← Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset
Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset
Suebelle Robbins: From Rock Bottom to Palm Beach Royalty
00:51:14
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- [00:01]
A
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- [00:29]
B
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C
Everything that's going on right now with you, all the great things, how you're inspiring people, would not have been possible if you were still hitting that bottle.
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D
I went to a psychiatrist and he said, well, you're an alcoholic. You have to stop drinking. I got so fed up with it. I said, oh, who cares? I went back to drinking and decided that I was always going to drink. I thought it helped me cope, but what it did was it brought me more depress it, just a spiral and you get so down. It's almost impossible to feel good about yourself again. Until I found some like minded people that would say I love you and I want you to take care of yourself.
- [01:46]
C
So, Sue Bell Robbins, we're here with you, the Instagram queen of Palm Beach. You're doing some amazing things at the young age of 70. Walk us through what's going on with you.
- [02:00]
D
Oh, again, beyond my wildest dreams. I have some great endorsements. I have like 725, I call them fans, but followers. I mean, it's amazing. And it, it'll be two years. It is two years in August that this all happened and I still can't believe it. My manager, Ali says I have imposter syndrome because I'm just like, God, how did this happen?
- [02:42]
C
Yeah, you know, it's funny because I think we all go through those moments of imposter syndrome, especially when we create something, we're like, wait a second, you know, who am I to do all this stuff, right? Who's going to listen to me and how am I going to really inspire? Because to your point, I mean, you really look at yourself just as Sue Bell Robbins. You're just another person trying to give back to the world. So I, I can really relate to that. The first gosh I would say first three and a half years I struggled with that. And really what I did was I had to change myself to the core to just understand that, hey, you've got something to give and you're, you're sending out a good message and people are going to gravitate to it. So I can really relate to that. And I think a lot of people don't admit that part of what they're going through.
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D
I, I really wish I had more of a filter because I, I tend to just say what comes to my mind. And my ex husband used to call it knee jerk reaction. So I wish I could be a little more thoughtful. I've been working on it. But it's funny, you know, the insecurity issue. Like, you know, I don't know if I, I deserve this. When I was in high school or college, mostly high school, my mother used to say, what do you care what those people think about you? But we do care. You know, we, we want to be thought well of and, and popular. And it's, again, it comes with age and wisdom that you're more sure of yourself and less insecure.
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C
You know, it brings up a good point. I did a show yesterday and we were talking about fear, Right. And a lot of times people say, I have this tremendous fear of public speaking. No one really has a fear of speaking in public. They have a fear of how people are going to judge them.
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D
Absolutely, that's true.
- [04:55]
C
Yeah. Once you get through that cast.
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D
Because I thought, oh, but now, now I'm comfortable, you know, there haven't been any negative repercussions. It's been all positive. And I like talking to you, Sean.
- [05:12]
C
Well, thank you. I like talking to you too. And what could be negatively said about you? I mean, really, come on. Like, you know, I think that, you know, anybody that has a right mind really respects what you're doing and it inspires them. So with that, how did you get started?
- [05:31]
D
Well, there's a girl who sort of pops up on the street and will ask what you're wearing and what your favorite fragrances. And, and she popped up when I was walking with my friend and, and we told her, and I guess we got like overnight 16,000 comments, and they were all positive. And from there she asked me to do one of me alone. And that was. That went well. And I, I met this girl who'd done a lot of Instagram and she said, we, we want her friend. We want to make you a star. And I said, oh, because I'm always concerned about Money. And I said, okay, well like how much you got to charge? Or what's this going to entail? And they said, oh no, we just want to hang out with you. So that sort of got me started. And the more I did it or the more videos we did, the more fans I got. Forgive me for calling them fans, but I, I will be at a restaurant and I get. Not mobbed, but quite a few people want to say hello and they're so sweet, so kind. Oh, the best. The one I love the most is, oh, you're much better looking in person than on the camera. I think it's just the opposite. But oh yeah, that's how it started.
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C
Own worst critic.
