clay Gravesande back to The Determined Society podcast, highlighting their unique friendship that blossomed over the internet. The conversation begins with a light-hearted recount of their long car ride from Tampa to Naples, emphasizing the camaraderie between the host and guest.

2. Clay's Experience on Love is Blind

Timestamp [02:35]

Clay opens up about his unexpected experience post-show, particularly the backlash he faced after declining to marry AD at the altar. He shares the emotional turmoil and depression he endured, stating:

"I probably should have been able to like, understand that I'm probably gonna get killed on the Internet for saying no at the altar... I definitely went through a little bit of depression." ([02:35])

He discusses how societal expectations often overlook the struggles men face, leading him to adopt a mindset of moving forward without seeking external sympathy.

3. Impact of Social Media and Public Perception

Timestamp [03:30]

Clay delves into the challenges of navigating life under the microscope of social media. He explains how negative online interactions influenced his desire to stay out of the spotlight, saying:

"I just want to move on. I don't want anybody on the Internet giving me their opinion." ([03:31])

4. Insights on Marriage and Relationships

Timestamp [07:20]

Shawn and Clay explore the depth of committed relationships. Clay shares his perspective on marriage as a daily choice to love and support one's partner, emphasizing resilience during tough times:

"Marriage is just a choice to love your partner every day." ([08:03])

He highlights the importance of mutual respect and understanding, drawing from his own experiences with his wife.

5. Entrepreneurial Journey: Building a Boat Business in Charlotte

Timestamp [14:36]

Clay discusses his entrepreneurial venture in Charlotte, North Carolina, where he established a boat rental and event service. He recounts the challenges of starting a business during the pandemic and the financial hurdles he faced:

"I just had $10,000 of expenses that I had no idea about... as business owners, you try to always say, it's a good thing to have your own financial freedom, but it takes a lot of work to get there." ([15:54])

6. Balancing Multiple Roles and Personal Struggles

Timestamp [17:24]

Clay shares the difficulties of balancing his entrepreneurial responsibilities with his 9-to-5 job, leading to challenges in his personal life, including dating. He candidly talks about his battles with depression and the importance of seeking help.

7. Personal Growth and Overcoming Adversity

Timestamp [19:23]

The conversation shifts to personal development, where Clay emphasizes the importance of self-validation over seeking approval from others. He reflects on his journey of self-discovery and the lessons learned from his time on the show:

"Stop seeking validation from other people. I have to be able to validate myself." ([33:14])

8. Seeking Validation and Identity Crisis

Timestamp [34:11]

Shawn and Clay discuss the inherent human need for validation and how it ties into one's identity. Clay admits:

"I have to be able to validate myself. I have to be able to understand..." ([33:14])

He elaborates on how his athletic background provided him with external validation, which he struggled to replace after transitioning to entrepreneurship.

9. Family Dynamics and Personal Anecdotes

Timestamp [39:02]

Clay shares heartfelt stories about his relationship with his parents and the impact of his upbringing on his current life. He reflects on the importance of family support and the challenges of raising children in a two-family household environment.

10. Determination and Moving Forward

Timestamp [54:06]

As the conversation nears its conclusion, Shawn asks Clay about his future endeavors. Clay expresses his commitment to continual growth and seizing new opportunities:

"Whatever I see, whatever stuff, I'm going to take advantage of opportunities. And I'm always constantly trying to be better." ([54:48])

11. Closing Thoughts and Future Plans

Timestamp [56:02]

The episode wraps up with mutual appreciation between Shawn and Clay. They discuss their aspirations, the importance of collaboration, and the ongoing journey of personal and professional development. Clay hints at future collaborations and continued growth in both his business and personal life.

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Notable Quotes:

• Clay Gravesande [02:35]:
  "I probably should have been able to like, understand that I'm probably gonna get killed on the Internet for saying no at the altar."

• Clay Gravesande [08:03]:
  "Marriage is just a choice to love your partner every day."

• Clay Gravesande [33:14]:
  "Stop seeking validation from other people. I have to be able to validate myself."

• Clay Gravesande [54:48]:
  "Whatever I see, whatever stuff, I'm going to take advantage of opportunities. And I'm always constantly trying to be better."

---

Key Takeaways:

• Resilience in Adversity: Clay's journey showcases the importance of resilience in the face of public scrutiny and personal setbacks.

• Self-Validation: The conversation underscores the significance of finding self-worth without relying solely on external validation.

• Balanced Life: Balancing multiple roles—entrepreneur, employee, father—requires determination and effective time management.

• Importance of Support Systems: Strong family and support systems play a crucial role in personal growth and overcoming challenges.

• Continuous Growth: Embracing opportunities and committing to continuous personal and professional development are vital for long-term success.

---

For those interested in personal development, entrepreneurship, and authentic conversations about overcoming adversity, this episode of The Determined Society offers valuable insights and relatable experiences from Clay Gravesande.

Transcript

[A]

This one luck I let the pain inspire me I put my all in Everything I'm doing up until it's done, I'm me for the entirety I put in over time I be working just know I'm a go for mine. Cause I, I earned it. They watch and I know it's time I confirmed it the whole society Determined.

[B]

Determin what's up, everybody? Welcome back to another episode of the Determined Society. I am your host, Sean French, and I have with me an amazing guest today, a dude that has turned out to be. I can see us being really good friends. We met on the Internet. That's kind of funny story. But I have with me an entrepreneur, a software salesperson. He was a cast member of season six, Love is Blind Clay Grave Sandy. What's up, baby?

[A]

What's up, man? How you doing, Sean?

[B]

I'm good, man. We had a nice little car ride.

[A]

Yes, we did.

[B]

You know, for the, for the. Everybody listening right now. I don't think they realize how close Tampa is to Naples. It is probably a two hour drive. Took us a good, what, four and a half hours?

[A]

Took us a good four and a half hours. The traffic was tremendous. But you did a great job. I fell asleep. I did not have his back.

[B]

When I was Sleeping Beauty over there, he was out.

[A]

I have, I have a good nature of just being able to fall asleep anywhere I go.

[B]

Don't know how you do it, man.

[A]

Don't know how you do it. He could have kidnapped me. I just. The first time I met you, but I felt so comfortable with this guy.

[B]

Let's seriously talk about that. So I'm like driving down the interstate this morning.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, wake up at three, come and get you. And I'm thinking, like, I literally had no issue offering that up to you. So, you know, that's, you know, to your character and to who you are and all that good stuff. So I'm driving about halfway there, I'm thinking, and this dude is brave. You don't even know me. I'm like, hey, man, I'll drive up and I'll come get you, bring you back down, take you to the airport. That's a brave dude. And then I'm driving down the road for about another 10 minutes. I'm thinking, wait a second, I'm pretty fucking brave. I don't know this guy. But we're here, we're here, we lived. But, dude, I'm super, super excited to have you on. You know, we've had a lot of time together. Obviously today to Talk about some really cool shit. Just, you know, about your experience with the show and everything. And so do. The one thing that I want to like, hit right off the bat, man, we talked about a little bit, is like, man, you got killed on the Internet. You got killed on the show. And just, dude, like, how has that impacted you in your personal life moving forward after that?

[A]

You know what's funny too, Sean? Like, I probably should have been able to like, understand that I'm probably gonna get killed on the Internet for saying no at the altar. But I was really oblivious to it. So it kind of hit me like a car crash. I wasn't really expecting it, but in terms of navigating through it, you know, just been around my family, really just been trying to. I have my own business, so more so just focusing on that, focusing on who I am, trying to be a better person. But I'm not going to lie, I definitely went through a little bit of depression. But, you know, as men, I sometimes think that we don't really get the benefit of the doubt and who really cares? It's just kind of just keep on moving on. So I just kind of adopted that mindset. Like, hey, at the end of the day, I did a show, I'm not going to get that much sympathy. I'm not asking for sympathy. Let me just kind of keep on moving through the motion. And what I've done is just not try to be too much on the Internet, not try to give too much of my opinion, like, just forget about me, honestly, and let me just kind.

