← Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset
Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset
Reality TV, Risk, and Regret: What Mark O'Brien Learned from Love Hotel
00:47:31
Loading summary
Transcript79 lines
- [00:01]
A
This is the way it feels to move through summer in Lululemon iconic aligned softness without the front seam for our smoothest look and feel ever. Summer won't know what hit it. Stretch your limits in the non stop flexibility of the new Lululemon align no line pant in select stores and@lululemon.com.
- [00:28]
B
At.
- [00:28]
A
Chipotle, we also have a playlist Guacamole.
- [00:31]
B
As it's being hand mashed.
- [00:32]
A
The sizzle of adobo chicken on the grill, the chopping of onions and cilantro. We call our playlist Real order now Chipotle for real.
- [00:44]
B
People that I know that do reality tv that produce it, like, dude, they can make you look any way they want. What a cool adventure for, you know, a guy in his 60s. That's probably a bad decision. I was doing it more for the tacos than the date. I was on a date and I said to the girl, I called her a girl and she was like, you know, spent the next 90 minutes talking about, you know, I'm a lady or I'm a woman. I said, I understand, I full respect. You know, what I said to her, which I think is I liked. We talk more and more about less and less and forget the love we bring. If I say girl, really, you give me a hard time. I mean, when did life become so complicated? Sharp French. What up? This one, luck. I let the pain inspire me. I put my all in. Everything I'm doing up until it's done, I'm me for the entirety. I put in overtime. I'll be working. Just know I'mma go for mine cause I earned it. They watch and I know it's time I confirmed it. The whole society, determined, determined.
- [01:52]
A
What's up, everybody? Welcome back to another episode. I got a spicy one today for you guys. I have Mark o' Brien here from season one of the very first Bravo competitive dating show called Love Hotel. This dude is dynamic. He's awesome. He's in phenomenal shape. He's a stud. And we're going to hear about his experience on the show as well as get into some other things that he's gone through in his life to get him to where he is today. So without further ado, Mark, my man, welcome to the show.
- [02:21]
B
Sean. Thank you for having me and spicy boy, but you're setting me up for like a big letdown. I don't know how spicy it was other than the tacos, but.
- [02:30]
A
Well, I mean, you know, tacos are spicy, right? I mean, they're good. I mean, but if you look at the premise of the show, the way they sold it was, you know, I think it said four horny housewives, you know, check into Love Hotel, and then here you are with all these other men. What was that like, man? Because that to me, like, dude, when I look at all these dating shows, you're taking somebody that has. It is a professional in normal everyday life like you, right? You've been a builder. You've been so many different things. And now you're on display on national TV and one of the channels that, in my opinion, has the biggest reality stars on. On the planet. How was it for you getting into that environment and coming kind of like becoming kind of exposed to the public a little bit, Right?
- [03:19]
B
I needed a drink. And that's. That's vodka, not water. Oh, I love it.
- [03:23]
A
Absolutely. When in Rome, baby.
- [03:25]
B
I watched. I watched the show kind of like with one eye closed. So look, I mean, people. I had the whole gamut of people saying, you know, poor judgment, dude, why would you do that? Like you had a good follow. I got, you know, almost 400,000 followers for, you know, Brownstone Restoration. You know, I call myself sort of the Accidental Influencer. My kids are like that. What? How did you become an influencer? I was like, am I an influencer? I don't know. What does that mean? You know, like, I'm like a caveman. And then from that, I get phone calls to do this show. They said, four very successful, well established, beautiful women. Spicy. I know they said spicy, but I. I was like, no, I don't know. That's not my thing. I gotta. And then, you know, I thought about it and I thought, well, what? Why not? You know, my. My motto that I sort of used as a training tool, as. As harsh or nasty as it might be, is just fucking do it. Jfd. I used to write it on the board and I'd stick it in front of one of my guys when I had an executive search business and they were trying to figure everything out before they make that call. Then they make the call, and guess what? It's busy. You know, this is back before we had email and stuff like that. Or they don't pick up. So just get. Just do it. Just see what happens. Have the experience. Have the guy, you know, hang up on you and then call him back and say, like, I'm sorry, you know, don't be disrespected. So, you know, go for it, jfdi. And that's ultimately, I thought, because they came after me a Couple times. They said, I think. I think you'll enjoy it. It's a beautiful resort. It's three weeks, essentially. Shot three weeks in September. I've never done anything like that. And I've finally said, yeah, why not? What a cool adventure for a guy in his 60s. And I'm doing it. I was doing it more for the tacos than the date. I mean, I. I was excited to see, you know, to see how it plays out reality tv. So all of a sudden I'm, you know, in front of the camera doing stuff, and, you know, my whole, you know, ethos is, you know, you get what you see. Like, I. You know, I'm. You know, I'm a C student. I was never, you know, I've made plenty of bad decisions in my past, but I've learned from them. So I viewed it as, yeah, it's probably a bad decision. Guys, people that I know that do reality tv, that produce it, like, dude, they can make you look any way they want. So I talked to them about that. I kind of said, look, if you had me do any stupid, I'll leave. I