- [07:27]
D
Yeah, I just went on and on. And even today, yeah, I'll, I'll get another thousand followers, you know, if we posted. I have a fabulous assistant manager. She bosses me around a little bit, but she edits everything and will come up with a subject. Or if we're going to an event and she does all the filming and then edits and post it and all I do is talk, you know, Me too. You got the same. Same thing. So you're as grateful as I am because.
- [08:09]
C
So grateful. And it didn't. Yeah, I mean, without the, you know, without my team, you know, I'm, I'm pretty much nothing. And. And I think it takes a very humble person to admit that. Right. And you know, back in the day, I was the one creating all my stuff. I was the one posting it. Now I have a team that does and they do a damn good job. So I'm very grateful that I get to just have great conversations with people like you and then other people, you know, do the things that I don't know how to do. Hey, we're going to take a quick break to hear from our Powered by sponsor. We're proud to announce a partnership between White Sands Treatment Centers and the Determined Society. With multiple locations across Florida, White Sands provides luxury top rated addiction treatment. From medical detox and inpatient care to outpatient support and long term after care. Their resort style campuses, expert clinicians and holistic programs create real, lasting recovery. Together, we're committed to bringing hope, resources and healing to those who need it most. White Sands Treatment Centers make you look good. I don't know if they have that capability yet. We're still working on that one. We're still working on that one too. Bell, you know, they gotta, you know, they gotta do something else with this, with this, with this old man. But you know, you, you, you, you Mentioned something that I really wanted to touch on because you said you're always worried about money. And I think when we all get started in this space, we're so worried about what people want from us, and there's not enough people that want something for us. Right. And it's always a, what's it going to cost me? And there's some people that would say, oh, it's going to. It's only going to cost you $18,000 for, you know, two, three months. And you're like, wait a second, that. Where's the ROI on that? Right. But you had somebody that believed in you and you had somebody that just wanted to be a part of your life because they respected you and they loved who you were as a human being. How has that played a factor in your growth? Because I would assume that trust is a massive factor. Right, and so you trust these people. How did that work out for you? Because I really, I'm really interested in that.
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D
I just became more confident the more, the more success, which I'm saying fans and success to me are sort of the same thing because it's, it's people that are listening and enjoying what I have to say. The confidence really starts to, to flow. And I'm not so concerned about anything really. I mean, I must do say. I do a hundred, I get a hundred comments. Two of them will be little snarky. One guy said, does your undertaker know you're walking around? And, and I don't drink. And, and they've said, did you already have your martini? You know, stupid like that. That's two people out of a hundred. So to get. Be so sensitive that that would ruin your day is just not happening anymore. Because I have the confidence and the love from every. From the other 98.
- [11:39]
C
That's an important, that's an important topic because a lot of times people can tend to focus on that negative aspect or the people that don't like them or have something snarky to say in your words. And what I found in my journey is to really focus on what I'm creating and how it's helping people and focusing on them. And I love the fact that you call them fans, by the way. I have to say that because you said it a couple times and at one point you apologize for it. To me, I think calling them followers is. Would be the apology because people are coming to our pages to ride along with us because we speak to them, you know, speak to their lives and the things that they're going through in a Certain way. And to me, those are. That's the community, that's the fans. That's, you know, that's important. Followers is so kind of, you know, look at me, right? Look at me. Followers. I just. I. I just don't like that connotation. Yeah. So I gotta ask you, what are you wearing today? You got a beautiful little pink outfit on. And.
- [12:46]
D
Yes, it's. I can't stand up. It's. One of the incredible things that's happened is I'm gifted with clothes. And this was a gift from a beautiful shop in. In Palm beach. And I have it in pink and white and. And when I post wearing it, that. They love it.
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C
No, that's great.
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D
It's called. Yeah. This one is called La Vie, which means the Life Style House. And they're pretty much one of a kind. It's fabrics that were discontinued or something in this smart company put them together and they're really. You can be fat and look fine in this because it's. It's like a big thing, like the sleeve.
