Podcast Summary: The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

Episode Title:
Body Language Expert: This Small Mistake Makes People Dislike You! This Is The Real Reason You're Still Single! When You Do This You Look Like A Loser Sorry But You Do!

Release Date:
April 10, 2025

Host:
Steven Bartlett

Guest:
Vanessa Van Edwards – Renowned body language expert and author who has empowered over 400,000 students to decode human behavior for better personal and professional relationships.

Introduction

In this insightful episode of The Diary Of A CEO, Steven Bartlett engages in a profound conversation with Vanessa Van Edwards, a leading authority on body language and human behavior. The discussion delves deep into the intricacies of nonverbal communication, first impressions, and the subtle cues that influence our relationships and professional interactions.

Can We Change Who We Are?

[00:57] Vanessa Van Edwards:
"They've actually researched this and every person on planet Earth has these five personality traits and they fall on a spectrum, high, medium or low."

Vanessa introduces the concept of the Big Five personality traits—Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism (OCEAN)—and discusses their heritability and potential for change. She emphasizes that while genetics play a significant role, there's ample room (30-40%) for personal development and behavioral adjustment.

The Power of Communication

[03:12] Vanessa Van Edwards:
"If you have incredible relationships and you're able to communicate your ideas so people like you and they listen, your life changes."

Vanessa underscores the transformative power of effective communication. Whether it's fostering meaningful relationships, advancing in one's career, or building a supportive network, mastering communication skills is pivotal.

Mastering First Impressions

[08:50] Vanessa Van Edwards:
"We can work on it. But nailing that first impression will set you up for a lifetime of success with that person."

The conversation pivots to the significance of first impressions. Vanessa reveals that people form judgments within the first few seconds of meeting someone, with body language playing a critical role. She highlights common mistakes, such as checking one's phone or adopting a closed posture, which can inadvertently signal disengagement or disinterest.

Notable Quote:
Vanessa Van Edwards (09:57):
"Every time you check your phone, you accidentally look like a loser."

Decoding Profile Pictures

[11:21] Vanessa Van Edwards:
"Different pictures of the same person can give different first impressions, which means we are in control of our first impressions."

Vanessa discusses the impact of profile pictures on platforms like LinkedIn and dating apps. She explains how subtle changes in posture, facial expressions, and accessories can drastically alter perceptions. For instance, holding hands in a photo can convey warmth, while a serious expression paired with professional attire exudes competence.

Example Analysis:

• Woman with Head Tilt and Glasses (13:07):
  Warm and nurturing vibes combined with competence indicators like a watch and glasses.

• Man with Genuine Smile (14:00):
  Appears warm and approachable, though possibly too warm for highly professional settings.

Navigating Conversations and Avoiding Dead Ends

[22:52] Vanessa Van Edwards:
"Break the script. So, like, I'd rather you take a little bit of a risk and have some conversational courage to not do the Script."

Vanessa provides practical advice on steering conversations away from mundane topics. She encourages listeners to adopt unique openers and share personal anecdotes to foster deeper connections, rather than relying on clichéd questions like "How are you?"

Notable Strategies:

• Unique Openers: Instead of "Hi, how are you?", try "What's been good for you lately?"
• Sharing Anecdotes: Offer personal stories to make conversations more engaging and memorable.

The Role of Personality Traits in Relationships and Professional Settings

[96:05] Vanessa Van Edwards:
"If you have incredible relationships and you're able to communicate your ideas so people like you and they listen, your life changes."

Vanessa elaborates on how different personality traits influence both personal relationships and workplace dynamics. She explains the interplay between the Big Five traits and outlines the importance of recognizing and adapting to varying personalities for harmonious interactions.

Key Points:

• Openness: High openness individuals are curious and embrace new experiences, beneficial for roles requiring creativity and adaptability.
• Conscientiousness: Highly conscientious people excel in structured environments and are reliable, essential for leadership and detail-oriented positions.
• Extraversion: Extroverts thrive in social settings, making them effective in networking and team-based roles.
• Agreeableness: Highly agreeable individuals are cooperative and empathetic, valuable for collaborative tasks but may struggle with assertiveness.
• Neuroticism: Individuals with high neuroticism may experience higher levels of stress and anxiety, impacting their interpersonal relationships and professional performance.