don't care. They're probably like, well, you're gonna sign a contract. I was like, I don't care. You know, I've been. I've got a lawyer on. On staff, practically. I should have. So anyway, and it was great. You know, it was. I. I met great guys. All the guys were. Were just great, really fun, funny. The women, which, by the way, I would call them girls. And one of the guys was like, they're. They're ladies. They're girls. I mean, they're ladies. They're women. I was like, okay, sorry. And. And I. I had a. I had a. I got into a long conversation with this guy that gave me a hard time, and they were all. They're all about the same age. I was one of the older people. It was me and one other guy, Ralph, who is like the lover boy, who. We're the same age, and everyone else is like 40s, 35 up to 40s and 50. So it's a pretty good range of. Of age range. But I was telling him a story that recently I was on a date, and I said to the girl, I called her a girl, and she was like, you know, spent the next 90 minutes talking about, you know, I'm a lady or I'm a woman. I said, I understand. I. Full respect. It's just, you know, my generation or. I don't know. I'm just sort of unfiltered and, you know, but, like, read the room. Like, read the room. Like, there's like, you know, I, I, I thought of it because it was driving me crazy. It was two things I said. You know, I grew up very Catholic, so I'd go to church and I'd see a lot of people. I'd go to church. You know, I went to church with my parents. I didn't really wasn't my thing. But, you know, I was respectful to my parents, and I saw more bad people show up at church and people that wouldn't go to church, that were super nice people. So I think that's, you know, I just, you know, I'm on this little bit of a tangent because it's sort of important to me. You know, I'm on this show. I am who I am. I'm a good guy. I'm nice. I'm respectful. I said, girls and, you know, and it just reminded me of that 90 minute argument with this date. And, you know, what I said to her, which I think is I liked. I'm a big Deadhead. I love the Grateful Dead. And I said, you know, we talk. There's a Grateful Dead song called Althea. The last line of the song is, we talk more and more about less and less and forget the love we bring. And it's just a great, they were great writers. Garcia, Hunter. You know, people may have mixed emotions about the Grateful Dead, but it was, you know, longstanding going on 60 year anniversary. Anyway, I just thought that kind of said it all about. So when I went there and I heard that right off the bat, I love hotel, I'm thinking, oh, man, is this going to be like a politically correct, you know, read the room. I'm, I'm respectful. It's fully respectful. If I, if I say girl, really, you give me a hard time. I mean, like, why, when did, when did life become so complicated? You know, it's just, it's just, yeah, just relax, have fun. That's. And that's what I was trying to do. Just be there to have fun. I was, like, looking for love. Look, I'm divorced, 13 years married, 13 years divorced, still battling, still ugly. We don't want to talk about that.
- [09:19]
A
But, you know, I don't think you're very ugly. I don't think you're very ugly. You know?
- [09:25]
B
Thank you. I was calling it the Love Loveless Hotel because I was just like, I don't know. This is not, I don't think this is going to work. But I'm here. I'M going to have fun. I'm going to have fun. And I did. And everyone was great. Still friends. Like, Shannon's daughter lives around the corner, and so whenever she's in town, we get together. Luanne and I have been out a couple times. I don't want to tell you this, but I want to tell you the. The spoiler. You have to stay tuned. But she kicks me out, actually, and then I come back and no way. Yeah. And that actually just happened. Yes. Man, I'm confused because it's the. It's the long holiday, but with a long weekend. But I didn't even watch it. I've watched one. The first one was the only one I. I watched. And again, with like, one eye closed, people were like, oh, well, you were probably watching the Nick game. No, I wasn't watching the Nick game either. I was at.
- [10:17]
A
That's almost worse.
- [10:19]
B
Yeah, that's right. I was at. Where was a Flatiron Room, watching blues. A Blues Plant Blues Band at Flatiron Room and wondering why it was kind of dead. And I said to my friend, I think it's because the Knicks are playing and Love Hotel is on. They're either watching the Knicks or Love Hotel. Both. Both were successful. The Knicks won. And I'm coming back.
- [10:49]
A
Coming back. You know, it's interesting to me because I've had conversations with multiple people who have been on reality shows. You know, mostly Love Is Blind on Netflix, right? And the one thing that they've experienced is once there's a moment, right, to where maybe post production paints him in a certain light, leaves things out, right? I mean, it's crafting a narrative. It's entertainment, right? But these individuals can, you know, receive a lot of public scrutiny to the point where everybody makes this public opinion like, that's who you are, and they fire off at him on social media, and it almost becomes this massive echo chamber where I guess bullying is, I mean, cyberbullying, I guess. But I. Someone very close to me to this day, anytime he speaks out on something, they bring up some old. Just because he said no at the altar. And quite honestly, I think there's more to that, right? I think that they did know that he didn't want to go to the altar. I think they did know that it was going to be a no for him. Not no to the woman, but no at that time. And so my whole point of the whole thing is when you go on these reality shows, you are honestly exposing yourself to a certain narrative. How. How did you work through that. Or have you experienced any of that in the early goings of the episodes that you've been in?
