Why Men Need Real Conversations with David Waldy

Summary

Podcast Summary: Why Men Need Real Conversations with David Waldy

The Determined Society with Shawn French
Date: March 9, 2026
Guest: David Waldy
Host: Shawn French

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged and insightful episode, Shawn French welcomes back his friend and thought partner, David Waldy, for a raw discussion about masculinity, emotional vulnerability, and the internal and external standards that drive personal growth. They explore the importance—and scarcity—of real, honest conversations among men, the impact of fatherhood and faith on identity, learning when to subtract instead of adding, and the necessity of being present over chasing achievement. The conversation is marked by authentic stories, practical lessons, and deep reflection on trauma, capacity, and the definition of success.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power and Challenge of Vulnerable Male Friendships

• [01:16 - 02:00] Shawn and David open by highlighting how rare it is for men to have honest, emotionally open conversations.
  • Shawn: “Almost breaking down in front of one of your homies is the strongest thing you can do. And I really think that it is 1 billion percent necessary.”
  • David: “I don't think it's supposed to be that way...Let’s talk. Let’s be real. Do you need to cry? Do you need a hug? Or do you need a kick in the ass?... Men are starving for it.”

Notable Timestamps:

• [03:52 – 05:36] David shares a reflective story about a nine-hour road trip with his father, the shifting perspective as an adult son, and reconciling past trauma with deeper conversation and understanding.
• [06:00 – 07:54] Shawn recounts the emotional milestone of his father telling him he’s proud, not tied to performance, offering a window into generational healing and the universal need for fatherly approval.

2. Identity, Fatherhood, and Faith

• [08:00 – 11:00] David delves into misalignment of identity, describing how much of a man’s striving is rooted in feeling unworthy or trying to prove themselves—often due to imperfect father figures or misunderstood faith.
  • David: “Most of what we're doing, especially as men and growing up...when I think about most of the problems that I have dealt with in life, it's because of a misalignment of identity. I didn't know who I was as a son of the Father.”
  • [09:38] David’s pastor: “What would your life look like if you knew that there was nothing that you could do that would make God love you more and there was nothing you could do that would make him love you less?”

3. Authenticity Over Judgment in Today’s Culture

• [12:03 – 14:16] The hosts critique modern cancel culture and digital snap judgments, noting how surface-level interactions mask underlying similarities (“They want to be loved and they want to love other people”) and starve meaningful connection. Both stress the courage it takes for men to show real support.

Memorable Moment:

• [13:13] David: “We have to create those environments where it’s like, dude, here’s what I’m navigating, here’s what I’m dealing with.”

4. Subtraction Beats Addition for Real Growth

• [23:31 – 27:33] David introduces the counterintuitive insight that most people’s problems are subtraction, not addition problems—removing stressors, unhelpful habits, or toxic people, rather than piling on more self-improvement tactics.
  • David: “Most often the things that we want more in our lives are not an addition problem to solve. They're a subtraction problem...You create margin. And from that margin...you start to realize, wow, I can actually create more results, better results from a place of rest, from a place of peace, from a place of alignment.”

Personal Example:

• [27:03 – 34:44] Shawn vulnerably explains his journey with health, stuckness, and self-hate, and how a subtle shift from “I hate my body, so I’ll fix it” to “I want to improve for those I love” catalyzed sustainable change.

5. Breaking the Shame Cycle

• [34:58 – 38:39] Both dig into the destructive power of shame and negative self-talk, discussing how hate-driven efforts (whether in fitness, career, or relationships) are unsustainable.
  • David: “Hatred is always rooted in fear. Always. It is always rooted in fear. And fear is an illusion...it's a misuse of what I believe is this incredible gift...our imagination.”

6. Revisiting and Manifesting Personal Vision

• [39:02 – 47:26] David unexpectedly reads back notes from a coaching conversation with Shawn from three years previous, where Shawn’s specific visions ("smiling, glowing, on stages," "tight-fitting shirt, chiseled," "living in Naples") have all since manifested through incremental action and fierce empathy.
  • David: “Manifestation is not some crazy woo-woo stuff. What it looks like is the creative process that says, I'm going to define a name. This is who I want to be, this is how I want to live...and you start to actively create every single day.”

7. Potential vs. Capacity—Don’t Skip Seasons

• [47:26 – 54:06] David uses the analogy of cars on a highway and acorns versus oak trees to teach that reaching one’s potential is not about speed, but respecting personal capacity and seasonal readiness.
  • David: “An acorn and an oak tree have the same potential. They do not have the same capacity...If I take the same amount of water...for an oak tree and give that to an acorn, I'll kill it... their capacities are different, but their potential is the same.”

8. Chasing Someone Else’s Program Will Break You

• [54:06 – 60:57] Through gym and influencer analogies, they stress that copying someone else’s habits, timeline, or daily routines won’t work if you haven’t cultivated the same capacity or are in a different life season.
  • Shawn: “You can't take what somebody else does and do it for you. Because again, different capacity, different season.”

9. Standards, Integrity, and the Foundation of Confidence

• [64:34 – 69:01] The conversation shifts to the practical need for personal standards over arbitrary goals—the minimum behaviors you uphold no matter the emotional weather—and the matchless self-confidence built by keeping promises to oneself.
  • David: “My job is to hold a mirror and ask the tough questions and to say, is this aligned with who you want to be? Yes or no.”
  • Shawn: “It's not about the achievement. It's about being a man that is so loyal to his word... It's following through with what you say to yourself in silence that nobody freaking hears.”

10. The Real Definition of Success: Be Present, Steward Today

• [74:40 – 77:11] The episode closes with David urging listeners to define their own values and aims, respect that success is different for everyone, and prioritize presence and stewardship in the current season rather than fixating on distant potential.
  • David: “The most effective way for us to become everything that God created us to be is to be faithful to steward what he's given us today.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• [01:19] Shawn: “You want your daddy to be proud of you, man. Like, more than anything.”
• [04:31] David: “We all grow up with these stories of what we believe about why things happened and who's at fault...Over the last year, we've been able to have these conversations and...it changed how I saw him.”
• [09:38] David’s pastor (paraphrased): “What would your life look like if you knew that there was nothing you could do to make God love you more, and nothing to make him love you less?”
• [13:27] David: “A lot of men think it's strength to be stoic and non-emotive...I think it takes more strength actually...it requires a degree of strength to say, I'm going to get down in the pit with you for a minute.”
• [23:31] David: “Most often the things that we want more in our lives are not an addition problem to solve. They're a subtraction problem.”
• [34:44] Shawn: “For me, it was removing the self-hatred, the shame...and looking at this as an opportunity to improve instead of punishing myself.”
• [41:38] David (on old struggle): “Your joy was a two, your peace was a one, and your relationship with God was a one. Out of a hundred points, your score was 38.”
• [47:26] David: “Manifestation...is the creative process that says, I'm going to define a name...and you start to actively create every single day.”
• [49:50] David: “An acorn and an oak tree have the same potential. They do not have the same capacity...If I take the same amount of water...for an oak tree and give that to an acorn, I'll kill it.”
• [68:16] Shawn: “It is not about the achievement. It's about being a man that is so loyal to his word.”
• [74:48] David: “If you're not aware of your capacity and the season that you're at in life, you will constantly feel behind...Dream and dream big, but don't get so fixated on that that you forget that right now is where you're planted.”

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Thematic Takeaways for Listeners

• Vulnerability is strength: The real test for men is not stoicism but the courage to have honest, emotional conversations.
• Self-hate can't fuel change: Sustainable growth—whether physical, personal, or professional—comes from self-compassion and positive vision, not from shame and punishment.
• Don’t borrow someone else’s blueprint: Social media and “achievement porn” can distort your understanding of your own capacity, causing unnecessary suffering.
• Subtract to add: Remove what's draining you before piling on new goals.
• Presence over perfection: Practicing daily standards and honoring your word to yourself is the true engine of confidence and progress.
• Define your own success: Only you can set your values and what matters. Don’t measure your outcome by someone else’s timeline.
• Capacity, not just potential: Focus on growing your roots—skills, patience, emotional resilience—so your life and work can flourish authentically.

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Opening & Setting the Tone (01:12 – 04:44)
• Fatherhood, Reconciliation, and Identity (04:45 – 11:01)
• Male Vulnerability & Judgments in Culture (11:01 – 14:16)
• Subtraction vs. Addition / Personal Growth (23:31 – 27:33)
• Breaking the Shame Cycle (34:44 – 38:39)
• Revisiting and Manifesting Vision (39:02 – 47:26)
• Potential vs. Capacity (47:26 – 54:06)
• Fitness/Influencer Critique (54:06 – 60:57)
• Standards, Accountability, and Integrity (64:34 – 69:01)
• Defining Success & Being Present (74:40 – 77:11)

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This episode is a masterclass in redefining masculine strength—away from bravado, hustle culture, and surface-level comparison, and toward authenticity, vision, self-trust, and long-game growth.
The call to action: Find the courage to have real conversations, define your own standards, and steward your life season by season, becoming unbreakable not by what you achieve, but by how deeply you know—and keep—your word to yourself.