[B]

Of live my life.

[A]

Leave me alone.

[B]

Leave me the fuck alone.

[A]

I want to move on. I just want to live my life. I don't want anybody on the Internet giving me their opinion. So it was definitely difficult to navigate through. But I'm always grateful for the opportunity. And, you know, I think it was humbling as well for me to actually look at myself and see me in a relationship. It's kind of like watching tape, you know, I'm just like, dang, I said that. I said that. Ah, ah. You know, so, dude, it's funny because.

[B]

Like, I mentioned this to you on the, on the drive up, I'm like, I literally felt like when I was watching that season, you know, there was moments where I saw you after the first time, you kind of said, I don't know if I'm ready to do this. You brought up your parents relationship and things like that. But it was crazy because there was times where I could literally see you go through it, like having A good time, you know, having, you know, conversation with AD Then all of a sudden, yeah, I look at my wife, I'm like, here he comes. He's. He's. He's having this, this thought right now. This overwhelming thought of like, damn, dude. Like, it was very authentic, in my opinion, you know, and to me, it wasn't a surprise. So, you know, and again, I don't know everything, right? I'm kind of just like one of those, you know, jackasses that watch the show and, you know, now have become friends with you. Yeah, but it's like, I'm watching it, I'm like, yeah, there's no surprise. Yeah, there's no surprise that this dude wasn't ready. You know, why are we killing this guy?

[A]

I didn't understand it, but, you know, I think it comes down to the fan base, really fell in love with AD and, you know, me saying no to her, it was like me saying no to them. I think a lot of people was projecting during that situation. Like, you know, they have a relationship where they think it's going well, then a guy all of a sudden just says, like, hey, I can't do this. Maybe we should be friends. You know, I'm too busy. So I think that my story really, like, resonated with a lot of, especially my age women, what they're going through with situationships. So I think that they looked at AD as themselves and they just couldn't stand it, you know. But, you know, I thought I was transparent the whole time. You know, me saying no to AD Was not me saying no to her. It was more so just like, hey, I just don't think I'm really ready for marriage. And, you know, two things could be true, Sean. Like, I went on a show and I thought I was ready for marriage. I go on a show and I'm like, this is what marriage is. Oh, I don't think I'm ready for it. But like, you know, in terms of me taking a step to do it, I thought I was. So I do take accountability with, like, hey, this show is for marriage. But I do think I did it right. And I found out that, hey, this is, this situation, me getting married in five weeks. I need a little bit more depth, you know, and it just. And I said no.

[B]

I mean, shit, dude, let's be honest. Like, you did not say no to A.D. you said no at the time. And I know you guys spent some time after the show dating, and then, you know, it fizzled out. But like, dude, you know, to Say that you weren't ready for marriage. I don't know if that's true, because. Is that what marriage really is in the real world? Is that how we're doing it? Is that how we're doing it? Yeah, it's a great show. I mean, dude, you know, I mean, I've always said I watch it, I love it. It's entertaining for me. It detaches me from reality and lets me just kind of downshift and just watch other relationships play out. But, like, you know, given a regular situation and like you said, more depth, more time, like, you probably would have been okay.

[A]

You know, Sean, that's why I like connecting with people who are married, because they could give me a little bit of a different perspective. Because even with me doing a show, I would say I'm a little bit more on the negative side of what I could bring to a relationship, just because, you know, I got killed on the Internet. And, like, people are telling you all these things, and you could somehow, like, a little bit believe what people are saying, like, oh, you're a piece of shit. You're this, you're that. And, you know, you kind of believe it in a sense. Like, so I try to not even engage in relationship type of communication with women. I've just kind of been focusing. But I like connecting with you because I would love to understand, even from your perspective, like, what marriage means for you and, you know, just a guy that has done it. Because I don't think I have that much of an influence. And even when I do talk to married folks, they're always like, hey, Clay, you did a good job. Wait.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, like, look, so from the standpoint of, like, I will say this, not every married couple has it figured out. I would say 99.9999% of us fucking married couples do not have anything figured out. But to me, what it means is, you're going to take this person on their worst fucking day, man. Like, what does it really mean? Like, when you are in the trenches with that woman and you want to scream and, like, you hate her at that moment, but. Or she hates you at that moment, but, like, when it all comes to push and shove, you know, that's your partner. Like. Like, you're not. You're not coming off of that. And that's what me and my wife have. There's many times where my wife will frustrate the dog out of me, and I know I do it to her, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, there's times where I take an approach with the kids that, that she doesn't really care for. She lets me know. And then there'll be times where she takes an approach that I don't like at all. And I let her know. At the end of the day, we found a way to be like, okay, well, how can we do better next time? And so for me, marriage is just. It's a choice to love your partner every day. Because let's face it, with the Internet, with everything going on in the world, in society, the misdirection, it's very easy for people to lose sight of who they married in the first place. There's a reason why I married my wife. There's a reason why I wanted to date my wife. You know, the first thing was she's absolutely drop dead gorgeous. When I look at my wife, I'm like, God damn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Holy shit.

[A]

Gotta be excited about that. She's bad.

[B]

She is bad. And then it's like, wait, she's funny, she's smart, she's like extremely intelligent. So it's everything wrapped up into this one person. And so there's moments when you're married that you have to go back in the past and remember and before you get mad, baby, I'm not saying I got to do that a lot, but you know, we do. Yeah, I'm sure she's got. There's been moments where she has felt losing touch with me, and then all of a sudden, like, we talk about it and I change some things and it's better, but. But dude, what it is, it's just a damn choice every day.

[A]

It ain't, you know, ain't rocket science, bro.

[B]

It ain't Leave it to fucking beaver, bro.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I mean, there's yelling and in the house, you know, and the one thing that I will tell you, man, it's funny when, when, when you are married, you will have your own separate day from your spouse and from your kids, and you're just. You have. You're in this best energy, and then your family comes home, you're like, hey. And then you're met with energy that you just don't or you can't deal with at that moment. And you have to realize that not everybody's gonna be at your level every single day, and you aren't gonna be at their level every single day. So it's a give and take. Does that answer the question?

[A]

That does. That does. And I guess I wanna know, like. Cause you mentioned that, you know, you chose your wife even on her worst Day. Like, did you guys have some of those moments before you said, I do? Oh, yeah. So you guys were battle.

[B]

Test dog. Battle tested, man. We. We were tested, yeah. More than you'll ever know. And as you get to know me, I'll open up more about everything that we were tested with. But it's. Dude, it wasn't always pretty.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it wasn't. Wasn't always great. But when I. When I look at the family and I look at what we've created, I'm like, man, like, that to me is success. You'll have a lot of people know, even entrepreneurs, especially on Instagram, talking about if you're not up at 3am working out, and if you're not driving a Bugatti, you are not successful. If you don't have a six pack, you are not successful. You're a lazy piece of shit. And I really don't think that's the case. I think that, you know, for me, you know, those things are important too. You know, we're all on a journey of becoming better in. In one area, right? Where you're really good at, one area I'm going to suffer. Right? Where I'm really good at one area you might be suffering. Right? So it's like there's always that constant drive to get better. But, dude, I think at the end of the day, man, if your family respects the shit out of you and you have two little girls and a boy, or however, whatever kids you have look up to you, and they're like, that's my fucking dad. You got everything in the pond.

[A]

Yeah, that's amazing.

[B]

Everything else is a plus.

[A]

Sometimes I'm like, can I skip to the kid part?