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C
It's flowy. Oh, look at that size arm.
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D
But. But they're. They're wonderful. And they're all applique with flowers. It's sort of a. A happy look. I. I tend to be a little. I call it town and country with a couple buttons undone. You know, little.
- [14:10]
C
A little edgy. I mean, I'm. I'm edgy too. I like edge. Right. And I think it takes an edgy person to do what you're doing. I mean, you started what. When you're. Did you start when you're 68 or 70?
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D
70.
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C
It's interesting to me because, you know, I look at your socials and I see the engagement and I see the love for what you're doing. And, you know, you had mentioned earlier that you wish you would have more of a filter, but I think you having the lack of the filter in so many words, because I don't think anything you say is bad, but, you know, that's what people are attracted to, is your authenticity. Have you always held authenticity and genuineness at the forefront of everything that you do on a daily basis?
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D
Absolutely. And it's gotten me in trouble before, but when I did sales, I'm just a fabulous salesperson. I worked in a men's store and had a small line of villager clothes. It was very traditional, but I. The guys would buy the suits and I would do the shirt and ties, and I think I had good taste. But I also would be insisting that this was the one they should buy because it was the most attractive. And, and that was a great feeling. And, and it's sort of what I do now is like, if I really like something, I want to share it or, you know, talk about it. You know, I, I had an issue with drinking in my 30, late 20s, 30s, 40s, and my life was becoming unmanageable. I had everything anybody could want as a corporate wife, sort of the boss's wife. I got away with a lot, but I was, I wasn't bad, but I was just like sloppy and, and it was suggested that I look at that and do something about it, which I did. And I think that has given me, as I said, life beyond my wildest dreams. I'm able to do, do a lot. And whenever I post about something like that, it's unbelievable how many people thank me and give positive comments or when I'm out, somebody will whisper in my ear, you know, you really helped me. Because it's a given that for every alcoholic, 12 people are directly affected. You know, your, your parents, your husband, your kids, job. And there are many losses. So I, not to preach, but I just tell what's happened to me, my experience.
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C
I like that. And it begs the question of, you know, we don't always, or the statement we don't always. How does it go? You know, the people that are going to tell us the things that we don't want to hear are the people that we need to keep the closest to us, right? Because they want us to be better. They want us to show up more polished and give something to world. Who was the person that, you know, inspired you or gave you that challenge to kind of look at that aspect?
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D
About 15 of my friends.
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C
A whole slew of them, like Sue Bell, clean up your. We, we got to figure this thing out here. Those are real friends.
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D
I went to a psychiatrist and, and he said, well, you're an alcoholic. You have to stop drinking. So for a year I drank apple juice and. But nothing seemed to get any better. And then I got so fed up with it, I said, oh, who cares? I'm just going to go back and have a glass of wine. But within three days, I was back to having a scotch. After the guiding light at 4 o', clock, I mean, it was. Your life becomes very small. And now my life is incredibly large and filled with wonderful, wonderful people and experiences and it's the best thing that ever happened to me. But I didn't want to hear it initially.
- [19:12]
C
No, absolutely not. None of us want to hear Right. What our biggest problem is, because that is our own personal hell. And it reminds us that we feel we're failing in life. For me, and I talk about it very often, for me, it was binge eating. It was finding comfort in food and abusing food. And I, I was a food addict. I'm sorry. Just the way it is. And you know, I, I think it, I got to a point just in this past December, it's like, hey, man, like, this is the one thing holding you back. How could you have a show called the Determined Society when you're not showing any discipline in your physical form? And for me, you know, yeah, it's about, you know, looking good and not having to worry about. I can't wear that shirt because it shows this. Right. Those are all amazing things that transpire once you lose a ton of weight. But really it's about health. Right. And we want to be able to live a long time, be there for our people and truly maximize how long we're on this earth, because we don't know when that day is actually going to come.