- [12:19]
B
Yeah, no, that's. That's the whole crux of it is that. That it can come back to bite you and. Do you want to. And look again? I'm like, I. I hang glide, I mountaineer, I rock climb. I. I do a lot of stupid shit that I could. That could go ugly and. But I. When I get the butterflies in my stomach to being, you know, terrified and hanging on a cliff and, you know, hang gliding and the wind drops and you, you know, you drop, you know, 200ft, that's the thrill. I love that. Like, I. It's a little sick, but I think that's why I like restoring old houses, why I built waterfront properties while I moved my five kids to New Zealand. I just love the adrenaline rush. So I look at that, like, bring it on. You know, it's a little bit like, bring it up, bring it on. I've been, you know, divorced, ugly divorce. My daughter at 11 had cancer. She's totally fine now, but. But, you know, it's like horrible where you're like, I never. I didn't know how to spell divorce. You know, my cancer, like, that doesn't happen. That happens to other people and sad. But when it happens, wow. Holy. It just, man, it's so like, whatever. I'm 60 something and bring it on. Like, people trying to poke at me. Love it. Like, I just, you know, you can't. You're not gonna hurt me. No one's gonna hurt me, like, because I've. I've been there, I've been hurt, I've been hit, I've been bashed, I've been. I've had businesses that were super successful and then fell off a cliff. So, you know, I try. You try to manage it. I talk to the producer and say, now, look, I'm. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. If anything, if you do have me do any stupid. And they did. They had me dance. I'm like, I don't want to dance. Like, you know, wants to see an old white guy dance. So. But I, you know, I was. Whatever.
- [14:10]
A
How did that work out for you? Did you bust a move? What did it look like?
- [14:14]
B
No, it wasn't. I. I'm like, that. You could cut that out for sure. That was fine. It was fine.
- [14:19]
A
It's always funny because, you know, you're talking about a lot of different things of, you know, basically around the theme of. Of risk. Right? And I can Relate, man. Because when I started this show, you know, four and a half years ago, one of the biggest things I was worried about was how the public would perceive me. Take small clips of conversations and then peanut butter that whole perception to my whole being, right? And what I found is it's a lot less scarier when you're in it, right, because you're able to do so much and communicate in so many different ways to where hopefully that doesn't happen. But most recently, I was on Piers Morgan uncensored. I've been on it twice. The first time, like, that was my first taste, Mark, of actual hate.
- [15:07]
B
Like actual people were hating on you or you were getting pissed off at.
- [15:12]
A
No, I was. No, no, no, no. I'm very mild mannered, you know, when I'm dealing with situations on camera and debates and things like that. But the fallout for me was I was getting torched on X, which I, you know, Twitter, but x and then YouTube and, and the thing that I said that people twisted to points, even like making jokes about my wife and all that stuff was, you know, I was, it was about, you know, the, the show adolescence, right? It was about misogyny versus masculinity and all that kind of stuff. And I, and there was one gentleman on there saying that, you know, the woman needs to be staying at home caring for the children and making sure they grow up okay and not out working. Why would you want anybody else raising your kids than your wife? And I, I made a comment, I was like, me personally, I love the fact that my wife is a teacher. I love the fact that she's out there giving back to the kids in the community and, and teaching them Spanish and seeing her be successful in her own right, right? She's gone from, you know, being one of the top mortgage professionals in the world to one of the best salespeople in the world. And she took this opportunity in order to provide a better education for our children and put them in a school that was top notch in the area, right?
- [16:40]
B
And you know that. But people take it and they twist it.
- [16:44]
A
Oh, they twisted the out of it, man. There was one, one person that says, quote from Sean French, I also want like my wife getting deed down by another man. And I was like, I was like, holy. Like this right here, I've never witnessed it. And for the first time, 20 minutes, I, I, I remember where I was. I was at a lacrosse game with my wife and she was watching some of her students and I was mortified. Like Mark, I was literally mortified that people were saying these things about me, about her and how I was a covert feminist and like all these, all these weird things which, which I am not right? But they perceived me in such a way that I got so much public hate. And I, I called my publicist, I'm like, what do I do about this? And she goes, nothing. Welcome to fame. I'm like, damn. And so that point right there for me, like, I, I can appreciate the, the risk of going on a reality show or going on to something like that because, you know, I've experienced it and it took me four and a half years to experience that type of hate. And then to the point where the second time I went on, I was expecting bad to come afterwards and it never did, right? But, but dude, like, you're not a.