Transcript

[Sean]

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[David Baldy]

I think

[Sean]

you want your daddy to be proud of you, man. Like, more than anything.

[David Baldy]

I'm very, very blessed to be able to call my dad on my best friends and he's my freaking hero, man.

[Sean]

The issue with a lot of men is they're not having these types of vulnerable conversations with each other because they're on guard or they think it's weak. Like, dude, almost breaking down in front of one of your homies is the strongest thing you can do 100%. And I really think that it is 1 billion percent necessary.

[David Baldy]

I don't think it's supposed to be that way. I find that at the core, they want the same things I want. They want to be loved and they want to love other people. Let's talk. Let's be real. Do you need to cry? Do you need a hug? Or do you need a kick in the ass? I think we need more of it and men are starving for it.

[Sean]

Five minutes into this conversation, some bitch is already making me cry. What's up, everyone? Got a great one for you today. Before I introduce my good friend that is here today to give so much value and have an amazing conversation, I want to remind you guys to please go to the determined society.com Sign up for our newsletter, get all the updates, behind the scenes, access from a lot of content that no one sees. So check it out. Go sign up for that newsletter. But today, guys, I have a repeat offender. You know, it's funny. David Waldy is here and this, this man has become such a Close friend. It's probably like one of those close friends that we don't talk all the time, but when we do, it's usually tears, and it's usually just full of value and. And support. And this is the second time he's been on my show. But I feel like I've known this guy for probably 15 years. I think we've known each other for what, maybe three, maybe almost four years, and today's the first time we've met in person, and it doesn't feel like that. And so we're going to have an amazing conversation. He even brought his little remarkable thing from notes that he took three years ago when we had our first conversation. And we're going to air all that out. And you guys need to stop whatever you're doing right now and pay very close attention, because not only is he a great human being, he's a wonderful husband, a wonderful dad, a child of God, and a really good friend. And you guys are going to benefit from this episode. So stop what you're doing, get your pen and pad out, and welcome David Baldy to the show.

[David Baldy]

Sean, man, I'm. I've been excited for the conversation.

[Sean]

Dude, I can't believe it's actually here. Dude, when you told me, like, hey, I'm going to be in Florida. Can we run this back? I'm like, yeah, dude, like 1,000%.

[David Baldy]

Like, say last.

[Sean]

Dude, get over here. Yeah. So when did you get in town?

[David Baldy]

So drove down, actually yesterday from South Carolina, so live just outside Columbia. And my dad actually flew up and I had a conversation with him. He was going to drive up and drive back. I said, dad, why don't you just fly here? I'm gonna drive back with you. Get nine hours in the car together.

[Sean]

Oh, my gosh, that's great.

[David Baldy]

So yesterday was incredible. We got nine hours and we just were talking life. And it's just. It's beautiful, especially now as an adult, to have that time. I actually took a video because I was thinking, I was like, man, as a kid, like, what you want to do is just have time with your dad. So I took a video of my face and, like, I turned it over to see him driving. I was like, road trip with dad.

[Sean]

Oh, that's so cool, man.

[David Baldy]

It's so cool.

[Sean]

And, like, I know your background with him, too. And so, you know, like, you mentioned over the last year, you've. He's become your best friend, man.

[David Baldy]

He has. Yes. It's. We've been through. We've been through a lot. He's he's gone through so much pain and, and he's my, I mean he's my hero. He was not a perfect dad and a lot of different difficult things growing up, but just to be able to. One of the conversations we were having is that we all grow up with these stories of what we believe about why things happened and who's at fault. We go through really difficult, sometimes very traumatic things, but we attach a story to it, we attach meaning to it. And what's been really interesting is to see all the meaning that I had attached to a story that I only had my perspective from. And so over the last year we've been able to have these conversations and he was sharing things with me that were going on that as, as a young, young man, I had no idea. They completely changed the story, it changed the meaning, it changed how I saw him. It changed how I saw what happened between him and my mom and life. And so yeah, I very, very blessed to be able to call my dad one of my best friends and he's my frickin hero, man.

[Sean]

It's amazing. You know, I was telling you off air that my father and I recently reconnected and he came and watched a live taping in January and oh shit.

[David Baldy]

I think.

[Sean]

Young men, boys, we want to make our parents proud. Yeah, but you want your daddy to be proud of you, man, like more than anything. And he's told me he's proud of me before when it was tied to performance.

[David Baldy]

Right.

[Sean]

But that day on January 23rd when he looked at me and he was in tears, he goes, I'm so proud of you.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

That's the first time that I believed it.

[David Baldy]

Wow.

[Sean]

And I just looked at him, I said, that's all I've ever wanted. Yeah. You know, and so like that is such a cool thing because we, you know, the one thing that we, five minutes into this conversation some is already making me cry. You know, we look at, we look at relationships in our life and. We, we, we like to say, I'm never going to reconcile that because that's how I felt in the situation. But you know, as you dig deeper and you have conversations and you reconcile and you hear their perspective, it changes things. It's like almost go like, man, I just wish I was more mature years ago to ask these questions the right way to figure out what really happened so I can have both perspectives. So are never in this mess to begin with. But you know, life is beautiful and you know, we got to reconnect with our dads and man, you know, I'd still like to talk to him more, you know, but, and see him more. So I, I think it's really up to me to do that. But you know, I don't have any more, I don't have any more of that creator sized chip on my shoulder.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Like, I'm not trying to prove anything to him anymore. And I, I, I feel like inadvertently I already did because I wasn't trying to. Yeah. You know, and you know, he got to see firsthand what was going on and it meant everything to me, man. It, it really lightened my load a little bit.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

I mean, to say the least, dude, like, I don't have that heaviness anymore.

[David Baldy]

I, I love that you're talking about this because that's one of the things that I see for, you know, I know there's a lot of different backgrounds of people that listen to this show, but I do, I like to believe that there's this, there's this part in every single person that, that wants to acknowledge or recognize or to some degree have a relationship with God. But that means different things to different people. But I've always found it really interesting is that he is personified as the Father, this fatherly figure. And I think when we look at our lives, most of what we're doing, especially as men and growing up, and I think you and I would both agree that the models we had maybe weren't the best, but we still learned. And there's a lot of bad things that good came out of eventually that when I think about most of the problems that I have dealt with in life, it's because of a misalignment of identity. I didn't know who I was as a son of the Father. And so I'm constantly, when we operate in that place, we're constantly trying to prove or we're trying to hide.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[David Baldy]

One of those two things, you know, when you can come to a place where you feel like I've got nothing to prove, I've got nothing to hide, and I am fully accepted and loved with for, for who I am, it doesn't mean there's not things that have to change. It doesn't mean that we don't have stuff we've got to work on. But I had a pastor one time tell me, he said, what would your life look like if you knew that there was nothing that you could do that would make God love you more and there was nothing you could do that would make him love you less? And that changed Everything for me. It didn't mean that I didn't still have funk. I needed to get out of my life that was misaligned. But what would it look like to operate from this place of. I have a father who's proud of me and loves me and wants the best for me. And his fathering, his parenting is helping to discipline me in a good way, to help me to become more of who he created me to be so I can realize the potential that's on my life. Something we've talked about many times. But I think the hard part for most of us is that we superimpose onto God this fatherhood idea based on our dad and based on the dads or the uncles and the men in our lives. And I know you and I have talked about this. I had many men that were fatherhood figures in my life that they hurt me. They hurt me so much. And that's where we get into this place of trying to prove and perform and feeling like we're not good enough and we're not acceptable. And I'm just grateful that I'm starting to see in my life where that stuff is dying off. And I'm coming to this place where I'm like, I don't have all the time in the world. I'm not guaranteed to wake up tomorrow. So I'm going to focus on loving and serving and doing the things that are within my control. I'm going to leave the rest up to him. I'm going to trust and believe that he does have a plan, even though I don't see it or understand it. If I can be faithful to steward my life, well today, that good is going to come out of that. So.

[Sean]

That's beautiful, man. Very well said, dude. I mean, like, you don't miss, you know, and it's. It's a beautiful conversation because I learned so much more about myself when I'm having deep conversations with you. Because, let's face it, I think. I think the. The issue with a lot of men is they're not having these types of vulnerable, vulnerable conversations with each other. Yeah. Because they're on guard. Or they think it's weak. Like, dude, almost breaking down or breaking down in front of one of your homies is the strongest thing you can do.

[David Baldy]

100.

[Sean]

And I really think that it is 1 billion percent necessary. Yeah. Because, like, how can people understand you? How could you understand yourself? How can you not grow. How can you grow a friendship if you don't have those moments? And I think it's the, one of the things is like, as you're talking, I'm learning so much more about you as well. Right. And it's like that's how we start to understand people.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Do you know what I mean? And that's how you learn how to communicate with people. Yeah. And, and, and, and support one another. So.