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D
Yeah, it's, it's when you feel that your life's unmanageable. You know, I can't wear that shirt. I look so fat in this. And, and I got a DUI and I, and, or I've gained 17 pounds in the past two months. You gotta look at it. And until you're, you're willing to look at it, you really can. As I said, 15 people told me, you know, that I should cool it. But it's really, until I decided enough, you know, with the help of God, I'm a big believer that I didn't do it on my own. I, I, I had help.
- [21:08]
C
I love that. And I subscribe to that. Right? I mean, you can do what you, what you can, but, you know, you pray and, and you, and you look for strength and, and, you know, discernment and, and wisdom as well. Right? Because to know God is to, is to, is to find wisdom. Now, when you said was, was your turning point, because I know you said like, you had 15 friends that came up to you, psychologist or psychiatrist, said you're an alcoholic. You drank apple juice for about a month. You're like, I'm done with this crap. I'm having the wine. What was, was the DUI the turning point for you to be like, okay, now, now I have to make a move.
- [21:44]
D
Well, I think I was what they call a dry drunk. You know, I, I wasn't drinking, but yet I wasn't Happy, I, I didn't really have any, I didn't have a lot of support and until I found some like minded people that would say, you know, you're doing, you're doing well. You know, I love you and I want you to be happy and take care of yourself. Because it's, it's not just one thing. You have to change everything about the way you look at things. You know, stay away from depression, which is a big, big thing. I mean it can it just a spiral and you get so down it's almost impossible to feel good about yourself again. So that's what happened. And then I, I went back to drinking and as I said, within a few days I was right back where I had started. And, and I decided that I was always going to drink. You know, that's the, the one thing that makes me survive, you know, all the, like I had a, not a happy marriage, you know, and uh, and I thought it helped me cope, but what it did was it brought me more depression. And until I, you know, changed the way I thought and by actions, not much was going well. And I did end up having a very civilized divorce and I, I moved back to Boston where I had lived before and I just sort of started over, you know, like turn the TV off and then I turned it back on.
- [24:06]
C
That's all. Thank you for that. You know, I want the listeners to really key in on this because you know, there's a lot of people trying to go through changes in their life, right? And they think that just changing a habit is going to change everything. You have to become a different person to the core, right? It's about standards, right? It's about like changing the thing from I need to stop drinking to I do not drink. And then you, you start forming that, that connectivity with that actual identity. And it's almost subconscious how we do it. But I mean, that's exactly what happened with you, right? You, you change your identity. You're no longer the person that I'm just gonna drink. I'm always gonna drink as a part of who I am to. I don't drink. And could you imagine like everything that's going on right now with you, all the, all the great things, how you're inspiring people, would not have been possible if you were still hitting that bottle.
- [25:10]
D
Oh, absolutely, absolutely. You know, the, the boss's wife, the ego that comes with that, that, you know, you're unstoppable. You know, you, you, you don't have to answer to anybody. And, and, and there are no Rules for you, they're for other people. That, that losing that ego, that is, I've heard it called easing God out, you know, that you become the star. That's where it's got to start. You've gotta, Somebody said, you've got to change. And I, I said, well, I'm not drinking. And he said, no, no, you got to change everything. Let go of the ego. You know, I, I think that's, that's where the problems begin. I had a friend that called it believing your own press.
- [26:11]
C
Wow, that's good.
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D
Yeah, that's really good. And it's true.
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C
Yeah. How did you.
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D
I shouldn't, I shouldn't preach or anything.
- [26:21]
C
No, no, no, you're speaking on your own experience and my listeners understand that. They, they get it. What, what was it for you? Right, because you, you, you we talked about, you know, easing out. God, and you know, forgetting about. I think everybody has a little bit of ego to a, to a degree. Right. I think some of it is healthy. It's not all bad. Yeah, but how did, but how did you come out of that specific aspect of the ego and become where and, and get to where you're at now?
