Podcast Summary: The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Episode: Moment 189: This Is The Real Reason You Can't Change Your Life: Doctor Alok Kanojia
Release Date: November 29, 2024
Host: Steven Bartlett (DOAC)
Guest: Dr. Alok Kanojia (Doctor K)
Introduction
In this enlightening episode of "The Diary Of A CEO," Steven Bartlett engages in a profound conversation with Dr. Alok Kanojia, popularly known as Doctor K. The discussion delves deep into the intricacies of trauma, identity, and the true barriers that prevent individuals from transforming their lives. Throughout the episode, both speakers share personal insights, scientific perspectives, and practical advice aimed at fostering genuine healing and self-improvement.
Understanding Trauma and Its Impact
Dr. K begins by addressing the pervasive influence of trauma on an individual's life. He emphasizes that superficial attempts to "fix" one's life without addressing underlying trauma are ineffective.
- Dr. K [00:03]: "No amount of fixing your life will make that kid go away."
He explains that while individuals can achieve remarkable success despite past traumas, the unresolved "inner child" continues to influence behavior and emotions. These unresolved issues can surface in various situations, potentially derailing personal growth and relationships.
- Dr. K [00:53]: "The real way to heal is to go back to that moment and, like, deal with that kid."
Steven Bartlett concurs, acknowledging the complexity of internal struggles despite outward confidence.
- Steven Bartlett [00:55]: "I think, like, when I'm on my own, I'm very, very okay with who I am... However, it doesn't mean that I still don't have those, like, childhood bruises."
Adapting to Trauma
Dr. K elaborates on how individuals adapt to trauma, often developing coping mechanisms that can both aid and hinder their progress.
- Dr. K [01:34]: "Trauma is when we get traumatized, we adapt. In order to come out of this situation, I need to learn this particular thing."
He provides examples of different adaptive responses, such as becoming invisible when bullied or striving for success as an antidote to shame. However, these adaptations do not eradicate the original trauma, which remains an underlying issue.
- Dr. K [01:34]: "If I'm successful, it's an antidote to my shame. I don't have to be ashamed anymore if I'm successful. But that old injury is still there."
The Role of Identity in Healing
The conversation shifts to the concept of identity and its pivotal role in personal development and healing.
- Dr. K [06:40]: "Identity requires a timeline... Who we Are is a narrative of our most emotional experiences."
Dr. K argues that identity is not just a static concept but a dynamic narrative shaped by significant emotional events. He underscores that altering one's identity necessitates engaging with and processing these emotional experiences.
Steven Bartlett reflects on his own identity, highlighting how his public persona aligns closely with his private self, yet recognizing that past traumas still influence him.
- Steven Bartlett [01:34]: "I feel like the guy that you experience on camera is very close to who I am when I'm in the hotel room alone at night."
Awareness as the Solution
A central theme of the episode is the transformative power of awareness in overcoming internal obstacles.
- Dr. K [11:30]: "You don't need to focus on the action. It's the internal thing that drives you like a fucking slave. That is responsible for your success."
He posits that true healing and change stem from heightened self-awareness rather than external actions or habits. By cultivating awareness, individuals can monitor and regulate their internal conflicts and drives, leading to genuine self-control and emotional regulation.
- Dr. K [14:01]: "Awareness is willpower. Awareness is self-control."
Steven Bartlett adds that societal emphasis on perpetual action often overlooks the necessity of internal reflection and awareness.
- Steven Bartlett [15:01]: "We tend to look for solutions that involve action. It's all about action, action, action as a solution to our problems."
Continuous Work and Personal Struggles
The discussion also touches on the relentless pursuit of success and the internal forces that drive individuals to continually strive for more, often at the expense of personal well-being.
- Dr. K [16:00]: "Your internal thing that drives you like a fucking slave. If someone else wants a fraction of what you have... they need to duplicate what's going on on the inside."
Steven Bartlett shares his experience of finding it unchallenging to work hard, attributing it to an internal drive rather than external pressure.
- Steven Bartlett [15:37]: "It's not hard for me to work hard."
Dr. K highlights that this internal drive should be understood and managed rather than simply exerted, as it plays a crucial role in shaping one's actions and, ultimately, one's destiny.
Conclusion
In this episode, Dr. Alok Kanojia and Steven Bartlett provide listeners with a nuanced understanding of how trauma, identity, and awareness interplay in the journey toward personal transformation. The key takeaway is that genuine change requires deep introspection and emotional healing, facilitated by heightened self-awareness. By addressing the root causes of internal conflicts and fostering a coherent sense of identity, individuals can overcome the barriers that prevent them from achieving lasting personal growth.
Notable Quotes:
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Dr. K [00:03]: "No amount of fixing your life will make that kid go away."
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Steven Bartlett [00:55]: "I'm very, very okay with who I am... However, it doesn't mean that I still don't have those, like, childhood bruises."
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Dr. K [06:40]: "Identity requires a timeline... Who we Are is a narrative of our most emotional experiences."
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Dr. K [11:30]: "You don't need to focus on the action. It's the internal thing that drives you like a fucking slave."
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Dr. K [14:01]: "Awareness is willpower. Awareness is self-control."
Thank you for reading. For more insights and discussions, tune into "The Diary Of A CEO" podcast with Steven Bartlett.