- [18:00]
B
Bad guy because you're a good guy, right? So look, I think the truth never dies, right? Truth never dies. If you're a bad guy and you say something, you slip. You're trying your best to be on your best behavior, something slips, chances are people are going to realize, you know, you know, there's other things in the, in the history that were that kind of connect dots to the being a bad guy. But it also, it should work. When you're a good guy and when you're honest and you're real and something gets twisted, it's because, you know, look at the news, right? It's all about opinions, less about facts and, and it's a, it's become a blurred line between opinions and facts. And so I don't even watch the news. I actually never really, never really did like, read the paper and I used to get criticized. Oh, you know, you've gotta, you're gonna be a giant businessman. You gotta be up on current events. I'm like, why? It's just, you know, it took me a long time to realize that it's the same cycles just go over and over and over again and same drama, same bullshit. Whether it's politics or just. You know, these days it's really gotten crazy because of social media. So it's a whole. Taking a whole new turn. But yeah, I just try to not get involved in it as well. So you. That's kind of where whenever I get something negative on mine, I'll. I was throwing snowballs off my roof on social media. I went up to do something about, you know, you know, development and construction and building and, and it was snowing. There was like 4 inches of snow and I packing a snowball and I see somebody run By. And I. It turned into like. It went like viral. Like, I forget how Many million, like 6 million views or something like that. So funny. And some people would be like, you know, that's really dangerous. You know, you can hurt someone. I'm like, I. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What, what, you know, what do you say? So you just. I don't say anything. I just like. Or I just say, yeah, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be mean. I was, you know, I didn't mean. It was just fun. I was. I was lobbing them. It was. I wasn't packing them. There was one that I packed.
- [19:58]
A
I got carried really hard.
- [20:00]
B
Huh. I was talking. There were two guys walking right over here and I whipped it. Like, I just wasn't even think. It was when I was lobbing and, you know, I was hitting. Throwing them hard at cars, like, whatever. And then with people in this one and whipped it and went right in between these two guys and they looked up at me like, I'm going to kill you.
- [20:18]
A
Yeah. Yeah.
- [20:19]
B
I was like, sorry, dude.
- [20:23]
A
It's crazy. We all do things that, that, you know, are borderline, okay. Why the hell did I do that? But the thing that. The thing that I want to really bring home here in this particular part of the conversation is I think everybody, right, that. That in this world, they have the right to live their life the way they want to. Like, I don't judge people that believe that their wife should stay home. Hey, if it works for you and your wife's happy and the kids are taken care of, like, do you. Right? But. But to. To get on a social platform and just destroy somebody for how they showed up in a certain moment, right, or how you perceive that certain moment, to me is just freaking ridiculous. And, you know, reality TV can do that, man. And if you haven't dealt with it much yet with the show, that. And that's incredible because like I said, man, I know people that have just been absolutely destroyed in. Oh, dude, it. It impacts their every move. Imagine, you know, on Love Hotel, as it progresses or whatever, there's something said or. Or an action and that the cohort of people view that as you. And everything that you put out from that point on, they tie it back to that one experience. It could have been five years ago, but, like, that's the risk, man. But to your point, so what Bring it, right? It's about growth.
- [21:57]
B
How.
- [21:58]
A
How did the show. Or how is the show helping you as you watch it back and you reflect on you being there. Is there. Is there ways that it's helped you grow in perspective or anything like that?
- [22:12]
B
I. I'd say, like, if I was asked to do it again, would I do it? And I. I probably wouldn't because it's like a one off. Like, I wanted to check it out. So I think it's bolstered my feelings and my confidence. Try everything. I don't know how to say no. So I'll try most anything. I'll get into the two things I haven't tried, but maybe that's for after we hang up or I'll get some hate mail. But, yeah, so I think it just made me realize that, yeah, this is, you know, this life is short, and it's getting shorter and shorter for me, so why not? You know, I'm in my 60s. I've done so many cool things from, you know, having five children to moving to New Zealand, living on the water, sailing to, you know, Newport. From Newport, Rhode island, to Bermuda, mountaineering, you know, so it's just. And I'm not a bucket list kind of guy at all. At all. It's just like, it came my way. And if I said no, this is how I look at it. If I said no, I don't do it. Always asking yourself, what if? Well, what if I did go on that show? Maybe I would have found love. Maybe I would have found my. Which I never really. That was the least of my desires or fears. Maybe it was a fear than anything that I would find true love. So I just think it's. I think of what if. I think of the, you know, going through life, asking, oh, I should have. Really should have pulled the trigger on that. I've got one thing that I did in my life that I should have done. When I was in college. And a friend of mine, Mike Swiatek, had an uncle in Mexico that had a coffee bean farm. And I had it my grandfather's old Malibu with a Grateful Dead sticker on it and red rail with this bar down the road and, you know, classic 1981. And he said, let's go to my uncle's farm for the summer and work on the farm, and we'll take your car, we'll drive. And I was like, love that. And I decided against it because we would get a house at Belmar, New Jersey, right? We get a house every summer, me and my buddies, we'd have a blast. But, you know, we basically get drunk every weekend and run around on