- [26:54]
D
My self esteem really kicked in knowing that I was enough. I didn't have to compare myself with anybody else. I was grateful. Stop taking things for granted. I used to say to my husband, hand me that. And he'd say, please is a very nice word. And well, I was going to say thank you, but just being mindful of other people, you know, and not. And I was always rushing, you know, like the tortoise and the hare, you know, it's, it's like everything doesn't have to be done right now. And again, as my. I'm newly widowed, but I had a darling husband and he, he used to tell me that I was a perfectionist in an imperfect world. And you gotta let go of that perfection ideology. It just, it's gonna bite you in the ass. It really will because there's nothing is ever going to be perfect. But to me, the whole gig, the whole reason for, for life is finding peace and holding on to it.
- [28:37]
C
I read something somewhere that your late husband inspires you still to this day with his wisdom, his type of sense of humor. I love the fact how you honor him and you bring them, bring him into your life in the physical form. Now what, what certain things did you take from him in this journey?
- [29:01]
D
His humor, his. He was in a wheelchair for four years. His acceptance, his not ever complaining, his kindness, but the humor was the best thing. He was always when I was going to put him in this rehab because I thought he needed more stimulation. And some of these rehabs are really a joke, and this one was a huge joke, but, you know, they made it sound like you had to apply and you might not get into the rehab, which is just bullshit. And they gave him a little quiz and they asked him who the president was and he said Jimmy Carter. He was just great. And he taught me a lot. You know, I, I wanted to be. Be like him. He, he didn't have any ego or, you know, giving him a compliment, he'd say, oh, that's not important. And you should always. You should never spend more than you make. I didn't love that too much, but who does?
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C
I don't like that one either.
- [30:28]
D
I mean, it was 38 years and 34 were just fabulous. He was, he was really fun and he had funny names for, for people that weren't.
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C
That's awesome, you know? Yeah.
- [30:42]
D
If he'd see somebody really fat, he'd say groceries.
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C
Oh my God. It's funny. It's funny because the. Real quick, though, because the Jimmy Carter thing cracks me up.
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D
Yeah, right.
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C
He knew who the president was, but he was messing with those people. You know, it's like Jimmy Carter. I think I was born when Jimmy Carter was the president. That's what makes it so funny. It was in the like late 70s. Right. I was born in 78. I just, you know, I just love that about him and I love that you remember that about him. But, but most of what I'm hearing is I have never met that man. Right. But what I admire about him is his sense of grace, gratitude. No matter what he was going through wheelchair bound for four years, he had true gratitude for the world and what. Where he was at. And I think that, you know, gratitude is a practice that people throw around a lot. You know, oh, write three things you're grateful grateful for down, but they don't go any further than that. They don't really dissect it. They don't take it on with him for the rest of the day. Throw that on your back like in a backpack and go through your day with those things that you're grateful for and more great things will come to you.
- [32:03]
D
Absolutely. Absolutely. Supposed to the ideal. And it's hard because we're human beings, but to, to take this day and make it like the last day of your life. How, how you're going to treat people, how you're going to feel without regrets. So I like that. I don't always practice it because we're human, but you know, just the kindness, holding the door, putting the grocery cart away. There's so many little things, and those little things add up to a sense of peace and a feeling of self esteem, good self esteem. You know, you're enough, you're, you're, you're giving back or you're thinking about this guy said, I know I'm not much, but it's all I can think about. You know, we lose that and think about other people because then you don't dwell on the sad things that are going on in your life or, or, you know, your, your foot hurts, you know, those kind of thing, it's all little, little tricks. It's the same person, but you're just approaching it in a loving manner.
- [33:42]
C
I, I love that, I love what you just said because a lot of times we'll let little ailments like, oh, my leg hurts, or I'm super tired, so I'm not going to go to the gym, I'm going to abandon my standard today. But then there's somebody out there that lost the ability to walk that would literally give their other leg just, that's kind of, doesn't make sense. But they would give so much to be able to go for that walk, to move their body. Right? And I think it's important for us to understand that daily, Right? Like, hey, my life not, may not be perfect right now. There may be things that I'm struggling with, whether it's my emotional regulation, I maybe lose my patience with my kids at times or whatever that is. But there's always somebody out there that's struggling more than you. And if you can just go out there for one day, one interaction at a time, hold the door open for somebody, treat them like a person instead of an object that creates a ripple effect of kindness. And that's what you, my friend, are bringing to the social media platforms.