[David Baldy]

But I love that you said that though, Sean, because the problem, one of the, the main issues of the world that we live in today is that we draw all of these judgments and conclusions based on one snippet of a person's ideology, whether it's politically or how, you know, things need to be run economically or in business or marriage or religion. And they say one snippet of one thing on social media and we just throw the baby out with the bathwater. We completely write them off. And I don't think it's supposed to be that way. I think that it's supposed to be, hey, let's go beyond these surface level like ideologies and really get to know the person. And the more that I do that, the more that I try and have conversation with people that on the surface that I don't necessarily agree with a lot of things, I find that at the core they want the same things I want, they want to be loved.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[David Baldy]

And they want to love other people and they, they want to help, they want to, to do good in this world. And I think the mistake that we make is that especially as guys, you know how it is, we, a lot of our love language is sarcasm and giving each other crap and stuff like that. And that's just a natural thing. That's that.

[Sean]

Sure.

[David Baldy]

But we have to create those environments where it's like, dude, here's what I'm, here's what I'm navigating, here's what I'm dealing with. And I think the hard part about that is finding those type of men that are willing to, to have the courage to do that.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[David Baldy]

And a lot of men think it's strength to be stoic and non emotive and to not dive into those things. And it's like, oh, I got to try really hard. And I think it takes more strength actually. And why people, why men are, are scared of it is because it requires a degree of strength to say, I'm going to get down in the pit with you for a minute. We're not going to stay here. Yeah, let's talk, let's be real. You need a shoulder right now. Do you need, do you need to cry? Do you need a hug or do you need a kick in the ass? Do you need, like, what do you need from me right now that I can love you? Well, and for me, that's. I mean, we've talked, talked about this before. I feel like Jesus was that model that I'm looking at that no matter who he interacted with, felt safe, they felt seen, they felt loved and understood. And I think we need more of it and men are starving for it.

[Sean]

Hey, guys, we're gonna take a quick break and we're gonna slide into our recovery segment brought to you by therabody. What an amazing technology that therabody has and it was founded on a really cool story by Dr. Jason Worsland. It was founded on pain. He got into an accident and had this extreme pain in his arm and found that percussive therapy was really helped. So he created the very first version of the theragun with a makita drill just to pilot and test to see if his pain could be relieved by percussive therapy overall. And surely it was. So now birth to the theragun and now therabody who has a multitude of products to help you recover emotionally and physically. And some of the products even help with strength, stress, meditation and better sleep and just overall better wellness. And when I had Dr. J on the show earlier in 2025, it really spoke to me because his platform was founded out of physical pain and the determined society was founded out of emotional pain. And so it felt natural for us to partner up. So here we are, an official partnership with, with therabody and I want to talk to you about some of their products today that I've been enjoying that I think you need to understand and know more about so you could potentially implement them into your life. And I'm not going to get into a big deep dive of the actual science and everything like that. I'm just going to give you some anecdotal information based on the products that I'm using and that my wife is actually using too, that is helping us out a great deal at home. Because the great thing about these products, guys, is you can use them anywhere. You can use them in the gym, you can use them at home, in your bed, in your living room. Hell, you can even drive with a theragun pro plus in your car and use it on your quads, use it on your arms, whatever that is. The first thing I want to talk about is the theragun pro plus. I bring that in my gym bag every day to the gym and When I'm warming up, I use it to warm up, I put it on my arms. Whatever body part I'm using that day, I activate those muscles. And what I find is I'm able to move my body a lot quicker and I'm a lot stronger on those days that I do actually bring it and utilize it. I just think it's a great way to understand your body and the connection between your strength and your muscles and being warm and being able to perform. Because it's one thing to go work out, but it's another thing to perform while you're doing it. And the Theragun Pro plus helps me do that. Another thing that I really tried truly enjoys the jet boots Pro plus. These things are wire free. There's no hassle, there's no cords, there's infrared LED light, there's that compression therapy. And I've been having bad pains in my ankles, both of them actually, for about a year. And I don't understand where it's coming from. But when I started using the boots religiously after a leg day or after a cardio session, I throw those boots on and, and I find myself a lot looser afterwards. I find myself lighter and then the next day there's no pain in my lower extremity like my feet. The other thing that I really enjoy is that product really helps me recover a lot quicker. And let's face it, that's the most important thing when we're trying to move our bodies or we're trying to succeed in life is we want quick recovery emotionally and physically. And these products help me do that and they can help you do that as well. One of the other things that I really want to go into because it's helping my wife out a ton with headaches and being able to distract from the noise in her mind. And honestly, it helps me with that too. Is the smart goggles. Whenever we feel a slight headache coming on or things are getting really heavy just in our minds, just thinking about all the stressors, all the things out there that we can't control, we throw the goggles on, get in a quiet place and there's, there's different cycles on there and different intensities of vibrations and massaging that you can either turn it up or turn it down. And what I really enjoy is it allows me to focus on what's going on with just me. And I think about things. And the massaging with the smart goggles relieves either headaches and it relaxes me and relaxes my wife to A point where we can fall asleep better. We are preparing to kind of downshift and shut down and slow down for the evening. So I heavily recommend them. The other thing it's really good for is just creating a peaceful time in your day. And what I found since using the smart goggles and then the other products is it works for me, it works for my family, and I know it can work for you, too. So I want you guys to think about things that you are struggling with. If it's lower back pain or you wake up in the morning, your neck is tight, I'm going to tell you, the Theragun Pro plus will help that out. They have cold therapy on it, hot therapy. I mean, think about that when I open that box and realize that I could have heat therapy and cold therapy and a Theragun changed everything for me. And also really made the thing that I hate doing the most is warmup. Made that very easy for me just by applying it to the muscle group that I'm going to use before I do it and in between sets, which promotes quicker recovery between sets. So if you're looking to go high volume or to lift heavy weights, I strongly consider that all these products are there to help you move along in your day with less pain and recover quicker. So go check it out. Because now, like I said, the official partnership has begun. And from now until the end of March, in your first order, you get 15% off your first order, not every order. So if you're going to buy some stuff, load up there in that cart for that first time, and you get 15% off, go to therabody.com and at checkout, the code is determined. So let me know how you guys like it. Until then, stay determined. I think it's the strongest thing to do to be able to get down there in the pit with one of your dudes. Right. I'll also say, like, when it comes to having those conversations, you know, a kick in the butt, a hug, cry, like, bro, we've done all of that. Yeah. And. And it's the first time I've met you in person and finally got to physically hug you. It was a good hug. It was a dude.

[David Baldy]

You never had a French hug. Wow.

[Sean]

That was a dude. That was a hug. It was a little bit questionable if you guys are. If people were just watching in the parking lot, like, what's going on here? It's like, well, you know, don't worry about us. But like, you know, the thing is, is, like, but you've. You've kicked me in my ass. You did? I was driving on the alley, and, dude. And quite frankly, I think I've told you this.

[David Baldy]

It.

[Sean]

It. It pissed me off. I'm like, what do you mean? I. You. You're sensing some. Like, I'm not at peace. Like, I'm just stressed. Right. But it's like, you know, when I look back at that moment, like, then I couldn't see it. Now I'm like, oh, yeah, I could see where. But he picked up on, you know, I don't feel that way now.

[David Baldy]

It's.

[Sean]

It's a lot of, you know, it's. It's been released. But, you know, I. I think what. What I really appreciated about that moment, not in the moment, but, like, looking back at it and something. His intentions were to love me, to be my real friend. And I look back at everything that was going on then, you know, everything was so new. New in terms of having a publicist, having this, having that, and having all this swirl around me and be like, what the is going on? Like, I don't know how to operate right now. Like, all I know is, like, I'm constantly in fight or flight at the. During that moment. That's what it really was, is like, I'm constantly having to react to something in a lot of the things that I was. That I was reacting to or addressing, I was allowing it. And so since then, I've made some changes. Right. And brought some more support with Dan and letting certain people go that were giving me that. That anxietized moment. And also playing on the program like, you're not good enough. And it just. It just made me realize, like, I'm busy, but am I being efficient right now? Am I happy at this moment? This.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And what it allowed me to do was kind of just unravel it.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

You know, like, okay, what's bothering me. Okay, cool. Is it real? Is it true? Or is it just something that I'm making up? Is it my perspective? And why is my perspective like that? But, like, also, what can I remove that is going to give me more peace? And I did.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

You know, and I feel much better.