[B]

But I get it, man. I mean, dude, like, there's some people that did. I mean, we talked about that. Was that. And Antonio cromartie has like 25 children.

[A]

Yeah, 25 kids.

[B]

11.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, my bad.

[B]

I was off a little bit. But like, dude, there's. There's a lot of people that just skip that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I'm not talking about that aspect. Like, you know, having my marriage. Cause, you know, I was. The reason why I brought that up is because, like, I would say, you know, just as a millennial and like, with social media, dating wise, I feel like getting to that battle tested part, like, the one sign of turbulence, I just feel like my generation just gives up, you know? So it's like, it's just hard to get to that. Okay, like, can I trust you to be with me for thick and Thin. Because when one slight of issue, it's like you're ready to cut me off or, you know, you got so many other options, you go to that. So I don't know, it's almost like better, like. And I get lonely. I wanna be in a relationship. I wanna have a family. Like, I grew up in two family households, so that's what I ideally want. But it's just hard, man, to have someone stick with you through thick and thin. I feel like our generation is just so, like.

[B]

Yeah, I just, I think it's. I. I don't know if it's just your generation though. I think it's that it's a societal norm now because there's too many options.

[A]

Yes. So many options.

[B]

I mean, like, you go down. Think of it this way. You go down a main street in, in a populated area in the United States and there's food on both sides, all the way up and down. How you gonna make a choice?

[A]

Yeah, Gonna look it up, see what the star ratings are like.

[B]

And then you're gonna, you're going to social media and you're gonna look. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So the same thing with people nowadays with dating. They're going to. These social apps, are going to social media dating sites to, to. To rely on like, the status of, should I be dating this person? You know, should I go to this restaurant? Should I do this? So it's like, I get what you're saying, and I think it's. I think it's true. And I think even people at my age, I'm almost 46. There's single people at 46 to 50 that are dealing with the same thing. It's like the moment that there's one fight. Oh, you know, he wasn't it for me.

[A]

Yep. Red flag, red fall, red flag.

[B]

It's like, what the fuck, man? Like, we're all fucked up.

[A]

Yeah, we are.

[B]

Some of us hide it better. Right? But I have my issues. I battle depression. I've been very open about it. I've been very open about the things that I struggle with, with body image, body dysmorphia, all that kind of shit. But like, at the end of the day, man, that partner accepts you at your ugliest point. And that's who you ride with, dude, that's who you ride with.

[A]

Straight up good stuff right there.

[B]

Start a parenting course in a marriage course over here.

[A]

It's fucking great.

[B]

So you have, you have such an amazing background and, you know, while we could spend all day talking about the show, I just You're a human. And that's what I want the people listening right now. If you've watched season six of Love is Blind, you may have a preconceived opinion about Clay. Now, what I choose, I. What I choose to do all the time is take the human aspect and really get to know people. And what I've learned about you is you're just fucking incredible, dude. Absolutely, man. So you're an entrepreneur. You own a boat business in Charlotte, North Carolina. Talk to us about that.

[A]

Yeah, so back in 2020, I moved to Charlotte, North Carolina. I actually was in Atlanta. I was working at a tech company and I was like, you know, I want to get a house. Came down to it was the pandemic. So everything was shut down. One thing I saw that was popping was the lake. Everybody was at the lake. So I said, okay, this is a recession proof business. Now, I'm not gonna lie to you, sean. I was 2020. This is the year the entrepreneurs. This is when everyone's saying, if you're sitting on your ass, you ain't doing.

[B]

Nothing, you ain't doing shit. Hit that toggle button on Instagram, become an entrepreneur.

[A]

You ain't making 10,000amonth, you ain't doing shit. So I'm like, oh, damn. Like, I just.

[B]

You have Wes Watson yelling at you, Crazy, man.

[A]

So, you know, I was filling up the juice. I was buying all those courses and, you know, I wanted to. I always wanted to be something bigger than I was. I always wanted to be validated and, you know, I just wanted to be bigger than how I view myself, you know. So, you know, I came to Charlotte, I saw that the lake scene was popping, so I was like, you know what? This probably be cool. There's not a lot of black folks that are actually owning boats and jet skis. So I said, you know, I'm already. I could come into this business. I'll have a niche, I'll have a market. So I got into it. I've started off with two jet skis. Never rode a jet ski a day in my life. Bought it and I was like, okay, I'm going to learn how to ride a jet ski. Got it, started doing some rentals. Had a really good year the first year. Got a boat. Now we're at, we're at two boats right now. We got four jet skis and we got one water car. Very stressful business. I'm not going to lie, you know.

[B]

From the client, like fulfillment standpoint.

[A]

From a client fulfillment, they love it, you know, I do love the fact that when I do give my services, like people are coming to have a good time. So I'm not really dealing with bs, like where people are just like jogging, like they're about to ride some jet skis. They're excited, they're about to get on a boat. You know, we do theme events which has been really taking off. I do stuff like R and B on lake country tours, you know, boat tours for kids. So they're coming on and they're very excited. But the maintenance of it is a lot. Like, I just got this water car, which is a car that rides on water. And I got it from across the country. And you know, just as entrepreneurs, like, everything looks all sweet, but I try to speak on the realness of it. Like, I just had $10,000 of expenses that I had no idea about. I had to pay custom taxes, I had to pay tariff taxes. I had to pay something that was called like Dimaj or I can't even think of the name sounds. Yeah, it was like all these fees, $3,700, like $4,000 for this. I'm just like, bro, I wasn't even prepared for that. So, you know, and I've been paying on this water car since May and I haven't even gotten it yet, you know, so you do sometimes you take risks and it doesn't always pan out the way you want, you know, so, you know, as business owners, like, I try to always say, like, it's a good thing to have your own financial freedom, but it takes a lot of work to get there, you know, and I haven't even got there. I'm four years in the business and you know, I would say that I'm cash flowing, but not enough where I could leave my 9 to 5, you know, and you know, I love my 9 to 5 as well. So I'm kind of double booked with my time and my energy. So as you could probably imagine, it's hard to date.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah, it is hard to date. I get that because I, I split my energies up to own a payroll company. The show, you know, I do some distributor stuff for some biologics, you know, advanced wound care.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

I mean, so it's a lot, dude, but I think that's just the climate that we're in right now. It's like, I mean, groceries are what, three times what they were in 20, 20, 21, 2020.

[A]

House prices, house prices are nuts.

[B]

Like, cost of money so fucking high. So, like everybody's doing so much to survive. But I commend you because, you know, you also played, you know, basketball, Track and field. And track.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

You play basketball, too, didn't you? No, just track and field. Okay.

[A]

I play football for a little bit.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But not. Not on a collegiate.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So track and field at South Carolina. So sec. You know, my SEC brother here.

[A]

Yep, yep, yep. Yeah.

[B]

Fucking. You know, you guys actually won that game, dude. You guys. You guys actually won that game because that hit on the quarterback was a football play, man.

[A]

Lsu, y'all paying them referees, man. Hey, at least.

[B]

Yeah, but I mean, like, we got a year. Can we get one a year?

[A]

I know you.

[B]

Because if we breathe wrong, we get the flag thrown.

[A]

Well, I'm sure during Alabama game, they're gonna get all the flags.

[B]

We're gonna get toasted, bro. We're gonna lose by, like, 50. No, no, I mean, it's gonna be ugly.

[A]

You guys gonna show up to play?

[B]

We'll see. Yeah, I hope so. Hope you're right, man. Hope you're right. Hope the defense actually shows up and it'll be a good game.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But the thing that I really want to touch on is, you know, let's line everything up in your life, all right? Everything you went through as a child. You know, you look at your. Your sports growing up at a collegiate level high. I mean, big time, Right? Could have. Could have ran track.

[A]

Yeah. Professionally, I could have. Yep.

