Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: The Determined Society with Shawn French
Episode: Trey Tucker On Why Young Men Are Being Forgotten
Release Date: March 2, 2026
Guest: Trey Tucker, Therapist and Author of Tough Enough

Overview

This episode of The Determined Society features a powerful, candid discussion between host Shawn French and therapist/author Trey Tucker. The centerpiece is Trey’s new book, Tough Enough, and a probing conversation on why young men are being overlooked by society, the impact of father figures, and the emotional injuries and patterns that hold men back. Expect transparency, vulnerability, and actionable takeaways on mental health, personal growth, and parenting.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Journey to Tough Enough and the Mission for Young Men

• Why Write the Book?
  • Trey explains the inspiration: "So many young guys have been coming to see me and they have no guides. Guys in their 20s have been tossed aside. That pisses me off. So I thought, well, if they want a book, I'm going to write something for a group that has been forgotten or worse, like, they've been told, we don't really need you." ([01:31])
• A Book for a Forgotten Generation
  • Trey wants to reach men in their twenties, a demographic he says has been neglected not only by media but even by the publishing world.
  • Not about sensationalism, but addressing a real crisis in male mentorship and father figures: "There's a father or father figure crisis going on in the country." ([13:43])

2. The Value of Father Figures and Mentoring

• The Stats & Realities
  • "One in three households has no dad present... If somebody does grow up with either a father or a father figure, they are 130% more likely to take on a leadership role." ([25:32])
• Female-Headed Households: The Honest Plea
  • "Most of the comments that come from women, they're literally asking, please help. How do I raise my son on my own? And then how do I get him around father figures?" ([24:37])
• Practical Guidance: Sports, mentors, and coaches can fill gaps when a biological father isn’t present.

3. Sean and Trey’s Parallel Journeys: Corporate Work, Emptiness, and Pivoting to Purpose

• Sean’s Experience: Left a lucrative sales career, haunted by emptiness and craving direct impact.
• Trey’s Experience: From corporate world to teaching, then to therapy after realizing a deeper calling.
  • "Even a bad day in my current world is better than any good day in that [corporate] world." ([08:27])
• Finding Fulfillment: Both emphasize the deep satisfaction in impacting lives directly, whether through therapy, coaching, or podcasting.

4. Normalizing Vulnerability: Men’s Emotional Realities

• Owning Flaws:
  • "I fall short, you know, so much. And I fell short yesterday... I could have done better." ([27:11])
  • Trey commends this openness: "I don't think 25% of men would be able to verbally say that stuff out loud. They're going to come up with some excuse or they're going to blame." ([29:03])
• Impact of Shame and Internal Injuries:
  • Trey reframes “trauma” as “injuries” to better resonate with men: "Those moments from your past... left injuries inside of you... It’s the same cycle that keeps going over and over." ([36:54])
  • Men often act from wounds and limiting labels adopted in childhood or teen years.

5. Emotional Management, “Cavemen,” and Breaking Cycles

• The Caveman Metaphor:
  • Trey explains our subconscious, emotional brain as a “caveman” whose job is survival, but can trip us up: "He thinks that anything might kill you... He was helpful back in the days when we were out hunting, but now... he kind of has no job.” ([41:13])
• Patterns of Reactivity:
  • Shawn’s ‘explosions’ at home, especially frustration with his daughters, becomes a case study on men’s emotional triggers.
  • Trey: “You’re never going to be perfect enough to never have the reaction. So if you keep beating yourself up for having the reaction, nothing’s going to change. But if you remove yourself, so that you don’t do more damage, then you can break the pattern.” ([45:05])
• Practical Tools:
  • Physical removal (e.g., “I jumped in the shower...I went to the grocery store.” — [45:49])
  • Using cold/hot sensations, belly breathing, and simple rituals to calm the nervous system.
  • Recognizing emotions pass in about 90 seconds if you don’t feed them: "If you can remove yourself for at least that long...you can break the pattern." ([47:28])

6. Talk Therapy, Subconscious Work, and the Limits of Words

• Talk Therapy Limitations:
  • “Talk therapy generally does not work for men. A conversation works for men... But in terms of making the actual changes at the root, talk therapy doesn’t get it. The roots are in the subconscious brain.” ([40:06])
• Alternative Methods:
  • Trey introduces EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Internal Family Systems (IFS) as more effective for trauma/injury.
  • “IFS is the only type of therapy that really broke through for me.” ([43:12])
  • The concept of having “parts” (like in Disney's Inside Out), and making peace with or understanding them.

7. The Cycle of Achievement and Feeling ‘Not Enough’

• Achievements vs. Fulfillment:
  • Trey: “People who reach big goals, within three months of reaching that goal, they go back to their normal level of happiness...” ([60:30])
  • Both discuss the perpetual striving for “enough”—success, achievement, being seen—can rob present joy.
• Shawn’s Core Wound:
  • “My whole life, I grew up as a baseball player...I never materialized into what was expected...when I feel stagnant in growth or feel like we’re not being seen, nothing will trigger me more.” ([58:50])
• Trevor’s Story of Self-Acceptance:
  • “There’s never going to be a finish line if that’s how we’re shaping things.” ([63:04])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Fatherhood and Men’s Craving for Guidance:
  “[Men in their 20s] have been tossed aside, that pisses me off...I’m going to write something for a group that has been forgotten.” — Trey Tucker ([01:31])
• On Emotional Ownership:
  "Even a bad day in my current world is better than any good day in that world.” — Trey Tucker ([08:27])
• On Admitting Flaws:
  "I need to be better. I don't think 25% of men would be able to verbally say that stuff out loud." — Trey Tucker ([29:03])
• On Reactivity and the Caveman:
  "When the caveman feels threatened, he thinks you’re literally going to die." — Trey Tucker ([41:11])
• On the Poison of Achievement Addiction:
  “There’s never going to be a finish line if that’s how we’re shaping things.” — Trey Tucker ([63:04])
• On Parenting and Self-Growth:
  “I’m damn sure responsible for not passing on that generational thing to my kids.” — Shawn French ([52:03])
• On the Call for Positive Role Modeling:
  “Let’s start that wave of highlighting good people and giving love to where it matters the most.” — Shawn French ([69:37])

Important Timestamps

• Book Inspiration and Forgotten Young Men: [01:31], [15:07]
• Fathers, Father Figures, and Leadership Stats: [23:40], [25:32]
• Shawn’s Self-Reflection & Parenting Challenges: [27:11] – [36:54]
• Caveman Model & Emotional Management: [41:11], [45:05], [47:28]
• Talk Therapy vs. Subconscious Work: [40:06], [43:12]
• Achievement, Identity, and ‘Never Enough’ Mindset: [58:50] – [63:04]
• Episode Wrap-Up, Book, and Contact Info: [68:29] – [69:37]

Additional Resources & How to Connect

• Trey’s Website: www.RuggedCounseling.com
• Book: www.ToughEnough.com
• Instagram: @RuggedCounseling

Final Words

This episode goes beyond surface advice—Shawn and Trey unpack the inner worlds of men, how past injuries shape present reactions, why mentorship for young men is urgent, and how everyone can break cycles and seek growth. It’s a recommended listen for parents, coaches, mentors, and anyone invested in the mental-health and development of the next generation.

“You’re never going to be perfect enough to never have the reaction... But if you remove yourself so that you don’t do more damage, then you can break the pattern.” — Trey Tucker ([45:05])