[David Baldy]

I think you just said something that I think I want everyone to grab ahold of is that most often the things that we want more in our lives are not an addition problem to solve. They're a subtraction problem. It's not about. You know, we were talking about David Goggins earlier, and you take the Hormozis and the Bartletts and the Tony Robbins and these, these incredibly successful men, and you have different philosophies on. They say, well, this is the pathway to success. You got to do this, you got to wake up at 3am in the cold plunge and this. And I'm not saying those things aren't useful, right? But we fail to recognize that every single person that we're oftentimes comparing ourselves to is in a different season of life. They have different responsibilities, they have different capacity. But when we look at our lives and we say, I want to create more of these results, our tendency is we look at people that have those results and we say, oh, I got to do exactly what they're doing. And we, we, we blow our capacity. Which means we're, we're overdrafting our emotional bank account. We're emotionally bankrupt, we're exhausted, we're tired. Like, I'm trying to do all of the right things. And I'm, you know, I'm journaling and I'm praying and I'm reading and I'm doing the cold plunge and I'm jogging, you know, you know, 10 miles every single day. And I'm doing right, doing all the right things, and, and yet we don't feel different. And what I've found is that in most cases, it's not actually what do I need to add to my life. That's why it's not an addition problem. It's what do I need to take away that causing noise. Elon Musk is, is great at this, is that if you look at him, he, he's all signal, all signal, no noise, right? Which is typical of genius, like hyper focused. This is what I. Now, I'm not saying that's necessarily healthy, not saying that's necessarily the best way to go about it, but what you can learn from it is, is if I am going to create more of the results, if I want more happiness, I want more intimacy with my wife, if I want to be more present with my kids, if I want a. Then I need to focus more on what do I need to get out of the way and eliminate than what do I need to add? Because when you start to eliminate the noise and the distractions and the things that aren't useful or align with your values, you create margin. And from that margin, when you can be intentional, you start to realize, wow, I can actually create more results, better results from a place of rest, from a place of peace, from a place of. It's not that we talked about trying harder versus trying softer. It's not so much that you're not trying. It's that you're doing it from this place of peace, of rest, of alignment. And that's where I love the conversations. That's why I do a lot of the work that I do is because so many high achievers, high performers, people that are a part of the determined society are like, I want to go after and achieve my potential. But we sacrifice so much unnecessarily because we don't know what matters most. We haven't defined an aim, and we end up sacrificing our soul on this proverbial altar of success. And we get there and we achieve it, and it's hollow. And we don't know why. It's because we have missed the fact that this is about alignment. This is about subtraction. This is about saying, how do I remove the things from my life that are not aligned with what I believe God is calling me to do and the person that I want to become? Wow.

[Sean]

So many different ways I can go from that. Dude, I. I do want to start by saying, you know, when you think about subtraction, it doesn't necessarily need. And this is important for the audience, right, because for me, I subtracted something. Yes, I subtracted some people. Right. That I needed to. But for the most part, it was. It was. It was a. An emotion that I subtracted. So in. And you've helped me with this. And Matthew Hadden has been instrumental.

[David Baldy]

Love, Matt. Shout out to.

[Sean]

Oh, my God, Maddie. We should have called him. You know, we should. FaceTime. Oh, no, he doesn't have an iPhone. Loser.

[David Baldy]

What a dweeb.

[Sean]

I know. Seriously, the guy's doing so well now he's crushing online business. Like, buy a fucking iPhone, dude. What's your problem? I don't even know if we can be friends. Green bubble. But no, it's. Just kidding, buddy. We love you. But. But, dude, like, there was. There was this time, and. And, you know, we'll get into this, and I know you've got notes on this, but I was so stuck. Like, I couldn't figure out why I was unable to get in shape, you know, because I know what to do. It's not rocket science.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

You know, like. Like, Matthew always says, it's simple, but it's not easy.

[David Baldy]

Simple, but not easy.

[Sean]

Simple but not easy. It's like, you know, eat better food. Whole foods, primarily. Move your body. I'm sorry, is there an easier recipe than that? Right? But it's so hard. Right? And the problem was, is, like, I just didn't think I was good enough to be there. There was a lot of shame. There was a lot of self hatred. And every single time that I started on a 75 hard program or.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Or like a fasting thing or whatever the gimmick was for me to lose weight. It was all based on self hatred. I hate the way I am right now, so I'm going to change this.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And it was in November of 24, and I've told this story, but I ran into my good buddy Jeff Delaney in. In a room here in Naples, and he owns a testosterone clinic and a weight loss clinic and multiple of them. And he's just an amazing guy. And I couldn't look him in the eye, dude. Like, I just couldn't. I'm like, I'm embarrassed right now. And at that point in time, and I don't. I might have even told you this, but it was hard for me to even get off the couch and be in public unless I was recording. Yeah. But then every time I would see a recording, I hated the way I looked. And it wasn't about vanity to me. There was something bothering me, and I couldn't figure out what the hell it was. And so the moment I shifted to. I'm going after this.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

I need to be the best I can be. You know, I.

[David Baldy]

And.

[Sean]

And I want to be alive longer. I want to be healthy for my children.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

I just think the thing. That's the thing that really pushed me at the beginning, but I. It's all coming back to me. So I'm having a hard time. It's just. It's so hard to articulate when you're in the emotion of it.

[David Baldy]

Because what's the thing for you, Sean, that was in the way? What do you feel like? Was that that variable and that you were like, hey, this is the thing that has to be subtracted, eliminated. It's got to get out of the way so that I can move forward.

[Sean]

Self hatred.

[David Baldy]

Self hatred.

[Sean]

And in shame, you know, not liking the way I looked. And it completely torpedoed me emotionally. Yeah. You know, so I decided to go all in. And I was like, okay, I'm going to do this.

[David Baldy]

Why? I'm curious. Why did you. Why. Why did you get to that? Or what led to the point where, like, dang it, I'm going all in.

[Sean]

I never really dug into a very, very deep level of the potential consequences, but what I will say is I was miserable. And the pain got so big and so great. And not just emotionally, but it started to turn into physical pain.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

It's like, I got to do something. I've got three beautiful children, I got a beautiful wife, and I fear if I'm not around for them. My biggest fear isn't. And I've been seeing this trend lately. Like, this trends. My biggest fear isn't dying. My biggest fear is not being there for my children when they need me. So. And that could be physically. That could be emotionally. And I saw myself as being very unpresent. I lacked. I lacked presence, dude. And so I was like, okay, well, let me. Let me go do this. And what started happening is my alarm clock used to say at 4am Wake up. Change it to I love you, Sean. And so the first thing that I saw every morning and still see every morning is that. Yeah. And so it put me in a space of being grateful for, you know, waking up.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And I started executing and running the play. Dude. And then all of a sudden, week one, down eight pounds. Week two, down eight pounds. Right. And then that started happening. And then all of a sudden, I realized I'm like. More people are starting to listen to the show now. My speech pattern changed, you know? Yeah. I. I drop with an occasional F bomb here and there, because I just. Dude, that's just who I am. But it used to. Yeah.

[David Baldy]

Thank you.

[Sean]

So do you. Thank you. You. It's your fault. He made me so he knew what he's getting into. But, like. But, like, it used to be every other word.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And so what I realized is the quality of the show got better. My speech pattern got better. My clarity got way better.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Started to look better. And people started going, wait a second. What are you doing? I'm like, well, this is what I'm doing. I'm just, you know, trying to be healthy. Yeah. And remember the time I was telling you, like, man, I can't get anybody invested in my show? Oh, yeah, dude. We had two infusions last year.

[David Baldy]

Mm.

[Sean]

And we're vetting more because I was not outwardly living.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

The brand. Here I was. I had a show called the Determined Society that talked about determination and discipline. Yeah. And I didn't look the part. Right. And so was I live in determination and discipline within my show. Sure. People can't see that. They can't see that. And so once I started displaying that. Right. And people started going, oh, yeah, that's the guy. The influence grew, my impact grew, and the show exploded. Right. And. And I look back on it, and I'm still moving towards it.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

You know, I'm still lifting six days a week. I don't care. I'm gonna live six days a week like I'm enjoying it.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

I know what my nutrition plan is. I'm gonna stick to it because my boy Jeff told me this is what you do.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

You know, and he, that's, that's, that's what he does for a living. And it's become this thing for me that is. I don't know why I'm thinking of a Tesla pulling over on the side of the road and getting charged. It charges me. It is fulfilling for me to wake up every day and go do something that I may not want to do that day. I may want the fries with the pizza and all the ice cream. But I choose to do that sparingly now because I have goals. So for me long winded rant there. But for me it was removing the self hatred, the shame.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

In looking at this as an opportunity to improve instead of punishing myself because of how I looked. Yeah. And that's what everybody is struggling with out there. They want to get in better shape because they hate the way they look. Yeah. It's never going to work. You, it's never going to work.

[David Baldy]

It's not. And you, you can overlay that in any sector of life. I hate where my marriage is. I hate my financial situation. I hate my job. I hate my boss. I hate my. Whatever it is. Insert. Fill in the blank. And the thing that I found is that hatred is always rooted in fear. Always. It is always rooted in fear. And fear is an illusion. Right. Fear's always an illusion because we're telling ourselves a story about an outcome that isn't reality. That's where anxiety comes from. Is that I'm telling myself a story like what if this happens and what if that happens and what if this.

[Sean]

And I'm really good at that. Right.

