The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett: "Masculinity Debate: Are Dating Apps Creating A Generation Of Incels?! Lonely Men Are More Dangerous Than Ever!"
Release Date: March 31, 2025
Introduction
In this compelling episode of The Diary Of A CEO hosted by Steven Bartlett, Bartlett engages in a crucial conversation with behavioral scientist and dating coach Logan Ury and renowned marketer and academic Scott Galloway. The trio delves deep into the alarming statistics and societal shifts contributing to the rise of loneliness and disenfranchisement among young men. They examine how dating apps, evolving gender roles, economic factors, and the decline of male role models are intertwining to create what they term a "mating gap," potentially fostering a generation of incels.
Key Findings from the "Lost Boys" Report
Bartlett introduces the discussion by referencing the Lost Boys report released by the Center of Social Justice in March 2025. The report highlights a severe crisis facing young men, marked by:
- Educational Challenges: A staggering 40% increase in males aged 16 and above not in education or employment.
- Mental Health: Elevated suicide rates among young men, with the highest prevalence of depressive symptoms linked to fatherlessness.
- Economic Struggles: Young men face higher unemployment rates compared to their female counterparts.
- Criminal Activity: Increased likelihood of incarceration and engagement in criminal behavior correlated with the absence of male role models.
Scott Galloway emphasizes, “[...], the absence of a male role model is a big factor leading to this. And once they lose a male role model, they become much more likely to engage in criminal activity” (07:24).
Impact of Changing Gender Roles
Logan Ury and Scott Galloway discuss the profound shifts in gender dynamics, particularly how women have overtaken men in education and income in many urban areas. Ury notes, “We have given women so many tools to achieve, and in many ways those have been manifested. But now boys are being left behind” (09:02). This reversal has led to:
- Hypergamy Shift: Traditionally, women sought partners with greater economic or social status. Now, as women become the primary earners, the pool of eligible men diminishes, creating a mating gap.
- Emotional Intelligence Demands: Women now value emotional intelligence in partners, a trait not traditionally emphasized in male upbringing focused on being a provider.
Scott adds, “Men need to step up, if we want better men, we need to be better men, we need to step into that void” (07:24).
Education and Male Role Models
The decline in male participation within the education system exacerbates the crisis. With only 24% of teachers being men, young boys lack essential male guidance. Scott points out, “Boys are twice as likely to be suspended on a behavior basis... which means they're just more prone to emotional outbursts” (09:02).
Key issues include:
- Lack of Male Teachers: Reduced male representation in schools removes critical role models.
- Curriculum Shifts: The disappearance of vocational programs like wood, auto, or metal shops leaves boys without practical skills pathways.
- Behavioral Biases: Boys face harsher disciplinary actions in schools, affecting their long-term educational and economic outcomes.
Economic Factors and the Mating Gap
The conversation shifts to economic structures that favor the top 1%, further marginalizing young men who do not excel academically or economically. Scott observes, “Our economic policies have basically said that school and college is meant to identify a superclass of 1 percenters that we're going to try and turn into billionaires” (25:19). This focus creates a winner-takes-all environment where:
- Financial Viability: Women increasingly seek partners who can contribute economically, yet many men struggle to meet these expectations.
- Job Market Shifts: Outsourcing and the decline of traditionally male-dominated industries reduce stable employment opportunities for young men.
- Higher Divorce Rates: When women earn more, the likelihood of divorce doubles, further destabilizing family structures (35:41).
Dating Paradoxes and Solutions
Logan and Scott identify several paradoxes in the modern dating landscape:
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Emotional Availability vs. Traditional Masculinity: Women desire emotionally intelligent men but are unsure how to cultivate these traits in men who were raised to be providers.
- Logan Ury: “Women have raised the bar in terms of what they need from men, while men are continuously falling behind” (29:55).
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Initiative vs. Fear of Rejection: Men are expected to lead and approach potential partners but often face societal backlash if perceived as creepy.
- Scott Galloway: “A man is twice as likely to be suspended for the exact same infraction as a girl” (08:49).
