Podcast Summary: The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett Episode: Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & It's Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar Release Date: March 3, 2025

Introduction

In this compelling episode of "The Diary Of A CEO," host Steven Bartlett engages in a deep and insightful conversation with Dr. Erica Komisar, a renowned parenting expert and psychoanalyst. Dr. Komisar leverages over 30 years of research to challenge societal norms surrounding parenting and early childhood development. The discussion delves into the hidden dangers of daycare, the alarming rise in child mental illnesses, and the plummeting birth rates, offering listeners a nuanced perspective backed by scientific research.

The Mental Health Crisis in Children

Dr. Komisar opens the conversation by highlighting a staggering statistic: "One in five children will not leave childhood without developing a serious mental illness. Anxiety, depression, ADHD, behavioral problems." (00:00). She expresses frustration over the lack of honest communication with parents about the underlying causes of these issues, emphasizing that "everything I'm going to say is supported by research" (00:17).

Key Points:

• Prevalence of Mental Illness: Significant rise in anxiety, depression, ADHD, and behavioral problems among children.
• Lack of Awareness: Parents often remain unaware of the true causes behind these mental health issues.
• Inconvenient Truths: Societal reluctance to confront uncomfortable facts regarding child-rearing practices.

Attachment Theory and Critical Developmental Periods

Dr. Komisar introduces her mission centered around the 3P's: Presence, Prioritization, and Prevention (02:39). She underscores the importance of being physically and emotionally present during two critical periods of brain development: 0-3 years and 9-25 years (02:39).

Notable Quote:

• Presence: "For children to be mentally healthy in the future, you have to be physically and emotionally present for them throughout childhood, but particularly in the two critical periods of brain development." (02:39)

Key Points:

• 0-3 Years: Foundation of attachment security; primary caregiver presence essential for emotional regulation.
• 9-25 Years: Adolescence as another critical period where secure attachment aids in resilience against stress.
• Preventive Measures: Addressing the root causes of stress and fostering emotional resilience from an early age.

Mothers vs. Fathers: Different Roles in Child Development

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around the distinct roles that mothers and fathers play in a child’s emotional and psychological development.

Notable Quotes:

• Mothers’ Role: "Mothers are really important for what we call sensitive empathic nurturing when children are infants and toddlers." (16:53)
• Fathers’ Role: "Fathers help the baby to learn to regulate certain emotions. So mothers help to regulate sadness, fear, distress. Fathers help to regulate excitement and aggression." (17:22)

Key Points:

• Sensitive Empathic Nurturing (Mothers): Mothers provide emotional security and regulate negative emotions such as sadness and fear.
• Playful, Tactile Stimulation (Fathers): Fathers encourage exploration, risk-taking, and regulate positive emotions like excitement and aggression.
• Hormonal Differences: Oxytocin and vasopressin play distinct roles in mothers and fathers, underpinning their unique contributions to child development.
• Non-Interchangeability: Evolutionary perspectives suggest that mothers and fathers are not interchangeable; each has unique instinctual roles that are crucial for balanced development.

Societal Shifts and Their Impact on Parenting

Dr. Komisar critically examines societal changes, particularly the "me movement" of the 60s and the feminist movement, arguing that while they empowered women, they inadvertently led to the neglect of children’s emotional needs.

Notable Quote:

• "Prioritization: We prioritize everything today other than our children. We prioritize our work, our careers, our material success, our personal desires and pleasures. But what we're not prioritizing is children." (02:39)

Key Points:

• Industrial Revolution Legacy: Early separation of women from children due to workforce demands.
• Me Movement and Feminism: Shift towards individualism and self-centeredness, reducing parental presence.
• Emotional Neglect: Rise in attachment disorders and mental health issues as a consequence of societal prioritization of career and material success over child-rearing.

Daycare and Its Hidden Dangers

A central theme of the episode is the critique of daycare systems. Dr. Komisar argues that daycare, while often marketed as beneficial for socialization, can be detrimental to a child’s brain development.

Notable Quotes:

• "Daycare is so bad for their brain. And it's been known to increase aggression, behavioral problems, attachment disorders, because babies need their mothers in the first three years for emotional security." (00:32)
• "Daycare raises salivary cortisol levels in children, the studies show, meaning those babies are put into stress states at a very young age when their brains are developing." (91:02)

Key Points:

• Increased Aggression and Behavioral Problems: Early separation from primary caregivers leads to higher instances of aggression and attachment disorders.
• Hormonal Impact: Elevated cortisol levels from early stress can adversely affect brain development, particularly the amygdala.
• Critique of "Socialization" Myth: Children do not require peer interaction until after three years of age; primary one-on-one connections are crucial during critical developmental periods.
• Alternative Childcare Solutions: Encouraging extended family support and emotionally engaged caregiving rather than institutional daycare.

ADHD: A Stress Response, Not a Disorder

Dr. Komisar challenges the conventional understanding of ADHD, presenting it instead as a manifestation of chronic stress responses resulting from insecure attachments and environmental stressors.

Notable Quotes:

• "ADHD is a bucket which you throw people in who have anxiety that has never been treated." (73:05)
• "ADHD is a stress response. Instead of asking the right questions... we silence the children's pain, we tell parents, we'll medicate it, and we'll just relieve the symptoms." (63:17)

Key Points:

• Stress-Induced ADHD: ADHD symptoms arise from prolonged exposure to stress and inadequate emotional regulation stemming from early attachment issues.
• Overmedication Concerns: Medication is often used as a quick fix without addressing underlying psychosocial stressors.
• Genetic vs. Environmental Factors: While some studies suggest a hereditary component, Dr. Komisar emphasizes the role of epigenetics and environmental influences over genetic predisposition.
• Long-Term Consequences: Chronic stress responses can lead to persistent ADHD symptoms, anxiety, and depression, indicating the necessity for preventive and corrective parenting strategies.