[David Baldy]

Well, we all are. And it's, it's just, it's a misuse of what I believe is this incredible gift that most of us abandoned when we were kids. And it's our imagination. No one taught us how to use our imagination. And when someone doesn't teach you how to use a tool, well, what do you do? Just like your. You know, I've got a one year old, I've got a four year old, a six year old and an eight year old. And my one year old right now, he doesn't know how to use most anything. So what does he do when he sees daddy's hammer? He goes over and Grabs and starts running around amok. Yeah, you're gonna hurt somebody.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[David Baldy]

Until we learn how to use a tool and use it well, it can actually be something that can cause a lot of damage. And I think that that's, that's how our imagination is, is that if we think about anxiety and fear and worry and doubt, those are all future based things. I'm thinking about something that does not exist yet in this reality, in this moment. And I am attaching to an emotional state because of a perceived outcome. I'm saying I'm worried this is going to happen. So guess what? Now I'm worried.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[David Baldy]

Now I'm sitting here anxious because I'm worried about this thing. And it's all in our imagination. But we do the same thing in the past. That's where our shame and our guilt and our condemnation and the regret is because we're going back into the past saying, I should have, if I only would have known, if I could have done this, so on and so forth. But what I have found is that if we look at any area of our life and say I hate this, that sometimes is enough to get people to, to make the start, but it's not enough to sustain you and see you through to the end.

[Sean]

Sustainability is massive. And that's where the breakdown happens. Right. Because you know, when I said, like, you cannot do better hating a certain situation, like you can for a little bit. But to your point, the sustainability of it, like, you're gonna burn out really quickly if you're leading with, I have to fix this because I can't stand it. Like, for me, it's just, it's more of a, you know, I, I got that figured out in my personal life, right. With my, with my physical body and, and how I treat it.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

What I'm still trying to do is migrate that over to here. Right. And, and this conversation has helped me so much because, you know, it made me realize, like, everybody wants to go another level. Right. Everybody wants to do well, everybody wants to grow to a certain point. But, but I've started despising where we're at. And I'm like, oh, when you said that, I'm like, no, no, no, no, it can't be there. Like, I've got to throw an amazing amount of gratitude and love to where we're at.

[David Baldy]

Yes.

[Sean]

Because if I look back a year ago.

[David Baldy]

Well, let's just go back a couple years, Sean.

[Sean]

Oh, geez. Yeah. So guys, he's, he's pulling out his lovely little remarkable pad and I believe these notes were from actually three years ago. Right. It was our first conversation we ever had one of them.

[David Baldy]

How revealing. Do you want me to go ahead, man?

[Sean]

I mean, listen, dude.

[David Baldy]

You know, so this conversation, Sean, we, we. We talked about how in that season of life, you were under a lot of stress. There's a lot of financial stress. There's a lot of questions of the future of the podcast and direction and, you know, do I want to build courses and programs and coaches and, or do coaching or do I want to just like, have these interviews? Do I want to build big business? Do I want to like, all the options? Right. You're afraid of losing everything. That was the pervasive story. What if going after this dream makes me lose it all? What if I lose my wife and my kids, myself in the process? And it was a season where we talked through. You had some dealing with some dark thoughts, which I've been there too. I've had those moments, those seasons. You know, I, I don't know if I shared this story the last time, but there was a point in my life where I walked in the bathroom with a Glock in my hand and

[Sean]

I said, it was in your mouth. Yeah, you. You shared that.

[David Baldy]

I was done. And so I know that we all have these seasons, these moments, but it was, it was really interesting because I, we walked through a process together and I said, let's, let's reframe this and look about, look at the things that, that you do want. And then let's ask the question, why? Why do you want those, Sean? And so it was really interesting as we went through. And, and this is just for everyone listening, I want you to know, like, we have ups and downs. We have these seasons, we have these moments, and you're never going to get to all tens. Like, you're never going to get to all tens.

[Sean]

No.

[David Baldy]

And so it's not about perfection. It's about saying, am I. And this is what I. A lot of the, the people that I work with is, is the question of intentionality. Did you choose that intentionally or not? Was that a reaction? Was that something that you just did because of default, or did you choose that? You know, if you chose the pizza, fine, cool. You chose it. That's what I want to know.

[Sean]

Right?

[David Baldy]

Did you intentionally do this? And as we were going through some of it, you were talking about how controlling your thoughts was really challenging. Controlling your emotions was challenging. Your morning routine sucked. Your self talk sucked.

[Sean]

Wow.

[David Baldy]

Fun. Was. Was a 1 out of 10 is the rating that you gave yourself. I'm not having any fun right now. In this season, your joy was a two, your peace was a one, and your relationship with God was a one. And so we went through this, and basically, you, out of a hundred points, your score was 38 out of 100.

[Sean]

I remember this now.

[David Baldy]

Okay? Yes. And immediately you went to shame and guilt and just like, oh, I hate this.

[Sean]

I hate this.

[David Baldy]

Right? And then we reframed it. I said, all right, Sean, now I want you to stop. I want to. I want you to tell me about the man that, you know you are. And this is the reframe for everyone listening. It's not about hating who you are. It's about looking at yourself with what I call fierce empathy, which we've talked about, and saying, how can I treat myself as someone that I'm responsible for? How would I treat another person who is dealing with these things? Would I beat the crap out of them and tell them all? Or would I say, hey, let's walk through this? Yeah, there's some things that need to adjust, but the shame and the guilt and the regret, no, that's. You just need to remember who you are. And that's what I think is the key here, Sean, is that these dreams and aspirations, these things that we have, I always ask people this question. I say, what if those were placed there by God as an invitation? What if the dreams and aspirations that he's given each of us as individuals, when you think about it, what if those are little seeds that, like, a vision that God has planted and said, I want you to chase after this, but the key is, I want to do it with you. I want to walk with you, and I want to father you. I want to guide you. What if those things aren't intrinsically selfish? And we had that conversation. I was like, sean, like, what here is selfish? He's like, this isn't about me, dude. I want to inspire and encourage and help people get out of their own way, and I want them to see what discipline can do. And I want them to have an incredible marriage and a great relationship with their kids. Like, all these things were not just this. I want to be awesome and amazing and have everybody look at me. And if you ask anybody that is halfway aware, you'll find that most of the dreams and aspirations that they have are not selfish. They're. Because they want to make the world a better place. They want to give and serve. And so I asked you, I said, sean, tell me about that man. Tell me about that man. That you see in your mind, the one that you know you really are, the one that you want to be. And you said, he's smiling, he's glowing, he's on stages, he's wearing all black with red accents. Shout out to the red accents. Nike sponsorship. Come on, Come on, guys. You said, I want to. I want a tight fitting shirt where I look chiseled. Check out them veins. Show off the veins for a second. You said, I want it to be a big room where I'm able to inspire and encourage. I want to feel peace, gratitude. I want my faith to grow. I want to be a man of discipline. I want to be happy. I want to be excited to be alive. And then we walked through. I had, I had you visualize. I said, sean, that man. I want you to take a moment and close your eyes. And I want you to tell me, when does he wake up? And from the moment he wakes up. Walk me through his day. Walk me through his day. What is he doing and what does his life look like? You threw some stuff at me around protein, Shakespeare, wild blueberries. One of the first things that I think that, that you said, you said, when the lights come on, the very first thing that I. I'm going to say is I'm going to say I love you. You changed that on your phone, Don. After this conversation, they do like, I have it written right here.

[Sean]

This is two years ago. After that conversation, I changed that.

[David Baldy]

You said, I want to say I love you. It's time to pour into you to be happy with who you are. Pre workout, get to the gym, treadmill workout, sauna, all that. I'm. These are things that are a part of your life now. Right? And it was really interesting. You said, when I leave for the gym, I want to get in a trx. And for anyone that's not aware, Sean has a beautiful TRX that he now drives. That was not in the picture at this time, right? Because you were like, dude, there's no way. There's. There's no way. You said, I want this podcast to be. Be hitting streaming platforms. I want. I want a Mac Daddy studio. I'm sorry, come on. Right now, there's still levels, right? We know this. But you said, I want to be working with a PR team which didn't exist. You're like, I don't even know what that. That looks like, how I'm going to make that happen. I want to have premieres and grand openings. I want to know who's on deck. I want to be able to, to live in Naples, have a forever home, right? You were sharing all these different things that were desires that you said, that's the man that I know that I can be. That's the man that I want to be. And I want everyone to listening right now to understand something. When we were going through this exercise, this was not your reality. This was the reality of the man in your mind. And you said, that's his life, that's his reality. I want that. And what you did is you put in the work required to create that. And somebody said it outside. That's manifestation. Right? Manifestation is not some crazy woo woo stuff. What it looks like is the creative process that says, I'm going to define a name. This is who I want to be, this is how I want to live. And you project into the future and say, how does he or she show up? When do they get out of bed in the morning? Because right now I'm getting out at like 6:30 maybe, you know, snooze. No, no, no. I'm getting up at this time. This is what my morning routine looks like. This is what my day looks like. And you start to actively create every single day. And the more and more that you do that you manifest and create a new reality. But I think the foundation of all of this, Sean, is, is. Is a conversation we were having earlier. Is that the reason most of us don't actually create the results and step into it? And you're living it right now. But what's crazy is that there's still that kind of dissatisfaction. Yeah, but there's another level. There's another level. There's another level.