- [34:46]
D
Thank you. That's great. That's lovely to hear. You know, my, my two things I've learned from my sister that, you know, somebody might really be grouchy and giving you a hard time. Well, they might have found out that their, their brother just got diagnosed with stage four cancer. You know, like, give them a break. And the other thing I guess I got from my sister, but I taught first grade at one point and find something to compliment somebody, you know, that's a good, great shirt. Your eyes are beautiful. Oh, I, I, I love what you just said. It's amazing. And when you, you're taking the emphasis off yourself and you're, you're making somebody, you're giving, giving something so, so that's so needed. You know, that person might needed a compliment that day. They might have just gotten a speeding ticket. That hasn't happened to me, but I'm not a great driver. Yeah, stop thinking about yourself.
- [36:19]
C
It's so interesting because I had a conversation, my wife and I did with our youngest daughter. She's six. She started first grade today. And I know, right? We have a middle school, we have a, a son that's in sixth grade, now a daughter that's in fourth grade. And then our first grader, and she came home yesterday because they had, you know, teacher work day, so she had to do the aftercare thing because I was recording. And one of the things she said is like, this person was very unkind to me today and she's always so nice to me. I said I didn't like my snacks and she just said, eat it. And I go, and I'm like listening to all this and, you know, sometimes I come up with some pretty, you know, good, good things to say. And I said, well, hey, you know, you don't know what she's going through. Maybe she got in trouble at school, right? Because like, I have to break it down to kids terms, right. You know, she's in first grade. I go, maybe her boss got mad at her. Maybe she has to do something that she's not comfortable with and she's having a bad day. Maybe give her some grace, you know, go give her a hug tomorrow when you see her. And, and that type of understanding to where if someone comes off like they're rude or mean to you, it's not about you, it's about what they are potentially going through and cycling through in their life. But to meet them back with kindness, like, hey, are you okay? You know, I, I feel like, I mean, that how you said that hurt my feelings, but are you okay? You know, and I think if we show people more kindness instead of reacting. Right. And blowing back. Yeah. Don't give it back to them. Receive it, and then act out of kindness. Because that to me is more of a response. Right. There's too many reactions in this world, especially on social media. Right. Oh, you could go and react to those mean comments, but you wouldn't feel good afterwards.
- [38:18]
D
Yeah, exactly.
- [38:20]
C
Yeah.
- [38:22]
D
You might pack a little nicer snack though, tomorrow.
- [38:26]
C
Oh, listen, listen here. Okay. I, I mean, it's so funny because that child complains about everything that I pack. It doesn't matter. And, you know, so today, you know, like, my wife and I, we. We. We chatted last night about, hey, maybe we switch it up, find some healthier snacks, this and that. Well, she really likes hummus and baby carrots, so I went and got those. I'm like, well, what else does she like? She goes, you know, Sean, they gave her tuna today, and she really liked it. I go, are you serious? I don't like that. And she goes, well, you may not, but she does so today, okay? So today I gave her some baby carrots, a Mandarin, some tuna, and some crackers. So her snack later, she's super excited to eat it. But I swear to you, Sue Bell, if that thing comes back uneaten, I'm gonna be pissed, okay? Because I'm like, you know. Yeah. Hey, listen here, lady. I'm like Shawnee homemaker this morning, rushing back from the gym, cooking breakfast, getting her little snack ready. You better eat it, sister. You better eat it. And tomorrow will be hummus and carrots. So we'll switch it up a little bit, you know? Absolutely. Yes. Yes. No, I. I receive it. And it's so funny, because a lot of times I would get so upset. Like when my wife told me yesterday that she just didn't like her snack, she would eat. I'm like, you know what? I don't know what to do. Like, no matter what I make, it doesn't matter. I can put filet mignon on her. On her plate, and she wants to douse it and ketchup. I'm like, what the hell is going on? But, you know, I was taking it personally, because I do. You know, in our household, we don't have gender roles. We don't. Like. We have an open landscape. Or sometimes I'll help out with the laundry, but I will cook 99.9% of the meals. And so I was acting out of a sense of pride.