the beach and, you know, do stupid shit. And I Missed out. And it was just another year of doing stupid shit on, you know, in Belmar or Killington, you know, Vermont. We'd go to Killington, to Belmont, Killington to Belmont. And then bang, hey, why don't we go to Mexico and work on a bean farm? We'll drive. It'll be like, you know, on the road. And I said, nah. And I wanted to, and I said no, because my buddies were like, come on, we're going to have a blast, you know, and. And I did the same old thing. So that's the one thing I regret in my life. Looking back. There's probably other things, but that stands out. And so if I didn't do this love hotel, you know, would I be like, really regret it? Probably not that bad. But, you know, why not? Why not? Because you're afraid that you're going to get canceled. Cancel me. I don't care. I've been canceled before. Cancel. Before we knew how to spell cancel, right? I had a kick ass executive search business that fell off a cliff. But because of that, that catapulted me into building homes. I had kickass building business, decided to move to New Zealand with my wife and five kids. We got divorced when we were there. So just fell off a cliff, came back, built something on the water. I put it on the market for 12 million, sold it for 7. So fell off a cliff again. But you never give up and find your next adventure. Yeah, I live for adventure. You know, what if something, if they twist it, Because I know I'm not going to do anything stupid. I mean, maybe a little bit relatively, but I'm not going to. I'm confident in who I am and that I'm a good person. And so if they want to twist it, you know, the truth always never dies. The truth never dies. So the truth will eventually come out. It might take time and it might be too late, but then I'm on to something else. So what's, what's after this? 400,000 followers dropped down to zero. People said to me, how are your followers? I said, I think I lost a few. Really? All the guys, all the guys on the show were not, you know, they weren't doing social media. They don't know how to spell social media or Instagram. And so they're all about it and it's kind of cute and funny. They're like, you know, how do I do this? I was like, I don't know.
- [26:40]
A
New, right? It's new for them.
- [26:42]
B
Yes. And so it's kind of fun. To watch. And so for me, though, like, has your, have your followers really taken off? I was like, no, I really think that I've lost some. And because of that reason, you just told your story, like, why would this guy go on, on a dating show? What a loser. Or whatever they think and think what you're going to think. You know, I did it for the adventure, for the fun, for the tacos.
- [27:05]
A
Why, I think it's commendable, right, because you mentioned you've sailed from Rhode island to, I think you said Bermuda, right? Like, all these different things, you've hang off, you've hung off cliffs, you built businesses, you went on a dating show. I think life, when you break it down, man, to the simplest form, what, it's not about a bucket list, right? We want to live life in such a way that we create experiences for ourselves because at the end of the day, man, that's how we get the most out of ourselves. That's how we grow as human beings, is to experience things that may be outside the norm, right? Again, you know, when I started this, we're like, who the hell are you? Like, you know, what are you, what are you actually trying to prove here? Why are you doing this? And for me, if I look back, I was telling my friends, I sent the video to a couple people. I looked at my first YouTube podcast that I published, and it was mortifying. I was, God, awful. It was terrible. My speech pattern sucked. I couldn't even do an intro. There was too many breaks in my speech. I was stuttering, all that kind of stuff. And I, I would imagine if I'm those people watching at that time, go, I was right. He sucks. But then you just keep going. You keep experiencing more things, you talk to more people, then you refine it, right? But again, what I want the audience to really understand is don't be afraid to do something that's completely outside of your box because you do not know the outcome. You do not know how to, how much it can help you grow.
- [28:37]
B
Yeah, I, I, I couldn't agree more. I mean, it's, you know, it's sort of how I operate is that, you know, I, I love, I'm a thrill seeker, right? Like, I love, you know, when you, I love hang gliding that people just don't do. And people say, oh, I hang glide too. And I'm like, oh, yeah, like, let me guess, they're, they're tandem. You know, they'll do a tandem hang glide. But to actually get and learn and spend a whole summer to get your license and learn how to. How to jump, you know, run off a cliff and fly like a bird. So I look at that and say, that's. That was such a cool thing that lasted for four, six years of my life. You know, this. This dating show. It's. It's just fun. Like, just have fun. I don't know when we became so precious and so protected and guarded. I mean, I do know when we did that because, well, it happened when my generation at least started padding the playgrounds. So heaven. Heaven forbid that Johnny falls off the swing and cuts his or breaks his arm or. You know, when I was a kid, everybody was in a cast. It was a badge of honor. You want to sign my name on your cast and say something stupid on your cast? And now, you know, no one's ever got a cast anymore because. Because we're all, you know, we got our headgear and our protective eye gear and our earplugs and. You know, it's funny, I saw a friend who was it, that had their kid at, like, a concert, and they had big ear things on. So like, just like, come on. I don't know. Just like, let. Relax. Just. We got. We've got so uptight. Jesus Christ. It's a really pathetic. It's really pathetic. And I've got five kids that are stuck in it. So I. I just tell my kids, be. Be nice. Be. Be nice to people. Be honest. Be good. Be good people and be interesting. Do. Do cool shit. You know, Work hard. Be nice and do cool shit. Whatever that means to you, whether it's being an artist or being a, you know, a hedge fund person. None of my kids are hedge fund people. They're all C students also, which is torture. Poor kids.