[Sean]

Yeah. I was like, hey, come on.

[David Baldy]

And I was driving this morning on the way here. I shared this with you earlier and I, I'm. Most mornings I. One of the questions that I asked is, is, you know, God, is there anything specific that you're. You're wanting to show me today? Is there anything you want to tell me today? And I'm driving and I'm just listening and all of a sudden it hits me and I realize I'm driving down this interstate and there's, you know, traffic in Florida.

[Sean]

Oh yeah, dude. 75, bro.

[David Baldy]

And I'm driving and there's all these different vehicles and different people are going different speeds and I hit stop and go so on and so forth. And I felt like God just dropped this in my spirit that I thought was for me, but maybe it's, you know, hopefully this will be useful for, for those listening is that he said I've been teaching you about potential versus capacity for a while. And if you look at these vehicles, this is a lot like life. You have a specific destination that you're headed towards, but so does everyone else. You're all moving in the same direction, but some people are going faster than you, Some people are going slower than you, but every one of them have a different destination. You're not all going to the same place. And what we do is we. We look at our aim in life or the place that we want to get to, and we think, okay, it's 100 miles down the road. Well, 100 miles down the road might have some twists and turn and bends. You might have some. Some things. Accidents that happen on the side of a deer jumps out, alligator, whatever. We're in South Florida's iguana, probably, right? And.

[Sean]

Or gator.

[David Baldy]

Or gator, Right. And if you're not careful, you can misunderstand that that's what's possible. That's the potential. The potential that you have. But if we don't steward our capacity, well, meaning that if I just pedal to the metal 120 miles an hour, guess what? I'm going to run out of gas versus if I put it on cruise, right? And I'm. I'm focused. I'm intentional, and I'm driving my lane, and I'm focused on my lane. I'm going to get there. I don't necessarily know how long it's going to take or when I'm going to arrive. But the mistake we make, Sean, is that we start looking over at the other people and we start, wait, they're going faster than me. They're going faster than me. Why is this guy going so slow, right? And we get into this comparative and competition when we don't even realize, like, they're not even going to the same place.

[Sean]

Wow.

[David Baldy]

They're not going to the same. We're headed in the same direction. And all of us in life are moving forward, but we judge and we criticize, and a lot of times it's for ourselves. And I'm trying to process all this as I'm driving. And that's usually how God speaks to me. He gives me this download. I'm like, I don't even know what that means. What are you trying. And he reminded me of something that he shared with me a couple years ago that you and I talked about a few months ago. An acorn and an oak tree have the same potential. They do not have the same capacity. And the mistake that we make is that we look at our potential, we look at the vision, we look at the things that we want to accomplish and achieve. And we can see it, but we're not necessarily ready for it because we don't understand our current capacity. If I take the same amount of water and sunlight and nutrients that's required for an oak tree to grow and thrive, and I give that to an acorn, I'll kill it. If I take the same amount of water and the soil and the nutrients that are needed for an acorn to grow and thrive and I give that to an oak tree, I'll kill it. Because their capacities are different, but their potential is the same. And what we do is we as these, the acorns in our life, we look at our marriage, we look at our finances, we look at our business and like, well, it's, you know, it's growing. But I. I want to. I really want to grow. I really want to grow. Well, fascinating thing about trees is if you try and force a tree to grow and you give it too much water, what happens to the fruit, Sean? It comes out twisted, perverted, it comes out wrong. It doesn't actually create healthy, good fruit. And so you got. Especially for men, we have a lot of guys that are like, I want to bring shade and protection. I want to give fruit. I want to be able to. To take care of all of these people that. That are in my life. But they don't realize that that's their potential. But they only have a root system that's 2 inches deep. They have not taken the time to grow down those roots. Through the difficulties and challenges of navigating life and being willing to say, I'm going to grow. My capacity deep and understanding emotional regulation, disciplining myself, showing up and being present, being kind to myself, learning how to manage my time well, learning how to communicate, developing my skills and digging my roots down deep so I can grow up. Instead, what we do is like, oh,

[Sean]

just I gotta get there.

[David Baldy]

And any plant which, as human beings, we're just complicated plants, right? Food, water, sunlight, that's what we need. We have emotions. We're trying so desperately hard to get there that we don't even realize that oftentimes when we get there, the fruit of our lives and the things that we're wanting to create, they don't come out the way that God intended.

[Sean]

Dude, the. It's. It's so crazy because. Dude, the. I cannot tell you how timely this is because we sit there like, we need to be doing this. We need to go to the World Cup. We need to be there on site. We need to interview all these players. We need to be at Tortuga. We need to do this. We need to be at opening day versus the Giants and the Yankees in San Francisco. We need to do all this different things. And while our potential is there. Yeah, we don't have the capacity yet. And, you know, I've been having these conversations with Pat, you know, my. One of my good. One of my best friends, and he's one of my partners. And I was like, hey, we're going to do all these things, but maybe it's just not time, because. And I love the dreaming. You know me, dude, I'm a visionary. I love when people say, like, hey, bro, let's go do this. I'm like, yes.

[David Baldy]

All the.

[Sean]

Yes, let's do it. But as I'm. I'm listening to you and you're talking about, I just want to grow. And you're flexing and you're straining. I feel like that's where we're at right now, you know? And again, like, I don't ever hold anything back. That's where I'm different, you know, I don't. I don't see this as anything other than just the opportunity to be honest with people, and hopefully it makes an impact. Right? But, like, where we're at right now is I'm straining to get to that next level when it's just like, why don't I just let the roots grow?

[David Baldy]

Here's a great example. I want to. I don't mean to interrupt, but I think this will be really useful for people to understand this. Do you do a bench press when you go to the gym?

[Sean]

Yeah, dumbbell. I do dumbbell press.

[David Baldy]

Okay. Dumbbell press. All right. You and I both know that. And you mind me asking, like, what's your typical press?

[Sean]

I mean, if I'm doing sets of 10, which, you know, is typically that, you know, 75, 80s, okay? I work out. I work out by myself, so I don't got it.

[David Baldy]

Yeah, okay, so you got 75, 75, something like that, right? You're pushing. Okay, so here's the mistake that we make. We go into the gym and we see all the potential in the world. Like, dude, there's. There's £150 over here. There's this, that. There's all this stuff, right? And we see people walking around. I'm sure they have them at your gym, right? Like, dude, that guy's yoked.

[Sean]

He's jacked.

[David Baldy]

Right. And what we do is that we lay down on the bench and we're like, hey, I know my capacity is. I can. You know, I'm going to be doing, you know, 10 reps, 75 pounds, and I can do three sets, and that's where I'm at. But I want to push myself a little bit. I'm maybe going to bump up to 80 because I want to grow. Right. What we do is we walk in there and we. We look at the £150 and say, why can't I do it? Why can't I do that?

[Sean]

Yeah.

[David Baldy]

And so we end up trying to take on all of this stuff that is a potential for us in time. We're not ready for it yet.

[Sean]

No, you hurt yourself, you'll hurt yourself.

[David Baldy]

That's what we do is we take on all this. This pressure and this weight because we're like, I know that I can do it. Yeah, you can do it. But maybe not right now. Maybe Your capacity is 75, 80. And you say, okay, well, then I'm going to commit to a plan to have progressive overload. But you and I both know this. You can't have progressive overload all the time. If you push a PR and you're going for it, you need a rest. You got to take a couple of days for your body to recuperate. And it's the same thing with our mind, with our business, with our finances. Is that a hard driving go, go, go, go, go. All the time will overwhelm you. But if you can recognize your capacity, like for me, my capacity in the season, I have four young kids, and I have committed. One of my things that I've committed to my wife and is a part of our thing is, unless I'm traveling, it's breakfast, lunch, and dinner with my kids, with my wife. Right. I know that there's opportunity cost to that because I know I could have that time and I could be building business and doing all these other types of things. But I've made the decision of saying, this is my capacity in life right now, and those things are going to have to wait. It doesn't mean I'm not going to still pursue them and lean into them, But I'm not going to overwhelm myself because the capacity that each of us have is different. Your capacity is different than mine, different than Dan's capacity is different than every person. But we fail to stop and pause and say, is this actually something that I have the bandwidth to do? And if not, how do I increase my Capacity. An increase in capacity is where I think we should focus more of our time and attention. Just like you increase your capacity at the gym every time you go and you push yourself, but it doesn't mean that you. You throw a pity party or you get mad at God or say that life's unfair because you can't bench 150s. Yeah.