[B]

And then the show, and now you're entrepreneur, and you have a 9 to 5. So all these things while getting killed in the media, and you're finding a way to move forward when a lot of people would close up shop, wouldn't show their face in public. What about you stay so determined due to, like, push through all of everything and continue on that path?

[A]

I think is before I did anything, I had a conversation with myself of who I want to be in this world, and I've just held myself accountable to that. I've always said that I didn't want to be. I always wanted to earn what I've gotten, and I didn't want anything to be a handout. So I think with that, you got determination with it. You had a show, didn't go the way that I anticipated. Of course, you go on a show to get married. I knew I said no. So I'm like, okay, well, hopefully people like me, and I'm able to find my foot in that. A lot of that didn't happen. So what am I gonna do? Just put my head down and just be depressed? I just said that, you know, at the end of the day, I have bills to pay, you know, you know, these. I gotta pay for this equipment, I gotta pay for this mortgage. I gotta pay for different things. So me not showing up, everything falls. So there's so much responsibility on my back. There really was no option to not show my face and to hide. I had to be front and center because, you know, I'm the face of my business. You know, on my nine to five, I'm the face to my company, to those guys. So you gotta come out there and you gotta face the ring.

[B]

How was it getting back into the real world after the show, going into your nine to five, right? And then, you know, for your business?

[A]

That was difficult.

[B]

Talk to me about that.

[A]

It was really difficult because even when I did the show, people always are trying to look for reasons of, like, what your intention was. Like, people can't just accept that, hey, I went on a show to find love, and it didn't work out like that to me. I don't think people grasp that concept. You know, I got on the show, people saw that I had a business and said, oh, he wanted a show to promote his business. It's like, yo, I had this business for three years prior to the show, before I even knew about the show.

[B]

Dude, I didn't even know about your business until we started following each other and connecting.

[A]

I'm like, well, I wasn't pushing it out like that when the show was going on. I was cognizant of that because at the end of the day, the show came out in February. My season usually typically starts up in late April, so I didn't really have to promote as much. But, yeah, like, it was definitely difficult because people were. I got bad reviews on my business. Some people, when I said no to ad, I had about five bad reviews. And, you know, Sean, like, reviews could be a lot. That's everything, you know. So because of the show, because of the show, they get one star. Oh, Clay's. Clay's a horrible person. Like, nothing that could pertain to my business, just, like, attacking me. And it's like, dang. Like, how do I even get some bad reviews removed? Like, these people are giving me reviews in March. I didn't even have no rentals in March. So it's like, how are you giving me these bad reviews? And I know it was from the show because it happened right around that wedding episode. So, yeah, definitely a little difficult. But like I said, you gotta chug through.

[B]

Yeah, dude, it's when you have to show up and do the damn thing still, you know, keeping perspective. Because, listen, man, that show, a little blip, right? It's like a little. Little time in your life. It's not. And the problem is the public likes to label people. Right? Like, my label is probably. I'm a podcast host. No, I'm not.

[A]

Yeah, you. So much more.

[B]

That's one thing I do.

[A]

Yeah, Right.

[B]

Like, the most important thing is I'm a husband and a father for sure. Right. And for you, like, you know, this is something that you did. And I just think that more people need to understand that there's real human beings behind all the shit. Like, all the shit. Like, they don't even know what happened, you know, behind the cameras, you know, everything like that. And that's stuff that we can't get into. But, like, dude, it's not as cut and dry as it looks on tv.

[A]

It's not. But I'm gonna say this, man. People on social media, they do a lot of barking on social media in person, you know, because I am outside, because I do interact with people. You could rent my boat, and I'm gonna be on the boat with you, and you can have a conversation. Human beings, when you do have that dialect with them and dialogue with them, they are understanding. I think it's just a social media barrier where it's like, everybody's this big bad wolf on social media. Everybody has a strong opinion, but, like, you're not able to have that dialogue with me where I'm able to change your perspective or even tell you my perception of how things went. Cause I could change the way how you view it. You know, you. When people watch a show, they're seeing it from the lens of Love is Blind. There was so many stuff that was not shown. There were so many conversations that show a little bit why I said no, that was not aired. You know, so when I have those conversations with people, like I had with you, people are like, oh, wow. Like, I totally get that, dude.

[B]

Like, when we're. When we're driving in the car, I'm like, holy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, wow, dude. Like, I'm sorry. That's terrible.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it just. It. You know, again, it's just. It's one of those things that you learn through, right? And, you know, social media, it's funny because, you know that one of the other things that we're talking about on the way here was like, I had followed you, like, way back, right? And, you know, when I follow people, I follow them Because I like them. I want to. I want to follow them because I expect a return follow. But then there was a Kevin Garnett post. Kevin Garnett kind of went at, you know, the younger basketball generation. And what would you say? You said y'all acting out. Y'all acting like Bron ain't out here doing.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. So Kevin Garnett was saying that these younger folks wouldn't be able to pretty much essentially last in the older generation. It was a little bit more physical. They wouldn't be able to withstand the 04 pistons and all this stuff. And I was like, y'all acting like LeBron James wasn't killing y'all. And when he was a rookie, like, he was averaging 17. The second year came, I think, in what, in 06 or 07, he took them to the championship. I still feel like from 2010 to 2000, I was a little bit of the old regime of the NBA. So I'm like, nah, these guys are still playing in the league. And they were killing it, you know? And you were like, now you gotta look at that from this point. And honestly, me and you actually kind of had a little bit of a debate. But like I said, I love sport debate.

[B]

No, it was done. It was like you said what you said.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I responded.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And I. Then. Then I think you went to my profile.

[A]

Yeah. Then I was like, this guy's cool.

[B]

Yeah, follow him. Like, oh, cool. Okay, man. What's up?

[A]

Yeah, we went from a debate to friends.

[B]

Yeah, it's like, what's up, man? Not like a five hour drive from Tampa and lunch after. I can't wait to eat.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I'm starving. Same, Same.

[B]

We wanted to get a workout in today. Didn't work.

[A]

Didn't work out.

[B]

No. We were gonna go to the Omni Performance Institute and Fort Myers and get a lift in, but, you know, we got stuck. There was a fatality on the road, man. 448 this morning. Rest in peace to those. Those poor souls that lost their lives on the interstate. Today sucks, man. Just makes me think like, dude, man, we never know.

[A]

Never.

[B]

We never know. So, like, we never know what's coming, you know, or if we're going to be here tomorrow. So, like, my big thing is like, well, what are we going to do with today? You know, Are we going to fully live today? Because I think a lot of times, and we could all fall into this. We just exist, you know? Like, okay, I'm just gonna exist today. Cause I feel like Shit, it's like, no, dude, like, we gotta live, man. Like, who do you wanna be today? And now go be that person. You know, how do you manage that.

[A]

In your life in terms of just taking advantage of the day?

[B]

Yeah, man.

[A]

I mean, I think it's something. That's a good point, man. And I was like, when you were just saying, I'm like, man, I never really thought of it like that. Like, at the end of the day, we have to take advantage of the day. But I think of it like this, right? You know, opportunities don't come all the time. And even an opportunity to have a conversation with somebody, like, I remember I looked at your Instagram, like, okay, this guy's talking about some pretty good stuff. Like, I would like to meet him. And the fact that you wanted to do like a pod with me, I thought that was dope. And you know, of course I didn't know you and I get in the car with you, but I'm like, this is an opportunity for me to expand my network. Maybe pick your brain, understand something that maybe I'm struggling with that you could help me out with. Like, that is the, you know, marriage aspect and also, you know, your entrepreneur ventures as well. So I just kind of take it as like, hey, you know, I want to be able to live life to the fullest. And you know, I never thought of it of like, I need to do it today and tomorrow's not here. But I've always wanted to say, like, I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to be in the right rooms. I want to take advantage of opportunities that come to me. Of course, you could say no to some situations, but you have to say no to certain situations. But if situation seems good or something that you never experienced before. Sometimes I feel like if my body's like all saying like, hey, I don't want to do this, like, maybe there's something there, something there, right?