- [30:44]
A
I was a C student too, man. I mean, God, if it wasn't for baseball, I don't know if I would have made it through college.
- [30:49]
B
Really.
- [30:50]
A
Well, I mean, I. I had. I had to graduate, right? I had to have the. At least the seed to play, you know, because, like, those values weren't really instilled in me when I was a child. It was like, do you have homework? I'm like, yeah, no. Okay, cool.
- [31:04]
B
Yeah. No. Hey.
- [31:06]
A
My kids walk into the house, and my wife says, hey, do you have homework? They're like, no, let me see your binder.
- [31:11]
B
Right?
- [31:12]
A
Like. Like on it, right? But she comes from a third world country she grew up in, you know, she's born and raised Quito, Ecuador. So it's like education for her was her way to get to the state. So, you know, completely different ideologies. But you know, I, I want to go back to the thrill seeking thing. Right. Because you like again, you've done a lot of cool thrill seeking things in the adrenaline aspect of hang gliding, which, dude, I'm sorry, that's batshit crazy. I'm never, I'll never skydive, I'll never do anything like that because I'm just not willing to take that risk. Like for me, like, I'm good. That's one fear I'm not willing to get over. Right. But I respect the people that do. But when you look at all those thrills and all that adrenaline, how did the filming of the show and going on to it, did any of that type of adrenaline translate to the show or was it just kind of whatever to you?
- [32:07]
B
Sure. I would talk a bit about the, I get butterflies in my stomach the first moment when we walked out and I think everybody was nervous and I think that's the adrenaline pumping through your body which for that to happen as we get older, I think that's cool. I think it's great to do things that scare you and that are an adventure. So yeah, I was, you know, butterflies, I'd be nervous, be like, you know, I felt like a kid, like a kid going on a date. And I, and I'll say, I really, I did realize something about myself on this show. The more I, we talk, the more things kind of open up and I realized I like to be in control. So I kept saying, I kept saying to the producers, I know what I want to do, I want to go. And I'd be all excited, I'd be like, I want, can you guys get some paddleboards and, or a sailboat and like if you want to bring, you know, a camera guy. They must have been like, what, who do you think you are? What do you think? We're not going to get a sailboat or paddle boards. You know, we got thousand dollar, you know, you know the necklaces by the way that we were wearing are the microphone and so they're all crazy with, if it goes in the water, you're paying for it. So I actually at one point was jumping from table to table. You know how they have in these resorts, tables in the, in the pool. And I was jumping from table to table. They're like, stop, you're going to fall in. I was like, I'm not going to fall in. I guarantee I will fall in anyway, I, I, I digress. So I, I, I felt like I Felt like the nerves and the excitement was a little bit like, like hang gliding or mountaineering. And, and like, why, like, the memories typically, and this might be opposite the memories typically, like mountaineering are better after the event, while you're, while you're doing it, you're saying, why am I doing this? I have a headache. I can't breathe. I'm freezing cold. And then the memories are great. Love Hotel. And your version of it could be the memories were pretty cool. I mean, it was kind of fun. But then the backlash and how they, you know, how people perceive you. Maybe I'll start getting. Maybe the memories won't be as good, but. Yeah, I, Again, I, I feel like a memory is a memory, whether it's a good memory or a bad memory. It's a memory and you learn from it. Maybe you shift a little bit, but, you know, it's. I don't see any, any down downside. So, you know, people will try, the trolls will try to poke you, but I don't see any.
- [34:50]
A
Oh, they sure will, man. Yeah, they're out there. They're out there.
- [34:53]
B
And also with, with hang gliding, you know, you could die. Hang glide. That's why I stopped. I had two friends get killed flying into trees and, But Jesus, like, it's Love Hotel. It's, you know, stupid. It's stupid, silly. And if people think it's poor judgment. Mm, good. Fair. Yeah, I, I, Some of my best, My most fun events are poor. Come from poor judgment, so.
- [35:22]
A
It's a good point, right? It's a good point. I don't think it's bad judgment. I think it's like, again, we go back to experiences, right? And the nerves and the butterflies, you know, before the dates and things like that. Did any of those impact your ability to be you completely? And you go back to, you're like, man, I could have been myself more in this situation here, you know? And a lot of times, right, when we're in those situations, we're not ourself, we're saying what we think people want to hear instead of just being truly who we are. Can you think of anything like that?