[Sean]

It's so funny because, like, I'm. I'm so. I'm wired so different there with the amount of weight. Give two. Two craps. You know, I, I, I. For me, I always want to lift heavier because I know if I lift heavier, then I'm breaking the muscle down more and I'm growing. For me, you know, the amount of weight in the gym is never an ego play. Yeah. But, you know, it's funny because I'll get. I mean, there's. I'm at a point right now where I'm getting frustrated because I'm, you know, at certain. I don't know, I'd say the last three weeks, I haven't felt myself getting stronger. And, you know, I'll feel like, you know, the tired in the shoulder, like, set to. I'm like, okay, my body's telling me something. Probably need a deload week. Right. Right. And. And I don't even. I got to research it. I don't even know how to do one of those. Like, Like, I know people talk about it. I know it's supposed to be beneficial,

[David Baldy]

but, like, target 60, 70% of your. Your typical. That's a deload.

[Sean]

Oh, okay.

[David Baldy]

Yeah. It's. It's not complicated.

[Sean]

Wow. I can do that.

[David Baldy]

Yeah. I had a deload week two weeks ago, and, and it's built into my app, and I was like, I'm so tired.

[Sean]

I'm so tired.

[David Baldy]

And it was a deload week, and It's. It's about 60, you know, 60%, roughly, of what you typically do.

[Sean]

Okay.

[David Baldy]

Where you almost feel like, this is cake. It's easy. I could do, like, you know, eight more reps. But, yeah, you're. You're just. You're just working.

[Sean]

How often do you do a deload week?

[David Baldy]

I. I mean, this is the first one that I've done in probably two or three months.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[David Baldy]

So it's not very often.

[Sean]

Yeah. So I don't. I don't. I've never done one really. So I'm going to. I'm going to next week. I'll do a delo week. Okay.

[David Baldy]

But see, we also say you're like, yeah, But I'm taking it easy, man. Well, guess what? Your body, you need.

[Sean]

But see, that's the thing too, because like that right there, you know, like, we all go through that.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

You know, like. No, no, no, no. If I, if I, if I'm taking it easy, then I'm not progressing. But sometimes you have to slow down to speed up. You do, you know, And I think that's one of the narratives on social media that people are really getting fed and they struggle with. Right. Because you have these amazing individuals, like a Goggins. I mean, I don't know if he. Amazing individual. I've never met him.

[David Baldy]

Right.

[Sean]

But people perceive him as amazing individual because of what he's done.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

All he's doing is being himself and, and literally, literally documenting what works for him.

[David Baldy]

Yep.

[Sean]

Don't go. Try to do what he does. No, like that. That's ridiculous. But then you have like, you know, Andy Frisella, who's built an amazing brand.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And so when, when those types of guys that have that much influence, that have done so much go out there and they tell everybody, you need to work out twice a day, you need to never have a cheat meal, you need to never eat ice cream, you need to never drink alcohol. You have to do this and you have to do that. Well, then people believe, like, that's the way I'm supposed to live.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

You know, 24 7, 365. And I don't know. And it could be that way for Andy. Like.

[David Baldy]

Sure.

[Sean]

But it doesn't mean that every. It's not like a, it's not like we used to make. Me and Dan used to make fun of corporate. Every year, like when we get our new quotas, they just. Peanut butter. It's like spread it out over the whole district. It's like, I'm in Cape Coral. What is this? You know, like, you can't, you can't take what somebody else does and, and do it for you. Because again, different capacity now. A lot of different things. But the thing that I am really passionate about now is watching and when I see something on, you know, the social media apps, like, you need to be up at 2am or you're up or you're a bitch, bro. You're just trying to get, you're just trying to get.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Comments. You're just trying to get people to come in and, and follow you and you're going to lead people down.

[David Baldy]

Oftentimes, I mean, it's very bad. It's a superiority complex too, is because People make themselves feel better by, by being able to create this facade or scenarios that I'm up here and you're down here. And so if you're not willing to do this, then I'm better than you and I've got. I'll be careful about name dropping. But there's, there are so many individuals on social media today that are in your face, you're trash. Da da da. You're not doing so and so forth. And people eat it up. But they don't realize that most of the motivation behind those individuals doing that is because they're, they're so wounded and there's so much pain that the only way they can feel like they're anything is by pushing other people down.

[Sean]

I'm thinking of one name now that does it. Did it so much and I don't see his stuff anymore. So I'm pretty grateful.

[David Baldy]

I think we're probably on the same page.

[Sean]

I mean, double initials, maybe towards the W letter of the Alphabet, but dude. And you look at the amount of trauma though, right? And you look at all that. But like, for me, you know, I, I started to understand and I was talking to somebody the other day, dude, and they go, man, I, I gotta get my together. Like, what's up? Like, well, I mean, you get, you're in the gym at what time you get the gym, Sean? I'm like five. That's when it opens, you know, and there's some days that I go later, but like, dude, if I don't have recordings one day, yeah, I'm sleeping until 6 because it's already baked in, right? It's not a retreat, right? If this then what? I learned that from Matt. If this then what? Yeah, if I have recordings at any point in the day, I'm up at 4, I go downstairs and have my protein shake. Then I go to the gym. I don't do the pre workout anymore, don't eat it. And if it's not a recording day, I'm up at 6, I go downstairs and I make the kids whatever I need their breakfast and put their snacks in their deal. And I eat my breakfast at the counter with them while they're sitting on the island and we talked. So someone said, I'm like, why are you beating yourself up? What do you mean? You get your stuff together, you look great. I know, but I'm waking up at 6 and you know, I'm in here by 6:30. I'm like, okay, what's your point? Yeah, how's your, how's your Career going? Yeah, great. We're doing good. You know, I'm, you know, I'm making money. How's your marriage? Happy. Are your kids? Fantastic. What's wrong? Well, I'm seeing all over the place that people are waking up at 4 and listen for everybody still tuned in to this incredible conversation. It does not matter if someone else wakes up at 2 or you wake up at 6 or even 7am it doesn't matter. Like if you have a goal and there's certain, certain things that you want to do as a standard for you every day and you're completing them and you're not taking time away from your family. See, what most people don't know is the reason why I wake up at 4am and go to the gym by 5 is because I don't want to take time away from my children and my wife at night. Yeah. So I sacrifice.

[David Baldy]

There's opportunity cost.

[Sean]

That's, that's the only reason. I don't think it's cool.

[David Baldy]

It's not fun.

[Sean]

Sucks. Sucks.

[David Baldy]

But we just, like we were talking about with the cars, is that, that guy, he's looking over at somebody who's driving a different vehicle, going a different speed, being like, yeah, but look at them. But look at them.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[David Baldy]

And that's where, especially with a lot of the clients that I work with, they, they think that I'm going to give them advice. My job is not to give advice. My job is to hold a mirror and ask the tough questions and to say, is this aligned with who you want to be? Yes or no. And then we need to create. You mentioned the word standards. I would hope that anyone listening today, like, please understand the importance of a standard. Is. You're saying this is my minimum threshold, non negotiable. I learned that in woodworking. If you have, if you want to cut 100 pieces the same length and you start with one and you cut it 12 inches and then you cut the next one that you. If you keep using each of the consecutive boards to measure the next one, by the time you get to the 100th board, you're not going to have a 12 inch board. It's going to probably be about 10 inches because there's this progressive or regressive decline. Instead of using the first board that you cut as the measurement for every other piece, you create a stance standard that is your non negotiable, that says, this is who I am, so this is what I do. And then you introduce a degree of accountability. You and I both know the value in having coaches and mentors and people in our lives that will, will call us up to that higher standard of saying, hey, you said that this was a non negotiable, but you seem to be negotiating it. You keep snoozing. You haven't dated your wife in two months. You haven't, you know, done the work in order to create the results. So either stop lying to yourself and to me or take ownership of the standard. And I think what I have found is that the more that you adopt standards and you let go of so many of these arbitrary outcomes, these, the bhags, the big hairy, audacious goals. Not saying those are bad, but I think that those are very dangerous. Because when we say I'm setting this goal, we create this gap and this distance in our mind and say, well, until I can get there, I'm not, I'm not going to feel okay. I'm not going to be happy, I'm not going to be satisfied. And if you change that and say, yeah, I'd like to get there and we're going to get there, I don't know when, I don't necessarily know how, but what I do know is that if I follow these daily standards and I keep showing up consistently every single day, I'm going to get there.

[Sean]

You know, that's a great point because it's like the thing that I want to clarify for the audience is like when you're saying, like, it's my standard, it's what I do because I said I would. You know, in, in, in the thing that I think people really struggle with is it's all fine and dandy when they're in a good, oh, mental space. When they're not tired.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

But the moment they had a fight with their spouse the night before.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And they're completely destroyed and depleted and angry and upset. Maybe remorseful, maybe regret what happened. Yeah. Until you feel those feelings and still go do what you're supposed to do. That is a man or a woman living in a standard. It's what I do.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And for me, what I've been able to figure out is, does it matter how I feel? Yeah. Is it a lift day? Okay. Well, what, what's my split? What is it today? Oh, it's legs. I don't want to do legs.