[B]

I should go do this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's funny because my good friend David Waldy, going to plug him right here about three weeks ago, dude, I was, I was feeling pretty dark, bro. Like, I was struggling. I was in one of those rabbit holes, man, that you just fall into, just can't get out. I had a call with him, two hour call with him. He coached me up for two hours. At the end of it is, I'm going to say something to you right now and I want, and I want you, I want you to, to, to try not to take it personally because I don't mean it directly towards you. So sure. He goes, stop living life so arrogantly. Like, you know, tomorrow's coming. Go be the man you want to be today.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

Wow. Like, that shook me. That shook me. That shook me. Because it's like, here I am the last two, three weeks, you know, eoring it around my house, you know, trying to put on a good face for everybody. But behind closed doors, I'm. I'm. I'm hurting. It's like, dude, go be in alignment. Go do the things you say you're going to do. Go go to that gym, you know, eat the good food. Right? Low on your family. Put your phone down. Like, do all the things, you know.

[A]

That'S a good time.

[B]

So it's like, stop living life so arrogantly. Like, you know, it's coming tomorrow.

[A]

Sean, that was. You said that. Just, like, I even forgot about. Sometimes I'll go through traumatic situations, and I just try to keep moving on. I remember Thursday, this past Thursday, one of my friends was actually called me to say goodbye. I feel like it was like a suicide call.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

I swear. And it just shocked me. I'm like, why? Like, how. Why am I having this conversation? Why are you calling me? And at that time, my only thing was like, okay, I need to make sure I'm on this phone with her as long as possible to make sure nothing crazy happens. And I'm giving her advice. And I'm like, this is stuff that I really never said. I'm just like, hey, at the end of the day, you have to do what makes you happy. Like, try to forget about the stuff that's giving you negative, like, perception, negative animosity. Do things that's going to make you happy. And it kind of put back, like, you know, what success means to me is essentially it was money. And I've realized that money does not bring me happiness. You slave for money. And I remember I made the most money in 20, 21, and I was not that happy.

[B]

No.

[A]

You know, happiness being around friends, being around people who celebrate you. You know, just being in a good aura, doing things that's fun, doing things exhilarating, like, you never. Or living, having experiences. That's what life is, what it was about. It's about being happy. It's about surrounding yourself with happiness. And, you know, me kind of talking to her about that, I wasn't even thinking it, man. And I could tell it resonated, you know, she's okay. She got the proper help. But, you know, it was heavy. It was heavy. It was a Heavy conversation. And I'm going through stuff too, Sean. Like, sure, of course, you know, I'm depressed, you know, Like, I'm kind of navigating through, through life right now, trying to figure things out for myself as well. Like, I had that bad week from an entrepreneur perspective where $10,000 I had to. And I'm over here complaining. I got a friend that's, you know, so I'm like, man, what am I complaining about? You know? Like.

[B]

Well, I think, I think that both can be true. Right. I think, you know, your, your friends and people can be going through some really serious things, like life things, like life threatening things. But then your, your problems also too also do matter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I think the one thing that, you know, you asked, like, why am I having this conversation? Why are you calling me? It's because of who you are is because she, she trusts you. Right. And I'm glad that she called you because somebody else may not have been able to talk her out of that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, so it was led down that road, you know, on purpose. And that's great that she's okay. But dude, going back to it, like, bro, you got me now. Like, straight up, dude, no matter what you need, text call, like, hey, dude, I need you to come up. Okay. That's quick flight, man. Like, I'm there. Like, I'm there.

[A]

Appreciate that.

[B]

We. And look, dude. And I'll call you too. Like, hey, bro, I'm not feeling good right now. I've got these thoughts, you know, just I'm down. But I think like, men don't talk about that enough.

[A]

Yeah, we don't.

[B]

You know, because we are supposed to put on this, this, you know, we grew up in the area. Like, don't be a bitch. Don't be a bitch. Rub some dirt on it, man. You're a man. Men don't cry. The best men do. The best men do cry. Like I cry. Like it's funny because we're talking about moments, right? And this is something that was so strange to me last night. My wife shows me the slideshow of my. My friend Aaron and Kristen, their daughter and my youngest daughter. They were like best. They're best friends and they lived four doors down from us and they moved to Alabama like a year ago.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And there was a slideshow of over the years of like, you know, these girls playing together like little bitty on iPads and like, you know, like being really terrible at driving this little motorized car and just like things that we did as a family and you Know, and friends and I just. I just. I looked at it, I just started crying. I'm like, I hate the fact that they're not here. I hate the fact that they don't live here anymore. Because those moments right there, we didn't realize. We didn't realize that those were some really cool moments. So, like, if we can just, you know, to the advice that you gave your friend, be with the moments. Like, it's going to be very, very difficult to ever give up.

[A]

Yeah. Right.

[B]

Because there's so much beauty that goes on every single day.

[A]

It is.

[B]

Think about it.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

You win a lottery ticket every time you wake up, bro.

[A]

Right. You're right.

[B]

I mean, damn. And it's heavy because. Because I don't know how old you are. You're probably, what, 30. So you're 30. So I'm 45. So, like, you're at the time now, 30.

[A]

Like, I'm 31 now.

[B]

You're. That's right. You just had a birthday.

[A]

Yeah. Just birthday. September 6th.

[B]

Yes. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. I remember that you got the happy birthday text.

[A]

Yeah, I did.

[B]

That's how, you know, you made it.

[A]

I made it?

[B]

You fucking made that. It's like, that's how, you know. But, like, you know, you're at the age now. We're all at the age where we're starting to have friends that pass.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, so it's just important for us to reach out to get help, to lean on people that understand what we're going through. And if someone can't be there for us, we find someone who can. We don't give up. We just keep moving.

[A]

Keep moving.

[B]

Right. But we also lean into the shitty feelings for sure. Let me ask you a question, man.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

In light of everything, what was the number one lesson that you learned from the show?

[A]

Number one lesson I learned from the show that I think I talked to you about it a little bit in the car. I feel like I've always searched for validation and that searching for validation. I'm only going to be able to get that if I validate myself. So I think that was not looking for the public to validate me or not looking for, you know, my relationship to validate me. I have to be able to validate myself. I have to be able to understand. So I guess to make a long story short, you know, stop seeking validation to other people. I think that was the number one thing.

[B]

But, dude, that's hard, though, because this is something that people don't realize I'm that way, too. But they don't realize that most athletes are. Because most athletes are man, and most entrepreneurs are. Because the. The validation from the outside world says I'm a good athlete. It says I'm on the lineup card. It says that, you know, I'm running this event. I'm running the 200 day. I'm running the 400.

[A]

I'm getting recruited by the SEC. That means that I'm. That means I'm a good athlete. You know, Boom.

[B]

I'm like, it's the best of the best. I PR at 45 seconds, right? Like, that kind of shit right there. That's that validation. You know, as an entrepreneur, your revenue is your validation that you're doing a good job to a point. Right. Like, we know there's a cycle where businesses ramp up and depending on what type of business. Like, yeah, this season, My show was zero. The people that. That own grit. Media CEOs. Know how busted my podcast business was at the very beginning. Couldn't afford shit, you know, and then we hit to a point where now we're. We're.

[A]

We're.

[B]

We're trending. We're six figures now. Like, that just didn't happen. Right.

[A]

It's a process.

[B]

But in. In those moments, in those moments, it's like, dude, I was seeking that external validation so bad. Because that's how we know we're doing a good job. Like, look at the ratings.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Yeah, I give a shit about that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, yeah, I'm doing this. I love this. My passion.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I don't want to suck at it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I want to be top. Top 10, top 5.