Divorce, Economic Hardships, and Their Effects on Children

The conversation explores how familial instability, economic challenges, and social adversities contribute to child stress and subsequent mental health issues.

Notable Quotes:

• "Divorces do happen and adversities happen to children. Health issues happen to children. What you can control is you can control the first three years and be as present as possible for your child." (83:37)
• "Single mothers raising children without a father are more likely to have children with behavioral problems because fathers help them regulate aggression." (09:21)

Key Points:

• Family Instability: Divorce and parental conflict are significant stressors that can lead to attachment disorders and mental health challenges in children.
• Economic Pressures: Financial hardships can exacerbate parental stress, reducing the quality of emotional presence and increasing reliance on institutional childcare.
• Support Systems: Lack of extended family support contributes to isolation and increased stress for single or economically strained parents, negatively impacting child development.

Parenting in a Technological World

Dr. Komisar addresses the pervasive impact of technology and screens on child development, advocating for strict regulation of technological exposure in early years.

Notable Quote:

• "Technology raises dopamine levels in your brain... especially social media with adolescent girls, it takes advantage. It’s manipulatively created." (143:03)

Key Points:

• Dopamine Overload: Excessive screen time leads to heightened dopamine responses, increasing the risk of addiction and emotional dysregulation.
• Stress Activation: Devices activate the amygdala prematurely, leading to chronic stress states that impair emotional and cognitive development.
• Age-Appropriate Regulation: Recommendations include no technology under age two and strict monitoring and limitation of screen time for older children.
• Impact on Social Skills: Early and excessive use of technology can hinder the development of essential social and emotional skills, fostering anxiety and self-consciousness.

The Changing Role of Men and Its Societal Impact

The episode delves into the evolving roles of men in modern society, discussing how shifts away from traditional roles have led to uncertainties in male identity and increased mental health issues among men.

Notable Quotes:

• "We've taken away their purpose. When you take a human being's purpose away, remember the purpose for men was to protect their families, was to hunt in the old days, feed their families... now men feel discouraged, they feel purposeless, they feel diminished." (129:09)
• "Fathers also produce vasopressin, the protective, aggressive hormone which helps fathers to protect their family." (17:22)

Key Points:

• Loss of Traditional Roles: Modern societal shifts have diminished traditional male roles of provider and protector, leading to identity crises and heightened mental health issues.
• Testosterone Decline: Increased involvement in caregiving roles correlates with reduced testosterone levels, affecting men's sexual health and overall well-being.
• Need for Purpose: Men historically derive self-esteem from meaningful work and family protection; loss of these roles contributes to feelings of hopelessness and increased suicide rates.
• Societal Balance: Advocating for balanced roles where men can either pursue traditional roles or adapt into nurturing roles without losing their sense of purpose.

Dr. Erica Komisar’s Personal Insights and Mission

Dr. Komisar shares her personal journey, highlighting her motivation to improve parenting practices based on her experiences and professional observations.

Notable Quotes:

• "My own mother was a very loving mother, but could dissociate... I could remember the pain, but she was there physically, but I could remember the pain of the absence of her mind." (149:43)
• "My mission is to educate parents and policymakers and clinicians and educators about the fact that for children to be mentally healthy in the future, you have to be physically and emotionally present for them." (02:39)

Key Points:

• Personal Background: Dr. Komisar’s own challenges with a partially emotionally unavailable mother fuel her dedication to fostering secure attachments in children.
• Professional Commitment: Balancing her roles as a clinician, author, and parent, she actively works to disseminate research-backed parenting strategies.
• Nonprofit Initiatives: Launching Attachment Circle to support parents dealing with isolation and the emotional demands of parenting.
• Educational Outreach: Advocating for policy changes such as extended paid parental leave to support family structures conducive to healthy child development.

Conclusions and Takeaways

The episode underscores the profound impact of early childhood experiences and parental presence on the long-term mental health and development of children. Dr. Erica Komisar advocates for:

• Enhanced Parental Presence: Prioritizing emotional and physical availability during critical developmental windows.
• Reevaluation of Daycare Practices: Limiting institutional childcare in favor of more emotionally engaged caregiving.
• Redefining ADHD: Viewing ADHD through the lens of stress response and attachment security rather than solely as a medical disorder.
• Balanced Gender Roles: Recognizing and supporting the unique, evolutionary roles of mothers and fathers to foster balanced family dynamics.
• Regulating Technology Exposure: Implementing strict guidelines on screen time to protect children’s emotional and cognitive development.
• Policy Advocacy: Pushing for societal and policy changes that support families, such as extended paid parental leave and flexible work arrangements.

Final Notable Quote:

• "Presence is just so critical to children and there's no replacement. This idea that we have as a society that caregiving of children is something that can be generically assigned to others... is not something we say. We say, work, work, work, make more money, everybody, work, work, work, work. And your children will be just fine. Well, clearly our children are not just fine." (146:28)

Dr. Komisar passionately argues that redefining societal norms around parenting and child-rearing is essential for combating the rising mental health crisis among the younger generation.

Further Resources

• Dr. Erica Komisar’s Books:

  • Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters (2017)
  • Chicken Little: The Sky Isn't Raising Resilient Adolescents in the New Age of Anxiety (2021)

• Websites:

  • www.comisarkomar.com
  • Attachment Circles (Coming Soon)

Closing Remarks

Steven Bartlett commends Dr. Komisar for her courage in presenting these "inconvenient truths" and emphasizes the importance of challenging established narratives to foster healthier future generations. He encourages listeners to read Dr. Komisar’s work and implement the evidence-based strategies discussed to enhance their parenting practices and, consequently, their children’s mental well-being.