- [35:54]
B
Yeah, I mean, that's, that, that was the most difficult part. And I think that was point I was trying to make. And I got, I got sidetracked a little bit with, you know, me trying to create my, My own date. But they had all the dates set up. You know, they knew exactly where you're going on your date. It's just a matter of who's going with who. And, and they, they had the whole setup because they had to have cameras. And I get it. The production for. For that was, was massive. It was impressive, the amount of production that goes into shooting this. So that was cool. That was even fun for me to see. I mean, you would appreciate it as well, being, you know, in front of. In front of a camera to see what these big networks, you know, Peacock, bravo. See the kind of money they spend on the back end to pull it all together is 10. 10 cameras, 15 producers. Everybody's sort of trying to. No one's telling you what to say, but they're kind of poking you a little bit and, and kind of putting a little bug in your ear about. So, so, and so said some, something, something. So I tried to do my own dates. I said, I want to go paddleboarding, I want to. Want to get on a sailboat. And I couldn't do it. They're like, no, you're not doing it. You're going. Where was my date? My date was some kind of party or something and dancing, I think. And I found it very difficult. And this is what I realized is that I like being in control of setting up the date. Like last night I had a date. We went to see jazz, actually a blues band play at the Flatiron Room. Really cool, really great environment, you know. You know, it was just. And I've been there before, so I. And I just know what. Last couple weeks I went to the Russian Turkish bathhouse. Go with. With a date to the Turkish bath house. You do the plaza where they hit you with the branch. And it's just great, if you haven't done it before to bring someone. And it's kind of down and dirty. And it's not like a super fancy spa. It's an old Russian bathhouse. And then go to Mogador Cafe, which is a place that's on St. Mark's in the east Village, down in dirty. But it's been there for 45 years. It's just a. It's just a top notch, really great date. And I'm sort of curating it. So I'm there and I'm on somebody else's date, essentially. And I'm not digging it. I'm like, at some stupid luau dance, tip your hat and you're doing like a line dance. And all the people, very nice. But they're showing you their tradition of. And I'm like, I don't go to resorts. I don't go on cruise ships. I don't do. I go Skiing or mountaineering. My honeymoon was mountaineering, which is probably why I'm divorced. We climbed a 21,000 foot mountain called Illimani in Bolivia or Peru. I think it's in Bolivia. But we were back and forth between Bolivia and Peru. But. So they curate this date and I'm like, this is so stupid and I am not enjoying it. And they got in the cameras, you know, I don't know how do you. Some of the guys did it very well, actually. Earl was great. Like, you would never know that he had a camera. And he's, he's talking, you know, sentimentals with, with, with Shannon. I didn't even have an opportunity. I, I was with. Going after Luann. Luann, you know, lived in New York. I live in New York. She's a countess. I was like, yeah, I've never been with a countess. Let me, let me check that out.
- [39:31]
A
You know, it's interesting. No, I mean, hey, it's a good play, right? It's a good play. But like, when you, when you're going through all that, I'm just thinking of this one thing, right? It's called control, right? And when we control situations, what the audience to really understand is like when we try to hold on too tightly and we don't go with the flow or let things happen as they may, because we can only control what we can, right? And in your case there, you're trying to control the date, which took away from your experience on the actual date, right? Because it didn't line up with what you wanted to do. And so it's just interesting to me because we do that as human beings all the time, right? I'll try to control a situation where, which then takes me out of the presence of the moment. And so whatever's happening, I'm judging that every freaking second. Like, this sucks. This is not what I want to do. And from that point on, I'm never bringing my full self to that moment, if that makes sense.
- [40:31]
B
Yeah, you know, look, I think I did step up and I was, I was not, I was not like a little, like a little, you know, brat. Like, I, I'm not, I'm. I, I don't want to do this. You know, I, it was fine. I was there. It is what it is. So I am pretty good with being able to adapt and, and, and play along. But yeah, I think it did set me off a little bit. And I just, just was not myself. I just could not, you know, and then I don't know if it was that or the Cameras. I'm sure it was a combination of, of both. And, and I, I gotta say, there wasn't great chemistry with, with any of the, the women. I like them all. They were great. They're fun, friendly. I still talk, as I mentioned, a lot, and I get together a lot with Shannon when she's in town. And Luann. Luann and I have been out in the city, you know, three, two or three times since we got back, and we communicate a bit. So it was, it was, you know, super fun. I always talk about the guys. You know, I started dating Wale because he and I connected. I didn't. Don't go, oh, my God, is that going to go, go, go sideways? I enjoyed hanging out with the guys. We'd work out every day. I enjoyed hanging out with the women. We worked out every day as well. You know, there wasn't great connection. You know, I think we all tried or I tried and I think they, you know. But yeah, I did, I did, I did try and I was not, you know, well, I don't think it showed that I was. It wasn't my idea to go to do a line dance on it on my date. I'd rather be on a paddle board or do something active like that on a sailboat or, or a romantic sailboat. You know, let's, you know, grab then turn the. Let's, you know, jive. Let's attack. You know, we got a breeze coming. And, and look, maybe that says something. Maybe I, I have, I need distraction in my life, so I'll call myself out on that. I'm sure some of the women, if they watch this would be, oh, yeah, he's. I know his type. He's. He's got to be doing something. Yeah, maybe.