- [40:24]
D
Yes.
- [40:25]
C
You know, choosing to be offended. She's just telling me what she likes and doesn't like, how that's none of my business. I need to meet her, where she's at.
- [40:35]
D
Well, I'm in awe that you do the cooking, because that. That's really one of my terrible flaws. I cooked one night, and I said to Richard, this isn't very good, is it? He said, no.
- [40:57]
C
What was the meal? What did you cook? Do you remember?
- [41:00]
D
Oh, I screw. I would screw everything up. I think I overcooked, maybe. Oh, no. I undercooked and rare. Chicken is not good.
- [41:11]
C
Oh, damn. That's not good.
- [41:12]
D
He would say, oh, this bread is really good. You know, he would try to find, you know, get, make it positive. And that's why if you're not a cook or something. Covid was really very stressful. And you know, I, I regret because I, I really was very bitchy, you know, the. Oh, he, he was going to have a, a knee replacement because he played a lot of tennis and in December and November is when he, he fell. So. And we all know in a moment, life can change. You know, on a dime, your world can come to an end. And so he was in a, a rehab like, you know, six months into the COVID thing. And I was crying and I called him and I said, oh, I'm so sorry. I was such a. And I yelled all the time and it was terrible. And he said, no, you were only a kitchen, so.
- [42:28]
C
A kitchen.
- [42:30]
D
I, I shared this with my neighbor and she calls, she said, well, if you're KV1, then I'm KV2. So that's. We call each other KV1 and 2.
- [42:42]
C
But KV1 and 2, you know, the.
- [42:44]
D
Whole covet thing is, it's still so real to me, you know, how we got through it and the harm it did, especially to children, you know, that, that homeschooling can't be eased.
- [43:01]
C
The hell with the children. You know what it did to the. I mean, the parents. Like, I, I mean, I had a kindergartner doing distance learning and all the while trying to run a career because I was in corporate America at that time. I see. I didn't leave corporate America until 2024, right. So I was trying to navigate my career while having a household full of my $2, two daughters doing frozen karaoke, my son looking at a computer screen. My wife on calls me, trying to learn something new. I'm like, oh my God. And it's so funny because we spent most of the time up in our loft, right? So we have a two story home and upstairs. The main reason why we bought that house is for two reasons. One, the downstairs was so open, right? And then there was this loft where my wife and I envisioned having our football room because I am so blessed. My, my wife loves college and NFL football. Like I, I won the lottery there, right? We were going to have this amazing loft area with arcade games, a retro refrigerator, and a big TV so we could gather on the weekends and watch football. And it turned into a freaking playroom. And we were constantly up there. And so now to this day, we're 20, 25. We're. We're knocking on the door of 20, 26, right? And I'm, like, downstairs by myself, and they're upstairs. Like, if I'm cooking or something, like, will someone come down? Because I do not want to walk upstairs until it is time to go to bed. I still have an aversion to my loft. I don't. I don't like being up there. It's like PTSD at its finest, my friend.
- [44:36]
D
Exactly.
- [44:37]
C
I'll never get over it.
- [44:39]
D
Never get over it.
- [44:40]
C
Never. At one point, I'm like, can we please sell this house and move somewhere different? Because I just got. I have too many bad memories in this loft. And then it's so funny. I'll be sitting there and the TV will be on, you know, when the kids aren't there. Because during the week, we don't turn on screen time for them. And all of a sudden, pictures start flooding the screen. This montage of these pictures back in the day where I thought was such a terrible time. And the lesson here for the audience is when you look back at those times, you don't see them as bad. You look at your children when they were little, and you're like, I would give anything to have those moments back in and I guess operate differently or better in those times. And sometimes I sit there and look at the screen and I just. I tear, I cry. I'm like, how could I have let that time slip? How could I have let that time slip with my children and. And thought about all the things I'd rather be doing, like being out to work so I can provide for them. It was all good intentions, but, like, I'll never get the opportunity again to be sitting there with my kids 24 7. So I guess it's all perspective.