[David Baldy]

Tough.

[Sean]

You cannot lie to yourself. See, a lot of people think it's, it's about the achievement aspect of it. It's never about that.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

For a person who's looking to do more and be more and Be more for his family and his friends and everybody around them.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

They have to understand one thing. It is not about the achievement. It's about being a man that is so loyal to his word.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Like, for me, that is everything.

[David Baldy]

It's integrity.

[Sean]

If I said I gotta do it, I'm gonna do it. But you know what happens in the process? You become unbreakable. You, you, you. And again, I'm not saying that you are, you know, literally unbreakable, but, like, you. You understand where you're at, you understand your value, and you understand where you're going. And you want to build confidence. It's not in the short shorts. It's not in the tank tops. Okay. It's not in the yoga pants. It's following through with what you say to yourself in silence that nobody freaking hears.

[David Baldy]

Keeping your word. That's yourself. That's it.

[Sean]

That's the secret.

[David Baldy]

Yep.

[Sean]

It's keeping your word.

[David Baldy]

And it's not about. Like you said. I think the mistake people make is that it's not about the achievement or becoming more powerful. It's about you cultivating and creating the stability that will enable you to weather the storms that life is going to throw. It's not. I'm trying to be this big, incredible, achieve all these things. It's saying, no, I know that there's going to be heavier responsibility, there's going to be more weight, there's going to be more challenges, going to be more difficulty. So I'm strengthening myself so I can be stable in and through that. And I think what you saw and experienced over these past few years, Sean, is. It's biblical, says, he who is faithful to little things will be entrusted with more, will be entrusted with much. And I think that we forget that, is that I don't care if you have a million dollars in the bank. If your marriage is falling apart because you're not showing up, it doesn't matter. I don't care if you have the body of a Greek God, if you treat your employees like crap. Right. I don't care about these things. Because we've got a skewed value system, especially in the American west, that we attach so much value to shiny stuff that we forget.

[Sean]

Well, it's a mask.

[David Baldy]

It's a mask.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[David Baldy]

We forget that the people that we love and respect the most are people kind of like our grandmothers, who say, I really don't care how you feel right now, kiddo. Stop doing that. Why are you doing that? We'll tell you how it is. And Those are the people that we. We love, we admire, and we respect. But I'm discovering my own life, Sean, because I. Last year was a brutal year, a lot of difficulty. I'm discovering that the more that I create voluntary accountability in my life by saying, hey, I'm letting you know I'm going to commit to this and I'm going to. I'm determined to do this. When I put my integrity on the line when it comes to another person, and science has shown this, you're like 80 to 90% more likely to actually do it.

[Sean]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[David Baldy]

Versus trying to do it for yourself and lying to yourself and getting in your own way. But that integrity piece you were just talking about, we tend to have integrity outwardly with other people, but if we don't cultivate that inwardly with ourselves and keeping our word to ourselves. I've been identifying over the last year different areas where I've not been faithful with the little things. So why would I believe that God's going to entrust me with more if I can't be faithful to steward what he's already given me and to control what I can control, I can't expect to be entrusted with more. And you've seen an experience over the last three years, you started controlling what you could control. And look at what's happened.

[Sean]

Yeah, I mean, look, it's all about building that trust with yourself.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

There's nothing worse than not being able to trust yourself. Yeah, right. Like that, that. That's the thing. Like, if you can't trust yourself, how could you demand trust from somebody else? Right? So, I mean, dude, this has been amazing. I mean, look, bro, like, the value of you as a friend and the opportunity to sit down with you again and, and do this all over again. Like, I mean, it was better than the first one. And the first one, I thought I was like, dude, does it get any better than that? Like, you know what I, What I. What I keep finding is that. And tell Dan this all the time. And even Ryan there is like, I think that was your best show. It happens so frequently now because we're in this flow state of not worrying about all this stuff over here, but, like, worried about this.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And that's never been our problem. But, but, dude, I just appreciate you, man. You know, I wish you lived closer, but you've been instrumental in my life, and I hope that the dudes and the gals listening go find their. Their people to where they can be open and have. And do those exercises that we did three Years. Honestly, bro, I forgot we did that.

[David Baldy]

That was.

[Sean]

Dude, that was two years ago. And so when. When you cast a vision for your life, and this is what I want people to really grab onto. When you have those moments, whether it's with a spouse or a friend, like, this is the man or this is the woman I see myself as. No one understands what's actually happening in that moment.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

All right. Because if you see it and you can feel it. Yeah. Then you will achieve it. But you gotta work too, right. And you gotta get out of your own way, and you gotta do it when you're tired. You got to do it when you're sad. You got to do it when you're depressed one day.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Right. But. But the. But the thing is, is, like, it becomes the fabric of who you are and what you want to do. And then all of a sudden, you just. Yeah, it's there.

[David Baldy]

Right.

[Sean]

Like, that was. That was. Dude, what you did for me today, like, straight up, like, when you read that to me out there and then went in more detail here, I felt this massive weight lifted off of my chest because it's like, until someone points out the evidence.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Like, bro, you said this three years ago, bro, this has all happened like, oh, so everything that I'm manifesting now, visualizing now, oh, that's gonna happen.

[David Baldy]

It's gonna happen.

[Sean]

It's. But, but you know what? Yeah, let it. Yeah, let it work for it, but don't stress over it. So, dude, thank you so much for that.

[David Baldy]

Well, Sean, it's an honor, as always, man. And I, I, I hope you and everyone listening and myself that we remember that go after success, but recognize that every single person defines that differently. If you don't take the time to define your values, what matters to you, what's important to you, and create that aim, like we've talked about. I want everyone to hear me when I say this. It's great to have an aim in life. You have to have an aim in life. But recognize that that's just part of the potential you have that you need to lean into and to live out of. But if you're not aware of your capacity and the season that you're at in life, you will constantly feel behind. You'll constantly feel, like, I'm not good enough. You'll constantly feel like. And the Olympics are a great example. Is that when you listen to the best of the best of the best. I know you've had this conversation with athletes. Is that there's a time for watching Tape. There's a time for studying, competition. There's a time to put in the work and practice. But when the lights come on and the game is on, you have to let go and just say, I am just going to focus on what I can control in this moment, which most importantly is my mind. If I can control my mind and I can focus on the controllables and the fundamentals, and I can just step into existing in this moment and be fully present. I'm not worried about the game tomorrow. I'm not worried about the sbs. I'm not worried about the Super Bowl. I'm not worried about this. I'm not worried about these. I'm just in this moment and I'm going to just step into flow state and execute and be present. You find you don't really have time for anxiety anymore. You don't really have time for shame anymore. It's like I'm living here in this moment. And that, I believe, is what catalyzes us to the next level. Because again, dream and dream big, but don't get so fixated on that that you forget that right now is where you're planted and you have the potential to become the oak tree. It's real. It's going to happen, but it's going to take time and seasons and growth. And the most effective way for us to become everything that God created us to be is to be faithful to steward what he's given us today.

[Sean]

That's beautiful. One more thing before we wrap up. Do you remember the last dance? That, that, the, the whole Chicago Bulls thing. Did you ever watch that?

[David Baldy]

I don't think I did.

[Sean]

Okay.

[David Baldy]

I need to.

[Sean]

Yeah, you need to watch it, man. They chronicled, you know, the last championship.

[David Baldy]

Okay.

[Sean]

How they were, you know, openly going to rebuild and disassemble. This was the last year. It's like Phil Jackson this year, last year. And, and so go watch it.

[David Baldy]

Okay.

[Sean]

There was, there was a, there was a moment where Michael Jordan was walking down the hallway. Right. If you've seen it, right, Dan? So you probably already know where I'm going with this. He goes, he's walking down and the reporters are all in his face. He's like, I love you guys, but can I just be present? Yeah. Kobe Bryant talked about presents all the time. There's something real about that.

[David Baldy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And I, and, and, and pray the ability to be truly present means being grateful for the now. And I've. I've done so terrible at that lately. And so thank you for reminding me about that. But, dude, thank you again, man. Thank you so much. Let's go eat. We want. Let's go eat. I'm starving. So, guys, listen, thank you so much for tuning in. I know this episode was a lot longer than it usually is, but that's good because it's my guy. And when you have such a great conversation and value to give, like David does, you know what? Like, I could literally probably talk to him for another three hours, so you're lucky it's not a four hour episode. But please share this episode with somebody you know love and trust and. And again and. And talk through it with them. If you're a dude out there and you're struggling and you feel like you're down in the fricking dirt and you're in the pit, well, one of your boys is right there with you, and you need to grab him and you need to have these hard conversations together. What do you want? What's the type of man do you want to be? And where do you see yourself in two to three years? And you guys need to work with each other because if you don't, you won't truly understand each other. But most importantly, you will never understand yourself and you will never get to where your capacity is large enough to reach that potential. So, again, guys, thank you so much for listening, and until next time, stay determined.