- [42:39]
A
But, yeah, you know, the one thing, like the overarching theme here right as we land the plane and in the show is you're bringing up some really good points of your experience on the show on Love Hotel. But the one thing that I'm really hearing and feeling is although, you know, things on the show didn't work to your way or how you'd want them to play out, you built relationships, man, you know, with, with, with the two women that live in, you know, New York. You still get together with them, you're friends with them, you built relationships with the guys. You now have people in your life that you didn't have prior. And I think what needs to be really understood about all of this is to not judge a situation or judge and experience, but to see what you can build from it and you're. And you've clearly done that, man. It. So it's. It served your life. Maybe didn't bring you love, but it brought you connection in other ways. And I think that's powerful.
- [43:40]
B
Yeah, no, absolutely. And Luann would be like, come to this party. You'll like my girlfriend. So I was like, you know, great. And we, we would go and you know, it was all fancy people and maybe that's the problem. I'm not that fancy, so I don't like fancy stuff. Would be. I would be a little like, this is way too fancy. What?
- [43:57]
A
You know, I'm a simple dude too, man. I don't like, you know, too much fanciness, but, you know, it's just at some point in time I'm gonna have to dive into that and understand like, hey, maybe this is here to serve me just a little bit, so.
- [44:10]
B
That's right.
- [44:10]
A
But dude, like, I, I just appreciate chatting with you today. You know, I've. I know a lot about you and you know, it's. It's nice to see somebody that's so free and open to adventure and to do things that are uncomfortable in life. Because again, life is all about doing the things that we don't really want to do. Right. In order for us to grow as a person. And you are a poster boy of that. Right? You're flying off a cliff.
- [44:40]
B
Not to interrupt, but this is exactly that. Like, I would love to. To sit down with you and spend an hour and, and on one of your podcast because they're kick ass and talk about my career and my, my, you know, just my life and, and not Love Hotel. So when you said Love Hotel, I was a little like, you know, I don't know if I want to talk about Love Hotel. It's not, it's not necessarily a highlight, but it is, it is, you know, current. It's a current event, so get it. And, and it kind of freaked me out and I said it. Let's do it. I want to. I want to. I want to do it because I want to be, you know, in this, this situation and, and yeah, and thank you for, you know, sort of bringing out some. Some stuff. I gotta go talk to my shrink. Damn it.
- [45:24]
A
Well, hey, man, that's what I do, right? That's what we do. But I appreciate you, man, and I'm looking forward to staying in contact with you. I have your info on social, so I'll reach out and man, maybe one day when I'm up in nyc we can get together. I got family up there, so it'd be good to meet you in person. And man, keep doing what you do. And I. I just appreciate you, man, so, so much.
- [45:48]
B
Well, thank you. Thanks for having me on this. This is fun.
- [45:51]
A
Absolutely. And for the audience, understand that you can only control what you can control. And what will serve you best in life is submitting to certain things that are uncomfortable because you do not know what you're leaving on the table if you don't do that. So share this episode with someone you know love and trust who needs to hear the message. And I encourage you guys that have listened to go back and listen to it again and hear the messages that are buried inside of this conversation. And don't take it for face value. Just about a reality dating show because it's been much, much more. And until next time, guys, stay determined.
- [46:34]
B
Sharp French. What up? This one luck I let the pain inspire me I put my all in Everything I'm doing up until it's done I'm me for the entirety I put it in overtime I'll be working Just know I'mma go for mine cause I earned it they watch and I know it's time I confirmed it the whole society determined determine.
- [47:00]
A
Hi, Zoe Saldana. Welcome to T Mobile. Here's your new iPhone 16 Pro on us.
- [47:04]
B
Thanks. And here's my old phone to trade in.
- [47:07]
A
You don't need to trade in. When you switch to T Mobile, we'll give you a new iPhone 16 Pro. Plus we'll help you pay off your old Phone up to 800 bucks and you still get to keep it. There's always a trade in.
- [47:17]
B
Not right now.
- [47:17]
A
@ T Mobile.
- [47:18]
B
I feel like I have to give.
- [47:19]
A
You something in return for karma. That's okay.
- [47:22]
B
I don't really have much in my purse. Oh, let's see. Hand sanitizer. It's lavender.
- [47:26]
A
I'm good.
- [47:27]
B
Seriously, Let me check this pocket. Oh, mints.
- [47:30]
A
Really, I'm fine.
- [47:31]
B
Oh, I have raisins. I'm a mom.
- [47:33]
A
Wait, wait one sec.
- [47:34]
B
I've got cupcakes in the car. It's our best iPhone offer ever. Switch to T Mobile, get a new iPhone 16 Pro with Apple intelligence on us, no trade in needed. We'll even pay off your Phone up to 800 bucks with 24 months monthly bill credits.
- [47:48]
A
New line, 100 plus a month on experience beyond finance agreement. $999.99 and qualifying ported for well qualified plus tax and $10 connection charge. Pay out via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days credits end in balance.
- [47:58]
B
Due if you pay off earlier, cancel.
- [47:59]
A
See t mobile dot com.