- Logan Ury: Emphasizes the importance of men learning to approach women respectfully without being shamed when they show emotional vulnerability.
Proposed Solutions:
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Men’s Groups: Creating supportive spaces for men to express emotions and discuss challenges openly.
- Logan Ury: “Men need to be solving this problem within themselves.”
- Scott Galloway: Supports initiatives like Man Talks to foster male camaraderie and emotional support (53:23).
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Educational Reforms: Delaying school entry for boys to align with their developmental readiness and incorporating more male teachers.
- Logan Ury: “Research in the UK shows that 70% of girls are ready to start school at age 5, but many fewer boys are capable of starting at that age in terms of readiness” (14:25).
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Conflict Resolution Training: Teaching men to handle emotional conflicts constructively within relationships.
Mental Health and Loneliness Among Men
The trio discusses the dire mental health crisis facing men, illustrated by the high rates of depression and suicide. Logan cites, “Richard Reeves says that the number one cause of death for young men under 15 is suicide” (15:40).
Contributing Factors:
- Fatherlessness: Men growing up without fathers are 300% more likely to engage in negative behaviors.
- Social Isolation: Modern technology reduces face-to-face interactions, increasing feelings of loneliness.
- Substance Abuse: Loneliness drives men towards addictive behaviors, compounding mental health issues.
Strategies to Combat Loneliness:
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Building Support Systems: Encouraging men to create or join men's groups and engage in community activities.
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Developing Emotional Skills: Promoting empathy and emotional intelligence through reading fiction and other empathy-building activities.
- Logan Ury: “Reading fiction builds a lot of empathy because you are truly inside the mind of somebody else for 2 or 300 pages” (134:27).
Role of Feminism and Masculinity
The discussion touches on how modern feminism and societal views on masculinity impact young men:
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Perception of Toxic Masculinity: Scott argues that both the right and left have misrepresented masculinity, either conflating it with negative traits or expecting men to adopt traditionally feminine behaviors.
- Scott Galloway: “The Democratic Party seems to believe that leaning into anything around your advantage of being male... is somehow toxic” (87:26).
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Economic and Social Policy: The emphasis on identity politics overlooks the needs of young men, further alienating them from traditional and supportive institutions.
Closing Remarks and Call to Action
In concluding the episode, Bartlett, Ury, and Galloway emphasize the urgency of addressing the crisis facing young men. They advocate for:
- Policy Changes: Implementing vocational training, increasing male representation in education, and fostering economic opportunities for men.
- Cultural Shifts: Redefining modern masculinity to balance traditional roles with emotional intelligence and empathy.
- Community Support: Encouraging grassroots movements like men's groups to provide the necessary support and camaraderie.
Notable Quotes:
- Scott Galloway: “There are millions of boys in America whose first male role model is a prison guard. There's just no men in their lives after school programs being canceled” (22:43).
- Logan Ury: “Women are being asked to do more masculine things and men are being asked to do more feminine things. And that seems to be creating a lot of confusion in the dating world” (10:37).
- Steven Bartlett: “What we have to realize is that everything online is telling you you should be in a Gulf Stream and partying and St. Bart's no, that's just not. That's not the real world” (140:54).
Conclusion
This episode of The Diary Of A CEO serves as a wake-up call, highlighting the multifaceted challenges facing young men today. Through rigorous analysis and heartfelt discussion, Bartlett, Ury, and Galloway shed light on the systemic issues contributing to the rise of loneliness and mental health struggles among men. They call for collective action—ranging from policy reforms to cultural redefinitions of masculinity—to bridge the mating gap and foster a society where both men and women can thrive together.
Additional Resources
- Logan Ury's Book: How to Not Die Alone
- Scott Galloway's Upcoming Book: Work in Progress: Notes on Becoming a Man (Expected Fall Publication)
- Men’s Support Groups: Man Talks (Example)
- Mental Health Resources:
If you or someone you know is struggling, reaching out for professional help is crucial.
Note: This summary is intended for informational purposes and does not replace professional advice.