Recognizing and Addressing Micro Expressions

[86:08] Vanessa Van Edwards:
"When you feel that anywhere on a date with someone you're hiring on a team, you should trust that feeling, because it is something that we cannot. We have not explained with science yet."

Vanessa introduces the concept of micro expressions—subtle, involuntary facial expressions that reveal genuine emotions. She categorizes seven universal micro expressions: Fear, Disgust, Anger, Happiness, Sadness, Surprise, and Contempt. Understanding these can enhance one's ability to read others' true feelings and respond appropriately.

Notable Insights:

• Fear: Indicates uncertainty or a threat; look for wide eyes and raised eyebrows.
• Disgust: Signals aversion; characterized by a crinkled nose and upper lip raise.
• Anger: Conveys frustration or antagonism; manifested through tightened lips and stern expressions.
• Happiness: Genuine happiness engages the upper cheek muscles, distinguishing it from a forced smile.
• Sadness: The most contagious expression, evident through drooping eyelids and downward mouth movements.
• Contempt: A sign of superiority or disdain; often seen as a smirk or one-sided mouth raise.

Enhancing Leadership Through Communication

[62:25] Vanessa Van Edwards:
"Master communicators are literally gifting beautiful chemicals to the person. They're making people feel super full of dopamine."

Vanessa discusses how effective leaders utilize communication to foster trust, collaboration, and a positive work environment. By understanding and applying body language cues, leaders can enhance their charisma and influence.

Strategies for Leaders:

• Vocal Variety: Use different tones and pitches to maintain engagement.
• Hand Gestures: Complement verbal communication with appropriate gestures.
• Eye Contact: Maintain sufficient eye contact to build rapport without staring.

Overcoming the "Busyness Trap" in Personal Connections

[50:22] Vanessa Van Edwards:
"We're so busy with our self-care rituals and workouts and our work that we are missing opportunities for connection."

The conversation shifts to the societal emphasis on busyness, which often impedes meaningful interpersonal connections. Vanessa argues that prioritizing relationships over rigid routines can lead to greater happiness and longevity.

Key Takeaways:

• Prioritize Connections: Allocate time for relationships amidst busy schedules.
• Flexible Routines: Incorporate social interactions into daily habits.
• Mindful Engagement: Be present and attentive in interactions to foster deeper bonds.

Practical Challenges for Personal Growth

[53:08] Vanessa Van Edwards:
"How you're wired. You're not set up right to be getting energy from people."

Vanessa presents actionable challenges to help individuals improve their social skills and reduce reliance on digital interactions for dopamine boosts.

Challenges:

1. No Mirror Challenge: Avoid looking in the mirror for 30 days to boost self-confidence and foster genuine relationships.
2. Social Media Blackout: Limit or eliminate social media usage to increase in-person interactions and derive dopamine from real-life connections.

Conclusion

This episode offers a comprehensive exploration of how body language and communication skills profoundly impact our personal and professional lives. Vanessa Van Edwards provides invaluable insights and practical strategies to decode and enhance nonverbal cues, foster meaningful connections, and develop effective leadership qualities. By understanding and applying these principles, listeners can navigate social interactions with greater confidence and authenticity, ultimately enriching their relationships and achieving greater success.

Final Thoughts:
Steven Bartlett and Vanessa Van Edwards conclude with a reflection on the importance of serving others and continuously improving one's ability to communicate effectively. Vanessa emphasizes the profound impact of genuine interactions and the necessity of prioritizing relationships for a fulfilling life.

Closing Quote:
Steven Bartlett:
"The hardest conversations are often the ones we avoid. But what if you had the right question to start them with?"

Connect with Vanessa Van Edwards:

• Instagram: @vanessavandedwards
• LinkedIn: Vanessa Van Edwards
• New Book: Check it out here

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