[A]

And I do believe you do need certain level of outside validation. It's just that, where I feel like, where it was kind of controlling me, where it's like I wasn't doing enough validation for myself, you know, and you as, you know, as an entrepreneur, you know, even, like, I could have a good revenue day and still feel like, you know, a piece of shit.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

You know, So I think that it was just not really kind of tying up my happiness with money, not tying up my happiness with how people view me. I think that was a big aspect of it. And of course, like, with the show, when I was doing the show, I wasn't thinking about the validation aspect of it. I was more so when I said no to ad, I was kind of messed up for a good two months. Cause, you know, I said no in front of her family. And you start Thinking like, man, like, that was rough. And I really didn't really anticipate the magnitude of that day. So after the show, if you would ask me that question before it even aired, I will tell you the biggest lesson that I've learned is probably that, you know, therapy was big for me. I needed to be able to speak on certain things that I struggle with and not being scared of my intuition and also being a little bit more transparent with my flaws, that was a big lesson I learned because people could relate to that. Instead of me always acting like things are perfect, you know, like things are not perfect.

[B]

But did you, but did you feel like you act like things were perfect on the show?

[A]

I don't think I act like I don't think I don't.

[B]

Because I don't.

[A]

Because some of those, because I am transparent. But I also have a good way of making people feel like it's okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You know, I always, I always like. Cause my mind is a lot of turmoil going on on there. So much stuff going on. But like on the outside, if I have a conversation with you now on a one on one, I might tell you what the real is going on. But like, especially when you have a girl and I feel like men, we have to be leaders, right? So if I'm leading my woman to a path of destruction, she's gonna follow me there or she's gonna take flight. So I felt as though that in that time period it was a lot of turmoil and I'm not really seeing the red roses and butterflies in the end of this road. So, you know, but I made it seem like it was cool. And I think that that was maybe one of the things I should have never done. Even though I did express, hey, I got hesitation to this. I should have really sat her down like, yo ad like, I love you, but I don't think that we are. I don't think that this time period is meant for us to get married. But I still want to invest in. I don't think I made it as clear to her. I kind of made some like, yeah, I'm struggling with this, but we're going to be fine. So she, she trusted that, you know.

[B]

Fuck, that's a big. That's big, dude. Yeah, I'm going to give you fucking. I'm going to hit the, I'm going to hit the rock on that one, dude. Because that, that right there is accountability. That is, you know, just truly understanding and having a feel for what you, what you did and how now you've Grown what? You could have done better. I mean, that's. That's big, dude. That's. That's breakthrough shit, you know? And I think that that should be well received. You know, I think for everybody who's throwing the shade and. And killing you out there, it's like, man, they got to remember you're a human being. And. And you just said it. You could have done better, right? I could have done xyz. And I look at a lot of different things. I mean, this weekend that I fucked up on in my own household, that I could have done better. Some of them are eating me up. Some of them are eating me up because I am so damn human. And, you know, you know, my. My middle child, you know, got the best of me this weekend. And, you know, it's. It's been hard two days because my children are my everything. And I don't like getting mad at my kids.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I get that.

[B]

You know, it's just so strange. And when I do, it's like, oh, shit. Like, is that gonna fuck her up? Because as. As dad, that's a shit that you worry about. You especially with. With daughters, like, oh, my God, did I just show her it's okay for another man, you know, to. To possibly raise his voice at her? But, I mean, she does get a little wild, man, sometimes you gotta put them in check. Yeah, put him in check.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They don't know who. They gotta know who their dad is.

[A]

They gotta.

[B]

Yeah, you gotta know who their dad is. You know, at the very core level, they're like, he ain't normal.

[A]

Oh, no. I'm a Caribbean guy. I think, no, children need discipline, but don't let me.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, it's different, right? See, I grew up. See, I grew up in an era where, you know, if I up. Like, I was scared because my dad was like, go get the belt. It was more. For me, it was more of a scary thing. Like, he never. I mean, he. He did drag my ass out of the house once. Me. Me and my dad have had a very colorful history. And recently we started talking again. Like, it was so funny. Like, I was with him yesterday. He said, happy birthday. Hope you have a great day. I was like, yo, it's not my birthday. I was like, you're about a month early. And he goes, 10 29, 79. I was like, close. 10, 28, 1978.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, damn, you don't even know your kid's birthday. The fuck, man? But, like, I think the me a. You Know, a year or two ago.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Maybe even six months ago. I've been like, man, fuck you, bro.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't even know my birthday. And they made it about me. It's like, I don't know what that man's going through. And I said, hey, that's. You know, he's like, oh, sorry. He's like, I just wanted to be on time. I'm. I'm in the hospital. You know, I've got an infection, my foot. I'm having surgery again tomorrow. I'm like, damn. So, like, I was happy that I handled that situation right, because at first, I got my feelings. You can ask my wife. Like, I wanted to cry. I was like, oh, my God, My dad is into my birthday. It's really. Is that really it? Is that really it? And can you blame him? We haven't spoken in three years. It's like. I mean, I remember when his birthday is, but, you know, I'm also younger, so I just think, man. Like, I don't know where I'm going off that tangent, but it's just. I completely lost track. But, you know, we got onto my.

[A]

Dad, and we're talking about kids, too.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So there was a time where he dragged my ass out of the house.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You know, the scariest thing he did to me?

[A]

We do.

[B]

My mom pissed me off one time, Fucking pissed me off. I threw my remote control, I turned around, gave a right hook to my wall, and put a hole in my wall. I was like, in eighth grade, dude.

[A]

Yeah. You're pissed.

[B]

Yes, pissed.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna do this. And so my mom calls my dad. Your dad would like to speak with you. Yes, sir. So your mom tells me that you got an argument with your sister. I was like, yeah. And then you got really pissed, and then you put a hole in the wall. I said, yeah. It's like, cool. Do me a favor. I was like, get ready for the belt. He goes, no, pack your bags. You're going to juvenile hall. I'm like, what the. I'm going to jail. That joker. I literally. I literally packed the bag. Literally packed the bag, and he took me. We got. We got home, got in the car, drove me to juvenile hall, took me all the way to the parking lot, bro. And I'm like, you're scared? The whole ride, I'm like, this. He messing around. He's crazy. Gonna put his own kid in jail for putting a hole in the wall. Like, bro, come on. I'm not Selling drugs out this place, dude, what's going on? I didn't hit my mom. I hit a wall. Like, we could pay for that. I'll wash cars.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, dad, no, don't take me to juvenile. I promise I'll never fight with my sister again. I'll never. And then that I did not hold that into the bargain up. But, you know, he, he turned around and we went home. He never had the intention of leaving me there. It was to teach me a lesson. But dude, to your point. So, yeah, I mean, and I'm a.

[A]

Little off tangent too, but like, I even see it today, man. I mean, I'm not saying that like, you know, you need to like, you know, hit your children, but they need to know there's consequences for the action. Because I even see even nowadays, man, like, you even look at like, I'm big in a hip hop scene. So I see all the time a lot of these kids would creating all these crimes. Like, you know, it's like most of the crimes that are like that, the outlandish crimes are like really by like children, you know, like teenagers. And it's like what discipline did they had growing up? And it's like, I also, you know, this is a little controversy, but like the importance of a two family household where, you know, you have your parents and they're actually active in their children's life because now you got these kids raising themselves. So what type of consequences do they understand? I knew that when I would touch a stove, I'll get burnt, you know, And I know there was consequences for me doing that. Whereas a kid who grows up by himself or, you know, and I'm actually watching my friend, he actually has a baby. And he said, I don't understand how people could raise children by themselves. They do it. But it's like my wife is stressed, I have to take over. My kid wakes up every single two hours. It's a partnership type of thing, you know, so I'm only imagining like, you know, for people who, you know, get raised by one parent, you know, how can they give you your undivided attention? It's hard, you know, it's hard.