- [45:49]
D
Well, it's the ability to remember and to. To think about the good things that happen during that. You know, pain can sometimes bring. Well, we. Whatever you're beating yourself up about, you're aware of it. It's not going to happen again. And mostly you got through it and. Yeah, you got through it and Sounds like. Even though it was a madhouse, sounds like you had a lot of grace.
- [46:29]
C
Yeah. Yeah, I did. I was blessed because I was able to do my job from home. Right. You know, so there's a lot of great things. I mean, if you're the kitchen, maybe I'm a loft. LB1LD1.
- [46:43]
D
There we go.
- [46:44]
C
There's no other loft. Just me. Just me. I'm proprietary. I'm proprietary, so. So. Sue Bell. Thank you so much. There's one more question that I have for you before we. We. Which has been just amazing, by the way. I've really enjoyed getting to know you and, you know, learning more about you and just kind of what makes you tick. You're a sweet woman and I, and I value you, truly.
- [47:09]
D
Thank you.
- [47:09]
C
The last question. Yes, ma'. Am. The question is this is the determined society, right? That's the show. And it's built on determination and discipline. So I would love to know what your definition of true determination is.
- [47:26]
D
Determination. I guess instead of determination, I would say goal. My goal is to. Well, I love that I'm recognized and I'm appreciated and I have a strong sense of self in a good way. I don't think I've ever felt this, this peace and this happiness that's come from the recognition of not superficial even. You know, even though I, I do, I am a little funny sometimes, but it's that I've, I've given it away to keep it. I've given my serenity and my happiness away. And you can give it away just by making eye contact and smiling at somebody. That is. Somebody once said if you smile, your brain thinks it's happy. So I try to smile a lot. And mostly I try to stand up straight, working on my posture. That's what I'm determined to do. But I just would like things to keep going the way they are because, you know, I, as I always say, my life is beyond my wildest dreams and, and I was so insecure. I used to have a little book. If somebody gave me a compliment, I would, I would write it down. And, and then when I was feeling badly about myself, I'd take that book out and say, oh, the lady on the bus said you were pretty. You know, little superficial things. And, and because I, I didn't have that self esteem that I have today. So my determination or my goal is to continue and to know that I'm enough and, and to, and to spread my joy.
- [49:43]
C
Well, you're doing a damn good job of it. And as long as you keep showing up like yourself and being who you truly are, you'll continue to inspire millions and eventually billions of people. And just. Thank you so much for coming on.
- [49:57]
D
Oh, you're darling. Thank you.
- [49:59]
C
Oh, you're sweet.
- [50:00]
D
They're lucky. I'll tell you, you sound like a fabulous dad.
- [50:05]
C
I try. I fall short a lot of times. Right. But it's about the journey. And those pain points bring growth, bring wisdom, and, and do bring peace. When I can go back and say, hey, listen, Daddy messed up.
- [50:17]
D
Yeah.
- [50:18]
C
Do you. Will you forgive me? And that's something that I always. I always try to do. My wife does the same thing. I learned that from her. My wife is been a saint, you know, she's. She's truly pushed me to grow as a human being.
- [50:31]
D
Well, you're. You're blessed.
- [50:35]
C
Yes, ma'. Am. Well, thank you so much. And for the audience, please do me a favor. Share this episode with someone you know love and trust that would get something out of it. And the one thing that I have for you guys is show up every day and make somebody's day better. And until next time, stay determined.
- [50:58]
A
Martha listens to her favorite band all the time. In the car, gym, even sleeping. So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live. She saved so much, she got a seat close enough to actually see and hear them. Sort of. You were made to scream from the front row. We were made to quietly save you. More Expedia made to travel savings vary and subject to availability. Flight inclusive packages are atoll protected.