Podcast Summary: Moment 204 - How To ALWAYS Have Great Sex: The Orgasm Queen, Susan Bratton
Release Date: March 14, 2025 Host: DOAC (The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett)
In this enlightening episode of "The Diary Of A CEO," host Steven Bartlett delves deep into the intricacies of maintaining a fulfilling and consistently great sexual relationship with Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a renowned expert in sexual health and author of Sexual Soulmates. The conversation centers around the foundational elements of intimacy, effective communication, and innovative techniques to rejuvenate and sustain passion within long-term relationships.
1. Foundations of Intimacy: Holding and Connection
Dr. Alexandra Solomon emphasizes the importance of physical connection as the bedrock of a healthy sexual relationship. She introduces two pivotal techniques from her book, Sexual Soulmates, that aim to help couples co-create and sustain their intimate bonds.
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Sexual Soulmate Pact: This agreement between partners fosters open and honest communication without fear of judgment or criticism. As Dr. Solomon explains, “[00:02]... the sexual soulmate pact is an agreement where I can say anything I want to you, and you're gonna be happy I told you...”
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Holding Each Other: Dr. Solomon advocates for the simple yet profound act of holding and being held. This physical connection releases oxytocin, a hormone that counters stress and fosters a sense of safety and love. She states, “[00:02]... when we hold each other, we generate oxytocin. And oxytocin is kind of like the antidote to all the cortisol we're pumping out...”
2. Overcoming Communication Barriers
The conversation highlights the detrimental effects of using the word "should" in relationships, which often leads to guilt and unnecessary pressure. Eliza shares her personal experiences, noting, “[04:05]... I've seen guilt... like the comparison to other people who are just not you. It can do so much harm.”
Dr. Solomon concurs, emphasizing the need to eliminate social comparisons and focus on personal connection. She advises starting small with gestures of kindness and understanding, allowing couples to reconnect without the burden of unrealistic expectations.
3. Removing Pressure and Embracing Relaxation
A significant portion of the discussion revolves around alleviating the pressures associated with sexual expectations. Dr. Solomon advises men to create a "menu of small offers," which are low-pressure, intimate gestures that cater to their partner's needs without the immediate goal of intercourse. She elaborates, “[02:10]... You can just crawl into your partner's arms and...”
This approach helps in creating a relaxed environment where both partners can naturally transition into intimacy. By removing the pressure to perform, couples can rediscover their sexual connection organically.
4. Introducing Erotic Play Dates and Novelty
To keep the sexual relationship vibrant, Dr. Solomon introduces the concept of "erotic play dates." These are intentional, playful activities designed to experiment and explore each other's desires without the rigidity of traditional sexual encounters.
She explains, “[07:29]... Erotic play dates are... they just want to have fun having sex with you. I don't want it to be like, I'm going to be finding your G spot or whatever...”
By incorporating variety and novelty, couples can inject new energy into their sexual lives. Activities such as trying new sex toys, engaging in themed photo shoots, or exploring different settings can enhance intimacy and keep the relationship exciting.
5. Developing a Sex Life Bucket List
A standout segment of the episode features Dr. Solomon's innovative "sex life bucket list." This tool comprises 48 curated sexual ideas designed to help couples explore and document their desires and fantasies.
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Personalization: Couples are encouraged to categorize their interests into A's (must-do activities), B's (interested but not essential), and C's (not interested currently but open to in the future). As Dr. Solomon mentions, “[10:23]... when you do that, you go, okay, well these are my A's...”
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Continuous Growth: The bucket list serves as a dynamic tool that evolves with the couple's sexual and personal development, allowing them to revisit and revise their desires over time.
6. Building Trust and Safety
Underlying all the techniques and strategies discussed is the imperative of building trust and ensuring safety within the relationship. Dr. Solomon asserts that good sex is fundamentally about feeling safe and secure with one's partner. She states, “[10:23]... good sex is half of it is safety and security. I trust this person...”
When couples establish a foundation of trust and open communication, they pave the way for a more fulfilling and consistent sexual relationship.
Key Takeaways:
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Communication is Crucial: Open, honest dialogue without judgment lays the foundation for a strong sexual relationship.
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Remove Pressure: Shifting the focus from performance to connection can alleviate stress and enhance intimacy.
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Embrace Novelty: Introducing new activities and exploring fantasies keeps the sexual relationship dynamic and exciting.
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Build Trust: Ensuring a safe and secure environment fosters deeper connection and more fulfilling sexual experiences.
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Use Tools Like the Bucket List: Structured approaches can help couples explore and prioritize their sexual desires effectively.
This episode serves as a comprehensive guide for couples seeking to enhance their sexual relationship through communication, trust, and creative exploration. Dr. Alexandra Solomon's insights provide actionable strategies to help partners reconnect and maintain a vibrant and satisfying intimate life.
Notable Quotes:
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Dr. Alexandra Solomon [00:02]: "When we hold each other, we generate oxytocin. And oxytocin is kind of like the antidote to all the cortisol we're pumping out."
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Eliza [04:05]: "I've seen guilt... like the comparison to other people who are just not you. It can do so much harm."
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Dr. Alexandra Solomon [07:29]: "Erotic play dates are... they just want to have fun having sex with you. I don't want it to be like, I'm going to be finding your G spot or whatever."
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