[B]

So like my dad, when I say my dad, he. He actually married my mom when I was, I think, nine or 10. So my biological father, my mom split when I was 2, I think. And then I saw him a couple times growing up. And then like right around, I think maybe, you know, between seven and nine, I remember telling my dad on the phone that my mom Was getting married. And then the next time I was supposed to see him, he said, you just left me there, man. He didn't pick me up. And so, like, I. You know, a part of it is like this. I'm not good enough, right? Because I. My dad didn't even come pick me up, and I didn't see him. And then finally, before I moved to Florida, when I was 30 years old, I found his ass. I showed up at his house, knock, knock. And we lost touch after that. But, you know, so the point is, like, my mom was pretty much single, you know, my whole childhood until I was 10. So, like, those are formative years, man. When you look at it, it's like, okay, 10 years old, okay? I mean, you're still little, but it's still enough to create massive insecurities, right? And limiting beliefs and, like, weird behaviors based on like. Dude, my dating life when I was a kid was horrendous. I was like, is everything okay? Are you okay? Are you mad at me? Like, dude, if I was a girl, I would have not dated my ass.

[A]

Yeah. Cause you don't know, though. You don't know. Cause you're not getting that validation at home. God was. Even when I was talking to my therapist, you know, I was always trying to please my dad. You know, I almost felt like, same, bro. You know, I almost felt like if I was like, that's why I wanted to be seen, Because I felt like I wasn't really seen in the household. It was like. It wasn't really until I got good at sports, where I felt like I got my dad's respect. And, you know, like. Because a lot of it is because, you know, and I love my dad. My dad. Me and my dad have a great relationship. But, like, I almost felt like when I started doing good in sports, he started seeing me. Like, I kind of validated him. Like, you know, you got. Just imagine, like, your son, and he's doing well in sports, and now everyone's coming like, yeah, your son. Look at this. You're gonna feel, like, a sense of empowering me. Yeah.

[B]

Damn, that's my kid.

[A]

Yeah, it's my kid. Yeah, that's my kid. That's my kid.

[B]

I did that. I did that.

[A]

Yep, yep, yep. And it's like a little bit like, you know, you need to do that. Even before they did their athletic stuff. Cause now that kind of switched. Changed my brain where it's like, okay, if I do things well, people are gonna like me. If I could do something for someone, they're gonna like me, you know, and. And it makes you feel like, naturally people are not gonna like you just for being who you are.

[B]

You know, my dad and I. And I'm trying to think of the right words to ways to bring this across, because so many times in the past I've, like, been vehemently pissed at him for this, and I've just. I've killed him, you know, on. On. On camera. And so I'm, you know, I've addressed it with him, said, hey, man, I've said a lot of things, and I know you did your best. Like, for me, it was like, you know, for, you know, for those that listen that know baseball, you know, four at bats, two hits, a home runner double, and I'm walking back to the truck like, yeah, what's up? This is good. I mean, you know, my dad's gonna be happy. Like, what happened to at bat number. You know, number three, where you struck out, fucking sucked, and then you popped one up. That's just. That's horrible. And then you. Then you had a pass ball. Like, what? You gotta catch the ball, man. It's like, whoa, okay, so I gotta be perfect now. But. But looking at it, you know, and I'm trying to, you know, really grow through this, is like. Is that what he really meant? Like, or is he just doing the best he could to teach me, like, never be satisfied. Like, be blissfully dissatisfied. Like, really be happy, but also keep working? Yeah, I think that was probably.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

His message. I took it completely different.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, but. But, you know, what sports did for me, what it stopped me from getting bullied, man. I remember in middle school having to run home. We talked about it a little bit.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

You know, and. And I remember growing up in Concord, California, and people, you know, are probably like, yeah, I mean, I got some homies back that, you know, back home at Listen. And. And to me, it was that bad, you know, I, like, I didn't live in, you know, New Orleans. I mean, that's a little different. Right? But. But the pocket where I lived in and Concord was. Was gang territory, you know, And I remember, you know, sixth grade, having to sprint home, like, to go out the path in the back of the school, you know, everybody, every elementary school and middle school has that path. Scared out of my mind. Scared out of my mind because I knew the Bloods were there to try to fight me, you know? I mean, like, dude, that. That shit's. That shit's hard.

[A]

It is. It is.

[B]

You know, so it's like you know.

[A]

So when you start doing good in sports, they start. They let me know. Yeah, let me know.

[B]

And it was in high school. Thank you for that. Because I was losing my track. Yeah, fuck, you're good. You need a show. You need a show.

[A]

My friend told me that he's so good.

[B]

You can. You can. You can be a determined society affiliate. Um, but. But no, dude. Like, I remember, and I love this guy, you know? Like, he was making fun of me at baseball practice. Like, I wasn't as good looking as him. He gets all the chicks. And then I made a statement, like, yeah, that's why you're getting cut today, because you can't make grades. He was like, oh, fuck you. I'm gonna whip your ass after practice. I'm like, okay, bitch. That dude waited for me, man. He waited for me and he came at me. He was bigger than me, in better shape. I was a little pudgy dude. Had no muscle on me at all. And he had me on the ground, you know, and he was biting my lap. I'm like, let me up, dog. You hungry? And I pushed. I pushed him up against the railing, and he came back and I hit him once and it was over. Split him here in his eye. And, you know, I was the bad guy the next day because I'm a little. Because I wore my ring. I didn't have my class ring. Scotch flush, buddy. But. But me, he and I are cool now, but, like. And I'm not a fighter. I don't like it. It makes me feel weird. But. But from that point on, it was like, nobody messed with me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And especially once they saw me throw a baseball. It was like sports was just that validation it is, you know, which created this identity. And I did a TED Talk on it, too. It was like, you know, identity crisis, post sports.

[A]

Like, it's fucking wacko, man. That's two points I want to get to. Because that was. That's a guess. That's a good point.

[B]

So many good things.

[A]

So many good things.

[B]

You're going to have to say another day, bro.

[A]

I might have to, man. Cause I was gonna say, like, athletics does, like, kind of take a lot of pressure from you. Like, I'm talking about from the teachers. Like, once the. Once the school knew that, okay, Clay is really good at track. And I was also starting a football player since, like, my sophomore year. So I had a lot of, like, perks that I got, like, special privileges, I would say, from school. And I always got good grades, but I'm like, I could be a little late walking to class and a teacher like, Clay, here's this late pass. Just get to class on time and the hood guys would not really bother me. They'll like, I remember one time I was with my girlfriend, it was this real hood dude. I was right after college, I mean, sorry, after my first year of college, this one hood guy, like, talking to me, trying to talk to my girl, you know, I'm feeling big. I'm like, yo, bro, what you doing? Blah, blah, blah. I had a lot of the hood dudes from my school, like, yo, that's Clay, bro, don't do that, don't do that. And they have my back. So it definitely gives you a little bit more of like that validation where they want you to be successful. They feel like, hey, he's got some.

[B]

Stuff going for him, like, let's let.

[A]

Him go, you know? And then to your point about, you know, after athletics, you trying to figure out who you are, you know, Like, I stopped running track, in my opinion, a little bit abruptly. I came off a really good season and I just said, you know what? You know, Guyana wanted me to run for them and get a stipend. 2016 Olympics are coming up for Rio. And then I was just like, you know what? I never worked a day in my life before. I'm going to have to get into the real world or I'm never going to really make this transition. And that was really depression for me to go through, man, where it's just like, I didn't know who I was because every validation I got came from athletics. Like, my life changed. I started getting. Women started noticing me. Like, my family dynamic got better, you know, popularity grew off of athletics. So now with that gone, who am I? You know? And I feel like it's still been like a never ending cycle of who the hell is Clay? You know?

[B]

Well, it's funny because it's like all those lessons tie into the entrepreneurship aspect of what you're doing, right? And you're always going to have identity crisis, right? So, like, you left a company last year and then January started a new company. That's an identity crisis you're selling. You went from selling hardware to selling A.I. right? Solutions, right? So that's an identity crisis and you have to grow through it and you have to understand what you can bring to it now, as opposed to, like, I can't do that here because that was that job. And I think it's something that's just not talked about. Dude, no, dude, it's Just not talked about parents that go through, you know, that there are no kids and they have a kid. There's an identity crisis. You know, you're single, then you get engaged. That's an identity crisis. Because there's always like this change in life.

[A]

But good point, man. That's crazy. Yeah, we're always changing. So you're right. We're always dealing with identity crisis. And I'm sure even with marriage. Back to the marriage part. This identity crisis because you change within the relationship where now you have to relearn your spouse.

[B]

Here's a good one. I've done a lot of. I've had a ton of growth over the last three years. My wife always praises me for it. You're just a different person. But sometimes she will still hold me accountable to that other dude. Like that. That dude that I was three years ago. And I do it to her too. Right? So it's like, you know, even though, like a. A version of you dies, you know, sometimes it still comes back and you still have to atone for it. So that's just something for the listeners too, to really think. Like, be careful what you do in the moment because you may not be able to overcome it. Right. Like, really think about and choose your next words. Right. Wisely, especially in relationships. But then also as it pertains to entrepreneurship and, you know, everything that that's going on in the world, like, think, like really think. Is this what I want to say and do for sure, you know?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

So. Dang, man.

[A]

Yeah, man.

[B]

I feel like I could go on a Rogan style podcast. Like, like, literally like an hour and a half, two hours, man. We're gonna. You're gonna have to come back. We have to do it again.

[A]

I'm super random. I'm kind of well versed in a couple of topics. So I'm saying, yeah, same dude.

[B]

It's funny because, like, you know, that's the one thing that I think the audience enjoys about my show. It's very raw and authentic and it's not, you know. Let me ask you this question, okay? What's next on the card? You know, it's like, we're gonna bounce around. But the overarching theme always comes down to determination, overcoming adversity, how it pertains to entrepreneurship and growing as a human, you know, So I just appreciate you coming on, man. Dude, what's next for you, man?

[A]

I think it's endless possibilities. I try to take it a step at a time. You know, I've been, I've Always been bad about, like the ten year plan.

[B]

I've never even thought of it.

[A]

I've always been like, people like, what's your five year plan? What's your ten year plan? It's like, man, I'm just living, man. I'm just, you know, kind of to your point where, like, you got to take advantage of the day. I guess I do kind of live by that, but I just didn't think of it like, okay, tomorrow's not promised. But honestly, what's next for me is I do feel like I'm going to keep on elevating because I hold myself accountable to that. I don't know what that's going to look like, but I know that the version you seeing now is going to be an evolved version the next time you see me. I don't know what work is going to get put in, but I, whatever I see, whatever stuff, I'm going to take advantage of opportunities. And I'm always constantly trying to be better.

[B]

You know, it's funny because, like you said something earlier, like, two things can be true, right?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

So as long as you go through life understanding that both things could be true, Right. As it pertains to people's perspective, if you're having a relationship issue, she could be right, you can be right, you both can be right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's like that common ground, right? Like, how do we come to that common ground? You know? And it's funny because my, my business partner Pat had me do an exercise this weekend. He goes, I want to know what you want. Short term, midterm, long term. I'm like, because I always have, I have dreams. Like, everybody in this building knows what I want. Right? But. And we know the trajectory we're on. But I had to literally put it to pen and paper, like to a point where even on one of them, I said, I want somebody filtering inquiries asap. I don't want to do it anymore. I want to, I want to. I don't, I don't. Because I'm too nice. Like, I always find ways like, well, maybe I can work this into my show. No, if it doesn't fit, it doesn't fucking fit. Like, it just, it's just the way it is, you know? Then I just do the mid term, mid range. Like by end of 2025, where do we want to be? What do you want? And I got very granular, I thought. And then the big vision was just like, I'll say here, I was like, bigger than Joe Rogan.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like, bigger. Bigger.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

You know, and. And, dude, like. And I say that because I got nothing but love for that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's a homage. Like.

[B]

Like, dude, that dude.

[A]

Dude's a g. Yes, he is. I love his podcast.

[B]

It's amazing. If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be sitting here, right?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Inspired you?

[B]

I mean. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, Rogan, you know, Andy Frisella's MF CEO project, way back in the day was dope. Don't really. Don't really listen to Real AF now, but, you know, the MF CEO project, and it's funny. Today is actually International Podcast Day.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, hey, happy International podcast.

[B]

All my podcasts, it's like a birthday, you know, but they do, like, I say that with. With Rogan because that's the benchmark for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, he is unbelievable. He is intelligent, funny as hell, and he has the best conversations.

[A]

He does. He does.

[B]

If I can even get close to that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then I'm flying high, man.

[A]

Flying high, man. Yep, yep. That's awesome.

[B]

Well, look, dude, I appreciate you, man. I think it's time we close this thing out. We. We go to get some food, get you fed, and then, you know, you got to hop on that flight. So.

[A]

Back to Charlotte.

[B]

Got to head back to Charlotte. I'm glad everything's good there. I know a big shout out to North Carolina. There's a lot of flooding going on there, and there's been a lot of, you know, weather from Hurricane Helene that has displaced a lot of people, and it's just sad. It's really sad. And so I'm glad that you're going back to a place where you can be comfortable in your own. Your own home. But everybody that listened to the show, I just want to thank you. If you. If it's the first time you listen to the show, follow the show, leave a review, go see my man Clay on Instagram. Check out his business. If you're ever in North Carolina or ever in Charlotte, go rent a boat, get on a pontoon. You're gonna be doing these country tours now.

[A]

I'm doing a country tour. Yeah. He's actually. So he was in a car ride. He was putting me on. What's his name? Morgan.

[B]

Morgan Wallen, man.

[A]

Morgan Wallen, man. Yeah. So I'm doing country music boat tours with, actually, one of the guys I was on the show, Jeremy.

[B]

Oh, no way.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Jeremy. Jeremy actually thought of the idea. He was like clay man, you got all these R and B on the boat events, like they're going really well. Like tap into my market. I was like, you know what? Just smart. Like, you know. Yes, collaborations, collaborations, that's where it's at.

[B]

You know, like dropping the ego is the most important thing. Get everybody working together. We go a lot further and a lot quicker.

[A]

So, yep, real talk.

[B]

Thank you again, bro. Guys, until next time. Be good, chase your dreams, stay determined. Peace.

[A]

Peace.

[B]

So I've tried a lot of protein. You know what I've always found is all the flavors. You can taste artificial flavoring in them. With Raw, it's exactly that. I don't taste that. It's a clean protein source, tastes great. And I'm not putting a lot of things in my body that aren't good for you. The biggest thing that I say that I love about raw nutrition and Bum Energy is they're all natural ingredients in the third party tested. So what that means is an actual lab test is to make sure what's in the product is actually what is stated on the label. And then you'll see on the website of Raw Nutrition that it is signed off on. So there's no banned substances in these products. Athletes can use them safely and not get tested and pop for a failed drug test for performance enhancing, you know, ingredients, it's completely safe. Guilt free, baby.

[A]

This one, luckily I'm doing up until it's done, I'm me for the entirety. I put it in overtime. I'll be working. No, I'm a go for mine because I earned it. They watch and I know it's time I confirmed it. The whole society determined determination.